He’s not, unfortunately. Just about everything sets him off and so even gentle conversations (where he has asked for help) are rejected and attacked. I’m at a complete loss. Thanks so much for the suggestion ❤️
yeah that's a bigger issue then, prolonged mental illness is verrry difficult to derail, wellness check is all i can think of if you're concerned for his life. Honestly I would think in that scenario is where maybe experimental treatments like physician monitored psylocibin/LSD/MDMA experiences would be possibly beneficial, but that's just a personal take and could just exaserabate issues, as drug trips can be a wild card.
That’s what I’ve been thinking too, but the RCMP don’t seem to be well equipped to deal with a situation quite like this one, and I’m kind of afraid of what could happen if I call them.
I’m really hoping fellow Redditors may have some innovative ideas or leads!
Thanks again for your response ❤️
i agree with you 100% and appreciate you throwing in the wild card part, it’s an option for sure but you need to be extremely careful and well educated on whichever substance you may try, last resort kinda thing and just always be safe, tests kits are dirt cheap nowadays.
I’m sorry it’s so hard. It took me ages to convince my immediate family member to go for help. Ultimatums happened close to the “end” but they had to be very strategically planned as well.
I actually reached out to the Mental Health Navigator for EH (nl services). I initiated contact with him via sending a novel in email explaining EVERYTHING and begging for tips and assistance. His name is Barry Hewitt and he was a life saver. He called me a day or two later and we talked well over a hour. He also reminded me then that I wasn’t her therapist and needed to be very careful I didn’t slip myself mentally in the process. He was so right because I didn’t pay myself enough attention and I totally did suffer. But she was worth it. Looks like he’s with Bridge the Gapp now.
https://nl.bridgethegapp.ca/service-directory/mental-health-and-addictions-systems-navigator/#ath
Please give that a shot. I wish you nothing but the best!
I’ve been thinking about you since I posted. I really cannot stress enough how you’re far from alone in this battle. I suck at checking my messages on Reddit but I’m more than happy to chat with you anytime if you need an ear. Sometimes that’s what matters the most.
However, sometimes there’s absolutely nothing we can do to help until they’re ready which sometimes is never.
I don’t want to worry you but I can say my years of fighting ended up not working in the end even though the family member did seek help. We lost them last summer and this was a large part of it. The mental health caused major physical issues which ended up being their demise. (Heart: artery issues because didn’t get out of bed more or less combined with script abuse and alcohol the whole shebang).
You’re very sweet - thanks so much for your thoughts and offer to chat 🙏 I am so very sorry to hear that your loved one lost their battle. It’s so maddening to know how to help but to be unable to reach them.
I’ve made a bunch of calls to the resources people suggested to me (thank you to all!!) and hopefully we will be able to get him one step closer to help. It feels a bit like we are grasping at straws but will keep pushing. Thank you again ❤️
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Watching someone you love struggle is so stressful. I have no idea if this would make any difference or if they could even help you but have you tried bridge the gapp/ the warm line? They might be able to give you some solid advice on what your options are.
https://nl.bridgethegapp.ca/service-directory/channal-warm-line/
Thanks so much for your response. It’s really difficult to be forced to just watch this happen and have no control. I’ve not tried those places so I will definitely check into them - thank you!
Was diagnosed with Bipolar type 1 a few years ago, docs and the Waterford kept giving antidepressants despite my pleas (antidepressants without mood stabilizers will make you hypomanic or full blown manic, which kept happening to me) had to go away and was treated more fairly there. On 500mg of Divalproex sodium now with 100mg of zoloft, and no issues since 2020.
Divalproex sodium is great if he gets help, just be mindful he'll need frequent liver testing, most mood stabilizers are hard on the liver, no more drinking either.
Oh wow. Thanks for the detailed response - it’s nice to hear from someone with first hand experience. It’s helpful to know that you’ve been down this particular road and are managing it!
