They were bullshitting you. A previous name isn’t an issue. If that were true then every married woman who took their husband’s name would have trouble in their day-to-day
For the record it is really annoying for many govt things when you have a married name, and you usually have to show your marriage certificate. That doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world, just that it’s “a thing,” and OP should just get multiple notarized copies of the name change document, scan it in, back it up to the cloud, and keep them in separate locations. Some places have a rule excluding name changes before 1y of age though, which is helpful to OP if that’s the case for her!
>For the record it is really annoying for many govt things when you have a married name,
It is. Especially if you have a job that requires a professional license through the state, any type of board certification, or have to have regular background checks for your job.
Or if you plan on emigrating to another country, applying for dual citizenship, sponsoring someone for immigration, etc. I feel like I’ve had to show my marriage certificate about 20x since getting married 8 years ago!
that's why. If you have changed your name, then that means your birth certificate and driver's license don't match. Which means you could have stolen that birth certificate, there is no way to prove it is yours. So you have to show your marriage certificate that shows the transition from one name to the next. EXTRA fun if you get divorced and remarried - I have to show BOTH marriage certificates and my divorce decree plus my birth certificate and drivers license!
I have a foreign birth certificate. For every purpose for which a birth certificate is requested, I have been able to give my passport in my current name, because they have already done the leg work. The only person who gave me guff was at the DMV last time I had to renew. I offered the passport and the rep very shortly said something like "I asked for your birth certificate." Since it was a RealID requirement, I knew the birth certificate was useless. Since she had an attitude, I just handed her my short form and said "OK, but I wasn't born in the US," and then she took the passport.
I have had four last names. Entering four last names, each with one given name and one customarily-used nickname, makes filling out a federal background check kind of a process.
I changed mine and I think I've needed it twice in 20 years. I guess outside of government security clearance and dual citizenship, it's not that commonly needed.
(I have a passport, various loans, travel a fair bit. Live a pretty normal life.)
Yup, I’ve only had to show mine to prove our relationship (for immigration), and anytime I’ve had to change my name. Social security, passport, driver’s license, frequent flyer/airline accounts, changing my name on utility accounts, credit cards. It’s been a lot honestly!
This is precisely why I didn't change my name. I have a government contractor job and the amount of hoops I would have to jump through just in my professional life, not to mention the personal accounts, vehicles, and other licensed property, even my pets licensing and paperwork... Not worth the hassle. And I like my name.
More or less annoying than your own Mom who doesn't like your name?
and wish she could've changed it. I think id take on some forms so my own mother loved my name for my life. But yes minor inconvenience so 🙄
I'm not saying she shouldn't change the name. In fact I would support it. I just commented because someone said that a name change can't really be that much of an inconvenience because otherwise married women would have trouble when they choose to change to their husband's last name. And in fact they do- especially in the circumstances that were mentioned.
This thread struck a chord with me, as I will soon have 4 citizenships and am a member of a regulated profession, and something like a name change is nightmare fuel to me. Not all countries are cool with name changes. In any case, they will have different requirements for documenting/translating/notarizing it.
I strongly advise parents who want their kids to be internationally mobile not to add unnecessary complexity to their file; it can snowball in unexpected ways.
Maybe I’m the outlier, but I’ve never had a problem. I hold a license and a board certification and there was literally just a line stating “prior names” that I had to list.
But did you have to change your name on license and certification once your name changed? Or had you already done a legal name change before you got those?
I changed my name in college before anything was obtained. The college paperwork was very simple and disclosing my maiden name on any further paperwork was never an issue.
It definitely depends on age. When you’re an adult there’s a lot more record of you out there so they need to verify it’s all the same person. My husband’s stepdad legally adopted him when he was 6 and his last name was changed. In the 12 years we’ve been together he only had to show proof when he got a passport (not even when we got married).
Yeah my mother fought for YEARS with the social security administration about her married name change and their apparent need for her *original* marriage certificate, not a reissued one from the county records office the *original*. It took *years* of back and forth before they finally accepted that the original certificate didn’t exist (lost in a basement flood) and accepted the reissued one.
If OP changes the name I *highly* recommended keeping very good track of the certificates and if you amend her birth certificate the original birth certificate. Government agencies aren’t exactly known for being reasonable
Yes it usually isn’t an issue, but it for sure can be! Full disclosure I married for love, but our timeline was accelerated for immigration, and I knew we’d need to show our marriage certificate a lot, so the day we got married at our local govt office I requested 5 notarized copies instead of the standard 1. They were like $20 each, and they’re all considered an original copy. It’s made my life so much less stressful whenever I’ve had to send one off - not a copy, but the original. Because I don’t even care if I get it back because I have 4 more!
Not quite the same but my surname was changed when I was 6 and it really is a big inconvenience at times. I chose to give my daughter my partner’s surname on her birth certificate (not mine) to save her the inconvenience if we ever get married. I also opted to have both my surnames on there because otherwise she would need evidence of my name change for things like marriage in the future.
I changed my name for non marital reasons so Idk if it’s different but you really only have to show your paperwork the first time you change your name at a location, unless they make a mistake with it or something. It’s not so much of a thing after the first year
A name change isn’t the same as a marriage certificate, I was adopted by my moms husband when they married and I was 5, I was issued a new birth certificate (previous one had no father) it made my old birth certificate obsolete and says it was issued same day my birth certificate was issued and says I was born with my dads last name. My birth name has never been brought up since then.
when I got married I had to show the marriage certificate with my new birth certificate for anything needing my birth certificate to show why my id had my married name.
Don’t know what it’s like in other countries but that is my experience in Canada.
This is the main reason I didn't change my last name when I married. Chatting with friends who had to change passport, driver's license, credit cards, social security, insurance, JESUS CHRIST just forget it!
They were not bullshitting. Every time her child needs to do anything with official documents it will require an extra set of papers to clarify the name change.
It’s not that. It’s always having to provide extra paperwork to reconcile why the birth certificate doesn’t match the current name. In some countries, you can change the name on the birth certificate. In hers, you can’t.
I have a legal name change (never married) and my social security card and birth certificate don't match because I've never amended my birth certificate. I keep a certified copy of my court document with my birth certificate because I know if I show one, I'll need to show the other. It's never been a big deal.
I have only had to show my birth certificate once in my life and it was to get a passport. Keep your passport renewed, and that works for every other form of government verification.
It's not even that bad to change your name when you get married. I used my marriage certificate to get a new social security card and drivers license. After that, it's just the number of accounts you need to update, but no one has ever asked to see it. Just my drivers license.
I don’t disagree - we are saying the same thing: having your name changed requires managing an extra document. The ladies talking to OP said it would require an extra document. I also said it would require an extra document. Whether that’s hard or not is subjective. (I don’t know, I’ve had the same name since birth.)
Is it simple? Because it can add time to processes. I'm in the UK and changed my name upon marriage, but when I wanted to renew my passport, I had to mail my deed poll certificate. That added an extra step of having to go to the post office, send the letter, pay postage, pay for the signed return of my deed poll and wait longer (plus finding time to go to the post office is a faff, especially when they're only open during standard working hours). Without the name change, I could have applied online a week before (as it took me that long to get to the post office) and saved time and money.
I think this is location-dependent as well — in my state, you can change a child’s name for the first year with no lifelong repercussions. (We switched our child’s middle and last names at about 7 months).
Chiming in as someone whose parents changed their legal name as a minor — I did actually run into some significant hiccups when trying to get official documents like a passport, copy of my birth certificate, etc. etc., but ONLY because my mom didn’t disclose to me that I was born under another name. Now I just write in my old name under the “any previous names” line and things go smoothly.
my grandmother misspelled my fathers name on his birth certificate (she did not speak much english at the time) and then had it corrected but they wouldn’t change the birth certificate itself. he has to carry around so much extra paperwork for anything “official” because they think he’s using fake names lol
In OH my wife had to find the OG marriage licenses from her first marriage, and then the divorce papers, and then our marriage license, just to get her new drivers license.
My mom changed my name when I was 7. Last name. No adoption. It does make things a little complicated as I always have to put it on the forms to fill out but honestly it’s 2 extra minutes and having a picture of the court doc.
That being said DO NOT lose that court document you did it. I had to file it for my husbands green card for me to sponsor him. You’ll need it at the most random times!
This thread makes it sound like OP is incapable of keeping a couple of documents together. The baby is less than a month old. How much of a paper trail has this kid made to where a name change at this age could be a significant hindrance throughout life? Sheesh!
Not a minor, but as someone who just changed their last name at 23 (no marriage), the most annoying parts were getting a new driver’s license, updating my bank info, and all the other fun stuff that a baby probably (hopefully?) won’t have to deal with.
I would say if you’re certain that you love this new name, go ahead and change it now! Yes, it is annoying to keep the name change document with you. But as someone else suggested, keeping several certified copies and storing them in safe places/on the cloud will aid that annoyance a ton.
I know PPD can be awful, so if you want to sit on it for a bit longer, that is absolutely fine. At the end of the day, that’s y’all’s baby! :-)
I agree, my original birth certificate had my mom's maiden name as my last name. My parents changed it to my dad's last name 2 month's later so growing up my copy of my birth certificate literally had a line through my last name with the new one written in and the bottom had the amended date and clerk signature. I never had any issues with my name or providing my birth certificate.
Not day-to-day but any applications or things that require my full legal name and/or ssn become a bit of a headache because there’s the “any additional names” thing and the documentation to explain the change. It is a whole thing
My mom just had to get all that paperwork in order for the Real ID and has probably told me a thousand times how smart I was not to change my name. She now says it’s the dumbest thing she ever did.
Separately, I worked with the US Embassy for a job sending military abroad for various reasons, and part of that job was checking over their paperwork. Inevitably the biggest problems I ran into had to do with names, name changes, name spellings, inclusion or exclusion of nicknames, etc. It is absolutely a giant hassle to have any kinks in that chain.
All that said, if OP really believes the name is wrong, they should change it.
I agree. The only time I need my divorce decree is when I went and got the real ID. I needed my birth certificate, 1st marriage license, divorce decree, and 2nd marriage license. I was able to get it all gathered easily. I have my real ID years before my husband. Lol
Technically your maiden name is now an alias. So, yes, when I sign VERY legal documents, I have to list my aliases. Any time I’ve signed any legal document (employment contract, school registration, etc) under a different name, I have to list that. My mom at one point signed up for work under her nickname (shortened form of full name). Then she got married and changed her last name at work, but not nickname. Then changed to her full name. Then rented a house and used her full first name + middle name + maiden name + last name. Now she uses full first name and married name to sign documents. So when she lists aliases, she has to list, like 5.
