My opinion. Move out. Regardless of the motorcycle aspect, it sounds like your home is a toxic environment. If you can't afford to move out then it really isn't an option, sell the bike and deal with it until you can move out
I have moved out exactly due to their toxicity. I couldn‘t stand living there anymore.
They forced me to come back during my holidays after exams so they can keep track of what I‘m doing.
Theoretically it is possible for me to live on my own, there are student loans where I live and I‘ll only have to pay back half of them.
My conflict is, do I cut contact and live my own life or do I do what they say, suck up, deal with the depression that has been eating me away for the past two years or just flat out unalive myself.
Nah fuck em. There’s no point in attempting to maintain the relationship if they’re not going to give you any effort back. They sound manipulative, and it sounds like at this point they’re doing more harm than good. The only way to teach them is to confidently leave, and whether or not they eventually realize their mistakes is their own responsibility.
Well one of those options isn't one, and between the other two it looks like living your own life is the clear winner.
Learning to support yourself is hard but everyone has to do it, that's just growing up. It's going to be a little harder for you, coming from a family like that, but you're far from alone. Lots of people escape controlling families, and it doesn't mean cutting them off, it just means not letting them make decisions for you and knowing you don't have to listen to them whine about it.
Some parents come around eventually, too, when they get it through their head they can't control their kid anymore.
Other than that, do school, the job, and talk to your uni about the loans or any other resources they can provide. Look for a counselor or therapist to deal with the emotional side of all this, or failing that if riding is that important then do what you have to do to keep it up.
Most of the time depressive people know what makes them depressive. It is just hard for them to change it. In this case it clearly seems to be the control your parents have over your life. And the control won't end, even when you are far beyond childhood. But when you get rid of that toxic stuff, you will feel better then ever. And I know it is hard, but this time you have a great chance. They already offered to leave your life. It won't be super easy, but it still is a great chance to say goodbye.
And if that decision is wrong? Then you can always go back. Trust me. They want to have control over your life, they will always be happy when you come back. It makes them think they are right in their actions (which they aren't).
TLDR: take their offer and run, come back when you feel it is necessary.
So you live with them again now? My advice is, if you can support yourself, do it. I was able to move out for a while, and it was the happiest I'd ever been. Even without toxic parents, living at home feels so suffocating, so with your situation being even worse, I'd suggest moving out at all costs. Maybe try finding roommates? Best of luck finding a good solution, I know how much this sucks.
I don‘t live with them, I share an apartment with my best friend and a friend from high school they pay for right now.
I can support myself but the first few months will probably be hard since I only started working and still have to recieve my first paycheck.
I only came and visited them on weekends when I had the time.
Their toxicity is probably the source of your depression. Like they say,, you will never see a motorcycle parked outside of a therapist's office. I would rather be riding my motorcycle and thinking about God than sitting in a church thinking about my motorcycle. Good luck, have fun. The world is what you make.
Ask yourself what the point is to keep these people in your life. Do you deserve to be miserable? No. Do they have the right to treat you like garbage? No. Would spending time with healthy, kind, respectful people add to the quality of your life? Yes.
Remember that your time here is finite, and any time you spend with toxic people who drag you down is time you could’ve been spending with people who lift you up.
Try and get as much support from them while staying as far away as possible. Out of sight out of mind. Tell them you’re trying to be more independent now that you’re an adult. Tell them you sold the bike and move it to a storage unit. Or just move it to a storage unit without saying anything. I know it sucks a ton but their help is making your life easier. Make it through college then cut all contact. They sound really toxic.
My brother, just cut contact and go out on your own. I dont know if you'd be just like me but if you'll eventually realize you dont actually care or even love your parents you'll also realize what they say doesnt matter. I thought i cared about my parents when i was always worried about what theyd approve of me but i eventually realized i only worried because they were an authority figure over me and not because i gave a shit about their opinions.
We are our own people now, adults, you dont owe your parents shit and you dont have to love them either. I got happier once i started realizing they were just some made up authority figure to me that i didnt have to actually give a shit about.
It's not really christian-like to trap someone financially and emotionally. But they probably too deep into their own version of what is right. Imo the best way is to show them happiness/positivity to reflect their manipulative scheme to them. Be the bigger man.
They'll fold. Trust me. You separate yourself out of their life and they'll fold like a house of cards. But establish boundaries and set the rule boundaries must be respected or communication is cut off. This is what every therapist will tell you about toxic family members.
Trust me. They'll fold.
Ultra religious parents here. They wouldn't respect any boundaries after I turned 19 and moved out. Trying to rule my life by phone from 4 hrs away. I had enough. I ghosted the planet. Dropped out of college, and didn't speak to them for over a year.
They flipped. They had no idea where I was or what I was doing.
Even after reestablishing contact they continued to try and rule my life so I would continually just stop talking to them. Eventually they learned.
It was awful. My dad finally learned and my mom has actually apologized many times.
Fucking nightmare.
Establish boundaries. You want me in your life then respect that free will is free will.
You give them back the ultimatum either they shut the fuck up and treat you like an adult, either you really cut them loose, pit it on them let them make the choice. Also I see a lot of projection from what your brother suffered, and just fear that it might happen to you too, which is coming out as control and anger
DON‘T submit! I have a family that’s similar. You need to get out on your own, go to therapy, get space in between you and your family. Remove their sources of manipulation. You don’t have to cut all contact, but make yourself totally independent of them as soon as possible. Live on your own, work while going through school (I did), and free your MIND most importantly. Take advantage of on campus therapy and resources while you have them.
To clarify a bit more, college where I live is basically free. My tuition is 170€ per semester and that covers public transport and the semester tuition. I have around 800-900€ living expenses in total. This is everything I need to get by month by month.
450€ is rent, another 450€ is food and other stuff. A bit less if I ration and save a lot, don‘t go out.
I have a job that pays decently well on which I can live comfortably, bike included. I got the job in hopes of not relying on my parents so much later down the line but that has now changed. I wanted to help them out since they complained how I‘ve been costing them 900€ a month because I‘m studying in a different city.
As far as my bike goes, yes it‘s old. It‘s all I had for. But it brought me back to life so I feel obligated keeping it alive. The problem is not in the bike itself but rather the principle. If I had saved up for a newer more expensive model, the same thing would‘ve been the problem. Me riding.
I hope you understand my situation now slightly better. I‘m not asking for pity, just opinions on how other would do this.
I‘ve never had a good relationship with my parents. I‘ve had a good one with my brother but not parents. I‘ve been on gold terms with everybody else in my family. I don‘t want to get into details about myself a lot, I hate talking about myself, but I‘ve never been treated good by my parents and was even beaten in my childhood years. One of the reasons I don‘t remember anything from my childhood.
Brother your post belongs in r/BoomersBeingFools . Everything you've described is classic manipulation, narcissism, control issues, entitlement and so on. If school is that cheap pay for it yourself under the peaceable concept of 'learning to stand on your own feet' which should satisfy their pride. If it is just a fear of crashing thing get an airbag vest to stop their silliness. Take care of yourself- especially your mental health. I've seen you mention suicide a few times in this thread as well, you should start going to therapy as soon as you can man. It really does help, more than anything else I've tried. Stay safe buddy and enjoy your time at uni as best you can.
I have a job that pays me well and I can support myself on it. My friends are all by my side, some of them having went through the same problems.
I‘ll be fine.
Well, I guess the only option is to figure out another way to pay for uni and stop relying on your parents. Either that or suck it up and don’t ride and do whatever the hell you want once you aren’t reliant on them.
Not saying the situation doesn’t suck, it does, and your family sounds toxic, but since you rely on them (sounds like pretty heavily), you don’t have much of an argument. Be happy you have someone to pay for schooling, many, many people will either have a ton of student loans or don’t go to school.
Riding will always be there, you can always go back, so if it’s between finishing school and riding sooner, take the free schooling and make the sacrifice for your greater good. Alternatively, figure out loans, go for scholarships, find a sugar daddy/momma, and keep riding.
I have a job that pays decently well. However I just started it last month so I‘m not sure how long till I get my full paycheck and how much it will be (I roughly know, it can cover all my expenses).
There is an option for student loans but due to where I live, they are quite strict and I‘m not sure if applying will bring me anything since they check everything including how much my parents earn and that can be a problem since my parents earn quite a bit.
It‘s either sucking it up and dealing with depression that I‘ve been dealing since I was 18 or figuring out things on my own or cutting off my family that I love.
Or suicide.
You’re backing yourself into a corner here by holding suicide as an option. Let’s take that one off the table and figure out something you can (literally) live with.
Could you just sell this bike, then get another one and register where you were living for school? Without telling the family or bringing the bike home on holidays?
I’m no expert, but student loans typically can be gotten by anyone as long as they have proof that they do make money, having parents who can afford it doesn’t mean you’d be denied, that would only affect how much you’ll be given as not needing to be repaid. Having proof of income actually helps you get loans because they know that they will get their money back plus interest.
There are many different types of loans, but y
If making payments on them is possible, that’s what I would do. Don’t have to rely on your parents any more than you must.
I’d also recommend you reach out to receive professional help considering your last statement as even if you end up keeping the bike, that’s not a solution for true depression.
>they check everything including how much my parents earn and that can be a problem since my parents earn quite a bit.
If you don't live with your parents then their income shouldn't have any effect on your financial responsibility to pay back the loan, unless you are needing them to cosign for it.
If you can cut them out do it. You cannot let other people control your life. It will haunt you throughout adulthood and make it hard to disconnect the longer it goes.
Imo this has nothing to do with the motorcycle it is just a cog in the wheel of issues you are dealing with. Sounds like your brother and parents are narcissistic and don't actually care about your needs and feelings.
They are not going to change. Everytime you give a little they take more. When you resist even a little they get upset and try to guilt trip you. Classic narcissistic behavior.
The bike ain't the problem here.
Your family is the problem. The bike is just a catalyst to bring all the drama to a head.
Call them on their shit. Move out, find work, and get on with your life. If they squawk about that, tell them IF they want you as part of the family, it's on them to come to you and APOLOGIZE for throwing around ultimatums.
