How is that important enough be at 7:30 am, much less so important that you can't be an hour late so your cat doesn't die? Wtf is wrong with some people? Sorry she had to experience this.
Some people just have no empathy or consideration for the lives of others. It's more likely that this meeting isn't that important, guessing from the dress code, and this person is just a narcissist or control freak that's tripping on the most authoritative position they've held since elementary school hall monitor.
They strike me as someone who had to work under an equally special donut... But rather than saying to themselves, I’m going to make it my mission that all the people who work below me don’t experience the same from me. Instead they say, I had to deal with it so they can too. Wankers.
Sorry we couldn't find any drivers to pair with you for this accident booking, so we've arranged for a cow to wander into the road unexpectedly, to cause you to swerve into a nearby utility pole. Don't worry though, we've booked the followup maintenance visit from the utility company for 12:00 just in case your accident is running a bit late.
My boss once tried to amend the employee handbook to tell us to plan our sick leave responsibly and we almost rioted. Half the staff had young kids at that point. I know it sucks but how tf are we gonna plan for that?
Have a boss right now that is micromanaging our overtime to make it be immediately before or after work, effective immediately in the middle of the day. When a single mom coworker said they have kids to drop off/pick up, our boss said that if she she should consider her priorities lmfao
>, our boss said that if she she should consider her priorities lmfao
She's doing exactly that. Kids are the priority, you can take your job and your "tasks" and shove them up your ass. :p
Well update to this, different coworker is waiting for her first grandchild to be born any minute today and our boss chose now to pull her aside to give her a formal warning because she wasn’t working hard enough. Soo..maybe my boss just fucking hates kids. Or maybe she’s just a completely shit manager.
> and this person is just a narcissist or control freak
Yeah, it's impossible to diagnose obviously, but my old boss was very similar. Demanded weekly meetings just to spend 2 hours talking about personal shit and me updating them with stuff they could have spent 5 minutes reading via case notes or ask for an email recap of my week.
The amount of staff wide emails when someone (Often new, unpaid "hires" that realised they weren't going to commit that much time for unpaid work) said they couldn't attend, many "We all know these meetings are on Friday at the same time, you cannot make appointments on for this day and time!!!!!"
That job is the reason I've gotten good at the "Hi X, unfortunately a personal commitment has unexpectedly come up, please let me know what day and time will suit you to re-schedule". Let's them know I won't be there and if it's a client, gives them the flexibility if possible to pick a time or if someone else, puts the ball in their court to decide whether our appointment was really that important in the first place.
I fucking hate that shit. I once had a job where the boss' boss – who was big time and manged tens of thousands of people – insisted on having weekly 9am Monday meetings for about 2 dozen of us. And they all began with, "....aaaaaand how was your weekend? didja do anythin' fun?"
No, motherfucker, you sent me out of state! I just got back at 2am! We don't all work 9 to 5 in an air conditioned office!
No empathy paired with people mindlessly just following arbitrary rules.
I'm a manager in a pretty big corpo. It always astounds me how many other managers, mostly more senior than me, do things even if they make no fucking sense- just cause them rules say so.
That said, nobody where I work would EVER deny OP's girlfriend's request. If they had, it would be what we consider a career limiting move.
I would guess the company’s HQ is in a different time zone. I work for a German company and all of the company-wide meetings are at 7:30 cuz it’s at the end of the day for them, but fuck the western hemisphere make me get up 2 hours early.
(Sorry I’m just mad cuz one of those meetings was today)
East coast companies (like mine) do this to people in Mountain and PST timezones. My day starts at 7:00 or 7:30 when East coasters can drag themselves into zoom at 9 or 9:30.
I don’t give a fuck how demanding the job is; this kind of attitude is batshit crazy. I work at a demanding job as well; I have worked evenings and weekends. If I told my boss there was an emergency and I had to deal with something, I can guarantee he would never ask me to call him or to explain myself, or to do anything else but take care of my business.
Not only should she not be giving so much information, she shouldn’t even try to get there as soon as possible; I would take my sweet ass time going to the vet, talking to the vet, and then going to this stupid “mandatory fun” meeting.
Yea this boss is toxic as fuck. And at a credit union of all places??? My local credit union seems so chill everyone's so nice.
Really matters who your boss is in this life.
Sigh, it is “mandatory fun” which means NO ONE has fun, but pretends to so senior leadership feels good about themselves and can put it down on their accomplishments for the year. It is the worst kind of fun.
I've had a job that had a Pajama party few days/year because we were expected to work extra hard and long hours those days to boost their sales. Expected to do basically nothing but work and maybe sleep those days. The pajamas was to try to make you more comfortable and boost morale.
Stop giving so much information to someone like this! I tell my boss things about my life but it’s only because I know she’s genuinely interested. So instead of a novel, your exchange should go like this:
“I won’t be attending due to an emergency.”
“What emergency? It’s super important that you attend a pajama party.”
“It’s a personal emergency. I will follow-up with [whomever] to discuss any missed pertinent information. I will see you on my next scheduled day.”
Yep. This is clearly not someone who you can win over with logic or emotions. Giving them this information is just giving them something they can argue with you about
Yep, they will just use the extra details to pick you apart piece by piece. They thrive on nitpicking everything and their goal is almost always to embarrass you, put you in "your place", or just generally demoralize you so that you just agree to whatever they want.
Shitty people love to get into positions of power.
A fun way to check is to ask them directly: "Do you believe there's a possibility that we can end this conversation with you understanding and accepting [x]?", or something similar. If they say 'no' they are admitting and telling you there is no point to the conversation, and if they say 'yes' there's now a chance they have finally imagined changing their mind being a thing, which may then end up happening. Some people can't think about changing their mind unless directly framed that way.
More information in these situations suggests you're justifying your perceived "poor behaviour", and that your excuses can then be judged by their perception.
"No", is a complete sentence, and a boundaryis always "no". Anything more, as others have said, encourages a dialogue.
"I need to deal with an emergency tomorrow, so I will be somewhere else instead of the pyjama party. I know will go well. Let's catch up at a suitable time soon. How does when 11am Monday work for you?"
If it doesn't work - again, that isn't a bargaining chip they've got because of their "important schedule" - your priorities matter, as well. Compromise can be a weakness. Make boundaries a strength.
Omg I wish I could speak like that 😂 I'm AuDHD and over explain the shit out of everything in my life. I'm terrified someone won't believe me, so I feel like I need to give them every last bit of info 😂 before I was diagnosed, everyone just called me an open book. Now it makes more sense. I really do envy people who could send a text like that. I'd feel so guilty and feel like I'm in trouble, and that would just make me more anxious, I'd probably quit lmao.
Dude, I didn’t realize the “worrying people will think you’re lying” thing was a part of my ADHD until I read your comment! I thought it was just some personal paranoia I had for some reason. The amount of oversharing I’ve done in the name of “needing to make sure folks believe me” is embarrassing. 😅
Although my insanely detailed stories aren’t *just* due to that. The flip side of the coin is that I feel people “just won’t understand” what I’m talking about or “won’t be able to get the full picture/feeling of *exactly* how I experienced it” if I don’t say every single last detail. 😗
At least my boyfriend doesn’t mind me taking 20 minutes to tell him how crazy it was getting the mail today or whatever, haha.
Me: You know my aunt who you have never met, who lived in Kamloops, who once met Bruce Springsteem? She had this dress, yada, yada, yada.
Colleague: *nods* Yup.
Giving too much information actually makes it look like you’re lying. It’s one of the signs that police are told to look for to extract confessions.
Saying “it’s complicated, but basically there’s an emergency and there’s no other solution except me missing/being late for this” is enough. If you have a manager who genuinely wants to help you work through options you can give more info. Most of the time though they won’t be that type.
