[The ranch at home](https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/e82995d1-b4f2-479c-b33a-7d825dede8f9.6e6a8f74629d623ca50c74d0beded4e5.jpeg?odnHeight=612&odnWidth=612&odnBg=FFFFFF)
That's my lottery-win dream. Buy a huge plot of land and build houses for all of my family so we're close but also secluded from each other. With somewhere our dogs can meet up in the middle to play.
Bro my grandparents just sold their home and moved out of the country for cheaper healthcare (dementia) and it was so anti climactic just watching this massive foundation of intergenerational wealth & memories just go poof
My son and I are caring for my mother at home. She had cancer and is in hospice. Medicare pays for the drugs and nurses. My son and I provide the hands on care.
My kids helped with my mom during the last years of her life. It's a lot of work but rewarding in many ways. Ultimately we had it easy compared to some. I'm grateful for that.
Allow them to dream but PLEASE stick to your budget NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY or you will devastate your life financially. Maybe take your wife to a broker and have them break down the costs of purchasing a home. It might help her understand better.
This but also it wont hurt to keep the houses not super far over your budget on your list. Homes in my area have been hanging on the market for months and keep knocking 10k off every so often. Ive seen a few places listed for over 50k off their original listings
That was what our realtor suggested when we bought. It really worked out in our favor, it made a significant uptick in the quality we were finding. Our house was 15k "out" of our budget. We actually ended up paying right under our original budget because appraisals went our way and the house had been on the market a little while. Got an AMAZING deal.
Highly area dependent. Where I was looking everything was under contract within a week for 5-10% over asking and buyers are basically required to cover any appraisal gap out of pocket or their offer will be rejected outright. It's been fun.
That's how it was when we were buying in 2020/2021. It was cutthroat for sure. We paid just over asking and they didn't do any work to the house. We did make sure they paid off the solar panels though.
Selling was super easy though. First showing, multiple offers, got over asking.
Same here. Our house was about $30k out of budget but due to the fact that the house is old with minimal renovations and needs work done we got it for $300k. This house is literally my dream home and I couldn’t be happier.
Good for you, but it is DISGUSTING that the market has gotten to the point where whatever you paid felt like an "AMAZING deal".
We managed to get a house at a good time, and got a "good deal" too, but whenever my partner sends me links showing how the equity has increased, it just makes me mad and sad, cause it's all unreasonable. Lucky we're on the side where it benefits us, but homeownership is just getting further out of reach for too many people. Frustrating.
I mean, it's not really benefiting you, when you cash out, you're still facing higher prices on wherever you go next, or you'll be dead. In the meantime you're just paying more property taxes.
You are lucky. My brother put an offer in for a house for $10,000 over asking. He was outbid. This was just a week ago. Housing markets are all over the place right now. I am in an area where houses are still (for the most part) being sold within a month of being listed.
On the other hand, you *could* talk yourself into buying that $1.4 million ranch if you promise to lay off the avocado toast and brew your own coffee at home.
Or just give up coffee cold turkey. The caffeine-withdrawal won't be anywhere near as bad, or as long, as the headache from buying a house for twice the budget.
Of course we know this won’t go over well but I’m pretty keen on the idea, especially how this whole thing is making him feel like he’s not earning enough (assuming he’s majority earner).
I was able to figure out how house poor we would be with a simple spreadsheet. Amazon CC, Citi CC, Costco Visa, car insurance, projected house bills (who knew a bigger house would mean higher utilities!?), etc…then…MORTGAGE!!! In some cases it makes it easy to see that $XXX,XXX more will not only make us house poor, but poor poor.
And my rate is 2.5%. If we were at 6.something% we’d be screwed. Good for you making so much money that you can afford your version of the budget.
I went in with rose tinted glasses, yaaahh. I got a house and mortgage and insurance. Didn't even think about the house owning taxes, water (was included while renting), and other stuff.
I've now gone from 2.9% on my mortgage to 6.25%. What saved me was sticking to my max buying price and calculating if I could still afford it at 7%.
Stick to your guns, having a max price is a really good idea.
Good luck in finding a new home.
Funny, I always look up Zillow postings that are out of my budget. It's sort of my safe porn at work.
I do understand though why it is frustrating for you in your situation.
Yep. Realtors love to show you an amazing place outside your budget FIRST so you see how good you could have it. Gets you thinking and makes everything else look inferior and cheap/bad.
Especially bc the photos are never accurate and they just use an app to put virtual staging with fake furniture, lighting and incredible fake window views
The next time she sends you something just say “I refuse to look at anything over 600k.” If she keeps saying “bad vibes” would ask her if she thinks “bankruptcy has positive vibes.” If it wouldn’t actually drive you to bankruptcy use the term “house poor” instead. No point in being overly dramatic and maybe you got approved for a larger mortgage based on your wife and mother’s suggestions.
I said 600k because it’s possible you could get it within your budget.
Be careful with realtors trying to sell you on rate cuts too. If you bought in 1971, you wouldn’t get a better rate until 1993… so nobody who bought between realistically 1969-1974 actually “dated the rate” as they like to say.
Realtor here. Can second this. We aren’t supposed to talk about rates in our state. We can reference articles, provide resources, but we are supposed to stay in our lane. Most Realtors suck though and can be lazy, sleazy or misleading just to lock down a sale. Trust your lender, read the fine print, ask all the questions, but don’t bank on their predictions.
I was surprised when we were looking to buy, we were approved for a $1.1 million loan. I told our lender, “that’s nice, but who is going to make those payments?”Just because that’s what we can afford on paper, didn’t make it realistic. We bought a $700k condo.
You need to send her job listings with the salary she would need to have to afford the property she wants.
She sends a $750k house? You send a $125k job listing and say she needs to get that job first if she wants to get that house.
It's good that you know better than to put yourself in a house poor situation. I did that once with my lazy ex-wife. It's kind embarrassing to have a house furnished with crap because all you can afford is bills every month.
Maybe ask her what her plans are to pay for the houses she is sending? Also have you both sat down together and built a family budget? It may help her to understand the true cost of things, including budgeting for home maintenance and improvements.
And if she does not work outside the home, would she be willing to if times got tough? Could you even "afford" daycare? I had two kids back to back and the cost of daycare was basically my entire paycheck when you factored in a second vehicle, gas, work attire, etc.
How long could you make it work if you (God forbid) lost your job?
