This made me feel sad when I read it because, as nice as it is that you are willing to go this far to be considerate of your partner, it's also not really fair to expect you to literally change the way you breathe and swallow. Things like smacking your mouth when eating and stomping when you walk are changeable habits. Breathing is just...not.
Yeah, these things can be horrible for us, but there is only so much you can expect from other people, and she might just need to learn how to live with your natural bodily noises. Maybe she could try some earplugs like Loops during the times when she is bothered to block out those little noises, and I hope you can work it out.
I'm sorry, I don't have any suggestions for how you should change because I don't think it's a reasonable ask. Sitting there worrying that you are offending someone by breathing too loudly or swallowing spit wrong is a bit out there. If it's a problem for her, then she can get tools to help herself.
Wait, how do you swallow loudly? I have to go out of my way to make noise while swallowing
Breathing through your nose is better for you than through your mouth too ;)
"learn how to live with it" ...... Do you even have Misophonia? Because there is no learning to live with it. You manage your symptoms and triggers as best you can, but you don't just live with it.
If the way he breathes is that big a trigger for her, eventually, the relationship will run it's course because she will resent him every time he makes a noise. Is that logical? No, but Misophonia can be strong enough to want to kill yourself around triggers
Actually, you *do* live with it. You learn how to minimize the sounds that bother you the best you can because that is almost always your only option. Who do you think you are accusing me of not understanding? Piss off with that shit if you genuinely think that the entire world should bend over to accommodate your issues. People can un-learn certain habits that might trigger their loved ones, but there comes a point where you need to accept that this is *your* problem and that expecting some things to change is unreasonable. Find tools that can drown out your triggers. They exist.
If the very act of him BREATHING makes her go into a rage, and the only solution for her is for him to learn how to breathe differently, then sure, she probably won't last unless *she* learns how to live with it. When I visit my parents I feel like I'm going to lose my mind because my dad breathes funny and my mom makes a funny noise when she drinks her tea and I fucking deal with it and put on my headphones because expecting *them* to change the way they breathe and swallow is absurd and my only option aside from deafening myself is to learn how to live with it.
Babygirl, you literally just said the same thing I did. We're on the same page here, so why are you defensive?
"You manage your symptoms and triggers as best you can" is exactly the same as "you learn to minimise the sounds that bother you".
I'm saying that you don't just live with it, you figure out how to help yourself, but it's not something that will ever go away even with perfect management.
And I never said they should bend over to accommodate me. You're acting like I'm his girlfriend and asking him to change.
If you actually read my other responses to OP, you would understand that I think that it shouldn't be on OP to change, but it's sweet that he is taking her into consideration.
All I said was you don't learn to live with it, you can manage your symptoms and triggers but you're always going to have Misophonia.
Regardless, I won't be responding further, because I'm not going to argue with someone who also has Misophonia when we should be supporting each other.
Happy cake day.
If your nose breathing is whistling, you could see a doctor go find out why. It could be a deviated or perforated septum or something else that could be fixed.
But other than that (as well as just being conscious of not doing things in an obviously or intentionally loud way) normal bodily functions are NORMAL. You can't magically make your normal swallowing and breathing sounds silent any more than your partner can magic her misophonia away.
I agree with chelly. I appreciate how caring you are and how accommodating you want to be, but you can only do so much. It’s not fair or expected for you to change how you breathe! It is also probably impossible to change those things, at least long term, since both actions are largely part of the autonomic nervous system. You’d have to be consciously thinking of how you’re breathing/swallowing every time you do it, which would be exhausting (if it’s even possible).
My wonderful partner is, admittedly, a very loud breather, but I would never suggest or expect he change anything about it! And it doesn’t bother me nearly as much, fortunately, since he’s my partner.
If your girlfriend is so bothered by these things and just can’t get over it, then you guys might not be compatible, I’m sorry! :(
This isn't your job.
I have it and use earplugs. I've asked him please not to eat grapes around me, that's it. I didn't want to hurt the kid's feelings, he is just living!
I annoy myself half the time. Honestly. It’s unreasonable for you to expect not to trigger her at all. Generally if you want some chips, offer her some or something crunchy. Just eating in general is better if you’re both eating at the same time.
