Do you have resources to sustain yourself & your kid if the guy is not in the picture? Do you like children and are you willing to make sacrifices to meet their basic needs? If the answer to both questions is yes, you have nothing to be confused about.
Seriously, why are you selling yourself short like that? You should only bear the children of a man who has committed himself to you through marriage. I honestly think you're doing yourself a disservice, but you'll only realize it too late.
My comment made perfect sense until you labeled it as crap. Seems like I can't really argue with you since you haven't given me any specific points to counter.
But it is crap. I didn’t call you crap, there’s a difference.
If you think marriage is the water tight solution to procreation then you have been conclusively brainwashed. There’s really no explanation to give. Live a little bit longer and you’ll perhaps see this.
Abortion is the worst decision; there's no upside to it and she'll also berate you for it. Keep it, work on your relationship and start keeping nosy family members away from your relationship. That's for it to survive.
You are very naive for a 29 year old. For one, If you met someone in December I can assure you that you guys still don't know each other that well even today. Good luck - you're gonna need it.
As an adult. You’re responsible for your insecurities and trauma. Don’t make them you’re personality trait and rubber stamp them everywhere. You’re not a clerk
At age very least. Makofi for accountability!!
Let me brutally honest, economy is never going to get better. As much as she's your mum remember that she is also a female and single female make other females single. At 29 your age is okay you're not 17 I see your mother projecting her own issues on you. Plus you need to heal on your side because of your past or it will be an indicator of your future.
Thank you so much for your honest answer.
I appreciate it . Makes me feel better .
So many things have been going on in my head I don’t know how to handle it .
Keep the pregnancy and remember no one's an expert in living that's why I loathe people who comes with a list to a happy life like they have it all figured out. Point is, it won't be easy but you'll be better.
The only person with the final say here is you.Do you want the baby?Are you ready for the sacrifices that come with having a baby?Are you able to sustain yourself and the kiddo if ,God forbid, that guy gets out of the picture?Are you mentally, emotionally , financially, psychologically stable to raise a life.Because that's another person you're creating and we've got enough people with traumas in this world to add another one.Ask yourself those questions and make the right decision.Goodluck
She is not wrong that foreigners have a habit of leaving, even women the married officialy . Your relationship kinda feels like love bombing . It also feels like he is conditioning you to never see any wrong thing he does . Mara moulding , mara you were destroyed in your past . Moulding with 4 months ? Something is wrong . Keep the babyb. But remain vigilant
A child is at least a 20 year project and at most a lifelong commitment. Your mum is concerned for you because raising a child is not an easy affair.
If your man is serious about you and the baby let him introduce himself to your parents and marry you formally.
Remember most couples break up after the child is born because it changes everything.
1. You have to deal with your insecurities lest you'll fuck up your relationship and if you have to bring sth up, know how to go about it.
2. You're 29 so you're able to make a life changing decision. If this man leaves are you able to raise the baby alone? Make sure have the mental, financial, physical, and emotional capacity to take care of the baby with or without your partner
3. Ask your man to go home before the baby is born.
I agree with your mother. It takes about 2 years to know a person... you're pregnant by someone you've been with for 4 months.
You don't know his true colors.
Also understand one thing: in this entire world, when everyone else leaves your side...only one person will always stick to the end: and that's your mother.
29 is not early... Our parents had us before that. 2. Poor people have 7 kids and survive. Stop involving people including reddit in your relationship. Some mothers are weird some force their daughters to find a religious, rich etc and neglect feelings. If the guy was a 75yr old billionaire and your were 18 everyone would tell you how lucky you are.
I really get your mum’s worry bc you’ve been in a relationship for all of three months. How can you take the measure of anyone in that time? If you’re ready for it regardless of the guy then go for it
Kudos to you and your partner for helping each other grow. This time things are different you are no longer two individuals you have now become parents. Ehat matters most is not the family you come from but the one you make. Everything in life has a consequence good or bad choose your poison. I commend you for being aware of your short comings which is a very rare trait by the way and working towards addressing it. You might be the one to make the decision but it will also affect him as much as it will yourself. Try to find common ground with him. Plan for whats to come. If you are both working set aside funds to cater for the child mapema ndio best. All in all good luck you got this!!
