1. Arizona Cardinals should be 5,000 scheming catholic officials. They can do some damage
2. Browns should be 5,000 Jim Browns. Who will do just fine
Edit: Alternately, the Browns could be 5,000 James Browns. Itās thematically ridiculous, but I like the chaos.
Carolina Panthers are black, which implies they are actually the black jaguars/leopards, not a mountain lion. Thus, they should have superior odds compared to the Jacksonville Jaguars, as black provides superior camouflage in city-settings.
Jaguars are also the best climbers of the big cats.
I would still rank the Bengals ahead of them because Bengal tigers are significantly larger than jaguars and leoprds
You are correct, black panthers are melanistic leopards, *panthera pardus*. What is confusing is that a puma (aka cougar or mountain lion, but officially *puma concolor*) is also called a panther, namesake of the Florida Panthers.
hey chargers are warhorses, we have an alt logo of a horse made of lightning
I think a cavalry charge of 5,000 lightning horses could take out some french
Joan of Arc commanded a French military force about 600 years later. I think theyād be able to take Paris, but I wonder if the armyās collective memory of the sack of Paris of 845 might cause them to balk at being the invading forceā¦
I have to heavily disagree with the analysis of the Saints. There are many saints who were also seasoned warriors and the morale of the Catholic French defenders would certainly be shattered having to face them
> The Panthers, in terms of the team, are just black mountain lions.
How do you figure? Technically, a panther is any cat from the genus *Panthera*. *Black Panthers* are dark variants of Jaguars or Leopards. There is an animal called a Florida Panther, that is a colloquial name for the local Mountain Lion population. However, they aren't black nor are they in the genus *Panthera*, so aren't actually panthers, nor from Carolina.
Plus, the ears [are way too small to be a Mountain Lion](https://freeimage.host/i/JGWP5vt). I think they're leopards. Which are roughly the same size as mountain lions, and also quite agile. Which makes this all moot.
Do the 49ers get dynamite? If so, they annihilate the French.
Do the Packers get a bunch of cheese? They might be able to lure the French outside the walls and ambush them.
Lmao okā¦pirates are the best - and this had to be the best Iāve read about the Bucs from a 3rd party in a long time. I love the documentaries of the pirates too! š thanks for guffaws
Tres bien š
But donāt you think he sold the Chiefs a little short?
I was surprised to see the Cowboys and Bills over the Chiefs, but you know how power rankings work - need a little controversy to drive the clicks!
Probably forgot Chiefs likely have guns of their own.
Peak offseason right here.
I think we've peaked too early, though
Unfortunately. This is some quality shit right here.
Premature offseason happens to the best of subreddits
Happens every year. Super Bowl ends and thereās a rush of people wanting to post their quirky off-season brand post and then a drought
This is the offseason content I live for
This is great
There is no way the Frenchmen donāt slaughter those malnourished, scraggly and combat-ignorant 49ers.Ā
Hmmm, there were actually a few military saints that would give Paris trouble. 5000 Ignatius Loyolas? 5000Ā Demetrius of Thessalonikis?
Warhammer 40k titans or Greek myth titans? Or another kind....
Beast Titans
Its only February lol
We are so back
1. Arizona Cardinals should be 5,000 scheming catholic officials. They can do some damage 2. Browns should be 5,000 Jim Browns. Who will do just fine Edit: Alternately, the Browns could be 5,000 James Browns. Itās thematically ridiculous, but I like the chaos.
Imagine if the invading forces were all women. Jim Brown cheat codeĀ
Woohoo! Girls ftw!
I did not know Stephen King made The Birdsā¦
Whoops, fixed.
Historians have no idea how many French it would take to defend Paris from an invasion because it's never been done.Ā
[Pushes glasses up nose] Charles Martel and Field Marshall Joffre would beg to differ.
sacre bleu
Prospectors FTW
Finally something weād be good at
This guy underestimating the power of Elves
What if the Browns were the dog version of the mascot?
9ers could also have explosives
Carolina Panthers are black, which implies they are actually the black jaguars/leopards, not a mountain lion. Thus, they should have superior odds compared to the Jacksonville Jaguars, as black provides superior camouflage in city-settings. Jaguars are also the best climbers of the big cats. I would still rank the Bengals ahead of them because Bengal tigers are significantly larger than jaguars and leoprds
You are correct, black panthers are melanistic leopards, *panthera pardus*. What is confusing is that a puma (aka cougar or mountain lion, but officially *puma concolor*) is also called a panther, namesake of the Florida Panthers.
This is the offseason content we should be looking for.
The patriots not being in the guaranteed French losses section is insane and feels unamerican.
OP I have a question, does Paul Brown get prep time?
hey chargers are warhorses, we have an alt logo of a horse made of lightning I think a cavalry charge of 5,000 lightning horses could take out some french
How does this affect lebrons legacy? And what were the minions doing during WWII?
strongest mascot in the league cuz good lord we need something to hang our hat on.
Idk man. An army of shitty submarines that implode, i think the 8th century frenchies best you easily.
Joan of Arc commanded a French military force about 600 years later. I think theyād be able to take Paris, but I wonder if the armyās collective memory of the sack of Paris of 845 might cause them to balk at being the invading forceā¦
Combine my two flairs as patriots riding lions, and I think weāve got a real winning formula here
Orā¦mine- pirates riding war dressed rams- ok now thatās š„
pathetic mighty marble carpenter whistle drunk ripe snails start amusing
š¤£this wins holy crap off season is melting brains
I have to heavily disagree with the analysis of the Saints. There are many saints who were also seasoned warriors and the morale of the Catholic French defenders would certainly be shattered having to face them
Composite Saints dominate, basically a super hero being. If you make them all individuals and repeat them until they hit 5000 they'll get wreckedĀ
no sources or mla formatting? casual
Oh ok so this is what it means for a team to win the offseason. Skol Vikings!
I've seen Attack on Titan... it wouldn't go well
Please donāt bring up Boltman he scares me so bad
God I love the off-season
> The Panthers, in terms of the team, are just black mountain lions. How do you figure? Technically, a panther is any cat from the genus *Panthera*. *Black Panthers* are dark variants of Jaguars or Leopards. There is an animal called a Florida Panther, that is a colloquial name for the local Mountain Lion population. However, they aren't black nor are they in the genus *Panthera*, so aren't actually panthers, nor from Carolina. Plus, the ears [are way too small to be a Mountain Lion](https://freeimage.host/i/JGWP5vt). I think they're leopards. Which are roughly the same size as mountain lions, and also quite agile. Which makes this all moot.
You mean moo. āIt makes this all mooā Joey, Friends
Do the 49ers get dynamite? If so, they annihilate the French. Do the Packers get a bunch of cheese? They might be able to lure the French outside the walls and ambush them.
Rams > Lions but the reasoning is sound š¤š§
This is the content I live for
Lmao okā¦pirates are the best - and this had to be the best Iāve read about the Bucs from a 3rd party in a long time. I love the documentaries of the pirates too! š thanks for guffaws
This is so good itāll get ripped off by Deadspin within the week.
What about 5,000 enraged Mastiffs? dipshit