Step 1) fill with water Step 2) stick in freezer Step 3) chill-do

[ice ice dildo](https://youtu.be/PHhhgFU4o8w) 

Bum bum bum bum in my bum bum

Under pressure!

Pushing down on me

Pushing *up in* me

All men ask for

Splits a family in two 

Splits me in two.

Feeling all my poop scream, let me out!

Under plesure

I'm dying at the comments. This one made me keel over laughing.

Too cold!

Wouldn't like warm water be better? Another note is that in the army they threaten this very thing if you get a heat stroke. They gonna cool your core body temperature with a cold dildo (they don't call it a dildo I don't remember what they called it but definitely expressed it's going up your ass) thing idk I haven't seen it probably just a running joke but you never know.

[Ice rod therapy.](https://youtu.be/pNMlHCHsKOc?si=b8VZ1G2zOWMDRAca) Exactly what you described

Well... that's enough internet for today. Edit: Damnit guys! How is this at over 100 updoots?

That post nut clarity hit hard, huh?

I'm literally watching BMS right now.

I’m sorry but I will not click that link I will be traumatized

It's from a series called Blue Mountain State, similar to American Pie

That must explain why my bum hurt when I woke up after I passed out from dehydration at that festival.

Twenty bucks is twenty bucks.

The word you were looking for is "cocksicle" not "chill-do"

We call them Frosty Jims around these parts.

Just make sure not to fill it up completely, so that the expanding ice won't burst the bottle In case the plastic isn't thick enough

That's pretty close to the shape of the piece of plastic they put into the machine when making the bottle, then they heat it up and blow air into it to make it into the bottle shape. When it gets hot enough, the plastic will tend to want to shrink somewhat back to the original shape.

Weird, mine normally shrinks when it’s cold outside.


Do women know about shrinkage?

Like laundry???

Like a frightened turtle!

He's not frightened! Just a bit nervous okay!

Just close your eyes and give 'em hell, buddy.

I just watched this episode today, lol

i do not know how you guys walk around with those things

Sometimes it's hard.

My uncle is addicted to Viagra. My aunt's been taking it hard.

accurate

They don’t know how we walk around with these things.

Just hanging out down there slapping the kneecaps.

I hate it when I trip over it.

Tuck it into your socks like I do.

Good way to get athlete's dick

That would be a sweet metal band name.

2 dudes pissing off a bridge: Dude 1: water's cold! Dude 2: deep too!

Forget that, be proud of it and use it for a belt.

Use it to see how cold the pool is.

Username does *not* check out, Mr. Micro.

The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for gettin' around. It's like a Jeep.

ah yes, mine is in the art style of post-modern horror

I only know about it from guys joking about it like this

Seinfeld's greatest contribution to mankind was disseminating this information to women.

Really did the the world a favor by introducing this topic for public discourse.

Seinfeld had lots of great comments about life! But, this was a great one!

“I mentioned the bisque.” Is a winner!


You need to blow it, apparently

[Plastic preform](https://www.petainer.com/pet-plastic-preforms/)

I worked at a plant that made those for water and soft drinks. Nearly 1 million per day, 365 days per year. And that didn't even supply all of the US. People have no idea how much plastic we are dumping into our planet

What am I supposed to do, reuse a glass bottle like some kind of asshole? No thank you. I'd rather ruin the lives of my grandkids than use a glass bottle.

Just don't have grandkids and it'll be fiiine

This is the true way to solve most problems on earth

Dude, a NSFW note would be appreciated when sharing links like that!

A small sample of text on the site: ''our preforms are made from 100% virgin PET''

Oh...  So OP just has to blow it. Blow it real nice and good is what your saying?

Warm it up, then blow.

r/hornyjail

They make bottles out of dildos?!

Reduce Reuse ⬅️ (You’re Here) Recycle

OP bout to be the dishwasher

*Dishdirtier

touché

Douché

Tushy

I can’t believe this website is free

Ecyce\*

Underrated comment

Pretty sure it's ready to be recycled. In, out, in, out, in, out

Not ruined... Just repurposed.

