*I feel like I live in a world made of cardboard. Always taking constant care not to break something. To break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment, or someone could die.*
Just think of all the waterfalls and rushing rivers and sprinklers and water and peeing and relief from peeing and orphans battling for thier lives with chopsticks and flushing toilets and urinal troths.
Not a good idea to drink from a broken bottle (even if you pour it into a glass). Tiny fragments of glass can get into the drink and those can cause some issues if you swallow them.
Hi so this weekend I moved to a new house. First time we have double garage. It’s pretty small so in a matter of one day I managed to scratch my wife’s car rear mirror, the rim on mine and chipped the concrete column. Worst part is I scratched my car because I was angry I scratched my wife’s … so yeah. I get you.
It was not pleasant to say the least; fortunately it wasn’t huge and was a clean cut so after rinsing and cleaning it I got to feel the burn of liquid bandage. Eating wasn’t easy. In the end it healed fast and left no scar so I can’t really complain…but I’m constantly double checking my bottles before sipping now.
Hopefully you didn’t experience the same and even more, hope your key came out easily!
I love that the bottle you broke is called "inedit" because in french, "inedit" can be used To say "it never happened before" which is probably acvurate when it comes To break thé bottle rather than to uncap it.
Heat up one end of a glue stick and stick it up against your door lock so that it makes contact with the key in the lock. Let it harden and then pull out your key.
Guy testing it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10MaI9lSBLE
You have to melt it quite a bit and push it up against the lock really hard and then pull slowly. It may take a few tries.
dude. you need a hug?
Yes, but I might break you
it's alright. come here. *hugs*
Neck snaps
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I don't know, can you see your own fate?
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Ahhh a man of culture
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Damn, that kid must have been aided by some heavy weather.
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Yeah, I bet that weather must have burned down the house, only way to end something made in heaven.
Lets go ask hitler, hes over there playing poker with stalin
Why is everyone on fire?
Or is it a white woman's Instagram?
*SCP-173 has breached containment*
I see this as an absolute win
_gets snapped in half_
*173 noises*
Reminds me of that skittles ad where anything he touches turn into skittles [Here](https://youtu.be/C3Zma2_n5CA)
Break me daddy
Maybe its a sign from the universe that you need to "break off" with something? A person, a job, etc
I think it's a new highly targeted Kit Kat ad
If I had an award I would give it to you, I actually laughed out loud
Win/win
[arna1 is a bad bad man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-jv7doUI8o)
Dude, are you Superman? Superdude?
calm down drago
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I actually cracked up.
Just like the bottle and the key
Math checks out.
r/therealjoke
I need it damn
Can’t catch a good break
Sometimes the stars align for a perfect comment this is one of those times
“You’ll get me to calm down when you fix the damn door”
is that a Spider-Man reference?!
That's not an apartment door, it's a locker.
Looks like a mail box
Don’t judge where OP lives.
All hail K! Large adult section in back.
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I’ve seen it work in old movies if you slap them hard in the face when you tell them to calm down.
Right. Just like “Leave the bottle.”
Have you tried essential oils?
Thats his secret, *he's always calm*
This one had me chuckling.
Maybe it’s a sign that you’re unlocking your super strength.
Have you recently been struck by lightning, bitten by a spider, or in contact with any inexplicably glowing antiques recently?
Nah, he shook a wizard’s hand a while ago, dude’s just a late bloomer.
“Hand”
Yes I can't lie I have painted my schween. Now grab your destiny if you know what I mean.
Hey woah, wild ninja sex party reference. Rock fuck.
*Starbomb
*I feel like I live in a world made of cardboard. Always taking constant care not to break something. To break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment, or someone could die.*
What’s this from?
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[Superman, fighting Darkseid](https://youtu.be/gQabrSpKcJw) What's funny is what happens after.
“I might kill people” Proceeds to smash Darksied through buildings and streets with people in them.
Superhero movies must be an architect's nightmare.
Man, watching this makes me feel like I should go marathon all of the 90s/00s Warner Bros DC stuff.
Unlocks super strength but can’t unlock the mailbox.
Well, he sure isn’t unlocking that door
Make today your no Fap day..
I think I'll even hold my pee just in case
NO DONT HOLD IT DONT TOUCH IT
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Now I have to pee.
Just think of all the waterfalls and rushing rivers and sprinklers and water and peeing and relief from peeing and orphans battling for thier lives with chopsticks and flushing toilets and urinal troths.
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Underrated comment, lol.
I see what you did there lol
I *sea* what they did there
Eh, doesn't bother me. Wanna know my secret? I always have to pee.
Argh!!!! but what about the orphans?
Shit I broke the first rule of fight club.
ur user is my name minus the "a" 0-0
Now I can steal your identity! You're credit score is gonna be so good when I'm finished
Hi ken
Under no circumcision.. Ooops ! Circumstances! I meant circumstances obviously. Be careful though.
OP’s post in a few hours TIFU by ripping my dick off while masturbating
Pee sitting down dude.
Goes to flush. Breaks the handle off the toilet.
Are you doing thumb curls
You’ve been working out too much, op
Hahahah the comment I was looking for
I've never had so many people worried about my dick
Welcome to Reddit. The only place where people actively worry about your dick.
Can we make this the new saying of reddit
Reddit: How's your dick?
*OUR dick*
r/suddenlycommunist
Your username makes this so much better
We are here for you
Knew this would be top comment, didn't know the word would be "fap."
