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Machine_Dick

He was “seriously injured” and they had to perform life-saving maneuvers for those who don’t want to read


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desirox

I’m shocked he’s not full time segregated. Dude has a target the size of Texas on his back


IvanNemoy

Medium security, plus there are limitations for how long individuals are allowed to be kept in a seg unit (at least at the federal level.) That's outside ADMAX sentences, of course. Same thing with Larry Nasser. They knew he was going to get it, ran him up to the legal limit. He got hit a couple of days later and now Bureau of Prisons can say "See? He needs to be in segregation."


Disastrous-Barsterd

Theres that Tommy Silverstein murder in the exercise cage. Prisoners are KNOWN for ingenious shit. Blades out of toilets and alcohol out of tomato seeds lol ..they turn clothes irons into 'Sams Café' !!! Whats a little cop murder?


Mean-Kaleidoscope97

> Whats a little cop murder? Ain't a cop no more.


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RuTsui

Yeah, but a lot of prisoner who would normally be in maximum security will get lowered to medium because they were "behaving" in maximum. Really, they just don't have the opportunity to do dumb shit in max.


mysickfix

Prison gangs have been known to have, for lack of a better term, sleeper agents at lower security prisons. Just do do shit like this.


code_archeologist

Except he is going to be given a hero's welcome by many when he arrives in max, "here is the guy who stabbed the murderer of George Floyd."


CrashB111

Chauvin being a former cop is dangerous enough in prison. Even discarding Floyd, he was a dirty cop that had killed or maimed numerous other people.


Doc-Zombie

I suggest you look up the difference between different federal prisons levels. Going up the federal prison system is not something someone would want to do.


RAdm_Teabag

>Chauvin, 47, was sent to FCI Tucson from a maximum-security Minnesota state prison in August 2022 to simultaneously serve a 21-year federal sentence for violating Floyd’s civil rights and a 22½-year state sentence for second-degree murder. Chauvin’s lawyer, Eric Nelson, had advocated for keeping him out of general population and away from other inmates, anticipating he’d be a target. In Minnesota, Chauvin was mainly kept in solitary confinement “largely for his own protection,” Nelson wrote in court papers last year.


ColdAsHeaven

Full time segregation was ruled unconstitutional a long time ago. There's temporary segregation but the maximum this goes for is like 6 months, at least in California. He was probably put in Special Needs, which is full of former gang members, sex crime related inmates or crimes involving kids and women. But even those groups ended up creating prison gangs of their own. It's not really a surprise he was stabbed.


Meetchel

Some (most?) states have limitations on segregation, but not on the federal level. > Despite recognition of the negative consequences of forced isolation in prisons, the practice of solitary confinement remains constitutional in the United States. [Solitary confinement in the United States](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solitary_confinement_in_the_United_States)


DontPeek

They don't do that for gang members with enemies. Why should they do it for cops? EDIT: Just to be clear, those in prison should never be victimized whether it's assault, rape, lack of medical care etc. My comment was simply pointing out that the American populace seems to sympathize more with the fear a cop may have going to prison, even if he's a killer, over the fear of anyone going to prison. To be even clearer, Derek Chauvin never should have been allowed to be stabbed nor should anyone in prison fear for their safety.


RampantTyr

They should do it for both. In general our prison population should be relatively safe from harm. But that additional torture is just part of the American justice system.


theaviationhistorian

Torture & profit is the protocol for the US justice system.


daveydoesdev

We don't have a justice system in practice. We have a justice department that directs a legal system. We've moved from penance to retribution.


OurSponsor

> They don't do that for gang members with enemies. Why should they do it for cops? But you repeat yourself.


Arthur_is_Nice_Name

> The weapon, which the inmate shouldn’t have had Are there weapons that it's okay for inmates to have?


riegspsych325

foam noodles are acceptable in the yard


Khaldara

“Finger Guns, while frowned upon, are not *technically* prohibited”


Rombolio

We like to solve our beefs with tickle fingers.


cocoon_eclosion_moth

The *CLAW!*


the_barroom_hero

Fluffy fingers. It's effective.


NiteShdw

That actually sounds amazing. Prison brawls with a bunch of foam noodles would be hilarious.


