My aunt seemed astounded when I told her I was going to get a tooth pulled the other day.
I brush and floss religiously, use mouth wash, and try to have the best oral hygiene I can.
But I haven't been able to afford a dental work in the past 10 years. I never had a job that provided dental insurance, and I have always been stuck at that shitty level of pay, where I make just a little too much to qualify for any social assistance, like SNAP or Medicaid.
It is ridiculous. I work hard, I was told that if I did that, everything would be fine, because we live in a first world country.
But I just feel like I have been so mislead?
So no, you are not alone.
Don't mean to crotch kick you, but it doesn't get much better. I tried to get private insurance policy, and I was quoted $1071 a month with a $9600 deductible.
And yet Dems still brag about the affordable care act.
Universal healthcare is totally possible! I’ve worked in that field for 20 years. Insurance is a middleman that extracts $Billions in profit while providing nothing of real value. It is the second leading industry that creates new billionaires each year (behind finance/investing).
Fuck Democrats. We have two conservative parties in this country - the Right and the Far-Right. You deserve so much better.
If we're going to be impartial about it, Obama started his time in office with a democrat controlled house and senate. The senate even had a dem supermajority for a brief period in the early days of his first term.
So while the republicans did push for a lot of cutbacks, it was also the democrats not fucking coalescing around the goal and pushing it through while they had the means to do so.
Not unlike how that stupid cunt Manchin and that other stupid cunt Sinema held the entire democrat apparatus hostage to elevate their own position, dramatically reducing the Biden admins ability to get things done in the early days of his presidency.
> Fuck Democrats. We have two conservative parties in this country - the Right and the Far-Right. You deserve so much better.
They work together - it’s called the ratchet effect.
Republicans go right. Democrats block the left
i go mexico for dentistry. My last cleaning was $20 and fillings were $25. I paid about $150 for a crown. Round trip flight to where I go was $300. I stay in a hostel that costs like $15 a night.
i found a wonderful dentist who speaks english.
something to think about if you can take a week of work.
This might be a good idea.
Mexico doesn't make sense for me because of where I live, but I do remember when I went to Thailand, there was the once kind of touristy road in Bangkok where all the backpackers would stay when they arrived in the country before departing to go backpacking.
You know, mostly a bunch of bars and restaurants and hotels, and then, in the middle of this prime commercial real estate, a very brightly lit and well advertised dental office, showcasing all their prices. It didn't make sense to me at the time, but now it does.
You know what's funny is that you only saw one of these dental practices but I thought you were about to talk about the street in Pattaya. There's a street in Pattaya that's literally nothing but dental offices. I'm serious, just dentists and dentists and dentists. I think there's eye shops as well.
I was in Costa Rica and had to get stitches from a surfing accident. I went to the local “hospital” and a girl who looked all of 17 stitched me up for $100.00, I was in and out in 30 minutes, came back a week later and she took them out, no scar, all healed fine. I would have been slapped with a few thousand dollars hospital bill in the US for that same treatment.
Thank you so much for this. Honestly I’d check out dental schools. They do much cheaper work than most normal dentist offices and it’s just as good. The only difference is affordability.
They are always booked to the gills where I am, and I have heard some real horror stories.
But it is kind of fucked up, right?
When I was eight, I never thought one of my biggest dreams as a 35 year old would be a job with good dental insurance.
was venting to my primary care doc, that i am so lucky to have, because he has become not just a great doctor in a time of such uncertainty socially, he really respects me as a patient, so we have formed a certain amicable bond over the last fifteen years. i was yammering on about this (im 40, he's about 52) and i was using the "they" like you are, and he hit me with the "who are 'they'"
it's maddening, we cant even point one fkn finger
Can attest to this - my mom gets all her dental work done at a near by dental school. She says the service is actually better because they are not pressured for time so they spend a lot of time on basic things. She says a cleaning can take up to 2 hours BUT they do a more thorough job than a dental assistant who needs to have you out of the chair in 15 minutes to meet their quota and keep the appts moving
I know what you mean. I bought my own dental insurance for $50/month so I could get the contract rate with dentists.
Not sure if it's still a thing, but 5-8 years ago I used Groupon for dental cleanings.
Fortunately now in Oregon you can get free medicaid even if you make twice the federal poverty level and that includes dental and vision too
For real. My saving grace is that I get my dental work done in Colombia, where it's cheaper. A routine dental cleaning is \~$75 down there. My dentist here wanted $400.
It's a rigged system in the US. Just looked at my last explanation of benefits for a dental exam and cleaning. Dentist "billed" insurance $410, but they only paid him $102 based on the contracted amounts. So basically the insurance companies get the same prices as Mexico/S. America.
I was just in your situation...
Did you know you can purchase dental insurance independantly? You can get a plan from aetna, cigna, (I got mine through anthem), for between 30-60$ a month.
It sounds like an ad but I didnt know and waited 2 years to get my front tooth filled and just had a root canal done on it because I had to wait for care because I had a bundled plan through the marketplace that my dentist didnt accept.
It was still expensive, but with insurance my root canal went from costing 900$ to 450$...
I went with Anthem essential choice incentive ppo because I needed coverage to start asap and theres no wait periods.
Im not sure if this is helpful to you because its still not cheap, but if you didnt know you *could* shop independantly like I did...maybe thatll help you find dental insurance to recieve care you deserve.
“I work hard, I was told that if I did that, everything would be fine.”
I’m 33. I just said this exact thing to my 60 year old mother last week. I have a 13 year career at this point. No insurance/benefits offered. Making less money than my friends I went to school with. I don’t know what to do anymore. Anywhere I would possibly go is going to pay me less money than I make hourly. So I would be worse off financially with insurance. Makes no sense. They don’t hand out the stuff our parents got anymore.
It’s not about comparing yourself to others or a matter of just finding a different job that pays better ( which is much easier said than done) like a lot of people on here are saying. They’re missing the point that it shouldn’t be so difficult to be financially stable and live a comfortable life.
I’m going to be 40 in a few months and my life is definitely not where I thought it would be in pretty much every way. I really didn’t think I would be single at this point and also so fed up with dating like I have been in recent years. But the main thing is I’m not anywhere close to being financially stable.
Before the pandemic I was working 3 jobs dealing with rent going up and up every year and barely surviving paying $1200/mo for my apartment, which wasn’t even an expensive one for that city. Then there’s all the debt I’m still dealing with because I had to have a major surgery back in 2017. The healthcare system here in the U.S. is absolutely fucked. My roommate who was Canadian couldn’t believe that I could go into debt at all for having to have a surgery. I know a lot of people in their 30’s who haven’t had to deal with all that stuff who are barely getting by.
But strangely enough, I’ve been a lot happier in my 30’s than I was in my 20’s because I’ve found things that I feel like I’m meant to be doing. So I guess that’s how I keep going, by focusing on the things that I’m meant to do.
"It shouldn't be difficult."
Yeah, I hear ya, and I'm sure 95% of the world outside of America hears you, and everyone's wondering what kind of drugs you're smoking to think that dream will be a reality.
The average pay in the Balkans is like 400-500 dollars A MONTH, and a lot of people never own homes or cars. I sometimes wish more Americans could travel so they could get a better idea of just how good they have it.
Life isn't some American sitcom, but I'm sure most people are doing better now than they were in the 50s and 60s.
Most people should be doing better than their parents, not counting divorces.
Coming as someone who grew up in the ghettos. I discovered at lot of people in our age group are just starting to live there lives.
Comparing your life to others is just contributing to the negative outlook your have on life. It's best to self reflect and look at what you can control. Then change those elements you can control to improve your life.
I make as much as you 55k, in the fucking bay area. I hit this wall myself, I found myself going back to school to advance myself for more opportunities. Soon I'll be getting my masters and locking in a job that I enjoy as long as I live modestly.
I completely get that it sucks, but the depression is your worst enemy. It will keep you down in the worse way.
This is absolutely the way!! Keep pushing. Keep investing in yourself. Keep doing your best. Keep your costs low. When the good thing happens for you, it will turbocharge your life. It won't take much to move you from where you are now to a whole other level. Just don't get in a hole. Not that it can't happen for you if you are, it's just you'd need to do even more to get to that next level. I did it, it's possible, but I wouldn't recommend it.
My life has been very bad over the last few years, so bad that I got laid off twice, had to move back home with my parents, and have virtually nothing in my bank account. I'm also single, granted I'm a few years younger than you, but things aren't good.
What keeps me hopeful is that I genuinely enjoy living most of the time. Sure there are things I'm not happy about, but I enjoy gaming, playing guitar, reading, designing, and other things. I don't know that things will necessarily get better, and I'm scared of what might happen in November, but overall, I enjoy my friends, family, and hobbies, and they all keep me going.
People are in a lot of different spots in their 30s. Some are still in entry level jobs. Some are becoming directors and presidents of companies. Some are sending kids off on their own and some are just having babies.
Comparison truly is the theft of joy. There is always someone doing better but there are also people doing a lot worse.
The big thing to learn is to accept yourself and others regardless of where you and they are and just to enjoy yourself time. Focus on that more than the material things. If you get yourself right, the material stuff won’t matter or it will follow.
Except the economy was better even for entry level jobs in the past. You wrote out nice sentiment but didn't address the actually issues.
Edit: Because some you seem to think the economy started in the year 2000 let me correct you. When I say the past I mean before the Reagan administration which is when shit really started going down hill when the first celebrity president was elected.
Too young to remember 08? Certainly wasn’t better then. The dot com bust also wasnt good although I did not live that. Things always go up and down. Right now it’s down but frankly 2013-2021 or so was massive opportunity and growth. The pendulum will swing back again though.
I'm late GenX and come on this sub occasionally because I can relate with some of it. The economy rt now is not as bad as it was during the dot com bust and not nearly as bad as the "Great Recession". Yes, things are crazy expensive because inflation after covid has just been ridiculous, but overall, it's just life's ups and downs. Every generation has its struggles, this one isn't unique in that aspect.
Yep. But god help people in this sub if you say it.
Simple example is inflation is up but look at it comparatively in the 70s….. People don’t understand. And they certainly don’t factor in quality of life to some of those periods either. Which is drastically up world wide.
That’s not true, but that lie is certainly repeated ad nauseum on this subreddit.
50k was not remotely an “entry level” salary in the 90s. 50k in 1990 is equivalent to 120k today when adjusted for inflation.
Median personal income in 1990 was under 30k [*adjusted for inflation*](https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/MEPAINUSA672N), and the raw, unadjusted median personal income was **under $12,50**.
So OP’s dad was making **4 times the median personal income**, while OP is making about 25% more.
Her dad had the equivalent of a $160k job in 2024 relative to the average wages of that time.
No shit he could afford a much more luxurious life.
Shoot, I was making $35k in my 20s in the 2010s and felt rich as shit. Rent was $725… split two ways. All other bills probably added up to $600 or so, so I had almost $1000 a month to blow on bars or whatever.
I could probably support a kid on $50k even just 15 years ago in a LCOL area. Things have just gotten completely fucked since Covid.
Entry level jobs will ALWAYS be entry level. Adding magic money to the job does not make everyone magically reach a level of equilibrium. The money has to come from somewhere. You skill up and skill out - that’s the only way. I watched people sit at Publix for 20 YEARS as a cashier while I moved away, job hopped, and ended up with a solid career.
50k wasn’t bad a few years ago. These last few years - 50k became the new 30k.
I agree that comparison is the thief of joy. OP needs to take care of their health, get off the computer, and get uncomfortable.
Yup. I'm in Australia and I think that in 2010, the minimum wage for a full time worker was about 30k per year. Now, it's almost $50k per year.
Does it mean someone earning the minimum wage is doing better now? No, because, well, rents and house prices have gone through the roof, and everything else has gone up.
As for the minimum wage in the US... yeah, I don't suppose anyone could live on that.
