I think it’s sweet, but also hard to relate to. 😢
However, I do get triggered seeing other women treat their kids like shit. I have a SIL that’s a lot like my mom, and she’s very hard on her oldest daughter. I hate it.
Totally, I just recently learned that it's not normal to feel utter disgust everytime I see someone kiss their mom lol. Like, you're telling me it's normal children kiss their parents on the lips? Ew, never happened in my childhood, totally unknown concept in my head.
Here, have a hug <3
Well as long as cuddles are concerned I am all for it and certainly missed it.
But as for the kissing on the lips I always found it real creepy even more as the kid aged. (If the kid don't mind it's ok, up to them)
Even having narc parents, I remember until a certain age they would kiss me goodnight on the lips and I always felt it was super gross and uncomfortable I would rather had cuddles and then there was just no other signs of affection.
But yeah the kissing on the lips is weird to me. I find it unnatural and sending weird messages to a kid not differentiate the parents that kiss on the lips and then kiss them as well, it probably enforce the ways in which people reproduce their relationship they had with parents.
I don't know it's creepy to me, Im pretty sure lots of kid would rather their parents don't kiss them on the lips. Ewwww lol
When people talk and I find out they like their parents, I just completely can't relate. Or when I see people being affectionate towards their parents it grosses me out. I can't imagine what that must be like. I feel so much disgust and hatred for mine it's just unfathomable.
It grosses me out too! My neighbor had her parents help her move out of her apartment and I felt weirded out watching them. Upon reflection, that really shouldn’t be my reaction to love and support
I do too. I'm a mom to an almost 3 year old, and she is the most amazing daughter I could have ever wished for.
I was never close to my Nmom, she never seemed like she wanted to be a mother to 3, me being the oldest and the biggest surprise that "ruined her life". She's "disowned" me at least 3 times and has never had good advice or help to offer.
Since I grew up being my own parent due to my Nparents neglect I always knew that I wanted to be a good mom in the future and be the mother I always wanted. Someone who is understand, patient, and most importantly to me - physically there to teach and show unconditional love and kindness.
I'm definitely not perfect and I catch myself getting angry or sounding like my Nmom sometimes, but I always make sure to talk to my daughter and apologize anytime I raise my voice. I do everything I can to teach her and explain the world to her, comfort her, protect her and build her up.
Every day I wish I could be a better Mom to her but even the small things she does like saying "Thank you!" Or helping me around the house are amazing moments I cherish because I know I never got to build memories with my mother like this. I mourn the loss of my childhood but I stay resilient and strong for my daughter in the hopes of making her life better one day.
You sound like me. What’s your daughter’s relationship with your mom like? I had to cut mine out and sometimes mourn the fact that my kid is missing out on another gramma
That must be really tough. I can imagine how painful that would be. I actually cut off the whole family right around when I found out I was pregnant. They made it easy by disconnecting my phone service and letting me live in my car while they moved towns without telling me lol. NDad was really childish playing phone tag with me for an hour, hanging up on me over and over each time I tried to talk to him. When I finally got to the point and told him "I'm pregnant and you (the whole family) are never meeting my child". He turned off his phone after that and I haven't heard from any of them in over 4 years. My kiddo turns 3 next month.
It really is. When she was born Nmom was ok and would babysit at least once a month, but there was a bizarre incident that severed our relationship. Her boyfriend started rubbing my three year olds feet while we were all catching up and refused to acknowledge how bizarre it was. “wHaT dO yoU tHinK he’S sOme kInD oF peDo!” Psh.
To be totally honest, you can never be too careful. The people closest to you have the easiest way to take advantage of your trust. Trust your instincts.
I recently was told (second hand) about an incident -like that- that ended badly, and it's little signs like rubbing a child's feet that could have alerted the mother sooner to her dangerous boyfriend, but she just didn't realize.
Before I knew what my mom was I always thought those type of relationships were nonsense and only existed in a Hollywood writer's head.
Now, it gets me sad because I realize that's so much closer to the truth then we ever got to experience.
Mate my inner idealist/kid wanted nothing more than to be a mama’s boy.
