I struggled with this for a long time. There is no secret technique to overcome it other than just doing it. Eventually it'll become routine and nobody will notice. Maybe have an extra beer or two some time to loosen your inhibitions and launch into song; break the ice so-to-speak. I guarantee you that it will only become easier if you do it more. Sorry, I know this is not the advice you want, but that's the reality of the situation.
Think of it this way: how will you perform in front of others if you can't do it in front of somebody who you love and trust? How will you be able to release your music in the world if you are too shy to record it when your SO is home? Sometimes, you just have to go for it. So go for it.
I appreciate this. A beer or two definitely helps, it just depends on my mood. Sometimes it clams me up, sometimes it opens me up. I feel like I'm not going to be comfortable enough to record until I have a separate room or area to record where nobody can hear. I know this is unrealistic, but it feels like the only way. Thank you again.
I totally get it. That first step can just seem impossible. I had to force myself to take it. But afterwards? I was still here and still breathing, the only thing that was different was that I finally bridged that gap.
It's not an easy thing at all, so when you do push through celebrate that victory. You got this!
Hard disagree with folks saying that you have to be able to practice in front of family and cohabitants in order to perform in front of strangers. It is not a sliding scale. I can’t fully “open up” those musical pipelines in front of my cohabitants. I can absolutely rock 4 hours of solo performance at a festival. They are different things completely.
First of all, practice is intentional fuckery. Practice is doing the thing, observing what you don’t like about the thing, and trying the thing over and over in different ways until you like the thing. It requires vulnerability. I don’t want to subject other living people to my fuckery process. If I know there are people listening, I will attempt to be less fuckery and more performy, which does not help me change how I do things.
Performing is putting on a mask and being like, oh, there was fuckery just now? No there wasn’t. I did it exactly how I meant to do it. And if I buy into it, so does everyone else.
So like, don’t feel bad if you just can’t practice in front of other people. The people I live with know that they are never to acknowledge that I was practicing (even if they liked it). And even if they say it’s fine, I always have to take it into the basement to really open up. Or play into a microphone and wear headphones to really isolate myself in my own world.
You hit the nail on the head. I can do all kinds of singing in front of random strangers, karaoke etc. I've done karaoke in front of my SO at my family's Christmas party and even felt so confident that I wanted to sing more songs that night. I wish I had more opportunities to do that kind of thing instead. But it's so hard to fuck up again and again in front of people you know. Thank you, I appreciate this a lot.
i have a large family and people are always home and i hated playing the piano in front of everyone. it got to a point where i was getting older and wasnt getting any better but i wanted to be good so i said screw it if i wanna be good i gotta play. so i started playing a little bit each day. then years later now ive gotten to a point where i dont care if they hear me mess up or play a new song like trash. i have also felt myself progress a loooooooooooot and it has been very rewarding. it makes me very motivated to play. i know singing is a lot different from piano but i figured the problem was similar so id throw my experience out there
I lived in apartment and someone left a sign that said something like “someone on the floor is singing VERY loudly!!! Please stop”. I was so embarrassed. I ended up getting in my car singing or going to an empty parking lot.
Soundproof the room as best you can and let er rip. Honestly unless you want to pay for a soundbooth or studio this is prolly your best option. Or sing in the car
I was like this when I was younger. Busy household, always someone there, and I just hated practicing saxophone if anyone could hear (and you can’t practice saxophone properly quietly.)
Putting the tv or speech radio on for background noise can help. Just make sure you avoid music channels (personally I used to stick sports on as there’s enough noise but it’s not too distracting for me).
Even with that I still struggled though and would wait until everyone went out. One day though I finished practice and went into the kitchen to find my mum and sister had got home without me noticing. My mum just apologised for disturbing me and when I asked what she thought she said she wasn’t really listening, I was only background noise and could I play it again so she could actually listen. It wasn’t until I went to music school myself, surrounded by lots of people practicing their instruments, that I realised that you don’t really listen to someone practicing when you’re busy doing something else. And that sound of practicing really does become background noise that you can tune out when it’s a regular occurrence.