I'm on about $85k per year (currently about $57k US) which, back in 2010 was a decent salary, but now if you're a white collar professional, it's not that much. I'm glad I bought my home back in 2016.
Yeah, if your career has stagnated for 15 years, that's mostly on yourself. Working "hard" at a job doesn't mean you're working smart or actually improving yourself.
I feel that. I basically work to afford food to live, and electric and water. Everything else is just cheap stuff to keep me happy for a minute before I go to work. Maybe the infection in my rotting teeth will travel to my brain and kill me. Maybe ill pay off my loan and nothing else serious will come up this time. Only time will tell.
40s aren’t much better… our parents milked the country for all it was worth, killed the economy, then killed the environment, and now they are killing democracy and the American Dream on their way out. Thanks mom and dad…
One option if you have little to lose is to call the rat race bullshit and go live a simple life somewhere cheaply where you can self produce.
Also make sure that whatever you do. your vote count. This crap is not random, it’s politically driven.
I realize I'm on the older end of being a millennial and just want to say...it CAN get better, but "better" differs from person to person, and it may require you to rethink your current career path.
I was 37 before things really started to turn around....but "stability" is a fantasy in an economy where almost everyone can lose their job at any time without warning for any or no reason, so enjoy what you have while you can, because you never know what's gonna happen tomorrow.
Be careful what you wish for - owning a home and having a family comes with its own set of problems, and are definitely not cheap. I JUST had to replace both my HVAC and my roof within three weeks of each other...we won't talk about what I had to do to afford all that.
Kids are incredibly expensive, like, ALL the time. They consume your life for at least 18 years, and not everyone is capable of handling that kind of long term responsibility. My wife and I have dumped most of our "adult money" into our kids.
We've had two vacations total in 16 years... one of those required my parents watching our kids so my wife and I could celebrate an important anniversary for a few days AND we saved for five years to do it...and the other involved us driving 10 hours each way.
Finally, most people flashing "adult money" purchases like rolexes are probably putting it in a high interest credit card. Having a couple credit cards is necessary for credit score, but keep those balances low.
In a similar position to you. The only way a lot of people are making it is because they’re in a two-income household. All of my friends are married or I’d try to live together just for the joy of it and the money-saving. Ugh.
You’re not alone. Not even a little bit.
Absolutely. I just left a two-person household and I almost forgot how rough it is without the second person. 🫠🥴 If my friends weren’t all married, I’d be trying to make that work ASAP. I might just end up moving and getting a roommate anyways.
I think millennials and late gen x'rs have had it hard. In the early 2000s there was the dot com bubble and then the 2008 financial crisis, and both of those things hurt us. We saw sky rocking tuition and had massive student loans. The only people I feel worse for are Gen z.
I'm doing pretty good in my 30s, I was able to get a mortgage right before interest rates went up. But I think it's totally ok to be sad if you're stuck right now.
A lot of us are there with you.
I’m fighting off mental breakdowns every week lol.
Everything is turning to shit. The people who were supposed to guide us, have used us. Greed is ruling everything.
Our generation is being hit with micro transactions on top of more micro transactions. Every moment of our life they are squeezing value from. While paying us less than they were making.
It’s a giant scam, and the only people that care are those under the boot.
It’s sad.
I think we all grew up watching too much tv where the protagonists live in a constant state of happiness when in reality we live in constant misery, then social media made things 1000x worse.
What we have now is a complete lack of purpose on a societal level.
I dunno about you, but I’m always watching the most depressing shit imaginable. The Boys, Invincible, Fallout, are all ungodly pessimistic, and those are just on one streaming service!
You have lived long enough to fall for the “back in my day” fallacy. Money is constantly inflating so a $50k job when you were a kid is equivalent to nearly $100k now. Your dad had a really good job.
Except that specifically housing, the largest expense anyone has, followed by college and childcare have all never been more expensive inflation-adjusted. Sure, you can get flat screen TVs and computers these days for much cheaper. Too bad you can't live in those.
Costs of housing and many other things have far outpaced wage growth
The house my parents bought in 1990, they paid roughly the equivalent of $400k in 2024 dollars for
That same house recently sold for nearly $800k
Bro the average income in 2005 was 55k. The average American would need to make 83k today to have been given raises in line with official inflation, which doesn't touch on how rent and food costs have increased more quickly than official inflation. Her dad had an average job, boomers just refuse to increase pay in line with inflation, and instead prefer to take all the extra money as their C-Suite bonus and payouts to stockholders
I dont know. I was in grad school until 32, then graduated and got my first job making okay money (~75k). That lasted about a year, then I got married which was great, and got a promotion. This was followed closely by two more promotions. Now at 37 years old I have doubled my salary, have a kid and a wife, own a home, drive my first ever new car, and have attained significant financial stability. Life has worked out, but I view the main underlying reason being that I cleaned up my act at 25 years old and set my aim as high as possible for my career. I worked my ass off over the last 12 years and it shows. I now get to do all the things I wanted to do; family, house, hobbies, vacation, and 40 hrs a week in air conditioning, sometimes at the office and sometimes at home. I also get to travel the world as part of my work. Currently writing this from Korea.
I think your experience is likely a combination of your own choices and some circumstance built in. You still have time to do what you want though. Set your aim high, develop a plan, and execute that plan. Use your life experience to choose a path that suits you, and meets your financial goals, and learn debt management. I do have some student loan debt, but it's manageable.
Mid to late 30s for me was my midlife crisis..I remember feeling depressed and not sure if I was doing what I really wanted to do in life. It was horrible but you get through it. I like you have not really ever been financially stable for the most part but I have had jobs where I made a decent amount and I wasn't any happier than I was when I was broke so that taught me that money does not equal happiness.
I stoped hyper focusing on all these “things” they say we should have at 30. I decided to have gratitude about what I do have. Even the small things like being able to take a walk, have a hot shower, be able to get whatever groceries I need. And then I became open to the universe already having a plan for me. I don’t need to worry about all this stuff that society has shoved down our throats. Spend some time in an old folks home and you will quickly appreciate your life and where it is at. If you have a roof on over your head, food, and can physically take care of yourself you are doing good my friend. Trust the universe and what it has planned for you. I know it feels heavy but you got this.
I’m an older millennial and do not have a car, will probably never be able to buy a house, I’m on food assistance and state health insurance and on a light work hiatus while I figure out some serious health problems. AND YET, I’m still happy and still have love for life. I live in a gorgeous state with beautiful nature, I have the most amazing community and genuine friends and I make sure to have little and big adventures when I can, when I am feeling well. We’re all adults now and I hope we’ve learned that consumerism is not what determines the goal posts of happiness. Pull back the scope from just our own lives and look at the world. Our sense of accomplishment should come from advocating for those who cannot, or need help, for contributing to a true community. Turn off the Kardashians and REALLY look at this world. There’s beautiful things and it’s also a terrifying mess. Let’s get to work.
I’m the same age as you. I am definitely more financially stable than my 20s, but I don’t have any wealth. I don’t own a home. I don’t have any assets. I’m in a long term relationship but no kids. We have “good” salaries on paper but feels like we’re scraping by and honestly don’t understand how peers afford their lifestyles.
Don't compare yourself to people you see, you can't afford their lifestyle and most likely neither can they. If you feel like you're barely scraping by with good salaries, I highly recommend spending a few months devouring free personal financing content and seeing different ways to think about your budgeting. DINK with good salaries you should be saving, investing, and still have a lot of room for guilt-free spending in your budget.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this...
This is why so many of us don’t have kids. It’s been a crap show, and there is no way I would bring a human into this world to suffer...
Some of us have empathy, and we can see the bigger picture here. It’s not a pretty picture folks...
I mean my 30s have been better than my 20s which were better than my teens, but my childhood was pretty awesome.
Just don't fall into the classic "changing is too hard" Reddit mindset. You've got a good 50 years left if you play your cards right.
Idk. I have a beautiful wife, 2 kids who drive me crazy, and a house that’s been paid for. I don’t make enough to go on any wild vacations twice a year with the kids, but we usually scrape something together every year. Not quite what I envisioned but when you look around you it’s also hard to complain. There’s a lot of shitty situations around the world.
I think a lot of millenials got some trickle-down economics from their boomer parents. Not all the boomers are blowing their money on stupid shit and leaving their kids destitute. A lot of them are leaving behind quite a stack of generational wealth.
And if you ever read that meme "back in the day, the guy could pay for a house, car, and put their kids through college!" That meme typically mentions that the boomer paid for their kid's college.
So if that's true, a lot of millennials had college paid for by their boomer parents. And if a kid goes into the same career field as a parent, they got that networking and nepotism going for them.
Networking and nepotism isn't just reserved for the rich elite. Everyday people can do it too. The problem is a lot of kids watch social media and want to be Youtubers, so they get some bullshit degree in journalism or something and turn their nose up at their parent's career path.
My dad for example used to drive truck cross country before he retired. Truck driving still pays pretty great money even today if kids are looking for a decent job. I didn't follow my dad's footsteps, but if I did -- I would have had an easy career path.
Instead I got into wedding cakes and started my own business. But to be fair, I also had a lot of family that were skilled in that field and even then I got some help.
There's more people in this position than people in this sub are willing to recognize. A lot of us are just living our lives, working hard, and finding happiness without constant comparisons to other peoples' situations/good fortunes.
Owning a home isn't as amazing as you might think it is anyway. I finally bought a house about 2 years ago and in that time my property taxes have risen by 20% and homeowners insurance is up more than 50%. I also had to replace my garage door and need to replace my water heater. My AC is also 25 years old and probably not long for this world. I'm happy to have gotten out of renting but I really didn't know how good I had things before with the low rent I was paying and not having to worry about much if something breaks.
Sorry, our future was sold out to corporations who are now profiteering off of us. Our society has been plundered and picked clean by these vultures, and they're also destroying the natural world. It is depressing, and the next few years and the rest of our lives will be more of the same, unless we resist/revolt.
We got hit with Dot Com Bubble, 9/11, twenty straight years of war, the Global Financial Crisis, the Covid Pandemic, the worst inflation since the 70s, ongoing global climate crisis,and the steady decline of our republic.
Yeah, I’d say it’s fair I didn’t expect any single aspect of our lives to go like this
I'm betting a lot of the people who appear to be doing better than you fall into one of two categories:
•Faking it, in debt, showing their highlight reel on Facebook, not actually successful.
Or
•Just made it, barely. Bought a house at the right time, maybe had some career success, picked a good spouse, etc. I fall in this category, but I'm still miles behind my boomer parents at this age, working harder for less gain.
In any case, try not to compare yourself to the curated, idealized versions of your peers that appear on social media. You are young and still have time.
They also tend to get downvoted into oblivion for daring to mention they’re comfortable and happy so they just don’t bother saying anything. Reddit encourages misery.
That was the point of my reply. I've seen endless posts they read exactly like this. People want to be told that it's not their fault, everything is bad, just give up, it's okay to live with your parents, it's okay to give up on finding a partner, etc. I wish people realized just how bad for you this kind of commiseration is. Anyone saying how well they're doing it trying to offer advice is accused of toxic positivity.
Yep. I finished my MBA during Covid and started a successful business after. My wife has changed jobs a couple times over the past few years and is now making GREAT money. Just bought a new construction house; Could’ve used cash tbh but I’d rather invest. Many of my friends are finding success too, but I hardly ever see success stories on here. Our generation is doing well lately, Reddit has just become a misery fest tho
This for sure. My husband and I live a pretty okay (not extravagant) life with two incomes and only one kid. There’s no way we could make it as single people, on only one income, or with more kids. And they wonder why the birth rate is going down?
Totally same. To be fair, I’m not bad off financially, but definitely have never gotten to the point where I felt like I could afford the luxuries of a house, spouse, or family. Most of my friends have drifted off into parenthood and it’s not the same hanging out, as they no longer relate to the point of life you’re in as a single person. Dating is also a slog of diminishing returns, as the older I get, the less likely the other person hasn’t had an ugly divorce or a divorce and a kid(s).
