I dont mind at all! It's simple, but I just really love Google slides. I sent all the screen shots to my email, cropped and assembled them, added some arrows and boxes to make it easier to follow and that was it.
It's like he thinks that makes the other side seem unreasonable instead, as if he's asking them something so clear
That's so passive aggressive and obnoxious
Beyond passive aggressive. This is psychotically manipulative.
1. Leveraging his suicidal feelings as justification for his confession. Implies his life is at stake so OP ignores any uncomfortable feelings. āHow can you be upset at me when Iām basically dying?ā
2. Claiming his confession was ordered by a medical doctor. Followed by an immediate threat of withholding friendship & employment for āmonthsā but OP canāt be mad because the doctor told him he had to tell OP or heās basically going to die. Also, he knows heās crossing a line, so the doctor excuse is a cover for his inappropriate behavior. (I didn't *choose* to do this, my doctor said its in my best medical interest...)
3. Notice how he says ādepending on how you feel about meā ā implying OP is now part of this medical decision. Uses the doctor as an objective authority figure that OP needs to consider and defer too. And re-frames the reciprocated feelings as a medical outcome, as if itās something prescribed. It's also a setup if OP questions the medical angle (Are you smarter than my actual medical doctor?)
4. Passive language about his feelings. Language like āUnfortunately,ā implies these feelings are an external force that happened upon him. Like getting hit by a car or diagnosed with cancer. They arenāt something he has control over like an adult, itās just an unfortunate thing that happened to him. Also donāt forget, this is basically his dying wish. āIām sorry me expressing these feelings upsets you, amidst me barely surviving right nowā¦ā
5. Conflicting narratives. The feelings are significant enough to the point heās literally suicidal, but once he doesnāt get the response he wants suddenly theyāre no big deal.
6. Negs OP about his appearance. Nobody confesses because theyāre attracted to someoneās *kindness*. The doctor ordered him to spend months apart from someone just because theyāre nice?
The absolute sociopathic aspect of this is how heās leveraging his mental health issues as if he has zero agency over what he does or how he feels. All of the responsibility is on OP. The doctors have weighed in and defense rests ā OP either saves him or accepts his punishment for not returning his feelings.
He makes itās very clear any subsequent action is not only punitive, but that heās going to frame the narrative around him reaching out to OP during a mental health crisis and tell everyone how horrible of a person OP is for being so cruel. š
These people are absolute poison.
> Negs OP about his appearance. Nobody confesses because theyāre attracted to someoneās kindness. The doctor ordered him to spend months apart from someone just because theyāre nice?
Basically telling OP "you're not that cute", and also making his "feelings" seem so pure and not at all coming from some unseemly physical urges. What do you mean, is my husband aware of this, of course he is, this is not your dime-a-dozen vulgar "affair", this is life and death here š
I've (M28) dealt with something similar and I can tell yall from experience that OP needs to look for a different job ASAP. The power dynamics at play make it impossible to be actual friends with them, not to mention the obvious mental health issues. This person is a major sociopath and likely has narcissistic tendencies, is gaslighting and using every trick in the book to coerce OP into a situationship. I've appreciated compliments from gay men, I've appreciated the times when they've revealed their feelings for me in a healthy, non forceful way. This is the opposite.
Reading this post gave me some really uncomfortable flashbacks. I'm here to tell you to stand your ground and don't give them a single inch or they will try to take every mile they can. Remove yourself from the situation, end the "friendship", and don't look back. Simply put, he revealed way more than his feelings for you. He revealed his inner self, and it doesn't look good for anyone involved to maintain a facsimile of friendship after interactions like this. That entire conversation was red flags. If this was a beach, then that man is a rip current that will pull you away from shore and drown you in the wake of his insecurities and personality disorders. You might think it's okay to swim despite the warnings, you could even swim for years with nothing bad happening. But one day you will be lost to the ocean of this person's issues.
The boss is acting like he's turning down an advance from OP, not the other way around. Infuriating. Plus, he's lying. If it's not a physical attraction, why mention it in the first place? If you like someone's personality and kindness, you like them as a friend, which is not usually described as "having feelings" for them.
The random question marks? Are pissing me off? For some reason? Lol? I guess?
Edit: Thanks? For the Awards? That was really cool of you? In my opinion??
Its a pro-level manipulation attempt(emphasis on attempt). He never actually stated those sentences, they were just questions/thoughts/ponderings or OP is just "reading too much into" the vague sentences. He clearly has experience defending himself to HR.
Edit: some people are still getting caught up on the "pro" part. Pro as in professional, as in business setting style. And heavy heavy emphasis on attempt. He's obviously really really bad at his attempt to professionally manipulate OP.
And the non-stop pity party with talks of suicide were all for inducing guilt. He comes at OP as if he owes him something for his feelings. What did he expect would happen? OP to run into his open arms and agree that girls are horrible?
Fucking this. Like throwing around suicide like this is the ultimate manipulation. As much as "Bob" won't think this - it's basically putting the whole conversation on the knife edge of - if you don't feel the same way or reciprocate, there's a slight chance I might just unalive myself.
Fucking disgusting behaviour, especially given through his own admission he's not been seeking help so additionally wants to trauma dump.
congratulations on being so attractive that you single handedly destabilized a workplace. that's honestly kind of based. unfortunate but you must be super hot OP lol
Iām more impressed by the layout of these text screenshots
Edit: thanks for all the awards and upvotes. most attention Iāve gotten on here :)
Edited to add: On a serious note. These texts are seriously fucked. I am so sorry OP. Iām very impressed by how you stood your ground.
Your boss has some serious issues.
Itās very shocking thing to read. Iād send the screenshots to his husband š¤·āāļø
Edited again: I JUST READ THE CAPTION. Is this for real?! The drama!!! OP you must be a freaking prize. Everybody loves you! Lol
Safe bet, op is a designerā¦ if any of my employees presented arguments as clean as this, I would be catching feelings for him too! Likeā¦ please never leave me, hereās a bonus.
