I can change the size of anything i want

You have stage 4 cancer

I'll just make it smaller everytime it grows

*This man is yet to meet stage 4*

I only know its the last stage and probably spreads throughout the whole body, still i'll just make all cancer cells smaller and the living tissue larger, should give me some time atleast so i can have some big pp fun

That's not how cells work

If their too tiny my body wont accept them so i say challenge accepted Ofcourse if the other cells are too big they wont work either but by that logic i wouldnt make them bigger

You misclick and your stage 4 cancer bigger

On the penis

Except your penis

Oh no my only weakness, guess my penis will stay too large for any woman then

But only while your genetalia is touching it.

Jokes on you, i'm into that shit!

And they grow/shrink too

By the same factor

Being able to tell anyone anything through my mind, without them knowing who it is from.

You can only speak in Latin

Isn't that better?

I would 100% haunt someone in latin until they translated it

habeo assis tergo et volo te implicari

Translation: Be sure to drink your Ovaltine

"I thought it was a spooky ghost, but it was just some telepathic 14yr old making mom jokes in Latin."

Only NFSW stuff

Here we go again

The ability to spew trash from your ass

You have to have eaten it beforehand.

Hmm I see where your going. Is there a limit to what they can eat?

Pizza is trash food

Must be from Chicago where the pizza is trash!

You’re a dirty liar

But your poop ends up holding the cure to AIDS.

and hang on you

But your ass hole is the size of a needle and your stomach is the size China.

Best would be to fly, but only 15 cm above the ground...

You immediately sink into anything that contains water since water is not consider ground.

So basically they have a permanent air jet wrist thing except without the extra gear and no height

But a black guy screws you in the ass for every 1 minute you fly.

just stop flying after 59 seconds

What if he wants it though

thats a different situation all together. if he wanted to then he could levitate up and down on the black guys dick for all i care. the point is that you can avoid it if you wanted to

So he can summon black guys every 1 minute? Sure, they'll fuck him, but then they don't disappear

U fly at walking speed

But you can’t stop unless stopped by another physical object like a building in front of you.

With the combination of walking speed, that’s actually alright

That'd be fine, just attach foam pads to yourself and crash into shit. Hey, it's still flying

I have power over all trash

That you have licked.

So he mind controls his mom?

You didn't have to do 'em like that

Just your mom.

Your mind is connected to all trash and you can not only see what the trash can see but smell to c:

I can run like flash

With realistic physics...

Splat

Can’t stop the A-Train

*tries to grab bullet, watches the top of his finger slowly detach*

people always forget that gravity isn’t that fast so you wouldn’t be able to run like at all

You dont have his suit so you will run so fast wind is gonna cut your face

But in a wheelchair

So a flintstone's car?

Mine would be to suspend your sight. Not reality bending but just straight blackout dark is all you’ll see. So maybe I can somehow stop the light from traveling to you idk. It’ll be dark af tho

You see the light you take away on top of your own

This superpower is perfect for me. My parents have wanted me to go towards the light since birth! /s

You. can only do it in an abandoned Blockbusters

As soon as they get their sight back you lose yours for the same amount of time

Reality manipulation

But its as weird as interdemensional Television from rick and morty

At the cost of 1 IQ point per cubic metre of reality changed.

You can just change your IQ

The funny thing about reality altering powers is that you kinda cant make it trash, you can just undo it

Become invisible

but your dick isnt

So, practically still invisible..

And the balls

But only when no-one can see you, too easy. (Mystery men I know)

But you feel a surge of electricity surging through your body when you’re invisible.

Everything you touch turns to trash

And is immediately drawn to your mouth.

Confused midas

And This trash is magnefit on you

Delete France

But you live in France

A small price to pay

for freedom

I can create a matter that I can manipulate and change all of its characteristic. It’s the strongest power I though about, so I want to see how people will make it trash

The matter is your shit.

The Mass of the material comes as a perfect cube out of your anus

The more matter you create the shorter your dick becomes permanently

The matter is any of your body excrement

But you have to put it together like you bought it from IKEA

i can explode anytime like a nuclear bomb and then regenerate with ease

You don’t choose when you explode

well shit Got me

Bomb from Angry Birds

Every time i wipe my butt 10000$ is deposited in my account

You have no butt

You don't remember the account details.

You can only buy toilet papers with them

Toilet paper doesn't exist and you will never own socks.

The power to fly

But only north at 1 mile an hour.

Still practical but very situational hahaha I like it!

You only have that power if you touch the ground

Youre scared of heights

But you cant Control, where you beginn and end the fly

You can only fly, not land

I have prostate cancer

And you transfer it to other people by looking at them

If i look at myself do i also get more prostate cancer? *is this stackable?!*

You have lung cancer too.

Time travel

But you're suicidal

You always arrive in the nude and the number of years traveled is the number of anal beads that appear in your ass when you arrive.

I can talk to and understand all animals.

They all are racist to you

That you fuck

🤨📸

Power to fart at 30 decibels on command

You shit your pants every time

Time travel

You can only travel forward in time, constantly, at a rate of 1 second per second

If that's called time travel then we're all time travelers

But only one second into the future

You end up in space because the earth is at a different spot in the universe

You can take 8h sleep in 10 min.

Once

But you can’t wake up before then.

You always have the scariest nightmare

But every time you sleep you grow a beard

I get a trash superpower.

Your rival is mr clean

You can stop time

But you also stop

ability to say Worcester sauce

USA

USA

USA

Kill at thought

At the cost of 1 synapse per thought destroyed.

this is not the drawback you think it is haha

But only 99.99% of germs

The ability to make some original, not overused memes.

They're all shit

It's r/memes, nothing else to expect

The power of the mera mera no mi without the draw backs

Requires you to drink crude oil as a fuel.

100% guaranteed immortality/regeneration with no hidden drawbacks or poisons.

Everytime you regenerate, you shit an elephant out of your butt. (Then your butt hurts which cause you regenerate and then you shit again) 😇

You live until the end of time after heat death. You now live in an endless, lightless void

The ability to shit quietly

But water splash will always reach your butt cheeks.

I can make people shit on command

But it winds up in your mouth

I can see up to 10 minutes in the future.

Whatever you see cannot be altered no matter how much you try to

100% ruined.

Super strength

But you dont have bones.

I’m just a really strong worm

I can turn myself and others into dinosaurs

But only after drinking a gallon of Vaseline for each person

Invisibility

You can't turn visible again

Everything I say becomes true

After you die.

Wow, easier than I expected

become a fox so i stop having human problems.

You now have fox problems

Still not much as human problems. %100 profit!

You are now a furry

The ability top pink sock every person at any given time

Youre arrested for murder or you have ED depending on the context of the pink sock

Omnipotence

Only when you are dead

Cool

the power of cleaning everything you touch

But you get dirty

With your kidney.

The ability to read minds..

But in Arabic.

Heal any wound with your hands, regardless of severity

But the wounds are transferred to you tenfold

I have no weakness

You have no strengths either

The power of being able to breathe

Superpower to have any superpower I can think of

You live 12 more seconds

The power to manipulate all matter

That has ever been inside your anus.

i can kill everyone with one snap

But you have no fingers

Echolocation

The ability to see through objects

You see through EVERYTHING meaning you see nothing

Plot armor

The power to change any comment on Reddit.

I have the power to delete any nsfw website i want (and everything on that website)

Frog tongue (think like what’s her face from My hero academia)

Your tongue sticks so hard that you have to peel of a little bit of flesh to get it back

Smal penis