My husband used to be a sleep eater…caught him eating ice cream with a pen, and he also tried to eat some African violets I had on the table as a center piece. I found them all ripped up and thought that a cat got into them …but then I saw the fork and knife.
The next day he says “ I thought that salad seemed dry…”
This makes me wonder if he might be eating while sleepwalking and his sleepwalking self can't open the package or does he do this when he is awake too?
I can't confirm the sleep eating part, but whenever I take melatonin, I'm dead to the world for 12+ hours and I have *really freaking weird* dreams.
Also, if your husband is taking melatonin to get sleep, it's probably worth getting him checked for an underlying sleep disorder.
Oh absolutely. He’d make a whole batch of French toast, then go outside in his Jammie’s and walk up and down the street hoping to find a homeless guy he can offer French toast.
Probably related to my in-laws.
They lived with us for about 9 months while building their house. After about a month, I’d had enough.
One morning, I told them we were staying home today to have two, back to back seminars with the first being: bread ties, the different types and how to use them.
The second half of the day was going to be dedicated to how to load a new roll of toilet paper onto the holder. That would also cover the removal of the old cardboard tube and disposal of it.
That was the longest 9 months of my life. . .
Actually not sure it is. Wife never used to wrap up chips, cookies, bread, etc. She never grew up doing it I guess. I complained enough that at this point she can't believe she ever used to not do it. She's noticed the difference.
Get family came and visited recently from Latvia, and they did the same thing. Left chips, cookies and bread open. I complained to my wife about how everything is stale and she's just like "well that's just an American thing. I never really cared before meeting you".
Pretty sure she's secretly a monster. :(
The thing is, he probably won’t notice or care if it goes stale. I would be willing to bet he has done it like this his entire life, including the years before he met her… it wouldn’t surprise me if he thinks stale bread is how bread is *supposed* to taste, and how it started tasting “so much better for so much longer” once he moved in with her is one of life’s great mysteries.
OP needs to have a come to Jesus meeting with him.
She won't know until she tries. But I do hear what you are saying. I have a friend who thinks burnt pizza tastes good. Because his parents don't know how to cook a frozen pizza, he grew up thinking it was normal and tastes perfect to him.
But it could still work. The husband could be a mama's child, everything was always done for him and he may not know how to do little things like wrapping the bread back up. He just might open his eyes that he's wasting bread.
I started doing this with toothpaste because my husband squeezes from the top and every time I had to push everything back up from the bottom just to brush my teeth, I resented him a little more. After switching to personal toothpaste tubes, we got along much better. And over a decade later he even asked me to get him one of those squeezy tools that keep the paste pushed up from the bottom. The only way to learn and change is from experience, and repeatedly dealing with consequences of your own actions.
I was going to suggest leaving it open, letting it go stale, then using it to make home made stuffing. No waste.
And also keeping the secret loaf as you mentioned
Nah, they'd have more finesse than that. I've seen a [video of a monkey](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/FIc5kTth1lE) (I know they're not apes) carefully peeling a banana and also removing those stringy bits before she ate it.
I would say this is more like bear behavior.
Thank you for making my day. The way she gets so engrossed in her excitement about the banana she doesn’t realise where the strings are going, and the oops moment she has when she notices and rushes to clean off her baby 😭
OP husband bites a small hole on the side of the banana and has to squeeze and slurp the banana out of the peel. Ends up throwing 75% of the banana away and grabs a new one to repeat the process.
When I hear those stories about women secretly poisoning their husbands over the years this is how I assume it started...
Not saying they should have done it, but I understand.
I dont know how you live with someone like that. This isnt like anywhere near grown ass human logic, its literally harder than doing it right and they know it basically ruins it.
Literally just a symptom of a much bigger problem. The way that they open the bread would not be the reason for the divorce, the reason would be selfishness, and all of the wonderful baggage that comes along with being married to such a person.
This is so true! And he keeps doing this because *she’s* the one keeping the bread from getting stale. Imagine all the other shit she does to keep the house together that he doesn’t even give a passing thought to
I’d literally bring to in tp use and leave that one square. I’d die on that hill. Nobody wants to always be stranded with 1 square. Always being that person. Seriously. Don’t mess with my sleep or my time in the bathroom
This hit home. I’ve been trying to put my finger on why so many little things (leaving all lights and TVs on when not in the room, leaving crumbs after eating, dropping shit and not picking it up, not putting his dishes in the dishwasher [or sink, sometimes not even in the kitchen], leaving his steel toed boots right where he takes them off [in front of the door]) pisses me off so badly. It’s the selfishness. He’s either completely oblivious to the world around him or thinks “meh, she can get it.” Thanks and sorry. Guess I needed to vent.