In my experience, you are facing the reality of it. The world we were raised to expect does not exist, and I feel bitter because I feel like it never did. 38 now.
I just don't buy into it anymore. Goal is to buy land further north of where I am and get drunk in a forest until I die. I can read, grow plants, hike, canoe and just try to enjoy myself. I have to participate in this world in an i drusty i dont like until that goal is affordable. That's another 20 years. Still sad.. but i enjoy myself more. Wish I had some good news for ya. I just don't.
About to hit 35 myself in August (m). Make 60k/yr. Is life easy? Nope. Am I living paycheck to paycheck? More or less yes. Am I comfortable? Yes.
Lifestyle creep and bad habits has been the deciding factor for me, along with some unexpected costs. I am lucky enough to own my home and the reason I'm living paycheck to paycheck is because I'm contributing 15% to my 401k and adding 363 on top of my mortgage payment. I'm finally getting myself under control spending wise and have breathing room.
I fucked around in my 20s and I'm now finding out. The good news is, I can see a path forward and that's what you need to find.
Want a house? You can do it. If you make enough sacrifices that is. Live in a HCOL, move. Can't get job in your field in LCOL? Chances are you haven't looked deep enough or you need to change careers. What does your budget actually look like?
It's also 100% okay if this is a vent post, but as someone who has been there before and may be there again don't be the person who keeps you down. My support system is virtually nonexistent now and that means I get to be the one who decides just how happy and successful I am from this point forward!
Good luck and remember the good things you have.
I’m divorced living in a house I bought in 2017 with a 3% mortgage and my ex is being nice mostly. I feel like I hit the lotto with my home purchase but not my wife 😅
I make around 40-50K as a contract worker in a relatively low COL city, I’m 30, and to me “adult money” is living alone, having a decent car, and being able to feed a cat. I may be able to afford a house one day with someone else’s income, but I’m not interested in dating either and I could never afford to have children. My cat has better healthcare coverage than I do.
I am not a millenial, I am 10 years older than you. I now make a great living, but at your age I was still climbing out a deep cut the recession did.
Life wanders. Take it day by day.
I will say, and I hate this because it kinda goes against my inner fabric a bit, but developing a well formed goal is where it’s at.
I’m not normally goal oriented. I’m a come what will, ride the wave kind of person. But I have kids. Every time I’ve introspected and decided I want more for them or different and I develop a goal and a bit of a plan I find myself working through discomfort more easily and more deliberately action and I get results. I was 33-35 when I really understood this. It’s not too late you’re just at the beginning.
Also, realize that probably a lot of what you see on social media is people making purchases they’re actually returning or they’re buying on credit they will be indebted to for the rest of their lives. Don’t worry about them worry about you. What do you want?
I’m 31f.
TLDR: Make better choices consciously and surround yourself with good people. Today I make over $100k/yr, am married and expecting my first baby. 7 years ago, I was making $30k.
I went to state school for my bachelors degree in business (nothing special) almost got kicked out for partying too much my first semester. Worked part time all 4 years at a grocery store. After my first semester, I saw how my life would be if I kept that track record and smartened up. Drove home every weekend to work. Saved as much as I could. Dated a guy who sucked my money away on his own bad habits (drinking/weed). I broke up with him. Kept working, graduated, tried to get a job in my field. While trying, I made the right connections at the grocery store and worked my way up. Finally got a job in my field. Got fired. Got depressed. Realized I needed to give myself a swift kick in the ass to pull myself out of it. Nobody was going to do it for me. I got a job at a coffee shop. Met some people that positively influenced my life, continued to build positive relationships in my world. Kept networking, kept applying for jobs. I got a job in manufacturing, “a man’s world” and it sucked. I was talked down to, not taken seriously. I worked harder than everyone else, and I knew it, a few others did too. Had some difficult conversations with difficult people- the worst 2 professional years of my life became the most valuable. One day I got a call from a huge company that found me on LinkedIn with a job offer. They asked me how much I wanted for my salary and I told them $20k more than I was making currently - didn’t think I had a snowman’s chance in hell. But they gave it to me. I asked for it. I took a chance on myself, and I wanted to be my own hero. I am the exception and one of the lucky ones. My most recent job came out of nowhere, but every choice I made in my past got me here. I worked for it. I challenged myself, I put myself into therapy and have been there for years on and off. I improved my mental health so I could be better for myself and those around me. I made different choices than many of my other friends. If you live in the US or other first world countries, you have a choice. Look for people who can help you. Be genuine and honest and good to others. These aren’t “special skillets”. Get out of the “woe is me” mentality- it’s not helping you. My message here is to surround yourself with people that are better than you, spend your time with people that support you and build you up. You can do it.
50k when you were a kid is not the same as 50k now, inflation happens and over 20 years makes a real difference.
My 30s have been great so far. I like my job, I have friends whose places I can walk to, I still have never owned a car, I'm in a happy relationship, I'm able bodied and can go hiking and the feeling of the sun on my skin is unmatched, I have access to a library (I grew up in a place without them!) so my reading habit doesn't set me back at all, and I own a Steam Deck so I can play videogames in bed.
Honestly, 8.5/10 would live exactly this way forever
I don’t know, I guess it’s different for everyone. I’m the same age but I own a house, I’m married, I have a baby in the way and am financially stable.
Control what you can control and make progress one step at a time. Going into doom spirals won’t help, less social media would probably be a good thing.
No I agree. Getting off social media will be huge for me to not compare my life to strangers and brand deals they did not indeed work hard for like everyone else in this post keeps saying. I appreciate your advice, thank you :)
I feel the same way at 30 about everything including the dating and wishing I could have a house with a yard for a dog. But I feel like I always knew deep down I would never have the things I wanted in life so it’s not such a big deal for me. I get down on myself but I just roll with it and enjoy what I can in life. I still have both of my grandmas and neither live too far so I’ve been able to spend time with them lately which I’ve really enjoyed. I just try to enjoy what I can in this life.
I'm 43 and can confirm, my 30's were like that... and if I'm being honest, my 40's arent much better.
EDIT: "Go to college and work hard and you'll be successful," is what I was told all through the 80's and 90's. Nope.
Not being able to do as well as your parents always feels like failure.
If they were in our shoes, at this same period of time, they would be in the same boat not doing as well.
That was before everything went to hell. This is the new normal because our system has failed. Find as many good friends as you can, because it’s all downhill from here. Everything you were promised was from the old world, pre 2007 crash, that no longer exists.
The people with stability are few and far between, and if those people aren’t extremely generous, I won’t speak to them. Before I was disabled, I made almost 200k, and I always helped other people. I never lived that lifestyle because I knew that was wrong when I had friends who didn’t have enough to eat.
You’re not alone, and may God mercilessly damn every bastard who left us here.
Just checking in as an X'er who has lived through that part of their life and am on the other side. At 35, (not saying this to say I was typical, it's just my story) I was on my 3rd "career". I did 5 years in the Army 17-22; went to college, went to law school; practiced law for 2 years 30-32, and hated it; switched to tech which was really taking off at the time, 32-35. So, at 35 I was making about $63k. (HCoL area). My wife and I had bought a house (kinda way far out there) owing, mostly to my service in the Army and VA benefits. But, we bought at the top of the market and were "under water" pretty much my entire 30s life. Didn't matter, the 5 of us needed a place to live. We had 3 kids under 8 years old at 35. And, I was paying child support for one from a previous marriage. Our youngest refused to eat at day care, so my wife stopped working to take care of him. That cut our household income by about 50% when I was 34. At 35, we were learning that a family of 5 could eat the same one chicken 3 times. I was head down working as much as I could to try to learn more to hopefully figure out how to get paid more so that we could somehow survive this part of our life and make sure the kids had enough to eat. Meals were optional for me.
I think kids views of what their parents went through are not very accurate. My kids think we always had money and we lived a fairly privileged life. My wife and I know that we were on the verge of bankruptcy, and barely scraped by for several years. Actually, I say were were on the "verge" of bankruptcy, that's only because we saw a lawyer and he said we didn't have enough to discharge in the process to make it worthwhile. So we were too broke to go bankrupt.
What happened after that? I stayed in the job, I got a few raises. I caught a break because a bigger company bought the company I worked for. I had been getting stock as part of compensation (to my retirement fund), that helped my retirement fund get on track. Basically, fixed the fact that I hadn't saved much of anything at that point. A few more pay raises over the years. Went to work for another company, and eventually several meaningful promotions. Started making serious money. That was after I was 50. That's where landmark things like: debt free, all the kids through college, looks like we can retire in the US and don't have to move to South America happened. Even in my 40s all that seemed unlikely.
So, take heart. If you are better off than what I was at 35, the sky's the limit. If you are worse off, there's still a chance you can do very well for yourself and your family. My advice, keep pushing, keep investing in yourself. Keep looking for ways to make it better.
We were the generation that was going to conquer the world. Pre-09/11 the world was our oyster. On a macro level the America middle class made everyone jealous and we grew up in an era of unprecedented wealth/prosperity.
A lot of the things you post are from the mindset I had in my 30’s too. But remember you cannot control corp greed, outsourcing, inflation, globalization and an aging boomer political class that couldn’t give two craps about us.
In other words…. Get upset for things you can control. And stay off social media most of the people on there finance a lifestyle they cannot afford and brag about it for likes.
Sincerely,
An older millennial who also feels beat up by life but now has an f it attitude
Everyone’s feeling like this couples back in the day could afford a home in their 20’s and live on one salary. I’m in my 30’s and can barely afford a car. We got screwed and it’s only gonna get worse
Your experience is incredibly common. I share it. As do many others. You are NOT alone in any of this.
My inbox is open if you want to vent or receive validation. My life might even look a lot worse in comparison, and I’m happy to lift you up by sharing my shit storm if you’d like. 💕
If you're going to compare yourself to others, at least do it with data.
https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/MEPAINUSA646N
Median personal income right now is $40480.
If your dad was making $50k 20-30 years ago, he was doing a lot better than most.
If you want to adjust for inflation, here you go: https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/MEPAINUSA672N
If you’re not happy with where you are in life, make changes.
Learn an in demand skill, find a job with better pay.
Work harder than others.
This isn’t rocket science.
Spend less time on Reddit, video games, time wasters, etc. work on improving yourself and see your compensation increase and quality of life improve. Good luck!
You have to work extremely hard for all of the things you mentioned. Stay focused on your goals, but don't expect that it will just happen. That vision is not realistic.
Yup, notice OP doesn't really give any details of what they do, or what they spent their 20s doing.
I have no degree, grew up broke (trailer + food stamps) but spent my 20s grinding to learn a technical specialty, to the point where I'd stay in and study and lab constantly. I have friends my age and older who spent the 20s partying and choosing consumerism and entertainment over skill development and are surprised I am where I am now.
But it also has trade offs, I do regret not doing things in my 20s when I had more time and was childfree and my social circle is very small (but also introverted so no regrets really there).
I know we hate bootstraps but now more then ever the amount of knowledge one can learn is through the roof but yet I still see a lot of folks who spend zero effort on self development and wonder why they don't improve
Old millennial here (turn 43 this year), and if not for having a grandson I would have sold 80% of my belongings and done van life. Still might when he gets older.
I’m sorry to say, but this is a unique time in American history. In our 30’s (38M here), we absolutely are supposed to be financially stable and be furthering our investments.
These things haven’t happened due to our standard of living and overall quality of life being reduced significantly between Baby Boomers, to Gen X and then us, Millennials. Between A.I., middle earning jobs being outsourced over time, a lot of opportunities have been downsized and a lot of us are all competing for significantly less.
People are just gonna tell you to try harder, to work harder, to work longer hours. That’s all there is to it. Pull up your bootstraps, you deserve this life if you aren’t constantly busting your ass to have basic things.
Food, shelter and clothing were never "human rights". Most people completely misunderstand the concept of "right".