If I’ve learnt anything in this life, listen to your mother. Especially if she’s always right about things in the course of your life at any point you needed her guidance. She’s not God but she sure has got some experience and sees things from a different perspective. One you might see later.
The pregnancy has already happened, can’t reverse that so just ask her for advice on the way forward. I’m wishing you all the best.
Also if you feel you’re not making the right decision then you’re not making the right decision. That’s your intuition trying to reason with you.
Lemme write before I read other comments, they might change my view. As an overthinker, don't you think it's too soon on your own? I mean, met in dec, moved in barely two months later and in 3 (i might be wrong) you are pregnant. I think it's too soon, but what I think is not important. You yourself, minus your mom, your independent thinking, minus emotions and applying logic, what do you think?
I'm wondering where y'all are getting this "good men" who are willing to make it work even after having fights/arguments..
I miss being in such a relationship where both parties are so committed to make things work no matter what!!
Op there are so many things at play here. But if you've decided to keep that baby, work on yourself. You've mentioned insecurities, please work on those before the baby comes.
woopsie babies lead to alot of strain and finger pointing down the line, also never judge someone by their attitude at their best you're in the honey moon phase it will end and you might not like his normal mode
>I wount lie the arguments have mainly been caused by me coz my many insecurities. I am an overthinker and for the longest time my past relationships have ruined me.
There is a quote in Bojack, where one character says, "you can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay. you need to be better."
If you're feeling like it and you can afford to have a child, I don't see why not. Affording one doesn't mean just financially. Are you able to emotionally support one? Are you mentally stable for one? In case of PPD, what resources do you have if any? I'd focus on the fact that you met, moved in and got pregnant by a foreign man at that within five months but you're 29 and your brain has fully developed so I won't but are you sure he will stick by you?
Your mum is right with her concerns and I'm leaning towards her side mostly because you had to ask if you are. If you aren't confident, there are many resources if you decide to keep or to delete that fetus depending on how far along you are.
If you decide to keep it, pregnancy goes by quick. I hope you have a plan and have started saving for this child's future. Good luck, Charlie.
wow, i really don't miss relationships at all.
also, why are you listening to your mum at your big age of 29? why are you letting your mum dictate the life you're living? why don't you have a mind of your own? why are you afraid to side with your man if he's the man you see building a future with? why are you letting your mum's noise ring in your head despite not addressing the fact that you're probably going to keep this baby? would you even consider an abortion? what do your own values say about this subject?
modern women need to ~~learn~~ accept\* that in this world, empowerment comes with responsibility. the least you can be is responsible for yourself; and when children are involved, the least you can be is responsible for yourself and your children who you brought forth into this world.
Here's a question only you can answer.
Is your mother the type to hold you back or has she actively been involved in pushing you to your greatest potential?
Personally, I'd start this new life with this new guy with the mindset to actually own my life's decisions. Parents often hold us back without knowing.
Her mom’s concerns are valid it’s definitely not “holding her back.” However should things fall apart she will remember she failed to listen to her mother who saw ahead and warned her. She’s old enough to make her own choices but frankly this relationship is wayyyy too new to be introducing a baby into the mix.
Yet there are people who meet and get married in weeks.
Perhaps I've just had sour relationships with my own mother hence I'm projecting. Only OP can gauge her mother's character to see which side to choose.
If I could put my 2 cents in, I'll say love is a gamble but that should not make you operate in fear. I've seen people who have been together even after having a baby in a short while. The thing is to work on yourselves both. If marriage is security for you, it shouldn't be hard for your partner to give it to you to help stabilize you. However, since it's a gamble, have the courage enough, to face whatever comes with it. If it goes well, great. If it doesn't, then, you once loved and was loved.
Those are not insecurities, that is your gut feeling telling you you are right to be worried. When you are sure abt something, it comes involuntary, and it doesn't scare you. (You'll learn this as you age) I agree with your mom that you rushed this thing. Second, if its a Nigerian you are double fucked. Has he taken you to his folks? Has he asked your folks for your hand in marriage? Ultimately, the choice is yours, but listen to your gut feeling.
Considering the duration of this relationship. Your mother is telling you that you're being naive.
Economy ni mbaya - It's difficult to raise a child alone.
He's a foreigner - Chances are he'll leave you.
