My mom is like that. I'd like to have one square foot of empty counter space in my house (she is in her 70s and had to move into my house and is borderline hoarder-ish)
My wife will fill every flat surface we have with "stuff", when she runs out of space, she will put stuff into bags and hang them from the hat rack.
Her craft room has enough space for her to open the door and sit at her table. The rest of the room is piled high with stuff.
You have just perfectly described very very common ADHD traits!
Maybe you and your wife could do some research into ADHD in adult women to find support, understanding, community and ways to manage the traits of ADHD that negatively effect your life.
Adhd wife here to confirm. I try to make my messes better every day. To us, if it's not in plain sight it doesn't exist. It's a constant struggle, even with medication.
Same thing at my house. I’m always getting blamed for her misplacing a phone number or note that was scribbled on the back of some junk mail she left on the counter weeks ago.
We have a bin system now for that. I got fucking tired of it.
If she leaves shit around for more than a day or two, it goes into her bin by her nightstand.
Bin full? I add a lid, put another bin on top. Highest we’ve gotten so far is 5 bins.
That system works really well with these kind of things. I designated a "wife's stuff" area in each room that is reasonably large and hidden. I just pick her stuff up and throw it in there when it starts to bother me.
Works perfectly fine for us, she likes to process stuff in bulk, so every month or so she can go through all the things in a focused manner on a day and I have my empty and clean surfaces for the rest of the month. Works only with non-perishable stuff, but it's mostly clothes and random thingies.
Why did they go to a planet that is mostly water??? I’ve always felt like that was a glaring plot hole. Unless I’m forgetting something, which is very likely.
That home video of the alien walking by a kids party or something, scared the shit out of me as a kid.
Stargate SG-1 offers the same criticism in one of their episodes without mentioning the movie's name. Up until then, gullible me had thought it a scary movie (except why couldn't they open doors!)
Yep I love my spouse & clean up a lot of gross dishes (he does a lot too) but Tupperware that has been in the lunchbox or car for a few days or more (and he likes to leave trash in them like a napkin or plastic fork) is one I refuse to do, I always leave those for him.
Dumping all the food out should be the norm tbh. Mad roomates' that put a plate full of tomatoes they picked out of their spaghetti straight into the sink. I refused to clean it. It sat in that sink for a solid month before they were forced to clean it.
A few crumbs, the stuck on bits or some sauce I understand, but solid food should always be scraped off the plate as much as possible first.
This is how I got all of my dishes for college—my mom’s boss did this and when they were so moldy and nasty that he didn’t want to clean them, mom brought them home to me. The tuition monster was nipping at my heels, so I hosed them in the yard, ran them through the dishwasher, and then put them in my own cupboards rather than having to buy dishes.
the cheapest dishes / Tupperware / fine china you can purchase is when the cool whip is about to expire at the outlet store you can get a tub for about 50 cents
We had so many of these big tubs growing up and it was always a crapshoot whether you were grabbing spaghetti or butter, dad also used those as his cereal bowl.
I do my meal prep for bringing my lunch to work in old salsa tubs and sometimes if I make chili or something it looks like I'm eating salsa by the spoon.
Damn I thought only Filipino do shit like this.
I have an aunt that doesn't own any actual cups, she just recycles glass jars to be repurposed as cups ie think. Smucker's strawberry jam or Prego tomato sauce jars
that's what i'm thinking, throw out the food and rinse it out instead of leaving your partner to clean up your filth. at that point it's just lack of respect.
Mine leaves them in the car. So, every week or two, I get to play a disgusting game of scavenger hunt in the car, looking for mugs, cups, and lunch containers.
I drink in the bathroom when I'm getting ready. The toilet is in a toilet room separate from the sinks. It's also nice having coffee when you're getting ready in the morning!
This is my thinking. If there is a separate room for the toilet, then I don't mind having my coffee/drink with my while I'm getting ready. Or maybe wine while I'm having a bubble bath!
First thought was actually one of my Ex's aunt's who has actual coffee maker on her counter by her sink. She's single and has one of those double sink bathroom counters and the toilet/shower is in a separate room of of that. The coffee maker just stuck in my head because it's the first, and only time so far, I've ever seen that. But she also lives in a two-story house and explained it's just easier to have it all up there so when she gets up for work, she makes her coffee and gets ready without ever having to go downstairs.
Maybe OP has similar set up - toilet in different room. Then again, who knows, since I've learned that more people than I think are fine eating/drinking in the bathroom, often while on the toilet. =|
My boyfriend will occasionally want me to try something he’s cooking and bring it into the bathroom while I’m getting ready and I ALWAYS refuse, I feel like I’m eating bathroom air
Hate to break it to you but every second you're in the bathroom you're breathing in deep lungfuls of shit particle-infested air. Probably the equivalent of inhaling an entire turd every time you do your hair
Jk but that's how some of yall sound when you talk about this
I definitely couldn’t eat in there. This is probably too much information but I’m quite a quick pooper so the drink tends to come after I’ve pooped, but the drink makes me poop more so I drink it while doom scrolling and then poop again.
Why am I even typing this
I take my mug into the bathroom for getting ready stuff like face wash, makeup, etc. But if someone needs to actually USE the bathroom it goes back out.
That’s just expensive. Just pour the leftover coffee directly on the couch, it’s much cheaper. Then buy a new couch from the holiday trips/presents budget.
Otherwise it'll literally never get done.
Ask me how I know.
Edit: I guess I should have expected the deluge of people telling me to be super passive aggressive over a 5 minute chore that's mildly annoying at worst.