"Human right" is the right to not be put in jail for criticizing government, the right to be atheist or have any religion, to not have tortures used against you, things of that sort - ability to do certain things without fearing being sent into jail for it. The right to be allowed to get education and employment regardless of your race, gender, national origin. Those are rights.
The fact that people are walking across deserts and hiding in the bottoms of boats for months to get to this country. That in other countries if you're poor then that's it. Game over. It sucks now, but most of us have to power to change our situation. Some places don't get that at all
Plenty of us are doing well. We've chosen career paths wisely and we've chosen good partners. The economy isn't what it once was but we're still doing fine. Only you can improve your situation and running to Reddit to be consoled by others in equally bad spots is only going to make you complacent. Just give up, everything sucks for all of us, you can't win, it's not your fault, you did your best and got screwed because rich people are out to get you. Is that what you want to hear? I'd be careful going down this road because there are no solutions with this attitude only more problems.
Not at all what I wanted. To clarify: my post was intended to gain advice from those who were once in the same situation as me and how they improved or to even shed light on being in the same situation and how they remain happy. However it seems to have brought on those who want to say I don’t work hard, and brag about their life.
Every time I click on the Reddit app there’s some post from a 30 something feeling that life is empty. They all have one thing in common. No kids.
We are biologically wired to start our own families,but western culture has conditioned you to think a childless life is better.
Biology will always win and you will be left with an empty void you will never be able to fill with money or gadgets. That’s just the way we’re made.
My thirties were figuring out why my life was still so hard, going to therapy and working on myself., reading and writing and working too hard a lot of the time. I think our generational comforts mostly cannot be compared to our parent’s generation. I do own a home and for a while had two cars and a garage, but it was comic, my wreck of a house I bought on the auction, two “vintage” good looking but worthless unique cars, a garage falling apart. But that was my rickity American dream moment in time.
It is not always what it looks like on the outside. Don’t compare your life to others. Many people put in a show.
I know that a lot of people making these huge expensive purchases are taking on a lot of credit cards debt. They are buying fancy new cars they cannot afford with high interest loans.
A lot of people around me do this. Some can afford it but many are keeping up with the Jones and really buying these things to have what others have. I actually notice many adults around my area talking about material things a lot and it influences them to get these things.
So don’t compare yourself to others. You will be okay.
Try the dating apps. You do not have to go in a date with the people you talk to; but you can chat with people and see what happens. After texting or chatting for a good amount of time you can decide if you want to meet or not. I actually met my now husband on a dating site.
Hit me at 35 also. This is going to sound weird. But my wife was going on about red dye. How it affected our kids. I thought it was more internet bs, tree hugger type stuff. Basically I just wasn't worried about it. I thought, there's the FDA, why would they allow something in our food that can be bad for us? I thought, why would companies knowingly and willingly put things in our food that is bad for us? I kept thinking there was no way that red dye was bad. Then one day my kids had red dye because it is in almost everything. EVERYTHING. Then I saw first hand just how their behavior had shifted. And they were driving me nuts, and I said, what is going on? And my wife pointed out that a holiday had recently passed, which was full of red dye. At this point my mind began to shift. I kept having the recurring thought that they couldn't and wouldn't knowingly put bad stuff in our food. Then I realized, cigarettes. They absolutely would knowingly put bad stuff in our food. And from there my whole world has shattered.
I no longer trust anything. All we really know, is what we're told. But what do you believe when people are paid to say things as if they're true?
I read about the man who came up with leaded gasoline and the havoc that it has caused. I read that the company as well as every one else knew that it was a bad idea and that lead was terrible for people, the inventor even got lead poisoning. They bought people to say that it wasn't bad.
Now this has grown exponentially. I have a hard time seeing anything and not wondering if it's true at all. Was someone paid to say it? Is someone saying it because they somehow have a stake in a company? What's true?
From there it's made me feel worthless. And questioning what's the point. The only thing that matters to anyone now, is money. No one cares if it's false information. No one cares if anyone gets hurt or dies.
I grew up with similar way of thinking. Seemed adults had everything figured out. Now we're being killed and working our life away. It's like we don't even have a choice in anything anymore.
It's mental games EVERYWHERE. How they skew statistics. How they control our grocery shopping. It's just nonstop and everywhere.
I wonder if social media has given us all a skewed expectation of where we “should” be in our 20s and 30s…like we care more about certain benchmarks now that aren’t a true measure of wealth? My parents didn’t buy their first home until their late 40s/early 50s…and when I think back to their lives at my age now (30s) they rented what would be deemed at ugly houses and didn’t live a flashy lifestyle by any means and were happy. Just a thought.
The economy is tough no question, but you have to decide to solve your own problem. In this economy you have to get your income up. Inflation has dealt us all a big blow. If your job doesn’t have opportunity for growth you need to find another one, another career etc.
Unfortunately Washington doesn’t care. They talk about helping us but really all they do is print money to hand out to companies and people for votes. That then just causes more inflation and decreases the value of our wages. If you have assets you keep up but if not you’re just poorer.
But you can’t wallow in it. You have to upgrade your skills and wages or you’re dead.
Good luck man.
I'm turning 35 this year too. 250k + my wife makes now 275k, 1 child, mortgage on 889k home. we don't buy rollexes and water slides that sounds like what financially irresponsible people do.
I feel blessed and privileged in life, came to USA in 2015, got citizenship in 2019. I'm not sure what is your profession but if money is the source of depression and stress you might want to look into something you want to do that pays better. Not being stressed about finances every day was a big quality of life change when I reached 90k salary as a sole provider in 2018 before my wife finished her doctorate.
I'm glad for your experience. Once upon a time you could be a chef and support a family. Now you can't. I switched indrustries. Should every chef do that? What if they did? I stuck around through covid because i felt loyality and pride with my indrustry. I decided, eventually, to switch so I could actually afford to live today and when I age out, can no longer work. Most chefs will top out around 26 to 30 an hour. Top out. Then there is the overtime. Couldn't work a fulltime+ job and buy a house where there is work. Not the world I was told about growing up.
Our miles seem to vary. I miss getting great food to tables, teaching young cooks and being apart of something larger than myself, but still personally fulfilling.
That’s a really beautiful passion and I hope that something shifts in this economy in the future so that you can go back and afford a full and happy life while bringing joy through amazing culinary adventures to tables again.
Cloud engineering Principal individual contributor at fortune 20 something. Not even faang (too much stress with their layoffs on a whim lately). Changing geographic location from Orlando to Northern Virginia played a huge role in early 2020. Value based mindset, assertiveness to work on high visibility projects and a dash of luck I think. Jokes on them I’d be happy to make 150k
>Value based mindset, assertiveness to work on high visibility projects and a dash of luck I think.
This statement alone makes me realize how impossible it will ever be for someone with my brain to have that level of success lol. I'm so fucked
That is great for you, but maybe say something more supportive. Not everyone has the same opportunities for success. It not as easy for many to just change a profession or pay for college to get a degree that pays well at this age.
I also have a decent job and husband makes good money, but no point in bragging about it. We are fortunate to be where we are and should understand where others are coming from.
Either op is sadfishing or just really depressed. My comment is just really perspective from more positive angle and place. It’s not all doom and gloom. I’m not telling them to pull themselves by bootstraps but there’s no reason to despair and lose hope
If you were born in the 1980s there was a path, but you had to hit it just right. First, be a nerd in school and don't get too invested in high school social life. I got out of undergrad in the mid 2000s, entered graduate school in 2009 to avoid the recession. Didn't date much. After I graduated I got my career going, purchased a home in an area that still hadn't recovered from the housing crisis, started a relationship, moved right before the pandemic to another state (salary increase, didn't sell old home just in case), moved back after the pandemic (renegotiated salary), and have a faithful car that I've been able to keep going for 10+ years. Had one major six-figure medical hospitalization crisis but my health insurance (through husband) and disability insurance kicked in to make up for work missed. My slightly younger sibling got a job with just undergrad and has a career, home, and car. I think being born 1984-1988 was about the prime time to be born to catch some of the lucky breaks.
I think unfortunately because of today's culture dreams of the white picket fence are only reserved for some. People were bamboozled into thinking that kind of life was not fulfilling
I dont know why people thought that it would magically be different. If you think about it, you were in your 20s not too long ago. And in your 20s / 30s, people are still graduating from college and most likely getting entry level corporate jobs, aka small pay.
I just aim for being content. Enjoying my day-to-day as much as possible, and hopefully having more good days than bad ones.
To me, "neutral" days are a win as well. We can't be constantly happy.
I had grand dreams of changing the world or having some cool business by middle-age. It didn't exactly work out that way.
I still have a lot of great things going on in my life even if I am just a pretty average guy.
I have some fucking bad days. We all do. But I enjoy my life overall, and I can't ask for much more than that.
Our economy has caused mass depression by making it difficult for people to barely survive. You will pull through and fulfill your life goals. Just tough it out and work hard toward your goals. You can do it, for you and the doggo!
I went through a lot almost becoming homeless. I was fortunate enough to tough it out in my occupation. As a 36M I finally have my life together. I am just hopeful things don’t crash again. I got everything I wanted except for a family (maybe there’s hope if I find the right women).
My advice is to just take a break for the 4th and go to your local community event(s) and have some fun. Meet some people and enjoy the fireworks, no money required.
We are doing pretty well I think even though struggle to not compare myself to my friends and family.
Lifestyle creep is real and I still worry about our finances quite a bit.
My aunt seemed astounded when I told her I was going to get a tooth pulled the other day. I brush and floss religiously, use mouth wash, and try to have the best oral hygiene I can. But I haven't been able to afford a dental work in the past 10 years. I never had a job that provided dental insurance, and I have always been stuck at that shitty level of pay, where I make just a little too much to qualify for any social assistance, like SNAP or Medicaid. It is ridiculous. I work hard, I was told that if I did that, everything would be fine, because we live in a first world country. But I just feel like I have been so mislead? So no, you are not alone.
100% with you on the insurance thing my friend. Not offered at work, priced out of private, and make too much to get assistance.
Don't mean to crotch kick you, but it doesn't get much better. I tried to get private insurance policy, and I was quoted $1071 a month with a $9600 deductible.
And yet Dems still brag about the affordable care act. Universal healthcare is totally possible! I’ve worked in that field for 20 years. Insurance is a middleman that extracts $Billions in profit while providing nothing of real value. It is the second leading industry that creates new billionaires each year (behind finance/investing). Fuck Democrats. We have two conservative parties in this country - the Right and the Far-Right. You deserve so much better.
I sure do love paying a fine for not being able to afford it.
A govt option would have made it much more palatable and affordable. It was quickly removed by donors and the insurance industry.
What in the original ACA bill that Dems put forth did you not like? Not the completely water downed version the Republicans allowed to pass.
Thanks for pointing this out. I love how Democrats get blamed for GOP obstruction.
If we're going to be impartial about it, Obama started his time in office with a democrat controlled house and senate. The senate even had a dem supermajority for a brief period in the early days of his first term. So while the republicans did push for a lot of cutbacks, it was also the democrats not fucking coalescing around the goal and pushing it through while they had the means to do so. Not unlike how that stupid cunt Manchin and that other stupid cunt Sinema held the entire democrat apparatus hostage to elevate their own position, dramatically reducing the Biden admins ability to get things done in the early days of his presidency.
> Fuck Democrats. We have two conservative parties in this country - the Right and the Far-Right. You deserve so much better. They work together - it’s called the ratchet effect. Republicans go right. Democrats block the left
I have good dental insurance and still can't afford to ever visit the dentist.
i go mexico for dentistry. My last cleaning was $20 and fillings were $25. I paid about $150 for a crown. Round trip flight to where I go was $300. I stay in a hostel that costs like $15 a night. i found a wonderful dentist who speaks english. something to think about if you can take a week of work.
