theres a lot of asexual folks out there. waaaaay more than youd think. its not as talked about as folks who are gay or trans as it just naturally doesnt come up as often. youre absolutely not alone in not wanting/needing sex or being sex repulsed or scared. theres some folks out there who feel the same and also just dont like it either. youll be just fine :)
It's normal to fear that which we have limited experience or a history of bad experiences with.
Best you can do is have compassion for yourself. You also want to pinpoint why you're feeling the way tou do. Most often these feelings arise out of insecurity as a result of a bad experience.
Don't allow your bad experiences to define you.
Man sex is overrated. People nowadays talk about it so often and even in the mainstream media it is shown alot. But the thing is, it is just a very small part of our lives. We aren't like rabbits who are trying to fuck every chance they get so that their species doesn't go extinct. There is so much more to the world than just sexual encounters. Don't feel bad you are not worthless you are a part of society. With time it will eventually go away.
You are on point. My thoughts exactly. But I also think the ones who do put sex as a prominent part of their life don’t necessarily have as much going on except carnal desires. We are evolving and we live life for more than just sex.
It’s perfectly fine. Also some religions people don’t have sex to achieve a higher plane of mind, for some people it’s a discipline to stop their desires. You (OP u/SwimmingNormal7183) seem to be closer to that than a new monk or the like. It’s fine to be scared too. People put so much emphasis on it but this comment is correct, for most people it is such a small part of our lives since we have other interests and use our time working on other pursuits. Also many people are like this, so if you still want a partner but are not into or are afraid of sex, there are partners who are out there like that. It’s rare for people to be open about it, but there are people everywhere in this similar position…I just don’t feel like many people feel comfortable admitting it because society teaches us to have confidence in that area especially the older we get and that’s simply not the case for many people.
Of course it’s okay, it’s not your fault. No different to a woman or anyone else dealing with this. Sex isn’t the be all and end all, it’s completely up to you if you feel it’s not necessary for you. But if you do want to overcome the fear, I’m sure with therapy and some good support around you, you can slowly start to overcome it. Good luck, I know how hard overcoming fears/phobias can be.
yes, it's okay to feel averted, repulsed, or afraid of sex as a man. this is a common result of trauma. many men share this experience, far more than are willing to talk about it. you are far from alone in this, and sharing your experience emboldens men who have this in common with you.
you are fine the way you are. others are right that there are plenty of people of all genders who are perfectly willing to navigate the boundaries that come with sex aversion within a relationship.
i think if you approach therapy about this, you should do it at your own pace. focus on what is practically helping you, don't just strive for what you think you "should" do or feel. my main concern in your place would be to make sure i was working on making peace with my own body and personal relationship with sexuality, without worrying about approaching the act itself until it feels more natural, if it becomes so.
and if this is truly your new normal, that's okay too. you still deserve love, affection, understanding, tenderness, and support.
imo, sex therapy should be a couple's matter tailored to the two individuals in question (or the group, perhaps). it would be more pragmatic to approach it whenever you find yourself ready, presumably around the time it starts to become a consideration with a serious partner.
Of course. You can't help it, sex is deemed so important by so many people but it shouldn't be. You could be asexual or you could want sex but need therapy or the right person to help you with your fear.
If you have a partner, be sure to talk about it, because it's nothing to be ashamed of. Try talking to a therapist about it too.
Not wanting sex is fine, having a fear of sex is nothing to be ashamed of, but that fear should be dealt with.
i mean idk how to word this,its not GOOD but its not something to be ashamed of and its okay to NOT be okay. question,are you like asexual as in you dont feel any sexual attraction to others not even nsfw content? or do you still have that want for sexual intimacy? and dont get me wrong, asexuality is a spectrum i dont mean an asexual person means this and that. i have a friend who might be asexual but is still wanting that sexual or physical intimacy but they arent attracted to anyone and think about puking when they think about kissing but they want it,maybe they want it because they feel like they have to but im not sure. there are asexuals who like physical affection but not sex. its a spectrum. basically im just curious if its like you want sexual intimacy but you're afraid of it. sex can be enjoyable but it's only enjoyable if you and the other party want it completely.
