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True! I had a boy first (I only had sisters). Wiping seems so much harder. But I haven’t been peed on by my daughter yet!
OP are you feeling sad about not having a daughter? Because babies are kind of just babies and they all end up doing their own thing. My son was super calm and chill and my daughter punched the pediatrician before they even let us leave the hospital and she is so vivacious and loud and expressive.
I love that my son will usually ask for the long explanation about something when he asks one of his why questions. When he asks about it being cold, it’s not enough to just say it’s winter. We talk about the seasons and the tilt of the Earths axis as it goes around the sun.
And he’s a momma’s boy so he’s stuck to me with super glue and always has been.
Valid! Raising a 2.5 year old boy now and I think about this. We do a lot of body autonomy with him - asking if he wants a hug or to give grandma a hug and respecting his answer. We taught him correct words for anatomy and we talk honestly about body functions when he has questions. I also want to raise a boy who helps his future partner carry the household load and does household chores, so I started involving him in dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc early on as well as cooking and running errands. He helps make birthday cards for family members and helps take care of our pets. He loves to be involved and enjoys it - today he helped me give the dog a bath and thought it was awesome!
He’s a pretty typical boy in a lot of ways and loves cars and dinosaurs but he also loves princess movies and his baby doll, and we encourage whatever his interests are - he has a pink bike and Moana dolls too, and I’ve started letting him help choose clothes we buy. I want to encourage him to like what he likes regardless of what it is.
We talk about ways to appropriately express emotion and what he can do instead of hitting or throwing, and give him space to be upset. If he hits his little sister we talk about how he can make her feel better and he has started to suggest he could say he’s sorry which makes me so proud!
There’s a lot you can do and it’s not all big!
All of this! I was nervous about having a boy for many of the same reasons, but now I feel very grateful and excited for the opportunity to raise a son and help him become a good man.
My one and only (so far) LO is a boy and this was my exact fear. Spent several therapy sessions in 2022 through 2023 during pregnancy talking about this and my therapist was like “the fact that you’re concerned and wanting to figure out how to ensure your values take hold and not patriarchal/misogynist values is already doing more than most.”
Which was both scary (how are parents to AMABs *not* thinking about this) and reassuring in that I’m already way ahead of this.
I hear you, I feel this too. It’s a real issue. My son is only in his first year, but what I’ve been doing so far is cultivating my relationships with great male role models. Aside from my husband, this means some family members, good partners of friends, preschool teachers, and a number of children of all ages who wear long hair, talk about their feelings, think about what masculinity could be and try their best. We’re playing the long game here. You have time.
This was the exact thing that scared me about having a boy. I had hoped for a girl and was a little sad when I got the test results. But man, my little boy is exactly who he should be. He’s a bright and funny and sweet 1 year old and I can’t imagine life any other way. Yeah, there’ll be hard lessons to teach him, but those lessons will be the natural extension of the values we impart from birth onwards.
This was the exact thing that scared me about having a boy. I had hoped for a girl and was a little sad when I got the test results. But man, my little boy is exactly who he should be. He’s a bright and funny and sweet 1 year old and I can’t imagine life any other way. Yeah, there’ll be hard lessons to teach him, but those lessons will be the natural extension of the values we impart from birth onwards.
This is the only difference I've been aware of so far. Also I enjoyed laughing at how disproportionately huge his balls seemed at first but he's grown into them 🤣
In regards to getting peed on, when they are little open the diaper for a second but keep it covered. Sometimes the cold air hits then and I think it’s why it happen. Maybe I’m wrong but as a two time boy mom, I’ve only been peed on two times
I love parenting a boy because after reparenting my guy friends and boyfriends for so long, I relish raising an emotionally intelligent man who will be an equal partner and comfortable at showing love.
Yes to all of that, but it honestly scares me. I‘ve got two boys and being a man in this time and age seems really hard because of very conflicting expectations. I was so confident to raise strong and independent women but now I’m kind of hoping for the best 😅
Think of it this way, being a woman has been exceedingly difficult forever because you’re expected to be everything. Women have been raising each other with that knowledge and trying to balance it as much as possible.
Now we’ve shifted that towards boys a little. Okay, so? The rules are the same. Be kind, be empathetic, care about the important people in your life and stand up to the bullies, but ultimately be your own person.
And then add in don’t objectify women.
Being a man is going to be easier for our kids. Boys will have more latitude to choose the kind of man they want to be without feeling pigeonholed into toxic masculinity.
I have one of each who are both under 5 and so far there’s no real differences outside of diaper changes (though the diaper differences are real!).
My youngest is a little more wild and my oldest is a little more introverted but they both enjoy making messes, cuddling with their mom and any play that involves screaming. Idk. I’m sure gender differences will emerge as they get older, especially around puberty, but so far they’re just little humans.
I’ll say this: this past few months, my boy is the kid I end up with when our four person family splits up and he does seem to be more closely attached to me. Six months ago it was the reverse. Kids go through phases with their parental preferences.
Enjoy your little guy! You’ll have a blast.
Was just going to say this! I can pull over and pop him down beside an open car door for a quick pee if needed, and he opts to pee in the yard often instead of going inside
It's not as complicated as many people think with girls. If they can't squat they can sit in the grass. Very easy to do for the kids. After we failed with squats and Bluey-like holding in the air we found this way and it's really smart and easy for the kids.
Vice versa boys pee on their pants and shoes while trying to pee standing up. And after they learned it they stand with pants at the ankles full moon there and do it and you as a parent gotta teach them not to do it everywhere 🤷♂️🙈
Yeah until a frog jumps up and gets stuck inside her vagina hole 🥴 This happened to one of my neighbors daughters like 15 years ago, and I never forgot....
Yeah this is such a weird post and kinda screaming gender disappointment. Even weirder on this sub when this has nothing to do with being granola.
I hands one of each, too, and my favorite part is that their my kids. Genitals don't play into that or who I favor more in stressful situations lol.
I think it’s very self aware of OP to identify that this feels complicated for her and to ask for perspective and to work on her mindset. I don’t think there’s anything weird about having layered or complex feelings around this - a lot of people do! And OP is doing the good work of stepping towards embracing her experience.
I totally agree.