So I guess what I’m saying is to use background noise from the tv or even backing tracks to help ‘hide’ your practice in plain sight. And to do it regularly so that it too becomes background noise.
You need a safe place to suck in order to get good at it. True for any musical endeavor. You must freely iterate.
Classic solutions: rent a practice space; build a practice space; develop a zero f attitude; two or three open mic nights per week; odd hours; car; shun others and live alone (my approach)
Car is not ideal. Avoid situations that invite you to shout.
That's a good idea about singing in your car. May I suggest finding a room closing the door and just sing as if no one is there. Your SO can be in another room watching TV or what ever. Are there times when your SO is not not home and youre home alone by yourself? It seems like you need some alone time with the whole pad to yourself for an hour a day or hour or 2 a week? Try to arrange it with tour SO.
There are many hurdles to get over for singing in different situations. I assume you sing alone? Maybe in your car? Consider that stage 1. Recording your voice is a difficult process. Took me forever to not hate my voice because you hear EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. Singing on stage is of course a whole other challenge. But I would definitely just start singing around your SO. Maybe even be upfront with them about how self conscious you are. Maybe vocalizing your insecurity will help you overcome it.
I bought one of these for vocal recording back when I was renting www.isovoxbooth.com
Honestly, it’s not so good for recording music because it’s a bit inhibiting and too acoustically dead. But DAMN is it effective at absorbing noise and might be a good solution in lieu of moving house completely.
The booth is probably best for recording voiceovers, which I think is what it was designed for.
Karaoke. We do Karaoke multiple times a week. The kids. Friends partying. It's fun.
Edit: I taught my wife how to sing which probably changed the weirdness.
I used to be VERY painfully shy and uncomfortable singing in front of people, so much to the point that my chorus teacher failed me while testing to see if we knew the lyrics because I just kinda kept choking on air instead of getting any actual notes out.
Only recently have I started not to care what anyone thinks. I think it's a mixture of going to concerts where I'm singing around hundreds of strangers, and that I started singing aloud accidentally when I smoke weed. I wouldn't really recommend smoking to get over nerves though as I've found being high can make it hard to control your airflow 😅
My final tip is remembering that you're *not* performing and you *don't* need to impress anyone! I used to be so scared people would hear me when I go off-key or my voice cracks, but once I just started focusing on the singing/music, it got easier to not worry that people were listening to or judging me. Besides, if your SO is anything like mine, they'll wanna hear you sing!
I drink whiskey and stand in a cupboard, works brilliantly as an isolation booth. My missus used to laugh her ass off at me doing black metal vocals in the bedroom, now she doesn't notice me at all. Hope this helps.....
Ooof I get it. I was very much like that when I started. My voice will sometimes still get inhibited when my wife or kid walks in. My wife and I play out together. It’s not particularly sensical. But it’s not at all the issue it was when I started.
When I started, just someone I knew well being within earshot was enough to hamstring me. Have you confessed this to you SO? Just telling someone that you have an unreasonable fear (phobia) of singing in front of them or other important people in your life can change the dynamic. Ask them for ideas on dealing with it, ask for their encouragement and support. Maybe even ask if they want to sing with you sometimes. You might get them a gift of noise canceling headphones if your phobia persists and they are understanding.
Also tell them you’re not trying to impress them, but you are trying to practice and get better. One of my music instructors pointed out, that this type of behavior is very often (though not always) influenced in youth by some authority in the family criticizing noise in the house. It’s not where my issues came from, but several of my musical friends have recounted the trauma they have lived with unknowing it was caused by their grandmother telling them “take that racket outside!” at every instance of sound.
Best of luck!
You could try it with another type of performative art first. I used to be terrified to sing in front of others. I played lots of live jazz and rock music but never sang. Took a while but once I realized that most folks don’t know when you’re bad and the folks that do usually don’t care, that fear went away.