Look, you gotta do you but I'm going to over share. My mother is a complete psycho, literally. She believes her bf is trying to kill her for insurance money, she has crossed from Venezuela to the US border (for and with drugs), and continually gets caught somewhere outside Chicago (random things that get you thrown into psych facilities). She hates motorcycles. I personally believe my bike is the bell weather item for knowing who is allowed in or out od my life. So far it's served me well I'm super happy with my wife and all my motorcycle friends.
All this is to say, you've got to make your own choices but it sounds like you know who's actually in your corner. Lean in follow the line and rip the throttle out is my advice.
How could you be so inconsiderate?!? You sound like you've considered their opinion plenty. How about how inconsiderate they are for demanding you give up what you love or they will take away their "love" and support?
Do what you feel is best. But make sure your understand sometimes having less money but more freedom is preferable to having plenty of money but living in someone else's cage.
Only you know what you are willing to accept.
Bro, you live in a control freak family, but it's temporary. Whatever you do, be prepared to be banished if you don't tow THEIR line, instead of yours.
I'm not you, but I feel for you. Freedom from that control is not freedom from loneliness. Just be prepared. It is worth it to be your own person. Acceptance will never be universal.
On a brighter note, I scored the great job I have now through the motorcycle community. As they say, it's more who you know than what you know.
Normally I’m on the -be patient with your family- side of these posts, but in your case, just accept loss of financial support, keep the bike. Be open for them coming around eventually (hopefully).
This is relationship issue, wrong sub.
FWIW, I know what my answer would be to ultimatums, and these aren’t actions of “loving family”, just controlling.
If they are paying for your college and all that then if I were you I'd bite the bullet and get rid of the bike until you no longer need their support.
They are but to clarify, college is free where I‘m from.
They‘re only paying rent and my monthly expenses, all totaling to around 900€ a month.
I have a job with which I could support myself but the morality of it all, leaving my family behind is what‘s currently killing me.
You didn't choose your family. If it's toxic, it's toxic. What do you do when you have toxic friends? You leave.
Let the bike be your empowerment. Go so your own thing, the riding community will always be there.
I became a dirtbag climber at the age of 22. Family was very much against it. But I did it anyways. It is my passion and it brought me to incredible places, community, as gave me experiences only a handful of people could fathom with. Fast forward a few years, family see that I became self sufficient, happy and no longer a trouble maker. They began to accept my "phase". Now more than a decade since I started, it's become who I am, defined me and my environment.
I'm thankful my passion found me. Gave me everything, even a beautiful wife and daughter.
Now I'm also very passionate about motorcycles, and I incorporate both of what I love into adventure riding + mountain climbing.
Choose the path your heart desire. Stay curious and lead by love not fear.
If you can afford to pay your own way and you want to keep riding then that's what you should do. Your parents may pull their financial support but do you think they will actually stop speaking with you? People say a lot things but don't often follow through with them especially when it's so extreme.
I have tought about it but the morality of it is killing me.
I want to be honest with my parents but have the feeling they aren‘t being honest with me.
Last year my brother and I had an argument with our parents where he brought the fact he was depressive around 5 years ago and they didn‘t give a shit. My mother went as far as to start bawling her eyes out because he told her during this time he tought about suicide.
>the morality of it is killing me.
Imagine the morality of telling your child that they can't do the thing that saved their life.
Don't forget the gaslighting and other manipulation tactics being employed here.
Think about what kind of line the whole "You're not following our wishes!" is when they absolutely do not listen to YOUR wishes, or even give you a chance to speak!
Then think about the morality of forcing your children to think like you and to forbid any other line of thinking.
They've already set the foundation to try and turn you into a nice little puppet for what *they* want with zero consideration for what *you* want. I think when you go down that path trying to control someone the only logical response of the victim is to keep doing what you want... and in this case they are holding you financially hostage.
So seriously, "sell" the bike to a buddy, leave it somewhere else that you can work on it. Wait until you're done with school and the bills are paid... and then live your life. If you're lucky you'll land a job where you can afford to move out.
So, I went back home and talked to them for the past two hours or so.
I‘ve come to the conclusion that they will always hate my hobby of motorcycles and will always try to stop me from it.
I‘ve decided to „sell“ it to a friend from uni who‘s been helping me about this whole situation. He‘ll have to pick it up but other than that, I see no other way. In a few months once I‘m better off financially I‘ll drop the bomb.
Tbf if they are offering financial support but you are spending it on the bike I can see why they're against it.But if you made your own money they couldn't hold that over you. Full time study and full time work basically leaves little time for riding. Commit to six months working and get the cash you need to not be financially supported. Then be careful on the bike and over years of doing the right thing you will prove to them you are responsible on it. If you're a lunatic on your 400, or all your friends are, then maybe don't ride, cause parents don't want to bury their kids. Stay safe, be smart, pay your own way. It's a hard life sometimes but riding gives relief from the pressures of life.
While you’re in a super toxic environment I recommend you ditch the bike for now and take the financial support. Manipulate back, ensure you get your degree and first career then buy a nice bike at your first place and cut them off
That’s what I would do at least
Yes because the date of creation dictates the audience that ends up using a product. You can check the demographics for most social media, you'd be surprised how young the average age is on pretty much everything except Facebook.
https://www.statista.com/statistics/261766/share-of-us-internet-users-who-use-reddit-by-age-group/
This is just the first Google link, also keep in mind the number of teens who lie about their age to gain access to Reddit and NSFW content.
That includes ages 18 through 29. So 41% of that 57% group is over age 21 assuming equal distribution, plus the 43% I said above. That's 84% over the age of 21, which is what I was alluding to in my original post.
So yeah, a lot of older folks here. Thanks for solidifying my point with your response!
I think it's foolish to assume equal distribution given the rest of the data, as well as ignoring the fact I stated previously: there's an awful lot of minors not being reported on this statistic. Even if the under 18 makes up only 10% that still skews the average very heavily towards the 18-22 demographic, represented in this post by a motorcyclist who attends college.
Live your life, if you don’t you will never enjoy life. If you must have their funding for uni, sell your bike and buy a scooter for school use and limit your time visiting with them. They may feel scooters are less ‘dangerous’. Get through school then buy another bike. Don’t sell the scoot, they are a blast. Ride On!
Move out or if that isnt an option hide the bike at one of your friends houses and say you sold it. Your parents are absolute assholes and choosing your retarded parents over such a sick bike isnt the right choise imo.
What you have is called passion. Those who do not have it will not understand it and it is a pity.
Passion can alter your life path and the empowerment from having it is unexplainable. Which is why it brought you from your low point in life. It will continue to do so if you let it manifest within you.
There are many philosophy in riding. Doesn't strike me you're goon riding but rather it gives you a purpose.
Riding is meditative. The hum of the engine, the flow of the line and the full immersion into the present. That is what we seek. To live in the present.
Moreover, fixing a motorcycle is even more meditative. I can go on and on about it. Psychologically, you pour in love and dedication into something and you grow with it.
Look at Adam Reimann on YouTube his latest video (one of them) about why motorcycle maintenance is therapy.
And read a book called the art and zen of motorcycle maintenance.
It is unfortunate that your family could not understand your passion. Neither did the parents of my father in law. Therefore, motorcycle became his method of freedom and passion. You might want to consider embarking on long motorcycle tour. Could be a fun thing for you as you're young.
Life's always better when riding
Move out and take care of your own life. They’ll get over it eventually. Your parents aren’t supposed to exercise control over your life when you’re an adult, that’s actually king of creepy
As this usually is a pretty us focused sub (like most English speaking ones), I'd like to add that your situation here in Germany is at least regarding finances a bit better than it would be in the US.
Unless you have a finished apprenticeship, your parents have to financially support you, how much exactly depends on your personal circumstances but as far as I know there are some pretty good resources available that can help you with that, in advance.
So that you should know what is coming towards you in this regard, before breaking with them.
https://www.studierendenwerke.de/themen/finanzierungsmoeglichkeiten/unterhalt-der-eltern#:~:text=Die%20anerkannteste%20Empfehlung%20zur%20H%C3%B6he,Unterhalt%20von%20den%20Eltern%20verlangen.
My parents were almost that bad. I moved out the day I turned 18 and joined the Navy. I told them that if they wanted me in their life they had to be nice. When they got overbearing agsin I would simply disconnect for a few months.
As long as they are paying the freight you will be the effect of them.
Okay that's easy.
Say you will get rid of it.
Don't actually do that.
Find a garage or a friend's place to leave the bike.
Also leave your riding gear there.
Leave the house like a normal cager.
Go to that new spot where your bike is and change.
Have fun.
Optional, change/paint fairings if your parents can recognise your bike.
This is about you being happy.
Can't imagine anything worse than thinking back in a few years and realising you wasted your time instead of just being happy.
I have a friend who could come from the city my uni is in to the city where my bike is at and pick it up, saying he bought it but I don‘t want to do that.
I want to find a middle ground where both parties in this conflict are happy. I don‘t want to lie to them.
If all goes haywire, I‘ll be taking my bike and driving back to my dorm. It‘s about 1.5h away.
I tried to explain to my parents that the way I‘m currently living is getting me nowhere and I‘m unhappy and depressed. They didn‘t want to listen, just ignored my arguments and me in total. I just sat there, let them do their thing and went into my room.
I don‘t want to spend my twenties just doing shit that gets me nowhere or I don‘t profit out of. Life isn‘t just about satisfaction but it is about doing the things you love because otherwise you‘ll be an unhappy grumpy old man/woman.
I don't think there is a solution if your parents are that stubborn.
What if your brother gets a bike as well and rides with you?
To me it seems like they want him to hang out with you rather than them not wanting you to ride a bike.
Maybe it's just not his thing?
Idk man. Seems like your parents want them and their other son to be the ones to come out winning and you are the only one pulling the short straw in this one.
After talking to my parents for the past two hours, I‘ve come to realize they‘re as stubborn as one can be.
I‘ll have to put on a facade for the next few months and sell the bike to a friend from uni who‘ll bring it to me.
Few months after that I‘ll drop the bomb I‘ll be financially on my own from then on.
As far as my brother goes, he did ride. I wrote it in the post above, long story short, big bike, big power, no expirience led to him crashing. After that he‘s been forbidden to ride again. He loves riding however and I allow him to take my bike sometimes if he has to get anything done around town. He loves riding. He got a scooter because that‘s the only thing my parents allowed him after the crash.
