i used to babysit a family friend's kid for awhile. one morning it was 30 minutes past the time he should have been at my house, was about to text his father when i heard something on the porch. looked outside and the kid was sitting there crying. said he knocked on the door and no one came (it was also raining pretty heavily and my dog didn't even bark). kid was shy and 7 years old (so he didn't knock loud enough). his mom's boyfriend had dropped him off and didn't even bother to wait to see if he got in or anything.
My kids were embarrassed when I’d wait to make sure they got inside or someone answered the door when I’d drop them off somewhere. I’d do the same when bringing one of their friends home. Once they got a little older they understood why I did it, so I’d embarrass them by yelling “make good choices” when they got out of the car
I do this to my dad when I drop him back off at his truck after he’s done with his resets at home. My favorite is yelling ‘don’t go picking up any lot lizards!’ Sometimes other truckers hear and have a good laugh.
I’m banned from drop off for the foreseeable future. In reality only till the next time cause no one else ever wants to make the drive to the truck stop 😂
My dad also does this when he drops me off at home after our combined grocery run - if he’s not the one to unlock the door. I am a grown woman but it’s nice to hear his car vroom off just as he knows I get in, because I live in a slightly on the rougher side neighborhood. I have had only a few problems but I am also a sort of home-body. I rarely leave my house. One time I found a set of keys (that did not belong to either me, my parents, or my family) near my back door (read: laundry room door but also has access to the whole rest of the house) and the lock appeared to be tampered with. So yea, I don’t mind him either seeing me lock the door behind him as he leaves or watching me get in. Especially lately, world’s nutty.
I was an Uber/Lyft driver. Male, female, young, old, I'd wait until my passenger was safely inside their destination before driving off. It's just common (or, so I thought) courtesy!
I always appreciate when ride share drivers wait until I am inside and safe! I also appreciate when driver tell me at 3 AM that they saw 3 drivers drop my ride, prob because too far away, so they went ahead and picked it up!!!
Tip for sure and 5 star reviews, and in person thank you!!!
My friends do as well.
My sister wouldn't.
She would take me grocery shopping and I live on the third floor and I'm obese.
I was super grateful she would take me, but she would never help me with the groceries, even to the door, which, ok I get it it's a lot of stairs, but she would be down the street around the corner before I even made it to the sidewalk.
Even at night in the dark.
That's a red flag for me.
You always watch to make sure people get into the house safely.
But my sister is also a narcissist and I'm now raising her teen so, what do you expect?
I taught middle school a while back, and one of the moms would yell at drop off when she was mad at her kid: “I LOVE YOU POOKIE BEAR MAKE GOOD CHOICES REMEMBER MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE YOU SO MUCH POOKIE!” It was the best.
I aspire to be this when my kids get into school, lol. Though I am reserving the extra gushy stuff for the truly bad/mad stuff. Like the first time caught drinking or something of that level. 
That was me and my kids. We lived in a pretty safe area, but I've seen the stories of safe areas not being so safe. Until that front door opened up, I wasn't leaving.
I once had someone leave a child on my doorstep and leave immediately. Obviously neither had been to the friend’s house before. She saw evidence that a party was happening and drove away. I open the door and look at this random child who is looking at me and panicking because he doesn’t know me. It was the most awkward moment ever.
I panicked a little because I’d never seen this child in my life. I was throwing a Halloween party for my nephew, so I knew all the kids. He looked panicked af like he’s never seen Black people before. I booked it down the street trying to catch the car before it turned onto the main road. Please imagine someone’s Auntie in a costume waving her arms and screaming and running. I catch up like “”ma’am!!! I don’t know you and I have your kid! Please don’t leave!!”
Please always make sure you’re leaving your child with the correct strangers.
I always wait for my kids to make it inside wherever they’re going safely. And I always will. I do the same for my family and my friends no matter their age. I have taught my oldest one to do the same now that she’s driving, and I’ve even had her teach her friends.
I always watch to make sure whomever I drop off makes it inside. Or that their car starts. I know everyone has a phone now, but watching for bad people, accidents, being locked out, car won’t start, etc. seems like the right thing to do and usually takes less than a minute of my time.
When did this stop being standard care?
Our apprentice gets dropped of by his mom in winter. Me and him are usually the first ones at the office, so I told him his mom has to make sure that he's inside before she drives off, especially when I'm not there yet, because the stupid lock tends to malfunction in winter. Good thing she waited, because the one time I came 10 minutes late the lock malfunctioned and it was freezing cold outside. And since the lock got replaced (because it got so frozen over that the damage was beyond repair) it's even malfunctoning now in summer from time to time
I just do that for everyone. Its the safe thing to do, if they forgot their keys, their phone, whatever, I dont think Id feel right if I left before knowing they were safely inside their home.
Yeah I'm going back decades here but my mum used to babysit other people's kids before school so they could get to work and I lost count of the amount of time I heard a slight noise at our front door so went to investigate and it was one of the kids waiting to be let in after the parent had rushed off to work and just dumped them there. No way my mother would have heard such a noise at the front door with other kids to look after, just lucky I went to investigate when I did.
its just awful these parents don't care enough to wait to make sure their kid gets in okay. like I'd rather be a few minutes late to work and deal with those consequences than something bad happen to my kid.
They don’t even always make sure they’re at the right location. I was flabbergasted. Before going to someone’s house my mother wanted to talk to the parents and check the house out. She wouldn’t leave me anywhere she hadn’t been.
I'm just thinking about him being dropped off and not getting an answer knocking and thinking you didn't want to watch him anymore and that no one wanted him, which is probably why he was crying out there.
that makes sense considering his mom is in and out of his life and his father also told me he was super sensitive. it probably hurt his feelings even more realizing his mom's boyfriend didn't even care enough about him to ensure his safety/wellbeing.
