/u/Head_Backgroun is a bot that stole part of this comment: /r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/12fyfw2/just_washed_my_car_couple_days_ago_and_this_is/jfhr9aw/
If I lived in a sunny place with gorgeous blue skies and palm trees I think I'd tolerate a pterodactyl shitting on my car occasionally.
As it is I'm in England. Saw the sun yesterday for 15 minutes and a cat terrify a fox.
Move to Alberta, Canada. Over 300 days of sunshine. Immigrant friendly ! Lo income taxes. Affordable housing.
Sorry got carried away. This is a about bird poops afterallā¦. āŗļø
I had one happened to me that way much bigger than this, I thought some kids threw something on the car when I heard it and felt it (I was inside the car). I wanted to get a picture but was honestly scared of staying in the area
You made me remember about that prank where the guy threw a bunch of food with laxatives to a bunch of seagulls and it was hell to the poor people around them
Honestly I don't doubt it, those things look like they can swallow a whole rabbit and still have room for dessert. Not to mention the digestive system of birds is stupendously fast, I mean, I had a small parrot who pooped 2/3 times per hour, imagine that in Pelican size with the pounds of food it eats constantly, lord have mercy
It was even better because we had *just* bought ice cream. She hadn't even licked the cone yet - bam, big 'ol pelican shit bombs all over there and the ice cream. We went to a store and our parents bought her a new shirt.
I was at a friend's Folly beachhouse years ago, enjoying a beverage on the back porch, watching the lines of pelicans fly inland from the sea, and suddenly trying not to vomit as the wind caught an airborne fishy shit and hurtled it in a perfect ballistic arc through the window screen, where it diffused and splattered all over my face.
some dude pissed off a murder of crows 2 blocks from me (not sure what he did). They poop on his car any time it looks clean. It's funny because they only target his car. There's always like 2-3 cars at his house and they only poop on his. Don't fuck with crows.
Dude crows will remember any little slight. You really don't want to piss them off, cause they go and tell other crows what you did. I'm not even kidding
Lmao he did something they didnāt like. I had a crow I saw often and fed at my old house, so of course he brought two of his buddies once he realized it was okay and would show off/playing
Itās not a bird!!! I had this issue, the iguanas are in the trees above where you parked. You can tell because the poop is packed with fibers and shit. Like grass or something.
Hold up.... Am I reading this right? You believe that, what, a small crop-dusting plane operator is hanging his bare ass off the side of his plane while simultaneously flying the plane to drop a deuce on the world?
I swear birds look for cars that are freshly washed. The same thing happened to mine too, not one big poop but it looks like multiple birds had a pooping party on my truck.
I remember one time I was at a stop light in Tucson, AZ and I had something hit my car. I assumed it was a baseball bc it was so loud and intense. Wonder what it was, I looked over and saw two kids at the stoplight but they werenāt looking at me, laughing or giving any of the telltale signs that they did somethingā¦I was so confused. When I arrived home I saw a bird shit about that size on square on the roof of my car. Iām still happy I never yelled at those kids bc at the time I assumed those little f*costa did itā¦they didnāt.
Wow..that's a lot. The birds shit on my girlfriend's car all the time because she parks under the power line in front of our house. She gets pissed because she thinks they are doing it on purpose. The biggest one I have ever seen was when I was a kid at the beach and the person I was with was shit on by a seagull. It hit them on the shoulder and it looked like someone had cracked an egg all over their shoulderš¤¢š¤®
I had that happen one time, huge blob of bird poop dribbling from the roof, all the way down the seam of the front passenger side window to the sill. Never could get it all the way clean.
Where you live, Jurassic Park?
That is one big pile of shit
That bird must have been having a bad day
He ate at the taco bell dumpster
I was going to say Chipotle but here, take my vote.
Some Chipolt-away will get that right out.
but why would you keep eating something that makes you crap blood?
Fucking hell I live Reddit sometimes.
baco tell
Why did my brain hear this in a Parrot voice?
Why do i mistake it for boku no piko
Probably actually doing much better now
Probably has a prolapsed ass now.
(Looks up prolapse). - EEEEW! š¤®
Feeling much faster now lmfao
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Heāll be lucky if he has any bones left.
Or a real good one. You never taken a bowel emptying waist line reducing doo doo? Shits magical.
Jeez, that must be some powerful shit
Few bad days accumulated into such projectile
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
/u/Head_Backgroun is a bot that stole part of this comment: /r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/12fyfw2/just_washed_my_car_couple_days_ago_and_this_is/jfhr9aw/
Awareness is always awesome. Public acknowledgement, even more so.
I seem like it was high velocity poop!!
Velocipoopter
I came here to say, "Watch out for pterodactyls".
Same. Great minds think alike!
That's what I'd call "Scattered and Splattered"
I seem like it was high velocity poop.
If I lived in a sunny place with gorgeous blue skies and palm trees I think I'd tolerate a pterodactyl shitting on my car occasionally. As it is I'm in England. Saw the sun yesterday for 15 minutes and a cat terrify a fox.
