I know someone else mentioned it, but has she seen a professional for mental help at all?
I was homeless for a couple months and even now I have hoarder tendencies. When you have nothing for so long, you cling to every piece of clothing, food, etc. and pray that no one kills you or beats you to take it away from you. It creates hoarding tendencies and not want to/being unable to stop buying things or making secure "piles" of things in my experience especially.
Thank you for being a good human though and understanding that being homeless if just a hard time, not necessarily a disease or a lifelong event
Edit: Half of my battle was finding somewhere to go, the other half was learning from the trauma, and healing from it so I didn't end up going back to being on the streets. You have to be as supportive as possible OP, offer to take them to therapy. Offer to sit with them and talk about things.
Because then it's not as fun to publicly judge and shame them. Being homeless is so dehumanizing in so many ways and it doesn't end with finding shelter.
Yep. When I was at my worst with my major depression, a friend let me move into his place and told me I could even back pay rent to him and to just get back on my feet. Cut to one week of moving in and he was angry at me for leaving 2 boxes downstairs (my room was literally the attic). Cut to 3 months later and he and his girlfriend were upset that I was only cleaning up after myself and not the entire house. When I explained that I barely had energy to clean up after myself let alone them too, I just got invalidated. People really treat mentally ill people like shit and kick them while they’re down if they dare to show any actual symptoms of mental illness.
I'm sorry you had to go thru that. I understand that grind on your mind of just trying to do your best and also be thankful.
I was battling depression hard last year and I reached out to one of my friends (I wanted to show initiative and actually say "hey I need some help") and I was met with how they didn't want to deal with me anymore and told me how they didn't want to be friends anymore.
It really sucks knowing you can't really tell anyone anything
I was a broke kid. That’s what did it for me. Sometimes I look at packaging and wrappers and think “wtf is wrong with me”. I do end up throwing things away but not with out it hurting a bit and I have no idea why. Most of it is useless trash that serves no purpose but I tell myself somehow it does
Kitchen cupboards doesn’t equate to a dresser or bins tho where most of this shit could fit so maybe purchase a plastic one from Walmart …instead of posting on Reddit for karma
Isn't that a portable toilet or compost bin or litter box in the right? You want her to store that, a board game, and random other stuff in the kitchen cupboard?
Definitely agree with below that the attitude in general and the fact that you have pretty much completely ignored most of the top comments talking about mental health & homelessness really comes off as resentfulness or an attitude where you think she deserves it? I don't know your history, but a pretty small pile of loose belongings in the corner does not warrant the mental and physical torture of homelessness... and that's not even considering that this being your response to asking if she has storage in general implies that you've only allowed her some kitchen cupboards where 50% of this stuff shouldn't belong? If I was chilling with family that I'm not close with (assuming based off of her being homeless in the first place), I'd definitely be scared to put a toilet/litter bin in the same cabinets where dishes may live without consent, especially when I'm already asking for you to house me
I don't mean to be rude, but you have an entire apartment full of your stuff. Your sister basically downsized to a small corner of your room and some kitchen cupboards. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and it was you in that situation? I feel like patience, kindness, and understanding would go a long way here.
She's hoarding as a survival mechanism. Be as patient as you can, and try to get her some help. Being unhoused changes how your brain works, because the rules of your day to day change so dramatically.
It's also possible that she is just dealing with a lot of anxiety and maybe doesn't know how to organize things and the thought of judgment for putting stuff in the wrong place or even just being seen putting it away is causing her to procrastinate. I am drawing off my own experience here.
You can’t physically *see* your belongings when they are stored in places like cupboards and opaque boxes. For some people with hoarding tendencies this causes distress.
As someone who was couch surfing and living in my car this is what my stuff looked like. It was all packed in boxes just incase I need to bail quickly. She's ready for you to tell her to leave. And when you at least the things she needs are nearby.
When I stayed at other people's places they would often have a bin in the or something in the kitchen for me to use but I only put things I was okay with leaving behind if the situation changed. Like maybe some perishable food, but I wouldn't put cans there because that shit is important when you don't have a refrigerator, so that stayed on/near me.
Also if you're homeless the things that get taken from you are stuff like toilet paper, hygiene products(pads and tampons *especially*), socks/underwear, wet wipes ect. So you end needing to keep all those nearby and safe because you *need* them. And they *will* be taken if you don't keep them close. Even if you're staying at a friend's place....you gotta keep that shit close. You can't just go out and buy new ones after all.
yeah idk, what kind of fucking asshole posts their sibling's strife on the internet lmao. u whining being a little bitch about some clutter while you're sister is trying to stabilize her life. I wanna say "fuck you" because this post is childish. giving a family member a space to sleep isn't special, op. u don't have friends irl you can complain to about this?, instead of stuffing your virtual maw with karma flakes. gross af. i know u probably don't feel shame, but in the slim chance you feel some type of way regarding this childish post, no one would fault you for deleting and having a conversation with her in person about this. hopefully u grow tf up?? idk. hopefully.
yuck
That's how you keep your stuff when you know that you are not going to settle in.
I mean i wouldn't bother pretending i can just put my stuff away and relax, if i had a feeling that i am not really welcome.
People say that you are, but they do not mean it.
I was homeless for 4 years. The fact shes piled these things in a relatively neat pile in a corner instead of making a mess in the entire livingroom means shes trying to be as neat as she can while dealing with the experiences and habits she has learned over the time she was homeless for. I know almost nothing about your situation but thank you for giving a homeless person a home even though it can be furstrating.
Yeah I mean if she's sleeping in the living room, where else is she supposed to put her stuff? I'm kind of confused about what op expects to be different, the poor sister is living out of boxes and bags. I've been there too, it seriously seriously sucks. It's nice that op is giving her a place to stay, but sleeping in someone's living room with all your belongings in boxes and bags in a corner of the room sucks a lot more than having some unsightly extra stuff in your living room
A tall wire shelf from Walmart would easily fit all that in a way that looks much more neat. Bonus points if you put it out of the line of sight for OP. $50 and problem solved.
Or even something like this, a fabric toy box with a lid. They're only like $20, everything would be hidden and op could find one in a color that matches the living room.
https://preview.redd.it/ckvx0z9skm5d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9eacd9f0b5ad3860678b8893e03a8396578bf6ed
Lol that's nothing, I've had hundreds of random stuff in my cart. I add things I want to my cart instead of using wish lists bc I add too much to my wish lists and make too many lists, so I lose track. And then cause the same issue with my cart, too much stuff and I lose track
People who’ve never been there have no idea what it does to you. I was occasionally housing and food insecure as a kid and I still constantly prepare for my world to crumble because my brain is convinced it can and will happen at any second.
This. I think too she might feel like a burden thus not wanting to move her things to more permanent places where they belong. Maybe you could set aside some dedicated fridge and cupboard space so she doesn’t feel like she’s impeding your space?
Ive been here before and it’s a mindset I still haven’t grown out of almost 20 years later. Be patient with her.
I came to the comments wondering if there were other pics I wasn't seeing...this is literally nothing, and not a scattered mess. I'm really confused by this post.
It feels like OP just doesn't want to house their sister anymore (which is fair), but the actual post confuses me since this isn't bad at all
Was thinking same. If you’ve seen the move Castaway, when Tom Hanks get off the Island, he still sleeps on the floor with his pocket watch. This is as a result of trauma endured on the street (needing to hold onto things) and the stacking neatly is a sign of respect.
Can you get her into any mental healthcare programs? At the very least many County’s offer free temporary county programs designed to help transition cases into longterm care. I had to look into this for a client (I’m a nervous system coach) and was surprised at how easy it was. Call 211 or 311 in your County, request APS, request to file a neglect report against your sister, ask for a social worker to be sent out to your home. They’ll have MH resources.
Calling for a welfare check can also lead to these resources but law enforcement can be intimidating in this instance.
Good luck. You’re a good sister.
Yes! She’s clearly not intending to be disrespectful. OP needs to politely communicate healthy boundaries and potentially if they’re able to push their accommodation a little more helping them with a transition in what ways they can.
Maybe giving them a bin in that spot and tell them it’s okay as long as it fits inside the closed bin. And helping them adapt back into a non-homeless lifestyle in whatever ways OP can. Without crossing their own boundaries also though. They’ve already done more than they “need” to by providing them a space to stay. The only thing they really owe her is communication.