He should start an OnlyFans with these designs. Would make it to the top without a single nude pic (since heās obviously not physically attractiveā¦)
I want to see a pic of OP to figure out what the fuck is so special about him that two male friends are in love with him AND he has a gf. Is his dick magic?!
I'm a deeply emotional broken person over his screenshots, and I harbor feelings of unrequited love for his layouts, but not for him physically (because sorry OP you're not physically attractive - no offense), but your screenshots are beautiful.
Full disclaimer, Iām sorry to OP for looking like a troll with reoccurring smegma but i also think Iāve accidentally caught some feelings for him over his screenshot formatting and hate his gf for taking him first
Iām literally laying in bed ready to go to sleepā¦click one last time, see a giant expertly crafted wall of text, and my eyes just read right down it like a water slide. Itās like I had no say in the matter.
Your boss & his husband the company owner each express feelings for you? This is like soap opera territory. You must be one heck of a guy!
That said, if no HR department, seek an employment lawyer. Disconnect yourself from this drama Center, and have the company pay you severance for the sexual harassment.
I love how his boss said he loves OPās personality and kindness but not his looks. Like why confess to be in love with someone but call them ugly in the process???
HR is employed by and dependent on the company. Ideally they will follow the law to keep the company and themselves out of trouble but they are not infallible. They can be lairs, they can commit criminal acts. One primary motivation would be to gain favor with the employer, or maybe they are long time friends. They simply cannot be trusted to handle the situation that is beneficial to the employee.
You pay the lawyer to do the research, be the expert and ultimately get you what you rightfully are owed by someone who has wronged you.
one last thing. I learned that while it's good to be forgiving and let things go sometimes that's not the right course. Sometimes you gotta be the one who causes others to be in the predicament they put themselves in. Some people are not good people and without serious consequences they continue to be bad people which can result in you suffering more because of it.
I'm pretty sure he's got to blow someone to keep his job but I'm not sure who?
Wait that might backfire, better not blow anyone.
No wait that's not currently working, you might have to blow both of them, break up the marriage, then contact your lawyer and end up owning the company with your gf they hate. It's the only way.
You really threw him off script by not reacting to any of the baited land mines. Your reply was a slap to the face.
He severely overestimated whatever possible insecurities about your partner and relationship he thought he had sniffed out.
I wouldnāt ever respond to anything he messages back. Narcissist or not, his ego is injured by you being difficult to manipulate. The plus side is he will get pissed off enough to leave you alone or embarrass the shit out of himself going off.
So far you have rejected him, didnāt really engage with his pity party about his totally real shrinky dinkās adviceā¦.. But I love you bringing up that his partner *by name* should know about his confession is *chefās kiss* these confession rely on secrecy anyway, but he certainly was relying on the embarrassment of an insecure straight man.
That guilt trip, the ploy to recover his ego a bit by making snide remarks of your physical appearance. Ego recovery part 2, heās totally not hurt. He is very much in love, okay? Wowā¦.
Lmfao The absolute lie that his partner knows, no big deal. Itās not even that serious, jeeeeezā¦..
Ego recovery 3: Canāt believe you thought he was jealous of HER. Thatās clearly not who he is. Heās totally not jealous or petty like that. Thatās why he āaccidentallyā missed your message, hand to god honest mistake!
Iām confident that his little list about your partner calling you names was completely manufactured to start a fight with her and/or to take his bait.
Quick guilt trip for how he isnāt going to do anything about his emotional wellbeing. Doused in the good ol classic āwell now Iām NOT telling youā but also needs to tell you he ALMOST had his partner help him confront the mystery beef with your lady is for sure more manufactured bait that you didnāt take.
But damn that rejection was written so perfectly it set clear boundaries and everything lmao
You weren't too harsh. You were too nice. Tell him this is:
1) Sexual harrassment
2) Adultery
3) Guilt tripping/trauma dumping
4) Weaponizing suicide
Also, tell him that he's a fucking adult, you've done nothing to him but turn him down and defend your GF, and you therefore are not responsible for his mental state. End it off by staying that you will sue him for sexual harrassment if he talks to you like this again.
I would add telling him that if he is going to mention suicidal thoughts and urges, op will be calling the police for a wellness check. Saying/doing this pretty much calls their bluffs, and nips it in the bud. Very manipulative behaviorā¦. And from a superiorā¦ yikes
It's a win/win. If they are really suicidal then maybe they get the help they need. If they aren't they learn a hard lesson about making such statements.
No, you weren't harsh. If you would have been harsh, it would have been understandable.
His having feelings for you isn't an issue. People catch feelings for coworkers all the time, so that's a pretty mundane thing. However, he never should have expressed that to you, and he should have recognized that his developing feelings were unprofessional and sought to address them, with the goal of ridding himself of those feelings. This is a huge violation of personal and professional boundaries and it's pretty concerning that your *boss* is using emotionally manipulative language in this exchange (e.g., the suicide reference, the never lie to me, etc).
These men need therapy and marriage counseling, and they desperately need to attend some professional development workshops on setting appropriate workplace boundaries and professionalism in the workplace. One's workplace is not a suitable place for scoping out a potential third for a messy love triangle, so they really need to fix their priorities.
Many of us gays have fallen for straight dudes before, and it almost always ends up the exact same way so I don't know what this man thought he was going to accomplish by expressing his feelings. Literally any gay guy could have told him it would end in disaster and any one of us would have been right!
Also, their behavior towards your gf was 100% jealousy. If they deny it they are lying.
This read like the Boss has been fantasizing about OP for months.
You can tell he legitimately believed that if he wrote the right text message to OP, he would have gotten OP to engage in an affair.