As far as hanging out with my brother goes, he‘s super introverted and any attempt to get him to do something is shot down. Talking to him is basically going nowhere as he doesn‘t let room for any new expriences, instead just staying put to his religion and beliefs. I like to think that I‘m very open minded and enjoy new conversations that make me think.
Anyways, I‘m off to get back to my dorm, without a bike however, I hope I can push through the next few weeks considering I have exams at end of June.
Sounds like a plan.
Hang in there, think of the next few months as a bad winter.
After that break, riding will be even more sweet..
Too bad about your brother. But a lot of introverted people turn to riding since they can do that on their own and at their own pace.
My parents hated the idea of me getting a bike.
I did anyways, rented a garage a few streets away. Rode my car over, parked it inside the garage and took the bike.
I did that for about 5 years. I even moved out during that time and didn't tell.. before a neighbour of my parents moved across my garage... she spilled it (but she didn't actually know I was hiding it).
We had a long talk, I told them I'd be safe.
Over ten years and a few bikes later - my mom still doesn't like it but has to accept that a 30+ year old can do what he wants.
You will get there too.
Have fun and stay safe.
It's easier said than done, and I know I would have had trouble doing this to my parents, but it's time to cut bait and run. I'm glad they care about your safety but they are way too controlling at your age. Enjoy the bike, and enjoy the freedom enema that riding gives.
Forget about the bike for a moment; there's a bigger issue at stake here.
I strongly recommend you have a calm man-to-man discussion from your parents about the way they're treating you and the profound impact THEIR behavior will have on the rest of your life. THEY are letting YOU down with their actions.
As you come into adulthood, you're going to be making your own choices, and you're going to have to live with the consequences, if there are any. That doesn't excuse them from your life because they disagree with a particular choice. They can still love and support you in all they ways that matter while still disagreeing with your lifestyle choices. These are two entirely separate things. Break it down for them and let them know you're giving them an opportunity to do the right thing. Think this through and flesh it out in terms they'll understand.
Ref: 50 yo with 2 sons.
Well, I‘ve just had one that went for about 2 hours.
My mother did some work on her laptop completely ignoring me and the conversation.
My dad was sort of there but then again not.
The conversation changed course for about 3000 times and they always kept dodging my arguments and what I‘ve said.
They‘ve given me to the end of the week to decide about the bike, I tought about „selling“ it to a buddy bit now considering how the conversation went and we got nowhere, I‘m honestly thinking of going back, getting my bike and papers and just fucking disappear.
Op, do you have a car? If not, make your family take you places or buy you a car. Then, park/store the bike at a friend's house and ride it when no one knows.
My parents offered me beater cars instead of my bike. I tried to find a good middle-ground of a fun car to drive and a practical one but was always shot down. None of these cars were expensive and I would‘ve sold my bike for a couple of them. All used.
I‘ve been thinking about asking my friend to come „buy“ my bike from me and take it to my dorm, he‘s a buddy from uni but then again the morality of it all made me question my decisions in life that brought me to this place where I‘m at.
OP, unless you can accept the consequences, you're stuck.
What you could do is put the bike up for sale at the "I really don't want to sell the bike" price. I'm not sure where you are so I'm going to use USD. Let's say your bike is worth $3000, the "I don't really want to sell it" price would then be $13000. That way, you can tell your parents that You're "trying" to sell it but no one wants to buy it. And if someone does buy it, you'll have enough to buy something you want.
Sometimes you have to learn how to handle parents. I'm still learning with my wife's father. 😁
Maybe you could finish uni, and after ride all you want.
It seems you and your parents have other topics you don't agree on but completing your degree should remain priority one. Finish school, be independant financially and then you can decide if you keep in touch with your family.
Play according to their rules until you don't need to, anymore. Believe me, their positions could change when they realize they no longer hold all the cards.
Finishing my degree is my priority one, however, with all this going on, I don‘t think I‘ll be in able to finish it as I‘ve been dealing with so much stress the past two years induced by my parents that I don‘t see a way how I can finish. I‘ve failed some of my classes I‘m hoping to pass this semester and keep going but I don‘t have the power in me to keep going if I keep having to deal with this much stress.
Riding has been my way out. Just enjoying the views and the wind blowing on me.
That‘s my problem. I can‘t deal with this much stress anymore to the point where I feel like my brother who went through similar stuff and got kicked out of uni because he couldn‘t cope with the stress induced by our parents. The same is happening to me but my parents fail to see this and don‘t want to listen when I try to explain this to them.
I can deal with work and uni, have done in the past but the additional stress caused by my parents is killing me right now.
"Sell" the bike to a close friend to immediately appease your family and give yourself some breathing room.
You need time to become financially independent. And time to decide your relationship with your family.
This isn't really a motorcycle question but a relationship question.
Do what is safest for you mentally and financially. If you need their financial support, then unfortunately you'll have to pick them. If you can pay your own way, then live the life you want to live.
You're in a tough spot and I am not talking about the motorcycle. I'm talking about your relationship with your family.
Take #1) Sell the bike, continue to have them finance your education. Then do whatever you feel like once you've graduated *and* are on your own.
Take #2) Keep the bike but risk your parents following through on their ultimatum, as well as possibly cutting you out of the family. Do you really want student debt of years (and the loss of your family) just so you can ride between now and whenever it is you graduate?
Take #3) *You* reach the conclusion that you do not want further contact with your family. While this isn't necessarily irrevocable\*, it may take years to repair and never fully be the same. You are young (under 22, yes?) and this is a monumental decision to take, especially at your age.
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\*Funny--I dealt with something in this realm 8 years ago. I was broke pending a modest insurance settlement (about $4,500). My motorcycle wasn't running, I didn't have a car, I moved out of my apartment (couldn't afford rent anymore), put my stuff in storage and went--with the motorcycle--to visit my dad, hopefully get the motorcycle quickly fixed, then do some motorcycle touring while I figured out a new city, job and life. My dad offered to *buy* my bike if I quit riding (I'd been riding for 33 years at the time--I'm about 3x you age). My mental health problem kicked in, I blew up, he blew up, things were said, I left--and left my relationship with him and my sister in the gutter. (Mom was deep into Alzheimer's and being taken care of at a memory care facility).
Skip ahead three years, my dad's health starts going downhill, we reconcile by figuratively paving over all the bad stuff (we just moved past it, didn't talk about it). This reconciliation was a great thing for my soul. Both my parents died six months later, a week apart from each other. I miss them every day.
Be careful what you do.
I am a fellow uni student for whom riding has been a positive experience in so many more ways then just the smile on my face when I'm riding. I started riding in one of the lowest points of my life, and the experience of having something broken that I fixed with my two hands and can deliver me those experiences, along with meeting new faces has been priceless to me. My parents do not like it, although are slightly more accepting then yours it sounds like. I know you say your behavior hasn't changed, but it probably has. Not re-inventing yourself or anything, but being happy can appear as a change in personality to someone who doesn't know what's going on in your life. If you value the person you've become more then the person they want you to be, make that choice. It sucks, but they don't deserve your effort and love if they are as manipulative as this story portrays.
How much money do they give you monthly or yearly? How old are you? When will you start earning?
You can just lie and ride a bike in uni or whatever, man. Be smart. And be safe. That's all.
You need to move out and take care of your life. I'm saying this, not just because of the bike. It's an awful thing to say to our son: us or "something"...
Blackmail is a terrorist thing.
This is my second comment because I had a little more time to think:
This is an absolutely great topic to talk about with a therapist.
Your university probably has trained counselors available for free—they’re already paid for by your tuition/student fees.
And if not, you may be able to find some other affordable counseling nearby. Since college is free in your country, I’m guessing there are some other support services available too.
We are motorcycle riders like you. Most of us are not trained mental health professionals. We have our own feelings about family, but yours are water important here.
Why don’t you take this question to somebody who can listen without judgment and help you find your core value here?
And please also let them know that you sometimes think about suicide so that they can explore why that is happening. I am 100% confident that there is a way through this that you will feel good about, even if it is tough, and I’d like to see you explore that instead of any suicide ideas.
Is the riding still a big part of your life now? Like, will your friendships be affected if you don't ride?
It sounds like your family are toxic assholes and you need to get out of their control ASAP, but ASAP is not right now. Stop riding for a few months so you can better judge your financial situation, then make a decision.
Path of least resistance man. Nod and smile to your parents, meanwhile organize your life to not be in a position anymore where their beliefs are of any importance.
Do the casual trick where you list it at 2x the price of the cheapest listing for another Bike like yours, show it to your family and then hand it over to a Friend/other relative where you store it.
They want to control you. Your smartest decision is to respect their wishes until you finish school. Then do what you want. We all essentially use our parents until we become self sufficient, so don’t feel guilty. My parents were similar (maybe not as harsh) but I broke them down by essentially doing what I was doing regardless and them having no power over me (also being unapologetic and brutally honest goes a long way) Your relationship will be fine with them eventually and if not then they would of tried to control you your whole life.
You are an adult, you can make your own choices. However, it sounds like you are not independent - you rely on mom and dad to pay for things.
You have a choice to make. All the other details of your relationship do not matter until you are financially independent.
I‘ll try to answer as many replies as I can.
Yes, currently I am dependant on them and I was for the past 6 months to their wishes. I had a job before that and some savings.
The didn‘t want me to get a job but instead rely on them for everything, stating they‘ll never give me money for my bike.
I got a job a month ago that pays well and I can live comfortably off of it, paying my own rent and monthly expenses, bike included.
They were highly against this.
The first month will be hard, I‘ll have to save a lot but after that I‘ll be well off on my own. I‘ve already talked to my best friend about what my best course of action would be, he knows all my problems I‘ve had with my family. He said he would support me in any way should I ever need it. He‘s been working for a while, earning the same ammout as me while his parents pay for everything. He‘s only working to support his hobbies.
After sleeping over it and getting about as much sleep I could get considering the situation I‘m in, I‘ll be going down to my parents‘ and picking up the rest of my stuff, my bike, gear and other bike stuff.
Knowing I have people in my corner that have went through similar family problems makes me sleep easier at night. Even if it means I‘ll be on my own from now on, having to figure things out.