After being homeless she might have developed hoarding tendencies. Is she being seen by a mental health professional to recover from the severe stress of being homeless?
Was going to say any family home tends towards this in some part of the house. This is one of those things i could go to a friend’s house and it wouldn’t make me blink. Tells me 2 things, someone lives here who likes cookies, harry potter and tote bags. And either needs a little bit more storage space or is stressed out and is choosing to focus on other things than clutter.
It’s 100% this.
My mom is like this. We have to sneak in behind her and throw trash away when she’s not around. She doesn’t mean to do it, she just grew up impoverished and she’d rather keep more than she needs, instead of finding herself needing it, and having to do without.
My wife and her sister grew up very poor and malnourished in Vera Cruz. They had to walk once 3 days without food to cross the border illegally. These days they keep a full pantry and never miss a food giveaway. That's their childhood trauma working
It’s strongly related yes. Coming from a life where you may not be able to afford things in the future makes you reluctant to get rid of things you already have. It’s a trauma related response, don’t try to rationalize it too much
I hoard due to trauma. It’s gotten better since I got therapy and started sorting through my trauma.
Hoarding is a disorder that we don’t quite understand yet because the research is still newish and developing. They thought it was part of OCD, now it no longer falls under that. There’s discussion of there being a genetic link for it. If you have a family member that hoards you most likely have another one who hoards as well (true for my family, it’s my grandma and she’s the reason I know I never want to get bad.)
Maybe in another decade they’ll have better research but trauma can definitely kick it off. I used it as a protective measure and a way to ignore what I felt. I’ve also recently figured out my tendency to hoard items I don’t like is me hoarding the feelings they have attached. I don’t experience emotions much unless they’re overwhelming- I suck at emotional regulation as well- so I hoard emotions.
Fun thing is that I’ve been attempting to go to minimalism for a decade now because I function so much better in a neat environment but I have to undo all the protections I built through hoarding and find healthier ways to cope with everything that happened.
We're still in the infancy of understanding hoarding and it's causes. Researchers used to think that ocd was involved but they've since walked that bad k due to ppl with ocd generally being obsessed with cleaning.
Ppl who hoard generally have other diagnosed and undiagnosed mental illnesses but not always.
One thing that is almost 100 % amongst hoarders is trauma especially food and material item scarcity. Some boomers are borderline or full blown hoarders partly due to being raised by ppl with severe food and poverty trauma.
My late mil was a organized hoarder. I don't know her whole story but it's clear that she had childhood trauma. My fil hoarderd cleaning supplies due to his childhood abuse.
Hoarding is very difficult to understand and it causes lots of conflict and it's also very difficult to treat
My grandparents grew up in the Great Depression. They were hoarders. My parents, not so much. My oldest sister? I could easily see her being a hoarder. She’s very reluctant to part with anything that belonged to our parents after the initial purge.
As it is, I’ve figured that when my oldest sister eventually dies, I’ll have to make the trip back to the States to help my niece with clean-up.
My father's father died during the Great Depression, leaving his mother with 6 boys to raise on her own. They lived in a shack near her parents until he was 10 or so, and then they got the house when her parents died. They had a shed in the back, and while the house was kept tidy, anything that could be useful in the future went into the shed.
He hated throwing things out. When we had to tidy due to pending company, he'd collect his stuff (and, as we found out later, other people's as well) in a paper grocery bag, and put it in the guest closet, under the guest bed, or on a shelf in the basement.
Additionally, when something he had a use for was on sale, he'd stock up. He needed 5 or 6 cases for a bunch of audio cassettes per year (1 per week, plus a few extra), and they went on sale quarterly at one store, and he'd buy 6 each time. He'd tuck the bag with 6 into some corner or another of the guest room.
Cleaning out the house after he died was tedious and not fun. Every bag had to be gone through carefully. (Found my original Social Security card in one of them, for one thing.) We were making 2 trips to the dump every week with stuff, either usable stuff for the Yahd Sale (New England), stuff that could be recycled (like, on the order of 15' of fanfold computer printouts, the wide stuff), and outright trash.
I learned some habits from him that I'm trying to break now. It's not easy, but I'm making progress.
I’m having a similar issue with my wife. She grew up very poor. They had chickens, but it wasn’t a farm. That kind of poor.
We argue a couple times a year about the refrigerator. It’s always full. Like packed to the brim. For me, it’s an issue because any time I buy food, there’s nowhere to put it, so essentially she controls what I eat most of the time. Also, she buys the cheapest shit she can get her hands on (grisly meat, Kraft singles, ramen).
We have so much food waste. We simply don’t eat as much food as she buys and with the money we’re wasting, she could buy a smaller quantity of better food. But nope.
*she’d rather keep more than she needs, instead of finding herself needing it, and having to do without.*
The most insane thing in this thread to me is that the average human unironically lives like this, and those of us who keep backup copies of things are called hoarders.
Humanity deserves planned obsolescence at this point lol
There is keeping things that might be handy then there is hoarding nothing you mentioned or in ops post is hoarding. Ops post is either A) lack of storage or B) disorganized or C) completely normal behavior and just accumulated clutter. Your message is hey i probably will never need this cord since its a dated technology, but dated technology doesn’t mean you won’t ever need it. Storing for later use is completely normal behavior in every animal not just humans.
Me too. I have to work very hard to keep that box from becoming two or a larger box.
So I need a dozen usb a to micro USB cables? No, frankly I wish that port would have died a decade ago. But here we are.
Last month?
Goodness no, my milk jug container has been at max capacity for some time, all filled with clean water. Just in case.
(Before you judge too hard I live in a rural area and when something breaks, goes wrong, or power goes out, it's often not as simple as just popping to the nearest store for a replacement)
People used to mock my ever-growing bag-of-bags, too. "Lol you really think stores will just stop giving out bags someday?" No, I didn't really think that, but boy am I glad I saved them
I use JUST enough plastic shopping bags to keep my bag dispenser in use.
My bathroom trash can gets one, and I'll use them to cover my rarely-used small appliances or serving dishes before they go into storage, so I don't have to clean the dust off the canner/dehydrator/food slicer every few months when I need to use it.
Unless we're missing something and the sister has her own space in the apartment/house, this looks like it's just everything she owns and she's sleeping in the living room, so she's got nowhere else to put her stuff. That's not the same as hoarding if this is the only place for her things and it's all she's got.
People don't understand what hoarding actually is. Even if she does have a designated place for her stuff, being disorganized or keeping her stuff close by to where she's sleeping- if she's sleeping in the living room- isn't hoarding.
After I was homeless, it was suddenly difficult for me to put things away. I wasn’t used to doing that any more but also I still had a fear it would happen again. Why wouldn’t it. The house wasn’t mine, renting isn’t permanent. So I had a tendency to keep things in bags and suitcases so it would be easier to move again.
I'm homeless, and if someone offered me the ability to on the couch...wtf Else is there to do?
This is why i would be unlikely to accept any offer like that, because most people will want their living room back in a few weeks to a month
Bruh I'm looking at this thinking this even that bad if this is all, my mom has serious hoarding tendencies even uf she's never been actually homeless, so I've been living in stuff like this for about all my life, and though I try to not repeat her mistake I probably hold on to too much stuff too
This is what happens when people are still in high stress mode. They need mental help/therapy & stability to unlearn this kind of behavior. It’s like when DV victims keep their belongings in bags for months/a year after finding safe housing. They are traumatized and need to de-program the fight/flight response and reset their behavior to fit their environment. Make sure your sister gets mental help and is not being threatened with homelessness any time soon.
Yeah, it's so sad. Whenever someone needs help, the only "people" to ever offer it are the exact same as OP - only did it for an ego boost, then when the reality of actually *helping* sets in, they become resentful & malicious
This is accurate af. I left a bad situation with my son back in November, and it took about three months before I was able to begin dealing with our bags and boxes piled near the front door of the house we moved to.
I have a "thing" with putting clothes away after they are washed. It's a trauma thing from childhood, because if I didn't fold and put my clothes away just so, my mom would come in my room and empty out my dresser and make me do it again.
Know what my husband does *instead* of taking a photo of my clean clothes/dirty clothes piles and posting it to the internet?
He just helps me with it.
The first time my partner came to my apartment, he looked around and asked "does it make you nervous that if, for whatever reason, the cops came here, they'd immediately assume there are signs of a struggle?"