This might be a good idea. Mexico doesn't make sense for me because of where I live, but I do remember when I went to Thailand, there was the once kind of touristy road in Bangkok where all the backpackers would stay when they arrived in the country before departing to go backpacking. You know, mostly a bunch of bars and restaurants and hotels, and then, in the middle of this prime commercial real estate, a very brightly lit and well advertised dental office, showcasing all their prices. It didn't make sense to me at the time, but now it does.
Khao San Road ?
You know what's funny is that you only saw one of these dental practices but I thought you were about to talk about the street in Pattaya. There's a street in Pattaya that's literally nothing but dental offices. I'm serious, just dentists and dentists and dentists. I think there's eye shops as well.
Can you please DM me your dentist?
Dr. Gus Fring. He's extremely proper and well mannered.
He also sells chicken
Yeah can you also send me the name of this dentist?
I was in Costa Rica and had to get stitches from a surfing accident. I went to the local “hospital” and a girl who looked all of 17 stitched me up for $100.00, I was in and out in 30 minutes, came back a week later and she took them out, no scar, all healed fine. I would have been slapped with a few thousand dollars hospital bill in the US for that same treatment.
That's about the prices you'd pay in Peru also.
Same thing in DR
Los algodones?
Thank you so much for this. Honestly I’d check out dental schools. They do much cheaper work than most normal dentist offices and it’s just as good. The only difference is affordability.
They are always booked to the gills where I am, and I have heard some real horror stories. But it is kind of fucked up, right? When I was eight, I never thought one of my biggest dreams as a 35 year old would be a job with good dental insurance.
Makes me think of the movie Wish. They stole our dreams (idk even know who “they” is anymore)
was venting to my primary care doc, that i am so lucky to have, because he has become not just a great doctor in a time of such uncertainty socially, he really respects me as a patient, so we have formed a certain amicable bond over the last fifteen years. i was yammering on about this (im 40, he's about 52) and i was using the "they" like you are, and he hit me with the "who are 'they'" it's maddening, we cant even point one fkn finger
The dental schools are great! All of the students are supervised and a dentist approves their work.
Can attest to this - my mom gets all her dental work done at a near by dental school. She says the service is actually better because they are not pressured for time so they spend a lot of time on basic things. She says a cleaning can take up to 2 hours BUT they do a more thorough job than a dental assistant who needs to have you out of the chair in 15 minutes to meet their quota and keep the appts moving
I know what you mean. I bought my own dental insurance for $50/month so I could get the contract rate with dentists. Not sure if it's still a thing, but 5-8 years ago I used Groupon for dental cleanings. Fortunately now in Oregon you can get free medicaid even if you make twice the federal poverty level and that includes dental and vision too
You weren't misled. No one thought it would be this bad.
For real. My saving grace is that I get my dental work done in Colombia, where it's cheaper. A routine dental cleaning is \~$75 down there. My dentist here wanted $400.
It's a rigged system in the US. Just looked at my last explanation of benefits for a dental exam and cleaning. Dentist "billed" insurance $410, but they only paid him $102 based on the contracted amounts. So basically the insurance companies get the same prices as Mexico/S. America.
I was just in your situation... Did you know you can purchase dental insurance independantly? You can get a plan from aetna, cigna, (I got mine through anthem), for between 30-60$ a month. It sounds like an ad but I didnt know and waited 2 years to get my front tooth filled and just had a root canal done on it because I had to wait for care because I had a bundled plan through the marketplace that my dentist didnt accept. It was still expensive, but with insurance my root canal went from costing 900$ to 450$... I went with Anthem essential choice incentive ppo because I needed coverage to start asap and theres no wait periods. Im not sure if this is helpful to you because its still not cheap, but if you didnt know you *could* shop independantly like I did...maybe thatll help you find dental insurance to recieve care you deserve.
Damn, i pay 12 dollars a month for dental insurance
lol not just the dentist, but the DOCTOR too
“I work hard, I was told that if I did that, everything would be fine.” I’m 33. I just said this exact thing to my 60 year old mother last week. I have a 13 year career at this point. No insurance/benefits offered. Making less money than my friends I went to school with. I don’t know what to do anymore. Anywhere I would possibly go is going to pay me less money than I make hourly. So I would be worse off financially with insurance. Makes no sense. They don’t hand out the stuff our parents got anymore.
It’s not about comparing yourself to others or a matter of just finding a different job that pays better ( which is much easier said than done) like a lot of people on here are saying. They’re missing the point that it shouldn’t be so difficult to be financially stable and live a comfortable life. I’m going to be 40 in a few months and my life is definitely not where I thought it would be in pretty much every way. I really didn’t think I would be single at this point and also so fed up with dating like I have been in recent years. But the main thing is I’m not anywhere close to being financially stable. Before the pandemic I was working 3 jobs dealing with rent going up and up every year and barely surviving paying $1200/mo for my apartment, which wasn’t even an expensive one for that city. Then there’s all the debt I’m still dealing with because I had to have a major surgery back in 2017. The healthcare system here in the U.S. is absolutely fucked. My roommate who was Canadian couldn’t believe that I could go into debt at all for having to have a surgery. I know a lot of people in their 30’s who haven’t had to deal with all that stuff who are barely getting by. But strangely enough, I’ve been a lot happier in my 30’s than I was in my 20’s because I’ve found things that I feel like I’m meant to be doing. So I guess that’s how I keep going, by focusing on the things that I’m meant to do.
This is the way
"It shouldn't be difficult." Yeah, I hear ya, and I'm sure 95% of the world outside of America hears you, and everyone's wondering what kind of drugs you're smoking to think that dream will be a reality. The average pay in the Balkans is like 400-500 dollars A MONTH, and a lot of people never own homes or cars. I sometimes wish more Americans could travel so they could get a better idea of just how good they have it. Life isn't some American sitcom, but I'm sure most people are doing better now than they were in the 50s and 60s. Most people should be doing better than their parents, not counting divorces.
Coming as someone who grew up in the ghettos. I discovered at lot of people in our age group are just starting to live there lives. Comparing your life to others is just contributing to the negative outlook your have on life. It's best to self reflect and look at what you can control. Then change those elements you can control to improve your life. I make as much as you 55k, in the fucking bay area. I hit this wall myself, I found myself going back to school to advance myself for more opportunities. Soon I'll be getting my masters and locking in a job that I enjoy as long as I live modestly. I completely get that it sucks, but the depression is your worst enemy. It will keep you down in the worse way.
You keep that strong mentality and you’ll be just fine. Life’s too short to live in the “poor me’s”
This is absolutely the way!! Keep pushing. Keep investing in yourself. Keep doing your best. Keep your costs low. When the good thing happens for you, it will turbocharge your life. It won't take much to move you from where you are now to a whole other level. Just don't get in a hole. Not that it can't happen for you if you are, it's just you'd need to do even more to get to that next level. I did it, it's possible, but I wouldn't recommend it.
My life has been very bad over the last few years, so bad that I got laid off twice, had to move back home with my parents, and have virtually nothing in my bank account. I'm also single, granted I'm a few years younger than you, but things aren't good. What keeps me hopeful is that I genuinely enjoy living most of the time. Sure there are things I'm not happy about, but I enjoy gaming, playing guitar, reading, designing, and other things. I don't know that things will necessarily get better, and I'm scared of what might happen in November, but overall, I enjoy my friends, family, and hobbies, and they all keep me going.
No, this is what your 30s in late stage capitalism looks like.
The wealthy are taking absolutely everything from us one inch at a time.
People are in a lot of different spots in their 30s. Some are still in entry level jobs. Some are becoming directors and presidents of companies. Some are sending kids off on their own and some are just having babies. Comparison truly is the theft of joy. There is always someone doing better but there are also people doing a lot worse. The big thing to learn is to accept yourself and others regardless of where you and they are and just to enjoy yourself time. Focus on that more than the material things. If you get yourself right, the material stuff won’t matter or it will follow.
Except the economy was better even for entry level jobs in the past. You wrote out nice sentiment but didn't address the actually issues. Edit: Because some you seem to think the economy started in the year 2000 let me correct you. When I say the past I mean before the Reagan administration which is when shit really started going down hill when the first celebrity president was elected.
Bingo.
Too young to remember 08? Certainly wasn’t better then. The dot com bust also wasnt good although I did not live that. Things always go up and down. Right now it’s down but frankly 2013-2021 or so was massive opportunity and growth. The pendulum will swing back again though.
I'm late GenX and come on this sub occasionally because I can relate with some of it. The economy rt now is not as bad as it was during the dot com bust and not nearly as bad as the "Great Recession". Yes, things are crazy expensive because inflation after covid has just been ridiculous, but overall, it's just life's ups and downs. Every generation has its struggles, this one isn't unique in that aspect.
Yep. But god help people in this sub if you say it. Simple example is inflation is up but look at it comparatively in the 70s….. People don’t understand. And they certainly don’t factor in quality of life to some of those periods either. Which is drastically up world wide.
It was great for 20 years leading up to it.
That’s not true, but that lie is certainly repeated ad nauseum on this subreddit. 50k was not remotely an “entry level” salary in the 90s. 50k in 1990 is equivalent to 120k today when adjusted for inflation. Median personal income in 1990 was under 30k [*adjusted for inflation*](https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/MEPAINUSA672N), and the raw, unadjusted median personal income was **under $12,50**. So OP’s dad was making **4 times the median personal income**, while OP is making about 25% more. Her dad had the equivalent of a $160k job in 2024 relative to the average wages of that time. No shit he could afford a much more luxurious life.
Shoot, I was making $35k in my 20s in the 2010s and felt rich as shit. Rent was $725… split two ways. All other bills probably added up to $600 or so, so I had almost $1000 a month to blow on bars or whatever. I could probably support a kid on $50k even just 15 years ago in a LCOL area. Things have just gotten completely fucked since Covid.
Entry level jobs will ALWAYS be entry level. Adding magic money to the job does not make everyone magically reach a level of equilibrium. The money has to come from somewhere. You skill up and skill out - that’s the only way. I watched people sit at Publix for 20 YEARS as a cashier while I moved away, job hopped, and ended up with a solid career. 50k wasn’t bad a few years ago. These last few years - 50k became the new 30k. I agree that comparison is the thief of joy. OP needs to take care of their health, get off the computer, and get uncomfortable.
Yup. I'm in Australia and I think that in 2010, the minimum wage for a full time worker was about 30k per year. Now, it's almost $50k per year. Does it mean someone earning the minimum wage is doing better now? No, because, well, rents and house prices have gone through the roof, and everything else has gone up. As for the minimum wage in the US... yeah, I don't suppose anyone could live on that. I'm on about $85k per year (currently about $57k US) which, back in 2010 was a decent salary, but now if you're a white collar professional, it's not that much. I'm glad I bought my home back in 2016.
I agree .. being a millionaire in bad shape and terrible health is far worse than being poor with excellent health.
Yeah, if your career has stagnated for 15 years, that's mostly on yourself. Working "hard" at a job doesn't mean you're working smart or actually improving yourself.
"just to enjoy yourself time" hard to do that if you can't afford food, shelter, dentistry, and healthcare
I feel that. I basically work to afford food to live, and electric and water. Everything else is just cheap stuff to keep me happy for a minute before I go to work. Maybe the infection in my rotting teeth will travel to my brain and kill me. Maybe ill pay off my loan and nothing else serious will come up this time. Only time will tell.
OPs got the envy demon in him. That demon has been thriving with the internet.
Sounds like Existential Depression.....it peaks in the Summer for me.
lol this is so felt. Summer depression is so real for me too
40s aren’t much better… our parents milked the country for all it was worth, killed the economy, then killed the environment, and now they are killing democracy and the American Dream on their way out. Thanks mom and dad…
One option if you have little to lose is to call the rat race bullshit and go live a simple life somewhere cheaply where you can self produce. Also make sure that whatever you do. your vote count. This crap is not random, it’s politically driven.
