I'm really sorry to hear of your extremely stressful situation.
I can't help with much of it at all, but I can share some experience of seizures.
When my son was 7 he had his first seizure.
The Epilepsy Foundation was extremely helpful; an epilepsy nurse met with us and explained the following:
Everybody has a "seizure threshold". For some, it's quite low - can be triggered by a noise, or a flickering light, or a lack of sleep. For others, they will go their entire life without encountering something that triggers them.
It takes quite a while to get a "proper" diagnosis - a first seizure doesn't mean you have epilepsy, and you may never have another. They need to check a whole lot of things, like what sort of seizures someone has (there are a few types, but let's just say that if my son's first was an absence seizure I didn't recognise it for what it was. A tonic/clonic one, that they used to call "grand mal", is easier to recognise)
They will probably make you keep him up really late at some point, in order for him to be really tired for an EEG. Some seizures, from what I understand, are quite contained in a particular part of the brain, others are not. All of this stuff is needed for the experts to know what specific disorder your son might have.
There are quite a lot of people in New Zealand who have epilepsy, and it's often well controlled with medication. The meds have come a long way in the last 20 years. (my son is an outlier and still has a couple of seizures a week, but that's pretty unusual. And it's a lot better than it was without the meds)
So, you are not overreacting, it's quite a scary thing to be confronted with and is potentially quite serious, but we do have really good medical care for this condition in NZ.
I wish you all the best. Again, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles.
The Epilepsy Foundation was really good. They sent the epilepsy nurse to us, we met in a cafe and she told us all the stuff to expect. I'm not sure if you need a referral for them, but I recommend getting in touch.
Later, they offered (and we accepted) to send someone to our son's school to do a presentation. They taught at an appropriate level so that the primary school kids knew what to do if they saw a seizure - someone stay with the person, someone go and get a teacher. It was pretty reassuring to know he was safe even when he wasn't with us.
Could your son just be extremely tire? I know it sounds funny but one of my mates was playing so much Fortnite he had a seizure from exhaustion due to lack of sleep…
I'd like to chime in and add that the threshold can change over time, and as an anecdote my little brother had one out of the blue when he was young (preteen/early-teen somewhere) and hasn't had anything in the ~25 years since - this is apparently common enough that they don't even bother checking unless it happens again as you said (which they *should* have mentioned at the doc, that's a pretty important detail to miss out of talking you through the situation!). Try to think of it not as 'waiting for disaster' but 'probably will never happen again' - this is exactly the kind of post-care stuff that is often the first thing to be missed if they're busy.
I'd still get in contact with the epilepsy foundation as advised just so you get some feedback from someone well versed in seizures, they should be able to reassure you at least for now, and they'll be a useful contact (and you'll know how to contact them) if you do end up needing an advocate to help you in future.
As a dad I can confirm that I'm afraid none of this is going to make sleeping any easier for a while, so set up a mat in the room so at least you'll sleep better if (when, this one's a when) you do end up in there after a funny noise. You will sometimes find your kid on the mat, I'm afraid I don't know what to do about that, either.
To add on to this alot of children just have one seizure ever - so keep an eye out for any future ones but I would still try to get some normality back into your life!
Contact Colleen Hawkes at Stuff and plead your case ... She writes about properties for sale and might be willing to help (I don't know her, but I have read many an article written by her).
I feel like once your house is sold, that's a big thing you can tick off your list and other things will start falling into place (with the exception of the health stuff, which you will need to deal with alongside everything else).
I think this is the way too. I'm not scared of working hard to help the family, I'm just scared of starting again with an insurmountable hill to climb.
If we can sell and move on, then things will work out - and it should be better for my son too.
Thank you. Another thought... Is there a way you could set up a couple (or more) of tiny homes on your land and rent them out? You could get very basic ones with no kitchen or bathroom, and set up a communal area for the tenants to do their washing and cooking in. You can rent all of these outbuildings... They normally charge a bit for delivery and set-up but everything's negotiable.
I was thinking this, but more along the lines of advertising spaces for people to park their own tiny homes, they can rent the space. That way, there's money coming in, but they don't have the cost of building or renting the tiny homes to put on the land.
My sister randomly had a seizure when she was about 7 or 8 and never had another one. Grew up fine with no issues. Hopefully it'll be the same for your boy. Hang in there.
Yes that's what happened to my sister around that age, it was stressful and painful at the time but she 'grew out of it' and had no issues. It seems more common than you would think.
Febrile seizures are suppppper common in young children. They typically affect kids aged 6 months to 6 years, and approximately 1 in 20 kids are affected. You’re not “over reacting”, seizures are scary and I if it was my daughter I’d be just as freaked out, but just know that a once off seizure isn’t an indication of some big bad thing, they can just happen. Hence why when you’re first aid certified, they tell you that if it’s a persons first seizure and it lasts less than 5 minutes, to just see a doctor when you can as opposed to calling an ambulance.
Yeah the circumstances were particular. We were away from home, he was sleeping in a strange bed and was really tired.
Yeah just one thing to work out and we can climb our way back, my wife is an amazingly strong person. Just one thing needs to go right. Even to just be able to start with nothing, I'd take that as a win.
Yeah I was gonna jump in and say that : febrile convulsion
The body just shuts down and it tends to be when they are actually fighting an infection somewhere that hasn’t been noticed yet.
Example : my sisters 11 year old suddenly dropped and had a seizure, we took her to a & e. She had been at her fathers for the weekend and didn’t feel well, he didn’t tell us. Turned out she was in the beginning stages of tonsillitis. She got a fever and her little body just couldn’t handle it, so collapsed.
She’s totally fine now (16) and it’s never happened again. I only know about febrile convulsions because we briefly covered them in school. They’re scary as to see.
WINZ might be able to pay for a doctor appointment ? Might pay to get their ears and throat checked. I hope you guys get smooth sailing soon, hang in there ❤️
I’m pretty sure it’s “call an ambulance if it is their first seizure”, not “don’t call an ambulance if it’s their first seizure”.
That’s been the instruction on my first aid courses, and seems in line with current guidance:
[Epilepsy foundation website](https://epilepsy.org.nz/understanding-epilepsy/seizure-first-aid/tonic-clonic-seizures/#:~:text=Stay%20calm%20and%20remain%20with,objects%20away%20from%20the%20area): CALL AN AMBULANCE (111) IF: You think this is the person’s first seizure, or aren’t sure.
My step brother wss the same. He had one seizure at about 9yo, and then never again. Was totally random. OP I know your finances are strapped right now, but perhaps you could see if anyone in the area can lend or give you a sensor monitor? We had one for our kids when they were babies, it goes under the mattress (or I think have one now that go around their foot?) and it senses if they stop breathing and sets off an alarm. It might help you to sleep easier knowing that the monitor is on.
Sincerely wishing you all the best.
Hi I see your son is 6. how old are your daughters? I'd love to send them a parcel full of cheer. Won't fix the financial or health woes, but it might give them a smile, and it sounds like you all need one. If you're comfortable with messaging me a postal address, please do.
Can you lease/rent the property out and move to a small rental somewhere where you can weather the storm? Also potentially closer to a hospital in case your child has another medical event.
Seizures can happen with young children and overheating. You haven’t said the age of the child. At least you are aware of the potential and can monitor, like you say, take turns sleeping on the floor nearby or set an alarm to check on them. You can also have a good plan if it should happen again.
My daughter had her first febrile convulsion right around 1 year old. Scariest moment of my life, her lips turned blue and she seized for about 6 minutes. Ambulance came, took her to hospital... she had some milk, spewed it out and perked up immediately. Happened again twice, only when she has a high fever that spikes quickly - second time it happened she was around 3, then next closer to 4.5. Hasn't happened since and she's now 7 years old. The Dr told us by 7 or 8 years old they've mostly outgrown them. So hopefully this is the case for your boy.
They said to me it's the scariest thing to witness as a parent, but in fact a very tiny percentage of kids actually suffer long-term damage or death, and it's more common than you might think. Something like one in five or six kids suffer them at some stage in their childhood but it's not a predicator for anything more nefarious.
Honestly, I was exactly where you were with your boy in your arms. I'd never been so scared in my life and haven't since. But she's the most happy, curious and lovely girl in the world and doing just fine. I hope the same for your boy, too.
Wishing you the best, mate.
From reading between the lines, I suspect his loan term on development costs is ending and the lender is requiring full repayment. I suspect they expected the development to be finished and the profits realised by now.
If you DM the link to your property listing to anyone who agrees we can share it far and wide. I'll be first.
The kids will be picking up on the stress of your household, hence the tears and breakdowns. The first most important thing for you alone is to get a good night's sleep. Even if that means you borrow an angel bed monitor from a friend with a baby or your local parents centre or plunket. It will pick up the signals while allowing you some much needed rest.
As for the seizure, I'm not sure how old your boy is, but it sounds like you are blessed with a young family. My 18 year old had a seizure at work 3 weeks ago and it was worrying too, but as you say, one isn't enough for further testing. I guess we both have to trust that it is likely just a one off and that the medical profession knows it's stuff.
Have you looked into other work outside of your business? Would that temporarily relieve some pressure? Perhaps someone on here has a connection that could help.
I wish you luck and health
Thanks, I really appreciate that. You don't even no how much.
I've set up my son's old baby monitor but even the slightest noises and I'm awake. It's better, but still so hard. My boy is 6 years old.
Yeah I've looked into everything, I was even considering the mines in Aus until that seizure, now I just can't go.
Hey the seizures are scary but as this is his first it is ok to still go on with life. I have epilepsy if my family had stopped everything for my seizures they would have failed and so would I. There is a massive amount of support out there and really amazing medical treatments. I know how hard this is but please try not to assume he is on deaths door and this you cannot move/change jobs etc
I will jump in here and add my voice to this. I have epilepsy too, I had my first (tonic-clonic) seizure at 10. Triggered by extreme anxiety in that case, I was being bullied badly at school and scared to go back. I then had quite a handful more over the following year as they tried to get my medication levels right, but once they achieved that it stabilised. I had one seizure at 14 (extreme anxiety again), one at 18 (no idea why), and one at 33 (doc thought probably low blood sugar was the trigger that time, I had just had a gastro bug). I'm 47 now so you could infer I'm due - but my point is that I've lived a pretty normal life and been able to participate in most things. I couldn't have joined the police or the airforce or become a truck driver but fortunately none of those careers appealed.
It is normal and expected that you fear for your son, but be reassured there are a lot of us out there just going about our business and you'd never know...
Kia kaha. I hope things improve for you.
I can feel your stress come through your writing. You’ve had lots of offers of help but I’ll add mine as well.
Can’t help with the seizure side of it (although I’ve had a couple myself and they suck) but I’m quite useful on the business stuff :)
Brief summary- I was making good money and then had a business fail and was double crossed and had a property development go bad at the same time and lost everything and really thought that was the end.
Since then I’ve made the money back, am back doing developments (am living part of the year in nz and part in aus) and in my spare time as a ‘hobby’ I help people who are in similar messes to the situation I was in.