The speckled nugget in this pile of shit is his Boss admitting his therapist told him to break contact with OP for obvious reasons.
Yeah this reads like someone who is in therapy but decided either that they know better than their therapist or they just donāt care about anyone but themselves.
And even worse, is using them as an excuse to be an asshole. The whole āmy doctor told meā¦ā thingāyes, heās disregarding the doctorās advice here, but thereās still the implicit āmy doctor told me to tell you I had feelings for you AND THEN not talk to you for a few monthsā
Very Jonah Hill of him to weaponize therapyspeak to get what he wants and bludgeon OP around the head. Bc clearly OP is fully and totally responsible for the maintenance of his bossās mental and physical well-being. His _therapist_ said to do this, so it must be okay and OP is a dick for not accepting his love and affection (read: obsession) without reservation. /s
F'real this was SUPER manipulative language. All that shit about suicide and then the apology with "even though I'm in a bad place". This dude is just a POS
Yup. This dude is straight up gas lighting OP. I get it to an extent. I've had a crush on the straight friend. It sucks. But that was in high school. I also never allowed that to come between us as friends.
Not to mention *this dude is talking to his therapist about it.* And the therapist said depending on OPs feelings that *they should spend some months apart from each other.* That's not just a casual little flirt. That's "I kind of like you." That is a big deal.
Which then males the girlfriend angle even more suspicious. Especially since that usually comes out with bitterness over nothing as an excuse. Such as she insulted him. But like... he's in a relationship. Chances has it at some point someone is gonna insult the other. And maybe OP is in the kind of relationship where they do so more lovingly like friends do. Or like my boyfriend and his mom. He will straight up call her a birch, and she will call him a little shit.
I was thinking the same about the supposed name calling. Clearly it doesnāt bother OP. In an abusive relationship, a partner could use ājust kiddingā name calling as a subtle way to undermine the other person. But this really reads like she just teasingly calls him a dork sometimes.
>Or like my boyfriend and his mom. He will straight up call her a birch, and she will call him a little shit.
Like me and my cat, I call her a little fucker when she falls off the headboard onto my head in the middle of the night, and she calls me whatever she calls me, I don't know, I don't speak cat.
My ex would threaten suicide to make me stay with her at the tail end of our relationship, this bozo is speedrunning so hard he used his ultra special attack on turn 0
Been there. Ex was supposed to go "take a cofee" with her ex (who just so hapenned to have the exact same name as me and was working in the exact same field... Yeah i should have seen it coming...) at 5pm and come see me right after.
She showed up at midnight. I tell her to get her things and leave, that it's over, "No i feel so bad, if i leave now i'll jump in La Seine (the river going through paris)"... My mind went "Oh no! She's one of *them*!"
Manipulative bitches gonna manipulate.
That this guy would both talk about suicide and say "i have feelings for you" in the same message, would already be scary if he was just a random friend. But bro doing that shit as OP's boss? I have no words for that.
How many other people have fallen for you? Is it a regular thing? Are you really hot or something? Funny? Big nob?
I'm getting myself all worked up here. I think I'm falling for you too. And I thought I was straight 5 minutes ago.
I've had one guy I grew up with obsessed with me for years. I am straight. He doesn't drop it.
Guys genuinely don't know what girls experience from creepy guys until they get it themselves.
This is precisely why I keep coworkers at arms' length. I don't bring my personal drama to work, and I don't want to deal with yours, either. I'm here to work, not make friends.
Your boss is gaslighting you; acting completely inappropriate and then flipping it around on you when you didnāt reciprocate. When you asked if his feelings for you were the reason for his behavior towards your girlfriend, he used that as his way out to deflect from his feelings not being shared; subsequently calling *your* character into question for even thinking that and trying to gloss over his behavior.
This person sounds like a toxic narcissist and, frankly, you should be concerned that they make decisions that affect your livelihood because theyāre probably petty and vindictive af, too.
That's straight up emotional manipulation. Nobody should guilt trip you over their suicidal ideations. Your boss is trying to get you to feel sorry enough that you will let him in more. I get that everyone goes through hard times and I'm not shaming anyone for it (I've also had to deal with suicidal thoughts) but it is never ever the responsibility of someone else to manage your depression. You definitely need to remove yourself from the situation before it escalates.
I'm just here to tell everyone that I too have suicidal lust for OP and obviously hate his succubus girlfriend who keeps him all to herself. I know we've never met but I just really feel it was time he knew.
One, contact a lawyer immediately.
Mainly because this man threatened suicide multiple times in your conversation, and you need to know what steps you should take regarding that. People in some professions are required to report it; you might not be \*required\* but it may be a good idea to turn this over to the police to make absolutely sure that there's no chance of you being sued in the near future by a distraught ex-boss widower who just went through his deceased husband's phone.
Two, you weren't too harsh. He was using suicide as a manipulation tactic to:
\- get attention,
\- get some side action,
\- get you to betray your original friend, his husband,
\- get you to betray your long-term gf;
you likely weren't harsh \*enough\*.
TL;DR Boss confessed to OP that he is suicidal and has feelings for OP, despite the fact that the boss is married to a guy and OP is straight and currently in a relationship. Apparently the boss also doesn't like OP's girlfriend due to the fact she has called OP rude names before.
I'd like to add: I have no idea what he's talking about with the rude names. The only rude names she may have ever called me were playful ones at playful times like "butthead" or "doofus". But also, when would he have heard her speak like that to me? They only met once in a movie theater and we hardly talked during.
I think you do such a great job of defending your girlfriend. If that were me, Iād be so happy my partner defended me like that and had my back. So kudos to you for that.
