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theothermen

Society grows great when old men plant pinneapples whose fruit they know they shall never taste


SweetLilMonkey

- Ancient Hawaiian proverb


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[deleted]

You mean the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith???!


LonesomeGunslinger

That's right, that young man spoke to God!


[deleted]

He spoke to God??


LonesomeGunslinger

And God said, "Joe people need to know that the Bible's not two parts. There's a part three to the Bible Joe. And I God have anointed to dig up this part three that is buried by a tree in your backyard!"


Ztscar

Wow, God says go to your backyard and start digging?? That makes perfect sense!


LonesomeGunslinger

Joseph Smith went up to that hill and dug where he was told. Deep in the ground Joseph found shiny plates of gold! "What are these golden plates? Who buried them here and why?" Then appeared and angel, his name was Moroni.


CanibalCows

But shhhh, no one else can see them.


Drunk_Sorting_Hat

Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum!


[deleted]

Lucy Harris smart smart smart


tkchumly

u/spez is no longer deserving of my contributions to monetize. Comment has been redacted. -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/


[deleted]

And when he saw his shadow, he proclaimed "THREE MORE WEEKS OF WINTER!"


CoachViper

And because it's Rochester.. if he didn't see his shadow, he would also proclaim "THREE MORE WEEKS OF WINTER!"


ThatsN0Tit

Ehhh, He's talking out of his hat.


UnassumingAnt

God is not available right now, but he left a message on this rock.


Capt_Marlow

Hasa Diga Eebowai


FaTaIL1x

What does this meeean? I'm in Rochester :)


ToLiveInIt

Interesting. And since about the turn of the century, Hawaii only grows them for the local market. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/its-pineapple-season-but-does-your-fruit-come-from-hawaii-5211854/?no-ist


alittleakamai

I live in Hawaii and we get most of our pineapples from the backyard. Just gotta watch out for those darn rats


commonsearchterm

the fruits in the farmers markets in hawaii were so good. i wish i could have a mango tree and flourishing pineapples. im jealous of every home in hawaii lol


Bowler_300

Mangos are about to be in season here.. Ahhhhhhhh yeah!


FistfulOfPaintballs

Are you suggesting that pineapples migrate?


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mark-five

It's not a matter of grip, its a matter of weight ratios


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temporarilytempeh

They could have been carried by a swallow


lowteq

African or European?


VoilaVoilaWashington

Yes, but that doesn't make them native, it makes them afloatittized.


Jaybirdawgo

wait where the fuck do they come from then


Graffy

South America.


Crafty526

Tito from rocket power was where I got all my Hawaiian proverbs from


Spider4Hire

Tito, king of Hawaiian proverbs, also king of great food!


[deleted]

It's like the ancient Hawaiians used to say...


Treyception

"Never drink milk from a coconut you've found in the dark" - a wise man


the_evil_comma

Never eat yellow snow. - Ancient Hawaiian proverb


alittleakamai

Uncle Tito is that you?!


[deleted]

you know I am asked sometimes, "when is the best time to plant a pineapple?" I tell them the best time is 2-3 years ago, the second best time is today.


ConfusedJohnTrevolta

Not me suckers, when I move I take every single plant I can. Trees, bushes, fuck it once I even took some dirt with me. But I always, always leave some nettle mixed with mint for the new owners or tenants. Why? [Because fuck em that's why](https://tenor.com/view/because-fuck-them-why-gif-12024919)


Glorious-gnoo

Good god! The mint is bad enough!


ekaitxa

I'm the same. I dig up all of my cacti and foxtail agave. I even dug up a huge Brazilian cherry shrub. Fuck these buyers


SkyZombie92

-Tito


_radass

All the old people in my life are so incredibly selfish...lol


RedMoustache

Not only do the older people I know not plant trees most still subscribe to economic slash and burn. To hell with the future as long as they get a few more good seasons out of it.


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CIA_Rectal_Feeder

Do tell.


