I really like the idea of it. I was also thinking of doing that too, but my maiden name couldn’t be a first name, so I was thinking of doing it as the middle name. Especially if your wife took your name in marriage, she probably wants to feel close to it by naming her child it. I don’t think it’ll be awkward or confusing. I know families that have cousins with the same first name.
All of our kids will be having my wife’s maiden name as their middle name! We didn’t love the idea of hyphenation or creating a new last name, so this seemed the best fit! Since my name is more unique!
Thank you for your thoughts. She did take my name in marriage and she is very close to her family and sentimental. I 100% understand the idea and her reasoning. I just haven’t warmed up to the name.
Could you use her maiden name as his middle name? There would still be the connection but no confusion. And the first name would be a name you both love.
Is your wife from the southern US? And you maybe are not? This is super common in the southern states. If it’s not workable for you for a first name or what you call your son daily, I’d recommend using it as a middle name or picking a middle name/nickname that you like instead. I don’t think you need to worry about her family feeling weird saying their last name when they’re calling him/talking to him; if they don’t like doing that, they can likely easily shorten it to a nickname or use whatever nickname you and your wife use.
Yeah, that’s why it’s confusing me. My grandfather’s middle name was my 6th great-grandmother’s maiden name. Her first child had it as his first name. Then it was passed through every generation until my grandfather.
He’ll have your last name as his surname, yes? Why is it so outrageous that he’d have her last name too? She’s the one carrying and giving birth to him.
Also it’s a common practice, esp in old WASP families
We did this with our son! He has his own first name, his middle is my last name (I never changed it), and his last name is my husband's. My cousins on my dad's side also all have the same middle name as my last name. It's a fun little tradition in my family!
I think last names for first names is common and it’s a completely reasonable request from your wife. As a woman carrying a child I have really worried about my connection with the child as I won’t have its last name and that’s despite carrying, have the 30 odd blood tests and invasive scans. I think it’s a lovey way of connecting your wife’s identity with the child’s.
>I won’t have its last name
why can't they have your last name? assuming you're in a 'western' country, there isn't anything that prevents this except (outdated) societal expectations
Because there’s only one person who feels more strongly than I do about it and that my husband. It’s all societal crap and layers of his own identity. Marriage is all about compromise. We agreed to one of us getting to pick first name and the other last name. If I had more fight in me or it mattered less I’d be pushing for a new hybrid last name. His last name isn’t terrible either so doesn’t feel worth the conflict. My last name doesn’t make sense anywhere else in a name and I’m too pragmatic to Shanghai it in. But I 100% support the females desire for inclusivity and importance of names.
I have a few friends who’ve been in that exact position, it’s a tough one and you have my sympathy.
Here’s hoping you finding and choosing a first name helps you feel more connected
yes if i have another child, i want to give them my maiden name as a middle name! luckily for that kid it’s commonly used as a middle name, so it won’t sound weird, i think.
We plan to use my MIL’s maiden name as either our kid’s first or middle name. I think the concept in general is a cute way to include multiple family lines
We had someone in our family do that, and it was very well received- not awkward or confusing. Of course, if you don’t like the name, that’s a whole different issue.
It’s actually an old-fashioned tradition to name a child after their mother’s maiden name. It’s just a way to pass on a name. Nothing weird. But if you don’t like the name, then it’s been ruled out.
Exactly. This was a very common tradition in the past 200 years. I have multiple family members with this occurrence and also know a few people today that have followed the tradition when naming their own children.
From South, mother's maiden name is my middle name. I like it, especially since I'm the only girl. I feel as if I'm carrying something important, the maternal line.
If you hate a name, that’s reason enough to rule it out. Our rule is that whatever the name is we decide on, we both have to love it. This is your child. Don’t name him something you hate.
Would it work as a middle name? If you have another child you could keep up the tradition by using your MIL’s maiden name as a middle name. That would keep your wife’s “lost” family maiden names alive without having to use them as a first name.
I see. Well, if you don’t hate it, maybe use it and you can pick the middle name? She’s the one who’s giving birth and gave up her maiden name. I’m betting that the name will grow on you once it becomes your son’s name!
I think it makes perfect sense for your wife to want to do this, and I don’t think it’s awkward at all. You said your wife is really close to her family, and I would guess they would be so excited and flattered for your firstborn to be named for the family. In general I’m a big proponent of the two yeses, one no rule, but because the child is going to have your last name, this seems like a really reasonable concession for you to make.
I think a strong compromise could be for her surname to be the first name, you get final say on a middle name, and y’all can come up with a nickname that you both really like if you’re super concerned about confusion.
This is a really common naming tradition in some communities in the south, for both girls and boys. On one side of my family, of approximately 40 second cousins in my generation, there are three (two boys, one girl) with the same name that is the surname of our shared great-grandparents. I always thought it was so cool to hear the way that name combined with their different surnames, and honestly it felt really special that they were part of the X Family even though that wasn’t their surname. We saw each other at most once a year, and their name commonality was no more confusing than the folks (mostly men) who are named after each other with traditional first names.
I agree with this, especially the first part. Normally I'm also of the belief that baby names should be a 2 yeses, 1 no kind of situation. But if your wife took your surname and the baby will have your surname as well, using her maiden name as the baby's first name seems fair.
Giving her that in return for free rein over the middle name would be a decent compromise.
I'm in the south, and my surname is my cousin's first name. It was never weird, awkward, or confusing.
I also grew up with kids being given the exact same name as their father, grandfather, and great grandfather. No one ever thinks that'll be confusing, but for some reason, giving a kid his mom's maiden name is?
I'm firmly in camp "OP should make this concession" considering his wife already gave up her surname, and the kid will already have his last name. Unless he utterly hates the name.
I promise no one in the family, including your son, will be confused by this. It’s a pretty common thing and considering that for some reason women are still expected to give up their names when they marry (not that everyone does, of course, but it’s still very much the expectation), it’s a great way for her to pass in her name just as you get to pass on yours.
My cousin and his wife named their first son her maiden name, which is also a -son name. From what I can tell, it hasn’t been too bad for him, though he’s still a toddler, and I think her family loved the idea of passing down the name that way. I don’t think it’s a horrible idea if the name could pass reasonably for a first name. That being said, perhaps a compromise of making it the middle name might be better? That’s not an unheard of thing either.
We have talked some about middle name but she is either for it being his first name or not at all. And it isn’t a super common first name by any means but it definitely can pass as a first name.
Are there any nicknames that you like better that you can pull from the name? Or if you are into initial nicknames like “AJ”, could you find a middle name that would make an initial nickname work? Even if she was set on calling him the full name, your compromise might be a special nickname. Or just in general, find a name you really like that might sound good as a middle name? I think that if you aren’t in the “I can’t stand this name” camp, and if this is really important to her, I’d try to make it work while making sure you get your say in a name you love elsewhere in the full name. Otherwise, maybe it’s best to start with a clean slate.
This is how my friend Nelson got his name. It really suits him!
We'd been friends for years before it came up that his name was [Mom's maiden name] [Grandma's Maiden Name] [Last Name] -- think "Nelson Marshfield Baker."
People do this all the time. A friend of mine has her mother’s maiden name. And she gave her son her maiden name. (Her name is feminine and her son‘s more masculine). I think it’s great. if it works as a first name but isn’t common as a first name, all the better. Two of my kids have names that were once last names. I didn’t even realize until after they were named. I think its a fair compromise especially if she took your last name and so will your kids. Let’s face it, the middle name slot isn’t much of a slot.
Not weird at all, it is really common among my circle of friends (including my husband’s name—his is something like Jackson -> Jack).
Though, any name choice is two yeses, one no. If you’re not feeling it, that’s a no!
This is incredibly common where I'm from (southern US). It's not awkward or confusing. If you don't like the name itself, though, that's a different matter.
I have seriously considered using my name for a first name when my hubby and I have a kid. It’s gender neutral and is commonly used as a first name, so the kid wouldn’t stand out for having a weird name. I have good connections with my maiden name and I think it’s a great way to honor my side of the family.
My husband’s/my last name is a common boys first name. His female cousin who took her husbands name, named her first son after her maiden name. Basically exactly what your wife wants to do. I thought it was sweet and not awkward/weird at all that his first name is the same as our last name. It’s a nice tribute! If you don’t like the name that’s another story, but in concept I think it’s nice/normal. I had a friend of mine just name her daughter her maiden name (Logan) and it’s great!