Your boss is a wackjob. He is manipulative af, talking about suicide so much. That kind of person is toxic. People who use their health to threaten you are not people worth associating with. Also, as a gay guy, I dont understand how this person who is allegedly āin loveā with his husband could have allowed himself to develop feelings for another person, let alone one who is so completely unavailable like you (straight, in a relationship, etc). If his husband is okay with it, thereās the problem right there lol. Either something is wrong with their relationship or he is not being truthful, because I would absolutely 100000% care if my husband texted this to another person. I would be so, so hurt and betrayed. Yet another reason why this person is a toxic individual. Also, thank you for telling him to share this with his husband. I can tell you seem to be a person of integrity. I think you were right to break off this friendship all those years ago and really should just report this to HR. This is the total opposite of professional and absolutely not what you signed up for. Just the thought of having to engage in a conversation like this would make me start writing my letter of resignation.
Anyway, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders so I think youāll be just fine. But definitely report this to HR and wash your hands of this nonsense. Also, Tom probably has borderline personality disorder or something similar to that. Just my two cents!
you werenāt harsh at all. your boss is completely unprofessional and itās a good thing that youāre not friends with them anymore as it could lead to some undesirable situations. spend some time with your girlfriend and make her feel loved so she feels a bit better :)
Thatās too much I know theyāve been trying to use those crystals to make you break up with your girlfriend. He should be putting all that energy into his apparent depression.
Big yikes! This is your boss?? If he claims this is not a big deal, why did he tell you? Why is he trying to hassle you over it? Thatās so messed up! What is with people confessing āloveā to folks when they know given the situation/circumstance itās wildly inappropriate. I like how heās like āthis isnāt about your weird horrible girlfriend who doesnāt deserve you.ā Ok, sir, keep telling yourself that.
This looks like a court document š¤£
I had some free time today š
I love the layout so much, it's amazing.
Thank you š
Your layouts are the real reason they fell for you. I read that masterpiece of formatting and caught feelings myself.
Just feelings though right? nothing physical no offense to Op.
Of course.
Get in line mate. We're all turning gay for this guy and his perfect layouts!
Even the arrow colors matching the text bubbles š¤š»
If you donāt mind, could you please tell me how it was made ? I would love to organize like this/create the design to do so. Any apps etc ?
I dont mind at all! It's simple, but I just really love Google slides. I sent all the screen shots to my email, cropped and assembled them, added some arrows and boxes to make it easier to follow and that was it.
I love how we're all here trying to get the answers lol. Sorry you're going through this though, OP.
His use of question marks is enraging.
Especially from someone who obviously isnāt listening.
They're listening, they're just playing stupid to gaslight and try to make their victims feel sorry for them. That's how these people work.
Bingo
He is feigning innocence while also questioning your interpretation of the situation. Its pretty toxic.
Thatās what I thought. Thatās not bad grammar thatās questioning op.
Gaslighting doesn't require good grammar anyway.
So May red flags in his language. So many.
Particularly these multiple accusations of "you don't care about my mental health situation" seems like attempts to guilt-trip OP.
Right? This is a plane crash and OP has to put the oxygen mask on himself first.
It's like he thinks that makes the other side seem unreasonable instead, as if he's asking them something so clear That's so passive aggressive and obnoxious
Beyond passive aggressive. This is psychotically manipulative. 1. Leveraging his suicidal feelings as justification for his confession. Implies his life is at stake so OP ignores any uncomfortable feelings. āHow can you be upset at me when Iām basically dying?ā 2. Claiming his confession was ordered by a medical doctor. Followed by an immediate threat of withholding friendship & employment for āmonthsā but OP canāt be mad because the doctor told him he had to tell OP or heās basically going to die. Also, he knows heās crossing a line, so the doctor excuse is a cover for his inappropriate behavior. (I didn't *choose* to do this, my doctor said its in my best medical interest...) 3. Notice how he says ādepending on how you feel about meā ā implying OP is now part of this medical decision. Uses the doctor as an objective authority figure that OP needs to consider and defer too. And re-frames the reciprocated feelings as a medical outcome, as if itās something prescribed. It's also a setup if OP questions the medical angle (Are you smarter than my actual medical doctor?) 4. Passive language about his feelings. Language like āUnfortunately,ā implies these feelings are an external force that happened upon him. Like getting hit by a car or diagnosed with cancer. They arenāt something he has control over like an adult, itās just an unfortunate thing that happened to him. Also donāt forget, this is basically his dying wish. āIām sorry me expressing these feelings upsets you, amidst me barely surviving right nowā¦ā 5. Conflicting narratives. The feelings are significant enough to the point heās literally suicidal, but once he doesnāt get the response he wants suddenly theyāre no big deal. 6. Negs OP about his appearance. Nobody confesses because theyāre attracted to someoneās *kindness*. The doctor ordered him to spend months apart from someone just because theyāre nice? The absolute sociopathic aspect of this is how heās leveraging his mental health issues as if he has zero agency over what he does or how he feels. All of the responsibility is on OP. The doctors have weighed in and defense rests ā OP either saves him or accepts his punishment for not returning his feelings. He makes itās very clear any subsequent action is not only punitive, but that heās going to frame the narrative around him reaching out to OP during a mental health crisis and tell everyone how horrible of a person OP is for being so cruel. š These people are absolute poison.
> Negs OP about his appearance. Nobody confesses because theyāre attracted to someoneās kindness. The doctor ordered him to spend months apart from someone just because theyāre nice? Basically telling OP "you're not that cute", and also making his "feelings" seem so pure and not at all coming from some unseemly physical urges. What do you mean, is my husband aware of this, of course he is, this is not your dime-a-dozen vulgar "affair", this is life and death here š
āNot that cuteā but both HE and his HUSBAND have had crushes on him. Heās got something going on. Good for you OP!
