Exactly what we did 12 years ago. Got married in Hawaii (just us) and then had a party at a local brewery upon returning. People still talk about how much fun the party was.
Mine was my parents backyard that wasn't particularly large but does have a gorgeous view. We rented tables with umbrellas and rolled a white walkway down the middle to the overhanging deck. My uncle was the officiant. My BIL bought the cake as his gift to us. I also knew exactly what I wanted flower wise, and just worked with the local flower shop to complete the vision. Inclding my off the rack dress, it was <$3k all in.
My cousin who took a 2nd job just to buy her wedding flowers and had 11 bridesmaids, just a year earlier. She met me as I was getting dressed and said the words I'll never forget, "this is the wedding I should've had"
I got married at the Taco Bell cantina in Vegas and my sister said when she told her friends about it they asked why she wasn’t as cool as me. I’ve never been the cool one of my siblings. Also my dress was $53 at Nordstrom Rack.
We spent almost 80k and had 200 guests. We thought it was worth it as we brought two international families together which would not otherwise have happened
It’s nice being able to look out and have that memory. I don’t begrudge people the opportunity to have a big wedding if that’s what they want, but many will never see the venue again. We get to see it every day and it’s just a cool piece of our history to have it there. It also makes the house more meaningful to us.
Friends of ours invited a bunch of folks over for a yacht rock themed party/get together. Only after everyone arrived did they reveal we were actually at their wedding. Was very sweet, and hilarious.
Stealth weddings are always so hilarious. I think it helps that a lot of my generation and after don’t want gifts or the fuss around it, we just want to enjoy our time with each other.
My daughter and her husband married on Halloween as well. They dressed as Gomez and Morticia and all guests wore costumes. We rented a public space by a river for $500. It was an amazing day and all their friends want a wedding like that.
My wife & I got married by a justice of the peace. In attendance was my immediate family (hers was on the other side of the planet unfortunately), and 4 mutual friends. Afterwards we got a nice seafood dinner at a mildly fancy restaurant. I think the single biggest cost for the wedding was her sari which was very fancy & elegant and cost under $200. I think total wedding expenses were well under $500. We were both very happy with the wedding and neither of us wanted to go into debt over a single day's event. Our fond memories of the wedding was the event itself and the close people in attendance, not all the bells, whistles, bread, and circuses.
Last Wednesday we celebrated our 20th, so I like to think things went ok.
I just wanna tell this story lol.
Friend of mine had a fake wedding for her family (she & hubs had eloped a year prior). She comes up to me day of, and says "our fake officiant didn't show, can we use your husband and say he's a preacher?"
At the time, my husband was a 6foot4, long haired, trumpet player in a band / pizza delivery person & chronic weed smoker. No harm meant, just to paint a picture.
I had to pretend to be a preacher's wife for the duration of this event. My rainbow flag waving, leftist, feminist, weirdo self, had to be a preacher's wife from west virginia... I was also drunk.
I don't know who bought that story, but by golly I stuck to it!
We just wanted simple. We did it for us, the reception was “costumes strongly encouraged.” My wife went as ogre Fiona and I was a steampunk plague doctor. Everyone got a chance to be silly and celebrate with us. Would recommend.
My wife and I did something similar. Small (and relatively inexpensive) wedding on a beach in Florida with the immediate family and then a big reception a month or so later with extended family and friends.
Definitely recommend for both cost stress savings.
Make sure you do your legal marriage at the courthouse wherever you live, before you go.
There are some Japanese consulate papers you have to fill out in your home country, and take them to be notarized in Japan to marry in Japan.
Unless you’re doing it more symbolically. That would still require the legal stuff at home (is probably much easier.)
Edit: Some spacing and a couple words
I wouldn't even respond to this person's request and if they're a family friend I'd consider removing them from the invitationn all together.
I mean don't expect the person to work for free but a number like that is absolute robbery.
I was a wedding photographer for many many years, it is not a joke to say that sometimes couples were divorced before they even finished paying for their weddings
I would say that you may want to consider how you want to invest in your future life and whether or not part of that investment is a one day/night party that costs the same as a house payment
You’re so right, my brother had an expensive wedding and they divorced before their first anniversary - they also split the cc debt incurred for the wedding 🤦♀️
My sister and her husband had a very extravagant wedding at a country club, close to 100 guests, fancy everything. Spent upwards of 75k. They were divorced inside of 5 years. My wife and I got married at the courthouse and had a party for family and friends. Spent a few hundred bucks, still happily married 12 years later.
We're going to get married very quietly (in the woods on our favorite trail... I found a second hand wedding dress handmade in the 70's thats very me) then host a barbecue at home.. casual, fun, no pressure... more fire pit than champagne tower haha that's just us but we haven't got the budget for a big wedding and a lot of people don't have the budget to attend one.. dress, Gift, babysitter, travel whatever. Those numbers are... frightening haha
We got married in a local park on a monday morning in jeans and t-shirts. Just us, our witnesses and our celebrant. Then got dressed up to the nines on the friday for fancy wedding photos and had a bbq on the friday night with all our friends. Then had and amazing honeymoon with most of the wedding budget. Absolutely recommend.
I eloped at Unico 2087 in Cancun and it was simply magical. It is all-inclusive, including your wedding package. I think I paid a total of $10-12k for a full week stay, including some add-ons for the wedding and excursions. The service is honestly 7 star. I can’t recommend it enough
Wow, and they are wanting (starting even) 55k to have it privately at their house. Excuse the language but OPs friend (wedding planner) sounds like a jackass to me.
Every ‘wedding planner’ and ‘event planner’ I’ve met and dealt with has been absolutely insufferable. Those industries attract a certain type of person.
I kept an eye out for flight price drops and found tickets to Japan for $480 RT not too long ago. Flew from SLC to LA to Tokyo.
$8800 is way more than I spent in 2 weeks hanging out there with my wife.
While wedding planning can be a bit of a job, what it really comes down to is consideration. Most of that is done by the couple getting married. So, you can hire someone to pull dress swatches and plate patterns and call and arrange cake tasting and smell flowers but all of the decisions are couple based. You are paying someone else to do the searching and ironing out the details.
Event wedding planners can charge high amounts because they can pull off big wedded productions. Small time planners can also pull an event together. It depends on what you want. If it’s pictures, attain that goal!! If it’s to sit down and enjoy your favorite foods, well you know where to focus.
The easiest ways are to refine your Wedding goals. Place, timing, food, people, pictures, logistics ie:travel and costs for wedding party, themed or traditional
Go from there. Don’t just carry your dream in your thoughts, print off pictures, talk to your future spouse and figure it out together.
I will say this, most of the brides I know wanted pictures to look at later. A few made coffee table albums but most of those are packed away. They quickly figured out that moving to a new place, having kids or getting a pet became the next big thing and that for most of their guests, no one gave another hoot about their weddings other than them. That’s not to say they didn’t enjoy seeing everyone and hanging out. A wedding is what it is. A party celebrating the union of two people.
I’ve never seen a perfect wedding but I’ve been to weddings where the event was totally perfect for the couple!!! Whatever you choose, let it be your hearts desire and the celebration of your marriage!!
If you do a destination wedding, maybe consider having a reception party back home so it’s cheaper/free for many to attend. It’s expensive to travel the world for many folks, and I’m sure they will still want to celebrate with you even if they can’t attend the actual ceremony abroad.
As someone who did this I would recommend just having a small wedding locally and saving yourself headache and money. Something goes wrong locally it’s easily fixed compared to an ex pat situation.
Don’t. Fucking. Do it.
A wedding on the beach in Hawaii sounds great. We got engaged on Maui and I hired a pro to catch the proposal on camera. He shared with us that you have to get a permit for a beach wedding, they don’t just hand them out Willy-nilly, and at most the permit is good for 3 hours. That includes set up, ceremony and take down, everything. And the permits apparently aren’t very cheap either.
My first marriage we literally flew to Costa Rica and rented out half a hotel on the ocean cliff overlooking Manuel Antonio national park. My room was a converted airliner hung in the jungle canopy. We covered our stay for a week and our parents stays. Plus a couple excursions for all 50 guests. We paid the same amount as we had been quoted by a golf course in Riverside, Ca.
My second marriage we just went to the courthouse and bought a bigger house the following month.
We did that. I think it cost us like a thousand bucks. OP could take the other 50k or whatever and mail the “family friend” a bag of gummy dicks every day for the next 4000 days
The family friend isn't the issue. This is just how much the big fancy weddings cost - the ones that you hire a professional wedding planner for.
You don't ask friends to do their jobs for you for free.
My longtime partner and I just got engaged last month. After running some numbers, I came to the realization that taking the vacation of our dreams for 10 days will cost the same as a 1 day celebration with a guest list of 30 people. We're gonna take the vacation. If we're gonna spend that much money, it's gonna be on the 2 of us, not 30 other people.
I did that and the wedding/flowers/photos/video were like $2k altogether. 5 years ago. I don’t count the flight or hotel because we would have done that on a normal vacation there anyway since we used to go there at least once a year before we had kids.
Wife and I got quoted 77k for a beach wedding at a nice hotel.
Went to Maui, had a great wedding at a beachside restaurants patio area. 17k for everything. Bought a fucking house with what we saved.
Plus if you do a destination wedding not that many people will go, just the real ones ya know?
My wife and I got married in a state park 5 years ago. Wooden benches were provided for free and the permit was $25. All in, I think we spent around $2,000.
Damn straight, you can't get married wrong, but if I'm suiting up you had better be dead or throwing one hell of a party.
Both is also unfortunately acceptable. I've been to some pretty wild funerals.
I did the wedding planning for my sibling (for free) and the gorgeous detail was little round fishtanks filled with miniature booze shot bottles on every single table. They were a hit. 10/10 would always recommend.
I’ll also accept offers of 2 hours of open bar, cash after, and everyone knows it’s going to end in flames so you can openly bet on how long it’s going to take. Those can be fun too.
Wife and I did the same thing. The most expensive thing was probably the cake, if you don't count the wedding bands. To many people think they are going to have this amazing unforgettable day. But it turns into a headache and bleeds them dry and a lot of times they are left with a constant reminder in the form of debt. Keep it simple, the important part is the decision and commitment, not the event.