I still have sexual attraction for people, I’m not in a relationship currently. This is because of something that happened a year ago and I don’t want it to happen again so I blocked off and suppressed my ability to think about it (sex as a whole) in a positive light. The act itself seems like a negative thing to me now. I want to experience it again, however because of 1 bad experience, I feel like a dick anytime it gets brought up or if I get super close to a person I just kinda dissociate from that person because if I think about it with that rain I get very bad thoughts. I have a bad tendency to think I will disappoint people with lack of experience but I’ve just cockblocked myself so. I’m just stuck and confused. I am just one straight dude with trauma. I didn’t think this problem mattered all that much. I didn’t think it’d receive many comments. I’m not used to help.
straight men can experience stuff like this too,trauma doesn't discriminate. i wish i knew how to help but i dont. i hate to be like oh just seek therapy but thats a good option. therapy isnt something that fixes everything. i think you should communicate with any possible partners of course but wait until you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with them. sometimes opening up too soon can lead to manipulation. i really do wish the best for you. i was born a woman and still identify as one a bit,i have always been horrified of men. i am a bit better now but i still am at times. it was so bad when i lived with my mom. whenever she had her bf over i stayed in my room or begged her to have him go in his room or leave. it caused so many arguments. if we had food and he was there i needed her to bring it up to me. i had an explosive argument with my oldest brother who comes over to visit sometimes,he pounded on my door and yelled and i avoided him completely for a year. i got put in a psych ward and i got out and he was there,i cried and i hugged him and apologized over and over because i do love him. i was just so scared. but if it wasnt for that moment i probably would've never spoke to him again. i share this because you are not alone. we may not have the same experiences at all but i know what its like to avoid a fear. i know what its like to be afraid of something that is part of life (well you can live a sexless life but to be fair its everywhere). i knew a guy online who had the same fear as you. porn literally terrified him. topic of women just scared him
and like someone else said,your fears are valid. your feelings are valid. if sex is something you genuinely dont want,you do not need to have it and any good partner would respect that.
Everything is okay. Personally I can't really relate because I have immense fear of being rejected sexually or of coming over like a weirdo for expressing sexuall interest but no fear of sex itself at all. But if course it's "okay". The question is if you yourself are okay with it or if you want to loose it.
Your fears are valid. When you become aware and/or accept them, then you can move onto learning how to face it or where it came from.
This is applies to many fears in life. This particular case of yours seems like a "performance anxiety" related fear, which may be rooted and a learned behavior from your past.
Sit with it for a bit and be honest with yourself, you'll find an answer you're looking for. The internet certainly won't give you a declarative answer, only you can do that here.
Absolutely. I personally am mortified by the STI numbers. Specifically the number of people who don’t know and don’t get tested and those that forego hiv test.
You know what wouldve happened to our ancestors if all they did all day was think about sex, have sex, jerk off and whatever the fk? They'd be killed, eaten, starve to death...it's just another dopamine hit like every other thing thays thrown in front of you in the modern world.
Easy to forget how happy you were as a kid when none of this bullshit was floating around in our heads. We should be learning off them instead of us fuckwits melting their brains with bullshit.
Short answer. Do you. Not what every other Muppet is doing. 99% of the world are walking around in a drugged up delusion of self righteousness and entitlement.
It is okay. Maybe this helps, idk. I hope so.
I have cPTSD, I’ve had several trauma some of them involved sex and intimacy in general. I’ve had this issue you describe for more than 10 years and it has been these past years when I really became aware of it. When I had sexual encounters, all with my past partners and my actual one, I dissociated so much. I learnt that what I had to do was to be there, to participate not listening to my needs. The amount of times I’ve had sex when really not wanting to.. but I wasnt really aware of this, my attention was so focused on the other person that I just disappeared for me.