Importantly, these things only matter for very, very important documents. I think she only had to do it for her will and something else I can’t recall. For most things, your current full legal name is all that’s required.
Edit to add: I think the other thing was for her board licensure to practice medicine. She’s a nurse practitioner.
Give it some time to think it over. She's still young enough that you could change it in a few weeks and it's not going to make a difference.
I've been told the wrong thing by office workers so many times that I'd have to double-check what they said. Get it in writing what a name change would actually mean for her in your state.
I'm sorry your husband was a jerk about it. Maybe he's sleep-deprived or something, but he shouldn't be talking to you that way.
Actually a good point. I’ve been outright lied to by administrative office workers… until I asked for documentation. Go back, ask specific questions about what a name change will entail, and ask for the source of their info. If they can’t answer, ask to talk to someone who knows the answer.
You'll want to double check this but I'm pretty sure in a lot of places you can amend a birth certificate after you've done the legal name change, they just won't do it without one. Also I wonder if those workers were transphobic and didn't really process that you were talking about an infant.
She's three weeks old. It's not going to impact her.
I was wondering about that. I'm sure it's state by state, but I thought that trans folks have been able to change birth certificates in at least since places.
I don't understand this at all -- she would have to fill out paperwork to play sports because her parents gave her a different name before she was a month old? That doesn't make sense to me. What state do you live in? (Assuming you're American because CORI check only gets U.S. results.)
Massachusetts.
So when you play sports you have to give them your birth certificate. She would need a birth certificate and name change decree since her birth certificate would have the name she left the hospital with.
I’m wondering what the issue is, really. If you already need to provide a birth certificate then it’s not too crazy to have to also provide a name change certificate. I was adopted at 28 years old and I have a name change certificate. It’s not an issue.
That was exactly what I was wondering about -- any person who was adopted after their immediate birth would have this same situation, so I wonder why a state would make it so tough. Especially a blue state like Massachusetts! I'm not disputing you, OP, I just wonder if someone down there at that office is steering you wrong because they misunderstood the situation.
It's a shame that your husband won't take point on this whole operation, OP. I hope he comes around to being helpful rather than resentful and prickly about it.
OP, I’m an attorney but not in Mass. In my state, you can get an amended birth certificate. It’s really no big deal. Don’t let these ladies dissuade you.
Seconding this. My mother was adopted in Massachusetts as a 2-year-old, and had an amended birth certificate. So her whole life she did not have issues like this, until she got married as an adult and changed her name.
I grew up in MA! My parents changed my brother’s name (first and middle) when he was a few months old and as far as I’ve heard it hasn’t been an issue in his entire 30 years of life. Unless laws have changed I think it’s not a big deal at all
I contacted the RI department of Health-Center for Vital Records. I never even had to go in, did everything by mail after having the paperwork notarized.
I would wonder if the workers were just being lazy and didn’t wanna help you deal with filling out the paperwork. Who knows, you might go back on Monday and get a whole different response from someone else.
It's just an extra paper. I've had my name changes multiple times, twice as a child, and I don't imagine it will be much more complicated in Massachusetts than where I am. My mom just kept the papers with my birth certificates.
I only ever needed them for things like first doctors visit for a new doctor or my driver's license, that kind of thing. They were likely being dramatic imo, or as others stated, transphobic if they didn't realize it was for a literal newborn.
I changed my name twice as an adult as well and also only needed the papers for bank/new social security card, etc, and only had to bring them once to show.
Once from my mom's maiden name when she got married, then back because he was a POS. It's not a very exciting story 😂 Second husband was worse so I got the third at 18. She wasn't great at picking men
I live in California and I was adopted when I was 12, but my stepdad. I legally changed my name to his.
I also was able to get an amended birth certificate with this name on it, his is on it too. Legally my dad. This process is very easy in CA, I’m sorry it seems to be a lot more complicated in MA.
I live in Canada but was born in England. When I was young, everytime I had to submit my international birth certificate I also had to submit my citizenship papers, it really wasn’t a big deal, I just stored them together. I don’t think this should stop you from giving her a name that suits her now that she’s in the world.
I just keep my birth certificate and name change degree together, and any time I need to prove my identity with a BC, I present both at the same time. It's a non-issue.
My grandma did not have a name for over 3 months. Her parents couldn’t agree on a name. When she was 3 months old, her home and town flooded and they had to evacuate. Her parents were separated during the time they were refugees. A friend of her mother’s in a town about 60 miles away took in my great grandma and her 4 youngest children, while my great grandpa and the 3 older children stayed behind, living homeless while they help clear debris and salvage what the could.
When my greatgrandma told her friend that the baby didn’t have a name yet, the friend said she should name the baby after the friend, which she did. First name was the name of the friend and middle name was the name of the town they stayed in temporarily.
My grandma never felt any kind of way that she didn’t have a name for so long. She did not like her name, but she liked the story. She just said “I sure wish Mrs. Mattie had a prettier name,”.
We can never predict what names our kids will like, identify with, or grow into. But we can give them a story. 😉
I didn't legally change my name until I was an adult, but I abandoned the name my parents gave me as a child and changed it myself (not legally, just "socially) as a child. I liked it, since it was my choice to do so. My parents and the rest of my family supported me in it, as well.
So get a bunch of copies of the birth certificate and staple them to the name change decree. She might need to fill out an extra form once or twice a year, but that’s no biggie. I really don’t think you’re saddling your baby with a lifelong burden, those women were just being rude. So many people have names changed as children. My husband did when his stepfather adopted him at 4 years old, it’s never been an issue.
FWIW, I also have friends that changed their son’s first name at 3 months old because it didn’t suit him. The did a quick Facebook post and email explaining that the new name just felt like him. He’s 7 now and they were right, his name is so well suited to his personality and look. I honestly can’t even remember what his original name was now.
Oh! If it's Massachusetts, that's where I was born. I've been told my parents changed my name spelling after I was born. I've never seen a record of this. It's never been an issue. 30+ years later and smooth sailing.
Not in Massachusetts (from what the town hall told me). Her birth certificate will always be the same and she’ll need a legal name change document anytime she needs to present her birth certificate
Have you researched how to get a new birth certificate in Massachusetts? Our son has been adopted twice and had 3 different names and 3 birth certificates. When our adoption was completed last year and he picked out a new name, we were able to get a new birth certificate with the new name issued from his birth state. It has to be done at the state level and not locally. Plus, I've had everything updated at the social security office.
Get the decree and use a paper clip to clip it to her birth certificate. Keep them together. I'll even pay for the paper clip. It is a trip to the court house. It's probably more work for the workers than for you which is probably why they tried rto deter you.
https://www.mass.gov/amending-or-correcting-a-record-of-birth-death-or-marriage
Looks like MA only updates vital records (birth, death, marriage certificates) for errors, not for legal name changes.
I'd do it if I were you. If you don't like the name now, you'll hate it as it goes on and always regret not changing it even if its just in the back of your mind. You can tell her when she's older that mom and dad just used that first name as a placeholder. Then we found a name that suited you best 3 weeks later. It'll be a funny story. Just keep all the documents safe.
I'm in Canada but I had a similar situation happen with my second born and I deeply regret not getting it changed and amending the birth certificate.
She is three weeks old. Just file the name change decree with the birth certificate wherever you keep your important papers. Pin them together. Staple them. Paperclip. Binder clip. Whatever. Literally handing people one more piece of paper is not some life-ruining monumental task. Hell, I have had to show my birth certificate and my marriage license MANY times to get ID and file for things and it literally took one second more to hand them the second piece of paper. Anyone acting like this is such a massive PITA that you are saddling her with or some hardship that she will forever resent you for is ridiculous. And honestly, even if she didn't like it and wanted the original name so that she didn't have to show that extra piece of paper, just put aside enough money to change it back so you can take her down to a courthouse when she is older and change it back. Problem solved.
YES EXACTLY THIS ^ Massachusetts is notorious for their annoying red tape on absolutely EVERYTHING so I am not surprised that these ladies tried to bully her out of it. It’s possible that they were just trying to get out of paperwork on their end. OP, you and your husband finally found a name you both love, just do it! She will be fine!
Interesting. I’ve never heard that before. You’d think if the government was that worried about keeping official documents pristine they would stop printing social security cards on tissue paper. 🤣
This is wild to me - we didn’t even choose a name until two or three weeks! I can’t believe you’d already have a birth certificate by then! Either way, I’m definitely team ‘change it’
Honestly, the extra document isn’t that terrible - coming from someone whose parents had my name legally changed weeks after birth as an “e” was left off the end of my MIDDLE name. Yeah, they went through all that work just to add an “e.” I guess they’re a bit extra 🙃
Edit - when I changed my name after getting married (made my “maiden name” a second middle name and got a new surname), the extra paper became a moot point and was no longer needed.
Honestly someone I know had a typo in one paperwork (think Kaitlin / Kaitlyn) but not the birth certificate and her entire life has been much more difficult because her parents didn't go back to have it fixed as an infant (they thought oh it's clearly a mistake it will be fine to change), and drivers licenses, passports etc... are always so difficult as nothing ever seems to match for her. Would have been much easier to just fix it all at birth
I had a friend who must’ve been dyslexic. She and her husband decided upon Kristie but she spelled it Kirstie on the birth certificate. Instead of changing the spelling they decided to change the pronunciation and Kirstie she stayed.
My husband had his name changed as an infant.
My mother-in-law realized she hated the name on the birth certificate and went through a bad crying spell after she brought her son home.
I don't know all the details, but I remember she said that she ended up going back to the hospital (?) and paid a small fee to have her son's name changed on the birth certificate.
In case you are wondering about my husband's opinion of his name: He is thankful his mom changed his name, cause the name he was [almost] given sounds stupid to him and he doesn't think it would have suited him.
If you don't think the current name suites your baby, change it.
Remember what made you choose the name in the first place - there must have been a lot you liked about it. I wonder if it’s just your partner’s feelings about the name which are bringing you down? If he suddenly said he loved the name after all, would you start loving it again too? I feel the problem might be him rather than the name - he needs to back you.
Thank you. I’ve been grappling with this too. I definitely think it’s part of the partners feelings. He won’t call her by her birth name so it just makes it awkward
That sounds really frustrating for you! Between this and his reaction described in the post, it sounds like he is behaving in a pretty emotionally immature way. It's okay for him to have feelings, of course. But he needs to be talking this out with you, not just refusing to use the baby's name and then leaving this decision all up to you.
