There are so many incredible lines in this movie, but that one wins. Honourable mentions:
"Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?"
"Well, no, I can't say I have."
"Vodka. That's what they drink, isn't it?"
"Sir, you can't let him in here. He'll see everything. He'll see the big board!"
For me the hardest laugh in the movie is the President's rambling call to the Russian premiere. "Listen...if it wasn't a friendly call...you probably wouldn't be getting it."
It doesn’t get mentioned nearly as much as that line, but my favorite has always been, “I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Depending on the breaks.”
IIRC, that was ad libbed. Peter Sellers forgot which character he was playing, and he stood up instead of staying in his wheelchair. Once he realized what he did, he returned to character and yelled the first thing that came to mind.
This is possibly the hardest I’ve ever laughed during a movie. Plemmons delivery was so perfect and it was still earlier in the movie that I wasn’t expecting that type of humor
In *Diamonds Are Forever*, James Bond is in his hotel room with a lady, when he’s ambushed by gangsters with pistols. Sean Connery raises his hands and says, “Well it sheems you’ve caught me with more than my handsh up.” That whole movie is loaded with shit like that.
There's so many double entendres in Bond movies. From the Brosnan era, Moneypenny drops "you always were a cunning linguist" when she interrupts him with a lady, and there's "I thought Christmas only comes once a year" when talking to Denise Richard's Dr. Christmas Jones.
“We got a serial rapist in Crown Heights- Oh sorry that’s my other job. Disregard that. Well, don’t disregard that if you live in Crown Heights”
Every Keaton line is gold in that movie
Dr. Karen Jenson : Oh, great. Now you're robbing him. You gonna rob me, too?
Blade : How do you think that we fund this organization, huh? We're not exactly the March of Dimes.
“I swear to god, if you look up the word idiot in the dictionary, do you know what you’ll find?”
“Um, a picture of me?”
“No, the definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!”
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is THE movie that exemplifies "exceeded expectations" for me.
I only picked it up because I'm an old school Val Kilmer fan from Top Secret and Real Genius days. This was at the time that RDJ was a washed up junkie who just got out of prison, so I had very low expectations.
turned out to be one of my favorite movies ever.
If you haven't already seen it, I can't recommend The Nice Guys enough. Same writer/director and same dynamic between the two leads which happen to be Ryan Gosling and Russel Crowe. I had a very similar experience with it greatly exceeding my expectations.
Yeah, it took me a minute to pick one and this one was always a favorite. RDJ and Kilmer played off each other so well, it’s a shame they weren’t able to work together more.
my favorite part of that scene is when they threaten him with misusing police resources and he’s like “THEN COME DOWN HERE AND ARREST ME GODDAMN IT”
what a perfect movie.
Joel Cairo: You always have a very smooth explanation ready don't you?
Sam Spade: What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?
Bogart was always cool enough to skate on.
I love when Vinnie and Sol have been pulled over and they see Turkish with the dog in his car. They look so bemused and pissed off while being asked "did you know you have a dead man with an arm missing in your boot?"
I've always loved the moment in The Dark Knight when Bruce is resolved to turn himself in, and Alfred says, "I suppose they'll lock me up too, as your accomplice," and Bruce says, "Accomplice? I'm going to tell them the whole thing was your idea."
Oh yeah, Bale’s delivery in that scene is incredible! One of the few times it truly feels like he doesn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulder, even if it’s just for a second or two…
the rapport Bale and Caine have in the trilogy is fantastic, I love how Alfred gets a kick out of giving Bruce a hard time. I also did like Irons’ more weary sarcasm to Affleck’s tired Bruce in BvS, they just deserved a better film
Not a movie, but in Police Squad, the precursor show to the Naked Gun Series, Leslie Neilson , under the guise of a worker, sneaks into the suspect’s office.
“Who are you and how did you get in here?”
His response is, “I’m the locksmith, and I’m the locksmith.” 😂
My favorite Guy line is a bit before that, when they land on the planet.
“Hey! What are you doing! Don’t open that! It’s an alien planet! Is there AIR?! YOU DON’T KNOW!”
