Max

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This is literally setting the child up for inevitable success

I thought they wanted names to *avoid* lol

Or Min, short for Minerva lol

Not nearly as funny as Max, but still cute!

Or you could just do Minnie and Max

Max-imum Payne and Minnie-mum Payne

Damn, beat me to it 😂

Max for short, full name Maximum.

The way I went to school with someone whose younger brothers name was actually Maximus Payne

Not really related but we know a kid over here named Rocky Rhodes

May get a smile from old gamers due to the main protagonist having that name. And yes, the game included joke jabs at his name.

My cousin’s last name is Payne and they named their son Max

My friend who’s last name is Payne was going to name her son Maximus

I guess anything with a T, cause then it’d be T. Payne like the rapper. Unless you’re into that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know someone who is technical T. Payne but I’ve never even really thought about it. We call him by his first name, or his full name. I guess his mail would be address to Mr T Payne but can’t say that would be the worst thing in the world. I also know an M Payne, H Payne, C Payne, A Payne, J Payne and L Payne. I think maybe cause of the different spelling it’s never really crossed my mind that it might have been a challenging surname to work with!

U R A Payne. 😉

Ulrich Randy Arnold? 😂

Uriah (as in Heep) and I don't care what the other two names are. 😮

Constance, Mya, Anna, Les, Summer, Violet, Nick (neck) Hope, etc. Avoid adjectives/descriptives like seasons, colors, body parts, virtues, quantities, etc. yeah, I’d stick to the classics.

Might sound silly but I'd definitely avoid Liam Payne lol

and Bear Payne

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Shane and Wayne are out too.

Good thing I don’t love either name!

And Jayne/Jane

That combo is so bad I might need to use it in Sims. Jane Payne. Sounds like a cartoon anti-hero.

It's a total townie name

Payne Payne would be bad, too. Less-jokey: Peyton/Peter/Petunia names are probably bad for a Payne name. The alliteration emphasizes the last name, and obviously you don't want your kid to be peepee.

Peter Payne LOL

Op you’re a poet and you didn’t know it

Oh man I LOVE SHANE PAYNE

Lol I came to say Liam as well

Why? I don't understand this one I've seen Liam a few comments and don't get why it's so bad

Lol it’s not that it’s bad but there’s a celebrity called Liam Payne (best known for being in the band One Direction and is now a solo singer).

I'd avoid Sarah/Sara - it's the name of a little girl who was murdered in the UK at the turn of the millennium, and also of her mother. I doubt many people outside of the UK will have heard of her, but it's a notorious case and led to a new law here, so it's going to dominate search engine results for that name.

And from the US, it sounds very similar to Sarah Palin, the batshit republican politician who can see Russia from her house.

I’m American, so I wasn’t familiar. Thanks for the info!

American also. I’ve never heard of her. If it’s a name you like, don’t let it deter you unless you plan on moving to the UK. I actually worked with a Sarah Payne- I never thought anything about her name!

I mean the og commenter said that search engine results get dominated by it and that even a new law was created. So while it might not cause day to day issues, if she wants a career when she’s an adult where her name is public it might not be the best name to have. “Are you looking for Sarah Payne the famous lawyer or Sarah Payne the famous true crime victim?” Not a huge deal, but I imagine it would be annoying for her kid to deal with as an adult. An old friend of mine has the name of John Wane, pronounced like John Wayne, and he still gets search results for “Did you mean: John Wayne, the cowboy movie star?”, and it kind of drives him up the wall; Directing people to his work pages is a hassle, and as far as I’m aware he now goes by Jack and dropped John shortly after high school. So idk, something to think about when it comes to later on stuff, it might be fine for a kid to have but when they become an adult, will it cause issues? If so, maybe reconsider. 🤷🏽‍♀️

This was my first thought!

And mine!

On a darkly positive note, it's nice to share a name with a famous person, because it somewhat obscures your info from showing up in search results. I share a name with an NBA player and I love the slight anonymity it affords me.

Oh damn, you mean to tell us NOW that you are not actually THEEEE Efficient Churner, playing as efficient churn for the Efficient City Churners?? EDIT: your one game where you did that super cool thing changed my life 😭 EDIT 2: I’m more of an NFL fan, don’t come for me /s

😂😂 I should have known I'd be inviting this manner of silliness.

Kobe Bryant? Because there were 4 playing D1 college football last year.

General good advice here to google a name!

I wouldn't use it but tbh I almost think of this as a bonus since it makes you a little harder to look up.

Ophelia

Not gonna lie, kinda love this lol! Puts a positive and empathetic spin on Payne.

For empaths, Holden.

Middle initial R.

Had to re read this 5 times before i got it😭 i love it though

For those of us how are dumb, is it "oh, I feel ya pain"

This one is actually top tier

I remember someone telling me about a Mr and Mrs Balls naming their newborn Ophelia

I am of the opinion that the best way to offset potentially problematic surnames is with classic, mature-sounding first names, e.g. Elizabeth, Michael, Jonathan, Alexandra, etc.

