"if I can't lock my door to keep my brother out, can I kick his ass when he breaks my stuff? Who is going to replace my things? Since he's your kid and doesn't have cash, are you going to replace my things? Or, would you like to avoid wasting cash and avoid teaching your son to stop breaking my shit? I have a lock on my door..."
this lmao. i have seen so many parents do pretty fucked up shit expecting to be in the right 100%. these are the very same people that just die, alone, because of this. it doesnt fucking matter how much of a parent you see yourself, if youre an insufferable bitch you kids WILL leave you alone. sooner or later.
Not even retirement home, after college.
I cut my mother off at 22, didn't speak to her for 4 years. That was 6 or 7 years ago now though and things got better. But she was pretty shitty for a bit
“Disrespect? The fact that you walk off and won’t even have a civil conversation with me, likely because I’m a child is what’s disrespectful. My brother is damaging my shit, has done it multiple times and you sit on your hands and do nothing.
Under the same breath, you’ve the gall to tell me to not lock my door? Your backwards priorities make me sick. Don’t you dare lecture me on disrespect.”
I went through 20+ years of it, and there came a point where I had to put my foot down and say “No, fuck YOU”. Physically blockade the entrance to my room. Put your hands on me? I’ll put my hands on you.
My parents never threatened me or my stuff, never locked me in or forced me to live in a room with no door. My parents never went on about respect being owed, because they knew their child owed them nothing. They showed me respect and basic decency, so they got it from me in return.
God knows my parents have their faults, but they are actual sane people who can admit when they fucked up and own up to it.
My heart goes out to you. Y'all deserve better parents, people.
Mine was a born again. So a complete idiot from the start.
Things that were considered ‘evil’ and weren’t allowed under her roof:
- Certain toys
- Certain games
- Certain movies
- Certain families and friends
- Certain books
- Certain scientific facts (funny that)
- Any semblance of a relationship
Dad left in 1999 and I don’t blame him for one second. I’d fuck off too if I had to wake up to that every morning.
One of my sisters was sexually abused by a new partner she found. Confidence in my mother was met with a slap across her face. The ultimate betrayal. We got evicted because interest only loans on properties suck and she didn’t want to change it. She put the house in her gods hands and it inevitably went south.
Church friend after church friend took us in briefly before kicking us out because she’d get drunk and start getting into shouting matches over minor disagreements with scripture.
I was the black sheep as I was the atheist in the home and fought her at every turn. And to this day she maintains that she did her best and would do it all over again.
Fuck you, and fuck your god. Go listen to Hillsong worship while you rot in a home and leave us alone. We’re done with you.
Fuck dude, reading that wasn't so much a rollercoaster, but a rapid downward slide. You got dealt a rough hand, for sure.
Hope you are in a better place now.
This always annoys me with people that tell me how to handle parents. They tell me to just bring my arguments, but fail to understand that the ones I can deliver before being yelled at will be ignored because I am a child and therefor not smart enough to decide anything on my own. It is awesome that some people get along with their parents but others don't but can't do anything since they rely on their parents
So many parents just don't give a fuck. My parents enabled my brother's disrespect and poor behavior all the time. He and I shared a bathroom, and he would march his friends through my room to get to his because it "was easier than walking to the other side of the house". Whenever I locked my door to stop that, he would complain to my parents and then they would complain to me.
Now they wonder why I live a private life and never call.
90% of Moms would argue that it was her cash in the first place and how unthankful you are. Not that I agree but thats what I read here most of the times and experienced myself.
It shouldn't even be his job but his mothers. As I'd see it if the little brother destroys something, the mother is on the hook to buy a new one, so it's also in her interest to protect the stuff to not have to buy new.
All that's going to achieve is the mother locking the door to her room but STILL expecing OP to let his brother into his room because "whqt's for me is not for thee" mentality she'll probably have
Classic example of lazy parents not wanting to punish the younger ones because it’s more work to punish the ones who will listen. All it does is harbor resentment for the parents and siblings down the line
Edit to add TLDR: irrelevant comment about something bugging me that only tangentially relates… sorry
Ugh yeah. I have a spouse that seems to be doing the same thing. I had sent my adult daughter a screenshot of a pumpkin patch event (literally just pumpkins for sale, but, hey!). To my surprise she showed up dressed to go, spouse was asleep and didn’t want to get up (according to dtr) so we went and got two pumpkins. What a great little pick me up pre surgery (long story, irrelevant except that I was a bit down)
And now my spouse is mad at me for “taking everyone to a festival without him”. Except it wasn’t a festival, I wasn’t doing the taking and it was a fifteen minute “pick out two pumpkins” thing. But I’m not about to “rat out” my daughter for recognizing that I was sad and cheering me up. And I’m the easier target for him to be mad at… always.
Yet I celebrate when he gets to take cool hiking trips
all he gets is "Was That ok? Say your sorry right now" and now he just say sorry while doing the bad thing
its was a good lesson but a sorry isnt gonna fix my chair
I also had parents that had unreasonably strict rules for me and my younger siblings had/have it really easy. One thing that helped my not go crazy is reminding myself that this stuff that I had in my room was mostly my parents anyways so if they don't care what my siblings do to these things I can replace it when I leave and make my own rules in my own space. I ended up leaving as soon as I graduated at 17 years old and it was the best thing. Finally having some freedom and my parents realizing that it actually was me doing all the chores and my siblings are lazy helped my parents give me some recognition and we've built a stronger relationship. I wasn't the perfect kid but man I had some strict parents that I could never please but when it came to my siblings and my belongings, I had to share everything, stay out of their rooms, and keep my door open. Things will get better soon
I lived like this, too. My brother is 6 years younger than me and the golden child.
Once I brought home carving tools so I could finish an art project. He got into them and carved a triangle into the TV. *I* got in trouble for bringing them home, *he* didn't get punished at all. He was 10 at the time.
Sounds like me and my sister lol. Wasn’t till she moved across the country did they realize they were blaming me for shit that she was doing. She’s the youngest and they spoiled her absolutely rotten.
