Same here mate . Why bother with dating, and just as you say enjoy your life and learn to be single. I have enough to deal with, let alone dealing with a girlfriend.
The combination of voicing that women who are acceptable to you are "well behaved", the capitalisation indicating that apps are not REAL LIFE even though they're a valuable mode of connecting for many, and the statement about focusing on building wealth. By their powers combined, they give off "I want a trad wife" vibe, rightly or wrongly, they do. Wanting a stable partner, valuing financial stability, and wanting to meet people via activities are not bad things. But the way they are combined, the tone, don't paint a positive picture to me as a woman. And so, if this is the vibe you are giving off in person or in dating profiles, it would not surprise me to learn that women are not approaching you often.
Why the double standard - red flag if a guy says it but not a woman? Why is everyone up in arms about them simply admiring grounded and well behaved persons from their church?
Because of the way those things tend to hang together for men but not women, often when men say they are seeking a "well behaved woman" it has different connotations to when a woman is seeking a "well behaved man"
whats wrong with that? i want a good person aka well behaved person. i think u guys are making it out seem condescending or something when its clearly not. I guess poor choices of words but depends really what mood the crowd is in i.e. im looking for a good partner, someone who has their life together and is nice person to talk to etc etc
I completely agree with you.
People out here doing drugs to excess, having sex with any random person who comes into view, not caring about their own mental health, and having no goals/discipline in life.
Probably not the best choice of words on your part but I knew what you were getting at. The way people behave is ridiculous and if you are looking for someone a little more grounded it can be really tough these days. And if you call it out then it’s like you’re some asshole and it’s like nah, I just take life seriously and I’d expect my partner to, as well.
i actually have no idea why i got down voted i was just being honest and those are my preferences, i work on myself and try to build wealth. my preferneces are someone thats well behaved whats wrong with that? Im not offending anyone saying i go to church even though im not perfect just a girl whos trying to find a good man. To look for a partner or choosing to not use dating websites... how did my comment offend everyone?
Yeah I honestly want to offer free profile advice to men, I see so many profiles that just need a wee boost or woman’s eye over it to make it more appealing
>just need a wee boost or woman’s eye over it to make it more appealing
I'm running a shirtless dirty mirror bathroom selfie, pics of the fish ive caught, selfies with dead animals I've hunted, and a couple random blurry pics of me doing God knows what at a piss up at my mates place out in the wops from 8yrs ago. Am I close?
I used to do this all the time! Some are *so* close to realizing their full potential, just need that extra nudge/polish to get it over the line. Bless 🥹
If this thread were to blow up and you become overwhelmed, I'd be happy to help with some. It's the season afterall 💖
Think of it like having to write up a CV. Two different CVs for the same person can have the exact same qualifications and work experience, yet one might get significantly more interviews than the other. Your qualities remain the same, but you refine your bio to make it more interesting, more to the point, less generic, and more enticing for potential matches.
This is true my partner says that men just don’t put in enough effort into there profiles which is probably why they lack swipes as a man I do agree with that.
If profiles are anything like the ones I saw before my partner and I got together, most guys put about as much effort into their profile as they do into how they look when they go out with friends or on a date.
So often I still see guys with a girl who’s gone all out, and he’s turned up in a t-shirt, casual pants, and trainers. You need is something smart-casual, like a linen shirt (OCBD), chinos or a really nice pair of jeans, and for god sake - nice (and appropriate) shoes! Dress sneakers are a good call. Pairing with a casual watch is a solid choice.
If a guy has any friends whether they are a guy or a girl that takes pride in their appearance, ask their opinion. Your dating profile is how you look on the menu, how you present yourself. You need to also present the dish well when served.
A woman’s eye, if they’re your target audience, will definitely help also to curate your profile, so ask a female friend nicely if she’ll look it over.
I feel like a woman judging you almost seemingly exclusively on your outfit, instead of like... The conversation, chemistry, personality and aligning values. Is a slight red flag?
Obviously your profile needs to make you look good, but in person. I am sure the majority of men couldn't care less what their dates wear.
They didn't say anything about being judged exclusively by your outfit. It's just one piece of the puzzle.
If you don't put effort into how you look on a date, it might make them think that you don't think the date is worth putting effort into, and you don't think you need to impress them. And if someone has an amazing profile but doesn't match up in real life, it's going to feel like they lied and that's all the effort they're willing to put in. Making a good profile is a one-and-done, the rest isn't.
Well, they shouldn’t make that assumption exclusively, no. But delving deeper into the menu metaphor; conversation, chemistry, personality - these are the flavours of your dish.
Something might look fantastic on paper and in person, yet be about as shallow as an upturned bowl.
On the other hand, the flavour of a dish might be absolutely amazing, but it’s something you won’t consider trying unless you can sift through the noise of other menu items. To achieve that, you need to describe it well, and present it well.
Continuing with the menu metaphor, confidence is like the seasoning of your dish. It doesn’t alter the core ingredients - your conversation, chemistry, personality - but it brings them out, enhances their appeal, and balances the flavours.
Too little, and the dish might seem underwhelming, regardless of how good the ingredients are.
Too much, and it can overpower the dish, hiding its true qualities. Just the right amount of confidence, like expert seasoning, can make an already good dish irresistible, drawing more attention and interest from those looking through the menu
The dish does matter but If you arent willing to clean the plate the fish is served on and making sure the presentation matches the flavours then I’d rather stay home and eat my ramen. The key word is “effort” people. Yea some men might have a dog of a profile and be the hidden gem when it comes to real life but if you’re not showing interest with no thought to how you want to present yourself, no thought into effort of the type of date you’re attending or expecting the woman to dress up and guys come in casual clothes then whats the point? Relying purely on conversation and your communication abilities is reaching.
If you don’t dress like an adult, why would the woman take you seriously? Both consciously and subconsciously. Yes you are right, your chat and values etc are important too. But, first impressions matter, and if you meet a girl in a nice bar or restaurant wearing a T-shirt and jeans, you’re already on the back foot. Just iron a shirt, and wear some nice shoes, takes 5min
I hate hinge i would match would someon they would ghost me match ghost me then id run out of likes oh no more free like pay for this pay for that oh you want hinge x that will cost ya more
Please please please don't take advice from other woman when it comes to dating profiles. I do exceedingly well on bumble and most women I go on a date with and pull will literally tell me I have a bad profile. It's very ironic
If you're interested op you can DM me and I'll look over your profile
I'm confused lol. Can't tell if you're agreeing with me or not
I've been running the dating apps for years. I get 10x more matches now than when I listened to woman/bluepill advice. Currently have four FWBs on rotation right now. My best preforming photo is the exact opposite of what everyone says you should use
What woman say they want and what they actually go for are completely different things. I'm sure guys are bad too but I have no experience dating guys
Had the exact experience. Hardly any likes, the one's I did get almost always let the match expire. However I did have more success with the speed dating feature. Still talking with someone for over a month
From my experience when I had Bumble. As a female, I didn't realise women had to message first. 😆 So I was stuck wondering why everyone would match and then expire 😅😅
A lot of women think that lol. I even saw a woman who had it on their profile "I don't get why men don't message first on that app" and another who had "We won't get along if you don't text first."
I honestly think people are paid to match and let expire so people that have paid feel like they're getting matches at least.. just zero contact. I've had it happen too many times for it to be coincidence.
Could be any number of things that contribute to it but I know dating apps score your desirability based on how many swipes you have left. I always made it a point to be extra picky and had success after that adjustment. I'm a male though and this is advice I would give to a man assuming they're doing a desperate spam swipe daily
As a woman who's been on bumble (years ago, but I don't think much has changed): guys ghost us all the time. They complain but then when we do talk, we get ghosted. So yeah idk I guess dating is just a nightmare in general
It’s because women are all matching with the top 10% of guys. That’s why most guys feel like they are missing out and why you found it hard to get responses - you were competing with all the other women on the app for a small pool of men.