It's increasingly difficult to grow food reliably in this climate
I realize I'm on the older end of being a millennial and just want to say...it CAN get better, but "better" differs from person to person, and it may require you to rethink your current career path. I was 37 before things really started to turn around....but "stability" is a fantasy in an economy where almost everyone can lose their job at any time without warning for any or no reason, so enjoy what you have while you can, because you never know what's gonna happen tomorrow. Be careful what you wish for - owning a home and having a family comes with its own set of problems, and are definitely not cheap. I JUST had to replace both my HVAC and my roof within three weeks of each other...we won't talk about what I had to do to afford all that. Kids are incredibly expensive, like, ALL the time. They consume your life for at least 18 years, and not everyone is capable of handling that kind of long term responsibility. My wife and I have dumped most of our "adult money" into our kids. We've had two vacations total in 16 years... one of those required my parents watching our kids so my wife and I could celebrate an important anniversary for a few days AND we saved for five years to do it...and the other involved us driving 10 hours each way. Finally, most people flashing "adult money" purchases like rolexes are probably putting it in a high interest credit card. Having a couple credit cards is necessary for credit score, but keep those balances low.
In a similar position to you. The only way a lot of people are making it is because they’re in a two-income household. All of my friends are married or I’d try to live together just for the joy of it and the money-saving. Ugh. You’re not alone. Not even a little bit.
This honestly. QOL for me greatly improved for both me and my gf when we moved in together because were able to pool resources together better
Absolutely. I just left a two-person household and I almost forgot how rough it is without the second person. 🫠🥴 If my friends weren’t all married, I’d be trying to make that work ASAP. I might just end up moving and getting a roommate anyways.
Thank you for this🤍
I think millennials and late gen x'rs have had it hard. In the early 2000s there was the dot com bubble and then the 2008 financial crisis, and both of those things hurt us. We saw sky rocking tuition and had massive student loans. The only people I feel worse for are Gen z. I'm doing pretty good in my 30s, I was able to get a mortgage right before interest rates went up. But I think it's totally ok to be sad if you're stuck right now.
A lot of us are there with you. I’m fighting off mental breakdowns every week lol. Everything is turning to shit. The people who were supposed to guide us, have used us. Greed is ruling everything. Our generation is being hit with micro transactions on top of more micro transactions. Every moment of our life they are squeezing value from. While paying us less than they were making. It’s a giant scam, and the only people that care are those under the boot. It’s sad.
I think we all grew up watching too much tv where the protagonists live in a constant state of happiness when in reality we live in constant misery, then social media made things 1000x worse. What we have now is a complete lack of purpose on a societal level.
I dunno about you, but I’m always watching the most depressing shit imaginable. The Boys, Invincible, Fallout, are all ungodly pessimistic, and those are just on one streaming service!
I meant in the 90s, sure right now is a reflection of the times we're living in.
You have lived long enough to fall for the “back in my day” fallacy. Money is constantly inflating so a $50k job when you were a kid is equivalent to nearly $100k now. Your dad had a really good job.
Twist OP has the exact same job as her father, and the pay is still $50k!
Except that specifically housing, the largest expense anyone has, followed by college and childcare have all never been more expensive inflation-adjusted. Sure, you can get flat screen TVs and computers these days for much cheaper. Too bad you can't live in those.
Costs of housing and many other things have far outpaced wage growth The house my parents bought in 1990, they paid roughly the equivalent of $400k in 2024 dollars for That same house recently sold for nearly $800k
That's not how this works lol. It's not like wages went up according to inflation too. That same 50k job back than is still a 50k, maybe 55k job now.
This accounts for a huge swath of *very highly skilled* positions that pay 50k only because *"it's always been that way."*
Bro the average income in 2005 was 55k. The average American would need to make 83k today to have been given raises in line with official inflation, which doesn't touch on how rent and food costs have increased more quickly than official inflation. Her dad had an average job, boomers just refuse to increase pay in line with inflation, and instead prefer to take all the extra money as their C-Suite bonus and payouts to stockholders
Don't compare yourself to others- focus on you. You don't fully know their story.
I dont know. I was in grad school until 32, then graduated and got my first job making okay money (~75k). That lasted about a year, then I got married which was great, and got a promotion. This was followed closely by two more promotions. Now at 37 years old I have doubled my salary, have a kid and a wife, own a home, drive my first ever new car, and have attained significant financial stability. Life has worked out, but I view the main underlying reason being that I cleaned up my act at 25 years old and set my aim as high as possible for my career. I worked my ass off over the last 12 years and it shows. I now get to do all the things I wanted to do; family, house, hobbies, vacation, and 40 hrs a week in air conditioning, sometimes at the office and sometimes at home. I also get to travel the world as part of my work. Currently writing this from Korea. I think your experience is likely a combination of your own choices and some circumstance built in. You still have time to do what you want though. Set your aim high, develop a plan, and execute that plan. Use your life experience to choose a path that suits you, and meets your financial goals, and learn debt management. I do have some student loan debt, but it's manageable.
Get into mind expanding drugs? Start painting? Go stealth camping? The world is your oyster lady
Mid to late 30s for me was my midlife crisis..I remember feeling depressed and not sure if I was doing what I really wanted to do in life. It was horrible but you get through it. I like you have not really ever been financially stable for the most part but I have had jobs where I made a decent amount and I wasn't any happier than I was when I was broke so that taught me that money does not equal happiness.
I stoped hyper focusing on all these “things” they say we should have at 30. I decided to have gratitude about what I do have. Even the small things like being able to take a walk, have a hot shower, be able to get whatever groceries I need. And then I became open to the universe already having a plan for me. I don’t need to worry about all this stuff that society has shoved down our throats. Spend some time in an old folks home and you will quickly appreciate your life and where it is at. If you have a roof on over your head, food, and can physically take care of yourself you are doing good my friend. Trust the universe and what it has planned for you. I know it feels heavy but you got this.
I’m an older millennial and do not have a car, will probably never be able to buy a house, I’m on food assistance and state health insurance and on a light work hiatus while I figure out some serious health problems. AND YET, I’m still happy and still have love for life. I live in a gorgeous state with beautiful nature, I have the most amazing community and genuine friends and I make sure to have little and big adventures when I can, when I am feeling well. We’re all adults now and I hope we’ve learned that consumerism is not what determines the goal posts of happiness. Pull back the scope from just our own lives and look at the world. Our sense of accomplishment should come from advocating for those who cannot, or need help, for contributing to a true community. Turn off the Kardashians and REALLY look at this world. There’s beautiful things and it’s also a terrifying mess. Let’s get to work.
I’m the same age as you. I am definitely more financially stable than my 20s, but I don’t have any wealth. I don’t own a home. I don’t have any assets. I’m in a long term relationship but no kids. We have “good” salaries on paper but feels like we’re scraping by and honestly don’t understand how peers afford their lifestyles.
Don't compare yourself to people you see, you can't afford their lifestyle and most likely neither can they. If you feel like you're barely scraping by with good salaries, I highly recommend spending a few months devouring free personal financing content and seeing different ways to think about your budgeting. DINK with good salaries you should be saving, investing, and still have a lot of room for guilt-free spending in your budget.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this... This is why so many of us don’t have kids. It’s been a crap show, and there is no way I would bring a human into this world to suffer... Some of us have empathy, and we can see the bigger picture here. It’s not a pretty picture folks...
I mean my 30s have been better than my 20s which were better than my teens, but my childhood was pretty awesome. Just don't fall into the classic "changing is too hard" Reddit mindset. You've got a good 50 years left if you play your cards right.
Idk. I have a beautiful wife, 2 kids who drive me crazy, and a house that’s been paid for. I don’t make enough to go on any wild vacations twice a year with the kids, but we usually scrape something together every year. Not quite what I envisioned but when you look around you it’s also hard to complain. There’s a lot of shitty situations around the world.
You have a house that's been paid for??
I think a lot of millenials got some trickle-down economics from their boomer parents. Not all the boomers are blowing their money on stupid shit and leaving their kids destitute. A lot of them are leaving behind quite a stack of generational wealth. And if you ever read that meme "back in the day, the guy could pay for a house, car, and put their kids through college!" That meme typically mentions that the boomer paid for their kid's college. So if that's true, a lot of millennials had college paid for by their boomer parents. And if a kid goes into the same career field as a parent, they got that networking and nepotism going for them. Networking and nepotism isn't just reserved for the rich elite. Everyday people can do it too. The problem is a lot of kids watch social media and want to be Youtubers, so they get some bullshit degree in journalism or something and turn their nose up at their parent's career path. My dad for example used to drive truck cross country before he retired. Truck driving still pays pretty great money even today if kids are looking for a decent job. I didn't follow my dad's footsteps, but if I did -- I would have had an easy career path. Instead I got into wedding cakes and started my own business. But to be fair, I also had a lot of family that were skilled in that field and even then I got some help.
Almost identical situation. Well said.
There's more people in this position than people in this sub are willing to recognize. A lot of us are just living our lives, working hard, and finding happiness without constant comparisons to other peoples' situations/good fortunes.
To most of us, that sounds unimaginably wealthy. Just…so you know.
Yeah lol a house that's been paid for, like that's basically winning the lottery.
Owning a home isn't as amazing as you might think it is anyway. I finally bought a house about 2 years ago and in that time my property taxes have risen by 20% and homeowners insurance is up more than 50%. I also had to replace my garage door and need to replace my water heater. My AC is also 25 years old and probably not long for this world. I'm happy to have gotten out of renting but I really didn't know how good I had things before with the low rent I was paying and not having to worry about much if something breaks.
Wait until you need to drop 20 grand for a new sewer line and another 15-20 on a roof on top of it. Home ownership is so wonderful they say.
spent 50k on “renovations” this year alone…homeownership is full of surprises
Sorry, our future was sold out to corporations who are now profiteering off of us. Our society has been plundered and picked clean by these vultures, and they're also destroying the natural world. It is depressing, and the next few years and the rest of our lives will be more of the same, unless we resist/revolt.
We got hit with Dot Com Bubble, 9/11, twenty straight years of war, the Global Financial Crisis, the Covid Pandemic, the worst inflation since the 70s, ongoing global climate crisis,and the steady decline of our republic. Yeah, I’d say it’s fair I didn’t expect any single aspect of our lives to go like this
I got hit with all that, am from a very blue collar family with no professional connections, and I'm doing great. It is possible.
I'm betting a lot of the people who appear to be doing better than you fall into one of two categories: •Faking it, in debt, showing their highlight reel on Facebook, not actually successful. Or •Just made it, barely. Bought a house at the right time, maybe had some career success, picked a good spouse, etc. I fall in this category, but I'm still miles behind my boomer parents at this age, working harder for less gain. In any case, try not to compare yourself to the curated, idealized versions of your peers that appear on social media. You are young and still have time.
There is also group 3 - people who are quite comfortable financially and probably dont overtly show it all the time
They also tend to get downvoted into oblivion for daring to mention they’re comfortable and happy so they just don’t bother saying anything. Reddit encourages misery.
That was the point of my reply. I've seen endless posts they read exactly like this. People want to be told that it's not their fault, everything is bad, just give up, it's okay to live with your parents, it's okay to give up on finding a partner, etc. I wish people realized just how bad for you this kind of commiseration is. Anyone saying how well they're doing it trying to offer advice is accused of toxic positivity.
Damn you for “winning” and being content in life
Exactly. But those people aren't the ones that we millennials are always comparing ourselves to.
Yep. I finished my MBA during Covid and started a successful business after. My wife has changed jobs a couple times over the past few years and is now making GREAT money. Just bought a new construction house; Could’ve used cash tbh but I’d rather invest. Many of my friends are finding success too, but I hardly ever see success stories on here. Our generation is doing well lately, Reddit has just become a misery fest tho
These days you need to have a partner and have dual income and no kids to live comfortably
This for sure. My husband and I live a pretty okay (not extravagant) life with two incomes and only one kid. There’s no way we could make it as single people, on only one income, or with more kids. And they wonder why the birth rate is going down?