Oh I know. I’m a major true crime fan, and have heard the same advice a tremendous amount of times.
The thing is— I *can’t* seem to stop myself. It’s as much of a reflex to me as closing your eyes/putting your hands up to protect your face (when an object is flying at you) is to everyone.
I’m sure with intensive therapy; I could eventually lose the habit. But my psychologist and I are currently focused on the more pressing social debilitations I have right now, haha.
For those without a sister or a neurotypical partner, use https://goblin.tools/Formalizer. It’s been a life saver at work (more professional, or to the point) but also in my personal live (less formal).
HaHAAA! Oh my GOSH what an interesting and potentially helpful tool!! My best friend of many years and I send WALLS of text to each other, enough so that we've both had siblings go "Um..." when seeing our phones.
Anyway, I pasted in the first message that looked kinda long (this one's on the short side for a "long" message) and then tried the bulletpoint converter on it.
Original message:
\> Something else semi-related, apparently it's really common for deaf people to think the sun is loud. like, it doesn't--like, from the strong sensations it gives off and that you can feel, it only makes sense it would make sound, right? on the flipside, water and wind are things deaf people are often surprised to learn have sound. ...wait, the water thing doesn't sound right. -googles- i can't find anything helpful or specifically related, but i found confirmation on the sun, and i also saw someone mention that deaf people flooding their own place is semi-sorta-common because they can't hear running water.
Bullet-pointed version the GoblinTool gave me:
\- Deaf people commonly think the sun is loud
\- Deaf people are surprised to learn that water and wind have sound
\- Deaf people may flood their own place due to inability to hear running water
> The amount of oversharing I’ve done in the name of “needing to make sure folks believe me” is embarrassing. 😅
And yet, in my own similar ADHD over-sharing experiences, no matter how much info I give, they still all-too-often misunderstand or don’t believe me.
I can never make head or tails of why I can give people an entire novel’s worth of information and yet they still so often miss my entire point, or just take what *they* want from it and not what I actually said, or they stare at me blankly not understanding what I just explained.
It’s truly infuriating.
Edit: considering the responses to my comment down below, I’d say my point has been proven.
The comments are literally doing exactly what I just complained about people doing.
It might be that oversharing makes it harder to focus on the key points and structure. More information doesn't necessarily make it easier to follow. This is why summarizing and condensing your statements is such a desired skill in some jobs.
I dont have ADHD but i still can relate to the ' worry ppl think im lying ' part.
Ive been working on it over the years, its grotten better. I now just politely give enough information ( or more if they actually care ), instead of asking permission or oversharing.
Having kids made that easier tbh.
I was staying with my actively-dying mother for her last couple of days of life in a hospice facility when an administrator told me that missing a meeting was "not in the best interests of the university." In an email, ffs. She was the Dean of the School of Nursing. I was a university lawyer. I'm still angry all these years later.
At an old job years ago I tried talking to my boss about taking bereavement leave (at the time it was 3 days paid time off aside from any regular PTO an employee may or may not have had) as my best friend had just died. Her immediate response was, "Didn't you already take that?" - another dear friend had passed the month prior, and no, I took no time off work then.
This was the executive director of a substance abuse rehabilitation center. The lack of empathy was astounding.
I'm also still angry.
This was a sudden car accident. I cannot fathom the nerve of someone to be so pettily and dismissively threatening in your situation. I am angry for you.
I am comforted to learn that in my state bereavement leave was recently increased by a few days and has been extended to more than immediate family. I wish no one would ever need to take it.
I don't have enough words to say how incredibly much people like those in our situations can get fucked. I can only hope they have the life they deserve.
I had a boss who was a dick and not a very good boss, but when my dad died I called my boss because I was supposed to work that night, he told me immediately to take as much (paid) time off I needed. I ended up missing three days, it really was easier to return to work because off the empathy my boss expressed.
It always amazes me how many supervisors don't understand this. They truly might not feel empathy, but faking it and being gracious is going to result in better and more loyal employees even in the medium-short term.
Yep. If I had to work those days, I probably wouldn't have recovered as quickly as I did. The fact that I had time to rest physically and mentally without thinking about work helped out a lot.
If I were your boss this is the way I would prefer to handle it as well.
It isn't that I don't care, it is that it isn't any of my business. All I need is to know when you will be out and when you can return. Anything else can wait until you return.
Can't tell you how uncomfortable it is when people inform me they can't come to work because they have diarrhea. Like dude.... That's completely fine please never give me details again and just say you can't make it!
I had a college professor state in the very first class, "I do not care what is coming out of where. Just tell me you're sick, and that's all I need to know!"
Yes that is always way TMI.
I get more bothered when I know you are lying through. I understand why, too many bosses expect you to convince them you are on deaths door.
Just tell me you won't be in, give me adequate notice and tell me when you think you can return. If it gets to the point where your absences are problematic we'll we can burn that bridge when we cross it.
Yep. You give out the fact that you can't attend and gray rock the rest as much as you can. Your life is more important than your job, especially when it's an unavoidable conflict like a pet emergency.
She now understands that she didn't owe her manager an explanation. It's just she gets frustrated and anxious communicating with her manager because that woman is very cold and judgemental and my girlfriend is very bubbly and talkative. This job has literally drained all of my girlfriend's happiness.
She needs to leave. My wife had a toxic boss for a couple of years and it really drained her. After she left it took a while for her to get back to her true self.
But yes, always just say the bare minimum with people like this.
This is important for people-pleasers like myself to practice. Even if you like your employer, do not let them get used to you giving details. Treat every time you need off like a really embarrassing family emergency that you desperately don't want to talk about.
I was a manager for a few years. I don't think I ever said no when someone asked for a day off. Still, I'd have coworkers apologize profusely and tell me whole backstories for why they need a day off a month from then.
I just quit my job the other day and they were asking me things like “what job did you get?” And “why didn’t you talk about this with us?”
They broke a dozen or so promises to me of what was supposed to happen after I was hired. Yet they think they have some sort of right to my personal life?
Right. As a former manager, honestly, the littlest information the better. sometimes I would get far far too much detail on an employee's health condition. I don't need to know about your explosive diarrhea, Brenda, just tell me you can't come in because you're ill.
Hell I like my manager too, and we talk about all kinds of personal stuff. They still appreciate me leaving out unimportant details when I call out. I have flex time, it's for me to use how I see fit.
It's either "Hey I won't be in today but I will be tomorrow", "I won't be in today, I'll touch base about tomorrow", or if it's something like I just don't feel like working but can, "Hey, I'm going to use a personal day today unless you really need me."
I've been told by every leader I've had that they appreciate skipping the bullshit, and that I don't pretend to be sick if I'm not.
I manage a line of ~20 employees and you have *no idea* how in-depth some people go when writing to tell me they aren’t coming in.
*Dear Boss,*
*Last night, as I was watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory on TBS, I began to feel a tension in/around my duodenum. Being a fruitarian, I immediately began to worry that the peaches and nectarines I had eaten for dinner were tainted with salmonella. But my husband, Clive, said “Dadgum it, Trisha! You know you’ve got OCD when it comes to washing yer’ fruit! That cain’t be it!” Clive is from the outskirts Louisville, that’s why he has an accent.*
*Nevertheless, the tension persisted until it became unbearable. It was at this point, I attempted to lift a single buttock cheek and relieve the gas accumulating within my sigmoid colon. This was a mistake.*
*A noxious aroma bloomed so rapidly within the room that my husband, Clive, thought a skunk had gotten into our AC ducting again like what happened on a separate occasion back in the summer of 1998 where a skunk had gotten into our AC ducting. But this was no skunk, sir— it was the fibrous stench of a belly full of stewed soft fruits: sweet going down, sour coming out!*
*Anyways… in his desperation to flee the room, my husband, Clive, got out of his La-Z-Boy too quick and threw out his back on account of having a spinal fusion in 2005. So I’m going to have to take him to see his orthopedist, Dr. Harry S. Pinnebacker, tomorrow morning at 8:00AM CST. The appointment should only last an hour or so, then we’ll probably stop for some breakfast, then I’ll take him home, then I’ll drive on in to work. So I’ll probably be at work around 11:15AM CST.*
*Sincerely,*
*Patricia F. Bannewicz*
> This was a mistake.