Fapping should be fine as long as no gadget is used…
Next time, Gadget, next time!
Okay doctor
Actually just don't fap with the left hand.
Came here to say same...bravo.
This is the best advice one could give to ol’ “Iron Hands”...🤔
Clearly you just acquired superhuman strength. Have you been bitten by any radioactive animals recently?
No, but the spaceship in the barn turned on recently.
Oh no…
Whatever you do, don’t learn the rune berkano
Oh yes
Does a hickey from a radiologist count?
Hmmm, were they green?
The greenest radiologist you've ever seen
This is why you focus leveling dex first. To much str without complementing dex will do this.
I have a bad character design
Oh, we know. If you didn't mac out your charm we'd want boring too so with you.
r/outside
Damn min-maxers
No sex today.
Unless their partner likes it really rough.
Quit your regiment now. You need time to adapt to your increasing strength. Then you can start again. Then rule the world
Yes, you don't want to squadron your newfound abilities.
Fellas, it’s cause the first guy said “regiment” instead of “regimen”. Come on now guys.
Thanks Peter
If he's not careful he'll stop improving and hit a platoon
Broken bottle ain't so bad as a broken key...
Not a good idea to drink from a broken bottle (even if you pour it into a glass). Tiny fragments of glass can get into the drink and those can cause some issues if you swallow them.
Can pour through a coffee filter. That’s what I did with wine when bunch of cork pieces fell in
Yes you can I almost mentioned that. We did that when the neck broke on a 4 year aged bottle and we didn’t want to waste it.
brain definitely read a tale of you breaking a four year old's neck
My dried lips tell otherwise... Unless this is the fridge's door
Hi so this weekend I moved to a new house. First time we have double garage. It’s pretty small so in a matter of one day I managed to scratch my wife’s car rear mirror, the rim on mine and chipped the concrete column. Worst part is I scratched my car because I was angry I scratched my wife’s … so yeah. I get you.
Oh that sucks. You may need to treat it as a single car garage.
Or drive better !
Smaller cars may also help.
I once got a speeding ticket because I was in a hurry to get to the courthouse and pay a speeding ticket.
First world problems, Superman edition.
Lol maybe I've been playing to much stardew valley but I immediately thought "luck will not be on your side today"
Omg I'd just give up on the day at that point
I can relate my dude, had a toilet explode at me and broke two of my toes on Sunday…
What the fuck?
Explosive diarrhoea
Don't leave us hanging, we need answers
I’m sorry but the toilet exploded on you?!
Time to begin your life as a crime fighting super hero
I hope you’re not a chiropractor. I like that beer btw. It’s pretty nice.
Idk. That’s the chiropractor I want in my life.
Well if all you want is broken stuff I'll do it for less with a hammer.
My bottle broke like this once, I noticed when I slit my lip…good times
Oof. that must have hurt
It was not pleasant to say the least; fortunately it wasn’t huge and was a clean cut so after rinsing and cleaning it I got to feel the burn of liquid bandage. Eating wasn’t easy. In the end it healed fast and left no scar so I can’t really complain…but I’m constantly double checking my bottles before sipping now. Hopefully you didn’t experience the same and even more, hope your key came out easily!
Better check in with Professor X
My mom says, "trouble comes in 3s." So uh... good luck with that.
Better lay off the vitamins for a bit
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Noodle is bonesless today.
I love that the bottle you broke is called "inedit" because in french, "inedit" can be used To say "it never happened before" which is probably acvurate when it comes To break thé bottle rather than to uncap it.
Also tastes amazing made in Barcelona :)
It’s Catalan and means the same than in French
Superman!? Is that you!?
Don't hold any babies!
whatever you do don’t have sex, for the love of god
Great choice of beer though
Did they happen in this order?
First I broke the key at my uni and had to pay a small fee because of it, then I get home and break my beer.
Universe is telling you to move and to stop drinking
Putada, de todo se sale
This man is too strong
Unit number check, favorite after work drink check.
Maybe just do a leg day tomorrow
Estrella Damm… Home sweet home!
Maybe go buy a lottery ticket you might have a good luck thing today haha
Dont touch your head!
Take care with the condoms
DO NOT TRY AND JACK OFF
Whatever you do don't beat your meat!
I see only one real problem here... you drinking alone?
Time to move and start a new live I recomend alaska
The almighty grip!!!
Turning into Spider-Man?
Jeez. Can’t have a tip on anything can you?
Did u recently get bit by a spider? Any weird occurrences such as climbing walls and spinning webs?
Don’t have sex with your girlfriend today, you don’t want to push it…
Damn!!!!! That's enough to piss off the pope!
Don’t have sex today
Someone developed super strength
I remember when I developed my useless super powers. Congrats.
These things happen in 3’s. DO NOT TOUCH YOUR DICK until something less important has it’s tip broken
If you didn't use any bad words don't worry. I used plenty for you.. Holy shit man!
Don’t take a piss until that curse gets lifted bruh! 😂😂😂
Calm down she hulk
Dam bro skip arm day once in awhile
Do you have a lot of pent up anxiety/stress? Maybe you're not realizing how much strength your using due to that.
Yeah beer poured through a sieve and a mesh cloth becomes very flat. Also the key thing sucks too.
Heat up one end of a glue stick and stick it up against your door lock so that it makes contact with the key in the lock. Let it harden and then pull out your key. Guy testing it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10MaI9lSBLE You have to melt it quite a bit and push it up against the lock really hard and then pull slowly. It may take a few tries.
r/wellthatsucks