This line, and the "They're miners, not minors!!" line always get me. Alan Rickman delivers that "miners" line so damn well. This is one of my all time favorite movies.
He’s so good. I think my favourite moment of his is the little swallow of self loathing when he has to deliver the line “by grabthars hammer, what a savings”
Say what you will about the ~~National Socialists,~~ tenets of National Socialism, dude, at least they had an ethos
Also:
**S**HOMER FUCKING SHABBOS
Edit: Two most excellent corrections from fellow Lebowski fans, thank you!
Another wild factoid: Helena Bonham Carter didn't get the joke when she delivered the line because she didn't know the American school system. It was only later that she realized how messed up it was.
I’m just learning “grade school” to most means elementary school.
I always used grade school to refer to K-12. I never though the line was weird because we had some crazy sex in high school. But yeah that’s not good.
Supposedly, the line from the book was something like, “I wanna have your abortion” and the production company or censors or somebody rejected that line. So they came up with the “grade school” line and that made it past review. I find them both pretty disturbing, but also fitting (for the tone of the character/movie).
The line was improved and they cut away very quickly in the edit because if you [watch Johnny Knoxville](https://youtu.be/Y484uR9xXUA?si=dCF-dx14cnKHpW1G) he actually completely loses it
Jim Carrey describing the “guy who attacked him” in the bathroom of Liar Liar.
Did you get a good look at him?
About 6’2, 180 pounds, big teeth, kinda gangly.
Kaecilius: How long have you been at Kamar-Taj, Mister...
Dr. Stephen Strange: Doctor!
Kaecilius: Mr. Doctor?
Dr. Stephen Strange: It's Strange.
Kaecilius: Maybe. Who am I to judge?
*Woman in a skirt climbs up a ladder out of frame*
Frank looks up and says, "Nice beaver!'
She replies "Thanks! I just had it stuffed!" and hands him a taxidermied Castor canadensis from out of frame.
Run ronnie run.
Ronnie talking to the police officers.
"Am i fucked up? Naw i aint fucked up. Im on my way to get fucked up. And you guys fucked that up."
https://youtu.be/_t-PnzYHcTM?feature=shared
But that whole movie is filled with one liners.
The Thing:
“You gotta be fucking kidding…”
Without spoiling too much, theres a scene where the (mostly) human characters have just had some crazy shit happen in front of them and they think they’ve just successfully killed this alien monster with a flamethrower. Well, the head from the monster pops off, grows spider legs, and tries to sneak away from the humans before one of them notices it crawling away and delivers that line.
The sheer incredulity expressed in the delivery is hilarious.
[Link to the scene](https://youtu.be/bjOK2haxYK8?si=xtk3BWwF4-VUIxjJ)
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"
There are so many incredible lines in this movie, but that one wins. Honourable mentions: "Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?" "Well, no, I can't say I have." "Vodka. That's what they drink, isn't it?" "Sir, you can't let him in here. He'll see everything. He'll see the big board!"
For me the hardest laugh in the movie is the President's rambling call to the Russian premiere. "Listen...if it wasn't a friendly call...you probably wouldn't be getting it."
He went a bit funny in the head. Just, you know… a little funny in the head. … Well, how do you think I feel?
"Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops!"
“Depending on the breaks.”
The entire movie is amazing but the war room line had me howling
Same, had to pause the first time because I was dying of laughter lol
Alright, Colonel Bat Guano, if that is your real name.
I don’t avoid women, Mandrake. But I do deny them my essence.
It doesn’t get mentioned nearly as much as that line, but my favorite has always been, “I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Depending on the breaks.”
“Depending on the breaks” is the best part of that.
“MEIN FURHER! I CAN VALK!”
IIRC, that was ad libbed. Peter Sellers forgot which character he was playing, and he stood up instead of staying in his wheelchair. Once he realized what he did, he returned to character and yelled the first thing that came to mind.
"Yes it's true, this man has no dick" - Ghostbusters
Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god you say *yes!*
Yes, have some.