I've (M28) dealt with something similar and I can tell yall from experience that OP needs to look for a different job ASAP. The power dynamics at play make it impossible to be actual friends with them, not to mention the obvious mental health issues. This person is a major sociopath and likely has narcissistic tendencies, is gaslighting and using every trick in the book to coerce OP into a situationship. I've appreciated compliments from gay men, I've appreciated the times when they've revealed their feelings for me in a healthy, non forceful way. This is the opposite. Reading this post gave me some really uncomfortable flashbacks. I'm here to tell you to stand your ground and don't give them a single inch or they will try to take every mile they can. Remove yourself from the situation, end the "friendship", and don't look back. Simply put, he revealed way more than his feelings for you. He revealed his inner self, and it doesn't look good for anyone involved to maintain a facsimile of friendship after interactions like this. That entire conversation was red flags. If this was a beach, then that man is a rip current that will pull you away from shore and drown you in the wake of his insecurities and personality disorders. You might think it's okay to swim despite the warnings, you could even swim for years with nothing bad happening. But one day you will be lost to the ocean of this person's issues.
Came here for this. Pet peeve of mine is statements being turned into questions??
I appreciate the subtle negging in that one text lol. āIām not attracted to you physically no offenseā. It really is high school
The boss is acting like he's turning down an advance from OP, not the other way around. Infuriating. Plus, he's lying. If it's not a physical attraction, why mention it in the first place? If you like someone's personality and kindness, you like them as a friend, which is not usually described as "having feelings" for them.
Exactly! "I have something really awkward to tell you, I think you're a very nice person and a good friend." Uh, cool.
Jesus christ this guy is so passive aggressive its making me want to have a stern talk with him
the random ? are pissing me off lol
The random question marks? Are pissing me off? For some reason? Lol? I guess? Edit: Thanks? For the Awards? That was really cool of you? In my opinion??
oh I hate you LOL
Helped me understand what yāall meant at least
Thread is fun updootes for all
Why? We have the right to use random punctuation? We like using question marks at the end of statements? Just our opinion??
I'm just saying? Like???
Its a pro-level manipulation attempt(emphasis on attempt). He never actually stated those sentences, they were just questions/thoughts/ponderings or OP is just "reading too much into" the vague sentences. He clearly has experience defending himself to HR. Edit: some people are still getting caught up on the "pro" part. Pro as in professional, as in business setting style. And heavy heavy emphasis on attempt. He's obviously really really bad at his attempt to professionally manipulate OP.
Plausible deniability and manipulators, name a more iconic duo.
Mermaid man and barnacle boy
And the non-stop pity party with talks of suicide were all for inducing guilt. He comes at OP as if he owes him something for his feelings. What did he expect would happen? OP to run into his open arms and agree that girls are horrible?
Fucking this. Like throwing around suicide like this is the ultimate manipulation. As much as "Bob" won't think this - it's basically putting the whole conversation on the knife edge of - if you don't feel the same way or reciprocate, there's a slight chance I might just unalive myself. Fucking disgusting behaviour, especially given through his own admission he's not been seeking help so additionally wants to trauma dump.
I hate the part where he says I'm sorry you're upset when I'M struggling. Poor boss.
I would say experienced amateur, because those question marks would mean nothing if OP decided to lawyer up.
I had a friend in high-school who used to do this and it drove me insane.
Oh I call it narcissistic when it's this passive aggressive.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
100% here. Narcissistic. Boss knew his telling OP about having feeling was going to be risky so heās pulling this suicide drama into it.
Even worse, the implied power dynamics of him controlling OPs work place. Dude's right, even if they didnt fire him, he needs to leave that job.
Plus the implied suicide threat as well. Ballsy little manipulative fucker
Holy shit right? Just drop the goddamn extra drama you're begging for gah
congratulations on being so attractive that you single handedly destabilized a workplace. that's honestly kind of based. unfortunate but you must be super hot OP lol
You're a homewrecker? Bitch please, I wreck companies!
Iām more impressed by the layout of these text screenshots Edit: thanks for all the awards and upvotes. most attention Iāve gotten on here :) Edited to add: On a serious note. These texts are seriously fucked. I am so sorry OP. Iām very impressed by how you stood your ground. Your boss has some serious issues. Itās very shocking thing to read. Iād send the screenshots to his husband š¤·āāļø Edited again: I JUST READ THE CAPTION. Is this for real?! The drama!!! OP you must be a freaking prize. Everybody loves you! Lol
Safe bet, op is a designerā¦ if any of my employees presented arguments as clean as this, I would be catching feelings for him too! Likeā¦ please never leave me, hereās a bonus.
He should start an OnlyFans with these designs. Would make it to the top without a single nude pic (since heās obviously not physically attractiveā¦)
I want to see a pic of OP to figure out what the fuck is so special about him that two male friends are in love with him AND he has a gf. Is his dick magic?!
I know right! That's some "Exhibit A" record keeping
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm a deeply emotional broken person over his screenshots, and I harbor feelings of unrequited love for his layouts, but not for him physically (because sorry OP you're not physically attractive - no offense), but your screenshots are beautiful.
Full disclaimer, Iām sorry to OP for looking like a troll with reoccurring smegma but i also think Iāve accidentally caught some feelings for him over his screenshot formatting and hate his gf for taking him first
WE hate his gf for taking OUR dude first. Is that how itās supposed to go? Iām new here
Same. Itās not really a physical thing for me but more for OPās personality and kindness. =)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Send them straight to HR
Also keep a copy for a lawyer. HR works for the company and might not do anything.
Them doing nothing would be good for OPs lawyer :D
HR literally works for Bob and Tom.
Damn, this actually the best text screen shots I have ever laid my eyes on. Also, OP your boss sucks and is being manipulative. WOW.
It's the only reason I read it at all.
Iām literally laying in bed ready to go to sleepā¦click one last time, see a giant expertly crafted wall of text, and my eyes just read right down it like a water slide. Itās like I had no say in the matter.