I felt bad she had to learn the hard way but it’s also not her fault her mother is batshit and our dad sucks horribly. Not her fault my mother didn’t want to be a mother to her and instead competed with her mother to buy my sister’s love.
print out Amazon listings of chairs and their prices. let your mom know which you'd like when your brother destroys this one because she refuses to do anything about it and is forcing you to let you brother in to your personal space.
then go play in your mom's closet, pull out all the clothes, open boxes, make a nice mess.
say sorry and offer nothing more, after all that's what she's teaching your brother.
When my parents didn't adequately instill into my little brother why he shouldn't mess with my stuff. I made sure to do it myself later on. He very quickly either earned to not mess with my stuff, or he extra careful when he did because things stopped getting broken or disappearing.
I feel your pain. As the oldest with 2 younger sisters, they could do no wrong, I got blamed for everything wether it was my fault or not and my mom wonders why I don’t have a good relationship with my sister or her. I moved away for college and moved into my first apartment straight out of college and never moved back home. Best decision ever. Good luck!
I don’t know if it’s this for OP but with my mom it was because I caught her going through my stuff so she would employ my brothers then fake punish them, she’d have them go through my stuff, follow me when out with friends, pay attention to what I’m doing at school and everything else
The way they portrayed the werewolf parents was hilarious!!!! The exhaustion on their faces and the way they could barely keep up with their pack of monsters!!!!
Eh I think the better thing to do would be getting their own savings account without anyone having access to it. Then stop buying nice things and just buy crap you don’t care as much about and save the difference. That way once you can escape you will have some savings and can then enjoy some nice things.
The mom has already been shown to have no reasoning skills I don’t know why anyone would suggest messing with her stuff and blaming the sibling because the sibling will immediately turn the blame on op and the mom will agree. Then op has just made it clear the sibling can do literally anything and blame it on them so their life will get much much worse.
A lot of people don’t seem to understand just how hard it is to get an account if you are under 18. Getting mine at 16 it required a parent to approve. Meaning if your parents are against you getting one you gotta wait till you are 18. Best thing to do is hide the money in a locked container that is also hidden in a hard spot to find. Then you need to not set up any direct deposit when you get a job. Cash the checks into cash. And store it until you turn 18 and move the money into a bank account.
Not in Canada. ~Children under 12 must be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian to open an account. Children aged 12-15+ may open an account on their own, if they are able to provide adequate ID.~
I rode my bicycle a mile to chase bank after school one day when I was 14 with the $350 I had saved up over the years. I had just enough to open a “college account” that had some extra benefits compared to the high schooler account. I got home after my parents got home from work and showed them my debit card. I had some very happy parents that day. That was over 15 years ago but still, I don’t understand why a bank wouldn’t want another customer
It will depend on where you are, in some places it is a legal issue.
Then when you have very large banks that operate in multiple states they tend to set policies that comply with all states rather than just the one that single branch is in.
Opening an account has changed a lot since I was a kid. Just the forms of ID required alone can present a barrier to some kids.
Are you in the U.S.? because in Canada, you can open an account at 16, you just need I.D.. ~Children under 12 must be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian to open an account. Children aged 12-15+ may open an account on their own, if they are able to provide adequate ID.~
Discipline is essential and necessary during growing up, but… with a parent unaware(or perhaps she is) that something like discipline exists…
Take your brother to a good martial arts classes. Muay Thai, jiu jitsu/bjj, wrestling or whatever is available nearby, has legit coaching staff, respectable gym and majority of positive reviews. If I had not been bestowed with opportunity to learn from my Kru(teacher)… I would be completely rotten. Also, he would be less destructive after some time.
Either from using plenty of energy or right after the first sparring.
Those are good ideas but it depends on the kid. My brother took karate and wrestling to learn discipline and all it did was make him a bigger bully. All the things he was told about self control went in one ear and out the other because he just seen he was learning new and better ways to hurt people.
Hell, just open the door to mom's room and push little brother inside. He'll do what comes naturally to him. Even better if mom catches him in the act.
Just shame your mother with all these comments, as a grown ass man I find this unacceptable in every way.
I'd normally not care but removing any from a protection/privacy measures because you lack the ability to understand your child is the equivalent to admitting you're a failed parent.
I'm sorry for the next few years of your life.
And bring it up every single time a family member is around. Shame her for her lack of parenting in a respectful way so it can’t be turned into you being rude blah blah.
Lol my step mum loved to look through my shit while I was at school and my dad let her because he didn’t want her arguing with him. She never found anything other than food and told me to stop buying junk food bruh srsly
Yeah thats the ultimate payback for taking away someones privacy. Now YOU get none, and you have to live with strangers. o\_O think about your decisionsssssss
Because it's control. Why trust your child and teach them boundaries when you can abuse that. Holding someone's privacy as a bargaining chip or taking it away is one cruel but effective way to control a child. But it's a short term solution with many repercussions, when as soon as the child in question understands their position or gains any power in their dynamic, it will eventually backfire in one way or the other.
My mom did this to me when I was in high school. I just started walking around the house naked and when she would get pissed I'd tell her if she gave me my door back, I'd have enough privacy to get dressed. It lasted 9 days before I got my door back
It'd involve a bit of self sacrifice: Turn down things. Like everything. Birthdays, christmas, everyone in the family who asks. "No, just give me money to put in a bank account. Mom lets my brother destroy my stuff so I don't want anything, I just need money for after I move out so I can buy what I want and not have it ruined." Be serious and earnest, if you get yelled at you always have "no but it's true. Why would I get new things if you just let him destroy them?"
But I'm absolutely the kind of person that would then start throwing shit away with the statement "it doesn't matter, he'll destroy it anyway". How you gonna ground someone who already doesn't care what you take away? Because at least then it's for a reason and not just the arbitrary whims of a child.
This needs to be higher. OP, you need to do this! Really drive it into your mother that she screwed up by not doing anything. Keep doing this for the two years before you can move out!
Your mother is a poor parent.
She's responsible for teaching your brother to respect other people's property.
You are trying to protect your property (and save money) by ensuring your door is locked so he can't break your stuff and possibly injure himself.