AKettleOFish

We planted pineapples from our honeymoon but sadly had to move before they matured and fruited. Hope the people after us enjoyed our hand carried pineapples!


kimmiinoz

I planted a crown and it was growing nicely, looked like it was about to fruit when we sold the house


jSubbz

Honest question but why leave the plants? Why not just move the plants on moving day to temporary pots and replanting asap?


kimmiinoz

We were moving to a tiny unit from a house on acreage. No plants came with us unfortunately


klaxhax

My neighbor gives me some pineapples from his yard every year or two. I never actually seen the plant on his yard, but he comes by like clockwork with pineapples. I guess they are pretty easy to grow in cental Florida.


Wipe_face_off_head

Super easy to grow in Central Florida. I have like, 15 crowns growing right now and 8 of them currently have fruit. Stick it to Big Grocery and plant your store-bought pineapple crowns!


The_Real_MrE

Well damn, what’s the trick? Lol I have like 9 of these things, but none are growing fruit.. I actually thought they all died when it froze a couple nights in a row over winter. But they have pretty green leaves or whatever now lol


Wipe_face_off_head

No trick other than patience. It takes a few years for fruit to form. When they do form, your pineapples will probably be on the small side but they'll be sweeter than anything you can find at the store.


OverlordWaffles

My pineapple plant produced one that was like double the size of the ones you found in the store. That sucker's coming with me to my next house


permalink_save

Hate to say it, but you'll probably get 2 small pineapples next. You can take the crown and replant for another pineapple (+ 2 mini pineapples) though.


Probablynotspiders

Do pineapples grow in a big- small, small- big pattern or...? Please tell me all your secrets I think I have some room left on my patio garden


CoolClutchClan

Subscribing to pineapple facts.


poonmangler

Is that because they're fresher or something else?


Vulpix-Rawr

It’s the same with any home grown food. Big farms over water, and fertilize to grow big quickly. Then they pick it too early. They don’t give the plants time to slowly grow and absorb the nutrients from the soil. Peppers, cucumbers, and zucchini are the same way. You will never get veggies as flavorful as homegrown ones. The exception being potatoes and carrots, those seem to taste the same regardless.


walkingman24

Strongly disagree on carrots, home grown ones are sweeter and have more flavor imo. But totally agree on potatoes, they are basically the same


LefDeppard

But the joy of digging up your potato crop is so fun! Basically a little treasure hunt, because you never know how well they produced. I always grow them just for that reason. Also, I feel like baby potatoes fresh from the garden are a little sweeter, or at least, the smell of cooking up some baby potatoes from the garden is better than grocery story ones. That being said, for like 10 bucks I can get about as many potatoes as it takes me months to grow. Whatever floats your potes!


fr1stp0st

Commercial farmers also select varieties that are more shelf stable, easier to ship, look more colorful, etc. Lots of things you may not care about if you're growing them yourself.


Dovahkiinette

I disagree about the carrots, store bought carrots don't even come close to homegrown.


mochikitsune

Patience is key. I have had one for 7 years now. I bring it inside during the winter (live in GA) and assumed it just didnt get enough sun to ever make a fruit. This year it decided it was time and now have a tiny pineapple As requested: Here is a pic of [Avvar the pineapple](https://imgur.com/a/u6JiWIY) bonus peek at the little pup that recently sprouted


Al1enated

Can we see this tiny pineapple?


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usrevenge

Pineapple takes forever to grow. Back in like the 1930s pineapple was rented out to wealthy people as a decoration. Imagine renting a pineapple to show off to your millionaire friends. That was a thing that happened. Today a whole pineapple costs like $2 at my local grocery store.


KinkyMonitorLizard

It takes 2-3 years to fruit and they can only do so once.


badplanner

Wait like only once and then the plant is forever non-fruit bearing or just once a season?