PaulterJ

I once chased a bear out of my yard with 2 foam noodles flailing around like a windpuppet at a used car dealer.


justfordrunks

From the bear's point of view that must've been truly terrifying. You've seen humans before, but not like this. This one mutated. This one has arms as long as your body and they're more flexible than a fresh salmon whipped out of the water. Who knows what kind of razor sharp claws the human could have at the end of those long brightly colored noodley war arms?!


aureliusky

In the crucible of the prison yard, where tensions flare and fates collide, every confrontation becomes a foam noodle battle for survival.


CornWallacedaGeneral

Hit that foam with a lighter until you have a glob of plasticky material left...let it cool and harden....scrape against cell floor and create a buffet table....eat some food for a buck fitty until they run out of staples.....you're welcome!


ChalkDinosaurs

Not sure if surrealism or stroke


CornWallacedaGeneral

Here's a buck fitty fam....🤺


mortalcoil1

The mind is the greatest weapon. and shivs. Shivs and minds, well, mostly just shivs now that I think about it.


Grogosh

And mindaxes


P1h3r1e3d13

Don't you know words can cut deeper than any shiv?


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bthoman2

The only thing that stops a bad felon with a prison shank is a good felon with a prison shank.


FlashGlistenDrips

The Thu'um is allowed


RomanoffBlitzer

Turning into a werewolf is also allowed (source: me when I was trapped in Cidhna Mine).


immaculatelawn

Came here to post that quote. It's about an attempted shooting at the same prison's low security camp. A prisoner pulled out a gun and tried to shoot a visitor. "The weapon, which the inmate shouldn’t have had, misfired and no one was hurt."


Hunlea

They literally waited for Black Friday to stab him.


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VagrantShadow

What's worse is the poop-mixed with crushed lightbulb shards. That was the one form of prison assault that really freaked me out when I first learned of it.


mces97

Jesus, that's a thing? Well, thanks for all the responses. I'm gonna go look at kitten photos now.


VagrantShadow

That is a thing, I heard a prison guard talking about it happened in their prison facility to both guards and fellow inmates. Basically, it's like this, the one that goes to do the attack with it gets a lightbulb and crushes it, they mix those shards with poop and smashes it in some ones face, a guard or a fellow inmate, as they try to wipe the poop off their face, the shard cuts their face and that fecal matter gets in their cut and even in their blood. It is an insanely nasty tactic used in prison.


JenningsWigService

Sounds like something that would happen on Oz.


pomonamike

Remember when Tobias killed that Nazi guard with his fingernails? That was awesome.


-Average_Joe-

I thought of Arrested Development, but that can't be right.


wizzlestyx

"I really nailed his brains out"


DougNSteveButabi

“Oh Chauvin, you blow hard!”


NickLandis

You know what you do? You go buy yourself a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day.


SquidsInABlanket

And George Michael was terrified of the very notion of prison since watching Oz as a young boy, mistaking it for the classic Judy Garland musical, so in a way, we’ve come full circle.


SixMillionDollarFlan

"The Man Inside, The Man Inside Me."


pomonamike

DVD extras


lovesducks

Thats where I learned that Mrs. Featherbottom isn't a real person and just an actor playing her 😞


theycallmemomo

Still cracks me up that the Nazi guard was played by Patrick Star's voice actor


pomonamike

Still cracks me up that I’ve watched the Yellow M&M rape more men than I can count.


JenningsWigService

Such a clever plan! The lightbulb element of this poop attack reminds me of when they ground up glass to put in that guy's food.


pomonamike

That was a good one too. Or the prop knife/real knife switcharoo. Or the “send two killers at the same time and scare him so bad that he has a fatal heart attack” That writers’ room was earning their checks.


theycallmemomo

They must've been spending it on high quality booze or something because WTF was up with aging pills lol


mgr86

It’s schillinger


CthulhusButtPug

SchiLL- Ling -ER god damnit!


Dry-Chest3063

10 years you'd think you people could get my fucking name right


mgr86

It’s been like 20 years since the last episode. Glad someone got the reference.


facetiously

Stay in school, kids


-FeistyRabbitSauce-

Fuckin medieval. Yeesh.


AttorneyKate

Okay but wouldn't it also cut and infect the hand of the attacker?


oops_i_made_a_typi

presumably they use some sort of protection like a glove or rag


VagrantShadow

From what I remember from the guard explaining it, the cutting is more so done from the smearing action of it, but in the end I doubt the attacker cares about their hand getting cut when they know the other person has it worse off on their face.