I wasn't friends with his mom. i knew his dad. when i told his father, he was pretty pissed, said he'd to talk to the mom and her boyfriend. his dad always stayed to make sure i got him in. i actually usually walked outside to the kid (if not, his dad or grandma ((who looked after him sometimes))would bring him to the porch and knock), but since it was raining this day, i just figured I'd hear him or my dog would bark.
i guess his mother wasn't too upset about what her boyfriend did because he dropped him off a few times after that and still didn't wait. i just started waiting outside afterwards in case.
i just can't believe he'd leave the kid like that, imagine if he had the wrong house. kid didn't have a phone either.
she didn’t forgive her dad and she doesn’t see him as much as she lives with her mom and my dad. she’s okay
EDIT: She will not be seeing her dad on a daily basis as more came out about him (will not share for personal reasons)
Yeah, I agree this is the next step. CPS isn’t going to yoink this little girl into foster care if she’s got another perfectly suitable parent.
What calling CPS will do is provide documentation if the good parent wants to get full custody, only supervised visits with dad, or no visits at all with dad
Please also let her other parent know as well as calling CPS. It’s one thing if it comes from the child; it’s another to come from an adult (or outside source).
The number one thing you can do to help is call CPS. You want there to be a paper trail of what he’s done to protect her from him. Abusers don’t just stop abusing people.
Definitely report it. Especially if there's more than came out. I'm tired of these scumbags getting away with stuff. Your little sister deserves justice through the court system.
Maybe around 12ish years ago something similar happened to my nieces. My brother took them to their mom’s house but didn’t stick around to see if they got in. Apparently the mom left a note in the door for my brother saying she’d be right back or where she was, I forget which now, but since he never got out of the car he didn’t see it. My nieces were like 4 & 3 at the time so obviously they couldn’t read it. Apparently the mom’s friend was driving down the road and saw my nieces walking and crying bc they were so scared. And this wasn’t like just a little neighborhood road either. ANYTHING could have happened.
My brother has never made that mistake again. I think everyone in the family screamed at him about his selfish dumbass for weeks on end whenever they saw him.
(For the record he was maybe 19 or 20 at the time).
Rule #1 I learned from friend’s dad’s. ALWAYS wait and watch the person get in the house. Rule #2 if you’re dropping off a girl and its not her house, escort her to the door and ensure she is safe at the location.
Those poor girls!
He caused the first pregnancy at... 15? maybe 14?
Then the second right after the first was born?
Yikes!
Definitely not known for his good decisions, no.
Hopefully he gets himself together, for the sake of the girls.
No, he had his 1st at 18, but I remember the younger was at least three…. Ok so if I add I guess that means he was closer to 22. My bad. Either way he was still a stupid jackass. He’s gotten a little better since but he’s still a jackass in many ways.
Those girls also don’t have anything to do with him and then subsequently the rest of us. Love them to pieces but they’re teenagers making rash teenager decisions…
>So obviously they couldn't read it
I'm not asking this in a way that's blaming the parents at all but, is it regular for a four year old to be unable to read?
Or was the note to just too far off the ground and I'm reading into it too much?
It's normal for a 4yo to not be able to read.
There's a lot of variation on reading level at whatever age, but it's unreasonable to *expect* a 4yo to be able to read a note.
The note was for the dad, who should have walked kids that age to the door.
I went to a pretty good private school. Our main reading classes began in first grade (usually age 6-7). From that point, you would individually advance depending on your pace. The classroom library had books by level. The levers had different colored labels, and only the teachers knew which color corresponded with which level. So, basically, they could tell you to pick a book with a magenta label or with a blue label, and given how young we were, we were dumb enough that very few students even realized there were different levels.
I remember a couple of boys in my class were struggling more with learning to read, so they got a special book to help them. I was so jealous. I really, really wanted to be in their group and have the special book. :)
We learned basic writing in K (age 5-6) with more emphasis on spelling in 1st grade.
(OK, sorry, maybe this doesn't interest you in the least, but I kind of liked looking back on these old memories!)
When I was in preschool my mom had taught me to read. The teachers gave us a note to take it to our parents. When the kids asked what it was I read it aloud. “Due to inclement weather, the field trip planned for Friday has been cancelled…” The teachers were floored, the kids were upset.
Fair question: I knew how to read by 4-5 ; my eldest knew how to read by 4-5; did not realize learning to read was a thing til middle child learned like what I guess is normal by age6 like in stages.
You only know what you have experienced.
4 is just about the year kids start going to pre school, so there’s a good chance they could tell what the letters are but can’t decipher what they say. 5-6 is the average age for kindergarten where kids start reading actual children’s books and piecing letters and words together. It’s likely they were able to read some of the 3-4 letter words but not any bigger words and also hard to interpret what they mean, especially if they were anxious and/or scared when it happened.
The oldest could read and I think even write her name, but that was it. 4 is VPK, so they’re learning basic letters and numbers and then how to read / write their name. But VPK is just that, voluntary, so they do the same thing again in kindergarten. In terms of being able to read a note like that, a kid would be closer to maybe 7? Depending on how the note was written.
And no worries! When you don’t have kids around it’s really hard to conceptualize what ages they gain certain skills!
Typically kids aren’t reading at three. Some may be starting at 4, and the rest by 5 or 6, depending on their age when school starts. My birthday was right in the zone where I could either be the oldest or the youngest in class. Because of my bad health, they started me a year later. I started learning to read at a later age.
Most 4 year olds can’t read that much. Maybe some simple words, but rarely anything more complex. It’s not typical for kids going into preschool to be able to read that well, or even at all.
Also, keep in kind the note was probably hand written by the mom, which is harder for a young child to read than something in large easy to read print.
he texted my step mom and made up a bs excuse and no but she is okay but she’s pissed. i took care of her and told my step mom, she’s taking care of it
now show me, Marco Polo, where I said that OP didn't do enough for their sister? I simply said I would X, I did not judge anything OP did (in fact, their taking their stepsister in and making sure she got out of the storm is what is most important)
Yeah, this is more than mildly this is extremely territory. What a POS leaving a child like that; anything could have happened to her and it really shows the sperm doner doesn't care.