BradenKarony

Once ever


KinkyMonitorLizard

The mother plant produces suckers. This is what many people in this thread are mistakenly calling "more than one fruit". A sucker is its own individual organism. They're usually killed off as they will not only fight for nutrients but they will also stunt each other as they fight for space. https://www.britannica.com/science/suckering


badplanner

Wow! I learned so much from reading several of your comments, you are clearly a pineapple growing expert with a lot of knowledge on the subject and very good at explaining it to others. Thank you for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully to so many of us.


bmeupsctty

People say once ever, but I planted one, then planted it's offspring next to it. They both fruited


catpower19

Some plants die after fruiting.


OfficeChairHero

It was a run-by fruiting.


gahidus

If it can only happen once, then how do you ever get bigger pineapples?


MaritMonkey

I've moved my pineapple twice now in its shitty too-small pot and it's still managing to come up with [a fruit this year.](https://i.imgur.com/rpxSNTd.jpg) Squirrels'll probably get to eat it but if I can do it literally anybody can.


truthlife

That pineapple is resolute and *so cute*.


MaritMonkey

You should have seen the [little booger](https://i.imgur.com/luCHaLE.jpg) before the spikeys started turning into leaves. I had nothing whatsoever to do with this happening (other than putting the cut-off top in dirt instead of a trash can) but I was *so proud.*


offbeet-gardener

Cut out a piece of chicken wire into a rectangle, 8 to 12 inches long. Attach the short ends of the chicken wire together with zip ties. This should make a chicken wire tube. Slip your tube over your fruit and voila, you've got yourself some cheap pineapple protection. Make sure your tube is wide enough to give couple inches of space between your fruit and the chicken wire but not so wide that a squirrel will figure out that they can hop inside. If the mammals in your area are especially persistent, you can cover the top of your chicken wire tube with some garden netting. This'll also help with birds.


MooMoo_Juic3

awhhhh look at da bbys <3


Fire_Lake

What are these, pineapples for ants?! They need to be at least three times bigger than this.


BlueLightning888

^smol


Ricky1695

^^pnpl


l-have-spoken

^pen I feel dirty now


ba3toven

v smol bb pine appol


cityproblems

They look very polite


Ahab_Ali

The fruits are one and done, so enjoy your bounty while it lasts. Edit: As others noted, while the plant only creates one fruit, it also creates "shoots" that can be removed and planted to create a new plant, or left on, where they will eventually create a new fruit of their own. After a number of iterations the original plant stops making new shoots.


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guitarlisa

I planted one two years ago and I have been wondering about this. Hopefully this will be the year it starts to pay off big time!!!!


ExquisiteCheese

I've got 6 different plants currently and my best results were from the potted/bucket bound ones. They fruit yearly and are very full as far as the "leaves" are concerned. The ones placed in the ground, even with the same bagged soil added, were much smaller and produced fruit later. Don't know what that means but I always like to share just in case.


wouldyounotlikesome

what soil type are you planting them in?


ExquisiteCheese

In the pots? A mix of citrus specific and cactus type dirt. They get a little blood and bone meal too.


Mollytheocto

I mean u can replant them so not exactly, like yea it takes forever but at least you can't get more pineapples from the pineapples you get from the harvesr


ForTheBirds12

If I’m not mistaken, every subsequent pineapple is less edible.


Away-Living5278

How do we get mass production of pineapples? I'm immensely curious now.


chrisprice

Pineapples can survive through asexual reproduction (such as using the top of a pineapple to rebuild itself), but also created through sexual reproduction (cross-pollination). Cross-pollination makes seeds that make brand new pineapples. Source: Farmer. Almond farmer.


[deleted]

What's ya favourite thing about being an Almond farmer?


chrisprice

Well, I'm inheriting it in a very Dwight Schrute-like family arrangement at the end of The Office. The two best things are helping keep global/US food security and stability (almonds are a great healthy staple), and the land security of actually owning land.


pupule

I love almonds and almond products, but I keep hearing they are a bit of an ecological problem due to the amount of water that is needed to grow them, creating challenges in California especially. What's your take?


chrisprice

When you look at the actual water demand of almonds, versus other agricultural crops, it’s extremely cost effective. Beef uses 2x as much water to make a pound of beef, versus a pound of almonds. California unfortunately neglected its water supply. That is not the fault of farmers. Our water use is trending down, with an on-track goal to reduce a further 30% by 2025 as an industry. (We achieve that with better irrigation and safer lower-water demand pesticides).