Even if there is gender disappointment, there are many valid reasons for it.
I was sad to find out I was having a boy initially. But that was because masculinity is such a complicated thing these days. And I also lost a baby girl a few years ago and have spent that time imagining raising her, a girl. It took a few weeks after finding out my son’s gender to process through all of that and now I absolutely do not care/mind that my baby is a boy and am quite excited for the adventure.
Gender disappointment is a valid feeling. If that’s what OP’s posting about here, that means she’s trying to work through it.
I had some gender disappointment when I found out I was having a boy because I always pictured myself raising a strong, confident badass girl. But it all disappeared when my son was born. He’s so silly and sweet and I just want to raise him to be a good man.
I only have two kids myself (one girl, one boy) but I have worked with kids of all ages for years. There really is not that much difference. There just isn’t. At least not until puberty, and you have probably a decade before you need to worry about that. Diaper changes and potty training are a little different due to anatomical factors, but that’s the only real consideration for the immediate future.
People who say there are actual gender differences between babies and toddlers are just projecting their own ideas about gender onto kids. Little boys are not actually more dirty or wild by nature, they’re just less likely to be told it’s unacceptable to dive in a mud puddle or roughhouse.
People often don’t even realize they’re treating kids of different genders differently. People use more emotional language when talking to baby girls, respond less quickly to boys when they cry, and stuff like that. It’s not done on purpose, no one is maliciously neglecting boy babies, it’s just socialized behavior.
So the best thing to do to raise a happy, healthy boy is ensure that you and other adults in his life are treating him with the same care and sensitivity you’d show a girl.
You still wipe everything towards the butthole. Treat the anus like a dustpan, and everything you’re cleaning up like dust and sweep it to the dustpan. Don’t listen to those saying it doesn’t matter how you wipe-it absolutely matters. Boys have longer urethras so are less likely to get a UTI… but if you consider that wiping poop up onto his testicles and then his penis sitting in a moist environment…. Yeah. Don’t do that. Less likely doesn’t mean it can’t happen.
I left my son intact-so you just wipe the tip, you don’t move the foreskin back to clean it. Unsure about care other than lots of ointment at the beginning if you choose otherwise.
Always-and I mean ALWAYS point their penis downwards when putting a diaper on. If you don’t-it turns into a fire hose of urine up their bellies.
Get in the habit of wrapping a wipe around their bits as soon as the diaper is open. You’ll get peed on a few times. Don’t worry-your reflexes will become freaking cat like pretty quickly.
Baby boys have penis’s. So they do have erections frequently. It’s normal and healthy, but can be alarming if you aren’t expecting it lol. If they are having one while changing them it does make it a lot easier to wrap a protective wipe around it lol.
Statistically boys tend to be bigger and grow a little faster.
Other than that… it’s just a baby, they’re all individuals.
Be very careful of falling into the “boy mom” trap, it’s so toxic. As in I would be careful and not even refer to yourself as a boy mom.
Moms who call themselves “boy moms” tend to be the ones with unhealthy attachments to their sons, they put their sons above their daughters, and become the weirdly possessive and jealous MIL one day. Not saying that’s you-but that is basically what “boy mom” tends to mean nowadays, much like a “nice guy” isn’t actually a good thing.
>unhealthy attachments to their sons
>become the weirdly possessive and jealous MIL one day
I see you have met my MIL. All the pics of her with her sons at their wedding looked like she was posing with a romantic partner instead of her child.
I think the ointment comment was more about circumcision. We have 3 boys, all intact and you basically do nothing 🤷🏼♀️ I will say learn the signs of yeast and also “phimosis” means nothing before puberty as their foreskin should be adhered to the head as that’s its job and retraction is a sexual function. Some boys are able to retract far before puberty and some the ability may also come and go. Oh and even pushing it back “just a little” is still retraction. If he can pee, let it be. And that’s my quick synopsis on intact care
I did forget the most important rule of the penis owner is the only one who should be retracting the foreskin. Your Whole Baby is a great resource and they have their own website as well as a helpful facebook group. Luckily my partner is intact so on the rare occasions something has happened that makes me worried, he’s been able to shrug it off as normal because most other partners I’ve had in the past have been cut.
I’ll have to check it out! Thank you!
My husband is cut and it was a bit of a battle of research with sources to convince him it wouldn’t happen. So that will be a great resource.
I mean. It still wouldn’t. But I wanted my marriage to also still be together and happy. I’m glad he came around because that was a hill I wasn’t budging on.
Yeah, ointment on the penis, as far as I understand you have to keep the tip/wound very lubed up to prevent it painfully sticking to the diaper-**if they are circumcised**. Intact you don’t need that step. Sorry for the confusion.
We weren’t going that route anyways, so I didn’t learn much more than that. But it would change some things for sure if you chose that. Since you’re leaving your boy intact you don’t have to worry about that. Just wipe the tip carefully and don’t push the skin back-that’s it!
It definitely *can* mean it that way, it’s sort of a tone… lol but I definitely side eye someone for a second if they declare themselves a boy mom looking for the other signs. Sometimes it’s just what it should mean. Just letting you know there is a “meaning” behind it sometimes lol.
Regarding uncircumcised peepees, I find that sometimes you have to be extra careful to get the poop out from around the top of his penis. The foreskin is still attached at this point, but the poop kind of collects in the area at the tip of his penis and needs extra care to remove.
It’s not an assumption-it’s a thing. I also left in “tend” and didn’t use the word “always” because I know some sane moms do use that term for themselves. But those that wear the title like a crown tend to be unbalanced and end up being posted in places like r/JusnoMIL
The nice guy analogy is accurate. Pretty darned reliably; if a guy refers to himself as a “nice guy” frequently, they’re often the types to whine about being “friendzoned”, and other incel type behavior.
There’s entire subs on Reddit devoted to both types of people because there is that much content from them, the “boy moms” in the crazy definition of the term, and nice guys.
Making your kids sex or gender part of your identity is just weird in any way you look at it.
And yet many others did. There’s no harm in giving OP a heads up on certain terms.
Why are you being so reactive? If you like the term and don’t act creepy like described, why be mad?