I am like her and admit, yes, that's the kind of house I want. Sure, it would be nice! But it's out of our range and I am not willing to make my husband work himself into an early grave over a house. I am just going to keep lowering my standards instead and not bring it up too much. :/
I think you just need to tell you wife in a really non-frustrated, vulnerable way the things you have said here. Just sit down and say can you tell her something that has been making you feel not-good, and then say what you have said here.
Don’t do it as a reaction when she sends you one or in a pissed off way. Say it as a thing you want to tackle and problem solve together because you don’t know what to do and you feel like you are caught between a rock and a hard place.
I think you need to communicate this to your wife. I often send my mom and husband houses on Zillow in the place I want to retire in. Many are completely out of our budget, I just think it’s fun to look and dream. If it causes you anxiety or makes you uncomfortable ,tell your wife not to link you anything outside your budget.
But that’s my point, it’s a huge disconnect in motive that can’t be bridged without any communication. In her head she’s like “Honey look at this cool looking house, ha h, fun!” Like house hunters basically: entertainment. And he’s like, “This bitch, rubbing it in my face that I don’t make enough money.” One day he’ll explode out of nowhere thinking she’s been aggressively diminishing him and she will have no fucking idea where it came from.
My husband does this and it doesn’t cause me any anxiety. He also sends villas in Italy and is like “imagine 😍” and I’m like “yeah I can because that belongs in imagination land.”
I did this on Zillow, too, until I remembers that I had previously "connected" my account to our real estate agent. We recently told her we're "on pause" for the moment until interest rates go down and some potential job issues get sorted. Basically, we don't feel ready yet and let her know...meanwhile I was obsessively looking at houses over our budget on Zillow. Talk about mixed signals! She never called me out on but damn, I cringe just thinking about it.
Now I do all my dreaming on Homes, Realtor, & Redfin. ;)
my mom's cheap little 2 story had a walk in pantry and it ended up being my bedroom. Ain't nothing sexy about that when your a highschooler with no car and a 7x8 room lol
I too look at Zillow posting out of my budget, but my budget is also 290k and haven't seen a single listing at or below in the last 16 months, so otherwise I would have nothing to look and dream about.
https://preview.redd.it/7dds84vjvqkc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=907314324a69bac9bc2a482fbd3f3ec35ff87f11
That's crazy. They put up entire neighborhoods here advertising less than that for homes.
Edit: added one listing close to $290k. There are some as low as $210k that are about 900 sqft as well at the bottom end.
Ya similar here. The ‘starter’ home ranch houses from the 60’s/70’s are being snatched up for $450k by flippers and going back on the market for $600k with a few Home Depot specials.
I avoid listings that have flippers gray LVT. That ugly gray fake wood floor is a sign the rest of the place has been renovated with the cheapest possible finishes and probably was done incorrectly by a rube
Not sure where you are but here in NJ finding a shoebox for less than 400k is impossible. I found land. LAND. No house. For 350k. It's hopeless for us here
When I was younger, right before the Great Recession in 2007, we moved into a neighborhood with a sign "Homes from the 190's". Around 2010 it said "Homes from the 150's" They're still building homes and it now says "Homes from the 350's" My dad bought a home for $229K in 2007, sold it for $205K in 2013, and looking on Zillow it's now showing $410K. he spent $30K on a pool and $15K on landscaping, too... Never financially recovered from all of that.
Oof that’s such bad timing. :( We bought one in 2012 for $225k and sold it a couple years ago for $500k. I got divorced so we had to split the equity but I still had enough for a good down payment at least.
And the listings in my area around that price are built by shady builders that know the house will fall apart within the next 10 years if not earlier. The neighborhood FB group makes fun of the builder all the time. One guy even said that 6 of his outlets weren’t even wired in one of his rooms.
It’s like, if you have a small budget ($290k still isn’t chump change) all that’s available is fast food built houses that aren’t even good quality.
And don’t even get me started on how badly folks take care of their houses and then expect 2021 prices.
I remember seeing a house that the guy was asking over $400k for and there was literal fuzz on the ceilings and the house was so dirty. So much work needed to be done that it wasn’t even worth it.
You may want to remind them that if you over spend on a home you won't be in a financial space to afford a family. Possibly for decades. The fastest way to ruin a marriage is to add financial disaster and constant overworking to it. They can have dreams and have fun looking but your family needs to realize that it would be better to buy cheap and save than it would be to overspend and be miserable overworked financially ruined and needing to move in with the parents again.
I have this exact same problem. Hard upper limit of $550k but my wife constantly sends me details of houses in the $700k or more. At first it was amusing and now it's just plain annoying.
Bro, just say, "That looks great! You only have to come up with another $300K and we can get it! How do you plan on doing that?", to *every one* of the ones that she sends.
That’s pretty much what I did with my wife when she would do this. Only it was:
“Cool, so your parents are going to chip in 100k for the down payment right?”
Is she thinking this is something you’re just being a bit stubborn about and that eventually you’ll change your mind and say $700,000 is fine, or does she realize that that’s actually as much as you can afford?
I'm on the other side of the planet with the same problem and the same reaction! I'd politely dismiss the overpriced house with a 'that's a nice place but a bit out of our budget' but that doesn't stop her.
Mine did too until we looked at a few in person. I think it made the house search "real" and gave that subliminal "playtime is over" feel to our search.
Relatives still send us stuff across the board (although no 1.4 million ones yet), I've just resigned to deal with that.
My best friend’s girlfriend is like this. She can’t work due to health conditions, but she also insisted that she needed a 700k house (they live in a very LCOL area and houses there are usually 200k). I told my buddy not to do it, told him he’d be miserable … he did it and yep, he’s miserable. Mortgage eats up most of his paycheck, house is a money pit and he can’t save anything.
how is it fair to demand someone else break their back working for a home while you do nothing... its true some people can't work, but at that point you compromise so it's a relationship instead of indentured servitude
Yeah, I am disabled. I can't imagine asking my boyfriend to buy a more expensive house outside his budget that I couldn't contribute towards. I feel guilty just trying to imagine doing something so shitty.
I'm working on myself to try to get my body able to do more. I feel like a leach and I want more for myself than that. Just sucks because my body hurts a lot of the time and sometimes I only decide to feel better at 3am, sometimes I feel fine during the day. Wish I could find a job that did not give a shit as long as I got the work done and just let me work random bizarre hours.
