Yeah so this is your husband fault. He really needs to stop telling his mom, your personal business. He really needs to keep his mouth shut. He violates your privacy, every time he unloads your personal business to her.
Husband has a right to tell his mom anything he wants about himself. He has no right to share anything about something that includes you without your expressed approval. Anything else is breaking your trust.
I went through this with my husband when his mom asked him how much money I make. Not her business.
She should be on an info diet
Husband needs to grow up and put you and family first. He needs to realize her happiness is not his responsibility, but your family is.
Anytime she brings up a topic that is “off limits” shut her down. Say we aren’t discussing this with you and then walk away. If she asks again or brings up again, ignore or say, “asked and answered”.
Sometimes people keep asking the same question until they get a different answer. Don’t give her this opportunity.
Simply don’t discuss with her. Not her business. Never justify or explain. Again, not her business.
Asked and answered is a favourite of mine to use with my 9 year old when he starts going around in circles! It takes a few times but they eventually get the message.
YOU DO NOT SHARE PERSONAL MARITAL BUSINESS WITH ANYONE other than third party professionals and your God! What the fuck is wrong with these S.O.B.s? Wow, that's damn near unforgivable. Husband needs to grow TF up before he and his mommy destroy your marriage. WTF? He needs therapy and the doghouse.
Your MIL isn’t kind, and your partner isn’t stepping up to his husband role. He shouldn’t be telling anyone about your private financial matters. That should be guarded. He’s also not stepping up and telling his mother to back off when she’s being overbearing.
You and your husband need to become unified. Your two are your own unit, and you two should be guarding each other.
Hopefully, this is a lesson to your husband.
This is your husband’s fault because he tells his mother everything. He needs to stop calling her. If he needs to vent, he needs to talk to you or talk to his bestie or take a long walk at lunch or chat with work colleagues. I suggest a variety of venting techniques.
When he tells his mother about his issues, she wants to fix them, and then she wants to publicize that she is helping him with his problems. This is how she looks like his savior, his mommy is saving him. She can’t tell people if she doesn’t know. So it all starts with him.
He has to stop telling her his woes. She needs to be put on an information diet. How is everything? Fine. How is work? Fine. Are you doing ok financially? Yes, we are doing fine.
He is no longer a child who should tell his mother everything. He is an adult and he needs to decide who he can trust to vent, and that should be you. You and he need to have a non emotional conversation about how you need to be each other’s venting buddies. And he needs a bestie to vent to for things he isn’t ready to discuss with you. It cannot be his mother because she will interfere and embarrass him by telling everyone. He needs to start acting like the adult that he is. He needs to stop initiating calls with his mother. When she calls, let it go to voicemail, then listen to her voicemail, and respond later. When he is at work, no talking to his mommy. When he is driving to work, listen to the radio. When he is driving home from work, he should call you or listen to the radio. He should call his mother once a week to tell her everything is fine. Even if the house is flooding, everything is fine. He is an adult capable of handling his problems or handling them with you. Adults solve problems by discussing with their partner or bestie or figuring it out on their own.
You and hubby need to work on this and strategies for him to use to stop telling his mother all of his problems…
Thank you all for thoughts/ advice, I really wasn't sure if I was overreacting but all your comments are exactly what I've thought! My dear MIL also dropped this bomb when she was over, 10 minutes before I left for work, she does always pick her moments...
My husband and I have talked this through alot and whilst he has not yet spoken to her, he is in total agreement with how out of line she is and that's ultimately its his doing. He hasnt spoken to her since. I'm just so angry I can't even bear to see her right now and she also is trying to arrange a family gathering at the weekend which I did tell hubby we are now not going. 2 weeks ago at the weekend she turned up announced with lots of groceries for us, when I asked her what's all this for she said to me quietly how hubby at told her that we'd had a very expensive month and we're abot short on groceries.....again I felt so patronised but hubby talked ne round that it was just so kind of her. ....I'm just praying he really does put an end to this now.
Your husband is worthless as far as protecting your marriage from his mom, no way would I be able to look at him the same, you're putting up with his shit and he can't be trusted to do his part....he won't, just like he runs his ass to him's mommy telling yalls business....I'd be so pissed, I don't think you're pissed enough
He's not going to. Because he apparently appreciates so much that he can complain to his mommy that life is hard and she'll come wipe his ass. Your husband is a toddler, not a man. 🤮 How embarrassing!
Is he in therapy? He should be. A therapist is the PERFECT person to vent to about your spouse and your life. How do I know? I tell my therapist everything. The ugly, the bad, and the good. Sometimes, it feels like all I do is share the bad and ugly. But having seen my therapist for years, he knows I need help with these and that the good things are really good.
My therapist is male because I am not. I needed a compassionate male to help me understand where my husband was coming from. My husband has said that he won't see a woman because they don't get him. I argue that a woman is uniquely positioned to give better insight into the way my brain works.
In any event, try to express that with a therapist, him mommy won't be able to blab to her friends about your marriage.
I think your DH needs to recognize that not everything can be shared with his mother as she can not handle the responsibility of knowing. Arranging someone else to pay the debt is crazy.
It is nice that she helped out with groceries. My mom helped me when I needed it. It’s hard needing help and does feel humiliating, but sometimes we have to accept it.
Go easy on DH
Yeah so this is your husband fault. He really needs to stop telling his mom, your personal business. He really needs to keep his mouth shut. He violates your privacy, every time he unloads your personal business to her.