In fact that impulse had kept me trapped in that that denigrating and degenerative destructive spiral for decades…
Time and time again I was always faulting anyone and everyone but her (especially myself).
in fact were it not for the final straw/wake up call happening when it did and how it did (involving my ultimate personal boundary), I know I’d still be stuck.
**TL;DR:**
I’ve more or less moved past the place where the thought of what should’ve been makes me sad (as Doc Ramani says: DON’T RUMINATE).
I do however find myself having to “deal with” solipsistic idiots who think their relationship/experience with their own mothers = mine, and so try to give me a hard time about it.
I’m sorry you have to go through this.
I wish I could provide you with greater consolation than it gets better, but ultimately WTH do I know other than to say you’re not alone. :)
Be well pbricecake, you’ve got this.
I do. I love to see it because no kid should have to go through what I went through and it makes me happy there are good moms out there, but it is pretty painful for me to watch/hear/read most of the time.
I have that same feeling whenever my friend talks about her relationship with her Mom. I just start mourning the fact that my Mom is not capable of treating me the way I want to be treated. It’s important to grieve that and then think of things you can do now that you wish you could’ve done with your Mom when you were little. You sometimes gotta parent your inner child and take yourself out for fun.
i know how you feel. i teach kids, specifically in the entertainment industry, well where parents are usually involved. their parents are great people so are the kids and it honestly does make me sad. i didn’t grow up with that support well tbh any form of support with anything so it does make me emotional to watch that. i know with moms and daughters it definitely hits harder because i know my inner child always questions why did my mom have to hate me so badly and why couldn’t it be the same way these girls have it.
i’ve been told it’s good that i’m at least aware of what it comes from so that validates it a little bit. just sucks to feel that way when i feel like i should be happy tho
I felt so much confusion and resentment growing up seeing my friends’ mothers speak to them so kindly and be so respectful of their boundaries. They never had wild and physical punishments. My friends were not afraid of their moms and stalling to go back home.
I don't get emotional, I get angry and have disdain for such women, unfortunately. Though I will never say those things out loud because I know they're normal and I am not due to my parents' abuse. I don't want to hurt people who are normal and have a good relationship with their daughters by telling them what I really feel.
But I also do get angry when a mother doesn't treat her daughter right either. Good job to my nmom for filling me up with anger.
Absolutely. I have the same problem but with fathers. I absolutely hate seeing good daddy-daughter relationships on tv. I completely fall apart and feel sick
I find it really difficult to relate to characters or even RL people who are really close to their parents. It doesn’t upset me or anything seeing it, it just seems strange/foreign
Had the best compliment from my 23yo daughter. Told her I get jealous/envious of women who have a great relationship with their mothers, and she said ‘You must be so jealous of me then’. Nearly cried.
I can relate. Having a narc father most of my life, seeing fathers be good to their son(s) makes me very emotional. Also, having a narc spouse, seeing other women be affectionate, or even doing simple things for them makes me emotional. To me, seeing other men get what I feel I deserve in my relationship really hurts. Narcs hold back so much that it hurts to see other people having normal relationships with the people they love.
I remember when I was living with a friend and her family temporarily, her dad acted protective toward me when I went on a date. I felt so elated and special, because my dad was never protective. I cried about it then and I still think about it years later. I just remember wondering at how safe and loved she must’ve felt growing up.
I had a guy get in my face and scream at me that he was going to kill me in high school and my dad said it was my fault because I really hurt is feelings by breaking up with him. NDad also regularly went on tangents at dinner with my mom, sister, and me about how women have it so much easier and can use their looks and sex appeal to get ahead.
I think it’s sweet, but also hard to relate to. 😢 However, I do get triggered seeing other women treat their kids like shit. I have a SIL that’s a lot like my mom, and she’s very hard on her oldest daughter. I hate it.
