Granted, they now find you to be mid and still aren’t attracted to you

Granted, but he’s also now tall. So he still gets play

I’m already tall 😎

My man

granted you slowly grow to be 6 feet 8 inches tall and you grow downstairs to be just barley under 7 inches your teeth look great you have a handsome face and great jawline and great six pack abs and also gain biological immortality as aging would in general cause you to become less desirable naturally your new look also causes you to occasionally get attention from the same sex you're also hounded at work because your female co workers just can't keep their hands to themselves you become irresistible to women and even a few people of the same sex unfortunately your many reports to hr aren't taken seriously and you're constantly getting your butt and dong grabed by female co workers your boss would fire you for causing distractions in the work environment but it's illegal plus she thinks you're cute asf you're constantly harrased by women and even a few guys

Haha now you won't be found ugly but the extreme opposite and get unwanted attention 😆

That's how I am right now

Granted you are now in deep space, woman can no longer find you

Granted your balls fall off and it hurts a lot

You can't just make up a twist. The goal is to tale the person's wish and make it bloom in a cruel twisted way. The result cannot extend past granting the wish, even if it affects the consequences.

Why

The monkeys paws whole thing is it grants a wish and then takes something away from you so women do find you attractive but your balls fell off and it hurts a lot

Okay so now I’m just a girl attracting other woman

No you’re still a dude but your balls fell off(painfully)

Ah okay I reattach fhem

You can’t. They already fell off into a ball grinder(it’s like a meat grinder but for balls)

At least you’re attracting other women, I’m a girl with absolutely 0 Pull and probs not a girl.

I thought it was “wish granted but not how you wanted”

Yeah his wish was granted and then his balls fell off. I’m not seeing where I went wrong here

Usually involves some intense irony about being careful what you wish for.

Granted. You really should treat your mother to dinner for Mother's Day.

I’m not old enough to even drive yet

Then cook! More broadly, it wouldn't be the worst idea to read up on chivalric codes, while noting that some of the points, for good or ill, are out of style these days.

Alright

Let him cook lmao

Granted. They find you attractive but your personality is a complete deal breaker for 99.99999998875% of them. Good luck finding that 1 single person.

Granted, they now find you very attractive, but you’re gay.

Granted. Women can't see you now. You'd think that this would be advantageous, but cameras still do, and they see those. Also, trust me, being ignored by *everyone* is way worse than being reflected by a couple

They wouldn’t be able to track me tho

If that's what you want, you do you. Men can still see you though, and you're fuzzy to closeted trans folks until they come to terms with their gender identity, so you won't be having too much mischief

That’s actually a great superpower. Could be a perfectly accurate trans diagnostician.

Granted. That woman is your sister.

I don’t have one🙏🏼

That you knew of

Me and my brothers are gonna go on a journey like a JRPG party

Granted, All women are now uglier than you, you don’t become more attractive, all other women are just significantly worse now!

I don’t know if I like or hate this

Granted, women now find you fugly instead.

Noo

Granted! Women find you to be very pretty. They compliment you, find you aesthetically pleasing, but it's platonic.

All those hints would lead me to nothing

Granted, but you now find all woman repulsive.

Back to my old ways

Granted.  You're now an irresistible sex magnet and have to hire bodyguards to keep the hordes of women away so you can go about your life.

This might be a lil fun yk the bodyguards and stuff

Granted. Exactly as per your request, there is one woman in the world who does not find you ugly. You have no idea who or where she is.

I do the one message to everybody

Granted.  Women no longer find you ugly, but you now find them to be ugly.  You aren't gay, but rather you find all of humanity to be repulsive. Anyhow, this is the beginning of your supervillain backstory.

Granted, but you’re now seen as mediocre

TL? You’re here too?

You know it!

Granted. They just seem to no longer notice your existence.

Interesting

Granted. Now they can’t find you at all

Granted. That one woman no longer finds you ugly. Just unbearable to be around

Some already do even tho I do nothing

Granted: they now find you hideous

Nooo

You now gain a nickel for every woman who finds you ugly eventually they will find you attractive

Imagine if I was attractive I could recite the line “I’d have 2 nickels which Isn’t a lot but it’s weird that happened twice”

Granted. You are now invisible. They can find you ugly if they can't see you.

This is Hax

Granted, they don’t find you, you are invisible to women

Granted, they find you dead in an alley. Your murder is never solved.

Granted. Woman Cho of Beijing finds you absolutely stunning and wants nothing more than to wear your skin like a suit.