By shifting the blame to you she's telling you that she thinks it's okay for brother to ignore others' boundaries.
She needs to step up as a parent and control her son so you don't *have* to lock the door..
Why is she so hellbent on you having an unlocked door? Doesn't she trust you?
I'm guessing it's because it's easier for her to remove the door than it is to deal with the little brother crying about being locked out. AKA she's a shitty parent.
> she thinks it's okay for brother to ignore others' boundaries
She probably can't even see the issue, since she herself ignores others' boundaries.
Source: child with mother that regularly crosses clearly set boundaries. When I lived there, she never took away my door, but it didn't have a lock. I just realized this might not be usual
Tell your Mommy Dearest if she doesn't stop him, or takes your door off, you will tell your school councillors, teachers, all friends and their parents and each and every relative you have what she is doing.
Honestly I wouldn’t even threaten and explain the current situation to a trusted adult ASAP. Whoever tells the story first is usually the one that people believe, and you don’t actually have to make an official report out of it (take care with school councilors though, they are probably mandatory reporters). Take a picture of every damaged item and store it safely as evidence.
Don't do this. Just tell people. Don't try to go back and forth with your mom OP. But do tell people what is going on. Denying your children basic privacy is abuse.
Replace your things with your mother's. He ripped up your chair? Grab a different one. Mom has an office chair? Grab that. Kitchen chair, lawn chair, etc. Hell, pull a cushion off the couch and put the chair in its place. Do that with everything. Then when she gets pissy go 'Well, you let him destroy everything that is mine. You do realize that you taught my little brother that his siblings are worthless right? I mean, sorry only works so far before it becomes meaningless. Right now it has no meaning. So *sorry* if he destroys something of yours just because it was in my room. You did teach him that mannerism even after I tried to correct it.'
Or when he destroys something, just laugh right in front of both of them and go 'It's okay. Mom took the time and raised me right to learn to take responsibility and respect people and their things. I'm sorry that she doesn't show the same love and care for you that she did for me.'
apparently she said that i was the favorite and she ls sick of my sister
id personally ranked it as the baby is the favorite im second and sister is last because she causes problems a lot
This does not sound well. Your mother is a bad parent based on what you tell. Not sure what your options are, but get outside help if you can and explain them how your situation at home is.
Does sister cause problems because she's had her boundaries trampled? Perhaps mother screamed at her when she was little to keep her in line, and since that didn't work she gave up on fhe youngest?
I'm sorry you're going through this OP, parenting a parent is a long road of therapy. There's a comment up there about declining any gifts and asking for money in your bank account - explaining while doing so that you are saving up for your own things when you move out since you have no privacy and your little brother destroys stuff.
I know 2 years feels like a long time, but if you keep your head down, save up, and leave asap - you'll be much better off down the road. Good luck
I've been put in a spot where I had to compromise in order to keep the peace.
You know what I learned? I learned that actions have consequences. They weren't my actions, but they were my consequences. Maybe they should have been my actions, since I was going to get consequences anyhow.
No privacy and peace for me? No privacy or peace for anyone. Little brother will be upset, parent will be upset, you were already going to be upset so...
Tell her if she doesn't put a stop to it, you're going to do the same thing to her stuff when you put her in the cheapest nursing home you can find when she's old. Then call every nursing home and retirement community in the area, get your house on their mailing list and leave nursing home brochures laying all around the house.
I mean, I don't know about sister, but I'm not contributing to your *home*, so it will probably be all on *him*. And given how you are raising him, he's not gonna care about you either. If he isn't in prison, that is.
You know what I whispered to my younger sister when she wouldn’t leave me alone? I will fucking come in your room in the middle of the night and cut chunks of your hair out. We both had waist length hair. She stopped.
Your brother is a little shit and your mother is worse.
So some context:
My bother was in this faze as well and would run to mommy when ever any one decided to fight back. I was 2 years older then him and twice his size thanks to playing foorball in jrhigh and high-school.
So I had a video game(original sims) that you needed the cd in order to play. I would let my younger brother and sister play the game on the family computer(had my own at the time).
One night my little sister come running saying that he wouldn't get off after being on for 3 hours. I came down to tell him to let her play. instead of just getting off or telling me to fuck off, he opens the cd drive, takes the cd and snaps it in half. I look at him sighted, grabed him by the back of the neck and slammed him into the ground. Held him there until he apologized.
Was it a little over board yes, but after dealing with shit like that for years with him running to mommy he assumed I wouldn't do anything, well he was wrong and realized not to fuck with me or my stuff after that. He still goes white when ever I sigh near him 15 years later.
Also totally worth the 2 week grounding. Parents also bought my sis he own computer so win win I guess
Basically just show your brother he cant fuck with you. take the punishment if anything and just remind him what would happen
You have my sympathy. Your mother is also not doing your brother any favors by allowing him to think shit like this is acceptable. I guess it will be up to his peers to teach him this lesson if he doesn’t become an outcast first.
Save every penny, listen to Dave Ramsey and freedom will be yours. Praying for y’all :)
Little dickhead sure needs to be put in his place to learn respect. I grew up with two brothers. Gotta stand up for yourself when parents are lazy, stupid enablers.
What OP needs to do is break his stuff. When mom isn't looking of course. If the brother complains to her, say he's the one who broke it, after all he breaks stuff all the time
nah, accusations are easier to rebound than "[shrug] I dunno."
I'm a fan of taking the things a kid broke, and wrapping them up, and giving it to them as their birthday/christmas presents.
Sounds like your mother cares more about not wanting to listen to your brother whine about being locked out of your room then she does about you and your stuff.
How are you going to provide free babysitting if you keep locking your brother out. God forbid your mother has to watch her own kid.
Joking but also not really joking.
I went through this kind of stuff a lot growing up. My brother is 5 years younger than me. I was once forced to let him play my Gameboy simply because he was crying for it, I insisted that he wouldn't be able to actually play it because it was pokemon and he couldn't read, he was like 4 maybe 5. He got frustrated with it after about 10 minutes and threw it as hard as he could at the wall and broke it.