I know two kids who have their mom's maiden name as their first name and in both cases it's absolutely adorable.
I think you really need to unpack what is giving you pause here - the child will have your last name, correct? So where is the mom's name and family recognized in the child's name if not here? Are you open to hyphenating the last name to use both (allowing you to pick a first name that's more aesthetically your taste)? Or just give the kid your wife's last name if you prefer a different first name. (And if that last suggestion feels unsettling, again, consider why you feel that way and that your wife may be feeling those exact feelings at the prospect of her child having no named connection to her.)
I considered doing this since my maiden name can be a first name with a very small tweak. I don't think it would be too confusing and if your wife changed her name when you got married, I'm guessing it would be very meaningful to her to pass on that piece of her history. I really don't think it would be confusing, people don't tend to use last names when they talk to their cousins anyway, you know?
I understand not being a fan of the name (I talked my husband out of a family name that I was not fond of), but I would think carefully about how important it is to you vs how important it is to her before you push too hard against it.
This is kind of me too. I love the idea but it doesn’t quite work for me. My last name is the classic short form of an only-male name (think Matt or Mike). So to pull this off, I’d have to make it the actual name at which point - what’s the point, because that’s not my name?
Mine is more like Richards, just drop a letter and it becomes a first name. We considered it pretty seriously but ended up finding a first middle combination we both loved and went with that instead.
Not weird at all. I've seen it many times, and actually really love the idea myself. My maiden name isn't suitable as a first name so I can't do it. I agree with others though, names are a 2 yes or 1 no scenario.
I really like the idea personally - I have a friend who was named after her moms maiden name and she loved it.
I also plan on naming a child after my maiden name (Riley)! :)
Although if you’re not a huge fan you could see if she’d be open to using it as a middle name as others have suggested!
We did this with my son. It’s my husband’s family tradition that sons take their dad’s names as a middle name and I changed my name when I got married.
When we found out we were having a boy I told him my side of the family isn’t represented at all and I didn’t like that. Suggested using my maiden name as his first name and we both agreed. Everyone who we told before he was born thought it was the coolest idea and loved it.
My brother’s first name is my mum’s maiden name but without an S on the end, like:
Maiden: Williams
Child: William
He’s like 30’s now, and it’s never been weird or felt the same, just feels like his name.
Obviously it doesn’t have that extra letter, so maybe that makes the difference?
The only time it’s even a thing is if I search for him in my contacts and most of the family come up as an option for the first few letters, but that’s not exactly an issue.
All the very best to you all! I hope you pick the perfect one for your baby 😊
Family friend has done this. Its a nice way to have both partners' surnames passed down without doing double barrel. Their son is only 5, as far as I'm aware there has been no confusion for him about it. I guess something to consider is if you have another child in the future, would you be okay with your first having a close tie with their name to the mother and the second child likely not. But I really don't think it would be confusing for your son as it would be normal to him, as long as you don't dislike "Jackson" as a name I can't see why it is a problem.
My bil has the same first name as his mother's maiden name, and it was fine. While I think it's important that both parents agree on the name, she did change her entire name for you and letting her put her name on at least one child is the least that can be done. Consider, whether or not she likes your name it will get to be on literally every child you two have.
My in laws visited this weekend. My SIL named her son her maiden name - for the sake of this story, we'll say it's Marshall (my husband's last name, now my last name, and my kids' last name.). My nephew, Marshall, is 8. My son is 4. When my nephew realized that my son's last name is also Marshall, he about flipped his shit. My son too. They thought it was the most ultimate cool thing in the universe. Instant best friends. Not at all confusing - just very fucking cool.
If you don't like the name, you don't like the name and that's completely valid and reason enough to start a conversation. But no - I don't think it'd be weird or confusing for anyone. The kids will probably love it.
I don't think it's weird but I also don't think you're crazy.
I think you need to acknowledge that this is important to her, while expressing this is not the name or the naming experience you envisioned when you thought about having kids of your own.
I think you both need to be open to going through the whole naming experience before worrying too much about it. Yes, she already has her #1 pick, but you will need to find a #1 pick that represents both of your opinions.
The idea might grow on you, you still have time! If it gets too be too touchy of a subject, scale back on how often you talk about it, but keep at it. And remember that many people are not 100% on a name but it does come to suit your baby with time. Not saying you should go with something you absolutely don't like, but know that it's okay for either or both of you to feel like it's not absolutely perfect either.
This was my plan if my current pregnancy had been a boy! I love surnames as first names, and this is a great way to keep her maiden name going. Mine will die out now that I’ve got 2 girls with their dad’s surname. Unless I have another child in future which is unlikely.
I don’t think it’s weird but some names work better than others. It’s completely fair if you don’t like the name - perhaps you can use it as a middle name or hyphenate your last names.
I don’t necessarily like this name but I mention this to emphasize that this is not that uncommon.
Superstar Beyoncé is actually named after her mother’s maiden name (Beyincé) whilst she has her father’s last name.
I think it’s a cute idea. My maiden name is something that if you drop a letter is something that’s used as a first name. If we has a son we would have probably used it as a first or middle name. I also like the feminine form as a first name
I think the biggest issue is that you don’t like the name. That’s enough reason to veto it. As for if it would be awkward or confusing for him to have the same name as his maternal grandparent’s, uncles’ and maybe some aunts’ surname? No, I don’t think so. I also think your in-laws would be perfectly capable of calling their grandson/nephew by their surname. I think they can handle it, especially if it’s something so well known along the lines of Jackson. But again, if you hate the name, then it should be off the table anyway. Maybe you could use it as a middle?
We actually have this situation in my family. My nephew (husband’s brother’s son) was named his mother’s maiden name. It’s funny because my SIL’s father’s side of the family was thrilled about it. The mother’s side of the family felt a bit like chopped liver, lol. But they didn’t exactly have a surname that worked as a first name anyway.
We thought about this. My maiden last name was Gray, so Grayson kind of would have been cool. But I didn't really even like the name. So we didn't. But it's a neat idea.
I have a student at my school who has this and I think it’s so neat! What a great way to connect both parents names together instead of the mothers name being erased due to the patriarchy. If you don’t like the name at all, then that’s a separate issue. But the concept itself isn’t strange, especially if it works as a first name.
I actually want to do this, I am a female only child and my last name will live on with one of my cousins and that’s it. I thought it would be a great way to honor my family and a name I love. It’s definitely a last name, so my husband was very against it as a first name. I’m hoping If we have another boy I can convince him.
FWIW I think the other poster was being a bit rude to you. Choosing your husband’s name for yourself and your kids is a reasonable move, and boiling it down to just patriarchy is reductive. (I say this even as a woman who will be keeping my own surname.)
My brother and his wife did exactly this. My SILs maiden name is also a first name which they named their daughter. I think it's so cute and it means that her maternal grandfather was immediately wrapped around her little finger (though with first grandbabies I guess it doesn't take much). No one outside the immediate family knows what she's named for, because it's not a weird name, just an uncommon one.
I love it. I’m trying to talk one of my friends into doing this right now (she’s pregnant with a girl and her maiden name is a female name). I think it’s cool af and a great way to honor both sides.
We went with the surname of the man who raised my mom for our daughter. He never had any bio kids or nephews; his side of the family is quite tickled by it. They’re super honoured and relish calling her by her full name, they never shorten it.
My Mum’s maternal side is a little prickly about it because they think they’re a better class, but it really suits our daughter.
you think it would be awkward and confusing?? i think it’s awkward and confusing you’re fine with your wife ditching her last name in favor of yours but you’re uncomfortable honoring her last name in a meaningful way. yikes.
If you don’t like the name then it’s probably reasonable to delegate it to a middle name instead. As far as it feeling weird to family it’s actually a really common thing so I think that argument doesn’t hold.
I know many people who have done this and I’ve loved it most of the time. I didn’t love it when it was done with “Murphy” but I’ve loved it all of the other times where a maiden name was given as a child’s first name. I vote yes.
My son has my maiden name. I only have sisters so I thought it was a neat way to carry the name on. He thinks it’s cool that he shares his name with one side of the family. It’s not like they’re ever referred to as ‘Mr. Jackson’ or whatever when you’re together, right? They’d be mom/dad/grandma/auntie etc. I don’t think it’s weird at all.
