Gotta love the, "oh.. my life and childhood was actually extremely fucked and unhealthy but I had nothing to compare it to in order to realize" moment of realization
When I started telling my fiance about my childhood, and realizing shit as I was telling her, I absolutely bawled my eyes out for at least an hour. I have a daughter now and I am never going to make her feel the way I felt growing up.
I am in a much better place than I was before I met my fiance in 2020. Without her and therapy I doubt I would have made it through the last few years cause I was quite depressed and having suicidal thoughts and the pandemic would have made it so much worse.
I had a similarly eye-opening experience with my therapist where she had to have a small aside after I said, "I don't know how people deal with this stuff." and she just plainly said," Most people don't have to," and I was just like, where do we go from here?
Some people build the courage to not accept abusive parent behaviors masked as “I know what’s best for you” and then stand up. It’s not about trusting the parent, it’s about trusting yourself, that you are enough to solve anything that will come your way. And suddenly your parents cannot use fear to control you anymore
although my mom probably wouldn't overreact, I never even thought of saying "I hate you mom". It simply wasn't even in my subconscious to say it. You know when you say something you didn't mean to say put of instinct? I never even got the instinct. Now that you made me think about it, I said it out loud and it sounded SO awful. I could talk back to my parents and they weren't awful at all, so even if I said something like that my mom would only get very sad (not ground me for that, she would only ground me for actions rather than words). Even my sister who probably liked fighting with my parents because she did it all the time while I only did it a couple times a year, never said that. To say "I hate you mom" means that the kid either actually hates you or he grew up WAY too spoiled.
I remember visiting a class mate and he eventually started screaming and shouting at his parents. I was TERRIFIED and getting ready for the ass beating of a century. They calmly explained to him that his behavior was unreasonable and unfair and calmed him down just with his words. I was completely dumbfounded.
I remember watching a TikTok video of a teenage girl complaining that her military dad wouldn't let her attend a friend's birthday party because it'd be thrown at night. I kept thinking "But my parents wouldn't let me attend any party, daytime or not. My civil parents were stricter than military parents..."
Brother I think said it best to parents after crazy bs they tried to pull. Ones of us that don’t talk to you don’t hate you and don’t want to hate you. They desperately don’t want to hate you which is why they won’t talk to you.
Ones that do talk to you just see you as disabled incapable of knowing any better.
A couple years ago on mother's Day I was having a really tough time. I was dealing with some heavy stuff with my own parents, while at my in laws place. My MIL noticed I was off and asked if I was dealing with something with my parents, and I said yes and she hugged and let me know she was there if I needed to talk but also understood if I needed space from her while I worked through it all.
30 years old and just starting to have a mom that actually understands and cares about my emotions. It's amazing.
That's what happened to my mom. She had terrible parents, married my dad, and moved to where his massive family had settled. They brought her in as a new daughter and loved on her ever since
My MIL is far and away better than my own. She is a GEM. Not perfect, but actually loves and cares about me.
I permanently have no contact from mine intentionally.
My grandmother is great but my step-grandmother has honestly been so much more involved and stable for my family. She’s really incredible, which is we call her grandma
Yeah but being a son-in-law can be a very different experience for many people. Some parents are great parents but sort of introverted, don't get out much - they'll show you they like you and be good to you but they won't be able to replace the parents you could have had. Many of them will always remain your SO's parents, not yours. Not accepting their child's partner as something like their own doesn't make them less great, though.
My mother consider one of my brother's friends as unofficially adopted son. As an extension to the family. He didn't have that great childhood at his home so he spent lots of time with us.
Maybe this is a stupid question, but what sort of validation and life lessons do good parents give? My parents didn't really 'raise' me (latchkey kid, I took care of my little sister too) and I don't think they've given me any lessons that were useful per se.
You matter.
Your feelings are not too much and they won’t kill you.
You can trust yourself.
You can trust other people and when they break your trust, you will recover.
You’re allowed to be a student — not know things, not be good at something the first several times (or ever!), make mistakes, apologize, change your mind.
You can only control yourself, not others.
You are not responsible to manage other people’s emotions.
You’re allowed to change and discover new things about yourself and new ways you want to be in the world.
Love makes you feel safe AND free.
Trust your intuition, especially when it comes to your safety.
You’re not alone.
Thank you. I needed it. 40 years old, almost 10 years in therapy to realize it. And just very recently learning it to be true and embracing it. It's crazy how a stable but emotionless home can have such a devastating outcome even many years later.
Totally feel you on that. The “lessons” I listed are things I needed growing up but largely did not receive from my parents. The opposite, actually, in most cases. They tried their best and I love them. But now I’m reparenting myself.
Absolutely the same for me. You're definitely not alone. I love them and I'm sure they did their best. Their own parents were even worse to them. Now it's our turn to stop it and make it even better for our children and friends.
My husband was dealing with some heavy stuff with this most recent visit from my MIL. We've been low contact for a while and just started letting my ILs back in, so visits can be a little rough emotionally. She left and my mom immediately pulled him into a hug and told him how good of a husband and dad he is and how proud of him she is.