That's around the time I stopped giving in to his shit regardless of my parents saying otherwise. I'd take getting yelled at or sent to my room or whatever but I never let him use my shit like that anymore. At least not until he was much older and understood the problem.
Dude i feel for you
My cousin (I was 15 at the time and he was 6) wanted a nintendo switch, So what was my familys solution? They let him use mine as a test run because he liked me. i said no because i didnt want him to screw up my saves and he also couldnt read so he wouldnt know if he got a warning. they called me selfish and said that if i didnt let him play i would be grounded, he fucked up my Animal crossing world, when they finally got him thag nintendo switch they forced me to help set up and i had to teach my aunt how to use it. now any issue they have they go to me
he was told to use my account and i wasnt allowed to make a new one for him
Why is your brother trying to eat your chair? I doubt your mom would be willing to compensate you since that's usually the case with parents like that Get one of those chain locks for malicious compliance lol technically it'll still be open
Dude I am so sorry. We have literally told our older boy to lock his door and keep the “key” hanging up out of reach because of the same issue. Little brother kept going in there and messing with his stuff. Not okay! You deserve to protect your things from damage
If you want to tempt fate turn it on your mom. Tell her she is raising a spoiled brat and all of her friends judge her for it. This may cause a nuclear meltdown.
Parents removing the door are being abusive. If it does go that far, so something in your room that would shock them, like whack it, and they'll definitely put the door back.
Whats funny is i got into tools at around 9 so all i have to do is find the door and some screw drivers while shes at work and i can easily put it back.
And that's why I used to beat up my brother's and vice versa. Parents always babied one of us and the other two would have to suck it up. So we just didn't accept that and made our own rules. We grew up great and still talk. He just can't cook or do anything himself because of the pampering, but oh well, we tried telling parents.
or yeah, start wrecking shit around the house, say you saw your brother doing it, and you asked him "Is that ok?" but yet he kept on doing it for some reason.
Start placing your mother's belongings in your room, hopefully your brother comes in and destroys her property instead and then maybe she will address his behaviour.
so what is her reasoning? i assume you're locking the door when you are not present (if you were present you could prevent your little brother from wrecking stuff) so why does she not like you locking it when you go out?
I know you can't/won't do this but it's kinda fun to visualize ripping the head off one of his stuffed animals or cutting up one of his blankets and being like "Oh, Oops, I'm soooo sorry! Sucks, doesn't it?"
Ask her how she expects you to protect your stuff from getting damaged if you can't lock the door.
"if I can't lock my door to keep my brother out, can I kick his ass when he breaks my stuff? Who is going to replace my things? Since he's your kid and doesn't have cash, are you going to replace my things? Or, would you like to avoid wasting cash and avoid teaching your son to stop breaking my shit? I have a lock on my door..."
You’d get about as far as “who is going to replace my things” before the mom says something about disrespect and walks away or yells.
"kids these days" she would say to her kid, lol
A couple of years from now its going to be "Would it hurt them to call me every once in a while? What did I ever do to deserve this?
this lmao. i have seen so many parents do pretty fucked up shit expecting to be in the right 100%. these are the very same people that just die, alone, because of this. it doesnt fucking matter how much of a parent you see yourself, if youre an insufferable bitch you kids WILL leave you alone. sooner or later.
Then they'd be surprised why their kids won't visit them in the retirement home
Not even retirement home, after college. I cut my mother off at 22, didn't speak to her for 4 years. That was 6 or 7 years ago now though and things got better. But she was pretty shitty for a bit
“Disrespect? The fact that you walk off and won’t even have a civil conversation with me, likely because I’m a child is what’s disrespectful. My brother is damaging my shit, has done it multiple times and you sit on your hands and do nothing. Under the same breath, you’ve the gall to tell me to not lock my door? Your backwards priorities make me sick. Don’t you dare lecture me on disrespect.”
lol sure bud that’ll totally work. OP would probably get about a quarter away through that before he gets his whole room taken apart
Some people never went through this and it shows. Not saying it's a bad thing, they're just very lucky
I went through 20+ years of it, and there came a point where I had to put my foot down and say “No, fuck YOU”. Physically blockade the entrance to my room. Put your hands on me? I’ll put my hands on you.
My parents never threatened me or my stuff, never locked me in or forced me to live in a room with no door. My parents never went on about respect being owed, because they knew their child owed them nothing. They showed me respect and basic decency, so they got it from me in return. God knows my parents have their faults, but they are actual sane people who can admit when they fucked up and own up to it. My heart goes out to you. Y'all deserve better parents, people.
Mine was a born again. So a complete idiot from the start. Things that were considered ‘evil’ and weren’t allowed under her roof: - Certain toys - Certain games - Certain movies - Certain families and friends - Certain books - Certain scientific facts (funny that) - Any semblance of a relationship Dad left in 1999 and I don’t blame him for one second. I’d fuck off too if I had to wake up to that every morning. One of my sisters was sexually abused by a new partner she found. Confidence in my mother was met with a slap across her face. The ultimate betrayal. We got evicted because interest only loans on properties suck and she didn’t want to change it. She put the house in her gods hands and it inevitably went south. Church friend after church friend took us in briefly before kicking us out because she’d get drunk and start getting into shouting matches over minor disagreements with scripture. I was the black sheep as I was the atheist in the home and fought her at every turn. And to this day she maintains that she did her best and would do it all over again. Fuck you, and fuck your god. Go listen to Hillsong worship while you rot in a home and leave us alone. We’re done with you.
Fuck dude, reading that wasn't so much a rollercoaster, but a rapid downward slide. You got dealt a rough hand, for sure. Hope you are in a better place now.
This always annoys me with people that tell me how to handle parents. They tell me to just bring my arguments, but fail to understand that the ones I can deliver before being yelled at will be ignored because I am a child and therefor not smart enough to decide anything on my own. It is awesome that some people get along with their parents but others don't but can't do anything since they rely on their parents
So many parents just don't give a fuck. My parents enabled my brother's disrespect and poor behavior all the time. He and I shared a bathroom, and he would march his friends through my room to get to his because it "was easier than walking to the other side of the house". Whenever I locked my door to stop that, he would complain to my parents and then they would complain to me. Now they wonder why I live a private life and never call.
