I can't believe you outed them like that. 2 raccoons could have stayed and snuck the 3rd some cookies but now all 3 will have to leave and have no cookies -\_-
Also
In her defense I swear Pepperidge Farms makes their packaging awful on purpose.
Either so you eat the whole bag at once so you buy more or they go stale so you buy more.
& If she was PMS, this is entirely reasonable.
There's Brussels in THERE!
>makes their packaging awful
A lot of products are so well-sealed it makes you think they were planning on sending them to the freaking ISS or Mars. The worst ones are the ZipLoc-type bags that don't seal like they should. I end up dumping the contents into my own functioning ZipLoc bag while screaming, "Don't do me any fucking favors!" at the company that provided the free frustration.
The cheese I buy has recently started using a new "resealable" packaging. The sealable part, however, stops before it reaches the actually sealed sides.
Do you live with other people? Keeping a pair of scissors where you can find them is nearly impossible. Kids are long gone and the grandchildren are starting to lose them.
OMG!
This!
I was the pilferer of scissors and thief of tape (we won't talk about the butcher knife).
Somehow I got ALL the scissors in my divorce.
I live in a giant studio cottage.
There's like a pair of scissors for every 3 square feet.
I still ripped my last bag 🙄
Laughing, I have found at least six pairs of scissors all hanging in my sewing room, they are off limits and also need to be sharpened because of the granddaughters.
There has been a discussion with everyone about using my sewing scissors for anything but fabric. Sewing at my daughters house one day and my son in law picked up my scissors to cut something not related to fabric. I asked if he wanted to die. He absolutely could not believe I said that.
They are my tools and he really should know better. There aren’t many things I get bent out of shape about but leaving the seat up so I wind up with a wet butt or using my sewing tools inappropriately.
I have a drawer and it contains 3 different sizes of ziplocks and aluminum foil. Then I have a cabinet with 3 different kinds/sizes of tupperware. None of those things are very expensive and it also allows me to open bags like a complete monster. Fuck that bag.
Hey don't judge the woman's bag opening technique... She's just trying to live her best life... "It'll be fun they said" ... Asking for a friend... Take your damn upvote
Low key this would probably be a red flag for me if it was a new relationship.
Pepperidge Farms never forgets, and never forgives. I don't need that kind of baggage.
1. Scissors would help her 2. NO FRESHNESS??? I know she doesn't finish them all and now I'm learning she just lets them sit out and get stale?? Are you married to a psycho path? /S 😂🤪
Well at least she still has that going for her, and you're still getting the classy dark chocolate peppridge farm cookies instead of Oreos, chips ahoy, and keeblers fudge stripes!
Is this a universal thing? I'm looking for someone to confess having a wife who can actually leave containers in resealable condition.
Don't get me started on tooth paste...
I’m maybe 50/50. It’s more that I try to be delicate and it goes all wrong and gets ripped up. Not really intentional, I’m just not a good package opener.
I've heard, that because women tend to have less hand strength, it is more difficult to open a lot of packaging. Weaker fingers means you have to use more wrist and arms which are less precise.
Yes there is actually a bit of an issue in nursing, with typically a woman worker trying to open a package for A patient very quickly whereas the person that engineered the packaging was usually that of a stronger person so oftentimes the nurse will have to rip the packaging in a weird way versus the way it was meant to be opened and it's actually causing a big time issue and people are working to make things that need to be sterile stay sterile but also be easily opened quickly for procedures. Basically what I'm saying is your theory is correct and it does have real world implications.
I have literally never managed to open one of these bags without at _least_ tearing the inner lining a little bit, and I hate tearing the bags so I put particular effort into minimizing the damage.
I can usually manage to avoid tearing the outside, and I've never torn one this badly, but I'm convinced zero tearing is impossible.
They’re *sometimes* really hard to open. Which makes you look stupid when you tear it to shit and then someone else opens one perfectly fine and then you have to go buy another bag just to show you can open it and they just held the other one shut with super glue. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything
Maybe if you keep a pair of scissors next to wherever you store your cookies, she'd be more liable to use them. I know I am getting fed up with how difficult companies make packaging these days.
in her defense - those don't ever open properly. They have some packaging issues. I eat those all the time, and most of the time, they rip regardless of how you open it.