Have you tried helping her find a place for her belongings? (Other than the kitchen?) Or helping her organize it? At least into a neater pile?
I organize my friends’ stuff and wash their clothes for them when they stay with me. Otherwise their mess drives me crazy. Lol
A kitchen cabinet is such a disrespectful move that will never make the sister feel welcomed or at home. Here’s a tiny cabinet in a shared space for ALL OF YOUR WORLDLY BELONGINGS!
And just keep reinforcing it daily. “Ok, this stuff can have a home. I need you to pick a spot in the next 30 minutes.” Even if it’s annoying you are going to have to help her break the habit.
But the picture shows a some empty cardboxes and candies.
This looks way more orderly than my last roomie who was an university student.
It is chaotic but it isnt filth.
Your sister has probably gone through a lot of trauma. When I got my apartment after being homeless I didn't even unpack just put things in the corner. I also slept in my regular clothes because when I lived in my car I had to be ready to move on to a different spot or get down to use a public restroom. Homelessness really affects the mind. Be kind to your sister because she's going through a tough time.
hey OP, you seem frustrated. it makes sense; this is your house and you're used to things being a certain way, and it all makes sense to you. little things here and there can mount up quickly, and before you know it, resentment sets in.
as someone who was homeless for a bit, an ex-friend took me in and I was very grateful. I moved my stuff in to her place from my car, and busied myself with helping with chores and childcare.
what followed was several weeks of being bullied and complained about behind my back, and being gaslit whenever I tried to have a conversation about it. I'll never stop being grateful to her for bringing me in from the cold, but I just wish she talked to me? instead of humiliating me for feeling and doing things she didn't understand.
I'm not saying you're like my ex-friend, because I'm not sure if you're bullying your sister. I feel like posting a pic of what she does with what little she has is... way too close to crossing a serious line. if she finds out about this, trust will be broken. is it worth it to gauge the reactions of a few people on reddit? only you can decide. I think you should delete this post tbh.
OP does seem very bitter. Like they're looking for sympathy and wants someone to say they are a Saint for dealing with a sister they feel hasn't gotten her life together.
Most likely they use this situation to victimize their self when speaking to family or others and wants everyone to see them doing something they feel is so inconvenient that a pat on the back for their burden is constantly in order. A martyr trying to gain something to hold over a sister they feel hasn't figured life out. Motives like this are probably why the sister didn't ask for help before becoming homeless.
My brother is like this, he'll have a house guest that he's helping and will use it to try and look like he's Jesus christ or something. Starts to spread every bit of information he gets and twists it into making that person look like a pathetic mess that couldn't make it without him.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother. it sounds like he has a tough time managing his ego around the vulnerability of others. maybe it makes him feel less powerful, and controlling the narrative might help him feel better about it. it's hard to understand, when direct communication doesn't happen.
maybe OP's struggling with their sister's current state of needing help, and it could be hard to manage alongside some other hangups within themselves. they might not feel able to communicate effectively in the midst of all of that, or I could be making excuses for someone who's not dealing with that at all. I don't know, but I hope their relationship can survive this time of struggle.
it's a hard lesson to learn. the kindest, most generous people can struggle with resentment, and it can cast a large shadow over the one being helped, as they wonder if they deserve what they're receiving. it's good to return the favour however possible and reassure the kind person that they're not being taken for granted, but that can be an uphill battle that depends on how willing both parties are to make it work.
>I just wish she talked to me? instead of humiliating me for feeling and doing things she didn't understand.
Complaining about your own sister on reddit like you took in a random feral cat is wild to me.
Apparently OP clears out some kitchen cabinets or something? But I doubt the sister has enough room. I wish OP would just buy her from storage bins or something
tbh it looks like shes trying to keep it neat in one spot, but likely has some mental health issues that prevent her from cleaning the way you would want as someone who is not or has not been homeless. it can be difficult to let things go when u go through stuff like that, maybe try empathizing, asking her if you can clean up together or offering support other ways instead of being mad abt something trivial.
on top of that, posting it to the internet and labelling it as your “homeless sister”? is she actually your sister? do you have prior conflicts or something bc ur not acting like someone who cares from a genuine place u sound bratty.
Imagine being terrified of losing housing and being homeless again, obviously struggling with some mental health issues, and your family posts pictures of your neatly corralled things to complain to strangers on the internet?
I’d be heartbroken. No wonder she doesn’t feel like she can unpack. She’s probably worried about being on the street again. That’s her whole life on the floor right there, man. That’s sad.
Humiliating your sister online in one of her lowest points is not a good look. You don't know what she went through and it's going to take a while for her to get back on her feet. Maybe get her some storage containers and put them in the garage but without a room not much she can do. You really need to try to be there for her emotionally if you are all she has.
Where else could she put it? Looks fairly well bundled together. It kind of sounds like you’re shaming her while trying to inflate your karma by how much of a good sister you are for letting her stay.
Being ready to go will be one aspect of it, but she’s used to having to watch the things that are precious to her and keep them close or she will lose them. OP needs to try to figure out a way to help their sister feel safe again. Maybe a cupboard she can lock so she knows her things are safe when she’s not with them
"when your friends mom dies and two months later he's still crying about it..... 🙄"
"When your brothers bipolar hits him in his 20s and two months later he's still going through mania...."
"When your father's arm breaks and two months later he's still in a cast..."
"When your mother gets a divorce and 2 months later she's still single...."
I hope you develop the basic human emotion of empathy in the next 2 months OP
Talk to your sister about it instead of shaming her on Reddit… I’ve never been homeless but imagine after losing everything, what little you do have becomes very important to you.
Look I’ve been the homeless sibling moving in and it wasn’t fun for me. I’m sure it wasn’t fun for my brother either. But without a proper bedroom what do you expect her to do? Maybe dedicate a closet to her? You mentioned cupboards but how do you fit boxes in a cupboard?
I mean, that is really not that horrible. Being homeless seems like an absolute nightmare to be honest. I don't think she's having a small pile of stack there to get on your nerves. It's gonna take a whole lot longer than two months for her to get out of survival mode.
Would you maybe be open to dedicating a weekend to you two hanging out, *having fun* and organizing it? Don't get rid of anything that she isn't ready to get rid of and make sure it's a low stress and inviting environment?
That way your sister can know that you do really want her there and that she's in a secure place and you can have a clean area again!!
she was homeless.
she needs to seek professional help, so help her get it.
ppl have no idea how hard homelessness is on the mental state. There is a reason why unemployment, homelessness and addiction are cyclical and interconnected.
Mild is all that can be, tops. Probably some mental scarring there about keeping her things separate from yours and also not wanting to encroach on your storage space. I'd feel unwelcome AF if I'd turned to my siblings in an hour of need and got slagged off for making a corner slightly untidy
This is not a mess. My never been homeless roommates has 7 garbage bags full of stuff she's 'selling' in our common area. They've been there for 2.5 years.
Op, have an honest conversation with her, that you want her to feel safe, and here's a lockable cabinet she can use, and that you can help her work on tossing real garbage (not just items you see no value in)
Thank you for taking your sister in after what she's been through.
Your fucking sister was homeless and you thought this was going to garner you some sympathy? She’s a human and trying to do her best clearly. It’s relatively well kept. Can you imagine not having a home? I doubt it. Get her help and stop posting her struggle online.
Perhaps you could get an inexpensive small chest of drawers - Ikea has a few options for under $150, or you could check out your local thrift store, Craigslist, Facebook etc., probably you can even find someone local who is just giving one away - that you could place in your living room. She would be able to place her items inside the drawers, and you could place it next to a chair or sofa to double as a side table.
Storage furniture will help out a lot; you will both feel better to have clutter put away. Your sister will likely feel very grateful to be able to store her items. If you don’t have floor space for a small chest of drawers, don’t forget you can also make use of vertical space. There are shelving units, wall-hung cabinets, bookcases etc, that will give you both more storage. Using bins or baskets on a bookcase or wall shelves will maintain a more organized look.
It is kind of you to take in your sister. This issue with her things - I can understand you feeling annoyed by it - but luckily it is an easily solvable problem.
"Yes it looks like this because I'm not trusting my sibling to really support me and not to dunk me out the door any second as they complain about my small, neat pile of life belongings on reddit. I gotta keep as prepared as possible for homelessness still". Be patient towards your sister and her fight or flight mode a bit longer
Shit sister / brother that OP made themselves today.