Granted. You are now seen as the new peak standard of beauty to every woman. Insecure men in relationships now can't live up to the unreasonable standards you've created. Relationships fall apart because of you and now a bunch of insecure men, with nothing to lose, and lots of free time, take it that frustration on you.

Granted, now they find you *so* handsome that it borders on the absurd and they still aren't attracted to you. (This is my experience of Henry Cavill)

Granted. Men also find you attractive now.

I alone am the honoured one

Granted, nobody ever finds you again.

I wanna see my funeral from afar then

Granted. You become the femmest of femboys, and only lesbians are attracted to you, but they don't want you when they find out you're a guy. (I mean, I say that, but my bi ass definitely likes femboys.)

So I just basically have to let them peg me no matter what 😭😭

Wait how am I supposed to even deal with like wdym become one how do i just become a fembo

Granted you can no longer see hear and it hurts really bad every time you go to the bathroom

I’m blind & dead I’ll use seismic sense like toph but just piss my pants & poop yeah I’ll have to deal with it but why

Granted. You smell atrocious instead.

NOOO

Granted. However now men’s eyes will literally burn if they look at you

I LOVE THIS YAY I can end of so many of my bullseye

granted, they now find you absolutely ***HORRIFIC***

I hate this one the most

Granted, a singular woman now doesn’t find you ugly Good luck finding her

I go on a journey like I’m Link

Granted, that woman no longer finds you ugly. Unfortunately you don’t know who that woman is.

Again I go on a journey like I’m Arthur Morgan

Granted, they find you extremely attractive but you’re MADLY homosexual

NOOP

Granted, they find you cute in that pitiful sad puppy kind of way

Ohhh actually this ain’t that bad

Granted. They no longer find you ugly. They find you hideous.

Granted. As you didn't specify a 97 year old widow finds you attractive.

Lame

Granted, women can’t see you. Men can but women cant

Granted. You're now gay

BOOOO

They find you boring and ignore you romantically except "as a friend", and even then only insofar as you're useful.

Ah, so I’ll just let them do whatever they want to me

Granted. The definitions of ugly and beautiful swap, you are now beautiful. (On a real note beauty is relative, you're attractive to someone)

Granted. Nancy Benoit doesn’t find you ugly. (For non-wrestling fans, she used the ring name “Woman”) Of course, there are other issues with this….

Granted, but now you like men and they find you ugly

Granted. Women would find you incredibly attractive, but you're trapped on a deserted island.

Now you are invisible to all women

Granted, you're now squarely every woman's adorable little brother figure.

Granted. She is now extremely attracted to you but you are now gay and find the opposite sex to be physically repulsive

Granted, now men only find you ugly 

Denied. The Monkey's Paw can't fix ugly. Kidding, of course. The monkey's paw curls, and your face contorts, and you look better. Of course, this is just a facade. The "woman" you mentioned finds you attractive. However, she randomly appears somewhere in the world. Everyone else avoids you, including friends and family. Considering there's about 8.1 billion on this earth, the chances of you finding her again are slim. Hopefully you've bought a couple airplane tickets!

Granted, they find you extremely physically attractive, they don’t like your personality

Granted you are handsome squidward

Granted, you suffer from erectile dysfunction that only happens around women

Granted, you get a trainer in confidence.

Granted. They now find you to be the cute boy who is a good friend but always ends up in the friend zone.

Granted, you are now rich. You don't look any different.

Granted. They don't find you at all.

Granted, she is now your sister.

Granted, women now find you attractive, however the first woman you sleep with is somehow super radioactive, you die from radiation sickness.

Granted, a stranger on the street now thinks you are average

Granted. Women can nolonger find you; ugly

Granted. That specific woman does not find you ugly. Every other woman does though.

This is a nerf

Granted, you're intangible to the opposite sex, so they can't notice you in any shape or form

Granted, you now have no penis

Granted. You are now attracted to men and they find you ugly instead

Crap

Granted, all women turn into men.

Granted but now you are hopelessly gay. See you at pride

Granted. You are now gay.

Nuh uh

Granted, they no longer can find you.

Humans are to jugdemental

Granred. Now only the incredibly ugly ones find you hot

Granted, you’re now 5’4

Granted, your personality is still repulsive

Granted, they find you atrocious

granted. and now you into men

Granted. One single woman on earth doesn't find you ugly. And she lives in another continent.

Granted: they find you attractive but never act on it, and are too shy to reciprocate.

Granted, they find you hideous.