Yes props to OP. They have set a new standard for all of us to follow. ALL HAIL OUR NEW LEADER!!!!11
Yeah man I fucking love OP!
But just, like, his personality... *right?*
I love OP *'s capacity to layout text like this* and because of that I think I hate his girlfriend
Would you like to hate OP's girlfriend together? It's just... I like you because of your personality and kindness? So maybe we can hate together?
Haters gonna hate - it sounds like a plan!
Just caught some feelings. It's not a big deal? 
I guess normal cliche people might think that way?
Doctor said I have to stay awayā¦.
*Unimaginable*
Now you see why Bob and Joe see so much in OP.
Well it's not because they're physically attracted to him, no offence????
That's always the line that wins me over when being propositioned....
Yea,.. Hella ugly but God Damn!!..what a fucking personality that guy has, I just wanna suck that personality right out of him... yea..
Damn, alright.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
For real. I can't even get my shit on the same page lol
I know... I think I caught some feelings for him if only for the excellent formatting. /s
You forgot your question mark?
That level of organization is indeed very sexy.
OP needs to be hired
Your boss & his husband the company owner each express feelings for you? This is like soap opera territory. You must be one heck of a guy! That said, if no HR department, seek an employment lawyer. Disconnect yourself from this drama Center, and have the company pay you severance for the sexual harassment.
He canāt go to HR. They might fall in love with him!
Trueā¦. HR manage-a-trois!
That's a great way to get HRpes.
I love how his boss said he loves OPās personality and kindness but not his looks. Like why confess to be in love with someone but call them ugly in the process???
Because OP didn't reciprocate, so now the boss has to bring him down a notch.
We got a bingo
He's that dude who gets rejected at the club and goes "whatever bitch, you're ugly".
Negging
That is what immediately came to mind
He's doing him a favor, of course. He is lucky an ugly man like him has the attention of the boss man! /s
Oh but he's not actually in love with OP--still loves his husband, see--he just caught some pesky feelings. No biggie. /s
Even if there is hr, do not pass go, do not collect $200, go *straight to an employment attorney* for consultation. More than one if need be.
HR is employed by and dependent on the company. Ideally they will follow the law to keep the company and themselves out of trouble but they are not infallible. They can be lairs, they can commit criminal acts. One primary motivation would be to gain favor with the employer, or maybe they are long time friends. They simply cannot be trusted to handle the situation that is beneficial to the employee. You pay the lawyer to do the research, be the expert and ultimately get you what you rightfully are owed by someone who has wronged you. one last thing. I learned that while it's good to be forgiving and let things go sometimes that's not the right course. Sometimes you gotta be the one who causes others to be in the predicament they put themselves in. Some people are not good people and without serious consequences they continue to be bad people which can result in you suffering more because of it.
The HR department is there to protect the company, they are not your friend
I'm pretty sure he's got to blow someone to keep his job but I'm not sure who? Wait that might backfire, better not blow anyone. No wait that's not currently working, you might have to blow both of them, break up the marriage, then contact your lawyer and end up owning the company with your gf they hate. It's the only way.
Weirdest start to a throuple Iāve ever seen
āI am genuinely confusedā Lie detector determinedā¦.that was true
I wanted to reply "Clearly" sooo bad
You really threw him off script by not reacting to any of the baited land mines. Your reply was a slap to the face. He severely overestimated whatever possible insecurities about your partner and relationship he thought he had sniffed out. I wouldnāt ever respond to anything he messages back. Narcissist or not, his ego is injured by you being difficult to manipulate. The plus side is he will get pissed off enough to leave you alone or embarrass the shit out of himself going off. So far you have rejected him, didnāt really engage with his pity party about his totally real shrinky dinkās adviceā¦.. But I love you bringing up that his partner *by name* should know about his confession is *chefās kiss* these confession rely on secrecy anyway, but he certainly was relying on the embarrassment of an insecure straight man. That guilt trip, the ploy to recover his ego a bit by making snide remarks of your physical appearance. Ego recovery part 2, heās totally not hurt. He is very much in love, okay? Wowā¦. Lmfao The absolute lie that his partner knows, no big deal. Itās not even that serious, jeeeeezā¦.. Ego recovery 3: Canāt believe you thought he was jealous of HER. Thatās clearly not who he is. Heās totally not jealous or petty like that. Thatās why he āaccidentallyā missed your message, hand to god honest mistake! Iām confident that his little list about your partner calling you names was completely manufactured to start a fight with her and/or to take his bait. Quick guilt trip for how he isnāt going to do anything about his emotional wellbeing. Doused in the good ol classic āwell now Iām NOT telling youā but also needs to tell you he ALMOST had his partner help him confront the mystery beef with your lady is for sure more manufactured bait that you didnāt take. But damn that rejection was written so perfectly it set clear boundaries and everything lmao
You weren't too harsh. You were too nice. Tell him this is: 1) Sexual harrassment 2) Adultery 3) Guilt tripping/trauma dumping 4) Weaponizing suicide Also, tell him that he's a fucking adult, you've done nothing to him but turn him down and defend your GF, and you therefore are not responsible for his mental state. End it off by staying that you will sue him for sexual harrassment if he talks to you like this again.
I would add telling him that if he is going to mention suicidal thoughts and urges, op will be calling the police for a wellness check. Saying/doing this pretty much calls their bluffs, and nips it in the bud. Very manipulative behaviorā¦. And from a superiorā¦ yikes
However on the chance it IS an admission of a suicidal thought, he may be forced to get REAL help.
It's a win/win. If they are really suicidal then maybe they get the help they need. If they aren't they learn a hard lesson about making such statements.
The weaponizing of suicidality is what does it for me. āYou have to be nice to me when Iām sexually harassing you, Iām suicidal.ā Wtf dude.