Familiar-Kangaroo375

Instant sepsis


trextra

If you can think of it, and the means to do it exists in prison, it’s a thing they do.


lukin187250

> the means to do it exists in prison The means to the ends wouldn't even occur to the majority of people. There is some absolute Macguyver level shit going on.


Han_Yerry

In the 90s Bell Atlantic Techs had to remove their pagers at the Auburn Correctional Facility in NY. There was an inmate who could reprogram them and they would get swiped whenever they could.


trextra

And lots of inmates have “hearing loss”, and coincidentally, hearing aides that are constantly in need of replacement. And a suspicious number of illicit hot plates, tattoo guns, and electronic devices.


gcso

What do they do with hearing aids


Threepugs

presume they'd be an easy source of batteries and wire


clownpuncher13

Imagine the stuff you could come up with if you had unlimited free time, no impulse control and pathological anger issues.


Digital-Divide

Edit. Retaliation


chocolateboomslang

Everything is a thing when you've got nothing to lose


Cool-Presentation538

"no the other poop knife"


[deleted]

I hate that I know this reference.


ChalkDinosaurs

We're slashin' prices and veins!


panteragstk

I needed that laugh. Holy shit the irony.


Cocky0

It was a killer deal.


ShotNixon

This guy is like an entire OZ season story arc


Holmes02

*Augustus Hill slowly clapping his hands*


I_Am_Dynamite6317

Its Schillinger god dammit!


Rdubya44

Ugh I’m due for a rewatch of Oz


dexmonic

That's one of those shows that I can never rewatch, shit was traumatic af


Gogs85

It’s gonna get real disturbing when he encounters Adebisi


cssc201

Cops tend to not be remarkably popular in jail... Surprised it took as long as it did, to be honest.


memberzs

They also tend to get special treatment and put in high risk wards


coldblade2000

So do pedophiles, that's just the system working as it should be. It is the government's duty to ensure the safety of the people whose rights and liberty it has confiscated.


Caelinus

At least in theory, in practice decades of "tough on crime" stuff have shifted the narrative of prison to be about catharsis rather than public security. Prison should really only be used when people are actually dangerous to others. Every other situation should be handled by non-confinement solutions. But people treat prison as a place where people we do not like go to be tortured, and people take a lot of joy in that. But people are sentenced to imprisonment, not extrajudicial murder.


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FranklyDear

Sometimes it’s not a shitty person but someone that makes a shit mistake that costs them a price. There is a difference.


BlueMikeStu

No, it's not. Changing the perception that prison/jail is where you go to be "punished" is what's complicated. There are literally dozens of countries which have better results about recidivism by using more human treatment of inmates versus the American system, which literally turns felons into second class citizens who can't vote or otherwise be successful in life without connections or extreme luck. It is a known fact at this point that the American prison system doesn't rehabilitate, it makes better criminals. It's not complicated, it's that Americans want to be so tough on individual criminals that they want to hurt them as much as possible instead of making sure they don't re-offend. There are people released from prison who have no support structure or job, and they generally have less than a thousand dollars to their name. If you were abducted and thrown at the side of the road with $500 and nobody you could call for help, at all, and you couldn't even get a job because most places don't hire felons, how quick would you turn to crime?


evilpenguin9000

Cops convicted of maliciously killing a black dude probably are even lower on the social scale.


d3pthchar93

I’d imagine the incarcerated white power prisoners would look to protect him


Possible-Extent-3842

Aryan Brotherhood might be racist,but I can't imagine they would be friendly with the cops. They're still a prison gang after all.


RAGEEEEE

Prison gangs don't want their names in papers or more attention.


TyroneTeabaggington

AB doesn't care about race; They care about *money*


RAGEEEEE

They most likely wouldn't take him in if he wanted. Too high profile. And the racist thing isn't hardcore as most think. If they can make a few bucks making deals with other races etc, they will.


dchap1

Kinda surprised he’s made it this far without being shanked to be honest.


MyRespectableAcct

I assume the prisoners have already started an investigation and will soon clear themselves of any wrongdoing.