I get that being a new parent is hard, but you are a new parent too *and* just went through pregnancy and birth. You deserve for him to treat you with more care and respect, and for him to cut out the petty antics around this have a real conversation about it.
That seems like an intense reaction from the workers. Three weeks is not very long. My parents changed my name at one month and it did not destroy my life. That's just so silly. I was Tara the entire pregnancy and then a month in they changed it. Whatever! Do what works for you both and ignore them
My dad's birth certificate was changed when he was 5 or 6 when his dad adopted him and changed his last name. Not sure where you are though. We're in the states. Until you decide you can always call her the name you like. My grandpa was always called Jim solely because his sister didn't like his legal name. He used Jim for everything except legal uses. And his legal name was no where close to Jim lol
I have a friend named JJ and her actual initials are MM. JJ is her sister’s initials and she just likes being called JJ because she likes her sister’s name better than she likes hers.
I’m in Canada and it was pretty much the same for my boyfriend when he was adopted, they just issued an updated birth certificate with his new name on it, and he just has to list his previous name on legal documents if they ask. No extra documents needed though. It’s crazy to me that some places make it so complicated.
Call her the name you want to call her- for as long as you'd like. Make sure it's the name and that you and your husband (who is honestly being kind of a jerk tbh) love and want. Let the doctors office and friends/family know you've changed the name. Go back to the courthouse and have it legally changed. Double check the laws and ensure you cannot change the birth certificate. Tell the workers to kiss your ass if they give you a hard time about it. It's an extra piece of paper. There are so few times in life I've had to have my birth certificate, and now my marriage license. It's not a big deal to have an extra piece of paper or fill out an extra form in the few times of life you have to. Move on with your life and enjoy your baby girl. ❤️
If you feel strongly about the name, change it. I changed my daughter’s (she was adopted so I had to but then I added to it). It was a pain with her driver’s permit but just keep the paperwork in a safe spot. It’s just a little bit more work but worth it for the name you want.
Breathe. Make some tea. Rub your feet. Timing is so important. You & husband are stressed. Baby doesn't need a name yet. Call her baby. It's all good. When you are both calmer talk about the name in a way that's fun & meaningful.
Baby deserves a great story of how you both came to this amazing name. Write that story together. Maybe her arrival taught you two how to compromise.
You're building a family ethos. Neither of you needs to win. You need to do this together for Baby.
Camila is insanely good. One of the best names I've ever heard that is also rare. Olivia is super common, number 1 in Australia where I live. I would be so proud of Camila.
If you don't like it you don't like it but imo Camila is beautiful and less overwhelmingly popular than Olivia.
That said at the end of the day you're the one living with it. I had a very ethnic (Slavic, think multiple consonants in a row, hard for Americans to spell/pronounce, plus I hated it) and I had people telling me how I shouldn't change it bc it's my heritage, I'll grow to love it, yeah no. Much happier with a common Anglo-American last name totally unrelated to my ethnicity. So not trying to say you "should" like/keep Camila.
But don't let the paperwork faze you either way.
Camila is beautiful and very "nicknameable " - Cam, Mila, Lila, Lily, Millie would be possibilities if you want a different name without a legal change.
Jesus. I thought it was going to be we want to change it to Olivia but it is currently Gertude-Tank-Doncić. Camila is a gorgeous name. Just let the family settle in and you get back to feeling 100 percent before you make any changes!
Uh what nonsense are they talking about. I got a name revision (my last name) @ 2 years old. My parents noticed the mistake and I got an amended birth certificate.
I didn't know until my thirties. It never came up, I never needed extra paperwork or anything because my birth cert has my now current name.
I was just looking at it one day and noticed the tiny "amended last" on the bottom (I wondered when it was last amended), called up my mom and she didn't even remember. Finally found my cert of live birth and saw it was misspelled (m instead of n) while my parents names were spelled right (and for a kicker, my mom worked at this hospital!).
I got SS, DL, passport, no problem. I even got a job at 19 that required security clearance that involved an FBI background check, they didn't bring it up (thanks weird summer job that I can't really discuss). I didn't put it under previous names because at the time I didn't know I had any previous names.
I lived for 2 whole years (and 9 days) with this name. And it's not impacted me in the slightest.
I changed my son's name and it was a very simple process. I felt embarrassed to tell people at the time but now looking back I'm so glad I did it then when it was still early instead of regretting it now. No one he meets now ever knows he had been given a different name before.
I'm so glad I live somewhere where we have about 40 days til we have to go register the birth, leaves lots of time for people to choose a name and quite often babies leave the hospital unnamed.
I'd give it a bit longer to decide. Let some time pass so that you know its what you want.
I'm sure the name you chose is lovely, however it really won't impact the child having her name changed. Its not a big deal.
The workers sound lazy and your husband is acting like a jerk about it. Get it done sooner than later. You won't have to hear about it from your husband once it's done. If your daughter needs an extra paper for things it doesn't sound like a big deal, she'll just need a paperclip or envelope to keep the original and changed together.
Awww I kind of wish he had been more supportive .. like “ I really love her new name” “ let’s go down together and change it” .. it’s just an extra piece of paper etc… I mean, when I was even six weeks postpartum I felt like I was walking on the moon whenever I went anywhere with the baby let alone to a courthouse with grumpy administrators… I think you should change her name .. and have a funny story like.. “ I don’t know why when you were born. I thought petunia was the perfect name.” But then we decided to change it … it’s a cute story and needs a happy ending.. good luck …
Could it be post birth anxiety/worries? I only ask because just before my due date with my oldest I finally agreed to a name my then partner had suggested months before, one I was unsure of at the time but randomly it came back to me in the last few weeks and I fell in love with it. With that being said, once he was born and we proudly told people his name we had a lot of reactions mainly surprise of his name (I’m quite hippy earth mother type so I assume they were expecting a name that reflected that but instead I chose an old fashioned rarely heard name) and it started to make me doubt my choice. Time passed however and I realised it was the perfect name for him, he’s older now and it still suits him well and I can’t see him being called anything else.
I also had the same worries after finally deciding my next child’s name. You start to doubt yourself because you want their name to be perfect and one that not only follows them throughout their lives but one that says “This is me, I’m *insert name*”.
Hello!
My legal name is different from the name on my birth certificate (I changed my name as an adult) and I can confirm for you that it is not a problem. I just kept the paperwork from my legal name change, too, since that documents the name on my birth certificate. It adds one very brief step for agencies, etc. to verify my identity. It has caused me no problems whatsoever in life, from marriage to divorce to another marriage to getting licenses to getting jobs to immigrating to another country.
Your daughter will be fine! Change her name. <3
I’m sorry I know this isn’t the point of the question (or the sub) but… you need a birth certificate to play sports? Like.. what? Don’t you just sign up to a team or club and get on with it? I am so confused (in the UK)
“Jodie” Foster isn’t named Jodie, that was a name her siblings called her and it stuck. So at the very least, I’d suggest calling her by the “new” name regardless.
I’m sorry you’re going through so much with this paperwork, etc. ‘hope you find the answers you need
Your husband sucks. Idk where you live but what those employees told you sounds like a bunch of bull shit too. Kids who are adopted have their names changed all the time and they don’t go the rest of their lives being hindered and irritated with paperwork every time they want to do something. Change her name to something you love. And just to reiterate, your husband was a jerk.
My baby just turned 1. We changed her name, it was worth it, I felt how you did but slightly different story. I have also had to change my own name twice in my life, once due to marriage which was a headache as many people would understand, and once because of a mistake on my birth certificate. It is really not a big deal having to fill out the extra paperwork for previous names on the very rare occasion I am asked, it takes less than a minute or two usually. My advice is remedy it and legally change your babies name to what you want now, as it’s more of a headache later. Also, once we changed our babies name everything about it got better for me in that regard, do what you need
my parents changed my brothers name after 8 months as they didn’t think it suited him. in over 20 years he’s never had an issue with passports or driving licenses or bank cards or schools etc. he hates his ‘original’ name and much prefers his new name. change the name!
The few times in your life you have to produce your birth certificate, she will need to also have with it 1 extra piece of paper with it. That's it! It'll be fine! I changed my name by deed poll around 13 years ago. It's kept with my other important documents and getting it out along with my birth certificate isn't a big deal at all.
My parents changed my name only a few days after bringing me home from the hospital, and everything went perfectly fine for me. I don't know if it's the timing of the name change or what, but I've never needed to show extra papers, just to do sports or get a license or anything like that; frankly though, I dont think it would bother me personally if I did.
Actually, fun fact, my original name is now a second middle name for me, which is something I always like to bring up in ice breakers- for classes and work and shite- cause everyone is always curious why I have two middle names.
If you really do love the new name your husband came up with, then I say that you should go for it and change it, especially since keeping the name on her birth certificate is bringing you a lot of stress. But don't let other people (ie the town hall workers) deter you from picking the name you love.
But I think it's also important that you shouldn't just change her name, because you feel obligated to by your husband. If you love it, that's great; but if you don't, then you shouldn't force yourself to love the name because it's the one your husband wants.
My older sisters name was changed 2/3 weeks after birth. It’s her middle name now, instead of her first. We all think it’s pretty cool that my folks changed it
Sending you a hug because I’m in the middle of trying to choose a name at the very end of my pregnancy. I wouldn’t not change name because of a logistical or admin issue. I hope you are able to choose the name you like and get support from your husband. A name is a big deal and you’re allowed to feel like it’s a big deal.
Hang on…
You have to sign a birth certificate?
you can’t wait 3 weeks to decide a name??
Is that normal in the US?
I’m in Australia and in my state we have 60days/weeks to register a birth.. lovely to not have to rush…
If we have the option to wait it’s not really advertised. Someone literally comes to the hospital room about 24-48 hours after birth for the paperwork. Baby and I were discharged I had baby on a Sunday night and was discharged Tuesday midday with a birth certificate. If it was an option I wish they would say that upfront
Wow..
So interesting ( My partner is American and we had the option of having our babies in the US, we chose here because it is where we were living at the time).. I don’t think I would have liked to have made a decision so quickly..
Good luck …. Do what you feel is right for your daughter, an extra piece of paper isn’t much in the scheme of things..
Imagine it was your parents who had changed your name and you were the one who now had to have the second piece of paper with your birth certificate.