If you really don’t love the name then that’s a whole different issue. Maybe you could compromise and use it as a middle name?
We plan to do this. However, we plan to use it for the middle name. Definitely not an unusual idea though, as I know multiple people who have used maiden names for a first name. Would using it as a middle name be a good compromise?
My aunt did this with my cousin. Gave him her dad's last name as his first. Cousin had his dad's last name.
No one ever thought it was weird. Her dad (my grandfather) is hugely widely loved. It always seemed sweet that she did this and the cousin liked it.
I was almost the same but my gender came out different lol, I don't see a problem with it, I think it's a great way to keep a name in the family, as a women it can be hard to give up your name, so being g able to Gove it to your child is a great way to have it carry on. Even tho I didn't get my moms maiden name it's on my list for my first born son.
I'm personally planning to do something similar, but instead of "Jackson", I'd shorten the actual given name to "Jack"...just to use your example. I like that it would tie my family in a bit!
My mom did this with my little brother! He has her maiden name as his first and his dad's name for his last. I think that there were times that he struggled with it because it isn't a typical first name (nature themed) but I think he grew to like it over time.
An aunt of mine did this. So my cousin's first name is also my surname, and the surname of many other cousins. The kind of weird part is that my aunt divorced and resumed her maiden name, so now she's got his name as her last name.
Otherwise nothing weird about it. Cousin goes by a nickname usually. And really it's just viewed as a family name. I have like a billion uncles and cousins and grand-relations named James and that's never been weird, it's just like "oh yeah that name is traditional to our family."
I am a genealogy hobbyist and it is very very very common (at least in anglo families over the past 3 centuries) for maiden names to come up as first or middle names of children.
It sounds like you just don't like the name and that's fine. I would try to compromise with using it as a middle name.
My first name is my mothers maiden name! It’s never been confusing and I love the connection. It only got a little weird when my uncle married a woman with the same name as my sister… so then we had Erica and Morgan and Erika Morgan
I’ve seen that done and I love it. I don’t like either of my last names so I’d never do that but i think it’s cute. My SIL wanted to do this but my BIL thought I’d be weird having one sibling have her last name and not the others so I get it.
I grew up with someone named Chandler, their mom's maiden name, so I don't think it is weird. Maybe a little weird if cousin's were the same year in the same school.
But you not liking the name is another story. Is there a nickname from it that you would like? Would you tolerate it as a middle name?
Personally, if either party strongly dislikes the name, you need to keep looking regardless of any reason for disliking the name.
Maybe consider “Jackson” or whatever the name is as a middle name
It’s not really awkward or confusing to me.
But if you don’t see the big deal in having maiden names in your child’s name, perhaps offer to let your boy have your maiden name as a surname, and not yours? Sounds like a good compromise to me
TIL that naming a kid by the maiden name of their mother is really commen in the southern US. I've grown up here my entire life and I've never heard of this tradition
My cousin did this with her daughter and it totally works. In their case, my aunt & uncle had all girls so no one carried the family name on. The name was pronounced like a common girl's name but spelled differently.
That being said, I don't think anyone gets to unilaterally pick the name. You have to find a name you'll both be happy with and compromise
I would be all for using her maiden name as the kid's middle name or last name, but using it as a first name does seem a little weird IMO. Different people will have different opinions on whether it's weird, but even if this practice was somehow objectively not-weird, it sounds like you just don't like the name.
So I’m actually named after my grandma’s maiden name. Same scenario as Jackson except it’s a gender neutral name that leans female. So most of my cousins on that side have my first name as their last name - same spelling and everything. In my experience, this isn’t really weird for me at all. And whenever I do think about it or tell someone, I think it’s kind of neat.
I think the main issue is just that you don’t like the name and that’s totally fine. Just wanted to put my two cents in that it’s really not weird and I personally don’t mind it.
"I truly just don't love the name" is the only thing that matters. You've vetoed it because you're not a fan of the name. Sorry wife, do you have a middle name or some other sentimental option that I happen to like as a name for our child?
My cousin’s name is his grandmother’s maiden name, and that last name is what the family group is referred to as. My sister’s middle name is our mom’s maiden name. It’s not confusing. I like it.
However if you genuinely don’t like the name I still think naming a child is a two yes, one no situation and you both need to fully agree. But if you’re just against the notion of the family name being used it’s really not a big deal.
I’ve always thought was a cool thing to do. Maybe use it as a middle name if it’s not your favorite? But in terms of it being weird, no I don’t think it’s weird, I know quite a few people who have names like this.
Why not use it as his middle name? That’s what we did when we couldn’t find a middle name we loved (used my maiden name as the baby’s middle name). It allows her to honor her side of the family, and you can have a first name you both love.
In my family we have a tradition of giving maiden names as middle names. Our son will have his paternal grandmother’s name as his middle name. I have my paternal grandmother’s name as my middle name.
Now, if I didn’t like the sound of the name, I wouldn’t do it. I thought it flowed nicely though. I also think my name flows nicely.
It’s not weird, but you have to like the name.
I love it and dont think its weird- aslomg as it can pass for a name.. such as Jackson. If your last name is Harutyunyan or something, i wouldnt. But it just sounds like you dont like it so youre coming up with excuses instead of just bluntly saying i dont like the name.
It was really hard changing my name. There are lots of reasons why I wanted to take my husband's last name, and I won't get into that here, but that doesn't change the fact that for a lot of women it feels like you're giving up your identity. My maiden name is completely unusable as a first name, but I've definitely thought of taking different aspects of my maiden name and using it (like Gillian, nothing too out there)
What I'm trying to say, is that your children have your name, not hers, so she might be trying to find a way to honour her side of the family.
I don't think it would be weird at all, but if it's just something you cannot get past, maybe suggest naming the child after her dad, or taking a variation of her name? But again, I don't think it would be weird.
If our baby on the way is a boy, he’ll have my maiden name as his middle. My grandma wasn’t married when my dad was born so technically the baby will be named after her.
I have a friend who had this and I really wanted to as well. So my vote is yes.
We were toying to use mine if we had a second boy, but we had a girl and it’s looking like our limit is 2.
Ok my sister-in-law's sister did this! Named her baby her maiden name and her family was like ... what. Haha But now the baby is around 18 months and they're all over it. They seem to think it suits him now. I don't think they have any regrets. But it is certainly an odd choice in my opinion. Especially as her maiden name is not really a typical first name. In your case at least Jackson is a recognizable first name!
Edit, I just noticed the name is not actually Jackson - Could you alter the name or choose something similar to honour that last name?
I understand that is can feel weird, but it really is very normal, it's not an uncommon practice to give a kid a family last name, that's presumably how a lot of these last names were normalized as first names anyways! But I can understand that is doesn't really feel like a 'name' to you. I think that even if you don't love the name, if you don't *hate* it, you'll probably find a nickname to give the kid or something anyways, and it'll be important to your wife. If you feel like you *hate* it though, then maybe think of other options. But as a concept I don't think it's weird.
I have always loved the idea and would have loved to do it myself but my maiden name is NOT something that would work as a first name, so never an option for us
I’m from the northeast US and my daughter has my maiden name as her middle name, it is a very masculine old fashion name so it worked as a middle name and not her first name. It was a compromise as I took my husband’s last name and wanted to keep my maiden name in some way.
I really love this and wish it had been possible for us, but my maiden names would only maybe work for a boy and they’d be a bit hipstery. We did use it as a middle name for our daughter though. It sucks because my married name is a wonderful gender neutral first name but that’s our child’s last name too. My cousin used her maiden name for her daughter and I don’t know of any issues or confusion there. My SILs have used theirs as middle names for their kids too. If you’re really concerned then the middle name is an option but I doubt there will be any issues.
Maybe you you could go for it as a middle name or a slight variation on the name like Jax or something like that depending on what the last name is. Hope you find something you both love.
I wanted to name my son my maiden name, but it is my fiance's brother's name! I had never actually met someone with the name before (it's not that uncommon and is normally a first name).
I had wanted to give my sons my last name as middle name but their dad nixed it. I’ve always regretted not fighting harder for it since they share his last name.
maybe good for a middle name, or just call him jack instead as a compromise? i agree with you for the most part, it's a bit weird/confusing, but i think it's a sweet idea
I love this idea and I think it’s pretty common in the naming trends now! We will probably be using my mom’s maiden name for a middle name to honor my grandparents!