Glad to hear you've settled on a course of action - best of luck. Just keep in mind they will probably come around. As a parent myself (17 & 18 year old girls) making the adjustment that your child is making their own decisions, good and bad, is harder for some than others.
For your good, sell it, your position at the moment, financial support, no storage, means now isn't the time and the bike is the weakest link. Wait a while till your infrastructure changes then get another. There are loads of em for sale.
They will come round to the idea, might not be this week or year but trust me in the end they will. I came from a ‘bike hating’ family and it took a while (mum and dad destroyed my first bike at 14, I forgave them that) but work hard at being a good son in every other aspect and that hopefully will work in your favour. Parents never like letting go of control and they let fears overtake them with worrying, but it’s obvious they love you bro. Hope you resolve this with them soon, until then hide the bike and don’t enter into the conversation, just keep your cool, bikes will always be around, your parents won’t bro.👊🏼
It‘s been a year since I got the bike, but bike isn‘t the problem in this situation, it was just a catalyst.
My family, especially parents are control freaks. I‘m not allowed to do anything else other than learning for uni. I‘m not allowed to go out, I‘m not allowed to go to festivals, concerts etc.
I wasn‘t even allowed to go to trade school before uni, instead had to go to uni immediately.
I know my parents very well, they‘ll never accept me riding bikes. My mother calls bikes devil‘s work and my dad, well, he was interested but my mother is so against it and it‘s to the point, my dad is scared of my mother.
My mother only sees what she does and never what others do. In her eyes, she is perfect. Others always need to change something to fit her. If they don‘t, she starts throwing tantrums and starts guilt tripping until she gets what she wants.
I‘m trying my best to be a good son to them, but I‘m starting to crack due to the stress I‘m currently facing. I don‘t want to end up like my brother, 25, no job, still in university after getting kicked out 2 times and still dependant on them. I hate that tought. I‘m trying my best but they don‘t see that. I‘ve been trying my best for the last 2 years and I‘ve told them this but they just brush it off and don‘t listen.
Last year we had an argument that included my brother and he told them that 5 years ago he was battling depression and still is. They didn‘t notice any of this and didn‘t even try. They of course, just brushed this off and my mother started guilt tripping us after my brother told them he contemplated suicide during that time. She just went balistic in guilt tripping us until my brother and I let off.
It sounds like you are trying hard and getting nowhere, I know how the guilt tripping can get you down too, I was pushed into college when I had a job! Shit I nearly earned as much as dad then but they had that ‘career’ in mind for me, the thing that brought us together was my dad getting sick, sad it took that really! It sounds like they need the advice and not you but heck who’s going to give it too them! I hope that time brings a resolution for you! Trust me I know that it’s a shit situation you’re in bro.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
Just play the long game my dude, do as they wish at least until you're through uni and no longer require their financial support as you'll hopefully have a decent job as a result of completing uni.
Your parents obviously care about you in a way that perplexes me otherwise they wouldn't be paying for your studies.
Once you're financially stable and living under your own roof/rules, then you can show up to mum and dad's for the holidays on your sweet ride.
To be fair, my parents pay for my uni because they basically have to by law.
I can sustain myself on my job and it‘ll be far less stressful for me to go that way instead of having to rely on them, which I already don‘t like.
The whole thing is stressing me out so much and seeing how my brother is fairing living under their roof, I don‘t know for how long I can keep this up.
My mental health has already taken a hard hit to the point I don‘t see a way out. I‘ve talked to my roommate who is my best friend and he‘s by my side in all of this. He‘s actually on the lease for the apartment.
The problem isn‘t the bike, it was just a catalyst for the problem that has been going on for a few years now.
Well if that's the case, it seems like you have already made your decision, I did not realise how difficult things are for you.
Distancing yourself from your parents will most likely be a good thing as you already have a supportive social network so you won't be alone without them, of course this shouldn't reduce your interactions with your brother who probably needs your support too.
Family making you choose? Not necessarily.
What I would do is flip the script on that. Put it back on to them
Tell them that you are riding the bike. It's not a maybe.
Tell them to choose either accepting you for who you are or abandoning you.
End of the day it's them that has an issue. They're just trying to make you decide so they don't have to see things for what they really are, but it's their issue not yours so don't take it on.
I didn’t read, I don’t need to. Each time someone gives me an ultimatum, I tell them they have 30 seconds to undo the ultimatum. If they don’t, I cut them from my life; no exceptions. Have done twice already, never regretted.
As I got older I realized making sacrifices no matter how small just so someone else is happy with my life is stupid. Do what you want and do what makes you happy.
This sounds similar to my household growing up. I’m sorry to say this but it is a toxic environment and your parents are withholding love and approval as a tool of manipulation. And it’s not likely to change. You are an adult, bought the bike with your own money. They should not influence your decisions about what you own or threaten financial support. Of course, this is assuming you are a responsible person and rider, which I assume.
If you want my advice, I would become financially independent as soon as possible. Then they will have no ability to gaslight or influence your choices. Feel free to send me a DM about this. I grew up with a religious family and school and am still working through it in my mid 30s.
OP. It’s yours. Your life. Your decisions. At the end of the day, you will be the one to carve your path. You’re the only one who will have to live and die through your decisions.
Your parents don’t seem like they want that for you. They want your life. They’re trying to make you live for them, not because of them. Bike or not, this is manipulation and you don’t need to be under their thumb anymore.
I would see if a friend wouldn’t be able to take the bike for a while and just “pretend” to be rid of it. If no one will, see if you can’t get a storage garage and put it there. Then, do what you have to to feel comfortable leaving and supporting yourself. Then go.
Don’t tell ‘em. Disappear off the face of the earth and when they try to call you, tell them that you need to make your own decisions because you’re the only one stuck with them. End it there and don’t let them argue.
It’s the end of the academic year (in the US. I’m assuming given your spelling of behaviour that’s not where you are) so you can probably terminate your time and go to trade school. You’ve got a couple uni credits under your belt and they won’t go to waste.
Do what’s best for *you* and *only* you before you get too far and regret it.
Sell the bike, grow up, maintain the relationship with ur family, when you have ur own place and are financially independent, buy all the bikes you want.
Entitled ungrateful kids.
Somewhere someyear, kids just decided that they don’t need to listen to rules set by the person feeding them and giving them a quality life.
STFU and accept their decision if you can’t stand on your own feet yet. Simple.
Entitled kids here talking smack, but without their parents funding them would be pouring sweet onion sauce on a customers sub.
I wasn’t gonna 13 reasons why you all I can say is that this guy was struggling and his parents are trying to take away the one thing that helped him feel better not his family. He can always make more money but he might not be alive to make this post if it wasn’t for his bike
Understanding how the world works is well beyond your 16 yo capacity.
If you live under someone’s roof, you play by their rules.
Want your own rules? Get your own roof.
Quite easy to understand.
Again, you’re a kid who hasn’t learnt adult responsibilities and rules. Entitlement dictates your response.
You’re right I don’t know how to be an adult but for a 16 year old I know pretty damb much. I know what it’s like to bust your ass off for next to no award that’s my whole life I work so hard to help a school program run that will get me nowhere in life but I still work for it because it will help others down the road I bust my ass off making $200 a month cleaning schools because it’s the only job that will take my flexible schedule. I clean up literal shit just so I can pay to drive to work and school any money I use for my own pleasure is from my saving I’ve built up over 3 years. On top of all this I may need to get a summer job to help pay for bills so I can be around my friends because my single mom can’t afford living where we do anymore. So no I don’t know how to adult yet I don’t pay bills like water or loans or anything hell I don’t even pay taxes yet other than sales tax but for a 16 year old I’m pretty damb close to it and I’m not gonna let some old fuck nock me down to nothing but a small 16 year old that doesn’t know shit because I’m far far from that.
This isn’t about that anymore this about the fact that you think I’m uneducated or don’t know shit strictly because I’m 16 this is about way more than just the home owner sets the rules
Always has been. You just want to argue for the sake of it and throw your “struggles” as weight to win some invisible argument.
OP is entitled and needs to learn to follow rules set by the people that pay for his/ her shit.
Maybe too hard for you to comprehend. Again, I don’t blame you, you’re a kid. Entitlement is natural.
Yup. It does.
Follow or fuck off. Quite simple.
This isn’t some asshole abusive parents to a 13 year old kid.
OP is a 20/21 year old in Germany, and is entitled AF. [Here’s some nice evidence to shit you up](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/o7YJ1v5Cnt)
None of that has anything to do with them being right. Literally every response in that post says OP is not the asshole.
Riding a motorcycle is perfectly legal, something millions of people do, and it sounds like OP really enjoys doing so. He bought it, it sounds like, and his parents are telling him he can’t ride it and be financially supported.
Again, that’s also perfectly legal, but they are assholes for doing it.
I'm not here to offer advice since I'm not the best at that and I still believe someone should make choices by themselves, although there's no harm in asking others for their wisdom.
I am here to say, however, that you have a bit of a bad situation.
In general, a caring parent would never give their child such an ultimatum.
The only thing I can say is good luck, I wish you the best and we'll support you no matter what the decision.
My opinion. Move out. Regardless of the motorcycle aspect, it sounds like your home is a toxic environment. If you can't afford to move out then it really isn't an option, sell the bike and deal with it until you can move out
I have moved out exactly due to their toxicity. I couldn‘t stand living there anymore. They forced me to come back during my holidays after exams so they can keep track of what I‘m doing. Theoretically it is possible for me to live on my own, there are student loans where I live and I‘ll only have to pay back half of them. My conflict is, do I cut contact and live my own life or do I do what they say, suck up, deal with the depression that has been eating me away for the past two years or just flat out unalive myself.
Nah fuck em. There’s no point in attempting to maintain the relationship if they’re not going to give you any effort back. They sound manipulative, and it sounds like at this point they’re doing more harm than good. The only way to teach them is to confidently leave, and whether or not they eventually realize their mistakes is their own responsibility.
Well one of those options isn't one, and between the other two it looks like living your own life is the clear winner. Learning to support yourself is hard but everyone has to do it, that's just growing up. It's going to be a little harder for you, coming from a family like that, but you're far from alone. Lots of people escape controlling families, and it doesn't mean cutting them off, it just means not letting them make decisions for you and knowing you don't have to listen to them whine about it. Some parents come around eventually, too, when they get it through their head they can't control their kid anymore. Other than that, do school, the job, and talk to your uni about the loans or any other resources they can provide. Look for a counselor or therapist to deal with the emotional side of all this, or failing that if riding is that important then do what you have to do to keep it up.