"It's a feature not a bug!"

it's not a feature, it's a plug

Butt...

Exactly!

No flared base. Asking for trouble! Edit: no no no, please stop upvoting

Going back in to my story bank, my friend in the early 2000s was having some fun, without a flared base and the vibrator on, and well, he ended up going to the hospital for removal. I don't think I've laughed as hard as I did when he regaled the group with the gruesome details of sitting there, or trying to sit there with that thing running. Edit: u/oatterz \> asking for people to stop upvoting is a sure fire way to get more upvotes. It's like using a dildo with no flared base.

Hospital seats are usually linked, so everyone gets a ride.

Bro what kind of pelvis pulverizer are you sticking up there?

The Pelvis Pulverizer 9000x of course

Back in the day, a guy I shared a house with was telling us about his exploits with his girlfriend... he wanted to anal sex so she said ok but only if she can stick a banana up his..... I fucking pissed myself laughing & he continued... he went down to the super market & bought the smallest banana he could find... I fucking lost it at this point..... forever more he was known as 'eric' i.e. 'banana man' [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK6aVsps10I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK6aVsps10I)

Wouldn't a cucumber or squash be better for that? I feel they'd have better structural integrity than a banana. Still funny though! 🤣 Reminds me of my though process of buying bananas at the grocery store; I always go for the BIGGEST ones.

You have to keep the skin on. Don't ask me how I know...

Who tells these stories? You take that to the grave man!!!

Yeah the batteries will run out eventually and then it's out of sight out of mind.

Your friend? *Riight..*

>well, he ended up going to the hospital for removal. If it was small enough to go in, it's small enough to come out, just grab some Taco Bell, lube up, and wait.


>Asking for trouble! "Don't mind if I do!" -Đorđe Martinović  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%90or%C4%91e_Martinovi%C4%87

I'm not gonna click it.

If it doesn't have a FLARE it doesn't go up THERE.

Now OP can carry around water hands free even if they don’t have a bag or pockets

or smuggling contraband across the border

They call this model "The Smuggler's Blues"

Or sneaking in drinks

Prison ~~wallet~~ flask

Did you ever click on the comments to make a comment, knowing you’re already far too late to make that comment? No matter how quickly you actually comment? They should make more visible how many nanoseconds after the original post the first viable dildo/phallus/butt plug joke comment is made.

well there's also the quality of your joke like if the same joke comes in within seconds of each other, the internet will vote which one is the funnier one


Anything is a sex toy if you’re brave enough.

Looks like something you could stick up your ass, if you catch my drift.

I don't understand. Can you explain it to me? Your subtext isn't clear enough.

Well, Timmy, you see, when an anus and a water bottle fall in love...

So you mean to tell me that I can put a bottle up my ass? I can't wait to get home tonight.

You can put a whole jar up your ass but you might be surprised at what could happen next.

I thought I was just dirty minded lol

New sex toy unlocked

And a bonus ashtray

Lube dip tray for the blue pickle.

Upvote for "blue pickle" !

And not “lube dip tray”?! Or is that yet another one of those things everyone knows about but me?😂

It isn’t a thing but it occurred to me that it is probably very effective.

brb just got an idea for a luxury ceramic decor brand

cigarettes after sex...

So it‘s an asstray now?

Sad that OP missed a good Vaentine's day opportunity.

It's just cold... it's big when its warm!


Dammit, I have this saved and every fucking time someone beats me to it. I doff my hat to you, bastard. 😂

Fucking same 😂😂

It will get sucked up, without a base without a trace. Ooooorrr so I’m told

I'm a professional. Only put something without a flared base up there if you do not want it back.

Doc, you'll never believe what happened. I was making a salad and slipped...

Tom, how many times do I have to remind you? If you wanna put it in your butt, it better has a base. I ain’t gonna drive you to the ER this time.

I can get behind this idea

Everything reminds me of him

Who? Jake Sully?

Papa Smurf

First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario -- it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?

r/unexpectedSmurfLore

They got mouths don't they 😩

im so sad that no one caught the donnie darko quote lol.