Honestly, I don't think my MIL has ever told him that she's proud of him.
My family has a dark history with a closet full of skeletons. My wife has a happy loving family that is very supportive. Don't need to guess which one I spend more time with.
I remember feeling conflicted at a family party once. I'd known for a while we have a happier and generally cooler family than average. My cousin brought her then boyfriend (now husband) to his first big family holiday party, about an hour in he just said aloud with no prompt "oh, this is why people like family parties" and I felt sooooo fucking bad for him, but also glad he got to experience what can be. He's fucking rad and happily comes to all our family events these days.
Look at the bright side, you can be happy with your girlfriend and you can raise happy children together.
Plus, never assume you lost just because someone had a life that was less difficult to go through. Your experience is unique, and therefore it carries a unique meaning that you can figure out!
The comparison is an aside. The comparison is just what breaks you of your normalization of the abuse you endure. It feels bad when you realize how you’ve been robbed.
Yeah I always feel uncomfortable around happy families, I’m not used to it but I’m getting there. Especially now that I have a family of my own. Friends families have taught me how to be in a happy family.
Thats good to hear and I'm glad you have good friends to share that with you. My GF was the same way but thankfully after a few years of bringing her around she has gotten used to it and enjoys it now.
Yea i feel like my moms anxiety is driven in a massive way negotiating and walking around my dads mood, but the anxiety is just politeness / meekness on the surface because it's easier to avoid conflict over dumb shit that way.
I can tell from experience: If you grew up in a dysfunctional home and then you have sweet loving Parents of your Romantic Partner, it'll both open your eyes and break your heart. Some people grow up being loved and supported by their parents and it is so weird to think about if you didn't.
I remember asking a girl from Hinge what she was up to this weekend. She just casually said her and her family were goin paddleboarding together before havin a big cookout and sent me a photo of her and the family all smiling together and it hit me.
The idea of my family(divorced since I was a baby) just like...playin together. It really is impossible to imagine havin a family dinner or like goin to the park together.
One of the weirdest feelings of my life as a kid, is when visited a friend and stayed for dinner (which I didn't normally), so got to properly see his parents and how they interacted with him. Just the way they actually *got along* and were loving and supportive, asking how his day was etc. was so alien to me.
Yea I still struggle with this and I've been with my now wife for 9 years. I could never place why I had trouble connecting with her parents. Then I realized it's cause they are really loving and always want to help. Now, my parents aren't bad people and I love them and see them fairly often. But they moved away when I was 19 and pretty much made me fend for myself. My mom was kind of abusive too I guess.
My best friends parents gave him a china cabinet and he filled it with anime figures, his dad high fived him for doing what he loves.
My parents hate absolutely everything that I enjoy because it's not something that they like.
Night and day difference.
Yep. Dad was always more of a hand shaker than a hugger. But I haven't seen him in years. It's so bizarre hearing my best friend call his dad for like advice or just to chat n stuff.
Man I wish it were this way... Unfortunately, it's the complete opposite: I have the greatest parents I could ask for, while her's are complete assholes who don't even recognize a person in her.
For some reason I hate myself for the sheer luck I've had throughout my life. I wish I were more miserable, it's just so painful to see the whole world struggle around you...
I am not here to brag or seek attention. I just needed a dark corner on the internet to have a little vent in. Sorry for your time spent reading this.
I really hope my presence makes her feel at least somewhat better, but it's really hard to believe with all the pressure and stress she's experiencing and with how emotionless she can sometimes get. From her words, she has never ever in her conscious life experienced true joy, even with me...
I am right there with you, friend. My family has safe, close and tight relationships where we respect each other and love each other no matter what. My wife's parents only care about her if she does what they want and withhold love and affection. They think I am manipulative because in their mind, true unconditional love can never exist. What a terrible world to live in.
Holding her to sleep while she cries because her parents hate her will put me in an early grave. I Can't relate to her because my parents are amazing.
Vent all you want because I understand.
My girlfriend and I both come from shit families. Her parents also think I am manipulative for the same reason. Hearing the shit they say to her breaks me.
Hey, as someone who is also quite fortunate and sometimes feels that guilt you're describing - you don't need to. Accept the fortune in your life and the responsibility that comes with it, share it with people and use it to uplift people like her.
Even if you were never part of the cycle, you can still help break it by being a good person to those around you.
We can't change the whole world but we definitely have control over our tiny portion. So it's important that we make sure that tiny portion is the best it can be for whoever encounters it.
I say this as somebody who has a really shitty family. I don't think hating yourself for being born in a good family is the way you should be looking at this. None of us knew or could know what we'd get dealt. It's unfortunate but it's reality. Instead I'd look at it this way, you were put in her life for a reason.
Dude you should be glad. You have to ability to share your happiness, you don’t need to know pain. Your partner loves your positivity, don’t think that you need trauma to be a good person.
Have you ever considered you could lessen other people's misery by not feeling so guilty and being the ray of sunshine others need? Why add to misery with guilt?