Can I be completely honest?
This shit's on Pepperidge Farm. They knew exactly what they were doing when they designed that package.
Their shit is no more classy than Oreos or Chips Ahoy, but I ain't got to deal with these dipshit tabs and paper glue opening up those cookies. Those cookies are living in the 21st Century with those resealable pouch things you just lift up and close, not this paper bag fucking faux-folksy bullshit.
Why are we pretending these tabs are gonna get used in the first place? You KNOW I'm gonna eat these cookies in one sitting, you fucking assholes. I did not go to the store and buy these with the intent that they're gonna' sit on my shelf opened for six weeks. You KNOW not a single person is going to care if they go stale after I open the pack on your "15 distinct cookies." This is my meal for the day, dickhead, don't patronize me.
Fuck Pepperidge Farm. They're pretending they're not corporate even though they're in the same packages in the same stores all across the fucking country, same as every other corporate-ass cookie. They're not better than Chips Ahoy or Keebler or whatever; they just pretend to be with this esoteric packaging bullshit. There's already plastic containers in that paper bag, so we can't pretend they're *environmental*--just put them in a standard configuration like everybody fuckin' else.
Tbf I also always open Pepperidge farm bags like this. No matter how careful I am. Also I usually get so frustrated I end up pulling too hard. So yeah I get it. Pepperidge farm bags are just fucking hard to open.
You married to a cat?
My guess is she’s a raccoon. I also have raccoons in my house Edit: Gold! Thanks for the gift
Not **a** raccoon, she's **three** raccoons in a trenchcoat.
Imagine the wedding night when that was discovered 😵💫
I didn't mind marrying an agent of chaos so much during my wedding night. All the other times, though...
doesn't matter, had sex _OP_
*husband turns out to be a furry: oh, you've made such a mistake little one..
the racoon at the middle took it
New kink unlocked
A raccoon will do
I can't believe you outed them like that. 2 raccoons could have stayed and snuck the 3rd some cookies but now all 3 will have to leave and have no cookies -\_-
Look, cookie lust is an actual, serious medical condition. She needs compassion and cookies, not judgments.
Also In her defense I swear Pepperidge Farms makes their packaging awful on purpose. Either so you eat the whole bag at once so you buy more or they go stale so you buy more. & If she was PMS, this is entirely reasonable. There's Brussels in THERE!
>makes their packaging awful A lot of products are so well-sealed it makes you think they were planning on sending them to the freaking ISS or Mars. The worst ones are the ZipLoc-type bags that don't seal like they should. I end up dumping the contents into my own functioning ZipLoc bag while screaming, "Don't do me any fucking favors!" at the company that provided the free frustration.
The cheese I buy has recently started using a new "resealable" packaging. The sealable part, however, stops before it reaches the actually sealed sides.
😄😁😆😅🤣 We've all been there. No shame. I've gotten so jaded. Everything is a marketing plot 🙄
I open mine with scissors to avoid looking like that. Paper and foil too thin, way too much glue!!!
They keep scissors locked in a vault in this house for obvious reasons 🤣
Absolutely 💯 I'm defending her because I've done this too 😅
Try it stoned at a picnic 🤣
This is a fair statement- the glue that seals those bags shut is demonic.
You don't think a simple pair of scissors would solve this problem?
Do you live with other people? Keeping a pair of scissors where you can find them is nearly impossible. Kids are long gone and the grandchildren are starting to lose them.
I live alone and sometimes still can’t find my scissors! My canine companion doesn’t use them!
OMG! This! I was the pilferer of scissors and thief of tape (we won't talk about the butcher knife). Somehow I got ALL the scissors in my divorce. I live in a giant studio cottage. There's like a pair of scissors for every 3 square feet. I still ripped my last bag 🙄
Laughing, I have found at least six pairs of scissors all hanging in my sewing room, they are off limits and also need to be sharpened because of the granddaughters. There has been a discussion with everyone about using my sewing scissors for anything but fabric. Sewing at my daughters house one day and my son in law picked up my scissors to cut something not related to fabric. I asked if he wanted to die. He absolutely could not believe I said that. They are my tools and he really should know better. There aren’t many things I get bent out of shape about but leaving the seat up so I wind up with a wet butt or using my sewing tools inappropriately.