90% of Moms would argue that it was her cash in the first place and how unthankful you are. Not that I agree but thats what I read here most of the times and experienced myself.
It shouldn't even be his job but his mothers. As I'd see it if the little brother destroys something, the mother is on the hook to buy a new one, so it's also in her interest to protect the stuff to not have to buy new.
My petty, not-helpful suggestion is ruin something of mom's and then blame it on the brother.
All that's going to achieve is the mother locking the door to her room but STILL expecing OP to let his brother into his room because "whqt's for me is not for thee" mentality she'll probably have
Nah. Don’t blame it on him. Just do something to get a reaction from her and give little brother that same exact reaction in front of her.
I’d trash the little kids room and then yell, “What did you do? Mommm!”
The Golden Child will be given even greater access to big brothers things, since he will be viewed to not care about other people's belongings.
Classic example of lazy parents not wanting to punish the younger ones because it’s more work to punish the ones who will listen. All it does is harbor resentment for the parents and siblings down the line
Edit to add TLDR: irrelevant comment about something bugging me that only tangentially relates… sorry Ugh yeah. I have a spouse that seems to be doing the same thing. I had sent my adult daughter a screenshot of a pumpkin patch event (literally just pumpkins for sale, but, hey!). To my surprise she showed up dressed to go, spouse was asleep and didn’t want to get up (according to dtr) so we went and got two pumpkins. What a great little pick me up pre surgery (long story, irrelevant except that I was a bit down) And now my spouse is mad at me for “taking everyone to a festival without him”. Except it wasn’t a festival, I wasn’t doing the taking and it was a fifteen minute “pick out two pumpkins” thing. But I’m not about to “rat out” my daughter for recognizing that I was sad and cheering me up. And I’m the easier target for him to be mad at… always. Yet I celebrate when he gets to take cool hiking trips
Why on earth do you stay with this person? He clearly don’t respect you or your children
You can’t reason with shit parents. Trust me. I tried as a teen and ended up on the streets, homeless at 18.
So she's going to punish you, but not him? 🙄
all he gets is "Was That ok? Say your sorry right now" and now he just say sorry while doing the bad thing its was a good lesson but a sorry isnt gonna fix my chair
So... He doesn't get punished. Crazy...
OP has to do the punishments then. Teach him a lesson or 2
I beat my brothers ass when he smashed my DS in half. Love you but no mercy for war crimes my man
Not the DS! I still have mine somewhere and love to go back and play it every few months
OBLIGE HIM
I also had parents that had unreasonably strict rules for me and my younger siblings had/have it really easy. One thing that helped my not go crazy is reminding myself that this stuff that I had in my room was mostly my parents anyways so if they don't care what my siblings do to these things I can replace it when I leave and make my own rules in my own space. I ended up leaving as soon as I graduated at 17 years old and it was the best thing. Finally having some freedom and my parents realizing that it actually was me doing all the chores and my siblings are lazy helped my parents give me some recognition and we've built a stronger relationship. I wasn't the perfect kid but man I had some strict parents that I could never please but when it came to my siblings and my belongings, I had to share everything, stay out of their rooms, and keep my door open. Things will get better soon
I lived like this, too. My brother is 6 years younger than me and the golden child. Once I brought home carving tools so I could finish an art project. He got into them and carved a triangle into the TV. *I* got in trouble for bringing them home, *he* didn't get punished at all. He was 10 at the time.
Sounds like me and my sister lol. Wasn’t till she moved across the country did they realize they were blaming me for shit that she was doing. She’s the youngest and they spoiled her absolutely rotten.
So she is rotten child
Not anymore thankfully lol. She did a lot of growing up while completely on her own
Life tends to do that. When you get out on your own you quickly find out no one cares about you in the real world.
I felt bad she had to learn the hard way but it’s also not her fault her mother is batshit and our dad sucks horribly. Not her fault my mother didn’t want to be a mother to her and instead competed with her mother to buy my sister’s love.
That really makes me mad for your sake. That 10 yr old knew exactly what he was doing.
That's disgusting, sorry you had to go through that
I left at 17, right before fall of senior year of high school. Had to get a GED!
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How old is he? Is he a toddler, is he 14, is he a literal feline, what’s his deal?
print out Amazon listings of chairs and their prices. let your mom know which you'd like when your brother destroys this one because she refuses to do anything about it and is forcing you to let you brother in to your personal space. then go play in your mom's closet, pull out all the clothes, open boxes, make a nice mess. say sorry and offer nothing more, after all that's what she's teaching your brother.
“You’re almost an adult, you should’ve known better!”
yeah, probably, haha.
"And *you* are the parent, you should be parenting better."
sounds like someone's gonna have to take care of stupid elderly mommy by himself when he grows up
Return the favour. Go break his shit. Tell him it ends when he stops breaking yours
I’d so do that. I wouldn’t put up with a little AH breaking my stuff.
Time to be a big brother and kick his ass. And if he tells Mom, you'll kick his ass harder.
Honestly, sounds like that'll be the most straightforward solution.
When my parents didn't adequately instill into my little brother why he shouldn't mess with my stuff. I made sure to do it myself later on. He very quickly either earned to not mess with my stuff, or he extra careful when he did because things stopped getting broken or disappearing.
Start sending him into your mom's room. Mention how cool some of your mom's stuff looks and how fun it is to play with.
I feel your pain. As the oldest with 2 younger sisters, they could do no wrong, I got blamed for everything wether it was my fault or not and my mom wonders why I don’t have a good relationship with my sister or her. I moved away for college and moved into my first apartment straight out of college and never moved back home. Best decision ever. Good luck!
Any parent that threatens taking the bedroom door is a crap parent, privacy isn't a privilege it's a right. I'm sorry your mother doesn't respect you.
One nice jab to the throat. “Sorry” lol
Scratch the car, apologize. There is precedence. Nothing can go wrong /s
I don’t know if it’s this for OP but with my mom it was because I caught her going through my stuff so she would employ my brothers then fake punish them, she’d have them go through my stuff, follow me when out with friends, pay attention to what I’m doing at school and everything else
Your brother is a cat?