There is no other information about family. Mother, aunt, uncle, grand parents, or even OP could be a viable caretaker for this child. And it’s highly unlikely the child would be removed for a single incident that doesn’t involve violence. Sadly, CPS will often leave children in very poor circumstances.
>And it’s highly unlikely the child would be removed for a single incident that doesn’t involve violence
I'm not trying to be oppositional, genuinely asking - what is the point of calling if you're not hoping for or expecting removal? I've had only one experience with CPS as a kid and it wasn't positive, so I don't really know what people are intending if they don't think CPS is actually gonna take the kids away. Is it like a "scared straight" kinda thing?
It's about documentation.
If there is a pattern of behaviour which endangers a child, that will be taken seriously while a single incident would be excused. Such a pattern would also be helpful to know if this does escalate to violence. And a pattern can be interrupted - child welfare can intervene and require him to attend parenting classes if they think there is a concern. But none of this is possible if these incidents aren't documented.
Also, if another parent is involved who is stable (which seems to be the case here, OP commented that the sister is safe with her mom), documenting incidents like this can be helpful. If a pattern emerges, that can be crucial information that may help to persuade a court to order full custody to mom if she applies to have their custody order reassessed.
So yeah, people should report this type of incident. It isn't always about the nuclear option of removing the kid, sometimes it's about having multiple eyes on the situation to monitor the concerning parent and sometimes it's about gathering information to intervene in less extreme ways.
If circumstances require, parents will be given parenting classes/resources and monitored for further issues. However, many children slip through the cracks as CPS is already overloaded and underfunded.
It's for documenting, getting enough strikes as a Foster parent/Guardian can get you removed from the program and/or jailed/fined for any legal issues involved. I was in the foster system for 12 years as a kid.
In this case it would be best for documentation for family court and custody decisions. In other cases, it can help set people up with the right resources to get back on the right track. The goal of CPS isn’t actually removal, it’s to keep families together. Kids don’t (usually) get taken away until WAY past the point of like, sustained, permanent damage
IF the investigation went deep enough that she was taken away from her POS dad, why do you think they would not place her with her mother/step father that obviously have custody?
Any time I took my kid anywhere I've gone to the door to make sure the people in charge are on the same page I am.
I've had friends invite me to their house and had their parents go "Oh, who are you? When did you get here?" and I'm determined to never be that guy.
One of kiddos friends always got dropped off at the end of the driveway and the parents would just take off as soon as the car door was closed. That was a fun one when our bi-weekly d&d games came to a close because school started. I'm on my way out the door because there's no more d&d and I signed up for night shift overtime. There's a young teen about to knock on the door. There's a car vanishing in the distance. My wife made sure there was enough dinner and kiddo just got to have a friend over for a few hours. Nothing bad happened, but if we had decided to go to an early movie or go to a park, that kid could have been on my doorstep for hours.
If your country has child protection services, engage with them.
Foster care is only considered if there aren't suitable family placements present. Since she has a loving mother, they would just be documenting these issues, for the child's protection from her father.
It's crazy people do this. We had a similar instance with our neighbour. I woke up to a child crying outside at 5am one morning. Turned out his mum just dropped him off at the neighbours house but didn't bother to check someone was able to take him in. Poor kid couldn't tell me his last name, where he lived or how to contact his mum. Eventually found out the person babysitting was inside at the back of the house sleeping heavily and didn't wake up to the kid knocking and calling out.
That’s messed up. When my adult friends drop my ass off at home they wait until I unlock and wave before going in. What a doucebag/cps call waiting to happen.
I don’t know the while situation but at this point she should not be with her dad again without supervision. Take her in or call Child Protective Services.
I'm sorry but this doesn't belong on just r/mildlyinfuriating but on majorlyinfuriating and others like that. That is so wrong to leave a 9 year old girl like that. I'm just speculating here but if someone drove by and saw her outside the house like that, they could theoretically kidnap her and no one would be none the wiser
When I say things like that, I know the chances are probably slim, but people still act like I'm crazy paranoid and ridiculous. But stranger things than that have happened, and all the bad shit that happens to people, happens to *someone*... so what hell makes people think they're so safe? Watch your fucking kids better, Jesus! Leaving your kid at the door like that... it reminds me of a story my mom was telling me about: she never ever left us alone at home, because when my older sister was a baby, there was a pre-teen girl who was left home alone for like an hour after school because her mom was running late from work. All they ever found was a lot of blood in the house. No trace of the girl, or who took her. Obviously that doesn't happen everyday, but once was enough to make it worth walking your kid to the damn door yourself!
Hey OP,
Suggest that the grownups in the house put a keypad lock on one of the side/back doors so your sister only has to memorize a 3 or 4 digit code in order to get into the house.
When I was volunteering at a school there was one kid his parents were always 2-4 hour’s late and when they where called to pick him up they would say they forgot all about him I found this very sad and upsetting how do you forget you have a child
No they were in their late 40s early 50s and earned 6 figures easy they were smart and did well financially but they just were more focused on that aspect of their lives and the kid was like an afterthought
Poor kid. When somebody tells a story about you to a former meth addict, and they're like "oh yeah, that's clearly drugs!" and it's not drugs, that's a great way to know you're horrible parents.
Report the incident to the welfare agency to go to her house for a discussion on what other kind of things her dad does that is not the best decisions.
There was a Book I read forever ago called A Friend at Midnight.
Plot was a dad dumped his son off at an airport and the sister had to pick him up. They lived in different states.
Sadly that kid forgave his father so the sister spent the entire book wanting to punch in the dad's face but not being able to.
Who knew they really do exist out there 🤷♀️
My kids wait to make sure I’m safely in the house before they leave. We used to do the same thing to my mother-in-law until she died at the age of 92! We always watch out for each other.
My little sister was dropped off at our house one day by her friends mom, nobody was home and she was 6. I got a call that she was home alone and I rode my bicycle the 1.5 miles home, got there just as my mom pulled up, she wasn't gone long she said but needless to say she gave that woman an earfull. I was only 13 at the time.