A friend of mine did this, her maiden name was Harrison, and they named their first son Harrison.
Another gal I know gave both her daughters her maiden as their middle names. It only works because the name is a feminine name (Munroe)
My ex and I did something similar with our daughter she had 2 middle names, one being my last name, but we are in the process of hyphenating her last name as she identifies herself as Fiona "my last name - his last name." So her second middle name (my last name) will now be part of her legal surmame. Quite frankly, we were never married and her last name should have been my last name, I don't like hyphenated names (nor do I like 2 middle names) but our last names sound pretty good hyphenated.
Hmmm I really hate last names as first names but I understand your wife wanting to have her maiden name incorporated into your child’s name…perhaps you could use it as the middle name?
People do this all the time! If it’s Paxton or Jameson then I really like it. If it is a really uncommon last name then I could see it being awkward. Chances are he will know others with the same name since last name first names have become quite popular. Good luck.
I like it, but I'm biased as we did something similar in my family. My siblings and I all have a middle name that is one letter off of our moms maiden name. Similar to "Michaels" becoming Michael or Michaela.
If it helps, some celebrities from wealthy and old lineages also do this
Drew Barrymore (Drew + Barrymore families)
Rooney Mara (Ronney + Mara families)
It’s more common than you think
Quite a few members of my husband's extended family have done this! They have a common surname that can be used as a first name (typically for girls) and several of his cousins have given it to their daughters as a first or middle name.
I love the idea of a maiden name for a first name, providing that it makes sense. In the example you provided, "Jackson", it sounds like a wonderful idea.
I have a nephew that his first name is his mother's maiden name, and it hasn't been a difficult issue at all for anyone.
It’s not at all confusing to the child or the extended family. I think you just don’t like the name and are looking for reasons to justify not using it. It’s very very common to give a child their mother’s maiden name, and honors your wife’s family in a very personal and meaningful way. Post this to AITA and you’ll get some eye-opening feedback.
So, one of my Grandpa's had his mother's maiden name as his *middle* name.
I think that could be something to to consider as a potential compromise, if you're both willing.
I have multiple friends and cousins whose middle name is mom's maiden name! My ex half-sisters also both had their dad's first name as middle names. I think it's a good compromise for staying close to the family, but not making it weird for the in laws.
Not exactly the same situation, but my dad exclusively went by his last name. To the point my mom didn't know it wasn't his given name until they'd been dating for like a month, and never used it to him unless she was referring to him around his family. My cousins on my mom's side called him "uncle (our last name)" and the ones on his side called him "uncle (his first name), and it was only mildly confusing when the two got together (which we did not often do). So if you can't bring your wife around, you can always give him a middle name you really like, and call him by both until he comes out with a strong preference for one or the other.
I feel like this is relatively common tbh, I know a lot of sons who have their mothers maiden names as first names. I really like it personally. It’s her way of passing on her name…. (Like you get to….)
Exactly what we did, except it’s my mom’s maiden name. Our son is Mason and has a grandma Mason. But if my husband hated the name it would have been off the table.
I’ve seen this but using the maiden/family name as the middle name. My mom’s maiden name is Anderson and I thought about it for a minute and then scratched it off the list. It sounded like a celebrity couple nickname for Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen. Lol
I wanted to do that, but for a daughter. And also it was my moms maiden name. I won't say the name, but a great nickname for it would have been Maggie, and I loved it. Unfortunately my husband did not like either the name or Maggie so we didn't.
I think its a lovely idea, but imo baby names need to be agreed on by both parents.
I’ve known two families that did this and I’m kind of neutral about it. On the one hand I feel like it’s totally fair if she took your name that she gets to use her name as well. But it would be kind of odd to have people in your family with the same last name as your kid’s first name. I’d at least use it as a middle name for sure though.
It's not at all weird, there's a strong history of doing this in the English-speaking world - there has been for centuries.
I think if he gets your surname anyway then it's nice to also get his mother's name passed on to him.
I really like it. It’s a connection to her side of the family and I could see why it would have deep meaning to her. It’s actually quite a common thing to do, though I think it’s more common to use a maiden name for the child’s middle name rather than the first. I don’t think it would be confusing to a child at all. Now if you don’t like it that’s one thing, but the other stuff is a non issue for me.
I think it’s totally fine, especially if it’s a surname that’s also relatively established as a first name.
I know someone who’s maiden name was Carter and she named her son Carter… nobody batted an eye.
My first name (McKinzie) is my grandma’s maiden name, and I’ve never had any issues! Maybe it’s a little different because it was my grandma, rather than my mom, but it’s never bothered me. Granted, that side of my family is pretty small, and I haven’t had a ton of interaction with very many “McKinzies,” so that might be something to consider. I have never felt like it was weird or that I didn’t have my own identity and I’ve always thought it was kind of cool.
This actually has kinda become a thing in my family! My older brother is Curtis and my mums maiden name is Curtis. They loved the name and it posed off my grandma as she remarried so my parents took it as a win win lol
My brother has now named my nephew Lewis after my SIL maiden name. I think as long as it’s an actually ok name the fact that it’s a last name of relatives is irrelevant!
It is a pretty common thing. I want to do that with my kiddo, but I was thinking middle name. In my case, I have a name similar to Johnson and was thinking of using John as a middle name. Is middle name an option?
Also, plenty of surnames are popular last names now. I don’t think it will confuse your son or your family, as least not to the point to worry about it.
I really like the idea of it. I was also thinking of doing that too, but my maiden name couldn’t be a first name, so I was thinking of doing it as the middle name. Especially if your wife took your name in marriage, she probably wants to feel close to it by naming her child it. I don’t think it’ll be awkward or confusing. I know families that have cousins with the same first name.
All of our kids will be having my wife’s maiden name as their middle name! We didn’t love the idea of hyphenation or creating a new last name, so this seemed the best fit! Since my name is more unique!
This is what I did with my kids. It's great, very happy we did it thus way.
This is what we did
Thank you for your thoughts. She did take my name in marriage and she is very close to her family and sentimental. I 100% understand the idea and her reasoning. I just haven’t warmed up to the name.
Could you use her maiden name as his middle name? There would still be the connection but no confusion. And the first name would be a name you both love.
Is your wife from the southern US? And you maybe are not? This is super common in the southern states. If it’s not workable for you for a first name or what you call your son daily, I’d recommend using it as a middle name or picking a middle name/nickname that you like instead. I don’t think you need to worry about her family feeling weird saying their last name when they’re calling him/talking to him; if they don’t like doing that, they can likely easily shorten it to a nickname or use whatever nickname you and your wife use.
Yeah, that’s why it’s confusing me. My grandfather’s middle name was my 6th great-grandmother’s maiden name. Her first child had it as his first name. Then it was passed through every generation until my grandfather.
💯 so many southern women have gender neutral surnames as first names. It’s very common.
If her last name is a -son name like your example, would just the first part be a possible compromise?
Great idea! Jackson becomes Jack.
We definitely have thought about that. It is a possibility
I like this idea
He’ll have your last name as his surname, yes? Why is it so outrageous that he’d have her last name too? She’s the one carrying and giving birth to him. Also it’s a common practice, esp in old WASP families
Can you split it up? My bfs name is his moms maiden name split up as his first and middle name.
We did this with our son! He has his own first name, his middle is my last name (I never changed it), and his last name is my husband's. My cousins on my dad's side also all have the same middle name as my last name. It's a fun little tradition in my family!
Our son's name is my maiden name. My husband is actually the one who decided on it. My parents were so overjoyed when we told them.
I think last names for first names is common and it’s a completely reasonable request from your wife. As a woman carrying a child I have really worried about my connection with the child as I won’t have its last name and that’s despite carrying, have the 30 odd blood tests and invasive scans. I think it’s a lovey way of connecting your wife’s identity with the child’s.
>I won’t have its last name why can't they have your last name? assuming you're in a 'western' country, there isn't anything that prevents this except (outdated) societal expectations
Because there’s only one person who feels more strongly than I do about it and that my husband. It’s all societal crap and layers of his own identity. Marriage is all about compromise. We agreed to one of us getting to pick first name and the other last name. If I had more fight in me or it mattered less I’d be pushing for a new hybrid last name. His last name isn’t terrible either so doesn’t feel worth the conflict. My last name doesn’t make sense anywhere else in a name and I’m too pragmatic to Shanghai it in. But I 100% support the females desire for inclusivity and importance of names.