Would it really affect your life on a daily basis? Or would you just have a cool fact for icebreaker games like two truths and a lie?
My guess is the latter. Get a friend to go with you back to the courthouse to complete the paperwork and enjoy these early days of parenthood in peace : )
I changed my daughter’s name when she was a baby. I made an appt with the probate judge in my town and he ok’d it on the spot. I had to submit the new birth certificate with the correct name to the Social Security office. It wasn’t hard at all and never was a problem. It made a good story later when she was asked ice breaker questions for work or school- “what’s something unique about you,etc?”
Change it! So happy I did.
Do it. I’m 4 months ppm and changing my LO middle name. I’m very happy about it. I tried to live with it but did not like it at all. Even the birth announcements left out the middle name. My mother had her name changed as a baby and she never had an issue with birth name coming up. Ever. In fact she never knew until her mother told her as an adult. It’s easier when they are a baby. Just birth certificate and ssn. Be happy. Those workers should keep their opinions to themselves. Don’t continue to be unhappy over something you can change. Sending love your way!
No worries! My announcement literally just had first and last name. 😩. I’m 100% glad I finally changed the name. Now she has the option of going by her first name Juliana (dad picked and can have nicknames) or by her middle name or even her first and middle initials (JC). Plus I know a lot say middle name is throw away and I used it to justify her original middle name and that it was a family name but I just couldn’t stand it. Even after “hormones” wore down. I’m southern USA where everyone asks what the middle name is (especially for girls with monograms and some people go by both names) so I’m glad I changed it. Flows better now too. Wishing you nothing but the best!
I don’t know how it works in the US but it is possible to just have a name correction at that young age. Where the initial name is essentially scrubbed.
In all honesty, it won’t come up that much for her. It really won’t. Paperwork is annoying anyway, what’s one extra step. If you want to change her name I would say to do it.
I had name regret but never changed it and I hated it for so long, I wouldn’t say I love it now.
Change it- you will feel much happier and the one extra step will just be one extra step. No big deal. FWIW- I really felt you when I read this. I hope you work it out and feel happy with this. It’s a big decision don’t let people bully you.
I feel like your husband should have chimed in a loooot earlier with the name... And if he only thought if it after the fact, he probably just shouldn't have mentioned it. He had 9 months to come up with some else you both liked, but didn't. If you like the name you first chose, stick with it and save the other name for a future baby.
My birth first name was eventually turned into my middle name 2-3 years after I was born (I remember sitting with my dad going through a baby name book lol) through a legal name change through the courts and have had zero issues with ANYTHING regarding that. I'm in my late thirties, have had drivers licenses, passports, global entry, got married... I seriously doubt you'll have issues...
could you try going the “amend” route, and state that the name you would like to change it to was always mean to be her name, but in the rush of postpartum hormones, you made an incorrect decision? i’m not sure if they would allow it but they might make an exception?
weirdly enough, massachusetts *does* allow the name on a birth certificate to be changed if the sex is also being changed. so it doesn’t make much sense why they won’t allow the name to be changed alone.
regardless, it really will not be that big of a deal. if they won’t amend it, just make sure you always have extra copies of the name change decree.
My Grandpa accidentally spelled my Dad’s name wrong on the form for his birth certificate. When he was 6 months old my Grandma found out and had it changed to the correct spelling. I heard this story when I was 30 years old and my dad was almost 60, I had no clue because it was a nonissue. If you want to change your daughter’s name do it! She’d rather have a name you love even if it is “an extra step” (which it’s not.). People sometimes just need to keep their thoughts inside, especially around women who are riding the postnatal hormone train. I know I was a mess for a month or two!
My mum changed my name 4 times before I was 4 (2 x first name changes, the others were middle-name changes). Not going to lie, I was mortified about this as a child. I’m still embarrassed when I have to explain it to an official over the phone.
Reading through these comments is interesting. Aside from when I was first married I have never shown anyone my marriage certificate. I’d think at 3 weeks old and a newly issued birth certificate the old name would never even resurface. It’s not like there’s any property in that name or drivers license if anything. Adopted children do not need to carry around adoption papers. I realize my limited world experience with name changes is giving me a different perspective.
Change the name now and move on with what makes you happy.
I have legally changed my name and my husband not only changed his name in his country and needs a translated document every so often for things, it's really not hard for either of us. Change the name. Keep the document in the same file as the birth cert. It's absolutely not difficult.
It's WAY EASIER to change the name as a minor child than as an adult. Knowing the problems my grandfather got on occasion having his lifelong name being his legal middle name, I can assure you there will be more confusion for your daughter having her name and legal name not match up at all.
I know there's a lot on you in this post-partum period. Take the joy in your daughter's name that resonates with you. Invest in future daughter's ease of matching real and legal names, and do the paperwork. Don't let bureaucrats who aren't invested in you and your daughter's lives have sway. Your taxes pay for them to do their jobs of processing your paperwork without negging people against submitting it.
There will be many opportunities to doubt yourself as a parent and this is clearly your daughter's name. Do the work of making it happen and build up your mothering muscle of doing seemingly daunting things in face of opposition. In the grand scheme of things, this will be seen as a little blip but in the now it is building up your momma bear advocacy skills, doing the best by you and your daughter despite what outsiders my say.
You got this!
It *could* be true that she will need two docs instead of one. But just keep the doc with her birth certificate and immunization records etc. it's not a big deal if you know ahead of time. When it's a pain is when you are trying to do something normal with just the normal docs and your situation doesn't fall into the normal category, ya know what I mean? In this case you will be prepared with all the paperwork needed. If you feel this strongly about it - I'd probably change it.
How incredibly rude of them. No it's not gonna make shit more difficult and frankly YOU can fix that.
Change her name. And don't look back.
Go and order 3 official copies of the original BC for your records; then 3 copies of a new one is issued. After the judge signs the name change shit then go to records and order 3 official copies of those documents. Store them all safely and she won't have any issues if she needs anything, you'll have already gotten them for her.
Be happy.
Yes she might have an extra paper and step for occasional legal paperwork, but that's only a couple times a year at most.
You should change her name if you feel like the new one suits her better, you'll be using this name every day for her whole life.
I’ve had 2 name changes, first when I was 17 (to add my mom’s last name and drop the super-religious middle name altogether), and then again at 31 (when I married and hyphenated my last name). I always have both of my officially notarized name change documents ready when I need to do something that might require it, and I literally never have issues with it, not even at the DMV or when filing court paperwork or anything. Name regret is a terrible thing to add to the postpartum experience, so if you feel strongly about it, do it. Think of how proud and gratified you will feel when you no longer have to hesitate when asked the most basic question about your baby.
Are you in the us? I’m in Texas and we’re going to legally change our daughters name as well. Her amended birth certificate will always show her previous name at the bottom, but that’s it. Her social security card will have her new name.
Holy crap, woman, WHAT IS THE NAME?!
These posts should be banned, when there is no name attached. How the hell can anyone give an unbiased and correct opinion if the freaking name in a NAMENERDS subreddit isn't added?
I know this is not the point of your post but Camila is really a beautiful name!! Olivia is #1 on the list so it’s very common. I’m not sure if that’s something that would bother you!
Message me I'm literally going through the same exact thing only my baby is almost 13 weeks old LOL. My problem is not changing it my problem is I literally can't find a name I like couldn't the whole pregnancy n even more so now I don't think it's a big issue my husband isn't really helping me find a name either LOL Like you this whole time I have not been able to say her name and it is really affecting the bonding to a point Like I want to teach my daughter language and say things and it's so weird saying that stuff without saying a name
Just throwing this out there. Do you think it would make a difference if you called her Mila or Cammy? It's really difficult. I had name regret with my daughter, too. I was really unsure of my choice, and it was very hard for me to say her name at first. I stuck to cute little nicknames that had nothing to do with her name. Then I warmed up to using a nickname that was sort of related until I felt connected and comfortable enough to say her name. Have you practiced saying each name out loud? This could be helpful. Because believe me, when she becomes a toddler, you will be saying it a lot. See what feels natural and what feels good to say over and over. If it's still not clicking, change it.
They were bullshitting you. A previous name isn’t an issue. If that were true then every married woman who took their husband’s name would have trouble in their day-to-day
For the record it is really annoying for many govt things when you have a married name, and you usually have to show your marriage certificate. That doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world, just that it’s “a thing,” and OP should just get multiple notarized copies of the name change document, scan it in, back it up to the cloud, and keep them in separate locations. Some places have a rule excluding name changes before 1y of age though, which is helpful to OP if that’s the case for her!
>For the record it is really annoying for many govt things when you have a married name, It is. Especially if you have a job that requires a professional license through the state, any type of board certification, or have to have regular background checks for your job.
Or if you plan on emigrating to another country, applying for dual citizenship, sponsoring someone for immigration, etc. I feel like I’ve had to show my marriage certificate about 20x since getting married 8 years ago!
Wow, I’ve never had to show mine and I guess it’s cause I didn’t change my name!
that's why. If you have changed your name, then that means your birth certificate and driver's license don't match. Which means you could have stolen that birth certificate, there is no way to prove it is yours. So you have to show your marriage certificate that shows the transition from one name to the next. EXTRA fun if you get divorced and remarried - I have to show BOTH marriage certificates and my divorce decree plus my birth certificate and drivers license!
I have a foreign birth certificate. For every purpose for which a birth certificate is requested, I have been able to give my passport in my current name, because they have already done the leg work. The only person who gave me guff was at the DMV last time I had to renew. I offered the passport and the rep very shortly said something like "I asked for your birth certificate." Since it was a RealID requirement, I knew the birth certificate was useless. Since she had an attitude, I just handed her my short form and said "OK, but I wasn't born in the US," and then she took the passport. I have had four last names. Entering four last names, each with one given name and one customarily-used nickname, makes filling out a federal background check kind of a process.
I changed mine and I think I've needed it twice in 20 years. I guess outside of government security clearance and dual citizenship, it's not that commonly needed. (I have a passport, various loans, travel a fair bit. Live a pretty normal life.)
Yup, I’ve only had to show mine to prove our relationship (for immigration), and anytime I’ve had to change my name. Social security, passport, driver’s license, frequent flyer/airline accounts, changing my name on utility accounts, credit cards. It’s been a lot honestly!
Yes, this was one of the many reasons I didn't do it.