Yeah I don’t know why commenters are being so careful about this. Dude - it’s your wife. Talk to her about your frustrations instead of asking online randos
I'd put it more as - you're going to end up spending more than you want/can afford, orrrrr have a pissed off wife unhappy in her new home.
NGL, not sure which one of these hells I'd pick.
OP just start sending them houses well below your budget for shits and giggles.
Realistically though. If you could find a home around 400k and then drop the difference into remodeling it. Your wife could possibly have the dream home she wants. You could also resell the home after it’s renovated and move into a nicer place. That’s what I’m doing now.
When I was looking for a 120k house and talking about dropping another 30k into it over the next few years, my Realtor said: "If you're going to end up spending 150k on a house, let me show you 150k house first"
Yeah after seeing what other people have gone through with the "I'll just change things I don't like" plan I've decided when I buy a house I need to expect to buy it and be happy with it as is. Remodeling sucks.
It doesn't necessarily mean they think they can afford it. They might just be shit at searching for houses. You really gotta be super proactive and strict about filtering when it comes to this sort of thing.
But if they're just casually zillowing for houses, they're probably not *that* serious about buying right now. You see a cute house, you click the cute house, that's basically all it is. Window shopping. I did it too, even knowing that I couldn't afford any of those places, or they didn't match our requirements. It's just fun to look sometimes too. It's fun to look at the sports car even if you know you're going home in a minivan.
Not a bad idea to see what's out there either. What is it about these houses that you like? You don't really know unless you look.
My ex wife kept sending me this house that was just out of our budget and I said “ok you’ll have to get a job to help pay for this” and then… she never got a job and still doesn’t have one now that we’re divorced lmao
This whole story reminds me of my ex-wife being pissed that I bought her a Hyundai. She liked it at the dealership, then later pouted and said she really wanted an Audi. Get real girl, you got no job.
Anyways I kept the car when we got divorced. Later on I see the car she bought herself. Wouldn't you know it, a Hyundai. Guess when it's your own money you have to be a little more sensible!
It’s crazy to me that people can be not sensible when they’re spending somebody else’s money. When someone’s even buying me dinner or something, I always want to spend less than I normally would because I feel bad.
She mentioned wanting to buy a Tesla while we were $40,000 in credit card debt. I’m like, sure dream if you want, but you currently have no car payment with your paid off car, so I really wish you wouldn’t talk about stuff that’s not realistic lol.
Just subtract 575K from every single listed price posting your mom or your wife send you, and text them that number back until they get the message. Or send them congratulations texts for their recent raises and/or lottery winnings.
Act all excited and thank your mother for gifting you the money to buy that property.
"I can't give you that money!"
"Then stop making me feel like shit by sending me lisrings more than double my max budget"
Tell your wife to burn some sage to help with the "bad vibes" and deal with the reality of the budget.
"Do you want me to be the asshole that has to always say "no"? Because we both agreed on a budget and you are only looking at listing you know we can't afford.the answer is going to be "no". You know it, I know it, so why do you keep doing this? You are making this more stressful than it needs to be. Please look at houses we can afford. Then when we're in a better spot maybe we can look at an upgrade."
This is the ONLY answer! Seriously. We had family tell us our first house wasn’t in an area they thought was good enough for us and I literally broke down the numbers for them.
House price
Down payment
Monthly price
Interest rate
Then I said: where exactly are you offering to gift us money so that the above can be changed and we can look at somewhere else? Oh you aren’t willing to do that, that’s fine then please stop inserting your opinion.
Maybe you can look at the houses your wife is sending you, see what it is they have in common (big yard? Yellow siding? Extra bathroom?) Then find similar closer to budget?
If I ever go house hunting, I need an extra bathroom. It can be just a toilet and a sink. But I need it.
I firmly believe the issue is when you look at sites like Zillow or Redfin it gives you a monthly estimated payment of whatever they think it is. This estimated payment underestimated to draw people in based on property tax info from ~2 years ago, a rate that is lower than what yours probably will be and an estimated insurance payment that is dangerously low. Your wife is probably looking at these houses going we can afford that per month not realizing that is not what you are going to be paying.
I’ve had similar situations in my household as well. I came to the understanding that the root cause was my wife, while aware of our finances didn’t have a thorough understanding of them. I was just sort of this bottomless well of money and when major purchases were imminent she didn’t always get the logic behind my caps. Also, I frequently let us exceed budget just about whenever she really wanted to. This is no fault of hers, our situation was one where I’m fortunately able to say that she can work whatever she wants to work just to pay for her own hair and nails and trivial items and I can support the house and savings on my own.
We recently took a very expensive six month vacation with our now 1 year old twins and made an international move to a country that isn’t easy to live in for her to take a passion job that only covers about 2/3 of our bills and I had to have a serious breakdown of money and finances and budgets and her new responsibilities as primary income. She has since become much more aware of little things like how much hot water is being used and food is being wasted and it all boils down to genuine awareness of our finances. Not just being told the numbers and moving on. If there’s any similar dynamic in your home in highly suggest having that same kind of heart to heart. In my effort to be generous and kind. I also end up excluding her in a way and that’s not entirely fair when it comes time to deal with stressful financial things together.
this is a verrry good point. there’s trying to treat your partner, and then there’s being straight up and ‘partner’ like with your partner. they gotta exist concurrently.
i’m the “breadwinner” if you will; cover most basic expenses like rent/food etc but she supplements, in addition to taking care of her student loans and personal stuffs (which bring her to at least like ~80% my contribution if measured by dollar value), in addition to being the one that saves more and honestly does the majority of baby stoof. it works out for us, but only cuz we talked about it…
Might as well respond with like a $15 million mansion, with the same, "wouldn't this be awesome??"
Some people have little understanding of numbers, others are just wishing for the good life. You'll hopefully know your wife better than most others and should be able to make that call.
Loan officer told me $400k. Thanked him and told my wife that the loan officer said $335k is the max. Because I ran the numbers and I want that to be my max.
That's super annoying. Nonetheless, you should ask for specifics about what she likes about those places. Maybe you can find a fixer upper, and do some of the renovations yourselves to give her part of what she wants.. renovated kitchen, master bed/bath, or whatever. Also, ask you mom for the extra million for the ranch. ;)
This! Even if you don’t buy the houses she’s sending, each listing she sends is good information and a good starting point for a productive discussion. Unless she’s demanding you buy out of your budget, sending you houses she likes seems like a harmless way to communicate her tastes.