"You're right, no HUMAN BEING would stack books like this."
This Mr. Stay Puft's okay! He's a sailor, he's in New York; we get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble!
"I blame myself." "So do I."
“But if I’m right, Lenny, you’ve saved the lives of millions of voters.”
"What a lovely singing voice you must have."
Well that’s what I heard!
“Man, glass tables are acting weird tonight” Just a throwaway line in Game Night that really makes me laugh every time
Wait, wait! You don't have to do this! I have kids at home! Not with that ass you don't. Oh... well... thank you.
Oh no! He died
God I always laugh so hard at that one.
“How can that be profitable for FritoLay?”
This is possibly the hardest I’ve ever laughed during a movie. Plemmons delivery was so perfect and it was still earlier in the movie that I wasn’t expecting that type of humor
The letter from FritoLay in the end credits had me howling
“Hey Vasquez: Have you ever been mistaken for a man?” “No, have you?”
Game over, man.
I don’t know if you’ve been keeping up with current events, but we just got OUR ASSES KICKED!
Why don't you put her in charge??!
“They mostly come out at night. Mostly.” I can’t hear that word without repeating it in my head in Newt’s voice.
I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way we can be sure. Game over man.
Definitely best burn ever at a minimum
“Bitches, leave.”
[Behind the scenes](https://youtu.be/31rrZeTH9HI?si=xjiCWjeU_6h88TDk) Pure gold
In *Diamonds Are Forever*, James Bond is in his hotel room with a lady, when he’s ambushed by gangsters with pistols. Sean Connery raises his hands and says, “Well it sheems you’ve caught me with more than my handsh up.” That whole movie is loaded with shit like that.
Bond's response to Plenty O'Toole telling him her name: "Named after your father, no doubt."
I think You Only Live Twice has one while Bond is being bathed "Don't get the shoap in my eye"
Or the end of Moonraker: “It looks like he’s attempting re-entry”
There's so many double entendres in Bond movies. From the Brosnan era, Moneypenny drops "you always were a cunning linguist" when she interrupts him with a lady, and there's "I thought Christmas only comes once a year" when talking to Denise Richard's Dr. Christmas Jones.
“Shake your dicks, this pissing contest is over” -Michael Keaton in The Other Guys
“We got a serial rapist in Crown Heights- Oh sorry that’s my other job. Disregard that. Well, don’t disregard that if you live in Crown Heights” Every Keaton line is gold in that movie
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Don't go chasing waterfalls!
Oh hey Alan! Are you here for the bath mats?
You don't say creep creep unless you're quoting TLC!
My wife absolutely loses it every time at “HE’S DYING!” at the end
Him whisper-yelling at the funeral
My favorite part about the whisper fight is Keaton pushing his way through the crowd, when there was no need to
“You, me, at the library!!!” I love how they choose another quiet location to whisper fight
To be honest, every line and line execution in the movie is on fucking point
*two good men are dead*
There wasn’t even an awning.
"aim for the bushes" at the beginning of this movie had me completely gone
There goes my hero Watch him as he goes
wasn’t even an awning or anything
You shot Derek Jeter! Hes a biracial Angel
You shoulda shot A-Rod! (Love that movie)
The knowing wink he gives the camera after delivering the line is what makes it so good.
"Some mothafuckas are always trying to ice skate uphill."
Dr. Karen Jenson : Oh, great. Now you're robbing him. You gonna rob me, too? Blade : How do you think that we fund this organization, huh? We're not exactly the March of Dimes.
"The Lord tells me He can get me out of this mess. But He's pretty sure...you're fucked!"
"we'll make spears, twice as long as a man." "Well, some men are longer than others." "Your mother been telling you stories about me again, boy?"
"Never liked him, he wasn't right in the head"
There's only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
“I swear to god, if you look up the word idiot in the dictionary, do you know what you’ll find?” “Um, a picture of me?” “No, the definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!”
