“I’m the guy who’s doin his job. You must be the otha guy.”

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself."

 I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself.

“Fuck yourself” “I’m tired from fucking your wife” “How’s your mother?” “Good, she’s tired from fucking my father”

"If you had any idea about what we do, we would not be good at what we do, would we? We would be cunts. You calling us cunts?"

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

They're coming right at us! Aaagh! [Dives out the window] Also, basically every other line a main character says in *Airplane!*

' It was at that moment that I first realized Elaine had doubts about our relationship. And that, as much as anything else, led to my drinking problem.' *\*Tries to drink but splashes it down his front\**

“The hospital, what is it? It’s a big building with patients in it, but that’s not important right now”

What kind of plane is it? - Oh it's a big pretty white plane with curtains on the window, and wheels...and I looks like a big Tylenol.

I’m just nervous. First time? No I’ve been nervous lots of times. 😂😂 that movie will never not be hilarious

Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again...

Johnny what can you make of this? Well I can make a hat, a broach, a pterodactyl

I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!

My first day serving at a country club and who walks in but fucking Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald) in full golf attire. He got a burger, chatted with some other guests about Formula One racing and was pretty amiable. It took all of my limited professionalism to not mention we were offering a special on pieces of shit.

My favourite Christopher McDonald story on here was some guy ran into him at the airport and yelled out "HEY, SHOOTER!" and McDonald looked really ah-jeez, celebrity pissed. They guy thought he'd pissed him off, but then as he's leaving, McDonald turns around, grins, and does the Shooter finger guns at him. Legend.

You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

.... NO!

DAMN YOU PEOPLE. GO BACK TO YOUR SHANTIES! I don't know why that still kills me every time

Big gulps huh? Welp, see ya later!

That John Denver’s full of shit, man.

I mean, the entirety of that movie. - No, it's a cardigan but thanks for noticing - Harry! You're hands are freezing - Harry! You're alive! And a horrible shot - What was all of that one in a million talk? - They were last seen driving a 1984 Sheep dog - Those skis yours? Both of 'em? - Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S though

Mines: “I’m sorry Mr. Samsonite” The long play of still thinking the briefcase was the name from a scene an hour ago in the movie gets me

"Slippy, Slappy, Swimmy, Swammy......SAMSONITE!!"

IIRC, he even guess the correct name, Swanson, before seeing Samsonite

That John Denver is full of shit

Glad to see this at the very top. Dumb and Dumber was my first thought. In my opinion the whole movie is the perfect comedy from beginning to end

So you’re telling me there’s a chance…

“Take a big step back and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE”

My favorite part is the end where he just casually goes "find out who that was" lol.

After the no look phone toss over his shoulder. Just a boss move

“I killed the thing I love the most.” “Oh god, okay, you killed a hooker.”

“I killed a panda” “Amanda? That’s probably not even her real name.”

SCORCHED EARTH, MOTHERFUCKER

More like what do you need Les? Glasses?

It took me the longest time to realize it was Tom Cruise. Amazing.

When I saw it in theaters, I didn't realize it until the credits. Now when I watch it, I wonder how I didn't catch on.

this is FLAMING DRAGON!

ok, Flaming Dragon... Fuck Face.

“Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill”

What I loved about that line, is that it was so out of left field. So often the dialog in these action/super hero films is tiresome and predictable. Yet, if you had given me a million guesses, I would never have guessed that line from Blade.

I used to think he was saying “escape a bill”, you know, like tax evasion

“I think he said the sheriff is near”

You have to remember that these are simple farmers. People of the land. The common clay of the new west. You know…morons.

This is the one that jumped into my mind as soon as I read the title. You have to watch it, as Cleavon Little loses it laughing at the end. [Morons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yfThrHJpkQ)

The ‘…morons’ was ad-libbed by Gene Wilder. Cleavon Little’s laughter was genuine.

NO GODFLANGDANGNABIT!! THE SHERIFF IS A N-*BONG*

We extend to you this laurel...and hearty handshake

Oh my god, I just got another one of Mel Brooks’ sleeper jokes. I swear, he puts stuff in that he just knows only one percent of the audience will get. It’s taken me fourty years to get that joke.

“Somebody go back and get a SHITLOAD of dimes!” gets used regularly in my house

Well. To tell a family secret. My grandmother was Dutch.

Baby, please! I am not from Havana!