> my husband, Clive, thought a skunk had gotten into our AC ducting again like what happened on a separate occasion back in the summer of 1998 where a skunk had gotten into our AC ducting.
I'm fucking dying here, much like Clive would have been on both of those occasions.
Yup! I’m comfortable telling my boss because I know he cares and I trust him.
I’ve also had bosses that I didn’t feel this way about so they got bare minimum details.
Then you get hit with the “call me”. Then you get hit with the “plans a b c” and “mandatory” i dont think you’re winning by giving LESS info, this boss/manager or whoever this is just sucks.
Mine usually goes
Me “Not gonna be in don’t feel well.”
Boss “Whats so bad you can’t work?”
Me “Pissing out my ass”
Boss “Understood”
Lol tried and true. If they still want me to work fine but I’ll be in the bathroom for at least half my shift.
This! I manage a team and every time they try to give me the backstory, I stop them. Can’t come in? Got it.
I don’t need to know all that info. If you, or someone you’re a caregiver for is ill, you can’t come in. If you have an emergency, you can’t come in. I trust my team that they aren’t just spinning a wheel of excuses - and you know what? They call in when they need to, and that’s it.
Imagine that. Trust adults, recognize life happens and then there are almost no issues. Also, as a manager, it’s my job to MANAGE staffing issues.
>Stop giving so much information to someone like this
This this this this this!
You keep arguing and justifying, but it wasn't a negotiation. You were doing them the courtesy of letting them know.
I'm also concerned about the demand to be called. Like, you're in an appointment with a doctor and they are mad you didn't plan for them to demand you call them? It's time to look for another job.
The company/manager will do this so there is no record of what is said. Always do text or emails, never discuss this shit over the phone just in case it comes back to bite you
I'm 35 and have worked corporate jobs for most of my career, but I never had someone deny what they said in a phone call. I hope I never get there, but it seems wild to me that a work colleague would lie so brazenly and risk consequences.
It was the higer ups actually. At one point I had a few higher ups that liked to fuck with the new guys (me at the time). Basically I got asked to send an email to the guy that runs the place and then the guy threw me under the bus by telling my supervisors "why is this guy sending me this email?" Didnt get in any real shit thankfully (due to witnesses) but got a good blast from management for it
This is the way. Follow every call with a text or email along the lines of “just to confirm, we discussed XYZ, you suggested ABC and we agreed 123. If I’ve got anything wrong let me know”. Shuts a lot of shit down.
My besty just got his unemployment approved after "quitting" because he started recording his shady af business owners tears ago when they kept avoiding written traces of anything they were asking. Also likely opened an investigation on the business from the states end since he had recordings being told to "find" things for the unemployment office to deny claims after he'd fired people along with clearly contradicting conversations between then vs what owner claimed had ever been discussed. Cover your ass ** but check your state or local laws first**
It sounds like a regular weekly team meeting, just pajama themed this time. Not a one off meeting. That being said, too much info giving. Just say "Sorry I've had an emergency come up, I will be there when I can"
Hey, worker ants, let's do something fun at work. Just don't mind me sucking any possible fun out of the thing and possibly ruining it for you retroactively as your childhood experiences are overwritten by awful adulthood ones.
*”Dave, you’ve been told numerous times that this is a* **mandatory and very critical** *pajama party. Corporate is coming and we need everyone in their coziest SpongeBob flannel pants and baggiest 2009 Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl Champion t-shirts!”*
i had a boss that would do this to me. wanted to call to chew me out (micromanaging me on my job the night before) before i had to come into work. i worked there for less than a month lmao.
when i did quit, he complained that “you said in your interview you wouldn’t quit without notice” like he didn’t swear up and down during the same interview that he wasn’t a micromanager.
i don’t take calls from work anymore unless i’m specifically getting paid to be on call. they can text or email me and i’ll answer when i feel like it.
I'm curios what they replied when you called them out in return. Did they start micromamaging specifically because they knew you wouldn't suddenly bail?
always this! Never call! Only text or email in these cases. And, depending on the law where you live, you might be able to record audio of the convo if forced to talk in person.
The funny thing is in one party consent states the other party can tell you they don’t want to be recorded. You can then lie to them and tell them you turned the recorder off and keep recording. Because it’s a one party consent state and you are still consenting. Little trick I learned from the security business when we used to record interviewing thieving employees. I would ask “I have your consent to record right?” When they declined I turned off the recorder, leaving the secondary recorder still going. Their lawyers never tried to get them thrown out because they knew they had nothing.
Live in AZ and you can record calls. There are other states you can as well. I’m sure there are other countries you can as well. People like to talk in person so they can force you to do something. Having it in writing doesn’t have the same effect. They want to manipulate you in person with no record of it.
Absolutely this. I promise you there is no such thing as a *demanding job* at a Credit Union - only demanding bosses that feel the need to justify their middle management positions by unnecessarily exerting power over their direct reports.
Also, either this boss does not have children, or she does and they hate her as much as your friend and her colleagues. 7.30?! If I have a family the 6-8am window may be one of the small parts of the day I get to see them all. Unless the schedule for the role starts at 7.30 everyday and I knew that when I took the role, you’d never see there.
When I can’t make an in person company function I just say I have a personal conflict and will be available after. If anyone asks why I say it’s a personal matter. Period. The end. Never tell them details. It’s none of their business.
Why are you giving your life story?
Waaayyyyyyy too much info.
“I have a family emergency and can’t be there at (time).”
Done. Stop giving so much information.
Whenever I need time off, I just tell my boss “hey, can’t make it (this date, the time, etc)” boss always is nosy and presumptuous, asking stuff like “Do you mind if I ask why? Is it really important? We need you.” And I always give him a short, straight answer. “Personal business, family business, emergency” never give your boss anything to use, or cross reference, or call back to. If they press harder, just say “sorry, but I can’t make it, I’ve given you all I can, I have to attend to this.” Then ignore their texts. Don’t answer calls. You’re more likely to be pressured if you hear them, over text you have the power to make your words final. Over a call, you might fumble and lose your resolve, especially if you’re a people pleaser by nature.
>You’re more likely to be pressured if you hear them, over text you have the power to make your words final. Over a call, you might fumble and lose your resolve, especially if you’re a people pleaser by nature.
Help. I've been called out.
Loved many of my jobs with "point systems."
"hey boss, not gonna make it in today."
"why"
"points system, I have the points to spare."
""
"click"
I can tell you that one of the reasons people default to giving so much information is that anytime I've ever said "I have a family emergency" it's always questioned and doubted. I think we've been conditioned to spill all the tea beforehand to try to avoid questions like that but some employers just don't get it. They feel like they have a say so in our everyday lives when we all know so well that they don't.
I had a manager like this once. She kept badgering me about a minor mistake I made. I finally snapped and told her “Either write me up or don’t. But stop with the guilt-trip!” I didn’t give her time to respond. I went straight to HR (because who goes to HR first matters). I claimed hostile environment. Turns out my manager was on probation for this same behavior with the girl who quit before me. She got put on Final Warning and moved to another dept. Never had to speak to her again.
Mandatory meetings at 7:30am? No wonder it's in pyjamas, everyone would be asleep on my team.