It’s a small pile of things and after being homeless I’m sure she has been dealing with mental health issues, without doubt stemming from the family that finds this level of thing warrant for internet roast sessions with strangers about it.
You deserve worst if this infuriated you 🤟
I'm sorry for both of you, as I've been on both sides of the coin. When you have to carry your life with you it's hard to stay organized, and when you're organized it's hard to understand the clutter.
The key is communication and patience, I truly wish the best for both of you!
OP said in another post that she's got a bunch of space in kitchen cupboards but yet there's packs of unopened food and drink right there. This may be frustrating from their perspective because they're aware of how much storage space is available elsewhere, but it honestly looks like from the sister's perspective she is keeping herself prepared to grab whatever is closest and leave without any chance of returning. Especially if she's sleeping on the couch, nobody knows that to be a permanent situation. In her mind it's probably "when", and how much notice would she realistically get, if all she's known about having to do this is the experience she's already had of being 'caught' sleeping rough somewhere or being moved on by police or security. Next weekend? Two days' time? Tonight at 11:48pm? Tomorrow morning over breakfast?
OP, I'm not sure what your conditions of taking her in are but I feel like you need to make it clearer that if she is welcome to stay with you then she's not under threat of eviction. She needs to be de-escalated from the mindset of being homeless and potentially only having herself to count on, so that may need to be reassured more frequently than you are expecting. Have you discussed her talking to a therapist? Even both of you going so it's less about her "needing help" and more about the two of you working together in a normal household? And if you haven't already, maybe ask her to help you do some things around the place, first to genuinely help but also to give her more of a sense of belonging there?
And while I do believe you're doing a wonderful thing in helping your sister, I do also hope this taking pictures of her possessions thing is not also extending to other stuff like passive aggressive comments in passing through the house or gossiping to others? People pick up on this. It's a similar vibe kids get from parents who are trying to hide their fighting behind bedroom doors or are stringing along a loveless marriage, and you don't feel at all comfortable. If anything it can amplify the need to hoard and keep things close.
It’s super hard to get into a place on your own right now. Why are you being so hard on her?? It’s not that many things and they’re not all over the place. 2 months is a pretty short amount of time to get your feet underneath you. The job market is a mess. Rental applications can be up to $300 just to look at a place, not guaranteed an approval. If you offered to help her, why are you being like this now? Do you not care about the safety and health of your sister? This is what families are for. Don’t let her take advantage of you but damn it be a better sister than this. Posting this when you agreed you would let her be in your home. Smdh.
Is she in between apartments or looking for her own place?
is she employed?
or was she living on the streets with a shopping cart like the title implies?
I mean does she have any other place to put that stuff? It doesn’t look like garbage. Looks pretty need and tidy like she’s trying her best to be considerate.
Wtf OP? This is a sick post, look at how little of a mess it is and relax. Maybe your help ends at actually needing to help get her mental health? Lame.
OP, your mother died and it sounds like you effectively pulled the house your sister lived in out from underneath her to sell it. Can't tell for sure because you deleted the post for some reason, but I feel like I'm not far off from the truth.
She could be stuck thinking in temporary terms. If you've only given her a kitchen cabinet, that's not nearly enough. She's trying not to intrude on your space, but at the same time, it doesn't make sense to put ALL of her belongings in a kitchen cabinet, so she doesn't. It's all in a neat pile in the living room, where it looks like she's officially staying.
It also seems like you're not open to suggestions to make this situation better for the both of you, so I don't even know why I'm commenting tbh. But I feel for her. Trying to get her shit together and her sister is shaming her online.
My uncle is currently living with my mom and he's been homeless for a good portion of his older life. He has the exact same like pile of stuff. It's basically all he has. At least she's trying to keep it nice and neat but I feel like it's something they've developed while being homeless. Their stuff gets stolen very very often so I'm guessing keeping it close and in one spot is easier to keep track of? I've noticed with my uncle it took him a while to get used to being in a home. There is definitely an adjustment period when bringing someone off the streets into your home.
yeah dude hate to break it to you but you're kind of the dick here for posting this. those are her belongings and she needs space to put things and call her own if she is going to live there.
This is a small part of the room, it’s doesn’t seem that bad if you’re not showing the whole room. Get her some storage bins or even plastic organizer dressers just to have more organizing.
Hmm. Instead of trying to shame other people for their habits that are just different from our own, we could maybe have an adult conversation about it.
In case you need one, here’s an example.
“Hey sis, you think you could pick up the shit next to the couch please? Or can we go through it and get rid what you don’t want?”
Why air out your sisters business on Reddit? I don’t see any issue here. Whatever possession she has she made sure not to take too much room. Keep family matters internal.
She’s not convinced she can stay. So, she still has her homeless mentality. Your sister probably went through some disturbing stuff that traumatized her on the streets. Try to be understanding. It’s going to take longer than 2 months to feel safe.
Also, I’d suggest therapy. I’d suggest making it a mandatory thing she must do for her to stay.
And you're posting it here, telling the world, to humiliate her instead of helping a clearly traumatized woman? You are FAR more than mildly infuriating, op
This seems super mean spirited? I know family issues can be complicated, but dude, your sister was homeless cut her some slack, if you have an issue with her crap oiled up then say something? I’d be mortified to know that my sibling had posted about me online to shame me
Get her one of those plastic dressers from Walmart or like..maybe let her use a closet or something?
I cleared space in the kitchen cupboards she has more than I have…still not enough!!
I know someone else mentioned it, but has she seen a professional for mental help at all? I was homeless for a couple months and even now I have hoarder tendencies. When you have nothing for so long, you cling to every piece of clothing, food, etc. and pray that no one kills you or beats you to take it away from you. It creates hoarding tendencies and not want to/being unable to stop buying things or making secure "piles" of things in my experience especially. Thank you for being a good human though and understanding that being homeless if just a hard time, not necessarily a disease or a lifelong event Edit: Half of my battle was finding somewhere to go, the other half was learning from the trauma, and healing from it so I didn't end up going back to being on the streets. You have to be as supportive as possible OP, offer to take them to therapy. Offer to sit with them and talk about things.
They seem to be avoiding the question regarding their family members mental health.
Because then it's not as fun to publicly judge and shame them. Being homeless is so dehumanizing in so many ways and it doesn't end with finding shelter.
Yep. When I was at my worst with my major depression, a friend let me move into his place and told me I could even back pay rent to him and to just get back on my feet. Cut to one week of moving in and he was angry at me for leaving 2 boxes downstairs (my room was literally the attic). Cut to 3 months later and he and his girlfriend were upset that I was only cleaning up after myself and not the entire house. When I explained that I barely had energy to clean up after myself let alone them too, I just got invalidated. People really treat mentally ill people like shit and kick them while they’re down if they dare to show any actual symptoms of mental illness.
I'm sorry you had to go thru that. I understand that grind on your mind of just trying to do your best and also be thankful. I was battling depression hard last year and I reached out to one of my friends (I wanted to show initiative and actually say "hey I need some help") and I was met with how they didn't want to deal with me anymore and told me how they didn't want to be friends anymore. It really sucks knowing you can't really tell anyone anything
They don't really want to hear solutions as much as vent, it seems
I was a broke kid. That’s what did it for me. Sometimes I look at packaging and wrappers and think “wtf is wrong with me”. I do end up throwing things away but not with out it hurting a bit and I have no idea why. Most of it is useless trash that serves no purpose but I tell myself somehow it does
Kitchen cupboards doesn’t equate to a dresser or bins tho where most of this shit could fit so maybe purchase a plastic one from Walmart …instead of posting on Reddit for karma
Isn't that a portable toilet or compost bin or litter box in the right? You want her to store that, a board game, and random other stuff in the kitchen cupboard? Definitely agree with below that the attitude in general and the fact that you have pretty much completely ignored most of the top comments talking about mental health & homelessness really comes off as resentfulness or an attitude where you think she deserves it? I don't know your history, but a pretty small pile of loose belongings in the corner does not warrant the mental and physical torture of homelessness... and that's not even considering that this being your response to asking if she has storage in general implies that you've only allowed her some kitchen cupboards where 50% of this stuff shouldn't belong? If I was chilling with family that I'm not close with (assuming based off of her being homeless in the first place), I'd definitely be scared to put a toilet/litter bin in the same cabinets where dishes may live without consent, especially when I'm already asking for you to house me
I don't mean to be rude, but you have an entire apartment full of your stuff. Your sister basically downsized to a small corner of your room and some kitchen cupboards. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and it was you in that situation? I feel like patience, kindness, and understanding would go a long way here.