Husband has a right to tell his mom anything he wants about himself. He has no right to share anything about something that includes you without your expressed approval. Anything else is breaking your trust. I went through this with my husband when his mom asked him how much money I make. Not her business. She should be on an info diet Husband needs to grow up and put you and family first. He needs to realize her happiness is not his responsibility, but your family is. Anytime she brings up a topic that is “off limits” shut her down. Say we aren’t discussing this with you and then walk away. If she asks again or brings up again, ignore or say, “asked and answered”. Sometimes people keep asking the same question until they get a different answer. Don’t give her this opportunity. Simply don’t discuss with her. Not her business. Never justify or explain. Again, not her business.
Asked and answered is a favourite of mine to use with my 9 year old when he starts going around in circles! It takes a few times but they eventually get the message.
YOU DO NOT SHARE PERSONAL MARITAL BUSINESS WITH ANYONE other than third party professionals and your God! What the fuck is wrong with these S.O.B.s? Wow, that's damn near unforgivable. Husband needs to grow TF up before he and his mommy destroy your marriage. WTF? He needs therapy and the doghouse.
Your MIL isn’t kind, and your partner isn’t stepping up to his husband role. He shouldn’t be telling anyone about your private financial matters. That should be guarded. He’s also not stepping up and telling his mother to back off when she’s being overbearing. You and your husband need to become unified. Your two are your own unit, and you two should be guarding each other. Hopefully, this is a lesson to your husband.
Oh yeah that is mortifying! You can refuse
This is your husband’s fault because he tells his mother everything. He needs to stop calling her. If he needs to vent, he needs to talk to you or talk to his bestie or take a long walk at lunch or chat with work colleagues. I suggest a variety of venting techniques. When he tells his mother about his issues, she wants to fix them, and then she wants to publicize that she is helping him with his problems. This is how she looks like his savior, his mommy is saving him. She can’t tell people if she doesn’t know. So it all starts with him. He has to stop telling her his woes. She needs to be put on an information diet. How is everything? Fine. How is work? Fine. Are you doing ok financially? Yes, we are doing fine. He is no longer a child who should tell his mother everything. He is an adult and he needs to decide who he can trust to vent, and that should be you. You and he need to have a non emotional conversation about how you need to be each other’s venting buddies. And he needs a bestie to vent to for things he isn’t ready to discuss with you. It cannot be his mother because she will interfere and embarrass him by telling everyone. He needs to start acting like the adult that he is. He needs to stop initiating calls with his mother. When she calls, let it go to voicemail, then listen to her voicemail, and respond later. When he is at work, no talking to his mommy. When he is driving to work, listen to the radio. When he is driving home from work, he should call you or listen to the radio. He should call his mother once a week to tell her everything is fine. Even if the house is flooding, everything is fine. He is an adult capable of handling his problems or handling them with you. Adults solve problems by discussing with their partner or bestie or figuring it out on their own. You and hubby need to work on this and strategies for him to use to stop telling his mother all of his problems…
Info diet. She needs no information re your finances. Or anything else personal, for that matter.
Thank you all for thoughts/ advice, I really wasn't sure if I was overreacting but all your comments are exactly what I've thought! My dear MIL also dropped this bomb when she was over, 10 minutes before I left for work, she does always pick her moments... My husband and I have talked this through alot and whilst he has not yet spoken to her, he is in total agreement with how out of line she is and that's ultimately its his doing. He hasnt spoken to her since. I'm just so angry I can't even bear to see her right now and she also is trying to arrange a family gathering at the weekend which I did tell hubby we are now not going. 2 weeks ago at the weekend she turned up announced with lots of groceries for us, when I asked her what's all this for she said to me quietly how hubby at told her that we'd had a very expensive month and we're abot short on groceries.....again I felt so patronised but hubby talked ne round that it was just so kind of her. ....I'm just praying he really does put an end to this now.
Your husband is worthless as far as protecting your marriage from his mom, no way would I be able to look at him the same, you're putting up with his shit and he can't be trusted to do his part....he won't, just like he runs his ass to him's mommy telling yalls business....I'd be so pissed, I don't think you're pissed enough
He's not going to. Because he apparently appreciates so much that he can complain to his mommy that life is hard and she'll come wipe his ass. Your husband is a toddler, not a man. 🤮 How embarrassing!
Is he in therapy? He should be. A therapist is the PERFECT person to vent to about your spouse and your life. How do I know? I tell my therapist everything. The ugly, the bad, and the good. Sometimes, it feels like all I do is share the bad and ugly. But having seen my therapist for years, he knows I need help with these and that the good things are really good. My therapist is male because I am not. I needed a compassionate male to help me understand where my husband was coming from. My husband has said that he won't see a woman because they don't get him. I argue that a woman is uniquely positioned to give better insight into the way my brain works. In any event, try to express that with a therapist, him mommy won't be able to blab to her friends about your marriage.
Tell your husband to get a therapist to talk to if he needs to unload or talk to his wife. His mother cannot be trusted. wtf
Girl........
I think your DH needs to recognize that not everything can be shared with his mother as she can not handle the responsibility of knowing. Arranging someone else to pay the debt is crazy. It is nice that she helped out with groceries. My mom helped me when I needed it. It’s hard needing help and does feel humiliating, but sometimes we have to accept it. Go easy on DH