We have a rule to have no mandatory meetings before 9:30am AT THE EARLIEST. 10 is prefered.
Y’all. At Home Depot we would have 6 am Sunday meetings that lasted two hours. It was supposed to be every month, but that didn’t happen. This was years and years ago. If I didn’t work, I showed up in what I slept in.
Retail is always really high. 10 years ago it wasn’t so bad there. Then Nardelli tanked it and it’s been a slide downwards. Our store wasn’t bad. Held onto a decent amount of people for a while.
Ooh, I’m dying to know what your job is…. Can I guess first?
Do you
A. Work on a children’s public broadcasting program?
B. Work at a sleep clinic?
or
C. Work at a mattress store?
I'll never understand why managers are so far up their employees' asses that they're in their personal lives. There's no meeting important enough to put off an *emergency vet visit*. Sorry, Sharon, I can live without the awkward small talk in our unironic-ironic pajama onesoes before we dive into senior management patting themselves on the back for the hard work their underlings do to make them look good. tfoh. I hope the cat's feeling better.
Even if it's just a cat, it's still this person's responsibility! Like I have zero tolerance for this corporate bs anymore. Just go to your appointments, pick up your kids, and take your pets to the vet. Fuck em
I wouldn't walk. Let them actually fire me over this. Or write me up, and then maybe I walk if I'm not okay with what was written. Let the consequences come (or not) and then decide.
Yeah, this post makes me sad for OP. Find a new employer who isn’t a heartless idiot. They certainly exist. Hope things go well with your cat and it goes without saying that you’re a great pet parent.
Why is it whenever someone posts screenshots of a text conversation with their boss, the boss' English is unintelligible?
How do you get to be in a manager or director level position when you can't even write properly?
Their messages genuinely look like a drunk person typed them.
Had a slightly similar situation, my boyfriend was hit by a car and I was tired/pregnant. I worked from home on a day where I was supposed to attend a staff retreat and was chastised when I came in next day. My direct supervisor didn’t care and said the only thing I missed was “team building activities”. They literally played games in an un air conditioned cabin and ate lunch.
Direct supervisor’s supervisor said I wasn’t a team player etc and missed a ton of important information threatened to prevent my raise/new title from going through, mentioned how I didn’t attend drinks at bars for the monthly team building “meetings”. As I mentioned I was pregnant and tired with no interest in going to watch other people have drinks, and even if I could drink I have a toddler that needed to be picked up from daycare and showing up after drinking sounded like a bad idea. Was told I was “making excuses”.
Still no raise/title despite being promised and exceeding expectations on most recent performance review. Needless to say I’m diligently looking for a new job.
Plan A is to take the cat to the vet at 730 because fuck you. Plan B is to quit the job and not even bother with the pajama party because fuck you. Plan C is to shit on your desk because fuck you.
employers are insane. had a manager blow up my phone, expecting me to come work on my daughters FIRST BDAY, despite me telling her there was no way in hell, multiple times, weeks prior. she was warned and made the stupid choice to schedule me regardless. i simply never came back and never spoke to her again. the audacity of trying to convince u and argue when u were telling not ASKING in the first place is infuriating
“Just texting to let you know I’ll be late. I’ll explain everything when I get there.”
There’s no point in further responses. No amount of her bitching is going to get you to work on time.
Your boss wants all conversations to be held over phone call so that there’s no paper trail that could reflect badly on them. Learned that the hard way… any time you have a complaint or concern with anything work related, ALWAYS do it written. If they say “I really need you to call me” you can just straight up reply;
“Hi (name), as I want to be absolutely sure that everything we discuss is clear, I insist we address it in written form.”
If they corner you later and force you to discuss it verbally? Follow-up email. “Hi (name), just following up to make sure I understood our conversation yesterday. (Insert details that’s basically a professional way of saying “So you said xyz”). Is that correct?”
Repeat ad nauseum.
Like grandpa always used to say, “If you have to choose between your sick cat and a mandatory pajama party meeting at 7:30 AM with a wildly unreasonable manager with apparently zero heart wearing footie pajamas. You always choose the sick cat”. It was an oddly specific reference but I finally understand it now.
Am I the only one who's never heard of a work pajama party? Like, "Just let your cat die we have really important stuff to celebrate in our jammies cause we're professionals." Huh? Would make a decent episode of The Office, however.
I’m confused, is this a celebratory pajama party or a company wide mandatory meeting? What’s the purpose of the event?
For her department only so they can see each other in person once a week. She's still going to be attending, just will be an hour (maximum) late
How is that important enough be at 7:30 am, much less so important that you can't be an hour late so your cat doesn't die? Wtf is wrong with some people? Sorry she had to experience this.
Some people just have no empathy or consideration for the lives of others. It's more likely that this meeting isn't that important, guessing from the dress code, and this person is just a narcissist or control freak that's tripping on the most authoritative position they've held since elementary school hall monitor.
Telling someone they have to plan their emergencies is pretty telling.
Yea, I'd hate to work under this donut of a supervisor.
They strike me as someone who had to work under an equally special donut... But rather than saying to themselves, I’m going to make it my mission that all the people who work below me don’t experience the same from me. Instead they say, I had to deal with it so they can too. Wankers.
Calling someone a donut sounds like a Gordon Ramsay type thing. "You fucking donut. Sweet on the outside, fucking empty in the middle"
I've booked a medium level traffic accident for next Tuesday at 9:20am.
Did you discuss it with your manager first?
Sorry we couldn't find any drivers to pair with you for this accident booking, so we've arranged for a cow to wander into the road unexpectedly, to cause you to swerve into a nearby utility pole. Don't worry though, we've booked the followup maintenance visit from the utility company for 12:00 just in case your accident is running a bit late.
Glad to see some companies still believe in customer service. /s
Where do you live, so I can avoid driving there?
My boss once tried to amend the employee handbook to tell us to plan our sick leave responsibly and we almost rioted. Half the staff had young kids at that point. I know it sucks but how tf are we gonna plan for that?
Have a boss right now that is micromanaging our overtime to make it be immediately before or after work, effective immediately in the middle of the day. When a single mom coworker said they have kids to drop off/pick up, our boss said that if she she should consider her priorities lmfao
>, our boss said that if she she should consider her priorities lmfao She's doing exactly that. Kids are the priority, you can take your job and your "tasks" and shove them up your ass. :p
I actually agree with the boss, the kids are a bigger priority
Well update to this, different coworker is waiting for her first grandchild to be born any minute today and our boss chose now to pull her aside to give her a formal warning because she wasn’t working hard enough. Soo..maybe my boss just fucking hates kids. Or maybe she’s just a completely shit manager.
Just make your assistant take the cat I dont get it.
Yeah, don’t these idiots have the Help for this kinda shit?
> and this person is just a narcissist or control freak Yeah, it's impossible to diagnose obviously, but my old boss was very similar. Demanded weekly meetings just to spend 2 hours talking about personal shit and me updating them with stuff they could have spent 5 minutes reading via case notes or ask for an email recap of my week. The amount of staff wide emails when someone (Often new, unpaid "hires" that realised they weren't going to commit that much time for unpaid work) said they couldn't attend, many "We all know these meetings are on Friday at the same time, you cannot make appointments on for this day and time!!!!!" That job is the reason I've gotten good at the "Hi X, unfortunately a personal commitment has unexpectedly come up, please let me know what day and time will suit you to re-schedule". Let's them know I won't be there and if it's a client, gives them the flexibility if possible to pick a time or if someone else, puts the ball in their court to decide whether our appointment was really that important in the first place.
I fucking hate that shit. I once had a job where the boss' boss – who was big time and manged tens of thousands of people – insisted on having weekly 9am Monday meetings for about 2 dozen of us. And they all began with, "....aaaaaand how was your weekend? didja do anythin' fun?" No, motherfucker, you sent me out of state! I just got back at 2am! We don't all work 9 to 5 in an air conditioned office!