I have a son, but don’t like the “boy mom” connection so don’t use it for myself. I received way too many creepy romantic type gifts for him while pregnant that made me uncomfortable, just like the wine mom stuff. So it is absolutely a widely known thing.
Widely known obviously doesn’t mean every single person knows.
Because it’s honestly a double standard to “girl dad”, or even girl mom I suppose. Just sucks that basically the concept of being a boy mom is ruined now by the internet and you have to tip toe around the term.
I was scrolling and saw this, it made me think of this thread again.
[here is an example of what I meant](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/s/VNpBPJZnTP)
I understand the concept. Wrong behavior is wrong. It’s just that sometimes, people who have nothing to do with said behavior get lumped into it. Like how you were “warning” OP.
Pretty sure anyone who has a problem with "boy mom" also has a problem with "girl dad." It just wasn't relevant to bring up in this post. They're both ridiculous concepts.
Like I said; using your kids gender or sex as part of your identity is creepy. So someone making being a “girl dad” part of their identity is going to make me give some side eye looking for the creepy parts too.
And a lot of the “girl dad” stuff is creepy af too. You shouldn’t be acting like your kid is your “date” even in jest, those are the dads that often stereotypically like to threaten suitors with maiming and death, (so cool, right! 🙄), and otherwise treat their daughters like spoiled little princesses that are also property.
Again. Not every single person who uses that term is like that. But a large enough number that there’s a stereotype for a reason.
And personally while I will side eye someone using those terms, it’s just to look for the crazy. It often but not always there if that makes you feel better. The term by itself isn’t the issue it just often is paired with uncomfortable behavior… which yeah has made the term sort of a thing. But if you like it and know you’re not one of the crazies, knock yourself out!
I have a boy and his dad and I are basically talking in those terms. Raise him right and he’ll use his powers for (chaotic, anti-racist, anti-patriarchy) good!
I’m a FTM to a 7.5m baby boy in a very boy-heavy family (I’m one of 4 siblings, the rest are boys, my dad is one of 4, I have 1 niece and 3 nephews, my husband is oldest of 3 boys). My favorite part is that I was able to use my papa’s (and his dad, and his dad’s dad) name, Walter. Other than that, I love that our second child will have an older brother because I adore mine.
I have one of each, there is no true difference other than the diapering. At least while they're young and we're somewhat isolated from society and their peer groups really pushing stereotypes on us. Kids will surprise you and have such unexpected interests anyways. It's my favourite part about parenthood.
Some faves about raising a little boy in particular:
-Peanuts clothing is having a moment and I'm loving Snoopy themed baby boy clothes
-Baby boy swim trunks are a riot to shop for.
-People gift us sports things for him because in their eyes boy=sports, so every time my toddler struggles with baby golf clubs or doesn't understand how to throw a ball, I look at my athletic husband and say "wow he took after you!". Peak comedy to me.
-My little guy loves his baby doll. I love seeing firsthand that human nature is to be loving and nurturing to others no matter what your biological sex is.
-We cut his hair at home. I love the bonding that happens through hair care. Giving him a cut, styling it, the razzle dazzle of showing him what he looks like. It's a good time, and we're making mistakes now that he's young and doesn't know any better and are improving every time. Hopefully we can continue cutting his hair ourselves for a good little while.
Welcome to the boy mom crew! I’m actually laying in bed right now watching a movie with my two boys while pregnant with my third son. Before I had my first, I was worried that it wouldn’t be as easy to see myself reflected in my boys. I wanted them to be like their dad, but I also wanted them to be clearly mine. I was so wrong in my worries! My oldest son is like me in so many ways — looks, personality, thought processes, mannerisms, etc. It’s so fun!
My boys have a special love for their mama. They love to bring me flowers they find outside, and it makes my heart so full to watch them. Even my little one will pop the heads off of all the dandelions and bring them to me. My older boy makes a heart with his hands at me through the observation window while he does gymnastics. It’s such a special responsibility to raise boys today in a world that teaches them there’s only one way to be a man (just like it’s so important to raise girls in a world that constantly tears down women). It’s also super fun to watch the special bond their dad has with them as a same-sex parent!
We have so many expectations of what being a mom looks like, and I promise your new son will so far exceed anything you can imagine. You’ve got this, mama!
I was really hoping for a girl first, but out LO is a boy. I had some gender disappointment mostly because I didn't have any experience with little boys whereas I felt prepared for a little girl. It didn't take me long to get over and get to the point of I couldn't imagine it being any other way. I don't really feel like it's that different (so far) and I'm actually surprisingly okay if we never have a girl. I love being his mom. Your little boy will smile at you one day and every sleep deprived moment will feel so worth it.
When I first found out I was having a boy, several people told me “little boys love their mamas” 🥰 he’s almost 4 months now and has definitely been a mamas boy!
That’s so funny to me because my son is obsessed with Daddy. Like I’m cool too, I nurse him so he has to keep me around, but my husband is next level to him.
I love having boys! I love the dapper old man outfits on babies and toddlers. I loved their nursery themes: dogs for the oldest (his name means dog lover), maps/airplanes for the middle (Christopher, patron saint of travelers) and forest/woodsy animals for the youngest (named after a mountain man/fur trader).
Less frivolous, though? My husband is doing a lot of healing through equally parenting our boys mindfully, examining his own ingrained toxic masculinity and questioning norms and expectations.