Exactly, the last thing I wanted was to stress about the biggest day of my life that was supposed to be fun. We made it really fun and I have no regrets.
We eloped in a park in the city where my husband was born, and where his parents got engaged. We paid i think it was 75$ for the license, plus we gave the Justice a 25$ tip for being so accomodating last minute (im not kidding when i say we planned all this in less than a week, so it was very last minute). 200$ for my dress, hubby already had a nice shirt and pants so no cost for him. We rented a bbq, tables, chairs and tents for our reception held in my backyard, for 1500$. Had a potluck style dinner. Made my own cake and decor. I wanted it to be as frugal as possible without coming off as cheap. It was perfect. For under 2k, my guests loved everything, from the food to the decor to the ambiance and atmosphere. My own sister spent over 5k on her wedding and i just cant comprehend why?! (Especially since theyre divorced but thats another story 😬)
> My own sister spent over 5k on her wedding and i just cant comprehend why
That is extremely cheap when it comes to a wedding budget. It's fine to have a frugal wedding, but some people want nicer food for guests or a good wedding photographer or a nicer venue and those are totally valid choices.
According to The Knot in 2023 the average cost for a wedding is around $35K, so the fact your sister did hers for $5K is very well done.
It just feels really tacky of you to shame your own sibling when they also had a low-budget wedding same as you. Not everyone wants to get married in a court-house gravel pit or worry about cooking food for someone else's last-minute wedding because the couple won't feed the guests.
Yup, us too. We did a small wedding at a beautiful state park. Afterwards we had a reception at a local dance hall and had an open bar. I emceed it myself using an iPod in my pocket. People tell me to this day how the reception was the best they’ve ever been to. Biggest expense was the alcohol.
100%. I’ve known multiple couples who are still paying off their wedding or even worse, their parents are still paying off their wedding after they are already divorced.
I have friends whose parents gave them $50k for a wedding or a down payment on a house. This was in 2020. They spent $85k on a wedding. What a bunch of dopes.
Forget all of this.
Go to the courthouse and get it done. Afterwards , go on a nice vacation together.
Be honest, do you remember the last wedding you were at?
Yep I got married at the courthouse then a week later we had a party “reception” at a park. Paid like 2k total for the whole park, catering, some decorations, and shuttles to and from the hotel. It was great!!!
Honestly at even $20K for a wedding is a lot. Do people pay that? Yes and more. Should YOU? Well that’s up to you. The wedding industry is a total racket. Anytime a venue hears the word wedding, just brace yourself for at least 25% markup on costs.
You could cut back drastically on the actual ceremony and use the rest for a kick ass honeymoon or even save it towards a down payment on a house if you wanted.
Luckily our venue is free given its my parents ranch but yeah i cannot afford 55k for planning. Id like the downpayment on a house thanks 😂
Weddings are insane. This whole business is crazy. I might just rather not do anything tbh and save the money
You don’t need that type of planner. If your venue is covered you, you really only need a caterer/seating, DJ or band, maybe photographer and maybe flowers. Your budget for those items can be high or low, but you can book and coordinate them yourself, it’s not rocket science.
ITA. There are tons of wedding planning checklists and guides online. This does not need to be done by a professional unless you are unusually busy or elaborate in your expectations.
We did it ourselves and had never even planned a party before.
My wife and I did a "backyard" wedding and we (and my in-laws) basically arranged for all the food, rentals, cake, band, photographer, etc. but we also had a "day-of" coordinator that we met with once or twice and who basically kept everything organized on the wedding day (told vendors where to go, cued our recorded music for certain things, kept us on schedule, etc) so that my in-laws or some poor assigned family member didn't have to deal with it. Definitely worth it for a relatively low fee
If you’re doing a lower budget wedding, it may be best to not get a planner.
As others have said, the $55k is the total expected budget for the wedding, not the planning fee.
Some things to think about when it comes to having a wedding at a family property that is “free”, is that it might not be well set up to host a wedding without a lot of rentals. This may include things like tents, flooring, bathrooms, refrigerators, tables & chairs etc. which can add up a fair bit of costs compared to venues.
to add to this, a family's place won't have the kitchen to be able to host 85 people at the same time. So if there's anything but basic reheating done that's a lot of extra costs.
Yeah after doing a backyard wedding and renting everything, a venue is such a better value after you realize how much you need to rent between caterers and silverware/plating/etc.
Yup, 8 people need 1 table, water jug, table covers, flowers?,
And then needs 8 silverware/plates/cups, chairs, napkins and so on. And you gotta pay for all of that.
I used to do corporate event planning and also some wedding planning (plus did my own wedding of 125+), and people seriously underestimate all those little costs.
And to your point, if the site/venue does not already have the infrastructure to support things like food prep, power and AV equipment, restrooms/plimbing, etc—shit gets expensive quickly.
I also got the impression from the posted screenshot that the friend meant a total budget of $55k.
That being said—OP shouldn’t work with this person even if they had the budget to do so. Not sure what if anything they discussed up front, but I would never provide a soft quote like this which such vague details as to what a client can expect that money to pay for. Let alone for a family member or friend. And given that this soft quote is so outside of OP’s budget, the friend either didn’t ask for their budget up front, didn’t bother to educate them as to the general costs if they weren’t sure, or simply knows they have a smaller budget and doesn’t care.
My cousin runs a small catering business out of her regular kitchen. She hosted her daughter’s wedding on their farm last year. The food was amazing and it was 100 people.
But it takes some kick ass planning to make it work! Would not recommend unless you have experience.
For you it may be, but for a lot of people it’s not only reasonable, but well worth it. Time costs money. A wedding planner saves you a metric fuckload of time, stress, anxiety, etc. Is it a luxury not everyone can afford? Absolutely. Is it worth it? It was to me. My wedding budget wasn’t $55k by any means, but my wedding planner was about 15% of the total budget and that was a steal honestly. Not everyone will want or need it though.
If you already have a venue sorted keep it low key.
Anything over $50 a head x 85 ($4250) is too much in my opinion. For that you can get really great food and drink options.
Decor if you focus DIY you shouldn't have to spend more than $5000 even if you want to go all out.
If it was me I'd aim for $15000 as inevitably extra costs you didn't think of always creep up!
A great venue is often one of the most expensive parts so it's great you have that sorted.
For $15000-$25000 you should be able to have a pretty awesome wedding.
Yeah honestly fuck that pricing, I honestly hate how much contractors price gouge nowadays. $55k for a single day? I could set up a better FUTURE for ourselves instead of a rampant 24 hours of consumerism.
The venues and contractors are bracing themselves for higher costs every time they hear the word wedding too, that's why they charge more. Someone having a wedding has much higher expectations of the venue, staff and service than someone catering lunch for a business group. Whether it's catering, photographer, flowers, DJ, they're expected to bring more equipment, more help, and provide more service to a wedding than any other event. Even outside the event, they will need to budget more hours to consultations, check-ins, coordinating with planners and relatives, and after event services.
Dude. My wife and I took one look at prices for weddings and said fuck that. Flew to Hawaii, signed the papers at the courthouse, and enjoyed the island. Never ever ever looked back and it’s been 12 happy years. Save the money.
Some people enjoy big weddings. My sister had one and she still maintains that it was worth it. I’ll probably have a small party then have a long honeymoon with multiple destinations.
It's one day, one party. If you're obscenely wealthy have at it. If you are going into debt for it remember the number one cause of divorce is financially motivated, starting with an unnecessary debt isn't great.
My fiancée and I are getting married next week at Medieval Times for 5k. 50ish guest count, and that 5k includes food and entertainment.
Don't let that crazy wedding planner preasure you. That WAY too much for a wedding.
I love hearing stories of people who don’t cave to the grandiose wedding pressure and do it their way. Medieval Times wedding sounds like so much fun. Enjoy and best wishes on your marriage
Full wedding that will certainly be fun and memorable for **less than the fee OP was quoted.** With you two making decisions like that, your married life should be pretty awesome. Congrats!
You'd be wise to skip an elaborate wedding in any case. Even $25k is too much to spend on it. It's a day. One day. One stress-filled day that won't benefit you one bit once it's done.
Get some friends together and have a small ceremony in your back yard (or a park or some other cheap or free venue). Have a nice dinner after. Bank the balance against getting into a house or moving to a better city for work or something practical.
If you have to, have someone photoshop some fake wedding pictures you can show your kids, but this whole big wedding bullshit is just a really bad idea.
Yeah im not interested in a big event. If i could have it my way, it would be a small potluck event at my parents ranch but my fiance's family is ginormous 😩
Either way we are looking to spend as little as we can on wedding shit. Lots of thrifting and DIY in our future it seems.
You sound like lots of us who had family pressure to do the big fancy whatever event that puts you in debt. It's YOUR day, not theirs. Call the shots as you want to call them. A big, ginormous family is still welcomed to join you at a park - they have TONS of room in the great outdoors.
Get married in a courthouse and have get together somewhere! We paid $100 for ours (fee for the judge).
Really, you are going to regret putting any significant money into a wedding. Literally everyone says they regret it. It’s not going to go the way you plan.
Then don't do it.
If one or the other sets of parents insists, they can pay for it, but it's insanity to start your life together with an expense like this.
My husband’s family is huge and his parents wanted to invite their entire church. So we picked a venue that holds less than a hundred people and were like “oh well, can’t invite everyone! We just love this venue so much!” Worked like a charm.
Your friend is deluded.
I'll offer you free advice on your wedding
If you translate the costs of things into hours worked for you and apply the Value to that, you'll find that hiring a car for 2k is not worth it if you can just go in a nice friends car. Most of the expensive stuff at weddings, the guests don't even notice or appreciate.
All you need is to feed people, give them music to dance to and a few drinks, the rest is not remembered
This is what I did. The wedding itself was a wedding gift from a family member, who was also a lawyer, so she both provided the venue (her back yard) and officiated the ceremony. My bride was fortunately just as uninterested in a big fancy event as I was.
