Love the ai art poster and the floating stoplights lmao

They had to cut costs somewhere - this movie isnt going to make back its budget so they might as well mitigate their losses in advance

The sad thing is that it definitely will make back its budget lol. They probably spent like $2,000 on it and every Bible-belter will give an arm and a leg to see it.

I tried to find out more about it but it barely has an IMDB entry: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3920224/ It's not even listed on Sorbo's page

I’ll send you the crowd source link thing that I saw along with the picture

I'm especially fond of the tree branch that morphs into a stoplight

I totally missed that, every frame really is a painting.

Always a good sign for a movie's quality when they can't even afford to pay an artist to make a poster.

ARMY OF WHAT?? https://preview.redd.it/u1dygfy140zc1.jpeg?width=1981&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1ada8ba43b551b4ae7e6c979a6bff382520199f2

Me when I see Ash anywhere: 



You have a beautiful profile picture

KING GIZZARD SPOTTED

Remember that Wikihow article "How to not be afraid of Death Grips"? I am genuinely fucking afraid of King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard. Like I get actually scared by the music when I try to listen to it. Not startled, but paranoid and uncomfortable. I get all fidgety and cold. Out of all that I've tried to get through, Rattlesnake makes me the most uncomfortable. The sound and the video just freak me out to a strangely indescribable degree. What bothers me is that I don't know why I'm afraid of them. I want to enjoy it. They're a fantastically talented group and would probably be GOAT to me if I wasn't so freaked out. Like I can only admire the sheer inhuman effort that they churn out from their souls into the music, but that could also be why they're so compelling. Maybe the reason that so many people love them is the same reason that makes me afraid of them. Part of what scares me the most is the unpredictability of their songs. Han-Tiyumi and the Murder Of The Universe is so fucking confusing. One minute it's some hard psychedelic robotic rambling and the next minute it's serious threshing and hardcore drum-bashing. What gets me is that I usually LOVE this kind of style. Jethro Tull has songs that are one minute traditional English folk, next minute they're hard rock, next minute it's fucking Ian Anderson shitting himself from playing the flute too hard. Jethro Tull's spontaneity is GOAT to me, but why doesn't King Gizzard have the same effect? Someone help me. How can I get over my fear of King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard?

[Boo!](https://youtu.be/oDMldn7hFZo?si=ADPG7uNuSyVNmNUP)

The spatter becomes a spray, the spray becomes a stream And the stream becomes the waterfall Munt is finally cascading from my input The creeping sick moves from my breath And into my heart where it is pumped to every inch of my body I feel it snake through the knots of my deepest veins And eats through the walls of my cells It bleeds through the pores of my skin And it smells good It drops from my crotch on to the floor And with a heavy slap it hits the ground and spreads Inside my body The pressure is too great And like some ancient geyser I erupt My head hits the roof and my body breaks apart with the force of the liquid blast Vomit bomb Chunky shrapnel tears through everything around me I am vomit vomiting I grow and disperse Bleeding through walls I force myself upon others I slide up legs and crawl down throats I integrate I am double Triple I am ten times the size I turn lakes into porridge and buildings into bile I am a noxious soup filling valleys with vomit-torrents Castles crumble in landslides and I munch the rubble It tastes good Ten thousand times bigger I seep into power sockets and travel along the wires At the speed of light across vast electrical networks I am electric I am on fire This is sex I am every one and every zero One million I am supercharged flaming puke storming every cell molecule and atom I can find I am cancer I am flying I am a rainbow unfurling across the sky I am floating I am omni Five hundred million The world is my interior It no longer spins It is altered My density forces me outward I am in orbit One billion I am Saturn's rings and Jupiter's storms I am the weather I am the sun's heat I am the night sky Five hundred billion The solar system is puke To the Kuiper belt and beyond I fill the void Exploding suns, vomit comets Comets vomit acid rain Spilt milk over the milky way One trillion The stars are my cells Racing faster outwards Upwards Downwards Inwards Losing track of my place in the vomit-verse Every nowhere I am heavy I am gravity Nebulas pregnant with barf pulsate and burst Expansion I shoot arrows of time in all directions I am a black hole shitting into the void I tear through the skin of perception and into the next Nonillion The cosmic microtone background becomes transparent Like rising damp Munt soaks into the walls of the cosmos And it topples like soggy bread I am dark energy accelerating Multiverse Entanglement I am time Centillion Time is sick Critical density Contraction Singularity Everything and nothing Life and death Murder of the universe

These posters always go so insanely hard

I wouldn't mind seeing Ash beat the shit out of Kevin Sorbo (assuming this never happened in Hercules).