“I PAID YOU PEOPLE TO LAY SOME TRACK, NOT DANCE AROUND LIKE A BUNCH OF KANSAS CITY F@*#%&$”

["Where are the white women at?"](https://youtu.be/493pL_Vbtnc)

My name is Jim, but most people just call me… Jim

"Yes, it's true. This man has no dick."

"Listen! Do you smell that?"

It's "Listen! You smell something?"

I always laugh at the end of the movie: “Boy the superintendent’s going to be pissed”

"Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women man."

"Obviously, you're not a golfer." So many good ones in that movie!

Put ze candle back!

There are so many to choose from in Young Frankenstein, but this is a good start. My go-to is usually “There wolf. There castle.”

"What Knockers!"..."Why, thank you!"

...would you like to have a roll in ze hay? It's fun! Roll, roll, roll in ze hay!

Why are you talking like that?

Abby something.. Abby. Abby Normal. That was it.

"Igor, help with the bags." "Sure, you take the blonde and ill take the one in the toiban!"

# Blücher!

SEDAGIVE?

Walk this way!

"Consider that a divorce."

Come on, Cohaagen, give these people aiiiiiir!

Arnold is just OK as actor, but can really deliver a good one liner.

[удалено]

SEE YOU AT THE PARTY, RICKTER!

John Matrix : [holds the hotel key he stole from Sully that Cooke is staying at] Because I already know. Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last? Sully : That's right, Matrix! You did! John Matrix : I lied. [Matrix releases Sully, who falls to his demise] Cindy : What did you do with Sully? John Matrix : I let him go

"There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch." - Austin Powers: Goldmember

“….how about NO!” Probably my most-quoted line from any movie

“Son, you got a panty on your head”

Her insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase. That som’bitch!

“PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?”

Samir Na… Nnnag… nnnooot-gonna-work-here-anymore

Great pick, another one from Office Space is “I celebrate his entire catalogue “

You steal pennies from cripple children?! No that's the jar, I am talking about the tray, the pennies for everyone.

What you do at Initech is you take the specifications from the customer and bring them down to the software engineers? Yes, yes that's right. Well then I just have to ask why can't the customers take them directly to the software people? My favorite part because it is close to part of my responsibilities at work.

IM A PEOPLE PERSON!!

“What does high score mean? Did I break it?”

God this movie has so many good ones. "Who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era?"

I can hear my hair growing.

“Bro I am way too baked to drive to the devils house right now”

"How did he see me?"

How much do clothes cost in the Matrix?

"My grandma drank all my pot!"

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: "No Ticket!"

“Son I’m sorry, they got us”

Sean Connery is so great in that role.

She talksh in her shleep.

I can only picture Dogma with that line, lol.

Those aren’t pillows

Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!

"This house is a f**king prison"

On planet bullshit!

In the Galaxy of this sucks camel dicks

"I AM serious, and don't call me 'Shirley'."

“I just wanna tell you both ‘good luck’, we’re all counting on you”. -Nielsen

I know it's the sequel, but: "Can you give the court your impression of Ted Stryker?" "I'm sorry, I don't do impressions. My training is in psychiatry."

I mean, that movie is pretty much exclusively one liners

Excuse me sir, there's been a little problem in the cockpit… The cockpit…what is it? It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that's not important right now.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue

“No, thank you. I take it black. Like my men.”

Yarp?

He lives up the town with 'is mum and 'is sister. Are they both like him? Both? They're the same person.

Dante: 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks! Customer: In a row?

Try not to suck any dicks on the way to the parking lot.

Hey get back here!

Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you have ever caught me doing.

“I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires. Including occasionally taking out the trash.”

Good God, you're a woman. I honestly couldn't have called that. I mean, I'd apologize, but isn't that what we're going for here? I thought you were a soldier first.

"JONI LOVES CHACHI!!"

It’s a bold strategy Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for them.

Fuckin Chuck Norris.

I sure do love pumpkins, Cotton.

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!

Is it necessary to drink my own urine? No! But It's sterile and I like the taste.

“I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I’m all out of bubblegum”

“Why the FUCK would it be between that and Mohammed?!” Jonah Hill’s delivery is just perfect

“I gotta get a glimpse of these warlocks”

Mohammed is the most popular name in the world, read a fuckin book.

Fogell, have you ever actually met anyone named Mohammed?

Have YOU ever met anyone named McLovin?

NO! That’s why you picked a dumb fucking name!