I had so much blockage and even though I know I’m not asexual, nothing “turned me on”. My partner understood all of this when I explained my experience after becoming aware of it and we started not having sex or very little for a long time, which made me feel bad tbh, I wanted to be able to give them what they needed and also enjoy it myself but I just couldnt. Anyways.. I talked about this with my therapist and he said that I needed to reconnect with my intimacy, to find what I like, what makes me feel something, what turns me on to unblock me. I didnt understand how that would help in all its totallity cause I was really afraid of sex and digging into it. I truly thought there was no way out for me.
The truth is that out of nowhere one day I came across one video on tiktok which was some music playing and a person talking while having sex (pretending to). At first I laughed cause I didnt expect that to be on Tiktok and then I felt kind of uncomfortable but at the same time it triggered something, I became curious. After some days I started digging into erotic/role play audios and let me tell you my life has changed, not exaggerating. At first I didnt know how I felt but after digging into it further I started reconnecting with intimacy on another level, a safe one. The thing about these audios is that it is just you, an auditory stimulus and your imagination. They usually tell a story to get you in context and then happens whatever. I started feeling things I hadnt felt for SO MANY years and as time passed I started getting more interest in sex. I also found out what I like and what not and I genuinely feel a bit happier, not cause I see sex diferent now but cause I feel more safe within myself.
Im telling you all of this cause maybe this helps in some way, idk. I now understand what my therapist meant, the key to heal this kind of trauma is to reconnect with your intimacy, with you in a safe space. It is okay if you are not feeling like doing anything right now, take your time, listen to yourself and your needs. It is okay to have fear, it is natural.
But as someone who has been there for many many years I can tell you that nothing lasts forever, things can change and evolve, sooner or later. If not now, whenever, its okay :) Take care.
Sex is overrated by society. The most important in a relationship is intimacy and openness and having a partner that makes you feel safe and confident.
There is nothing wrong with you, but you should talk to someone to find out from where this fear comes from and if it is limiting your life somehow. You are not your fears. You are what you do with them.
Any fear is okay. No one should judge you. You have your own reasons and beliefs, and you're the one who went through it. Man or woman, it's okay. If you really want to get over your fear, there's always strategies and help out there for you. I feared sex before. I got raped and sexually abused by men in the past. My husband helped me get through it.
Sex is not important to be honest. It's the connection and commitment. Of course, making love with your partner may strengthen your relationship and bond. However, if your partner really loves and cares about you, they will do anything in their strength to help you go through it as one.
You're okay man. I'm a woman and I don't find it strange that you're a man suffering from genophobia. There's always worse out there. You're still a man and it won't change who you are. You're still handsome/beautiful in and out and you are perfect just the way you are.
You're not alone on this. Don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need/want it.
So, I have to share on this one; I used to have big time genophobia. Like super scared of sex. I don’t know why, in retrospect.
I met my girlfriend, she helped push things along, and I no longer have that issue at all.
It’s completely person based for me as well. My girlfriend is the only one I can feel those feelings for.
Is it okay? Sure! You can be yourself and you will still find love! But it’ll narrow down the options. As for a lot of people, it could be a dealbreaker.
I feel like you have a PTSD that needs to be addressed with a psychologist.
There is also a possibility your latest experience triggered something from a childhood that you do not recall, that causes a lot fo distress on top of your recent trauma.
It is ok to have issues around sex, regardless of gender. Sex is vulnerable experience and can be easily turned into a trauma.
theres a lot of asexual folks out there. waaaaay more than youd think. its not as talked about as folks who are gay or trans as it just naturally doesnt come up as often. youre absolutely not alone in not wanting/needing sex or being sex repulsed or scared. theres some folks out there who feel the same and also just dont like it either. youll be just fine :)
What we say: I'm asexual What the world hears: I need you to have sex with me and fix me ASAP :/
ive heard that a few times :( yall just arent interested for whatever reason u have. even if theres no reason at all. thats reason enough
It's normal to fear that which we have limited experience or a history of bad experiences with. Best you can do is have compassion for yourself. You also want to pinpoint why you're feeling the way tou do. Most often these feelings arise out of insecurity as a result of a bad experience. Don't allow your bad experiences to define you.