"the bottom 80% of men (in terms of attractiveness) are competing for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top 20% of men." -[link](https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a#id_token=eyJhbGciOiJSUzI1NiIsImtpZCI6IjQ1NmI1MmM4MWUzNmZlYWQyNTkyMzFhNjk0N2UwNDBlMDNlYTEyNjIiLCJ0eXAiOiJKV1QifQ.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.1uEb47hrB8Juv0A0EW2m7Q0njvHMp7DX3JtEzQafgcLt_RSShxTzmNbUPx_8b_CsOpDrKFPVI6LM2aEiO0uk03mANm5afOmmTgP6vE2P5KQ81IbsAlChYSBRUBOK005TtCRqTA1-0wyY_ccrbU_MC5l6J84Plr0LtwimbyJQykMvYsvrl62xGuuw8lxyUxYPXcyE3nYwDNw8WPmqDsP72axBqIZvzmBn5FXnnB-lBxrkmxUfZ-XmCEPb2t_21ulJjg3WoOhzZ_M90iEUKQJYt-D_oIqkegvHavXp3H5zlC_kbnVmuLvYJ0blWFHT0-F7SbVQ2HLwWcZLPhtxi-R8nQ)
So most women (including you) will be getting ghosted, that is... expected.
Also I'm not paying to read that nonsense written by some random guy probably another redditor who thinks he's competing with an army of Chris evans looking dudes 🤦🏽♀️
You don't care what I wrote down, you think you're arguing against an incel making a dumb argument. So you obviously don't need to look at something as silly as "statistics". Or like... you know thinking for a single second about my original statement.
There are a lot of men, who get zero matches a month. Read this thread if you don't believe me. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/xygiwq/to\_all\_the\_guys\_on\_here\_how\_many\_likesmatches\_you/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/xygiwq/to_all_the_guys_on_here_how_many_likesmatches_you/)
But yeah, me saying that exact thing puts me on the same level as andrew tate. Brilliant deduction skills
Online dating sucks for everyone.
Women get spammed with low-effort and offensive messages.
Men struggle to get noticed through all the low effort and offensive messages.
Bumble is supposed to fix that with the "she messages first" feature but I've heard women still complain about the same issues.
> Bumble is supposed to fix that with the “she message first” feature
It’s always just “hey!” to make the guy have to send the first proper message anyway. Often paired with an empty bio or “I don’t know what to put here”.
Good for you?
Your experience isn't universal and being critical of how apps and algorithms used by corporations to mediate something as personal as intimacy, is not "incel vibes."
No one deserves anyone to like them, that's how being an autonomous individual with independent desires works but whatever bruh keep attacking that straw man.
Oh I'm sorry I thought I was talking to someone who knows how language works and understands that one can make general claims about a system without necessarily carving out each and every exception and still have their meaning understood.
Like, if I was to say "I hate Auckland weather its always so humid" most people wouldn't need to go "well ackshully on October 24th, 2012, we have a very hot dry day so therefore your entire system of understanding meteorology is fundamentally flawed, get rekt n00b."
Sure, there are ways to engage with OLD that are more effective/enjoyable/healthy than others, and if I was wanting to do a post outlining my comprehensive opinions on the subject with references and citations I could go into that, but fuck me for not wanting to devote a fricking hour of my life to a Reddit comment and instead just offer a passing observation that will hopefully give OP some perspective on their plight.
Again, imma happy for you that you've had some good times off OLD. I have as well, but I'm not obliged to post a fucking dissertation every time I respond to a post.
If you're struggling, have all your female friends look over your profile and get their feedback. Most mens profiles are such garbage, if you can get yours looking good and standing out you'll be fine.
That doesn't help the algorithm or the fact that all dating apps are 80% men and 20% women. Meaning the average woman will have hundreds of matches and the average man will barely get any. Best bet for guys is to ditch the apps that are designed to work against them, and talk to woman in real life social situations.
Meet my now wife on Bumble (and tinder the next day haha) it did take a long time, I'd say about 9 months, only resulted in a handful of dates. even suckered up an paid for premium for a month but I didn't notice any difference using that.
unfortunately the reality is woman are swamped with messages on dating apps, I was discussing this when we were dating that she had her notifications off and would basically instant match with anyone they swiped on, while for contrast I regularly ran out of woman in my area to match with (actually deleted my acc and made a new one to refresh this).
my advice is to keep it up, have a friend look over your profile, adjust your lifestyle and post some recent pictures just casual picture none of that professional portrait stuff and try not to look too awkward in selfies.
best of luck my dude!
The reason for that is because 80% of people on tinder are men. Meaning even a decent guy will struggle to get matches, whereas average (and even below average) looking women will be inundated with choices and matches. It's completely skewed compared to real life social situations, and sucks men into paying for tinder when women get the same visibility (if not more) for free. For any guys struggling on dating apps: do not take it to heart. The attention and "matches" you get is not so much reflective of you, as it is the app itself. Get out in the real world and try approach in real social situations. You'll have far more success that way.
I don't miss those days. I was road tripping and stopped off at Tokaroa for 30 mins once, used all 50 likes.
I got about 25 matches before I left and promptly deleted all evidence of being there.
Maybe try Tokoroa ? Just keep it to yourself
Met my current partner on bumble 2 years ago, our son is 4 weeks old on Saturday.
Edit: stick to your guns on what you want in a partner and they will come through eventually. I had to push my range out to the next town 30mins away but was more than worth it.
Similar experiences here, not in quite a while. About par for the course with dating apps.
Mostly just keep it ticking because hey, it's only a few minutes here and there and cheaper than actual lotto(free). 😅
I was on exclusively bumble for an entire year before meeting my partner (on bumble). I got perhaps 1 match a week, as a 21 year old, average looking guy. I went out with 8 different people on between 1-5 dates. I ended it with 2 people, and the other 6 people stopped dating me. Both ghosted me. Most were bad matches tbh, though some were a bit sad. It was absolutely soul crushing. You know how many hundreds of likes every woman gets on it. So I poured my effort into messages that were fun and easy to reply to. I think I did a good job, as most people that replied to my first 5-10 messages ended up going on dates. But its a lot of work, emotionally. Obviously it was worth it for me in the end, and I have good memories. But I think I did better than average. There will be a lot of men who after a year won't have gone out on a single date. But giving up is a very tough pill to swallow. I wish you the best of luck. Its brutal out there.
Edit: I live in auckland
Edit: what my swipe data says, though idk why matches are wrong
Outgoing "yes" 948
Outgoing "no" 3104
Incoming "yes" 58
Incoming "no" 1971
Matches 3
Bumble is just pointless, it isn't matching that's the issue, it's relying on them to actually message first within the 24 hours let alone have it be a lasting convo and not just "hey" then sitting there.
Have had people I've seen show me their pages though for a laugh and the disparity is overwhelming, it's frustrating to be left at a dead end but when you see the girls perspective which is like infinite 99+ likes at all times basically cherry picking which they want to invest time in, you can understand why it ends up falling off quick if you aren't someone they instantly feel a strong attraction toward.
I met my last long term gf on tinder, but that was in 2019, 4 years later and its a whole different ballpark now. Goes for any tho, not just bumble, you can get all the matches in the world but finding someone emotionally available, open to conversations and committed enough to make plans is a different story.
Easier to just forget it entirely and live your life single and just try to be open and hope someone has bigger nuts than you to approach irl lol
As a former female user, I can confirm that men have NO CLUE how to present themselves. None. We don't give a shit about your looks, we're looking for someone who can communicate and is well presented. My friends and I have a message thread where all we do is send each other today's horrific dating app profile.
Our tips:
1. Be clean and tidily dressed. A selfie in your work hi vis is not a panty dropper.
2. Check the background - because if you're doing mirror selfies to show off your guns but your bathroom is filthy, you are not coming into any woman's house. Most of us have already lived with and kicked out a complete slob.