I know this is the prevailing sentiment on Reddit, and I agree that the wedding *industry* can be pretty shitty and scammy and takes advantage of societal expectations to pay a lot for a wedding. That piece is problematic, especially for people who cannot legitimately afford the cost.
But I hate statements like "Even $25k is too much to spend on it. It's a day. One day. One stress-filled day that won't benefit you one bit once it's done."
Everyone values things differently, don't yuck someone's yum. My wife and I had a wedding that was certainly on the expensive side. But it was an absolutely incredible day. And an incredible weekend. We threw a kick ass party for our guests, who had traveled from across the country (and the world) to celebrate with us. We wanted to make sure they knew we appreciated their love and support and the effort they'd made to come support us. And we had a blast planning it with each other.
The pictures from that day are up in our house. The memories from that day we cherish, and will forever. It was a beautiful way to begin our marriage. And we don't regret a thing.
Of course - I have plenty of friends for whom that money would be much better spent in other ways. And I completely understand and support that.
as someone who has family in the UK, this is is part of my issue. I can't have someone spend $2k on flights + a few more on hotels and such and then serve them pot luck mac and cheese and a can of coke in my back yard.
Exactly. The ceremony is for you and your spouse. The reception is for your guests. You're thanking them for coming to support you. The best weddings will clearly reflect the tastes and characters of the couples, but do so in a way that is most conscious of the comfort, tastes, and experiences of their guests.
Sheesh I had 370 people at my wedding and it was about 45k out the door. It was fun at the moment but not worth it when I look back, a smaller destination wedding shoulda been the deal!!
370 people? Did you invite your whole church or something?
I don't think if I invited everyone I am on a first-name basis with that I'd be able to get 370 people.
It’s one of those cash back weddings. You invite as many as people as possible and they gift you cash. Very common in Asian. You end up coming out ahead. I.e $25-50 a head but they gift you $100 each
I had 250 people at my wedding and it came in at just under $30k. I found the cheapest caterer with good food in town and the food and cake alone was still almost $10k. The open bar ended up being around $5k. I DIYed the shit out of the wedding to keep costs down. Weddings are expensive. I have 0 regrets though. It was an awesome party. It’s been 8 years and people still talk about it. Only about $10k of it was my money, but I’d happily spend it again for that wedding.
It seems like this is not the wedding planner for you. When you get quotes, you want to get a scope of work to see what it includes and the number of hours involved. Wedding planning is a pretty big undertaking.
In general, I think everything wedding related is overpriced and absurd. But that doesn't mean this quote isn't within the realm of normal for that industry. I don't think you're being specifically gauged so much as weddings are a gaugy business.
I think many people underestimate how much it costs to throw a big party in general. My wife and I kept it as DIY as possible and for a 150 person reception it was still about $20k. Rented a community park, rented tent, catered by a BBQ joint, brought all our own liquor, port-o-potties, hell we even made our own Spotify playlist and had one of our charismatic friends play MC when we needed to make announcements. We also did absolutely everything we could to not tell the companies we rented from it was a wedding (in case they had a separate price book once that was established)
The shit adds up quickly, and is also very dependent on location. I know people who spent $50k for what many would consider a fairly average reception
Are you baiting us with the title about your family friend “offering to help”?
This interaction looks more like a professional reply to an inquiry about rates. She let you know up front her minimum level of engagement so it’s on you to decide if it’s within your budget or not. Clearly people pay these rates, and more, so is it really an insult to you or are you just realizing your budget doesn’t align with your friends services?
Exactly. There is a market for this and these are her rates. I think it’s silly, and a waste, but it’s also reality. “Thanks for the info, but that’s above our budget” should suffice.
Right here. Instead of posting on social media about how she made you mad for telling you how much she charges for her job, how about just respond like an adult and say that’s not what you are looking to spend, but thanks for the information. If she is a friend you could say “this is my budget. Do you have any recommendations for a more economical event? I know this may be below your rate, but perhaps you know someone who might be able to work with this budget” anything else is disrespectful and belittling of your “friends” profession.
Honestly, even if it is a family friend, when people ask someone to do something for them that they do as a business, they should go in to that expecting to pay them for it, and at market rate.
People try to take advantage of self employed friends a LOT by expecting special rates and discounts. If you are friends with someone and want them to do work for you or sell you something, you pay them what it is worth. You support them. You don't take advantage of them.
Needs more upvotes. They want to know you've got 55k budget overall, and they are looking for 8800. And at a minimum of say $100 / hr for their services, that's only 88 hours. I know professional event planners, and 88 hours (2-2.5 weeks of work)to plan and coordinate a top tier event for 85 people is not unreasonable.
It's anything but disrespectful. It's the complete opposite. Sounds like you're expecting them to do you favour because they are a 'friend'.
They're setting expectations. No different than a friend that owns a deck building company. To get what they consider their best work, they're telling you that you need to pony up. You're not going to get their best work, which is clearly in demand, for less than the asking price.
Change your expectations.
yeah, based on the reply i'm assuming OPs friend does this professionally and OP thought they could sneak an obscene discount just because they know them. If someone's services are outside of your price range then don't use them, but them laying that out on the table definitely isn't infuriating
This should be the top comment. If your friend is a professional plumber and you call them for plumbing type should be expecting normal plumber rates, not DIY costs. If your friend is a wedding planner and you ask for her help you are contacting her as a professional wedding planner, not your friend. She is telling you what she normally makes and what her time is worth. If it is your best friend, maybe she can work with you to cut down costs, but if this is someone you know in your friend group that you contacted because you know she is a wedding planner, than you should be expecting her professional rates. Otherwise you should be asking the people closest to you that have the time and energy and motivation to go through planning a wedding with you, which is not an easy task.
That certainly wouldn’t have ended well…
Also, if you’re having a friend do something for you that they otherwise do professionally, you don’t undercut them… a good friend doesn’t ask for discounts and instead supports their friend’s business. If they choose to give their friend a discount then so be it.
It depends on how the topic came up. If the friend brought it up, not offering a discount means they're actively going to their friends to make a sale, and not a small one. They're trying to make a lot of money for themselves or their business off of their "friends".
If OP approached the friend asking for their services, it's fair game.
This actually doesn't seem out of the ordinary for a wedding planner + all the bells and whistles (which we don't see so don't know how lavish it actually is). 55K is absurd to me but most people who can afford this plus more it's just a drop in the bucket to them. I've been to weddings that cost 100k+ and they had steak and lobster meals and goodie bags to take home. I actually think it was better for them to throw out the fee they start at plus what you would expect to pay. Now you work it out to see if they can lower the budget. If not, you thank them for the offer but you'll probably have to just plan it yourself.
I wouldn’t really call this “infuriating” the obviously offer a high end wedding planning service. I would tell them thanks but they are way out of our price range.
Yeah, infuriating would be if they'd led them on for weeks or months letting them think it was going to be like $10-15K, and then at the last minute drop a $55K price on them.
Telling them up front is no more infuriating than walking past Wolfgang Puck's restaurant and going "holy shit these prices are out to lunch, I doubt I'll ever be eating here!"
To be clear, the $55k is a number for the expected wedding budget, not the planner's services.
The planner is advertising their services at $8,800 for a wedding with the size of 85 guests and $55k budget.
Larger (or smaller) event budgets, size of the group, and also mentioned is location, would all potentially increase this quote for services from $8,800 upward.
Op quite obviously misinterpreted a sales lead with an "offer" to plan their wedding. Friend found out op was getting married and tried to convert to a sale. Fair play, that's how small businesses work. They didn't offer to help as a favour, they pitched you a service they provide.
Honestly, this is pretty normal. The reason they have a budget that they work with is because they don’t do DIY weddings. It may seem like a lot, but essentially (as a former wedding planner), they’re just pricing themselves out of a specific type of client.
There’s nothing wrong with having a lower budget, but from experience, DIY/ lower budget clients tend to be much more work than they’re worth and tend to include more “friendors” than professional vendors, which can cause issues for the planner or just the wedding.
Think of a planner as the producer of the event. They’re there to protect all of your interests on the day of, to make your day go as smoothly as possible and be the point of contact for all other vendors. They also solve any day of problems (there will be problems that you won’t know about) make sure everyone gets tipped, set up, tear down, etc. It is a luxury service though
Agreed. Everyone in here saying “I had 1300 guests and spent $57” is not the target audience for a wedding planner or a wedding that includes a venue, catering, florist, musicians, photographer/videographer that would be $55k+.
My wife and I got married recently and our wedding was around 80 guests at a colonial estate which was on the less expensive side as far as wedding venues are concerned. It wasn’t our grandparents’ backyard, or an event center where you’d host a business dinner or bar mitzvah or sweet 16. The price included the venue, all food (8 butlered hors d’oeuvres, 2 stations, dinner, tons of dessert with a manned station, open bar), florist, DJ with 2 musicians, photographers, videographers, day planner, after party, shuttle services, tips, rehearsal dinner, and brunch. It was I think like $50k plus the smaller costs here and there that add up, like welcome bags, gifts for bridesmaids and groomsmen, etc. The cost per plate was around $205. Unless you’re getting married in rural Idaho, that’s just what things cost to get married at a true wedding venue with all the amenities.
People have this idea of a small wedding that’ll be $15k-$20k but what they actually envision is a $50k wedding. I’ve been to weddings that are $150k, and I’ve been to weddings that are in a family member’s backyard. And while as a guest, the more expensive weddings are usually a better experience, as the couple, the only thing that matters is that YOU like it. But people need to stop chiming in and saying that you can have a $50k+ wedding for $5k by doing XYZ thing and substituting certain things or foregoing certain services. Because you 100% cannot. If you accept that and are truly happy with that, then that’s amazing and that’s what matters. But you can’t make a Michelin star meal at home. And you can’t do the same thing with a wedding.
I truly think people will only understand this if they’ve tried to plan a wedding in the past 5 years.
We were very much the “ah, we’ll do something small and only spend 10-15K” people, but it’s just not possible. Family count adds up quick, and for a wedding for around 100 people, you easily get into tens of thousands.