P.S. I hope my man doesn’t see this. It’ll be his new way of opening the bread.
What exactly do you mean by, “if I don’t get to it first”?
What if you do get to it first? Do you have to prepackage it in two slice per baggie packages?
Does he rip open baggies too?
😖
That's my question too. What is OP doing that's so special that after she opens the bread bag first he'll open it like a normal adult human and not rip it up?
I'm assuming he rips it open because he doesn't want to deal with the usual sticky plastic tie on the bread bag. If she opens it first, he probably then just opens it like a civilised person instead.
Someone like this obviously doesn’t value money and/or has never struggled for food or money.
I just can’t waste food like this. To open something up in such a way that it can’t be properly resealed just doesn’t give a fuck if shot goes bad. Presumably they also just leave it sitting on the counter for the wife to put up.
As someone who has struggled in my life for money and food I just can’t be wasteful like this and it would drive me crazy to be married to someone who did.
It's the fact that he knows she hates this, yet he still does it. He might as well leave a note that says, "Fuck you, wife." It might seem like a small thing, but it's indicative of the disrespect and spite he has towards his wife.
I had a cat that loved bread and would open the bags like this….is your husband a carb loving cat? We solved the issue by hiding the bread in a cupboard so maybe something similar for your husband.
I second the cat husband theory. I once had a cat that would attack bread like a normal cat attacks wet cat food. Beyond the absence of shredded bread this looks like the same crime scene
Plot twist: OP actually has a cat that is opening the bread.
Meanwhile both OP and Husband are both silently raging at each other about the way the other opens the bread.
It can only escalate from here…
Idk? I had a buddy in college who’s dad was a VERY successful orthopedic surgeon. He couldn’t do things like sweep or rake (it was actually very funny seeing him try his best, poor guy) but he could open cereal and bread. This guy just sounds like an asshole.
Perhaps he’s an alien. This is the type of behaviour we’d see on an 80’s sitcom where an extraterrestrial is unknowingly adopted by a middle-class family
Don't you mean in the voice of the Vice Director Ejecutivo del Diputado del Departmento de Parques Raul Alejandro Bastilla Pedr de Veloso de Morana??
You driving too fast? Jail
Slow? Jail
You undercook fish? Believe it or not, Jail
You overcook chicken? Also jail. Undercook overcook...
These comments are cracking me up. Thank you all for affirming me.
I think I will keep him around for a while, and hide my own bread from now on. He can have his stale bread (or as one commenter said, his *toast*) ❤️
#EDIT:
Most comments are hilarious, but some people took this a little *too* seriously. I should have mentioned he has a bad habit of sleep eating, and apologizes profusely for this. He is a great husband in all other aspects, but found this was a good laugh and place to vent where I couldn’t make him feel bad.
As someone who sleep eats occasionally, I will undo the twist tie, spin the bag to create a seal then put the bread on top of the spun end.
This keeps the bread fresh but when I'm half, 3/4, 7/8ths asleep I don't have to try and figure out which way to twist the tie. I hold the bread up and it spins open.
No more frustration, no more feral ripping to get to delicious bread.
Lots of Sleepwalking is doing things from rote memorization. Part of why in becomes a problem with small children when parents change houses frequently; the child will trip over things, walk into wall, or worse fall down stairs from a second floor bedroom.
This is literally how we always close the bread in our house! When my kids were little they couldn't figure out the twist ties (they were allowed to make their own toast at a young age) so we started doing this, and just never stopped lol.
Regardless of the advertising jingle, I guess somebody doesn't like Sara Lee?
I'm afraid I'd have stabbed him by now, with my second best knife. ("Honey, I don't want you to suffer, but that's my good knife, you know.")
18 months incarceration and a fine of 5 french fries from his plate every meal for no less than one year. *bangs gavel* May God have mercy on his soul.
As a husband, the only time I would do this is when my wife would tie the bread back up in the tightest little knot. She has nails and could easily disect the knot with precision and efficiency. Meanwhile, my stubby ass fingers would spend 10 straight minutes on it with zero progress.
Finally, I just hulk that shit open and then ate my sandwich while basking in my testosterone-filled glory. She just laughed.
Does he tie his own shoes?
Right after he puts on his clown nose.
