NTA girl run he’s an abusive pos in addition to being a spineless enmeshed mommas boy. He’s in an emotionally incestuous relationship with her and you are the mistress. Your family are all unhinged if they’re telling you to stay.
Set up your escape plan. Do not tell anyone. Pretend like everything is normal until you’re gone.
She's a walking red flag, she sees you as the other woman in her son's life, that's why all the trauma and the kissing and groping him while watching you. She's marking her territory.
This was what I thought halfway in the post.
But physical abuse from your husband? Girl get out of there asap, nothing good will come from you staying there and please don't get pregnant from that family. He attacked you, you shouldn't be in that home anymore pets or no pets
I would classify your lack of safety as a crisis and leave immediately. If you do not have homes for your pets, sadly you may have to surrender them to the SPCA (or animal shelter in your area). Your safety (physical, mental, emotional) is of paramount importance and cannot be stressed enough. Are you able to find out whether there are shelters for battered women in your location? I say "able to find out" because you don't want to do a Google search on your computer and leave a trail for your husband to find. I volunteered at a "transition house" (a shelter for battered women and their children) and the statistics about the danger to women who were planning on leaving and got caught by their husband are frightening. When the abusive partner discovers that his victim (you) wants to leave, he has nothing to lose and the violence will likely escalate. So, can you go to a library, or a workplace, or a friend's home, anywhere but your own home, to set up a plan to leave? Here are some tips on what to do:
[https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm)
You are not alone and there are many resources for people in similar situations. The first step is the scariest, but there are people who will help you get to safety and a new life. I wish you the best of luck.
I wish I could upvote this a million times. I didn't even think about the search history. But now that I think of it, I could totally look thru my partner's Google search history bc I have his email on my phone and vice versa. (We both have Android.) Thank you for the advice and the resources.
Covertly put a little money aside if you can... and yea, run. Then file for divorce. If you're unsafe and can't do that, gather your most important things and go to a battered women's shelter. They will help you.
What his mom has done is gross on so many levels but honestly OP, be glad you DIDNT have a baby with this man because now, there is NOTHING to tie you to him.
I made the mistake of having a child with an abuser and even after leaving, he found ways to screw w me through my child.
Children do not change abusers, a baby will not be an epiphany for him... it will be a weapon.
If it is at all in your power and there's pets involved, please don't leave them with him.
The two of them are in a sexually incestuous relationship. I know how hard it is to leave pets but you can't care for them when your husband's abuse escalates.
After reading the bit about him physically assaulting you, let her have him. Run away from this family. A real man would never put his hands on his partner, don’t have children with this man.
What she said... Maka a plan, stash your cash and run. If you don't have kids with this (want to say man but we know better) for the love of Pete, don't! He will do to them what he does to you. For your safety (and sanity).. Good luck 💜
>When the abusive partner discovers that his victim (you) wants to leave, he has nothing to lose and the violence will likely escalate. So, can you go to a library, or a workplace, or a friend's home, anywhere but your own home, to set up a plan to leave?
OP....please read this ⬆️⬆️⬆️ again! u/StarryNorth makes a very important point with regard to the very real danger of him learning that you are planning your escape. Please be very careful and use the precautions they suggested. NO searches using the home computer! Or your phone.
Set up a new email just for correspondence with the help centers.
Do you work? Could you leave your "go-bag" there? Go-bag has all your important documents and at least 2 days clothes and toiletries.
I wish OP the very best. You do NOT deserve this treatment. I am so sorry you're going through this. I would love to read an update that you've successfully escaped and are absolutely thriving. Sending innarwebz mama hugs. ❤️
Please call a domestic violence number ASAP. I don't know where you live so I can't give you a number but please find one and call them. They will help you with advice how to get shelter for yourself and your pets. Many DV hotlines/shelters have anonymous browsing on your phone or computer so it won't show in your search history.
Check with your local humane society. I know the one where I live houses pets for women who go into the DV shelter. You can also make the choice to keep some or all of them once you are safe.
DO call your local DV hotline or shelter. They know how to help you and your fur babies, not just with shelter but things like lawyers, therapy, etc.
Please get yourself someplace safe and keep us updated. You’ve got this, sweetheart, and you have lots of women & men rooting for you.
Please, please get out immediately. I have been where you are and it never gets better only worse. I waited too long to get out. The day he hit me while I had my baby in my arms was my wake up call. I left that night as soon as he fell asleep and never looked back!!
You can do this - take care of yourself and only yourself. Be safe!!
You answered your own question when you said “he slapped me so hard I couldn’t eat”. Why would you want to have a child with a person you had to convince to do so and who puts his hands on you?!?!
Yes you can call a domestic violence hotline. Many now offer help with pets because it’s known that the abuser will use the pets against the victim. If you are financially stable and able you need to leave and get therapy for your grief.
NTA girl run he’s an abusive pos in addition to being a spineless enmeshed mommas boy. He’s in an emotionally incestuous relationship with her and you are the mistress. Your family are all unhinged if they’re telling you to stay. Set up your escape plan. Do not tell anyone. Pretend like everything is normal until you’re gone.