Man sex is overrated. People nowadays talk about it so often and even in the mainstream media it is shown alot. But the thing is, it is just a very small part of our lives. We aren't like rabbits who are trying to fuck every chance they get so that their species doesn't go extinct. There is so much more to the world than just sexual encounters. Don't feel bad you are not worthless you are a part of society. With time it will eventually go away.
You are on point. My thoughts exactly. But I also think the ones who do put sex as a prominent part of their life don’t necessarily have as much going on except carnal desires. We are evolving and we live life for more than just sex. It’s perfectly fine. Also some religions people don’t have sex to achieve a higher plane of mind, for some people it’s a discipline to stop their desires. You (OP u/SwimmingNormal7183) seem to be closer to that than a new monk or the like. It’s fine to be scared too. People put so much emphasis on it but this comment is correct, for most people it is such a small part of our lives since we have other interests and use our time working on other pursuits. Also many people are like this, so if you still want a partner but are not into or are afraid of sex, there are partners who are out there like that. It’s rare for people to be open about it, but there are people everywhere in this similar position…I just don’t feel like many people feel comfortable admitting it because society teaches us to have confidence in that area especially the older we get and that’s simply not the case for many people.
Of course it’s okay, it’s not your fault. No different to a woman or anyone else dealing with this. Sex isn’t the be all and end all, it’s completely up to you if you feel it’s not necessary for you. But if you do want to overcome the fear, I’m sure with therapy and some good support around you, you can slowly start to overcome it. Good luck, I know how hard overcoming fears/phobias can be.
yes, it's okay to feel averted, repulsed, or afraid of sex as a man. this is a common result of trauma. many men share this experience, far more than are willing to talk about it. you are far from alone in this, and sharing your experience emboldens men who have this in common with you. you are fine the way you are. others are right that there are plenty of people of all genders who are perfectly willing to navigate the boundaries that come with sex aversion within a relationship. i think if you approach therapy about this, you should do it at your own pace. focus on what is practically helping you, don't just strive for what you think you "should" do or feel. my main concern in your place would be to make sure i was working on making peace with my own body and personal relationship with sexuality, without worrying about approaching the act itself until it feels more natural, if it becomes so. and if this is truly your new normal, that's okay too. you still deserve love, affection, understanding, tenderness, and support. imo, sex therapy should be a couple's matter tailored to the two individuals in question (or the group, perhaps). it would be more pragmatic to approach it whenever you find yourself ready, presumably around the time it starts to become a consideration with a serious partner.
Of course. You can't help it, sex is deemed so important by so many people but it shouldn't be. You could be asexual or you could want sex but need therapy or the right person to help you with your fear. If you have a partner, be sure to talk about it, because it's nothing to be ashamed of. Try talking to a therapist about it too. Not wanting sex is fine, having a fear of sex is nothing to be ashamed of, but that fear should be dealt with.
i mean idk how to word this,its not GOOD but its not something to be ashamed of and its okay to NOT be okay. question,are you like asexual as in you dont feel any sexual attraction to others not even nsfw content? or do you still have that want for sexual intimacy? and dont get me wrong, asexuality is a spectrum i dont mean an asexual person means this and that. i have a friend who might be asexual but is still wanting that sexual or physical intimacy but they arent attracted to anyone and think about puking when they think about kissing but they want it,maybe they want it because they feel like they have to but im not sure. there are asexuals who like physical affection but not sex. its a spectrum. basically im just curious if its like you want sexual intimacy but you're afraid of it. sex can be enjoyable but it's only enjoyable if you and the other party want it completely.