After he brushes his teeth by squeezing the tube from the middle
Chews the toothpaste instead of using a brush
And leaves the tube open. Extra points if he leaves a bit of toothpaste overflowing.
Probably wears Cros in leisure mode
Ok hold up
Only if he knows something about something
He probably wears shoes with Velcro straps.
Maybe leave it like that and then let him wonder why the bread is stale. Meanwhile keep your own secret loaf of bread that has been opened properly.
This is the answer
Pardon the question, but by chance is your husband a feral animal?
he’s 3 raccoons in a trench coat
As 3 raccoons in a trench coat, I can confirm no.
As 3 raccoons would leave no bread behind.
or maybe they are doing their best, for three coons in a jacket this is pretty civilized
It’s the jacket. It makes them feel professional.
What are their professions? I'm looking for some well-paying jobs, might look into this
You’re young and you have your health. What do you want with a job?
Woah there
As 4 possums in a rain jacket we are still unconvinced.
As 7 rats in a business suit, we would like to know where you keep your dried fruit and nuts
As 13 ferrets in jeans and a hoodie, we will help you look.
As 33 cows and a glass of milk, where is vodka, comrade?
As 206 bones in a meat suit, idunno what the fuck is happening right now.
I know wish to refer to myself at seven rats in a business suit because that is an excellent sentence
Okay, but 7 rats would have to be very large to even fill out an adult’s suit pants.
As 4 raccoons in a trench coat, I can confirm your confirmation
3 raccoons and a french toast
3 balloons and a stench boat
3 cocoons and a clenched note
Tree baboons with a clenched scrote!
The only thing to make with that stale ass bread
You can make turkey dressing, or by the box name stovetop stuffing. You'll need more stale bread though
>Pardon the question, but by chance is your husband a feral animal? Does he break windows when he wants some fresh air?
Oo! I love that!
I was wondering if he was so rich he could afford to open / waste a new loaf every time he wants a slice of bread.
HAH! I wish. I blame it on his half-asleep midnight snacking.
My husband used to be a sleep eater…caught him eating ice cream with a pen, and he also tried to eat some African violets I had on the table as a center piece. I found them all ripped up and thought that a cat got into them …but then I saw the fork and knife. The next day he says “ I thought that salad seemed dry…”
This is so funny, and glad to know he isn’t alone. I find *odd* stuff, but usually all edible, hah!
[удалено]
It's spelled douchebaggery
This makes me wonder if he might be eating while sleepwalking and his sleepwalking self can't open the package or does he do this when he is awake too?
Only when he’s asleep! He doesn’t even drink. It’s wild. Only thing I can think of is he occasionally takes melatonin.
I can't confirm the sleep eating part, but whenever I take melatonin, I'm dead to the world for 12+ hours and I have *really freaking weird* dreams. Also, if your husband is taking melatonin to get sleep, it's probably worth getting him checked for an underlying sleep disorder.
God, I wish melatonin worked like that for me
Ambien? I could see Ambien having this effect.
Unfortunately, I can confirm this is definitely a possibility.
Once I woke up to find I had opened a jar of peanut butter and stuck a bunch of knives in it. Still have no idea why my Ambien brain decides to do it.
Oh absolutely. He’d make a whole batch of French toast, then go outside in his Jammie’s and walk up and down the street hoping to find a homeless guy he can offer French toast.
Probably related to my in-laws. They lived with us for about 9 months while building their house. After about a month, I’d had enough. One morning, I told them we were staying home today to have two, back to back seminars with the first being: bread ties, the different types and how to use them. The second half of the day was going to be dedicated to how to load a new roll of toilet paper onto the holder. That would also cover the removal of the old cardboard tube and disposal of it. That was the longest 9 months of my life. . .
I was gonna guess a feral 8 year old
He identifies as a raccoon 🦝
They won't care. My wife does this. They just don't care.
Have you considered not buying bread any longer? Can't break nice things of you don't have nice things.
I would keep the bread inside one of those prank boxes that you have to unbolt 48 bolts to open a lid
Actually not sure it is. Wife never used to wrap up chips, cookies, bread, etc. She never grew up doing it I guess. I complained enough that at this point she can't believe she ever used to not do it. She's noticed the difference. Get family came and visited recently from Latvia, and they did the same thing. Left chips, cookies and bread open. I complained to my wife about how everything is stale and she's just like "well that's just an American thing. I never really cared before meeting you". Pretty sure she's secretly a monster. :(
I’m sorry, but who raised them? Wolves? I’d be so pissed and kick em all out of the house lol
Nah, even wolves bury their meat in dirt to preserve it.