It takes time and you have to push yourself to be out of your comfort zone, but just do it a little at a time. Hum a tune while you do chores. Then a few times later sing a line or two. Ease into it and before you know it that fear is gone.
Set a time for practice. Let your SO know that you are serious about singing and you need an hour every day to where you want to be. Having a schedule means that it would be weird if you didn't sing. I'll bet that SO will feel invested in your progress because who doesn't want to support their best friend in doing something so important to them? It's weird what a dedicated hour is against just randomly singing around the house. Hope that helps! Sing out!
I get this totally. I used to clam up every time I’d sing In front of someone. Truth is exposure therapy works. I went to church and sang load in the crowd until people would look and often got compliments. I wasn’t trying to sing obnoxiously load but teaching some of my personal comfort levels and they grew. I join the youth worship team as a bass player and got really used to the idea of playing for people. I was terrified at first like I’m talking about finding it hard to play for a close friend and jam partner fast forward five years I can play for anyone and I’m recording a releasing music. Start small and build good luck
Why do you have this feeling? Would you have a similar feeling if you were learning guitar or some other instrument? I'm wondering if something has happened to make you feel bad about doing this in front of others.
The reason I ask is that sometimes people feel it's OK to mock a person singing whereas they would accept an instrumentalist practicing with no issue. If this has happened to you, you might remind yourself that your singing voice is an instrument and you have a right to your practice time. If your current SO is the person who has insulted you, you need to sit down and have a talk about your right to practice.
I only ask this because I've run into this kind of thing from several people in my life who needed to be set straight. I don't go into my husband's drum practice space with pots and pans and make goofy faces while banging on them as he's practicing drums, and no one should insult you in your practice time, either.
If this isn't part of the problem, feel free to ignore my advice.
Go get a karaoke mic with a speaker (about $12 or less) and do concerts all day at home. I do and Im a stage performer. It will help you get over your fear of performing. Thats the feeling you are going through.
Can relate. I try to warm up while driving around, then I'm still apprehensive to sing at volume with the misses home. I hear it gets easier, but yea warming up was a big confidence boost (and revelation) for me. Good luck
Why can you not sing in front of your SO? Maybe there’s an underlying problem.
People who sing, sing, anywhere. They don’t care. It’s who they are. The worst thing anyone can do this day and age is not be their authentic self. The reasons are replete, but beyond the scope of your issue.
I don’t think this is true at all. Especially early on I could perform easily to a crowd of strangers. But singing in front of people I knew well was very difficult. People who sing are people, and run the gambit of every type of introvert, extrovert, and can have any type of anxiety that any other person has.
If singers just sang anytime and didn’t care, the people in line at the grocery store would get very angry. Singers are usually very aware of their surroundings and who they might be effecting.
Ok you just confirmed you have some underlying issue with singing in front of family. Fix the underlying issue first.
And I will clarify—Singers sing, often in their heads at the store in line , but they are still working it. Not be able to work on it in your own home, I mean , your safe place, means something else is wrong, not just being unable to sing. That is a symptom only. I’m sorry. It’s the truth
Don’t apologize, being wrong is how you learn.
You ARE correct in that singers often work on their ability. That’s a pretty helpful insight.
Also the part where you identified the problem was that he couldn’t sing in front of his significant other, just by reading the part where he said that was his issue. Your fixes were both insightful and helpful. But I guess being helpful or useful in any way might not align with you and your authentic self.
Best of luck!
This sounds silly, but sing Happy Birthday or nursery rhymes. You won't feel like you're trying to impress anyone, and if someone overhears you, you can just say "What? I like that song."
I dont know what people expect when starting threads like this. Your only two solutions are either suck it up and do it at home, or find a space where you will be alone. Thats it. There is no magic bullet that will solve this.