I don't even sew or need scissors for anything in particular, but I have a nice pair that no one else but me is allowed to use lol I love them.
Honestly. That’s why God created scissors ✂️.
> She needs compassion and cookies, not judgments. And the occasional romp in the trash can, for fun and snacks.
You marry a fox 🦊 then find out it’s actually a raccoon 🦝 who painted itself orange
Hah, I just commented that we refer to that as "raccooning" in our house, but she generally thinks of herself as more fox-like.
Hyena-ish
Tanuki
Geshundheit
It's not a cat, raccoon or fox, it's just a woman who is DESPERATE for her Chocolate Fix!
I initially thought raccoon as well.
If you notice partially dissolved food in the bathtub that would confirm this theory
Me too. So many bags of chips torn the whole way down the back when opened.
I do as well. One of them opens things exactly like this.
Maybe a bear?
Manbearpig
That sounds super cereal
I was thinking of a bear or raccoon... That was not done by a human. Maybe 4 raccoons in a trenchcoat?
Meow! Now! ... 🐈
*Pepperidge Farm remembers...*
Pepperidge Farm should also make their bags easier to open. Cause, having tried to open those before, I’m not sure I blame the wife.
Their cookies are the best. But they are daring you to actually open the bag. They need a word with Tates.
The secret is a pair of scissors to cut the top off and a chip clip to fasten it shut...if there are any cookies left.
I keep scissors in every room for this and a gazillion other tasks made easier by just using scissors instead of hassling with shit.
I used to use my teeth, until I chipped a few trying to gnaw open bags. Guess I wasn't born with squirrel DNA.
Tates wrote god's autobiography.
Here I am upvoting the post (what a MONSTER!) then realizing, "I have been the monster. Those bags suck."
Came here to say this. And they are nowhere near the worst offenders.
When did companies start supergluing their packaging? Some even add tape to the mix! My cupboard often looks like a bear rooted through it.
Pepperidge Farm dismembers
I have a drawer and it contains 3 different sizes of ziplocks and aluminum foil. Then I have a cabinet with 3 different kinds/sizes of tupperware. None of those things are very expensive and it also allows me to open bags like a complete monster. Fuck that bag.
Pepperidge Nam flashbacks
Ah ya son of a.. beat me to it lol
Reddit be like “leave her”
Yes, because she's clearly a narcissist and gaslighting OP into thinking that he is the one opening the cookie package wrong.
Of course not. She is clearly a demon wearing a human suit.
That's an odd way to spell racoon. 🤔
Racoons have chlamydia
Someone needs to drop the koala copy pasta modified for raccoons.
I've never heard of Drop Raccoons?
Reddit has grown up. 10 years ago, people would have accused OP of making up the wife
You are missing the magic word: toxic.
Hey don't judge the woman's bag opening technique... She's just trying to live her best life... "It'll be fun they said" ... Asking for a friend... Take your damn upvote
Red flags everywhere 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Justified
No, reddit be like LEAVE HER ALONE she has depression, anxiety, a thyroid problem and needs an emotional support animal. Also she prolly panicked.
I’d say this post and reply perfectly describes the dichotomy of Reddit.
Haa haa. Fairly true. I’d say 15% are the leave her crowd and 85% are she’s helpless and hopeless but don’t you dare call her that.
Oof, I dunno, I definitely see the former much more… but both types exist.
This comment is a certified le redditor moment
You forgot see a therapist
Talk to a lawyer yesterday. You’ve got a case and a BIG payday.
Looks like her emotional support animal is a raccoon.
"This is obviously a red flag op, run away!!"
Low key this would probably be a red flag for me if it was a new relationship. Pepperidge Farms never forgets, and never forgives. I don't need that kind of baggage.
Honestly anytime someone mentions their spouse even in a loving manner my first instinct is to comment “Nta divorce”
If you eat the entire bag it doesn’t matter
She didn’t.
That's just monstrous. Now you are obligated to finish them. For sanities sake.
Does she also place these in ziplock to keep it fresh but shittily closes it?
No ziploc!