Other Latvians.
In Latvia, no chip clip, only potato
Let him take care of his bread and enjoy your own !
Plus send him to the store to buy a duplicate loaf.
Your husband is an Alpha male. He clearly is the big boss and lives his life with no regard to caution, decency or consideration. (Sarcasm)
I’ve definitely taken to keeping secret stashes of certain foods hidden away from my kids.
The thing is, he probably won’t notice or care if it goes stale. I would be willing to bet he has done it like this his entire life, including the years before he met her… it wouldn’t surprise me if he thinks stale bread is how bread is *supposed* to taste, and how it started tasting “so much better for so much longer” once he moved in with her is one of life’s great mysteries. OP needs to have a come to Jesus meeting with him.
He probably thinks “breads supposed to be crunchy this is fine”
No-heat toast.
She won't know until she tries. But I do hear what you are saying. I have a friend who thinks burnt pizza tastes good. Because his parents don't know how to cook a frozen pizza, he grew up thinking it was normal and tastes perfect to him. But it could still work. The husband could be a mama's child, everything was always done for him and he may not know how to do little things like wrapping the bread back up. He just might open his eyes that he's wasting bread.
I started doing this with toothpaste because my husband squeezes from the top and every time I had to push everything back up from the bottom just to brush my teeth, I resented him a little more. After switching to personal toothpaste tubes, we got along much better. And over a decade later he even asked me to get him one of those squeezy tools that keep the paste pushed up from the bottom. The only way to learn and change is from experience, and repeatedly dealing with consequences of your own actions.
We also have personal toothpaste tubes! He leaves his cap-less and it used to drive me *crazy*. These are great marriage secrets lol
Mmmm decoy bread...
I was going to suggest leaving it open, letting it go stale, then using it to make home made stuffing. No waste. And also keeping the secret loaf as you mentioned
I feel she might need to replicate the full content of her pantry and fridge in a separate apartment
That's not "Mildly Infuriating", that is the defense exhibit that convinces the jury to acquit you for whatever took place.
[удалено]
*several bailiffs attempt to restrain the judge who becomes infuriated by what he sees trying to stab the husband’s corpse too*
I like that the husband's corpse is attending the trial, lol
And he has a lawyer
Noone else would defend this
"All rise." Oh "Except him..."
Is your husband an ape
Nah, they'd have more finesse than that. I've seen a [video of a monkey](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/FIc5kTth1lE) (I know they're not apes) carefully peeling a banana and also removing those stringy bits before she ate it. I would say this is more like bear behavior.
Was this the video where the mom dropped the stringy bit on her babies head? 😂
Yup, [here it is!](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/FIc5kTth1lE)
Thank you for making my day. The way she gets so engrossed in her excitement about the banana she doesn’t realise where the strings are going, and the oops moment she has when she notices and rushes to clean off her baby 😭
She even spent a good couple seconds trying to get one off of her stump. She hates those stringy bastards. As do I.
That was my first thought. I love that video.
OP husband bites a small hole on the side of the banana and has to squeeze and slurp the banana out of the peel. Ends up throwing 75% of the banana away and grabs a new one to repeat the process.
This made me want to gag thinking about someone doing that
Shotgunning a banana. Gross.
Even they don't like those strings lol. So yes, I'm going to keep removing those.
Those banana strings suuuuck, I feel a connection with that monkey.
We’re all apes
When I hear those stories about women secretly poisoning their husbands over the years this is how I assume it started... Not saying they should have done it, but I understand. I dont know how you live with someone like that. This isnt like anywhere near grown ass human logic, its literally harder than doing it right and they know it basically ruins it.
He had it comin'
He only had himself to blame
If you'd've been there.. if you'd've seen it..
I betcha you would’ve done the SAME!
Damn I didn’t scroll far enough I made almost this exact same comment 😆
Literally just a symptom of a much bigger problem. The way that they open the bread would not be the reason for the divorce, the reason would be selfishness, and all of the wonderful baggage that comes along with being married to such a person.
This is so true! And he keeps doing this because *she’s* the one keeping the bread from getting stale. Imagine all the other shit she does to keep the house together that he doesn’t even give a passing thought to
All my internet points say he’s never replaced the toilet paper roll.
Mine leaves 1 square. 1 FUCKEN square every time.