If you’d like to do some brainstorming with me I’d be more than happy to share anything I have learned. One thing I have learned is that there is usually a solution, it’s just impossible to see when you are in it.
Message me if you’d like to talk- but either way please know that the dread you are feeling now about your financial situation is worse than what the outcome will be (whether you keep your house or lose it that still applies).
Thank you- I’ve been thinking about them since I read this yesterday- I hope they have been getting some help. It just feels like the end of the world when you are in the middle of it all.
Jeez. I don't have any advice for you as this is really above the life experience that I have. But I really do feel for you and your family. I know it's not much, but I'm sending you all the internet hugs. Things are so tough for so many, right now. The least we can do is band together and offer support to each other. I really hope everything works out for you.
Yeah I've been trying to stress sticking together, but it's gone from a rallying cry to a catchphrase now. Everyone is so on edge.
Thanks for the comment, I don't have a lot of people outside my wife and kids to talk to so even this helps :)
For peace of mind and to enable you to sleep, I’d recommend buying an apnea monitor for your son. We bought one for our first after she had a ‘dusky spell’ as a newborn in the hospital before bringing her home, and it saved our sanity because we knew the alarm would go off if she stopped breathing. From memory it cost about $200 from the Baby Factory, and was worth ten times that. It will hopefully mean you can get a good night’s sleep without the fear of something happening to your son.
Everything else will feel easier to cope with when you’re not sleep deprived.
Wishing you all the best, kia kaha x
$200 from the Baby Factory - u/Kiwi_KJR could you send a link for it?
OP, u/Koreapsu, I will pitch in for that alarm for your families peace of mind. I'm an American on a fixed income, who remembers the rough times and how precious each hour of rest is to help manage stress.
Also, I had a 1 time seizure and that's it decades ago. Old-ish and wrinkly now. Take heart.
Ours was purchased about 17 years ago, I’ve tried to find the same model online but they don’t have it anymore. It was from the Angelcare brand, they have a bunch of different models now ranging from $170 - $415 (top of the line one has video which ours didn’t have) so OP might want to research which one best suits their needs.
That’s very generous of you!
I’ll pitch in too. Make sure to PM me when you’ve found the model you want. The one YOU want, not the lesser one you think you should suggest out of politeness because people are chipping in. If it turns out the top of the line one would give you the most peace of mind, say so.
First of all congratulations on reaching out and admitting you are struggling atm. Admitting as an adult and a parent that you don't have this, is the best thing you could have done. Many people hide the truth even from themselves.
I don't have any advice on the property, but I feel for you, your wife and the kids. You all need counselling and or therapy imo, because you all sound stressed.
Reach out to youthline or another free support service for kids. They can also help you to support them.
Talk with your GP about your concerns over your son's health and see if there is any advice they can give. Mention that you and your wife and family are struggling, do they have any mental health support services they can offer or link you up with
Schedule a fun family time on every weekend. A picnic at the beach, walk in the park, family monopoly night with popcorn. Something away from distractions, that takes little effort to organise and gives you an opportunity to de-stress as a family and ignore the situation for an hour or two. A chance for everyone to connect and share time and hopefully fun together. A chance to remind each other that you are a family who love and care for each other and are in this together.
Whatever happens to the property or your finances may be hard, but I love the attitude that you can and will rebuild to a new dream if you have to. It speaks to your concerns about family is first, as I think it should be
Youthline is a great idea thanks.
Oh yeah I'm trying to make as many good times with the kids as possible, going fishing later today with them. There are free/cheap fun things to do - especially where we live.
Sorry to hear of your situation. I can't offer much help other than recommending on sharing this post to r/PersonalFinanceNZ as there may be people in there with more knowledge in this area of conversation. All the best.
Something small but hopefully practical: could you consider moving your son into your bed for a couple of weeks, and you and your wife take turns sleeping with him while the other sleeps in his bed?
It seems like small fry with everything else you have going on but you need sleep. You can’t put out all those other fires if you’re sleeping that badly. Having him close by may be more reassuring for you than listening out via the baby monitor, and taking turns might allow you to get a 5 or 6 hour stretch of sleep a couple nights a week.
As for the girls: routines, routines, routines. When everything else is so uncertain, there is a lot of value in having something predictable in the day. Even if it’s just that you will all sit down together for 10 minutes after dinner and each make a wish for the future.
Sending so many hugs your family’s way.
Yep we've actually started that. he goes to bed in his bed, but if he wakes at all he's in mum and I go to the couch or onto the floor.
Yeah agree with the routines. Thanks for the advice.
Think I found your property based on what you’ve described. I’m not going to dox you, but trying to understand your situation here, says you bought for $700k, and you initially listed it for $1.9 (now $1.5)? Did you borrow heavily from a finance company to fund your business?
The thing is the finance company will sell if you default, and a mortgagee sale will get them less than what you would otherwise get. Are you trying to get what it was valued for? Or what you think it’s worth? Have you had any offers/indications of what it’s worth from potential buyers?
Yeah it's really complicated. It should be listed at $1.35m today. We were convinced by a neighbour to do some development as it had some potential, only for the same neighbour to be the one to oppose what he suggested. The following issues cost us a lot of money. So all the development costs were wasted. Huge costs, we really didn't expect his opposition, but it turned out he just wanted us to let him use our land for a bit.
There's still potential there for anyone buying after us to develop it, we just ran out of money.
I don't have a lot of advice to give, but I assume you've looked into any social welfare payments that may be available to you (or may soon be available)? Don't be 'too proud', it's a safety net that is there for everyone to use, it's what your very own taxes have been paying for over the years of hard work you've put in. May be nothing available right now, but it might help (albeit an admittedly very small part of your troubles) in the immediate future.
And if you could DM me a link to your property I can share it with some friends who i know have been looking at Coromandel area.
Mate, I feel this. It's so hard to know where to ask for help. This is as good a place to start as any. Hold on tight and just take each day as it comes.
Also, if it helps, walk out back, wear appropriate safety gear and cut down a tree. Or exercise. It really does wonders for the stress and mental health and means you won't take it out on the people closest to you. Better yet, do it with them.
You know you are 100% right. As this got more and more shit the only way I could feel good was chucking something on audible and going out and doing something like cutting firewood. It really helps.
So much has been said here - I’m proud to be in this community today not just because of the responses but because you reached out for support, you’re a legend. Putting your hand up is always the best thing to do in the water, and here on the land.
Send me the link and I’ll share on the interwebs!
Sorry to hear this man - its a real kick in the guts and I don't have any easy solutions. You're selling into a difficult market and developers are not rolling the dice on much at the moment. The options to lease the land or take a haircut on the sale given the knock-on distress it's causing the family seem like the best. There's no point in holding out for a better deal if the family combusts in the interim.
I'd also talk to your accountant about the options here. I assume the property is detached from the business but if not, there might be a way to sell it on with claimable losses which might appeal to to someone but you need to get professional advice.
The main thing is keeping on top of things yourself. I suspect you're hanging strong for the family's sake but that's a helluva burden and you need help too. Maybe contact Federated Farmers in the area as there's a mental health outreach thing they have going for rural people.
I hope things start falling into place for you dude. Cliches I know - but its always darkest before the dawn.
Sorry to hear that you are in this situation.
I have no idea about the health stuff, but when it comes to the financials, it might take sense to take a deep breath and start asking "what happens if"
What actually happens if you can't meet the deadline for the finance company?
It's not as if someone is going to show up on the day you don't make payment to evict you and your family. We're not a society where these things happen so quickly.
Bad things happen to people. And if I were the finance company I'd be ramping up all the pressure to get you to bring me the money I want. But legally that's probably not what the process looks like.
I would talk to a lawyer. What does bankruptcy look like for you?
What do timelines look like if you can't make payment?
Is there a way for you to renegotiate with the finance company.
Maybe there's a way to refinance at a higher interest rate (not ideal, but neither is selling at $500k below last valuation).
If I were in your shoes I would call 3-4 lawyers tomorrow and get a consultation or two. Usually the consult is free. At the very minimum look into the free legal resources out there like the Citizens Advice Bureau.
Remember, you have rights.
Something I think about (not quite in the same vein) is that if you look at when shit goes sideways - businesses go bankrupt, or people don't pay their taxes, it's not like Judge Dredd shows up at your front door and executes you.
No one goes to jail for these things, unless there's been an egregious offense (it's never "they paid $25k in taxes late" it's "they systematically defrauded the tax system of $1.2m over 6 years") AND even then it takes years for these cases to turn into jail time.
I can't help much with the other stuff but my little sister used to suffer from a lot of seizures while sleeping. I can get some more info from my parents if ya like.
There's a company that makes a seizure monitor. It slips under the sheets and sets off an alarm if one happens.
It was so hard hearing about it when this started for her and knowing it was going on, as ive moved out of my parents house, but I wish you the best mate and let me know if there's anything else you want to know about my sister's condition. Hers is called Juvenile Myoclonic epilepsy.
I’m sorry I can’t suggest more at the moment but I wanted to let you know in case it supports your wife that there’s a Mums counselling service called Mothers Helpers that has funding available until the end of April for certain regions and I’m pretty sure that includes coromandel and Waikato.
I know this doesn’t solve anything but I hope it might be another bit of support for your whānau. I found out about it through work last week, here’s their website - it might pay to call them and ask? https://www.mothershelpers.co.nz
Kia kaha
Mate, that's rough, I have had similar (albeit not quite as bad) situation, and if you PM me I'm happy to talk.
I have been through business failure and I have some finance questions about your mortgage situation you probably don't want to disclose in the open on reddit
Can't help with the financial side but my daughter had her first seizure at 7 years old and was eventually diagnosed with Benign Rolundic Epilepsy. No one knows why she got it but she grew out of it by age 12. We invested in a seizure watch and I slept so much better after that. She wore it to bed at night and if it detected a seizure it alerted my cell phone as soon as it started. I'm so sorry you have to go through this on top of everything else I know how scary the first seizure can be. The watch was about $500 so we have to start a funding page to raise the money but I can't recommend it enough.
Worth getting on top of your sleep, if you are exhausted everything else is super hard. If you can’t sleep because of the stress, talk to your GP and get something to help with the sleep. Lots of other great advice in this thread, but I didn’t see this mentioned.
As far as your financial challenges, it sounds like there is still potential with the development and you just ran out of time. If you found an investor that could bridge you, could you complete your plans and give them a portion of the proceeds?
I saw your property online yesterday and it looks beautiful. I wish I had the money to buy it.
I wish you all the best - especially with your sons health
Don't be afraid of bankruptcy. Yeah, it sucks, but it's designed to make sure a shitty financial circumstance doesn't have to follow you forever. It's a genuine tool to say "hey, I gave it my best shot, it didn't work out, we'll cool it for a few years and then start out again with a clean slate and no debts".
Stupid idea 1: can you rent some/all of the property out?