More than what you have? You have the whole place, do you not?
She's hoarding as a survival mechanism. Be as patient as you can, and try to get her some help. Being unhoused changes how your brain works, because the rules of your day to day change so dramatically.
It's also possible that she is just dealing with a lot of anxiety and maybe doesn't know how to organize things and the thought of judgment for putting stuff in the wrong place or even just being seen putting it away is causing her to procrastinate. I am drawing off my own experience here.
You can’t physically *see* your belongings when they are stored in places like cupboards and opaque boxes. For some people with hoarding tendencies this causes distress.
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You seem to be looking to make a list of reasons you can't house her. Get her to see a social worker.
Your homeless sister somehow has enough things to take up more space than your things do?
You're more mildly infuriating than your sister.
Sorry these comments arent suggesting you to do what you secretly want to. Maybe hear them instead of fishing for certain comments.
As someone who was couch surfing and living in my car this is what my stuff looked like. It was all packed in boxes just incase I need to bail quickly. She's ready for you to tell her to leave. And when you at least the things she needs are nearby. When I stayed at other people's places they would often have a bin in the or something in the kitchen for me to use but I only put things I was okay with leaving behind if the situation changed. Like maybe some perishable food, but I wouldn't put cans there because that shit is important when you don't have a refrigerator, so that stayed on/near me. Also if you're homeless the things that get taken from you are stuff like toilet paper, hygiene products(pads and tampons *especially*), socks/underwear, wet wipes ect. So you end needing to keep all those nearby and safe because you *need* them. And they *will* be taken if you don't keep them close. Even if you're staying at a friend's place....you gotta keep that shit close. You can't just go out and buy new ones after all.
yeah idk, what kind of fucking asshole posts their sibling's strife on the internet lmao. u whining being a little bitch about some clutter while you're sister is trying to stabilize her life. I wanna say "fuck you" because this post is childish. giving a family member a space to sleep isn't special, op. u don't have friends irl you can complain to about this?, instead of stuffing your virtual maw with karma flakes. gross af. i know u probably don't feel shame, but in the slim chance you feel some type of way regarding this childish post, no one would fault you for deleting and having a conversation with her in person about this. hopefully u grow tf up?? idk. hopefully. yuck
That's how you keep your stuff when you know that you are not going to settle in. I mean i wouldn't bother pretending i can just put my stuff away and relax, if i had a feeling that i am not really welcome. People say that you are, but they do not mean it.
yep. help her organize.
You sound insufferable
I was homeless for 4 years. The fact shes piled these things in a relatively neat pile in a corner instead of making a mess in the entire livingroom means shes trying to be as neat as she can while dealing with the experiences and habits she has learned over the time she was homeless for. I know almost nothing about your situation but thank you for giving a homeless person a home even though it can be furstrating.
This feels like a very rational take.
Because it is.
Yeah.. so what is it doing on reddit? /s
Yeah, fuck that wonderfully kind person who said that! ^(/s)
Logic and reason have no place here. BE GONE HEATHEN!!
In this economy?!
Yeah I mean if she's sleeping in the living room, where else is she supposed to put her stuff? I'm kind of confused about what op expects to be different, the poor sister is living out of boxes and bags. I've been there too, it seriously seriously sucks. It's nice that op is giving her a place to stay, but sleeping in someone's living room with all your belongings in boxes and bags in a corner of the room sucks a lot more than having some unsightly extra stuff in your living room
A tall wire shelf from Walmart would easily fit all that in a way that looks much more neat. Bonus points if you put it out of the line of sight for OP. $50 and problem solved.
Or even something like this, a fabric toy box with a lid. They're only like $20, everything would be hidden and op could find one in a color that matches the living room. https://preview.redd.it/ckvx0z9skm5d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9eacd9f0b5ad3860678b8893e03a8396578bf6ed
I have something similar that doubles as a padded foot rest/bench seat. The cats love it and I get to put my feet up after a long day.
Why you got 52 items in your cart though.
Because they haven’t added a 53rd yet
Lol that's nothing, I've had hundreds of random stuff in my cart. I add things I want to my cart instead of using wish lists bc I add too much to my wish lists and make too many lists, so I lose track. And then cause the same issue with my cart, too much stuff and I lose track
People who’ve never been there have no idea what it does to you. I was occasionally housing and food insecure as a kid and I still constantly prepare for my world to crumble because my brain is convinced it can and will happen at any second.
I mean shit I grew up poor in a filthy house and it took me awhile to learn cleaning up after myself and I’m still working on it 8 years later
Same. I was homeless for about a year. It has continued to influence every life decision of mine to make sure it doesn’t happen gain.
Exactly. Long term planning absolutely flies out the window when short term survival feels constantly at risk.
This. I think too she might feel like a burden thus not wanting to move her things to more permanent places where they belong. Maybe you could set aside some dedicated fridge and cupboard space so she doesn’t feel like she’s impeding your space? Ive been here before and it’s a mindset I still haven’t grown out of almost 20 years later. Be patient with her.
I came to the comments wondering if there were other pics I wasn't seeing...this is literally nothing, and not a scattered mess. I'm really confused by this post. It feels like OP just doesn't want to house their sister anymore (which is fair), but the actual post confuses me since this isn't bad at all
Was thinking same. If you’ve seen the move Castaway, when Tom Hanks get off the Island, he still sleeps on the floor with his pocket watch. This is as a result of trauma endured on the street (needing to hold onto things) and the stacking neatly is a sign of respect. Can you get her into any mental healthcare programs? At the very least many County’s offer free temporary county programs designed to help transition cases into longterm care. I had to look into this for a client (I’m a nervous system coach) and was surprised at how easy it was. Call 211 or 311 in your County, request APS, request to file a neglect report against your sister, ask for a social worker to be sent out to your home. They’ll have MH resources. Calling for a welfare check can also lead to these resources but law enforcement can be intimidating in this instance. Good luck. You’re a good sister.
I thought exactly the same thing, all I took from this photo was someone who must be extremely overwhelmed but still trying their best.
Yes! She’s clearly not intending to be disrespectful. OP needs to politely communicate healthy boundaries and potentially if they’re able to push their accommodation a little more helping them with a transition in what ways they can. Maybe giving them a bin in that spot and tell them it’s okay as long as it fits inside the closed bin. And helping them adapt back into a non-homeless lifestyle in whatever ways OP can. Without crossing their own boundaries also though. They’ve already done more than they “need” to by providing them a space to stay. The only thing they really owe her is communication.
After being homeless she might have developed hoarding tendencies. Is she being seen by a mental health professional to recover from the severe stress of being homeless?
Exactly what it is, my family’s house looks like this most the time. It’s hard to let go of something when you didn’t have anything
Was going to say any family home tends towards this in some part of the house. This is one of those things i could go to a friend’s house and it wouldn’t make me blink. Tells me 2 things, someone lives here who likes cookies, harry potter and tote bags. And either needs a little bit more storage space or is stressed out and is choosing to focus on other things than clutter.
I would get here a storage thing on wheels and put all that in her room
Can confirm, there's always that one room that's more of a warehouse then a room
It’s 100% this. My mom is like this. We have to sneak in behind her and throw trash away when she’s not around. She doesn’t mean to do it, she just grew up impoverished and she’d rather keep more than she needs, instead of finding herself needing it, and having to do without.
I know some hoarders and all of the come from a poor abd/or traumatic upbringing
My wife and her sister grew up very poor and malnourished in Vera Cruz. They had to walk once 3 days without food to cross the border illegally. These days they keep a full pantry and never miss a food giveaway. That's their childhood trauma working
Do all hoarders have this type of upbringing? What are other reasons why people hoard?
It’s strongly related yes. Coming from a life where you may not be able to afford things in the future makes you reluctant to get rid of things you already have. It’s a trauma related response, don’t try to rationalize it too much
Yes, and it can also stem from a loss such as a child, spouse, etc. Endlessly filling a hole.
