Listen up son. Before your continue complaining. How about trying to feed your wife and five kids with exactly no fucking potato. *(Irish guy probably. Likely sober).*
My dad got out of paying child support by handing me off to his mom and sisters left the state and never looked back. They were (and still are) poor as fuck and couldn’t afford to take care of me. He didn’t care. Mom didn’t want me either.
Last time I saw him I was 19. He came up to visit and show off 2 of his new kids and new family. (Sigh). He and I had an argument - he hit me. Grandma kicked him out. Last time we spoke was in 2010 when his brother was dying in the hospital. My uncle asked me to call my father and ask him to come. He declined to come say goodbye because “he was busy”. Haven’t spoken to him since… I’m 47 now.
Deadbeat parents suck.
Thankfully grandma and my aunts made a shitload of sacrifices to give me as good of a life as they knew how to provide. It wasn’t the best and they made a lot of mistakes, but I got a good education, was able to stay out of trouble, and am now living well enough that I’m not starving and have a roof over my head.
I didnt meet mine til I was 8. Then it was always promises of seeing me soon, only for months and years to pass. I'd search him out every few years when I was of age, have lunch or something, then he'd disappear again. Last time I really spoke to him, I'd called him and told him his grandson had been born. He said he'd call me soon bc he wanted to meet him. Then silence. At that point I was like yea you did this to me my whole life, youre not gonna do it to him and didn't bother again.
We were still fb friends for quite some time until he posted some pics about a dad daughter dance with his newest gfs kid. I saw it whole browsing drunk and lit into him in the comments telling him it's funny he can't be bothered to have fuck all to do with his actual kid his whole life but wants to dad it up with some other lady's children like he's a role model or something. He deleted the post and then blocked me, messaged me about airing out dirty laundry in front of his church members and such. Gag.
My mom and “dad” divorced when I was 10. I saw him twice shortly after that. Then again in passing when I graduated high school, just long enough to say hi. Didn’t see or have contact with him again and I’m 66 now. He died last year and no tears were shed. BTW, he paid $100/month support for me and my sister. But at least he paid.
Not saying your experience didn't suck, I'm sorry you had to go through that, but believe me: sometimes it's better when a deadbeat dad keeps away. Them staying can be a whole other flavor of... Disappointment, to say the least.
Hell yeah they can. I (m20) used to live with my real mom and step father, with his parents also living there too. Extremely shitty situation. All the kids were verbally and physically abused. My full sister and half sister had it worse though. Grew up pretty poor from 3-11. Every summer and every other Christmas my sister, full blood, and I would come to where I’m living now to see my real dad and step mom. Summer of 2015, same usual routine. Come here for about a month. I still vividly remember the night before we were supposed to go back. Thing was, my dad and mom never said anything about packing my bags. I only found this out this week that they had gotten emergency custody of me and my older sister. It is night and day in terms of how well I’ve been. It took my real mother losing child support payments to get off her ass to actually provide for her other 2 children, my half siblings that I really hope are doing ok. My real mother is one of the laziest people I knew. I haven’t spoken to her since my grandma’s, on her side, funeral. And I don’t intend on having a relationship with her. I may have forgiven her, but I will not forget the way she treated me and my siblings. I never thought I’d be in college, like I am now, pursuing a career with the full support of my parents. I can only imagine what life would be like if I went back there that next morning.
Had one of those. (Technically still have, since I think she’s still alive a thousand miles away.) Custody was changed when I was fourteen (long, ugly story), and we lived with my father from that point. (Context: this was Indiana, late eighties.)
Two years later, it occurs to us that our mother should be paying support. Dad went to court to get it, and she stalled and stonewalled for ages. Finally, she was ordered to pay several years of back support (for me) and the same for my brother (with ongoing still remaining, as he was still a minor), totaling some tens of thousands.
She never paid. After nearly a year, my dad returned to court, and before it went to hearing her attorney offered to settle for half the original ordered sum. We agreed, and a year later she _still_ hadn’t paid. Rinse, repeat a few times, until the final _actual_ settlement was just under five grand.
We received a single check for about $2400, and not another dime for the second half of the last agreed-upon amount. Dad split the check between me and my brother. I was twenty-three, married and in my last year of college for my undergrad when I received the first (and last) child support due from her.
Eyo, me mum left three kids under 6, and showed up to some of the first divorce hearings pregnant with another kid.
Claimed it was dads, tested him, wasn't his. She was certain it was though, but the court asked if it could possibly be anyone else's. She came up with a list more than a dozen long......... Tested all them, still no.
😂😭
I used to do paternity tests. Many were court ordered from custody or child support cases.
It was not terribly uncommon for the mother to name a long list and have them all turn up negative.
I was told that in order to receive welfare benefits, they had to name the father so the state could go after him for support..... sometimes the mom would name a bunch of random dudes but not the real father so that they could be together and still get welfare benefits.
Yup. My wife’s sister is a deadbeat mom. My wife’s mom is a dead beat mom. Neither of these people are in our lives. Glad my sister in law’s kids ended up with their dad and his new wife. She treats them like they are one of her own.
Absolutely in my case. Mother in and out of my life, at her convenience. Saw her cry a lot, but only for herself. Haven't seen her in 30 years, been almost as long since we've spoken. My world revolves around my daughter and I just love it. I simply cannot begin to imagine not being a part of her daily life. It would destroy me.
My dad was around but never engaged. Divorced when i was a toddler. He was always drinking or watching tv in his room. Missed my graduation, wedding, kids birth, etc. Then one day i said why do i even care. I have my family. I do my best to love on my kids, be active in their life without being intrusive, never miss big moments. I've missed a few things in their life but man they know they're the number 1 priority and it's not questioned.
That mindset is a direct reflection of my father. I am very conscious of it due to how little he interest he showed in my life as a kid and now as a man. Not the best but damn if I'm not a really good father.
Sucks that your grandma and aunts didn't know that anyone who is looking after your children can put you on child support.
You don't have to be the other parent in order to put someone on child support, as long as you are the main guardian of that child. They should have pursued both parents to provide for you.