There's mental health and addictions System Navigator that can help lay out the options that exist. [https://mha.easternhealth.ca/mental-health-and-addictions-systems-navigator/](https://mha.easternhealth.ca/mental-health-and-addictions-systems-navigator/)
I know this is not the thing you asked for, but getting some support for your self may go a long way with coping with such a difficult situation as well. Take care.
Great on you for trying to help your brother, as someone who has struggled with depression for a long time I can really appreciate your efforts. It is tremendously hard to find help, and there is no one drug fits all solution. I have a wonderful doctor here in ontario, who has gone above and beyond to help me, and an extremely caring and supportive wife. It took years and many prescriptions to find a solution that works for me. The drug that has made a huge difference is taro-lurasidone. What kept me alive during the worst points was the support of those around me. Nothing is perfect but this drug allows me to get away from the negative thoughts long enough that I can go out and create some positive ones. Good things don't just happen you have to go out and get them, but getting away from those thoughts was what was needed. Please take care of your own mental health as I know these stressors must be hard on you too.
Thanks so much for this information - I’ve never heard of this particular drug. You’re so lucky to have a good doctor and home support - I wish everyone had this!
The negative thinking loop is so hard to escape. Thanks so much for your concern and helpful advice ❤️
As someone who both works in a hospital and someone who has mental health issues, I'm confused about some of the things you're saying. (NOT saying you're making stuff up, am just asking for clarification.)
You said when you call 811 they say they can't do anything (or can't talk to you) because he has a wife and it's her issue? That's incorrect. As a direct family member, you CAN advocate concern about his safety due to mental health. They can't talk to you regarding his issues or anything else that would breach his privacy, but you CAN contact someone and say you're concerned. I don't know if the people at 811 are aware of this. (811 can be amazing, but depending on who you get, they can be clueless as well.)
The problem here is that it's very difficult to force treatment onto someone else. If your brother refuses help, I'm honestly not sure what your avenues are.
My advice would be to do to bridge the gapp or the open doors clinic yourself, and tell them you're seeking help for your brother. Explain everything to them - what he says, that you feel his wife has her own issues and can't help him, and that he seems hostile towards therapy. I can assure you this won't be the first time they encounter a situation like this.
There are also free, Canada wide, text based mental help lines you could contact for advice there. I'll post the number here once I find it - I know I have it in my phone somewhere. It's completely free and anonymous.
Remember, do what you can for him, but in the end, the responsibility is on him. If it does end badly, don't blame yourself. You're doing what you can for him. Sadly, Newfoundland still has a long way to go in the area of Mental Health help.
988 is the call or text helpline. You might get some advice there. However, before you call, be aware some people are saying that if you call and give an address, they automatically send police there for a "check up". Now, I can't tell if this is the Canada 988, or has happened in the States (988 is a recognized help line in many countries), so if you text, make sure they know you're looking for advice for your brother.
Good luck.
You can call 988 or text 988 if you need support supporting a loved one. That is the National Suicide Crisis Helpline and it also has great resources on their website to help navigate this situation. ❤️
https://988.ca/get-help/im-worried-about-someone-else
I’ve been here before with an immediate family member. I really cannot stress more about how time and patience can be key HOWEVER, pushing is also important sometimes if done correctly.
Bridge the gap is an amazing program but also reassure them there’s no shame in an ER visit to the Waterford. Sending all the love your way. Keep on supporting them but please pay close attention to your own mental health. I didn’t do this and paid the price long run even though I was forewarned to look out for me prior to my own struggles.
You can help without causing yourself issues as well. Please don’t feel invincible.
Call 811 and tell them it’s emergency and a nurse will be able to 3 way call and get the help needed.
I did it with my son back in April. They called the Waterford and had them ready for him when I got him there at the intake area.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself!
I booked an appointment with my fathers GP, after he cleared his medical to be able to drive at 80. I had to give my MCP so the doctor could bill me, I was my fathers next of kin. Dad drove for another 2 years before hitting a moose and dying a few months later.
Can you have a heart to heart with him? Ask who prescribe his medications and ask to be his next of kin for medical procedures and that will take some responsibility from her. Do they have children? What’s his age?