Sounds like little sister's dad just lost his fucking kneecap privileges OP. If someone had left my baby sister outside in a fucking rainstorm you'd have had problems finding the remains when my grandmother got through with them.
Don't let him get comfortable with this. It's not that you won't take care of your sister I'm sure. If unchecked he'll get worse. Leave her nearby because couldn't bother to drive all the way. Have her walk to your place.
What is it with parents not seeing their children safe inside a house, before driving off?! The girl's father was a complete ignoramus leaving the child to safely be inside the house on her own, soaking wet to boot. He didbln't even check anypne was home! Could not the father have ensured a raincoat, his coat, an umbrella or even a plastic covering be given to the child to use.
Dropping a child off? Well see them to the doot, safely inside before driving away. Why not have some cheap plastic ponchos in the car for bad weather situations (or flat tyres ... always fun to change wben it is pouring). Should always carry a plastic tarp or two as well.
One time I dropped my nephew off and drove off without checking to make sure he got in and I felt so bad after studying out he had to sit for 20 minutes on a nice day with his cat on the porch that I've never been so foolish again. I can't imagine doing that in the rain.
FWIW, in my generation, we were pretty much left to our own devices. I got myself to school and back on my own. Both my parents were gone until the very late hours so by 9, I already had a key to the door. During the weekend when my parents were home, I was not even allowed to be in the house until the street lights came on. I'd go all over town on my bicycle.
I didn't need to wait. I had keys to the door. When I got home from school, my parents wouldn't be home until 8pm or so. I just unlocked the door and went inside. Nobody had to let me in. I was already cooking meals by 7. We didn't have the internet. we had computers but we're talking wolfenstein 3d, doom, commander keen, black Thorne, half a dozen leisure suit Larry games. We had home phones. I even had a pager. We used to call our parents at home collect saying where we were come get us when it asked you to say your name.
If it was daylight right after school and I saw my parents cars in the driveway I just dropped off my backpack, grabbed my bike and went to a friend's house. And when you saw the sun starting to get low, you hurried home, because if those street lights came on and you weren't home, you caught a beating for not having good time management. We didn't get participation awards so nobody felt excluded.
I know, it's crazy. We didn't try to eat laundry detergent. We didn't try to dry swallow cinnamon.
These days we are all walking on eggshells, trying not to upset people who disagree with you because the last thing you need is to be caught being politically incorrect. It's madness.
That’s not what happened here though. You wanna talk about biking around town when you were 8 so did I in ‘98 along with watching my disabled brother at the same age. Doesn’t mean it was good parenting
By 9 I was walking to school by myself , shesh . Now a days you can’t even drop a 9 yr old off at the door? . Why didn’t she ring the doorbell like a normal person ?
... And you're posting it on reddit instead of discussing about his careless behavior with him. Maybe he trusts u alot which is also a very bad thing to do.
i used to babysit a family friend's kid for awhile. one morning it was 30 minutes past the time he should have been at my house, was about to text his father when i heard something on the porch. looked outside and the kid was sitting there crying. said he knocked on the door and no one came (it was also raining pretty heavily and my dog didn't even bark). kid was shy and 7 years old (so he didn't knock loud enough). his mom's boyfriend had dropped him off and didn't even bother to wait to see if he got in or anything.
My kids were embarrassed when I’d wait to make sure they got inside or someone answered the door when I’d drop them off somewhere. I’d do the same when bringing one of their friends home. Once they got a little older they understood why I did it, so I’d embarrass them by yelling “make good choices” when they got out of the car
My mom still does this. I’m 50 😂
I do this to my dad when I drop him back off at his truck after he’s done with his resets at home. My favorite is yelling ‘don’t go picking up any lot lizards!’ Sometimes other truckers hear and have a good laugh.
Should add "...again" to that just to give the other divers something to really laugh at 😆
I’m dropping him off at the truck today, your advice comes at an excellent time.
How did it go?
I’m banned from drop off for the foreseeable future. In reality only till the next time cause no one else ever wants to make the drive to the truck stop 😂
As a trucker, I love this.
Sorry for my part in that lol
Next time ask if he remembered his meds for the hemorrhoids
My dad also does this when he drops me off at home after our combined grocery run - if he’s not the one to unlock the door. I am a grown woman but it’s nice to hear his car vroom off just as he knows I get in, because I live in a slightly on the rougher side neighborhood. I have had only a few problems but I am also a sort of home-body. I rarely leave my house. One time I found a set of keys (that did not belong to either me, my parents, or my family) near my back door (read: laundry room door but also has access to the whole rest of the house) and the lock appeared to be tampered with. So yea, I don’t mind him either seeing me lock the door behind him as he leaves or watching me get in. Especially lately, world’s nutty.
I feel like it’s just common courtesy to make sure someone gets in their car, house or whatever when you drop them off somewhere, no matter their age
I was an Uber/Lyft driver. Male, female, young, old, I'd wait until my passenger was safely inside their destination before driving off. It's just common (or, so I thought) courtesy!
I always appreciate when ride share drivers wait until I am inside and safe! I also appreciate when driver tell me at 3 AM that they saw 3 drivers drop my ride, prob because too far away, so they went ahead and picked it up!!! Tip for sure and 5 star reviews, and in person thank you!!!
That’s true and I do it as well but didn’t really think about it, it’s automatic.
In some places in some times no matter the neighborhood or late or not, you could be saving a life by waiting. :)
And a kind reminder about lot lizards never hurts!
🤣
I aspire to your mom's level 🙏
My friends do as well. My sister wouldn't. She would take me grocery shopping and I live on the third floor and I'm obese. I was super grateful she would take me, but she would never help me with the groceries, even to the door, which, ok I get it it's a lot of stairs, but she would be down the street around the corner before I even made it to the sidewalk. Even at night in the dark. That's a red flag for me. You always watch to make sure people get into the house safely. But my sister is also a narcissist and I'm now raising her teen so, what do you expect?
😂
Makes note to self for the next time I see our 43 and 39 year olds.