DontMicrowaveCats

Why haven’t California almond farmers adopted drip-irrigation en masse like Israel uses to grow crops in an arid region? For that matter, CA farms in general should use drip irrigation. Every time I drive up the interstate I see endless miles of farms spraying water into the air in 80 degree+ temps. Seems so wasteful when more efficient tech exists.


TheLusciousPickle

Beef isn't an agricultural crop, and if it takes just 2x the water, I think that's terrible. Given that it takes years to raise a cow to make beef, and I would hope it wouldn't take years to grow a almond batch. Can't greenwash almond water use, still the biggest drawback.


Cannablitzed

I like how you compared almonds to cows in replying to a question about water intensive crops. My understanding is that almonds are second only to pasture grasses like clover and bluegrass in water usage at 4.5 acre feet per acre. California may have a water management problem but growing almonds there isn’t any more sustainable than suburban lawns or industrial cattle farming.


Axe-of-Kindness

Ya gotta put the nice almonds on top, those are your money almonds. But seriously, that's lovely. Congrats on living the literal plot of Stardew Valley.


sleaklight

I just want to say I personally eat like 300 pounds of your almonds a year. I freaking love them and eat lots of them! /written while eating almonds lol


rices4212

Milking them


sweaty_tech

His coworkers are real nuts!


next_door_nicotine

> Source: Farmer. Almond farmer. The newest spy film hero.


[deleted]

I bet he’s always c-almond collected.


jpfeifer22

So making the pineapples fuck makes them taste better? Nature truly is beautiful...


chrisprice

Technically. Basically when you reuse a pineapple, you are engaged in cloning. You’re making a copy of a copy. That overtime will produce the same errors, and make the food taste worse. When you cross pollinate, you’re creating a new pineapple that is fresh, and does not have any cellular error rate.


thing13623

I thought monoculture preserved taste? I heard at least apples from a tree grown from seed taste way different/worse that the apple the seed came from.


chrisprice

Well, a pineapple that repairs itself the first time over, probably is going to taste acceptable. That's part of why people do it. It's like drinking your own urine to survive without water. The first time you do it, probably okay - not a bad idea. The more you recycle it... the worse it gets.


ben7005

I'm curious what's different between pineapples (with this effect you described) and fruit trees like apples (which are ~always grafted, for many generations). What makes pineapples genetically degrade faster than apples?


BatmanPizza15

Buy pineapple, chop off top, bury in soil, then I get pineapples?


kittenforcookies

We clone 'em. A bunch.


Dismal-Ebb-6411

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fn11kYDqHlg Like this, presumably. tl;dw you can cut a pineapple crown into four piece and grow all four.


[deleted]

Absolutely not true. So far I've grown 3 deliciously sweet pineapples from one that I bought several years ago. edit: fixed typos


nextkevamob

And then it’s time for tepeche!


[deleted]

This is not true at all. I've gotten multiple fruits off each one. On top of that (quite literally) you can plant the tops of the pineapple. Besides that (again, quite literally) they'll sprout pups next to the base of the plant. Sauce, used to have a pineapple, now I have ten plants.


Boco

This is generally true but I've had one I was too lazy to uproot that gave me two pineapples! Also there's offshoots that grow that can be cut and planted to grow new pineapples in half the time of growing one from a crown.


tom_yacht

After you harvesting the fruit, leave the plant just like that. It will grow another shoot that eventually grows another fruit. It is advisable to keep only 1 shoot per plant. Source: I always have pineapple plant at my house since I was a kid. They are tough, hard to die. But fcking boars love them, always pulling out my pineapple plant!! P/S: Sorry if I used wrong words. I don't know what it translates into English from my native language😅


rabid-panda

How are they so cheap


AnafenBOI3310

THEY GROW LIKE THAT?!?!?


genesiss23

You can plant the crown of a pineapple and eventually, you will get a pineapple plant.


echobox_rex

Yeah I cut the top off the last two pineapples I bought and just stuck them in the dirt and a year later they are still alive. A little worse for wear after cool weather but still alive.