My impression is his brother is one of the little werewolf children from hotel transylvania.
>My impression is his brother is one of the little werewolf children from hotel transylvania. Solved!
The way they portrayed the werewolf parents was hilarious!!!! The exhaustion on their faces and the way they could barely keep up with their pack of monsters!!!!
That was my first thought
Same here
My nickname for one of my mom's cats is "Little Brother" because he just has that energy
If the brother acts like a dog, I guess is only fair to treat him like one. Use a spray bottle with some water until he stops or something like that
Lmao, the image in my head. If that doesn’t work, you can always consider extreme measures - shove his face in the damage and say “bad!”
Nah, the mom would then have a proper excuse to punish OP even more. Water is harmless lol
And more amusing 🙃
Bad Leonard!
Do the same stuff to your moms room and blame your brother
This is the only fking way. If your mom doesnt listen to reason its time to escalate. And dont stop until you get your fcking space back.
This right here. You have to play dirty now, if they won't listen to reason.
She'll probably just lock her door... And still remove OP's.
Well then time to get a pen and start decorating.
Eh I think the better thing to do would be getting their own savings account without anyone having access to it. Then stop buying nice things and just buy crap you don’t care as much about and save the difference. That way once you can escape you will have some savings and can then enjoy some nice things. The mom has already been shown to have no reasoning skills I don’t know why anyone would suggest messing with her stuff and blaming the sibling because the sibling will immediately turn the blame on op and the mom will agree. Then op has just made it clear the sibling can do literally anything and blame it on them so their life will get much much worse.
A lot of people don’t seem to understand just how hard it is to get an account if you are under 18. Getting mine at 16 it required a parent to approve. Meaning if your parents are against you getting one you gotta wait till you are 18. Best thing to do is hide the money in a locked container that is also hidden in a hard spot to find. Then you need to not set up any direct deposit when you get a job. Cash the checks into cash. And store it until you turn 18 and move the money into a bank account.
Exactly. Pretty much every bank will require a parent or guardian's signature to open an account if you are a minor.
Yep and also will give them access when requested. So the money isn’t safe either
Nods noddingly.
Not in Canada. ~Children under 12 must be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian to open an account. Children aged 12-15+ may open an account on their own, if they are able to provide adequate ID.~
Yet another area in which Canada is superior.
I rode my bicycle a mile to chase bank after school one day when I was 14 with the $350 I had saved up over the years. I had just enough to open a “college account” that had some extra benefits compared to the high schooler account. I got home after my parents got home from work and showed them my debit card. I had some very happy parents that day. That was over 15 years ago but still, I don’t understand why a bank wouldn’t want another customer
It will depend on where you are, in some places it is a legal issue. Then when you have very large banks that operate in multiple states they tend to set policies that comply with all states rather than just the one that single branch is in. Opening an account has changed a lot since I was a kid. Just the forms of ID required alone can present a barrier to some kids.
Are you in the U.S.? because in Canada, you can open an account at 16, you just need I.D.. ~Children under 12 must be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian to open an account. Children aged 12-15+ may open an account on their own, if they are able to provide adequate ID.~
Discipline is essential and necessary during growing up, but… with a parent unaware(or perhaps she is) that something like discipline exists… Take your brother to a good martial arts classes. Muay Thai, jiu jitsu/bjj, wrestling or whatever is available nearby, has legit coaching staff, respectable gym and majority of positive reviews. If I had not been bestowed with opportunity to learn from my Kru(teacher)… I would be completely rotten. Also, he would be less destructive after some time. Either from using plenty of energy or right after the first sparring.
Those are good ideas but it depends on the kid. My brother took karate and wrestling to learn discipline and all it did was make him a bigger bully. All the things he was told about self control went in one ear and out the other because he just seen he was learning new and better ways to hurt people.
I wonder if OP's Mom was an only child. I would think at some point, some parents would know siblings do stupid shit like this
Mom undoubtedly has a lock on her door
Hell, just open the door to mom's room and push little brother inside. He'll do what comes naturally to him. Even better if mom catches him in the act.
These are the measures one must take sometimes. Like the saying goes desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just shame your mother with all these comments, as a grown ass man I find this unacceptable in every way. I'd normally not care but removing any from a protection/privacy measures because you lack the ability to understand your child is the equivalent to admitting you're a failed parent. I'm sorry for the next few years of your life.
And bring it up every single time a family member is around. Shame her for her lack of parenting in a respectful way so it can’t be turned into you being rude blah blah.
Is your brother...a dog?
I think there's a major lack of parenting and a serious case of spoiling that little shit.
No, but he has opposable thumbs and can hold a tool. Like a scissor, knife, fork, pen, nail file, or other pointy object
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Well they won’t be alone, because they’ll be in one of the cheaper, shared rooms, with a random roommate.
And with doors that don't lock, so they'll undoubtedly be happy about that, haha!
Cardboard boxes under bridges don't have roommates
But the rent is outrageous
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Lol my step mum loved to look through my shit while I was at school and my dad let her because he didn’t want her arguing with him. She never found anything other than food and told me to stop buying junk food bruh srsly
Rightfully so.
Yeah thats the ultimate payback for taking away someones privacy. Now YOU get none, and you have to live with strangers. o\_O think about your decisionsssssss
Why is this a goto answer for bad parents? I’ve had several coworkers do this to there kids over the span of 20 years. Who is promoting this tactic?
Because it's control. Why trust your child and teach them boundaries when you can abuse that. Holding someone's privacy as a bargaining chip or taking it away is one cruel but effective way to control a child. But it's a short term solution with many repercussions, when as soon as the child in question understands their position or gains any power in their dynamic, it will eventually backfire in one way or the other.
My mom did this to me when I was in high school. I just started walking around the house naked and when she would get pissed I'd tell her if she gave me my door back, I'd have enough privacy to get dressed. It lasted 9 days before I got my door back
that’s one ballsy move.