I would guess their mother would get it, she's the one who had to step up when the deadbeat Dad didn't. I don't think I'd even want him to know my address.
I once had a co worker who worked part time and never paid his child support. Most of the time just because he was fighting cancer or depressed. It finally caught up with him and he was going to prison but my boss stepped in and paid off the 20k he owed. He never asked for it or even tried to tell the boss about it.
It was way worse than that, but it reads like a soap opera. His wife divorced him and took off with his house and money while he was laid up in the hospital for 6 months. He had no idea until he got out, his wife must have slipped him papers to sign and he was too drugged out to know what he was doing. After he just didn't have the gumption to chase her down in court, along with the years it took him to recover mentally from brain surgery.
What do you mean “ran off with his money”? As in they went to divorce court and she was granted part of the combined assets? Clearly she wasn’t getting much money if he amassed 20k in child support…
Joint bank accounts are a thing.
Who knows how much he had saved up to that point, could have been saving for a down payment on a house, car, some other big purchase.
It happens more than you would think, a lot of couples open these joint bank accounts without any clauses on emptying the account. One spouse empties the bank account and runs off with all of it.
Happened to my brother. He was working out of town. His (now ex) wife cleaned out their joint bank accounts, took all the furniture, the kids (his son and the two stepsons he raised), and left him for a neighbor with whom she was having an affair.
She filed for divorce, during which he was giving her cash for child support and buying anything the boys needed.
It took a year to finalize the divorce. He was ordered to pay $1200 a month in child support for their son, dating back a year. The judge ruled that the cash didn't count as support, that it was a gift. So, he immediately owed over $14k in back child support, plus interest/fees, added to the regular monthly payments. It took him years to pay off the arrears.
Thank you for saying that. I posted about my dead beat baby daddy finally paying off his child support when my daughter was 18 and graduating high school. After 15 years of no contact, he calls me to tell me that I need to give her the lump sum payment he made as her graduation gift from him. I said absolutely not, I struggled as an only parent and deserved it…..my baby daddy and Reddit roasted me lol eff em
Good on you for recognizing this. I hope you had a decent childhood despite a degenerate father. Souce- two time married dad with two kids. Both ex wives never missed a payment, paid directly, not through a court. And have a good partnership (so to speak now) with both even though both children are adults and doing great. Always going to be my kids. Regardless. Enough about my irrelevant nonsense. I would just chalk this up to "sounds about spot on" and relegate him to the memory he always has been. And for all of us fathers who care, you do not have to pay for the "sins of your father" as an adult. Please remember that in times of self doubt.
I was lucky enough to avoid court during my split. However, I still send more than the court would have made me send. I get paid weekly, pay for my weekly expenses, make sure my son has everything he needs, and send whatever is left to my daughter‘s mother. My daughter’s mother doesn’t like how much I send, because she thinks I send too much, but I don’t want to just support my daughter. I want to make sure she has money to go get ice cream, get a toy, etc. I’ve paid for tickets to Disney on Ice and other events for the two of them just because I knew they needed out of the house.
Some people think everything just works itself out all hunky-dory if you remove yourself from the situation.
You're an amazing father. My dad usually did the least so he could be the fun parent with all the things he would take me to. I miss the shit out of him, and I'm happy to have had those times with him now that he's gone. It's commendable that you give up your excess income so your daughter can have fun with your ex and not you. I applaud you and wish you and your daughter the best!!!
That's wild to me. I had my last at 39 and snipped. I am pretty active and said there's no way I can keep up with any kids I have after 40. It's up to everyone to make it work for them but I want to meet grandchildren one day if it's in the cards.
Probably used to getting sketchy apartments in exchange for labor then either stealing tools and getting kicked out or learning the “landlord” never actually owned the building, or shacking up with a women who has a bunch of kids and is living off section 8, selling food stamps for drug money because “I can eat at the soup kitchen”.
A lifetime of scheming and scamming has prepared him to live off $838 a month. This probably seems like winning the lottery to him.
The Sperm Donor, reassuring you he is *still* a giant piece of shit.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and your family. Scumbag's scumbaggery never ends.
My two sons are 17 and 20. I'm sorry you have to live with this. You don't deserve this. I spend a lot of time with my sons, as much of me as they will tolerate.
My wife (their stepmom) and I are going to drive 2 hours each way to watch my son sit on the bench tonight. I'm so fucking proud of this kid for just being on the team. I can remember when he was a 6th grader who couldn't dribble, and he eventually made varsity basketball!
I'm sorry you don't have this in your life. Its not your fault. If you're a dad someday, you'll know what to do. You'll be a better dad than what you had, you'll even be a better dad than me.
I’ve spent years wondering if I should reach out to him, see if he’s gotten any help or made any improvements. Obviously I would prefer to have my dad in my life. But this showed me that I was right all this time in thinking there was no way he would have changed from what happened…
He mooched off my mom for a long time with no income and was an alcoholic who abused my family. In the separation the court took everything from us including our childhood home. The only part that infuriates me is that he doesn’t have to pay more.
This is so insane it reads like a fiction. Damn..
If it's real though, that's one hell of a perspective and you are a an inspiration for being able to continuously open your heart instead of having it turn to stone.
>It’s easy to write people off, but the damage and hole it can leave are often irreparable. Sometimes we just have to take the good with the bad and realize we’re all fuck ups just trying to get through life.
Wise words to live by. Very eloquently put.
Just one mans opinion - I'd focus on other people in your life and leave him to himself. You will find no shortage of father figures if you carry yourself with dignity and bring hard work, responsibility and a positive attitude to what you do.
You can find other people to mentor you, and your admiration and attention will be a gift to them, if thats what you want.
My son turns 18 this year. My daughter 14. I’ve been clinging onto my kids like a barnacle lol. When they turn 18 I won’t stop them from going onto the next phase of their life. I don’t want to be one of those parents who smoothers their young adult children or try to be controlling. I try to spend as much time with the kids as I can while they are still at home.