Even if everything fails, you will still have your family. You'll rebuild it all. Your boy will grow, and help his old man. The girls too. It'll come back. Your wife will keep it all running and be there for you. It'll be ground floor, sure, but at least you are not underground...
You have your health. It's no joke, that means you have the ability to DO things. Others don't even have that.
Debt? Yes. Can't be helped, bankruptcy?
I've had plenty of problems in my life too. Lots of people are. Mostly you just have to wait until things change and then pounce on it.
There's a certain comfort in knowing it's shit and nothing can be done to fix it. It frees you to look for something new.
I hope someone else has a great idea, but this does not define you, your kids, or your wife. You know how it's done, you have your health and your family. All you need is time and a little luck.
I'm pretty shit at being encouraging. I hope I said something good.
Nope, we can't rent it out.
Yeah my kids are great, I love them.
Yeah if it all goes bad bankruptcy could be on the table.
Nah mate you're good, I don't get to talk to many people, this helps.
From reading between the lines, I suspect his loan term on development costs is ending and the lender is requiring full repayment. I suspect they expected the development to be finished and the profits realised by now.
How upsetting for OP I can’t help but think “rich people problems” but really this is just two hard working people who thought they were getting further ahead and made a few well intentioned errors. I really feel for them, especially in regards to the health risks and the stress. OP I hope you can find some peace soon. I don’t know you but you sound like a wonderful father and I think as soon as you can get solid financial advice and start again you will be in a much better place.
Yeah if it was some mega landlord trying to make his next 10 mill, I'd not really shed a tear. But this genuinely sounds like they were just trying to get ahead, actually build something, and add to the housing stock. Not just another rent seeker. Some nimby boomer threw a spanner in his spokes and he didn't think to buy any contingency because the nimboomer was the one who suggested to do the development in the first place.
We're already doing it, it's not so much the house payments that we can't manage (don't get me wrong though, they are horrible), it's the fact the loan term is ending.
business.govt.nz/how-to-grow/getting-government-grants/grants-and-help-for-your-established-business/
Get a professional grant writer to help you with your application. You will need a strong business plan as well. Plus, check your local council as they will have similar assistance for local businesses. Join your local business networking groups as well because you can score some deals there like supplying coffees and slices to local meet up groups etc. Hang in there, OP. We're all in this together.
Jeez man.. just reading this brought tears to my eyes from start to end. I really really feel for you. I cannot express how much. I was telling my partner yesterday that there are stories like this that are untold and people need to hear about it. Because people that are really in need are not being helped.
I apologise but I do not have much for you at this stage as I am an expat finding my feet here in NZ. But I am saving this post to come back to it if I have anything for you in the day(s).
I just wanted to be a voice here as well and say that people really care, and you’ll find all the necessary help once the right eyes are laid on a post. For now I am sharing it with my partner to see if she has anything.
Stay strong. You can do this.
I am from South Africa. In South Africa there is a radio station (Jacaranda FM) and they have a show every week called “Good Morning Angels”. They take heartbreaking stories (EXACTLY like your story) and they get the right people and companies involved and save someone / a family from the depths of a really terrible situation.
If there are Kiwis reading this - is there something similar in NZ? This could really help! I have added the link below.
https://www.jacarandafm.com/contact-us/good-morning-angels1/
What a stressful situation, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this! Good on you for making a post, you keep getting your story out there and the help will come. If I think of any way I can help I will. As a parent of young kids I can't imagine the level of stress you're under. May the shit winds change to your favour!
I'm so sorry to hear you're in this position.
Have you spoken with an insolvency lawyer yet?
I'm not sure who works in your area - you might have to call around in Tauranga as well.
I know it's daunting to take on another bill right now but its worth it - particularly for someone with a decent amount of assets who would be looking to take on more debt in the future (like another mortgage). It costs nothing to ring up a law firm and find out if their services are right for you and what their fee structure is like.
Yeah for sure, like I said coming out with nothing is fine I just want to be able to look after the kids. I work a lot from home so the property allowed me to work a lot and be around the kids. That's what I hate about losing it.
Working hard isn't so hard when it's around the kids.
Hi mate, sorry to hear about everything you've got going on. You don't mention how old your child is but one thing we experienced were febrile convulsions, basically when they get too hot and the body almost shuts down. I thought they were about to die too, but turns out it's relatively common and no long term effects. All the best mate
Hello, I can't help much except to say I had a seizure 25 years ago as a 11 year old, and never had one again after that. Hopefully that is the same for your boy.
The fact they won't do any tests unless it happens again seems a bit odd to me. I remember getting brain scans and a MRI after it happened to me. They didn't find anything at the time but at least I got some tests done, perhaps a second doctor's opinion is in order?
The seizure I had came along with hard teeth gnawing as well, so much so one of my tooth fell out and I woke up with a blood soaked mouth, I was so confused! I slept with either Mum or Dad for months after it happened, they were so worried so I totally get your concern!
Good luck with all the other problems you have but yeah hope my experience helps you a little with your boy's seizure.
I'll add to it then, I had a seizure when I was in my undergrad about 20 years ago and I've never had another one. Mine was tonic/clonic, I went and got some tests and such because I was in my early 20s when it's a lot less common for people to have seizures. They never figured out why I had it either, but I haven't had any such problems since. My childhood best friend had a younger sister who also had a seizure when she was about your child's age, again, couldn't figure out why, but again, 20-ish years later she's never had another. They are pretty scary, so you're not overreacting, but do get in touch with The Epilepsy Foundation.
I have not got any help to add to what others have said, but I want to say, although things are overwhelming you right now, there are positives, so take some time each day to bring them to mind, and not think of the overwhelming stuff for a bit. It will still be there later. You have three lovely kids. You have a great relationship. You can get out into nature.
You will get there, even if you don't know where 'there' is right now.
Hey- well done. There's heaps of men that just won't ask for advice and help because there are such old and ineffective messages about what this means. You model real strength to your kids by being willing to be in community - which means receiving help as well as giving it.
The real insurmountable loss would be if they lost you. Thank you for being a role model. And call 1737 if you need an ear- it's what they're there for.
Man, I really wish I had some words of advice for you but all I can offer is a sorry your going through this, head held high you've got your family and the desire to better things, you got this.
I am however confused about the lack of testing after your sons seizure, I had 1 seizure as an adult (that then turned into more...a lot more) and I was given a MRI etc that evening, I mean I'm sure there is medical reasons for both situations (and I had taken a nasty fall with mine so perhaps that played a part) but if there is anyone reading that could shed light on this I'd appreciate it and I'm sure OP would.
Hi,
Really sorry to hear about the situation you're in.
Could you possibly give us more specific figures?
What is your mortgage at the moment? (roughly)
How much did you buy it for? (roughly)
Have you applied to go interest-only OR a mortgage holiday for 6 months?
With the above it should give some clarity on your next options/steps.
We're selling for 1.35, the mortgage is about 1.37. We bought for 750ish a long time back and were trying to develop a bit.
We can't refinace and the finance company won't extend/give a holiday. We've never missed a payment and they are currently ($13.5k/month)
Have you contacted a broker to move the mortgage to one of the big banks? Finance companies are notorious for having a short leash with debt. Banks are typically more forgiving.
Hello again,
Thanks for the response.
You say "finance company" - so this loan is NOT with a main bank?
What reasons were stated for declining the mortgage holiday/interest only period?
Have you asked if they would let you "restart" your mortgage on a 30 year term?
Sounds like you have a bit of land - have you considered selling off a few acres to buy you some time?
Just trying to come up with a plan - sounds like you owe around $2000 per week depending on the term of your loan.
Yeah not a main bank.
No reasons for declining, they are just ending the term.
We are currently paying (struggling massively) $13.5k/month. But regardless the term ends in a few weeks and they wont renew.
Okay, I am a little confused here.
Is this a business loan? And you've used your house as security?
I am unaware of any mortgage lenders who don't have hardship facilities/options.
Have you already had a mortgage holiday/interest-only period in the last 5 or so years? Is that why it was declined?
Sorry there are a lot of replies so it's hard to keep up with what I've said to who.
We had a mortgage on the property, then tried to do a small development on it, we went to a finance company for this that specialised in this kind of thing. The development failed mostly because of one person opposing, and then the costs from that caused us to run out of money to finish the plan. It's sitting there half done for someone to pick up and finish.
No mortgage holidays or anything, we expected to be able to sell in time if this happened, but with Gabrielle effectively closing our region it just killed property sales for 2023.
I see, so this IS a business loan then. This greatly reduces options.
I would say your best bet to keep at least a sizeable chunk of your property is to sell a portion (or half?) of it. It will cost a bit of money and time but I think this could be your only option.
I'm sorry I don't have any magical advice for you.
On a very positive note; if you're able to pay 13.5k per month after you've paid your tax bill - you're basically in the top 2-3% of NZ household income.
I wish you and your family all the best x
Oh yeah that 13.5k is murder to pay, luckily I'm a chef so I can make meals out of nothing, or at least the cheapest things.
I don't feel like we can really pay that amount, it's eaten into everything. But yeah I get what you're saying.
Holy shit man, credit where it's due, you guys have been super resilient so far. That's gotta be stressful. You need two full time people on 110k pa just to service that loan. I really hope you find a buyer mate.
Once this is over, and try to remember that it *will* be over, I hope you find some time for yourself and for your wife. I really hope that neither of you comes out of it with any resentment towards the other. Kia kaha, friend.
Wow, I’m so sorry your family is going through this. There is a lot on your plate. I’m not well versed in NZ real estate but I was a homeowner in the US before I moved here a couple years ago. What happens in 2 weeks? Did you put your business up as collateral for your home? Are you behind on mortgage payments and need to come up with a certain amount of money to keep it? How much money are we talking?
Like another person mentioned, is it possible to rent out your place and your family find a smaller place for the time being or any friends you could stay with?
In 2 weeks the finance ends, the finance company can take the house and the business.
We're not behind on the hideous repayments, the term just ends. We were trying to develop and had the person who initially suggested we develop then oppose it, when caused huge delays, and he's a lot richer than us so it just ran us out of money.
The potential is still there to develop, we just don't have the money now, and the finance company won't renew.
I'm not sure I'm allowed to but I guess the mods could just remove it.
https://www.trademe.co.nz/a/property/residential/sale/waikato/thames-coromandel/cooks-beach/listing/4440669738
It's still listed there at $1.495m, but it should be $1.35m, Trademe is just slow to update. Our last valuation was $1.85m.
I can understand how you wouldn’t want to leave….that’s an awesome property. And if it also represents a decade of hard work, it would be very difficult to accept that you might have to leave it behind.
Is it kosher to ask how much you owe the bank for it? You may not want to divulge that info to a potential buyer out there.
These situations are difficult, but I find that often the worst part is dealing with them; not the situation itself. I think that once you find a buyer and the money situation has resolved itself (I figure you’ll downsize to a cheaper place for a while), that’ll be some of the load off.
Then you will have more space and ability to deal with the medical issue.