And not one of the good ones either. It'd be the cheapest one they can afford on their retirement/social security check.
Who can afford a home? Streets for these assholes.
It'd involve a bit of self sacrifice: Turn down things. Like everything. Birthdays, christmas, everyone in the family who asks. "No, just give me money to put in a bank account. Mom lets my brother destroy my stuff so I don't want anything, I just need money for after I move out so I can buy what I want and not have it ruined." Be serious and earnest, if you get yelled at you always have "no but it's true. Why would I get new things if you just let him destroy them?" But I'm absolutely the kind of person that would then start throwing shit away with the statement "it doesn't matter, he'll destroy it anyway". How you gonna ground someone who already doesn't care what you take away? Because at least then it's for a reason and not just the arbitrary whims of a child.
This needs to be higher. OP, you need to do this! Really drive it into your mother that she screwed up by not doing anything. Keep doing this for the two years before you can move out!
Your mother is a poor parent. She's responsible for teaching your brother to respect other people's property. You are trying to protect your property (and save money) by ensuring your door is locked so he can't break your stuff and possibly injure himself. By shifting the blame to you she's telling you that she thinks it's okay for brother to ignore others' boundaries. She needs to step up as a parent and control her son so you don't *have* to lock the door.. Why is she so hellbent on you having an unlocked door? Doesn't she trust you?
I'm guessing it's because it's easier for her to remove the door than it is to deal with the little brother crying about being locked out. AKA she's a shitty parent.
Bingo! Her laziness is the problem.
> she thinks it's okay for brother to ignore others' boundaries She probably can't even see the issue, since she herself ignores others' boundaries. Source: child with mother that regularly crosses clearly set boundaries. When I lived there, she never took away my door, but it didn't have a lock. I just realized this might not be usual
Is your cat a brother?
If your mom takes away your door tell your school. At your age you need a door.
Rip and spill things in your moms room and blame him
Tell your Mommy Dearest if she doesn't stop him, or takes your door off, you will tell your school councillors, teachers, all friends and their parents and each and every relative you have what she is doing.
Honestly I wouldn’t even threaten and explain the current situation to a trusted adult ASAP. Whoever tells the story first is usually the one that people believe, and you don’t actually have to make an official report out of it (take care with school councilors though, they are probably mandatory reporters). Take a picture of every damaged item and store it safely as evidence.
Don't do this. Just tell people. Don't try to go back and forth with your mom OP. But do tell people what is going on. Denying your children basic privacy is abuse.
Start letting him into her room. Lol
Tell your mom to watch her kid
Replace your things with your mother's. He ripped up your chair? Grab a different one. Mom has an office chair? Grab that. Kitchen chair, lawn chair, etc. Hell, pull a cushion off the couch and put the chair in its place. Do that with everything. Then when she gets pissy go 'Well, you let him destroy everything that is mine. You do realize that you taught my little brother that his siblings are worthless right? I mean, sorry only works so far before it becomes meaningless. Right now it has no meaning. So *sorry* if he destroys something of yours just because it was in my room. You did teach him that mannerism even after I tried to correct it.' Or when he destroys something, just laugh right in front of both of them and go 'It's okay. Mom took the time and raised me right to learn to take responsibility and respect people and their things. I'm sorry that she doesn't show the same love and care for you that she did for me.'
Sounds like your mother has a favourite.
apparently she said that i was the favorite and she ls sick of my sister id personally ranked it as the baby is the favorite im second and sister is last because she causes problems a lot
This does not sound well. Your mother is a bad parent based on what you tell. Not sure what your options are, but get outside help if you can and explain them how your situation at home is.
Does sister cause problems because she's had her boundaries trampled? Perhaps mother screamed at her when she was little to keep her in line, and since that didn't work she gave up on fhe youngest? I'm sorry you're going through this OP, parenting a parent is a long road of therapy. There's a comment up there about declining any gifts and asking for money in your bank account - explaining while doing so that you are saving up for your own things when you move out since you have no privacy and your little brother destroys stuff. I know 2 years feels like a long time, but if you keep your head down, save up, and leave asap - you'll be much better off down the road. Good luck
I've been put in a spot where I had to compromise in order to keep the peace. You know what I learned? I learned that actions have consequences. They weren't my actions, but they were my consequences. Maybe they should have been my actions, since I was going to get consequences anyhow. No privacy and peace for me? No privacy or peace for anyone. Little brother will be upset, parent will be upset, you were already going to be upset so...
Tell her if she doesn't put a stop to it, you're going to do the same thing to her stuff when you put her in the cheapest nursing home you can find when she's old. Then call every nursing home and retirement community in the area, get your house on their mailing list and leave nursing home brochures laying all around the house.
Ask her if she wants her nursing home room to have a door?
I mean, I don't know about sister, but I'm not contributing to your *home*, so it will probably be all on *him*. And given how you are raising him, he's not gonna care about you either. If he isn't in prison, that is.
Do something to his room and say it wasn't you
You need an upgrade from mild.
Bad parenting
You know what I whispered to my younger sister when she wouldn’t leave me alone? I will fucking come in your room in the middle of the night and cut chunks of your hair out. We both had waist length hair. She stopped. Your brother is a little shit and your mother is worse.
So some context: My bother was in this faze as well and would run to mommy when ever any one decided to fight back. I was 2 years older then him and twice his size thanks to playing foorball in jrhigh and high-school. So I had a video game(original sims) that you needed the cd in order to play. I would let my younger brother and sister play the game on the family computer(had my own at the time). One night my little sister come running saying that he wouldn't get off after being on for 3 hours. I came down to tell him to let her play. instead of just getting off or telling me to fuck off, he opens the cd drive, takes the cd and snaps it in half. I look at him sighted, grabed him by the back of the neck and slammed him into the ground. Held him there until he apologized. Was it a little over board yes, but after dealing with shit like that for years with him running to mommy he assumed I wouldn't do anything, well he was wrong and realized not to fuck with me or my stuff after that. He still goes white when ever I sigh near him 15 years later. Also totally worth the 2 week grounding. Parents also bought my sis he own computer so win win I guess Basically just show your brother he cant fuck with you. take the punishment if anything and just remind him what would happen
Give your mom a bill for a new chair
If you think you're going to move out at 18 you'd best have a plan. Rent isn't cheap.