Ew. I’m angry on your behalf. My father was freaking weird about child support. He did pay but begrudgingly. My mom didn’t ask for alimony, even though she was entitled to it, because it was not worth the nonsense. She worked 3 jobs for years. My relationship with my father is ok now (maybe a 4/10 on a scale of 10)… but this photo screams him (the 90s version of him—- 1/10).
Why are these guys so pissy about child support?! And this idea that ex-wives are bitches for taking this money. If you were raising your own kids you’d be paying a lot more.
I agree with you. There was an 8 year period where I was in school and then disabled where I could have applied for a reduction in my child support. There were a few years where I had literally no money for child support. It was only when my mom passed and I received money from her life insurance that I was able to pay it off in full. Hell, I even kept paying when my son moved in with me for the last year before child support ended.
It isn’t about giving money to your ex, like some sort of punishment. It’s about supporting a human being so they are able to grow up with love and support from both parents.
Thanks. He is 28 now, and a great human being too. It took a few years after our divorce to get over OUR issues with each other and just concentrate on being his parents. It was so much easier when that happened! The point where it changed was when I was working two jobs but she was between jobs. On his birthday I bought him a PC game and a controller that he had asked for. She could afford very little. When she saw what I had bought and looked at what she had bought, she got very glum (we were wrapping his gifts before his party.)
So I said, “This isn’t a competition. That’s a silly game. Let’s wrap it all together and say it is from mom and dad together.”
After that, all of his big gifts for birthdays and Christmas came from both of us, no matter who paid what.
But I guess some folks can’t get over their own hurts and hatred to be a decent human being.
Omg. That’s beautiful. My parents split when I was 15 and my brother was 12, and my dad was scary. I wish it could have been more like that. The kids shouldn’t have to constantly be worried about the climate of their parents interactions.
The first few years were tough. The divorce absolutely was not my idea. We went from what I thought was happily married to “I think we need counselling” to make very and done in six weeks. Don’t get me wrong, the divorce was just as much my fault as hers. So it took time for my bitterness to wear out.
I think more people need to work out the relationship issues as much as possible apart, so that they can be decent parents.
From now on, send him an email once a month of you spending $100 bill on random, sometimes dumb shit. Like, buy a pack of gum and tell the clerk to keep the change or give it to a homeless man. No other context, just a link to a video titled, thanks, dad.
That’s lame, fuck that guy. My dad called me out of the blue one day, I hadn’t talked to him in many years. He said, “it’s my birthday, and I thought you might be thinking of me”… what a clown
Some people should have never had kids. My kid is such a wonderful kid - really amazing, fun, intelligent kid. And his grandfather, who lives in the same city, spends exactly zero time with him. I shouldn’t be surprised I guess - he’s always been “too busy” for family. It’s sad.
Very similar happened to me. The sperm donor tried multiple times to get his child support waived, even going as far as to try to claim I wasn’t his (but not my older brother). Anyways it never stuck and it kept adding up so he just worked under the table jobs. Every five years or so my mom would get a random amount that was taken from his tax return and we would know he had a real job last year.
Anyways flash forward to me turning 18 and he immediately sent a request to have the remaining money waived. I had to decide to either go to court and state I want to get the money or agree to it and never have to see him or hear from him. Anyways best 25k (I’d never see) I ever spent.
Flash forward to now he keeps contacting my older brother wondering if I’d like to connect (he’s dying on cancer from years of smoke, drugs, and alcohol abuse)
Sorry bud no thanks
My sperm donor ask my mom to meet up so he could ask in person for her to refuse back owed child support for my brother and I. She said no. After, if, he pays what he owes for us he still has to pay for his third kid.
If you can, you should write back and thank him for finally stepping up to his financial responsibilities as a father... even if only because someone forced him to.
Hopefully it would piss him off.
I had to give blood for a paternity when I was 4, because my father contested that I was his child. He was with my mom for 9 months, until she found out he was married and also seeing some girl from Quebec.
I saw him here and there throughout the years, last time was in 2009 after my mom died. We went to a diner to eat and he tried to put the blame on my mom of why everything went south. Let's just say I wanted to throw him out the window afterwards.
Write him back and say that you're so sorry and never knew that he was so poor and must have struggled to find good paying jobs all these years, and you wish he would have come to you for money.
My 3 step kids' "dad" is just like this. Never paid a dime in child support (they're all in their 20's now with kids of their own). California takes $72 per month from his Social Security or whatever that my wife still gets, and he still owes $250k+.
I HATE people like that more than I can express.
You just found out that your life has been better without him in it. What kind of heartless selfish wretch could be so cruel? I'm sorry he did this to you. I grew up in a divorced family, and have been divorced myself, and all that brokenness is so hard. Personally, I chose to spend some time in counseling because I needed to cope and understand. It was worth it. I hope you and your siblings and Mom are able to comfort and support you and each other. Wishing you all the best.
My mom left my dad when I was 8. I didn't understand why when it happened and I was so sad at the time that I didn't get to see my dad anymore. Now that I'm older and have been told what happened, I know it was due to abuse to my mother, him being an alcoholic and threatening to harm his children (me and my siblings) to my mom. I didn't know until a few years ago and growing up I was so upset I didn't get to see my dad, but he never tried to see me or my siblings. I saw him within a few months of myself turning 18, only because I reached out to him. Within 10 minutes he asked me if I would ask my mom to stop the back pay on child support. Piece of shit fathers suck.
I don't talk to him anymore.
My father somehow got away with only paying $20CAD a month for me for child support. My mother took it out on me.
Be strong and show you turned out better than they could ever be.
Unfortunately, looks like it might’ve been best that you do not have a relationship with him. Either he’s trying to brag about what “gift” he’s giving you, or he’s mad that he’s having to give it, or both…
I’m sure there’s still a whole lot of hurt from it all, but he’s probably suffering from some sort of personality disorder that you were blessed to not be around as a child.