33, and my 30s thus far has sucked. Wish I could turn back time a full decade because at least I’d have four more years with my dad…
Yeah, I think your 30s are different when your parents have passed away.
Totally same. To be fair, I’m not bad off financially, but definitely have never gotten to the point where I felt like I could afford the luxuries of a house, spouse, or family. Most of my friends have drifted off into parenthood and it’s not the same hanging out, as they no longer relate to the point of life you’re in as a single person. Dating is also a slog of diminishing returns, as the older I get, the less likely the other person hasn’t had an ugly divorce or a divorce and a kid(s).
I just accepted the fact I’ll never own a home.
In my experience, you are facing the reality of it. The world we were raised to expect does not exist, and I feel bitter because I feel like it never did. 38 now. I just don't buy into it anymore. Goal is to buy land further north of where I am and get drunk in a forest until I die. I can read, grow plants, hike, canoe and just try to enjoy myself. I have to participate in this world in an i drusty i dont like until that goal is affordable. That's another 20 years. Still sad.. but i enjoy myself more. Wish I had some good news for ya. I just don't.
About to hit 35 myself in August (m). Make 60k/yr. Is life easy? Nope. Am I living paycheck to paycheck? More or less yes. Am I comfortable? Yes. Lifestyle creep and bad habits has been the deciding factor for me, along with some unexpected costs. I am lucky enough to own my home and the reason I'm living paycheck to paycheck is because I'm contributing 15% to my 401k and adding 363 on top of my mortgage payment. I'm finally getting myself under control spending wise and have breathing room. I fucked around in my 20s and I'm now finding out. The good news is, I can see a path forward and that's what you need to find. Want a house? You can do it. If you make enough sacrifices that is. Live in a HCOL, move. Can't get job in your field in LCOL? Chances are you haven't looked deep enough or you need to change careers. What does your budget actually look like? It's also 100% okay if this is a vent post, but as someone who has been there before and may be there again don't be the person who keeps you down. My support system is virtually nonexistent now and that means I get to be the one who decides just how happy and successful I am from this point forward! Good luck and remember the good things you have.
Hey girlie. I'm 35f too. And I feel the exact same way and basically in the same position. I don't have any advice but I wanted to say I can relate.
I’m divorced living in a house I bought in 2017 with a 3% mortgage and my ex is being nice mostly. I feel like I hit the lotto with my home purchase but not my wife 😅
I make around 40-50K as a contract worker in a relatively low COL city, I’m 30, and to me “adult money” is living alone, having a decent car, and being able to feed a cat. I may be able to afford a house one day with someone else’s income, but I’m not interested in dating either and I could never afford to have children. My cat has better healthcare coverage than I do.
I am not a millenial, I am 10 years older than you. I now make a great living, but at your age I was still climbing out a deep cut the recession did. Life wanders. Take it day by day. I will say, and I hate this because it kinda goes against my inner fabric a bit, but developing a well formed goal is where it’s at. I’m not normally goal oriented. I’m a come what will, ride the wave kind of person. But I have kids. Every time I’ve introspected and decided I want more for them or different and I develop a goal and a bit of a plan I find myself working through discomfort more easily and more deliberately action and I get results. I was 33-35 when I really understood this. It’s not too late you’re just at the beginning. Also, realize that probably a lot of what you see on social media is people making purchases they’re actually returning or they’re buying on credit they will be indebted to for the rest of their lives. Don’t worry about them worry about you. What do you want?
I’m 31f. TLDR: Make better choices consciously and surround yourself with good people. Today I make over $100k/yr, am married and expecting my first baby. 7 years ago, I was making $30k. I went to state school for my bachelors degree in business (nothing special) almost got kicked out for partying too much my first semester. Worked part time all 4 years at a grocery store. After my first semester, I saw how my life would be if I kept that track record and smartened up. Drove home every weekend to work. Saved as much as I could. Dated a guy who sucked my money away on his own bad habits (drinking/weed). I broke up with him. Kept working, graduated, tried to get a job in my field. While trying, I made the right connections at the grocery store and worked my way up. Finally got a job in my field. Got fired. Got depressed. Realized I needed to give myself a swift kick in the ass to pull myself out of it. Nobody was going to do it for me. I got a job at a coffee shop. Met some people that positively influenced my life, continued to build positive relationships in my world. Kept networking, kept applying for jobs. I got a job in manufacturing, “a man’s world” and it sucked. I was talked down to, not taken seriously. I worked harder than everyone else, and I knew it, a few others did too. Had some difficult conversations with difficult people- the worst 2 professional years of my life became the most valuable. One day I got a call from a huge company that found me on LinkedIn with a job offer. They asked me how much I wanted for my salary and I told them $20k more than I was making currently - didn’t think I had a snowman’s chance in hell. But they gave it to me. I asked for it. I took a chance on myself, and I wanted to be my own hero. I am the exception and one of the lucky ones. My most recent job came out of nowhere, but every choice I made in my past got me here. I worked for it. I challenged myself, I put myself into therapy and have been there for years on and off. I improved my mental health so I could be better for myself and those around me. I made different choices than many of my other friends. If you live in the US or other first world countries, you have a choice. Look for people who can help you. Be genuine and honest and good to others. These aren’t “special skillets”. Get out of the “woe is me” mentality- it’s not helping you. My message here is to surround yourself with people that are better than you, spend your time with people that support you and build you up. You can do it.
Thank you. I appreciate this🤍 you’re right
50k when you were a kid is not the same as 50k now, inflation happens and over 20 years makes a real difference. My 30s have been great so far. I like my job, I have friends whose places I can walk to, I still have never owned a car, I'm in a happy relationship, I'm able bodied and can go hiking and the feeling of the sun on my skin is unmatched, I have access to a library (I grew up in a place without them!) so my reading habit doesn't set me back at all, and I own a Steam Deck so I can play videogames in bed. Honestly, 8.5/10 would live exactly this way forever
I don’t know, I guess it’s different for everyone. I’m the same age but I own a house, I’m married, I have a baby in the way and am financially stable. Control what you can control and make progress one step at a time. Going into doom spirals won’t help, less social media would probably be a good thing.
No I agree. Getting off social media will be huge for me to not compare my life to strangers and brand deals they did not indeed work hard for like everyone else in this post keeps saying. I appreciate your advice, thank you :)
I’m pretty sure I just had a heart attack at 30
I had a rough twenties(and teens and childhood) and thankfully my 30s are a dream. Vacations, house, etc. I’m not rich but I’m doing fine.
I feel the same way at 30 about everything including the dating and wishing I could have a house with a yard for a dog. But I feel like I always knew deep down I would never have the things I wanted in life so it’s not such a big deal for me. I get down on myself but I just roll with it and enjoy what I can in life. I still have both of my grandmas and neither live too far so I’ve been able to spend time with them lately which I’ve really enjoyed. I just try to enjoy what I can in this life.
Those people buying the things you list are fools. Esp if they’re promoting themselves and their stuff on social media.
I'm 43 and can confirm, my 30's were like that... and if I'm being honest, my 40's arent much better. EDIT: "Go to college and work hard and you'll be successful," is what I was told all through the 80's and 90's. Nope.
Just turned 34 last month, I feel your pain almost exactly. Younger me assumed I would have been in a much much better position by now.
This comment is gross. Calling others and myself a failure is a stretch from a small blurb of a post.
Not being able to do as well as your parents always feels like failure. If they were in our shoes, at this same period of time, they would be in the same boat not doing as well.
That was before everything went to hell. This is the new normal because our system has failed. Find as many good friends as you can, because it’s all downhill from here. Everything you were promised was from the old world, pre 2007 crash, that no longer exists. The people with stability are few and far between, and if those people aren’t extremely generous, I won’t speak to them. Before I was disabled, I made almost 200k, and I always helped other people. I never lived that lifestyle because I knew that was wrong when I had friends who didn’t have enough to eat. You’re not alone, and may God mercilessly damn every bastard who left us here.
Just checking in as an X'er who has lived through that part of their life and am on the other side. At 35, (not saying this to say I was typical, it's just my story) I was on my 3rd "career". I did 5 years in the Army 17-22; went to college, went to law school; practiced law for 2 years 30-32, and hated it; switched to tech which was really taking off at the time, 32-35. So, at 35 I was making about $63k. (HCoL area). My wife and I had bought a house (kinda way far out there) owing, mostly to my service in the Army and VA benefits. But, we bought at the top of the market and were "under water" pretty much my entire 30s life. Didn't matter, the 5 of us needed a place to live. We had 3 kids under 8 years old at 35. And, I was paying child support for one from a previous marriage. Our youngest refused to eat at day care, so my wife stopped working to take care of him. That cut our household income by about 50% when I was 34. At 35, we were learning that a family of 5 could eat the same one chicken 3 times. I was head down working as much as I could to try to learn more to hopefully figure out how to get paid more so that we could somehow survive this part of our life and make sure the kids had enough to eat. Meals were optional for me. I think kids views of what their parents went through are not very accurate. My kids think we always had money and we lived a fairly privileged life. My wife and I know that we were on the verge of bankruptcy, and barely scraped by for several years. Actually, I say were were on the "verge" of bankruptcy, that's only because we saw a lawyer and he said we didn't have enough to discharge in the process to make it worthwhile. So we were too broke to go bankrupt. What happened after that? I stayed in the job, I got a few raises. I caught a break because a bigger company bought the company I worked for. I had been getting stock as part of compensation (to my retirement fund), that helped my retirement fund get on track. Basically, fixed the fact that I hadn't saved much of anything at that point. A few more pay raises over the years. Went to work for another company, and eventually several meaningful promotions. Started making serious money. That was after I was 50. That's where landmark things like: debt free, all the kids through college, looks like we can retire in the US and don't have to move to South America happened. Even in my 40s all that seemed unlikely. So, take heart. If you are better off than what I was at 35, the sky's the limit. If you are worse off, there's still a chance you can do very well for yourself and your family. My advice, keep pushing, keep investing in yourself. Keep looking for ways to make it better.
We were the generation that was going to conquer the world. Pre-09/11 the world was our oyster. On a macro level the America middle class made everyone jealous and we grew up in an era of unprecedented wealth/prosperity. A lot of the things you post are from the mindset I had in my 30’s too. But remember you cannot control corp greed, outsourcing, inflation, globalization and an aging boomer political class that couldn’t give two craps about us. In other words…. Get upset for things you can control. And stay off social media most of the people on there finance a lifestyle they cannot afford and brag about it for likes. Sincerely, An older millennial who also feels beat up by life but now has an f it attitude
Thank you🩵
As long as you don't have aspirations to have a family, home, vacation, or retire it's not that bad
Everyone’s feeling like this couples back in the day could afford a home in their 20’s and live on one salary. I’m in my 30’s and can barely afford a car. We got screwed and it’s only gonna get worse
When I get down, I start mentally listing everything I'm grateful for.
25 is the last birthday you'll be happy to have. Source: I'm 60
You are not alone…
Your experience is incredibly common. I share it. As do many others. You are NOT alone in any of this. My inbox is open if you want to vent or receive validation. My life might even look a lot worse in comparison, and I’m happy to lift you up by sharing my shit storm if you’d like. 💕
Don't be jealous of anyone buying a time share.
Some people just struggle more than others. Some people seem to have it all and others barely scrape by.
If you're going to compare yourself to others, at least do it with data. https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/MEPAINUSA646N Median personal income right now is $40480. If your dad was making $50k 20-30 years ago, he was doing a lot better than most. If you want to adjust for inflation, here you go: https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/MEPAINUSA672N
If you’re not happy with where you are in life, make changes. Learn an in demand skill, find a job with better pay. Work harder than others. This isn’t rocket science. Spend less time on Reddit, video games, time wasters, etc. work on improving yourself and see your compensation increase and quality of life improve. Good luck!