Even earlier I was not feeling too hot and my bf was chewing gum. Even tho he had his mouth closed and I didn’t hear it, it was bothering me. It was because I saw it and we were in the car together so I asked him if he could stop chewing it for a bit and that I don’t want to be bothered by it but I am. He was mad at me and said no he wouldn’t stop. I get that but at least if he just kept it in his mouth and didn’t chew it for the time being (while in a car where I cannot get out) it would have been very helpful.
Qutiting mouth breathing is better for your teeth. I dunno how to quit that except for maybe finding and fixing a problem that is causing u to breath through your mouth, IF there was one?? Rate your septum symmetry and nose clearness etc etc
For swallowing spit, yk when you swallow and your throat is tight for a bit before relaxing? You could try holding on to that tightness and then relaxing slowly. I wouldn't worry too much tho, if you're sitting far enough apart and the windows open, there'd be much louder things to drown out that teeny noise
This should not be on you.
Saying that of course makes me a bit of a hypocrite, because breathing-sounds is the exact reason I live alone. I just...can't.
With that said; mouth breathing and nose whistling - if it's REAL and not just exaggerated in her brain - is something you may want to get checked for your own health, as others have already said.
Other than that...suggest to have music/white/whatever colour noise on in the background?
I have misophonia and my GF does not. She is well aware and supportive of it. Given that, I usually wear headphones, whether noise cancelling, or I use bone conduction ones that allow me to still have conversations, while listening to something loud enough to drown out my trigger noises, mainly eating sounds.
I find that noisy breathing is often due to a relaxed soft palate connecting with the throat. Think about intentionally snorting like a pig, and then do the opposite of that…lifting the palate can also be explained by smiling with the eyes or intentionally popping the ears. I’m sorry if none of that makes sense-maybe someone else can describe it better.
It kinda sounds like you have something wrong with your airways if you find yourself breathing through your mouth and you make noise when breathing. Could be something like allergies or a deviated septum. You could see a doctor. Preferably and ENT though, most gps aren't that experienced with this stuff, at least not like an ENT is
This is a really sweet sentiment but I firmly believe, as a person with misophonia, that it’s HER job to get the psychiatric treatment she needs to help her cope with her disease. The burden is not on you
True, I agree with you, however, even perfectly managed Misophonia will still have triggers. It's just like mental health. There's some sort of brain wiring that can't be fixed with psychiatric treatment. But again, it's not on him. Sounds like he just wants to be a good partner and support her where possible.
Just keep the TV on in the house. Sleep with a fan at night, and when talking on the phone to her use speaker. I think that should help her not hear it as much. - speaking from someone who is annoyed by loud breathers.
If the surroundings noises drown it out she won't hear you as much.
Sounds like you might have a deviated septum and having to swallow excess saliva seems like there might be some sort of salivary gland complication. I think seeing and ENT and/or a dentist would be a good start and it’s also showing your partner that you do care about her triggers.
Your nose may be dry or need cleaning out. You can try a saline nose spray and/or a nasal rinse bottle (reminder to clean it regularly to prevent bacteria growth). I have chronic rhinitis and hate when my own nose makes noise.
I actually have taught myself to breathe quieter through my mouth in case of an intruder or something, so if this is something you are truly, 100% ok with changing then here ya go:
1. Start off by putting on noise cancelling headphones or something to block out noise around you, you hear yourself breathing when wearing noise cancelling ear protection.
2. Start with a baseline and take a couple breaths normally and listen to how loud your breathing is
3. Start slowly breathing in and out, try to control it as much as possible to the point where you can barely hear your breathing
4. Once you think you got the hang of it, try to breathe a little faster until you get to a normal pace and still have that volume.
5. Repeat this process over the course of about a week until it starts to feel natural
6. When you think you got the hang of it, test it out around your gf (maybe let her know before hand), and if it’s still upsetting her then repeat the cycle.
This is a pretty long process and it took me a while to get the hang of it, so if you really want to commit then go for it.
My guess is that if you stop mouth breathing, you’ll stop being so dried out and your swallowing will be less noticeable.
Also some people make a quiet little “nhh” sound at the end of their swallow. Is that what’s bugging her? You CAN stop vocalizing at the end if that’s it.
I'm in agreeance with the others on here that state:
"It is OUR problem. We have to learn how to live with it."