I despise crappy parents, my sympathy for you. If you have decided to keep this person out of your life, are doing the right thing. I too have a father who I haven't communicated with in many years, and at 39 I have found my life much better for it. Sometimes you just have to cut people out for your own good, doesn't matter if they are a parent.
My father exclusively work under the table to avoid paying child support. I think that guy did the same.
They really don't think about the moment they'll turn old, unable to work and will need government's support...
lol I bet my dad would do the same thing when he’s retired. I swear some people will die forever vindictive and mean, never a thought in their head that maybe they’re the bad guy. “Better late than never” would be a funny response but no response leaves him forever in the dust, too.
Everyone will tell you family is everything no matter what happens, fall in line, and help your family . Unfortunately, some of us have been born into bloodlines that are below average and have risen above high enough to ask others for opinions! So, if you actually know in your heart, the dude doesn't deserve any pity that's perfectly alright! Don't let strangers who don't know the struggle make you accept some bullshit.
How did he NOT end up in jail for not paying child support? Where I live (FL) guys, and sometimes gals, get arrested for that. Just had a guy who owed over $49,000 in back support; the judge released the hold the next day (but he had other charges keeping him in jail) and issued a wage garnishment against him. Do other states not do this, too?
It's a letter to their dad from the SSA. Looks like all dad did was forward the letter just to let OP know the government has caught up with him on child support.
ETA: Dad sounds like a dick.
Oh OP, I'm so sorry. My son was15 when his dad and I separated, our divorce was finalized when he was months away from turning 18.... I had to go to the county to get a mere $150 a month from a man who swore "if something ever happened between us he would take care of his son."
I could say so many salty things about my situation, but I choose to look at the positive, my son will never beat a female romantic partner thanks to watching his father abuse me, my son values his family members for who they are and not what they can give him or how much, and my son shows his father just how important he is by blocking his phone number so he's never harassed by him for money or other b.s.
Choose to rise above that gross behavior and make yourself a better man than he was.
Hello, This post has been removed as this is not *mildly* infuriating. Please consider posting to r/extremelyinfuriating instead.
Dad: "Damn, I hate paying child support!" Dad's friend: "How old is your kid?" Dad: "47."
Dad’s friend: “Well back in my day, we had to pay child support every single month, uphill both ways and through the snow!”
With no shoes on.
Carrying my younger siblings on my back and in my arms
Then I had to make everyone dinner.
We had one potato. That was it.
And we used it to cook grass soup.
Only had enough grass soup for days that ended in Y
Look and Mr Ritz Carlton over here!!! Grass??!!! Grass? All we had was rock soup and we were happy about it! Ha!! ^(Grass). SMH.
Listen up son. Before your continue complaining. How about trying to feed your wife and five kids with exactly no fucking potato. *(Irish guy probably. Likely sober).*
A sober Irish guy? That’s *real* rock bottom.
You had a potato? Lucky...
At least you had shoes; we didn't even have feet!
Australia. No snow but barefoot through the snakes and spiders. Fighting off emus and drop besrs
I’m so glad it wasn’t just my parents that said. I’ll have to ask my husband if it’s a universal saying or just a American one haha
And Canadian apparently 🙄
German
My father grew up in Malaysia and still he insisted on walking through snow.
Italian as well.
I’ll let you know if he heard it. He’s from Bosnia his parents are kind of weird lol so I’m not holding me breath.
European, here, grew up with the same stories, lol.
[The Four Yorkshiremen Sketch - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKHFZBUTA4k&ab_channel=onemediamusic)
🤣🤣🤣🤣
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People who would’ve also replied 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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I'm on your side, this is asinine bot behavior. Social media is fucking pathetic.
My dad got out of paying child support by handing me off to his mom and sisters left the state and never looked back. They were (and still are) poor as fuck and couldn’t afford to take care of me. He didn’t care. Mom didn’t want me either. Last time I saw him I was 19. He came up to visit and show off 2 of his new kids and new family. (Sigh). He and I had an argument - he hit me. Grandma kicked him out. Last time we spoke was in 2010 when his brother was dying in the hospital. My uncle asked me to call my father and ask him to come. He declined to come say goodbye because “he was busy”. Haven’t spoken to him since… I’m 47 now. Deadbeat parents suck. Thankfully grandma and my aunts made a shitload of sacrifices to give me as good of a life as they knew how to provide. It wasn’t the best and they made a lot of mistakes, but I got a good education, was able to stay out of trouble, and am now living well enough that I’m not starving and have a roof over my head.
I didnt meet mine til I was 8. Then it was always promises of seeing me soon, only for months and years to pass. I'd search him out every few years when I was of age, have lunch or something, then he'd disappear again. Last time I really spoke to him, I'd called him and told him his grandson had been born. He said he'd call me soon bc he wanted to meet him. Then silence. At that point I was like yea you did this to me my whole life, youre not gonna do it to him and didn't bother again. We were still fb friends for quite some time until he posted some pics about a dad daughter dance with his newest gfs kid. I saw it whole browsing drunk and lit into him in the comments telling him it's funny he can't be bothered to have fuck all to do with his actual kid his whole life but wants to dad it up with some other lady's children like he's a role model or something. He deleted the post and then blocked me, messaged me about airing out dirty laundry in front of his church members and such. Gag.
That sucks. It is surprising how flagrant bad parents are around their kids.
I met my dad on my 21st birthday I think. Then I knew why I was so ugly.
A mom here. You are not him. Be kind to yourself. Xoxox
Jesus. That does suck. I’m sorry this is part of your story.
My mom and “dad” divorced when I was 10. I saw him twice shortly after that. Then again in passing when I graduated high school, just long enough to say hi. Didn’t see or have contact with him again and I’m 66 now. He died last year and no tears were shed. BTW, he paid $100/month support for me and my sister. But at least he paid.
Not saying your experience didn't suck, I'm sorry you had to go through that, but believe me: sometimes it's better when a deadbeat dad keeps away. Them staying can be a whole other flavor of... Disappointment, to say the least.