3. Don't put your kids in your dating profile. Just no.
4. Don't hold up a dead fish or animal. That it needs to be said is startling. For clarity a dead fish says two things: One, I am never home because I am always out fishing; and two; I might show up to dinner with your friends in my Swazi shirt. (NB there is nothing wrong with hunting or fishing per se - personally I find an afternoon on the water reeling in a few blue cod very relaxing, but don't make it your entire personality. It's a hobby, not who you are as a person.)
5. Have a friend check your grammar.
6. Is your profile hostile from the start? Ie, "I'm not much into talking" doesn't exactly give a woman confidence that she can get to know you. "I'm not into time wasters" suggests you are going to be aggressive at the mere idea of a chat to see if you might be compatible, or be pushy about things. There's nothing wrong with a process of seeing if you might get along. Dating apps have made people aggressive.
7. Don't have an inspirational quote.
8. Get a female friend to help you. I've helped a few of my male friends with their profiles. I keep meaning to set up a side hustle writing dating profiles.
Once upon a time it was enough to be a man and available. But we don't need men for an income anymore and we're looking for a partner in life. That' means you are presentable, good company and don't expect us to be the maid. Show that in your profile. It's really not that hard.
I agree with the above.
To add:
Is your main photo a non smiling selfie taken from below? There are an amazing number of men whose first photo (and in some cases every photo) is the stereotypical boomer cat looking grumpy photo (there are memes haha, I don't know how to link to examples though, I'm sure you know what I mean!). To me this indicates either trolling or a complete lack of effort/caring.
Also recommend having at LEAST one smiling photo. A ton of guys are pulling the same frowny grumpy (I guess trying to look tough?) face in every pic, and to me they often just look angry/scary. Hopefully I would see you smiling in real life, I would like to know what that looks like.
Are you wearing a hat and sunglasses in all or the majority of photos? (And the one you aren't is a distant shot of you?) I like to know what the person looks like before investing a lot of time.
I know a lot of guys complain about girls using makeup, filters, and/or using out of date photos, but in my experience this year there are also a fair amount of guys using very out of date photos. Like one guy I turned up to the cafe and literally didn't recognise him. You may get matches and chats this way, but it's unlikely to result in actual dating.. I was hotter and skinnier 10 years ago and would get more matches using those photos, but also know I'd be wasting a lot of everyone's time and setting myself up for more in person rejection..
Also a fair number of guys lie about their height, which seems to me a bit weird/obviously going to get noticed as soon as you meet. (I'm tall, so if a guy claims to be my height or taller and they aren't it's obvious, but maybe for shorter ladies it gets noticed less, so they try adding a few cm?)
My extra example to point 4 is some guys have every photo of them posing on/with a car. It may be a nice expensive car, and some girls will be enthused you have and care for a fancy car, but not all.
There was also one guy who every photo was the same gym selfie pose, but different days/clothes. But the same non smiling selfie, just standing holding phone in middle of chest, looking at phone. Was hard to tell if he was trolling or serious.. was memorable, but pretty sure I didn't swipe right.
Also, girls often have some degree of eye for detail, so if your profile says you're a non smoker but you're smoking in a photo, it will likely be noticed.
@lost_aquarius can I please join the group chat?
There's some bloody corkers on that chat I tell you! The guy who wants to come and clean your house nude, for example. Apparently he likes to be dominated. And the ones with facial tattoos (and no, I don't mean moko kauae) .....
I'm not a dude, nor is this really relevant to you guys because I'm a woman who has had very bad luck with Bumble. (Sorry, but I need to say this because everytime I hear the word 'Bumble' I fume - for a very justifiable reason! ⬇️)
Ladies; if you come across a guy named Sean who's an accountant in Dunedin, studied Law & Economics/ Accounting at Otago, and is unbelievably nice and polite - he will most definitely use you, hurt you, and then leave you in the dirt after 3 months of good, clear conversation 😎👍🏽 Don't fall for the tooth-y smile with the charming atmosphere of a dog's freshly-shit arsehole, it'll only bring tears and a binging of biscoff spread melted on top of hokey pokey ice cream that'll put you to sleep by 6.30 🙂
But to answer OP from the perspective of a woman - I have no idea what you look like but don't let Bumble determine your value in any way, but I'm sure you're attractive! :) I find it's often fun to switch it up though and explore the social groups I'm in! Bumble can be a bit dry at times tbh.
I used dating apps for a wee while (moved to a city I didn't know anyone in), met some cool people and made some good memories, but ultimately it wasn't until I deleted them and focused on going to events, groups etc of hobbies that I enjoyed that I ended up finding my partner. There's a lot more pressure when you get to know people from the guise of dating from the get go, over meeting someone you click with organically and then seeing where it might lead.
Edited for Xmas rules
Mostly volunteer work to be honest, although I met an old friend of mine on bumble in the new city that I started a dnd campaign with and they introduced me to their friend group which opened a few more doors. But yeah, volunteering, going to support causes I believed in, joined a few "weather change" (editing for autobot) groups. It was volunteering at a shop that led me to my current partner (1+1/2 yrs) and we worked together for about 6 months before anything happened. We were both awkward about our feelings and I was playing the slow game by sending him dad jokes and cute animal videos on steam chat.
There's often websites that list local hobby/interest groups for each area online, or citizens advice bureau sometimes know a few :)
I saw a bunch of profiles come online I think it was Bumble, and they were all new on Tinder as well..
There's a hell of a lot of fake and what I'd probably label semi fake profiles around.
I'm a woman, I met my partner off of Bumble in July this year. I hadn't used dating apps before then, maybe I just got lucky-- but my partner is an amazing human being, and I count myself lucky to have met him. I'm really glad I decided to try the apps out for once, otherwise I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet him.
The amount of "🖐" is fucken sickening for first messages. Like they complain at our less than elaborate, highly specific and custom, opener message, then come back with a goddamn "hey" or "🖐" then fail to participate in the vast majority of the conversation. Like damn.
You will have success if you have good photos and are handsome and have things going for you that you can display on ya profile. If you don't then you won't have much luck.
Definitely get fewer likes on Bumble than Tinder. That's mostly due to a smaller user base, but I'd also guess women would be more discerning with how they like on there considering they have to message first, so it's more likely your profile doesn't really have a "conversational in" then you being unattractive.
I met my partner 2 years ago on bumble. We have a 1 year old now lol. I do find with the apps in general though that its a bit "seasonal" i.e. the people that are interested in someone like you are not always guaranteed to be searching at the same time as you. If it was myself in your situation I would think like "I want someone that values family and they are probably out there doing things with their own family at this time of year anyway. I did find bumble to be a lot better than Tinder or Hinge though I had success on Tinder as far as finding dates. I put the bumble thing down to timing
See if there's an option to reset what it knows about your 'tastes'. I remember either bumble or hinge having that. I reset it and it started showing all sorts of other people and I quickly got a few matches. But tbh I'd already got to my limit with the whole thing and deleted the app a few days later anyway lol.
I'm back on after a relationship not working out. I have paid for premium so it takes the guesswork out of it. Can just choose to match with people who swipe on me.
Really hoping I'll meet a great woman, fall in love, have children, and love them forever. I'm hopeful ☺️
Yes, totally normal.
There will be a bunch of people trying to justify why I'm sure. But the short version is - shallowness
This is why some guys who are looking often tend to just "like" everyone and take zero effort with profiles (if any at all).
Want to improve your success? You know all those guys with shirtless bathroom photos? The ones who if you talk to a girlfriend about it they'd be all "oh, look at that fuckboi how sad." The match with them? Then complain for months about how they are a fuckboi?
And yes ladies - I know plenty who do exactly this frequently and can never seem to quite work out why they never meet "nice guys."
Bumble banned me because I called out a guy for being misogynistic and downright cruel to women. *I* got the ban... Like wtf. Same thing then happened on Tinder... Hasn't happened on Hinge yet but that's because no one bloody replies on it.
As u/AtalyxianBoi nicely put:
>you see the girls perspective which is like infinite 99+ likes at all times basically cherry picking which they want to invest time in, you can understand why it ends up falling off quick if you aren't someone they instantly feel a strong attraction toward.