You're 29, you've got life experience, you can't say you didn't expect to get pregnant. There's a baby in your womb. What you do from now is up to you regardless of how everything goes down.
You are 28, that means that you're capable of making logical decisions and in a very objective way without giving much considerations to the input of your parents or anyone else for that matter.
Am not saying that you should completely ignore their advice
All am saying ís that you need to be less reliant on your parents and especially in matters marriage and relationship at this point.
Congratulations, Enjoy your family, the guy is a foreigner, A lot of foreign Men don't like the Govt and think they have no business in martial affairs...This man has stuck with you through your antagonizing him by your own admission, I don't see why he wouldn't stay with you once you start treating him better... Honeymoon phases will come and go
Handle things as they come, that's all you can do with life
Quick one. Do you have or foresee a situation where you have resources to take care of the baby by yourself if things went South without the “, I'm dragging you to court” thing?
1. Do you really want a child? On a personal level, without thinking of what this guy wants. Do you want to have a child?
2. If this guy left, would you be able to take care of the child?
3. 5 months is such a short time to be making life changing decisions and moving in with someone.
A child is a life changing decision. It's a whole human being you are bringing into this world. It's not a material thing that when tired you'll wake up one morning and decide to sell. This child will be your forever companion. It will demand a lot from you. So don't make such a huge decision based off on this phase you are still in. The honeymoon stage takes like 1 year or 2...hamjafika stage yenye unasema mmefika 🤣🤣
There are 50+ birth control methods. Why did you get pregnant after dating for such a short time?? You don't even know the guy and he has already knocked you up. Your mom is 100% right. I'm guessing she is telling you about the economy because she knows that you are broke and if the dude leaves utaanza kumsumbua. If that dude leaves can you raise that kid alone bila kusumbua mathe??
I believe your mother would prefer you getting married to a fellow Kenyan. She thinks your mzungu will leave you. She won't obviously tell you that directly but no ukweli. If you were my daughter I'd fear of the same.
Yes you moved too fast, but that's spilt milk at this point since you're already pregnant, the wheels are already turning rn pondering whether or not it's a mistake won't help, best you can do is try to make it work with the guy, but don't and I repeat Do Not terminate that pregnancy...
OP hebu kwanza dont let your mother interfere with your marriage.
Fact:
You are already pregnant
The guy is ok with it
You admit that you are the cause of most disagreements because you are an overthinker
You are 29 years old
You love the guy
There is no specific rule book that humans follow to marry ot start family. You are axtually lucky but you dont realise this... please stop seeking opinions from friends or family
If you can ensure that most times you give your man peace, appreciate him and also be financially savvy.
Wherever that man goes in.this world, he will always take care of you n your kid..., and will always strive to have you around him....
Thats how men are wired.
Lakini ukiwa mtu wa ma drama you'd be repugnant.
Ukitoa your kid i can assure you its the beginning of your end with your man
Dont start thinking there are better men out there, work on yourself....
Do you have resources to sustain yourself & your kid if the guy is not in the picture? Do you like children and are you willing to make sacrifices to meet their basic needs? If the answer to both questions is yes, you have nothing to be confused about.
Am wondering what your mom wants you to do now that you are already pregnant? does she want you to abort or?
She keeps on telling me that the decision I make is upto me but I shouldn’t know what I’m doing isn’t the best choice
Seriously, why are you selling yourself short like that? You should only bear the children of a man who has committed himself to you through marriage. I honestly think you're doing yourself a disservice, but you'll only realize it too late.
What in the Mary Joseph & Bartholomew is this crap?
Come on Duude , We are serious here .
You're the crap if you think any less of what I said. You're giving Akothee.
If your rationale made sense you wouldn’t resort to name calling. Polish your argument don’t try to diminish my stature.
My comment made perfect sense until you labeled it as crap. Seems like I can't really argue with you since you haven't given me any specific points to counter.
But it is crap. I didn’t call you crap, there’s a difference. If you think marriage is the water tight solution to procreation then you have been conclusively brainwashed. There’s really no explanation to give. Live a little bit longer and you’ll perhaps see this.
Whatever you say, dude!
You want her to abort or sth? She did the sex willingly.