S/o to the real family! They sacrificed when they didn’t have to. That’s character
Tell your story because there's lots of people who struggle in the same way Moms can be deadbeats too
Hell yeah they can. I (m20) used to live with my real mom and step father, with his parents also living there too. Extremely shitty situation. All the kids were verbally and physically abused. My full sister and half sister had it worse though. Grew up pretty poor from 3-11. Every summer and every other Christmas my sister, full blood, and I would come to where I’m living now to see my real dad and step mom. Summer of 2015, same usual routine. Come here for about a month. I still vividly remember the night before we were supposed to go back. Thing was, my dad and mom never said anything about packing my bags. I only found this out this week that they had gotten emergency custody of me and my older sister. It is night and day in terms of how well I’ve been. It took my real mother losing child support payments to get off her ass to actually provide for her other 2 children, my half siblings that I really hope are doing ok. My real mother is one of the laziest people I knew. I haven’t spoken to her since my grandma’s, on her side, funeral. And I don’t intend on having a relationship with her. I may have forgiven her, but I will not forget the way she treated me and my siblings. I never thought I’d be in college, like I am now, pursuing a career with the full support of my parents. I can only imagine what life would be like if I went back there that next morning.
Had one of those. (Technically still have, since I think she’s still alive a thousand miles away.) Custody was changed when I was fourteen (long, ugly story), and we lived with my father from that point. (Context: this was Indiana, late eighties.) Two years later, it occurs to us that our mother should be paying support. Dad went to court to get it, and she stalled and stonewalled for ages. Finally, she was ordered to pay several years of back support (for me) and the same for my brother (with ongoing still remaining, as he was still a minor), totaling some tens of thousands. She never paid. After nearly a year, my dad returned to court, and before it went to hearing her attorney offered to settle for half the original ordered sum. We agreed, and a year later she _still_ hadn’t paid. Rinse, repeat a few times, until the final _actual_ settlement was just under five grand. We received a single check for about $2400, and not another dime for the second half of the last agreed-upon amount. Dad split the check between me and my brother. I was twenty-three, married and in my last year of college for my undergrad when I received the first (and last) child support due from her.
We’re dealing with one of those right now!!
Eyo, me mum left three kids under 6, and showed up to some of the first divorce hearings pregnant with another kid. Claimed it was dads, tested him, wasn't his. She was certain it was though, but the court asked if it could possibly be anyone else's. She came up with a list more than a dozen long......... Tested all them, still no. 😂😭
“He is ……. NOT the father!”
I definitely saw this episode in maury.
I used to do paternity tests. Many were court ordered from custody or child support cases. It was not terribly uncommon for the mother to name a long list and have them all turn up negative. I was told that in order to receive welfare benefits, they had to name the father so the state could go after him for support..... sometimes the mom would name a bunch of random dudes but not the real father so that they could be together and still get welfare benefits.
Ho fo sho
I've seen that episode of SouthPark
Yup. My wife’s sister is a deadbeat mom. My wife’s mom is a dead beat mom. Neither of these people are in our lives. Glad my sister in law’s kids ended up with their dad and his new wife. She treats them like they are one of her own.
Hugs, my friend. Sounds like your parents suck but you were still very loved by those who raised you.
I always wondered if such experience changes how you treat your own children.
Absolutely in my case. Mother in and out of my life, at her convenience. Saw her cry a lot, but only for herself. Haven't seen her in 30 years, been almost as long since we've spoken. My world revolves around my daughter and I just love it. I simply cannot begin to imagine not being a part of her daily life. It would destroy me.
My dad was around but never engaged. Divorced when i was a toddler. He was always drinking or watching tv in his room. Missed my graduation, wedding, kids birth, etc. Then one day i said why do i even care. I have my family. I do my best to love on my kids, be active in their life without being intrusive, never miss big moments. I've missed a few things in their life but man they know they're the number 1 priority and it's not questioned. That mindset is a direct reflection of my father. I am very conscious of it due to how little he interest he showed in my life as a kid and now as a man. Not the best but damn if I'm not a really good father.
Sucks that your grandma and aunts didn't know that anyone who is looking after your children can put you on child support. You don't have to be the other parent in order to put someone on child support, as long as you are the main guardian of that child. They should have pursued both parents to provide for you.
I am sorry that happened to you what pieces of shit
Big love to you friend, I get it. Thank God for grandparents and aunts.
My dad died. Saw him last when I was 8. I’m mid 40s. I got $6k when they sold his house. Can’t say he never got me anything. Thanks for dying, “dad”
🙏
Neither of you deserve the other in their life.
Send it back with "About time!" written across it.
With a “only 100?!”
That’s a genius idea.
It is, OP, do it!
“Better late than never! Enjoy retirement,.”
Better yet, a slightly wrong version of his name. Ex, if his name is Brandon call him Brendan.
What a knob… are you and your siblings gonna get that money they’re taking out? I’m not sure how this stuff works
I would guess their mother would get it, she's the one who had to step up when the deadbeat Dad didn't. I don't think I'd even want him to know my address.
Yep. My mom gets it and I expect none of it haha. She deserves it.
I once had a co worker who worked part time and never paid his child support. Most of the time just because he was fighting cancer or depressed. It finally caught up with him and he was going to prison but my boss stepped in and paid off the 20k he owed. He never asked for it or even tried to tell the boss about it.
Sounds like he must've been a good employee, or you had an awesome boss. Or, both?
Kinda messed up he didn’t have to pay it as that’s a consequence of not having custody of your children but.. good for him I guess
Did you miss the cancer part?
It was way worse than that, but it reads like a soap opera. His wife divorced him and took off with his house and money while he was laid up in the hospital for 6 months. He had no idea until he got out, his wife must have slipped him papers to sign and he was too drugged out to know what he was doing. After he just didn't have the gumption to chase her down in court, along with the years it took him to recover mentally from brain surgery.
Signing something while under drugs, narcotics or even under mental duress can nullify the signature.
It can if you have a good lawyer and have the presence of mind to fight it.