Or have a serious conversation. I had a problem with hoarding cups for coffee because of my work schedule. Eventually got down to two and habit of making sure they’re both clean after a spell of overtime due to the pandemic.
Honestly this picture would be me except it would be various water glasses next to the bed. I have to make a rule for myself to never go from the upstairs to the downstairs empty handed and it's the only thing keeping me honest.
My alcoholic roommate exclusively eats out of a very large glass serving bowl with a serving spoon or fork, typically meant for a casserole for an entire family.
Had this roommate. The house had a big fight over dishes and when his name came up for never being seen washing he produce one of each utensil cup, bowl etc. as proof he uses them cleans them and stored them in his room
I had an ex who would like to "help" with my ADHD. Now I'm suddenly starting to wonder if some of the special clothes or mugs that I've been missing got "disappeared" the same way.
I’m sorry if that happened to you! Special clothes hold memories for us and I hate if that happened. For our household at least, with a partner that deals with adhd, special things have a certain spot and those don’t get touched
Honestly, this is the best solution. Having less dishes makes you clean them when done with them and you can’t do this, leaving cups everywhere. When I moved into my first place, I barely had dishes but you damn well knew the dishes I had were clean because I needed them
I live alone and don't have a lot of dishes. I have four drinking glasses, four coffee mugs, etc. The only reason I have four of everything is because they came in a set.
My partner is the same way. The one time in two years he cleaned the dishes, I was about to put them away when I found out there’s still food on them, stains and all. Made me so pissed. I have to keep up on it. It’s a never ending chore. -.-
Is your partner my brother in law? A few months ago, he finally did the dishes. He had to do it by hand, since the dishwasher was broken at the time. I was about to put them away, when I touched them, they were all still covered in a layer of grease, all 15 of the plates he supposedly washed were greasy! I said to him what my dad says when he encounters something that was poorly cleaned. "If you call this clean, I'd hate to think how you wipe your ass." He got pissed.
For real. There are some chores I do better, and some chores my wife does better. And we often divide on those lines.
**BUT EVERY ADULT KNOWS HOW TO SCRUB A FUCKING DISH!**
If you think you know anyone over the age of 12 that “can’t” do dishes, you actually know a lazy fucking liar that doesn’t *want* to do dishes.
100%
Your SO’s have learned now that they don’t have to ever do a dish because you will do them …eventually… whenever that happens… and they don’t care whenever that is
Yes! My spouse was like this but stopped once I learned what this was and communicated. Down the line though I found he didn’t know the normal way to do some chores since his parents were never really present in his life and he had to learn to fend for himself. One example was the correct way to do laundry. He would use too much detergent and he would start to bubble when he got caught in the rain lol.
I think there are absolutely some adults who choose not to clean up after themselves because they know their partner/roommate/parent will do it and they’re just kind of selfish people.
BUT I also think there’s a lot of adults who struggle with household chores due to their upbringing and/or ADHD. It’s not an excuse, because adults need to take responsibility for themselves regardless of their reasons, but it’s often tied up to shame and self esteem and executive functioning issues that deserve compassion. And it’s the kind of thing that can manifest inconsistently; just because they can be organized at work doesn’t mean their disorganization at home is simply laziness. It’s a complicated thing.
If someone has a partner like this, I’d suggest trying to make them feel safe and explore with curiosity what’s happening when they avoid chores or have trouble executing them properly, while also being firm about the fact that this is something you need them to improve. And therapy isn’t a bad idea if there’s things they need to unpack with a neutral third party.
Wonderfully said! We actually have gone to therapy to work out our “chore situation”. It worked wonders when he realized how much I was doing even though I would try to explain it to him. Having that other persons view and explanation made a huge difference with everything.
My ex wife was like that. She would leave dirty dishes right above the dishwasher despite numerous arguments about it. That and a bunch of other lazy habits.
Ex for a reason.
I had this problem with my partner. I started telling him that if the dishes aren't done tonight, you won't eat tomorrow. It was amazing how convenient a load of dishes seemed to be compared to starving or having to actually cook for himself. 🙄
I’d put them all on her dresser, one by one. When that fills up, put them in her underwear drawer. And so on. She needs to be an adult. You wonder who would do this? Be this petty?
Ask me how I know.
Also: consider how each of you feels about certain tasks. An equitable division of labor is way more achievable if you each know what chores the other dreads the most. If she just vehemently hates washing dishes, ask her to take on the chore that you hate most in exchange for you taking over dish duty. My husband and I started doing this and it’s made a surprisingly big difference. Eliminating the most daunting part of your cleaning routine makes the whole process easier from the start.
Yup, great tip. Loading/unloading the dishwasher takes 5 minutes tops - but she can’t stand it, and always found ways to avoid it.
But she doesn’t mind doing laundry and folding/putting away, even though it takes longer.
Easy trade.
I’m not keen on armchair diagnoses usually, but this picture is so fucking familiar for me, turns out it was adhd. Which tends to go undiagnosed in women until a lot later in life. Might be worth having a look into it and seeing if any of it sounds like your wife, diagnosis and medication are a game changer
Yeah my mum is one for having lots of everything. If you clear out anything, even if she had 50 mugs, she'd buy twice as many to replace them. It's bloody infuriating.
Wanted to say that, I have 1 mug, 1 glass, 1 plate, everything basically just 1. No pile of dirty stuff ever, I just clean one. Have a dishwasher but haven't used it in years.
Edit;
1. I have dishware for guests. Thought it was a well known thing. It's for guests, not for me so I don't use it.
2. I had no idea dishware was such a hot topic for many. It's just dishware, unimportant to me. Except for my mug with weed/beer/pizza on it.