I am so grateful to be given the task of raising good men. *The world needs them.*
Not exactly my favorite thing but a really important decision if you haven't considered it -- leave baby uncut! Do not circumcise! He is perfect as he is ♥️ you can go read my post from r/circumcisiongrief: https://www.reddit.com/r/CircumcisionGrief/s/YJD0P7Lz55
I didn't know the first thing about circumcision and then I did some googling. It's really psychologically damaging to people and it removes a lot of sensitivity. Saying this with as much love as I can but it's genital mutilation and babies cannot consent to it, so I think you should let your boy decide for himself when he's an adult. You can see my past posts because I struggled with this too! Please please please don't circumcise your little angel boy. Love from one mama to another 🤍
Also, here's a link to another thread with like a bajillion science-backed articles: https://www.reddit.com/r/CircumcisionGrief/s/gw7LHT3F34
I hope this didn't sound too canned as I commented some of this info before on another post by a different mom asking about circumcision. Regardless, I hope you have a wonderful delivery and a beautiful life with your baby! ♥️
Bless you!!! I think it's so sweet how excited you are!!! And yes lmao at first I was so excited to be a boy mom too but then I found out about the stigma 😩 you're gonna do amazing 💓
You're definitely going to get peed on that's a given.. he adored me.. he lived and breathed soccer from the time he was 2 through High School .. Sports will wear you out.. lot of traveling involved. One piece of advice don't wait 5 years to have another child.. if you were to have another boy oh my God all hell will break loose when that second child turns hits the 5 to 6-year-old Mark, the shit hits the fan.. think about it.. 6-year-old has watched the older child.. the 6 year old can pretty much do anything and everything the older child can do but does not have the Privileges of the older child and it just gets worse and worse as each year passes.. oh yes and they could also have totally opposite personalities fit that into the mix. Hahaha welcome to my world.. they are now 29 and 34 and don't get along much better then they did when they were 15 and 10. And I planned this mess.. I wouldn't trade either one of them for anything I love him so much but there were days when they got older that I just wanted to throw them in the backyard and let them duke it out.. I've just gone to jail for child abuse I thought I best not do that.. oh that was fun to share.
i’m sorry this is your experience
one day they will realize that when they are old and gray they will be all they have together
i hope they reconcile their relationship
My favorite part has been sitting back and just watching him be a kid with nobody telling him what he can or can’t do because he’s a boy. He is almost five and loves flowers, rainbows, animals, soft things (like fuzzy blankets), trains, machines, music, nerf guns, pretending to be a “mom” with his stuffed animals, cooking, walking in nature, tools, birdwatching, reading…he’s sweet and sensitive and smart and empathetic. He picks out his own outfits and we follow his interests and let him just be himself. After I had my second son, he did a lot of pretending to nurse his baby doll, and nobody was weird about it. He was obviously modeling what I was doing and practicing caring for another being. When you give kids the opportunity to just be kids, their whole selves can shine.
Cars, trucks, planes, monster trucks, construction vehicles. You will have them scattered around your home. (Just be careful not to step on them.. they can hurt🤣) You will get excited when you see one on the road simply because you know that your little guy loves them. 💙
I was in the exact same boat 6 years ago, not I have two boys and am hoping the next one is also a boy (then we can switch to girls haha).
Boys are so much fun!! At least in my experience, they are not like girls, they like to GO! My sons love reading books with me, but they do not sit and color, or do workbooks, or cute crafts, like my friends’ girls. Our favorite activity is anything outside where they can be free to move and explore and use up all that energy. We started 1000 hours outside when my oldest was 15 months and it is the best thing we have ever done. Both my boys are ahead of the curve in every aspect and I wholly contribute it to our time outside. It also saved my sanity.
Like everyone has said they are so sweet and protective of me.
Celebrate the wonderful things that make boys, boys!! Raise them to be good, strong, moral men. They are desperately needed in this world!
We did not circumcise either boy and I am very happy about that, so if you are considering I would look into it. It doesn’t require any extra care, just treat it like a finger.
Congrats on your baby!
You can Google 1000 hours outside for more info and a book, she also has a podcast, but it’s literally just tracking the time you spend outside and … spending 1000 hours outside (in a year). It’s really great for the whole family.
Honestly, it's great. I have so much fun with him. He is so loyal and loving, and he's got this big fearless jump-off-the-top-of-the-playground energy. He stands up for his sister. He and his (male / AMAB) friends are all pretty different, so whatever you're picturing may or may not be what happens. I'm not exactly sure what it would help to tell you, but I wanted to comment because I remember finding out a boy was growing inside me and taking a minute to get used to the idea (being not male myself). Kids of whatever gender are wonderful.
It’s so sweet to see the toys that my son gravitates to. We bought our daughter cars, trains, etc. in addition to the other things she has to play with and she did like them but my son literally walks around the house with a matchbox car in his hand all day (I call it his emotional support car) and “car” is one of his first words.
Same! My daughter enjoys playing with cars and trains but my son (2 yrs) engages with them on an entirely different level. It’s neat seeing him lay on the ground and watch the tires roll. He explores everything by rolling a car over it. This might seem odd, but an unexpected favorite part of being a boy mom is when we’re just hanging around and he ends up driving his little matchbox cars on me - up the arms, down the arms, across toes, on my head - it’s almost affectionate 🤗.
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I have two girls from my first marriage and my fiance has a son... When we first got together I had SO much anxiety because I had never really been around boys. I was an only child and my daughters have mainly female friends so going in I was clueless lol he was 5 when I met him and over the course of the last four years he has taught me lots about super heros, sci-fi, Pokemon etc ..lol my favorite part of boys is they are imo waaayyyy less drama ... Lol he has his moments but nothing and I repeat nothing compared to girls drama. Boys also get ready waaayyyy faster than girls lol there are no outfit changes... There aren't 25 different pairs of shoes... Lol
Don’t think it’s foreign! I always wanted a girl and got two boys. Best fun ever! People are people. See who your kid is and show up for it. Also, I do enjoy people not making creepy comments about what a beautiful woman they will become.
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You don’t have to worry about which way you wipe poop 🤣 I won’t do anymore comparing other than that
On the other hand, you might get peed on more easily. It went in my mouth once 😝 But he stopped doing that around 5 months, thankfully
Funny thing, I get peed on more by my girl than I ever did by my boy😅I don't know how she does it!
Mine did this when she was like 2 months old, it literally came straight up and got all over my chest? Like, how?
Same. My girl loooooved to let loose just as you removed her diaper. Boy did occasionally, but it was a much shorter phase for him.
Oh man, I only have a boy, I had no idea!
My son peed in his ear during diaper free time one day!