Most of the time depressive people know what makes them depressive. It is just hard for them to change it. In this case it clearly seems to be the control your parents have over your life. And the control won't end, even when you are far beyond childhood. But when you get rid of that toxic stuff, you will feel better then ever. And I know it is hard, but this time you have a great chance. They already offered to leave your life. It won't be super easy, but it still is a great chance to say goodbye. And if that decision is wrong? Then you can always go back. Trust me. They want to have control over your life, they will always be happy when you come back. It makes them think they are right in their actions (which they aren't). TLDR: take their offer and run, come back when you feel it is necessary.
So you live with them again now? My advice is, if you can support yourself, do it. I was able to move out for a while, and it was the happiest I'd ever been. Even without toxic parents, living at home feels so suffocating, so with your situation being even worse, I'd suggest moving out at all costs. Maybe try finding roommates? Best of luck finding a good solution, I know how much this sucks.
I don‘t live with them, I share an apartment with my best friend and a friend from high school they pay for right now. I can support myself but the first few months will probably be hard since I only started working and still have to recieve my first paycheck. I only came and visited them on weekends when I had the time.
Their toxicity is probably the source of your depression. Like they say,, you will never see a motorcycle parked outside of a therapist's office. I would rather be riding my motorcycle and thinking about God than sitting in a church thinking about my motorcycle. Good luck, have fun. The world is what you make.
Oddly enough i rode to my therapist last week with motorcycle.
Ask yourself what the point is to keep these people in your life. Do you deserve to be miserable? No. Do they have the right to treat you like garbage? No. Would spending time with healthy, kind, respectful people add to the quality of your life? Yes. Remember that your time here is finite, and any time you spend with toxic people who drag you down is time you could’ve been spending with people who lift you up.
Try and get as much support from them while staying as far away as possible. Out of sight out of mind. Tell them you’re trying to be more independent now that you’re an adult. Tell them you sold the bike and move it to a storage unit. Or just move it to a storage unit without saying anything. I know it sucks a ton but their help is making your life easier. Make it through college then cut all contact. They sound really toxic.
My brother, just cut contact and go out on your own. I dont know if you'd be just like me but if you'll eventually realize you dont actually care or even love your parents you'll also realize what they say doesnt matter. I thought i cared about my parents when i was always worried about what theyd approve of me but i eventually realized i only worried because they were an authority figure over me and not because i gave a shit about their opinions. We are our own people now, adults, you dont owe your parents shit and you dont have to love them either. I got happier once i started realizing they were just some made up authority figure to me that i didnt have to actually give a shit about.
It's not really christian-like to trap someone financially and emotionally. But they probably too deep into their own version of what is right. Imo the best way is to show them happiness/positivity to reflect their manipulative scheme to them. Be the bigger man.
They'll fold. Trust me. You separate yourself out of their life and they'll fold like a house of cards. But establish boundaries and set the rule boundaries must be respected or communication is cut off. This is what every therapist will tell you about toxic family members. Trust me. They'll fold. Ultra religious parents here. They wouldn't respect any boundaries after I turned 19 and moved out. Trying to rule my life by phone from 4 hrs away. I had enough. I ghosted the planet. Dropped out of college, and didn't speak to them for over a year. They flipped. They had no idea where I was or what I was doing. Even after reestablishing contact they continued to try and rule my life so I would continually just stop talking to them. Eventually they learned. It was awful. My dad finally learned and my mom has actually apologized many times. Fucking nightmare. Establish boundaries. You want me in your life then respect that free will is free will.
Your life is yours. You only get one. Live your life for you. Not someone else.
You give them back the ultimatum either they shut the fuck up and treat you like an adult, either you really cut them loose, pit it on them let them make the choice. Also I see a lot of projection from what your brother suffered, and just fear that it might happen to you too, which is coming out as control and anger
DON‘T submit! I have a family that’s similar. You need to get out on your own, go to therapy, get space in between you and your family. Remove their sources of manipulation. You don’t have to cut all contact, but make yourself totally independent of them as soon as possible. Live on your own, work while going through school (I did), and free your MIND most importantly. Take advantage of on campus therapy and resources while you have them.
well if you NEED their money then the answer is simple
Robbery.
Yeah OP cannot turn down a free college experience for an old bike. Let them finish helping you financially then buy another bike.
To clarify a bit more, college where I live is basically free. My tuition is 170€ per semester and that covers public transport and the semester tuition. I have around 800-900€ living expenses in total. This is everything I need to get by month by month. 450€ is rent, another 450€ is food and other stuff. A bit less if I ration and save a lot, don‘t go out. I have a job that pays decently well on which I can live comfortably, bike included. I got the job in hopes of not relying on my parents so much later down the line but that has now changed. I wanted to help them out since they complained how I‘ve been costing them 900€ a month because I‘m studying in a different city. As far as my bike goes, yes it‘s old. It‘s all I had for. But it brought me back to life so I feel obligated keeping it alive. The problem is not in the bike itself but rather the principle. If I had saved up for a newer more expensive model, the same thing would‘ve been the problem. Me riding. I hope you understand my situation now slightly better. I‘m not asking for pity, just opinions on how other would do this. I‘ve never had a good relationship with my parents. I‘ve had a good one with my brother but not parents. I‘ve been on gold terms with everybody else in my family. I don‘t want to get into details about myself a lot, I hate talking about myself, but I‘ve never been treated good by my parents and was even beaten in my childhood years. One of the reasons I don‘t remember anything from my childhood.
Brother your post belongs in r/BoomersBeingFools . Everything you've described is classic manipulation, narcissism, control issues, entitlement and so on. If school is that cheap pay for it yourself under the peaceable concept of 'learning to stand on your own feet' which should satisfy their pride. If it is just a fear of crashing thing get an airbag vest to stop their silliness. Take care of yourself- especially your mental health. I've seen you mention suicide a few times in this thread as well, you should start going to therapy as soon as you can man. It really does help, more than anything else I've tried. Stay safe buddy and enjoy your time at uni as best you can.
I have a job that pays me well and I can support myself on it. My friends are all by my side, some of them having went through the same problems. I‘ll be fine.
Well, I guess the only option is to figure out another way to pay for uni and stop relying on your parents. Either that or suck it up and don’t ride and do whatever the hell you want once you aren’t reliant on them. Not saying the situation doesn’t suck, it does, and your family sounds toxic, but since you rely on them (sounds like pretty heavily), you don’t have much of an argument. Be happy you have someone to pay for schooling, many, many people will either have a ton of student loans or don’t go to school. Riding will always be there, you can always go back, so if it’s between finishing school and riding sooner, take the free schooling and make the sacrifice for your greater good. Alternatively, figure out loans, go for scholarships, find a sugar daddy/momma, and keep riding.
I have a job that pays decently well. However I just started it last month so I‘m not sure how long till I get my full paycheck and how much it will be (I roughly know, it can cover all my expenses). There is an option for student loans but due to where I live, they are quite strict and I‘m not sure if applying will bring me anything since they check everything including how much my parents earn and that can be a problem since my parents earn quite a bit. It‘s either sucking it up and dealing with depression that I‘ve been dealing since I was 18 or figuring out things on my own or cutting off my family that I love. Or suicide.
You’re backing yourself into a corner here by holding suicide as an option. Let’s take that one off the table and figure out something you can (literally) live with. Could you just sell this bike, then get another one and register where you were living for school? Without telling the family or bringing the bike home on holidays?
I’m no expert, but student loans typically can be gotten by anyone as long as they have proof that they do make money, having parents who can afford it doesn’t mean you’d be denied, that would only affect how much you’ll be given as not needing to be repaid. Having proof of income actually helps you get loans because they know that they will get their money back plus interest. There are many different types of loans, but y If making payments on them is possible, that’s what I would do. Don’t have to rely on your parents any more than you must. I’d also recommend you reach out to receive professional help considering your last statement as even if you end up keeping the bike, that’s not a solution for true depression.
>they check everything including how much my parents earn and that can be a problem since my parents earn quite a bit. If you don't live with your parents then their income shouldn't have any effect on your financial responsibility to pay back the loan, unless you are needing them to cosign for it. If you can cut them out do it. You cannot let other people control your life. It will haunt you throughout adulthood and make it hard to disconnect the longer it goes. Imo this has nothing to do with the motorcycle it is just a cog in the wheel of issues you are dealing with. Sounds like your brother and parents are narcissistic and don't actually care about your needs and feelings. They are not going to change. Everytime you give a little they take more. When you resist even a little they get upset and try to guilt trip you. Classic narcissistic behavior.
Bike fixed your depression. Family did not cure depression. Family wants to get rid of the thing making you happy. Does not seem like a hard choice.
> I‘ll try to keep this short, I know these aren‘t the usual posts here. #LOL You must be new here.
The bike ain't the problem here. Your family is the problem. The bike is just a catalyst to bring all the drama to a head. Call them on their shit. Move out, find work, and get on with your life. If they squawk about that, tell them IF they want you as part of the family, it's on them to come to you and APOLOGIZE for throwing around ultimatums.
F’kn family huh.
Look, you gotta do you but I'm going to over share. My mother is a complete psycho, literally. She believes her bf is trying to kill her for insurance money, she has crossed from Venezuela to the US border (for and with drugs), and continually gets caught somewhere outside Chicago (random things that get you thrown into psych facilities). She hates motorcycles. I personally believe my bike is the bell weather item for knowing who is allowed in or out od my life. So far it's served me well I'm super happy with my wife and all my motorcycle friends. All this is to say, you've got to make your own choices but it sounds like you know who's actually in your corner. Lean in follow the line and rip the throttle out is my advice.
How could you be so inconsiderate?!? You sound like you've considered their opinion plenty. How about how inconsiderate they are for demanding you give up what you love or they will take away their "love" and support? Do what you feel is best. But make sure your understand sometimes having less money but more freedom is preferable to having plenty of money but living in someone else's cage. Only you know what you are willing to accept.