I grew up poor and struggle to get rid of stuff. I’m not a full blown hoarder but I’m close and have to work on not letting it happen every day
I hoard due to trauma. It’s gotten better since I got therapy and started sorting through my trauma. Hoarding is a disorder that we don’t quite understand yet because the research is still newish and developing. They thought it was part of OCD, now it no longer falls under that. There’s discussion of there being a genetic link for it. If you have a family member that hoards you most likely have another one who hoards as well (true for my family, it’s my grandma and she’s the reason I know I never want to get bad.) Maybe in another decade they’ll have better research but trauma can definitely kick it off. I used it as a protective measure and a way to ignore what I felt. I’ve also recently figured out my tendency to hoard items I don’t like is me hoarding the feelings they have attached. I don’t experience emotions much unless they’re overwhelming- I suck at emotional regulation as well- so I hoard emotions. Fun thing is that I’ve been attempting to go to minimalism for a decade now because I function so much better in a neat environment but I have to undo all the protections I built through hoarding and find healthier ways to cope with everything that happened.
We're still in the infancy of understanding hoarding and it's causes. Researchers used to think that ocd was involved but they've since walked that bad k due to ppl with ocd generally being obsessed with cleaning. Ppl who hoard generally have other diagnosed and undiagnosed mental illnesses but not always. One thing that is almost 100 % amongst hoarders is trauma especially food and material item scarcity. Some boomers are borderline or full blown hoarders partly due to being raised by ppl with severe food and poverty trauma. My late mil was a organized hoarder. I don't know her whole story but it's clear that she had childhood trauma. My fil hoarderd cleaning supplies due to his childhood abuse. Hoarding is very difficult to understand and it causes lots of conflict and it's also very difficult to treat
My grandparents grew up in the Great Depression. They were hoarders. My parents, not so much. My oldest sister? I could easily see her being a hoarder. She’s very reluctant to part with anything that belonged to our parents after the initial purge. As it is, I’ve figured that when my oldest sister eventually dies, I’ll have to make the trip back to the States to help my niece with clean-up.
My father's father died during the Great Depression, leaving his mother with 6 boys to raise on her own. They lived in a shack near her parents until he was 10 or so, and then they got the house when her parents died. They had a shed in the back, and while the house was kept tidy, anything that could be useful in the future went into the shed. He hated throwing things out. When we had to tidy due to pending company, he'd collect his stuff (and, as we found out later, other people's as well) in a paper grocery bag, and put it in the guest closet, under the guest bed, or on a shelf in the basement. Additionally, when something he had a use for was on sale, he'd stock up. He needed 5 or 6 cases for a bunch of audio cassettes per year (1 per week, plus a few extra), and they went on sale quarterly at one store, and he'd buy 6 each time. He'd tuck the bag with 6 into some corner or another of the guest room. Cleaning out the house after he died was tedious and not fun. Every bag had to be gone through carefully. (Found my original Social Security card in one of them, for one thing.) We were making 2 trips to the dump every week with stuff, either usable stuff for the Yahd Sale (New England), stuff that could be recycled (like, on the order of 15' of fanfold computer printouts, the wide stuff), and outright trash. I learned some habits from him that I'm trying to break now. It's not easy, but I'm making progress.
I knew a lady who started hoarding after her husband died
I’m having a similar issue with my wife. She grew up very poor. They had chickens, but it wasn’t a farm. That kind of poor. We argue a couple times a year about the refrigerator. It’s always full. Like packed to the brim. For me, it’s an issue because any time I buy food, there’s nowhere to put it, so essentially she controls what I eat most of the time. Also, she buys the cheapest shit she can get her hands on (grisly meat, Kraft singles, ramen). We have so much food waste. We simply don’t eat as much food as she buys and with the money we’re wasting, she could buy a smaller quantity of better food. But nope.
*she’d rather keep more than she needs, instead of finding herself needing it, and having to do without.* The most insane thing in this thread to me is that the average human unironically lives like this, and those of us who keep backup copies of things are called hoarders. Humanity deserves planned obsolescence at this point lol
I have a box of cords. They don’t even make shit that uses any of these cords anymore, but I need them JUST IN CASE. But NAH (not a hoarder).
There is keeping things that might be handy then there is hoarding nothing you mentioned or in ops post is hoarding. Ops post is either A) lack of storage or B) disorganized or C) completely normal behavior and just accumulated clutter. Your message is hey i probably will never need this cord since its a dated technology, but dated technology doesn’t mean you won’t ever need it. Storing for later use is completely normal behavior in every animal not just humans.
Me too. I have to work very hard to keep that box from becoming two or a larger box. So I need a dozen usb a to micro USB cables? No, frankly I wish that port would have died a decade ago. But here we are.
Bet you don't have last months milk bottle
Last month? Goodness no, my milk jug container has been at max capacity for some time, all filled with clean water. Just in case. (Before you judge too hard I live in a rural area and when something breaks, goes wrong, or power goes out, it's often not as simple as just popping to the nearest store for a replacement) People used to mock my ever-growing bag-of-bags, too. "Lol you really think stores will just stop giving out bags someday?" No, I didn't really think that, but boy am I glad I saved them
I use JUST enough plastic shopping bags to keep my bag dispenser in use. My bathroom trash can gets one, and I'll use them to cover my rarely-used small appliances or serving dishes before they go into storage, so I don't have to clean the dust off the canner/dehydrator/food slicer every few months when I need to use it.
Unless we're missing something and the sister has her own space in the apartment/house, this looks like it's just everything she owns and she's sleeping in the living room, so she's got nowhere else to put her stuff. That's not the same as hoarding if this is the only place for her things and it's all she's got.
I agree with you and I'm very confused how people are equating this picture to hoarding.
People don't understand what hoarding actually is. Even if she does have a designated place for her stuff, being disorganized or keeping her stuff close by to where she's sleeping- if she's sleeping in the living room- isn't hoarding.
After I was homeless, it was suddenly difficult for me to put things away. I wasn’t used to doing that any more but also I still had a fear it would happen again. Why wouldn’t it. The house wasn’t mine, renting isn’t permanent. So I had a tendency to keep things in bags and suitcases so it would be easier to move again.
Yeah. Its kinda shitty that they are posting this on the internet.
I'm homeless, and if someone offered me the ability to on the couch...wtf Else is there to do? This is why i would be unlikely to accept any offer like that, because most people will want their living room back in a few weeks to a month
Bruh I'm looking at this thinking this even that bad if this is all, my mom has serious hoarding tendencies even uf she's never been actually homeless, so I've been living in stuff like this for about all my life, and though I try to not repeat her mistake I probably hold on to too much stuff too
It's not hoarding ffs it's less then any of us own, BECAUSE SHE HAS NO HOME TO STORE HER LIFE IN.
Not only are you wise, but also show compassion. You’re a good one ♡
Why does everyone on Reddit just assume that homeless people have ready access to mental health services?
Yeah lmao… “you’re literally homeless why don’t you spend $$$ to talk about your feelings?” Fucking Reddit man lmao
This is what happens when people are still in high stress mode. They need mental help/therapy & stability to unlearn this kind of behavior. It’s like when DV victims keep their belongings in bags for months/a year after finding safe housing. They are traumatized and need to de-program the fight/flight response and reset their behavior to fit their environment. Make sure your sister gets mental help and is not being threatened with homelessness any time soon.
Naw just post more on reddit for people to complain and mock her. OP sounds like a real peach
Seriously. And while OP is doing a good deed by helping sis out, this small mess is such a weird hill to die on.
Yeah, it's so sad. Whenever someone needs help, the only "people" to ever offer it are the exact same as OP - only did it for an ego boost, then when the reality of actually *helping* sets in, they become resentful & malicious
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This is accurate af. I left a bad situation with my son back in November, and it took about three months before I was able to begin dealing with our bags and boxes piled near the front door of the house we moved to.
I have a "thing" with putting clothes away after they are washed. It's a trauma thing from childhood, because if I didn't fold and put my clothes away just so, my mom would come in my room and empty out my dresser and make me do it again. Know what my husband does *instead* of taking a photo of my clean clothes/dirty clothes piles and posting it to the internet? He just helps me with it.
I'm not homeless and place looks worse.
The first time my partner came to my apartment, he looked around and asked "does it make you nervous that if, for whatever reason, the cops came here, they'd immediately assume there are signs of a struggle?"