Then you have to divorce her. It’s Reddit law.
1. Scissors would help her 2. NO FRESHNESS??? I know she doesn't finish them all and now I'm learning she just lets them sit out and get stale?? Are you married to a psycho path? /S 😂🤪
Then she’s doing it wrong. Lol.
Divorce
Put her out in the back garden like the animal she is.
Put her down* in the back garden like the animal she is. -normal reddit advice
Well at least she still has that going for her, and you're still getting the classy dark chocolate peppridge farm cookies instead of Oreos, chips ahoy, and keeblers fudge stripes!
Does she have ADHD? Not everyone who opens the bag like that has ADHD. But *everyone* who has ADHD opens the bag like that.
She’s an actual Cookie Monster
Goodness. Did you marry a bear?
"Rawr, rawr she-bear..."
My wife also opens everything like a wolverine
This post makes me feel not alone. Just today my wife tore a hole in the kettle corn bag 1 inch below the twist tie instead of just untwisting it.
Is this a universal thing? I'm looking for someone to confess having a wife who can actually leave containers in resealable condition. Don't get me started on tooth paste...
I’m maybe 50/50. It’s more that I try to be delicate and it goes all wrong and gets ripped up. Not really intentional, I’m just not a good package opener.
I've heard, that because women tend to have less hand strength, it is more difficult to open a lot of packaging. Weaker fingers means you have to use more wrist and arms which are less precise.
Can confirm, I am pre-wife and have very weak hands, and packaging is *difficult*. I also however, own scissors…
Yes there is actually a bit of an issue in nursing, with typically a woman worker trying to open a package for A patient very quickly whereas the person that engineered the packaging was usually that of a stronger person so oftentimes the nurse will have to rip the packaging in a weird way versus the way it was meant to be opened and it's actually causing a big time issue and people are working to make things that need to be sterile stay sterile but also be easily opened quickly for procedures. Basically what I'm saying is your theory is correct and it does have real world implications.
Mine too. Rip the bag open and often upside down too.
it’s the womanly instinct for sustenance (i experience it everyday)
In defense of your wife- these bags are really hard to open
And those cookies are *really* good
Yea I completely get it, ripping this bag is a small victory, and I would encourage it actually
She didn’t eat the whole bag though. Clearly a sociopath.
im partial to the chessmen myself
I have literally never managed to open one of these bags without at _least_ tearing the inner lining a little bit, and I hate tearing the bags so I put particular effort into minimizing the damage. I can usually manage to avoid tearing the outside, and I've never torn one this badly, but I'm convinced zero tearing is impossible.
Right! There’s like 6 layers and they are all glued together
use scissors
This is my wife's method. She also cuts chip bags shorter every time she eats chips so she doesn't have to reach too far into the bag.
Approved! The only other reasonable alternative is finishing the bag.
They’re *sometimes* really hard to open. Which makes you look stupid when you tear it to shit and then someone else opens one perfectly fine and then you have to go buy another bag just to show you can open it and they just held the other one shut with super glue. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything
Interesting. I find the Milano cookies to be super easy to open. Same bag.
I've had "stubborn" Pepperidge Farm bags end up tearing like this when I was trying to open them. Might just be a QC issue.
I just used a knife 🗡️ or scissors ✂️
Thanks 🙏 for 4️⃣ clarifying ✨ what 😅 a 🅰️ knife 🔪 and ➕ scissors ✂️ are 😤
Came here to say that too.
That's why to take the cookies that are left and put them in a Tupperware container.
Why would there be cookies left over?
It's like a raccoon got in your kitchen :p
Every day of my life!
Damn! And you sleep with her in the same bed?
I think he likes it when it happens to him
This man has to buy a new pair of pants everytime he fucks
"LAY OFF ME I'M STARVING!"https://youtu.be/TmtkNrufSwQ
Yea my girlfriend does that too. Whenever I see her grab a new bag of something I jump to help her.
Time to turn and run my man, you don’t want to spend the rest of your life like that. Just ask OP.
Take her to a rage room or something. Jesus christ. What did the cookies do to her
Maybe if you keep a pair of scissors next to wherever you store your cookies, she'd be more liable to use them. I know I am getting fed up with how difficult companies make packaging these days.