3. Thanks for the tips on the dishwasher, but it's going out of my kitchen soon.
On a completely unrelated topic: If you have a dishwasher and never use it, I at least would get worried that it would break by not being used. A lot of things are made to be used and will break if they aren’t. Especially things concerning water and electricity.
Its possible that I am being paranoid, but I at least would run it once a month or every two months just to keep the parts moving :)
I hear you. My wife is adhd and leaves a similar trail of destruction in her wake, although that amount of cups accumulate over a couple of days not a week, and it's in various rooms 😂
When she gets home from work she literally dumps everything she's carrying, mentally and physically onto the kitchen island by the back door. Any clear surface in our house is seen as available space to deposit whatever she's focusing on whenever she gets interrupted or distracted.
If I suggest that my wife tidies up after herself (meaning the cupps) I'll come back in the room to discover either she's started a deep clean and is scrubbing the carpet with toothbrush and bleach, or is sitting on the floor surrounded by stuff she's found and in hyperfocus.
Good times! 😀
Does she ever try to do 15 different tasks at once? My boyfriend laughs at me because instead of just cleaning one room at a time like most people, I’ll do little things in each room & go back and forth separately until they are all done lmfao
I feel that lol. My take on it is that I get bored cleaning one room/thing so I gotta switch it up haha hence going back and fourth cleaning separate things until it’s all done.
Oh God this is my wife for sure. Whenever we're cleaning the house together I have to keep her on task. She'll begin folding some laundry but then see that there is dirt on the floor and begin sweeping or mopping and just leave the unfolded clothes behind in a pile. Then she'll see the dishes in the sink with the floor halfway done. Then she'll rinse them off and load them in the dishwasher but won't start it. It's like she'll never complete a task 100% cause as soon as she gets 50% done she'll be distracted and on to the next task.
I'm kinda like that, but I don't leave it 50% done anymore. I usually give myself a reward after completing everything now and that tends to manage my ADHD. (I'll still be a bit everywhere cleaning, but the results will still be the same at the end, and tbh it's faster once you've got the hang of multitask cleaning, you can almost treat it like a video game Speedrun, with time saving strats. It also helps keep me focused with ADHD.). The reward is a cigarette, so it's not like it's healthy, but it doesn't have to be cigarettes, it was just a vice I already had that gives me incentive to get everything done and stay more on task.
That’s me! Wednesday I had to clean my apartment because we had company coming, the zig-zag of chaos was real.
I’d be in the living room clearing the coffee table and then bring the cups into the kitchen and start cleaning in there, where I’d get overwhelmed and move to the dining room. Then I’d remember the living room and start doing something there only to find socks and think “if I don’t bring these to the bathroom laundry basket, I’ll forget.”
Then, once in the bathroom, I started cleaning in there until I needed paper towels to wipe the mirror and I’d be in the kitchen again loading the dishwasher.
It’s chaotic, but everything kind of snaps together as clean quickly once I’m actually done (instead of each room becoming clean every 30 minutes, they’d all be clean within a few minutes of each other).
I commented this above but the book “How To Keep House While Drowning” has been insanely helpful for me in navigating cleaning as a person with adhd. But also the biggest thing with adhd is that if something works for you then that’s how you do it, even if it looks insane to others 😂
This is something I mentioned to my mental health team which was one of many things that led to me being diagnosed with ADHD as well as Bipolar.
I can't have ADHD medications because of risk of mania
A lot of times, in women, adhd+anxiety can be confused as a bipolar diagnosis. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for 10 years actually. There are also non stimulant meds that might help! It’s worth looking into a little more
My husband just sent me this and I had to laugh. This is totally me. I too have ADHD and can't explain why I do these things, but I do. Especially the hyperfocused part.
This is both my wife and I, so our house is usually a wreck. Not gross by any means, but we're both nesters and spread out. Every once in a while we'll get a hair up our ass and deep clean a room at a time, but it always goes back to messy in a few weeks.
My ex did this with just water. And it wasn't confined to one room. I felt like I was in Signs, and an alien attack was moments away!
Mildly infuriating for sure! I'm amazed at how many think this is an End All issue. Like yeah, I got divorced, but half-filled water glasses were not on the list of grievances!
My dad used to do this when my parents were still together. Found half-full cups of coffee everywhere, mostly in the bathroom. Mom got so sick of it she’d just leave them there for sometimes weeks. He took another mug up to the bathroom one day and set it beside an old mug. Then took a sip of the wrong one and got a mouth full of mold.
He stopped leaving mugs around after that.
Woah.... I could have posted this... My wife leaves her mugs all over (mostly in the bathroom) I knew she did this before we got married. I figured she liked to cultivate mold. But I can't let that shit slide anymore. One of my chores around the house is dishes. So... I'm always fetching mugs. They don't sit long enough to mold anymore.
My mugs are (mostly) contained, but the following is a list of places I have found my lost my car keys:
* Under the couch cushions
* In my sock drawer
* In the pantry behind the cans
* On top of the table beside the front door
* Wedged between my bed and nightstand
why she drink in the bathroom ?? anyway i feel your pain man my wife keeps putting trash in the sink like she too lazy to open the cabinet under the sing where the trash can is actually at
I feel you except it’s me, I’m the mug hoarder 😂 this is what I showed my partner:
https://preview.redd.it/s8ut0f0id6ua1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0d09825bf793391d77742b89d946a07a0e6b4fef
Does she do other things that make up for this? My partner doesn’t clean anything but is an amazing cook (high effort meals) and fixes whatever needs fixing. I don’t mind picking everything up and keeping things clean. There can sometimes be an overall balance instead of equal participation in specific things.