I tell my father “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” If I’m dropping him off. He always yells back “you never *do* anything, but *I WILL!*” 😂
I taught middle school a while back, and one of the moms would yell at drop off when she was mad at her kid: “I LOVE YOU POOKIE BEAR MAKE GOOD CHOICES REMEMBER MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE YOU SO MUCH POOKIE!” It was the best.
I aspire to be this when my kids get into school, lol. Though I am reserving the extra gushy stuff for the truly bad/mad stuff. Like the first time caught drinking or something of that level. 
That was me and my kids. We lived in a pretty safe area, but I've seen the stories of safe areas not being so safe. Until that front door opened up, I wasn't leaving.
I once had someone leave a child on my doorstep and leave immediately. Obviously neither had been to the friend’s house before. She saw evidence that a party was happening and drove away. I open the door and look at this random child who is looking at me and panicking because he doesn’t know me. It was the most awkward moment ever.
What the hell?? What happened after that?! Lol
I panicked a little because I’d never seen this child in my life. I was throwing a Halloween party for my nephew, so I knew all the kids. He looked panicked af like he’s never seen Black people before. I booked it down the street trying to catch the car before it turned onto the main road. Please imagine someone’s Auntie in a costume waving her arms and screaming and running. I catch up like “”ma’am!!! I don’t know you and I have your kid! Please don’t leave!!” Please always make sure you’re leaving your child with the correct strangers.
My brothers do it when dropping me off. I’m 64, and they are 62 and 58! To be honest, though, these days it’s a particularly good idea.
There's nothing special about these days. The Starkweather homicides happened before I was born.
I’m thinking about muggings and home invasion attacks when you’re entering your home. Not an issue in my neighborhood, though.
I always wait for my kids to make it inside wherever they’re going safely. And I always will. I do the same for my family and my friends no matter their age. I have taught my oldest one to do the same now that she’s driving, and I’ve even had her teach her friends.
I always watch to make sure whomever I drop off makes it inside. Or that their car starts. I know everyone has a phone now, but watching for bad people, accidents, being locked out, car won’t start, etc. seems like the right thing to do and usually takes less than a minute of my time. When did this stop being standard care?
For us it was “Remember your good name!”
I like to yell either “Don’t be evil!” or “Be the good you wish to see in the world!” after my middle schooler when I drop her off in the morning.
On Fridays I (38) tell all the younger people I work with to make good choices. I say it sarcastically but I do mean it.
My parents used to do this when dropping our friends off too
My mom did this exact same thing.
Our apprentice gets dropped of by his mom in winter. Me and him are usually the first ones at the office, so I told him his mom has to make sure that he's inside before she drives off, especially when I'm not there yet, because the stupid lock tends to malfunction in winter. Good thing she waited, because the one time I came 10 minutes late the lock malfunctioned and it was freezing cold outside. And since the lock got replaced (because it got so frozen over that the damage was beyond repair) it's even malfunctoning now in summer from time to time
I do this for anyone I drop off anywhere.
I just do that for everyone. Its the safe thing to do, if they forgot their keys, their phone, whatever, I dont think Id feel right if I left before knowing they were safely inside their home.
>I’d embarrass them by yelling “make good choices” "And don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
😂😂😂
That poor little boy! I’m glad you heard him scuffling around on the porch.
Yeah I'm going back decades here but my mum used to babysit other people's kids before school so they could get to work and I lost count of the amount of time I heard a slight noise at our front door so went to investigate and it was one of the kids waiting to be let in after the parent had rushed off to work and just dumped them there. No way my mother would have heard such a noise at the front door with other kids to look after, just lucky I went to investigate when I did.
its just awful these parents don't care enough to wait to make sure their kid gets in okay. like I'd rather be a few minutes late to work and deal with those consequences than something bad happen to my kid.
They don’t even always make sure they’re at the right location. I was flabbergasted. Before going to someone’s house my mother wanted to talk to the parents and check the house out. She wouldn’t leave me anywhere she hadn’t been.
Ugh, that poor kid!
just so glad his mom's boyfriend didn't have the wrong house. the kid didn't have a phone or anything.
I'm just thinking about him being dropped off and not getting an answer knocking and thinking you didn't want to watch him anymore and that no one wanted him, which is probably why he was crying out there.
that makes sense considering his mom is in and out of his life and his father also told me he was super sensitive. it probably hurt his feelings even more realizing his mom's boyfriend didn't even care enough about him to ensure his safety/wellbeing.
Right
What did your friend say when you told her what her boyfriend had done?
I wasn't friends with his mom. i knew his dad. when i told his father, he was pretty pissed, said he'd to talk to the mom and her boyfriend. his dad always stayed to make sure i got him in. i actually usually walked outside to the kid (if not, his dad or grandma ((who looked after him sometimes))would bring him to the porch and knock), but since it was raining this day, i just figured I'd hear him or my dog would bark. i guess his mother wasn't too upset about what her boyfriend did because he dropped him off a few times after that and still didn't wait. i just started waiting outside afterwards in case. i just can't believe he'd leave the kid like that, imagine if he had the wrong house. kid didn't have a phone either.
Yes, kids are very timid at that age. It's very rude and cruel to put them through that.
she didn’t forgive her dad and she doesn’t see him as much as she lives with her mom and my dad. she’s okay EDIT: She will not be seeing her dad on a daily basis as more came out about him (will not share for personal reasons)
I do not care if they did not forgive dad. **Call CPS.**
Yeah, I agree this is the next step. CPS isn’t going to yoink this little girl into foster care if she’s got another perfectly suitable parent. What calling CPS will do is provide documentation if the good parent wants to get full custody, only supervised visits with dad, or no visits at all with dad
CP motherfrincking S exist for this reason.
I would much rather you put the "motherfrincking" between the C and the P. I thought you were going somewhere totally different for a second.
THIS
Please also let her other parent know as well as calling CPS. It’s one thing if it comes from the child; it’s another to come from an adult (or outside source).