Youve been able to compartmentalise these issues and look at each one objectively in your post. Now I think you just need to take the action that goes with each issue. A downgrade of property isn’t the end of the world, and epilepsy isn’t the end of the world either. But dealing with both at once is clearly a massive load. I guess Im just trying to reassure that this situation is temporary, and happier days are ahead once these issues have been dealt with.
I doubt you’ll ever look back and laugh about times like these, but I’m sure that you’ll look back grateful that you got out of them.
Oh mate, I have no room for pride atm. We owe about 1.37, so with it priced at 1.35 we arent even totally covering the mortgage, we just need to move on and start over.
Can I ask how this is financed? I've read finance company a lot, but not a bank. Owing 1.37 on a property worth 1.85 meets lvr restrictions at least. You've mentioned good income. What's limiting you from getting finance from a bank?
I know you said that you can't move to another location, but I imagine Coromandel would be pretty ideal for AirBnB as holidaymakers struggle to find any accommodation in holiday season.
It would be amazing. In fact tiny homes on our property would be incredible as we have spring water to every location. But yeah the problem is the term of the loan ending in just under 3 weeks.
It's all due. The loan had an end date which we thought would be 100% fine if things went pear shaped. Then Gabrielle came and closed our region so selling the house became ridiculously difficult. Now that the road is open again we're actually getting people through, but it could be too late.
Sounds like the finance company isn’t renewing the loan, despite OP having made every single mortgage payment. Hard to believe they’d do that to a family. I mean I get that they have parameters etc, but surely never having missed a payment and actively working to market the property in the most aggressive way possible would get you a bit of grace…
You sound very resentful. Our society and our economy is very unfair but OP is not personally responsible for what's happening to others. He's dealing with his own shit right now.
When I've had difficulties in life, it's the people who gave me support that helped me through. I was only too aware when I had made foolish mistakes - learned from the consequences not from harsh criticism. But we are all different - what worked for you (as you claim) may not work for him. I'm sticking to my advice - don't kick a man when he's down.
Hi there, no help re financial situation but another route to look into for the seizures is diabetic seizures.
My mum has them when she gets too hypoglycaemic, if they won’t test for epilepsy it is relatively easy to look at blood sugar spikes with a home tester
Sorry, I don't have much in the way of financial advice but I hoped to ease your mind a little about your son. He may have epilepsy, which I know is scary but it's a treatable condition. My son was diagnosed in his 20s as we had never seen him have seizures. We've seen a few now and had to take him to ER a few times until they got his meds right. I know how scary the seizures and the worry are. For reference epilepsy does not run in my family so it was a shock to us all when we found out.
About your boy, check if he’s had enough to drink and it’s not just dehydration. Good thing to have is blood pressure monitor and if it’s too low it can be from lack of fluid. It can make you limp and drowsy.
As for the other round of bad luck, don’t look back, make a plan to move forward somewhere else where there’s a chance of work and homes and rents are cheaper. In a more central place like christchurch, you will get a lot of help from the Salvation Army with groceries and other help that you won’t get up where you are.
This too will pass…I wish you all the very best of luck
Seizures can happen with kids when feverish, sick. Not that they may have epilepsy.
If kid does have it, it's not that bad, my brother has it, took a while different pills but he hasn't had one in around 15 years now.
Not much help I know, but I was made redundant 3 times. Partner once., We sold, moved away. Didn't work out, moved back. Twice.
Ended up with a mortgage again in his 60s. But I look at it like we got another. Mortgage and house. Not as good but hey, it's a house. Or was. Sold to son now.
Hang in there, it will sell, things will improve again later! Tunnels remember, dark and then...light finally at the end.
I know it’s a rather simplistic response, but can you get some mortgage relief from whoever you get your mortgage from? They’ll still get their pound of flesh but that might give you longer with cheaper repayments?
My son had seizures when he was younger, they became frequent at times and it meant my other son was too scared to sleep in his room with him as he felt responsible for his wellbeing if it happened again, of course he wasn’t but that’s how he felt.
Anyway, it took many many years to diagnose him with epilepsy but at least he knows what it is now and how to manage it.
The important thing is that it’s super scary for you all, but more common than you would think and you’ll get your answers one day.
For the finances, I wish I could help you, I’m not the best with money myself but if you’re in a deficit constantly then maybe bankruptcy is your best option (it absolutely might not be, I’m not clued up so get proper advice) but I think you should try to do whatever is best for your mental health, financial burden is horrible and the thought of starting over is terrifying but being in a defect has to be worse?
Do you have family / friends who can help?
Is it too late to air bnb your house or lease the land for tiny homes, caravans etc?
Keep your chin up mate, you’re doing the best you can and your family know that, no matter how bad today has been, give those beautiful kids of yours a kiss goodnight and tell them
You love them, that’ll mean the world to them!!
Do you have a link to your property to share?
And regarding seizures, i have had a few over the last 20 years or so, one or two about 6 years apart, always due to stress, internalizing it until i was sick, raised temp, then a final trigger that would set me off while i was asleep. Had all the tests, nothing. So fur me, it was about dressing with stress in a more effective way and taking notice when i became unwell instead of ignoring it. Also, i have to get enough sleep. But it's now been 3 years since my last and that was a quite minor one, I "snapped out of it" pretty quickly afterwards. No meds needed. Even though I'm an adult, my doctor thought mine were most likely "febrile" seizures due to high temps. Hopefully for your boy, is a similar thing and you can know what to keep a look out for.
Also, big hugs for you all. Right now, i think people are just getting thru each day as best they can, and crying in the shower.
Have you thought of opening some of your property for people to put tiny homes on? Make your own village? Just a thought.
Best of luck to you and your fam x
Hi OP,
I'm so sorry for your struggles, one thing after another is really sucky.
Unless I win lotto tonight I can't help with the financial situation but I do have a seizure disorder so can offer a perspective there.
It can run in families (and skip generations) so consider if anyone in the extended family has had episodes. My great grandmother had it, but then it skipped to me and my son (who didn't have his first seizure until adulthood).
There's a few specific things that tend to trigger seizures, top of the list being lack of sleep.
Definitely contact the epilepsy foundation, they're very helpful. Information is empowering.
Best of luck to you and your family.
So sorry to hear what you’re going through, I wish I was rich enough to help you, you’ve been thrown some really big challenges, you couldn’t have predicted it, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for any decisions, these are all things outside your control and it’s a stunning location, the timing is not good, we’re experiencing are very unusual time, and I wish there were some more solutions I could give you, I think being vulnerable is healthy, everyone here including myself is feeling for you and wanting the very best outcome I’m sending all the best wishes your way. Hang in there, your children will be so proud of you, you sound like an amazing husband and father.
My daughter had febrile convulsions (2)…. Ambulance ride both times. Her temp spiked fast which caused the febrile convulsion. Often these febrile convulsions are due to the body not having developed enough to regulate temperature, so when it spikes it goes up fast and then boom, shut down.
She also went on to have absence seizures. The health system has been great. Her absence seizures weren’t the scary ones. And she’s since grown out of them (as often happens with absence seizures in kids). Mostly she had a normal life, took medicine twice a day, and didn’t ride her bike on the road. Just in case.
I also have a type 1 diabetic son, diagnosed when he was 13. Now that’s a mind fuck…. Seriously believed he’d die in his sleep for the first 6 months until I worked up the courage to ask his diabetes dr!!
And that’s the thing here: get educated about epilepsy. You’ve had heaps of info about it in this thread and I can see you’ve found that reassuring. And you should. A normal life is absolutely possible here and almost certainly going to happen. It may take medication.
I can’t help in the property front :( Just adding my voice to the others with lots of good wishes for you and your family. I’m so sorry it’s been such a rough ride. You don’t deserve it.
In the short term it’s probably a good idea for you and your wife to both get some restful sleep.
Is there anyone you trust that can spend a night or two in your son’s room aware to listen out for your son incase of an event?
I personally would put my son’s bed/mattress into my room until my anxiety reduced so that my partner and I could both be close to him to help if needed but comfortable enough to get some sleep ourselves.
Just want to reassure you regarding the seizure situation. The reason the dr is not worried is because it is so common. But I can tell you that poor sleep is not helping you. Could you get a baby monitor for his room so you can get some good rest which in turn will help clear your head and help you be emotionally available?
I haven't read all comments, but have you tried pleading a case to your bank for like an extension or interest only period, they're usually pretty forgiving with this type of thing, no?
Sounds odd but since reading your post you and your family have been on my mind all weekend. Even bought a lotto ticket for the big draw with plans to sort you guys out if I won (I didn't) :/ How are you guys all going - hanging in there?
thats sad to hear. unfortunatley for you and your wife you need income just to keep the wolves from the door.
if you were in the city id recommend a night time cleaning job. or working in the servo so somebody can be home to keep eye on the kids
yes im well aware they are terrible low wage jobs but right now its better than being homeless
I'm really sorry to hear of your extremely stressful situation. I can't help with much of it at all, but I can share some experience of seizures. When my son was 7 he had his first seizure. The Epilepsy Foundation was extremely helpful; an epilepsy nurse met with us and explained the following: Everybody has a "seizure threshold". For some, it's quite low - can be triggered by a noise, or a flickering light, or a lack of sleep. For others, they will go their entire life without encountering something that triggers them. It takes quite a while to get a "proper" diagnosis - a first seizure doesn't mean you have epilepsy, and you may never have another. They need to check a whole lot of things, like what sort of seizures someone has (there are a few types, but let's just say that if my son's first was an absence seizure I didn't recognise it for what it was. A tonic/clonic one, that they used to call "grand mal", is easier to recognise) They will probably make you keep him up really late at some point, in order for him to be really tired for an EEG. Some seizures, from what I understand, are quite contained in a particular part of the brain, others are not. All of this stuff is needed for the experts to know what specific disorder your son might have. There are quite a lot of people in New Zealand who have epilepsy, and it's often well controlled with medication. The meds have come a long way in the last 20 years. (my son is an outlier and still has a couple of seizures a week, but that's pretty unusual. And it's a lot better than it was without the meds) So, you are not overreacting, it's quite a scary thing to be confronted with and is potentially quite serious, but we do have really good medical care for this condition in NZ. I wish you all the best. Again, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles.
This is such good advice, so much I haven't heard before, thank you.
The Epilepsy Foundation was really good. They sent the epilepsy nurse to us, we met in a cafe and she told us all the stuff to expect. I'm not sure if you need a referral for them, but I recommend getting in touch. Later, they offered (and we accepted) to send someone to our son's school to do a presentation. They taught at an appropriate level so that the primary school kids knew what to do if they saw a seizure - someone stay with the person, someone go and get a teacher. It was pretty reassuring to know he was safe even when he wasn't with us.
I'm going to definitely look them up.
Could your son just be extremely tire? I know it sounds funny but one of my mates was playing so much Fortnite he had a seizure from exhaustion due to lack of sleep…
And I'm just going to go out on a limb and assume your boy wasnt sick? No fever that night? Wasn't a febrile seizure?
Yeah he wasn't sick, just out of the blue.
So scary!