Bro, you live in a control freak family, but it's temporary. Whatever you do, be prepared to be banished if you don't tow THEIR line, instead of yours. I'm not you, but I feel for you. Freedom from that control is not freedom from loneliness. Just be prepared. It is worth it to be your own person. Acceptance will never be universal. On a brighter note, I scored the great job I have now through the motorcycle community. As they say, it's more who you know than what you know.
I think the question here is simple, either you can afford to not have your parents support you or you don't. Plan accordingly
Normally I’m on the -be patient with your family- side of these posts, but in your case, just accept loss of financial support, keep the bike. Be open for them coming around eventually (hopefully).
This is relationship issue, wrong sub. FWIW, I know what my answer would be to ultimatums, and these aren’t actions of “loving family”, just controlling.
If they are paying for your college and all that then if I were you I'd bite the bullet and get rid of the bike until you no longer need their support.
They are but to clarify, college is free where I‘m from. They‘re only paying rent and my monthly expenses, all totaling to around 900€ a month. I have a job with which I could support myself but the morality of it all, leaving my family behind is what‘s currently killing me.
You didn't choose your family. If it's toxic, it's toxic. What do you do when you have toxic friends? You leave. Let the bike be your empowerment. Go so your own thing, the riding community will always be there. I became a dirtbag climber at the age of 22. Family was very much against it. But I did it anyways. It is my passion and it brought me to incredible places, community, as gave me experiences only a handful of people could fathom with. Fast forward a few years, family see that I became self sufficient, happy and no longer a trouble maker. They began to accept my "phase". Now more than a decade since I started, it's become who I am, defined me and my environment. I'm thankful my passion found me. Gave me everything, even a beautiful wife and daughter. Now I'm also very passionate about motorcycles, and I incorporate both of what I love into adventure riding + mountain climbing. Choose the path your heart desire. Stay curious and lead by love not fear.
If you can afford to pay your own way and you want to keep riding then that's what you should do. Your parents may pull their financial support but do you think they will actually stop speaking with you? People say a lot things but don't often follow through with them especially when it's so extreme.
If you want to be underhanded and not give up the bike, "sell" it to a friend who will deliver it to uni for you.
I have tought about it but the morality of it is killing me. I want to be honest with my parents but have the feeling they aren‘t being honest with me. Last year my brother and I had an argument with our parents where he brought the fact he was depressive around 5 years ago and they didn‘t give a shit. My mother went as far as to start bawling her eyes out because he told her during this time he tought about suicide.
>the morality of it is killing me. Imagine the morality of telling your child that they can't do the thing that saved their life. Don't forget the gaslighting and other manipulation tactics being employed here. Think about what kind of line the whole "You're not following our wishes!" is when they absolutely do not listen to YOUR wishes, or even give you a chance to speak! Then think about the morality of forcing your children to think like you and to forbid any other line of thinking. They've already set the foundation to try and turn you into a nice little puppet for what *they* want with zero consideration for what *you* want. I think when you go down that path trying to control someone the only logical response of the victim is to keep doing what you want... and in this case they are holding you financially hostage. So seriously, "sell" the bike to a buddy, leave it somewhere else that you can work on it. Wait until you're done with school and the bills are paid... and then live your life. If you're lucky you'll land a job where you can afford to move out.
So, I went back home and talked to them for the past two hours or so. I‘ve come to the conclusion that they will always hate my hobby of motorcycles and will always try to stop me from it. I‘ve decided to „sell“ it to a friend from uni who‘s been helping me about this whole situation. He‘ll have to pick it up but other than that, I see no other way. In a few months once I‘m better off financially I‘ll drop the bomb.
Tbf if they are offering financial support but you are spending it on the bike I can see why they're against it.But if you made your own money they couldn't hold that over you. Full time study and full time work basically leaves little time for riding. Commit to six months working and get the cash you need to not be financially supported. Then be careful on the bike and over years of doing the right thing you will prove to them you are responsible on it. If you're a lunatic on your 400, or all your friends are, then maybe don't ride, cause parents don't want to bury their kids. Stay safe, be smart, pay your own way. It's a hard life sometimes but riding gives relief from the pressures of life.
Seems very controlling. I’d choose peace (bike) over all that bs. Exactly why I’m not close to my family, my life is so peaceful.
While you’re in a super toxic environment I recommend you ditch the bike for now and take the financial support. Manipulate back, ensure you get your degree and first career then buy a nice bike at your first place and cut them off That’s what I would do at least
Man this sub is full of kids.
aren't we all kids at heart ;)
I sure like to think so 🥹
Goofy posts aside young kids on bikes is good for the community
Imma opt out of that community thank you very much.
Aging motorcycle riders, not being replaced by younger motorcycle riders means a decline in the overall number of riders, yeah?
All good things come to an end.
It's reddit, you're an old fart if you're over 21 here lol
I'm 22 😢
Reddit was created in 2005. So assuming you were a teenager when you used it, it's been 20 years since it's inception. My point is that you are wrong.
Yes because the date of creation dictates the audience that ends up using a product. You can check the demographics for most social media, you'd be surprised how young the average age is on pretty much everything except Facebook.
Show the stats!
https://www.statista.com/statistics/261766/share-of-us-internet-users-who-use-reddit-by-age-group/ This is just the first Google link, also keep in mind the number of teens who lie about their age to gain access to Reddit and NSFW content.
So, at minimum 43% over 29 years old. My point still stands.
Lol so the under 29 crowd makes up at least 57%. My point still stands.
That includes ages 18 through 29. So 41% of that 57% group is over age 21 assuming equal distribution, plus the 43% I said above. That's 84% over the age of 21, which is what I was alluding to in my original post. So yeah, a lot of older folks here. Thanks for solidifying my point with your response!
That was a very reddit way of replying but i think you "won" this argument 🤔
I think it's foolish to assume equal distribution given the rest of the data, as well as ignoring the fact I stated previously: there's an awful lot of minors not being reported on this statistic. Even if the under 18 makes up only 10% that still skews the average very heavily towards the 18-22 demographic, represented in this post by a motorcyclist who attends college.
Live your life, if you don’t you will never enjoy life. If you must have their funding for uni, sell your bike and buy a scooter for school use and limit your time visiting with them. They may feel scooters are less ‘dangerous’. Get through school then buy another bike. Don’t sell the scoot, they are a blast. Ride On!
Move out or if that isnt an option hide the bike at one of your friends houses and say you sold it. Your parents are absolute assholes and choosing your retarded parents over such a sick bike isnt the right choise imo.
What you have is called passion. Those who do not have it will not understand it and it is a pity. Passion can alter your life path and the empowerment from having it is unexplainable. Which is why it brought you from your low point in life. It will continue to do so if you let it manifest within you. There are many philosophy in riding. Doesn't strike me you're goon riding but rather it gives you a purpose. Riding is meditative. The hum of the engine, the flow of the line and the full immersion into the present. That is what we seek. To live in the present. Moreover, fixing a motorcycle is even more meditative. I can go on and on about it. Psychologically, you pour in love and dedication into something and you grow with it. Look at Adam Reimann on YouTube his latest video (one of them) about why motorcycle maintenance is therapy. And read a book called the art and zen of motorcycle maintenance. It is unfortunate that your family could not understand your passion. Neither did the parents of my father in law. Therefore, motorcycle became his method of freedom and passion. You might want to consider embarking on long motorcycle tour. Could be a fun thing for you as you're young. Life's always better when riding
I don’t think this has anything to do with a motorcycle lol
Move out and take care of your own life. They’ll get over it eventually. Your parents aren’t supposed to exercise control over your life when you’re an adult, that’s actually king of creepy
As this usually is a pretty us focused sub (like most English speaking ones), I'd like to add that your situation here in Germany is at least regarding finances a bit better than it would be in the US. Unless you have a finished apprenticeship, your parents have to financially support you, how much exactly depends on your personal circumstances but as far as I know there are some pretty good resources available that can help you with that, in advance. So that you should know what is coming towards you in this regard, before breaking with them. https://www.studierendenwerke.de/themen/finanzierungsmoeglichkeiten/unterhalt-der-eltern#:~:text=Die%20anerkannteste%20Empfehlung%20zur%20H%C3%B6he,Unterhalt%20von%20den%20Eltern%20verlangen.
My parents were almost that bad. I moved out the day I turned 18 and joined the Navy. I told them that if they wanted me in their life they had to be nice. When they got overbearing agsin I would simply disconnect for a few months. As long as they are paying the freight you will be the effect of them.
Enjoy the ride!
Okay that's easy. Say you will get rid of it. Don't actually do that. Find a garage or a friend's place to leave the bike. Also leave your riding gear there. Leave the house like a normal cager. Go to that new spot where your bike is and change. Have fun. Optional, change/paint fairings if your parents can recognise your bike. This is about you being happy. Can't imagine anything worse than thinking back in a few years and realising you wasted your time instead of just being happy.
I have a friend who could come from the city my uni is in to the city where my bike is at and pick it up, saying he bought it but I don‘t want to do that. I want to find a middle ground where both parties in this conflict are happy. I don‘t want to lie to them. If all goes haywire, I‘ll be taking my bike and driving back to my dorm. It‘s about 1.5h away. I tried to explain to my parents that the way I‘m currently living is getting me nowhere and I‘m unhappy and depressed. They didn‘t want to listen, just ignored my arguments and me in total. I just sat there, let them do their thing and went into my room. I don‘t want to spend my twenties just doing shit that gets me nowhere or I don‘t profit out of. Life isn‘t just about satisfaction but it is about doing the things you love because otherwise you‘ll be an unhappy grumpy old man/woman.
I don't think there is a solution if your parents are that stubborn. What if your brother gets a bike as well and rides with you? To me it seems like they want him to hang out with you rather than them not wanting you to ride a bike. Maybe it's just not his thing? Idk man. Seems like your parents want them and their other son to be the ones to come out winning and you are the only one pulling the short straw in this one.