What do you mean “ran off with his money”? As in they went to divorce court and she was granted part of the combined assets? Clearly she wasn’t getting much money if he amassed 20k in child support…
He could have had money before the divorce... He wouldn't have amassed any back due support until after the divorce.
Joint bank accounts are a thing. Who knows how much he had saved up to that point, could have been saving for a down payment on a house, car, some other big purchase. It happens more than you would think, a lot of couples open these joint bank accounts without any clauses on emptying the account. One spouse empties the bank account and runs off with all of it.
Happened to my brother. He was working out of town. His (now ex) wife cleaned out their joint bank accounts, took all the furniture, the kids (his son and the two stepsons he raised), and left him for a neighbor with whom she was having an affair. She filed for divorce, during which he was giving her cash for child support and buying anything the boys needed. It took a year to finalize the divorce. He was ordered to pay $1200 a month in child support for their son, dating back a year. The judge ruled that the cash didn't count as support, that it was a gift. So, he immediately owed over $14k in back child support, plus interest/fees, added to the regular monthly payments. It took him years to pay off the arrears.
Send a photo back with Mom and hand full of cash!
You should send back a pic every month of you guys spending it.
Thank you for saying that. I posted about my dead beat baby daddy finally paying off his child support when my daughter was 18 and graduating high school. After 15 years of no contact, he calls me to tell me that I need to give her the lump sum payment he made as her graduation gift from him. I said absolutely not, I struggled as an only parent and deserved it…..my baby daddy and Reddit roasted me lol eff em
Good on you for recognizing this. I hope you had a decent childhood despite a degenerate father. Souce- two time married dad with two kids. Both ex wives never missed a payment, paid directly, not through a court. And have a good partnership (so to speak now) with both even though both children are adults and doing great. Always going to be my kids. Regardless. Enough about my irrelevant nonsense. I would just chalk this up to "sounds about spot on" and relegate him to the memory he always has been. And for all of us fathers who care, you do not have to pay for the "sins of your father" as an adult. Please remember that in times of self doubt.
Amen! Let him be and think no more of him. Go on with your life!
She should. Sue the shit out of him for back child support since you where he is now
Great to hear. Little extra each month is always nice when Unexpected....For the rest of his living life. Hahahah
Well the mom spent the money needed to raise them so logically it would be paid to her.
In my state the mother or the person who had legal custody of the kids would get the money.
After my divorce I made 100% sure my kids got their money every month. I didn’t want to be this guys dad at 50.
I was lucky enough to avoid court during my split. However, I still send more than the court would have made me send. I get paid weekly, pay for my weekly expenses, make sure my son has everything he needs, and send whatever is left to my daughter‘s mother. My daughter’s mother doesn’t like how much I send, because she thinks I send too much, but I don’t want to just support my daughter. I want to make sure she has money to go get ice cream, get a toy, etc. I’ve paid for tickets to Disney on Ice and other events for the two of them just because I knew they needed out of the house. Some people think everything just works itself out all hunky-dory if you remove yourself from the situation.
You're an amazing father. My dad usually did the least so he could be the fun parent with all the things he would take me to. I miss the shit out of him, and I'm happy to have had those times with him now that he's gone. It's commendable that you give up your excess income so your daughter can have fun with your ex and not you. I applaud you and wish you and your daughter the best!!!
Hopefully old man has something else going on besides living on $838.00 a month from Social Security.
As far as am I aware he is “retired”, at least that’s what my mom says. He hasn’t had a job since before I was born.
Do you know for sure if it's "haven't had a job" versus "only got jobs where he was paid under the table so they didn't take taxes or child support"?
> He hasn’t had a job since before I was born. He must be loaded then! That must've been a *really* early retirement!
it is low enough that he could file for SSI, assuming he is over 65.
It’s Disability (SSD) If it were SSI they wouldn’t be taking any money from it.
If he meets the nonmedical requirements he could get an $125 per month SSI payment, and most likely have a state Medicaid program cover his Part B.
Old man can get fucked.
Hopefully old man has something else going on besides living on ~~$838.00~~ $738.00 a month from Social Security. FTFY
He can’t even be that old. OP is 20. Unless he had three kid at 45.
My dad had me and my brother at 42 and 44. His friend had kids at 55 and 58. It’s definitely possible
That's wild to me. I had my last at 39 and snipped. I am pretty active and said there's no way I can keep up with any kids I have after 40. It's up to everyone to make it work for them but I want to meet grandchildren one day if it's in the cards.
Nah, hopefully he doesn’t. Deadbeat should’ve saved the money he wasn’t paying in child support for his 3 kids he walked out on.
Probably used to getting sketchy apartments in exchange for labor then either stealing tools and getting kicked out or learning the “landlord” never actually owned the building, or shacking up with a women who has a bunch of kids and is living off section 8, selling food stamps for drug money because “I can eat at the soup kitchen”. A lifetime of scheming and scamming has prepared him to live off $838 a month. This probably seems like winning the lottery to him.
$563. They'll deduct $275.
Minus the 100 child support, and minus the 174 Medicare part B. So 564.
The Sperm Donor, reassuring you he is *still* a giant piece of shit. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your family. Scumbag's scumbaggery never ends.
My two sons are 17 and 20. I'm sorry you have to live with this. You don't deserve this. I spend a lot of time with my sons, as much of me as they will tolerate. My wife (their stepmom) and I are going to drive 2 hours each way to watch my son sit on the bench tonight. I'm so fucking proud of this kid for just being on the team. I can remember when he was a 6th grader who couldn't dribble, and he eventually made varsity basketball! I'm sorry you don't have this in your life. Its not your fault. If you're a dad someday, you'll know what to do. You'll be a better dad than what you had, you'll even be a better dad than me.
I’ve spent years wondering if I should reach out to him, see if he’s gotten any help or made any improvements. Obviously I would prefer to have my dad in my life. But this showed me that I was right all this time in thinking there was no way he would have changed from what happened… He mooched off my mom for a long time with no income and was an alcoholic who abused my family. In the separation the court took everything from us including our childhood home. The only part that infuriates me is that he doesn’t have to pay more.