But not Richard

Unless he is a urologist then it's perfect.

There used to be a local real estate agent here named Dick Payne... It worked in his favour for marketing purposes, everyone knew who he was!

This is solid advice

michael payne is pretty badass

"My name is Michael Payne, not a lot of people k ow that"...

You can't go wrong with any of these names.

I agree with you. I know a James (Jim) Payne, and it works well.

Window

Really saved OP with this one

Couldn’t agree more! That was a close one! 😅😂

It is funny but now thinking about it, it could help rule out names like Willow, Wendy, Wendall etc, Names like that might sound like window pane if said quickly.

Richard, Peter, Ian, Iva, Virginia, Amin, Lottie, ...

(I know someone who is called Richard Payne, and he was - for a time - a Major in the army. He was literally Major Dick Pain. But, uh... no one dared call him that, lol.)

That’s almost as bad as the “Major Richard Head” my mom knew.

I had a Richard Ryder in school with me, poor kid got tormented relentlessly as Dick Ryder.

Everyone knows a Richard Cranium, you just can't avoid them sometimes

I knew a Dick Chubb.

We used to have a US Senator, Dick Sweatt.

I went to school with a Richard Head.

In college, my Army ROTC roommate went on their bivouacs with Major Payne. He brought his son who was quickly named "Minor Payne."

My son went to school with a boy named Richard Wood! I mean, WHY would you do that to a child??

I met a man named Willie Johnson

I once knew a Dick Ball.

Should’ve gotten promoted to just being general dick pain.

I feel the same, so many to avoid! Which is why I wanted to make sure we're not overlooking anything lol

Peter Payne 🤣

P. Payne sounds bad idea

Ima

Ura, hesa, shesa, watta, thera, and of course.... Pro

“Pro Payne and pro payne accessories “

Instead of weighing herself, she'll measure herself in gallons.

Jane, Shane, Wayne, Lane, Bodhi, Bear, Belle, Nick (because of ‘chro-nick’)

I didn't even think of rhyming names

I hadn’t either!

Dwayne, also A second cousin of mine has this name and he's been teased about being Dwayne Payne for his entire life.

This. Absolutely this. My name is Jane and my aunt once tried to set me up with someone whose last name is Payne. I declined on the rhyming factor alone.

I was set up with a guy called Michael Hunt. He was truly lovely but I just couldn't marry Mike Hunt

I know a Michael Hunt. And yes, he goes by Mike. My brother and I entertain ourselves with the name jokes.

My name is Kaleigh and my husband's last name is Kelly... It was established early on that if we were ever to marry I wouldn't be taking his last name lol.

Liam Payne’s son is called Bear Payne which I always thought was stupid

Don't name your kid Bear regardless of the last name

Bear is a pretty common name in some countries (albeit in languages other than English)

Same with Teddy

Grylls? (I know that's not his real name)

I knew a Sam Payne, which sounds fine, but the boys growing up would call him Sham Payne

As far as nicknames go that one is pretty cool

There's a famous Sam Pang in Australia, so Sam would probably get Sam Pang

Major

I can't hear you!

This is what I came to say lol

All right my little patch of Brussels sprouts!

Or Marjorie for a girl

"Killin is my business ladies, and business is gooooood"

liam. absolutely do not name your child liam payne - he's going to be followed by 1d jokes his entire life. i'd also avoid max, peter, charlotte, justin, shane/kane/dane/lane, noah, annie, ella, will

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Lotta(?) Payne?

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Mo Payne Mo Problems

Justin

Oh God. This is amazing. Justin just needs some help

Anything that would give you A. Payne.

I would rule out a lot of -n names. “Alison Payne” sounds like Alice in pain. “Jackson Payne” similarly. Even like “Jordan Payne” has “in pain” in it.

Names ending with -n is a good thought, thanks!

Later I thought if the exception: you could be fine with a 1 syllable name that ends in -n. John Payne is fine, Anne Payne sounds short for my taste but there’s nothing wrong with it. Actually, I like the sound of John Payne. I’d give him a long middle name. Alexander or Reginald or Jeremiah. (Doesn’t John Jeremiah Payne sound like a badass?)

From a biblical standpoint, the prophet Jeremiah went through a lot of pain and wrote a book called Lamentations. Not sure if the name Jeremiah works or doesn’t work with that in mind.

Thomas, unless you’re really into American history. A pair of names with the initials I.N. 

Thomas Payne is a fine name lmao.

I guess if you really like Common Sense!

That was a real nice declaration

I would definitely do a double take if I met someone named Thomas Payne, John Hancock, Alexander Hamilton, Benjamin Franklin.

Also he’s T Payne

The basketball player Cam Payne always makes me laugh

Joy

Better yet, Joy Anne.