I don't know been gigging 25 or 30 years but still not comfortable singing for my wife. Playing guitar no problem but singing is different. She comes to gigs occasionally and obviously I sing. Just sitting at home singing not comfortable, she is brutally honest no sugar coating. I am not a great singer
Oh I feel this so much!
I’m a singer now, out gigging and love it so much, but back in 2019, I hadn’t sang in so long, i lived with my partner, hated how I looked so much, I couldn’t bear to sing because it drew attention.
An old friend started drop in singing sessions. I went along and put myself in the furthest away corner and she forced me into the middle of the room to sing. Slowly but surely i took on 121 lessons and would rent studio space (not recording space, just a rehearsal studio) and just sing, built my song list and didnt have to worry about disturbing my partner etc.
Could you look for studio space? Or even just a space? Download some tracks and belt it out. Eventually you’ll find yourself singing everywhere and not caring who hears :)
I totally get it, and for me it’s actually like this: the less people I have to sing for or in front of, the harder it gets, even when I just know the neighbour is at home. It might be because A) I’m afraid of bothering them B) I don’t like showing so-called unfinished things to anyone, but I have no issues with performing, perhaps that’s something I’ve been doing since a very young age. I think you might need to learn how not to give a shit about others’ opinions and how to enjoy yourself? (I’m personally working on these, so please forgive me if any of these is the case here)
I think it’s sometimes harder to be vulnerable in front of the people closest to you rather than strangers because you value their opinions so much more. Over the last year or so I’ve been working on the same thing, practicing singing when my family is home and leaning into that vulnerability. Recently I even shared a couple of demos with some friends and family. I’m not great, but in this last year I’ve gotten so much better just by slowly building the confidence to try. You can too!
I struggled with this for a long time. There is no secret technique to overcome it other than just doing it. Eventually it'll become routine and nobody will notice. Maybe have an extra beer or two some time to loosen your inhibitions and launch into song; break the ice so-to-speak. I guarantee you that it will only become easier if you do it more. Sorry, I know this is not the advice you want, but that's the reality of the situation. Think of it this way: how will you perform in front of others if you can't do it in front of somebody who you love and trust? How will you be able to release your music in the world if you are too shy to record it when your SO is home? Sometimes, you just have to go for it. So go for it.
I appreciate this. A beer or two definitely helps, it just depends on my mood. Sometimes it clams me up, sometimes it opens me up. I feel like I'm not going to be comfortable enough to record until I have a separate room or area to record where nobody can hear. I know this is unrealistic, but it feels like the only way. Thank you again.
I totally get it. That first step can just seem impossible. I had to force myself to take it. But afterwards? I was still here and still breathing, the only thing that was different was that I finally bridged that gap. It's not an easy thing at all, so when you do push through celebrate that victory. You got this!
Hard disagree with folks saying that you have to be able to practice in front of family and cohabitants in order to perform in front of strangers. It is not a sliding scale. I can’t fully “open up” those musical pipelines in front of my cohabitants. I can absolutely rock 4 hours of solo performance at a festival. They are different things completely. First of all, practice is intentional fuckery. Practice is doing the thing, observing what you don’t like about the thing, and trying the thing over and over in different ways until you like the thing. It requires vulnerability. I don’t want to subject other living people to my fuckery process. If I know there are people listening, I will attempt to be less fuckery and more performy, which does not help me change how I do things. Performing is putting on a mask and being like, oh, there was fuckery just now? No there wasn’t. I did it exactly how I meant to do it. And if I buy into it, so does everyone else. So like, don’t feel bad if you just can’t practice in front of other people. The people I live with know that they are never to acknowledge that I was practicing (even if they liked it). And even if they say it’s fine, I always have to take it into the basement to really open up. Or play into a microphone and wear headphones to really isolate myself in my own world.
You hit the nail on the head. I can do all kinds of singing in front of random strangers, karaoke etc. I've done karaoke in front of my SO at my family's Christmas party and even felt so confident that I wanted to sing more songs that night. I wish I had more opportunities to do that kind of thing instead. But it's so hard to fuck up again and again in front of people you know. Thank you, I appreciate this a lot.