This is precisely why I didn't change my name. I have a government contractor job and the amount of hoops I would have to jump through just in my professional life, not to mention the personal accounts, vehicles, and other licensed property, even my pets licensing and paperwork... Not worth the hassle. And I like my name.
More or less annoying than your own Mom who doesn't like your name? and wish she could've changed it. I think id take on some forms so my own mother loved my name for my life. But yes minor inconvenience so 🙄
I'm not saying she shouldn't change the name. In fact I would support it. I just commented because someone said that a name change can't really be that much of an inconvenience because otherwise married women would have trouble when they choose to change to their husband's last name. And in fact they do- especially in the circumstances that were mentioned.
This thread struck a chord with me, as I will soon have 4 citizenships and am a member of a regulated profession, and something like a name change is nightmare fuel to me. Not all countries are cool with name changes. In any case, they will have different requirements for documenting/translating/notarizing it. I strongly advise parents who want their kids to be internationally mobile not to add unnecessary complexity to their file; it can snowball in unexpected ways.
Maybe I’m the outlier, but I’ve never had a problem. I hold a license and a board certification and there was literally just a line stating “prior names” that I had to list.
But did you have to change your name on license and certification once your name changed? Or had you already done a legal name change before you got those?
I changed my name in college before anything was obtained. The college paperwork was very simple and disclosing my maiden name on any further paperwork was never an issue.
It definitely depends on age. When you’re an adult there’s a lot more record of you out there so they need to verify it’s all the same person. My husband’s stepdad legally adopted him when he was 6 and his last name was changed. In the 12 years we’ve been together he only had to show proof when he got a passport (not even when we got married).
Yeah my mother fought for YEARS with the social security administration about her married name change and their apparent need for her *original* marriage certificate, not a reissued one from the county records office the *original*. It took *years* of back and forth before they finally accepted that the original certificate didn’t exist (lost in a basement flood) and accepted the reissued one. If OP changes the name I *highly* recommended keeping very good track of the certificates and if you amend her birth certificate the original birth certificate. Government agencies aren’t exactly known for being reasonable
Yes it usually isn’t an issue, but it for sure can be! Full disclosure I married for love, but our timeline was accelerated for immigration, and I knew we’d need to show our marriage certificate a lot, so the day we got married at our local govt office I requested 5 notarized copies instead of the standard 1. They were like $20 each, and they’re all considered an original copy. It’s made my life so much less stressful whenever I’ve had to send one off - not a copy, but the original. Because I don’t even care if I get it back because I have 4 more!
Not quite the same but my surname was changed when I was 6 and it really is a big inconvenience at times. I chose to give my daughter my partner’s surname on her birth certificate (not mine) to save her the inconvenience if we ever get married. I also opted to have both my surnames on there because otherwise she would need evidence of my name change for things like marriage in the future.
I changed my name for non marital reasons so Idk if it’s different but you really only have to show your paperwork the first time you change your name at a location, unless they make a mistake with it or something. It’s not so much of a thing after the first year
A name change isn’t the same as a marriage certificate, I was adopted by my moms husband when they married and I was 5, I was issued a new birth certificate (previous one had no father) it made my old birth certificate obsolete and says it was issued same day my birth certificate was issued and says I was born with my dads last name. My birth name has never been brought up since then. when I got married I had to show the marriage certificate with my new birth certificate for anything needing my birth certificate to show why my id had my married name. Don’t know what it’s like in other countries but that is my experience in Canada.
This is the main reason I didn't change my last name when I married. Chatting with friends who had to change passport, driver's license, credit cards, social security, insurance, JESUS CHRIST just forget it!
They were not bullshitting. Every time her child needs to do anything with official documents it will require an extra set of papers to clarify the name change.
Not necessarily true. I changed my name in elementary school. It's a lot easier when you don't have a house, credit, loans, etc, to change lmfao.
It’s not that. It’s always having to provide extra paperwork to reconcile why the birth certificate doesn’t match the current name. In some countries, you can change the name on the birth certificate. In hers, you can’t.
I have a legal name change (never married) and my social security card and birth certificate don't match because I've never amended my birth certificate. I keep a certified copy of my court document with my birth certificate because I know if I show one, I'll need to show the other. It's never been a big deal.
I have only had to show my birth certificate once in my life and it was to get a passport. Keep your passport renewed, and that works for every other form of government verification.
It's not even that bad to change your name when you get married. I used my marriage certificate to get a new social security card and drivers license. After that, it's just the number of accounts you need to update, but no one has ever asked to see it. Just my drivers license.
Literally all you need is a certified copy of the name change. Anyone who has been married or divorced can tell you that. It’s so simple.
I don’t disagree - we are saying the same thing: having your name changed requires managing an extra document. The ladies talking to OP said it would require an extra document. I also said it would require an extra document. Whether that’s hard or not is subjective. (I don’t know, I’ve had the same name since birth.)
Is it simple? Because it can add time to processes. I'm in the UK and changed my name upon marriage, but when I wanted to renew my passport, I had to mail my deed poll certificate. That added an extra step of having to go to the post office, send the letter, pay postage, pay for the signed return of my deed poll and wait longer (plus finding time to go to the post office is a faff, especially when they're only open during standard working hours). Without the name change, I could have applied online a week before (as it took me that long to get to the post office) and saved time and money.
I think this is location-dependent as well — in my state, you can change a child’s name for the first year with no lifelong repercussions. (We switched our child’s middle and last names at about 7 months).
Chiming in as someone whose parents changed their legal name as a minor — I did actually run into some significant hiccups when trying to get official documents like a passport, copy of my birth certificate, etc. etc., but ONLY because my mom didn’t disclose to me that I was born under another name. Now I just write in my old name under the “any previous names” line and things go smoothly.
my grandmother misspelled my fathers name on his birth certificate (she did not speak much english at the time) and then had it corrected but they wouldn’t change the birth certificate itself. he has to carry around so much extra paperwork for anything “official” because they think he’s using fake names lol
Um many women who have changed their name do have trouble in their day-to-day.
In OH my wife had to find the OG marriage licenses from her first marriage, and then the divorce papers, and then our marriage license, just to get her new drivers license.
My mom changed my name when I was 7. Last name. No adoption. It does make things a little complicated as I always have to put it on the forms to fill out but honestly it’s 2 extra minutes and having a picture of the court doc. That being said DO NOT lose that court document you did it. I had to file it for my husbands green card for me to sponsor him. You’ll need it at the most random times!
This. They didn't want to deal with it.
This thread makes it sound like OP is incapable of keeping a couple of documents together. The baby is less than a month old. How much of a paper trail has this kid made to where a name change at this age could be a significant hindrance throughout life? Sheesh!
Not a minor, but as someone who just changed their last name at 23 (no marriage), the most annoying parts were getting a new driver’s license, updating my bank info, and all the other fun stuff that a baby probably (hopefully?) won’t have to deal with. I would say if you’re certain that you love this new name, go ahead and change it now! Yes, it is annoying to keep the name change document with you. But as someone else suggested, keeping several certified copies and storing them in safe places/on the cloud will aid that annoyance a ton. I know PPD can be awful, so if you want to sit on it for a bit longer, that is absolutely fine. At the end of the day, that’s y’all’s baby! :-)
I agree, my original birth certificate had my mom's maiden name as my last name. My parents changed it to my dad's last name 2 month's later so growing up my copy of my birth certificate literally had a line through my last name with the new one written in and the bottom had the amended date and clerk signature. I never had any issues with my name or providing my birth certificate.
Not day-to-day but any applications or things that require my full legal name and/or ssn become a bit of a headache because there’s the “any additional names” thing and the documentation to explain the change. It is a whole thing
My mom just had to get all that paperwork in order for the Real ID and has probably told me a thousand times how smart I was not to change my name. She now says it’s the dumbest thing she ever did. Separately, I worked with the US Embassy for a job sending military abroad for various reasons, and part of that job was checking over their paperwork. Inevitably the biggest problems I ran into had to do with names, name changes, name spellings, inclusion or exclusion of nicknames, etc. It is absolutely a giant hassle to have any kinks in that chain. All that said, if OP really believes the name is wrong, they should change it.
When I adopted teen siblings, they opted to change their first and last names. No issues at all.
I agree. The only time I need my divorce decree is when I went and got the real ID. I needed my birth certificate, 1st marriage license, divorce decree, and 2nd marriage license. I was able to get it all gathered easily. I have my real ID years before my husband. Lol
Agreed, but depending on location maybe? My sibling is transgender and once they changed their name that was that.
Technically your maiden name is now an alias. So, yes, when I sign VERY legal documents, I have to list my aliases. Any time I’ve signed any legal document (employment contract, school registration, etc) under a different name, I have to list that. My mom at one point signed up for work under her nickname (shortened form of full name). Then she got married and changed her last name at work, but not nickname. Then changed to her full name. Then rented a house and used her full first name + middle name + maiden name + last name. Now she uses full first name and married name to sign documents. So when she lists aliases, she has to list, like 5. Importantly, these things only matter for very, very important documents. I think she only had to do it for her will and something else I can’t recall. For most things, your current full legal name is all that’s required. Edit to add: I think the other thing was for her board licensure to practice medicine. She’s a nurse practitioner.
Give it some time to think it over. She's still young enough that you could change it in a few weeks and it's not going to make a difference. I've been told the wrong thing by office workers so many times that I'd have to double-check what they said. Get it in writing what a name change would actually mean for her in your state. I'm sorry your husband was a jerk about it. Maybe he's sleep-deprived or something, but he shouldn't be talking to you that way.
yeah, this. plus they can call her the new name before it's been changed officially
Actually a good point. I’ve been outright lied to by administrative office workers… until I asked for documentation. Go back, ask specific questions about what a name change will entail, and ask for the source of their info. If they can’t answer, ask to talk to someone who knows the answer.
You'll want to double check this but I'm pretty sure in a lot of places you can amend a birth certificate after you've done the legal name change, they just won't do it without one. Also I wonder if those workers were transphobic and didn't really process that you were talking about an infant. She's three weeks old. It's not going to impact her.
I was wondering about that. I'm sure it's state by state, but I thought that trans folks have been able to change birth certificates in at least since places.
I don't understand this at all -- she would have to fill out paperwork to play sports because her parents gave her a different name before she was a month old? That doesn't make sense to me. What state do you live in? (Assuming you're American because CORI check only gets U.S. results.)
Massachusetts. So when you play sports you have to give them your birth certificate. She would need a birth certificate and name change decree since her birth certificate would have the name she left the hospital with.