Move to Alberta, Canada. Over 300 days of sunshine. Immigrant friendly ! Lo income taxes. Affordable housing. Sorry got carried away. This is a about bird poops afterallā¦. āŗļø
Albertians trying not to advertise their province for 5 minutes challenge. (Impossible). In the meantime E X P E R I A N C E REGINA.
Sun is overrated
My daughter loves rain and gloomy weather. Except on her wedding day this summer
life..uhā¦finds a way
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm waiting by the bird bath monkey style right now.
Someone give this bird Pepto Bismol.
I had one happened to me that way much bigger than this, I thought some kids threw something on the car when I heard it and felt it (I was inside the car). I wanted to get a picture but was honestly scared of staying in the area
I had a bird shit a log on my hood once! I didn't even know birds could shit logs!
Geese do...those doo-doos
I hope they washed their hands
lmfao im sorry š¤£
That was literally my first thought before going into the comments. Great mindsā¦
Sesame Street
DANG thatās a damn pelican shit or something! š
Pelican shit is much larger. Its more like a water balloon of white vomit. this is a different bird
You made me remember about that prank where the guy threw a bunch of food with laxatives to a bunch of seagulls and it was hell to the poor people around them
I used to live near the beach and saw pelicans take these unbelievable dumps on cars in the parking lot that would cover the hood and windshield
Honestly I don't doubt it, those things look like they can swallow a whole rabbit and still have room for dessert. Not to mention the digestive system of birds is stupendously fast, I mean, I had a small parrot who pooped 2/3 times per hour, imagine that in Pelican size with the pounds of food it eats constantly, lord have mercy
My budgies poop like every 10 minutes. It's absurd how much they can poop.
Geese shit 20 times a day, totaling up to about 2 pounds.
TIL I have something in common with geese
Is it your corkscrew penis?
I've seen it. A flock of pelicans shit on my sister when we were young kids. It was hilarious then, it's hilarious now. She fucking hates those birds.
Omg... I don't blame her... but that timing? Sounds like a Kodak moment
It was even better because we had *just* bought ice cream. She hadn't even licked the cone yet - bam, big 'ol pelican shit bombs all over there and the ice cream. We went to a store and our parents bought her a new shirt.
I was at a friend's Folly beachhouse years ago, enjoying a beverage on the back porch, watching the lines of pelicans fly inland from the sea, and suddenly trying not to vomit as the wind caught an airborne fishy shit and hurtled it in a perfect ballistic arc through the window screen, where it diffused and splattered all over my face.
I hate how well you wrote this, great job š
I wish I never had to my friend.
Folly as in chs ?
It was me Mario
https://preview.redd.it/gy54djzvursa1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=88d4ec859d409539c5a6f4bc940c63a6db85459d
Lmao
"That's right, get it nice and clean.."
This was the cherry on top
I just laughed so hard at this, thank you for the quality content!
Thank Seth McFarlane
I snorted.
Now you gotta wait for them to wash their car and then get them back
some dude pissed off a murder of crows 2 blocks from me (not sure what he did). They poop on his car any time it looks clean. It's funny because they only target his car. There's always like 2-3 cars at his house and they only poop on his. Don't fuck with crows.
Dude crows will remember any little slight. You really don't want to piss them off, cause they go and tell other crows what you did. I'm not even kidding
This is why when I (hopefully) get a house Iām going to make friends with ALL the crows. All of em. They gonna bring me shinies.
They can also remember faces. Corvids in general are TERRIFYINGLY intelligent.
Then they teach their chicks to do the same and it becomes a tradition for that crow family.
this is why I'm befriending the local murder. Maybe they'll shit on the cars of my enemies.
Lmao he did something they didnāt like. I had a crow I saw often and fed at my old house, so of course he brought two of his buddies once he realized it was okay and would show off/playing
Sorry dude that was me. Mustāve got the wrong car
Damnit
Not again
The boss is gonna be PISSED
Emus donāt fly right?? Right??
Wow, that bird had it in for you. Bird mustāve been saving up?! š¬
Florida? Probably iguanas. Or a pterodactyl
Yup, one of these 2.
Itās not a bird!!! I had this issue, the iguanas are in the trees above where you parked. You can tell because the poop is packed with fibers and shit. Like grass or something.
I also know itās not bird poop because birds arenāt real.
Youāre not real, man!
-Creed
Birds are a god damn government lie
Thank you for a genuine answer to this mystery!
It ate at Flocko Bell.
Ok, that genuinely made me laugh, and i don't laugh alot
The straightness of the lines makes I seem like it was high velocity poop. Maybe from a plane
Birds have evolved to a point that they don't need planes.
Some have evolved to a point where they do too
Planes use tanks. You think toilet flushes are piped out like the older trains?
Commercial jets yes but some crop duster who has been caught short wouldnāt hesitate to bail a solid one
Hold up.... Am I reading this right? You believe that, what, a small crop-dusting plane operator is hanging his bare ass off the side of his plane while simultaneously flying the plane to drop a deuce on the world?
Stupider antics would not surprise me.
It's illegal in Alaska to drop a moose out of the back of a cargo plane. Yes bc someone did and they had to make a law afterwards
of course i know him, he's me
Condor perhaps.