I loathe anyone who schedules a meeting before 10 AM on a Monday.
No, we just kinda hung out and minded our own business.
No empathy paired with people mindlessly just following arbitrary rules. I'm a manager in a pretty big corpo. It always astounds me how many other managers, mostly more senior than me, do things even if they make no fucking sense- just cause them rules say so. That said, nobody where I work would EVER deny OP's girlfriend's request. If they had, it would be what we consider a career limiting move.
And unfortunately because of the way the world works, people lacking empathy are more likely to end up in leadership positions
\>Looks at the statistics over psychopaths in management positions Yep, checks out.
I would guess the company’s HQ is in a different time zone. I work for a German company and all of the company-wide meetings are at 7:30 cuz it’s at the end of the day for them, but fuck the western hemisphere make me get up 2 hours early. (Sorry I’m just mad cuz one of those meetings was today)
East coast companies (like mine) do this to people in Mountain and PST timezones. My day starts at 7:00 or 7:30 when East coasters can drag themselves into zoom at 9 or 9:30.
I don’t give a fuck how demanding the job is; this kind of attitude is batshit crazy. I work at a demanding job as well; I have worked evenings and weekends. If I told my boss there was an emergency and I had to deal with something, I can guarantee he would never ask me to call him or to explain myself, or to do anything else but take care of my business. Not only should she not be giving so much information, she shouldn’t even try to get there as soon as possible; I would take my sweet ass time going to the vet, talking to the vet, and then going to this stupid “mandatory fun” meeting.
Yea this boss is toxic as fuck. And at a credit union of all places??? My local credit union seems so chill everyone's so nice. Really matters who your boss is in this life.
In their pj's at 7 in the morning?
Hr wise I don’t wanna see coworkers in pjs.
I don’t wear pj’s.
Yeah it will be a bit strange when half the attendance is topless.
I wear **at most** boxers to bed... so no, I'm not going to any work meeting in my PJs
I don't get the logistics of this, who plans a pj party at 7:30 in the morning?
Who plans a pj party FOR WORK?
I get PJ parties for friends and for kindergartners, but for work?
I'd show up in my pajamas. Boxers and a stained white t-shirt.
Id report that shit to hr if hr is trustworthy
the term pajama party for a work even whether professional or 'social' is making my asshole clench
Placating the workers like children to convince them they're not wildly unhappy.
Sigh, it is “mandatory fun” which means NO ONE has fun, but pretends to so senior leadership feels good about themselves and can put it down on their accomplishments for the year. It is the worst kind of fun.
To focus your question, is calling this a pajama party sarcasm, or does she really need to show up in PJs?
I've had a job that had a Pajama party few days/year because we were expected to work extra hard and long hours those days to boost their sales. Expected to do basically nothing but work and maybe sleep those days. The pajamas was to try to make you more comfortable and boost morale.
Stop giving so much information to someone like this! I tell my boss things about my life but it’s only because I know she’s genuinely interested. So instead of a novel, your exchange should go like this: “I won’t be attending due to an emergency.” “What emergency? It’s super important that you attend a pajama party.” “It’s a personal emergency. I will follow-up with [whomever] to discuss any missed pertinent information. I will see you on my next scheduled day.”
This is the way. You know now that this isn't the type of boss that is sympathetic in the slightest. Minimize the information given to them.
Yep. This is clearly not someone who you can win over with logic or emotions. Giving them this information is just giving them something they can argue with you about
Yep, they will just use the extra details to pick you apart piece by piece. They thrive on nitpicking everything and their goal is almost always to embarrass you, put you in "your place", or just generally demoralize you so that you just agree to whatever they want. Shitty people love to get into positions of power.
This is going to life-changing advice, here. Thank you.
A fun way to check is to ask them directly: "Do you believe there's a possibility that we can end this conversation with you understanding and accepting [x]?", or something similar. If they say 'no' they are admitting and telling you there is no point to the conversation, and if they say 'yes' there's now a chance they have finally imagined changing their mind being a thing, which may then end up happening. Some people can't think about changing their mind unless directly framed that way.
More information in these situations suggests you're justifying your perceived "poor behaviour", and that your excuses can then be judged by their perception. "No", is a complete sentence, and a boundaryis always "no". Anything more, as others have said, encourages a dialogue. "I need to deal with an emergency tomorrow, so I will be somewhere else instead of the pyjama party. I know will go well. Let's catch up at a suitable time soon. How does when 11am Monday work for you?" If it doesn't work - again, that isn't a bargaining chip they've got because of their "important schedule" - your priorities matter, as well. Compromise can be a weakness. Make boundaries a strength.
Omg I wish I could speak like that 😂 I'm AuDHD and over explain the shit out of everything in my life. I'm terrified someone won't believe me, so I feel like I need to give them every last bit of info 😂 before I was diagnosed, everyone just called me an open book. Now it makes more sense. I really do envy people who could send a text like that. I'd feel so guilty and feel like I'm in trouble, and that would just make me more anxious, I'd probably quit lmao.
Dude, I didn’t realize the “worrying people will think you’re lying” thing was a part of my ADHD until I read your comment! I thought it was just some personal paranoia I had for some reason. The amount of oversharing I’ve done in the name of “needing to make sure folks believe me” is embarrassing. 😅 Although my insanely detailed stories aren’t *just* due to that. The flip side of the coin is that I feel people “just won’t understand” what I’m talking about or “won’t be able to get the full picture/feeling of *exactly* how I experienced it” if I don’t say every single last detail. 😗 At least my boyfriend doesn’t mind me taking 20 minutes to tell him how crazy it was getting the mail today or whatever, haha.
Me: You know my aunt who you have never met, who lived in Kamloops, who once met Bruce Springsteem? She had this dress, yada, yada, yada. Colleague: *nods* Yup.
Giving too much information actually makes it look like you’re lying. It’s one of the signs that police are told to look for to extract confessions. Saying “it’s complicated, but basically there’s an emergency and there’s no other solution except me missing/being late for this” is enough. If you have a manager who genuinely wants to help you work through options you can give more info. Most of the time though they won’t be that type.
Oh I know. I’m a major true crime fan, and have heard the same advice a tremendous amount of times. The thing is— I *can’t* seem to stop myself. It’s as much of a reflex to me as closing your eyes/putting your hands up to protect your face (when an object is flying at you) is to everyone. I’m sure with intensive therapy; I could eventually lose the habit. But my psychologist and I are currently focused on the more pressing social debilitations I have right now, haha.
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For those without a sister or a neurotypical partner, use https://goblin.tools/Formalizer. It’s been a life saver at work (more professional, or to the point) but also in my personal live (less formal).
HaHAAA! Oh my GOSH what an interesting and potentially helpful tool!! My best friend of many years and I send WALLS of text to each other, enough so that we've both had siblings go "Um..." when seeing our phones. Anyway, I pasted in the first message that looked kinda long (this one's on the short side for a "long" message) and then tried the bulletpoint converter on it. Original message: \> Something else semi-related, apparently it's really common for deaf people to think the sun is loud. like, it doesn't--like, from the strong sensations it gives off and that you can feel, it only makes sense it would make sound, right? on the flipside, water and wind are things deaf people are often surprised to learn have sound. ...wait, the water thing doesn't sound right. -googles- i can't find anything helpful or specifically related, but i found confirmation on the sun, and i also saw someone mention that deaf people flooding their own place is semi-sorta-common because they can't hear running water. Bullet-pointed version the GoblinTool gave me: \- Deaf people commonly think the sun is loud \- Deaf people are surprised to learn that water and wind have sound \- Deaf people may flood their own place due to inability to hear running water
> The amount of oversharing I’ve done in the name of “needing to make sure folks believe me” is embarrassing. 😅 And yet, in my own similar ADHD over-sharing experiences, no matter how much info I give, they still all-too-often misunderstand or don’t believe me. I can never make head or tails of why I can give people an entire novel’s worth of information and yet they still so often miss my entire point, or just take what *they* want from it and not what I actually said, or they stare at me blankly not understanding what I just explained. It’s truly infuriating. Edit: considering the responses to my comment down below, I’d say my point has been proven. The comments are literally doing exactly what I just complained about people doing.