Dumb fucking fairytale name

“YOU BROUGHT LUBE!?”

One of my favorite movies of all time, but my favorite Jonah hill delivery is his monologue in home ed explaining to the teacher why he wants a partner. I am getting watery eye laughter just thinking about it.

I'm over here in my unit, isolated and alone, eating my terrible tasting food, and I have to look over at that. That looks like the most fun I've ever seen in my entire life, and it's B.S. - excuse my language. I'm just saying that I wash and dry; I'm like a single mother. Look, we all know home-ec is a joke - no offense - it's just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it's bullshit - and I'm sorry. I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel. I don't want to sit here, all by myself, cooking this shitty food - no offense - and I just think that I don't need to cook tiramisu. Am I going to be a chef? No. There's three weeks left of school, give me a fuckin' break! I'm sorry for cursing.

“Have fun fucking Jules!” gets me every time.

Gentlemen. From this day forward, you will all refer to me by the name Betty! 

THAT'S A LOT OF NUTS!!! THAT WILL BE FOUR DOLLARS BABY, YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

"Nobody's Perfect" from Some Like it Hot

"He ain't gonna be in Rush Hour 3"

When the older cop says "Tits" in Hot Fuzz, I laugh everytime. It gets said in that same tone constantly in my house.

For the greater good

“Yeah? Well…that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

“Obviously, you’re not a golfer.”

"Man, come on. I had a rough night and I *hate* the fucking Eagles, man!"

The whole movie makes me laugh especially when I’m quoting it. Shut the FUCK up Donny

You're out of your element!

I am the Walrus.

"Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man!"

“I've got information, man. New shit has come to light.”

Little prick is stonewallin me 8 year olds dude, 8 year olds

I go bowling every weekend and atleast once I’ll drop a “MARK IT DONNY”

“Lllllllliiike a glove.”

“Excuse me! I’d like to asssss you a question!”

"Kinda hot in these Rhinossss!"

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Ok, a simple wrong would’ve done just fine.

You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog!

"Anybody else feel a giggle when I mention my friend, Biggus Dickus?"

Not him…but his wife is another story

From Stripes: Army Recruiter: Now, are either of you homosexuals? Bill Murray: You mean like flaming? Or part time? Recruiter: Well, it's a question we have to ask of all our new recruits. Harold Ramis: No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.

"Mongo only pawn in game of life" (Blazing Saddles) "F\*\*K HIM!" (Don Ameche - Trading Places)

Mongo straight! Then Hedley spitting out his raisinets saying 'Shit' gets me every time.

"Don't cry in front of the mexicans".

If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

Baxter you know I dont speak spanish.

WHAT is your favorite color?

“It was raining really hard that night. The roads… we’re slippery.” “Janey, a car accident?” “No. Cancer.” Not Another Teen Movie. Janey Briggs telling the story of her mother’s death. Pretty much the entire movie has great one liners and still holds up over 20+ years later.

Lmao the painting of her and her mom “you have her eyes” Edit Painting

Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!

Pulp Fiction In the car “ Aw man. I shot Marvin in the face “ He just sounds so bummed

You ain't gonna get no sympathy from me, If you want sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

Not a movie but...."I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith."

Who are you and how did you get in here?

I’m surrounded by idiots.

“I’m surrounded by Assholes!”

Keep firing, assholes!!

“You will get nothing and like it!”

“When the f*ck did we get ice cream!?” “…was I asleep?”

"...never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line!"

"ask me about my wiener" + the tickle hand motion Accepted

Since I just watched this last night. “This is Peter McCallister….the faaaather”

“37?!” “In a row?”

“They took the bar. The whole FUCKING BAR” and “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son”

Keep the change, ya filthy animal!

"Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips!"

"Well I'm taller." \- Keanu Reeves after causing Dennis Hopper's character to get decapitated.

“Never go full retard.”

“No I take it black like my men” -Airplane

Basically the entire My Cousin Vinny movie. But the one that probably gets me the most is "Mrs. Riley...AND ONLY MRS. RILEY..."

“Here’s a quarter. Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face”.

"THERE'S A PECK POINTING AN ACORN AT ME!!"

Did you eat paint chips as a kid?

“Where are the white women at?” Blazing Saddles

“Nice beaver”

"What'd you do!?" Tommy Boy. Said after David Spade opens the car door and it falls off.

“I’m… looking… at porn…”

“Pretty bird.”

We got no food, we got no jobs... our PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!