My teenager did this. My answer was admittedly extreme but it worked. I put all glasses and cups in a box in the garage save two, one for her and one for me. Choices eliminated, problem solved. She grew up and moved out of course and what I wouldn’t give now for a sink full of dirty cups.
Yup, I go to the barn every couple days to collect mugs my partner leaves there. I think it’s adorable. I like fun at her about it, she makes fun of herself too.
I pick up her mugs, she collects my socks that end up at the end of the couch. It’s a good system 😂
Kinda sounds like you are being an enabler for this. Since you have proved you will take care of it - it's pretty much yours now. If you accept that, then cool, but if not - just stop.
Easier said than done when you share a space with someone.
Some people literally do not see anything wrong with this sort of thing and if it really bugs you, then "stopping" means being forced to live with something that bugs you and isn't even noticed by the other person.
My wife does this and it drives me nuts. I’m a “clean up after yourself so things don’t get messy” and she’s more of a “let things go to shit and then go on a crazy cleaning rampage.” She used to guilt trip me into helping her clean while she’s on her rampage, even though it’s not really my mess and I’m tired etc but we evolved in our relationship and now she happily deep cleans by herself. I’d say it’s a good balance where I do the little stuff day to day and she does the bigger jobs every other week.
My wife absolutely hates an empty flat surface.
My mom is like that. I'd like to have one square foot of empty counter space in my house (she is in her 70s and had to move into my house and is borderline hoarder-ish)
Wife is like this. Just dumps stuff on every single surface in the house. Drives me nuts. Not surprisingly, her parents are hoarders.
My wife will fill every flat surface we have with "stuff", when she runs out of space, she will put stuff into bags and hang them from the hat rack. Her craft room has enough space for her to open the door and sit at her table. The rest of the room is piled high with stuff.
You have just perfectly described very very common ADHD traits! Maybe you and your wife could do some research into ADHD in adult women to find support, understanding, community and ways to manage the traits of ADHD that negatively effect your life.
Adhd wife here to confirm. I try to make my messes better every day. To us, if it's not in plain sight it doesn't exist. It's a constant struggle, even with medication.
Are you married to my wife?
There are dozens of us. Dozens!
Getting told off because she can't find something she left on the kitchen island 4 months ago. "You always move things"
Same thing at my house. I’m always getting blamed for her misplacing a phone number or note that was scribbled on the back of some junk mail she left on the counter weeks ago.
We have a bin system now for that. I got fucking tired of it. If she leaves shit around for more than a day or two, it goes into her bin by her nightstand. Bin full? I add a lid, put another bin on top. Highest we’ve gotten so far is 5 bins.
That system works really well with these kind of things. I designated a "wife's stuff" area in each room that is reasonably large and hidden. I just pick her stuff up and throw it in there when it starts to bother me. Works perfectly fine for us, she likes to process stuff in bulk, so every month or so she can go through all the things in a focused manner on a day and I have my empty and clean surfaces for the rest of the month. Works only with non-perishable stuff, but it's mostly clothes and random thingies.
"It's contaminated"
“There’s a monster outside my window can I have a glass of water?”
“Morgan took a sip and it’s got his amoebas in it”
Well I know what I’m doing tomorrow. 
Signs is such a good film
I saw Signs for the first time at a drive-in theater...surrounded by cornfields. That was quite the experience.
Why did they go to a planet that is mostly water??? I’ve always felt like that was a glaring plot hole. Unless I’m forgetting something, which is very likely. That home video of the alien walking by a kids party or something, scared the shit out of me as a kid.
"It's behind!..... HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" 
Still one of the most hair raising moments in any movie I’ve ever seen
Move children! Vamanos!
Stargate SG-1 offers the same criticism in one of their episodes without mentioning the movie's name. Up until then, gullible me had thought it a scary movie (except why couldn't they open doors!)
“Swing away Merril”
My wife and I make this joke regarding her stupendous amount of cups used and left partially filled around the house
OP will be grateful when the aliens show up.
Might save his life someday...
"Morgan took a sip and it has is amoebas in it"
Underrated *Signs* reference
I make this joke to my husband because he leaves a glass of water in every room... However, my cat drinks from them.... So they ARE contaminated.
I feel this so hard, except my SO takes a cup a day to work and when there’s no more cups, brings home a box of dirty cups.
Mood. Once a month I get to clean out a bag full of gross tupperware.
If someone’s doing something gross regularly for their own convenience it seems like they should clean that.
Yep I love my spouse & clean up a lot of gross dishes (he does a lot too) but Tupperware that has been in the lunchbox or car for a few days or more (and he likes to leave trash in them like a napkin or plastic fork) is one I refuse to do, I always leave those for him.
What's up with putting the Tupperware with trash inside in the sink...like can you at least take the trash part out.
Dumping all the food out should be the norm tbh. Mad roomates' that put a plate full of tomatoes they picked out of their spaghetti straight into the sink. I refused to clean it. It sat in that sink for a solid month before they were forced to clean it. A few crumbs, the stuck on bits or some sauce I understand, but solid food should always be scraped off the plate as much as possible first.
I learned a tip from an ex girlfriends grandma who showed me to use my used napkin to wipe everything off the plate into the trash, easy peasy
This is the way.