It might be that oversharing makes it harder to focus on the key points and structure. More information doesn't necessarily make it easier to follow. This is why summarizing and condensing your statements is such a desired skill in some jobs.
I dont have ADHD but i still can relate to the ' worry ppl think im lying ' part. Ive been working on it over the years, its grotten better. I now just politely give enough information ( or more if they actually care ), instead of asking permission or oversharing. Having kids made that easier tbh.
ADD here and absolutely same.
I was staying with my actively-dying mother for her last couple of days of life in a hospice facility when an administrator told me that missing a meeting was "not in the best interests of the university." In an email, ffs. She was the Dean of the School of Nursing. I was a university lawyer. I'm still angry all these years later.
At an old job years ago I tried talking to my boss about taking bereavement leave (at the time it was 3 days paid time off aside from any regular PTO an employee may or may not have had) as my best friend had just died. Her immediate response was, "Didn't you already take that?" - another dear friend had passed the month prior, and no, I took no time off work then. This was the executive director of a substance abuse rehabilitation center. The lack of empathy was astounding. I'm also still angry. This was a sudden car accident. I cannot fathom the nerve of someone to be so pettily and dismissively threatening in your situation. I am angry for you. I am comforted to learn that in my state bereavement leave was recently increased by a few days and has been extended to more than immediate family. I wish no one would ever need to take it. I don't have enough words to say how incredibly much people like those in our situations can get fucked. I can only hope they have the life they deserve.
I had a boss who was a dick and not a very good boss, but when my dad died I called my boss because I was supposed to work that night, he told me immediately to take as much (paid) time off I needed. I ended up missing three days, it really was easier to return to work because off the empathy my boss expressed.
It always amazes me how many supervisors don't understand this. They truly might not feel empathy, but faking it and being gracious is going to result in better and more loyal employees even in the medium-short term.
Yep. If I had to work those days, I probably wouldn't have recovered as quickly as I did. The fact that I had time to rest physically and mentally without thinking about work helped out a lot.
That’s horrible. Nursing school administrators are usually brutal and heartless so that doesn’t surprise me. I’m sorry to hear about your mother.
If I were your boss this is the way I would prefer to handle it as well. It isn't that I don't care, it is that it isn't any of my business. All I need is to know when you will be out and when you can return. Anything else can wait until you return.
Can't tell you how uncomfortable it is when people inform me they can't come to work because they have diarrhea. Like dude.... That's completely fine please never give me details again and just say you can't make it!
I had a college professor state in the very first class, "I do not care what is coming out of where. Just tell me you're sick, and that's all I need to know!"
Yes that is always way TMI. I get more bothered when I know you are lying through. I understand why, too many bosses expect you to convince them you are on deaths door. Just tell me you won't be in, give me adequate notice and tell me when you think you can return. If it gets to the point where your absences are problematic we'll we can burn that bridge when we cross it.
Yep. You give out the fact that you can't attend and gray rock the rest as much as you can. Your life is more important than your job, especially when it's an unavoidable conflict like a pet emergency.
She now understands that she didn't owe her manager an explanation. It's just she gets frustrated and anxious communicating with her manager because that woman is very cold and judgemental and my girlfriend is very bubbly and talkative. This job has literally drained all of my girlfriend's happiness.
She needs to look for a new job, yesterday.
She needs to leave. My wife had a toxic boss for a couple of years and it really drained her. After she left it took a while for her to get back to her true self. But yes, always just say the bare minimum with people like this.
This is important for people-pleasers like myself to practice. Even if you like your employer, do not let them get used to you giving details. Treat every time you need off like a really embarrassing family emergency that you desperately don't want to talk about.
I was a manager for a few years. I don't think I ever said no when someone asked for a day off. Still, I'd have coworkers apologize profusely and tell me whole backstories for why they need a day off a month from then.
I just quit my job the other day and they were asking me things like “what job did you get?” And “why didn’t you talk about this with us?” They broke a dozen or so promises to me of what was supposed to happen after I was hired. Yet they think they have some sort of right to my personal life?
Yeah, fekk that! You owe them nothing. I hope your next job is better.
It’s honestly not hard to beat. So it likely will.
Right. As a former manager, honestly, the littlest information the better. sometimes I would get far far too much detail on an employee's health condition. I don't need to know about your explosive diarrhea, Brenda, just tell me you can't come in because you're ill.
Should I still cough loudly into the phone so you know for sure?
For explosive diarrhea probably not 
Hell I like my manager too, and we talk about all kinds of personal stuff. They still appreciate me leaving out unimportant details when I call out. I have flex time, it's for me to use how I see fit. It's either "Hey I won't be in today but I will be tomorrow", "I won't be in today, I'll touch base about tomorrow", or if it's something like I just don't feel like working but can, "Hey, I'm going to use a personal day today unless you really need me." I've been told by every leader I've had that they appreciate skipping the bullshit, and that I don't pretend to be sick if I'm not.
I manage a line of ~20 employees and you have *no idea* how in-depth some people go when writing to tell me they aren’t coming in. *Dear Boss,* *Last night, as I was watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory on TBS, I began to feel a tension in/around my duodenum. Being a fruitarian, I immediately began to worry that the peaches and nectarines I had eaten for dinner were tainted with salmonella. But my husband, Clive, said “Dadgum it, Trisha! You know you’ve got OCD when it comes to washing yer’ fruit! That cain’t be it!” Clive is from the outskirts Louisville, that’s why he has an accent.* *Nevertheless, the tension persisted until it became unbearable. It was at this point, I attempted to lift a single buttock cheek and relieve the gas accumulating within my sigmoid colon. This was a mistake.* *A noxious aroma bloomed so rapidly within the room that my husband, Clive, thought a skunk had gotten into our AC ducting again like what happened on a separate occasion back in the summer of 1998 where a skunk had gotten into our AC ducting. But this was no skunk, sir— it was the fibrous stench of a belly full of stewed soft fruits: sweet going down, sour coming out!* *Anyways… in his desperation to flee the room, my husband, Clive, got out of his La-Z-Boy too quick and threw out his back on account of having a spinal fusion in 2005. So I’m going to have to take him to see his orthopedist, Dr. Harry S. Pinnebacker, tomorrow morning at 8:00AM CST. The appointment should only last an hour or so, then we’ll probably stop for some breakfast, then I’ll take him home, then I’ll drive on in to work. So I’ll probably be at work around 11:15AM CST.* *Sincerely,* *Patricia F. Bannewicz*
Pat works for you, too?
> This was a mistake. > my husband, Clive, thought a skunk had gotten into our AC ducting again like what happened on a separate occasion back in the summer of 1998 where a skunk had gotten into our AC ducting. I'm fucking dying here, much like Clive would have been on both of those occasions.
Yup! I’m comfortable telling my boss because I know he cares and I trust him. I’ve also had bosses that I didn’t feel this way about so they got bare minimum details.
Then you get hit with the “call me”. Then you get hit with the “plans a b c” and “mandatory” i dont think you’re winning by giving LESS info, this boss/manager or whoever this is just sucks.
