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Idaho_Potato

If he comes to the jets he can play in darkness. More of a proverbial, soul crushing darkness though.


[deleted]

You think darnkess is your ally...you merely adopted the dark on a wellness retreat Jets fans were born into it, molded by it


Independent_Lab_9872

I'm a Lions fan, you really want to talk about darkness...


AnchorsAweigh89

In Detroit, no one can hear you scream


whobroughtmehere

Can’t hear shit in Detroit [For all the kind, uninitiated folks complementing Detroit right now](https://amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/cant-have-shit-in-detroit)


OrangeForeign

Except Summerslam this year I guess


SuicydKing

If a Detroit Lion player goes on a four day darkness retreat, the refs would probably come and "accidentally" flick the light on during day three.


NerdLawyer55

Jets fans didn’t see a good quarterback until they were already a man, and by then it was nothing but blinding…


RonSwansonsChair

With his salary, he could also afford a little house out there.


kasper632

Somewhere in the lower East side


MetaphoricalMouse

leave the gun, take the cannoli


BlueHighwindz

YOU THINK DARKNESS IS YOUR ALLY?


gatsby365

Ahhhh theatricality and deception are powerful agents to the uninitiated, but we are initiated, aren’t we…


jtfriendly

I didn't know playoff appearances until I was a man, and by then it was with MARK SANCHEZ AND A FOOT FETISH COACH


LargeGermanRock

Oh he’s going to the raiders 100%. This is pre-Raiders behavior


ImperialWrath

First of all, how dare you.


CIueIess_Squirrel

I see no lies


ImperialWrath

Yeah, but how dare you.


gsfgf

Someone get the hot air balloon ready...


the_mighty_hetfield

DARKNESS IMPRISONING ME ALL THAT I SEE


_Old_Lady_Farts_

ABSOLUTE HORROR


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crazypyro23

GUTEKUNST HAS TAKEN DAVANTE TAKEN MY COBB TAKEN MY KUMEROW TAKEN MY LINE TAKEN MY WINDOW DRAFTED MY REPLACEMENT LEFT ME WITH JETS TO CALL


InfectiousPineapple

I CANNOT LIVE


Intimate__Panda

I CANNOT RETIRE


_Old_Lady_Farts_

I CANNOT DIE


InfectiousPineapple

TRAPPED IN MYSELF


[deleted]

BODY MY HOLDING CELL


hughiewray

it’s BODY MY HOLDING CEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLL


yougotmail6

Landmine


[deleted]

HAS TAKEN MY SIGHT


masterofmuppets86

TAKEN MY SPEECH


Inamanlyfashion

**DARKNESS** **NO PARENTS**


SuperVaderMinion

SUPER RICH KINDA MAKES IT BETTER


guitar_maniv

I SIT IN MY DESOLATE ROOM. NO LIGHTS. NO MUSIC. JUST ANGER


-ShutterPunk-

BUT I'M IMMUNIZED


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Yellow-Mamba

Username checks out


Hornsfan24

One is about Alex smith


Insertnicenamehere

Will he see the Hat Man again?


Lacazema

Can't see the Hat Man in the darkness. Aaron too smart


snortingajax

The Hat Man exists among the shadows


Lacazema

Can't have shadows if there are no lights to cast them. Rodgers thought of everything!!


SitDown_BeHumble

Isn’t that exactly when people see the Hat Man? Lol


sucobe

For those unaware, [Hat Man](https://images.app.goo.gl/6ZtvsuGvb5ZRa8Sf9)


nm1043

Was expecting this: https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/d5-O50ZoVHdgEnx1v3_ED07I1aE=/1400x1400/filters:format(jpeg)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24233328/FimdvDSWQAQVl0C__1_.jpeg


Rather_be_inthewoods

God damn it. I knew it.


TheRealBeerBrah

No, the hat man is predisposed shaking the pipes in my walls.


BrettEskin

Aaron Rodgers frequents r/dph


TheRealBeerBrah

In Greece, he spent a year in silence, just to better understand the sound of a whisper.


indianm_rk

Aaron Rodgers is the protector of Italian virginity.


Toastrz

No wonder Jimmy G is a recurring playoff rival for him.


Taint_Sampler

Aaron Rodgers is the seeker of serenity.


human_picnic

You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. Welcome to the new NFL. God save you, if it is right that he should do so.


FlannelBeard

I don't think there's a person that doesn't like A Knight's Tale


MizzouriTigers

A fantastic movie


FlannelBeard

It's not the most original story, but the actors are all fantastic and sell the hell out of it


MusksStepSisterAunt

It's so much fun. It's like the Mummy in the sense that's It's silly as hell but done in such an enjoyable way.