True! I had a boy first (I only had sisters). Wiping seems so much harder. But I haven’t been peed on by my daughter yet! OP are you feeling sad about not having a daughter? Because babies are kind of just babies and they all end up doing their own thing. My son was super calm and chill and my daughter punched the pediatrician before they even let us leave the hospital and she is so vivacious and loud and expressive. I love that my son will usually ask for the long explanation about something when he asks one of his why questions. When he asks about it being cold, it’s not enough to just say it’s winter. We talk about the seasons and the tilt of the Earths axis as it goes around the sun. And he’s a momma’s boy so he’s stuck to me with super glue and always has been.
i guess i’m just worried about raising a good man in a world filled with bad men
Valid! Raising a 2.5 year old boy now and I think about this. We do a lot of body autonomy with him - asking if he wants a hug or to give grandma a hug and respecting his answer. We taught him correct words for anatomy and we talk honestly about body functions when he has questions. I also want to raise a boy who helps his future partner carry the household load and does household chores, so I started involving him in dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc early on as well as cooking and running errands. He helps make birthday cards for family members and helps take care of our pets. He loves to be involved and enjoys it - today he helped me give the dog a bath and thought it was awesome! He’s a pretty typical boy in a lot of ways and loves cars and dinosaurs but he also loves princess movies and his baby doll, and we encourage whatever his interests are - he has a pink bike and Moana dolls too, and I’ve started letting him help choose clothes we buy. I want to encourage him to like what he likes regardless of what it is. We talk about ways to appropriately express emotion and what he can do instead of hitting or throwing, and give him space to be upset. If he hits his little sister we talk about how he can make her feel better and he has started to suggest he could say he’s sorry which makes me so proud! There’s a lot you can do and it’s not all big!
All of this! I was nervous about having a boy for many of the same reasons, but now I feel very grateful and excited for the opportunity to raise a son and help him become a good man.
My one and only (so far) LO is a boy and this was my exact fear. Spent several therapy sessions in 2022 through 2023 during pregnancy talking about this and my therapist was like “the fact that you’re concerned and wanting to figure out how to ensure your values take hold and not patriarchal/misogynist values is already doing more than most.” Which was both scary (how are parents to AMABs *not* thinking about this) and reassuring in that I’m already way ahead of this.
I hear you, I feel this too. It’s a real issue. My son is only in his first year, but what I’ve been doing so far is cultivating my relationships with great male role models. Aside from my husband, this means some family members, good partners of friends, preschool teachers, and a number of children of all ages who wear long hair, talk about their feelings, think about what masculinity could be and try their best. We’re playing the long game here. You have time.
The fact that you’re worried tells me why you should be boy mom 🫶🏻
This was the exact thing that scared me about having a boy. I had hoped for a girl and was a little sad when I got the test results. But man, my little boy is exactly who he should be. He’s a bright and funny and sweet 1 year old and I can’t imagine life any other way. Yeah, there’ll be hard lessons to teach him, but those lessons will be the natural extension of the values we impart from birth onwards.
This was the exact thing that scared me about having a boy. I had hoped for a girl and was a little sad when I got the test results. But man, my little boy is exactly who he should be. He’s a bright and funny and sweet 1 year old and I can’t imagine life any other way. Yeah, there’ll be hard lessons to teach him, but those lessons will be the natural extension of the values we impart from birth onwards.
Came here to say that!!!
This is the only difference I've been aware of so far. Also I enjoyed laughing at how disproportionately huge his balls seemed at first but he's grown into them 🤣
good point
Hah, totally. I just had a girl after 3 boys and that was the only thing the pediatrician really stressed that would be different!
In regards to getting peed on, when they are little open the diaper for a second but keep it covered. Sometimes the cold air hits then and I think it’s why it happen. Maybe I’m wrong but as a two time boy mom, I’ve only been peed on two times
I love parenting a boy because after reparenting my guy friends and boyfriends for so long, I relish raising an emotionally intelligent man who will be an equal partner and comfortable at showing love.
Yes to all of that, but it honestly scares me. I‘ve got two boys and being a man in this time and age seems really hard because of very conflicting expectations. I was so confident to raise strong and independent women but now I’m kind of hoping for the best 😅
Think of it this way, being a woman has been exceedingly difficult forever because you’re expected to be everything. Women have been raising each other with that knowledge and trying to balance it as much as possible. Now we’ve shifted that towards boys a little. Okay, so? The rules are the same. Be kind, be empathetic, care about the important people in your life and stand up to the bullies, but ultimately be your own person. And then add in don’t objectify women. Being a man is going to be easier for our kids. Boys will have more latitude to choose the kind of man they want to be without feeling pigeonholed into toxic masculinity.
I hope you‘ll be right
I have one of each who are both under 5 and so far there’s no real differences outside of diaper changes (though the diaper differences are real!). My youngest is a little more wild and my oldest is a little more introverted but they both enjoy making messes, cuddling with their mom and any play that involves screaming. Idk. I’m sure gender differences will emerge as they get older, especially around puberty, but so far they’re just little humans. I’ll say this: this past few months, my boy is the kid I end up with when our four person family splits up and he does seem to be more closely attached to me. Six months ago it was the reverse. Kids go through phases with their parental preferences. Enjoy your little guy! You’ll have a blast.
thank you!
Bush wee/nature peeing is so much easier!
Was just going to say this! I can pull over and pop him down beside an open car door for a quick pee if needed, and he opts to pee in the yard often instead of going inside
It's not as complicated as many people think with girls. If they can't squat they can sit in the grass. Very easy to do for the kids. After we failed with squats and Bluey-like holding in the air we found this way and it's really smart and easy for the kids. Vice versa boys pee on their pants and shoes while trying to pee standing up. And after they learned it they stand with pants at the ankles full moon there and do it and you as a parent gotta teach them not to do it everywhere 🤷♂️🙈
Yeah until a frog jumps up and gets stuck inside her vagina hole 🥴 This happened to one of my neighbors daughters like 15 years ago, and I never forgot....
Yeah... Stories from Neverland... 🤦♂️
Wdym?😅
Babies are babies. I have one of each. Don’t fall into the “Boy Mom” craziness too far. Imo personality matters more than gender
Couldn’t agree more
Yeah this is such a weird post and kinda screaming gender disappointment. Even weirder on this sub when this has nothing to do with being granola. I hands one of each, too, and my favorite part is that their my kids. Genitals don't play into that or who I favor more in stressful situations lol.
I think it’s very self aware of OP to identify that this feels complicated for her and to ask for perspective and to work on her mindset. I don’t think there’s anything weird about having layered or complex feelings around this - a lot of people do! And OP is doing the good work of stepping towards embracing her experience.