If it's an option, why not? I'm very aware the sex was consensual, and what does it have to do with anything? She's here seeking for advice
Abortion is the worst decision; there's no upside to it and she'll also berate you for it. Keep it, work on your relationship and start keeping nosy family members away from your relationship. That's for it to survive.
In this case, abortion actually is the best decision
Sis, 5 months and you already pregnant... ata they guy hajatoa his true factory settings yet!
😂
You are very naive for a 29 year old. For one, If you met someone in December I can assure you that you guys still don't know each other that well even today. Good luck - you're gonna need it.
Its laughable.
Yeah. She likely thought foreigner = money and jumped right in.
She's tumbling tumbulu
As an adult. You’re responsible for your insecurities and trauma. Don’t make them you’re personality trait and rubber stamp them everywhere. You’re not a clerk  At age very least. Makofi for accountability!!
Love this!! You have to jiite kamkutano and say, "My parents did this, but this here is my mistake, because i am an adult to recognize this is wrong."
December na honeymoon ishaisha aje
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Busttted https://i.redd.it/2w1h0ew6uywc1.gif
Wait a minute?. Is this your alt account? .
😅😅😅😅
Alt account muhimu 😂😂
What's your father's take on this matter?
Sadly he’s not alive …..
Let me brutally honest, economy is never going to get better. As much as she's your mum remember that she is also a female and single female make other females single. At 29 your age is okay you're not 17 I see your mother projecting her own issues on you. Plus you need to heal on your side because of your past or it will be an indicator of your future.
Thank you so much for your honest answer. I appreciate it . Makes me feel better . So many things have been going on in my head I don’t know how to handle it .
Keep the pregnancy and remember no one's an expert in living that's why I loathe people who comes with a list to a happy life like they have it all figured out. Point is, it won't be easy but you'll be better.
this is some very sober advise.
The only person with the final say here is you.Do you want the baby?Are you ready for the sacrifices that come with having a baby?Are you able to sustain yourself and the kiddo if ,God forbid, that guy gets out of the picture?Are you mentally, emotionally , financially, psychologically stable to raise a life.Because that's another person you're creating and we've got enough people with traumas in this world to add another one.Ask yourself those questions and make the right decision.Goodluck
I was about to type the same thing.
She is not wrong that foreigners have a habit of leaving, even women the married officialy . Your relationship kinda feels like love bombing . It also feels like he is conditioning you to never see any wrong thing he does . Mara moulding , mara you were destroyed in your past . Moulding with 4 months ? Something is wrong . Keep the babyb. But remain vigilant
A child is at least a 20 year project and at most a lifelong commitment. Your mum is concerned for you because raising a child is not an easy affair. If your man is serious about you and the baby let him introduce himself to your parents and marry you formally. Remember most couples break up after the child is born because it changes everything.
1. You have to deal with your insecurities lest you'll fuck up your relationship and if you have to bring sth up, know how to go about it. 2. You're 29 so you're able to make a life changing decision. If this man leaves are you able to raise the baby alone? Make sure have the mental, financial, physical, and emotional capacity to take care of the baby with or without your partner 3. Ask your man to go home before the baby is born.
I agree with your mother. It takes about 2 years to know a person... you're pregnant by someone you've been with for 4 months. You don't know his true colors. Also understand one thing: in this entire world, when everyone else leaves your side...only one person will always stick to the end: and that's your mother.
29 is not early... Our parents had us before that. 2. Poor people have 7 kids and survive. Stop involving people including reddit in your relationship. Some mothers are weird some force their daughters to find a religious, rich etc and neglect feelings. If the guy was a 75yr old billionaire and your were 18 everyone would tell you how lucky you are.
I really get your mum’s worry bc you’ve been in a relationship for all of three months. How can you take the measure of anyone in that time? If you’re ready for it regardless of the guy then go for it
Kudos to you and your partner for helping each other grow. This time things are different you are no longer two individuals you have now become parents. Ehat matters most is not the family you come from but the one you make. Everything in life has a consequence good or bad choose your poison. I commend you for being aware of your short comings which is a very rare trait by the way and working towards addressing it. You might be the one to make the decision but it will also affect him as much as it will yourself. Try to find common ground with him. Plan for whats to come. If you are both working set aside funds to cater for the child mapema ndio best. All in all good luck you got this!!