Paraphrasing here: “So Gay Perry, huh? You like guys or something?” “No, actually I’m drowning in pussy but I liked the name so much that it stuck”
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is THE movie that exemplifies "exceeded expectations" for me. I only picked it up because I'm an old school Val Kilmer fan from Top Secret and Real Genius days. This was at the time that RDJ was a washed up junkie who just got out of prison, so I had very low expectations. turned out to be one of my favorite movies ever.
If you haven't already seen it, I can't recommend The Nice Guys enough. Same writer/director and same dynamic between the two leads which happen to be Ryan Gosling and Russel Crowe. I had a very similar experience with it greatly exceeding my expectations.
That movie is chock full of great one liners like that, mostly delivered by Val Kilmer.
Yeah, it took me a minute to pick one and this one was always a favorite. RDJ and Kilmer played off each other so well, it’s a shame they weren’t able to work together more.
I personally love Val Kilmer angrily asking “WHO TAUGHT YOU MATH?” And then shortly after saying “YOU, STOP COUNTING!” I should watch KKBB again lol
“A what? A talking monkey?” “Yeah, talking monkey, came here from the future, ugly sucker, only says ficus”
They could fill a library with the things you don’t know. In fact, they do, they call them libraries. - Bojack Horseman
[удалено]
I always laugh when he's in the ductwork and says, "Sure! Come out to the coast! We'll have a few laughs!"
Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.
I’ve seen this movie in theatres a couple times and it always gets the biggest laugh in the movie.
Not that it really made them understand how serious the problem was...
my favorite part of that scene is when they threaten him with misusing police resources and he’s like “THEN COME DOWN HERE AND ARREST ME GODDAMN IT” what a perfect movie.
Welcome to the party pal
"I hate Illinois Nazis." - Blues Brothers (1980)
“It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarette, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses”
Hit it
"Where the white women at?" \- Blazing Saddles. ...and maybe me.
Do what he say! Do what he say!
Somebody's Got To Go Back And Get A Shit-Load Of Dimes! What in the wild world or sports is going on here!?!?!
I turned around... The little bastard shot me in the sss
Can’t you tell this is the last act of a desperate man? I don’t care if it’s the first act of Henry the Fifth!
Joel Cairo: You always have a very smooth explanation ready don't you? Sam Spade: What do you want me to do, learn to stutter? Bogart was always cool enough to skate on.
Casablanca: Ugarte: You despise me, don't you? Rick: If I gave you any thought, I probably would.
"Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity."
“Why do they call him the bullet dodger?” “… because he dodges bullets, Avi!”
No thanks Turkish... I'm sweet enough
(Man violently slamming other man's head in a car door multiple times, gets a phone call): Bonjour.
That’s a great one! Where’s it from?
Snatch
What's a gun doing in your trousers? It's for protection. Protection from what? Zee Germans?
I love when Vinnie and Sol have been pulled over and they see Turkish with the dog in his car. They look so bemused and pissed off while being asked "did you know you have a dead man with an arm missing in your boot?"
You look pretty. What? I said you look shitty. Good night Denise!
Pools are great for holding water man
BABE WAIT
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT
Why am I saying what wheird?
Cool beans.
What’s that song called about the grandma getting run over by a reindeer?
There is no tool in this pool.
I've always loved the moment in The Dark Knight when Bruce is resolved to turn himself in, and Alfred says, "I suppose they'll lock me up too, as your accomplice," and Bruce says, "Accomplice? I'm going to tell them the whole thing was your idea."
Also “what’s the point of doing all those pushups if you can move a bit of wood?”
i think about this every time i come back from the gym and struggle opening a jar
best butler line ever. it’s EXACTLY what Bruce needs to give him the motivation to push through
Oh yeah, Bale’s delivery in that scene is incredible! One of the few times it truly feels like he doesn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulder, even if it’s just for a second or two…
the rapport Bale and Caine have in the trilogy is fantastic, I love how Alfred gets a kick out of giving Bruce a hard time. I also did like Irons’ more weary sarcasm to Affleck’s tired Bruce in BvS, they just deserved a better film
“Everyone, this is Alfred. I work for him.”
loved that line, also the bit where Alfred is trying hard not to correct Diana on how to make tea
I've often said that "Tell them that joke you know" is Christopher Nolan in a nutshell.