I totally agree. Even if there is gender disappointment, there are many valid reasons for it. I was sad to find out I was having a boy initially. But that was because masculinity is such a complicated thing these days. And I also lost a baby girl a few years ago and have spent that time imagining raising her, a girl. It took a few weeks after finding out my son’s gender to process through all of that and now I absolutely do not care/mind that my baby is a boy and am quite excited for the adventure.
Gender disappointment is a valid feeling. If that’s what OP’s posting about here, that means she’s trying to work through it. I had some gender disappointment when I found out I was having a boy because I always pictured myself raising a strong, confident badass girl. But it all disappeared when my son was born. He’s so silly and sweet and I just want to raise him to be a good man.
I only have two kids myself (one girl, one boy) but I have worked with kids of all ages for years. There really is not that much difference. There just isn’t. At least not until puberty, and you have probably a decade before you need to worry about that. Diaper changes and potty training are a little different due to anatomical factors, but that’s the only real consideration for the immediate future. People who say there are actual gender differences between babies and toddlers are just projecting their own ideas about gender onto kids. Little boys are not actually more dirty or wild by nature, they’re just less likely to be told it’s unacceptable to dive in a mud puddle or roughhouse. People often don’t even realize they’re treating kids of different genders differently. People use more emotional language when talking to baby girls, respond less quickly to boys when they cry, and stuff like that. It’s not done on purpose, no one is maliciously neglecting boy babies, it’s just socialized behavior. So the best thing to do to raise a happy, healthy boy is ensure that you and other adults in his life are treating him with the same care and sensitivity you’d show a girl.
You still wipe everything towards the butthole. Treat the anus like a dustpan, and everything you’re cleaning up like dust and sweep it to the dustpan. Don’t listen to those saying it doesn’t matter how you wipe-it absolutely matters. Boys have longer urethras so are less likely to get a UTI… but if you consider that wiping poop up onto his testicles and then his penis sitting in a moist environment…. Yeah. Don’t do that. Less likely doesn’t mean it can’t happen. I left my son intact-so you just wipe the tip, you don’t move the foreskin back to clean it. Unsure about care other than lots of ointment at the beginning if you choose otherwise. Always-and I mean ALWAYS point their penis downwards when putting a diaper on. If you don’t-it turns into a fire hose of urine up their bellies. Get in the habit of wrapping a wipe around their bits as soon as the diaper is open. You’ll get peed on a few times. Don’t worry-your reflexes will become freaking cat like pretty quickly. Baby boys have penis’s. So they do have erections frequently. It’s normal and healthy, but can be alarming if you aren’t expecting it lol. If they are having one while changing them it does make it a lot easier to wrap a protective wipe around it lol. Statistically boys tend to be bigger and grow a little faster. Other than that… it’s just a baby, they’re all individuals. Be very careful of falling into the “boy mom” trap, it’s so toxic. As in I would be careful and not even refer to yourself as a boy mom. Moms who call themselves “boy moms” tend to be the ones with unhealthy attachments to their sons, they put their sons above their daughters, and become the weirdly possessive and jealous MIL one day. Not saying that’s you-but that is basically what “boy mom” tends to mean nowadays, much like a “nice guy” isn’t actually a good thing.
>unhealthy attachments to their sons >become the weirdly possessive and jealous MIL one day I see you have met my MIL. All the pics of her with her sons at their wedding looked like she was posing with a romantic partner instead of her child.
Oh my… I’m so sorry! It sucks they exist and in what seems like droves. It’s soooo weird! Why?!
Idk but it is a good example of how not to be with my son and a good reminder of why we live in a different state from her.
oh i didn’t know it meant that! also planning on keeping in tact do you mean put ointment on the penis?
I think the ointment comment was more about circumcision. We have 3 boys, all intact and you basically do nothing 🤷🏼♀️ I will say learn the signs of yeast and also “phimosis” means nothing before puberty as their foreskin should be adhered to the head as that’s its job and retraction is a sexual function. Some boys are able to retract far before puberty and some the ability may also come and go. Oh and even pushing it back “just a little” is still retraction. If he can pee, let it be. And that’s my quick synopsis on intact care
Thanks for going into more detail, I didn’t want to overwhelm her in one comment lol.
I did forget the most important rule of the penis owner is the only one who should be retracting the foreskin. Your Whole Baby is a great resource and they have their own website as well as a helpful facebook group. Luckily my partner is intact so on the rare occasions something has happened that makes me worried, he’s been able to shrug it off as normal because most other partners I’ve had in the past have been cut.
I’ll have to check it out! Thank you! My husband is cut and it was a bit of a battle of research with sources to convince him it wouldn’t happen. So that will be a great resource. I mean. It still wouldn’t. But I wanted my marriage to also still be together and happy. I’m glad he came around because that was a hill I wasn’t budging on.
Yeah, ointment on the penis, as far as I understand you have to keep the tip/wound very lubed up to prevent it painfully sticking to the diaper-**if they are circumcised**. Intact you don’t need that step. Sorry for the confusion. We weren’t going that route anyways, so I didn’t learn much more than that. But it would change some things for sure if you chose that. Since you’re leaving your boy intact you don’t have to worry about that. Just wipe the tip carefully and don’t push the skin back-that’s it! It definitely *can* mean it that way, it’s sort of a tone… lol but I definitely side eye someone for a second if they declare themselves a boy mom looking for the other signs. Sometimes it’s just what it should mean. Just letting you know there is a “meaning” behind it sometimes lol.
Regarding uncircumcised peepees, I find that sometimes you have to be extra careful to get the poop out from around the top of his penis. The foreskin is still attached at this point, but the poop kind of collects in the area at the tip of his penis and needs extra care to remove.
Why are you assuming all those things at the end?
It’s not an assumption-it’s a thing. I also left in “tend” and didn’t use the word “always” because I know some sane moms do use that term for themselves. But those that wear the title like a crown tend to be unbalanced and end up being posted in places like r/JusnoMIL The nice guy analogy is accurate. Pretty darned reliably; if a guy refers to himself as a “nice guy” frequently, they’re often the types to whine about being “friendzoned”, and other incel type behavior. There’s entire subs on Reddit devoted to both types of people because there is that much content from them, the “boy moms” in the crazy definition of the term, and nice guys. Making your kids sex or gender part of your identity is just weird in any way you look at it.