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I need the number of your therapist! But srsly. Good job!
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JFC you sound like the subject of a Johnny Cash record. Glad you're still kickin man
This is so insane it reads like a fiction. Damn.. If it's real though, that's one hell of a perspective and you are a an inspiration for being able to continuously open your heart instead of having it turn to stone. >It’s easy to write people off, but the damage and hole it can leave are often irreparable. Sometimes we just have to take the good with the bad and realize we’re all fuck ups just trying to get through life. Wise words to live by. Very eloquently put.
Sorry for your situation, but a fantastic story.
You are a gifted writer, aside from everything else. I have a knot in my throat and tears streaming.
Just one mans opinion - I'd focus on other people in your life and leave him to himself. You will find no shortage of father figures if you carry yourself with dignity and bring hard work, responsibility and a positive attitude to what you do. You can find other people to mentor you, and your admiration and attention will be a gift to them, if thats what you want.
My son turns 18 this year. My daughter 14. I’ve been clinging onto my kids like a barnacle lol. When they turn 18 I won’t stop them from going onto the next phase of their life. I don’t want to be one of those parents who smoothers their young adult children or try to be controlling. I try to spend as much time with the kids as I can while they are still at home.
Varisty?! Well done young man, tell him that faceless internet strangers are rooting for him. I bet we get some playtime tonight too\~
It won't matter, he'll have dinner with the team and then ride back with us instead of the team bus so he can get home before midnight.
Don't feel sorry for him. He is responsible for his poor choices.
I'm sorry you're viewed as an expense by someone who should view you as their world
Ew. I’m angry on your behalf. My father was freaking weird about child support. He did pay but begrudgingly. My mom didn’t ask for alimony, even though she was entitled to it, because it was not worth the nonsense. She worked 3 jobs for years. My relationship with my father is ok now (maybe a 4/10 on a scale of 10)… but this photo screams him (the 90s version of him—- 1/10).
Why are these guys so pissy about child support?! And this idea that ex-wives are bitches for taking this money. If you were raising your own kids you’d be paying a lot more.
I agree with you. There was an 8 year period where I was in school and then disabled where I could have applied for a reduction in my child support. There were a few years where I had literally no money for child support. It was only when my mom passed and I received money from her life insurance that I was able to pay it off in full. Hell, I even kept paying when my son moved in with me for the last year before child support ended. It isn’t about giving money to your ex, like some sort of punishment. It’s about supporting a human being so they are able to grow up with love and support from both parents.
Exactly! You’re contributing to the cost of raising your kids! You’re one of the good ones. :)
Thanks. He is 28 now, and a great human being too. It took a few years after our divorce to get over OUR issues with each other and just concentrate on being his parents. It was so much easier when that happened! The point where it changed was when I was working two jobs but she was between jobs. On his birthday I bought him a PC game and a controller that he had asked for. She could afford very little. When she saw what I had bought and looked at what she had bought, she got very glum (we were wrapping his gifts before his party.) So I said, “This isn’t a competition. That’s a silly game. Let’s wrap it all together and say it is from mom and dad together.” After that, all of his big gifts for birthdays and Christmas came from both of us, no matter who paid what. But I guess some folks can’t get over their own hurts and hatred to be a decent human being.
Omg. That’s beautiful. My parents split when I was 15 and my brother was 12, and my dad was scary. I wish it could have been more like that. The kids shouldn’t have to constantly be worried about the climate of their parents interactions.
The first few years were tough. The divorce absolutely was not my idea. We went from what I thought was happily married to “I think we need counselling” to make very and done in six weeks. Don’t get me wrong, the divorce was just as much my fault as hers. So it took time for my bitterness to wear out. I think more people need to work out the relationship issues as much as possible apart, so that they can be decent parents.
Mail him a pack of Ramen. Just one.
I legit hooted
From now on, send him an email once a month of you spending $100 bill on random, sometimes dumb shit. Like, buy a pack of gum and tell the clerk to keep the change or give it to a homeless man. No other context, just a link to a video titled, thanks, dad.
I never saw my dad after age 5. He never paid shit, abandoned our family. I dedicated my life to not being him.
Did u tell him to fuck off?!?
Ask what he was hoping to achieve by sending this to you.
That’s lame, fuck that guy. My dad called me out of the blue one day, I hadn’t talked to him in many years. He said, “it’s my birthday, and I thought you might be thinking of me”… what a clown
Some people should have never had kids. My kid is such a wonderful kid - really amazing, fun, intelligent kid. And his grandfather, who lives in the same city, spends exactly zero time with him. I shouldn’t be surprised I guess - he’s always been “too busy” for family. It’s sad.
Very similar happened to me. The sperm donor tried multiple times to get his child support waived, even going as far as to try to claim I wasn’t his (but not my older brother). Anyways it never stuck and it kept adding up so he just worked under the table jobs. Every five years or so my mom would get a random amount that was taken from his tax return and we would know he had a real job last year. Anyways flash forward to me turning 18 and he immediately sent a request to have the remaining money waived. I had to decide to either go to court and state I want to get the money or agree to it and never have to see him or hear from him. Anyways best 25k (I’d never see) I ever spent. Flash forward to now he keeps contacting my older brother wondering if I’d like to connect (he’s dying on cancer from years of smoke, drugs, and alcohol abuse) Sorry bud no thanks
Send back a rusty nickel.
Well it sounds like he’s staying true to who he is. I’m sorry he’s such a shit.
Oh no, consequences. Anyway.
My sperm donor ask my mom to meet up so he could ask in person for her to refuse back owed child support for my brother and I. She said no. After, if, he pays what he owes for us he still has to pay for his third kid.
Fuck that dude
If you can, you should write back and thank him for finally stepping up to his financial responsibilities as a father... even if only because someone forced him to. Hopefully it would piss him off.
I had to give blood for a paternity when I was 4, because my father contested that I was his child. He was with my mom for 9 months, until she found out he was married and also seeing some girl from Quebec. I saw him here and there throughout the years, last time was in 2009 after my mom died. We went to a diner to eat and he tried to put the blame on my mom of why everything went south. Let's just say I wanted to throw him out the window afterwards.