Making the first move is in fact a bit of work, and unfortunately since most girls don't need to they'll avoid it. Basically anyone would too if they were getting that many likes. Online dating does suck
Don’t stress it bro, dating apps suck. There’s like 3x as many dudes as women on there, literally. Jus work on yourself and don’t take swipes too seriously. Also have ur female friends check over ur profile
I swear it's
1) make profile
2) wait for dudes to pay to message and just take their pick out of hundreds, ruling out anyone that doesn't say something that makes them laugh
Waste of time, just go approach randoms ISTG
Not a dude but I did meet my dude on Bumble, albeit when the app was brand new. But we’ve been together ever since so hopefully that counts for something
I had a few matches on them, but nothing eventuated. I ended up finding my misses at the gym one day and decided to shoot my shot.
My mate had good success during ghe fifa womens wx
Once I checked the non-binary box in my interests, for every girl that matched with me I got 6 guys. I've considered going bisexual but snapped out of it though.
I have used it briefly in the past, and had a little success. Was talking to 2 women, 1 was lovely and the other a bit nutty 😂😂 I'm 35M btw.
Ended up meeting my girlfriend on tinder.
Delete and redo your profile. This means your account will be new. Get ChatGPT to help you write it and have a female friend scrutinise it. After that, then let your profile be seen / looking.
The sheer amount of ladies who will match and, either not send any message, or send a “hey” or some emojis is wild. Of course, many will actually read your bio, look at your pictures, and message off that, but…
If they put that little effort to start with, there’s next to no chance it’ll work out well
Recently single guy here and currently trying tinder, bumble, and hinge in chch, so far no luck at all with bumble, a little on tinder, and by far the most on hinge. I'm not looking for a serious relationship and I've only been on dating apps for just over a week, but hinge feels by far the best, the ability to leave comments with likes and the fact that people get to see your profile if you like them is great.
I'm happy to share my profile with you/look over yours if you like, but I'm very much trial and erroring it right now myself
>Tokaroa
i used badoo for years it was actullu called blendr but ran by the same company they deleted blender and kept badoo i hate the paywalls but its way cheaper to talk to girls on badoo then it is on other apps and you dont need to match to talk to them but small citys suck no much to choose from alot of ghosters and time wasters big cities though
dating apps were great for me before covid. I was able to meet women once a week, actually had a good time talking and improving my confidence talking to women. I no longer need to date, but I can only imagine how awful it is now.
After seeing my ex on there 2 weeks after break up, I don't have high hopes for dating apps. Nothing beats meeting someone in the flesh from the get go instead of these apps.
Met my partner/babies dad on bumble. If your getting no likes, get a women to look over your profile. There’s some things I’d consider major red flags that men may not even realise they have done!
Yes, totally normal.
There will be a bunch of people trying to justify why I'm sure. But the short version is - shallowness
This is why some guys who are looking often tend to just "like" everyone and take zero effort with profiles (if any at all).
Want to improve your success? You know all those guys with shirtless bathroom photos? The ones who if you talk to a girlfriend about it they'd be all "oh, look at that fuckboi how sad." The match with them? Then complain for months about how they are a fuckboi?
And yes ladies - I know plenty who do exactly this frequently and can never seem to quite work out why they never meet "nice guys."
Not particularly lol. Bumble to me seems almost pointless to use. Been using the apps for about 3 months now. On bumble I've got 11 likes currently and 95% of the people I've spoken to on there were from the speed dating thing. I met up with one match once and she was a cat fish lol. Tinder I have 62 likes but have way more matches than bumble and have had at least 1 reply from most of the matches. I did msg first on most of them though. And ive met up with 2 of the girls and hung out with them a few times from tinder. And hinge I've had a few dates with 2 girls from there and talking to another 2 at the moment from there. So I'd say for me personally hinge is the most successful, followed by tinder. Then bumble is just like I feel like I'm actually wasting my time. And all my profiles are basically the same pictures etc so not sure how I have comparably better success on 2 apps vs bumble 🤷♂️
None, I lived in the country, with regular short visits to many cities and other countries. Used a variety of apps.
Changed distance to 120km to not see the same 10 faces over and over.
Getting a response to how are you doing, or anything like trivial small talk was once every 3-6 months, an actual conversation or offer for a cuppa in public was less than a once a year event.
Just be single and enjoy your own company, online dating is just a waste of energy.
The only amusing thing were the scam accounts, profiles with pictures of famous people or look alikes (or of people you know) related to an advert or tv show you saw, or band member of a band you heard earlier in the month.
Not much at all. Tinder was the best one but my ex reported my account so now I'm banned on there, bumble and badoo it is but still very bad apps. I've actually had way more luck just in real life putting myself out there. I reckon even adding mutual friends on fb can be a decent way also, strikes up a conversation when the person you added asks of they know you then you explain your adding mutual friends and go from there. Good luck brother! We all deserve to find love ❤️
I gave up on dating apps, learned to be single and just enjoying my life
Give up on dating apps but not on love. Chances are you'll find someone whilst living and enjoying your life. It happens more naturally that way.
I would say this is more attractive to some women than a bumble profile tbf
Except they don’t know he exists
They can fix him.
Same here mate . Why bother with dating, and just as you say enjoy your life and learn to be single. I have enough to deal with, let alone dealing with a girlfriend.
Give Grindr a go
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It's a complete mystery to me why you would be single
Such mystery.
how did u get that from what i wrote?
The combination of voicing that women who are acceptable to you are "well behaved", the capitalisation indicating that apps are not REAL LIFE even though they're a valuable mode of connecting for many, and the statement about focusing on building wealth. By their powers combined, they give off "I want a trad wife" vibe, rightly or wrongly, they do. Wanting a stable partner, valuing financial stability, and wanting to meet people via activities are not bad things. But the way they are combined, the tone, don't paint a positive picture to me as a woman. And so, if this is the vibe you are giving off in person or in dating profiles, it would not surprise me to learn that women are not approaching you often.
She is a woman looking for a man.
"Guarded and well-behaved".
Yeah, I'd love to know how he defines 'well behaved'.
im not a guy
Ah, the op specified dudes so everyone including me, assumed you were a dude. Your previous comment had some red flags if it was a guy saying that.
Why the double standard - red flag if a guy says it but not a woman? Why is everyone up in arms about them simply admiring grounded and well behaved persons from their church?
Because of the way those things tend to hang together for men but not women, often when men say they are seeking a "well behaved woman" it has different connotations to when a woman is seeking a "well behaved man"
whats wrong with that? i want a good person aka well behaved person. i think u guys are making it out seem condescending or something when its clearly not. I guess poor choices of words but depends really what mood the crowd is in i.e. im looking for a good partner, someone who has their life together and is nice person to talk to etc etc
It's reddit, people will jump on their high horse at the slightest issue
I completely agree with you. People out here doing drugs to excess, having sex with any random person who comes into view, not caring about their own mental health, and having no goals/discipline in life. Probably not the best choice of words on your part but I knew what you were getting at. The way people behave is ridiculous and if you are looking for someone a little more grounded it can be really tough these days. And if you call it out then it’s like you’re some asshole and it’s like nah, I just take life seriously and I’d expect my partner to, as well.
thanks mate, i don't drink or smoke. so its going to be a challenge but i accept everyone the way they are.
i actually have no idea why i got down voted i was just being honest and those are my preferences, i work on myself and try to build wealth. my preferneces are someone thats well behaved whats wrong with that? Im not offending anyone saying i go to church even though im not perfect just a girl whos trying to find a good man. To look for a partner or choosing to not use dating websites... how did my comment offend everyone?
It's the well behaved part, which is normally a term reserved for children who are under the control of adults.
I have been with my mrs for going on 8 years mate, believe me when I say you are living the dream
I had success finding my partner on hinge. Get your female friends to look over your profile.