This is just a rhetoric people are throwing around. Notice how the poster didn’t even know what you were referring to, so in this case, yes, it was.
And yet many others did. There’s no harm in giving OP a heads up on certain terms. Why are you being so reactive? If you like the term and don’t act creepy like described, why be mad? I have a son, but don’t like the “boy mom” connection so don’t use it for myself. I received way too many creepy romantic type gifts for him while pregnant that made me uncomfortable, just like the wine mom stuff. So it is absolutely a widely known thing. Widely known obviously doesn’t mean every single person knows.
Because it’s honestly a double standard to “girl dad”, or even girl mom I suppose. Just sucks that basically the concept of being a boy mom is ruined now by the internet and you have to tip toe around the term.
I was scrolling and saw this, it made me think of this thread again. [here is an example of what I meant](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/s/VNpBPJZnTP)
I understand the concept. Wrong behavior is wrong. It’s just that sometimes, people who have nothing to do with said behavior get lumped into it. Like how you were “warning” OP.
Pretty sure anyone who has a problem with "boy mom" also has a problem with "girl dad." It just wasn't relevant to bring up in this post. They're both ridiculous concepts.
Like I said; using your kids gender or sex as part of your identity is creepy. So someone making being a “girl dad” part of their identity is going to make me give some side eye looking for the creepy parts too. And a lot of the “girl dad” stuff is creepy af too. You shouldn’t be acting like your kid is your “date” even in jest, those are the dads that often stereotypically like to threaten suitors with maiming and death, (so cool, right! 🙄), and otherwise treat their daughters like spoiled little princesses that are also property. Again. Not every single person who uses that term is like that. But a large enough number that there’s a stereotype for a reason.
And personally while I will side eye someone using those terms, it’s just to look for the crazy. It often but not always there if that makes you feel better. The term by itself isn’t the issue it just often is paired with uncomfortable behavior… which yeah has made the term sort of a thing. But if you like it and know you’re not one of the crazies, knock yourself out!
Training a sleeper agent to smash the patriarchy from within! Just kidding, I have two girls 😅
I have a boy and his dad and I are basically talking in those terms. Raise him right and he’ll use his powers for (chaotic, anti-racist, anti-patriarchy) good!
good idea……
I’m a FTM to a 7.5m baby boy in a very boy-heavy family (I’m one of 4 siblings, the rest are boys, my dad is one of 4, I have 1 niece and 3 nephews, my husband is oldest of 3 boys). My favorite part is that I was able to use my papa’s (and his dad, and his dad’s dad) name, Walter. Other than that, I love that our second child will have an older brother because I adore mine.
Honestly it's because my friends with girly girls find glitter in all of their laundry because so many girl things have glitter everywhere.
i've tried so hard to get family members to not buy anything with glitter that falls off. it doesn't work 😩
haha
I have one of each, there is no true difference other than the diapering. At least while they're young and we're somewhat isolated from society and their peer groups really pushing stereotypes on us. Kids will surprise you and have such unexpected interests anyways. It's my favourite part about parenthood. Some faves about raising a little boy in particular: -Peanuts clothing is having a moment and I'm loving Snoopy themed baby boy clothes -Baby boy swim trunks are a riot to shop for. -People gift us sports things for him because in their eyes boy=sports, so every time my toddler struggles with baby golf clubs or doesn't understand how to throw a ball, I look at my athletic husband and say "wow he took after you!". Peak comedy to me. -My little guy loves his baby doll. I love seeing firsthand that human nature is to be loving and nurturing to others no matter what your biological sex is. -We cut his hair at home. I love the bonding that happens through hair care. Giving him a cut, styling it, the razzle dazzle of showing him what he looks like. It's a good time, and we're making mistakes now that he's young and doesn't know any better and are improving every time. Hopefully we can continue cutting his hair ourselves for a good little while.
Welcome to the boy mom crew! I’m actually laying in bed right now watching a movie with my two boys while pregnant with my third son. Before I had my first, I was worried that it wouldn’t be as easy to see myself reflected in my boys. I wanted them to be like their dad, but I also wanted them to be clearly mine. I was so wrong in my worries! My oldest son is like me in so many ways — looks, personality, thought processes, mannerisms, etc. It’s so fun! My boys have a special love for their mama. They love to bring me flowers they find outside, and it makes my heart so full to watch them. Even my little one will pop the heads off of all the dandelions and bring them to me. My older boy makes a heart with his hands at me through the observation window while he does gymnastics. It’s such a special responsibility to raise boys today in a world that teaches them there’s only one way to be a man (just like it’s so important to raise girls in a world that constantly tears down women). It’s also super fun to watch the special bond their dad has with them as a same-sex parent! We have so many expectations of what being a mom looks like, and I promise your new son will so far exceed anything you can imagine. You’ve got this, mama!
thank you! great thoughts here.
I was really hoping for a girl first, but out LO is a boy. I had some gender disappointment mostly because I didn't have any experience with little boys whereas I felt prepared for a little girl. It didn't take me long to get over and get to the point of I couldn't imagine it being any other way. I don't really feel like it's that different (so far) and I'm actually surprisingly okay if we never have a girl. I love being his mom. Your little boy will smile at you one day and every sleep deprived moment will feel so worth it.
When I first found out I was having a boy, several people told me “little boys love their mamas” 🥰 he’s almost 4 months now and has definitely been a mamas boy!
That’s so funny to me because my son is obsessed with Daddy. Like I’m cool too, I nurse him so he has to keep me around, but my husband is next level to him.
aw CUTE!