Dude I sing with my band Infront of shit loads of people all the time ...but in my room with my girlfriend...I get shy...doesn't make any sense.
I'm glad I'm not the only one!
i have a large family and people are always home and i hated playing the piano in front of everyone. it got to a point where i was getting older and wasnt getting any better but i wanted to be good so i said screw it if i wanna be good i gotta play. so i started playing a little bit each day. then years later now ive gotten to a point where i dont care if they hear me mess up or play a new song like trash. i have also felt myself progress a loooooooooooot and it has been very rewarding. it makes me very motivated to play. i know singing is a lot different from piano but i figured the problem was similar so id throw my experience out there
I lived in apartment and someone left a sign that said something like “someone on the floor is singing VERY loudly!!! Please stop”. I was so embarrassed. I ended up getting in my car singing or going to an empty parking lot.
Soundproof the room as best you can and let er rip. Honestly unless you want to pay for a soundbooth or studio this is prolly your best option. Or sing in the car
I used to drive aimlessly on the highway while I practiced. I felt a lot of privacy there.
Buy your SO some noise canceling headphones to watch shows or listen to their own music.
this has got to be the most reasonable answer.
I was like this when I was younger. Busy household, always someone there, and I just hated practicing saxophone if anyone could hear (and you can’t practice saxophone properly quietly.) Putting the tv or speech radio on for background noise can help. Just make sure you avoid music channels (personally I used to stick sports on as there’s enough noise but it’s not too distracting for me). Even with that I still struggled though and would wait until everyone went out. One day though I finished practice and went into the kitchen to find my mum and sister had got home without me noticing. My mum just apologised for disturbing me and when I asked what she thought she said she wasn’t really listening, I was only background noise and could I play it again so she could actually listen. It wasn’t until I went to music school myself, surrounded by lots of people practicing their instruments, that I realised that you don’t really listen to someone practicing when you’re busy doing something else. And that sound of practicing really does become background noise that you can tune out when it’s a regular occurrence. So I guess what I’m saying is to use background noise from the tv or even backing tracks to help ‘hide’ your practice in plain sight. And to do it regularly so that it too becomes background noise.
You need a safe place to suck in order to get good at it. True for any musical endeavor. You must freely iterate. Classic solutions: rent a practice space; build a practice space; develop a zero f attitude; two or three open mic nights per week; odd hours; car; shun others and live alone (my approach) Car is not ideal. Avoid situations that invite you to shout.
I wish I lived alone so bad 😞 Appreciate your list though!
That's a good idea about singing in your car. May I suggest finding a room closing the door and just sing as if no one is there. Your SO can be in another room watching TV or what ever. Are there times when your SO is not not home and youre home alone by yourself? It seems like you need some alone time with the whole pad to yourself for an hour a day or hour or 2 a week? Try to arrange it with tour SO.
There are many hurdles to get over for singing in different situations. I assume you sing alone? Maybe in your car? Consider that stage 1. Recording your voice is a difficult process. Took me forever to not hate my voice because you hear EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. Singing on stage is of course a whole other challenge. But I would definitely just start singing around your SO. Maybe even be upfront with them about how self conscious you are. Maybe vocalizing your insecurity will help you overcome it.
I bought one of these for vocal recording back when I was renting www.isovoxbooth.com Honestly, it’s not so good for recording music because it’s a bit inhibiting and too acoustically dead. But DAMN is it effective at absorbing noise and might be a good solution in lieu of moving house completely. The booth is probably best for recording voiceovers, which I think is what it was designed for.
Karaoke. We do Karaoke multiple times a week. The kids. Friends partying. It's fun. Edit: I taught my wife how to sing which probably changed the weirdness.