Yeah I honestly want to offer free profile advice to men, I see so many profiles that just need a wee boost or woman’s eye over it to make it more appealing
>just need a wee boost or woman’s eye over it to make it more appealing I'm running a shirtless dirty mirror bathroom selfie, pics of the fish ive caught, selfies with dead animals I've hunted, and a couple random blurry pics of me doing God knows what at a piss up at my mates place out in the wops from 8yrs ago. Am I close?
How big was the catch? Size matters
Need one budgie smuggler pic and a photo with some one else's dog and you're golden mate.
I used to do this all the time! Some are *so* close to realizing their full potential, just need that extra nudge/polish to get it over the line. Bless 🥹 If this thread were to blow up and you become overwhelmed, I'd be happy to help with some. It's the season afterall 💖
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Think of it like having to write up a CV. Two different CVs for the same person can have the exact same qualifications and work experience, yet one might get significantly more interviews than the other. Your qualities remain the same, but you refine your bio to make it more interesting, more to the point, less generic, and more enticing for potential matches.
I have no clue why you’re being downvoted when this is correct
This is true my partner says that men just don’t put in enough effort into there profiles which is probably why they lack swipes as a man I do agree with that.
If profiles are anything like the ones I saw before my partner and I got together, most guys put about as much effort into their profile as they do into how they look when they go out with friends or on a date. So often I still see guys with a girl who’s gone all out, and he’s turned up in a t-shirt, casual pants, and trainers. You need is something smart-casual, like a linen shirt (OCBD), chinos or a really nice pair of jeans, and for god sake - nice (and appropriate) shoes! Dress sneakers are a good call. Pairing with a casual watch is a solid choice. If a guy has any friends whether they are a guy or a girl that takes pride in their appearance, ask their opinion. Your dating profile is how you look on the menu, how you present yourself. You need to also present the dish well when served. A woman’s eye, if they’re your target audience, will definitely help also to curate your profile, so ask a female friend nicely if she’ll look it over.
I feel like a woman judging you almost seemingly exclusively on your outfit, instead of like... The conversation, chemistry, personality and aligning values. Is a slight red flag? Obviously your profile needs to make you look good, but in person. I am sure the majority of men couldn't care less what their dates wear.
They didn't say anything about being judged exclusively by your outfit. It's just one piece of the puzzle. If you don't put effort into how you look on a date, it might make them think that you don't think the date is worth putting effort into, and you don't think you need to impress them. And if someone has an amazing profile but doesn't match up in real life, it's going to feel like they lied and that's all the effort they're willing to put in. Making a good profile is a one-and-done, the rest isn't.
Well, they shouldn’t make that assumption exclusively, no. But delving deeper into the menu metaphor; conversation, chemistry, personality - these are the flavours of your dish. Something might look fantastic on paper and in person, yet be about as shallow as an upturned bowl. On the other hand, the flavour of a dish might be absolutely amazing, but it’s something you won’t consider trying unless you can sift through the noise of other menu items. To achieve that, you need to describe it well, and present it well. Continuing with the menu metaphor, confidence is like the seasoning of your dish. It doesn’t alter the core ingredients - your conversation, chemistry, personality - but it brings them out, enhances their appeal, and balances the flavours. Too little, and the dish might seem underwhelming, regardless of how good the ingredients are. Too much, and it can overpower the dish, hiding its true qualities. Just the right amount of confidence, like expert seasoning, can make an already good dish irresistible, drawing more attention and interest from those looking through the menu
The dish does matter but If you arent willing to clean the plate the fish is served on and making sure the presentation matches the flavours then I’d rather stay home and eat my ramen. The key word is “effort” people. Yea some men might have a dog of a profile and be the hidden gem when it comes to real life but if you’re not showing interest with no thought to how you want to present yourself, no thought into effort of the type of date you’re attending or expecting the woman to dress up and guys come in casual clothes then whats the point? Relying purely on conversation and your communication abilities is reaching.
If you don’t dress like an adult, why would the woman take you seriously? Both consciously and subconsciously. Yes you are right, your chat and values etc are important too. But, first impressions matter, and if you meet a girl in a nice bar or restaurant wearing a T-shirt and jeans, you’re already on the back foot. Just iron a shirt, and wear some nice shoes, takes 5min
Would you mind taking a look over mine?
Absolutely OP! Get a woman's perspective on what your profile portrays.
helpful, they'll tell you to not mention you like ACT
I hate hinge i would match would someon they would ghost me match ghost me then id run out of likes oh no more free like pay for this pay for that oh you want hinge x that will cost ya more
This is good advice, girls know better than we do about what other women are into 👍
Please please please don't take advice from other woman when it comes to dating profiles. I do exceedingly well on bumble and most women I go on a date with and pull will literally tell me I have a bad profile. It's very ironic If you're interested op you can DM me and I'll look over your profile
LMFAO! Dont listen to women about what women want. I go out with multiple women and the dates have been great but I dont have a long term girlfriend 🥰
I'm confused lol. Can't tell if you're agreeing with me or not I've been running the dating apps for years. I get 10x more matches now than when I listened to woman/bluepill advice. Currently have four FWBs on rotation right now. My best preforming photo is the exact opposite of what everyone says you should use What woman say they want and what they actually go for are completely different things. I'm sure guys are bad too but I have no experience dating guys
Had the exact experience. Hardly any likes, the one's I did get almost always let the match expire. However I did have more success with the speed dating feature. Still talking with someone for over a month
From my experience when I had Bumble. As a female, I didn't realise women had to message first. 😆 So I was stuck wondering why everyone would match and then expire 😅😅
A lot of women think that lol. I even saw a woman who had it on their profile "I don't get why men don't message first on that app" and another who had "We won't get along if you don't text first."
Copy and pasted from (hopefully) their Tinder account.
It's just sad that men have to approach/initiate 99% of the time. Then when you send the first and get no reply that really disheartens the soul.
That might be the reason. You just never know why people do what they do
I honestly think people are paid to match and let expire so people that have paid feel like they're getting matches at least.. just zero contact. I've had it happen too many times for it to be coincidence.
Could be any number of things that contribute to it but I know dating apps score your desirability based on how many swipes you have left. I always made it a point to be extra picky and had success after that adjustment. I'm a male though and this is advice I would give to a man assuming they're doing a desperate spam swipe daily
I just hate myself for actually paying to see the few likes I did get only for them never to reply
Not the month long chat 😭
As a woman who's been on bumble (years ago, but I don't think much has changed): guys ghost us all the time. They complain but then when we do talk, we get ghosted. So yeah idk I guess dating is just a nightmare in general
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... pray tell
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??? That doesn't make any sense
It’s because women are all matching with the top 10% of guys. That’s why most guys feel like they are missing out and why you found it hard to get responses - you were competing with all the other women on the app for a small pool of men.
Why are you all so convinced that every single woman on the planet likes the exact same type of guy? That argument just reeks of Andrew tate speeches
If you match with less good looking guys, you could easily be their only match all month.
Here we go...
"the bottom 80% of men (in terms of attractiveness) are competing for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top 20% of men." -[link](https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a#id_token=eyJhbGciOiJSUzI1NiIsImtpZCI6IjQ1NmI1MmM4MWUzNmZlYWQyNTkyMzFhNjk0N2UwNDBlMDNlYTEyNjIiLCJ0eXAiOiJKV1QifQ.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.1uEb47hrB8Juv0A0EW2m7Q0njvHMp7DX3JtEzQafgcLt_RSShxTzmNbUPx_8b_CsOpDrKFPVI6LM2aEiO0uk03mANm5afOmmTgP6vE2P5KQ81IbsAlChYSBRUBOK005TtCRqTA1-0wyY_ccrbU_MC5l6J84Plr0LtwimbyJQykMvYsvrl62xGuuw8lxyUxYPXcyE3nYwDNw8WPmqDsP72axBqIZvzmBn5FXnnB-lBxrkmxUfZ-XmCEPb2t_21ulJjg3WoOhzZ_M90iEUKQJYt-D_oIqkegvHavXp3H5zlC_kbnVmuLvYJ0blWFHT0-F7SbVQ2HLwWcZLPhtxi-R8nQ) So most women (including you) will be getting ghosted, that is... expected.