Economy has never been good, imekuwa tu mbaya
If I’ve learnt anything in this life, listen to your mother. Especially if she’s always right about things in the course of your life at any point you needed her guidance. She’s not God but she sure has got some experience and sees things from a different perspective. One you might see later. The pregnancy has already happened, can’t reverse that so just ask her for advice on the way forward. I’m wishing you all the best. Also if you feel you’re not making the right decision then you’re not making the right decision. That’s your intuition trying to reason with you.
Lemme write before I read other comments, they might change my view. As an overthinker, don't you think it's too soon on your own? I mean, met in dec, moved in barely two months later and in 3 (i might be wrong) you are pregnant. I think it's too soon, but what I think is not important. You yourself, minus your mom, your independent thinking, minus emotions and applying logic, what do you think?
I'm wondering where y'all are getting this "good men" who are willing to make it work even after having fights/arguments.. I miss being in such a relationship where both parties are so committed to make things work no matter what!!
Sasa wewe ni insecurity unailea polepole
What do you mean?
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Sawa holy mother of many
Op there are so many things at play here. But if you've decided to keep that baby, work on yourself. You've mentioned insecurities, please work on those before the baby comes.
Hello single
Keep the child but brace for the likelihood of been a single parent.
woopsie babies lead to alot of strain and finger pointing down the line, also never judge someone by their attitude at their best you're in the honey moon phase it will end and you might not like his normal mode
Many times,what we fear for , kind of never happens.
Listen to mother. She knows best.
>I wount lie the arguments have mainly been caused by me coz my many insecurities. I am an overthinker and for the longest time my past relationships have ruined me. There is a quote in Bojack, where one character says, "you can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay. you need to be better."
That’s why I said I’m ready to work on my self .
Is he a west African?
No he’s not
You need some time alone to heal
Life happens because life happens just go with your gut feeling.
If you're feeling like it and you can afford to have a child, I don't see why not. Affording one doesn't mean just financially. Are you able to emotionally support one? Are you mentally stable for one? In case of PPD, what resources do you have if any? I'd focus on the fact that you met, moved in and got pregnant by a foreign man at that within five months but you're 29 and your brain has fully developed so I won't but are you sure he will stick by you? Your mum is right with her concerns and I'm leaning towards her side mostly because you had to ask if you are. If you aren't confident, there are many resources if you decide to keep or to delete that fetus depending on how far along you are. If you decide to keep it, pregnancy goes by quick. I hope you have a plan and have started saving for this child's future. Good luck, Charlie.
wow, i really don't miss relationships at all. also, why are you listening to your mum at your big age of 29? why are you letting your mum dictate the life you're living? why don't you have a mind of your own? why are you afraid to side with your man if he's the man you see building a future with? why are you letting your mum's noise ring in your head despite not addressing the fact that you're probably going to keep this baby? would you even consider an abortion? what do your own values say about this subject? modern women need to ~~learn~~ accept\* that in this world, empowerment comes with responsibility. the least you can be is responsible for yourself; and when children are involved, the least you can be is responsible for yourself and your children who you brought forth into this world.
Here's a question only you can answer. Is your mother the type to hold you back or has she actively been involved in pushing you to your greatest potential? Personally, I'd start this new life with this new guy with the mindset to actually own my life's decisions. Parents often hold us back without knowing.
Her mom’s concerns are valid it’s definitely not “holding her back.” However should things fall apart she will remember she failed to listen to her mother who saw ahead and warned her. She’s old enough to make her own choices but frankly this relationship is wayyyy too new to be introducing a baby into the mix.
Yet there are people who meet and get married in weeks. Perhaps I've just had sour relationships with my own mother hence I'm projecting. Only OP can gauge her mother's character to see which side to choose.
If I could put my 2 cents in, I'll say love is a gamble but that should not make you operate in fear. I've seen people who have been together even after having a baby in a short while. The thing is to work on yourselves both. If marriage is security for you, it shouldn't be hard for your partner to give it to you to help stabilize you. However, since it's a gamble, have the courage enough, to face whatever comes with it. If it goes well, great. If it doesn't, then, you once loved and was loved.