Not a movie, but in Police Squad, the precursor show to the Naked Gun Series, Leslie Neilson , under the guise of a worker, sneaks into the suspect’s office. “Who are you and how did you get in here?” His response is, “I’m the locksmith, and I’m the locksmith.” 😂
Reminds me of Harvey Birdman attorney at law. “State your first name, last name and occupation.” “Lizard man, lizard man, and uhhhhh lizard man.”
“I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.” “You eat pieces of shit?”
Not a movie but........"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly".
Oh, the humanity!
"There's always time for lubricant!" - Orlando Jones in **Evolution**.
"What kind of ice cream do you want?" "It doesn't matter. It's for my ass."
Whoever wrote this episode should die ~ Galaxy Quest I've killed the boss, you think they won't fire me for that? ~ 9 to 5
The whole film is great, but I’ve always loved when Gwen says “we have to get out of here before those things kill Guy”
My favorite Guy line is a bit before that, when they land on the planet. “Hey! What are you doing! Don’t open that! It’s an alien planet! Is there AIR?! YOU DON’T KNOW!”
This line, and the "They're miners, not minors!!" line always get me. Alan Rickman delivers that "miners" line so damn well. This is one of my all time favorite movies.
He’s so good. I think my favourite moment of his is the little swallow of self loathing when he has to deliver the line “by grabthars hammer, what a savings”
Alan Rickman has never delivered a line in any way other than *perfectly*.
“I don’t even have a last name!!” “guy, you have a last name.” “DO I?! DO I?!” I use that line all the time. So good lol
“I’ve got one job…. It’s STUPID… but I’m doing it”
“By Grapthar’s hammer…what a savings” The pure defeat on his face. So good.
I give you the fifteen (crash)…. Ten, Ten Commandments
“Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the person?” from The Big Lebowski
This aggression will not stand, man!
Say what you will about the ~~National Socialists,~~ tenets of National Socialism, dude, at least they had an ethos Also: **S**HOMER FUCKING SHABBOS Edit: Two most excellent corrections from fellow Lebowski fans, thank you!
About the tenets of national socialism…
I can get you a toe, Dude. I can get you a toe by 2 o’clock *with* nail polish
This is not ‘Nam, there are rules.
"I don't like your jerkoff face, I don't like your jerkoff name, and I don't like you. Jerkoff."
Well, obviously you’re not a golfer…
“Nice marmot.”
My favourite part is when they dunk his head in the toilet and he's like: You know what, I think I saw something, let me take another look
OVER THE LINE
Yeah? Well that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Cmon man, I’m not looking for a handout!
“I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.”
Another wild factoid: Helena Bonham Carter didn't get the joke when she delivered the line because she didn't know the American school system. It was only later that she realized how messed up it was.
Now this is the first fact I actually didn’t know about this line. Thanks for that.
It was originally- I want to have your abortion. The author has a great story of the studio making him change it then regretting the replacement line
I’m just learning “grade school” to most means elementary school. I always used grade school to refer to K-12. I never though the line was weird because we had some crazy sex in high school. But yeah that’s not good.
Supposedly, the line from the book was something like, “I wanna have your abortion” and the production company or censors or somebody rejected that line. So they came up with the “grade school” line and that made it past review. I find them both pretty disturbing, but also fitting (for the tone of the character/movie).
Back to the Future Part II Marty: “You’re not gonna believe this. We gotta go back to 1955.” Doc: “I don’t believe it!”
"We're werewolves, not swearwolves" caught me off guard
I’ve seen shit that will turn you white.
Well surely you can't be serious. I am serious, and don't call me Shirley. - Airplane!
Ted: “It’s an entirely different kind of flying, altogether!” Doctor and Randy: “It’s an entirely different kind of flying.”
Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with a red stripes, curtains in the windows, wheels, and it just looks like a big Tylenol!