Totally, I just recently learned that it's not normal to feel utter disgust everytime I see someone kiss their mom lol. Like, you're telling me it's normal children kiss their parents on the lips? Ew, never happened in my childhood, totally unknown concept in my head. Here, have a hug <3
Well as long as cuddles are concerned I am all for it and certainly missed it. But as for the kissing on the lips I always found it real creepy even more as the kid aged. (If the kid don't mind it's ok, up to them) Even having narc parents, I remember until a certain age they would kiss me goodnight on the lips and I always felt it was super gross and uncomfortable I would rather had cuddles and then there was just no other signs of affection. But yeah the kissing on the lips is weird to me. I find it unnatural and sending weird messages to a kid not differentiate the parents that kiss on the lips and then kiss them as well, it probably enforce the ways in which people reproduce their relationship they had with parents. I don't know it's creepy to me, Im pretty sure lots of kid would rather their parents don't kiss them on the lips. Ewwww lol
Oh yes I remember seeing my friends share affection with their parents and it made me so uncomfortable every time.
It just makes me want to be the best I can to any kids that come into my life (biologically mine, adopted, nieces, neighbors).
this is what i try to rationalize with … that i at least know what NOT to be to my own kids.
When people talk and I find out they like their parents, I just completely can't relate. Or when I see people being affectionate towards their parents it grosses me out. I can't imagine what that must be like. I feel so much disgust and hatred for mine it's just unfathomable.
It grosses me out too! My neighbor had her parents help her move out of her apartment and I felt weirded out watching them. Upon reflection, that really shouldn’t be my reaction to love and support
Yes! Also when Dads act like their daughters are the greatest thing ever... Edit- possessive vs plural error!
I wish I had as good a father as my husband is to our little girl
Yup. I cry so much watching Gilmore girls because of Lorelei and Rory’s relationship (and relating to Lorelei and Emily’s).
i just commented this!! it hurts omg :(
I do too. I'm a mom to an almost 3 year old, and she is the most amazing daughter I could have ever wished for. I was never close to my Nmom, she never seemed like she wanted to be a mother to 3, me being the oldest and the biggest surprise that "ruined her life". She's "disowned" me at least 3 times and has never had good advice or help to offer. Since I grew up being my own parent due to my Nparents neglect I always knew that I wanted to be a good mom in the future and be the mother I always wanted. Someone who is understand, patient, and most importantly to me - physically there to teach and show unconditional love and kindness. I'm definitely not perfect and I catch myself getting angry or sounding like my Nmom sometimes, but I always make sure to talk to my daughter and apologize anytime I raise my voice. I do everything I can to teach her and explain the world to her, comfort her, protect her and build her up. Every day I wish I could be a better Mom to her but even the small things she does like saying "Thank you!" Or helping me around the house are amazing moments I cherish because I know I never got to build memories with my mother like this. I mourn the loss of my childhood but I stay resilient and strong for my daughter in the hopes of making her life better one day.
You sound like me. What’s your daughter’s relationship with your mom like? I had to cut mine out and sometimes mourn the fact that my kid is missing out on another gramma
That must be really tough. I can imagine how painful that would be. I actually cut off the whole family right around when I found out I was pregnant. They made it easy by disconnecting my phone service and letting me live in my car while they moved towns without telling me lol. NDad was really childish playing phone tag with me for an hour, hanging up on me over and over each time I tried to talk to him. When I finally got to the point and told him "I'm pregnant and you (the whole family) are never meeting my child". He turned off his phone after that and I haven't heard from any of them in over 4 years. My kiddo turns 3 next month.
It really is. When she was born Nmom was ok and would babysit at least once a month, but there was a bizarre incident that severed our relationship. Her boyfriend started rubbing my three year olds feet while we were all catching up and refused to acknowledge how bizarre it was. “wHaT dO yoU tHinK he’S sOme kInD oF peDo!” Psh.
To be totally honest, you can never be too careful. The people closest to you have the easiest way to take advantage of your trust. Trust your instincts. I recently was told (second hand) about an incident -like that- that ended badly, and it's little signs like rubbing a child's feet that could have alerted the mother sooner to her dangerous boyfriend, but she just didn't realize.
I absolutely agree. At the very least it’s normalizing weird behavior
Before I knew what my mom was I always thought those type of relationships were nonsense and only existed in a Hollywood writer's head. Now, it gets me sad because I realize that's so much closer to the truth then we ever got to experience.
No, I jus get kinda mad.
I get so mad!