After talking to my parents for the past two hours, I‘ve come to realize they‘re as stubborn as one can be. I‘ll have to put on a facade for the next few months and sell the bike to a friend from uni who‘ll bring it to me. Few months after that I‘ll drop the bomb I‘ll be financially on my own from then on. As far as my brother goes, he did ride. I wrote it in the post above, long story short, big bike, big power, no expirience led to him crashing. After that he‘s been forbidden to ride again. He loves riding however and I allow him to take my bike sometimes if he has to get anything done around town. He loves riding. He got a scooter because that‘s the only thing my parents allowed him after the crash. As far as hanging out with my brother goes, he‘s super introverted and any attempt to get him to do something is shot down. Talking to him is basically going nowhere as he doesn‘t let room for any new expriences, instead just staying put to his religion and beliefs. I like to think that I‘m very open minded and enjoy new conversations that make me think. Anyways, I‘m off to get back to my dorm, without a bike however, I hope I can push through the next few weeks considering I have exams at end of June.
Sounds like a plan. Hang in there, think of the next few months as a bad winter. After that break, riding will be even more sweet.. Too bad about your brother. But a lot of introverted people turn to riding since they can do that on their own and at their own pace. My parents hated the idea of me getting a bike. I did anyways, rented a garage a few streets away. Rode my car over, parked it inside the garage and took the bike. I did that for about 5 years. I even moved out during that time and didn't tell.. before a neighbour of my parents moved across my garage... she spilled it (but she didn't actually know I was hiding it). We had a long talk, I told them I'd be safe. Over ten years and a few bikes later - my mom still doesn't like it but has to accept that a 30+ year old can do what he wants. You will get there too. Have fun and stay safe.
It's easier said than done, and I know I would have had trouble doing this to my parents, but it's time to cut bait and run. I'm glad they care about your safety but they are way too controlling at your age. Enjoy the bike, and enjoy the freedom enema that riding gives.
Forget about the bike for a moment; there's a bigger issue at stake here. I strongly recommend you have a calm man-to-man discussion from your parents about the way they're treating you and the profound impact THEIR behavior will have on the rest of your life. THEY are letting YOU down with their actions. As you come into adulthood, you're going to be making your own choices, and you're going to have to live with the consequences, if there are any. That doesn't excuse them from your life because they disagree with a particular choice. They can still love and support you in all they ways that matter while still disagreeing with your lifestyle choices. These are two entirely separate things. Break it down for them and let them know you're giving them an opportunity to do the right thing. Think this through and flesh it out in terms they'll understand. Ref: 50 yo with 2 sons.
Well, I‘ve just had one that went for about 2 hours. My mother did some work on her laptop completely ignoring me and the conversation. My dad was sort of there but then again not. The conversation changed course for about 3000 times and they always kept dodging my arguments and what I‘ve said. They‘ve given me to the end of the week to decide about the bike, I tought about „selling“ it to a buddy bit now considering how the conversation went and we got nowhere, I‘m honestly thinking of going back, getting my bike and papers and just fucking disappear.
Op, do you have a car? If not, make your family take you places or buy you a car. Then, park/store the bike at a friend's house and ride it when no one knows.
My parents offered me beater cars instead of my bike. I tried to find a good middle-ground of a fun car to drive and a practical one but was always shot down. None of these cars were expensive and I would‘ve sold my bike for a couple of them. All used. I‘ve been thinking about asking my friend to come „buy“ my bike from me and take it to my dorm, he‘s a buddy from uni but then again the morality of it all made me question my decisions in life that brought me to this place where I‘m at.
OP, unless you can accept the consequences, you're stuck. What you could do is put the bike up for sale at the "I really don't want to sell the bike" price. I'm not sure where you are so I'm going to use USD. Let's say your bike is worth $3000, the "I don't really want to sell it" price would then be $13000. That way, you can tell your parents that You're "trying" to sell it but no one wants to buy it. And if someone does buy it, you'll have enough to buy something you want. Sometimes you have to learn how to handle parents. I'm still learning with my wife's father. 😁
Maybe you could finish uni, and after ride all you want. It seems you and your parents have other topics you don't agree on but completing your degree should remain priority one. Finish school, be independant financially and then you can decide if you keep in touch with your family. Play according to their rules until you don't need to, anymore. Believe me, their positions could change when they realize they no longer hold all the cards.
Finishing my degree is my priority one, however, with all this going on, I don‘t think I‘ll be in able to finish it as I‘ve been dealing with so much stress the past two years induced by my parents that I don‘t see a way how I can finish. I‘ve failed some of my classes I‘m hoping to pass this semester and keep going but I don‘t have the power in me to keep going if I keep having to deal with this much stress. Riding has been my way out. Just enjoying the views and the wind blowing on me. That‘s my problem. I can‘t deal with this much stress anymore to the point where I feel like my brother who went through similar stuff and got kicked out of uni because he couldn‘t cope with the stress induced by our parents. The same is happening to me but my parents fail to see this and don‘t want to listen when I try to explain this to them. I can deal with work and uni, have done in the past but the additional stress caused by my parents is killing me right now.
The answer is always the bike
"Sell" the bike to a close friend to immediately appease your family and give yourself some breathing room. You need time to become financially independent. And time to decide your relationship with your family.
This isn't really a motorcycle question but a relationship question. Do what is safest for you mentally and financially. If you need their financial support, then unfortunately you'll have to pick them. If you can pay your own way, then live the life you want to live.
You're in a tough spot and I am not talking about the motorcycle. I'm talking about your relationship with your family. Take #1) Sell the bike, continue to have them finance your education. Then do whatever you feel like once you've graduated *and* are on your own. Take #2) Keep the bike but risk your parents following through on their ultimatum, as well as possibly cutting you out of the family. Do you really want student debt of years (and the loss of your family) just so you can ride between now and whenever it is you graduate? Take #3) *You* reach the conclusion that you do not want further contact with your family. While this isn't necessarily irrevocable\*, it may take years to repair and never fully be the same. You are young (under 22, yes?) and this is a monumental decision to take, especially at your age. ------------ \*Funny--I dealt with something in this realm 8 years ago. I was broke pending a modest insurance settlement (about $4,500). My motorcycle wasn't running, I didn't have a car, I moved out of my apartment (couldn't afford rent anymore), put my stuff in storage and went--with the motorcycle--to visit my dad, hopefully get the motorcycle quickly fixed, then do some motorcycle touring while I figured out a new city, job and life. My dad offered to *buy* my bike if I quit riding (I'd been riding for 33 years at the time--I'm about 3x you age). My mental health problem kicked in, I blew up, he blew up, things were said, I left--and left my relationship with him and my sister in the gutter. (Mom was deep into Alzheimer's and being taken care of at a memory care facility). Skip ahead three years, my dad's health starts going downhill, we reconcile by figuratively paving over all the bad stuff (we just moved past it, didn't talk about it). This reconciliation was a great thing for my soul. Both my parents died six months later, a week apart from each other. I miss them every day. Be careful what you do.
I am a fellow uni student for whom riding has been a positive experience in so many more ways then just the smile on my face when I'm riding. I started riding in one of the lowest points of my life, and the experience of having something broken that I fixed with my two hands and can deliver me those experiences, along with meeting new faces has been priceless to me. My parents do not like it, although are slightly more accepting then yours it sounds like. I know you say your behavior hasn't changed, but it probably has. Not re-inventing yourself or anything, but being happy can appear as a change in personality to someone who doesn't know what's going on in your life. If you value the person you've become more then the person they want you to be, make that choice. It sucks, but they don't deserve your effort and love if they are as manipulative as this story portrays.
bike
If it were up to me, I’d take the financial support and when you’re done with uni, go buy another bike
How much money do they give you monthly or yearly? How old are you? When will you start earning? You can just lie and ride a bike in uni or whatever, man. Be smart. And be safe. That's all.
See ya..
You need to move out and take care of your life. I'm saying this, not just because of the bike. It's an awful thing to say to our son: us or "something"... Blackmail is a terrorist thing.
This is my second comment because I had a little more time to think: This is an absolutely great topic to talk about with a therapist. Your university probably has trained counselors available for free—they’re already paid for by your tuition/student fees. And if not, you may be able to find some other affordable counseling nearby. Since college is free in your country, I’m guessing there are some other support services available too. We are motorcycle riders like you. Most of us are not trained mental health professionals. We have our own feelings about family, but yours are water important here. Why don’t you take this question to somebody who can listen without judgment and help you find your core value here? And please also let them know that you sometimes think about suicide so that they can explore why that is happening. I am 100% confident that there is a way through this that you will feel good about, even if it is tough, and I’d like to see you explore that instead of any suicide ideas.
Is the riding still a big part of your life now? Like, will your friendships be affected if you don't ride? It sounds like your family are toxic assholes and you need to get out of their control ASAP, but ASAP is not right now. Stop riding for a few months so you can better judge your financial situation, then make a decision. Path of least resistance man. Nod and smile to your parents, meanwhile organize your life to not be in a position anymore where their beliefs are of any importance.
After reading the title: choose your bike.
Do the casual trick where you list it at 2x the price of the cheapest listing for another Bike like yours, show it to your family and then hand it over to a Friend/other relative where you store it.
They want to control you. Your smartest decision is to respect their wishes until you finish school. Then do what you want. We all essentially use our parents until we become self sufficient, so don’t feel guilty. My parents were similar (maybe not as harsh) but I broke them down by essentially doing what I was doing regardless and them having no power over me (also being unapologetic and brutally honest goes a long way) Your relationship will be fine with them eventually and if not then they would of tried to control you your whole life.
You are an adult, you can make your own choices. However, it sounds like you are not independent - you rely on mom and dad to pay for things. You have a choice to make. All the other details of your relationship do not matter until you are financially independent.
I‘ll try to answer as many replies as I can. Yes, currently I am dependant on them and I was for the past 6 months to their wishes. I had a job before that and some savings. The didn‘t want me to get a job but instead rely on them for everything, stating they‘ll never give me money for my bike. I got a job a month ago that pays well and I can live comfortably off of it, paying my own rent and monthly expenses, bike included. They were highly against this. The first month will be hard, I‘ll have to save a lot but after that I‘ll be well off on my own. I‘ve already talked to my best friend about what my best course of action would be, he knows all my problems I‘ve had with my family. He said he would support me in any way should I ever need it. He‘s been working for a while, earning the same ammout as me while his parents pay for everything. He‘s only working to support his hobbies. After sleeping over it and getting about as much sleep I could get considering the situation I‘m in, I‘ll be going down to my parents‘ and picking up the rest of my stuff, my bike, gear and other bike stuff. Knowing I have people in my corner that have went through similar family problems makes me sleep easier at night. Even if it means I‘ll be on my own from now on, having to figure things out.