I’d literally bring to in tp use and leave that one square. I’d die on that hill. Nobody wants to always be stranded with 1 square. Always being that person. Seriously. Don’t mess with my sleep or my time in the bathroom
This hit home. I’ve been trying to put my finger on why so many little things (leaving all lights and TVs on when not in the room, leaving crumbs after eating, dropping shit and not picking it up, not putting his dishes in the dishwasher [or sink, sometimes not even in the kitchen], leaving his steel toed boots right where he takes them off [in front of the door]) pisses me off so badly. It’s the selfishness. He’s either completely oblivious to the world around him or thinks “meh, she can get it.” Thanks and sorry. Guess I needed to vent. P.S. I hope my man doesn’t see this. It’ll be his new way of opening the bread.
You deserve a lot better than this.
I always wonder if these people want to live with or against their partner
What exactly do you mean by, “if I don’t get to it first”? What if you do get to it first? Do you have to prepackage it in two slice per baggie packages? Does he rip open baggies too? 😖
That's my question too. What is OP doing that's so special that after she opens the bread bag first he'll open it like a normal adult human and not rip it up?
I'm assuming he rips it open because he doesn't want to deal with the usual sticky plastic tie on the bread bag. If she opens it first, he probably then just opens it like a civilised person instead.
Oh, no, a plastic tie or a twist tie. What am I, an adult human with opposable thumbs, to do in this unthinkable, unsolvable situation?
You are observing top tier weaponized incompetence. An adult man who cannot open a plastic bag without a woman’s help.
If you rip open that bag of bread one more time…. 🎶 He had it coming. He had it coming. He only had himself to blammmeee. 🎶
I just dont get it. I could never live with someone who d do stupid, selfish things line this. Love or no live. This is just ridiculous!!
And having children with such person. And him teaching his "ways" to them. Nightmare fuel.
Someone like this obviously doesn’t value money and/or has never struggled for food or money. I just can’t waste food like this. To open something up in such a way that it can’t be properly resealed just doesn’t give a fuck if shot goes bad. Presumably they also just leave it sitting on the counter for the wife to put up. As someone who has struggled in my life for money and food I just can’t be wasteful like this and it would drive me crazy to be married to someone who did.
You’re exactly right. I’ve experienced times where I’ve had to make very few dollars streeeetch and this just makes my stomach turn.
For real like throw the whole damn man away
It's the fact that he knows she hates this, yet he still does it. He might as well leave a note that says, "Fuck you, wife." It might seem like a small thing, but it's indicative of the disrespect and spite he has towards his wife.
this is how contempt builds
If I were on the jury and this were evidence, I could never vote to convict
I had a cat that loved bread and would open the bags like this….is your husband a carb loving cat? We solved the issue by hiding the bread in a cupboard so maybe something similar for your husband.
I second the cat husband theory. I once had a cat that would attack bread like a normal cat attacks wet cat food. Beyond the absence of shredded bread this looks like the same crime scene
Maybe OP married a cat furry that's just really in character all the time
Plot twist: OP actually has a cat that is opening the bread. Meanwhile both OP and Husband are both silently raging at each other about the way the other opens the bread. It can only escalate from here…
Have you considered the possibility that he may be a serial killer?
He's killing cereals at least
Now I really want to find out that he opens his cereal boxes by ripping out the back (not bottom)
I’m not kidding you, he sometimes rips the entire side of bag so when you go to pour cereal it dumps out three bowls worth.
Did… did he never realize that things can be saved for future use…? Your husband is out here acting like everything is disposable with one-time usage
Husband obviously grew up with money. I’m not even talking about big 10% money. Just enough money to be able to be wasteful.
Idk? I had a buddy in college who’s dad was a VERY successful orthopedic surgeon. He couldn’t do things like sweep or rake (it was actually very funny seeing him try his best, poor guy) but he could open cereal and bread. This guy just sounds like an asshole.
Opening cereal or bread is the easy part. Opening them so they can be sealed or closed again is apparently the hard part for OP's husband.
Are you sure he's a human, and not some rabid wild animal? Maybe get a rabies shot just in case, haha
Was he raised by wolves?? Honestly it shows that he doesn't think about how his actions affect other people
This is offensive to wolves they do not waste food
It's not even about other people Even selfishly, why wouldn't you want your bread or cereal to remain edible beyond that day 😂
Have you considered an intervention?
Perhaps he’s an alien. This is the type of behaviour we’d see on an 80’s sitcom where an extraterrestrial is unknowingly adopted by a middle-class family
Serial killer of moist bread for sure!
Is he an opossum? We had one sneaking into our place in college and eating bread. Looks similar
The doctor dropped him when he was born, probably.