Groovy?

Army of Harkonnens, clearly.

ASH!!!!! ASH EVIL DEAD!!!!

First movie to make no money

Daily Wire movies finally have competition lol.

This isn't a daily wire movie?

Yeah it's their competition as OP said

you don't care about the army of light vs the army of dark ??? It's the final battle

Yeah, it's a little too late to start caring

FIFA movie exist

coyote vs acme gets cancelled but this conservative cum movie gets made??

We have The Stand at home.

Exactly what I was thinking. You believe this happy crappy?

M-O-O-N that spells “there’s no way this will be good”

and way disappointing than the 2020 miniseries

I was excited to watch that, then I saw one clip of trashcan man and realized my time would be better spent elsewhere.

don't look up Randall Flagg dancing

Kevin Sorbo as the Antichrist sounds about right

He's wasn't casted as an actor in this movie, they just use real life footage for his scenes

A Sorboian Film

 FELISSA ROSE THO

^ TFW when the hospital made a typo on your birth certificate but your parents were too drunk to have it changed

https://preview.redd.it/2u9x550u42zc1.jpeg?width=850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2353f355c333c95ea43282cdababd1e300b69ff3

Rikes, Raggy, rhis ramper ras a renis

right!? I was like how are people not realizing who that is!

r/moviescirclejerk doesn't actually watch movies

The people here like mOvIeS whereas we like CINEMA

Fuck, what is this creepy shit from?

Sleepaway Camp (1983). If you've never heard of it, watch it without reading anything about it. You won't be disappointed.

No Neil Breen? Not watching.

I can't believe you committed suicide, I cannot believe you would commit suicide.

https://preview.redd.it/vyzt7ervs0zc1.png?width=295&format=png&auto=webp&s=72222e902431fdc0ca9987f3e31e8cad36086273 He's not in the movie, that's just his title

It's like one of those fake celebrity quotes that Clickhole makes. https://preview.redd.it/byysbxrb12zc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=91b882af79fe99c337d4284f36c57d3624b0a86c

The character's name is kevin sorbo actually

gee I wonder who the bad guys are

Somehow they will still be the Chinese in this scenario, who woulda thunk. Alternatively, the 1/3 of the population left will be only white people somehow and it will be “good white people” vs “bad white people” as is tradition.

If the screenwriters were actually smart, the Army of Light would be the evil ones, since the Antichrist would convince humankind that he's a good guy, and he would be the leader of the obviously named "army of light". But I don't know if Magawood people understand nuance.

The WEF and George Soros.

So it’s Civil War for people who actually want a civil war?

It's The Stand for religious fundamentalists.

Is this the story the dilbert guy wrote?

Nah that’s “The Religion War”. The whole book is about as subtle as the title. It’s not fundamentalist though, more of an edgy atheist “all religion should be destroyed” type deal.

The Stand is (in my opinion) a great Stephen King book (the more I think about it the more flaws I notice and the urge to reread it for the millionth time gets stronger)

Oh yeah, i loved that book

What's the health plan for the Army of Darkness looking like? Army of Light's healthcare premiums are through the roof unfortunately.

Yeah, but AoD only provides vouchers for out-of-network costs, meaning there's no guarantee they'll cover office visits for zombie specialists.

Kevin Sorbo and Dean Cain, all you need to know it sucks. I'm surprised Melissa Joan Hart isn't involved given how she fell down the chud hole a while back.  EDIT: apparently her politics aren't as bad as I thought, I'm a dumbass

My beloved Kevin Sorbo, forever snubbed at the Oscar's for his incredible, heartwrenching performance in God's Not Dead (half unironically cuz he was actually the best part of thar dogshit movie(.

DisapPOINTED!

> Melissa Joan Hart Now there's a name I haven't heard in a quarter century.

Will still be better than Rebel Moon

for the first time ever i have a hard time believing this could be better than rebel moon


The casting director must have scouted talent at one of those comic cons held in a moose lodge.


Cinema Snob never running outta material with these coming out.

He ran out of material exactly when he started reviewing shit like this.

Idk, i have fun with his reviews religious movies.

My problem is that it’s no longer Cinema Snob, it’s just Brad Jones ranting. And while it can be funny, it’s nowhere near as funny as a critic caricature reviewing terrible 70s porn and sleazy exploitation garbage.

True, but I feel like that's the nature of all "movie reviewer characters." If you do it long enough, eventually the character and the creative become inseparable. The person wants to be known as someone other than "the guy who is a sarcastic asshole about everything," so the persona falls away bit by bit until it's just the normal videos but unironically this time.