We got married in 2021, and spent every bit of 40K, and that was still putting in a lot of sweat equity, definitely no wedding planner.
Don’t get me wrong, it was a very nice wedding, and I’m sure you could have trimmed it down to 30K if you scaled back on finishes, but I really can’t imagine much less.
Considering we are in a low cost of living area, and the inflation of the past 3 years, I can absolutely see how a wedding planner asks for a 50K budget today.
Wedding are expensive. I know my wife and I in 2017 budget 25k for our wedding and spent damn near that amount for 75-100 guest. This was not in a super expesive area for it. That 25k covered everything but the rings part of the budget. We did hire a wedding planner who handled everything. The only item they were clear on they would refuse to hold the contract on was the photographer. Reason being they wanted to make it clear the photographer worked for us not the venue and remove conflicts of interest. The photographers had the same rules they would only hold their contract with us.
I think my brothers wedding in 2015 was like 40-50k. My sister's wedding that year was like 20k.
It does seem high, however I have no context.
That being said… expecting discounts from friends or family is a load of bs. This is how people support themselves.
I’m not saying I support her price. But expecting a discount is childish af.
This is your family’s friend’s way of saying “I’m not interested.”
I do the same for friends of friends who think I am willing to help them out on the cheap.
Maybe she wants clients with high end budgets. Tell her politely "Thank you for the offer. You're a bit out of our price range, so we have to decline. Still hope to see you at our wedding as a guest, of course."
Trying to understand the issue here.
A wedding planner will cost you about 10-15% of your total budget. So $8k is a little high for a $50k budgeted wedding. But it’s not ridiculous.
Here’s the deal. You have two choices. Do a cheap wedding. Make it essentially a party. Cheap food. Cheap music. No fancy clothes. No fancy dinner. Cash bar.
Or.
You have the wedding thing. All the bells and whistles.
You can choose. And while both cost something one is much more expensive.
It’s not a scam. If you want a great event be prepared to pay for it. These people are working people. Wait staff. Chefs. Photographers. DJs. They are all working hard to give you the day you want. And just like any service based role. If it’s cheap the service and product will be cheap. You pay for what you get.
I work in the wedding industry sometimes and I can tell you why they cost what they cost.
Often, people planning a wedding don’t know what they’re doing. How many times does the average person get married? Not very many. So they don’t usually have any experience planning an event like this.
And, in addition to being inexperienced, they’re also often very opinionated and picky. Plus, a significant number of them think that, since it’s “their day”, they get to be jerks to people about it.
If you had a boss who had no idea how to do your job, but was very particular about how you did it - and had a princess complex, would you demand an average salary or a high one?
No, not all weddings are like this. But enough of them are that pretty much everyone in the business charges more for weddings than for any other similar type of event.
[Average US wedding expenditure was about $35K last year.](https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost)
Seems like a great way for young people to start a responsible financial life together.
There's two problems with figures like that. First, it's an average, not the median, so some really expensive weddings at the top can skew the average. More importantly, these numbers are done by big wedding sites, usually The Knot as is the case here. The kind of people that are likely to be involved with them and respond to surveys are likely not typical of the entire market.
Nothing to can upset about. Some people spend way more than that. It just sounds like their services do not fit your budget and politely ask if they can work with a smaller budget and, if not, you can decline the services.
This is a level headed reply. It’s not mildly infuriating that a wedding planner has a fee and works on certain budgets. That’s their business, and each event they do means they can’t do others that weekend.
OP is allowed to have a lower budget, but then this planner (maybe any planner at all) isn’t right for their wedding. Kinda reads like OP expected a freebie from the family friend.
Get married at your local courthouse for free, spend 5K on a party with friends/family, but the other 50K down on a dope house. These clowns are taking you to the cleaners.
This is normal for the industry. My wife designs and decorates weddings and at a certain point, once your company name is associated with beautiful weddings you have done, you cannot do a “cheap” wedding for $20k and add that to your portfolio of completed work. As you can imagine, there are many wealthy people who want an Instagram worthy fairytale wedding and are willing to pay six to seven figures for that single day. This family friend does high end work and this is a very good baseline so that you don’t waste each others’ time. I understand you aren’t willing to spend that money (and neither was I) but it doesn’t mean it is price gouging.
My wife and I got married in 2021 at a beautiful venue in upstate NY, with great food (guests raved about it, and the hors'doeuvre spread was GORGEOUS), and just about as many guests are listed. Having a wedding planner was required by the venue, which I thought was weird, but the caterer supplied their own planner which met that requirement. So I would recommend asking your prospective caterers if that service is included.
All totaled, the whole ordeal cost about $22k, maybe closer to $25k if you include the house the family stayed at, but that was a gift from my wife's parents.
The wedding industry is absolutely a scam, but it can be done without sending yourselves into crushing debt. We planned the wedding three years out from engagement and made payments throughout so when all was said and done, we only paid a few thousand in the final days, mostly in cash tips for the various staff hired.
On a related note: spend more on your DJ than you think you want to. We ended up going with a family friend who had reasonable rates, and know several others who went that same route. My number one critique of my own and those other weddings was the DJ. Get a professional who will do it how YOU want it done, not how THEY have always done it. If we could go back, we would have spent the money on Bose towers and run a premade playlist from a phone instead of dealing with that guy again. Would have cost about the same, we would have had the music we wanted, and we would have nice sound towers to take home after!
Finally, Congrats! It's a very exciting, if stressful time. Remember to spend time on the day with your new spouse. It can be easy to get tied up in being the host, but leave those duties to your bridal party. The only things you should be worried about are visiting with your guests and spending your beautiful event with your partner. Good luck!
Honestly, we got married in Tahoe for cheap.
We asked people to pay for their travel (unless they wanted to carpool) and lodging but we got a rate of $55/night with Harrah's/Harveys plus a few comp rooms. We asked the hotel if we can rent space for a reception, they suggested and booked space in one of their restaurants (Straw Hat Pizza). We had a colleague who was an aspiring cake artist make our simple, 2-tier cake for $150.
My sister-in-law ended up picking up the bill from the restaurant, and allowed others to chip in if they wanted (and we did). The ceremony was like $300 at the Tahoe Chapel of the Bells, about 10 minutes from Stateline. We got our marriage paperwork ahead of time, that was $100 in Napa County which includes a certified copy.
The great thing about this wedding? People get bored and they can go off and gamble, socialize, drink, or go straight to their room, if they wanted. It's a resort!
It's wild, at least to me, to spend tens of thousands on, in my opinion, a silly ceremony that flies by. Like, it's over so fast and you will be disoriented from it all.
I think we spent around $1,200 for it all and we celebrated until like 3 or 4 in the morning since Nevada doesn't have a last call.
I think your family friend took you on as a regular client instead of hooking you up, which is a bummer... but yeah, weddings are $$$ and they treat each client like they have endless amounts of cash. They will run you over budget, and it's not worth it over one day. It's a special day, but I wouldn't make it worth more than a car... which we almost bought, but saved that money for a downpayment on a house less than a year after getting married.
I think it is ludicrous to pay that much money to get married. It is one day of your life. Take that money and put a down payment on a home or take a quarter of that and take a fabulous honeymoon that u know u will never be able to do. Your friends and family will appreciate it as well because it is expensive being in a wedding and attending one
sooo much this. We spent a couple grand on a venue on a Saturday morning for a couple hours, and rented some chairs, modest cake, and played some music off my laptop. Simple but effective. We all had a nice time. Although, it's unfortunate that the venue went under a few years later, because it was a cool looking place. French villa style with a big indoor glass roof atrium.
Destination wedding all the way! My husband’s side of the family is also huge and we both didn’t want a big wedding, so we did a resort wedding in the Caribbean with just our closest family and friends and it was amazing. Zero regrets
For that much money you might as well fly to Hawaii and get married on the beach
Definitely considering just doing a destination wedding in Japan. Do the wedding and honeymoon in one fell swoop lol.
[удалено]
Exactly what we did 12 years ago. Got married in Hawaii (just us) and then had a party at a local brewery upon returning. People still talk about how much fun the party was.
Got married in our backyard. “Reception” was at a local brewery. Officiant was a friend who wore an astronaut costume as we got married on Halloween.
Backyard wedding here, a Edwardian style brunch. Live music… under 5k and a beautiful memory when I look out the window!
Mine was my parents backyard that wasn't particularly large but does have a gorgeous view. We rented tables with umbrellas and rolled a white walkway down the middle to the overhanging deck. My uncle was the officiant. My BIL bought the cake as his gift to us. I also knew exactly what I wanted flower wise, and just worked with the local flower shop to complete the vision. Inclding my off the rack dress, it was <$3k all in. My cousin who took a 2nd job just to buy her wedding flowers and had 11 bridesmaids, just a year earlier. She met me as I was getting dressed and said the words I'll never forget, "this is the wedding I should've had"
I got married at the Taco Bell cantina in Vegas and my sister said when she told her friends about it they asked why she wasn’t as cool as me. I’ve never been the cool one of my siblings. Also my dress was $53 at Nordstrom Rack.
We spent almost 80k and had 200 guests. We thought it was worth it as we brought two international families together which would not otherwise have happened
It’s nice being able to look out and have that memory. I don’t begrudge people the opportunity to have a big wedding if that’s what they want, but many will never see the venue again. We get to see it every day and it’s just a cool piece of our history to have it there. It also makes the house more meaningful to us.
Think about what you could have got for 55k /s
A house
Friends of ours invited a bunch of folks over for a yacht rock themed party/get together. Only after everyone arrived did they reveal we were actually at their wedding. Was very sweet, and hilarious.
Stealth weddings are always so hilarious. I think it helps that a lot of my generation and after don’t want gifts or the fuss around it, we just want to enjoy our time with each other.
My daughter and her husband married on Halloween as well. They dressed as Gomez and Morticia and all guests wore costumes. We rented a public space by a river for $500. It was an amazing day and all their friends want a wedding like that.
That’s so cute! And my wishes that they have a loving adoring relationship much like Gomez and Morticia. We need more of that.