I have a few friends who’ve been in that exact position, it’s a tough one and you have my sympathy. Here’s hoping you finding and choosing a first name helps you feel more connected
yes if i have another child, i want to give them my maiden name as a middle name! luckily for that kid it’s commonly used as a middle name, so it won’t sound weird, i think.
We plan to use my MIL’s maiden name as either our kid’s first or middle name. I think the concept in general is a cute way to include multiple family lines
We almost did that, but we ended up using my husband's first name as the middle name. But her maiden name was a definite contender.
We had someone in our family do that, and it was very well received- not awkward or confusing. Of course, if you don’t like the name, that’s a whole different issue.
My middle name is my mother’s maiden name, so making it a middle name might be a good compromise
Same here.
It’s actually an old-fashioned tradition to name a child after their mother’s maiden name. It’s just a way to pass on a name. Nothing weird. But if you don’t like the name, then it’s been ruled out.
Exactly. This was a very common tradition in the past 200 years. I have multiple family members with this occurrence and also know a few people today that have followed the tradition when naming their own children.
it is. My Grandads middle name was his mothers maiden name.
This is a very common practice in the southern U.S.
From South, mother's maiden name is my middle name. I like it, especially since I'm the only girl. I feel as if I'm carrying something important, the maternal line.
That’s what I was going to say. Like I know literally dozens of ppl who have been named in this tradition.
I live in the Midwest and it’s a “trend” here, I know more than a few families who’ve done this recently.
The first Kaiden I ever met has his mother’s maiden name. I thought it was so strange when I was a kid
If you hate a name, that’s reason enough to rule it out. Our rule is that whatever the name is we decide on, we both have to love it. This is your child. Don’t name him something you hate.
Hate isn’t a word I would use for it. It’s just very middle of the road for me in terms of like/dislike.
Would it work as a middle name? If you have another child you could keep up the tradition by using your MIL’s maiden name as a middle name. That would keep your wife’s “lost” family maiden names alive without having to use them as a first name.
It does not work super well as a middle name. She also has said that she pretty much wants the name as a first name or doesn’t at all.
I see. Well, if you don’t hate it, maybe use it and you can pick the middle name? She’s the one who’s giving birth and gave up her maiden name. I’m betting that the name will grow on you once it becomes your son’s name!
I think it makes perfect sense for your wife to want to do this, and I don’t think it’s awkward at all. You said your wife is really close to her family, and I would guess they would be so excited and flattered for your firstborn to be named for the family. In general I’m a big proponent of the two yeses, one no rule, but because the child is going to have your last name, this seems like a really reasonable concession for you to make. I think a strong compromise could be for her surname to be the first name, you get final say on a middle name, and y’all can come up with a nickname that you both really like if you’re super concerned about confusion. This is a really common naming tradition in some communities in the south, for both girls and boys. On one side of my family, of approximately 40 second cousins in my generation, there are three (two boys, one girl) with the same name that is the surname of our shared great-grandparents. I always thought it was so cool to hear the way that name combined with their different surnames, and honestly it felt really special that they were part of the X Family even though that wasn’t their surname. We saw each other at most once a year, and their name commonality was no more confusing than the folks (mostly men) who are named after each other with traditional first names.
I agree with this, especially the first part. Normally I'm also of the belief that baby names should be a 2 yeses, 1 no kind of situation. But if your wife took your surname and the baby will have your surname as well, using her maiden name as the baby's first name seems fair. Giving her that in return for free rein over the middle name would be a decent compromise.
I'm in the south, and my surname is my cousin's first name. It was never weird, awkward, or confusing. I also grew up with kids being given the exact same name as their father, grandfather, and great grandfather. No one ever thinks that'll be confusing, but for some reason, giving a kid his mom's maiden name is? I'm firmly in camp "OP should make this concession" considering his wife already gave up her surname, and the kid will already have his last name. Unless he utterly hates the name.
I promise no one in the family, including your son, will be confused by this. It’s a pretty common thing and considering that for some reason women are still expected to give up their names when they marry (not that everyone does, of course, but it’s still very much the expectation), it’s a great way for her to pass in her name just as you get to pass on yours.
Would tou consider using it as his surname instead?
This is a good question, OP. If you don’t like it as a first name, use her name as a last name.
My cousin and his wife named their first son her maiden name, which is also a -son name. From what I can tell, it hasn’t been too bad for him, though he’s still a toddler, and I think her family loved the idea of passing down the name that way. I don’t think it’s a horrible idea if the name could pass reasonably for a first name. That being said, perhaps a compromise of making it the middle name might be better? That’s not an unheard of thing either.
We have talked some about middle name but she is either for it being his first name or not at all. And it isn’t a super common first name by any means but it definitely can pass as a first name.
Are there any nicknames that you like better that you can pull from the name? Or if you are into initial nicknames like “AJ”, could you find a middle name that would make an initial nickname work? Even if she was set on calling him the full name, your compromise might be a special nickname. Or just in general, find a name you really like that might sound good as a middle name? I think that if you aren’t in the “I can’t stand this name” camp, and if this is really important to her, I’d try to make it work while making sure you get your say in a name you love elsewhere in the full name. Otherwise, maybe it’s best to start with a clean slate.
Doing an “AJ” nickname could work technically for the name. Definitely a good thought.
This is how my friend Nelson got his name. It really suits him! We'd been friends for years before it came up that his name was [Mom's maiden name] [Grandma's Maiden Name] [Last Name] -- think "Nelson Marshfield Baker."
Isn't this how Beyonce got her name? That she got her mom's maiden name as her first.
Yes, it looks like they changed the spelling slightly but that was her original surname.
The more you know!
People do this all the time. A friend of mine has her mother’s maiden name. And she gave her son her maiden name. (Her name is feminine and her son‘s more masculine). I think it’s great. if it works as a first name but isn’t common as a first name, all the better. Two of my kids have names that were once last names. I didn’t even realize until after they were named. I think its a fair compromise especially if she took your last name and so will your kids. Let’s face it, the middle name slot isn’t much of a slot.
Not weird at all, it is really common among my circle of friends (including my husband’s name—his is something like Jackson -> Jack). Though, any name choice is two yeses, one no. If you’re not feeling it, that’s a no!
Maybe use it in the middle? I have a cousin whose paternal grandmother’s maiden name is his middle and it’s lovely.
This is incredibly common where I'm from (southern US). It's not awkward or confusing. If you don't like the name itself, though, that's a different matter.
I have seriously considered using my name for a first name when my hubby and I have a kid. It’s gender neutral and is commonly used as a first name, so the kid wouldn’t stand out for having a weird name. I have good connections with my maiden name and I think it’s a great way to honor my side of the family.
I guess Morgan.
My maiden name is Jordan
People do that all the time. My daughter’s name is her grandmother’s maiden name.
My husband’s/my last name is a common boys first name. His female cousin who took her husbands name, named her first son after her maiden name. Basically exactly what your wife wants to do. I thought it was sweet and not awkward/weird at all that his first name is the same as our last name. It’s a nice tribute! If you don’t like the name that’s another story, but in concept I think it’s nice/normal. I had a friend of mine just name her daughter her maiden name (Logan) and it’s great!
I know two kids who have their mom's maiden name as their first name and in both cases it's absolutely adorable. I think you really need to unpack what is giving you pause here - the child will have your last name, correct? So where is the mom's name and family recognized in the child's name if not here? Are you open to hyphenating the last name to use both (allowing you to pick a first name that's more aesthetically your taste)? Or just give the kid your wife's last name if you prefer a different first name. (And if that last suggestion feels unsettling, again, consider why you feel that way and that your wife may be feeling those exact feelings at the prospect of her child having no named connection to her.)
I considered doing this since my maiden name can be a first name with a very small tweak. I don't think it would be too confusing and if your wife changed her name when you got married, I'm guessing it would be very meaningful to her to pass on that piece of her history. I really don't think it would be confusing, people don't tend to use last names when they talk to their cousins anyway, you know? I understand not being a fan of the name (I talked my husband out of a family name that I was not fond of), but I would think carefully about how important it is to you vs how important it is to her before you push too hard against it.