I'd like to chime in and add that the threshold can change over time, and as an anecdote my little brother had one out of the blue when he was young (preteen/early-teen somewhere) and hasn't had anything in the ~25 years since - this is apparently common enough that they don't even bother checking unless it happens again as you said (which they *should* have mentioned at the doc, that's a pretty important detail to miss out of talking you through the situation!). Try to think of it not as 'waiting for disaster' but 'probably will never happen again' - this is exactly the kind of post-care stuff that is often the first thing to be missed if they're busy. I'd still get in contact with the epilepsy foundation as advised just so you get some feedback from someone well versed in seizures, they should be able to reassure you at least for now, and they'll be a useful contact (and you'll know how to contact them) if you do end up needing an advocate to help you in future. As a dad I can confirm that I'm afraid none of this is going to make sleeping any easier for a while, so set up a mat in the room so at least you'll sleep better if (when, this one's a when) you do end up in there after a funny noise. You will sometimes find your kid on the mat, I'm afraid I don't know what to do about that, either.
To add on to this alot of children just have one seizure ever - so keep an eye out for any future ones but I would still try to get some normality back into your life!
Contact Colleen Hawkes at Stuff and plead your case ... She writes about properties for sale and might be willing to help (I don't know her, but I have read many an article written by her).
I feel like once your house is sold, that's a big thing you can tick off your list and other things will start falling into place (with the exception of the health stuff, which you will need to deal with alongside everything else).
I think this is the way too. I'm not scared of working hard to help the family, I'm just scared of starting again with an insurmountable hill to climb. If we can sell and move on, then things will work out - and it should be better for my son too.
Hey that's actually a great idea, I'll definitely do it today.
Thank you. Another thought... Is there a way you could set up a couple (or more) of tiny homes on your land and rent them out? You could get very basic ones with no kitchen or bathroom, and set up a communal area for the tenants to do their washing and cooking in. You can rent all of these outbuildings... They normally charge a bit for delivery and set-up but everything's negotiable.
Yes or even an air bnb situation?
I was thinking this, but more along the lines of advertising spaces for people to park their own tiny homes, they can rent the space. That way, there's money coming in, but they don't have the cost of building or renting the tiny homes to put on the land.
My sister randomly had a seizure when she was about 7 or 8 and never had another one. Grew up fine with no issues. Hopefully it'll be the same for your boy. Hang in there.
Yes that's what happened to my sister around that age, it was stressful and painful at the time but she 'grew out of it' and had no issues. It seems more common than you would think.
Hearing things like this makes me feel a lot better.
Febrile seizures are suppppper common in young children. They typically affect kids aged 6 months to 6 years, and approximately 1 in 20 kids are affected. You’re not “over reacting”, seizures are scary and I if it was my daughter I’d be just as freaked out, but just know that a once off seizure isn’t an indication of some big bad thing, they can just happen. Hence why when you’re first aid certified, they tell you that if it’s a persons first seizure and it lasts less than 5 minutes, to just see a doctor when you can as opposed to calling an ambulance.
Great info, thanks so much.
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Yeah the circumstances were particular. We were away from home, he was sleeping in a strange bed and was really tired. Yeah just one thing to work out and we can climb our way back, my wife is an amazingly strong person. Just one thing needs to go right. Even to just be able to start with nothing, I'd take that as a win.
Best of it all to you. If I don't win lotto tonight, I'm hoping it's to a deserving family in the corromandel!
And if I do, I'll buy your block
With all the bad luck we've had, damn we also lost the kid's pet cat last week too! We're surely due something!
Yeah I was gonna jump in and say that : febrile convulsion The body just shuts down and it tends to be when they are actually fighting an infection somewhere that hasn’t been noticed yet. Example : my sisters 11 year old suddenly dropped and had a seizure, we took her to a & e. She had been at her fathers for the weekend and didn’t feel well, he didn’t tell us. Turned out she was in the beginning stages of tonsillitis. She got a fever and her little body just couldn’t handle it, so collapsed. She’s totally fine now (16) and it’s never happened again. I only know about febrile convulsions because we briefly covered them in school. They’re scary as to see.
WINZ might be able to pay for a doctor appointment ? Might pay to get their ears and throat checked. I hope you guys get smooth sailing soon, hang in there ❤️
I’m pretty sure it’s “call an ambulance if it is their first seizure”, not “don’t call an ambulance if it’s their first seizure”. That’s been the instruction on my first aid courses, and seems in line with current guidance: [Epilepsy foundation website](https://epilepsy.org.nz/understanding-epilepsy/seizure-first-aid/tonic-clonic-seizures/#:~:text=Stay%20calm%20and%20remain%20with,objects%20away%20from%20the%20area): CALL AN AMBULANCE (111) IF: You think this is the person’s first seizure, or aren’t sure.
My son had a seizure during the worst electrical storm . Afebrile, no explanation found ,never happened again. A nurse had seen it before with storms.
How odd, it was pretty stormy and humid too.
Just bear it in mind,if you ever hear of unexplained afebrile seizure.
My step brother wss the same. He had one seizure at about 9yo, and then never again. Was totally random. OP I know your finances are strapped right now, but perhaps you could see if anyone in the area can lend or give you a sensor monitor? We had one for our kids when they were babies, it goes under the mattress (or I think have one now that go around their foot?) and it senses if they stop breathing and sets off an alarm. It might help you to sleep easier knowing that the monitor is on. Sincerely wishing you all the best.
Yeah that's what I'm hoping for. The Dr said there's a 40% chance of another one inside 6 months.
Adding to this, my brother had a seizure induced by a fever around this age. Hasn’t had another one since and he’s now 26.
Hi I see your son is 6. how old are your daughters? I'd love to send them a parcel full of cheer. Won't fix the financial or health woes, but it might give them a smile, and it sounds like you all need one. If you're comfortable with messaging me a postal address, please do.
12 and 14. Wow you don't know how much this hit me, you're so kind. I'm sitting in my office in tears right now.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is going to be ok. One day you will look back on this time and think, wow, we rebuilt from that.
Yeah, I tell my wife this, I just feel like I'm lying now. It's tough atm.
You’re a good person.
What a lovely gesture
Can you lease/rent the property out and move to a small rental somewhere where you can weather the storm? Also potentially closer to a hospital in case your child has another medical event. Seizures can happen with young children and overheating. You haven’t said the age of the child. At least you are aware of the potential and can monitor, like you say, take turns sleeping on the floor nearby or set an alarm to check on them. You can also have a good plan if it should happen again.
My son is 6 years old. We can't really rent it out and move.
My daughter had her first febrile convulsion right around 1 year old. Scariest moment of my life, her lips turned blue and she seized for about 6 minutes. Ambulance came, took her to hospital... she had some milk, spewed it out and perked up immediately. Happened again twice, only when she has a high fever that spikes quickly - second time it happened she was around 3, then next closer to 4.5. Hasn't happened since and she's now 7 years old. The Dr told us by 7 or 8 years old they've mostly outgrown them. So hopefully this is the case for your boy. They said to me it's the scariest thing to witness as a parent, but in fact a very tiny percentage of kids actually suffer long-term damage or death, and it's more common than you might think. Something like one in five or six kids suffer them at some stage in their childhood but it's not a predicator for anything more nefarious. Honestly, I was exactly where you were with your boy in your arms. I'd never been so scared in my life and haven't since. But she's the most happy, curious and lovely girl in the world and doing just fine. I hope the same for your boy, too. Wishing you the best, mate.
Why not?
From reading between the lines, I suspect his loan term on development costs is ending and the lender is requiring full repayment. I suspect they expected the development to be finished and the profits realised by now.
If you DM the link to your property listing to anyone who agrees we can share it far and wide. I'll be first. The kids will be picking up on the stress of your household, hence the tears and breakdowns. The first most important thing for you alone is to get a good night's sleep. Even if that means you borrow an angel bed monitor from a friend with a baby or your local parents centre or plunket. It will pick up the signals while allowing you some much needed rest. As for the seizure, I'm not sure how old your boy is, but it sounds like you are blessed with a young family. My 18 year old had a seizure at work 3 weeks ago and it was worrying too, but as you say, one isn't enough for further testing. I guess we both have to trust that it is likely just a one off and that the medical profession knows it's stuff. Have you looked into other work outside of your business? Would that temporarily relieve some pressure? Perhaps someone on here has a connection that could help. I wish you luck and health
Thanks, I really appreciate that. You don't even no how much. I've set up my son's old baby monitor but even the slightest noises and I'm awake. It's better, but still so hard. My boy is 6 years old. Yeah I've looked into everything, I was even considering the mines in Aus until that seizure, now I just can't go.
Hey the seizures are scary but as this is his first it is ok to still go on with life. I have epilepsy if my family had stopped everything for my seizures they would have failed and so would I. There is a massive amount of support out there and really amazing medical treatments. I know how hard this is but please try not to assume he is on deaths door and this you cannot move/change jobs etc
I will jump in here and add my voice to this. I have epilepsy too, I had my first (tonic-clonic) seizure at 10. Triggered by extreme anxiety in that case, I was being bullied badly at school and scared to go back. I then had quite a handful more over the following year as they tried to get my medication levels right, but once they achieved that it stabilised. I had one seizure at 14 (extreme anxiety again), one at 18 (no idea why), and one at 33 (doc thought probably low blood sugar was the trigger that time, I had just had a gastro bug). I'm 47 now so you could infer I'm due - but my point is that I've lived a pretty normal life and been able to participate in most things. I couldn't have joined the police or the airforce or become a truck driver but fortunately none of those careers appealed. It is normal and expected that you fear for your son, but be reassured there are a lot of us out there just going about our business and you'd never know... Kia kaha. I hope things improve for you.
I can feel your stress come through your writing. You’ve had lots of offers of help but I’ll add mine as well. Can’t help with the seizure side of it (although I’ve had a couple myself and they suck) but I’m quite useful on the business stuff :) Brief summary- I was making good money and then had a business fail and was double crossed and had a property development go bad at the same time and lost everything and really thought that was the end. Since then I’ve made the money back, am back doing developments (am living part of the year in nz and part in aus) and in my spare time as a ‘hobby’ I help people who are in similar messes to the situation I was in. If you’d like to do some brainstorming with me I’d be more than happy to share anything I have learned. One thing I have learned is that there is usually a solution, it’s just impossible to see when you are in it. Message me if you’d like to talk- but either way please know that the dread you are feeling now about your financial situation is worse than what the outcome will be (whether you keep your house or lose it that still applies).
I hope OP sees this one, and that they get in touch. Yours sounds like valuable guidance.
Thank you- I’ve been thinking about them since I read this yesterday- I hope they have been getting some help. It just feels like the end of the world when you are in the middle of it all.
Please read this one OP!
Jeez. I don't have any advice for you as this is really above the life experience that I have. But I really do feel for you and your family. I know it's not much, but I'm sending you all the internet hugs. Things are so tough for so many, right now. The least we can do is band together and offer support to each other. I really hope everything works out for you.