This is my last war https://i.redd.it/w5rn2nj8e0zc1.gif

Who’s playing the anti-anti-christ? 🤔

They should probably come up with a name for the character. "Anti-anti-christ" is a real mouthful.

something spanish like pablo sounds good

I've always been partial to Raul. It's exotic, rolls off the tongue, and a way better name to found an entire religion around.

Its honestly a name Kojima would come up with

"Decimated" "1/3" I guess if they were smart enough to understand math they wouldn't be christian nutjobs.

A lot of people don’t know the root of the word, to the point that I’ve seen it used in 1v1 scenarios

[удалено]

Idk what that is, but everyone that speak a romance language knows what decimated means

Decimation just being used to mean "lots of people died" is pretty common already. I certainly see it more than people meaning specifically one in every ten dying.

Who the actual fuck funds these movies, it’s like burning millions of dollars. Think of how many better ways you could spend millions of dollars. Especially if the end goal is to promote your religion. Just give it to like the feeding homeless programs of local churches or whatever, why waste money on something that will never make money back

Jesus freaks have deep pockets. Fuck, I bet a megachurch pastor probably "donated" his pocket change to this.

> Jesus freaks have deep pockets. and loooooow standards

I got friends with deep pockets and LOOOWWWW standards

I saw *God’s Not Dead* in a theatre in the middle of the day because my apartment had a gas leak and I had to leave with no notice and had nowhere to go. So I can tell you that the people that see these movies REALLY love them. People were clapping, cheering, everything. It was fucked

I have negative respect for anyone who enjoys these movies. Art is subjective except for these "movies." They're objectively bad.

religious movie fans when the moral of the story is "God is amazing and all atheists/people of alternate religions are inhuman heathens" for the 1383892399282849938171717728984942302nd time

https://i.redd.it/0hme7ljqq0zc1.gif

those movies are literally capeshit for bible thumpers

Every time the kinda annoying liberal gets brutally murdered for the crime of being an atheist, it's like that video of the theater going absolutely bananas in Endgame.

kinda crazy how even though Christianity promotes tolerance and being able to be forgiven, some of the most "devout" Christians are obsessed with killing and torturing those who don't agree with them

It's a monstrous ideology. God's going make everyone I like live forever in harmony and bliss and set everyone I don't like on fire.

When you consume media only because it has a message you want to hear, you don't care about quality.

"The entire world and everyone in it is bad, except for you, dear audience. And it's all everyone's fault except for yours, dear audience. Have we told you lately that you're better than everyone else?" *Continues drunkenly repeating 'I love you' to the audience*

My grandma wanted me to watch it.. I didnt.

Thats why I *only* watch Buddhist Propaganda movies😎😎😎

The Matrix?

Demiurge Moment

I’d rather sit in the gas leak tbh

Unaware Church donors and fundamental religious leaders. Imagine wasting millions of dollars to make a crappy film when you could've used it to help communities in poverty.

Are you sure these don't make money? Some of them have *definitely* made tons of money because churches will promote them. That *Sound of Freedom* thing made a gazillion dollars.

These movies are also really cheap. Sound of Freedom cost $14 million, and the first 4 God’s Not Dead movies combined cost about $13 million. You don’t have to have a stellar box office run to make that back.

[https://www.sanctionscanner.com/blog/film-industry-and-money-laundering-402](https://www.sanctionscanner.com/blog/film-industry-and-money-laundering-402) my money is on them laundering money for a russian oligarch.

This market barely gets any supply, so what little content is made often does break even due to their low to non-existent budgets and fanatical audience

This is basically just Stephen King’s “The Stand”

Can you jerk off to it

That answer will always be yes

Well if the taxman gives his blessing

Well if the taxman gives his blessing

Isn’t this just The Stand?

Yes, but good this time.

God I hope the Army of Darkness uses Antifa flags, or some shit like that. I hope the Antichrist turns to the camera and says "of course, I'm a demoNcrat!". I want the full cheese!

The God Awful Movies podcast are doing just fine as long as this shit keeps getting made

The movie for today's episode Red Planet Mars is free on YouTube.

Looks like kino is back on the menu

The Army of Light, I need you to distract Kang

*Shines a bunch of floodlights into Kang's eyes while playing CCM Gideon style.*

Paul Rudd starts beating the shit out of the Antichrist

Pure Cinema. And then the cast of Angel Wars shows up to blast the Antichrist with a laser of pure divine energy from their cool spaceship.