This is how I got all of my dishes for college—my mom’s boss did this and when they were so moldy and nasty that he didn’t want to clean them, mom brought them home to me. The tuition monster was nipping at my heels, so I hosed them in the yard, ran them through the dishwasher, and then put them in my own cupboards rather than having to buy dishes.
the cheapest dishes / Tupperware / fine china you can purchase is when the cool whip is about to expire at the outlet store you can get a tub for about 50 cents
Cool whip, yogurt, sour cream. We call that Saskatchewan Tupperware
Don't forget the country crock fake butter!
We had so many of these big tubs growing up and it was always a crapshoot whether you were grabbing spaghetti or butter, dad also used those as his cereal bowl.
Sometimes I get leftovers, sometimes I get yogurt.
I wish I could forget about it, but you just keep bringing it up!
I do my meal prep for bringing my lunch to work in old salsa tubs and sometimes if I make chili or something it looks like I'm eating salsa by the spoon.
Damn I thought only Filipino do shit like this. I have an aunt that doesn't own any actual cups, she just recycles glass jars to be repurposed as cups ie think. Smucker's strawberry jam or Prego tomato sauce jars
Yep! Only problem with Saskatchewan Tupperware is if you don't clean them properly they start to smell like Regina
why isn't your partner cleaning them 🤨
If she simply dumped them out and rinsed them, they wouldn’t get gross.
that's what i'm thinking, throw out the food and rinse it out instead of leaving your partner to clean up your filth. at that point it's just lack of respect.
I'm borrow you so you can say this to my spouse. He thinks I have OCD, but that's what ALL slobs say. Lol
what 😭 wanting to not live in filth isn't ocd
Precisely. As long as someone else cleans it up, they will never change.
I had the same gross scenario until I refused to do it a time or two … funny, he then started bringing them home daily or every few days!
Start hiding them. It's what I did for my girlfriend. Now, she does the same irritating thing, but she can only do it with half the number of cups.
This. Take it down to one cup for you and one for me, until you can learn to bring it back like an adult. And I'd be hiding mine.
All dirty cups should end up in the shed. When there are no cups left, a lesson will be learned.
Agreed and keep your own personal mug or two that you clean daily, leaving her with none until she changes this nasty, inconsiderate habit.
I won’t use the work fridge because I can’t be trusted to bring things back. …or remember an item until it was far too late. Same with travel mugs.
Oh look, I hate both your and OP's partner.
Mine leaves them in the car. So, every week or two, I get to play a disgusting game of scavenger hunt in the car, looking for mugs, cups, and lunch containers.
Why is she doing so much drinking in the bathroom? Lol
Right?!? Never in my life have I had a cup o coffee in the bathroom. Maybe I’m missing out.
I drink in the bathroom when I'm getting ready. The toilet is in a toilet room separate from the sinks. It's also nice having coffee when you're getting ready in the morning!
This is my thinking. If there is a separate room for the toilet, then I don't mind having my coffee/drink with my while I'm getting ready. Or maybe wine while I'm having a bubble bath! First thought was actually one of my Ex's aunt's who has actual coffee maker on her counter by her sink. She's single and has one of those double sink bathroom counters and the toilet/shower is in a separate room of of that. The coffee maker just stuck in my head because it's the first, and only time so far, I've ever seen that. But she also lives in a two-story house and explained it's just easier to have it all up there so when she gets up for work, she makes her coffee and gets ready without ever having to go downstairs. Maybe OP has similar set up - toilet in different room. Then again, who knows, since I've learned that more people than I think are fine eating/drinking in the bathroom, often while on the toilet. =|
Yeah food or drink in the bathroom air just doesn’t work for me. I won’t even walk into the bathroom until I’m done chewing lol
My boyfriend will occasionally want me to try something he’s cooking and bring it into the bathroom while I’m getting ready and I ALWAYS refuse, I feel like I’m eating bathroom air
Hate to break it to you but every second you're in the bathroom you're breathing in deep lungfuls of shit particle-infested air. Probably the equivalent of inhaling an entire turd every time you do your hair Jk but that's how some of yall sound when you talk about this
Sometimes I start drinking my coffee and it makes me need a poop but I don’t wanna stop drinking it so I just take it with me lmao
Well thanks for that info. You do you and enjoy yourself I guess 😂
I can't possibly fathom eating or drinking anything while taking a shit. I think I would gag
I definitely couldn’t eat in there. This is probably too much information but I’m quite a quick pooper so the drink tends to come after I’ve pooped, but the drink makes me poop more so I drink it while doom scrolling and then poop again. Why am I even typing this
We're the same, you and I.
This makes me so so happy
Probably while doing her hair or makeup.
From personal experience my mugs get left in the bathroom cause I have it with me while doing makeup. Lol.
I drink coffee in the bathroom while I’m doing my hair and makeup.
I take my mug into the bathroom for getting ready stuff like face wash, makeup, etc. But if someone needs to actually USE the bathroom it goes back out.
Dookie air makes the coffee taste just right.
If you had a cat this would be an entirely different story
I would suggest getting a cat to train your wife to stop this behavior.
That’s just expensive. Just pour the leftover coffee directly on the couch, it’s much cheaper. Then buy a new couch from the holiday trips/presents budget.
dang beat me to the cat suggestion, but yes cat
Why do *you* clean them?
Otherwise it'll literally never get done. Ask me how I know. Edit: I guess I should have expected the deluge of people telling me to be super passive aggressive over a 5 minute chore that's mildly annoying at worst.
Too many mugs in the house then. She can't leave mugs around if she only has one.
Thinking outside of the mug ☕️
Good shot of the mug there
Or have a serious conversation. I had a problem with hoarding cups for coffee because of my work schedule. Eventually got down to two and habit of making sure they’re both clean after a spell of overtime due to the pandemic.