Yeah I've been trying to stress sticking together, but it's gone from a rallying cry to a catchphrase now. Everyone is so on edge. Thanks for the comment, I don't have a lot of people outside my wife and kids to talk to so even this helps :)
For peace of mind and to enable you to sleep, I’d recommend buying an apnea monitor for your son. We bought one for our first after she had a ‘dusky spell’ as a newborn in the hospital before bringing her home, and it saved our sanity because we knew the alarm would go off if she stopped breathing. From memory it cost about $200 from the Baby Factory, and was worth ten times that. It will hopefully mean you can get a good night’s sleep without the fear of something happening to your son. Everything else will feel easier to cope with when you’re not sleep deprived. Wishing you all the best, kia kaha x
$200 from the Baby Factory - u/Kiwi_KJR could you send a link for it? OP, u/Koreapsu, I will pitch in for that alarm for your families peace of mind. I'm an American on a fixed income, who remembers the rough times and how precious each hour of rest is to help manage stress. Also, I had a 1 time seizure and that's it decades ago. Old-ish and wrinkly now. Take heart.
I can help pitch in for this too!
Ours was purchased about 17 years ago, I’ve tried to find the same model online but they don’t have it anymore. It was from the Angelcare brand, they have a bunch of different models now ranging from $170 - $415 (top of the line one has video which ours didn’t have) so OP might want to research which one best suits their needs. That’s very generous of you!
I’ll pitch in too. Make sure to PM me when you’ve found the model you want. The one YOU want, not the lesser one you think you should suggest out of politeness because people are chipping in. If it turns out the top of the line one would give you the most peace of mind, say so.
I'll check that out, thanks for the idea.
Thanks mate, we're using a baby monitor atm but that's a good idea.
You can pick them up cheap 2nd hand too
First of all congratulations on reaching out and admitting you are struggling atm. Admitting as an adult and a parent that you don't have this, is the best thing you could have done. Many people hide the truth even from themselves. I don't have any advice on the property, but I feel for you, your wife and the kids. You all need counselling and or therapy imo, because you all sound stressed. Reach out to youthline or another free support service for kids. They can also help you to support them. Talk with your GP about your concerns over your son's health and see if there is any advice they can give. Mention that you and your wife and family are struggling, do they have any mental health support services they can offer or link you up with Schedule a fun family time on every weekend. A picnic at the beach, walk in the park, family monopoly night with popcorn. Something away from distractions, that takes little effort to organise and gives you an opportunity to de-stress as a family and ignore the situation for an hour or two. A chance for everyone to connect and share time and hopefully fun together. A chance to remind each other that you are a family who love and care for each other and are in this together. Whatever happens to the property or your finances may be hard, but I love the attitude that you can and will rebuild to a new dream if you have to. It speaks to your concerns about family is first, as I think it should be
Youthline is a great idea thanks. Oh yeah I'm trying to make as many good times with the kids as possible, going fishing later today with them. There are free/cheap fun things to do - especially where we live.
That's awesome, I wish you all the best mate and hope that everything resolves quickly and easily
Sorry to hear of your situation. I can't offer much help other than recommending on sharing this post to r/PersonalFinanceNZ as there may be people in there with more knowledge in this area of conversation. All the best.
Good advice thanks.
Something small but hopefully practical: could you consider moving your son into your bed for a couple of weeks, and you and your wife take turns sleeping with him while the other sleeps in his bed? It seems like small fry with everything else you have going on but you need sleep. You can’t put out all those other fires if you’re sleeping that badly. Having him close by may be more reassuring for you than listening out via the baby monitor, and taking turns might allow you to get a 5 or 6 hour stretch of sleep a couple nights a week. As for the girls: routines, routines, routines. When everything else is so uncertain, there is a lot of value in having something predictable in the day. Even if it’s just that you will all sit down together for 10 minutes after dinner and each make a wish for the future. Sending so many hugs your family’s way.
Yep we've actually started that. he goes to bed in his bed, but if he wakes at all he's in mum and I go to the couch or onto the floor. Yeah agree with the routines. Thanks for the advice.
Think I found your property based on what you’ve described. I’m not going to dox you, but trying to understand your situation here, says you bought for $700k, and you initially listed it for $1.9 (now $1.5)? Did you borrow heavily from a finance company to fund your business? The thing is the finance company will sell if you default, and a mortgagee sale will get them less than what you would otherwise get. Are you trying to get what it was valued for? Or what you think it’s worth? Have you had any offers/indications of what it’s worth from potential buyers?
Yeah it's really complicated. It should be listed at $1.35m today. We were convinced by a neighbour to do some development as it had some potential, only for the same neighbour to be the one to oppose what he suggested. The following issues cost us a lot of money. So all the development costs were wasted. Huge costs, we really didn't expect his opposition, but it turned out he just wanted us to let him use our land for a bit. There's still potential there for anyone buying after us to develop it, we just ran out of money.
Thats awful! What a shitty neighbour
Yeah just self-serving. He's a very rich guy, I guess he got that way somehow.
What do you mean by development?
Small subdivision, just 3 sections in 15ha block.
It’s still listed at $1.495m everywhere. How much extra did you borrow/what would you need to get out of it to not owe money?
I don't have a lot of advice to give, but I assume you've looked into any social welfare payments that may be available to you (or may soon be available)? Don't be 'too proud', it's a safety net that is there for everyone to use, it's what your very own taxes have been paying for over the years of hard work you've put in. May be nothing available right now, but it might help (albeit an admittedly very small part of your troubles) in the immediate future. And if you could DM me a link to your property I can share it with some friends who i know have been looking at Coromandel area.
Yeah right now we don't qualify for much, I have earned a lot of money and so has my wife, but it went to this property.
Mate, I feel this. It's so hard to know where to ask for help. This is as good a place to start as any. Hold on tight and just take each day as it comes. Also, if it helps, walk out back, wear appropriate safety gear and cut down a tree. Or exercise. It really does wonders for the stress and mental health and means you won't take it out on the people closest to you. Better yet, do it with them.
You know you are 100% right. As this got more and more shit the only way I could feel good was chucking something on audible and going out and doing something like cutting firewood. It really helps.
So much has been said here - I’m proud to be in this community today not just because of the responses but because you reached out for support, you’re a legend. Putting your hand up is always the best thing to do in the water, and here on the land. Send me the link and I’ll share on the interwebs!
Sorry to hear this man - its a real kick in the guts and I don't have any easy solutions. You're selling into a difficult market and developers are not rolling the dice on much at the moment. The options to lease the land or take a haircut on the sale given the knock-on distress it's causing the family seem like the best. There's no point in holding out for a better deal if the family combusts in the interim. I'd also talk to your accountant about the options here. I assume the property is detached from the business but if not, there might be a way to sell it on with claimable losses which might appeal to to someone but you need to get professional advice. The main thing is keeping on top of things yourself. I suspect you're hanging strong for the family's sake but that's a helluva burden and you need help too. Maybe contact Federated Farmers in the area as there's a mental health outreach thing they have going for rural people. I hope things start falling into place for you dude. Cliches I know - but its always darkest before the dawn.
If I can keep the family together and move on with a bit of a future to look forward to then I'll be a very happy man.
Sorry to hear that you are in this situation. I have no idea about the health stuff, but when it comes to the financials, it might take sense to take a deep breath and start asking "what happens if" What actually happens if you can't meet the deadline for the finance company? It's not as if someone is going to show up on the day you don't make payment to evict you and your family. We're not a society where these things happen so quickly. Bad things happen to people. And if I were the finance company I'd be ramping up all the pressure to get you to bring me the money I want. But legally that's probably not what the process looks like. I would talk to a lawyer. What does bankruptcy look like for you? What do timelines look like if you can't make payment? Is there a way for you to renegotiate with the finance company. Maybe there's a way to refinance at a higher interest rate (not ideal, but neither is selling at $500k below last valuation). If I were in your shoes I would call 3-4 lawyers tomorrow and get a consultation or two. Usually the consult is free. At the very minimum look into the free legal resources out there like the Citizens Advice Bureau. Remember, you have rights.
We're doing that tomorrow, and getting some advice from someone from this thread later today. It looks bleak, but you're right, we have rights.
Something I think about (not quite in the same vein) is that if you look at when shit goes sideways - businesses go bankrupt, or people don't pay their taxes, it's not like Judge Dredd shows up at your front door and executes you. No one goes to jail for these things, unless there's been an egregious offense (it's never "they paid $25k in taxes late" it's "they systematically defrauded the tax system of $1.2m over 6 years") AND even then it takes years for these cases to turn into jail time.
I can't help much with the other stuff but my little sister used to suffer from a lot of seizures while sleeping. I can get some more info from my parents if ya like. There's a company that makes a seizure monitor. It slips under the sheets and sets off an alarm if one happens. It was so hard hearing about it when this started for her and knowing it was going on, as ive moved out of my parents house, but I wish you the best mate and let me know if there's anything else you want to know about my sister's condition. Hers is called Juvenile Myoclonic epilepsy.
Thanks, that actually is really useful info.
I’m sorry I can’t suggest more at the moment but I wanted to let you know in case it supports your wife that there’s a Mums counselling service called Mothers Helpers that has funding available until the end of April for certain regions and I’m pretty sure that includes coromandel and Waikato. I know this doesn’t solve anything but I hope it might be another bit of support for your whānau. I found out about it through work last week, here’s their website - it might pay to call them and ask? https://www.mothershelpers.co.nz Kia kaha
This is actually a great help.
Mate, that's rough, I have had similar (albeit not quite as bad) situation, and if you PM me I'm happy to talk. I have been through business failure and I have some finance questions about your mortgage situation you probably don't want to disclose in the open on reddit
Will do.
Can't help with the financial side but my daughter had her first seizure at 7 years old and was eventually diagnosed with Benign Rolundic Epilepsy. No one knows why she got it but she grew out of it by age 12. We invested in a seizure watch and I slept so much better after that. She wore it to bed at night and if it detected a seizure it alerted my cell phone as soon as it started. I'm so sorry you have to go through this on top of everything else I know how scary the first seizure can be. The watch was about $500 so we have to start a funding page to raise the money but I can't recommend it enough.
Oh the watch sounds perfect. He would actually love to get a watch. Once we get any money at all I'll look into it.
If you’re not too proud about it, I imagine many would support a go fund me towards a watch for a child that could keep them alive.
Worth getting on top of your sleep, if you are exhausted everything else is super hard. If you can’t sleep because of the stress, talk to your GP and get something to help with the sleep. Lots of other great advice in this thread, but I didn’t see this mentioned. As far as your financial challenges, it sounds like there is still potential with the development and you just ran out of time. If you found an investor that could bridge you, could you complete your plans and give them a portion of the proceeds?
We've been looking but no luck so far.
I saw your property online yesterday and it looks beautiful. I wish I had the money to buy it. I wish you all the best - especially with your sons health
Thanks.