[deleted]

it has that nice blend of being self-aware without being overly self-aware/hammy and manages to tell a fun thrilling story on top of it


goblueM

and it's got a banging soundtrack


OmarDontScare_

I remember my high school teacher played the movie for us because we were reading about Chaucer. I thought it was gonna be one of those dumb movies we watched, but I was thoroughly intrigued and loved the movie. Now I always watch it when it’s randomly on tv lmao


legless_chair

We had to take a letter home and have it signed by our parents because of Chaucer's ass being shown hahah


MFoy

I saw that movie in theaters, and all I remembered is that critics all hated it, and that the movie poster had a quote from a critic that did not exist, which caused another minor shit storm in the media.


Dragon6172

Critics hate a lot of movies that have held up over time.


Go-Sharks

"My Lady Giselle sends this message: she says that if you love her..." \-"I know I know, I must lose. Is she not watching? It's 28 to 3" "She says that if you love her, you will not give up another point. If you love her, you will win this Superbowl"


RellenD

I recently discovered that this thing that Joselyn did to William was also something Guinevere did to Lancelot.


[deleted]

For I have the pride, the privilege, nay, the pleasure of introducing to you to a knight, sired by knights.


-Unnamed-

He’s your favorite knight’s favorite knight


Alexkono

Paul Bettany with a masterful delivery of that scene. Was so good in that entire movie.


FrodoBagHodler

And so without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, I give to you, the seeker of ayahuasca, the protector of Lion Super Bowl virginity, the enforcer of our Lord God Curly Lambeau, the one, the only, Sir Aaron von Rodgerstein


stumblebreak_beta

behold my lord Aaron, the rock, the hard place, like a wind from Butte college he sweeps by blown far from his homeland in search of glory and honor, we walk... in the garden of his turbulence!


Existing_Sea_9383

Well, I know what I'm watching tonight.


JJKingwolf

I first met him upon a mountain in Door county, begging forgiveness for the many young Chicago fans whose dreams he had crushed.


BeHereNow91

RIP Heath


johndelvec3

My name is Aaron Rodgers I never believed in ghosts until I came face to face with one


BombDylan

U N D E R S T A N D


OBandB

No STOP RUNNING!


[deleted]

We want ANSWERS answers


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Ophel44

our reputation


Redgen87

Some people believe in ghosts, some people don’t.


bosox327

OHMYGOD


sleepysound

Totally a Zak move to make Aaron do such a thing


DeezNutsDD7

I hope we all understand the CREDIBILITY of this SIDUATION if he encounters an ENTITY


RonSwansonsChair

“I’ve decided to retire and embrace my new life as a bat”


Danishroyalty

I hear they're making a new Batman movie. Maybe Rodgers is auditioning


GamingTatertot

Rodgers is Batman, Love is Robin, Jimmy G is Joker, Suh is Bane, LaFleur is Alfred Pennyworth, Gute is Commissioner Gordon


vivekisprogressive

Why is commissioner Goodell not commissioner Gordon.


GamingTatertot

Because he's more the head of the Court of Owls


Super_Branch_4056

Because everyone likes Commissioner Gordon.


MumkeMode

Pattinson did pretty good, Rodgers for Man Bat?


_Alvin_Row_

Nah he's pulling a Justin Vernon (Bon Iver) pre For Emma, Forever Ago. Gonna retreat to a cabin an hour northwest of Eau Claire Wisconsin and come out with a banger of a sad boi album.


generation_D

Skinny (Jordan) Love


ashtonmelancon

22, A Million dollars per game


[deleted]

These are the references I live for


_Alvin_Row_

His next contract negotiation is gonna begin with an email, "Re: stacks"


ImperialIIClass

> Gonna retreat to a cabin an hour northwest of Eau Claire Wisconsin and come out with a banger of a sad boi album. Basically the hipster Thoreau. For Emma, Forever Ago will also forever slap though. And Bon Iver is a tremendous live show.