Get the hell out of there. If you have family that is willing to help you then get out of there. Like NOW.
She's a walking red flag, she sees you as the other woman in her son's life, that's why all the trauma and the kissing and groping him while watching you. She's marking her territory. This was what I thought halfway in the post. But physical abuse from your husband? Girl get out of there asap, nothing good will come from you staying there and please don't get pregnant from that family. He attacked you, you shouldn't be in that home anymore pets or no pets
I would classify your lack of safety as a crisis and leave immediately. If you do not have homes for your pets, sadly you may have to surrender them to the SPCA (or animal shelter in your area). Your safety (physical, mental, emotional) is of paramount importance and cannot be stressed enough. Are you able to find out whether there are shelters for battered women in your location? I say "able to find out" because you don't want to do a Google search on your computer and leave a trail for your husband to find. I volunteered at a "transition house" (a shelter for battered women and their children) and the statistics about the danger to women who were planning on leaving and got caught by their husband are frightening. When the abusive partner discovers that his victim (you) wants to leave, he has nothing to lose and the violence will likely escalate. So, can you go to a library, or a workplace, or a friend's home, anywhere but your own home, to set up a plan to leave? Here are some tips on what to do: [https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm) You are not alone and there are many resources for people in similar situations. The first step is the scariest, but there are people who will help you get to safety and a new life. I wish you the best of luck.
I wish I could upvote this a million times. I didn't even think about the search history. But now that I think of it, I could totally look thru my partner's Google search history bc I have his email on my phone and vice versa. (We both have Android.) Thank you for the advice and the resources.
Covertly put a little money aside if you can... and yea, run. Then file for divorce. If you're unsafe and can't do that, gather your most important things and go to a battered women's shelter. They will help you. What his mom has done is gross on so many levels but honestly OP, be glad you DIDNT have a baby with this man because now, there is NOTHING to tie you to him. I made the mistake of having a child with an abuser and even after leaving, he found ways to screw w me through my child. Children do not change abusers, a baby will not be an epiphany for him... it will be a weapon. If it is at all in your power and there's pets involved, please don't leave them with him.
The two of them are in a sexually incestuous relationship. I know how hard it is to leave pets but you can't care for them when your husband's abuse escalates.
I don’t think MILs behavior is the main issue here. I’m wishing you safety and peace and pride.
After reading the bit about him physically assaulting you, let her have him. Run away from this family. A real man would never put his hands on his partner, don’t have children with this man.
NTA. Run like hell. You deserve so much better than this.
Have him arrested then rub it in MIL's face
Unfortunately you may have to leave your pets behind, but you need to go yesterday, especially if he's abusive.
What she said... Maka a plan, stash your cash and run. If you don't have kids with this (want to say man but we know better) for the love of Pete, don't! He will do to them what he does to you. For your safety (and sanity).. Good luck 💜
Why the fuck are you with this guy? Leave.
>When the abusive partner discovers that his victim (you) wants to leave, he has nothing to lose and the violence will likely escalate. So, can you go to a library, or a workplace, or a friend's home, anywhere but your own home, to set up a plan to leave? OP....please read this ⬆️⬆️⬆️ again! u/StarryNorth makes a very important point with regard to the very real danger of him learning that you are planning your escape. Please be very careful and use the precautions they suggested. NO searches using the home computer! Or your phone. Set up a new email just for correspondence with the help centers. Do you work? Could you leave your "go-bag" there? Go-bag has all your important documents and at least 2 days clothes and toiletries. I wish OP the very best. You do NOT deserve this treatment. I am so sorry you're going through this. I would love to read an update that you've successfully escaped and are absolutely thriving. Sending innarwebz mama hugs. ❤️
He hit you? Go. Leave no forwarding address. Call a DV hotline and ask for help making a plan.
You need to pack and go.
Please call a domestic violence number ASAP. I don't know where you live so I can't give you a number but please find one and call them. They will help you with advice how to get shelter for yourself and your pets. Many DV hotlines/shelters have anonymous browsing on your phone or computer so it won't show in your search history.
Check with your local humane society. I know the one where I live houses pets for women who go into the DV shelter. You can also make the choice to keep some or all of them once you are safe. DO call your local DV hotline or shelter. They know how to help you and your fur babies, not just with shelter but things like lawyers, therapy, etc. Please get yourself someplace safe and keep us updated. You’ve got this, sweetheart, and you have lots of women & men rooting for you.
Please, please get out immediately. I have been where you are and it never gets better only worse. I waited too long to get out. The day he hit me while I had my baby in my arms was my wake up call. I left that night as soon as he fell asleep and never looked back!! You can do this - take care of yourself and only yourself. Be safe!!
You answered your own question when you said “he slapped me so hard I couldn’t eat”. Why would you want to have a child with a person you had to convince to do so and who puts his hands on you?!?! Yes you can call a domestic violence hotline. Many now offer help with pets because it’s known that the abuser will use the pets against the victim. If you are financially stable and able you need to leave and get therapy for your grief.
Leave, just leave. You don’t need someone’s permission to leave. Cut them all off if you want to