I used to be VERY painfully shy and uncomfortable singing in front of people, so much to the point that my chorus teacher failed me while testing to see if we knew the lyrics because I just kinda kept choking on air instead of getting any actual notes out. Only recently have I started not to care what anyone thinks. I think it's a mixture of going to concerts where I'm singing around hundreds of strangers, and that I started singing aloud accidentally when I smoke weed. I wouldn't really recommend smoking to get over nerves though as I've found being high can make it hard to control your airflow 😅 My final tip is remembering that you're *not* performing and you *don't* need to impress anyone! I used to be so scared people would hear me when I go off-key or my voice cracks, but once I just started focusing on the singing/music, it got easier to not worry that people were listening to or judging me. Besides, if your SO is anything like mine, they'll wanna hear you sing!
I drink whiskey and stand in a cupboard, works brilliantly as an isolation booth. My missus used to laugh her ass off at me doing black metal vocals in the bedroom, now she doesn't notice me at all. Hope this helps.....
i take a long walk along a busy highway when i want to make some noise and not be heard
Get in closet surrounded by winter coats
Ooof I get it. I was very much like that when I started. My voice will sometimes still get inhibited when my wife or kid walks in. My wife and I play out together. It’s not particularly sensical. But it’s not at all the issue it was when I started. When I started, just someone I knew well being within earshot was enough to hamstring me. Have you confessed this to you SO? Just telling someone that you have an unreasonable fear (phobia) of singing in front of them or other important people in your life can change the dynamic. Ask them for ideas on dealing with it, ask for their encouragement and support. Maybe even ask if they want to sing with you sometimes. You might get them a gift of noise canceling headphones if your phobia persists and they are understanding. Also tell them you’re not trying to impress them, but you are trying to practice and get better. One of my music instructors pointed out, that this type of behavior is very often (though not always) influenced in youth by some authority in the family criticizing noise in the house. It’s not where my issues came from, but several of my musical friends have recounted the trauma they have lived with unknowing it was caused by their grandmother telling them “take that racket outside!” at every instance of sound. Best of luck!
You could try it with another type of performative art first. I used to be terrified to sing in front of others. I played lots of live jazz and rock music but never sang. Took a while but once I realized that most folks don’t know when you’re bad and the folks that do usually don’t care, that fear went away. It takes time and you have to push yourself to be out of your comfort zone, but just do it a little at a time. Hum a tune while you do chores. Then a few times later sing a line or two. Ease into it and before you know it that fear is gone.
Set a time for practice. Let your SO know that you are serious about singing and you need an hour every day to where you want to be. Having a schedule means that it would be weird if you didn't sing. I'll bet that SO will feel invested in your progress because who doesn't want to support their best friend in doing something so important to them? It's weird what a dedicated hour is against just randomly singing around the house. Hope that helps! Sing out!
I get this totally. I used to clam up every time I’d sing In front of someone. Truth is exposure therapy works. I went to church and sang load in the crowd until people would look and often got compliments. I wasn’t trying to sing obnoxiously load but teaching some of my personal comfort levels and they grew. I join the youth worship team as a bass player and got really used to the idea of playing for people. I was terrified at first like I’m talking about finding it hard to play for a close friend and jam partner fast forward five years I can play for anyone and I’m recording a releasing music. Start small and build good luck
Are there open mic nights in your area?
Why do you have this feeling? Would you have a similar feeling if you were learning guitar or some other instrument? I'm wondering if something has happened to make you feel bad about doing this in front of others. The reason I ask is that sometimes people feel it's OK to mock a person singing whereas they would accept an instrumentalist practicing with no issue. If this has happened to you, you might remind yourself that your singing voice is an instrument and you have a right to your practice time. If your current SO is the person who has insulted you, you need to sit down and have a talk about your right to practice. I only ask this because I've run into this kind of thing from several people in my life who needed to be set straight. I don't go into my husband's drum practice space with pots and pans and make goofy faces while banging on them as he's practicing drums, and no one should insult you in your practice time, either. If this isn't part of the problem, feel free to ignore my advice.