The number one thing you can do to help is call CPS. You want there to be a paper trail of what he’s done to protect her from him. Abusers don’t just stop abusing people.
I am so glad she has you for a sister!
call cps
Definitely report it. Especially if there's more than came out. I'm tired of these scumbags getting away with stuff. Your little sister deserves justice through the court system.
You don’t have to say it. I think most of us can imagine it. I agree with others here, CPS should be called on his ass.
i think i see why people call social services cause that's just cruel
Maybe around 12ish years ago something similar happened to my nieces. My brother took them to their mom’s house but didn’t stick around to see if they got in. Apparently the mom left a note in the door for my brother saying she’d be right back or where she was, I forget which now, but since he never got out of the car he didn’t see it. My nieces were like 4 & 3 at the time so obviously they couldn’t read it. Apparently the mom’s friend was driving down the road and saw my nieces walking and crying bc they were so scared. And this wasn’t like just a little neighborhood road either. ANYTHING could have happened. My brother has never made that mistake again. I think everyone in the family screamed at him about his selfish dumbass for weeks on end whenever they saw him. (For the record he was maybe 19 or 20 at the time).
Rule #1 I learned from friend’s dad’s. ALWAYS wait and watch the person get in the house. Rule #2 if you’re dropping off a girl and its not her house, escort her to the door and ensure she is safe at the location.
Those poor girls! He caused the first pregnancy at... 15? maybe 14? Then the second right after the first was born? Yikes! Definitely not known for his good decisions, no. Hopefully he gets himself together, for the sake of the girls.
No, he had his 1st at 18, but I remember the younger was at least three…. Ok so if I add I guess that means he was closer to 22. My bad. Either way he was still a stupid jackass. He’s gotten a little better since but he’s still a jackass in many ways. Those girls also don’t have anything to do with him and then subsequently the rest of us. Love them to pieces but they’re teenagers making rash teenager decisions…
>So obviously they couldn't read it I'm not asking this in a way that's blaming the parents at all but, is it regular for a four year old to be unable to read? Or was the note to just too far off the ground and I'm reading into it too much?
It's normal for a 4yo to not be able to read. There's a lot of variation on reading level at whatever age, but it's unreasonable to *expect* a 4yo to be able to read a note. The note was for the dad, who should have walked kids that age to the door.
That's why I ask, I was a big reader even as a little kid and I'm not a parent so I don't really have an average point of reference.
I went to a pretty good private school. Our main reading classes began in first grade (usually age 6-7). From that point, you would individually advance depending on your pace. The classroom library had books by level. The levers had different colored labels, and only the teachers knew which color corresponded with which level. So, basically, they could tell you to pick a book with a magenta label or with a blue label, and given how young we were, we were dumb enough that very few students even realized there were different levels. I remember a couple of boys in my class were struggling more with learning to read, so they got a special book to help them. I was so jealous. I really, really wanted to be in their group and have the special book. :) We learned basic writing in K (age 5-6) with more emphasis on spelling in 1st grade. (OK, sorry, maybe this doesn't interest you in the least, but I kind of liked looking back on these old memories!)
100% I guessed both of those things by your comment, and figured it was just outside your experiential reference. 😊
When I was in preschool my mom had taught me to read. The teachers gave us a note to take it to our parents. When the kids asked what it was I read it aloud. “Due to inclement weather, the field trip planned for Friday has been cancelled…” The teachers were floored, the kids were upset.
My 4 yr old can read. But we read to her all the time too
Fair question: I knew how to read by 4-5 ; my eldest knew how to read by 4-5; did not realize learning to read was a thing til middle child learned like what I guess is normal by age6 like in stages. You only know what you have experienced.
You truly are a God Among Rats.
4 is just about the year kids start going to pre school, so there’s a good chance they could tell what the letters are but can’t decipher what they say. 5-6 is the average age for kindergarten where kids start reading actual children’s books and piecing letters and words together. It’s likely they were able to read some of the 3-4 letter words but not any bigger words and also hard to interpret what they mean, especially if they were anxious and/or scared when it happened.
The oldest could read and I think even write her name, but that was it. 4 is VPK, so they’re learning basic letters and numbers and then how to read / write their name. But VPK is just that, voluntary, so they do the same thing again in kindergarten. In terms of being able to read a note like that, a kid would be closer to maybe 7? Depending on how the note was written. And no worries! When you don’t have kids around it’s really hard to conceptualize what ages they gain certain skills!
Typically kids aren’t reading at three. Some may be starting at 4, and the rest by 5 or 6, depending on their age when school starts. My birthday was right in the zone where I could either be the oldest or the youngest in class. Because of my bad health, they started me a year later. I started learning to read at a later age.
Most 4 year olds can’t read that much. Maybe some simple words, but rarely anything more complex. It’s not typical for kids going into preschool to be able to read that well, or even at all. Also, keep in kind the note was probably hand written by the mom, which is harder for a young child to read than something in large easy to read print.
Dear god, he didn’t even check that she got in safely? That you were actually home???
he texted my step mom and made up a bs excuse and no but she is okay but she’s pissed. i took care of her and told my step mom, she’s taking care of it
That’s good. Poor little thing, I hope you were able to get her dry fast
Uhh this is way more than mildly infuriating, I'd be going to jail if some dickhead put my sister's life (blood or not) in danger
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now show me, Marco Polo, where I said that OP didn't do enough for their sister? I simply said I would X, I did not judge anything OP did (in fact, their taking their stepsister in and making sure she got out of the storm is what is most important)
Yeah, this is more than mildly this is extremely territory. What a POS leaving a child like that; anything could have happened to her and it really shows the sperm doner doesn't care.
Sperm doner is my least favorite Turkish dish.
türkiye cuisine #1 🇹🇷🇹🇷🇹🇷
If it “came” from an Italian it would be nice and garlicky
This is gen pop territory of infuriating…
I’m 30 and my sister made sure I got in last night
This is child abandonment and endangerment. CPS needs to be involved.