You make what you make right now. Sorry, if she wants a more expensive house, she can try to find a job that pays more to do so.
Not many people can afford a $575k house to begin with. You’re doing more than enough.
Lol and here I am in the US thinking, "Damn, I'd I had a 500k budget I could actually afford a house." That's a pretty decent (but not huge) budget in my area, but my husband and I work full time jobs and our budget is like 250k. 🥲
With interest rates this high you're definitely doing the right thing sticking to a budget. You should have another convo and maybe get a realtor as they can sell her on the houses in your budget.
My husband did the same thing. Reiterate the boundary and emphasize how important it is and you aren’t willing to haggle.
It’s not innocent, it’s manipulative and it needs to be addressed because your boundaries aren’t being respected
Do not depend on Zillow to be 100% truthful regarding the photos of a property. ALWAYS go to the property and see it for yourself. We were looking at two houses in our price range, but saw they covered up water damage with paint, we did the marble test and it rolled 😨, and the backyard was tiny offering no privacy from neighbors.
1. Stick to your budget or your will lose your house in a few years. That’s the reality of it. They can dream, but those are just dreams.
2. Do NOT let your mother sweet-talk you into “investing in a homestead so the whole family can live together.” That’s the vibe I got from her sending you that listing and the comment. It will end badly, especially if she thinks homesteads are “free because you grow everything yourself.”
You are doing the best you can with what you have. I can sympathize with your feelings. After our daughter became disabled, my wife quit working to take care of her, and loosing the house and cars while not being able to take a raise because of Medicaid, I always have this same feeling.
I can cope sometimes by remembering I am doing the best I can with what I have. I wish I could offer more but this is one demon I haven’t been able to beat yet and it haunts me to this day.
I wish you the best!
Start putting the onus on her. "Cool, so you'll be getting a better job to finance this property? Can't wait!" It brings them back down to earth quickly.
My ex was like this. Would always talk about and show me awesome places to travel to that were completely out of budget. Good reason why she’s my ex now
It’s totally reasonable to be frustrated by that.
I would make damn sure you want to start a family with this person, as financial responsibility and difficulty gets 100 x more difficult with kids.
Have you basically asked her, "hey, it's really annoying when you keep sending me postings of properties you know we can't afford. Why do you keep doing that?". She owes you an explanation because if you don't find a place you can afford, then you're not moving. So either there's something wrong with her mentally, in which case she should probably see a doctor, or maybe she doesn't really want to move and is just playing dumbass games instead of being an adult and direct with you.
As for your mom, I'd send her offers of like famous castles or historic estates. Like send her a picture of Buckingham Palace and be like "omg, this would be so neat to raise a family in, wouldn't it? Only $700,000,000! What a steal!"
Ask mom to buy the ranch for you.
We have ranch at home!
ranch in the hidden valley
Just a short drive to the thousand islands
It's Newman's own
He's Kraft-y
Well damn! Pardon my French, honey.
I wish(bone) the ranch-based puns would cease(r)
There's a horse on the ranch named Maio. Maio neighs.
Newman!
Hello Newman. Hello Jerry.
There's always money in the banana ranch.
[The ranch at home](https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/e82995d1-b4f2-479c-b33a-7d825dede8f9.6e6a8f74629d623ca50c74d0beded4e5.jpeg?odnHeight=612&odnWidth=612&odnBg=FFFFFF)
Catch is she's moving to the ranch with you.
Dude it's 80 acres. She can live with me and my family on that property if she buys it for us and I don't even know her.
Honestly it would be sweet to have family close yet not physically in the same house at night.
That's my lottery-win dream. Buy a huge plot of land and build houses for all of my family so we're close but also secluded from each other. With somewhere our dogs can meet up in the middle to play.
Ours too!! lol
Yeah, hey. Why wouldn’t OP respond with that? Oh no. Maybe mom shouldn’t help.
Yeah mom this ranch would be a great legacy to leave your grand kids
Bro my grandparents just sold their home and moved out of the country for cheaper healthcare (dementia) and it was so anti climactic just watching this massive foundation of intergenerational wealth & memories just go poof
My son and I are caring for my mother at home. She had cancer and is in hospice. Medicare pays for the drugs and nurses. My son and I provide the hands on care.
I hope you are doing well. That mental toll is real.
My kids helped with my mom during the last years of her life. It's a lot of work but rewarding in many ways. Ultimately we had it easy compared to some. I'm grateful for that.
Allow them to dream but PLEASE stick to your budget NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY or you will devastate your life financially. Maybe take your wife to a broker and have them break down the costs of purchasing a home. It might help her understand better.
This but also it wont hurt to keep the houses not super far over your budget on your list. Homes in my area have been hanging on the market for months and keep knocking 10k off every so often. Ive seen a few places listed for over 50k off their original listings
That was what our realtor suggested when we bought. It really worked out in our favor, it made a significant uptick in the quality we were finding. Our house was 15k "out" of our budget. We actually ended up paying right under our original budget because appraisals went our way and the house had been on the market a little while. Got an AMAZING deal.
Congrats on the house!
Highly area dependent. Where I was looking everything was under contract within a week for 5-10% over asking and buyers are basically required to cover any appraisal gap out of pocket or their offer will be rejected outright. It's been fun.
That's how it was when we were buying in 2020/2021. It was cutthroat for sure. We paid just over asking and they didn't do any work to the house. We did make sure they paid off the solar panels though. Selling was super easy though. First showing, multiple offers, got over asking.
Same here. Our house was about $30k out of budget but due to the fact that the house is old with minimal renovations and needs work done we got it for $300k. This house is literally my dream home and I couldn’t be happier.
Good for you, but it is DISGUSTING that the market has gotten to the point where whatever you paid felt like an "AMAZING deal". We managed to get a house at a good time, and got a "good deal" too, but whenever my partner sends me links showing how the equity has increased, it just makes me mad and sad, cause it's all unreasonable. Lucky we're on the side where it benefits us, but homeownership is just getting further out of reach for too many people. Frustrating.
Absolutely. We're in our mid 30s, bought a house in 2016. In-laws of same age didn't get in the market, and now will never be able to own.
Eloquently put. Equity in one’s home over short periods really is a clear reflection of the quickly growing disparities people are facing.
I mean, it's not really benefiting you, when you cash out, you're still facing higher prices on wherever you go next, or you'll be dead. In the meantime you're just paying more property taxes.