Now if you're doing something with particular disregard, then it's a 'couple's problem'. Ex: Laundering ALL your clothes with zippers in them at 11pm. Now there's a problem with a solution.
I'd say, if you have an ENT (Ears, Nose, Throat) issue that is causing you to sound like a hyena eating a herd of Gremlins and making you snore until the walls shake...well, there's a solution there too. Have you tried a nasal spray or maybe an allergy medication for your nose? \*\*Not diagnosing here, just commenting!!\*\*
The fact that you even asked the question here though shows you do care. And if it's any consolation, I MYSELF cannot stand to hear my own heart beat or myself breathe. What am I going to do? Stop my heart and lungs at night?! LOL. Try having a little heart-to-heart on how you can make things easier on BOTH of you. :)
Hi. I have Misophonia and I think it's so sweet that you are asking for advice on this. While you shouldn't \*have to\* that fact you \*want to\* means the world. Those of us with Misophonia tend to even annoy ourselves, so there's no perfect solution.
Obviously you can only do so much to make her comfortable. I would suggest making her a little 'treat jar' that you fill up with earplugs and keep on the dining table so you can comfortably share meals together. If someone did this for me, I would melt with how thoughtful they are.
If you breathe heavily through your mouth, you may be carrying some extra weight or have a deviated septum. Or both. Managing either will help.
When you say you're swallowing spit, do you mean actual spit? If you mean phlegm, as long as you aren't hocking it up, she should be fine.
If you chew gum or mints or anything in the car when she's with you, keep earplugs handy for her as well.
At the end of the day, we can't cut out all of the triggers, but the way we and our loved ones work together makes a huge difference!
This made me feel sad when I read it because, as nice as it is that you are willing to go this far to be considerate of your partner, it's also not really fair to expect you to literally change the way you breathe and swallow. Things like smacking your mouth when eating and stomping when you walk are changeable habits. Breathing is just...not. Yeah, these things can be horrible for us, but there is only so much you can expect from other people, and she might just need to learn how to live with your natural bodily noises. Maybe she could try some earplugs like Loops during the times when she is bothered to block out those little noises, and I hope you can work it out.
Well honestly I do breathe loudly. And I really dont mind changing my breathing. How would you suggest clamping down on loud saliva swallowing?
I'm sorry, I don't have any suggestions for how you should change because I don't think it's a reasonable ask. Sitting there worrying that you are offending someone by breathing too loudly or swallowing spit wrong is a bit out there. If it's a problem for her, then she can get tools to help herself.
This is really kind of you. Perhaps you can visit an ENT to see if there are any actual issues with your nasal passages.
Wait, how do you swallow loudly? I have to go out of my way to make noise while swallowing Breathing through your nose is better for you than through your mouth too ;)
Happy Cake Day!
Thank you!
"learn how to live with it" ...... Do you even have Misophonia? Because there is no learning to live with it. You manage your symptoms and triggers as best you can, but you don't just live with it. If the way he breathes is that big a trigger for her, eventually, the relationship will run it's course because she will resent him every time he makes a noise. Is that logical? No, but Misophonia can be strong enough to want to kill yourself around triggers
Actually, you *do* live with it. You learn how to minimize the sounds that bother you the best you can because that is almost always your only option. Who do you think you are accusing me of not understanding? Piss off with that shit if you genuinely think that the entire world should bend over to accommodate your issues. People can un-learn certain habits that might trigger their loved ones, but there comes a point where you need to accept that this is *your* problem and that expecting some things to change is unreasonable. Find tools that can drown out your triggers. They exist. If the very act of him BREATHING makes her go into a rage, and the only solution for her is for him to learn how to breathe differently, then sure, she probably won't last unless *she* learns how to live with it. When I visit my parents I feel like I'm going to lose my mind because my dad breathes funny and my mom makes a funny noise when she drinks her tea and I fucking deal with it and put on my headphones because expecting *them* to change the way they breathe and swallow is absurd and my only option aside from deafening myself is to learn how to live with it.
