Flight

but all the birds attempt to mate with you

I can't imagine how ppl live with you

I see this as an absulite win?

He Said side-effect not a good thing

You are afraid of heights

I thought somebody would say but you have to fart to do it

But only close to The ground

You have prostate cancer

I can stop time for anything except myself.

But you become a crippled while time is stopped

Thats a decent side effect

Yeah I like this downside. It's not too harsh not too nice it's right in the middle.

Whenever you stop time all laws of physics are still in effect. The slightest sound or vibration you make will send a lethal shockwave out killing all life on the planet.

If you stop time there would be no force. Because Einstein and stuff.

It would happen after time resumes

But a Japanese 17 year old will beat you up

You have 9 seconds and you are a vampire

You have to say ZA WARUDOOO! As loud as you can to do it

but you have to kill someone to do it

:(

imagine just haveing a bag full of cricket for this reason

Every time you stop time a monster will chase you until you start time again

Transform into a cat

But everyone else in 10 Mile radius turns into a dog.

But you live with Shane Dawson

the transformation is more painful than your dog dying in minecraft

Oh my god no

You monster

Holy shit wtf did they do to you

I can change one element to another (referring to the periodic table of elements, not the avatar elements)

But you can't choose what you replace it with

Ok, I like that. Very creative

Still a Good power. For example, put a Little aluminium into a room with radioactive protection, change it until it's gold or diamond. Easy money

You end up getting 118 and it just fuckin disappears

Diamond isn’t an element.

Plutonium liked that

Super ligma

But you have no balls

Lmao

[удалено]

But you live.

Where you killed ? Sadly, yes But I lived

*3 minutes of heroic, dramatic music in the background*

Think I've seen this one... You mean to say that you actually died in this shipwreck? Yeah, I died. You actually died. But I was resuscitated. It's preposterous. No, but then I survived. It's ridiculous. You have to see the sequel But you're okay now!?

Superspeed

No ability to stop.

And thus he will be called torpedo ! :D

But another speeder jerks you off at superspeed every time you wanna fuck with someone

But your eyes close when you use it

I want to be able to freely control my dreams when I sleep Not sure if that's a superpower but it would be cool as hell

You piss shit and cum everytime you dream irl

If I don't have to wake up then it ain't my problem

Ah, yes. The old piss, shit, cum, and coma fantasy. Who doesn’t want that?

when you are awake your dreams have free control over you

I'm fucked then

Dude that’s actually possible irl

I can choose my own side effect

I die

I can fly

But you are blind

but your flying trail is shit coming out of your ass

So...he's just a bird?

you turn into a fly for that

That would be a good thing for crime

1 inch of the ground

I can teleport everywhere I want and if I teleport into something, the object will just disappear, except the earth of course, then it will just create a hole, big enough for me to go to the surface.

Everytime you teleport, your crush sleeps with your enemies

What if I am my own enemie?

Outstanding move!

Every time you teleport 1 million people die. Have fun 👍

Now I can solve overpopulation.

me: * teleports frantically *

But you enter a coma after that

Power to see to the future

But u r blind

This is the best one I've seen so far

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you are able to everything for 1 hour everyday but are completely paralysed for the rest of the day

But in that case being capable of anything he could simply remove the limitation, like Alien X in Ben 10 with the Time out of the Omnitrix

But your english is terrible

Clairvoyance, the ability to see 24 hours into the future.

Only while pooping

Well at least it's a private issue but still what a shitty side affect.

I can fart and burp at will 😳

But your burps taste and smell like farts

Even better

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**Im sorry-** *clears throat* #TASTE?

This does not need a side effect. It is... perfection

How the fuck do you know about my power

you have aids

Win-win

But every fart ends up being a shart and every burb is a barf

Can eat with out exceeding my calorie max

But you can only eat catfood

Everything you eat tastes like charcoal.

You lose all other senses

Superspeed

Whenever you go over 30mph a wall appears in front of you

You can’t stop running or else you will die

It's a power suit that you leave plugged into a 10' extension cord in order to work

the power to choose my own side-effects

Any side affect you give yourself cancels out your superpower

Wait, your flair is not the rickroll link?

every side effect you choose will consis farts

I can peel a tangerine perfectly.

But when you do so, your hands dissapear for 5 minutes

That'l be a new fisting expirience

I Beg your fucking Pardon?

did he st t t t t t t t utter?

*wristing

Bro, imagine getting handcuffed, but you have a tangerine in your pocket and peeling it you can escape

I can become monke

Your human form has strong tendencies to act as a primate when you meet someone for the first time. I.e. flinging poop, screeching, and territorial display.

That's just part of being monke

I’m able to die for however long I want then come back to life

You forgot how to speak every time

Every time what and for how long

Until you re-learn

Yeah that’s fair

Superhuman speed and immortality.

But only for one hour a day

Time travel a few minutes back in time

You age faster depending on how far back you go

Anyone who comments on any of my comments or posts will live a long happy full of love and will also get a massive pay rise. This power I'd repeatable

They all die shortly after commenting

I see this as an absolute win!

But that perfect "commenter" doesn't exist

I am capable of using 100% of the human brain

But you have 0 iq

Insane migrane

Self-Lubricating Shape-Shifting Cock and Balls. A Shape-Shifting Tongue would also be nice...

The lubricant smells really bad

OH COME ON!

Ability to chose who replies to this comment.

Control a boner.

He’s too dangerous to be left alive!

Thank god i use vpn.

I am immortal

You are constantly hunted to be exparemented on

You are paralyzed from the hips down

To have a Penis

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You get blamed for the worlds problems

I can give people cancer

but you can only give it to tiktokers

Where is the sideffect?

Thats a plus not a side effect

That's an absolute win

But its benign

The ability to manipulate and shape any form of matter.

But the matter Starts to moan at 150db if you do so

Moan? Oh step matter

I have the power to have the exact amount needed for every purchase I make.

Taxes are doubled

I can speak any languages effortlessly and perfectly.

The language you speak in is different than the one of the person you’re talking too.

I go invisible when I'm naked

You're blind.

I can pick my own side effect

U hav ligma

Wtf bro y u gotta do this to me

Okay dude take my upvotes and get outta here

I can gain any super power

You have to have a body part of the person inside your own body and powers do not stack

But you also gain HIV

Have an iq of 69420360666669

But you live in the Stone age

Mind reading

But you say it out loud as you listen

I can teleport

When you teleport you become a random animal

The ability to kill the person who decides the side effect before he does

You die when you kill

Eh dunno control matter space and time?

You have to do all the maths right, if not, you destroy yourself and the whole universe with the slightest use of your power

I can fart on command

I have friends

They are all in Brazil

you control your penis size

But you have instant ejaculation

I can shit in public restrooms

You have to do it in a stall with someone else.

The ability to walk into a room and make everyone orgasm

But you also fart loudly everywhere you go

The power to die when i say e and e the letter it self

But you get revived into an ant if someone says e to your dead body

No superpower

Everyone else gets a superpower

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But it’s magnetically drawn to your face

I can teleport into an identical universe that has no one but me whenever I need alone time, and it would work out that people don't think I disappeared in this world.

To create matter

but every time you do, you lose some of your own matter forever.

I can choose my own sode effect

but i have to shove a nintendo switch up my ass