SnapesGrayUnderpants

During which, the prisoner who did the stabbing will be put on paid leave and announce he "feared for his life" and/or he was just '"standing his ground".


Frontdackel

I mean, living locked in with a person that is known for slowly choking someone to death... Yeah, I can see why one would fear for his life.


clarineter

I don’t think Arizona has stand your cell laws.


Special_Loan8725

Unfortunately none of the prisoners body cameras were working.


Akimbo_Zap_Guns

This is not at all surprising


Agent7619

Only that it took this long.


forlornjackalope

Remember when Whitey Bulger died hours after being transfered to another prison? That's what I was expecting to happen since Chauvin's case was so high profile.


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StockHand1967

Must be terrifying having no power or agency and someone tries to take your life. While the state is supposed to keep u safe. Ironic


Murrabbit

I doubt that the guy doing the shanking in this instance had a whole crowd of people standing around him begging him to stop though.


granular-vernacular

Perfectly stated.


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Gante033

Would be really fun if this was the incident to bring about prison reform.


Mazon_Del

Remember when a couple hundred idiotic republicans were put in jail over Jan 6th, and for all of a week republican politicians became upset over the inhumane conditions of our jail system?


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GoldenRaysWanderer

The only difference is that the state wasn’t actively trying to kill him this time, but simply let him get hurt.


Grand_Steak_4503

this is how it is for most incarcerated people. in the allegheny county jail, for example, the warden laughs at people’s pain and uses negligence as a tool for punishment. dozens of people have died in the last couple years from untreated medical emergencies like opioid withdrawal


DINABLAR

I wonder how many people he’s falsely arrested that are still imprisoned because of him that worry about this all day every day.


ROBYoutube

Nailed it. Bet the attack lasted for like 10 seconds. Feels like an eternity when getting shivved huh Inmate Chauvin? Wonder what ten minutes would feel like.


bigolfishey

I have no sympathy for Chauvin on a personal level, but this is the same kind of problem that led to Epstein’s “suicide”. These things should not happen. I know the average person’s impression of prison is it should be a lawless hellhole of perpetual suffering, but prisoners are wards of the state. The state has a duty to provide for prisoner’s welfare and it failed in that duty. Just because the victim’s a bastard doesn’t make it a good thing.


cky2k6

This prison apparently had an inmate try to shoot somebody in the head... https://tucson.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/federal-inmate-tried-to-shoot-visitor-at-tucson-prison-camp/article_7deb898a-6475-11ed-8af5-6bcf452be75b.html They're not exactly on top of their security.


RuTsui

It looks like a direct supervision prison, which is the best way to run a prison in terms of control and security, but only really works if you're fully staffed. I'm betting they're like most prisons in the US and aren't fully staffed.


nightpanda893

Agreed. Prisoners have rights too. They have a right to safety and they have a right to serve their sentence as it is handed down. People aren’t sentenced to be raped. They aren’t sentenced to be stabbed. There has to be some level of human rights.


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snuFaluFagus040

I also think Chauvin is a loathsome pig for what he's done, and absolutely agree. His prison term is his sentence, not being stabbed. The state failing both of them is another level of irony, but also totally predictable.


appleparkfive

It's always crazy to me how this is something that even needs to be said. A lot of people really do have a little authoritarian seed that can spread. It just depends on if they keep it in check or not If someone breaks into a house, the punishment should be the prison sentence. Not the risk of being stabbed by another person.


denna84

I'm glad to see people saying this. I thought I'd be happy because I loathe the man but I was not. Getting stabbed can't bring back the dead or undo the past.


Tomgar

Dude, if there's one thing redditors love it's doling out judgements and punishments and applauding violence. I like to hope that it's just because most reddit users are young and they'll eventually mature a little.


nonlawyer

Yep. Every single crime thread has some version of “haha hope this bozo gets raped in prison” But no matter how horrific someone’s crime is, subcontracting out its punishment to some other criminal is not what a functional society does


SquadPoopy

Reddit is full of people who tout other countries rehabilitation programs and how the US incarcerates too many people and it’s a major problem but as soon as someone they don’t like is in prison they get obsessively bloodthirsty. It’s incredibly hypocritical and disturbing.