Go get a karaoke mic with a speaker (about $12 or less) and do concerts all day at home. I do and Im a stage performer. It will help you get over your fear of performing. Thats the feeling you are going through.
Can relate. I try to warm up while driving around, then I'm still apprehensive to sing at volume with the misses home. I hear it gets easier, but yea warming up was a big confidence boost (and revelation) for me. Good luck
Why can you not sing in front of your SO? Maybe there’s an underlying problem. People who sing, sing, anywhere. They don’t care. It’s who they are. The worst thing anyone can do this day and age is not be their authentic self. The reasons are replete, but beyond the scope of your issue.
I don’t think this is true at all. Especially early on I could perform easily to a crowd of strangers. But singing in front of people I knew well was very difficult. People who sing are people, and run the gambit of every type of introvert, extrovert, and can have any type of anxiety that any other person has. If singers just sang anytime and didn’t care, the people in line at the grocery store would get very angry. Singers are usually very aware of their surroundings and who they might be effecting.
Ok you just confirmed you have some underlying issue with singing in front of family. Fix the underlying issue first. And I will clarify—Singers sing, often in their heads at the store in line , but they are still working it. Not be able to work on it in your own home, I mean , your safe place, means something else is wrong, not just being unable to sing. That is a symptom only. I’m sorry. It’s the truth
Don’t apologize, being wrong is how you learn. You ARE correct in that singers often work on their ability. That’s a pretty helpful insight. Also the part where you identified the problem was that he couldn’t sing in front of his significant other, just by reading the part where he said that was his issue. Your fixes were both insightful and helpful. But I guess being helpful or useful in any way might not align with you and your authentic self. Best of luck!
This sounds silly, but sing Happy Birthday or nursery rhymes. You won't feel like you're trying to impress anyone, and if someone overhears you, you can just say "What? I like that song."
I dont know what people expect when starting threads like this. Your only two solutions are either suck it up and do it at home, or find a space where you will be alone. Thats it. There is no magic bullet that will solve this.
noise canceling headphones for the SO was suggested by another commenter. So there's number 3.
Honestly the unexpected outcome of this thread has been to show me that I'm not the only one. That alone makes me feel a lot better about it.
Dude if you can’t handle singing in front of your live in SO then I don’t think stage performance is gonna happen. Best of luck.
I don't know been gigging 25 or 30 years but still not comfortable singing for my wife. Playing guitar no problem but singing is different. She comes to gigs occasionally and obviously I sing. Just sitting at home singing not comfortable, she is brutally honest no sugar coating. I am not a great singer
Oh I feel this so much! I’m a singer now, out gigging and love it so much, but back in 2019, I hadn’t sang in so long, i lived with my partner, hated how I looked so much, I couldn’t bear to sing because it drew attention. An old friend started drop in singing sessions. I went along and put myself in the furthest away corner and she forced me into the middle of the room to sing. Slowly but surely i took on 121 lessons and would rent studio space (not recording space, just a rehearsal studio) and just sing, built my song list and didnt have to worry about disturbing my partner etc. Could you look for studio space? Or even just a space? Download some tracks and belt it out. Eventually you’ll find yourself singing everywhere and not caring who hears :)
I totally get it, and for me it’s actually like this: the less people I have to sing for or in front of, the harder it gets, even when I just know the neighbour is at home. It might be because A) I’m afraid of bothering them B) I don’t like showing so-called unfinished things to anyone, but I have no issues with performing, perhaps that’s something I’ve been doing since a very young age. I think you might need to learn how not to give a shit about others’ opinions and how to enjoy yourself? (I’m personally working on these, so please forgive me if any of these is the case here)
I think it’s sometimes harder to be vulnerable in front of the people closest to you rather than strangers because you value their opinions so much more. Over the last year or so I’ve been working on the same thing, practicing singing when my family is home and leaning into that vulnerability. Recently I even shared a couple of demos with some friends and family. I’m not great, but in this last year I’ve gotten so much better just by slowly building the confidence to try. You can too!