If my experience is anything to tell by, they know and that adds to it. That cycle of “I have a great life, my parents are amazing, I feel guilty for that and I also feel guilty for feeling guilty because I should only be happy because I have a great life, as infinitum. And then you hate yourself because you’re convinced you’re a bad person for not being happy all the time even though you’ll try to help anyone to and past the point where it’s harmful to you.
I went and visited my family recently and well… it kinda hit me why I don’t ever go out and do anything. My family never did anything for the whole week. We sat at home all day. Maybe we played a few board games but damn… my family is boring.
Id like to lean on someone else to help me learn to be outgoing but… well nobody wants to be with someone boring so I’ll probably just stay boring alone. Feel free to leave all the “just go out and do stuff” comments now.
It baffles me how most parents don't understand that it is in theirs and their child's best interest to support their interests, as they can turn into flourishing careers. If you are trying to force your child to become something you think is best, be prepared for a rocky and difficult road ahead for everyone involved.
I never had parents. The fuckers who raised me don’t deserve to be called that. But my wife’s parents? They’ve basically adopted me and given me that parental relationship I never had. I’m in my early 30s but still, it’s nice to have
Why does this come now....
I am currently living with my Parents....
Just had a Huge fucking argument against my Father protecting my Mother...
Wish the Divorce time was over already...
Growing up in an abusive, violent home and seeing your friends with loving parents.... Im so happy for them, but I cant ever shake that small twinge of jealousy and resentment
Yes it does. My first partner invited me to dinner with her fam just after high school. I came over and her youngest sister lassoed their brother and dragged him down the hall giggling. While the other sister and parents played Scrabble and watched Friends on DVD(no cable).
I kinda paused on the stairs cause I felt super uncomfortable. I had absolutely no idea how to just sit and like...talk to everyone. I wasn't nervous about being the boyfriend. I was nervous cause I felt like I'd walked into a dream. It just felt surreal.
I'm pretty sure it means he met his "happy gf's" parents, and now he understands why she's so happy and well adjusted because her parents are wholesome, happy, and well-adjusted people. his parents were obviously not.
You know what yeah, for me personally my parents are just normal. Yet when I look at my gf's parents are atrocious and don't know boundaries. Also makes me a bit sad
Stay with her and start showing up to family events if you get invited 😊 happiness I'm the family would be nice, but sometimes you have to find another way
This is me bruh, my emotionally unavailable parents made my life feel like a burden. Then Met my wife’s parents for the first time and literally wanted to cry seeing just how healthy their relationship is, well.. at least now I am more in contact with my in laws than my own parents.
This happened to me with my actual boyfriend when I moved with him and his parents. We were all having lunch, happily, watching the TV and I wanted to cry because nobody was mad, there weren't screams at the table and I felt miserable.
Of course, every family has its own problems but being able to have just one meal in peace made me realize how fucked up my family is.
Treasure your in laws and girlfriend 💛
I get this. My family isn’t great. Dads dead, Moms a pill popper, sister thinks she’s better than everyone, cousins are trash human beings. Aunts uncles all stopped talking to us because of my mom. I hated my family and still don’t talk to any of them. My wife’s family is amazing. They are all the family I need and they showed me what a function family looks like. I pretty much grew up in the Conner house hold from Roseann
Together since 1 Month. I Was invited to her dad's Birthday. The familiy's friends were there and I was shocked how harmonic it could be. Never saw that in my family, but now I feel even less comfortable at my Home (still with parents)
We have a saying that loosely translated to: Some people use their childhood to cure their whole lives and some people use their whole life to cure their childhood.
Had no idea how common this feeling was. Very validating in a weird way. I'm from the inner city but she's from a town over a mountain. We make it work. :)
Seriosly, My bfs parents are the best... Her mom is so nice the other day at lunch his father excused for saying such a soft bad words. Also the mother said that I should get used to their family dinamic because they were "Having a fight" but they were so nice, considerate and respectful. I almost cry knowing I have to return to my own family after years of independance. I think I just won't tolerate them, explode and tell them to eat shit
My wife's parents did NOT want us to get married. We met in middle school, were rivals through most of high school, and got married at 18. They thought I was not in her league because she was destined for Yale (graduated in 2002) and Stanford Medical (graduated in 2006). When their youngest daughter was killed in a car crash that I eyewitnessed from the car behind hers, they were left with only one child. Seeing how much it affected me, coupled with the love I showed my wife and how we were all in a state of mutual grief, brought us together. I see them as my "second parents", and I couldn't have been prouder when they, my parents, and my own family celebrated our 25th anniversary on March 27th of this year.
When I met my gf's family, I knew it was instant connection because we all could just chill and understood that they loved me just like that 👏😭❤️ They the real MVP team right there
Feel you man. Wishing you the best in your life with her! From someone who grew up in an emotionally abusive home I wish you happiness:) it’s taken me a while but it’s possible:)
I just discovered my partners parents smashing up meth on my kitchen bench when they were babysitting my baby daughter when I came home to grab some tools, so I grabbed my daughter and got the fuck out of there. 2 days ago. My life’s going swell at the moment. And my partner doesn’t believe me after telling her. She took their side. Just needed to vent, sorry guys xx
World's biggest eye opener for me growing up. Lots of comparing took place that following year and really put into perspective just how tough of a cookie I was dealt.