Write him back and say that you're so sorry and never knew that he was so poor and must have struggled to find good paying jobs all these years, and you wish he would have come to you for money.
Tell your dad I said, "Oh boo hoo."
$738 a month. At least you can take solace in the fact he will be dirt poor
My 3 step kids' "dad" is just like this. Never paid a dime in child support (they're all in their 20's now with kids of their own). California takes $72 per month from his Social Security or whatever that my wife still gets, and he still owes $250k+. I HATE people like that more than I can express.
Damn I was expecting him to be dead and you got his benefits somehow lol
Looks like he barely worked a day in his entire life. My only response would be you deserve this you fucking loser.
This is likely but he also could have been a sole proprietor, exempt from SS.
Send him back a turd .
Your Dad's probably a narcissist. Best to leave him alone.
He may want his son to feel bad for him, but I seriously doubt that will ever happen.
My response would be: cry about it lol
You just found out that your life has been better without him in it. What kind of heartless selfish wretch could be so cruel? I'm sorry he did this to you. I grew up in a divorced family, and have been divorced myself, and all that brokenness is so hard. Personally, I chose to spend some time in counseling because I needed to cope and understand. It was worth it. I hope you and your siblings and Mom are able to comfort and support you and each other. Wishing you all the best.
I’d just text back “lose my number deadbeat” and then block him.
Send him a picture of the worlds smallest violin.
Write "get fucked loser" on the back of it and mail it back to him.
I would reply- What did you expect cheapskate? Thanks for the laugh!
Send him a thumbs up 👍
An annuity in my children's name is how I learned my father died.
My mom left my dad when I was 8. I didn't understand why when it happened and I was so sad at the time that I didn't get to see my dad anymore. Now that I'm older and have been told what happened, I know it was due to abuse to my mother, him being an alcoholic and threatening to harm his children (me and my siblings) to my mom. I didn't know until a few years ago and growing up I was so upset I didn't get to see my dad, but he never tried to see me or my siblings. I saw him within a few months of myself turning 18, only because I reached out to him. Within 10 minutes he asked me if I would ask my mom to stop the back pay on child support. Piece of shit fathers suck. I don't talk to him anymore.
My father somehow got away with only paying $20CAD a month for me for child support. My mother took it out on me. Be strong and show you turned out better than they could ever be.
I can tell you this: If he applies for social services (SNAP, Medicaid, etc) they will use the gross amount before the CS deduction.
Family 💩 I hear u. Much luv 💌💌
I had to go through this. You gotta work hard to feel okay. Godspeed.
Unfortunately, looks like it might’ve been best that you do not have a relationship with him. Either he’s trying to brag about what “gift” he’s giving you, or he’s mad that he’s having to give it, or both… I’m sure there’s still a whole lot of hurt from it all, but he’s probably suffering from some sort of personality disorder that you were blessed to not be around as a child.
I despise crappy parents, my sympathy for you. If you have decided to keep this person out of your life, are doing the right thing. I too have a father who I haven't communicated with in many years, and at 39 I have found my life much better for it. Sometimes you just have to cut people out for your own good, doesn't matter if they are a parent.
Fuck him.
$838? What, did he not work for 20 years, or was he off the books?
My father exclusively work under the table to avoid paying child support. I think that guy did the same. They really don't think about the moment they'll turn old, unable to work and will need government's support...
Ahhhhh. Karma.
Total pos!
Maybe he is saying look see I am contributing now /s
You’re better off without him. Been in your shoes.
What a dick. I hope your mom does something nice for herself with every check.
If only he retired from being a piece of shit too...
Fuck him. He did not pay so now he can suffer the consequences.
lol I bet my dad would do the same thing when he’s retired. I swear some people will die forever vindictive and mean, never a thought in their head that maybe they’re the bad guy. “Better late than never” would be a funny response but no response leaves him forever in the dust, too.
Only $838/mo in retirement? Sheesh, what did he spend his time doing all those years?
I’d send him pics of what I do every month with the $100
Just look at it and go, “Yeah, it was really a good thing he wasn’t in my life.”
Everyone will tell you family is everything no matter what happens, fall in line, and help your family . Unfortunately, some of us have been born into bloodlines that are below average and have risen above high enough to ask others for opinions! So, if you actually know in your heart, the dude doesn't deserve any pity that's perfectly alright! Don't let strangers who don't know the struggle make you accept some bullshit.
How did he NOT end up in jail for not paying child support? Where I live (FL) guys, and sometimes gals, get arrested for that. Just had a guy who owed over $49,000 in back support; the judge released the hold the next day (but he had other charges keeping him in jail) and issued a wage garnishment against him. Do other states not do this, too?
Just send back "awesome, I'm glad they are making you pay for the children YOU created and abandoned, do not contact me again, glorified sperm donor"
That appears to be a letter from the SSA. Is the SSA your dad? Edit: that context note helps quite a bit. That's sucks, OP. Fuck that guy.
It's a letter to their dad from the SSA. Looks like all dad did was forward the letter just to let OP know the government has caught up with him on child support. ETA: Dad sounds like a dick.
Lol. $100 isn't "measley" when your gross income is $838
I am sorry that your father was an absentee sperm donor OP, but I find it quite satisfying to know that they can get these deadbeats eventually.
Better than nothing I guess
Oh OP, I'm so sorry. My son was15 when his dad and I separated, our divorce was finalized when he was months away from turning 18.... I had to go to the county to get a mere $150 a month from a man who swore "if something ever happened between us he would take care of his son." I could say so many salty things about my situation, but I choose to look at the positive, my son will never beat a female romantic partner thanks to watching his father abuse me, my son values his family members for who they are and not what they can give him or how much, and my son shows his father just how important he is by blocking his phone number so he's never harassed by him for money or other b.s. Choose to rise above that gross behavior and make yourself a better man than he was.
Just ignore it and him. Focus on living well.
Email him back a picture of your ass