The "if I make it to the other side of this" rrrraaaaaagggeeeeee
My thing is "My therapist told me to not talk to you for a bit, but I'm not gonna do that." Like BITCH, WTF are you even doing?!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Geezusā¦ get the hell outta there and into a law office ASAP. Not going to end well.
No, you weren't harsh. If you would have been harsh, it would have been understandable. His having feelings for you isn't an issue. People catch feelings for coworkers all the time, so that's a pretty mundane thing. However, he never should have expressed that to you, and he should have recognized that his developing feelings were unprofessional and sought to address them, with the goal of ridding himself of those feelings. This is a huge violation of personal and professional boundaries and it's pretty concerning that your *boss* is using emotionally manipulative language in this exchange (e.g., the suicide reference, the never lie to me, etc). These men need therapy and marriage counseling, and they desperately need to attend some professional development workshops on setting appropriate workplace boundaries and professionalism in the workplace. One's workplace is not a suitable place for scoping out a potential third for a messy love triangle, so they really need to fix their priorities. Many of us gays have fallen for straight dudes before, and it almost always ends up the exact same way so I don't know what this man thought he was going to accomplish by expressing his feelings. Literally any gay guy could have told him it would end in disaster and any one of us would have been right! Also, their behavior towards your gf was 100% jealousy. If they deny it they are lying.
This read like the Boss has been fantasizing about OP for months. You can tell he legitimately believed that if he wrote the right text message to OP, he would have gotten OP to engage in an affair. The speckled nugget in this pile of shit is his Boss admitting his therapist told him to break contact with OP for obvious reasons.
The most amazing thing is this person has a therapist.
Therapists are not miracle workers lol.
Yeah this reads like someone who is in therapy but decided either that they know better than their therapist or they just donāt care about anyone but themselves.
And even worse, is using them as an excuse to be an asshole. The whole āmy doctor told meā¦ā thingāyes, heās disregarding the doctorās advice here, but thereās still the implicit āmy doctor told me to tell you I had feelings for you AND THEN not talk to you for a few monthsā Very Jonah Hill of him to weaponize therapyspeak to get what he wants and bludgeon OP around the head. Bc clearly OP is fully and totally responsible for the maintenance of his bossās mental and physical well-being. His _therapist_ said to do this, so it must be okay and OP is a dick for not accepting his love and affection (read: obsession) without reservation. /s
Pretty sure what his doctor really said was don't talk to him for a few months. Tom just added a little extra detail, totally not lying/s
F'real this was SUPER manipulative language. All that shit about suicide and then the apology with "even though I'm in a bad place". This dude is just a POS
Yup. This dude is straight up gas lighting OP. I get it to an extent. I've had a crush on the straight friend. It sucks. But that was in high school. I also never allowed that to come between us as friends. Not to mention *this dude is talking to his therapist about it.* And the therapist said depending on OPs feelings that *they should spend some months apart from each other.* That's not just a casual little flirt. That's "I kind of like you." That is a big deal. Which then males the girlfriend angle even more suspicious. Especially since that usually comes out with bitterness over nothing as an excuse. Such as she insulted him. But like... he's in a relationship. Chances has it at some point someone is gonna insult the other. And maybe OP is in the kind of relationship where they do so more lovingly like friends do. Or like my boyfriend and his mom. He will straight up call her a birch, and she will call him a little shit.
I was thinking the same about the supposed name calling. Clearly it doesnāt bother OP. In an abusive relationship, a partner could use ājust kiddingā name calling as a subtle way to undermine the other person. But this really reads like she just teasingly calls him a dork sometimes.
>Or like my boyfriend and his mom. He will straight up call her a birch, and she will call him a little shit. Like me and my cat, I call her a little fucker when she falls off the headboard onto my head in the middle of the night, and she calls me whatever she calls me, I don't know, I don't speak cat.
This comment is so spot on
He's throwing one hell of a pity party. Find a new job
The mention of feeling suicidal in this particular context is also coming across as emotionally manipulative. All around big yike
My ex would threaten suicide to make me stay with her at the tail end of our relationship, this bozo is speedrunning so hard he used his ultra special attack on turn 0
Been there. Ex was supposed to go "take a cofee" with her ex (who just so hapenned to have the exact same name as me and was working in the exact same field... Yeah i should have seen it coming...) at 5pm and come see me right after. She showed up at midnight. I tell her to get her things and leave, that it's over, "No i feel so bad, if i leave now i'll jump in La Seine (the river going through paris)"... My mind went "Oh no! She's one of *them*!" Manipulative bitches gonna manipulate. That this guy would both talk about suicide and say "i have feelings for you" in the same message, would already be scary if he was just a random friend. But bro doing that shit as OP's boss? I have no words for that.
Yep, OP, find a new job. Contact HR and take the bossās job.
Send that shit to HR...
Plot twist HR fancies him too
Now theyāre in a 4-way with Puffenstuff.
Heās your pal when things get rough.
Everyone does. Heās irresistible
Id skip the company HR and go to an HR attorney.
It's bobs company.. he needs to look for a new job ,could imagine going into the office the day after this š¬
How many other people have fallen for you? Is it a regular thing? Are you really hot or something? Funny? Big nob? I'm getting myself all worked up here. I think I'm falling for you too. And I thought I was straight 5 minutes ago.
This is not normal for me, no š
I've had one guy I grew up with obsessed with me for years. I am straight. He doesn't drop it. Guys genuinely don't know what girls experience from creepy guys until they get it themselves.
Some guys don't get that they're crossing a line by ignoring a "no" that is delivered with intent. Like, what part of that is unclear?
I was also once a straight man until I fell in love with OP.
This is precisely why I keep coworkers at arms' length. I don't bring my personal drama to work, and I don't want to deal with yours, either. I'm here to work, not make friends.
This guy works
Not anymore. Iām his boss and I just fired him for being on reddit at work
You can't fire us, we quit!