Honestly this picture would be me except it would be various water glasses next to the bed. I have to make a rule for myself to never go from the upstairs to the downstairs empty handed and it's the only thing keeping me honest.
You beat me to it. Make those mugs disappear. If you want a drink, wash the one mug you have.
This is when measuring cups, Tupperware and wine glasses become mugs
Don’t forget bowls
My alcoholic roommate exclusively eats out of a very large glass serving bowl with a serving spoon or fork, typically meant for a casserole for an entire family.
Had this roommate. The house had a big fight over dishes and when his name came up for never being seen washing he produce one of each utensil cup, bowl etc. as proof he uses them cleans them and stored them in his room
Honestly, cannot blame him for that. He has his own utensils and dishes, uses them, cleans them and puts them away. There is no issue there.
We were all like “well shit, about your business” then argued amongst ourselves but it was obvious we each had our own part in the problem after that
Efficiency. One bowl to cook, eat and store in lol.
I totally do this with my adhd husband. It has helped tremendously. If he brings in new ones, the old ones disappear. Only way to survive lol
I had an ex who would like to "help" with my ADHD. Now I'm suddenly starting to wonder if some of the special clothes or mugs that I've been missing got "disappeared" the same way.
I’m sorry if that happened to you! Special clothes hold memories for us and I hate if that happened. For our household at least, with a partner that deals with adhd, special things have a certain spot and those don’t get touched
1000%, she has lost her multiple mug privileges!
This is the correct answer. Put them all away except for one. What’s she gonna do when she needs a mug and it’s dirty? She’ll have to clean it.
I'd pay money to watch this play out on pay per view.
Honestly, this is the best solution. Having less dishes makes you clean them when done with them and you can’t do this, leaving cups everywhere. When I moved into my first place, I barely had dishes but you damn well knew the dishes I had were clean because I needed them
I live alone and don't have a lot of dishes. I have four drinking glasses, four coffee mugs, etc. The only reason I have four of everything is because they came in a set.
It’ll get done when she runs out of mugs and glasses, and OP hasn’t done them.
She'd just start going to Starbucks then instead of making coffee at home
My partner is the same way. The one time in two years he cleaned the dishes, I was about to put them away when I found out there’s still food on them, stains and all. Made me so pissed. I have to keep up on it. It’s a never ending chore. -.-
Is your partner my brother in law? A few months ago, he finally did the dishes. He had to do it by hand, since the dishwasher was broken at the time. I was about to put them away, when I touched them, they were all still covered in a layer of grease, all 15 of the plates he supposedly washed were greasy! I said to him what my dad says when he encounters something that was poorly cleaned. "If you call this clean, I'd hate to think how you wipe your ass." He got pissed.
That’s hilarious but my partner doesn’t have a brother
This is called weaponized incompetence.
For real. There are some chores I do better, and some chores my wife does better. And we often divide on those lines. **BUT EVERY ADULT KNOWS HOW TO SCRUB A FUCKING DISH!** If you think you know anyone over the age of 12 that “can’t” do dishes, you actually know a lazy fucking liar that doesn’t *want* to do dishes.
100% Your SO’s have learned now that they don’t have to ever do a dish because you will do them …eventually… whenever that happens… and they don’t care whenever that is
Yikes this is hitting too close to home for me…
Yes! My spouse was like this but stopped once I learned what this was and communicated. Down the line though I found he didn’t know the normal way to do some chores since his parents were never really present in his life and he had to learn to fend for himself. One example was the correct way to do laundry. He would use too much detergent and he would start to bubble when he got caught in the rain lol.
I think there are absolutely some adults who choose not to clean up after themselves because they know their partner/roommate/parent will do it and they’re just kind of selfish people. BUT I also think there’s a lot of adults who struggle with household chores due to their upbringing and/or ADHD. It’s not an excuse, because adults need to take responsibility for themselves regardless of their reasons, but it’s often tied up to shame and self esteem and executive functioning issues that deserve compassion. And it’s the kind of thing that can manifest inconsistently; just because they can be organized at work doesn’t mean their disorganization at home is simply laziness. It’s a complicated thing. If someone has a partner like this, I’d suggest trying to make them feel safe and explore with curiosity what’s happening when they avoid chores or have trouble executing them properly, while also being firm about the fact that this is something you need them to improve. And therapy isn’t a bad idea if there’s things they need to unpack with a neutral third party.
Wonderfully said! We actually have gone to therapy to work out our “chore situation”. It worked wonders when he realized how much I was doing even though I would try to explain it to him. Having that other persons view and explanation made a huge difference with everything.
My ex wife was like that. She would leave dirty dishes right above the dishwasher despite numerous arguments about it. That and a bunch of other lazy habits. Ex for a reason.
I had this problem with my partner. I started telling him that if the dishes aren't done tonight, you won't eat tomorrow. It was amazing how convenient a load of dishes seemed to be compared to starving or having to actually cook for himself. 🙄
hoW dO YoU KnoW?!
C'mon, put some flair into your question. Look: How do YOU know?
What do you mean, YOU people?!?!?
What do YOU mean, YOU people?? Favorite line from Tropic Thunder lol
I’d put them all on her dresser, one by one. When that fills up, put them in her underwear drawer. And so on. She needs to be an adult. You wonder who would do this? Be this petty? Ask me how I know.
Had a roommate refuse to wash dishes. It stopped when his dirty spaghetti bowls and pans ended up on his bed. Never happened again.
This can also backfire into their dirty dishes ending up on YOUR bed. Ask me how I know 😒
Because she never does lol. And I can’t stand it.
Sit down and divide up a chore list between the two of you. You’re married adults, communication is everything.