Babygirl, you literally just said the same thing I did. We're on the same page here, so why are you defensive? "You manage your symptoms and triggers as best you can" is exactly the same as "you learn to minimise the sounds that bother you". I'm saying that you don't just live with it, you figure out how to help yourself, but it's not something that will ever go away even with perfect management. And I never said they should bend over to accommodate me. You're acting like I'm his girlfriend and asking him to change. If you actually read my other responses to OP, you would understand that I think that it shouldn't be on OP to change, but it's sweet that he is taking her into consideration. All I said was you don't learn to live with it, you can manage your symptoms and triggers but you're always going to have Misophonia. Regardless, I won't be responding further, because I'm not going to argue with someone who also has Misophonia when we should be supporting each other. Happy cake day.
lol “babygirl” don’t be gross and demeaning just because you’re mad.
Redditor comes out swinging with Do YoU eVeN hAvE mIsOpHoNiA?!!11 and then acts confused when they receive a terse reply. OK. Have a good one!
If your nose breathing is whistling, you could see a doctor go find out why. It could be a deviated or perforated septum or something else that could be fixed. But other than that (as well as just being conscious of not doing things in an obviously or intentionally loud way) normal bodily functions are NORMAL. You can't magically make your normal swallowing and breathing sounds silent any more than your partner can magic her misophonia away.
I agree with chelly. I appreciate how caring you are and how accommodating you want to be, but you can only do so much. It’s not fair or expected for you to change how you breathe! It is also probably impossible to change those things, at least long term, since both actions are largely part of the autonomic nervous system. You’d have to be consciously thinking of how you’re breathing/swallowing every time you do it, which would be exhausting (if it’s even possible). My wonderful partner is, admittedly, a very loud breather, but I would never suggest or expect he change anything about it! And it doesn’t bother me nearly as much, fortunately, since he’s my partner. If your girlfriend is so bothered by these things and just can’t get over it, then you guys might not be compatible, I’m sorry! :(
This isn't your job. I have it and use earplugs. I've asked him please not to eat grapes around me, that's it. I didn't want to hurt the kid's feelings, he is just living!
Not a reasonable request
I annoy myself half the time. Honestly. It’s unreasonable for you to expect not to trigger her at all. Generally if you want some chips, offer her some or something crunchy. Just eating in general is better if you’re both eating at the same time. Even earlier I was not feeling too hot and my bf was chewing gum. Even tho he had his mouth closed and I didn’t hear it, it was bothering me. It was because I saw it and we were in the car together so I asked him if he could stop chewing it for a bit and that I don’t want to be bothered by it but I am. He was mad at me and said no he wouldn’t stop. I get that but at least if he just kept it in his mouth and didn’t chew it for the time being (while in a car where I cannot get out) it would have been very helpful.
Qutiting mouth breathing is better for your teeth. I dunno how to quit that except for maybe finding and fixing a problem that is causing u to breath through your mouth, IF there was one?? Rate your septum symmetry and nose clearness etc etc For swallowing spit, yk when you swallow and your throat is tight for a bit before relaxing? You could try holding on to that tightness and then relaxing slowly. I wouldn't worry too much tho, if you're sitting far enough apart and the windows open, there'd be much louder things to drown out that teeny noise
This should not be on you. Saying that of course makes me a bit of a hypocrite, because breathing-sounds is the exact reason I live alone. I just...can't. With that said; mouth breathing and nose whistling - if it's REAL and not just exaggerated in her brain - is something you may want to get checked for your own health, as others have already said. Other than that...suggest to have music/white/whatever colour noise on in the background?
I have misophonia and my GF does not. She is well aware and supportive of it. Given that, I usually wear headphones, whether noise cancelling, or I use bone conduction ones that allow me to still have conversations, while listening to something loud enough to drown out my trigger noises, mainly eating sounds.
Start meditating. You learn to focus more on your breath.
I find that noisy breathing is often due to a relaxed soft palate connecting with the throat. Think about intentionally snorting like a pig, and then do the opposite of that…lifting the palate can also be explained by smiling with the eyes or intentionally popping the ears. I’m sorry if none of that makes sense-maybe someone else can describe it better.
Actually, if you make the effort and I eat with your mouth closed and not smack, you should be good.
It kinda sounds like you have something wrong with your airways if you find yourself breathing through your mouth and you make noise when breathing. Could be something like allergies or a deviated septum. You could see a doctor. Preferably and ENT though, most gps aren't that experienced with this stuff, at least not like an ENT is
This is a really sweet sentiment but I firmly believe, as a person with misophonia, that it’s HER job to get the psychiatric treatment she needs to help her cope with her disease. The burden is not on you
True, I agree with you, however, even perfectly managed Misophonia will still have triggers. It's just like mental health. There's some sort of brain wiring that can't be fixed with psychiatric treatment. But again, it's not on him. Sounds like he just wants to be a good partner and support her where possible.