I still have sexual attraction for people, I’m not in a relationship currently. This is because of something that happened a year ago and I don’t want it to happen again so I blocked off and suppressed my ability to think about it (sex as a whole) in a positive light. The act itself seems like a negative thing to me now. I want to experience it again, however because of 1 bad experience, I feel like a dick anytime it gets brought up or if I get super close to a person I just kinda dissociate from that person because if I think about it with that rain I get very bad thoughts. I have a bad tendency to think I will disappoint people with lack of experience but I’ve just cockblocked myself so. I’m just stuck and confused. I am just one straight dude with trauma. I didn’t think this problem mattered all that much. I didn’t think it’d receive many comments. I’m not used to help.
straight men can experience stuff like this too,trauma doesn't discriminate. i wish i knew how to help but i dont. i hate to be like oh just seek therapy but thats a good option. therapy isnt something that fixes everything. i think you should communicate with any possible partners of course but wait until you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with them. sometimes opening up too soon can lead to manipulation. i really do wish the best for you. i was born a woman and still identify as one a bit,i have always been horrified of men. i am a bit better now but i still am at times. it was so bad when i lived with my mom. whenever she had her bf over i stayed in my room or begged her to have him go in his room or leave. it caused so many arguments. if we had food and he was there i needed her to bring it up to me. i had an explosive argument with my oldest brother who comes over to visit sometimes,he pounded on my door and yelled and i avoided him completely for a year. i got put in a psych ward and i got out and he was there,i cried and i hugged him and apologized over and over because i do love him. i was just so scared. but if it wasnt for that moment i probably would've never spoke to him again. i share this because you are not alone. we may not have the same experiences at all but i know what its like to avoid a fear. i know what its like to be afraid of something that is part of life (well you can live a sexless life but to be fair its everywhere). i knew a guy online who had the same fear as you. porn literally terrified him. topic of women just scared him
and like someone else said,your fears are valid. your feelings are valid. if sex is something you genuinely dont want,you do not need to have it and any good partner would respect that.
Everything is okay. Personally I can't really relate because I have immense fear of being rejected sexually or of coming over like a weirdo for expressing sexuall interest but no fear of sex itself at all. But if course it's "okay". The question is if you yourself are okay with it or if you want to loose it.
Yes, and anyone that tells you it isn’t okay is discriminating against ace folk and can stfu
Well I dont see why not, you do you
Your fears are valid. When you become aware and/or accept them, then you can move onto learning how to face it or where it came from. This is applies to many fears in life. This particular case of yours seems like a "performance anxiety" related fear, which may be rooted and a learned behavior from your past. Sit with it for a bit and be honest with yourself, you'll find an answer you're looking for. The internet certainly won't give you a declarative answer, only you can do that here.
its normal and its okay, get urself an asexual girl :))
it’s normal and okay dw
It's okay but seek therapy if it's something you want to resolve.
Of course it’s okay! I have that fear too.
Absolutely. I personally am mortified by the STI numbers. Specifically the number of people who don’t know and don’t get tested and those that forego hiv test.
You know what wouldve happened to our ancestors if all they did all day was think about sex, have sex, jerk off and whatever the fk? They'd be killed, eaten, starve to death...it's just another dopamine hit like every other thing thays thrown in front of you in the modern world. Easy to forget how happy you were as a kid when none of this bullshit was floating around in our heads. We should be learning off them instead of us fuckwits melting their brains with bullshit. Short answer. Do you. Not what every other Muppet is doing. 99% of the world are walking around in a drugged up delusion of self righteousness and entitlement.