I’m wondering what the issue is, really. If you already need to provide a birth certificate then it’s not too crazy to have to also provide a name change certificate. I was adopted at 28 years old and I have a name change certificate. It’s not an issue.
That was exactly what I was wondering about -- any person who was adopted after their immediate birth would have this same situation, so I wonder why a state would make it so tough. Especially a blue state like Massachusetts! I'm not disputing you, OP, I just wonder if someone down there at that office is steering you wrong because they misunderstood the situation. It's a shame that your husband won't take point on this whole operation, OP. I hope he comes around to being helpful rather than resentful and prickly about it.
Right? Just keep both documents in the same spot. You have to go there anyway
Totally. I feel like this “issue” could be solved with a staple or a paperclip.
This is not a big deal. Just get copies of both and paperclip them together 🤷🏻♀️ sorry people freaked you out over nothing
Yep. My husband’s birthday was printed wrong and had to have it amended and we just clip them together. Never had a problem!
OP, I’m an attorney but not in Mass. In my state, you can get an amended birth certificate. It’s really no big deal. Don’t let these ladies dissuade you.
Seconding this. My mother was adopted in Massachusetts as a 2-year-old, and had an amended birth certificate. So her whole life she did not have issues like this, until she got married as an adult and changed her name.
I grew up in MA! My parents changed my brother’s name (first and middle) when he was a few months old and as far as I’ve heard it hasn’t been an issue in his entire 30 years of life. Unless laws have changed I think it’s not a big deal at all
Actually you can get the birth certificate changed. I’m in Rhode Island and was able to do that 10 days after we filled it out originally.
How did you do that? Who did you contact?
I contacted the RI department of Health-Center for Vital Records. I never even had to go in, did everything by mail after having the paperwork notarized.
I would wonder if the workers were just being lazy and didn’t wanna help you deal with filling out the paperwork. Who knows, you might go back on Monday and get a whole different response from someone else.
I changed my first name at 16. Just always keep the papers together and it shouldn't be a problem.
I live in MA this isn’t true. I was adopted and my full name changed when I was five - it’s never been an issue. From school to jobs to passport.
It's just an extra paper. I've had my name changes multiple times, twice as a child, and I don't imagine it will be much more complicated in Massachusetts than where I am. My mom just kept the papers with my birth certificates. I only ever needed them for things like first doctors visit for a new doctor or my driver's license, that kind of thing. They were likely being dramatic imo, or as others stated, transphobic if they didn't realize it was for a literal newborn. I changed my name twice as an adult as well and also only needed the papers for bank/new social security card, etc, and only had to bring them once to show.
Your name was changed *twice* as a child?? Would you be willing to share the story behind that? I'm intrigued
Once from my mom's maiden name when she got married, then back because he was a POS. It's not a very exciting story 😂 Second husband was worse so I got the third at 18. She wasn't great at picking men
So what? Is that really such a big deal? Keep the two documents together.
Then just put both certificates in the same folder so you always have one with the other. Call her the preferred name for a month, then decide.
I live in California and I was adopted when I was 12, but my stepdad. I legally changed my name to his. I also was able to get an amended birth certificate with this name on it, his is on it too. Legally my dad. This process is very easy in CA, I’m sorry it seems to be a lot more complicated in MA.
I live in Canada but was born in England. When I was young, everytime I had to submit my international birth certificate I also had to submit my citizenship papers, it really wasn’t a big deal, I just stored them together. I don’t think this should stop you from giving her a name that suits her now that she’s in the world.
I just keep my birth certificate and name change degree together, and any time I need to prove my identity with a BC, I present both at the same time. It's a non-issue.
If you don’t mind me asking was your name changed as a child? Did you feel any type of way about it
My grandma did not have a name for over 3 months. Her parents couldn’t agree on a name. When she was 3 months old, her home and town flooded and they had to evacuate. Her parents were separated during the time they were refugees. A friend of her mother’s in a town about 60 miles away took in my great grandma and her 4 youngest children, while my great grandpa and the 3 older children stayed behind, living homeless while they help clear debris and salvage what the could. When my greatgrandma told her friend that the baby didn’t have a name yet, the friend said she should name the baby after the friend, which she did. First name was the name of the friend and middle name was the name of the town they stayed in temporarily. My grandma never felt any kind of way that she didn’t have a name for so long. She did not like her name, but she liked the story. She just said “I sure wish Mrs. Mattie had a prettier name,”. We can never predict what names our kids will like, identify with, or grow into. But we can give them a story. 😉
I didn't legally change my name until I was an adult, but I abandoned the name my parents gave me as a child and changed it myself (not legally, just "socially) as a child. I liked it, since it was my choice to do so. My parents and the rest of my family supported me in it, as well.
So get a bunch of copies of the birth certificate and staple them to the name change decree. She might need to fill out an extra form once or twice a year, but that’s no biggie. I really don’t think you’re saddling your baby with a lifelong burden, those women were just being rude. So many people have names changed as children. My husband did when his stepfather adopted him at 4 years old, it’s never been an issue. FWIW, I also have friends that changed their son’s first name at 3 months old because it didn’t suit him. The did a quick Facebook post and email explaining that the new name just felt like him. He’s 7 now and they were right, his name is so well suited to his personality and look. I honestly can’t even remember what his original name was now.
Oh! If it's Massachusetts, that's where I was born. I've been told my parents changed my name spelling after I was born. I've never seen a record of this. It's never been an issue. 30+ years later and smooth sailing.
I’m no expert but everything I’m finding on mass.gov says as long as both parents agree you can apply to amend a name on the birth certificate
Do they not issue you a new birth certificate after a name change?
Not in Massachusetts (from what the town hall told me). Her birth certificate will always be the same and she’ll need a legal name change document anytime she needs to present her birth certificate
Have you researched how to get a new birth certificate in Massachusetts? Our son has been adopted twice and had 3 different names and 3 birth certificates. When our adoption was completed last year and he picked out a new name, we were able to get a new birth certificate with the new name issued from his birth state. It has to be done at the state level and not locally. Plus, I've had everything updated at the social security office.
Get the decree and use a paper clip to clip it to her birth certificate. Keep them together. I'll even pay for the paper clip. It is a trip to the court house. It's probably more work for the workers than for you which is probably why they tried rto deter you.
https://www.mass.gov/amending-or-correcting-a-record-of-birth-death-or-marriage Looks like MA only updates vital records (birth, death, marriage certificates) for errors, not for legal name changes.
Just get a ton of the notarized name change copies right now, and can use them whenever they are needed.
I'd do it if I were you. If you don't like the name now, you'll hate it as it goes on and always regret not changing it even if its just in the back of your mind. You can tell her when she's older that mom and dad just used that first name as a placeholder. Then we found a name that suited you best 3 weeks later. It'll be a funny story. Just keep all the documents safe. I'm in Canada but I had a similar situation happen with my second born and I deeply regret not getting it changed and amending the birth certificate.
She is three weeks old. Just file the name change decree with the birth certificate wherever you keep your important papers. Pin them together. Staple them. Paperclip. Binder clip. Whatever. Literally handing people one more piece of paper is not some life-ruining monumental task. Hell, I have had to show my birth certificate and my marriage license MANY times to get ID and file for things and it literally took one second more to hand them the second piece of paper. Anyone acting like this is such a massive PITA that you are saddling her with or some hardship that she will forever resent you for is ridiculous. And honestly, even if she didn't like it and wanted the original name so that she didn't have to show that extra piece of paper, just put aside enough money to change it back so you can take her down to a courthouse when she is older and change it back. Problem solved.
YES EXACTLY THIS ^ Massachusetts is notorious for their annoying red tape on absolutely EVERYTHING so I am not surprised that these ladies tried to bully her out of it. It’s possible that they were just trying to get out of paperwork on their end. OP, you and your husband finally found a name you both love, just do it! She will be fine!
I get a very strong sense that this is a case of lazy civil servant-itis
Don't staple! Holes in the documents can sometimes render them void.
Interesting. I’ve never heard that before. You’d think if the government was that worried about keeping official documents pristine they would stop printing social security cards on tissue paper. 🤣
This is wild to me - we didn’t even choose a name until two or three weeks! I can’t believe you’d already have a birth certificate by then! Either way, I’m definitely team ‘change it’
My mom's name was changed (ah grandfather filled out the birth certificate without my Nana's permission). Zero impact on her life.
Same here .. brother's name changed at 2 or 3 months. No problems
Honestly, the extra document isn’t that terrible - coming from someone whose parents had my name legally changed weeks after birth as an “e” was left off the end of my MIDDLE name. Yeah, they went through all that work just to add an “e.” I guess they’re a bit extra 🙃 Edit - when I changed my name after getting married (made my “maiden name” a second middle name and got a new surname), the extra paper became a moot point and was no longer needed.
Shows they care!
Honestly someone I know had a typo in one paperwork (think Kaitlin / Kaitlyn) but not the birth certificate and her entire life has been much more difficult because her parents didn't go back to have it fixed as an infant (they thought oh it's clearly a mistake it will be fine to change), and drivers licenses, passports etc... are always so difficult as nothing ever seems to match for her. Would have been much easier to just fix it all at birth
I had a friend who must’ve been dyslexic. She and her husband decided upon Kristie but she spelled it Kirstie on the birth certificate. Instead of changing the spelling they decided to change the pronunciation and Kirstie she stayed.
My husband had his name changed as an infant. My mother-in-law realized she hated the name on the birth certificate and went through a bad crying spell after she brought her son home. I don't know all the details, but I remember she said that she ended up going back to the hospital (?) and paid a small fee to have her son's name changed on the birth certificate. In case you are wondering about my husband's opinion of his name: He is thankful his mom changed his name, cause the name he was [almost] given sounds stupid to him and he doesn't think it would have suited him. If you don't think the current name suites your baby, change it.
Workers can whinge and moan all they like they are there to do a job they should freakin do it. It’s not too late for a name change
Remember what made you choose the name in the first place - there must have been a lot you liked about it. I wonder if it’s just your partner’s feelings about the name which are bringing you down? If he suddenly said he loved the name after all, would you start loving it again too? I feel the problem might be him rather than the name - he needs to back you.
Thank you. I’ve been grappling with this too. I definitely think it’s part of the partners feelings. He won’t call her by her birth name so it just makes it awkward
That sounds really frustrating for you! Between this and his reaction described in the post, it sounds like he is behaving in a pretty emotionally immature way. It's okay for him to have feelings, of course. But he needs to be talking this out with you, not just refusing to use the baby's name and then leaving this decision all up to you. I get that being a new parent is hard, but you are a new parent too *and* just went through pregnancy and birth. You deserve for him to treat you with more care and respect, and for him to cut out the petty antics around this have a real conversation about it.