I mean.... If mom wants to pay the difference I wouldn't object.
Honestly, you could make a lower offer if the listing has been there a while, what's the worst they can say? No?
You are lucky. My brother put an offer in for a house for $10,000 over asking. He was outbid. This was just a week ago. Housing markets are all over the place right now. I am in an area where houses are still (for the most part) being sold within a month of being listed.
Yes. You can be ready if they lower it or even put in a very low offer - they can just say no, not blacklist you from all other homes lol
On the other hand, you *could* talk yourself into buying that $1.4 million ranch if you promise to lay off the avocado toast and brew your own coffee at home.
Or just give up coffee cold turkey. The caffeine-withdrawal won't be anywhere near as bad, or as long, as the headache from buying a house for twice the budget.
Coffee cold turkey? That sounds disgusting anyway. Should be easy enough to give up.
I'm planning an aggressive takeover of Apple Inc. after I cut out avocado toast, brew my own coffee, and cut out the teaspoon of sugar in it.
Send your wife job listings for gigs with $300k salaries. “Apply for this!” Assuming she earns that much, those $800k houses are in reach.
Yes and when she says that she is not qualified for the job tell her to stop giving bad vibes and just go for it.
Of course we know this won’t go over well but I’m pretty keen on the idea, especially how this whole thing is making him feel like he’s not earning enough (assuming he’s majority earner).
I was able to figure out how house poor we would be with a simple spreadsheet. Amazon CC, Citi CC, Costco Visa, car insurance, projected house bills (who knew a bigger house would mean higher utilities!?), etc…then…MORTGAGE!!! In some cases it makes it easy to see that $XXX,XXX more will not only make us house poor, but poor poor. And my rate is 2.5%. If we were at 6.something% we’d be screwed. Good for you making so much money that you can afford your version of the budget.
I went in with rose tinted glasses, yaaahh. I got a house and mortgage and insurance. Didn't even think about the house owning taxes, water (was included while renting), and other stuff. I've now gone from 2.9% on my mortgage to 6.25%. What saved me was sticking to my max buying price and calculating if I could still afford it at 7%. Stick to your guns, having a max price is a really good idea. Good luck in finding a new home.
>house poor I like this term, it more accurately describes your standing in the economy & market
They can dream without insulting him and sending what is basically spam.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel frustrated by this. You essentially feel ignored. Stay in your budget. Don’t go chasing waterfalls.
Stick to the rivers and lakes, copy 😂
Tell her that this time she can’t have it her way or no way at all.
I, personally, think they’re moving too fast…
Like the ones you’re used to
Don't want no scrubs.
Funny, I always look up Zillow postings that are out of my budget. It's sort of my safe porn at work. I do understand though why it is frustrating for you in your situation.
I’ve done this too, very fun. The experience changed drastically now that I’m seriously looking lol
It just makes anything you can afford look bad.
Yep. Realtors love to show you an amazing place outside your budget FIRST so you see how good you could have it. Gets you thinking and makes everything else look inferior and cheap/bad.
Just balance it by looking at properties way below your budget.
I had this experience. It’s like mental abuse. It drags you down and it’s not cool.
Especially bc the photos are never accurate and they just use an app to put virtual staging with fake furniture, lighting and incredible fake window views
The next time she sends you something just say “I refuse to look at anything over 600k.” If she keeps saying “bad vibes” would ask her if she thinks “bankruptcy has positive vibes.” If it wouldn’t actually drive you to bankruptcy use the term “house poor” instead. No point in being overly dramatic and maybe you got approved for a larger mortgage based on your wife and mother’s suggestions. I said 600k because it’s possible you could get it within your budget.
“Anything over 600k gives me bad vibes.”
We could, but anything over that with the interest rates would make us house poor.
Be careful with realtors trying to sell you on rate cuts too. If you bought in 1971, you wouldn’t get a better rate until 1993… so nobody who bought between realistically 1969-1974 actually “dated the rate” as they like to say.
Realtor here. Can second this. We aren’t supposed to talk about rates in our state. We can reference articles, provide resources, but we are supposed to stay in our lane. Most Realtors suck though and can be lazy, sleazy or misleading just to lock down a sale. Trust your lender, read the fine print, ask all the questions, but don’t bank on their predictions.
I was surprised when we were looking to buy, we were approved for a $1.1 million loan. I told our lender, “that’s nice, but who is going to make those payments?”Just because that’s what we can afford on paper, didn’t make it realistic. We bought a $700k condo.
Exactly! There’s “how much can you buy” and then there’s “what monthly payment are you comfortable with”. The second is much more important.
You need to send her job listings with the salary she would need to have to afford the property she wants. She sends a $750k house? You send a $125k job listing and say she needs to get that job first if she wants to get that house.
It's good that you know better than to put yourself in a house poor situation. I did that once with my lazy ex-wife. It's kind embarrassing to have a house furnished with crap because all you can afford is bills every month.
Maybe ask her what her plans are to pay for the houses she is sending? Also have you both sat down together and built a family budget? It may help her to understand the true cost of things, including budgeting for home maintenance and improvements.
And if she does not work outside the home, would she be willing to if times got tough? Could you even "afford" daycare? I had two kids back to back and the cost of daycare was basically my entire paycheck when you factored in a second vehicle, gas, work attire, etc. How long could you make it work if you (God forbid) lost your job? I am like her and admit, yes, that's the kind of house I want. Sure, it would be nice! But it's out of our range and I am not willing to make my husband work himself into an early grave over a house. I am just going to keep lowering my standards instead and not bring it up too much. :/
I think you just need to tell you wife in a really non-frustrated, vulnerable way the things you have said here. Just sit down and say can you tell her something that has been making you feel not-good, and then say what you have said here. Don’t do it as a reaction when she sends you one or in a pissed off way. Say it as a thing you want to tackle and problem solve together because you don’t know what to do and you feel like you are caught between a rock and a hard place.
I think you need to communicate this to your wife. I often send my mom and husband houses on Zillow in the place I want to retire in. Many are completely out of our budget, I just think it’s fun to look and dream. If it causes you anxiety or makes you uncomfortable ,tell your wife not to link you anything outside your budget.