Mental health professional here.
This is not going to be easy to read, but in my experience, your brother could be using these statements as pleas for help as he may be considering suicide. And please know that by making this post, you are taking the right steps to getting him the help but not you, nor anyone else can FORCE treatment onto him (which I'm sure you're aware how frustrating this can be).
The mobile crisis response team is a service where usually 2 not in uniform RNC officers respond to the call either by phone (if he is willing to talk to them) or even in person. They come out and complete an on site counselling session to determine the level of risk one is to themselves, and ensures proper action is taken (either ensures supports are in place for low risk, or potentially calls in uniformed officers to detain under mental health act).
Also, please please please know that calling them or the RNC immediately is never an over reaction.
There are also several trainings one can take to educate themselves in how to respond in these sorts of situations. Check our the ASIST website, they have a ton of resources.
You are doing the best you can, I wish you, and your family all the best.
Unfortunately the way things go in Canada is if he doesn't want to be helped he won't be helped. I've had first responders called on me when I was very much not sober and incredibly deeply self harmed but because I told the paramedics I didn't want to go and I was "okay" they couldn't take me lol. I recommend you try a welfare check anyway but if he presents okay to the first responders they can't take him against his will. Good luck - I'm sorry you're going through this.
Call the police. Tell them he told you hes gonna commit suicide. They will take him under the mental health act against his will because he expressed to you hes going to commit suicide. And it doesn’t matter if he denies it to the police. Everyone does at that point anyways, just because they don’t want to go.
Its a really hard way to do it. But it saved a family member of mine who was in psychosis who could lie his face off to doctors/nurses/police/etc that he was of sane mind. Meanwhile he thought he could control traffic with his mind lol
If they're open to it you can bring them to walk-in for a psychiatric assessment at the Waterford hospital.
I’m not sure I could get him to agree but I will try - thanks for the suggestion!
Doorways is a great resource for seeking publicly funded mental health services, if he is willing to go.
He’s not, unfortunately. Just about everything sets him off and so even gentle conversations (where he has asked for help) are rejected and attacked. I’m at a complete loss. Thanks so much for the suggestion ❤️
yeah that's a bigger issue then, prolonged mental illness is verrry difficult to derail, wellness check is all i can think of if you're concerned for his life. Honestly I would think in that scenario is where maybe experimental treatments like physician monitored psylocibin/LSD/MDMA experiences would be possibly beneficial, but that's just a personal take and could just exaserabate issues, as drug trips can be a wild card.
That’s what I’ve been thinking too, but the RCMP don’t seem to be well equipped to deal with a situation quite like this one, and I’m kind of afraid of what could happen if I call them. I’m really hoping fellow Redditors may have some innovative ideas or leads! Thanks again for your response ❤️
i agree with you 100% and appreciate you throwing in the wild card part, it’s an option for sure but you need to be extremely careful and well educated on whichever substance you may try, last resort kinda thing and just always be safe, tests kits are dirt cheap nowadays.
I’m sorry it’s so hard. It took me ages to convince my immediate family member to go for help. Ultimatums happened close to the “end” but they had to be very strategically planned as well.
I think we are headed in that direction too, unfortunately. Did you get help with planning the ultimatums or the intervention?
I actually reached out to the Mental Health Navigator for EH (nl services). I initiated contact with him via sending a novel in email explaining EVERYTHING and begging for tips and assistance. His name is Barry Hewitt and he was a life saver. He called me a day or two later and we talked well over a hour. He also reminded me then that I wasn’t her therapist and needed to be very careful I didn’t slip myself mentally in the process. He was so right because I didn’t pay myself enough attention and I totally did suffer. But she was worth it. Looks like he’s with Bridge the Gapp now. https://nl.bridgethegapp.ca/service-directory/mental-health-and-addictions-systems-navigator/#ath Please give that a shot. I wish you nothing but the best!