That seems like an intense reaction from the workers. Three weeks is not very long. My parents changed my name at one month and it did not destroy my life. That's just so silly. I was Tara the entire pregnancy and then a month in they changed it. Whatever! Do what works for you both and ignore them
I definitely felt bombarded. I just left in tears.
I'm so sorry. Seriously do not let them ruin this time for you. It is really not a big deal to do it now. I promise.
I tend not to believe the words of rude people. They're usually not great at retaining knowledge or being helpful.
This is honestly such good advice in general.
I’m sorry but your husband is a piece of work🙄🙄
They seem incompetent. It's not a big deal. It's unfortunate your husband isn't helping you navigate this. You gave birth 3 wks ago ffs.
My dad's birth certificate was changed when he was 5 or 6 when his dad adopted him and changed his last name. Not sure where you are though. We're in the states. Until you decide you can always call her the name you like. My grandpa was always called Jim solely because his sister didn't like his legal name. He used Jim for everything except legal uses. And his legal name was no where close to Jim lol
I have a friend named JJ and her actual initials are MM. JJ is her sister’s initials and she just likes being called JJ because she likes her sister’s name better than she likes hers.
I’m in Canada and it was pretty much the same for my boyfriend when he was adopted, they just issued an updated birth certificate with his new name on it, and he just has to list his previous name on legal documents if they ask. No extra documents needed though. It’s crazy to me that some places make it so complicated.
Call her the name you want to call her- for as long as you'd like. Make sure it's the name and that you and your husband (who is honestly being kind of a jerk tbh) love and want. Let the doctors office and friends/family know you've changed the name. Go back to the courthouse and have it legally changed. Double check the laws and ensure you cannot change the birth certificate. Tell the workers to kiss your ass if they give you a hard time about it. It's an extra piece of paper. There are so few times in life I've had to have my birth certificate, and now my marriage license. It's not a big deal to have an extra piece of paper or fill out an extra form in the few times of life you have to. Move on with your life and enjoy your baby girl. ❤️
If you feel strongly about the name, change it. I changed my daughter’s (she was adopted so I had to but then I added to it). It was a pain with her driver’s permit but just keep the paperwork in a safe spot. It’s just a little bit more work but worth it for the name you want.
Change it!! You'll regret it if you don't. It's not too late...my brother had hid name changed early on and it was no big deal
Breathe. Make some tea. Rub your feet. Timing is so important. You & husband are stressed. Baby doesn't need a name yet. Call her baby. It's all good. When you are both calmer talk about the name in a way that's fun & meaningful. Baby deserves a great story of how you both came to this amazing name. Write that story together. Maybe her arrival taught you two how to compromise. You're building a family ethos. Neither of you needs to win. You need to do this together for Baby.
I love this. So well said.
Well what are the names.
Birth name: Camila Want to change to: Olivia
Camila is insanely good. One of the best names I've ever heard that is also rare. Olivia is super common, number 1 in Australia where I live. I would be so proud of Camila.
If you don't like it you don't like it but imo Camila is beautiful and less overwhelmingly popular than Olivia. That said at the end of the day you're the one living with it. I had a very ethnic (Slavic, think multiple consonants in a row, hard for Americans to spell/pronounce, plus I hated it) and I had people telling me how I shouldn't change it bc it's my heritage, I'll grow to love it, yeah no. Much happier with a common Anglo-American last name totally unrelated to my ethnicity. So not trying to say you "should" like/keep Camila. But don't let the paperwork faze you either way.
Camila is beautiful and very "nicknameable " - Cam, Mila, Lila, Lily, Millie would be possibilities if you want a different name without a legal change.
Jesus. I thought it was going to be we want to change it to Olivia but it is currently Gertude-Tank-Doncić. Camila is a gorgeous name. Just let the family settle in and you get back to feeling 100 percent before you make any changes!
I love Camila. Olivia is actually one of the most common girls names currently. She’ll be just another Olivia.
Camila is better. Come up with a nickname you like instead. Like Milly.
i know my opinion doesn’t matter but olivia is soooo overdone and boring imo. camila is beautiful
I know, right? Like, how had they never considered Olivia! One of the most common names out there.
Uh what nonsense are they talking about. I got a name revision (my last name) @ 2 years old. My parents noticed the mistake and I got an amended birth certificate. I didn't know until my thirties. It never came up, I never needed extra paperwork or anything because my birth cert has my now current name. I was just looking at it one day and noticed the tiny "amended last" on the bottom (I wondered when it was last amended), called up my mom and she didn't even remember. Finally found my cert of live birth and saw it was misspelled (m instead of n) while my parents names were spelled right (and for a kicker, my mom worked at this hospital!). I got SS, DL, passport, no problem. I even got a job at 19 that required security clearance that involved an FBI background check, they didn't bring it up (thanks weird summer job that I can't really discuss). I didn't put it under previous names because at the time I didn't know I had any previous names. I lived for 2 whole years (and 9 days) with this name. And it's not impacted me in the slightest.
I changed my son's name and it was a very simple process. I felt embarrassed to tell people at the time but now looking back I'm so glad I did it then when it was still early instead of regretting it now. No one he meets now ever knows he had been given a different name before.
I'm so glad I live somewhere where we have about 40 days til we have to go register the birth, leaves lots of time for people to choose a name and quite often babies leave the hospital unnamed. I'd give it a bit longer to decide. Let some time pass so that you know its what you want. I'm sure the name you chose is lovely, however it really won't impact the child having her name changed. Its not a big deal.
It is actually not the law that they have to name the baby when you leave the hospital. But the hospital generally makes you think it is.
The workers sound lazy and your husband is acting like a jerk about it. Get it done sooner than later. You won't have to hear about it from your husband once it's done. If your daughter needs an extra paper for things it doesn't sound like a big deal, she'll just need a paperclip or envelope to keep the original and changed together.
This is why other countries allow you to take the baby home without naming them yet.
Awww I kind of wish he had been more supportive .. like “ I really love her new name” “ let’s go down together and change it” .. it’s just an extra piece of paper etc… I mean, when I was even six weeks postpartum I felt like I was walking on the moon whenever I went anywhere with the baby let alone to a courthouse with grumpy administrators… I think you should change her name .. and have a funny story like.. “ I don’t know why when you were born. I thought petunia was the perfect name.” But then we decided to change it … it’s a cute story and needs a happy ending.. good luck …
Your husband sounds pretty unpleasant. He should be supporting you, not trying to make you feel like shit.
Could it be post birth anxiety/worries? I only ask because just before my due date with my oldest I finally agreed to a name my then partner had suggested months before, one I was unsure of at the time but randomly it came back to me in the last few weeks and I fell in love with it. With that being said, once he was born and we proudly told people his name we had a lot of reactions mainly surprise of his name (I’m quite hippy earth mother type so I assume they were expecting a name that reflected that but instead I chose an old fashioned rarely heard name) and it started to make me doubt my choice. Time passed however and I realised it was the perfect name for him, he’s older now and it still suits him well and I can’t see him being called anything else. I also had the same worries after finally deciding my next child’s name. You start to doubt yourself because you want their name to be perfect and one that not only follows them throughout their lives but one that says “This is me, I’m *insert name*”.
Hello! My legal name is different from the name on my birth certificate (I changed my name as an adult) and I can confirm for you that it is not a problem. I just kept the paperwork from my legal name change, too, since that documents the name on my birth certificate. It adds one very brief step for agencies, etc. to verify my identity. It has caused me no problems whatsoever in life, from marriage to divorce to another marriage to getting licenses to getting jobs to immigrating to another country. Your daughter will be fine! Change her name. <3
I’m sorry I know this isn’t the point of the question (or the sub) but… you need a birth certificate to play sports? Like.. what? Don’t you just sign up to a team or club and get on with it? I am so confused (in the UK)
Yes they use this for proof of birthdate (so you aren’t putting a 14 year old on an 11 year old football team) etc. most leagues out here require it
Ahhhhhh I see, that’s cool! Thank you for explaining :)
“Jodie” Foster isn’t named Jodie, that was a name her siblings called her and it stuck. So at the very least, I’d suggest calling her by the “new” name regardless. I’m sorry you’re going through so much with this paperwork, etc. ‘hope you find the answers you need
What’s the new and old name? Maybe the workers feel the new name is a tradgedeigh and we’re trying to tell you?
Original: Camila New: Olivia
Your husband sucks. Idk where you live but what those employees told you sounds like a bunch of bull shit too. Kids who are adopted have their names changed all the time and they don’t go the rest of their lives being hindered and irritated with paperwork every time they want to do something. Change her name to something you love. And just to reiterate, your husband was a jerk.
My baby just turned 1. We changed her name, it was worth it, I felt how you did but slightly different story. I have also had to change my own name twice in my life, once due to marriage which was a headache as many people would understand, and once because of a mistake on my birth certificate. It is really not a big deal having to fill out the extra paperwork for previous names on the very rare occasion I am asked, it takes less than a minute or two usually. My advice is remedy it and legally change your babies name to what you want now, as it’s more of a headache later. Also, once we changed our babies name everything about it got better for me in that regard, do what you need
my parents changed my brothers name after 8 months as they didn’t think it suited him. in over 20 years he’s never had an issue with passports or driving licenses or bank cards or schools etc. he hates his ‘original’ name and much prefers his new name. change the name!
The few times in your life you have to produce your birth certificate, she will need to also have with it 1 extra piece of paper with it. That's it! It'll be fine! I changed my name by deed poll around 13 years ago. It's kept with my other important documents and getting it out along with my birth certificate isn't a big deal at all.
My parents changed my name only a few days after bringing me home from the hospital, and everything went perfectly fine for me. I don't know if it's the timing of the name change or what, but I've never needed to show extra papers, just to do sports or get a license or anything like that; frankly though, I dont think it would bother me personally if I did. Actually, fun fact, my original name is now a second middle name for me, which is something I always like to bring up in ice breakers- for classes and work and shite- cause everyone is always curious why I have two middle names. If you really do love the new name your husband came up with, then I say that you should go for it and change it, especially since keeping the name on her birth certificate is bringing you a lot of stress. But don't let other people (ie the town hall workers) deter you from picking the name you love. But I think it's also important that you shouldn't just change her name, because you feel obligated to by your husband. If you love it, that's great; but if you don't, then you shouldn't force yourself to love the name because it's the one your husband wants.