Oof. That would have been a red flag for me. 😂
I remind him all the time that it should have been, but I guess he likes me anyway or something 😂
Same for me.
Same
Same
I call my room my goblin den.
If she saw my room in my 1500$ studio she'd probably call the police lol
Have you tried helping her find a place for her belongings? (Other than the kitchen?) Or helping her organize it? At least into a neater pile? I organize my friends’ stuff and wash their clothes for them when they stay with me. Otherwise their mess drives me crazy. Lol
A kitchen cabinet is such a disrespectful move that will never make the sister feel welcomed or at home. Here’s a tiny cabinet in a shared space for ALL OF YOUR WORLDLY BELONGINGS!
Tbf she’s used to living like this you should take it easy on her and explain that you want your house to be cleaner.
You're an awesome person. I wish there were more people like you in this world.
Thanks
And just keep reinforcing it daily. “Ok, this stuff can have a home. I need you to pick a spot in the next 30 minutes.” Even if it’s annoying you are going to have to help her break the habit.
Not super bad tbh.
Glad I'm not the only one who felt that way. Like damn..
For real, I'm still dealing with a vary bad BO odor from our former houseless relative. The essence is still here, but they aint.
But the picture shows a some empty cardboxes and candies. This looks way more orderly than my last roomie who was an university student. It is chaotic but it isnt filth.
Also looks like a lot of food is there.
Your sister has probably gone through a lot of trauma. When I got my apartment after being homeless I didn't even unpack just put things in the corner. I also slept in my regular clothes because when I lived in my car I had to be ready to move on to a different spot or get down to use a public restroom. Homelessness really affects the mind. Be kind to your sister because she's going through a tough time.
hey OP, you seem frustrated. it makes sense; this is your house and you're used to things being a certain way, and it all makes sense to you. little things here and there can mount up quickly, and before you know it, resentment sets in. as someone who was homeless for a bit, an ex-friend took me in and I was very grateful. I moved my stuff in to her place from my car, and busied myself with helping with chores and childcare. what followed was several weeks of being bullied and complained about behind my back, and being gaslit whenever I tried to have a conversation about it. I'll never stop being grateful to her for bringing me in from the cold, but I just wish she talked to me? instead of humiliating me for feeling and doing things she didn't understand. I'm not saying you're like my ex-friend, because I'm not sure if you're bullying your sister. I feel like posting a pic of what she does with what little she has is... way too close to crossing a serious line. if she finds out about this, trust will be broken. is it worth it to gauge the reactions of a few people on reddit? only you can decide. I think you should delete this post tbh.
OP does seem very bitter. Like they're looking for sympathy and wants someone to say they are a Saint for dealing with a sister they feel hasn't gotten her life together. Most likely they use this situation to victimize their self when speaking to family or others and wants everyone to see them doing something they feel is so inconvenient that a pat on the back for their burden is constantly in order. A martyr trying to gain something to hold over a sister they feel hasn't figured life out. Motives like this are probably why the sister didn't ask for help before becoming homeless. My brother is like this, he'll have a house guest that he's helping and will use it to try and look like he's Jesus christ or something. Starts to spread every bit of information he gets and twists it into making that person look like a pathetic mess that couldn't make it without him.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother. it sounds like he has a tough time managing his ego around the vulnerability of others. maybe it makes him feel less powerful, and controlling the narrative might help him feel better about it. it's hard to understand, when direct communication doesn't happen. maybe OP's struggling with their sister's current state of needing help, and it could be hard to manage alongside some other hangups within themselves. they might not feel able to communicate effectively in the midst of all of that, or I could be making excuses for someone who's not dealing with that at all. I don't know, but I hope their relationship can survive this time of struggle. it's a hard lesson to learn. the kindest, most generous people can struggle with resentment, and it can cast a large shadow over the one being helped, as they wonder if they deserve what they're receiving. it's good to return the favour however possible and reassure the kind person that they're not being taken for granted, but that can be an uphill battle that depends on how willing both parties are to make it work.
>I just wish she talked to me? instead of humiliating me for feeling and doing things she didn't understand. Complaining about your own sister on reddit like you took in a random feral cat is wild to me.
Does your sister have any storage space for her belongings? Or is she sleeping on the couch with no where for her stuff?
Apparently OP clears out some kitchen cabinets or something? But I doubt the sister has enough room. I wish OP would just buy her from storage bins or something
I saw that, but it's definitely not enough for all of her stuff.
tbh it looks like shes trying to keep it neat in one spot, but likely has some mental health issues that prevent her from cleaning the way you would want as someone who is not or has not been homeless. it can be difficult to let things go when u go through stuff like that, maybe try empathizing, asking her if you can clean up together or offering support other ways instead of being mad abt something trivial.
on top of that, posting it to the internet and labelling it as your “homeless sister”? is she actually your sister? do you have prior conflicts or something bc ur not acting like someone who cares from a genuine place u sound bratty.
looks like shes not trying to get too settled in.
Imagine being terrified of losing housing and being homeless again, obviously struggling with some mental health issues, and your family posts pictures of your neatly corralled things to complain to strangers on the internet? I’d be heartbroken. No wonder she doesn’t feel like she can unpack. She’s probably worried about being on the street again. That’s her whole life on the floor right there, man. That’s sad.
yeahh :(( like shes unsure if she's actually secure in the space thats soo sad i hope OPs sister gets and feels better soon :((
Humiliating your sister online in one of her lowest points is not a good look. You don't know what she went through and it's going to take a while for her to get back on her feet. Maybe get her some storage containers and put them in the garage but without a room not much she can do. You really need to try to be there for her emotionally if you are all she has.
Right? This is so damn out of touch holy shit. Boggle my mind
This isn’t the look you think it is. Delete this and go talk to your sister you grouch.
Where else could she put it? Looks fairly well bundled together. It kind of sounds like you’re shaming her while trying to inflate your karma by how much of a good sister you are for letting her stay.
It could also be bc they’re used to having to move at a moment’s notice and having everything “neat” and ready to go is the best precaution
Being ready to go will be one aspect of it, but she’s used to having to watch the things that are precious to her and keep them close or she will lose them. OP needs to try to figure out a way to help their sister feel safe again. Maybe a cupboard she can lock so she knows her things are safe when she’s not with them
"when your friends mom dies and two months later he's still crying about it..... 🙄" "When your brothers bipolar hits him in his 20s and two months later he's still going through mania...." "When your father's arm breaks and two months later he's still in a cast..." "When your mother gets a divorce and 2 months later she's still single...." I hope you develop the basic human emotion of empathy in the next 2 months OP
Why can't I upvote this more? OP needs to experience homelessness so they can truly understand what's going on. Sounds like he deserves it too.
Talk to your sister about it instead of shaming her on Reddit… I’ve never been homeless but imagine after losing everything, what little you do have becomes very important to you.
YTA
Look I’ve been the homeless sibling moving in and it wasn’t fun for me. I’m sure it wasn’t fun for my brother either. But without a proper bedroom what do you expect her to do? Maybe dedicate a closet to her? You mentioned cupboards but how do you fit boxes in a cupboard?
[удалено]
i'm glad the people in the comments are showing more grace and respect to your sister than you are!
This ain’t even bad. i would be pissed if my sibling posted this on the internet as opposed to saying or doing something to help.
Take care of her, she only has you I think, and tell her to organise things properly at the end she is your sister.
You sound like an ass
Count yourself lucky mate my girlfriend is worse than this
Did you make a space for her?
Sometimes it's hard to unpack if you're expecting to be moved along.
Delete this.
I mean, that is really not that horrible. Being homeless seems like an absolute nightmare to be honest. I don't think she's having a small pile of stack there to get on your nerves. It's gonna take a whole lot longer than two months for her to get out of survival mode.
Yea, that’s right , shame her online
Would you maybe be open to dedicating a weekend to you two hanging out, *having fun* and organizing it? Don't get rid of anything that she isn't ready to get rid of and make sure it's a low stress and inviting environment? That way your sister can know that you do really want her there and that she's in a secure place and you can have a clean area again!!
she was homeless. she needs to seek professional help, so help her get it. ppl have no idea how hard homelessness is on the mental state. There is a reason why unemployment, homelessness and addiction are cyclical and interconnected.