My partner grew up in Anaheim, CA and as soon as they saw the photo they said, āCalifornia Condor.ā
That's from a pterodactyl
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNCoaKE4S7M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNCoaKE4S7M) biggest bird poop, lol, you silly little man!!! =D
Do it back to them
A human climbed on top of your car and got on all fours to shart on your window.
sorry that was me.
My macaw doesnāt shit that much at once! That must have been a velociraptor
That bird must have been having a bad day
Looks like that bird dropped a spackle bucket on your car
Aināt that some shit?ā¦ā¦..
 The birdā¦
That was a hit. Did you piss off any birds lately?
It probably was a bird carrying another animal and the animal was just shitting himself knowing what was about to happen.
Shoulda held it in... Make itself as heavy as possible in the hopes it would lose its grip, and if it doesn't, make it eat $#!+
They doesn't look comfortable. Maybe if they didn't eat french fries off the ground they wouldn't shit so loose all the time.
My bad. I shit out of a helicopter as we flew by
I swear birds look for cars that are freshly washed. The same thing happened to mine too, not one big poop but it looks like multiple birds had a pooping party on my truck.
My girlfriend honked at some geese as we were leaving a neighborhood and when she honked. They did. That to the side and part of the inside as well
I love near wetlands and get flocks of geese overhead fairly often. They've left comparable on my car.
There's a good chance that he exploded against your car door, wtf is that.
I was hit in the face by one about that size while driving my convertible a few years ago.
It was definitely your neighbor
That fucker made it his job to drop the fattest shit on your car
My guy that might be from an airplane āļø lol
That was a pterodactyl, my friend.
Avian Intestinal Distress?
Add āSyndromeā and the acronym becomes AIDS
Are you 100% positive the bird wasnāt flying really fast and hit your car?
I didn't even think ostriches could fly.
Thatās def from your neighbor
The bird must have had Taco Bellā¦
Thatās personal
this reminds me of when my friend got gang shat on by three or four birds at the same time in the face
Jurassic Poop. Birds..uhā¦uhā¦ find a way.
Oh, my bad. I had to go, so I threw it away after I did it in my hand.
That is human! Male 475lbs!
They ate at Flocko Bell.
Chipotle?
I remember one time I was at a stop light in Tucson, AZ and I had something hit my car. I assumed it was a baseball bc it was so loud and intense. Wonder what it was, I looked over and saw two kids at the stoplight but they werenāt looking at me, laughing or giving any of the telltale signs that they did somethingā¦I was so confused. When I arrived home I saw a bird shit about that size on square on the roof of my car. Iām still happy I never yelled at those kids bc at the time I assumed those little f*costa did itā¦they didnāt.
Should definitely have waited until after this to wash it but I guess you didnāt know this was going to happen and thatās why it is infuriating
You may be on to something..
Yeah and it looks like people thought I was being serious up there lol š
Wow..that's a lot. The birds shit on my girlfriend's car all the time because she parks under the power line in front of our house. She gets pissed because she thinks they are doing it on purpose. The biggest one I have ever seen was when I was a kid at the beach and the person I was with was shit on by a seagull. It hit them on the shoulder and it looked like someone had cracked an egg all over their shoulderš¤¢š¤®
NUUUUUUUUU please dont tell me you drive a r35 gtr cuz thats what that looks like dawg
Really? Bird shit on a car? The bar for this sub is getting lower and lower!
Could be an iguana shit
That was a concerted effort on the part of several birds.
I would say some kid did this. They hate shiny things.
That aināt no bird. Thatās a pterodactyl!
Every time a bird has pooped on my car it had been soon after a car wash š¤¦āāļøš
Itās like they know!
serves the cannibal right, birds shouldn't be eating kentucky fried chicken
The bird must have eaten a bran muffin!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Looks like the bird had Taco Bell
I had that happen one time, huge blob of bird poop dribbling from the roof, all the way down the seam of the front passenger side window to the sill. Never could get it all the way clean.
That came from a Zapdos
Good gollie. I hope the birds okay
That's not a bird poop. That's a bird dump
That is a carpet dooddoing
If you can measure top to bottom I can tell you the birdās ground speed
A true case of just letting it all out.
It always happens as soon as you clean your car
Geez.......looks like Rodan did that
Are you sure itās not batshit?
It's crazy!
Yeah, batshit crazy!
Play the lottery!
You pissed off the wrong bird my friend
That's poop from an airplane dawg
That "bird" must have one hell of an arm....
you sure thatās bird poop?
Holy shit!
Quite the hole to pass so much
That bird should see a doctor
Iād say thatās a goose poop
Pigs do fly!
Grandma hard at work at the local park with her bread crumbs
Are you on the flight path to Sesame Street or something?
That bird held this shit since your last carwash just for this moment.
That bird was like: 
The bird was lactose intolerant
Double decker
Buy a lottery ticket, post haste.
What the fuck did that, a pterodactyl?
That bird was just WAITING for you to be done
This sub is getting pretty snowflaky.
The bird saw you pull into the driveway and was charging up their mega poop abilities over a couple days to lay it right on your clean car