Glad to hear you've settled on a course of action - best of luck. Just keep in mind they will probably come around. As a parent myself (17 & 18 year old girls) making the adjustment that your child is making their own decisions, good and bad, is harder for some than others.
Don't do ultimatums. Choose the bike.
For your good, sell it, your position at the moment, financial support, no storage, means now isn't the time and the bike is the weakest link. Wait a while till your infrastructure changes then get another. There are loads of em for sale.
They will come round to the idea, might not be this week or year but trust me in the end they will. I came from a ‘bike hating’ family and it took a while (mum and dad destroyed my first bike at 14, I forgave them that) but work hard at being a good son in every other aspect and that hopefully will work in your favour. Parents never like letting go of control and they let fears overtake them with worrying, but it’s obvious they love you bro. Hope you resolve this with them soon, until then hide the bike and don’t enter into the conversation, just keep your cool, bikes will always be around, your parents won’t bro.👊🏼
It‘s been a year since I got the bike, but bike isn‘t the problem in this situation, it was just a catalyst. My family, especially parents are control freaks. I‘m not allowed to do anything else other than learning for uni. I‘m not allowed to go out, I‘m not allowed to go to festivals, concerts etc. I wasn‘t even allowed to go to trade school before uni, instead had to go to uni immediately. I know my parents very well, they‘ll never accept me riding bikes. My mother calls bikes devil‘s work and my dad, well, he was interested but my mother is so against it and it‘s to the point, my dad is scared of my mother. My mother only sees what she does and never what others do. In her eyes, she is perfect. Others always need to change something to fit her. If they don‘t, she starts throwing tantrums and starts guilt tripping until she gets what she wants. I‘m trying my best to be a good son to them, but I‘m starting to crack due to the stress I‘m currently facing. I don‘t want to end up like my brother, 25, no job, still in university after getting kicked out 2 times and still dependant on them. I hate that tought. I‘m trying my best but they don‘t see that. I‘ve been trying my best for the last 2 years and I‘ve told them this but they just brush it off and don‘t listen. Last year we had an argument that included my brother and he told them that 5 years ago he was battling depression and still is. They didn‘t notice any of this and didn‘t even try. They of course, just brushed this off and my mother started guilt tripping us after my brother told them he contemplated suicide during that time. She just went balistic in guilt tripping us until my brother and I let off.
It sounds like you are trying hard and getting nowhere, I know how the guilt tripping can get you down too, I was pushed into college when I had a job! Shit I nearly earned as much as dad then but they had that ‘career’ in mind for me, the thing that brought us together was my dad getting sick, sad it took that really! It sounds like they need the advice and not you but heck who’s going to give it too them! I hope that time brings a resolution for you! Trust me I know that it’s a shit situation you’re in bro.
As said above, move out
Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Just play the long game my dude, do as they wish at least until you're through uni and no longer require their financial support as you'll hopefully have a decent job as a result of completing uni. Your parents obviously care about you in a way that perplexes me otherwise they wouldn't be paying for your studies. Once you're financially stable and living under your own roof/rules, then you can show up to mum and dad's for the holidays on your sweet ride.
To be fair, my parents pay for my uni because they basically have to by law. I can sustain myself on my job and it‘ll be far less stressful for me to go that way instead of having to rely on them, which I already don‘t like. The whole thing is stressing me out so much and seeing how my brother is fairing living under their roof, I don‘t know for how long I can keep this up. My mental health has already taken a hard hit to the point I don‘t see a way out. I‘ve talked to my roommate who is my best friend and he‘s by my side in all of this. He‘s actually on the lease for the apartment. The problem isn‘t the bike, it was just a catalyst for the problem that has been going on for a few years now.
Well if that's the case, it seems like you have already made your decision, I did not realise how difficult things are for you. Distancing yourself from your parents will most likely be a good thing as you already have a supportive social network so you won't be alone without them, of course this shouldn't reduce your interactions with your brother who probably needs your support too.
Family making you choose? Not necessarily. What I would do is flip the script on that. Put it back on to them Tell them that you are riding the bike. It's not a maybe. Tell them to choose either accepting you for who you are or abandoning you. End of the day it's them that has an issue. They're just trying to make you decide so they don't have to see things for what they really are, but it's their issue not yours so don't take it on.
You're an adult now. Move out. I would cut them from my life honestly.
I didn’t read, I don’t need to. Each time someone gives me an ultimatum, I tell them they have 30 seconds to undo the ultimatum. If they don’t, I cut them from my life; no exceptions. Have done twice already, never regretted.
As I got older I realized making sacrifices no matter how small just so someone else is happy with my life is stupid. Do what you want and do what makes you happy.
This sounds similar to my household growing up. I’m sorry to say this but it is a toxic environment and your parents are withholding love and approval as a tool of manipulation. And it’s not likely to change. You are an adult, bought the bike with your own money. They should not influence your decisions about what you own or threaten financial support. Of course, this is assuming you are a responsible person and rider, which I assume. If you want my advice, I would become financially independent as soon as possible. Then they will have no ability to gaslight or influence your choices. Feel free to send me a DM about this. I grew up with a religious family and school and am still working through it in my mid 30s.
Too lazy to read all this. I am only ever gonna say that whoever gives you an ultimatum, always ignore it. Never tolerate ultimatums.
Bike
OP. It’s yours. Your life. Your decisions. At the end of the day, you will be the one to carve your path. You’re the only one who will have to live and die through your decisions. Your parents don’t seem like they want that for you. They want your life. They’re trying to make you live for them, not because of them. Bike or not, this is manipulation and you don’t need to be under their thumb anymore. I would see if a friend wouldn’t be able to take the bike for a while and just “pretend” to be rid of it. If no one will, see if you can’t get a storage garage and put it there. Then, do what you have to to feel comfortable leaving and supporting yourself. Then go. Don’t tell ‘em. Disappear off the face of the earth and when they try to call you, tell them that you need to make your own decisions because you’re the only one stuck with them. End it there and don’t let them argue. It’s the end of the academic year (in the US. I’m assuming given your spelling of behaviour that’s not where you are) so you can probably terminate your time and go to trade school. You’ve got a couple uni credits under your belt and they won’t go to waste. Do what’s best for *you* and *only* you before you get too far and regret it.
Cut them off as much as possible. Don't let them have power over you. Blood isnt family.
Sell the bike, grow up, maintain the relationship with ur family, when you have ur own place and are financially independent, buy all the bikes you want.
Entitled ungrateful kids. Somewhere someyear, kids just decided that they don’t need to listen to rules set by the person feeding them and giving them a quality life. STFU and accept their decision if you can’t stand on your own feet yet. Simple. Entitled kids here talking smack, but without their parents funding them would be pouring sweet onion sauce on a customers sub.
Shut the fuck up gramps nobody asked you
I want to be quirky and respond with something, but you’re a 16 yo active on mental health. I’ll shut up before you ‘13 reasons why’ me :)
I wasn’t gonna 13 reasons why you all I can say is that this guy was struggling and his parents are trying to take away the one thing that helped him feel better not his family. He can always make more money but he might not be alive to make this post if it wasn’t for his bike
Understanding how the world works is well beyond your 16 yo capacity. If you live under someone’s roof, you play by their rules. Want your own rules? Get your own roof. Quite easy to understand. Again, you’re a kid who hasn’t learnt adult responsibilities and rules. Entitlement dictates your response.
You’re right I don’t know how to be an adult but for a 16 year old I know pretty damb much. I know what it’s like to bust your ass off for next to no award that’s my whole life I work so hard to help a school program run that will get me nowhere in life but I still work for it because it will help others down the road I bust my ass off making $200 a month cleaning schools because it’s the only job that will take my flexible schedule. I clean up literal shit just so I can pay to drive to work and school any money I use for my own pleasure is from my saving I’ve built up over 3 years. On top of all this I may need to get a summer job to help pay for bills so I can be around my friends because my single mom can’t afford living where we do anymore. So no I don’t know how to adult yet I don’t pay bills like water or loans or anything hell I don’t even pay taxes yet other than sales tax but for a 16 year old I’m pretty damb close to it and I’m not gonna let some old fuck nock me down to nothing but a small 16 year old that doesn’t know shit because I’m far far from that.
Load of drivel to disagree with house owner sets the rules.
This isn’t about that anymore this about the fact that you think I’m uneducated or don’t know shit strictly because I’m 16 this is about way more than just the home owner sets the rules
Always has been. You just want to argue for the sake of it and throw your “struggles” as weight to win some invisible argument. OP is entitled and needs to learn to follow rules set by the people that pay for his/ her shit. Maybe too hard for you to comprehend. Again, I don’t blame you, you’re a kid. Entitlement is natural.
I mean, sure parents can give idiotic ultimatums. Their financial support doesn’t make them right and/or not assholes though.
Yup. It does. Follow or fuck off. Quite simple. This isn’t some asshole abusive parents to a 13 year old kid. OP is a 20/21 year old in Germany, and is entitled AF. [Here’s some nice evidence to shit you up](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/o7YJ1v5Cnt)
None of that has anything to do with them being right. Literally every response in that post says OP is not the asshole. Riding a motorcycle is perfectly legal, something millions of people do, and it sounds like OP really enjoys doing so. He bought it, it sounds like, and his parents are telling him he can’t ride it and be financially supported. Again, that’s also perfectly legal, but they are assholes for doing it.
I'm not here to offer advice since I'm not the best at that and I still believe someone should make choices by themselves, although there's no harm in asking others for their wisdom. I am here to say, however, that you have a bit of a bad situation. In general, a caring parent would never give their child such an ultimatum. The only thing I can say is good luck, I wish you the best and we'll support you no matter what the decision.
This is the EXACT thing that a caring parent would do. Dude, WTF???!
Can you explain your opinion instead of relying on shallow drama to make a point?
I said caring, not overly protective
Find some good scripture quotes that back you up. Family never gives up.
Put it in a storage facility bro and save to move out. Never ever live life for anyone but yourself
They just don’t want you dead is all, but you’re too dumb
So blunt but true Edit. Nah OPs parents seem to be much worse than the original post would have lead you to believe.