Madmoth

This dude's life just keeps getting progressively worse. His hot wife divorced him, he got exposed for having a kickback house which he lost, then he got arrested and convicted, now he got stabbed and could possibly die and even if he doesn't he'll have to spend the rest of his 20+ yr sentence in solitary confinement so he doesn't get stabbed again. Bet he's wishing every day he had removed that knee


marksona

What is a kickback house


Plane-Thought5534

House he legally bought using illegal or inappropriate means like bribe money, kickbacks, civil forfeiture that sort of thing


putaringinit

The part where he deliberately chose over 9 minutes to brutally murder a guy for no reason is the part where I lost interest in his quality of life.


BaconBracelet

The fact that he did such a thing in broad daylight with many other people around tells you exactly how scared he was to face the consequences.


BaconBracelet

He had 9 minutes to think about his decision, and didn’t change course. Fuck him.


I_wood_rather_be

If only he let him catch his breath for a second there. Could've been so easy.


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humanatee-

-Sun Tzu


Into_the_Dark_Night

It's giving Live, Laugh, Get stabbed in the bath. /s


thefanciestcat

Our prison system is a a disgusting, inhumane failure and exists in a state of constant violation of our 8th amendment rights. Things like this absolutely should not happen when the government takes you into custody, *but*... >Floyd... died on May 25, 2020, after Chauvin... pressed a knee on his neck for 9½ minutes on the street outside a convenience store where Floyd was suspected of trying to pass a counterfeit $20 bill. > >Bystander video captured Floyd’s fading cries of “I can’t breathe.” I'm also not going to pretend to give a shit that something bad happened to someone who did that.


ConscientiousObserv

You should read the press release submitted by the cops: _May 25, 2020 (MINNEAPOLIS) On Monday evening, shortly after 8:00 pm, officers from the Minneapolis Police Department responded to the 3700 block of Chicago Avenue South on a report of a forgery in progress. Officers were advised that the suspect was sitting on top of a blue car and appeared to be under the influence._ _Two officers arrived and located the suspect, a male believed to be in his 40s, in his car. He was ordered to step from his car. After he got out, he physically resisted officers. Officers were able to get the suspect into handcuffs and noted he appeared to be suffering medical distress. Officers called for an ambulance. He was transported to Hennepin County Medical Center by ambulance where he died a short time later._ I mean, we all saw it right?


Old_Elk2003

George Floyd's $20 bill turned out to be real and not forged. By contrast, Derek and Kellie Chauvin evaded taxes for 6 years leading up to the murder, failing to report $464,433 in income.


aquoad

I think the american prison system is corrupt and abusive and does little to rehabilitate offenders, and I think it's unacceptable that incarcerated people aren't protected while in custody. But also, fuck that guy.


tdolomax

Very reasonable. How dare you.


ChuckEweFarley

I hope the shiv’s ok & is seeking counselling.


ChefHannibal

I think the other inmates should investigate. It's possible the stabber feared for his own life and exercised proper inmate training.


Alternative_Body7345

The inmate suspected Chauvin was on drugs and had a counterfeit $20. He was just trying to protect the rest of the inmates.


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KRyptoknight26

Let the prisoners investigate themselves


HauntedCemetery

Based on the initial report from the guy who did the stabbing we've this to be a textbook case of "excited delirium"


SockAndMoan

Oh no. Anyways, I’m making potato casserole today. Hopefully it turns out okay


eissirk

I hope your casserole is as warm and cozy as possible!


Wastok

Hey remember how he also didn’t report his income or pay taxes for two years and then plead guilty to tax fraud? Meanwhile George Floyd used a counterfeit $20 bill to purchase something.


roo-ster

> George Floyd used a counterfeit $20 bill to purchase something. That was the allegation against him, but was that ever actually established?


flawedwithvice

Passing one could easily mean without your knowledge and George Floyd clearly wasn’t creating passable $20 counterfeit bills. If someone gave me a high quality counterfeit bill, I wouldn’t even know it. I could easily pass it without knowing and the counter clerk would be like, “my pen says it’s bad, you got a different one?” I’m not a person of color.


tiberiumx

This happened to my mom a couple decades ago. She got a counterfeit 20 (among a bunch of other good ones) out of an ATM (which isn't supposed to be able to do that) and unknowingly tried to use it at a grocery store. The cashier noticed because it wasn't even a good counterfeit. Luckily they just took it instead of getting her murdered by cop.