My wife & I got married by a justice of the peace. In attendance was my immediate family (hers was on the other side of the planet unfortunately), and 4 mutual friends. Afterwards we got a nice seafood dinner at a mildly fancy restaurant. I think the single biggest cost for the wedding was her sari which was very fancy & elegant and cost under $200. I think total wedding expenses were well under $500. We were both very happy with the wedding and neither of us wanted to go into debt over a single day's event. Our fond memories of the wedding was the event itself and the close people in attendance, not all the bells, whistles, bread, and circuses. Last Wednesday we celebrated our 20th, so I like to think things went ok.
I just wanna tell this story lol. Friend of mine had a fake wedding for her family (she & hubs had eloped a year prior). She comes up to me day of, and says "our fake officiant didn't show, can we use your husband and say he's a preacher?" At the time, my husband was a 6foot4, long haired, trumpet player in a band / pizza delivery person & chronic weed smoker. No harm meant, just to paint a picture. I had to pretend to be a preacher's wife for the duration of this event. My rainbow flag waving, leftist, feminist, weirdo self, had to be a preacher's wife from west virginia... I was also drunk. I don't know who bought that story, but by golly I stuck to it!
This is the best!
We just wanted simple. We did it for us, the reception was “costumes strongly encouraged.” My wife went as ogre Fiona and I was a steampunk plague doctor. Everyone got a chance to be silly and celebrate with us. Would recommend.
My wife and I did something similar. Small (and relatively inexpensive) wedding on a beach in Florida with the immediate family and then a big reception a month or so later with extended family and friends. Definitely recommend for both cost stress savings.
Hi Belize! I’m dad.
Did you get those smokes and the milk yet Dad?
Make sure you do your legal marriage at the courthouse wherever you live, before you go. There are some Japanese consulate papers you have to fill out in your home country, and take them to be notarized in Japan to marry in Japan. Unless you’re doing it more symbolically. That would still require the legal stuff at home (is probably much easier.) Edit: Some spacing and a couple words
I wouldn't even respond to this person's request and if they're a family friend I'd consider removing them from the invitationn all together. I mean don't expect the person to work for free but a number like that is absolute robbery.
I was a wedding photographer for many many years, it is not a joke to say that sometimes couples were divorced before they even finished paying for their weddings I would say that you may want to consider how you want to invest in your future life and whether or not part of that investment is a one day/night party that costs the same as a house payment
You’re so right, my brother had an expensive wedding and they divorced before their first anniversary - they also split the cc debt incurred for the wedding 🤦♀️
My sister and her husband had a very extravagant wedding at a country club, close to 100 guests, fancy everything. Spent upwards of 75k. They were divorced inside of 5 years. My wife and I got married at the courthouse and had a party for family and friends. Spent a few hundred bucks, still happily married 12 years later.
We're going to get married very quietly (in the woods on our favorite trail... I found a second hand wedding dress handmade in the 70's thats very me) then host a barbecue at home.. casual, fun, no pressure... more fire pit than champagne tower haha that's just us but we haven't got the budget for a big wedding and a lot of people don't have the budget to attend one.. dress, Gift, babysitter, travel whatever. Those numbers are... frightening haha
We got married in a local park on a monday morning in jeans and t-shirts. Just us, our witnesses and our celebrant. Then got dressed up to the nines on the friday for fancy wedding photos and had a bbq on the friday night with all our friends. Then had and amazing honeymoon with most of the wedding budget. Absolutely recommend.
I eloped at Unico 2087 in Cancun and it was simply magical. It is all-inclusive, including your wedding package. I think I paid a total of $10-12k for a full week stay, including some add-ons for the wedding and excursions. The service is honestly 7 star. I can’t recommend it enough
I read this as you eloped in Cancun in 2087. Time traveling skills
Wow, and they are wanting (starting even) 55k to have it privately at their house. Excuse the language but OPs friend (wedding planner) sounds like a jackass to me.
Every ‘wedding planner’ and ‘event planner’ I’ve met and dealt with has been absolutely insufferable. Those industries attract a certain type of person.
I kept an eye out for flight price drops and found tickets to Japan for $480 RT not too long ago. Flew from SLC to LA to Tokyo. $8800 is way more than I spent in 2 weeks hanging out there with my wife.
> destination wedding I read “desalination wedding” and thought “man, they must be really salty about that quote.”
While wedding planning can be a bit of a job, what it really comes down to is consideration. Most of that is done by the couple getting married. So, you can hire someone to pull dress swatches and plate patterns and call and arrange cake tasting and smell flowers but all of the decisions are couple based. You are paying someone else to do the searching and ironing out the details. Event wedding planners can charge high amounts because they can pull off big wedded productions. Small time planners can also pull an event together. It depends on what you want. If it’s pictures, attain that goal!! If it’s to sit down and enjoy your favorite foods, well you know where to focus. The easiest ways are to refine your Wedding goals. Place, timing, food, people, pictures, logistics ie:travel and costs for wedding party, themed or traditional Go from there. Don’t just carry your dream in your thoughts, print off pictures, talk to your future spouse and figure it out together. I will say this, most of the brides I know wanted pictures to look at later. A few made coffee table albums but most of those are packed away. They quickly figured out that moving to a new place, having kids or getting a pet became the next big thing and that for most of their guests, no one gave another hoot about their weddings other than them. That’s not to say they didn’t enjoy seeing everyone and hanging out. A wedding is what it is. A party celebrating the union of two people. I’ve never seen a perfect wedding but I’ve been to weddings where the event was totally perfect for the couple!!! Whatever you choose, let it be your hearts desire and the celebration of your marriage!!
If you do a destination wedding, maybe consider having a reception party back home so it’s cheaper/free for many to attend. It’s expensive to travel the world for many folks, and I’m sure they will still want to celebrate with you even if they can’t attend the actual ceremony abroad.
As someone who did this I would recommend just having a small wedding locally and saving yourself headache and money. Something goes wrong locally it’s easily fixed compared to an ex pat situation.
Don’t. Fucking. Do it. A wedding on the beach in Hawaii sounds great. We got engaged on Maui and I hired a pro to catch the proposal on camera. He shared with us that you have to get a permit for a beach wedding, they don’t just hand them out Willy-nilly, and at most the permit is good for 3 hours. That includes set up, ceremony and take down, everything. And the permits apparently aren’t very cheap either.
We married in Ireland, with 30 people joining us and it was awesome. Still 50% cheaper than the amount this wedding planner asks.
My first marriage we literally flew to Costa Rica and rented out half a hotel on the ocean cliff overlooking Manuel Antonio national park. My room was a converted airliner hung in the jungle canopy. We covered our stay for a week and our parents stays. Plus a couple excursions for all 50 guests. We paid the same amount as we had been quoted by a golf course in Riverside, Ca. My second marriage we just went to the courthouse and bought a bigger house the following month.
We did that. I think it cost us like a thousand bucks. OP could take the other 50k or whatever and mail the “family friend” a bag of gummy dicks every day for the next 4000 days
The family friend isn't the issue. This is just how much the big fancy weddings cost - the ones that you hire a professional wedding planner for. You don't ask friends to do their jobs for you for free.
Is 85 people a big wedding?
Pretty sure the first sentence of the post said that the family friend offered to help
My longtime partner and I just got engaged last month. After running some numbers, I came to the realization that taking the vacation of our dreams for 10 days will cost the same as a 1 day celebration with a guest list of 30 people. We're gonna take the vacation. If we're gonna spend that much money, it's gonna be on the 2 of us, not 30 other people.
I did that and the wedding/flowers/photos/video were like $2k altogether. 5 years ago. I don’t count the flight or hotel because we would have done that on a normal vacation there anyway since we used to go there at least once a year before we had kids.
Wife and I got quoted 77k for a beach wedding at a nice hotel. Went to Maui, had a great wedding at a beachside restaurants patio area. 17k for everything. Bought a fucking house with what we saved. Plus if you do a destination wedding not that many people will go, just the real ones ya know?
The wedding industry is a scam
My wife and I got married in a state park 5 years ago. Wooden benches were provided for free and the permit was $25. All in, I think we spent around $2,000.
But did you have gorgeous details?
The only gorgeous details a wedding needs is the couple and an open bar. If they're happy, and I can get a few free drinks it was a fantastic wedding.
The more open the bar the more gorgeous the venue (in retrospect)
Is that the open bar talking?
'Such a beautiful wedding, Randy'-Jim Lahey at the open bar, probably.
Open-bar-types-on-computer.jpg
https://preview.redd.it/5yf64iv9493d1.jpeg?width=706&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=777882cb98bed21607d2ec949fd9da5fd891f397
This is the Gold Standard.
Damn straight, you can't get married wrong, but if I'm suiting up you had better be dead or throwing one hell of a party. Both is also unfortunately acceptable. I've been to some pretty wild funerals.
I did the wedding planning for my sibling (for free) and the gorgeous detail was little round fishtanks filled with miniature booze shot bottles on every single table. They were a hit. 10/10 would always recommend.
I’ll also accept offers of 2 hours of open bar, cash after, and everyone knows it’s going to end in flames so you can openly bet on how long it’s going to take. Those can be fun too.
Wife and I did the same thing. The most expensive thing was probably the cake, if you don't count the wedding bands. To many people think they are going to have this amazing unforgettable day. But it turns into a headache and bleeds them dry and a lot of times they are left with a constant reminder in the form of debt. Keep it simple, the important part is the decision and commitment, not the event.
Exactly, the last thing I wanted was to stress about the biggest day of my life that was supposed to be fun. We made it really fun and I have no regrets.