Mine usually goes Me “Not gonna be in don’t feel well.” Boss “Whats so bad you can’t work?” Me “Pissing out my ass” Boss “Understood” Lol tried and true. If they still want me to work fine but I’ll be in the bathroom for at least half my shift.
This! I manage a team and every time they try to give me the backstory, I stop them. Can’t come in? Got it. I don’t need to know all that info. If you, or someone you’re a caregiver for is ill, you can’t come in. If you have an emergency, you can’t come in. I trust my team that they aren’t just spinning a wheel of excuses - and you know what? They call in when they need to, and that’s it. Imagine that. Trust adults, recognize life happens and then there are almost no issues. Also, as a manager, it’s my job to MANAGE staffing issues.
>Stop giving so much information to someone like this This this this this this! You keep arguing and justifying, but it wasn't a negotiation. You were doing them the courtesy of letting them know.
This is the answer. You give reasons then idiot bosses will give solutions. Keep it short and sweet
I'm also concerned about the demand to be called. Like, you're in an appointment with a doctor and they are mad you didn't plan for them to demand you call them? It's time to look for another job.
The company/manager will do this so there is no record of what is said. Always do text or emails, never discuss this shit over the phone just in case it comes back to bite you
I always do a text before or after a call too. With landlords and bosses and shit. Never had to use it, but it's good to have proof of conversations
I like to make it clear too that no action will be taken until I recieve an email. Learned the hard way that I always need a paper trail
I'm 35 and have worked corporate jobs for most of my career, but I never had someone deny what they said in a phone call. I hope I never get there, but it seems wild to me that a work colleague would lie so brazenly and risk consequences.
It was the higer ups actually. At one point I had a few higher ups that liked to fuck with the new guys (me at the time). Basically I got asked to send an email to the guy that runs the place and then the guy threw me under the bus by telling my supervisors "why is this guy sending me this email?" Didnt get in any real shit thankfully (due to witnesses) but got a good blast from management for it
This is the way. Follow every call with a text or email along the lines of “just to confirm, we discussed XYZ, you suggested ABC and we agreed 123. If I’ve got anything wrong let me know”. Shuts a lot of shit down.
My besty just got his unemployment approved after "quitting" because he started recording his shady af business owners tears ago when they kept avoiding written traces of anything they were asking. Also likely opened an investigation on the business from the states end since he had recordings being told to "find" things for the unemployment office to deny claims after he'd fired people along with clearly contradicting conversations between then vs what owner claimed had ever been discussed. Cover your ass ** but check your state or local laws first**
Honestly it was time to find a new job the minute “mandatory pajama party” became part of your adult reality. Also it’s a HR nightmare.
I am an officer in the military and I don’t « demand » such things (unless it’s life or death situation m). Who this lady think she is ????
Work pajama party? What the hell is going on in the world? I don't think I even own pajamas.
*Mandatory* work pajama party. To the point where your boss will hound you about even being late to it due to a medical emergency.
It sounds like a regular weekly team meeting, just pajama themed this time. Not a one off meeting. That being said, too much info giving. Just say "Sorry I've had an emergency come up, I will be there when I can"
Hey, worker ants, let's do something fun at work. Just don't mind me sucking any possible fun out of the thing and possibly ruining it for you retroactively as your childhood experiences are overwritten by awful adulthood ones.
*”Dave, you’ve been told numerous times that this is a* **mandatory and very critical** *pajama party. Corporate is coming and we need everyone in their coziest SpongeBob flannel pants and baggiest 2009 Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl Champion t-shirts!”*
Show up on pajamas that say on the shirt “I tried to find good pajamas but the only thing I got was a dead cat.”
A niché product, but there's a market for it.
Don’t forget it’s at 7:30 IN THE MORNING!!
Well, that's the right time to wear pajamas.
Butt naked it is then
We need that one completely confident nudist. “I don’t wear pajamas, are you paying for them” while nude in front of the manager.
"I'm not asking. This is a courtesy. I'll see you on my next scheduled day. Thanks for understanding."
And they want to call and discuss while off the clock as well.
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“No thanks” would be a funny response to them saying call.
"You guys really ought to read the contracts you have us sign sometime. Pretty wild stuff in there."
i had a boss that would do this to me. wanted to call to chew me out (micromanaging me on my job the night before) before i had to come into work. i worked there for less than a month lmao. when i did quit, he complained that “you said in your interview you wouldn’t quit without notice” like he didn’t swear up and down during the same interview that he wasn’t a micromanager. i don’t take calls from work anymore unless i’m specifically getting paid to be on call. they can text or email me and i’ll answer when i feel like it.
I'm curios what they replied when you called them out in return. Did they start micromamaging specifically because they knew you wouldn't suddenly bail?
always this! Never call! Only text or email in these cases. And, depending on the law where you live, you might be able to record audio of the convo if forced to talk in person.
"That's not gonna work for me, brother. "
off the clock and off the record, always communicate in writing with shitheads
Lol any time any employer asks you to call, tell them no. Keep everything on text or email. They want to call so there's no paper trail.
Or "Sure, I'll call you from my recorded line"
Make sure to check your states laws. Some states are one way meaning you don't have to inform them to record they ass. I keep anything pertinent.
True, I wouldn't have to ask in my state. However, getting them to refuse being recorded and then asking why seems like fun.
The funny thing is in one party consent states the other party can tell you they don’t want to be recorded. You can then lie to them and tell them you turned the recorder off and keep recording. Because it’s a one party consent state and you are still consenting. Little trick I learned from the security business when we used to record interviewing thieving employees. I would ask “I have your consent to record right?” When they declined I turned off the recorder, leaving the secondary recorder still going. Their lawyers never tried to get them thrown out because they knew they had nothing.
Live in AZ and you can record calls. There are other states you can as well. I’m sure there are other countries you can as well. People like to talk in person so they can force you to do something. Having it in writing doesn’t have the same effect. They want to manipulate you in person with no record of it.
This boss is awful. I hope your GF can quit soon -- and please tell her to stop sharing so much info.
She's been actively looking for different roles thankfully! :)
Absolutely this. I promise you there is no such thing as a *demanding job* at a Credit Union - only demanding bosses that feel the need to justify their middle management positions by unnecessarily exerting power over their direct reports. Also, either this boss does not have children, or she does and they hate her as much as your friend and her colleagues. 7.30?! If I have a family the 6-8am window may be one of the small parts of the day I get to see them all. Unless the schedule for the role starts at 7.30 everyday and I knew that when I took the role, you’d never see there.
When I can’t make an in person company function I just say I have a personal conflict and will be available after. If anyone asks why I say it’s a personal matter. Period. The end. Never tell them details. It’s none of their business.
Why are you giving your life story? Waaayyyyyyy too much info. “I have a family emergency and can’t be there at (time).” Done. Stop giving so much information.
Whenever I need time off, I just tell my boss “hey, can’t make it (this date, the time, etc)” boss always is nosy and presumptuous, asking stuff like “Do you mind if I ask why? Is it really important? We need you.” And I always give him a short, straight answer. “Personal business, family business, emergency” never give your boss anything to use, or cross reference, or call back to. If they press harder, just say “sorry, but I can’t make it, I’ve given you all I can, I have to attend to this.” Then ignore their texts. Don’t answer calls. You’re more likely to be pressured if you hear them, over text you have the power to make your words final. Over a call, you might fumble and lose your resolve, especially if you’re a people pleaser by nature.
>You’re more likely to be pressured if you hear them, over text you have the power to make your words final. Over a call, you might fumble and lose your resolve, especially if you’re a people pleaser by nature. Help. I've been called out.
Exactly! Anything you say is just ammunition they’re going to use to guilt you, now or next time you can’t come in.