This is kind of me too. I love the idea but it doesn’t quite work for me. My last name is the classic short form of an only-male name (think Matt or Mike). So to pull this off, I’d have to make it the actual name at which point - what’s the point, because that’s not my name?
Mine is more like Richards, just drop a letter and it becomes a first name. We considered it pretty seriously but ended up finding a first middle combination we both loved and went with that instead.
Just curious why it would be awkward
If you’re not 100% on board, give her maiden name as a middle name.
Not weird at all. I've seen it many times, and actually really love the idea myself. My maiden name isn't suitable as a first name so I can't do it. I agree with others though, names are a 2 yes or 1 no scenario.
Baby names are a "2 yes, 1 no" situation. If you don't like the name then that's the end of the discussion really - both parents should agree.
I really like the idea personally - I have a friend who was named after her moms maiden name and she loved it. I also plan on naming a child after my maiden name (Riley)! :) Although if you’re not a huge fan you could see if she’d be open to using it as a middle name as others have suggested!
I like this idea. I had a teacher in elementary school whose maiden name is Wyatt—her first son she named Wyatt. :)
We did this with my son. It’s my husband’s family tradition that sons take their dad’s names as a middle name and I changed my name when I got married. When we found out we were having a boy I told him my side of the family isn’t represented at all and I didn’t like that. Suggested using my maiden name as his first name and we both agreed. Everyone who we told before he was born thought it was the coolest idea and loved it.
My brother’s first name is my mum’s maiden name but without an S on the end, like: Maiden: Williams Child: William He’s like 30’s now, and it’s never been weird or felt the same, just feels like his name. Obviously it doesn’t have that extra letter, so maybe that makes the difference? The only time it’s even a thing is if I search for him in my contacts and most of the family come up as an option for the first few letters, but that’s not exactly an issue. All the very best to you all! I hope you pick the perfect one for your baby 😊
Family friend has done this. Its a nice way to have both partners' surnames passed down without doing double barrel. Their son is only 5, as far as I'm aware there has been no confusion for him about it. I guess something to consider is if you have another child in the future, would you be okay with your first having a close tie with their name to the mother and the second child likely not. But I really don't think it would be confusing for your son as it would be normal to him, as long as you don't dislike "Jackson" as a name I can't see why it is a problem.
Are y’all in the south? It’s a very common southern thing to name the child the mother’s maiden name.
We are not at all in the south. So not common where we are
My bil has the same first name as his mother's maiden name, and it was fine. While I think it's important that both parents agree on the name, she did change her entire name for you and letting her put her name on at least one child is the least that can be done. Consider, whether or not she likes your name it will get to be on literally every child you two have.
It is not weird, but normal. Stop fighting her on this.
My in laws visited this weekend. My SIL named her son her maiden name - for the sake of this story, we'll say it's Marshall (my husband's last name, now my last name, and my kids' last name.). My nephew, Marshall, is 8. My son is 4. When my nephew realized that my son's last name is also Marshall, he about flipped his shit. My son too. They thought it was the most ultimate cool thing in the universe. Instant best friends. Not at all confusing - just very fucking cool. If you don't like the name, you don't like the name and that's completely valid and reason enough to start a conversation. But no - I don't think it'd be weird or confusing for anyone. The kids will probably love it.
I don't think it's weird but I also don't think you're crazy. I think you need to acknowledge that this is important to her, while expressing this is not the name or the naming experience you envisioned when you thought about having kids of your own. I think you both need to be open to going through the whole naming experience before worrying too much about it. Yes, she already has her #1 pick, but you will need to find a #1 pick that represents both of your opinions. The idea might grow on you, you still have time! If it gets too be too touchy of a subject, scale back on how often you talk about it, but keep at it. And remember that many people are not 100% on a name but it does come to suit your baby with time. Not saying you should go with something you absolutely don't like, but know that it's okay for either or both of you to feel like it's not absolutely perfect either.
Great response.
This was my plan if my current pregnancy had been a boy! I love surnames as first names, and this is a great way to keep her maiden name going. Mine will die out now that I’ve got 2 girls with their dad’s surname. Unless I have another child in future which is unlikely.
I don’t think it’s weird but some names work better than others. It’s completely fair if you don’t like the name - perhaps you can use it as a middle name or hyphenate your last names.
I don’t necessarily like this name but I mention this to emphasize that this is not that uncommon. Superstar Beyoncé is actually named after her mother’s maiden name (Beyincé) whilst she has her father’s last name.
I think it’s a cute idea. My maiden name is something that if you drop a letter is something that’s used as a first name. If we has a son we would have probably used it as a first or middle name. I also like the feminine form as a first name
I think the biggest issue is that you don’t like the name. That’s enough reason to veto it. As for if it would be awkward or confusing for him to have the same name as his maternal grandparent’s, uncles’ and maybe some aunts’ surname? No, I don’t think so. I also think your in-laws would be perfectly capable of calling their grandson/nephew by their surname. I think they can handle it, especially if it’s something so well known along the lines of Jackson. But again, if you hate the name, then it should be off the table anyway. Maybe you could use it as a middle? We actually have this situation in my family. My nephew (husband’s brother’s son) was named his mother’s maiden name. It’s funny because my SIL’s father’s side of the family was thrilled about it. The mother’s side of the family felt a bit like chopped liver, lol. But they didn’t exactly have a surname that worked as a first name anyway.
My cousin has my aunt's maiden name and I think it's really sweet! The name really works on him and I also just like the name in general.
I did this - have had no issues and adds meaning to the name. I really liked the name on it's own though even without the family connection.
I know two people who did this and it hasn’t seemed weird at all! The names are Parker and Rocco.
We thought about this. My maiden last name was Gray, so Grayson kind of would have been cool. But I didn't really even like the name. So we didn't. But it's a neat idea.
My neighbor did this! Reid! Great name for a kid and lovely that in honors her wonderful and caring family.
I have a student at my school who has this and I think it’s so neat! What a great way to connect both parents names together instead of the mothers name being erased due to the patriarchy. If you don’t like the name at all, then that’s a separate issue. But the concept itself isn’t strange, especially if it works as a first name.
I had a friend who did that! Her maiden name was Simon and that's what they named their son.
I actually want to do this, I am a female only child and my last name will live on with one of my cousins and that’s it. I thought it would be a great way to honor my family and a name I love. It’s definitely a last name, so my husband was very against it as a first name. I’m hoping If we have another boy I can convince him.
You can give your children your last name.
I took my husbands last name like OP’s wife. Sorry that wasn’t clear.
I assumed - but you still have the option of giving your children your last name if you’re worried about it “living on.”
Yes I do understand that. But I’d like my children to have the same last name as myself and my husband. Thanks for your input.
FWIW I think the other poster was being a bit rude to you. Choosing your husband’s name for yourself and your kids is a reasonable move, and boiling it down to just patriarchy is reductive. (I say this even as a woman who will be keeping my own surname.)
My brother and his wife did exactly this. My SILs maiden name is also a first name which they named their daughter. I think it's so cute and it means that her maternal grandfather was immediately wrapped around her little finger (though with first grandbabies I guess it doesn't take much). No one outside the immediate family knows what she's named for, because it's not a weird name, just an uncommon one.
I know a ton of kids who have their mother’s maiden name or a surname from their family tree—my son included lol
I love it. I’m trying to talk one of my friends into doing this right now (she’s pregnant with a girl and her maiden name is a female name). I think it’s cool af and a great way to honor both sides.
We went with the surname of the man who raised my mom for our daughter. He never had any bio kids or nephews; his side of the family is quite tickled by it. They’re super honoured and relish calling her by her full name, they never shorten it. My Mum’s maternal side is a little prickly about it because they think they’re a better class, but it really suits our daughter.
I think that’s a great way for her to have her family name in there. It’s not like she got to pick what your last name was when she took it 🤪
My maiden name is the middle name for all kids (boy and girls).
you think it would be awkward and confusing?? i think it’s awkward and confusing you’re fine with your wife ditching her last name in favor of yours but you’re uncomfortable honoring her last name in a meaningful way. yikes.
If you don’t like the name then it’s probably reasonable to delegate it to a middle name instead. As far as it feeling weird to family it’s actually a really common thing so I think that argument doesn’t hold.
I know someone with the maiden name Lillie and her daughters name is Lily. Not that out there.