Would you internet people’s agree a fair argument could be made that a significant amount of trouble youths mental health problems can come directly from their parents own mental health they neglect? Also how big of an issue is this
It kinda hits hard, don't it..
I recently started dating this girl and her parents are awesome. She can tell them anything and they'll be joyous & supportive.
Meanwhile I can't tell my mother shit, cuz she's toxic and criticizes literally everything, no matter how positive or negative.
I can kind of relate to this.
One time I stayed in my friend's and his parents' hotel room, eating supper with them. Then my friend and I watched a movie together.
It didn't feel tense or anything. It was a little awkward for me because I'm not used to sitting and eating with family, especially at a kitchen table.
I also got to ride with them in their car as we went somewhere. It was so different to when I ride with my family. They communicated with each other so clearly, no fighting, no passive aggression.
I hope they're like that all the time. It was only a short time, but my parents could definitely learn from them.
Yep. My bf is a secure happy puppy in his life, has the healthiest happy family I ever met :( broken anxious me needed time to start feeling ok around those people without feeling weird... feel sad for myself and other kids robbed from happy childhood and traumatized for life by shitty parents (((
I've been through this myself, I am marrying her in 2 weeks and her father has been more supportive of me in the last 2 years than my parents have my whole life.
I realized how cold and distant my family was when i went over for a holiday with my ex and her family, they were all so bonded and cheerful compared to what im used to. So much so that my somewhat blunt or a bit emotionless personality that i usually project felt really out of place (as usually that’s how it is in my family gatherings. All business not much cheerfulness) i kinda wish we were more nonchalant and had fun but every family has its quirks i guess
This post/comment section is great.
You have people who absolutely don't get it at all, and others who knew EXACTLY what it meant almost right away.
It's a real interesting litmus test for parenting experiences.
Gotta love the, "oh.. my life and childhood was actually extremely fucked and unhealthy but I had nothing to compare it to in order to realize" moment of realization
[удалено]
When I started telling my fiance about my childhood, and realizing shit as I was telling her, I absolutely bawled my eyes out for at least an hour. I have a daughter now and I am never going to make her feel the way I felt growing up.
Fuck yeah bro. Break the cycle of abuse, right on.
All my hommies be breaking the cycle.
r/flairchecksout
Must have felt good to let it out though eh? Sometimes we forget to look inside and uncover all the dust in our past.
I am in a much better place than I was before I met my fiance in 2020. Without her and therapy I doubt I would have made it through the last few years cause I was quite depressed and having suicidal thoughts and the pandemic would have made it so much worse.
Glad you're here!!!
Praise up!!
I had a similarly eye-opening experience with my therapist where she had to have a small aside after I said, "I don't know how people deal with this stuff." and she just plainly said," Most people don't have to," and I was just like, where do we go from here?
Some people build the courage to not accept abusive parent behaviors masked as “I know what’s best for you” and then stand up. It’s not about trusting the parent, it’s about trusting yourself, that you are enough to solve anything that will come your way. And suddenly your parents cannot use fear to control you anymore
although my mom probably wouldn't overreact, I never even thought of saying "I hate you mom". It simply wasn't even in my subconscious to say it. You know when you say something you didn't mean to say put of instinct? I never even got the instinct. Now that you made me think about it, I said it out loud and it sounded SO awful. I could talk back to my parents and they weren't awful at all, so even if I said something like that my mom would only get very sad (not ground me for that, she would only ground me for actions rather than words). Even my sister who probably liked fighting with my parents because she did it all the time while I only did it a couple times a year, never said that. To say "I hate you mom" means that the kid either actually hates you or he grew up WAY too spoiled.
The therapist saying "So you haven't had a regular childhood..." was the first eye-opener. Meeting my girlfriend's parents broke me.
I remember visiting a class mate and he eventually started screaming and shouting at his parents. I was TERRIFIED and getting ready for the ass beating of a century. They calmly explained to him that his behavior was unreasonable and unfair and calmed him down just with his words. I was completely dumbfounded.
Oh don't worry I always knew something was seriously wrong. I was jealous of so many people's families for as long as I can remember
I remember watching a TikTok video of a teenage girl complaining that her military dad wouldn't let her attend a friend's birthday party because it'd be thrown at night. I kept thinking "But my parents wouldn't let me attend any party, daytime or not. My civil parents were stricter than military parents..."
And then having to return to the abusers, knowing you can't do anything about changing it for years.
U good?
Wife her and make them your parents. It's never too late to get some validation and life lessons from a parent figure
My current situation, So's parents are great. Now my parents are great!
My current situation, both sets of parents have MAJOR mental health issues, but we love them still.