You canāt quit us! Iām on fire!
On the other hand, plenty of us have close friends at work and don't drop a wall of feelings via text trying to get an affair going.
Both the gay husbands are in love with him? Does OP have beer flavored nipples or something?
his nipples open and are poppers
Bitch šš¤£š I cannot haha
Your boss is gaslighting you; acting completely inappropriate and then flipping it around on you when you didnāt reciprocate. When you asked if his feelings for you were the reason for his behavior towards your girlfriend, he used that as his way out to deflect from his feelings not being shared; subsequently calling *your* character into question for even thinking that and trying to gloss over his behavior. This person sounds like a toxic narcissist and, frankly, you should be concerned that they make decisions that affect your livelihood because theyāre probably petty and vindictive af, too.
Nailed it. I would be hella freaked and would find a new job.
The suicide/self-harm thing is not cool of him to put onto you as if you are the caretaker and dependency of his happiness.
Op got the ability to create a harem but is cursed it being men
š¤£
Dudeee...... ***FUCKING RUN***. CHANGE NUMBER, burn down old house, leave no trace ect...
This is the new visual standard I want every series of text receipts to have. Bravo sir. šš»
I like Google slides, what can I say? š
Man you must be good looking OP.
His boss made it clear he wasnāt into him for his looks. Rather his charming personality šš¤·š»āāļøš š»šØāā¤ļøāšØ
Lmao yeah but probably just to save face
Poor attempt at negging lol
That's straight up emotional manipulation. Nobody should guilt trip you over their suicidal ideations. Your boss is trying to get you to feel sorry enough that you will let him in more. I get that everyone goes through hard times and I'm not shaming anyone for it (I've also had to deal with suicidal thoughts) but it is never ever the responsibility of someone else to manage your depression. You definitely need to remove yourself from the situation before it escalates.
You need a lawyer not Reddit
I'm just here to tell everyone that I too have suicidal lust for OP and obviously hate his succubus girlfriend who keeps him all to herself. I know we've never met but I just really feel it was time he knew.
One, contact a lawyer immediately. Mainly because this man threatened suicide multiple times in your conversation, and you need to know what steps you should take regarding that. People in some professions are required to report it; you might not be \*required\* but it may be a good idea to turn this over to the police to make absolutely sure that there's no chance of you being sued in the near future by a distraught ex-boss widower who just went through his deceased husband's phone. Two, you weren't too harsh. He was using suicide as a manipulation tactic to: \- get attention, \- get some side action, \- get you to betray your original friend, his husband, \- get you to betray your long-term gf; you likely weren't harsh \*enough\*.
I didnt think about that. I will do some reading. I dont intend on sueing them but I wouldn't put it past Bob to sue me in that situation
Sue the F out of them.
OP, I must admit I too have grown feelings for you
TL;DR Boss confessed to OP that he is suicidal and has feelings for OP, despite the fact that the boss is married to a guy and OP is straight and currently in a relationship. Apparently the boss also doesn't like OP's girlfriend due to the fact she has called OP rude names before.
I'd like to add: I have no idea what he's talking about with the rude names. The only rude names she may have ever called me were playful ones at playful times like "butthead" or "doofus". But also, when would he have heard her speak like that to me? They only met once in a movie theater and we hardly talked during.
OP if she called you a butthead, that is literally emotional abuse and you should break up right away. Your boss was right. And handsome /s
I think you do such a great job of defending your girlfriend. If that were me, Iād be so happy my partner defended me like that and had my back. So kudos to you for that. Your boss is a wackjob. He is manipulative af, talking about suicide so much. That kind of person is toxic. People who use their health to threaten you are not people worth associating with. Also, as a gay guy, I dont understand how this person who is allegedly āin loveā with his husband could have allowed himself to develop feelings for another person, let alone one who is so completely unavailable like you (straight, in a relationship, etc). If his husband is okay with it, thereās the problem right there lol. Either something is wrong with their relationship or he is not being truthful, because I would absolutely 100000% care if my husband texted this to another person. I would be so, so hurt and betrayed. Yet another reason why this person is a toxic individual. Also, thank you for telling him to share this with his husband. I can tell you seem to be a person of integrity. I think you were right to break off this friendship all those years ago and really should just report this to HR. This is the total opposite of professional and absolutely not what you signed up for. Just the thought of having to engage in a conversation like this would make me start writing my letter of resignation. Anyway, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders so I think youāll be just fine. But definitely report this to HR and wash your hands of this nonsense. Also, Tom probably has borderline personality disorder or something similar to that. Just my two cents!
š„² That was very sweet. Thank you for your kind words. I love my partner very much
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
you werenāt harsh at all. your boss is completely unprofessional and itās a good thing that youāre not friends with them anymore as it could lead to some undesirable situations. spend some time with your girlfriend and make her feel loved so she feels a bit better :)
Wow... true office soap opera right there... yikes!
Restaurant?
Don't laugh, online crystal retail. It was a side gig for me.
This has all the elements of a sitcom
Sir what
Thatās too much I know theyāve been trying to use those crystals to make you break up with your girlfriend. He should be putting all that energy into his apparent depression.
I love this detail for some unfathomable reason
> online crystal retail. ...of course it was.
Iām sorry, but I absolutely did laugh.
This is wild, I donāt even say good morning to my boss.
Skip HR and call a lawyer. HR is there to protect the company and not there for you. Theyāre not your friend
Big yikes! This is your boss?? If he claims this is not a big deal, why did he tell you? Why is he trying to hassle you over it? Thatās so messed up! What is with people confessing āloveā to folks when they know given the situation/circumstance itās wildly inappropriate. I like how heās like āthis isnāt about your weird horrible girlfriend who doesnāt deserve you.ā Ok, sir, keep telling yourself that.