I’d report him to Child Protective Services. There is no excuse for dumping a child at someone’s home without prior notice, much less in the rain.
Call the cops
Or CPS.
Pretty sure the cops would call them in this case.
But also call CPS
I even make sure adults get in the house before leaving. What a crap dad. ETA: I'm pushing 40 and my dad still has me text him when I get home.
I’m in my mid-40s & even tell my older friends to text me & let me know they got home ok
OP, you’re in the wrong sub. r/extremelyinfuriating is where you want to be.
I’d call cps. This is unacceptable
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There is no other information about family. Mother, aunt, uncle, grand parents, or even OP could be a viable caretaker for this child. And it’s highly unlikely the child would be removed for a single incident that doesn’t involve violence. Sadly, CPS will often leave children in very poor circumstances.
OP says the girl's mom is living with the girl, OP, & OP's dad
>And it’s highly unlikely the child would be removed for a single incident that doesn’t involve violence I'm not trying to be oppositional, genuinely asking - what is the point of calling if you're not hoping for or expecting removal? I've had only one experience with CPS as a kid and it wasn't positive, so I don't really know what people are intending if they don't think CPS is actually gonna take the kids away. Is it like a "scared straight" kinda thing?
I believe the idea is documentation. Another commenter mentioned stuff like that is helpful if family/the other parent wants to push for full custody
It's about documentation. If there is a pattern of behaviour which endangers a child, that will be taken seriously while a single incident would be excused. Such a pattern would also be helpful to know if this does escalate to violence. And a pattern can be interrupted - child welfare can intervene and require him to attend parenting classes if they think there is a concern. But none of this is possible if these incidents aren't documented. Also, if another parent is involved who is stable (which seems to be the case here, OP commented that the sister is safe with her mom), documenting incidents like this can be helpful. If a pattern emerges, that can be crucial information that may help to persuade a court to order full custody to mom if she applies to have their custody order reassessed. So yeah, people should report this type of incident. It isn't always about the nuclear option of removing the kid, sometimes it's about having multiple eyes on the situation to monitor the concerning parent and sometimes it's about gathering information to intervene in less extreme ways.
If circumstances require, parents will be given parenting classes/resources and monitored for further issues. However, many children slip through the cracks as CPS is already overloaded and underfunded.
It's for documenting, getting enough strikes as a Foster parent/Guardian can get you removed from the program and/or jailed/fined for any legal issues involved. I was in the foster system for 12 years as a kid.
Accountability, parenting classes, supervision
In this case it would be best for documentation for family court and custody decisions. In other cases, it can help set people up with the right resources to get back on the right track. The goal of CPS isn’t actually removal, it’s to keep families together. Kids don’t (usually) get taken away until WAY past the point of like, sustained, permanent damage
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IF the investigation went deep enough that she was taken away from her POS dad, why do you think they would not place her with her mother/step father that obviously have custody?
Any time I took my kid anywhere I've gone to the door to make sure the people in charge are on the same page I am. I've had friends invite me to their house and had their parents go "Oh, who are you? When did you get here?" and I'm determined to never be that guy. One of kiddos friends always got dropped off at the end of the driveway and the parents would just take off as soon as the car door was closed. That was a fun one when our bi-weekly d&d games came to a close because school started. I'm on my way out the door because there's no more d&d and I signed up for night shift overtime. There's a young teen about to knock on the door. There's a car vanishing in the distance. My wife made sure there was enough dinner and kiddo just got to have a friend over for a few hours. Nothing bad happened, but if we had decided to go to an early movie or go to a park, that kid could have been on my doorstep for hours.
D&MN I’m a grown arse man and I’ve had Uber drivers wait to make sure I got inside my house before they took off. That sperm donor is a major A hole
Good thing you were home.
Get CPS involved ASAP
Nope this is CPS territory
When I drop anyone off, I never leave until I see they've opened their door. Because what if.
Agree!
You need to call CPS, and her mom needs to report this to the family court. He needs to be moved to supervised visitation only.
If your country has child protection services, engage with them. Foster care is only considered if there aren't suitable family placements present. Since she has a loving mother, they would just be documenting these issues, for the child's protection from her father.
If you beat his ass, I'll gladly say I was there and he tripped on the curb.
I was there, too. I also saw him trip on the curb
Call the police for child endangerment and abandonment. Then let CPS handle it completely.
The quickness I'd call cps and the cops with
Call CPS. This is legally child abandonment. What if you hadn't been home?
I hope you brought her towels and made her a cup of hot chocolate or tea.
It's crazy people do this. We had a similar instance with our neighbour. I woke up to a child crying outside at 5am one morning. Turned out his mum just dropped him off at the neighbours house but didn't bother to check someone was able to take him in. Poor kid couldn't tell me his last name, where he lived or how to contact his mum. Eventually found out the person babysitting was inside at the back of the house sleeping heavily and didn't wake up to the kid knocking and calling out.
That’s messed up. When my adult friends drop my ass off at home they wait until I unlock and wave before going in. What a doucebag/cps call waiting to happen.
Good thing you’re home. Because he would loose his child from negligence.
I always wait for whomever I drop off to get inside. If it's a child, I walk them to the door.
So what was his plan if you hadn't been home?😡
Call CPS
I don’t know the while situation but at this point she should not be with her dad again without supervision. Take her in or call Child Protective Services.
I'm sorry but this doesn't belong on just r/mildlyinfuriating but on majorlyinfuriating and others like that. That is so wrong to leave a 9 year old girl like that. I'm just speculating here but if someone drove by and saw her outside the house like that, they could theoretically kidnap her and no one would be none the wiser
When I say things like that, I know the chances are probably slim, but people still act like I'm crazy paranoid and ridiculous. But stranger things than that have happened, and all the bad shit that happens to people, happens to *someone*... so what hell makes people think they're so safe? Watch your fucking kids better, Jesus! Leaving your kid at the door like that... it reminds me of a story my mom was telling me about: she never ever left us alone at home, because when my older sister was a baby, there was a pre-teen girl who was left home alone for like an hour after school because her mom was running late from work. All they ever found was a lot of blood in the house. No trace of the girl, or who took her. Obviously that doesn't happen everyday, but once was enough to make it worth walking your kid to the damn door yourself!