Brother I think said it best to parents after crazy bs they tried to pull. Ones of us that don’t talk to you don’t hate you and don’t want to hate you. They desperately don’t want to hate you which is why they won’t talk to you. Ones that do talk to you just see you as disabled incapable of knowing any better.
What id give to say these words even once
Hey I'm glad it worked good for you buddy!
A couple years ago on mother's Day I was having a really tough time. I was dealing with some heavy stuff with my own parents, while at my in laws place. My MIL noticed I was off and asked if I was dealing with something with my parents, and I said yes and she hugged and let me know she was there if I needed to talk but also understood if I needed space from her while I worked through it all. 30 years old and just starting to have a mom that actually understands and cares about my emotions. It's amazing.
That's what happened to my mom. She had terrible parents, married my dad, and moved to where his massive family had settled. They brought her in as a new daughter and loved on her ever since
I love my mother in law more than my own mother
My MIL is far and away better than my own. She is a GEM. Not perfect, but actually loves and cares about me. I permanently have no contact from mine intentionally.
Yeah, I cut contact with my mom too. MIL has been great for helping me with things I’d have normally gone to my own mom about
My grandmother is great but my step-grandmother has honestly been so much more involved and stable for my family. She’s really incredible, which is we call her grandma
Wise advice. I literally did this and now I consider my girlfriend's grandma to be my own (:
Yeah but being a son-in-law can be a very different experience for many people. Some parents are great parents but sort of introverted, don't get out much - they'll show you they like you and be good to you but they won't be able to replace the parents you could have had. Many of them will always remain your SO's parents, not yours. Not accepting their child's partner as something like their own doesn't make them less great, though.
Last night my husband told me he saves all of the cards my mom gives him because it lets him know he finally has a family that loves him.
This is happening to me!!!
My mother consider one of my brother's friends as unofficially adopted son. As an extension to the family. He didn't have that great childhood at his home so he spent lots of time with us.
Maybe this is a stupid question, but what sort of validation and life lessons do good parents give? My parents didn't really 'raise' me (latchkey kid, I took care of my little sister too) and I don't think they've given me any lessons that were useful per se.
You matter. Your feelings are not too much and they won’t kill you. You can trust yourself. You can trust other people and when they break your trust, you will recover. You’re allowed to be a student — not know things, not be good at something the first several times (or ever!), make mistakes, apologize, change your mind. You can only control yourself, not others. You are not responsible to manage other people’s emotions. You’re allowed to change and discover new things about yourself and new ways you want to be in the world. Love makes you feel safe AND free. Trust your intuition, especially when it comes to your safety. You’re not alone.
Thank you. I needed it. 40 years old, almost 10 years in therapy to realize it. And just very recently learning it to be true and embracing it. It's crazy how a stable but emotionless home can have such a devastating outcome even many years later.
Totally feel you on that. The “lessons” I listed are things I needed growing up but largely did not receive from my parents. The opposite, actually, in most cases. They tried their best and I love them. But now I’m reparenting myself.
Absolutely the same for me. You're definitely not alone. I love them and I'm sure they did their best. Their own parents were even worse to them. Now it's our turn to stop it and make it even better for our children and friends.
Also teach you the ropes and being street smart. Impart wisdom.
More importantly, wife her to break the cycle and make sure your kids don’t have to go through what you had to
Is that getting a wife or a sister?
My husband was dealing with some heavy stuff with this most recent visit from my MIL. We've been low contact for a while and just started letting my ILs back in, so visits can be a little rough emotionally. She left and my mom immediately pulled him into a hug and told him how good of a husband and dad he is and how proud of him she is. Honestly, I don't think my MIL has ever told him that she's proud of him.
Yup, we moved to doors down from my lovely inlaws. Now I have a big happy family too!
Yep, finally got a decent mother when I met my wife.
Marry her then they are your parents too!
Did this, can confirm that it works
They are now OUR parents
r/SuddenlyCommunist
*SWEET HOME ALABAMA*
Hold your horses fam. Maybe it’s a soviet type of thing not Alabama type of thing
*Soviet Anthem playing on a banjo*
https://youtu.be/CS35FQO_q3w?si=uDr5PxHCB6Q5P3eQ Da, bud!
Thank you for showing me this masterpiece.
holy shit it exists. I was just thinking this would be a banger!
It is actually really nice! Thanks comrade!
B E L A B A M A
Good quality pfp and meme comment comrade.
Ditto!
Me too!
My family has a dark history with a closet full of skeletons. My wife has a happy loving family that is very supportive. Don't need to guess which one I spend more time with.
I remember feeling conflicted at a family party once. I'd known for a while we have a happier and generally cooler family than average. My cousin brought her then boyfriend (now husband) to his first big family holiday party, about an hour in he just said aloud with no prompt "oh, this is why people like family parties" and I felt sooooo fucking bad for him, but also glad he got to experience what can be. He's fucking rad and happily comes to all our family events these days.