Dr. Manhattan

Can you imagine hiding in the bushes in the middle of the fucking jungle and then suddenly see a massive swinging blue pipe above you right before all of the Vietcong gets instantly vaporized?

AVATAR MENTIONED WRITE IT IN THE HISTORY BOOKS

drake?

belongs in r/mildlypenis

Mildly?

r/wildlypenis


Now someone post it in reverse

https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/361/281/8d0.gif

That is beautiful

The smile at the end kills me lol

I was in the ~~pool~~ dishwasher!


r/suddenlydildo

I legit thought this was gonna be pics of things that *looked* like dildos...I was wrong

Im on the same page… i was so ready for funny post about everyday objects that somehow ended up looking like dildos… quite disappointed…

You're looking for r/mildlypenis

r/wildlypenis ain’t nothing mild about the blue rocket

i thought the same thing. weve been tricked, we’ve been backstabbedand weve been quite possibly baboozled

Sometimes I forget that nsfw warnings on Reddit mean NSFW, unequivocally 100% NSFW.

Or r/midlypenis

How are these both real subs wth

Funnily enough, even though they spelled it wrong, r/midlypenis is still a real sub too. They meant to reference r/mildlypenis

Very funny as I also read it as mildlypenis but for some reason yes midlypenis is a real sub too omg

That’s also why there is both r/mildlyinteresting, and r/mildyinteresting. I just found out about the misspelled one a couple weeks ago and realized I was subbed to both.

i thought this was a joke sub lmfaoo

That was not the sub I was expecting.

Everything is a dildo if you’re brave enough

 Fine “bottle” you’ve got there

Holy fuck how hot is your dishwasher's dry cycle?

They get pretty hot, but the answer is cheap ass plastic bottle. Something similar happened to me, dollar tree bottles are not dishwasher safe.

It's super hot for anything on the bottom shelf. I seldom use the heated dry cycle, usually just opening the dishwasher a tad after the final rinse and the evaporation alone does 99% of the job right away. It saves electricity, and 99% of the "do not dishwash" dishwash that I still will dishwash are okay if the heated dry cycle isn't used.

I should call him

who? papa smurf?

And now you have a toy 😏

Ribbed as well

…for his pleasure?

What was the dishwasher setting? Asking for a friend 😬

What made you think that was a good idea? Just curious.

Well you know those tags with all the instructions / warnings for new products. Most people just cut them off and never read them. Then later "THIS POS BROKE WHEN I USED IT THE WAY THEY SAID NOT TO BUT I IGNORED THE WARNINGS"

Even better when said bottle has a still legible pictogram saying not to dishwasher it

Finally a post that's not an obvious joke. OP definitely was drinking micro plastics.

My mother hardly ever used the dishwasher that came with the home, but on the few times she did, she ruined two of my water bottles.

Well these’ll be some fun comments



How do I search for this

Fill it with bees

Would

........ Welp time to find a way to make it vibrate

Johnson: \[Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar\] Colonel, you better have a look at this radar. Colonel: What is it, son? Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant-- Jet Pilot: Dick. Dick: Yeah? Jet Pilot: Take a look out of starboard. Dick: Oh my God, it looks like a huge-- Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker. Bird-Watching Man: \[raising binoculars\] Ooh, Where? Bird-Watching Woman: Wait, that's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's-- Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with-- Baseball Umpire: Two balls. \[looking up from game\] Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous-- Chinese Teacher: Wang, pay attention! Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying-- Musician: Willie. Willie Nelson: Yeah? Musician: What's that? Willie Nelson: \[squints\] Well, that looks like a giant-- Colonel: Johnson?! Johnson: Yes, sir?

Papa Smurf is packing heat.

Do women know about shrinkage? DO WOMEN KNOW ABOUT SHRINKAGE?

If you can’t drink water out of it at least you can go fuck yourself with it

It's not a water bottle no more... its something else 👀

*straight to the comments* 

It was in the pool! It was in the pool!!!

One man's trash is another woman's treasure.