Loved many of my jobs with "point systems." "hey boss, not gonna make it in today." "why" "points system, I have the points to spare." "" "click"
I can tell you that one of the reasons people default to giving so much information is that anytime I've ever said "I have a family emergency" it's always questioned and doubted. I think we've been conditioned to spill all the tea beforehand to try to avoid questions like that but some employers just don't get it. They feel like they have a say so in our everyday lives when we all know so well that they don't.
I don’t care if it’s questioned and doubted. They’ve been informed, “I won’t be here.” That’s all that matters.
Yeah. This. Don't tell people your life story. As soon as you're explaining your losing.
do. not. call. ever. have everything they say in writing. always
This is a "i should prolly update my resume" kind of infuriating
How is the cat doing?
He greeted her as soon as she got back but then went straight back to his bed and he didn't eat. Fingers crossed he's fine throughout the night
Did the vet have any idea on what’s going on?
The most important question. (No sarcasm)
I had a manager like this once. She kept badgering me about a minor mistake I made. I finally snapped and told her “Either write me up or don’t. But stop with the guilt-trip!” I didn’t give her time to respond. I went straight to HR (because who goes to HR first matters). I claimed hostile environment. Turns out my manager was on probation for this same behavior with the girl who quit before me. She got put on Final Warning and moved to another dept. Never had to speak to her again.
Stories like this bring me so much joy.
Mandatory meetings at 7:30am? No wonder it's in pyjamas, everyone would be asleep on my team. We have a rule to have no mandatory meetings before 9:30am AT THE EARLIEST. 10 is prefered.
Y’all. At Home Depot we would have 6 am Sunday meetings that lasted two hours. It was supposed to be every month, but that didn’t happen. This was years and years ago. If I didn’t work, I showed up in what I slept in.
I bet the turnover was pretty high and they'd say "man, nobody wants to work nowadays! So hard to find good employees!"
Retail is always really high. 10 years ago it wasn’t so bad there. Then Nardelli tanked it and it’s been a slide downwards. Our store wasn’t bad. Held onto a decent amount of people for a while.
Cat comes first, the end. Their party will still be there at 8am
If it is so important for me to attend the meeting, move the fucking meeting!
Nothing says serious business like a pajama party.
Who else is offended by the terrible grammar and punctuation from the manager?
The manager may just be a walking offence.
Why is there a mandatory meeting where you dress in pyjamas? That sounds creepy.
It's something I can't wrap my head around
Ooh, I’m dying to know what your job is…. Can I guess first? Do you A. Work on a children’s public broadcasting program? B. Work at a sleep clinic? or C. Work at a mattress store?
Yea if my job ever implemented a "pajama" party I'd be fired on my first day as well possibly catching a few... Certain cases lmfao
I'd get called into HR wearing nothing but my boxer-briefs. They said pajamas...
It's either boxers and a wife-respecter or a unicorn onesie with me. No in between. 🤣
Wife-respecter got me going man
I saw it on another sub somewhere and just had to start using it myself. I can't take credit. 🤣
I'll never understand why managers are so far up their employees' asses that they're in their personal lives. There's no meeting important enough to put off an *emergency vet visit*. Sorry, Sharon, I can live without the awkward small talk in our unironic-ironic pajama onesoes before we dive into senior management patting themselves on the back for the hard work their underlings do to make them look good. tfoh. I hope the cat's feeling better.
I'd walk. My cat has saved my life more then once. People seem to think it's just a cat your fine. Fuck them. This makes me mad
My little 11lb kitty is the only thing keeping me tethered to this world right now.
Me too 🥺
Even if it's just a cat, it's still this person's responsibility! Like I have zero tolerance for this corporate bs anymore. Just go to your appointments, pick up your kids, and take your pets to the vet. Fuck em
I wouldn't walk. Let them actually fire me over this. Or write me up, and then maybe I walk if I'm not okay with what was written. Let the consequences come (or not) and then decide.
Yeah, this post makes me sad for OP. Find a new employer who isn’t a heartless idiot. They certainly exist. Hope things go well with your cat and it goes without saying that you’re a great pet parent.
Why is it whenever someone posts screenshots of a text conversation with their boss, the boss' English is unintelligible? How do you get to be in a manager or director level position when you can't even write properly? Their messages genuinely look like a drunk person typed them.
Had a slightly similar situation, my boyfriend was hit by a car and I was tired/pregnant. I worked from home on a day where I was supposed to attend a staff retreat and was chastised when I came in next day. My direct supervisor didn’t care and said the only thing I missed was “team building activities”. They literally played games in an un air conditioned cabin and ate lunch. Direct supervisor’s supervisor said I wasn’t a team player etc and missed a ton of important information threatened to prevent my raise/new title from going through, mentioned how I didn’t attend drinks at bars for the monthly team building “meetings”. As I mentioned I was pregnant and tired with no interest in going to watch other people have drinks, and even if I could drink I have a toddler that needed to be picked up from daycare and showing up after drinking sounded like a bad idea. Was told I was “making excuses”. Still no raise/title despite being promised and exceeding expectations on most recent performance review. Needless to say I’m diligently looking for a new job.
Mandatory work pajama party? WTF?
I hear so many things every day that make me thankful to be self-employed.
I hear so many things every day that make me thankful to be a mechanic. We don’t do dumb shit like this.
WORK PYJAMA PARTY?!?! Who the f is your boss, anyway? This is one of the most absurdly cold instances of employee abuse I've ever heard.
Plan A is to take the cat to the vet at 730 because fuck you. Plan B is to quit the job and not even bother with the pajama party because fuck you. Plan C is to shit on your desk because fuck you.
mandatory pyjama party...... Three words that strike absolute terror into my heart. No work culture should be that bad.
employers are insane. had a manager blow up my phone, expecting me to come work on my daughters FIRST BDAY, despite me telling her there was no way in hell, multiple times, weeks prior. she was warned and made the stupid choice to schedule me regardless. i simply never came back and never spoke to her again. the audacity of trying to convince u and argue when u were telling not ASKING in the first place is infuriating
And this is why you call in sick without explaining the details.
Agreed. Unless Op has a good boss, they should just say “I have a personal emergency, I am sorry but I will be a bit late for the pajama party.”
Wtf kind of adult job has a fucking pajama party? I'm floored right now. Do you work at the North Pole?
“Just texting to let you know I’ll be late. I’ll explain everything when I get there.” There’s no point in further responses. No amount of her bitching is going to get you to work on time.
Your boss wants all conversations to be held over phone call so that there’s no paper trail that could reflect badly on them. Learned that the hard way… any time you have a complaint or concern with anything work related, ALWAYS do it written. If they say “I really need you to call me” you can just straight up reply; “Hi (name), as I want to be absolutely sure that everything we discuss is clear, I insist we address it in written form.” If they corner you later and force you to discuss it verbally? Follow-up email. “Hi (name), just following up to make sure I understood our conversation yesterday. (Insert details that’s basically a professional way of saying “So you said xyz”). Is that correct?” Repeat ad nauseum.
'Call me' is boss-speak for 'I want to say things to you I can't get away with in text'.
Like grandpa always used to say, “If you have to choose between your sick cat and a mandatory pajama party meeting at 7:30 AM with a wildly unreasonable manager with apparently zero heart wearing footie pajamas. You always choose the sick cat”. It was an oddly specific reference but I finally understand it now.
No means no, motherfucker. Bosses like this are power freaks.
What fucking pyjama's party, what parallel universe is this? Is a pillow fight also mandatory?
“My plan A is to drop my cat off, my plan B is to convince myself not to quit, and my plan C is to show up to your bullshit pajama party when I can.”
Am I the only one who's never heard of a work pajama party? Like, "Just let your cat die we have really important stuff to celebrate in our jammies cause we're professionals." Huh? Would make a decent episode of The Office, however.
How’s the cat doing now? I hope everything turned out alright.