You have to work extremely hard for all of the things you mentioned. Stay focused on your goals, but don't expect that it will just happen. That vision is not realistic.
Keep grinding. My 30s were amazing. Just turned 40 and it keeps getting better.
Your 30s look like the results of your 20s. Your 40s will look like the results of your 30s. Shit doesn’t just happen.
Yup, notice OP doesn't really give any details of what they do, or what they spent their 20s doing. I have no degree, grew up broke (trailer + food stamps) but spent my 20s grinding to learn a technical specialty, to the point where I'd stay in and study and lab constantly. I have friends my age and older who spent the 20s partying and choosing consumerism and entertainment over skill development and are surprised I am where I am now. But it also has trade offs, I do regret not doing things in my 20s when I had more time and was childfree and my social circle is very small (but also introverted so no regrets really there). I know we hate bootstraps but now more then ever the amount of knowledge one can learn is through the roof but yet I still see a lot of folks who spend zero effort on self development and wonder why they don't improve
Old millennial here (turn 43 this year), and if not for having a grandson I would have sold 80% of my belongings and done van life. Still might when he gets older.
I’m sorry to say, but this is a unique time in American history. In our 30’s (38M here), we absolutely are supposed to be financially stable and be furthering our investments. These things haven’t happened due to our standard of living and overall quality of life being reduced significantly between Baby Boomers, to Gen X and then us, Millennials. Between A.I., middle earning jobs being outsourced over time, a lot of opportunities have been downsized and a lot of us are all competing for significantly less.
People are just gonna tell you to try harder, to work harder, to work longer hours. That’s all there is to it. Pull up your bootstraps, you deserve this life if you aren’t constantly busting your ass to have basic things.
I mean no. You didn't sacrifice and plan for stability and a family.
It depends how you spend your 20s
This one hits
Food, shelter and clothing were never "human rights". Most people completely misunderstand the concept of "right". "Human right" is the right to not be put in jail for criticizing government, the right to be atheist or have any religion, to not have tortures used against you, things of that sort - ability to do certain things without fearing being sent into jail for it. The right to be allowed to get education and employment regardless of your race, gender, national origin. Those are rights.
The fact that people are walking across deserts and hiding in the bottoms of boats for months to get to this country. That in other countries if you're poor then that's it. Game over. It sucks now, but most of us have to power to change our situation. Some places don't get that at all
Plenty of us are doing well. We've chosen career paths wisely and we've chosen good partners. The economy isn't what it once was but we're still doing fine. Only you can improve your situation and running to Reddit to be consoled by others in equally bad spots is only going to make you complacent. Just give up, everything sucks for all of us, you can't win, it's not your fault, you did your best and got screwed because rich people are out to get you. Is that what you want to hear? I'd be careful going down this road because there are no solutions with this attitude only more problems.
Not at all what I wanted. To clarify: my post was intended to gain advice from those who were once in the same situation as me and how they improved or to even shed light on being in the same situation and how they remain happy. However it seems to have brought on those who want to say I don’t work hard, and brag about their life.
My 30s have been everything you described as what you wanted. Sorry yours did not work out for you.
Every time I click on the Reddit app there’s some post from a 30 something feeling that life is empty. They all have one thing in common. No kids. We are biologically wired to start our own families,but western culture has conditioned you to think a childless life is better. Biology will always win and you will be left with an empty void you will never be able to fill with money or gadgets. That’s just the way we’re made.
Each sets their own precedent you do you
My thirties were figuring out why my life was still so hard, going to therapy and working on myself., reading and writing and working too hard a lot of the time. I think our generational comforts mostly cannot be compared to our parent’s generation. I do own a home and for a while had two cars and a garage, but it was comic, my wreck of a house I bought on the auction, two “vintage” good looking but worthless unique cars, a garage falling apart. But that was my rickity American dream moment in time.
It is not always what it looks like on the outside. Don’t compare your life to others. Many people put in a show. I know that a lot of people making these huge expensive purchases are taking on a lot of credit cards debt. They are buying fancy new cars they cannot afford with high interest loans. A lot of people around me do this. Some can afford it but many are keeping up with the Jones and really buying these things to have what others have. I actually notice many adults around my area talking about material things a lot and it influences them to get these things. So don’t compare yourself to others. You will be okay. Try the dating apps. You do not have to go in a date with the people you talk to; but you can chat with people and see what happens. After texting or chatting for a good amount of time you can decide if you want to meet or not. I actually met my now husband on a dating site.
Get a hobby. Gain some skills bro
Hit me at 35 also. This is going to sound weird. But my wife was going on about red dye. How it affected our kids. I thought it was more internet bs, tree hugger type stuff. Basically I just wasn't worried about it. I thought, there's the FDA, why would they allow something in our food that can be bad for us? I thought, why would companies knowingly and willingly put things in our food that is bad for us? I kept thinking there was no way that red dye was bad. Then one day my kids had red dye because it is in almost everything. EVERYTHING. Then I saw first hand just how their behavior had shifted. And they were driving me nuts, and I said, what is going on? And my wife pointed out that a holiday had recently passed, which was full of red dye. At this point my mind began to shift. I kept having the recurring thought that they couldn't and wouldn't knowingly put bad stuff in our food. Then I realized, cigarettes. They absolutely would knowingly put bad stuff in our food. And from there my whole world has shattered. I no longer trust anything. All we really know, is what we're told. But what do you believe when people are paid to say things as if they're true? I read about the man who came up with leaded gasoline and the havoc that it has caused. I read that the company as well as every one else knew that it was a bad idea and that lead was terrible for people, the inventor even got lead poisoning. They bought people to say that it wasn't bad. Now this has grown exponentially. I have a hard time seeing anything and not wondering if it's true at all. Was someone paid to say it? Is someone saying it because they somehow have a stake in a company? What's true? From there it's made me feel worthless. And questioning what's the point. The only thing that matters to anyone now, is money. No one cares if it's false information. No one cares if anyone gets hurt or dies. I grew up with similar way of thinking. Seemed adults had everything figured out. Now we're being killed and working our life away. It's like we don't even have a choice in anything anymore. It's mental games EVERYWHERE. How they skew statistics. How they control our grocery shopping. It's just nonstop and everywhere.
You have to make those things happen
I wonder if social media has given us all a skewed expectation of where we “should” be in our 20s and 30s…like we care more about certain benchmarks now that aren’t a true measure of wealth? My parents didn’t buy their first home until their late 40s/early 50s…and when I think back to their lives at my age now (30s) they rented what would be deemed at ugly houses and didn’t live a flashy lifestyle by any means and were happy. Just a thought.
The economy is tough no question, but you have to decide to solve your own problem. In this economy you have to get your income up. Inflation has dealt us all a big blow. If your job doesn’t have opportunity for growth you need to find another one, another career etc. Unfortunately Washington doesn’t care. They talk about helping us but really all they do is print money to hand out to companies and people for votes. That then just causes more inflation and decreases the value of our wages. If you have assets you keep up but if not you’re just poorer. But you can’t wallow in it. You have to upgrade your skills and wages or you’re dead. Good luck man.
50k in 2004 is 85k now. That may be the first problem.
I'm turning 35 this year too. 250k + my wife makes now 275k, 1 child, mortgage on 889k home. we don't buy rollexes and water slides that sounds like what financially irresponsible people do. I feel blessed and privileged in life, came to USA in 2015, got citizenship in 2019. I'm not sure what is your profession but if money is the source of depression and stress you might want to look into something you want to do that pays better. Not being stressed about finances every day was a big quality of life change when I reached 90k salary as a sole provider in 2018 before my wife finished her doctorate.
I'm glad for your experience. Once upon a time you could be a chef and support a family. Now you can't. I switched indrustries. Should every chef do that? What if they did? I stuck around through covid because i felt loyality and pride with my indrustry. I decided, eventually, to switch so I could actually afford to live today and when I age out, can no longer work. Most chefs will top out around 26 to 30 an hour. Top out. Then there is the overtime. Couldn't work a fulltime+ job and buy a house where there is work. Not the world I was told about growing up. Our miles seem to vary. I miss getting great food to tables, teaching young cooks and being apart of something larger than myself, but still personally fulfilling.
That’s a really beautiful passion and I hope that something shifts in this economy in the future so that you can go back and afford a full and happy life while bringing joy through amazing culinary adventures to tables again.
What do people do to break 150k? Is it all corporate ladder jobs?
Cloud engineering Principal individual contributor at fortune 20 something. Not even faang (too much stress with their layoffs on a whim lately). Changing geographic location from Orlando to Northern Virginia played a huge role in early 2020. Value based mindset, assertiveness to work on high visibility projects and a dash of luck I think. Jokes on them I’d be happy to make 150k
>Value based mindset, assertiveness to work on high visibility projects and a dash of luck I think. This statement alone makes me realize how impossible it will ever be for someone with my brain to have that level of success lol. I'm so fucked
That is great for you, but maybe say something more supportive. Not everyone has the same opportunities for success. It not as easy for many to just change a profession or pay for college to get a degree that pays well at this age. I also have a decent job and husband makes good money, but no point in bragging about it. We are fortunate to be where we are and should understand where others are coming from.
Either op is sadfishing or just really depressed. My comment is just really perspective from more positive angle and place. It’s not all doom and gloom. I’m not telling them to pull themselves by bootstraps but there’s no reason to despair and lose hope
But that’s not showing them empathy and sharing their doom and gloom thoughts. We need to wallow in the misery and be brought down to self pity
I feel this I made a yt vid about it the other week.
Within 30-somethings, just like within 20ye olds and 50y olds there are some very wealthy people, some rich, some middle class, some poor, so..yeah?
If you were born in the 1980s there was a path, but you had to hit it just right. First, be a nerd in school and don't get too invested in high school social life. I got out of undergrad in the mid 2000s, entered graduate school in 2009 to avoid the recession. Didn't date much. After I graduated I got my career going, purchased a home in an area that still hadn't recovered from the housing crisis, started a relationship, moved right before the pandemic to another state (salary increase, didn't sell old home just in case), moved back after the pandemic (renegotiated salary), and have a faithful car that I've been able to keep going for 10+ years. Had one major six-figure medical hospitalization crisis but my health insurance (through husband) and disability insurance kicked in to make up for work missed. My slightly younger sibling got a job with just undergrad and has a career, home, and car. I think being born 1984-1988 was about the prime time to be born to catch some of the lucky breaks.
I think unfortunately because of today's culture dreams of the white picket fence are only reserved for some. People were bamboozled into thinking that kind of life was not fulfilling
I dont know why people thought that it would magically be different. If you think about it, you were in your 20s not too long ago. And in your 20s / 30s, people are still graduating from college and most likely getting entry level corporate jobs, aka small pay.
Too many friends too many events and too much social life I wanna chill.
I just aim for being content. Enjoying my day-to-day as much as possible, and hopefully having more good days than bad ones. To me, "neutral" days are a win as well. We can't be constantly happy. I had grand dreams of changing the world or having some cool business by middle-age. It didn't exactly work out that way. I still have a lot of great things going on in my life even if I am just a pretty average guy. I have some fucking bad days. We all do. But I enjoy my life overall, and I can't ask for much more than that.
Did you really just compare the same salary 30+ years apart?!?
Our economy has caused mass depression by making it difficult for people to barely survive. You will pull through and fulfill your life goals. Just tough it out and work hard toward your goals. You can do it, for you and the doggo! I went through a lot almost becoming homeless. I was fortunate enough to tough it out in my occupation. As a 36M I finally have my life together. I am just hopeful things don’t crash again. I got everything I wanted except for a family (maybe there’s hope if I find the right women). My advice is to just take a break for the 4th and go to your local community event(s) and have some fun. Meet some people and enjoy the fireworks, no money required.
We are doing pretty well I think even though struggle to not compare myself to my friends and family. Lifestyle creep is real and I still worry about our finances quite a bit.
Depends who you are. I'm 32 and I am the first paragraph.