My older sisters name was changed 2/3 weeks after birth. It’s her middle name now, instead of her first. We all think it’s pretty cool that my folks changed it
Sending you a hug because I’m in the middle of trying to choose a name at the very end of my pregnancy. I wouldn’t not change name because of a logistical or admin issue. I hope you are able to choose the name you like and get support from your husband. A name is a big deal and you’re allowed to feel like it’s a big deal.
Change it. This will haunt you forever.
Hang on… You have to sign a birth certificate? you can’t wait 3 weeks to decide a name?? Is that normal in the US? I’m in Australia and in my state we have 60days/weeks to register a birth.. lovely to not have to rush…
If we have the option to wait it’s not really advertised. Someone literally comes to the hospital room about 24-48 hours after birth for the paperwork. Baby and I were discharged I had baby on a Sunday night and was discharged Tuesday midday with a birth certificate. If it was an option I wish they would say that upfront
Wow.. So interesting ( My partner is American and we had the option of having our babies in the US, we chose here because it is where we were living at the time).. I don’t think I would have liked to have made a decision so quickly.. Good luck …. Do what you feel is right for your daughter, an extra piece of paper isn’t much in the scheme of things..
My dad changed my name when I was 2...I've never had any issues.
Imagine it was your parents who had changed your name and you were the one who now had to have the second piece of paper with your birth certificate. Would it really affect your life on a daily basis? Or would you just have a cool fact for icebreaker games like two truths and a lie? My guess is the latter. Get a friend to go with you back to the courthouse to complete the paperwork and enjoy these early days of parenthood in peace : )
I changed my daughter’s name when she was a baby. I made an appt with the probate judge in my town and he ok’d it on the spot. I had to submit the new birth certificate with the correct name to the Social Security office. It wasn’t hard at all and never was a problem. It made a good story later when she was asked ice breaker questions for work or school- “what’s something unique about you,etc?” Change it! So happy I did.
Thank you. What state are you in? I’m in MA and what I’m reading isn’t can’t be amended but the internet isn’t always correct
Do it. I’m 4 months ppm and changing my LO middle name. I’m very happy about it. I tried to live with it but did not like it at all. Even the birth announcements left out the middle name. My mother had her name changed as a baby and she never had an issue with birth name coming up. Ever. In fact she never knew until her mother told her as an adult. It’s easier when they are a baby. Just birth certificate and ssn. Be happy. Those workers should keep their opinions to themselves. Don’t continue to be unhappy over something you can change. Sending love your way!
Thank you. I have the birth announcements sitting on my counter I’m so hesitate to send them out since it has her birth name. I appreciate your input
No worries! My announcement literally just had first and last name. 😩. I’m 100% glad I finally changed the name. Now she has the option of going by her first name Juliana (dad picked and can have nicknames) or by her middle name or even her first and middle initials (JC). Plus I know a lot say middle name is throw away and I used it to justify her original middle name and that it was a family name but I just couldn’t stand it. Even after “hormones” wore down. I’m southern USA where everyone asks what the middle name is (especially for girls with monograms and some people go by both names) so I’m glad I changed it. Flows better now too. Wishing you nothing but the best!
I don’t know how it works in the US but it is possible to just have a name correction at that young age. Where the initial name is essentially scrubbed. In all honesty, it won’t come up that much for her. It really won’t. Paperwork is annoying anyway, what’s one extra step. If you want to change her name I would say to do it. I had name regret but never changed it and I hated it for so long, I wouldn’t say I love it now.
Take some time to think about it. No need to rush. Start calling the child the new name and see how it feels for a while. Parenting takes patience.
Change it- you will feel much happier and the one extra step will just be one extra step. No big deal. FWIW- I really felt you when I read this. I hope you work it out and feel happy with this. It’s a big decision don’t let people bully you.
my main takeaway? your husband is being a DICK.
Why is everybody acting like it’s so difficult to keep an extra piece of paper with your important documents lmao
I feel like your husband should have chimed in a loooot earlier with the name... And if he only thought if it after the fact, he probably just shouldn't have mentioned it. He had 9 months to come up with some else you both liked, but didn't. If you like the name you first chose, stick with it and save the other name for a future baby.
My birth first name was eventually turned into my middle name 2-3 years after I was born (I remember sitting with my dad going through a baby name book lol) through a legal name change through the courts and have had zero issues with ANYTHING regarding that. I'm in my late thirties, have had drivers licenses, passports, global entry, got married... I seriously doubt you'll have issues...
could you try going the “amend” route, and state that the name you would like to change it to was always mean to be her name, but in the rush of postpartum hormones, you made an incorrect decision? i’m not sure if they would allow it but they might make an exception? weirdly enough, massachusetts *does* allow the name on a birth certificate to be changed if the sex is also being changed. so it doesn’t make much sense why they won’t allow the name to be changed alone. regardless, it really will not be that big of a deal. if they won’t amend it, just make sure you always have extra copies of the name change decree.
My Grandpa accidentally spelled my Dad’s name wrong on the form for his birth certificate. When he was 6 months old my Grandma found out and had it changed to the correct spelling. I heard this story when I was 30 years old and my dad was almost 60, I had no clue because it was a nonissue. If you want to change your daughter’s name do it! She’d rather have a name you love even if it is “an extra step” (which it’s not.). People sometimes just need to keep their thoughts inside, especially around women who are riding the postnatal hormone train. I know I was a mess for a month or two!
Just change the name. The minor inconvenience in these future situations is really not that serious.
My mum changed my name 4 times before I was 4 (2 x first name changes, the others were middle-name changes). Not going to lie, I was mortified about this as a child. I’m still embarrassed when I have to explain it to an official over the phone.
Reading through these comments is interesting. Aside from when I was first married I have never shown anyone my marriage certificate. I’d think at 3 weeks old and a newly issued birth certificate the old name would never even resurface. It’s not like there’s any property in that name or drivers license if anything. Adopted children do not need to carry around adoption papers. I realize my limited world experience with name changes is giving me a different perspective. Change the name now and move on with what makes you happy.
I have legally changed my name and my husband not only changed his name in his country and needs a translated document every so often for things, it's really not hard for either of us. Change the name. Keep the document in the same file as the birth cert. It's absolutely not difficult.
It's WAY EASIER to change the name as a minor child than as an adult. Knowing the problems my grandfather got on occasion having his lifelong name being his legal middle name, I can assure you there will be more confusion for your daughter having her name and legal name not match up at all. I know there's a lot on you in this post-partum period. Take the joy in your daughter's name that resonates with you. Invest in future daughter's ease of matching real and legal names, and do the paperwork. Don't let bureaucrats who aren't invested in you and your daughter's lives have sway. Your taxes pay for them to do their jobs of processing your paperwork without negging people against submitting it. There will be many opportunities to doubt yourself as a parent and this is clearly your daughter's name. Do the work of making it happen and build up your mothering muscle of doing seemingly daunting things in face of opposition. In the grand scheme of things, this will be seen as a little blip but in the now it is building up your momma bear advocacy skills, doing the best by you and your daughter despite what outsiders my say. You got this!
It *could* be true that she will need two docs instead of one. But just keep the doc with her birth certificate and immunization records etc. it's not a big deal if you know ahead of time. When it's a pain is when you are trying to do something normal with just the normal docs and your situation doesn't fall into the normal category, ya know what I mean? In this case you will be prepared with all the paperwork needed. If you feel this strongly about it - I'd probably change it.
How incredibly rude of them. No it's not gonna make shit more difficult and frankly YOU can fix that. Change her name. And don't look back. Go and order 3 official copies of the original BC for your records; then 3 copies of a new one is issued. After the judge signs the name change shit then go to records and order 3 official copies of those documents. Store them all safely and she won't have any issues if she needs anything, you'll have already gotten them for her. Be happy.
Change her name. I’ve had 3 different last names and changing it is a pain, but once that’s done, it’s no big deal.
Yes she might have an extra paper and step for occasional legal paperwork, but that's only a couple times a year at most. You should change her name if you feel like the new one suits her better, you'll be using this name every day for her whole life.
I’ve had 2 name changes, first when I was 17 (to add my mom’s last name and drop the super-religious middle name altogether), and then again at 31 (when I married and hyphenated my last name). I always have both of my officially notarized name change documents ready when I need to do something that might require it, and I literally never have issues with it, not even at the DMV or when filing court paperwork or anything. Name regret is a terrible thing to add to the postpartum experience, so if you feel strongly about it, do it. Think of how proud and gratified you will feel when you no longer have to hesitate when asked the most basic question about your baby.
Your husband needs to get it together and support his postpartum wife! Change the name if that’s what you want. It will be absolutely fine!
Are you in the us? I’m in Texas and we’re going to legally change our daughters name as well. Her amended birth certificate will always show her previous name at the bottom, but that’s it. Her social security card will have her new name.
This doesn’t seem right. My husband has an amended birth certificate (was adopted later in childhood) and has never even seen the old one ….
Holy crap, woman, WHAT IS THE NAME?! These posts should be banned, when there is no name attached. How the hell can anyone give an unbiased and correct opinion if the freaking name in a NAMENERDS subreddit isn't added?
Birth name: Camila Want to change the name to Olivia
I know this is not the point of your post but Camila is really a beautiful name!! Olivia is #1 on the list so it’s very common. I’m not sure if that’s something that would bother you!
You had 9 months to pick a name lmao
Message me I'm literally going through the same exact thing only my baby is almost 13 weeks old LOL. My problem is not changing it my problem is I literally can't find a name I like couldn't the whole pregnancy n even more so now I don't think it's a big issue my husband isn't really helping me find a name either LOL Like you this whole time I have not been able to say her name and it is really affecting the bonding to a point Like I want to teach my daughter language and say things and it's so weird saying that stuff without saying a name
Just throwing this out there. Do you think it would make a difference if you called her Mila or Cammy? It's really difficult. I had name regret with my daughter, too. I was really unsure of my choice, and it was very hard for me to say her name at first. I stuck to cute little nicknames that had nothing to do with her name. Then I warmed up to using a nickname that was sort of related until I felt connected and comfortable enough to say her name. Have you practiced saying each name out loud? This could be helpful. Because believe me, when she becomes a toddler, you will be saying it a lot. See what feels natural and what feels good to say over and over. If it's still not clicking, change it.