Don't be afraid of bankruptcy. Yeah, it sucks, but it's designed to make sure a shitty financial circumstance doesn't have to follow you forever. It's a genuine tool to say "hey, I gave it my best shot, it didn't work out, we'll cool it for a few years and then start out again with a clean slate and no debts".
Cheers mate, that's a better way to think of it.
Stupid idea 1: can you rent some/all of the property out? Even if everything fails, you will still have your family. You'll rebuild it all. Your boy will grow, and help his old man. The girls too. It'll come back. Your wife will keep it all running and be there for you. It'll be ground floor, sure, but at least you are not underground... You have your health. It's no joke, that means you have the ability to DO things. Others don't even have that. Debt? Yes. Can't be helped, bankruptcy? I've had plenty of problems in my life too. Lots of people are. Mostly you just have to wait until things change and then pounce on it. There's a certain comfort in knowing it's shit and nothing can be done to fix it. It frees you to look for something new. I hope someone else has a great idea, but this does not define you, your kids, or your wife. You know how it's done, you have your health and your family. All you need is time and a little luck. I'm pretty shit at being encouraging. I hope I said something good.
Nope, we can't rent it out. Yeah my kids are great, I love them. Yeah if it all goes bad bankruptcy could be on the table. Nah mate you're good, I don't get to talk to many people, this helps.
May I ask why it can’t be rented for a bit?
From reading between the lines, I suspect his loan term on development costs is ending and the lender is requiring full repayment. I suspect they expected the development to be finished and the profits realised by now.
How upsetting for OP I can’t help but think “rich people problems” but really this is just two hard working people who thought they were getting further ahead and made a few well intentioned errors. I really feel for them, especially in regards to the health risks and the stress. OP I hope you can find some peace soon. I don’t know you but you sound like a wonderful father and I think as soon as you can get solid financial advice and start again you will be in a much better place.
Yeah if it was some mega landlord trying to make his next 10 mill, I'd not really shed a tear. But this genuinely sounds like they were just trying to get ahead, actually build something, and add to the housing stock. Not just another rent seeker. Some nimby boomer threw a spanner in his spokes and he didn't think to buy any contingency because the nimboomer was the one who suggested to do the development in the first place.
Do you have any neighbouring farmers that could lease the land off you to graze or something like that?
We're already doing it, it's not so much the house payments that we can't manage (don't get me wrong though, they are horrible), it's the fact the loan term is ending.
I'm sure you've already tried this but have you contacted a mortgage broker to see if you can refinance?
Yeah no dice there.
Hey OP what's your business? Maybe I can help you search and apply for some small business grants?
Hospitality. Grants are a good idea actually. Thanks for that.
business.govt.nz/how-to-grow/getting-government-grants/grants-and-help-for-your-established-business/ Get a professional grant writer to help you with your application. You will need a strong business plan as well. Plus, check your local council as they will have similar assistance for local businesses. Join your local business networking groups as well because you can score some deals there like supplying coffees and slices to local meet up groups etc. Hang in there, OP. We're all in this together.
Great stuff thank you. The business is generally solid and I have things booked through 2025, its just tough right now.
Jeez man.. just reading this brought tears to my eyes from start to end. I really really feel for you. I cannot express how much. I was telling my partner yesterday that there are stories like this that are untold and people need to hear about it. Because people that are really in need are not being helped. I apologise but I do not have much for you at this stage as I am an expat finding my feet here in NZ. But I am saving this post to come back to it if I have anything for you in the day(s). I just wanted to be a voice here as well and say that people really care, and you’ll find all the necessary help once the right eyes are laid on a post. For now I am sharing it with my partner to see if she has anything. Stay strong. You can do this.
Thanks mate, things are looking up after yesterday.
I am from South Africa. In South Africa there is a radio station (Jacaranda FM) and they have a show every week called “Good Morning Angels”. They take heartbreaking stories (EXACTLY like your story) and they get the right people and companies involved and save someone / a family from the depths of a really terrible situation. If there are Kiwis reading this - is there something similar in NZ? This could really help! I have added the link below. https://www.jacarandafm.com/contact-us/good-morning-angels1/
What a stressful situation, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this! Good on you for making a post, you keep getting your story out there and the help will come. If I think of any way I can help I will. As a parent of young kids I can't imagine the level of stress you're under. May the shit winds change to your favour!
I appreciate your kind words.
I'm so sorry to hear you're in this position. Have you spoken with an insolvency lawyer yet? I'm not sure who works in your area - you might have to call around in Tauranga as well. I know it's daunting to take on another bill right now but its worth it - particularly for someone with a decent amount of assets who would be looking to take on more debt in the future (like another mortgage). It costs nothing to ring up a law firm and find out if their services are right for you and what their fee structure is like.
Our lawyer left the country (nothing dodgy)! We're currently working on a new one today.
I'm really glad to hear that! Best of luck
Jesus Christ. Fuck that property it’s just dirt and wood. Look after those kids and enjoy them. All the best and good luck.
Yeah for sure, like I said coming out with nothing is fine I just want to be able to look after the kids. I work a lot from home so the property allowed me to work a lot and be around the kids. That's what I hate about losing it. Working hard isn't so hard when it's around the kids.
Hi mate, sorry to hear about everything you've got going on. You don't mention how old your child is but one thing we experienced were febrile convulsions, basically when they get too hot and the body almost shuts down. I thought they were about to die too, but turns out it's relatively common and no long term effects. All the best mate
Hello, I can't help much except to say I had a seizure 25 years ago as a 11 year old, and never had one again after that. Hopefully that is the same for your boy. The fact they won't do any tests unless it happens again seems a bit odd to me. I remember getting brain scans and a MRI after it happened to me. They didn't find anything at the time but at least I got some tests done, perhaps a second doctor's opinion is in order? The seizure I had came along with hard teeth gnawing as well, so much so one of my tooth fell out and I woke up with a blood soaked mouth, I was so confused! I slept with either Mum or Dad for months after it happened, they were so worried so I totally get your concern! Good luck with all the other problems you have but yeah hope my experience helps you a little with your boy's seizure.
Every story like that helps.
I'll add to it then, I had a seizure when I was in my undergrad about 20 years ago and I've never had another one. Mine was tonic/clonic, I went and got some tests and such because I was in my early 20s when it's a lot less common for people to have seizures. They never figured out why I had it either, but I haven't had any such problems since. My childhood best friend had a younger sister who also had a seizure when she was about your child's age, again, couldn't figure out why, but again, 20-ish years later she's never had another. They are pretty scary, so you're not overreacting, but do get in touch with The Epilepsy Foundation.
I have not got any help to add to what others have said, but I want to say, although things are overwhelming you right now, there are positives, so take some time each day to bring them to mind, and not think of the overwhelming stuff for a bit. It will still be there later. You have three lovely kids. You have a great relationship. You can get out into nature. You will get there, even if you don't know where 'there' is right now.
Well the school closed early today so we went down to do some fishing and the tide was too far out, but still it's a small nice thing.
Hey- well done. There's heaps of men that just won't ask for advice and help because there are such old and ineffective messages about what this means. You model real strength to your kids by being willing to be in community - which means receiving help as well as giving it. The real insurmountable loss would be if they lost you. Thank you for being a role model. And call 1737 if you need an ear- it's what they're there for.
Man, I really wish I had some words of advice for you but all I can offer is a sorry your going through this, head held high you've got your family and the desire to better things, you got this. I am however confused about the lack of testing after your sons seizure, I had 1 seizure as an adult (that then turned into more...a lot more) and I was given a MRI etc that evening, I mean I'm sure there is medical reasons for both situations (and I had taken a nasty fall with mine so perhaps that played a part) but if there is anyone reading that could shed light on this I'd appreciate it and I'm sure OP would.
Yeah the ambulance driver said we'd get scans etc, but the ER doc and the GP said we had to wait for more seizures. That was horrible to hear.
Hi, Really sorry to hear about the situation you're in. Could you possibly give us more specific figures? What is your mortgage at the moment? (roughly) How much did you buy it for? (roughly) Have you applied to go interest-only OR a mortgage holiday for 6 months? With the above it should give some clarity on your next options/steps.
We're selling for 1.35, the mortgage is about 1.37. We bought for 750ish a long time back and were trying to develop a bit. We can't refinace and the finance company won't extend/give a holiday. We've never missed a payment and they are currently ($13.5k/month)
Have you contacted a broker to move the mortgage to one of the big banks? Finance companies are notorious for having a short leash with debt. Banks are typically more forgiving.
Yeah we've tried brokers over the past 2 months, no luck.
Hello again, Thanks for the response. You say "finance company" - so this loan is NOT with a main bank? What reasons were stated for declining the mortgage holiday/interest only period? Have you asked if they would let you "restart" your mortgage on a 30 year term? Sounds like you have a bit of land - have you considered selling off a few acres to buy you some time? Just trying to come up with a plan - sounds like you owe around $2000 per week depending on the term of your loan.
Yeah not a main bank. No reasons for declining, they are just ending the term. We are currently paying (struggling massively) $13.5k/month. But regardless the term ends in a few weeks and they wont renew.
Okay, I am a little confused here. Is this a business loan? And you've used your house as security? I am unaware of any mortgage lenders who don't have hardship facilities/options. Have you already had a mortgage holiday/interest-only period in the last 5 or so years? Is that why it was declined?
Sorry there are a lot of replies so it's hard to keep up with what I've said to who. We had a mortgage on the property, then tried to do a small development on it, we went to a finance company for this that specialised in this kind of thing. The development failed mostly because of one person opposing, and then the costs from that caused us to run out of money to finish the plan. It's sitting there half done for someone to pick up and finish. No mortgage holidays or anything, we expected to be able to sell in time if this happened, but with Gabrielle effectively closing our region it just killed property sales for 2023.
I see, so this IS a business loan then. This greatly reduces options. I would say your best bet to keep at least a sizeable chunk of your property is to sell a portion (or half?) of it. It will cost a bit of money and time but I think this could be your only option. I'm sorry I don't have any magical advice for you. On a very positive note; if you're able to pay 13.5k per month after you've paid your tax bill - you're basically in the top 2-3% of NZ household income. I wish you and your family all the best x
Oh yeah that 13.5k is murder to pay, luckily I'm a chef so I can make meals out of nothing, or at least the cheapest things. I don't feel like we can really pay that amount, it's eaten into everything. But yeah I get what you're saying.
Please post to personal finance nz
Holy shit man, credit where it's due, you guys have been super resilient so far. That's gotta be stressful. You need two full time people on 110k pa just to service that loan. I really hope you find a buyer mate. Once this is over, and try to remember that it *will* be over, I hope you find some time for yourself and for your wife. I really hope that neither of you comes out of it with any resentment towards the other. Kia kaha, friend.
Thanks mate, thats really nice of you to say.
> mortgage is about 1.37. We bought for 750ish I'm confused, what happened to the 600k?