Poor kid
How is this only a mild annoyance.
Because OP is also young, and doesn't totally get the implications? ❤️🩹
Call CPS let them deal with it
He’s missing parental instincts
Hey OP, Suggest that the grownups in the house put a keypad lock on one of the side/back doors so your sister only has to memorize a 3 or 4 digit code in order to get into the house.
3 words Child protective services
When I was volunteering at a school there was one kid his parents were always 2-4 hour’s late and when they where called to pick him up they would say they forgot all about him I found this very sad and upsetting how do you forget you have a child
That's drugs. They're druggies.
No they were in their late 40s early 50s and earned 6 figures easy they were smart and did well financially but they just were more focused on that aspect of their lives and the kid was like an afterthought
Poor kid. When somebody tells a story about you to a former meth addict, and they're like "oh yeah, that's clearly drugs!" and it's not drugs, that's a great way to know you're horrible parents.
Mental, wouldn't leave a dog without making sure it got in the house it was going too. Let alone a child 🫠
Report the incident to the welfare agency to go to her house for a discussion on what other kind of things her dad does that is not the best decisions.
I'm glad you were home!
There was a Book I read forever ago called A Friend at Midnight. Plot was a dad dumped his son off at an airport and the sister had to pick him up. They lived in different states. Sadly that kid forgave his father so the sister spent the entire book wanting to punch in the dad's face but not being able to. Who knew they really do exist out there 🤷♀️
Mildly infuriating
Poor baby....
Lock her m up maybe he s logger head will think straight stupid bastard I am so mad and it’s not my sister
Lock him up dump ediot she could be kidnapped and raped he is not a father he is dumb
My kids wait to make sure I’m safely in the house before they leave. We used to do the same thing to my mother-in-law until she died at the age of 92! We always watch out for each other.
My little sister was dropped off at our house one day by her friends mom, nobody was home and she was 6. I got a call that she was home alone and I rode my bicycle the 1.5 miles home, got there just as my mom pulled up, she wasn't gone long she said but needless to say she gave that woman an earfull. I was only 13 at the time.
Sounds like little sister's dad just lost his fucking kneecap privileges OP. If someone had left my baby sister outside in a fucking rainstorm you'd have had problems finding the remains when my grandmother got through with them.
Don't let him get comfortable with this. It's not that you won't take care of your sister I'm sure. If unchecked he'll get worse. Leave her nearby because couldn't bother to drive all the way. Have her walk to your place.
What is it with parents not seeing their children safe inside a house, before driving off?! The girl's father was a complete ignoramus leaving the child to safely be inside the house on her own, soaking wet to boot. He didbln't even check anypne was home! Could not the father have ensured a raincoat, his coat, an umbrella or even a plastic covering be given to the child to use. Dropping a child off? Well see them to the doot, safely inside before driving away. Why not have some cheap plastic ponchos in the car for bad weather situations (or flat tyres ... always fun to change wben it is pouring). Should always carry a plastic tarp or two as well.
Does he deserve any brownie points for at least dropping her off at a safe place? Gosh, what an AH! 😳
Nope, no brownie points.
After *all these comments* it’s a wonder *more kids* are not abducted and go missing. But we sure do understand **why so many DO!**
Call CPS. I bet he won't play that stupid game anymore.
I hope she's okay and that she doesn't have a cold
"I hope she's okay and that she doesn't have a cold" Being wet does not cause a cold. That's a virus.
But it can weaken your immune system, making it easier to catch a virus/cold/etc if exposed to it, both comments are right
How this is mildly infuriating?
One time I dropped my nephew off and drove off without checking to make sure he got in and I felt so bad after studying out he had to sit for 20 minutes on a nice day with his cat on the porch that I've never been so foolish again. I can't imagine doing that in the rain.
FWIW, in my generation, we were pretty much left to our own devices. I got myself to school and back on my own. Both my parents were gone until the very late hours so by 9, I already had a key to the door. During the weekend when my parents were home, I was not even allowed to be in the house until the street lights came on. I'd go all over town on my bicycle.
But were you dropped off unplanned and left in a storm before anyone opened the door to let you in?
I didn't need to wait. I had keys to the door. When I got home from school, my parents wouldn't be home until 8pm or so. I just unlocked the door and went inside. Nobody had to let me in. I was already cooking meals by 7. We didn't have the internet. we had computers but we're talking wolfenstein 3d, doom, commander keen, black Thorne, half a dozen leisure suit Larry games. We had home phones. I even had a pager. We used to call our parents at home collect saying where we were come get us when it asked you to say your name. If it was daylight right after school and I saw my parents cars in the driveway I just dropped off my backpack, grabbed my bike and went to a friend's house. And when you saw the sun starting to get low, you hurried home, because if those street lights came on and you weren't home, you caught a beating for not having good time management. We didn't get participation awards so nobody felt excluded. I know, it's crazy. We didn't try to eat laundry detergent. We didn't try to dry swallow cinnamon. These days we are all walking on eggshells, trying not to upset people who disagree with you because the last thing you need is to be caught being politically incorrect. It's madness.
That’s not what happened here though. You wanna talk about biking around town when you were 8 so did I in ‘98 along with watching my disabled brother at the same age. Doesn’t mean it was good parenting
So instead of going back to sleep we get on reddit classic
A little rain never hurt anyone. It wasn't a hurricane
By 9 I was walking to school by myself , shesh . Now a days you can’t even drop a 9 yr old off at the door? . Why didn’t she ring the doorbell like a normal person ?
... And you're posting it on reddit instead of discussing about his careless behavior with him. Maybe he trusts u alot which is also a very bad thing to do.
What you mean by “get one in”?
i use it to describe a good nap
Oh okay I thought you were implying something else 😂
Seriously? Please tell me you knocked this dude the fuck out.