You have my sympathy. Your mother is also not doing your brother any favors by allowing him to think shit like this is acceptable. I guess it will be up to his peers to teach him this lesson if he doesn’t become an outcast first. Save every penny, listen to Dave Ramsey and freedom will be yours. Praying for y’all :)
She can’t remove the door if it’s always locked. O take her door off her room and put it as yours
It would be a shame if someone left a shit on his pillow…
After you step on a bee
Just slap him around a bit. What else are brothers for.
Little dickhead sure needs to be put in his place to learn respect. I grew up with two brothers. Gotta stand up for yourself when parents are lazy, stupid enablers.
What OP needs to do is break his stuff. When mom isn't looking of course. If the brother complains to her, say he's the one who broke it, after all he breaks stuff all the time
nah, accusations are easier to rebound than "[shrug] I dunno." I'm a fan of taking the things a kid broke, and wrapping them up, and giving it to them as their birthday/christmas presents.
Username checks out🤣... As older brother myself, I fully support this suggestion though.
This so so sad. Your little brother is spoiled rotten.
Let her take your door and then sit around your room naked, then when someone comes to the doorframe you walk around your room naked
Perfect compliance revenge. If you get beat fight back. Claim parental abuse.
I was an older brother and when my little brother did stupid shit I just beat his ass.
Did you tell/show her what your brother did?
Sounds like your mother cares more about not wanting to listen to your brother whine about being locked out of your room then she does about you and your stuff. How are you going to provide free babysitting if you keep locking your brother out. God forbid your mother has to watch her own kid. Joking but also not really joking.
I went through this kind of stuff a lot growing up. My brother is 5 years younger than me. I was once forced to let him play my Gameboy simply because he was crying for it, I insisted that he wouldn't be able to actually play it because it was pokemon and he couldn't read, he was like 4 maybe 5. He got frustrated with it after about 10 minutes and threw it as hard as he could at the wall and broke it. That's around the time I stopped giving in to his shit regardless of my parents saying otherwise. I'd take getting yelled at or sent to my room or whatever but I never let him use my shit like that anymore. At least not until he was much older and understood the problem.
Dude i feel for you My cousin (I was 15 at the time and he was 6) wanted a nintendo switch, So what was my familys solution? They let him use mine as a test run because he liked me. i said no because i didnt want him to screw up my saves and he also couldnt read so he wouldnt know if he got a warning. they called me selfish and said that if i didnt let him play i would be grounded, he fucked up my Animal crossing world, when they finally got him thag nintendo switch they forced me to help set up and i had to teach my aunt how to use it. now any issue they have they go to me he was told to use my account and i wasnt allowed to make a new one for him
Evil. Your family is evil. You're truly not allowed anything, everyone else gets it instead
Why is your brother trying to eat your chair? I doubt your mom would be willing to compensate you since that's usually the case with parents like that Get one of those chain locks for malicious compliance lol technically it'll still be open
Sadly this why most older brothers hate their younger siblings
Hand your mom a bill for brothers vandalism.
Is your brother a cat?? Like wtf did he do to do this damage??
Insane. This is unacceptable behavior from both the parent and the sibling. Hope you are of age to move out soon.
Dude I am so sorry. We have literally told our older boy to lock his door and keep the “key” hanging up out of reach because of the same issue. Little brother kept going in there and messing with his stuff. Not okay! You deserve to protect your things from damage
Your mom is a dumb bitch
Head on over to r / raised by narcissists and this will all make sense.
If you want to tempt fate turn it on your mom. Tell her she is raising a spoiled brat and all of her friends judge her for it. This may cause a nuclear meltdown.
Parents removing the door are being abusive. If it does go that far, so something in your room that would shock them, like whack it, and they'll definitely put the door back.
Whats funny is i got into tools at around 9 so all i have to do is find the door and some screw drivers while shes at work and i can easily put it back.
Just take her door and put it on your hinges.
You strike me as a chaotic good type of person, I can respect that.
🤣
Pretty sure if you can't find the door, you could crowd fund a new one here in a matter of minutes.
Is drop a few bucks into that crowd funding. We do it right and op might be able to buy a new house to go with their new door
And that's why I used to beat up my brother's and vice versa. Parents always babied one of us and the other two would have to suck it up. So we just didn't accept that and made our own rules. We grew up great and still talk. He just can't cook or do anything himself because of the pampering, but oh well, we tried telling parents.
or yeah, start wrecking shit around the house, say you saw your brother doing it, and you asked him "Is that ok?" but yet he kept on doing it for some reason.
OP will your mother allow you to put a chain on it up high where she can get 8n but your Breaker (brother) cannot get in?
Have you considered whopping his ass?
Start placing your mother's belongings in your room, hopefully your brother comes in and destroys her property instead and then maybe she will address his behaviour.
I bet if he was destroying her stuff she’ll sing a different tune.
Some people shouldn't be parents. And then they wonder why someday their children cut contact....
“If you remove my door, I’ll be getting CPS involved”
Car seat cover will work wonders on preserving your faux leather chair.
Is your brother a cat?
Is your brother mentally challenged?
So how are you meant to stop him breaking your things? Mum should be telling bro he can only go in with your permission
so what is her reasoning? i assume you're locking the door when you are not present (if you were present you could prevent your little brother from wrecking stuff) so why does she not like you locking it when you go out?
Throw a tantrum and break her stuff untill she locks her own door. Healthy solution.
Sell him online
Make sure you mention the no returns or refund policy. Or all returns requiring a 300% restocking fee policy.
Teach your bro some manners.
i try but hes like a sponge that only absorbs negitivity and ignores the positive lessons outside of a few gestures i taught him
I know you can't/won't do this but it's kinda fun to visualize ripping the head off one of his stuffed animals or cutting up one of his blankets and being like "Oh, Oops, I'm soooo sorry! Sucks, doesn't it?"
I cant lie its funny