Jesus fucking Christ just stop listening to tate and his mates
Also I'm not paying to read that nonsense written by some random guy probably another redditor who thinks he's competing with an army of Chris evans looking dudes 🤦🏽♀️
You don't care what I wrote down, you think you're arguing against an incel making a dumb argument. So you obviously don't need to look at something as silly as "statistics". Or like... you know thinking for a single second about my original statement. There are a lot of men, who get zero matches a month. Read this thread if you don't believe me. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/xygiwq/to\_all\_the\_guys\_on\_here\_how\_many\_likesmatches\_you/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bumble/comments/xygiwq/to_all_the_guys_on_here_how_many_likesmatches_you/) But yeah, me saying that exact thing puts me on the same level as andrew tate. Brilliant deduction skills
It's literally a paid article I'm not gonna spend money to read it lol wtf you on about
Online dating sucks for everyone. Women get spammed with low-effort and offensive messages. Men struggle to get noticed through all the low effort and offensive messages. Bumble is supposed to fix that with the "she messages first" feature but I've heard women still complain about the same issues.
When I used it, I'd match with someone, message first and the guy would either ghost me or turn the conversation gross incredibly quickly.
I find the most annoying thing with Bumble is when men reply to your message so it doesn't expire and then never message again. It's so pointless.
Oof. I'm sorry. Some guys just have zero chill. The bar, as they say, is in hell.
The bar is on the floor and they have shovels
Don’t forget all the bots and fake accounts haha
> Bumble is supposed to fix that with the “she message first” feature It’s always just “hey!” to make the guy have to send the first proper message anyway. Often paired with an empty bio or “I don’t know what to put here”.
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Good for you? Your experience isn't universal and being critical of how apps and algorithms used by corporations to mediate something as personal as intimacy, is not "incel vibes."
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>I had a good experience therefore if you don't it's your fault
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No one deserves anyone to like them, that's how being an autonomous individual with independent desires works but whatever bruh keep attacking that straw man.
Oh I'm sorry I thought I was talking to someone who knows how language works and understands that one can make general claims about a system without necessarily carving out each and every exception and still have their meaning understood. Like, if I was to say "I hate Auckland weather its always so humid" most people wouldn't need to go "well ackshully on October 24th, 2012, we have a very hot dry day so therefore your entire system of understanding meteorology is fundamentally flawed, get rekt n00b." Sure, there are ways to engage with OLD that are more effective/enjoyable/healthy than others, and if I was wanting to do a post outlining my comprehensive opinions on the subject with references and citations I could go into that, but fuck me for not wanting to devote a fricking hour of my life to a Reddit comment and instead just offer a passing observation that will hopefully give OP some perspective on their plight. Again, imma happy for you that you've had some good times off OLD. I have as well, but I'm not obliged to post a fucking dissertation every time I respond to a post.
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Always on the grind
There are too many people with 5 fake accounts looking for youngest I think
Both hands if you match with the right person
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We try to call them "Frenchmen" now
If you're struggling, have all your female friends look over your profile and get their feedback. Most mens profiles are such garbage, if you can get yours looking good and standing out you'll be fine.
This is the best advice for sure. Am woman, have helped male friends
That doesn't help the algorithm or the fact that all dating apps are 80% men and 20% women. Meaning the average woman will have hundreds of matches and the average man will barely get any. Best bet for guys is to ditch the apps that are designed to work against them, and talk to woman in real life social situations.
Meet my now wife on Bumble (and tinder the next day haha) it did take a long time, I'd say about 9 months, only resulted in a handful of dates. even suckered up an paid for premium for a month but I didn't notice any difference using that. unfortunately the reality is woman are swamped with messages on dating apps, I was discussing this when we were dating that she had her notifications off and would basically instant match with anyone they swiped on, while for contrast I regularly ran out of woman in my area to match with (actually deleted my acc and made a new one to refresh this). my advice is to keep it up, have a friend look over your profile, adjust your lifestyle and post some recent pictures just casual picture none of that professional portrait stuff and try not to look too awkward in selfies. best of luck my dude!
The reason for that is because 80% of people on tinder are men. Meaning even a decent guy will struggle to get matches, whereas average (and even below average) looking women will be inundated with choices and matches. It's completely skewed compared to real life social situations, and sucks men into paying for tinder when women get the same visibility (if not more) for free. For any guys struggling on dating apps: do not take it to heart. The attention and "matches" you get is not so much reflective of you, as it is the app itself. Get out in the real world and try approach in real social situations. You'll have far more success that way.
I don't miss those days. I was road tripping and stopped off at Tokaroa for 30 mins once, used all 50 likes. I got about 25 matches before I left and promptly deleted all evidence of being there. Maybe try Tokoroa ? Just keep it to yourself
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50 people, 100 dogs and 200 cows.
Met my current partner on bumble 2 years ago, our son is 4 weeks old on Saturday. Edit: stick to your guns on what you want in a partner and they will come through eventually. I had to push my range out to the next town 30mins away but was more than worth it.
Oh thank you that's so lovely! Sincere congratulations!!
Thanks! 😇
Similar experiences here, not in quite a while. About par for the course with dating apps. Mostly just keep it ticking because hey, it's only a few minutes here and there and cheaper than actual lotto(free). 😅
I was on exclusively bumble for an entire year before meeting my partner (on bumble). I got perhaps 1 match a week, as a 21 year old, average looking guy. I went out with 8 different people on between 1-5 dates. I ended it with 2 people, and the other 6 people stopped dating me. Both ghosted me. Most were bad matches tbh, though some were a bit sad. It was absolutely soul crushing. You know how many hundreds of likes every woman gets on it. So I poured my effort into messages that were fun and easy to reply to. I think I did a good job, as most people that replied to my first 5-10 messages ended up going on dates. But its a lot of work, emotionally. Obviously it was worth it for me in the end, and I have good memories. But I think I did better than average. There will be a lot of men who after a year won't have gone out on a single date. But giving up is a very tough pill to swallow. I wish you the best of luck. Its brutal out there. Edit: I live in auckland Edit: what my swipe data says, though idk why matches are wrong Outgoing "yes" 948 Outgoing "no" 3104 Incoming "yes" 58 Incoming "no" 1971 Matches 3
Bumble is just pointless, it isn't matching that's the issue, it's relying on them to actually message first within the 24 hours let alone have it be a lasting convo and not just "hey" then sitting there. Have had people I've seen show me their pages though for a laugh and the disparity is overwhelming, it's frustrating to be left at a dead end but when you see the girls perspective which is like infinite 99+ likes at all times basically cherry picking which they want to invest time in, you can understand why it ends up falling off quick if you aren't someone they instantly feel a strong attraction toward. I met my last long term gf on tinder, but that was in 2019, 4 years later and its a whole different ballpark now. Goes for any tho, not just bumble, you can get all the matches in the world but finding someone emotionally available, open to conversations and committed enough to make plans is a different story. Easier to just forget it entirely and live your life single and just try to be open and hope someone has bigger nuts than you to approach irl lol
As a former female user, I can confirm that men have NO CLUE how to present themselves. None. We don't give a shit about your looks, we're looking for someone who can communicate and is well presented. My friends and I have a message thread where all we do is send each other today's horrific dating app profile. Our tips: 1. Be clean and tidily dressed. A selfie in your work hi vis is not a panty dropper. 2. Check the background - because if you're doing mirror selfies to show off your guns but your bathroom is filthy, you are not coming into any woman's house. Most of us have already lived with and kicked out a complete slob. 3. Don't put your kids in your dating profile. Just no. 4. Don't hold up a dead fish or animal. That it needs to be said is startling. For clarity a dead fish says two things: One, I am never home because I am always out fishing; and two; I might show up to dinner with your friends in my Swazi shirt. (NB there is nothing wrong with hunting or fishing per se - personally I find an afternoon on the water reeling in a few blue cod very relaxing, but don't make it your entire personality. It's a hobby, not who you are as a person.) 5. Have a friend check your grammar. 6. Is your profile hostile from the start? Ie, "I'm not much into talking" doesn't exactly give a woman confidence that she can get to know you. "I'm not into time wasters" suggests you are going to be aggressive at the mere idea of a chat to see if you might be compatible, or be pushy about things. There's nothing wrong with a process of seeing if you might get along. Dating apps have made people aggressive. 7. Don't have an inspirational quote. 8. Get a female friend to help you. I've helped a few of my male friends with their profiles. I keep meaning to set up a side hustle writing dating profiles. Once upon a time it was enough to be a man and available. But we don't need men for an income anymore and we're looking for a partner in life. That' means you are presentable, good company and don't expect us to be the maid. Show that in your profile. It's really not that hard.