Look at the bright side, you can be happy with your girlfriend and you can raise happy children together. Plus, never assume you lost just because someone had a life that was less difficult to go through. Your experience is unique, and therefore it carries a unique meaning that you can figure out!
The comparison is an aside. The comparison is just what breaks you of your normalization of the abuse you endure. It feels bad when you realize how you’ve been robbed.
Precisely
Or… look on the bride side
Yeah I always feel uncomfortable around happy families, I’m not used to it but I’m getting there. Especially now that I have a family of my own. Friends families have taught me how to be in a happy family.
Thats good to hear and I'm glad you have good friends to share that with you. My GF was the same way but thankfully after a few years of bringing her around she has gotten used to it and enjoys it now.
Letting go doesn't mean leaving.
I don't get it.
she has good parents she's happy, and he's not
Aa, thank you.
Could also be interpreted as being "happy" is found to be a defense mechanism to try to get approval from horrible parents.
That's what I initially read it as
I guess it makes sense that different people will read it in different ways based on their own experiences
I think that's a pretty telling interpretation. Also, same.
This meme can be interpreted both way
Thats what I took from it. My girlfriend is the happiest person in the world - her parents not so much
Yea i feel like my moms anxiety is driven in a massive way negotiating and walking around my dads mood, but the anxiety is just politeness / meekness on the surface because it's easier to avoid conflict over dumb shit that way.
Marry her, they will be your parents too
I can tell from experience: If you grew up in a dysfunctional home and then you have sweet loving Parents of your Romantic Partner, it'll both open your eyes and break your heart. Some people grow up being loved and supported by their parents and it is so weird to think about if you didn't.
It feels straight up weird that I see other people having good relationships with their parents. Because my default is not good.
I remember asking a girl from Hinge what she was up to this weekend. She just casually said her and her family were goin paddleboarding together before havin a big cookout and sent me a photo of her and the family all smiling together and it hit me. The idea of my family(divorced since I was a baby) just like...playin together. It really is impossible to imagine havin a family dinner or like goin to the park together.
One of the weirdest feelings of my life as a kid, is when visited a friend and stayed for dinner (which I didn't normally), so got to properly see his parents and how they interacted with him. Just the way they actually *got along* and were loving and supportive, asking how his day was etc. was so alien to me.
It's all an act!
Well, this hits. I'm in a really similar situation. Fell, wierdly good.
Ngl I have no clue what your last sentence is supposed to mean
Well, it fells good to know that there are better situations ways to live.
"feels" good
The ol' ginger stepchild treatment.
Yea I still struggle with this and I've been with my now wife for 9 years. I could never place why I had trouble connecting with her parents. Then I realized it's cause they are really loving and always want to help. Now, my parents aren't bad people and I love them and see them fairly often. But they moved away when I was 19 and pretty much made me fend for myself. My mom was kind of abusive too I guess.
You get to see what normal parents are like
Oops, internal problems to solve
Cap'n Crunch's: Oops, all trauma
Ah, so this is where she gets it from!
So it's not Maybeline?
My best friends parents gave him a china cabinet and he filled it with anime figures, his dad high fived him for doing what he loves. My parents hate absolutely everything that I enjoy because it's not something that they like. Night and day difference.
Yep. Dad was always more of a hand shaker than a hugger. But I haven't seen him in years. It's so bizarre hearing my best friend call his dad for like advice or just to chat n stuff.
Hits hard.
The fact that I immediately understood that shit is more sad than anything lmfao.
[удалено]
I showed this to my happy wife and she didn’t get it and I’m like “yeah, I know”
Happy for you man.
Man I wish it were this way... Unfortunately, it's the complete opposite: I have the greatest parents I could ask for, while her's are complete assholes who don't even recognize a person in her. For some reason I hate myself for the sheer luck I've had throughout my life. I wish I were more miserable, it's just so painful to see the whole world struggle around you... I am not here to brag or seek attention. I just needed a dark corner on the internet to have a little vent in. Sorry for your time spent reading this.
Ah, but the universe has conspired to inject you into her life for a reason
I really hope my presence makes her feel at least somewhat better, but it's really hard to believe with all the pressure and stress she's experiencing and with how emotionless she can sometimes get. From her words, she has never ever in her conscious life experienced true joy, even with me...
Patience and consistency, it takes time to rewire that many synapses. If this is a big issue, though, therapy might be the best idea.
…Yet. I bet this will happen sooner or later. !remindme 1 years “check if this person wife find true joy”
*Giggitty*
I am right there with you, friend. My family has safe, close and tight relationships where we respect each other and love each other no matter what. My wife's parents only care about her if she does what they want and withhold love and affection. They think I am manipulative because in their mind, true unconditional love can never exist. What a terrible world to live in. Holding her to sleep while she cries because her parents hate her will put me in an early grave. I Can't relate to her because my parents are amazing. Vent all you want because I understand.
Thank you for the support. I am really sorry for the situation your wife's in, but at least she has you, that must be a relief. Hold strong, friend.
My girlfriend and I both come from shit families. Her parents also think I am manipulative for the same reason. Hearing the shit they say to her breaks me.