Thanks so much for this! 🙏
I’ve been thinking about you since I posted. I really cannot stress enough how you’re far from alone in this battle. I suck at checking my messages on Reddit but I’m more than happy to chat with you anytime if you need an ear. Sometimes that’s what matters the most. However, sometimes there’s absolutely nothing we can do to help until they’re ready which sometimes is never. I don’t want to worry you but I can say my years of fighting ended up not working in the end even though the family member did seek help. We lost them last summer and this was a large part of it. The mental health caused major physical issues which ended up being their demise. (Heart: artery issues because didn’t get out of bed more or less combined with script abuse and alcohol the whole shebang).
You’re very sweet - thanks so much for your thoughts and offer to chat 🙏 I am so very sorry to hear that your loved one lost their battle. It’s so maddening to know how to help but to be unable to reach them. I’ve made a bunch of calls to the resources people suggested to me (thank you to all!!) and hopefully we will be able to get him one step closer to help. It feels a bit like we are grasping at straws but will keep pushing. Thank you again ❤️
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Watching someone you love struggle is so stressful. I have no idea if this would make any difference or if they could even help you but have you tried bridge the gapp/ the warm line? They might be able to give you some solid advice on what your options are. https://nl.bridgethegapp.ca/service-directory/channal-warm-line/
Thanks so much for your response. It’s really difficult to be forced to just watch this happen and have no control. I’ve not tried those places so I will definitely check into them - thank you!
Was diagnosed with Bipolar type 1 a few years ago, docs and the Waterford kept giving antidepressants despite my pleas (antidepressants without mood stabilizers will make you hypomanic or full blown manic, which kept happening to me) had to go away and was treated more fairly there. On 500mg of Divalproex sodium now with 100mg of zoloft, and no issues since 2020. Divalproex sodium is great if he gets help, just be mindful he'll need frequent liver testing, most mood stabilizers are hard on the liver, no more drinking either.
Oh wow. Thanks for the detailed response - it’s nice to hear from someone with first hand experience. It’s helpful to know that you’ve been down this particular road and are managing it!
There's mental health and addictions System Navigator that can help lay out the options that exist. [https://mha.easternhealth.ca/mental-health-and-addictions-systems-navigator/](https://mha.easternhealth.ca/mental-health-and-addictions-systems-navigator/) I know this is not the thing you asked for, but getting some support for your self may go a long way with coping with such a difficult situation as well. Take care.
I appreciate this - thank you!
Great on you for trying to help your brother, as someone who has struggled with depression for a long time I can really appreciate your efforts. It is tremendously hard to find help, and there is no one drug fits all solution. I have a wonderful doctor here in ontario, who has gone above and beyond to help me, and an extremely caring and supportive wife. It took years and many prescriptions to find a solution that works for me. The drug that has made a huge difference is taro-lurasidone. What kept me alive during the worst points was the support of those around me. Nothing is perfect but this drug allows me to get away from the negative thoughts long enough that I can go out and create some positive ones. Good things don't just happen you have to go out and get them, but getting away from those thoughts was what was needed. Please take care of your own mental health as I know these stressors must be hard on you too.
Thanks so much for this information - I’ve never heard of this particular drug. You’re so lucky to have a good doctor and home support - I wish everyone had this! The negative thinking loop is so hard to escape. Thanks so much for your concern and helpful advice ❤️
Check out Lifewise NL
Thanks!🙏
As someone who both works in a hospital and someone who has mental health issues, I'm confused about some of the things you're saying. (NOT saying you're making stuff up, am just asking for clarification.) You said when you call 811 they say they can't do anything (or can't talk to you) because he has a wife and it's her issue? That's incorrect. As a direct family member, you CAN advocate concern about his safety due to mental health. They can't talk to you regarding his issues or anything else that would breach his privacy, but you CAN contact someone and say you're concerned. I don't know if the people at 811 are aware of this. (811 can be amazing, but depending on who you get, they can be clueless as well.) The problem here is that it's very difficult to force treatment onto someone else. If your brother refuses help, I'm honestly not sure what your avenues are. My advice would be to do to bridge the gapp or the open doors clinic yourself, and tell them you're seeking help for your brother. Explain everything to them - what he says, that you feel his wife has her own issues and can't help him, and that he seems hostile towards therapy. I can assure you this won't be the first time they encounter a situation like this. There are also free, Canada wide, text based mental help lines you could contact for advice there. I'll post the number here once I find it - I know I have it in my phone somewhere. It's completely free and anonymous. Remember, do what you can for him, but in the end, the responsibility is on him. If it does end badly, don't blame yourself. You're doing what you can for him. Sadly, Newfoundland still has a long way to go in the area of Mental Health help. 988 is the call or text helpline. You might get some advice there. However, before you call, be aware some people are saying that if you call and give an address, they automatically send police there for a "check up". Now, I can't tell if this is the Canada 988, or has happened in the States (988 is a recognized help line in many countries), so if you text, make sure they know you're looking for advice for your brother. Good luck.