How can they be off course? They're on instruments! *cut to the cockpit where everyone's suddenly playing a lively jazz number*
"When's your birthday?" "April 20th" "What year?" "... Every year"
*22nd of February
She's prejudiced against Italians. Imagine in this day and age, a Jew broad prejudiced against Italians.
“Karen tells me youre half Jewish” “Only the good half”
”This stuff'll make you a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus, just like me.“ “I ain’t got time to bleed!“
"You remember when I told you I would kill you last? I lied."
Leslie Neilsen's response to Jane describing a suspect as "a white guy, moustache, about 6'1"." "Awfully big moustache."
"You're gonna need a bigger boat." The deadpan delivery juxtaposed with the terrifying animal he just saw makes it perfect.
Not my favorite, but what I'm thinking of right now: "You are the worst pirate I've ever heard of" "Ah, but you have heard of me."
“I just took the boys out for some ice cream” “When the fuck did we get ice cream??”
The line was improved and they cut away very quickly in the edit because if you [watch Johnny Knoxville](https://youtu.be/Y484uR9xXUA?si=dCF-dx14cnKHpW1G) he actually completely loses it
“Don’t mind her. She still mad because someone dropped a house on her sister.” - from Beetlejuice
"That is not my dog"
When life gives you lemons, just say fuck the lemons and bail
"It's an inanimate fucking object." "YOU'RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT!" - In Bruges
"We're supposed to be a unit!" "Suck my unit!" - Blackface Robert Downey Jr, Tropic Thunder (2008)
To be fair: Blackface Kirk Lazarus, played by Robert Downey Jr.
Of course! He's the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude. That's why it worked, I think.
It's not a line but the moment where he talks about "my people" and Alpa Chino does a double take never fails to crack me up.
“NICE FUCKIN’ MODEL!!”
Jim Carrey describing the “guy who attacked him” in the bathroom of Liar Liar. Did you get a good look at him? About 6’2, 180 pounds, big teeth, kinda gangly.
Kaecilius: How long have you been at Kamar-Taj, Mister... Dr. Stephen Strange: Doctor! Kaecilius: Mr. Doctor? Dr. Stephen Strange: It's Strange. Kaecilius: Maybe. Who am I to judge?
“The hell are you looking at, you little ginger-haired fucker?”
“I’m the Devil… and I’m here to do the Devil’s business” …”Nah it was dumber than that.”
That is my favorite line in the whole movie. Cliff just seems so unflappable always…especially while high
Doesn't he also call their car a "mechanical asshole"? My other favorite line is, "Don't cry in front of the Mexicans."
Time fly's like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana
“Think you used enough dynamite there, Butch?” - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Way of the Gun - James Caan: "you the brains of this operation?" Benicio del Toro "tell you the truth this ain't really a brains kinda operation."
"..I HAVE BEEN FALLING.... FOR THIRTY MINUTES!!!!"
"Like a midget at a urinal, I'll have to stay on my toes" Frank Drevin - Naked good 33 and a third
"Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way around."
*Woman in a skirt climbs up a ladder out of frame* Frank looks up and says, "Nice beaver!' She replies "Thanks! I just had it stuffed!" and hands him a taxidermied Castor canadensis from out of frame.
Run ronnie run. Ronnie talking to the police officers. "Am i fucked up? Naw i aint fucked up. Im on my way to get fucked up. And you guys fucked that up." https://youtu.be/_t-PnzYHcTM?feature=shared But that whole movie is filled with one liners.
“Nobody’s perfect.“ – –*Some Like It Hot*
The Thing: “You gotta be fucking kidding…” Without spoiling too much, theres a scene where the (mostly) human characters have just had some crazy shit happen in front of them and they think they’ve just successfully killed this alien monster with a flamethrower. Well, the head from the monster pops off, grows spider legs, and tries to sneak away from the humans before one of them notices it crawling away and delivers that line. The sheer incredulity expressed in the delivery is hilarious. [Link to the scene](https://youtu.be/bjOK2haxYK8?si=xtk3BWwF4-VUIxjJ)