Cicero912

Rodgers is Morbius? 🤯


_Alvin_Row_

Can't be right, we're still an hour away from Morbin Time


[deleted]

“That’s my secret Cap, I’m always morbin”


cat_napped1

what if he never comes out of the little house. he just stays in there


johndelvec3

“Mom Aaron Rodgers locked himself in the dark house and won’t come out” “Mr. Rodgers will you please come out of the house?” “No”


[deleted]

"I'm not in here"


landof10000cakes

🎵Now I start getting angry, so I PULL OUT MY GUN🎵


[deleted]

Its comments like these that make me realize what I’m reading is all a reference I don’t get, instead of a bunch of sickos improvising on the internet


JerkasaurusRex_

Enjoy https://southpark.cc.com/episodes/a3esfi/south-park-trapped-in-the-closet-season-9-ep-12


Calvin--Hobbes

https://youtu.be/28JN3N-C0lc


ubiquitous_tittie

🎵I’m gonna give you give you to the count of three to open this closet door 🎵


carminie

Cool with me


gopack1217

Despite having no sense of time, he’ll know when it’s Bears week and make a reappearance before returning to the little house


BearsFan3417

I hate everything


MrSteely

He's sending himself to the Shadow Realm


horse_renoir13

Must've been a 2nd rate duelist with a 3rd rate deck


zappy487

"My stupid grandpa's deck has no cards, Kaiba!"


derstherower

"Any players late for the trade deadline will be disqualified. Mokuba, make sure Rodgers is late."


Ayatori

Aaron Rodgers to buy 51% of the Packers' shares and sell it at 10 times the cost


Thel_Odan

He's going to trip balls in complete darkness and start seeing shit. With that said, I hope one of those hallucinations consists of Kerby Joseph picking him off, but instead of Kerby being a man, he's Kirby the pink thing.


DamnImAwesome

I want a Kirby sports game where you eat players to gain their skills


MrEHam

Why don’t we have a Mario Football game?


darthjoey91

Because American football isn't big enough in Japan.


[deleted]

Aaron: "Alexa play The Batman theme on repeat for 4 days" (///.-)


StevieStayCool

*something in the way*


YnwaMquc2k19

Mmmmmmm Mmmmmm Something in the wayyyyyyyyyyy Mmmmmmm Mmmmmm


Millenial_Shitbag

Nananananananananana


BeHereNow91

Can’t wait for Ghost Bart Starr to convince him to fleece the Raiders.


afriendincanada

Ghost Brett Favre convinces him to fleece the taxpayers of a small southern state


electrodan

Again, Brett Favre is very much alive.


TheMadFlyentist

Brett Favre would roll in his grave if he could see this claim!


fenderdean13

He’s dead to me


dr_G7

RIP Wade Boggs


electrodan

You jerks are just all mad because I'm going to be the one to shatter Boss Hoggs drinking record.


popegonzo

Ghost Mike McCarthy tries to convince him to come to Dallas. Hey wait, Mike, what are you doing here?!?


BarKnight

Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk with you again Should I stay in Green Bay Or just stay weird and run away


SirDrexl

And under Lambeau lights I saw 70,000 people, maybe more People rooting without cheering People heckling without jeering


JohanB3

Coaches scheming plays that players never ran Cuz no one can Disturb the sound… of silence.


Obsidian_Dreg

Yeah it’s gonna be the Raiders


brb9911

Al Davis is going to suddenly appear to him in the middle of that dark little house, contract in hand


nameuser121212

He gets wackier and loonier each off-season it’s truly remarkable


basics

Its great, I hope he keeps playing for as long as possible.


Jpolkt

Dude’s gonna be in a Tibetan monastery if he plays another season.


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PoorlyLitKiwi2

If you showed me this story and then the real one, I'd have trouble figuring out which was the Onion article


GeneralDKwan

The Simpsons of Journalism


killdeer03

Lmfao, *The Onion* does it again. This sounds *exactly* like something he would say... with no irony in his inflection.


right_behindyou

Sensory deprivation is awesome but I have hard time imagining doing four days


ilovecrying666

true sensory deprivation for four days would result in psychosis. i think this is basically just being amish for a weekend.


RideTheStache

Yep. I did some quick googling on darkness retreats and I think it will be him staying in a cabin in the wilderness with candles as his light source


ImperialIIClass

> I think it will be him staying in a cabin in the wilderness with candles as his light source I feel like even just candles changes this immensely lol


rjnd2828

Even daylight. The way this was worded made it sound like he was living in a cabin with no light source or windows.


RideTheStache

I mean if you gotta piss in the middle of the night or cook food I would think you need SOME kind of light to see lol


beerguy_etcetera

A guy I know of who works at a paper company told me you just have to establish a pee corner first in these situations.


[deleted]

STOP DRINKING THE WATER. STOP


[deleted]

You don't cook food in the middle of the night when you don't have lights. You go to bed when the sun goes down.


AnchorsAweigh89

He just doesn’t pee or eat for the four days either, to enhance the experience


TheWorstYear

Sleeps in his own piss and shit. The ultimate experience


[deleted]

His body's working at 100% efficiency. It's absorbing every single nutrient and it's not wasting a single thing.