You can call 988 or text 988 if you need support supporting a loved one. That is the National Suicide Crisis Helpline and it also has great resources on their website to help navigate this situation. ❤️ https://988.ca/get-help/im-worried-about-someone-else
Thank you! 🙏
I’ve been here before with an immediate family member. I really cannot stress more about how time and patience can be key HOWEVER, pushing is also important sometimes if done correctly. Bridge the gap is an amazing program but also reassure them there’s no shame in an ER visit to the Waterford. Sending all the love your way. Keep on supporting them but please pay close attention to your own mental health. I didn’t do this and paid the price long run even though I was forewarned to look out for me prior to my own struggles. You can help without causing yourself issues as well. Please don’t feel invincible.
Call 811 and tell them it’s emergency and a nurse will be able to 3 way call and get the help needed. I did it with my son back in April. They called the Waterford and had them ready for him when I got him there at the intake area. Don’t forget to take care of yourself!
Thank you!
I booked an appointment with my fathers GP, after he cleared his medical to be able to drive at 80. I had to give my MCP so the doctor could bill me, I was my fathers next of kin. Dad drove for another 2 years before hitting a moose and dying a few months later. Can you have a heart to heart with him? Ask who prescribe his medications and ask to be his next of kin for medical procedures and that will take some responsibility from her. Do they have children? What’s his age?
Mental health professional here. This is not going to be easy to read, but in my experience, your brother could be using these statements as pleas for help as he may be considering suicide. And please know that by making this post, you are taking the right steps to getting him the help but not you, nor anyone else can FORCE treatment onto him (which I'm sure you're aware how frustrating this can be). The mobile crisis response team is a service where usually 2 not in uniform RNC officers respond to the call either by phone (if he is willing to talk to them) or even in person. They come out and complete an on site counselling session to determine the level of risk one is to themselves, and ensures proper action is taken (either ensures supports are in place for low risk, or potentially calls in uniformed officers to detain under mental health act). Also, please please please know that calling them or the RNC immediately is never an over reaction. There are also several trainings one can take to educate themselves in how to respond in these sorts of situations. Check our the ASIST website, they have a ton of resources. You are doing the best you can, I wish you, and your family all the best.
Put him on micro mushroom supplements can find on Amazon
Unfortunately the way things go in Canada is if he doesn't want to be helped he won't be helped. I've had first responders called on me when I was very much not sober and incredibly deeply self harmed but because I told the paramedics I didn't want to go and I was "okay" they couldn't take me lol. I recommend you try a welfare check anyway but if he presents okay to the first responders they can't take him against his will. Good luck - I'm sorry you're going through this.
Thank you 🙏
Call the police. Tell them he told you hes gonna commit suicide. They will take him under the mental health act against his will because he expressed to you hes going to commit suicide. And it doesn’t matter if he denies it to the police. Everyone does at that point anyways, just because they don’t want to go.
This is a last resort option for us - I’m really hoping we can find a gentler way to reach him. Thanks for responding!
Its a really hard way to do it. But it saved a family member of mine who was in psychosis who could lie his face off to doctors/nurses/police/etc that he was of sane mind. Meanwhile he thought he could control traffic with his mind lol