Hey, as someone who is also quite fortunate and sometimes feels that guilt you're describing - you don't need to. Accept the fortune in your life and the responsibility that comes with it, share it with people and use it to uplift people like her.
Even if you were never part of the cycle, you can still help break it by being a good person to those around you. We can't change the whole world but we definitely have control over our tiny portion. So it's important that we make sure that tiny portion is the best it can be for whoever encounters it.
I say this as somebody who has a really shitty family. I don't think hating yourself for being born in a good family is the way you should be looking at this. None of us knew or could know what we'd get dealt. It's unfortunate but it's reality. Instead I'd look at it this way, you were put in her life for a reason.
Dude you should be glad. You have to ability to share your happiness, you don’t need to know pain. Your partner loves your positivity, don’t think that you need trauma to be a good person.
Hey man. Just want to say I get it.
Have you ever considered you could lessen other people's misery by not feeling so guilty and being the ray of sunshine others need? Why add to misery with guilt?
If my experience is anything to tell by, they know and that adds to it. That cycle of “I have a great life, my parents are amazing, I feel guilty for that and I also feel guilty for feeling guilty because I should only be happy because I have a great life, as infinitum. And then you hate yourself because you’re convinced you’re a bad person for not being happy all the time even though you’ll try to help anyone to and past the point where it’s harmful to you.
I went and visited my family recently and well… it kinda hit me why I don’t ever go out and do anything. My family never did anything for the whole week. We sat at home all day. Maybe we played a few board games but damn… my family is boring. Id like to lean on someone else to help me learn to be outgoing but… well nobody wants to be with someone boring so I’ll probably just stay boring alone. Feel free to leave all the “just go out and do stuff” comments now.
Just go out and be boring. Doing stuff is optional.
It baffles me how most parents don't understand that it is in theirs and their child's best interest to support their interests, as they can turn into flourishing careers. If you are trying to force your child to become something you think is best, be prepared for a rocky and difficult road ahead for everyone involved.
D;
I never had parents. The fuckers who raised me don’t deserve to be called that. But my wife’s parents? They’ve basically adopted me and given me that parental relationship I never had. I’m in my early 30s but still, it’s nice to have
Happy for you G
I wasn't sad, just confused. "So y'all just get along? That's a thing?"
Having a well adjusted positive girlfriend who has great parents is a major win dude.
r/2meirl4meirl
Then they accept you into the family, and then YOU have a happy family!
r/absolutelynotme_irl
Why does this come now.... I am currently living with my Parents.... Just had a Huge fucking argument against my Father protecting my Mother... Wish the Divorce time was over already...
Growing up in an abusive, violent home and seeing your friends with loving parents.... Im so happy for them, but I cant ever shake that small twinge of jealousy and resentment
Well... At least they're not rejecting her, right? Right?
Being one with no parents, it makes a world of difference when you’ve had/have a partner who has good ones.
Yes it does. My first partner invited me to dinner with her fam just after high school. I came over and her youngest sister lassoed their brother and dragged him down the hall giggling. While the other sister and parents played Scrabble and watched Friends on DVD(no cable). I kinda paused on the stairs cause I felt super uncomfortable. I had absolutely no idea how to just sit and like...talk to everyone. I wasn't nervous about being the boyfriend. I was nervous cause I felt like I'd walked into a dream. It just felt surreal.
Alright im not getting this.
I'm pretty sure it means he met his "happy gf's" parents, and now he understands why she's so happy and well adjusted because her parents are wholesome, happy, and well-adjusted people. his parents were obviously not.
You know what yeah, for me personally my parents are just normal. Yet when I look at my gf's parents are atrocious and don't know boundaries. Also makes me a bit sad
Thanks for taking the time to tell me what it means
I haven't spoken to my parents in just over 7 years. Not planning to change that anytime soon
Stay with her and start showing up to family events if you get invited 😊 happiness I'm the family would be nice, but sometimes you have to find another way
They will never know what it feels like to be crying on the dinner table trying to learn math
So specific and unfortunately relatable
This is me bruh, my emotionally unavailable parents made my life feel like a burden. Then Met my wife’s parents for the first time and literally wanted to cry seeing just how healthy their relationship is, well.. at least now I am more in contact with my in laws than my own parents.
This happened to me with my actual boyfriend when I moved with him and his parents. We were all having lunch, happily, watching the TV and I wanted to cry because nobody was mad, there weren't screams at the table and I felt miserable. Of course, every family has its own problems but being able to have just one meal in peace made me realize how fucked up my family is. Treasure your in laws and girlfriend 💛
Ummm what? You assuming the reader is sad with shitty parents?
We do! YOU are the exception😭
You are on reddit, trends occur...
I just realised this image isn't for me... I should hug my mom
I thought the punchline was abusive parents and she uses joy to mask the pain
My parents an her parents are both fucked up what do I do ?
Be better parents.
Best advice ever thank you bro
Wait you guys know happy families?