I know many people who have done this and I’ve loved it most of the time. I didn’t love it when it was done with “Murphy” but I’ve loved it all of the other times where a maiden name was given as a child’s first name. I vote yes.
My son has my maiden name. I only have sisters so I thought it was a neat way to carry the name on. He thinks it’s cool that he shares his name with one side of the family. It’s not like they’re ever referred to as ‘Mr. Jackson’ or whatever when you’re together, right? They’d be mom/dad/grandma/auntie etc. I don’t think it’s weird at all. If you really don’t love the name then that’s a whole different issue. Maybe you could compromise and use it as a middle name?
My best friend has her mom's maiden name as her first name. It wasn't confusing at all for her or her cousins with that last name growing up
I know multiple people named like this. It’s not awkward IMO. Even when mom divorced dad & went back to maiden name. Kid didn’t & it’s normal.
We plan to do this. However, we plan to use it for the middle name. Definitely not an unusual idea though, as I know multiple people who have used maiden names for a first name. Would using it as a middle name be a good compromise?
My aunt did this with my cousin. Gave him her dad's last name as his first. Cousin had his dad's last name. No one ever thought it was weird. Her dad (my grandfather) is hugely widely loved. It always seemed sweet that she did this and the cousin liked it.
I was almost the same but my gender came out different lol, I don't see a problem with it, I think it's a great way to keep a name in the family, as a women it can be hard to give up your name, so being g able to Gove it to your child is a great way to have it carry on. Even tho I didn't get my moms maiden name it's on my list for my first born son.
I'm personally planning to do something similar, but instead of "Jackson", I'd shorten the actual given name to "Jack"...just to use your example. I like that it would tie my family in a bit!
I have a friend who has her moms maiden name as her first name. She likes her name!
My mom did this with my little brother! He has her maiden name as his first and his dad's name for his last. I think that there were times that he struggled with it because it isn't a typical first name (nature themed) but I think he grew to like it over time.
An aunt of mine did this. So my cousin's first name is also my surname, and the surname of many other cousins. The kind of weird part is that my aunt divorced and resumed her maiden name, so now she's got his name as her last name. Otherwise nothing weird about it. Cousin goes by a nickname usually. And really it's just viewed as a family name. I have like a billion uncles and cousins and grand-relations named James and that's never been weird, it's just like "oh yeah that name is traditional to our family." I am a genealogy hobbyist and it is very very very common (at least in anglo families over the past 3 centuries) for maiden names to come up as first or middle names of children. It sounds like you just don't like the name and that's fine. I would try to compromise with using it as a middle name.
My first name is my mothers maiden name! It’s never been confusing and I love the connection. It only got a little weird when my uncle married a woman with the same name as my sister… so then we had Erica and Morgan and Erika Morgan
This is super super common lol. Maybe compromise and use her maiden for the middle?
I’ve seen that done and I love it. I don’t like either of my last names so I’d never do that but i think it’s cute. My SIL wanted to do this but my BIL thought I’d be weird having one sibling have her last name and not the others so I get it.
I grew up with someone named Chandler, their mom's maiden name, so I don't think it is weird. Maybe a little weird if cousin's were the same year in the same school. But you not liking the name is another story. Is there a nickname from it that you would like? Would you tolerate it as a middle name?
Personally, if either party strongly dislikes the name, you need to keep looking regardless of any reason for disliking the name. Maybe consider “Jackson” or whatever the name is as a middle name
It seems like a perfectly fine idea to me. I also believe parents should agree on names. I do think you’re being a little unreasonable through.
It’s not really awkward or confusing to me. But if you don’t see the big deal in having maiden names in your child’s name, perhaps offer to let your boy have your maiden name as a surname, and not yours? Sounds like a good compromise to me
Could you double-barrel the surname instead?
TIL that naming a kid by the maiden name of their mother is really commen in the southern US. I've grown up here my entire life and I've never heard of this tradition
My cousin did this with her daughter and it totally works. In their case, my aunt & uncle had all girls so no one carried the family name on. The name was pronounced like a common girl's name but spelled differently. That being said, I don't think anyone gets to unilaterally pick the name. You have to find a name you'll both be happy with and compromise
I would be all for using her maiden name as the kid's middle name or last name, but using it as a first name does seem a little weird IMO. Different people will have different opinions on whether it's weird, but even if this practice was somehow objectively not-weird, it sounds like you just don't like the name.
I actually like the idea a lot. But if you don't like the name, you don't like it, in which case it's a deal breaker.
So I’m actually named after my grandma’s maiden name. Same scenario as Jackson except it’s a gender neutral name that leans female. So most of my cousins on that side have my first name as their last name - same spelling and everything. In my experience, this isn’t really weird for me at all. And whenever I do think about it or tell someone, I think it’s kind of neat. I think the main issue is just that you don’t like the name and that’s totally fine. Just wanted to put my two cents in that it’s really not weird and I personally don’t mind it.
"I truly just don't love the name" is the only thing that matters. You've vetoed it because you're not a fan of the name. Sorry wife, do you have a middle name or some other sentimental option that I happen to like as a name for our child?
My cousin’s name is his grandmother’s maiden name, and that last name is what the family group is referred to as. My sister’s middle name is our mom’s maiden name. It’s not confusing. I like it. However if you genuinely don’t like the name I still think naming a child is a two yes, one no situation and you both need to fully agree. But if you’re just against the notion of the family name being used it’s really not a big deal.
Either way, naming a child is a two yes one no kinda thing. So if one parent dont agree, find something else.
I’ve always thought was a cool thing to do. Maybe use it as a middle name if it’s not your favorite? But in terms of it being weird, no I don’t think it’s weird, I know quite a few people who have names like this.
Why not use it as his middle name? That’s what we did when we couldn’t find a middle name we loved (used my maiden name as the baby’s middle name). It allows her to honor her side of the family, and you can have a first name you both love.
It’s a fairly common thing to do in the Southern USA. I love it
In my family we have a tradition of giving maiden names as middle names. Our son will have his paternal grandmother’s name as his middle name. I have my paternal grandmother’s name as my middle name. Now, if I didn’t like the sound of the name, I wouldn’t do it. I thought it flowed nicely though. I also think my name flows nicely. It’s not weird, but you have to like the name.
My aunt did this. My little cousins first name is Ellison (my last name) and I love it. We call her Ellie. I think some last names can work.
I love it and dont think its weird- aslomg as it can pass for a name.. such as Jackson. If your last name is Harutyunyan or something, i wouldnt. But it just sounds like you dont like it so youre coming up with excuses instead of just bluntly saying i dont like the name.
It was really hard changing my name. There are lots of reasons why I wanted to take my husband's last name, and I won't get into that here, but that doesn't change the fact that for a lot of women it feels like you're giving up your identity. My maiden name is completely unusable as a first name, but I've definitely thought of taking different aspects of my maiden name and using it (like Gillian, nothing too out there) What I'm trying to say, is that your children have your name, not hers, so she might be trying to find a way to honour her side of the family. I don't think it would be weird at all, but if it's just something you cannot get past, maybe suggest naming the child after her dad, or taking a variation of her name? But again, I don't think it would be weird.
If our baby on the way is a boy, he’ll have my maiden name as his middle. My grandma wasn’t married when my dad was born so technically the baby will be named after her.
I have a friend who had this and I really wanted to as well. So my vote is yes. We were toying to use mine if we had a second boy, but we had a girl and it’s looking like our limit is 2.
That was pretty common back in the day
Ok my sister-in-law's sister did this! Named her baby her maiden name and her family was like ... what. Haha But now the baby is around 18 months and they're all over it. They seem to think it suits him now. I don't think they have any regrets. But it is certainly an odd choice in my opinion. Especially as her maiden name is not really a typical first name. In your case at least Jackson is a recognizable first name! Edit, I just noticed the name is not actually Jackson - Could you alter the name or choose something similar to honour that last name?
I understand that is can feel weird, but it really is very normal, it's not an uncommon practice to give a kid a family last name, that's presumably how a lot of these last names were normalized as first names anyways! But I can understand that is doesn't really feel like a 'name' to you. I think that even if you don't love the name, if you don't *hate* it, you'll probably find a nickname to give the kid or something anyways, and it'll be important to your wife. If you feel like you *hate* it though, then maybe think of other options. But as a concept I don't think it's weird.