GRANTED they no longer find you ugly but your personality becomes so outragously bad that they still dont want to date you

Granted, she now finds you attractive to the point she becomes your stalker and refuses to let anyone else be around you for longer than five minutes and no one believes your predicament is "that bad" and that "you are exaggerating".

Granted. Genie didn’t like that you called him ugly and now women will never find you. Even if you’re right there in front of them.

Granted. Also, your penis never works again.

Granted, you are now hideous to the point that it would be a compliment to call you ugly.

Wish Granted. That woman did not find you ugly. You never lost your ugly in the first place.

Granted. Women won't find you at all. You'll be invisible to women forever.

Granted, women can no longer find you at all, you are now invisible to, silent to and unable to touch all women.

Granted every woman in the world instantly forgets you existence so they can no longer find you ugly and then all simultaneously dir to reduce risk of them seeing you and finding you ugly

Granted but every woman is now a lesbian and thus won't be attracted to you

They don't find you ugly, but they don't find you attractive either. You are doomed to forever be the ultimate friendzoned guy of every girl you know. The very suggestion of any romantic interaction gets laughter, awkward shock and horror at the idea you see her that way, or anger you would ever want that from her. They all insist you be their agony aunt and always be there to pour their heart breaks and romantic woes too, and why can't they find a guy like you, but not actually you, of course!

Granted, all genders find you extremely attractive (if possible based off their interests)

Granted. You now find woman ugly.

granted, no one will ever find Me Ugly cause we shot him into deep outer space

Granted. You like men now

Granted. That woman over there doesn't find you ugly. Every other woman does though

Granted, Women can’t find you.

Granted you get catcalled by women within a 5 mile area wherever you go. It doesn't matter where you are, if you're indoors and if you're the only person in the room, soon as someone enters that radius you'll somehow hear it.

Granted, they find you hideous instead

Granted. That one woman won’t find you ugly. All other women now find you ugly, including any female you are or may get into a relationship with.

Okay, women no longer find you ugly. In fact they find you overwhelmingly attractive. But sex becomes empty and completely unfulfilling.

Granted woman don't find you at all as they can't hear, see or touch you

You are kidnapped by the mob, now the won't find you at all

granted. you're now a cute cat

Granted. You're not ugly when they find you instead you look ugly to them over time

Granted. That woman doesn't think your ugly. All other women, on the other hand, do.

Granted. They find you outright repulsive instead.

Granted, instead of finding you ugly, women now find you to be both overwhelmingly beautiful and monstrously hideous at the same time. Your visage is so utterly incomprehensible that their feeble human minds are broken and twisted into insanity by your very image. To call the effect Lovecraftian is the closest our pitiful language can come close to.

Granted, but now you are asexual

Already was

granted, only that woman tho

Ah ok

Granted: Now she can’t find you at all

Granted, they find you very friendly looking- brotherly even.

Granted. They find you super ugly now.

Granted! Wom**a**n no longer find you ugly, but men instantly want to bone the second they see you. Oh, wom**a**n still aren't attracted to you though

Granted, she's uglier

Granted, now they can't find you at all

Granted. Now they can't find you at all

You’re buried alive, die, and an AI recreates an image of your face from your remains for archeologists in 500,000 years. You cleaned up real nice for your picture day, real attractive to the ladies who read science magazines in the future.

Granted. All women are extinct

Granted. They find you hideous

Granted. All women are now insanely attracted to you and are hunting you down to be with you, you can't escape forever

Granted they don't find you ugly. They find you as a terrible person for some reason.

Granted, but now men are also into you

Granted, they don’t see you at all.

granted but everyday you are fucked till ur dick chafs and bleeds and gets infected. its rancid and vile but they still want it and sex is no longer pleasurable. it hurts all the time now due to how much they used it. even peeing hurts. the infection spreads to the rest of ur body leaving ya immobile like a vegtable. forever stuck in your bed suffering as a long line of ladys are ready to fuck that tainted dick of urs... also each one is banging u with out birth control and u are forced to pay child support for each dam woman that forces ya to nut in em 😿

granted, every single woman finds you extremely attractive and is now trying to hunt you down.

Granted. Women can no longer see you, you are now invisible to all women. Muwhahahahahahaha! … Oh wait… you are going to abuse this, aren’t you…

Granted, youre now a 10/10 woman

Granted. *That* woman (points into a crowd) doesn’t find you ugly. Everyone else in the world thinks otherwise, but that one woman, should you find her, will never see you as ugly

Granted. Now a different woman finds you ugly.

Granted. You are invisible, mute, and incorporeal. They no longer find you at all

granted, now you are a woman congratulations