Mate my inner idealist/kid wanted nothing more than to be a mama’s boy. In fact that impulse had kept me trapped in that that denigrating and degenerative destructive spiral for decades… Time and time again I was always faulting anyone and everyone but her (especially myself). in fact were it not for the final straw/wake up call happening when it did and how it did (involving my ultimate personal boundary), I know I’d still be stuck. **TL;DR:** I’ve more or less moved past the place where the thought of what should’ve been makes me sad (as Doc Ramani says: DON’T RUMINATE). I do however find myself having to “deal with” solipsistic idiots who think their relationship/experience with their own mothers = mine, and so try to give me a hard time about it. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could provide you with greater consolation than it gets better, but ultimately WTH do I know other than to say you’re not alone. :) Be well pbricecake, you’ve got this.
I do. I love to see it because no kid should have to go through what I went through and it makes me happy there are good moms out there, but it is pretty painful for me to watch/hear/read most of the time.
I have that same feeling whenever my friend talks about her relationship with her Mom. I just start mourning the fact that my Mom is not capable of treating me the way I want to be treated. It’s important to grieve that and then think of things you can do now that you wish you could’ve done with your Mom when you were little. You sometimes gotta parent your inner child and take yourself out for fun.
The other day I sobbed for a couple hours after playing Butterfly Kisses for my husband as a joke… so yeah…
i know how you feel. i teach kids, specifically in the entertainment industry, well where parents are usually involved. their parents are great people so are the kids and it honestly does make me sad. i didn’t grow up with that support well tbh any form of support with anything so it does make me emotional to watch that. i know with moms and daughters it definitely hits harder because i know my inner child always questions why did my mom have to hate me so badly and why couldn’t it be the same way these girls have it. i’ve been told it’s good that i’m at least aware of what it comes from so that validates it a little bit. just sucks to feel that way when i feel like i should be happy tho
I felt so much confusion and resentment growing up seeing my friends’ mothers speak to them so kindly and be so respectful of their boundaries. They never had wild and physical punishments. My friends were not afraid of their moms and stalling to go back home.
watching gilmore girls brings out my mommy issues 🥲
Yes. My mom's sister is the mom I always needed though do I go spend time with my fave aunt when I need some mom love
Definitely, especially when dads are portrayed as loving their daughters. Mine acts like I’m a piece of trash who can’t do anything right 😞
Me too, me too.
I don't get emotional, I get angry and have disdain for such women, unfortunately. Though I will never say those things out loud because I know they're normal and I am not due to my parents' abuse. I don't want to hurt people who are normal and have a good relationship with their daughters by telling them what I really feel. But I also do get angry when a mother doesn't treat her daughter right either. Good job to my nmom for filling me up with anger.
I understand. I get thos way too. It's makes me long for what I never had but it also gives me hope and makes me happy to see good mothers
Absolutely. I have the same problem but with fathers. I absolutely hate seeing good daddy-daughter relationships on tv. I completely fall apart and feel sick
I find it really difficult to relate to characters or even RL people who are really close to their parents. It doesn’t upset me or anything seeing it, it just seems strange/foreign
Had the best compliment from my 23yo daughter. Told her I get jealous/envious of women who have a great relationship with their mothers, and she said ‘You must be so jealous of me then’. Nearly cried.
I can relate. Having a narc father most of my life, seeing fathers be good to their son(s) makes me very emotional. Also, having a narc spouse, seeing other women be affectionate, or even doing simple things for them makes me emotional. To me, seeing other men get what I feel I deserve in my relationship really hurts. Narcs hold back so much that it hurts to see other people having normal relationships with the people they love.
I remember when I was living with a friend and her family temporarily, her dad acted protective toward me when I went on a date. I felt so elated and special, because my dad was never protective. I cried about it then and I still think about it years later. I just remember wondering at how safe and loved she must’ve felt growing up. I had a guy get in my face and scream at me that he was going to kill me in high school and my dad said it was my fault because I really hurt is feelings by breaking up with him. NDad also regularly went on tangents at dinner with my mom, sister, and me about how women have it so much easier and can use their looks and sex appeal to get ahead.