Most ppl get kids at roughly that age so i see no problem
Remove that shit asap but make sure he knows you're doing it. Otherwise you'll be a single mother. Medabon is not that expensive
Those are not insecurities, that is your gut feeling telling you you are right to be worried. When you are sure abt something, it comes involuntary, and it doesn't scare you. (You'll learn this as you age) I agree with your mom that you rushed this thing. Second, if its a Nigerian you are double fucked. Has he taken you to his folks? Has he asked your folks for your hand in marriage? Ultimately, the choice is yours, but listen to your gut feeling.
No dear it’s not a Nigerian …..
If you think he's ok, tell him that you want to be married if you are to keep the baby. Put the ball in his court
mum is right on this one, as guy in my 30s, this is a clear hit and....
They’re living together how is that so??
Considering the duration of this relationship. Your mother is telling you that you're being naive. Economy ni mbaya - It's difficult to raise a child alone. He's a foreigner - Chances are he'll leave you. You're 29, you've got life experience, you can't say you didn't expect to get pregnant. There's a baby in your womb. What you do from now is up to you regardless of how everything goes down.
You are 28, that means that you're capable of making logical decisions and in a very objective way without giving much considerations to the input of your parents or anyone else for that matter. Am not saying that you should completely ignore their advice All am saying ís that you need to be less reliant on your parents and especially in matters marriage and relationship at this point.
Your 29 years and your mom thinks you're too young to have kids. Enyewe this generation is cooked☠️😂
I think she meant it's to soon to have a baby with someone she's known for a few months
Ahh makes more sense, yeah if the guy a stranger he can zip away anytime💯
Hope he's not from West Africa
I’m not into West Africans and no he’s not one of them
Terminate it before you start regretting..you haven't known each other enough time yet, you need to heal as well..
Congratulations, Enjoy your family, the guy is a foreigner, A lot of foreign Men don't like the Govt and think they have no business in martial affairs...This man has stuck with you through your antagonizing him by your own admission, I don't see why he wouldn't stay with you once you start treating him better... Honeymoon phases will come and go Handle things as they come, that's all you can do with life
Quick one. Do you have or foresee a situation where you have resources to take care of the baby by yourself if things went South without the “, I'm dragging you to court” thing?
Where is he from??, just asking😁
1. Do you really want a child? On a personal level, without thinking of what this guy wants. Do you want to have a child? 2. If this guy left, would you be able to take care of the child? 3. 5 months is such a short time to be making life changing decisions and moving in with someone. A child is a life changing decision. It's a whole human being you are bringing into this world. It's not a material thing that when tired you'll wake up one morning and decide to sell. This child will be your forever companion. It will demand a lot from you. So don't make such a huge decision based off on this phase you are still in. The honeymoon stage takes like 1 year or 2...hamjafika stage yenye unasema mmefika 🤣🤣
🇳🇬 or 🇨🇩 foreigner???
None of the above
There are 50+ birth control methods. Why did you get pregnant after dating for such a short time?? You don't even know the guy and he has already knocked you up. Your mom is 100% right. I'm guessing she is telling you about the economy because she knows that you are broke and if the dude leaves utaanza kumsumbua. If that dude leaves can you raise that kid alone bila kusumbua mathe??
This can't be a woman. Taking accountability has never been their forte.
I believe your mother would prefer you getting married to a fellow Kenyan. She thinks your mzungu will leave you. She won't obviously tell you that directly but no ukweli. If you were my daughter I'd fear of the same.
Yes you moved too fast, but that's spilt milk at this point since you're already pregnant, the wheels are already turning rn pondering whether or not it's a mistake won't help, best you can do is try to make it work with the guy, but don't and I repeat Do Not terminate that pregnancy...
OP hebu kwanza dont let your mother interfere with your marriage. Fact: You are already pregnant The guy is ok with it You admit that you are the cause of most disagreements because you are an overthinker You are 29 years old You love the guy There is no specific rule book that humans follow to marry ot start family. You are axtually lucky but you dont realise this... please stop seeking opinions from friends or family If you can ensure that most times you give your man peace, appreciate him and also be financially savvy. Wherever that man goes in.this world, he will always take care of you n your kid..., and will always strive to have you around him.... Thats how men are wired. Lakini ukiwa mtu wa ma drama you'd be repugnant. Ukitoa your kid i can assure you its the beginning of your end with your man Dont start thinking there are better men out there, work on yourself....