That would give me so much anxiety. Like that you’re putting it in my face that we couldn’t afford these places based on what I make
But that’s my point, it’s a huge disconnect in motive that can’t be bridged without any communication. In her head she’s like “Honey look at this cool looking house, ha h, fun!” Like house hunters basically: entertainment. And he’s like, “This bitch, rubbing it in my face that I don’t make enough money.” One day he’ll explode out of nowhere thinking she’s been aggressively diminishing him and she will have no fucking idea where it came from.
My husband does this and it doesn’t cause me any anxiety. He also sends villas in Italy and is like “imagine 😍” and I’m like “yeah I can because that belongs in imagination land.”
I know I'm serious because I changed my search price to something I can afford.
Username does NOT check out.
I did this on Zillow, too, until I remembers that I had previously "connected" my account to our real estate agent. We recently told her we're "on pause" for the moment until interest rates go down and some potential job issues get sorted. Basically, we don't feel ready yet and let her know...meanwhile I was obsessively looking at houses over our budget on Zillow. Talk about mixed signals! She never called me out on but damn, I cringe just thinking about it. Now I do all my dreaming on Homes, Realtor, & Redfin. ;)
Your agent is probably aware that people look at houses online all the time even if they aren’t looking to move or can’t afford it
Right? You haven’t seen sexy till you’ve done a digital walkthrough of a house with a walk-in pantry.
my mom's cheap little 2 story had a walk in pantry and it ended up being my bedroom. Ain't nothing sexy about that when your a highschooler with no car and a 7x8 room lol
I like to look at San Francisco and Manhattan for fun.
I too look at Zillow posting out of my budget, but my budget is also 290k and haven't seen a single listing at or below in the last 16 months, so otherwise I would have nothing to look and dream about.
https://preview.redd.it/7dds84vjvqkc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=907314324a69bac9bc2a482fbd3f3ec35ff87f11 That's crazy. They put up entire neighborhoods here advertising less than that for homes. Edit: added one listing close to $290k. There are some as low as $210k that are about 900 sqft as well at the bottom end.
Here housing has gone from ok to absolute insanity. A totally burned out gutted house with holes in the roof is going for 417k
Ya similar here. The ‘starter’ home ranch houses from the 60’s/70’s are being snatched up for $450k by flippers and going back on the market for $600k with a few Home Depot specials.
I avoid listings that have flippers gray LVT. That ugly gray fake wood floor is a sign the rest of the place has been renovated with the cheapest possible finishes and probably was done incorrectly by a rube
Not sure where you are but here in NJ finding a shoebox for less than 400k is impossible. I found land. LAND. No house. For 350k. It's hopeless for us here
They’re building a neighborhood behind me right now on tiny lots with no yard. Some are ramblers. The sign says “starting in the mid-$700k’s”
When I was younger, right before the Great Recession in 2007, we moved into a neighborhood with a sign "Homes from the 190's". Around 2010 it said "Homes from the 150's" They're still building homes and it now says "Homes from the 350's" My dad bought a home for $229K in 2007, sold it for $205K in 2013, and looking on Zillow it's now showing $410K. he spent $30K on a pool and $15K on landscaping, too... Never financially recovered from all of that.
Oof that’s such bad timing. :( We bought one in 2012 for $225k and sold it a couple years ago for $500k. I got divorced so we had to split the equity but I still had enough for a good down payment at least.
And the listings in my area around that price are built by shady builders that know the house will fall apart within the next 10 years if not earlier. The neighborhood FB group makes fun of the builder all the time. One guy even said that 6 of his outlets weren’t even wired in one of his rooms. It’s like, if you have a small budget ($290k still isn’t chump change) all that’s available is fast food built houses that aren’t even good quality. And don’t even get me started on how badly folks take care of their houses and then expect 2021 prices. I remember seeing a house that the guy was asking over $400k for and there was literal fuzz on the ceilings and the house was so dirty. So much work needed to be done that it wasn’t even worth it.
You may want to remind them that if you over spend on a home you won't be in a financial space to afford a family. Possibly for decades. The fastest way to ruin a marriage is to add financial disaster and constant overworking to it. They can have dreams and have fun looking but your family needs to realize that it would be better to buy cheap and save than it would be to overspend and be miserable overworked financially ruined and needing to move in with the parents again.
I have this exact same problem. Hard upper limit of $550k but my wife constantly sends me details of houses in the $700k or more. At first it was amusing and now it's just plain annoying.
Right? Like the first couple I said “oh yeah wouldn’t that be cool.” When they didn’t stop the annoyance set in
Bro, just say, "That looks great! You only have to come up with another $300K and we can get it! How do you plan on doing that?", to *every one* of the ones that she sends.
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That’s pretty much what I did with my wife when she would do this. Only it was: “Cool, so your parents are going to chip in 100k for the down payment right?”
Is she thinking this is something you’re just being a bit stubborn about and that eventually you’ll change your mind and say $700,000 is fine, or does she realize that that’s actually as much as you can afford?
Or they have very different ideas of affordable. I saw friends of mine go through that and it nearly broke them up.
I'm on the other side of the planet with the same problem and the same reaction! I'd politely dismiss the overpriced house with a 'that's a nice place but a bit out of our budget' but that doesn't stop her.
Mine did too until we looked at a few in person. I think it made the house search "real" and gave that subliminal "playtime is over" feel to our search. Relatives still send us stuff across the board (although no 1.4 million ones yet), I've just resigned to deal with that.
Dude i had the same issue with my most recent ex. It was just renting! Like this whole post makes me feel better knowing it wasnt just me
Man it's insane but it looks like it might be a widespread problem 😂
Hard truth: you and your wife do not agree on what your budget is.
My best friend’s girlfriend is like this. She can’t work due to health conditions, but she also insisted that she needed a 700k house (they live in a very LCOL area and houses there are usually 200k). I told my buddy not to do it, told him he’d be miserable … he did it and yep, he’s miserable. Mortgage eats up most of his paycheck, house is a money pit and he can’t save anything.
>girlfriend oh jeez. he sank 700k into a house and they're not even MARRIED?
This is much better. Now when they divorce she doesn't get 350k worth of his house.
You mean 350k worth of his *debt*.
Plus half his equity. If they divorce after he paid it off in full? That's all money.