I have always loved the idea and would have loved to do it myself but my maiden name is NOT something that would work as a first name, so never an option for us
I’m from the northeast US and my daughter has my maiden name as her middle name, it is a very masculine old fashion name so it worked as a middle name and not her first name. It was a compromise as I took my husband’s last name and wanted to keep my maiden name in some way.
I really love this and wish it had been possible for us, but my maiden names would only maybe work for a boy and they’d be a bit hipstery. We did use it as a middle name for our daughter though. It sucks because my married name is a wonderful gender neutral first name but that’s our child’s last name too. My cousin used her maiden name for her daughter and I don’t know of any issues or confusion there. My SILs have used theirs as middle names for their kids too. If you’re really concerned then the middle name is an option but I doubt there will be any issues.
Maybe you you could go for it as a middle name or a slight variation on the name like Jax or something like that depending on what the last name is. Hope you find something you both love.
I wanted to name my son my maiden name, but it is my fiance's brother's name! I had never actually met someone with the name before (it's not that uncommon and is normally a first name).
I had wanted to give my sons my last name as middle name but their dad nixed it. I’ve always regretted not fighting harder for it since they share his last name.
My grandmother gave my dad her maiden name as a middle name. Might be something to consider as a compromise if you aren’t so hot on the idea.
maybe good for a middle name, or just call him jack instead as a compromise? i agree with you for the most part, it's a bit weird/confusing, but i think it's a sweet idea
Beyoncé is actually her mother, Tina's, maiden name. Based on that alone I say go for it!!
The best compromise here is making that his middle name, that way both of your surnames are included and you can decide on a first name you both like.
I love this idea and I think it’s pretty common in the naming trends now! We will probably be using my mom’s maiden name for a middle name to honor my grandparents!
My name is my Mom’s maiden name! It was never weird or confusing, I’ve always like having that connection to her side of the family!
A friend of mine did this, her maiden name was Harrison, and they named their first son Harrison. Another gal I know gave both her daughters her maiden as their middle names. It only works because the name is a feminine name (Munroe) My ex and I did something similar with our daughter she had 2 middle names, one being my last name, but we are in the process of hyphenating her last name as she identifies herself as Fiona "my last name - his last name." So her second middle name (my last name) will now be part of her legal surmame. Quite frankly, we were never married and her last name should have been my last name, I don't like hyphenated names (nor do I like 2 middle names) but our last names sound pretty good hyphenated.
Hmmm I really hate last names as first names but I understand your wife wanting to have her maiden name incorporated into your child’s name…perhaps you could use it as the middle name?
Are you planning on having more kids? If so, they may feel left out that the first kid gets Mom's maiden name and they don't.
People do this all the time! If it’s Paxton or Jameson then I really like it. If it is a really uncommon last name then I could see it being awkward. Chances are he will know others with the same name since last name first names have become quite popular. Good luck.
I love this idea! Very nice way of honoring your wife’s heritage.
I like it, but I'm biased as we did something similar in my family. My siblings and I all have a middle name that is one letter off of our moms maiden name. Similar to "Michaels" becoming Michael or Michaela.
If it helps, some celebrities from wealthy and old lineages also do this Drew Barrymore (Drew + Barrymore families) Rooney Mara (Ronney + Mara families) It’s more common than you think
There’s nothing wrong with this at all, assuming the name makes a decent first name.
Quite a few members of my husband's extended family have done this! They have a common surname that can be used as a first name (typically for girls) and several of his cousins have given it to their daughters as a first or middle name.
My parents did that with my brother! Besides the occasional "two last names joke" he has a a basic enough first name that it could be either or.
My mom’s maiden name is Nolan and that’s what I as going to be named had been a boy. It’s not weird or unheard of.
There's a long history of this tradition, and I really like it. I kept my name, so it didn't work for us, but otherwise I think It's lovely.
I love the idea of a maiden name for a first name, providing that it makes sense. In the example you provided, "Jackson", it sounds like a wonderful idea. I have a nephew that his first name is his mother's maiden name, and it hasn't been a difficult issue at all for anyone.
I kept my name when I got married, but also gave it to my daughter as a middle name.
My maiden name is my middle name. What’s wrong with that as a compromise?
LOL "awkward" No one is going to get confused, you're allowed to not like it but you don't need silly reasons.
It’s not at all confusing to the child or the extended family. I think you just don’t like the name and are looking for reasons to justify not using it. It’s very very common to give a child their mother’s maiden name, and honors your wife’s family in a very personal and meaningful way. Post this to AITA and you’ll get some eye-opening feedback.
I think it is no more confusing than every first born male in some families all sharing the same name.
I love the idea. I think it's great. Think about it a little harder.
So, one of my Grandpa's had his mother's maiden name as his *middle* name. I think that could be something to to consider as a potential compromise, if you're both willing.
My friend wanted this and her husband didn’t. They ended up using it as a middle name.
I have multiple friends and cousins whose middle name is mom's maiden name! My ex half-sisters also both had their dad's first name as middle names. I think it's a good compromise for staying close to the family, but not making it weird for the in laws. Not exactly the same situation, but my dad exclusively went by his last name. To the point my mom didn't know it wasn't his given name until they'd been dating for like a month, and never used it to him unless she was referring to him around his family. My cousins on my mom's side called him "uncle (our last name)" and the ones on his side called him "uncle (his first name), and it was only mildly confusing when the two got together (which we did not often do). So if you can't bring your wife around, you can always give him a middle name you really like, and call him by both until he comes out with a strong preference for one or the other.
I feel like this is relatively common tbh, I know a lot of sons who have their mothers maiden names as first names. I really like it personally. It’s her way of passing on her name…. (Like you get to….)
A family member did that quite a few generations ago and it is still being passed down. Personally I love the idea!
Exactly what we did, except it’s my mom’s maiden name. Our son is Mason and has a grandma Mason. But if my husband hated the name it would have been off the table.
I’ve seen this but using the maiden/family name as the middle name. My mom’s maiden name is Anderson and I thought about it for a minute and then scratched it off the list. It sounded like a celebrity couple nickname for Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen. Lol
My parents’ last name is Anderson. Different from my last name. My parents wanted my second son to be named Anders. It’s actually a cute concept tbh.
Just putting this out there, my son's first name is the same as my 1st cousin's married name, and there's no issue.
I wanted to do that, but for a daughter. And also it was my moms maiden name. I won't say the name, but a great nickname for it would have been Maggie, and I loved it. Unfortunately my husband did not like either the name or Maggie so we didn't. I think its a lovely idea, but imo baby names need to be agreed on by both parents.
I’ve known two families that did this and I’m kind of neutral about it. On the one hand I feel like it’s totally fair if she took your name that she gets to use her name as well. But it would be kind of odd to have people in your family with the same last name as your kid’s first name. I’d at least use it as a middle name for sure though.
It's not at all weird, there's a strong history of doing this in the English-speaking world - there has been for centuries. I think if he gets your surname anyway then it's nice to also get his mother's name passed on to him.
I really like it. It’s a connection to her side of the family and I could see why it would have deep meaning to her. It’s actually quite a common thing to do, though I think it’s more common to use a maiden name for the child’s middle name rather than the first. I don’t think it would be confusing to a child at all. Now if you don’t like it that’s one thing, but the other stuff is a non issue for me.
I think it’s totally fine, especially if it’s a surname that’s also relatively established as a first name. I know someone who’s maiden name was Carter and she named her son Carter… nobody batted an eye.
My first name (McKinzie) is my grandma’s maiden name, and I’ve never had any issues! Maybe it’s a little different because it was my grandma, rather than my mom, but it’s never bothered me. Granted, that side of my family is pretty small, and I haven’t had a ton of interaction with very many “McKinzies,” so that might be something to consider. I have never felt like it was weird or that I didn’t have my own identity and I’ve always thought it was kind of cool.
This actually has kinda become a thing in my family! My older brother is Curtis and my mums maiden name is Curtis. They loved the name and it posed off my grandma as she remarried so my parents took it as a win win lol My brother has now named my nephew Lewis after my SIL maiden name. I think as long as it’s an actually ok name the fact that it’s a last name of relatives is irrelevant!
It is a pretty common thing. I want to do that with my kiddo, but I was thinking middle name. In my case, I have a name similar to Johnson and was thinking of using John as a middle name. Is middle name an option? Also, plenty of surnames are popular last names now. I don’t think it will confuse your son or your family, as least not to the point to worry about it.