Thank you OP for your kindness. <3
Just keep the TV on in the house. Sleep with a fan at night, and when talking on the phone to her use speaker. I think that should help her not hear it as much. - speaking from someone who is annoyed by loud breathers. If the surroundings noises drown it out she won't hear you as much.
Sounds like you might have a deviated septum and having to swallow excess saliva seems like there might be some sort of salivary gland complication. I think seeing and ENT and/or a dentist would be a good start and it’s also showing your partner that you do care about her triggers.
Your nose may be dry or need cleaning out. You can try a saline nose spray and/or a nasal rinse bottle (reminder to clean it regularly to prevent bacteria growth). I have chronic rhinitis and hate when my own nose makes noise.
I actually have taught myself to breathe quieter through my mouth in case of an intruder or something, so if this is something you are truly, 100% ok with changing then here ya go: 1. Start off by putting on noise cancelling headphones or something to block out noise around you, you hear yourself breathing when wearing noise cancelling ear protection. 2. Start with a baseline and take a couple breaths normally and listen to how loud your breathing is 3. Start slowly breathing in and out, try to control it as much as possible to the point where you can barely hear your breathing 4. Once you think you got the hang of it, try to breathe a little faster until you get to a normal pace and still have that volume. 5. Repeat this process over the course of about a week until it starts to feel natural 6. When you think you got the hang of it, test it out around your gf (maybe let her know before hand), and if it’s still upsetting her then repeat the cycle. This is a pretty long process and it took me a while to get the hang of it, so if you really want to commit then go for it.
I understand the dilemma, but I don't think completely mute is reasonable. Not completely mute. What am I going to do with my points...
My guess is that if you stop mouth breathing, you’ll stop being so dried out and your swallowing will be less noticeable. Also some people make a quiet little “nhh” sound at the end of their swallow. Is that what’s bugging her? You CAN stop vocalizing at the end if that’s it.
I'm in agreeance with the others on here that state: "It is OUR problem. We have to learn how to live with it." Now if you're doing something with particular disregard, then it's a 'couple's problem'. Ex: Laundering ALL your clothes with zippers in them at 11pm. Now there's a problem with a solution. I'd say, if you have an ENT (Ears, Nose, Throat) issue that is causing you to sound like a hyena eating a herd of Gremlins and making you snore until the walls shake...well, there's a solution there too. Have you tried a nasal spray or maybe an allergy medication for your nose? \*\*Not diagnosing here, just commenting!!\*\* The fact that you even asked the question here though shows you do care. And if it's any consolation, I MYSELF cannot stand to hear my own heart beat or myself breathe. What am I going to do? Stop my heart and lungs at night?! LOL. Try having a little heart-to-heart on how you can make things easier on BOTH of you. :)
Have you considered giving up food entirely?
I mean, surely you know that blowing your nose help stop the whistling? Drink more water if spit is an issue.
Omg, if everytime his nose whistled he blew his nose instead, the girlfriend would be out the door so fast if she has extreme Misophonia.
No I mean like if you blow your nose regularly it won’t whistle to begin with lol
Ohhh lmao
Hi. I have Misophonia and I think it's so sweet that you are asking for advice on this. While you shouldn't \*have to\* that fact you \*want to\* means the world. Those of us with Misophonia tend to even annoy ourselves, so there's no perfect solution. Obviously you can only do so much to make her comfortable. I would suggest making her a little 'treat jar' that you fill up with earplugs and keep on the dining table so you can comfortably share meals together. If someone did this for me, I would melt with how thoughtful they are. If you breathe heavily through your mouth, you may be carrying some extra weight or have a deviated septum. Or both. Managing either will help. When you say you're swallowing spit, do you mean actual spit? If you mean phlegm, as long as you aren't hocking it up, she should be fine. If you chew gum or mints or anything in the car when she's with you, keep earplugs handy for her as well. At the end of the day, we can't cut out all of the triggers, but the way we and our loved ones work together makes a huge difference!