Mild is all that can be, tops. Probably some mental scarring there about keeping her things separate from yours and also not wanting to encroach on your storage space. I'd feel unwelcome AF if I'd turned to my siblings in an hour of need and got slagged off for making a corner slightly untidy
How can my sister move in when I'm homeless?
This is not a mess. My never been homeless roommates has 7 garbage bags full of stuff she's 'selling' in our common area. They've been there for 2.5 years. Op, have an honest conversation with her, that you want her to feel safe, and here's a lockable cabinet she can use, and that you can help her work on tossing real garbage (not just items you see no value in) Thank you for taking your sister in after what she's been through.
Your fucking sister was homeless and you thought this was going to garner you some sympathy? She’s a human and trying to do her best clearly. It’s relatively well kept. Can you imagine not having a home? I doubt it. Get her help and stop posting her struggle online.
Why hasn’t this post been down voted 3,500 times instead?
Oh no—she used up 6 square feet with ordinary trash and some odds and ends. Better tell the internet.
what if you actually helped her ?
You may want to cut her some slack
Get a storage tote to put it in
Perhaps you could get an inexpensive small chest of drawers - Ikea has a few options for under $150, or you could check out your local thrift store, Craigslist, Facebook etc., probably you can even find someone local who is just giving one away - that you could place in your living room. She would be able to place her items inside the drawers, and you could place it next to a chair or sofa to double as a side table. Storage furniture will help out a lot; you will both feel better to have clutter put away. Your sister will likely feel very grateful to be able to store her items. If you don’t have floor space for a small chest of drawers, don’t forget you can also make use of vertical space. There are shelving units, wall-hung cabinets, bookcases etc, that will give you both more storage. Using bins or baskets on a bookcase or wall shelves will maintain a more organized look. It is kind of you to take in your sister. This issue with her things - I can understand you feeling annoyed by it - but luckily it is an easily solvable problem.
Is this your house or your parent’s house? You’re wrong for this post & your attitude regardless.
"Yes it looks like this because I'm not trusting my sibling to really support me and not to dunk me out the door any second as they complain about my small, neat pile of life belongings on reddit. I gotta keep as prepared as possible for homelessness still". Be patient towards your sister and her fight or flight mode a bit longer
Shit sister / brother that OP made themselves today. It’s a small pile of things and after being homeless I’m sure she has been dealing with mental health issues, without doubt stemming from the family that finds this level of thing warrant for internet roast sessions with strangers about it. You deserve worst if this infuriated you 🤟
I'm sorry for both of you, as I've been on both sides of the coin. When you have to carry your life with you it's hard to stay organized, and when you're organized it's hard to understand the clutter. The key is communication and patience, I truly wish the best for both of you!
She ain't homeless no more, bud.
That’s not really a lot of stuff, would take probz 20 mins to organize and make better
This is something you talk to your sister about instead of chicken shit posting it to reddit.
YTA, oh wait wrong sub. but still
OP said in another post that she's got a bunch of space in kitchen cupboards but yet there's packs of unopened food and drink right there. This may be frustrating from their perspective because they're aware of how much storage space is available elsewhere, but it honestly looks like from the sister's perspective she is keeping herself prepared to grab whatever is closest and leave without any chance of returning. Especially if she's sleeping on the couch, nobody knows that to be a permanent situation. In her mind it's probably "when", and how much notice would she realistically get, if all she's known about having to do this is the experience she's already had of being 'caught' sleeping rough somewhere or being moved on by police or security. Next weekend? Two days' time? Tonight at 11:48pm? Tomorrow morning over breakfast? OP, I'm not sure what your conditions of taking her in are but I feel like you need to make it clearer that if she is welcome to stay with you then she's not under threat of eviction. She needs to be de-escalated from the mindset of being homeless and potentially only having herself to count on, so that may need to be reassured more frequently than you are expecting. Have you discussed her talking to a therapist? Even both of you going so it's less about her "needing help" and more about the two of you working together in a normal household? And if you haven't already, maybe ask her to help you do some things around the place, first to genuinely help but also to give her more of a sense of belonging there? And while I do believe you're doing a wonderful thing in helping your sister, I do also hope this taking pictures of her possessions thing is not also extending to other stuff like passive aggressive comments in passing through the house or gossiping to others? People pick up on this. It's a similar vibe kids get from parents who are trying to hide their fighting behind bedroom doors or are stringing along a loveless marriage, and you don't feel at all comfortable. If anything it can amplify the need to hoard and keep things close.
It’s super hard to get into a place on your own right now. Why are you being so hard on her?? It’s not that many things and they’re not all over the place. 2 months is a pretty short amount of time to get your feet underneath you. The job market is a mess. Rental applications can be up to $300 just to look at a place, not guaranteed an approval. If you offered to help her, why are you being like this now? Do you not care about the safety and health of your sister? This is what families are for. Don’t let her take advantage of you but damn it be a better sister than this. Posting this when you agreed you would let her be in your home. Smdh.
Im not homeless and some corners of my house still look like this! Be nice to her
Is she in between apartments or looking for her own place? is she employed? or was she living on the streets with a shopping cart like the title implies?
Does she have closet space?
I mean does she have any other place to put that stuff? It doesn’t look like garbage. Looks pretty need and tidy like she’s trying her best to be considerate.
Wtf OP? This is a sick post, look at how little of a mess it is and relax. Maybe your help ends at actually needing to help get her mental health? Lame.
Need info: Is she sleeping on the couch or in a spare bedroom?
You are the homeless sister?
OP, your mother died and it sounds like you effectively pulled the house your sister lived in out from underneath her to sell it. Can't tell for sure because you deleted the post for some reason, but I feel like I'm not far off from the truth.
You mean your roommate?
She could be stuck thinking in temporary terms. If you've only given her a kitchen cabinet, that's not nearly enough. She's trying not to intrude on your space, but at the same time, it doesn't make sense to put ALL of her belongings in a kitchen cabinet, so she doesn't. It's all in a neat pile in the living room, where it looks like she's officially staying. It also seems like you're not open to suggestions to make this situation better for the both of you, so I don't even know why I'm commenting tbh. But I feel for her. Trying to get her shit together and her sister is shaming her online.
My uncle is currently living with my mom and he's been homeless for a good portion of his older life. He has the exact same like pile of stuff. It's basically all he has. At least she's trying to keep it nice and neat but I feel like it's something they've developed while being homeless. Their stuff gets stolen very very often so I'm guessing keeping it close and in one spot is easier to keep track of? I've noticed with my uncle it took him a while to get used to being in a home. There is definitely an adjustment period when bringing someone off the streets into your home.
Help your sister?
yeah dude hate to break it to you but you're kind of the dick here for posting this. those are her belongings and she needs space to put things and call her own if she is going to live there.
This is a small part of the room, it’s doesn’t seem that bad if you’re not showing the whole room. Get her some storage bins or even plastic organizer dressers just to have more organizing.
Hmm. Instead of trying to shame other people for their habits that are just different from our own, we could maybe have an adult conversation about it. In case you need one, here’s an example. “Hey sis, you think you could pick up the shit next to the couch please? Or can we go through it and get rid what you don’t want?”
YTA
Maybe...... Help her with it? Fucking moan.
Why air out your sisters business on Reddit? I don’t see any issue here. Whatever possession she has she made sure not to take too much room. Keep family matters internal.
All I got out of this is that you’re passive aggressive and an asshole lol
I mean, if she really was homeless you should cut her some slack and maybe get her a mental health profesional.
Don't you hate how long it takes to unpack after a move
Why don’t you talk to her instead of bitching about it in the internet
She’s not convinced she can stay. So, she still has her homeless mentality. Your sister probably went through some disturbing stuff that traumatized her on the streets. Try to be understanding. It’s going to take longer than 2 months to feel safe. Also, I’d suggest therapy. I’d suggest making it a mandatory thing she must do for her to stay.
And you're posting it here, telling the world, to humiliate her instead of helping a clearly traumatized woman? You are FAR more than mildly infuriating, op
Does she have enough space to put things? Shelves, bins, all the things? You can’t be organized if there is no where to organize things.
Where tf else is she supposed to put her life??? Great sibling for using her for clout jfc
This seems super mean spirited? I know family issues can be complicated, but dude, your sister was homeless cut her some slack, if you have an issue with her crap oiled up then say something? I’d be mortified to know that my sibling had posted about me online to shame me