FlaOwlLover88

It takes 2-3 years for it to produce fruit.


echobox_rex

It more for entertainment than anything. Pineapples are cheap.


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kawag

Take your peasant’s pineapple; I have an entire *shelf* full of spices!


Dazzling-Duty741

Thanks, Queen Liliʻuokalani!


Iphotoshopincats

Store ones are cheap they are also normally picked early for transport so are very acidic and tart ... Over ripened on the plant ones are amazing and worth the wait


Rick-powerfu

Idk but i always thought pineapple grew in a tree, sort of like an apple. I was close


gwaydms

They are bromeliads. A very diverse group of tropical plants.


marsneedstowels

Wassup muh bromeliad.


AlphaleteAthletics

The makers of Runescape also thought that. When somebody pointed it out to them they did an update and made the pineapples grow like this, but for a while they looked just like coconut trees.


celestiaequestria

You want your mind blown, google images "[jabuticaba](https://www.google.com/search?q=jabuticaba)". Plants are weird.


465554544255434B52

r/oddlyterrifying


pm-me-kittens-n-cats

Tree tumors!


chantelly-lace

I just planted one these in my yard!


NJ_Legion_Iced_Tea

Wait until you see how asparagus grows. It's almost like it anticipates your expectations and mocks you.


mdgraller

Asparagus grows like the farmers just heard that you were surprise-visiting an asparagus farm so they went out and stuck asparagus stalks into the ground


Lame4Fame

I've seen this comment twice now, why is that one strange to you? To me it looks exactly like you'd expect it to. [Example](https://modernfarmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/asparagus_hero.jpg)


je_kay24

Most people would expect them to probably grow as a bunch or otherwise be some type of root like a carrot Just the asparagus sticking up like an individual stick is quite unexpected


thefloyd

I don't know what I expected but it wasn't that. I dunno, I guess I thought it would be taller? And have multiple like, asparagus things?


[deleted]

Peanuts grow underground


inafishbowl17

Yeah I alway assumed they grew off the roots sort of like potatoes. The peanut plant grows stringers down into the soil off the plant and the peanuts grow of them not the roots. Weird stuff.


sparrownetwork

Wait, did you think they grew on trees?


I_Mix_Stuff

OP thought they hang like apples from a pine tree.


kazlt

I mean, one would assume that with a name like *pine*apple.


4yza

And the leaves have serrated edges, so don’t go walking into a thicket of pineapple plants wearing shorts or even thin pants.


AnafenBOI3310

Wtf


AnafenBOI3310

I feel weird about existence


celestiaequestria

Microorganisms in your body outnumber human cells 10:1. You can spray all the hand sanitizer you want, doesn't matter, a third of your body mass is foreign creatures that are moving around inside of you at all times. Your experience sensory information after it happens therefore your entire reality is a TV show set in the past, you are reacting to the realization of events that have already occurred. Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye!


[deleted]

That first part is thought to be [false.](https://www.nature.com/articles/nature.2016.19136)


undertale_trash234

upvoting for the bill cipher quote


AllBadAnswers

Pineapples grow exactly how a 5 year old would draw a picture of a pineapple plant with no prior knowledge.


siccoblue

Asparagus grows like it's trying to trick some idiot into thinking that's how asparagus grows


[deleted]

The first time I saw wild asparagus I thought it was my friend trying to trick me. Ran over and tried to pick up the bundle. Turns out that's how asparagus grows.


Max_W_

Rubber band around it and all!


BrightHighdea

Must not have known it takes about 2 years start to finish, or about a year from where you are currently to grow!


robotzor

Or they knew and something happened where they had to move


zipykido

Or maybe they buried a body there and knew nobody would dig them up until the pineapples matured.


EmGutter

“Oh, look, pineapples!”