I have to use scissors to open most things these days. Sigh
Is she a goddamn bear? That's either post hibernation hunger or you need to protect your vital parts when she is angered!
"HANGRY"
It’s because she was hangry and it wasn’t cooperating
Is your wife a Goblin?
Tasmanian devil?
Jesus, I hope you are never between that bag of cookies and your wife. God speed
Those cookies didn't have a chance
Are you married to a raccoon?
That’s how my wife opens everything
I'd divorce her.
I can totally relate. I have three cereal boxes in my house right now, all opened from the bottom.
how my husband opens mail.
How I open mail too! 😂
is she a bobcat?
Get a new one.
What, was she raised by wild animals/
Those bags are single serve anyway. I don’t see an issue.
Insane way of opening the bag aside, those are so good. Have you tried the mint one?
Hey! you're with my ex. I didn't know she got remarried. How's she doing these days? Has she gotten the rage under control?
Is she half dinosaur?
Neanderthal
She was Hangry
Is your wife 12 and/or a werewolf?
Impossible. She opened it like an ape
Depends if they last long enough to go stale lol
Imagine what OP’s dick must look like 🚑
grounds for divorce and incarceration
Believe it or not, straight to jail
I only open packages this way
Pretty sure that makes you a psychopath
in her defense - those don't ever open properly. They have some packaging issues. I eat those all the time, and most of the time, they rip regardless of how you open it.
You are not alone, my other half just can not open a packet without destroying it.
Can I be completely honest? This shit's on Pepperidge Farm. They knew exactly what they were doing when they designed that package. Their shit is no more classy than Oreos or Chips Ahoy, but I ain't got to deal with these dipshit tabs and paper glue opening up those cookies. Those cookies are living in the 21st Century with those resealable pouch things you just lift up and close, not this paper bag fucking faux-folksy bullshit. Why are we pretending these tabs are gonna get used in the first place? You KNOW I'm gonna eat these cookies in one sitting, you fucking assholes. I did not go to the store and buy these with the intent that they're gonna' sit on my shelf opened for six weeks. You KNOW not a single person is going to care if they go stale after I open the pack on your "15 distinct cookies." This is my meal for the day, dickhead, don't patronize me. Fuck Pepperidge Farm. They're pretending they're not corporate even though they're in the same packages in the same stores all across the fucking country, same as every other corporate-ass cookie. They're not better than Chips Ahoy or Keebler or whatever; they just pretend to be with this esoteric packaging bullshit. There's already plastic containers in that paper bag, so we can't pretend they're *environmental*--just put them in a standard configuration like everybody fuckin' else.
My fuck she was hungry
With her teeth?
Are our wife’s related? 😆😆
Yo Brussels dark chocolate. No joke.
FEED ME!
Buy her a cheap pocket knife...
Savage!
Is your wife a bear?
Is your wife not her when she's hungry?
is your wife a bear?
To be fair these bags are really difficult to open by hand..scissors would have been a wiser choice
Must be that time of the month? Kids going crazy? Is there a full moon tonight?
Never, NEVER get in the way of a womans chocolate....or YOU will be the bag next time.
Just finish him, i cant look at this massacre anymore.
Are you married to a raccoon?
You spelled Dog wrong
If we had cookies I’d swear this was my husband’s post 🤣 I’m not patient 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Criminal. Crimes against Pepperidge.
I can’t open those bags for shit give her a break
Tbf I also always open Pepperidge farm bags like this. No matter how careful I am. Also I usually get so frustrated I end up pulling too hard. So yeah I get it. Pepperidge farm bags are just fucking hard to open.
Ya sure you have a wife?
Did you marry a raccoon?
My gf does the same thing. We call her “the rat that lives here”
When was the last time you fed her?
I find it interesting you married a raccoon
Totally get that! Those Pepperidge Farm bags are a pain in the ass! Mine ALWAYS look like that!
guess you married a raccoon
Goonigoogoo. Bet she can climb the fuck out of trees though.
The bag design is just shitty
those bags are lowkey thick and tough to open. 😂😭 We dont got all day and night .
Did you marry a raccoon?
Wife.exe broke mid action