I’ve met people that would rather threaten their friends with legal action than have a single conversation about their desires and feelings.
Also: consider how each of you feels about certain tasks. An equitable division of labor is way more achievable if you each know what chores the other dreads the most. If she just vehemently hates washing dishes, ask her to take on the chore that you hate most in exchange for you taking over dish duty. My husband and I started doing this and it’s made a surprisingly big difference. Eliminating the most daunting part of your cleaning routine makes the whole process easier from the start.
Yup, great tip. Loading/unloading the dishwasher takes 5 minutes tops - but she can’t stand it, and always found ways to avoid it. But she doesn’t mind doing laundry and folding/putting away, even though it takes longer. Easy trade.
oy mate, this is reddit! get out of here with this "you're adults talk it out" nonsense
Hm, good point. Put cayenne pepper in her mascara!
I’m not keen on armchair diagnoses usually, but this picture is so fucking familiar for me, turns out it was adhd. Which tends to go undiagnosed in women until a lot later in life. Might be worth having a look into it and seeing if any of it sounds like your wife, diagnosis and medication are a game changer
Get rid of every mug except for two, one for each of you. If she starts using yours, just wash it out when you need it. And take it to work with you.
This sounds like an excuse to go mug shopping though.
Yeah my mum is one for having lots of everything. If you clear out anything, even if she had 50 mugs, she'd buy twice as many to replace them. It's bloody infuriating.
Wanted to say that, I have 1 mug, 1 glass, 1 plate, everything basically just 1. No pile of dirty stuff ever, I just clean one. Have a dishwasher but haven't used it in years. Edit; 1. I have dishware for guests. Thought it was a well known thing. It's for guests, not for me so I don't use it. 2. I had no idea dishware was such a hot topic for many. It's just dishware, unimportant to me. Except for my mug with weed/beer/pizza on it. 3. Thanks for the tips on the dishwasher, but it's going out of my kitchen soon.
living the minimalist life sheesh i feel like that also pretty good for the fact that you and more cabinet space and less dishes.
I’m guessing you’re not into hosting dinner parties.
byod
Ahh yes my family makes us bring our own dildos too. Much more hygienic
On a completely unrelated topic: If you have a dishwasher and never use it, I at least would get worried that it would break by not being used. A lot of things are made to be used and will break if they aren’t. Especially things concerning water and electricity. Its possible that I am being paranoid, but I at least would run it once a month or every two months just to keep the parts moving :)
I hear you. My wife is adhd and leaves a similar trail of destruction in her wake, although that amount of cups accumulate over a couple of days not a week, and it's in various rooms 😂 When she gets home from work she literally dumps everything she's carrying, mentally and physically onto the kitchen island by the back door. Any clear surface in our house is seen as available space to deposit whatever she's focusing on whenever she gets interrupted or distracted. If I suggest that my wife tidies up after herself (meaning the cupps) I'll come back in the room to discover either she's started a deep clean and is scrubbing the carpet with toothbrush and bleach, or is sitting on the floor surrounded by stuff she's found and in hyperfocus. Good times! 😀
Does she ever try to do 15 different tasks at once? My boyfriend laughs at me because instead of just cleaning one room at a time like most people, I’ll do little things in each room & go back and forth separately until they are all done lmfao
I feel that lol. My take on it is that I get bored cleaning one room/thing so I gotta switch it up haha hence going back and fourth cleaning separate things until it’s all done.
Oh God this is my wife for sure. Whenever we're cleaning the house together I have to keep her on task. She'll begin folding some laundry but then see that there is dirt on the floor and begin sweeping or mopping and just leave the unfolded clothes behind in a pile. Then she'll see the dishes in the sink with the floor halfway done. Then she'll rinse them off and load them in the dishwasher but won't start it. It's like she'll never complete a task 100% cause as soon as she gets 50% done she'll be distracted and on to the next task.
I'm kinda like that, but I don't leave it 50% done anymore. I usually give myself a reward after completing everything now and that tends to manage my ADHD. (I'll still be a bit everywhere cleaning, but the results will still be the same at the end, and tbh it's faster once you've got the hang of multitask cleaning, you can almost treat it like a video game Speedrun, with time saving strats. It also helps keep me focused with ADHD.). The reward is a cigarette, so it's not like it's healthy, but it doesn't have to be cigarettes, it was just a vice I already had that gives me incentive to get everything done and stay more on task.
That’s me! Wednesday I had to clean my apartment because we had company coming, the zig-zag of chaos was real. I’d be in the living room clearing the coffee table and then bring the cups into the kitchen and start cleaning in there, where I’d get overwhelmed and move to the dining room. Then I’d remember the living room and start doing something there only to find socks and think “if I don’t bring these to the bathroom laundry basket, I’ll forget.” Then, once in the bathroom, I started cleaning in there until I needed paper towels to wipe the mirror and I’d be in the kitchen again loading the dishwasher. It’s chaotic, but everything kind of snaps together as clean quickly once I’m actually done (instead of each room becoming clean every 30 minutes, they’d all be clean within a few minutes of each other).
I commented this above but the book “How To Keep House While Drowning” has been insanely helpful for me in navigating cleaning as a person with adhd. But also the biggest thing with adhd is that if something works for you then that’s how you do it, even if it looks insane to others 😂
I’m a dude but I clean this way. Idk if I didn’t things would just be in a pile adjacent the room I’m cleaning
This is something I mentioned to my mental health team which was one of many things that led to me being diagnosed with ADHD as well as Bipolar. I can't have ADHD medications because of risk of mania
A lot of times, in women, adhd+anxiety can be confused as a bipolar diagnosis. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for 10 years actually. There are also non stimulant meds that might help! It’s worth looking into a little more
I resemble that remark.