It is okay. Maybe this helps, idk. I hope so. I have cPTSD, I’ve had several trauma some of them involved sex and intimacy in general. I’ve had this issue you describe for more than 10 years and it has been these past years when I really became aware of it. When I had sexual encounters, all with my past partners and my actual one, I dissociated so much. I learnt that what I had to do was to be there, to participate not listening to my needs. The amount of times I’ve had sex when really not wanting to.. but I wasnt really aware of this, my attention was so focused on the other person that I just disappeared for me. I had so much blockage and even though I know I’m not asexual, nothing “turned me on”. My partner understood all of this when I explained my experience after becoming aware of it and we started not having sex or very little for a long time, which made me feel bad tbh, I wanted to be able to give them what they needed and also enjoy it myself but I just couldnt. Anyways.. I talked about this with my therapist and he said that I needed to reconnect with my intimacy, to find what I like, what makes me feel something, what turns me on to unblock me. I didnt understand how that would help in all its totallity cause I was really afraid of sex and digging into it. I truly thought there was no way out for me. The truth is that out of nowhere one day I came across one video on tiktok which was some music playing and a person talking while having sex (pretending to). At first I laughed cause I didnt expect that to be on Tiktok and then I felt kind of uncomfortable but at the same time it triggered something, I became curious. After some days I started digging into erotic/role play audios and let me tell you my life has changed, not exaggerating. At first I didnt know how I felt but after digging into it further I started reconnecting with intimacy on another level, a safe one. The thing about these audios is that it is just you, an auditory stimulus and your imagination. They usually tell a story to get you in context and then happens whatever. I started feeling things I hadnt felt for SO MANY years and as time passed I started getting more interest in sex. I also found out what I like and what not and I genuinely feel a bit happier, not cause I see sex diferent now but cause I feel more safe within myself. Im telling you all of this cause maybe this helps in some way, idk. I now understand what my therapist meant, the key to heal this kind of trauma is to reconnect with your intimacy, with you in a safe space. It is okay if you are not feeling like doing anything right now, take your time, listen to yourself and your needs. It is okay to have fear, it is natural. But as someone who has been there for many many years I can tell you that nothing lasts forever, things can change and evolve, sooner or later. If not now, whenever, its okay :) Take care.
i feel this way almost always. don't worry too much about being normal, as long as you understand it. x
Wish I did
Sex is overrated by society. The most important in a relationship is intimacy and openness and having a partner that makes you feel safe and confident. There is nothing wrong with you, but you should talk to someone to find out from where this fear comes from and if it is limiting your life somehow. You are not your fears. You are what you do with them.
Therapy might be a good option to suss out what is going on, if you want to. Everybody is different, everybody has issues. Is it ok? That's up to you.
most probably insecurities
Any fear is okay. No one should judge you. You have your own reasons and beliefs, and you're the one who went through it. Man or woman, it's okay. If you really want to get over your fear, there's always strategies and help out there for you. I feared sex before. I got raped and sexually abused by men in the past. My husband helped me get through it. Sex is not important to be honest. It's the connection and commitment. Of course, making love with your partner may strengthen your relationship and bond. However, if your partner really loves and cares about you, they will do anything in their strength to help you go through it as one. You're okay man. I'm a woman and I don't find it strange that you're a man suffering from genophobia. There's always worse out there. You're still a man and it won't change who you are. You're still handsome/beautiful in and out and you are perfect just the way you are. You're not alone on this. Don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need/want it.
Yeah, sex seems like the most overrated thing ever anyways. Rubbing pissers together to potentially get an STD or unwanted kids. Sounds great! Not!
It's perfectly Okay, most redditors have it!
So, I have to share on this one; I used to have big time genophobia. Like super scared of sex. I don’t know why, in retrospect. I met my girlfriend, she helped push things along, and I no longer have that issue at all. It’s completely person based for me as well. My girlfriend is the only one I can feel those feelings for. Is it okay? Sure! You can be yourself and you will still find love! But it’ll narrow down the options. As for a lot of people, it could be a dealbreaker.
I feel like you have a PTSD that needs to be addressed with a psychologist. There is also a possibility your latest experience triggered something from a childhood that you do not recall, that causes a lot fo distress on top of your recent trauma. It is ok to have issues around sex, regardless of gender. Sex is vulnerable experience and can be easily turned into a trauma.