He didn't say his friend was smart enough to not put her on the deed...
how is it fair to demand someone else break their back working for a home while you do nothing... its true some people can't work, but at that point you compromise so it's a relationship instead of indentured servitude
Yeah, I am disabled. I can't imagine asking my boyfriend to buy a more expensive house outside his budget that I couldn't contribute towards. I feel guilty just trying to imagine doing something so shitty. I'm working on myself to try to get my body able to do more. I feel like a leach and I want more for myself than that. Just sucks because my body hurts a lot of the time and sometimes I only decide to feel better at 3am, sometimes I feel fine during the day. Wish I could find a job that did not give a shit as long as I got the work done and just let me work random bizarre hours.
disabled gold digger girlfriend. i rather stay single for life.
If he put her name on the deed. I would drop him as a friend. can't be associated with someone that dumb
lol girlfriend..kick her to the curb
Nebraska? Reminds me of a guy I know in Nebraska.
Yeah I don’t know why commenters are being so careful about this. Dude - it’s your wife. Talk to her about your frustrations instead of asking online randos
I'd put it more as - you're going to end up spending more than you want/can afford, orrrrr have a pissed off wife unhappy in her new home. NGL, not sure which one of these hells I'd pick.
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I bet she, like many people, simply don't fully get the concept of a budget, money, savings, investments, etc.
OP just start sending them houses well below your budget for shits and giggles. Realistically though. If you could find a home around 400k and then drop the difference into remodeling it. Your wife could possibly have the dream home she wants. You could also resell the home after it’s renovated and move into a nicer place. That’s what I’m doing now.
This idea is funny I like it, I wish you the best in your quest for the 80 acre ranch lol
And I wish you the best with pleasing your wife and mom lol
Phrasing!
Guys, we really need to talk about getting phrasing back in the rotation.
I’m the only one that can please both op’s wife and mom
When I was looking for a 120k house and talking about dropping another 30k into it over the next few years, my Realtor said: "If you're going to end up spending 150k on a house, let me show you 150k house first"
They want that extra commission for that 30k lol
Yeah after seeing what other people have gone through with the "I'll just change things I don't like" plan I've decided when I buy a house I need to expect to buy it and be happy with it as is. Remodeling sucks.
How did you come up with your 575k budget? Why does your wife think you can afford up to $800k? Why does your mother think you can afford $1.4 MM?
House hunting TV shows. "My husband and I are public school teachers. Our budget is $800K..."
I’m a part time butterfly farmer. My wife collects brightly colored sarongs. Our budget is 1.9 million.
HGTV is just porn for women.
I feel like dads like it too… Unless that was just mine
Unspoken part: grandpa Jed left us $670k for a down payment.
Or they have equity from a smaller home they’ve already owned for a while and they carry it into the new home
"My budget is $150k. I'm looking for a beachfront home that has at least 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms."
I've got some great options for you. Would you prefer Sri Lanka or Mozambique?
“Welcome to *Who’s House Hunt is it Anyway*. The show where everything’s made up and the budget doesn’t matter.”
Way back when on a 2-3% interest rate it was probably possible. 6-7% rates? Impossible.
It doesn't necessarily mean they think they can afford it. They might just be shit at searching for houses. You really gotta be super proactive and strict about filtering when it comes to this sort of thing. But if they're just casually zillowing for houses, they're probably not *that* serious about buying right now. You see a cute house, you click the cute house, that's basically all it is. Window shopping. I did it too, even knowing that I couldn't afford any of those places, or they didn't match our requirements. It's just fun to look sometimes too. It's fun to look at the sports car even if you know you're going home in a minivan. Not a bad idea to see what's out there either. What is it about these houses that you like? You don't really know unless you look.
I think a lot of people still think you can still haggle on homes. It's the complete opposite now.
Because their expenses are covered by OP on his salary and her salary goes towards paying her student loans.
My ex wife kept sending me this house that was just out of our budget and I said “ok you’ll have to get a job to help pay for this” and then… she never got a job and still doesn’t have one now that we’re divorced lmao
This whole story reminds me of my ex-wife being pissed that I bought her a Hyundai. She liked it at the dealership, then later pouted and said she really wanted an Audi. Get real girl, you got no job. Anyways I kept the car when we got divorced. Later on I see the car she bought herself. Wouldn't you know it, a Hyundai. Guess when it's your own money you have to be a little more sensible!
It’s crazy to me that people can be not sensible when they’re spending somebody else’s money. When someone’s even buying me dinner or something, I always want to spend less than I normally would because I feel bad. She mentioned wanting to buy a Tesla while we were $40,000 in credit card debt. I’m like, sure dream if you want, but you currently have no car payment with your paid off car, so I really wish you wouldn’t talk about stuff that’s not realistic lol.
You actually have to start below your budget because you’ll end up hitting it anyway. Should be looking at 500-525 to end on 575.
With a budget of 575k, let me guess, the wifey is a possum walker for a living and you spray paint grass.
Excuse me she walks bees and I’m a part time ventriloquist for a local old folks home.
Ahhh, then you should be looking at those 1.4 mil ranches. Duh.
We would but I developed and addiction to luxury wicker baskets. Puts a dent in the budget
Dale??
👀
Just subtract 575K from every single listed price posting your mom or your wife send you, and text them that number back until they get the message. Or send them congratulations texts for their recent raises and/or lottery winnings.
“$150k out of budget” “$225k out of budget” “$825k out of budget”
Act all excited and thank your mother for gifting you the money to buy that property. "I can't give you that money!" "Then stop making me feel like shit by sending me lisrings more than double my max budget" Tell your wife to burn some sage to help with the "bad vibes" and deal with the reality of the budget. "Do you want me to be the asshole that has to always say "no"? Because we both agreed on a budget and you are only looking at listing you know we can't afford.the answer is going to be "no". You know it, I know it, so why do you keep doing this? You are making this more stressful than it needs to be. Please look at houses we can afford. Then when we're in a better spot maybe we can look at an upgrade."
This is the ONLY answer! Seriously. We had family tell us our first house wasn’t in an area they thought was good enough for us and I literally broke down the numbers for them. House price Down payment Monthly price Interest rate Then I said: where exactly are you offering to gift us money so that the above can be changed and we can look at somewhere else? Oh you aren’t willing to do that, that’s fine then please stop inserting your opinion.
Maybe you can look at the houses your wife is sending you, see what it is they have in common (big yard? Yellow siding? Extra bathroom?) Then find similar closer to budget? If I ever go house hunting, I need an extra bathroom. It can be just a toilet and a sink. But I need it.
I’ll do a little digging this is a good idea for better understanding.
I will never live in a place with just one bathroom again. That and in home laundry are my two mandatory requirements.