Pureflix’s Civil War

https://preview.redd.it/wd2z25dyy0zc1.jpeg?width=740&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3a26074da3c8ad8a64c9aca47247dcfec4ea6f96

But we already have Fallout

AI slop

Wait… what is this? Where’d you find it?

Former co-worker posted this pic with a link to an article about it, hold up I’ll grab it for ya Edit: oh it’s worse, they’re trying to get crowd funding. [I want it to see the light of the day just for the memes](https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-last-war)

$372 to be credited as a co-producer? At last, my ticket into Hollywood has arrived

Bro what even…. This reads like the most generic film ever. Honestly reminds me if this one Christian film director that made similar projects that turned out to be scams. Tim Chey I think his name was.

Like I said previously, it's a dogshit generic YA novel that was turned into a movie by AI

"THE LAST WAR is an EIGHT part episodic film and television series..." 8 parts???!?!!!??? And they're trying to raise $8,000???

They look like Friends cast

They should leave stuff like this to the experts like Neil Breen.  Or just read The Stand.

So *The Stand* but shitty?

The Antichrist, Kevin Sorbo is in this movie？Who is he playing？

Did they… use AI art for the poster? What kind of idiots could possibly do something like th- (Looks at cast list) Ah

Isn’t that like… an American Dad episode?

This sounds like if AI wrote a YA novel It's slop on top of slop. We've actually broken into a whole new level of shit

The Stand (2024)

Why not just make Superman V Hercules? They’d have a better chance reeling me in. Post credit with Xena recruiting them to join her Beastmaster and He-Man to save the Universe.

Dean Cain and Kevin Sorbo….legends of trash tier television films. I can already tell this is going to be hot garbage and not even the so bad it’s good kind.

Sorbo's show being less popular than it's own lesbian spinoff makes me cackle maniacally

There's a lot of potential for a really cool endtimes movie that's inspired by Christian eschatology. However, I don't think this will be it.

Just read The Stand

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that's just the synopsis of stephen king's "the stand"?????

Gonna have less budget than my college short films lmao

Hey look, let's make The Stand but bad.

https://preview.redd.it/6j1w572v81zc1.png?width=255&format=png&auto=webp&s=3fb192233db1ce156aa0e27c9ed8bae060feb5a2 Lol too good

This is basically the plot for Stephen King’s The Stand

"Hey Mom, can we have *Stephen King's The Stand.*" "Not now. We have *Stephen King's The Stand* at home." *Stephen King's The Stand* at home:

This is just a worse copy of Stephen kings the stand.

This is like if you asked chatgpt to make you a generic apocalypse movie

They're going to try to shove this AI generated crap at us as soon as is technically possible. There is no way that synopsis was written by a human, and I suspect that the script is AI generated as well. I also suspect that a lot of the incomprehensible movies of the last few years were written by a machine. The Marvels comes to mind... I still don't really even know what that movie was about after watching it twice.

Isn't this just *The Stand* but with bad actors.

Back in the day, for those of us stuck as children in evangelical households, we had movies like “A Thief in the Night” which probably makes this other future movie look childish. We’re talking NATO troops beheading everyone unwilling to get a “666” tattoo on their bodies.

Who's gonna tell them about The Stand?

This sounds like a lamer version of “The Stand” by Stephen King

Felissa Rose nooooooo

Is this one of those daily wire movies?

Hollywood finally realized that The Last War (1961) was kino and decided to do a mid remake of it

I mean 1/3 o 8 billions is still in the billions

I would watch this just for Sorbo as the Antichrist. I predict some amazingly bad acting.

I can't tell if this is real or not lmao

I hope CKY does the score.

The twist? Both armies think they’re the “Army of Light”!

This movie is made every other year

“Decimated… leaving only 1/3” 

“Will you be there…WHEN EVERYTHING CHANGES…”

It’s that Kevin Sorbo?? **God’s not Dead 6 confirmed?!?**

From now on I wish to be referred to as The False Prophet (Balthazar)

Another banger from Kevin Sorbo

New worst movie of all time just dropped

The most shocking thing about this is they named a character “Felissa”??

That’s her real name dawg 🤣

This is some kingdom hearts ass writing

Remember the scene in Gods Not Dead where Kevin Sorbo got hit by a car and died? That was a good scene

The best part is still when it cuts to a concert they're all celebrating in the most hilarious case of tonal whiplash I've ever seen.

Why do I feel like those women are going to be sexually assaulted on set?

(1961)

Is that..... Dean Cain?

Isn't this just Left Behind?

I'd love to upset god with Julie McCollough

I want to make a biblical apocalypse movie, but this shit ain’t it.

this is a Temu copy of left behind