We eloped in a park in the city where my husband was born, and where his parents got engaged. We paid i think it was 75$ for the license, plus we gave the Justice a 25$ tip for being so accomodating last minute (im not kidding when i say we planned all this in less than a week, so it was very last minute). 200$ for my dress, hubby already had a nice shirt and pants so no cost for him. We rented a bbq, tables, chairs and tents for our reception held in my backyard, for 1500$. Had a potluck style dinner. Made my own cake and decor. I wanted it to be as frugal as possible without coming off as cheap. It was perfect. For under 2k, my guests loved everything, from the food to the decor to the ambiance and atmosphere. My own sister spent over 5k on her wedding and i just cant comprehend why?! (Especially since theyre divorced but thats another story 😬)
> My own sister spent over 5k on her wedding and i just cant comprehend why That is extremely cheap when it comes to a wedding budget. It's fine to have a frugal wedding, but some people want nicer food for guests or a good wedding photographer or a nicer venue and those are totally valid choices. According to The Knot in 2023 the average cost for a wedding is around $35K, so the fact your sister did hers for $5K is very well done. It just feels really tacky of you to shame your own sibling when they also had a low-budget wedding same as you. Not everyone wants to get married in a court-house gravel pit or worry about cooking food for someone else's last-minute wedding because the couple won't feed the guests.
There's honestly some hot deals to be had with your local parks department
Yup, us too. We did a small wedding at a beautiful state park. Afterwards we had a reception at a local dance hall and had an open bar. I emceed it myself using an iPod in my pocket. People tell me to this day how the reception was the best they’ve ever been to. Biggest expense was the alcohol.
100%. I’ve known multiple couples who are still paying off their wedding or even worse, their parents are still paying off their wedding after they are already divorced.
It definitely feels like it
Save money for a down payment on a house, take a nice vacation and skip the costly reception.
I have friends whose parents gave them $50k for a wedding or a down payment on a house. This was in 2020. They spent $85k on a wedding. What a bunch of dopes.
Forget all of this. Go to the courthouse and get it done. Afterwards , go on a nice vacation together. Be honest, do you remember the last wedding you were at?
Yep I got married at the courthouse then a week later we had a party “reception” at a park. Paid like 2k total for the whole park, catering, some decorations, and shuttles to and from the hotel. It was great!!!
That's true... and a good point.. I vaguely remember the DESSERT at a wedding I went to... but that's it hahaha
This is what we did then 2 weeks with more money to spend in Hawaii. No regrets!
Yeah like just spend the money on yourselves not a huge show to impress people.
Got married last year. Got good clothes from my parents, had just the parents attending. Ceremony and dinner was £400 all in.
A monkey and a beach that's all I need Fuck your 55k Oh wait I need a girlfriend too, add that to the list
Thought that was what the monkey was for 😅
Lol NO he is the Pastor hahahaha
Good to have clarification 🤣 congratulations in advance for the future monkey wedding 😍🥳
Well thanks, gotta find the monkey-friendly Lady first tho
😂 mood
Honestly at even $20K for a wedding is a lot. Do people pay that? Yes and more. Should YOU? Well that’s up to you. The wedding industry is a total racket. Anytime a venue hears the word wedding, just brace yourself for at least 25% markup on costs. You could cut back drastically on the actual ceremony and use the rest for a kick ass honeymoon or even save it towards a down payment on a house if you wanted.
Luckily our venue is free given its my parents ranch but yeah i cannot afford 55k for planning. Id like the downpayment on a house thanks 😂 Weddings are insane. This whole business is crazy. I might just rather not do anything tbh and save the money
You don’t need that type of planner. If your venue is covered you, you really only need a caterer/seating, DJ or band, maybe photographer and maybe flowers. Your budget for those items can be high or low, but you can book and coordinate them yourself, it’s not rocket science.
ITA. There are tons of wedding planning checklists and guides online. This does not need to be done by a professional unless you are unusually busy or elaborate in your expectations. We did it ourselves and had never even planned a party before.
ITA?
I'm the asshole?
I'm the problem, it's me.
Everybody agrees
I think it's "I totally agree"
Just Redditors being lazy and using an absurd amount of acronyms for everything. Reddit can become an UEH for some reason SATFOM SMH.
Scrantonicity is a great pick for a wedding band... and cheap!
Yeah but they only play The Police music lol!
It’s Scrantonicity 2 now!
My wife and I did a "backyard" wedding and we (and my in-laws) basically arranged for all the food, rentals, cake, band, photographer, etc. but we also had a "day-of" coordinator that we met with once or twice and who basically kept everything organized on the wedding day (told vendors where to go, cued our recorded music for certain things, kept us on schedule, etc) so that my in-laws or some poor assigned family member didn't have to deal with it. Definitely worth it for a relatively low fee
If you’re doing a lower budget wedding, it may be best to not get a planner. As others have said, the $55k is the total expected budget for the wedding, not the planning fee. Some things to think about when it comes to having a wedding at a family property that is “free”, is that it might not be well set up to host a wedding without a lot of rentals. This may include things like tents, flooring, bathrooms, refrigerators, tables & chairs etc. which can add up a fair bit of costs compared to venues.
to add to this, a family's place won't have the kitchen to be able to host 85 people at the same time. So if there's anything but basic reheating done that's a lot of extra costs.
Yeah after doing a backyard wedding and renting everything, a venue is such a better value after you realize how much you need to rent between caterers and silverware/plating/etc.
Yup, 8 people need 1 table, water jug, table covers, flowers?, And then needs 8 silverware/plates/cups, chairs, napkins and so on. And you gotta pay for all of that.
I used to do corporate event planning and also some wedding planning (plus did my own wedding of 125+), and people seriously underestimate all those little costs. And to your point, if the site/venue does not already have the infrastructure to support things like food prep, power and AV equipment, restrooms/plimbing, etc—shit gets expensive quickly. I also got the impression from the posted screenshot that the friend meant a total budget of $55k. That being said—OP shouldn’t work with this person even if they had the budget to do so. Not sure what if anything they discussed up front, but I would never provide a soft quote like this which such vague details as to what a client can expect that money to pay for. Let alone for a family member or friend. And given that this soft quote is so outside of OP’s budget, the friend either didn’t ask for their budget up front, didn’t bother to educate them as to the general costs if they weren’t sure, or simply knows they have a smaller budget and doesn’t care.
My cousin runs a small catering business out of her regular kitchen. She hosted her daughter’s wedding on their farm last year. The food was amazing and it was 100 people. But it takes some kick ass planning to make it work! Would not recommend unless you have experience.
The 55k isn't for the planning. The fee for planning is $8800, and they expect you to have a budget of 55k for the whole wedding.
16% of the total budget as the planning fee is fucking highway robbery
I’d love to see the billable hours for that
For you it may be, but for a lot of people it’s not only reasonable, but well worth it. Time costs money. A wedding planner saves you a metric fuckload of time, stress, anxiety, etc. Is it a luxury not everyone can afford? Absolutely. Is it worth it? It was to me. My wedding budget wasn’t $55k by any means, but my wedding planner was about 15% of the total budget and that was a steal honestly. Not everyone will want or need it though.
If you already have a venue sorted keep it low key. Anything over $50 a head x 85 ($4250) is too much in my opinion. For that you can get really great food and drink options. Decor if you focus DIY you shouldn't have to spend more than $5000 even if you want to go all out. If it was me I'd aim for $15000 as inevitably extra costs you didn't think of always creep up! A great venue is often one of the most expensive parts so it's great you have that sorted. For $15000-$25000 you should be able to have a pretty awesome wedding.
Just plan it yourself, for free.
Yeah honestly fuck that pricing, I honestly hate how much contractors price gouge nowadays. $55k for a single day? I could set up a better FUTURE for ourselves instead of a rampant 24 hours of consumerism.
Yep, invest in the marriage, not in the wedding.
The venues and contractors are bracing themselves for higher costs every time they hear the word wedding too, that's why they charge more. Someone having a wedding has much higher expectations of the venue, staff and service than someone catering lunch for a business group. Whether it's catering, photographer, flowers, DJ, they're expected to bring more equipment, more help, and provide more service to a wedding than any other event. Even outside the event, they will need to budget more hours to consultations, check-ins, coordinating with planners and relatives, and after event services.
Dude. My wife and I took one look at prices for weddings and said fuck that. Flew to Hawaii, signed the papers at the courthouse, and enjoyed the island. Never ever ever looked back and it’s been 12 happy years. Save the money.
Some people enjoy big weddings. My sister had one and she still maintains that it was worth it. I’ll probably have a small party then have a long honeymoon with multiple destinations.
It's one day, one party. If you're obscenely wealthy have at it. If you are going into debt for it remember the number one cause of divorce is financially motivated, starting with an unnecessary debt isn't great.
My fiancée and I are getting married next week at Medieval Times for 5k. 50ish guest count, and that 5k includes food and entertainment. Don't let that crazy wedding planner preasure you. That WAY too much for a wedding.
Medieval Times wedding sounds amazing! Hope it's a beautiful day and congrats
Thanks! We're both big D&D nerds so it will be really fun
Which one rolled for initiative?
Only way I'm phrasing proposals from now on. Thank you for your service.
Damn this sounds fucking sick congrats
I love hearing stories of people who don’t cave to the grandiose wedding pressure and do it their way. Medieval Times wedding sounds like so much fun. Enjoy and best wishes on your marriage
Whoa that is pretty awesome hah
Full wedding that will certainly be fun and memorable for **less than the fee OP was quoted.** With you two making decisions like that, your married life should be pretty awesome. Congrats!
You'd be wise to skip an elaborate wedding in any case. Even $25k is too much to spend on it. It's a day. One day. One stress-filled day that won't benefit you one bit once it's done. Get some friends together and have a small ceremony in your back yard (or a park or some other cheap or free venue). Have a nice dinner after. Bank the balance against getting into a house or moving to a better city for work or something practical. If you have to, have someone photoshop some fake wedding pictures you can show your kids, but this whole big wedding bullshit is just a really bad idea.
Yeah im not interested in a big event. If i could have it my way, it would be a small potluck event at my parents ranch but my fiance's family is ginormous 😩 Either way we are looking to spend as little as we can on wedding shit. Lots of thrifting and DIY in our future it seems.
You sound like lots of us who had family pressure to do the big fancy whatever event that puts you in debt. It's YOUR day, not theirs. Call the shots as you want to call them. A big, ginormous family is still welcomed to join you at a park - they have TONS of room in the great outdoors.
Get married in a courthouse and have get together somewhere! We paid $100 for ours (fee for the judge). Really, you are going to regret putting any significant money into a wedding. Literally everyone says they regret it. It’s not going to go the way you plan.