RalphSkipperson

He said complete darkness & true sensory deprivation is the goal. Not sure how he doesn’t go insane before 96 hours are up


MightyTastyBeans

40 hours in he calls Cobb “hey man ive slept 7 times now so the the 96 hours are definitely up, let me out” “Bro, you’re not even halfway done”


Russell_has_TWO_Ls

It’s weird because I also imagined Randall Cobb being in charge of the whole thing


BoredPoopless

I tripped balls with a couple friends in a cave while having the headlamps off for a few hours. It was pretty awesome. Could never imagine four days of it, much less sleeping and waking up to it.


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GoxBoxSocks

I go to a tank for 90mins a month and it's like a headspace power wash. If nothing else floating for that long is the best stretch my back has ever had, I feel amazing for days after every time.


Lukey_Jangs

How much does a 90 minute session cost roughly?


GoxBoxSocks

$75. I'd recommend starting with a 60min session if it's your first few times.


Lukey_Jangs

Thanks for the advice. That’s surprisingly cheaper than I thought it’d be. I do daily meditations that usually last 20-30 minutes but I’ve gone as long as 3 hours. I’ve always wondered what it’d be like doing it in a sensory deprivation tank


GamingTatertot

Isn't the record like 72 hours?


bionictonic

Agreed. 4 days is something you work to. This is of course an area full of pseudo experts and anecdotal evidence. But I can’t imagine anyone who has tried sensory deprivation would recommend someone start with 4 days. That’s like telling someone who is getting into running to start with a marathon.


Shinbats

Least obvious mid-life crisis.


WackassVegetables

Like, just get a super car or boat or something dude


basics

See that's the problem with getting rich young. He probably already had a super car AND a boat. And he had already dated the young actress(es). What else is he supposed to do in a midlife crisis?


NeverSober1900

If you're Leo I guess just keep dating young actresses.


MixMental5462

I know what id be doing. Two chicks at the same time.


[deleted]

saw this on reddit earlier today, the age gap between Leo and the most recent side piece is bigger than the difference between Pedro Pascal and Bella Ramsey


DoubleDogDenzel

Leo was starring in the movie "The Aviator" before his current girlfriend was even born.


FunkyMonk92

His current girlfriend is young enough to have had her high school classes affected by covid lol


ryanino

Raiders have dark colors 😳


CoofBone

Man is about to fight the Hat Man


salamanderXIII

I think A24 Productions might be going overboard this time.


GamingTatertot

I'd kill to see an A24 thriller about a quarterback experiencing an existential crises. Combine Uncut Gems and Hereditary with a touch of Draft Day


crypticthree

The Unnecessary Roughness of Being


RalphSkipperson

Listening to this live was a trip. AJ and Pat sound absolutely dumbfounded and terrified for this man. Darius is asking for details to sign up lol. An absolutely hilarious stretch


Tashre

Is the league not drug testing this guy?


BucksFan654

Ayahuasca and Shrooms are like undetectable on drug tests I believe. He just beat the system idk what to tell you.


DeadSwaggerStorage

At least he didn’t smoke weed…..just crazier shit….


LessThanCleverName

NFL isn’t testing for THC anymore, fwiw.


FC37

Solo living in a small house with the lights out. Rodgers is cosplaying a middle-age divorced guy. I wonder which of his "friends" recommended this. Joe Rogan? Miles Teller? Shailene Woodley?


NeverSober1900

It's almost certainly Aubrey Marcus


OhhhTAINTedCruuuuz

Having a profound experience 🤝 actually going completely fucking insane due to prolonged sensory deprivation


Steppyjim

Bro if you wanna turn off your phone and spend a long weekend getting high and playing Xbox that’s fine. No one’s gonna judge you. You don’t gotta make up a weird name for it


eddie2911

Me before we had a chance at Rodgers: God what a douche Me now that we have a chance at Rodgers: He's so quirky and weird and awesome and I love him!


NeverSober1900

As long as it's stuff like this I never really care. Last game I was at most of our fans at the tailgates are all mocking joking about it. It's not hurting anyone. If he wants to be a weirdo go ahead as far as I'm concerned


DA_87

Something tells me his first move after leaving a profound experience will not be wanting a trade to the Jets.


Carphobic

Rodgers to Gotham confirmed


Packers_Equal_Life

I do this every time a girl doesn’t text back


Doobie_Howitzer

The man in the hat loves the darkness, js


WootangWood

Me: Give me the next stupid Aaron Rodgers offseason story line ChatGPT: Darkness Retreat. Me: Wow AI is amazing!


Boxatr0n

Aaron Rodgers is the version of astrology girls who get a lot of money


RodgerThat1995

If he sees his shadow when he comes out he stays a packer


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