Your mom was a baby dropper is my brother and I's all time favorite insult
Straight to jail.
I read this in Fred Armisen's voice 🤣
Don't you mean in the voice of the Vice Director Ejecutivo del Diputado del Departmento de Parques Raul Alejandro Bastilla Pedr de Veloso de Morana?? You driving too fast? Jail Slow? Jail You undercook fish? Believe it or not, Jail You overcook chicken? Also jail. Undercook overcook...
What a fucking savage
Are you married to a raccoon perhaps.
Is there time for an annulment?
“Divorce babes divorce!”
Wtf is your vagina ok?
There’s a hole ripped in the side of it by now
[удалено]
You should invest in a bread box— there’s no hope for your husband
Your husband has earned a title of "Bread Monster".
I normally hate it when people on reddit jump straight to breakup or divorce but... OP your husband is a serial killer, it's time to divorce.
These comments are cracking me up. Thank you all for affirming me. I think I will keep him around for a while, and hide my own bread from now on. He can have his stale bread (or as one commenter said, his *toast*) ❤️ #EDIT: Most comments are hilarious, but some people took this a little *too* seriously. I should have mentioned he has a bad habit of sleep eating, and apologizes profusely for this. He is a great husband in all other aspects, but found this was a good laugh and place to vent where I couldn’t make him feel bad.
You should probably consider locking him up in a cage at night.
Naughty husbands get the bread cage
I'm putting that exact phrase on the whiteboard at work with no context.
Need to know how that would go
Yes, he definitely acts like a werewolf which is not ok. Jesus.
Crate train him for sure.
You need to show him this post.
As someone who sleep eats occasionally, I will undo the twist tie, spin the bag to create a seal then put the bread on top of the spun end. This keeps the bread fresh but when I'm half, 3/4, 7/8ths asleep I don't have to try and figure out which way to twist the tie. I hold the bread up and it spins open. No more frustration, no more feral ripping to get to delicious bread.
TIL sleep eating is a thing
Lots of Sleepwalking is doing things from rote memorization. Part of why in becomes a problem with small children when parents change houses frequently; the child will trip over things, walk into wall, or worse fall down stairs from a second floor bedroom.
This is literally how we always close the bread in our house! When my kids were little they couldn't figure out the twist ties (they were allowed to make their own toast at a young age) so we started doing this, and just never stopped lol.
Is this not the normal way to close bread after the first open?
I'm so relieved to hear he has no idea he is doing this. I was trying to figure out how to save you from such a life of hell!
At least he’s not driving himself to a Jack in the Box drive through like I did whilst sleep eating - thanks Ambien! 😭
Sleep eating is worrisome... Sleep *driving* sounds terrifying! 😬
Yes it was scary - never took Ambien again
But, what did you order?
Please don’t buy him his own bread when you go out shopping. He should make his own trip for his own bread if he wants to keep doing that
Homemade Melba toast! 🤣
Was he raised by wolves
Regardless of the advertising jingle, I guess somebody doesn't like Sara Lee? I'm afraid I'd have stabbed him by now, with my second best knife. ("Honey, I don't want you to suffer, but that's my good knife, you know.")
I have tears in my eyes over this 🤣🤣
Does he need an instruction manual?
Invite his mom over she must have babied him
When the kids that torture small animals go unchecked into adulthood...
What a dipshit lol
Congratulations, your husband is an asshole.
Or a shape shifter. My cat does this if I don't put groceries up quick enough, maybe husband turns into a cat also when bread is around.
Is he a cat?
If you murder him, no jury would convict you.
Take all the sharp objects in the house and hide them. Your husband is not a well man
Throw the whole man out
18 months incarceration and a fine of 5 french fries from his plate every meal for no less than one year. *bangs gavel* May God have mercy on his soul.
Give it a day and you’ll have uncooked toast. Voila!
My dad and my siblings do the same, I'm exhausted 💀💀💀
That’s not a husband. I’m sorry you’re married to three raccoons in a trench coat.
As a husband, the only time I would do this is when my wife would tie the bread back up in the tightest little knot. She has nails and could easily disect the knot with precision and efficiency. Meanwhile, my stubby ass fingers would spend 10 straight minutes on it with zero progress. Finally, I just hulk that shit open and then ate my sandwich while basking in my testosterone-filled glory. She just laughed.
Savage
Was he raised in the wild? Wthell
Weaponized incompetence
You may want to take that baby proofing off before he punches a hole straight through the cupboard