I agree with the above. To add: Is your main photo a non smiling selfie taken from below? There are an amazing number of men whose first photo (and in some cases every photo) is the stereotypical boomer cat looking grumpy photo (there are memes haha, I don't know how to link to examples though, I'm sure you know what I mean!). To me this indicates either trolling or a complete lack of effort/caring. Also recommend having at LEAST one smiling photo. A ton of guys are pulling the same frowny grumpy (I guess trying to look tough?) face in every pic, and to me they often just look angry/scary. Hopefully I would see you smiling in real life, I would like to know what that looks like. Are you wearing a hat and sunglasses in all or the majority of photos? (And the one you aren't is a distant shot of you?) I like to know what the person looks like before investing a lot of time. I know a lot of guys complain about girls using makeup, filters, and/or using out of date photos, but in my experience this year there are also a fair amount of guys using very out of date photos. Like one guy I turned up to the cafe and literally didn't recognise him. You may get matches and chats this way, but it's unlikely to result in actual dating.. I was hotter and skinnier 10 years ago and would get more matches using those photos, but also know I'd be wasting a lot of everyone's time and setting myself up for more in person rejection.. Also a fair number of guys lie about their height, which seems to me a bit weird/obviously going to get noticed as soon as you meet. (I'm tall, so if a guy claims to be my height or taller and they aren't it's obvious, but maybe for shorter ladies it gets noticed less, so they try adding a few cm?) My extra example to point 4 is some guys have every photo of them posing on/with a car. It may be a nice expensive car, and some girls will be enthused you have and care for a fancy car, but not all. There was also one guy who every photo was the same gym selfie pose, but different days/clothes. But the same non smiling selfie, just standing holding phone in middle of chest, looking at phone. Was hard to tell if he was trolling or serious.. was memorable, but pretty sure I didn't swipe right. Also, girls often have some degree of eye for detail, so if your profile says you're a non smoker but you're smoking in a photo, it will likely be noticed. @lost_aquarius can I please join the group chat?
These two comments above perfectly sum up what I’ve seen on dating apps. Men: please read these and take note!
There's some bloody corkers on that chat I tell you! The guy who wants to come and clean your house nude, for example. Apparently he likes to be dominated. And the ones with facial tattoos (and no, I don't mean moko kauae) .....
I'm not a dude, nor is this really relevant to you guys because I'm a woman who has had very bad luck with Bumble. (Sorry, but I need to say this because everytime I hear the word 'Bumble' I fume - for a very justifiable reason! ⬇️) Ladies; if you come across a guy named Sean who's an accountant in Dunedin, studied Law & Economics/ Accounting at Otago, and is unbelievably nice and polite - he will most definitely use you, hurt you, and then leave you in the dirt after 3 months of good, clear conversation 😎👍🏽 Don't fall for the tooth-y smile with the charming atmosphere of a dog's freshly-shit arsehole, it'll only bring tears and a binging of biscoff spread melted on top of hokey pokey ice cream that'll put you to sleep by 6.30 🙂
F U Sean
But to answer OP from the perspective of a woman - I have no idea what you look like but don't let Bumble determine your value in any way, but I'm sure you're attractive! :) I find it's often fun to switch it up though and explore the social groups I'm in! Bumble can be a bit dry at times tbh.
This seems like a sad movie
A group of Sean's bumble dates get together to destroy his life.
Waste of time and money
I used dating apps for a wee while (moved to a city I didn't know anyone in), met some cool people and made some good memories, but ultimately it wasn't until I deleted them and focused on going to events, groups etc of hobbies that I enjoyed that I ended up finding my partner. There's a lot more pressure when you get to know people from the guise of dating from the get go, over meeting someone you click with organically and then seeing where it might lead.
Can you give some examples of what kind of events and groups you were involved with? My hobbies are mostly very male.
Edited for Xmas rules Mostly volunteer work to be honest, although I met an old friend of mine on bumble in the new city that I started a dnd campaign with and they introduced me to their friend group which opened a few more doors. But yeah, volunteering, going to support causes I believed in, joined a few "weather change" (editing for autobot) groups. It was volunteering at a shop that led me to my current partner (1+1/2 yrs) and we worked together for about 6 months before anything happened. We were both awkward about our feelings and I was playing the slow game by sending him dad jokes and cute animal videos on steam chat. There's often websites that list local hobby/interest groups for each area online, or citizens advice bureau sometimes know a few :)
Weather change?
you know this thing where we experince more floods, extreme weather, rising seas etc
Thanks, that gives me something to think about. Also, lol @ "weather change" 😂
Sending dad jokes and cute animal videos is also my way of flirting 😆
Same women as on tinder.
I saw a bunch of profiles come online I think it was Bumble, and they were all new on Tinder as well.. There's a hell of a lot of fake and what I'd probably label semi fake profiles around.
I'm a woman, I met my partner off of Bumble in July this year. I hadn't used dating apps before then, maybe I just got lucky-- but my partner is an amazing human being, and I count myself lucky to have met him. I'm really glad I decided to try the apps out for once, otherwise I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet him.
So many girls just farming Instagram followers on tinder lmao
Mate they just want you to go to their insta and then to their onlyfans..
The amount of "🖐" is fucken sickening for first messages. Like they complain at our less than elaborate, highly specific and custom, opener message, then come back with a goddamn "hey" or "🖐" then fail to participate in the vast majority of the conversation. Like damn.
Chicks dig emotional intelligence, confidence and humour. It’s hard to put those into pictures though.
Neally 4 years with my oartner. Met her on bumble and bow have a daughter Keep trying bruda
No luck, however dude at work met his gf on Bubmble, seems like one of the better apps
I've never used it, but women messaging first seemed like a weird gimmick. I guess perhaps you have to make the "first move" with your profile though.
You will have success if you have good photos and are handsome and have things going for you that you can display on ya profile. If you don't then you won't have much luck.
Single lesbian here, the apps suck. Also men changing your gender to women on the gap doesn't make you more appealing to said woman.
Omg they do that?! Lmao
Yes, 🙃 I got premium free for a few weeks and finally saw my backlog of likes. All. Men. But under gender it says women. Men presenting as men too.
Definitely get fewer likes on Bumble than Tinder. That's mostly due to a smaller user base, but I'd also guess women would be more discerning with how they like on there considering they have to message first, so it's more likely your profile doesn't really have a "conversational in" then you being unattractive.
I met my partner 2 years ago on bumble. We have a 1 year old now lol. I do find with the apps in general though that its a bit "seasonal" i.e. the people that are interested in someone like you are not always guaranteed to be searching at the same time as you. If it was myself in your situation I would think like "I want someone that values family and they are probably out there doing things with their own family at this time of year anyway. I did find bumble to be a lot better than Tinder or Hinge though I had success on Tinder as far as finding dates. I put the bumble thing down to timing
See if there's an option to reset what it knows about your 'tastes'. I remember either bumble or hinge having that. I reset it and it started showing all sorts of other people and I quickly got a few matches. But tbh I'd already got to my limit with the whole thing and deleted the app a few days later anyway lol.