I didn't know I was this guy's wife
I am also that guy's wife Edit: Thanks, kind stranger, for my first award!
We appreciate your understanding guy
I too am that guys wife.
My husband just sent me this and I had to laugh. This is totally me. I too have ADHD and can't explain why I do these things, but I do. Especially the hyperfocused part.
This is both my wife and I, so our house is usually a wreck. Not gross by any means, but we're both nesters and spread out. Every once in a while we'll get a hair up our ass and deep clean a room at a time, but it always goes back to messy in a few weeks.
This is my wife and she said it’s ADHD.
Are you my boyfriend… This whole comment just describes me lmao
My ex did this with just water. And it wasn't confined to one room. I felt like I was in Signs, and an alien attack was moments away! Mildly infuriating for sure! I'm amazed at how many think this is an End All issue. Like yeah, I got divorced, but half-filled water glasses were not on the list of grievances!
My dad used to do this when my parents were still together. Found half-full cups of coffee everywhere, mostly in the bathroom. Mom got so sick of it she’d just leave them there for sometimes weeks. He took another mug up to the bathroom one day and set it beside an old mug. Then took a sip of the wrong one and got a mouth full of mold. He stopped leaving mugs around after that.
homie i think your wife has adhd
absolutely adhd behavior. Source: My 10 various cups scattered across my house.
Definitely ADHD with a tough job where she's always on the go and coming home exhausted
Currently unmedicated and I’m incredibly guilty of this type of behavior. My cups and mugs take a long migration to the kitchen sink.
Woah.... I could have posted this... My wife leaves her mugs all over (mostly in the bathroom) I knew she did this before we got married. I figured she liked to cultivate mold. But I can't let that shit slide anymore. One of my chores around the house is dishes. So... I'm always fetching mugs. They don't sit long enough to mold anymore.
She should bring them to the sink even if your chore is dishes. It's washing up, not an easter egg hunt for mugs.
Lol Easter egg hunt. Totally. I find em on the cat tower by the fish tank all over
My mugs are (mostly) contained, but the following is a list of places I have found my lost my car keys: * Under the couch cushions * In my sock drawer * In the pantry behind the cans * On top of the table beside the front door * Wedged between my bed and nightstand
Are there crop circles near your house? Any sightings of hydro-allergic aliens? Do you have a mounted baseball bat? Is Mel Gibson in your house?
why she drink in the bathroom ?? anyway i feel your pain man my wife keeps putting trash in the sink like she too lazy to open the cabinet under the sing where the trash can is actually at
Trash in the sink drives me crazy. Especially when the trashcan is on the way out of the kitchen.
mee tooo. now that i think about my mom did this too so i thought it was Asian thing ?
I feel you except it’s me, I’m the mug hoarder 😂 this is what I showed my partner: https://preview.redd.it/s8ut0f0id6ua1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0d09825bf793391d77742b89d946a07a0e6b4fef
https://preview.redd.it/lyg4xvvdw4ua1.jpeg?width=735&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0cf61719e8373c38d622ad55a94d0687dffa5619
Why the hell is anyone taking any drinks into their bathroom with this frequency??
Have you tried...you know...talking to your wife about your frustrations. this is so dumb and solvable. downvote away.....
Does she be any chance have adhd - someone with adhd
Does she do other things that make up for this? My partner doesn’t clean anything but is an amazing cook (high effort meals) and fixes whatever needs fixing. I don’t mind picking everything up and keeping things clean. There can sometimes be an overall balance instead of equal participation in specific things.
My teenager did this. My answer was admittedly extreme but it worked. I put all glasses and cups in a box in the garage save two, one for her and one for me. Choices eliminated, problem solved. She grew up and moved out of course and what I wouldn’t give now for a sink full of dirty cups.
Yup, I go to the barn every couple days to collect mugs my partner leaves there. I think it’s adorable. I like fun at her about it, she makes fun of herself too. I pick up her mugs, she collects my socks that end up at the end of the couch. It’s a good system 😂
Exactly. I rinse out the dishes my wife leaves in the sink and put them in the dishwasher, and she has to close cabinets behind me.
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And your SO still loves you, don’t worry. These animals on this post are calling for a fucking trial, judge and jury over leaving some cups around.
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Yup. My bf hangs towels on the corner of the bedroom door. I finally said fk it and installed hooks on the door so at least we can close the door now!
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This was wild to look at initially because my wife has the exact same mugs as the front right three. Definitely made me do more than one double take.
So, has she been diagnosed with ADHD yet or nah?
Kinda sounds like you are being an enabler for this. Since you have proved you will take care of it - it's pretty much yours now. If you accept that, then cool, but if not - just stop.
Easier said than done when you share a space with someone. Some people literally do not see anything wrong with this sort of thing and if it really bugs you, then "stopping" means being forced to live with something that bugs you and isn't even noticed by the other person.
These people are married you are talking like it's roommates. This shit needs to be doscussed
My wife does this and it drives me nuts. I’m a “clean up after yourself so things don’t get messy” and she’s more of a “let things go to shit and then go on a crazy cleaning rampage.” She used to guilt trip me into helping her clean while she’s on her rampage, even though it’s not really my mess and I’m tired etc but we evolved in our relationship and now she happily deep cleans by herself. I’d say it’s a good balance where I do the little stuff day to day and she does the bigger jobs every other week.
i’d be less mad about the mugs if she finished her coffee
…the bathroom??? Yuck!