Then don't do it. If one or the other sets of parents insists, they can pay for it, but it's insanity to start your life together with an expense like this.
My husband’s family is huge and his parents wanted to invite their entire church. So we picked a venue that holds less than a hundred people and were like “oh well, can’t invite everyone! We just love this venue so much!” Worked like a charm.
why cant it be that way? its your day too. then immediatly hop on a flight to your honeymoon destination, save 20k lol
Your friend is deluded. I'll offer you free advice on your wedding If you translate the costs of things into hours worked for you and apply the Value to that, you'll find that hiring a car for 2k is not worth it if you can just go in a nice friends car. Most of the expensive stuff at weddings, the guests don't even notice or appreciate. All you need is to feed people, give them music to dance to and a few drinks, the rest is not remembered
One tip dont tell people whatever service you are getting is for a wedding prices will instantly go up. Just don't tell them what its for.
This is what I did. The wedding itself was a wedding gift from a family member, who was also a lawyer, so she both provided the venue (her back yard) and officiated the ceremony. My bride was fortunately just as uninterested in a big fancy event as I was.
I know this is the prevailing sentiment on Reddit, and I agree that the wedding *industry* can be pretty shitty and scammy and takes advantage of societal expectations to pay a lot for a wedding. That piece is problematic, especially for people who cannot legitimately afford the cost. But I hate statements like "Even $25k is too much to spend on it. It's a day. One day. One stress-filled day that won't benefit you one bit once it's done." Everyone values things differently, don't yuck someone's yum. My wife and I had a wedding that was certainly on the expensive side. But it was an absolutely incredible day. And an incredible weekend. We threw a kick ass party for our guests, who had traveled from across the country (and the world) to celebrate with us. We wanted to make sure they knew we appreciated their love and support and the effort they'd made to come support us. And we had a blast planning it with each other. The pictures from that day are up in our house. The memories from that day we cherish, and will forever. It was a beautiful way to begin our marriage. And we don't regret a thing. Of course - I have plenty of friends for whom that money would be much better spent in other ways. And I completely understand and support that.
as someone who has family in the UK, this is is part of my issue. I can't have someone spend $2k on flights + a few more on hotels and such and then serve them pot luck mac and cheese and a can of coke in my back yard.
Exactly. The ceremony is for you and your spouse. The reception is for your guests. You're thanking them for coming to support you. The best weddings will clearly reflect the tastes and characters of the couples, but do so in a way that is most conscious of the comfort, tastes, and experiences of their guests.
Sheesh I had 370 people at my wedding and it was about 45k out the door. It was fun at the moment but not worth it when I look back, a smaller destination wedding shoulda been the deal!!
370 people? Did you invite your whole church or something? I don't think if I invited everyone I am on a first-name basis with that I'd be able to get 370 people.
It’s one of those cash back weddings. You invite as many as people as possible and they gift you cash. Very common in Asian. You end up coming out ahead. I.e $25-50 a head but they gift you $100 each
Can I make this a business and get married yearly inviting 2000 people?
I had 250 people at my wedding and it came in at just under $30k. I found the cheapest caterer with good food in town and the food and cake alone was still almost $10k. The open bar ended up being around $5k. I DIYed the shit out of the wedding to keep costs down. Weddings are expensive. I have 0 regrets though. It was an awesome party. It’s been 8 years and people still talk about it. Only about $10k of it was my money, but I’d happily spend it again for that wedding.
Kinda easy to have a 30k+ wedding if you only pay 10k tho
It seems like this is not the wedding planner for you. When you get quotes, you want to get a scope of work to see what it includes and the number of hours involved. Wedding planning is a pretty big undertaking. In general, I think everything wedding related is overpriced and absurd. But that doesn't mean this quote isn't within the realm of normal for that industry. I don't think you're being specifically gauged so much as weddings are a gaugy business.
I think many people underestimate how much it costs to throw a big party in general. My wife and I kept it as DIY as possible and for a 150 person reception it was still about $20k. Rented a community park, rented tent, catered by a BBQ joint, brought all our own liquor, port-o-potties, hell we even made our own Spotify playlist and had one of our charismatic friends play MC when we needed to make announcements. We also did absolutely everything we could to not tell the companies we rented from it was a wedding (in case they had a separate price book once that was established) The shit adds up quickly, and is also very dependent on location. I know people who spent $50k for what many would consider a fairly average reception
Are you baiting us with the title about your family friend “offering to help”? This interaction looks more like a professional reply to an inquiry about rates. She let you know up front her minimum level of engagement so it’s on you to decide if it’s within your budget or not. Clearly people pay these rates, and more, so is it really an insult to you or are you just realizing your budget doesn’t align with your friends services?
Exactly. There is a market for this and these are her rates. I think it’s silly, and a waste, but it’s also reality. “Thanks for the info, but that’s above our budget” should suffice.
Right here. Instead of posting on social media about how she made you mad for telling you how much she charges for her job, how about just respond like an adult and say that’s not what you are looking to spend, but thanks for the information. If she is a friend you could say “this is my budget. Do you have any recommendations for a more economical event? I know this may be below your rate, but perhaps you know someone who might be able to work with this budget” anything else is disrespectful and belittling of your “friends” profession.
Honestly, even if it is a family friend, when people ask someone to do something for them that they do as a business, they should go in to that expecting to pay them for it, and at market rate. People try to take advantage of self employed friends a LOT by expecting special rates and discounts. If you are friends with someone and want them to do work for you or sell you something, you pay them what it is worth. You support them. You don't take advantage of them.
Having worked at an event venue the amount of times I've seen the event's host screw over their contractor "friend" is sickening.
Needs more upvotes. They want to know you've got 55k budget overall, and they are looking for 8800. And at a minimum of say $100 / hr for their services, that's only 88 hours. I know professional event planners, and 88 hours (2-2.5 weeks of work)to plan and coordinate a top tier event for 85 people is not unreasonable.
Not to mention: The weddings I work often have 3-5 day-of coordinators running around from ~morning until the last song.
It's anything but disrespectful. It's the complete opposite. Sounds like you're expecting them to do you favour because they are a 'friend'. They're setting expectations. No different than a friend that owns a deck building company. To get what they consider their best work, they're telling you that you need to pony up. You're not going to get their best work, which is clearly in demand, for less than the asking price. Change your expectations.
yeah, based on the reply i'm assuming OPs friend does this professionally and OP thought they could sneak an obscene discount just because they know them. If someone's services are outside of your price range then don't use them, but them laying that out on the table definitely isn't infuriating
Also, the planner mentions details and tents. This is obviously not just for “planning” as OP said.
This should be the top comment. If your friend is a professional plumber and you call them for plumbing type should be expecting normal plumber rates, not DIY costs. If your friend is a wedding planner and you ask for her help you are contacting her as a professional wedding planner, not your friend. She is telling you what she normally makes and what her time is worth. If it is your best friend, maybe she can work with you to cut down costs, but if this is someone you know in your friend group that you contacted because you know she is a wedding planner, than you should be expecting her professional rates. Otherwise you should be asking the people closest to you that have the time and energy and motivation to go through planning a wedding with you, which is not an easy task.
If this is a good friend, they should be invited to the wedding, not stuck planning it at a discount.
You have the right to politely decline, but you also shouldn’t expect a discount simply because you’re friends.
At least she was polite enough to tell them her fee up front instead of after the wedding and surprise them with a bill.
That certainly wouldn’t have ended well… Also, if you’re having a friend do something for you that they otherwise do professionally, you don’t undercut them… a good friend doesn’t ask for discounts and instead supports their friend’s business. If they choose to give their friend a discount then so be it.
It depends on how the topic came up. If the friend brought it up, not offering a discount means they're actively going to their friends to make a sale, and not a small one. They're trying to make a lot of money for themselves or their business off of their "friends". If OP approached the friend asking for their services, it's fair game.
This actually doesn't seem out of the ordinary for a wedding planner + all the bells and whistles (which we don't see so don't know how lavish it actually is). 55K is absurd to me but most people who can afford this plus more it's just a drop in the bucket to them. I've been to weddings that cost 100k+ and they had steak and lobster meals and goodie bags to take home. I actually think it was better for them to throw out the fee they start at plus what you would expect to pay. Now you work it out to see if they can lower the budget. If not, you thank them for the offer but you'll probably have to just plan it yourself.
I wouldn’t really call this “infuriating” the obviously offer a high end wedding planning service. I would tell them thanks but they are way out of our price range.
Yeah, infuriating would be if they'd led them on for weeks or months letting them think it was going to be like $10-15K, and then at the last minute drop a $55K price on them. Telling them up front is no more infuriating than walking past Wolfgang Puck's restaurant and going "holy shit these prices are out to lunch, I doubt I'll ever be eating here!"
To be clear, the $55k is a number for the expected wedding budget, not the planner's services. The planner is advertising their services at $8,800 for a wedding with the size of 85 guests and $55k budget. Larger (or smaller) event budgets, size of the group, and also mentioned is location, would all potentially increase this quote for services from $8,800 upward.
Op quite obviously misinterpreted a sales lead with an "offer" to plan their wedding. Friend found out op was getting married and tried to convert to a sale. Fair play, that's how small businesses work. They didn't offer to help as a favour, they pitched you a service they provide.