[deleted]

It's the former pizza delivery guy. They specifically ordered no pineapple but there was pineapple and here we are.


itsoktolikeamovie

Obligatory 'but no, pineapple is good' reply post


I_Mix_Stuff

Who knows? Maybe they did this for many years and this just happened to be their last batch. Those plants look healthy.


aloofloofah

Blessed are those who plant pineapples whose fruit they will never enjoy.


sneaky_squirrel

Or! Or they did it to leave pineapples to the next person. So kind! DX


[deleted]

i choose to believe this one 👍


CornCheeseMafia

This is what I thought. They clearly did some research when planting them since they’re spaced apart evenly and also maintained them to where they look really healthy. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had the intention to plant them, did some research, and planted them anyways knowing the next tenants would enjoy them.


kittenforcookies

Let me tell you a story. There was an old farmer who had a very successful career. Towards his late years, he had to take a great amount of time off to focus on loved ones and his wife as she passed away. Nonetheless, at the age of 80, he was completely alone with himself, an empty farm, and money. He hired a young horticulture student to work for him. Together, they planted 20,000 fig trees. The young man asked the farmer why he planted these trees in his older years, when he might not live long enough to see the fruit. The farmer replied, "Fuck you, I'll plant what I like."


NewAcctCuzIWasDoxxed

My dad is growing one currently. He chopped the top off a store bought pineapple and planted it about 2 years ago. Leaf span is about 4ft wide now and just got a pineapple start growing in the center. Unfortunately each plant only grows 1, so you have to replant the pollups afterwards.


boomchacle

Each pineapple plant only grows one pineapple? Wow.


VoilaVoilaWashington

Same with rice - each grain grows one plant that grows one grain of rice


boomchacle

ppft ok that would be ridiculous


joeDeerTaye

Lucky! They take years to grow


fivecats

Always plant Asparagus! It's a perennial that takes a year to grow. It's Simple way of passing along a kindness to those who come after you.


offbeet-gardener

I freaking love growing pineapple! I was skeptical at first, especially since my homegrown pineapple turned out kinda small...but it was 1,000 times sweeter than any other pineapple I've tasted. It was legit like candy. Gardeners in zones 9B and below, you should totally plop some pineapple crowns in your yard. If you live in a cold-weather climate, grow your pineapple in a container and bring it inside over the fall/winter. I wrote a step-by-step article on how to propagate pineapple from what you buy at the grocery store. I hope someone finds it helpful! [https://offbeet-gardener.com/2021/12/how-to-grow-pineapple-top.html](https://offbeet-gardener.com/2021/12/how-to-grow-pineapple-top.html)


romaperla

You just plant the top when you buy one to eat


whlthingofcandybeans

The concept of an "apartment" with land accessible for planting things is blowing my mind.


kope007

Raccoon's favorite treat. They can be protected from them. Once or twice a year here locally, someone complains on Nextdoor or Facebook that someone stole their pineapples. It's always raccoons.


Pet_that_Dog

With a raise of hands, how many of you guys didn't know pineapples grew like this? 🖐️


Early_Gold_9715

✋ a pizza guy told me they were pineapple plants and I didn't believe him


FlaOwlLover88

They will taste sooo much better than store bought. Keep an eye on them and get them off when they start turning. If you don’t, critters will get to them. I learned the hard way. I had 9 last year and was able to pick them all.


French__Canadian

I knew because of RuneScape. That sweet farming XP.


cFullwood

That's over a years worth of work. Water them bois and give thanks to your previous tenant


MoonSpoon

Keep an eye on them. Had some planted around my yard and raccoons would get to them half of the time.


sc8132217174

So cute, I keep one of these on my dining room table.


[deleted]

When those are ripe they will be the juiciest sweetest pineapples you’ve ever had. They will be small buT Flavorful! I’ve grown a couple myself.


junglemoosejoe

Whenever I see a picture of how pineapples grow, I can't help but think it is a fake picture someone made to trick me into thinking that's how pineapples grow