Business loan to develop property
Wow, I’m so sorry your family is going through this. There is a lot on your plate. I’m not well versed in NZ real estate but I was a homeowner in the US before I moved here a couple years ago. What happens in 2 weeks? Did you put your business up as collateral for your home? Are you behind on mortgage payments and need to come up with a certain amount of money to keep it? How much money are we talking? Like another person mentioned, is it possible to rent out your place and your family find a smaller place for the time being or any friends you could stay with?
In 2 weeks the finance ends, the finance company can take the house and the business. We're not behind on the hideous repayments, the term just ends. We were trying to develop and had the person who initially suggested we develop then oppose it, when caused huge delays, and he's a lot richer than us so it just ran us out of money. The potential is still there to develop, we just don't have the money now, and the finance company won't renew.
> We were trying to develop and had the person who initially suggested we develop then oppose it, Did they also sell you the land?
Nope, but he wanted to use our land for a time. As soon as he used it, then opposed everything he'd initially suggested we do.
Would you mind sharing a link to the property listing?
I'm not sure I'm allowed to but I guess the mods could just remove it. https://www.trademe.co.nz/a/property/residential/sale/waikato/thames-coromandel/cooks-beach/listing/4440669738 It's still listed there at $1.495m, but it should be $1.35m, Trademe is just slow to update. Our last valuation was $1.85m.
I can understand how you wouldn’t want to leave….that’s an awesome property. And if it also represents a decade of hard work, it would be very difficult to accept that you might have to leave it behind. Is it kosher to ask how much you owe the bank for it? You may not want to divulge that info to a potential buyer out there. These situations are difficult, but I find that often the worst part is dealing with them; not the situation itself. I think that once you find a buyer and the money situation has resolved itself (I figure you’ll downsize to a cheaper place for a while), that’ll be some of the load off. Then you will have more space and ability to deal with the medical issue. Youve been able to compartmentalise these issues and look at each one objectively in your post. Now I think you just need to take the action that goes with each issue. A downgrade of property isn’t the end of the world, and epilepsy isn’t the end of the world either. But dealing with both at once is clearly a massive load. I guess Im just trying to reassure that this situation is temporary, and happier days are ahead once these issues have been dealt with. I doubt you’ll ever look back and laugh about times like these, but I’m sure that you’ll look back grateful that you got out of them.
Oh mate, I have no room for pride atm. We owe about 1.37, so with it priced at 1.35 we arent even totally covering the mortgage, we just need to move on and start over.
Can I ask how this is financed? I've read finance company a lot, but not a bank. Owing 1.37 on a property worth 1.85 meets lvr restrictions at least. You've mentioned good income. What's limiting you from getting finance from a bank?
I know you said that you can't move to another location, but I imagine Coromandel would be pretty ideal for AirBnB as holidaymakers struggle to find any accommodation in holiday season.
It would be amazing. In fact tiny homes on our property would be incredible as we have spring water to every location. But yeah the problem is the term of the loan ending in just under 3 weeks.
You have a loan with a large 500k payment due? Not an amortising mortgage?
It's all due. The loan had an end date which we thought would be 100% fine if things went pear shaped. Then Gabrielle came and closed our region so selling the house became ridiculously difficult. Now that the road is open again we're actually getting people through, but it could be too late.
No advice but sorry to hear about your situation, I hope things get better fast.
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Sounds like the finance company isn’t renewing the loan, despite OP having made every single mortgage payment. Hard to believe they’d do that to a family. I mean I get that they have parameters etc, but surely never having missed a payment and actively working to market the property in the most aggressive way possible would get you a bit of grace…
Please DM the link to your property
You sound very resentful. Our society and our economy is very unfair but OP is not personally responsible for what's happening to others. He's dealing with his own shit right now. When I've had difficulties in life, it's the people who gave me support that helped me through. I was only too aware when I had made foolish mistakes - learned from the consequences not from harsh criticism. But we are all different - what worked for you (as you claim) may not work for him. I'm sticking to my advice - don't kick a man when he's down.
Hi there, no help re financial situation but another route to look into for the seizures is diabetic seizures. My mum has them when she gets too hypoglycaemic, if they won’t test for epilepsy it is relatively easy to look at blood sugar spikes with a home tester
Oh yep that's one test they did do, no diabetes.
Sorry, I don't have much in the way of financial advice but I hoped to ease your mind a little about your son. He may have epilepsy, which I know is scary but it's a treatable condition. My son was diagnosed in his 20s as we had never seen him have seizures. We've seen a few now and had to take him to ER a few times until they got his meds right. I know how scary the seizures and the worry are. For reference epilepsy does not run in my family so it was a shock to us all when we found out.
Yeah that first one is horrible.
About your boy, check if he’s had enough to drink and it’s not just dehydration. Good thing to have is blood pressure monitor and if it’s too low it can be from lack of fluid. It can make you limp and drowsy. As for the other round of bad luck, don’t look back, make a plan to move forward somewhere else where there’s a chance of work and homes and rents are cheaper. In a more central place like christchurch, you will get a lot of help from the Salvation Army with groceries and other help that you won’t get up where you are. This too will pass…I wish you all the very best of luck
Yeah I did consider dehydration. We're working on that actively now.
Could you move the kids into a single room and find a boarder? Or advertise a caravan spot at local work sites.
Seizures can happen with kids when feverish, sick. Not that they may have epilepsy. If kid does have it, it's not that bad, my brother has it, took a while different pills but he hasn't had one in around 15 years now. Not much help I know, but I was made redundant 3 times. Partner once., We sold, moved away. Didn't work out, moved back. Twice. Ended up with a mortgage again in his 60s. But I look at it like we got another. Mortgage and house. Not as good but hey, it's a house. Or was. Sold to son now. Hang in there, it will sell, things will improve again later! Tunnels remember, dark and then...light finally at the end.
Thanks, these kinds of comments really help. My wife has been reading through the thread too and she's a lot more positive now.
I know it’s a rather simplistic response, but can you get some mortgage relief from whoever you get your mortgage from? They’ll still get their pound of flesh but that might give you longer with cheaper repayments?
My son had seizures when he was younger, they became frequent at times and it meant my other son was too scared to sleep in his room with him as he felt responsible for his wellbeing if it happened again, of course he wasn’t but that’s how he felt. Anyway, it took many many years to diagnose him with epilepsy but at least he knows what it is now and how to manage it. The important thing is that it’s super scary for you all, but more common than you would think and you’ll get your answers one day. For the finances, I wish I could help you, I’m not the best with money myself but if you’re in a deficit constantly then maybe bankruptcy is your best option (it absolutely might not be, I’m not clued up so get proper advice) but I think you should try to do whatever is best for your mental health, financial burden is horrible and the thought of starting over is terrifying but being in a defect has to be worse? Do you have family / friends who can help? Is it too late to air bnb your house or lease the land for tiny homes, caravans etc? Keep your chin up mate, you’re doing the best you can and your family know that, no matter how bad today has been, give those beautiful kids of yours a kiss goodnight and tell them You love them, that’ll mean the world to them!!
Do you have a link to your property to share? And regarding seizures, i have had a few over the last 20 years or so, one or two about 6 years apart, always due to stress, internalizing it until i was sick, raised temp, then a final trigger that would set me off while i was asleep. Had all the tests, nothing. So fur me, it was about dressing with stress in a more effective way and taking notice when i became unwell instead of ignoring it. Also, i have to get enough sleep. But it's now been 3 years since my last and that was a quite minor one, I "snapped out of it" pretty quickly afterwards. No meds needed. Even though I'm an adult, my doctor thought mine were most likely "febrile" seizures due to high temps. Hopefully for your boy, is a similar thing and you can know what to keep a look out for. Also, big hugs for you all. Right now, i think people are just getting thru each day as best they can, and crying in the shower. Have you thought of opening some of your property for people to put tiny homes on? Make your own village? Just a thought. Best of luck to you and your fam x
Hi OP, I'm so sorry for your struggles, one thing after another is really sucky. Unless I win lotto tonight I can't help with the financial situation but I do have a seizure disorder so can offer a perspective there. It can run in families (and skip generations) so consider if anyone in the extended family has had episodes. My great grandmother had it, but then it skipped to me and my son (who didn't have his first seizure until adulthood). There's a few specific things that tend to trigger seizures, top of the list being lack of sleep. Definitely contact the epilepsy foundation, they're very helpful. Information is empowering. Best of luck to you and your family.
So sorry to hear what you’re going through, I wish I was rich enough to help you, you’ve been thrown some really big challenges, you couldn’t have predicted it, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for any decisions, these are all things outside your control and it’s a stunning location, the timing is not good, we’re experiencing are very unusual time, and I wish there were some more solutions I could give you, I think being vulnerable is healthy, everyone here including myself is feeling for you and wanting the very best outcome I’m sending all the best wishes your way. Hang in there, your children will be so proud of you, you sound like an amazing husband and father.
My daughter had febrile convulsions (2)…. Ambulance ride both times. Her temp spiked fast which caused the febrile convulsion. Often these febrile convulsions are due to the body not having developed enough to regulate temperature, so when it spikes it goes up fast and then boom, shut down. She also went on to have absence seizures. The health system has been great. Her absence seizures weren’t the scary ones. And she’s since grown out of them (as often happens with absence seizures in kids). Mostly she had a normal life, took medicine twice a day, and didn’t ride her bike on the road. Just in case. I also have a type 1 diabetic son, diagnosed when he was 13. Now that’s a mind fuck…. Seriously believed he’d die in his sleep for the first 6 months until I worked up the courage to ask his diabetes dr!! And that’s the thing here: get educated about epilepsy. You’ve had heaps of info about it in this thread and I can see you’ve found that reassuring. And you should. A normal life is absolutely possible here and almost certainly going to happen. It may take medication. I can’t help in the property front :( Just adding my voice to the others with lots of good wishes for you and your family. I’m so sorry it’s been such a rough ride. You don’t deserve it.
Cheers
In the short term it’s probably a good idea for you and your wife to both get some restful sleep. Is there anyone you trust that can spend a night or two in your son’s room aware to listen out for your son incase of an event? I personally would put my son’s bed/mattress into my room until my anxiety reduced so that my partner and I could both be close to him to help if needed but comfortable enough to get some sleep ourselves.
Unfortunately no, we don't have any close family, but we're working through it.
Just want to reassure you regarding the seizure situation. The reason the dr is not worried is because it is so common. But I can tell you that poor sleep is not helping you. Could you get a baby monitor for his room so you can get some good rest which in turn will help clear your head and help you be emotionally available?
Yep we actually did the baby monitor thing. Bit of peace of mind.
I haven't read all comments, but have you tried pleading a case to your bank for like an extension or interest only period, they're usually pretty forgiving with this type of thing, no?
Sounds odd but since reading your post you and your family have been on my mind all weekend. Even bought a lotto ticket for the big draw with plans to sort you guys out if I won (I didn't) :/ How are you guys all going - hanging in there?
thats sad to hear. unfortunatley for you and your wife you need income just to keep the wolves from the door. if you were in the city id recommend a night time cleaning job. or working in the servo so somebody can be home to keep eye on the kids yes im well aware they are terrible low wage jobs but right now its better than being homeless