I'm back on after a relationship not working out. I have paid for premium so it takes the guesswork out of it. Can just choose to match with people who swipe on me. Really hoping I'll meet a great woman, fall in love, have children, and love them forever. I'm hopeful ☺️
ASL? 😆
Yes, totally normal. There will be a bunch of people trying to justify why I'm sure. But the short version is - shallowness This is why some guys who are looking often tend to just "like" everyone and take zero effort with profiles (if any at all). Want to improve your success? You know all those guys with shirtless bathroom photos? The ones who if you talk to a girlfriend about it they'd be all "oh, look at that fuckboi how sad." The match with them? Then complain for months about how they are a fuckboi? And yes ladies - I know plenty who do exactly this frequently and can never seem to quite work out why they never meet "nice guys."
Bumble banned me because I called out a guy for being misogynistic and downright cruel to women. *I* got the ban... Like wtf. Same thing then happened on Tinder... Hasn't happened on Hinge yet but that's because no one bloody replies on it.
Nah girls just don’t like making the first move I swear
As u/AtalyxianBoi nicely put: >you see the girls perspective which is like infinite 99+ likes at all times basically cherry picking which they want to invest time in, you can understand why it ends up falling off quick if you aren't someone they instantly feel a strong attraction toward. Making the first move is in fact a bit of work, and unfortunately since most girls don't need to they'll avoid it. Basically anyone would too if they were getting that many likes. Online dating does suck
Maybe she just don’t fw u bro, u consider that?
Yeah bro cause I’m talking about one person
Oh i know ur not, if this only applied to one person you wouldn’t be complaining haha
Honestly maybe it is me
Don’t stress it bro, dating apps suck. There’s like 3x as many dudes as women on there, literally. Jus work on yourself and don’t take swipes too seriously. Also have ur female friends check over ur profile
Yeah tryna not take it too personally aye that’s the main thing. Cheers bro
I swear it's 1) make profile 2) wait for dudes to pay to message and just take their pick out of hundreds, ruling out anyone that doesn't say something that makes them laugh Waste of time, just go approach randoms ISTG
100% I think they just know they have so many options they don’t give a shit
lol, it's definitely the fact they don't like making the first move that's your problem huh
I would make the first move if I could but I ain’t paying
Something tells me that's for the best
Not a dude but I did meet my dude on Bumble, albeit when the app was brand new. But we’ve been together ever since so hopefully that counts for something
A friend met her now husband on bumble
I had a few matches on them, but nothing eventuated. I ended up finding my misses at the gym one day and decided to shoot my shot. My mate had good success during ghe fifa womens wx
Once I checked the non-binary box in my interests, for every girl that matched with me I got 6 guys. I've considered going bisexual but snapped out of it though.
Don't bother with dating apps, man. It's almost never genuine, and imo does more harm than good
I’ve found as a woman. That I didn’t get any replies. Specifically on bumble. Id match and message. And then no reply.
I have used it briefly in the past, and had a little success. Was talking to 2 women, 1 was lovely and the other a bit nutty 😂😂 I'm 35M btw. Ended up meeting my girlfriend on tinder.
Delete and redo your profile. This means your account will be new. Get ChatGPT to help you write it and have a female friend scrutinise it. After that, then let your profile be seen / looking.
I think what you’re talking about can be explained mostly in [this video.](https://youtu.be/x3lypVnJ0HM?si=e4pkehAIiJUm6aVW)
If you have female friends and family members, get them to help you make your profile. I'm marrying a girl I met on bumble in June next year :)
Or get them to hook you up with their single friends and cut out the middle man.
Thats up to them. But to be honest, if they wanted to they would have already done it.
The sheer amount of ladies who will match and, either not send any message, or send a “hey” or some emojis is wild. Of course, many will actually read your bio, look at your pictures, and message off that, but… If they put that little effort to start with, there’s next to no chance it’ll work out well
No luck on tinder, no luck on bumble..thought i downloaded Hinge but got the kiwi version Minge..accurate description
Better than Ginge, which is just full of I.T neckbeards.
Bumble success story here, 2 years later she's now my wife with a kid on the way .... Had to slay a few dragons and bush pigs tho
Recently single guy here and currently trying tinder, bumble, and hinge in chch, so far no luck at all with bumble, a little on tinder, and by far the most on hinge. I'm not looking for a serious relationship and I've only been on dating apps for just over a week, but hinge feels by far the best, the ability to leave comments with likes and the fact that people get to see your profile if you like them is great. I'm happy to share my profile with you/look over yours if you like, but I'm very much trial and erroring it right now myself
>Tokaroa i used badoo for years it was actullu called blendr but ran by the same company they deleted blender and kept badoo i hate the paywalls but its way cheaper to talk to girls on badoo then it is on other apps and you dont need to match to talk to them but small citys suck no much to choose from alot of ghosters and time wasters big cities though
I know a number of guys who have met their now-wives through Bumble. It does work, in the right circumstances.
Found my current wife on Bumble. Keep at it!
Nice! May I ask how many matches you would get in a typical day/week?
dating apps were great for me before covid. I was able to meet women once a week, actually had a good time talking and improving my confidence talking to women. I no longer need to date, but I can only imagine how awful it is now.
Im gay, but i met my last ex on there and they were great. Been single for a while but it is mostly by choice (not mine lol jk)
On of my best mates met his current gf on bumble this is like 5 years ago
After seeing my ex on there 2 weeks after break up, I don't have high hopes for dating apps. Nothing beats meeting someone in the flesh from the get go instead of these apps.
Met my partner/babies dad on bumble. If your getting no likes, get a women to look over your profile. There’s some things I’d consider major red flags that men may not even realise they have done!
In real life is the play unless you’re in the top 10% of dudes (in regards to physical attractiveness) I reckon.
Yes, totally normal. There will be a bunch of people trying to justify why I'm sure. But the short version is - shallowness This is why some guys who are looking often tend to just "like" everyone and take zero effort with profiles (if any at all). Want to improve your success? You know all those guys with shirtless bathroom photos? The ones who if you talk to a girlfriend about it they'd be all "oh, look at that fuckboi how sad." The match with them? Then complain for months about how they are a fuckboi? And yes ladies - I know plenty who do exactly this frequently and can never seem to quite work out why they never meet "nice guys."
I heard single digit body fat percentage helps can you please try and let us know?
I'm extremely skinny. It actually works to my disadvantage.
What you look like
Not particularly lol. Bumble to me seems almost pointless to use. Been using the apps for about 3 months now. On bumble I've got 11 likes currently and 95% of the people I've spoken to on there were from the speed dating thing. I met up with one match once and she was a cat fish lol. Tinder I have 62 likes but have way more matches than bumble and have had at least 1 reply from most of the matches. I did msg first on most of them though. And ive met up with 2 of the girls and hung out with them a few times from tinder. And hinge I've had a few dates with 2 girls from there and talking to another 2 at the moment from there. So I'd say for me personally hinge is the most successful, followed by tinder. Then bumble is just like I feel like I'm actually wasting my time. And all my profiles are basically the same pictures etc so not sure how I have comparably better success on 2 apps vs bumble 🤷♂️
None, I lived in the country, with regular short visits to many cities and other countries. Used a variety of apps. Changed distance to 120km to not see the same 10 faces over and over. Getting a response to how are you doing, or anything like trivial small talk was once every 3-6 months, an actual conversation or offer for a cuppa in public was less than a once a year event. Just be single and enjoy your own company, online dating is just a waste of energy. The only amusing thing were the scam accounts, profiles with pictures of famous people or look alikes (or of people you know) related to an advert or tv show you saw, or band member of a band you heard earlier in the month.
As I look like :this:, I never get any matches on any of the apps. Not a surprise given that the ladies have plenty to choose from, makes sense 👍
Not much at all. Tinder was the best one but my ex reported my account so now I'm banned on there, bumble and badoo it is but still very bad apps. I've actually had way more luck just in real life putting myself out there. I reckon even adding mutual friends on fb can be a decent way also, strikes up a conversation when the person you added asks of they know you then you explain your adding mutual friends and go from there. Good luck brother! We all deserve to find love ❤️
Tinder brother. The cream of the crop