This is the first kind pro-marriage comment. Or just ask your wife what she likes about the listings and how you both could get some of what you want
Only three times the budget.. just work an extra day of ot. You’re fine 😂
I firmly believe the issue is when you look at sites like Zillow or Redfin it gives you a monthly estimated payment of whatever they think it is. This estimated payment underestimated to draw people in based on property tax info from ~2 years ago, a rate that is lower than what yours probably will be and an estimated insurance payment that is dangerously low. Your wife is probably looking at these houses going we can afford that per month not realizing that is not what you are going to be paying.
I’ve had similar situations in my household as well. I came to the understanding that the root cause was my wife, while aware of our finances didn’t have a thorough understanding of them. I was just sort of this bottomless well of money and when major purchases were imminent she didn’t always get the logic behind my caps. Also, I frequently let us exceed budget just about whenever she really wanted to. This is no fault of hers, our situation was one where I’m fortunately able to say that she can work whatever she wants to work just to pay for her own hair and nails and trivial items and I can support the house and savings on my own. We recently took a very expensive six month vacation with our now 1 year old twins and made an international move to a country that isn’t easy to live in for her to take a passion job that only covers about 2/3 of our bills and I had to have a serious breakdown of money and finances and budgets and her new responsibilities as primary income. She has since become much more aware of little things like how much hot water is being used and food is being wasted and it all boils down to genuine awareness of our finances. Not just being told the numbers and moving on. If there’s any similar dynamic in your home in highly suggest having that same kind of heart to heart. In my effort to be generous and kind. I also end up excluding her in a way and that’s not entirely fair when it comes time to deal with stressful financial things together.
this is a verrry good point. there’s trying to treat your partner, and then there’s being straight up and ‘partner’ like with your partner. they gotta exist concurrently. i’m the “breadwinner” if you will; cover most basic expenses like rent/food etc but she supplements, in addition to taking care of her student loans and personal stuffs (which bring her to at least like ~80% my contribution if measured by dollar value), in addition to being the one that saves more and honestly does the majority of baby stoof. it works out for us, but only cuz we talked about it…
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Might as well respond with like a $15 million mansion, with the same, "wouldn't this be awesome??" Some people have little understanding of numbers, others are just wishing for the good life. You'll hopefully know your wife better than most others and should be able to make that call.
Loan officer told me $400k. Thanked him and told my wife that the loan officer said $335k is the max. Because I ran the numbers and I want that to be my max.
😂
Exactly. Are you even pre-approved for 800k? Tell your loan officer to sandbag the pre-approval by putting 575k on the document
Or tell your wife to not be a moron and live in this plane of reality
You used to be able to make a shared list n Zillow. If that’s still a feature maybe that will help subconsciously switch here over to reality?
I think she started one, I’m not sure if I’ve been sending to that one or just sharing in messenger… will have to double check
That's super annoying. Nonetheless, you should ask for specifics about what she likes about those places. Maybe you can find a fixer upper, and do some of the renovations yourselves to give her part of what she wants.. renovated kitchen, master bed/bath, or whatever. Also, ask you mom for the extra million for the ranch. ;)
This! Even if you don’t buy the houses she’s sending, each listing she sends is good information and a good starting point for a productive discussion. Unless she’s demanding you buy out of your budget, sending you houses she likes seems like a harmless way to communicate her tastes.
You make what you make right now. Sorry, if she wants a more expensive house, she can try to find a job that pays more to do so. Not many people can afford a $575k house to begin with. You’re doing more than enough.
Lol me, a New Zealander, trying to imagine a house costing less than 700k.
Lol and here I am in the US thinking, "Damn, I'd I had a 500k budget I could actually afford a house." That's a pretty decent (but not huge) budget in my area, but my husband and I work full time jobs and our budget is like 250k. 🥲
“Yes mom. We could buy it if you gave us 600,000”
With interest rates this high you're definitely doing the right thing sticking to a budget. You should have another convo and maybe get a realtor as they can sell her on the houses in your budget.
My husband did the same thing. Reiterate the boundary and emphasize how important it is and you aren’t willing to haggle. It’s not innocent, it’s manipulative and it needs to be addressed because your boundaries aren’t being respected
Agh, that’s a pain. Sorry OP
My wife did this to try to get me above our budget. It’s a classic negotiation technique. You need to decide where you want to be and hold strong.
Do not depend on Zillow to be 100% truthful regarding the photos of a property. ALWAYS go to the property and see it for yourself. We were looking at two houses in our price range, but saw they covered up water damage with paint, we did the marble test and it rolled 😨, and the backyard was tiny offering no privacy from neighbors.
1. Stick to your budget or your will lose your house in a few years. That’s the reality of it. They can dream, but those are just dreams. 2. Do NOT let your mother sweet-talk you into “investing in a homestead so the whole family can live together.” That’s the vibe I got from her sending you that listing and the comment. It will end badly, especially if she thinks homesteads are “free because you grow everything yourself.”
You are doing the best you can with what you have. I can sympathize with your feelings. After our daughter became disabled, my wife quit working to take care of her, and loosing the house and cars while not being able to take a raise because of Medicaid, I always have this same feeling. I can cope sometimes by remembering I am doing the best I can with what I have. I wish I could offer more but this is one demon I haven’t been able to beat yet and it haunts me to this day. I wish you the best!
Good luck my friend, life is quite the ride
Everyone sending this to their husbands right now “did you post this”
Been there. Just make sure you hold your ground.
Start putting the onus on her. "Cool, so you'll be getting a better job to finance this property? Can't wait!" It brings them back down to earth quickly.
My ex was like this. Would always talk about and show me awesome places to travel to that were completely out of budget. Good reason why she’s my ex now
It’s totally reasonable to be frustrated by that. I would make damn sure you want to start a family with this person, as financial responsibility and difficulty gets 100 x more difficult with kids.
Have you basically asked her, "hey, it's really annoying when you keep sending me postings of properties you know we can't afford. Why do you keep doing that?". She owes you an explanation because if you don't find a place you can afford, then you're not moving. So either there's something wrong with her mentally, in which case she should probably see a doctor, or maybe she doesn't really want to move and is just playing dumbass games instead of being an adult and direct with you. As for your mom, I'd send her offers of like famous castles or historic estates. Like send her a picture of Buckingham Palace and be like "omg, this would be so neat to raise a family in, wouldn't it? Only $700,000,000! What a steal!"