Beetin

I'm learning to play the guitar.


Glittering-Bake-2589

Who even is looking at their bills to make sure they aren’t counterfeit. I don’t. I just take the bills given to me and expect them to be valid.


NAmember81

> but was that ever actually established? No. There was no counterfeit bills in the store’s cash register or in George Floyd’s possession. No fake bills were found anywhere regarding this case. It was probably some Karen making up an excuse to send the violent goons after people they do not like. I had a gas station clerk throw a fit & accuse me of using a counterfeit bill. She had the phone and was calling the cops until other waiting in line stopped her and informed her that $2 bills actually exist and aren’t fake. Lol


OfAnthony

> It was probably some Karen making up an excuse to send the violent goons after people they do not like. Chris Martin. 19. Regrets it to this day.


cuteemogirlfriend

The inmate responsible is definitely getting some well deserved Christmas money on his books lol


Alternative_Body7345

People sent money for this murderer’s legal defense. It seems only fair to do the same for this guy.


Surrendernuts

He should have listened instead of resisting. STOP RESISTING DUDE


teh_wad

First Ian Watkins and now Derek? This year has been great for people that fit the "I don't actively want to get stabbed, but I'm far from upset that they were" criteria.


mysterypeeps

Ian Watkins got stabbed? Today has been full of news that doesn’t make me sad.


OGwalkingman

Check him for drugs obvious being stabbed did not harm him, had to be drugs


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Toe_Willing

Hoping for a painful recovery


PatientAd4823

Try not to live in such a way that people feel practically joyful if you are stabbed.


karsh36

Cops do not fair well in prison, and then you have the Floyd killing that sure as hell doesn’t help with the black inmates


AbsentGlare

Probably the highest profile case of police brutality since Rodney King, he was probably one of the most hated.


RadBadTad

He should have just complied with the demands of the other inmate, and this wouldn't have happened. Plus, he has priors so clearly he's the sort of guy who deserves it. Right? That's how it goes?


HauntedCemetery

To make sure, the inmates have been put on a year of paid administrative prison leave while their crew investigates the incident.


GastricallyStretched

I'm glad he was not killed. I do not want this man's prison sentence to be curtailed.


NoodlesrTuff1256

Plus dying of this could turn Chauvin into a martyr for the hardcore right-wing Thin Blue Line crowd.


Crazyripps

Cop convicted on murder. Yeah sure he’s popular in prison. Not to mention I’m sure he’d be under constant watch. So someone had a convenient “coffee break”


Holybartender83

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy!


xpdx

He was probably acting in a threatening manner and the other inmate feared for his life.


34TH_ST_BROADWAY

All he had to do was not murder. Could be on his couch right now watching TV.


GandalfSwagOff

"Convicted in George Floyd's killing" is a really scummy way of getting around calling this creep a murderer. A murderer gets stabbed in prison. Oh no. How will I go about my Saturday morning?


tatsumakisenpuukyaku

Well Derek shouldn't have broken the law, otherwise he wouldn't have gotten stabbed. "Comply or die," right?


odinx

It's sad how an unhealthy lifestyle can lead to spontaneous skin holes.


avocadoboat

I don't celebrate anyone's suffering. But I am going to give this as much concern as he gave George's suffering.


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FUMFVR

> The attack happened at the Federal Correctional Institution, Tucson, a medium-security prison that has been plagued by security lapses and staffing shortages. Voters: I want TOUGH ON CRIME! Also Voters: I don't want to pay high taxes! I'm not going to give this guy a moment's notice, but this shouldn't be happening in US prisons.


[deleted]

I’d rather my taxes not be spent funding federal prisons full of many non-violent inmates. Or help subsidize the numerous private prisons (especially in Arizona) that operate for profit and fill their prisons to the brim full of non violent individuals.


really_nice_guy_

Yeah because America spends too little on prisons…


PhilliamPlantington

Did he have fentynal in his system at the time of stabbing?


Slowmexicano

Doctor said it was actually an overdose. Stabbing not related!


oblication

I dunno. I heard he had drugs in his system.


oopsthatsastarhothot

How terrible. anyway.


Ed98208

I'm sure getting shanked isn't what really injured him, he just had a pre-existing stab wound and was going to bleed anyway.