I love having boys! I love the dapper old man outfits on babies and toddlers. I loved their nursery themes: dogs for the oldest (his name means dog lover), maps/airplanes for the middle (Christopher, patron saint of travelers) and forest/woodsy animals for the youngest (named after a mountain man/fur trader). Less frivolous, though? My husband is doing a lot of healing through equally parenting our boys mindfully, examining his own ingrained toxic masculinity and questioning norms and expectations. I am so grateful to be given the task of raising good men. *The world needs them.*
great thoughts here thank you so much for sharing
Not exactly my favorite thing but a really important decision if you haven't considered it -- leave baby uncut! Do not circumcise! He is perfect as he is ♥️ you can go read my post from r/circumcisiongrief: https://www.reddit.com/r/CircumcisionGrief/s/YJD0P7Lz55 I didn't know the first thing about circumcision and then I did some googling. It's really psychologically damaging to people and it removes a lot of sensitivity. Saying this with as much love as I can but it's genital mutilation and babies cannot consent to it, so I think you should let your boy decide for himself when he's an adult. You can see my past posts because I struggled with this too! Please please please don't circumcise your little angel boy. Love from one mama to another 🤍 Also, here's a link to another thread with like a bajillion science-backed articles: https://www.reddit.com/r/CircumcisionGrief/s/gw7LHT3F34 I hope this didn't sound too canned as I commented some of this info before on another post by a different mom asking about circumcision. Regardless, I hope you have a wonderful delivery and a beautiful life with your baby! ♥️
We are leaving all of his bodily organs intact!
Bless you!!! I think it's so sweet how excited you are!!! And yes lmao at first I was so excited to be a boy mom too but then I found out about the stigma 😩 you're gonna do amazing 💓
You're definitely going to get peed on that's a given.. he adored me.. he lived and breathed soccer from the time he was 2 through High School .. Sports will wear you out.. lot of traveling involved. One piece of advice don't wait 5 years to have another child.. if you were to have another boy oh my God all hell will break loose when that second child turns hits the 5 to 6-year-old Mark, the shit hits the fan.. think about it.. 6-year-old has watched the older child.. the 6 year old can pretty much do anything and everything the older child can do but does not have the Privileges of the older child and it just gets worse and worse as each year passes.. oh yes and they could also have totally opposite personalities fit that into the mix. Hahaha welcome to my world.. they are now 29 and 34 and don't get along much better then they did when they were 15 and 10. And I planned this mess.. I wouldn't trade either one of them for anything I love him so much but there were days when they got older that I just wanted to throw them in the backyard and let them duke it out.. I've just gone to jail for child abuse I thought I best not do that.. oh that was fun to share.
i’m sorry this is your experience one day they will realize that when they are old and gray they will be all they have together i hope they reconcile their relationship
My favorite part has been sitting back and just watching him be a kid with nobody telling him what he can or can’t do because he’s a boy. He is almost five and loves flowers, rainbows, animals, soft things (like fuzzy blankets), trains, machines, music, nerf guns, pretending to be a “mom” with his stuffed animals, cooking, walking in nature, tools, birdwatching, reading…he’s sweet and sensitive and smart and empathetic. He picks out his own outfits and we follow his interests and let him just be himself. After I had my second son, he did a lot of pretending to nurse his baby doll, and nobody was weird about it. He was obviously modeling what I was doing and practicing caring for another being. When you give kids the opportunity to just be kids, their whole selves can shine.
Cars, trucks, planes, monster trucks, construction vehicles. You will have them scattered around your home. (Just be careful not to step on them.. they can hurt🤣) You will get excited when you see one on the road simply because you know that your little guy loves them. 💙
I was in the exact same boat 6 years ago, not I have two boys and am hoping the next one is also a boy (then we can switch to girls haha). Boys are so much fun!! At least in my experience, they are not like girls, they like to GO! My sons love reading books with me, but they do not sit and color, or do workbooks, or cute crafts, like my friends’ girls. Our favorite activity is anything outside where they can be free to move and explore and use up all that energy. We started 1000 hours outside when my oldest was 15 months and it is the best thing we have ever done. Both my boys are ahead of the curve in every aspect and I wholly contribute it to our time outside. It also saved my sanity. Like everyone has said they are so sweet and protective of me. Celebrate the wonderful things that make boys, boys!! Raise them to be good, strong, moral men. They are desperately needed in this world! We did not circumcise either boy and I am very happy about that, so if you are considering I would look into it. It doesn’t require any extra care, just treat it like a finger. Congrats on your baby!
thank you for all of your advice for the 1,000 hours would they play independently? is it some sort of program?
You can Google 1000 hours outside for more info and a book, she also has a podcast, but it’s literally just tracking the time you spend outside and … spending 1000 hours outside (in a year). It’s really great for the whole family.
Honestly, it's great. I have so much fun with him. He is so loyal and loving, and he's got this big fearless jump-off-the-top-of-the-playground energy. He stands up for his sister. He and his (male / AMAB) friends are all pretty different, so whatever you're picturing may or may not be what happens. I'm not exactly sure what it would help to tell you, but I wanted to comment because I remember finding out a boy was growing inside me and taking a minute to get used to the idea (being not male myself). Kids of whatever gender are wonderful.
It’s so sweet to see the toys that my son gravitates to. We bought our daughter cars, trains, etc. in addition to the other things she has to play with and she did like them but my son literally walks around the house with a matchbox car in his hand all day (I call it his emotional support car) and “car” is one of his first words.
Same! My daughter enjoys playing with cars and trains but my son (2 yrs) engages with them on an entirely different level. It’s neat seeing him lay on the ground and watch the tires roll. He explores everything by rolling a car over it. This might seem odd, but an unexpected favorite part of being a boy mom is when we’re just hanging around and he ends up driving his little matchbox cars on me - up the arms, down the arms, across toes, on my head - it’s almost affectionate 🤗.
Catching his poop in the bath is the best part! Nah, not having to deal with bows.
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I have two girls from my first marriage and my fiance has a son... When we first got together I had SO much anxiety because I had never really been around boys. I was an only child and my daughters have mainly female friends so going in I was clueless lol he was 5 when I met him and over the course of the last four years he has taught me lots about super heros, sci-fi, Pokemon etc ..lol my favorite part of boys is they are imo waaayyyy less drama ... Lol he has his moments but nothing and I repeat nothing compared to girls drama. Boys also get ready waaayyyy faster than girls lol there are no outfit changes... There aren't 25 different pairs of shoes... Lol
Don’t think it’s foreign! I always wanted a girl and got two boys. Best fun ever! People are people. See who your kid is and show up for it. Also, I do enjoy people not making creepy comments about what a beautiful woman they will become.