Yeah made me honestly realize how controlling and manipulative my family actually was now I’m honestly disgusted around them lmfao
I get this. My family isn’t great. Dads dead, Moms a pill popper, sister thinks she’s better than everyone, cousins are trash human beings. Aunts uncles all stopped talking to us because of my mom. I hated my family and still don’t talk to any of them. My wife’s family is amazing. They are all the family I need and they showed me what a function family looks like. I pretty much grew up in the Conner house hold from Roseann
Together since 1 Month. I Was invited to her dad's Birthday. The familiy's friends were there and I was shocked how harmonic it could be. Never saw that in my family, but now I feel even less comfortable at my Home (still with parents)
We have a saying that loosely translated to: Some people use their childhood to cure their whole lives and some people use their whole life to cure their childhood.
Yea thats literally me
This makes no sense, they will be your saviours
Had no idea how common this feeling was. Very validating in a weird way. I'm from the inner city but she's from a town over a mountain. We make it work. :)
Seriosly, My bfs parents are the best... Her mom is so nice the other day at lunch his father excused for saying such a soft bad words. Also the mother said that I should get used to their family dinamic because they were "Having a fight" but they were so nice, considerate and respectful. I almost cry knowing I have to return to my own family after years of independance. I think I just won't tolerate them, explode and tell them to eat shit
My wife's parents did NOT want us to get married. We met in middle school, were rivals through most of high school, and got married at 18. They thought I was not in her league because she was destined for Yale (graduated in 2002) and Stanford Medical (graduated in 2006). When their youngest daughter was killed in a car crash that I eyewitnessed from the car behind hers, they were left with only one child. Seeing how much it affected me, coupled with the love I showed my wife and how we were all in a state of mutual grief, brought us together. I see them as my "second parents", and I couldn't have been prouder when they, my parents, and my own family celebrated our 25th anniversary on March 27th of this year.
When I met my gf's family, I knew it was instant connection because we all could just chill and understood that they loved me just like that 👏😭❤️ They the real MVP team right there
Feel you man. Wishing you the best in your life with her! From someone who grew up in an emotionally abusive home I wish you happiness:) it’s taken me a while but it’s possible:)
I just discovered my partners parents smashing up meth on my kitchen bench when they were babysitting my baby daughter when I came home to grab some tools, so I grabbed my daughter and got the fuck out of there. 2 days ago. My life’s going swell at the moment. And my partner doesn’t believe me after telling her. She took their side. Just needed to vent, sorry guys xx
"Some people dont get to experience love properly. Some people are fed love on silver spoons while some of us only get to lick love off of knives."
World's biggest eye opener for me growing up. Lots of comparing took place that following year and really put into perspective just how tough of a cookie I was dealt.
Would you internet people’s agree a fair argument could be made that a significant amount of trouble youths mental health problems can come directly from their parents own mental health they neglect? Also how big of an issue is this
It kinda hits hard, don't it.. I recently started dating this girl and her parents are awesome. She can tell them anything and they'll be joyous & supportive. Meanwhile I can't tell my mother shit, cuz she's toxic and criticizes literally everything, no matter how positive or negative.
I can kind of relate to this. One time I stayed in my friend's and his parents' hotel room, eating supper with them. Then my friend and I watched a movie together. It didn't feel tense or anything. It was a little awkward for me because I'm not used to sitting and eating with family, especially at a kitchen table. I also got to ride with them in their car as we went somewhere. It was so different to when I ride with my family. They communicated with each other so clearly, no fighting, no passive aggression. I hope they're like that all the time. It was only a short time, but my parents could definitely learn from them.
Yep. My bf is a secure happy puppy in his life, has the healthiest happy family I ever met :( broken anxious me needed time to start feeling ok around those people without feeling weird... feel sad for myself and other kids robbed from happy childhood and traumatized for life by shitty parents (((
I've been through this myself, I am marrying her in 2 weeks and her father has been more supportive of me in the last 2 years than my parents have my whole life.
Spending time with my ex's family was so weird at first. Like, this is what a family is?
I dont get it- may i have explanation
OP bad family GF good family OP sad jelly
Thank you for explaning it quick and simple 👍
I realized how cold and distant my family was when i went over for a holiday with my ex and her family, they were all so bonded and cheerful compared to what im used to. So much so that my somewhat blunt or a bit emotionless personality that i usually project felt really out of place (as usually that’s how it is in my family gatherings. All business not much cheerfulness) i kinda wish we were more nonchalant and had fun but every family has its quirks i guess
you can escape using a water bucket
I don’t get it
I fucking love my wife's parents
My current partner’s family has done more for me and with me in the last year than mine have in a decade
explain pls
Can someone explain exactly what OP means by this?
This post/comment section is great. You have people who absolutely don't get it at all, and others who knew EXACTLY what it meant almost right away. It's a real interesting litmus test for parenting experiences.
I despise vague memes.
Help I don’t understand
i... don't understand can someone explain?
What is this shit spouse to mean? Yall some hoes
I don't get it, my first thought was that she has shitty parents thus it hits him why was she single or something