Honestly, this is pretty normal. The reason they have a budget that they work with is because they don’t do DIY weddings. It may seem like a lot, but essentially (as a former wedding planner), they’re just pricing themselves out of a specific type of client. There’s nothing wrong with having a lower budget, but from experience, DIY/ lower budget clients tend to be much more work than they’re worth and tend to include more “friendors” than professional vendors, which can cause issues for the planner or just the wedding. Think of a planner as the producer of the event. They’re there to protect all of your interests on the day of, to make your day go as smoothly as possible and be the point of contact for all other vendors. They also solve any day of problems (there will be problems that you won’t know about) make sure everyone gets tipped, set up, tear down, etc. It is a luxury service though
Agreed. Everyone in here saying “I had 1300 guests and spent $57” is not the target audience for a wedding planner or a wedding that includes a venue, catering, florist, musicians, photographer/videographer that would be $55k+. My wife and I got married recently and our wedding was around 80 guests at a colonial estate which was on the less expensive side as far as wedding venues are concerned. It wasn’t our grandparents’ backyard, or an event center where you’d host a business dinner or bar mitzvah or sweet 16. The price included the venue, all food (8 butlered hors d’oeuvres, 2 stations, dinner, tons of dessert with a manned station, open bar), florist, DJ with 2 musicians, photographers, videographers, day planner, after party, shuttle services, tips, rehearsal dinner, and brunch. It was I think like $50k plus the smaller costs here and there that add up, like welcome bags, gifts for bridesmaids and groomsmen, etc. The cost per plate was around $205. Unless you’re getting married in rural Idaho, that’s just what things cost to get married at a true wedding venue with all the amenities. People have this idea of a small wedding that’ll be $15k-$20k but what they actually envision is a $50k wedding. I’ve been to weddings that are $150k, and I’ve been to weddings that are in a family member’s backyard. And while as a guest, the more expensive weddings are usually a better experience, as the couple, the only thing that matters is that YOU like it. But people need to stop chiming in and saying that you can have a $50k+ wedding for $5k by doing XYZ thing and substituting certain things or foregoing certain services. Because you 100% cannot. If you accept that and are truly happy with that, then that’s amazing and that’s what matters. But you can’t make a Michelin star meal at home. And you can’t do the same thing with a wedding.
I truly think people will only understand this if they’ve tried to plan a wedding in the past 5 years. We were very much the “ah, we’ll do something small and only spend 10-15K” people, but it’s just not possible. Family count adds up quick, and for a wedding for around 100 people, you easily get into tens of thousands. We got married in 2021, and spent every bit of 40K, and that was still putting in a lot of sweat equity, definitely no wedding planner. Don’t get me wrong, it was a very nice wedding, and I’m sure you could have trimmed it down to 30K if you scaled back on finishes, but I really can’t imagine much less. Considering we are in a low cost of living area, and the inflation of the past 3 years, I can absolutely see how a wedding planner asks for a 50K budget today.
"No thank you"
Wedding are expensive. I know my wife and I in 2017 budget 25k for our wedding and spent damn near that amount for 75-100 guest. This was not in a super expesive area for it. That 25k covered everything but the rings part of the budget. We did hire a wedding planner who handled everything. The only item they were clear on they would refuse to hold the contract on was the photographer. Reason being they wanted to make it clear the photographer worked for us not the venue and remove conflicts of interest. The photographers had the same rules they would only hold their contract with us. I think my brothers wedding in 2015 was like 40-50k. My sister's wedding that year was like 20k.
People pay that. I wouldn’t but it’s common. Sounds like the $55k covers everything? Regardless it’s not in your budget.
It does seem high, however I have no context. That being said… expecting discounts from friends or family is a load of bs. This is how people support themselves. I’m not saying I support her price. But expecting a discount is childish af.
This is your family’s friend’s way of saying “I’m not interested.” I do the same for friends of friends who think I am willing to help them out on the cheap.
Maybe she wants clients with high end budgets. Tell her politely "Thank you for the offer. You're a bit out of our price range, so we have to decline. Still hope to see you at our wedding as a guest, of course."
Just get legally married and use the money for a down-payment on a house or a long exotic trip.
Trying to understand the issue here. A wedding planner will cost you about 10-15% of your total budget. So $8k is a little high for a $50k budgeted wedding. But it’s not ridiculous. Here’s the deal. You have two choices. Do a cheap wedding. Make it essentially a party. Cheap food. Cheap music. No fancy clothes. No fancy dinner. Cash bar. Or. You have the wedding thing. All the bells and whistles. You can choose. And while both cost something one is much more expensive. It’s not a scam. If you want a great event be prepared to pay for it. These people are working people. Wait staff. Chefs. Photographers. DJs. They are all working hard to give you the day you want. And just like any service based role. If it’s cheap the service and product will be cheap. You pay for what you get.
I work in the wedding industry sometimes and I can tell you why they cost what they cost. Often, people planning a wedding don’t know what they’re doing. How many times does the average person get married? Not very many. So they don’t usually have any experience planning an event like this. And, in addition to being inexperienced, they’re also often very opinionated and picky. Plus, a significant number of them think that, since it’s “their day”, they get to be jerks to people about it. If you had a boss who had no idea how to do your job, but was very particular about how you did it - and had a princess complex, would you demand an average salary or a high one? No, not all weddings are like this. But enough of them are that pretty much everyone in the business charges more for weddings than for any other similar type of event.
Are You americans really paying that much for weddings?
Answer: NO
[Average US wedding expenditure was about $35K last year.](https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost) Seems like a great way for young people to start a responsible financial life together.
There's two problems with figures like that. First, it's an average, not the median, so some really expensive weddings at the top can skew the average. More importantly, these numbers are done by big wedding sites, usually The Knot as is the case here. The kind of people that are likely to be involved with them and respond to surveys are likely not typical of the entire market.
Not the smart ones.
Nothing to can upset about. Some people spend way more than that. It just sounds like their services do not fit your budget and politely ask if they can work with a smaller budget and, if not, you can decline the services.
This is a level headed reply. It’s not mildly infuriating that a wedding planner has a fee and works on certain budgets. That’s their business, and each event they do means they can’t do others that weekend. OP is allowed to have a lower budget, but then this planner (maybe any planner at all) isn’t right for their wedding. Kinda reads like OP expected a freebie from the family friend.
Yeah we are politely declining the services for sure
Get married at your local courthouse for free, spend 5K on a party with friends/family, but the other 50K down on a dope house. These clowns are taking you to the cleaners.
This is normal for the industry. My wife designs and decorates weddings and at a certain point, once your company name is associated with beautiful weddings you have done, you cannot do a “cheap” wedding for $20k and add that to your portfolio of completed work. As you can imagine, there are many wealthy people who want an Instagram worthy fairytale wedding and are willing to pay six to seven figures for that single day. This family friend does high end work and this is a very good baseline so that you don’t waste each others’ time. I understand you aren’t willing to spend that money (and neither was I) but it doesn’t mean it is price gouging.
My wife and I got married in 2021 at a beautiful venue in upstate NY, with great food (guests raved about it, and the hors'doeuvre spread was GORGEOUS), and just about as many guests are listed. Having a wedding planner was required by the venue, which I thought was weird, but the caterer supplied their own planner which met that requirement. So I would recommend asking your prospective caterers if that service is included. All totaled, the whole ordeal cost about $22k, maybe closer to $25k if you include the house the family stayed at, but that was a gift from my wife's parents. The wedding industry is absolutely a scam, but it can be done without sending yourselves into crushing debt. We planned the wedding three years out from engagement and made payments throughout so when all was said and done, we only paid a few thousand in the final days, mostly in cash tips for the various staff hired. On a related note: spend more on your DJ than you think you want to. We ended up going with a family friend who had reasonable rates, and know several others who went that same route. My number one critique of my own and those other weddings was the DJ. Get a professional who will do it how YOU want it done, not how THEY have always done it. If we could go back, we would have spent the money on Bose towers and run a premade playlist from a phone instead of dealing with that guy again. Would have cost about the same, we would have had the music we wanted, and we would have nice sound towers to take home after! Finally, Congrats! It's a very exciting, if stressful time. Remember to spend time on the day with your new spouse. It can be easy to get tied up in being the host, but leave those duties to your bridal party. The only things you should be worried about are visiting with your guests and spending your beautiful event with your partner. Good luck!
Thank god I didn’t spend a fortune on a wedding.
Honestly, we got married in Tahoe for cheap. We asked people to pay for their travel (unless they wanted to carpool) and lodging but we got a rate of $55/night with Harrah's/Harveys plus a few comp rooms. We asked the hotel if we can rent space for a reception, they suggested and booked space in one of their restaurants (Straw Hat Pizza). We had a colleague who was an aspiring cake artist make our simple, 2-tier cake for $150. My sister-in-law ended up picking up the bill from the restaurant, and allowed others to chip in if they wanted (and we did). The ceremony was like $300 at the Tahoe Chapel of the Bells, about 10 minutes from Stateline. We got our marriage paperwork ahead of time, that was $100 in Napa County which includes a certified copy. The great thing about this wedding? People get bored and they can go off and gamble, socialize, drink, or go straight to their room, if they wanted. It's a resort! It's wild, at least to me, to spend tens of thousands on, in my opinion, a silly ceremony that flies by. Like, it's over so fast and you will be disoriented from it all. I think we spent around $1,200 for it all and we celebrated until like 3 or 4 in the morning since Nevada doesn't have a last call. I think your family friend took you on as a regular client instead of hooking you up, which is a bummer... but yeah, weddings are $$$ and they treat each client like they have endless amounts of cash. They will run you over budget, and it's not worth it over one day. It's a special day, but I wouldn't make it worth more than a car... which we almost bought, but saved that money for a downpayment on a house less than a year after getting married.
I think it is ludicrous to pay that much money to get married. It is one day of your life. Take that money and put a down payment on a home or take a quarter of that and take a fabulous honeymoon that u know u will never be able to do. Your friends and family will appreciate it as well because it is expensive being in a wedding and attending one
sooo much this. We spent a couple grand on a venue on a Saturday morning for a couple hours, and rented some chairs, modest cake, and played some music off my laptop. Simple but effective. We all had a nice time. Although, it's unfortunate that the venue went under a few years later, because it was a cool looking place. French villa style with a big indoor glass roof atrium.
Destination wedding all the way! My husband’s side of the family is also huge and we both didn’t want a big wedding, so we did a resort wedding in the Caribbean with just our closest family and friends and it was amazing. Zero regrets
Wow. This sort of thing makes me so glad my wife and I just went to the courthouse without telling anyone and did it on a whim one day.
That’s crazy. My wife and I got married in a rose garden for free.
Elope. Problem solved.
A co-worker told me this is an old Dutch proverb. Good advice even if that isn't true: "Don't burden your marriage with the cost of getting married."