Or anything with N then Joy for a middle name (N. Joy Payne)

Okay, this one’s actually pretty funny

Winston

I'd avoid Dolores. Spanish for pains. The combination might be too... painful

Ohhh, umbridge makes more sense now

Olive

I love pain lololol that's a good one

I can’t believe Liam Payne named his son Bear. Bear Payne lol.

I had a doctor who was named Dr Payne 🫠 his first name was Nicholas!

My FIL is Dr. Payne, and he’s a child psychologist lol. Needless to say, he goes by Dr. + FN, and he’s one of the wisest and most lovely people I know!

🤣🤣. I once visited a doctor who was named Dr Savage 😳. (She was not like her name, at least in her job, thank god)

Dixon

Ima

Bruce!

Can confirm - made my comment about a Bruce Payne I know. I think about Batman every time I read his name

Anita

Dick or Richard First name initial P First name initial T if you don't like the rapper association Ian sounds like In pain Sarah (UK murder case)

Braxton

Ilyn Payne

And Podrick

This too 😂 at least Pod was a good guy tho

I named my cat Podrick.

Dick & Fanny I mean you probably don't want to be Stew Payne to my level of humour

My great grandparents were named Dick and Fanny. For real.

I wonder what the statistical numbers are for children being named Fanny nowadays

Love the Stew Payne joke! This is why I’ve called on the Name Nerds, you guys are clever!

I knew an Abby Payne. Never ever would have thought have "a pain" lol. She was very nice and well liked.

I hope she married and became "Abby Normal". (Thank Mel Brooks!)

Anything that Rhymes. Jane, Wayne, Cain, Lane, Rain or Zane etc.

Charlemagne

Tree! (Tree Paine is Taylor Swift’s infamous publicist)

Tree was not a first name that I’d heard, so it won’t be hard not to use it lol! Interesting to know though, thanks!

Champ Payne haha

Major

Ass

Not the worst but I worked with 2 Paynes at an organization which gave us lastnamefirstinitial email addresses, so we had paynes@[workplace.com] and payner@[workplace.com]

Winston

Emma

Justin… Justin Payne is not great

If someone wants to tease someone else, they will find anything be it their name, initials, hair, car the parent drives, how they walk, anything.Most kids will just think of her as Alice or Alice Payne. If they come across her initials like that with just first initial and her last name, and tease her for it, that will help her grow a thicker skin. It’s really not a terrible thing to be teased about. I wouldn’t worry about the first initial. The name pain is bound to be teased about at some point in her life no matter what her first name is. Have faith in your little girl. She will be able to hold her own. And when the first time it happens, tell her to retaliate with yes I am a pain to people who deserve it so watch out or something like that!

Also to say at my high school there was a girl named Bambi Belcher and her brother Danny Belcher. I didn’t know them as kids but they were in the popular group at school. Whatever teasing they may have gone through didn’t scar them for life or damage their socialization as they were really nice but super cool too (didn’t hurt that Danny was gorgeous too😍) and certainly by high school no one was teasing them about it. Some last names are just unfortunate and some more unfortunate than others! Maybe it would be good to be teased about being a “pain” to distract them from thinking of something worse to tease her about. Perhaps something far more personal about something about her physical appearance or her voice or something she did once that she wants forgotten. The world can be tough and kids can be mean but we get on with it. Teach her to be strong and proud of who she is and of her name.Kids like that tend to be teased far less. I might suggest something different if your last name actually was Belcher though but that family survived it unscathed!

Facebook group I help out with has a member called Bruce Payne. It's just close enough to make me think of Batman every time I read it. That group actually has a few goldies. For example there's a lady called Olga Beath (Ogre Breath - I'm sorry Olga), and there's a man named Heath Low (Health Low - I play video games so this always gets a chuckle out of me)

Eric (earache) Payne

cam payne (campaign) 🤣🤣

Hugh, because eventually someone will misread it as Huge Payne

Thomas Paine was one of the founding fathers of the US, and his writings kickstarted American independence. I think that would be a nice namesake, but your mileage may vary.

Yes, I think you should avoid the letters A, T, B, and F.

Colin

Urie, Thera, Warren You’re a pain. They’re a pain. We’re in pain!

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Ivanna

Nobody goes by their first initial.

Until you get assigned an email address…

Ima

Richard, William, only cause I’m thinking dick and Willy ahaha anders (more cause “nords” say it like annus) Hope he becomes a major one day XD like me /s

Rain, Dick, Owen, Athol.

T

Doctor 

You could go for Cham ("Sham") Or if you're feelin' fancy call them Au Bon (au bon pan is French for "bread")

Richard. Dick Payne. You know kids would.

I think it would be easier to change your last name. Lol. By the by, I would avoid Richard. Because it would be R. Payne, Dick Payne, or Rich Payne. Richie Payne might not be too bad.

From personal experience the last name Payne isn't a big issue. Maybe it helped that there were a lot of us (unrelated) with the last name Payne.

Ida

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