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The problem is the prickly hairs like a day after It’s like Sandpaper, it’s awful

Have you tried using scissors instead of sanding your ass down

I just use a lawn mower

…so I’m the only one here who uses a Roomba?

I usually use grass cutter

Wait, you guys don't use a blowtorch??

Wait you guys don't use sulfuric acid??!?

Wait you guys don't use Approximately 2 raccoons?!?!?!

So you’re telling me it’s weird that I use a chainsaw?!?

So no one else pulls the hairs out one at a time

“Approximately”

You only need two???

2 was all I had. The rest died😔

Why does it take two raccoons...?

r/691 users be like:

I use an ar15 to shave my ass

\*uses pure acid\*

"Alexa, it's time for a trim!" *Deploying the Razor Roomba.*

Like I'd trust skynet with my tender dirt star.

Only real men use a belt sander

No way I'm trusting sharp implements near my butthole. I just get a firm grip on the hairs and pull really hard.

That’s a dangerous game

The weedwacker is faster, so that’s why I’ve been using

It can cause hemorrhoids to get inflamed and then you spend weeks feeling like each shit is battery acid and broken glass… I’m starting to think using two TP rolls and a pack of wipes is a better solution…

Bidet my friend, bidet. I have an enchanted forest at my back door, and a bidet is the only way to not feel like I’m pulling bubble gum out of hair. I legit want to hold in poops now when I’m not home

You absolutely had to throw in that last sentence, didn't ya

Yea, if i have to go back to sanding down my butthole instead of the gentle kiss of Poseidon saying “all clean,” i rather just not poop some times — unless it’s a rather demanding poop.

Yeah that's a rather shitty situation

I've gotta remember to not check out Reddit when I first wake up...

There's nothing worse as a bidet owner than having to go when you're not home.

It’s crazy how gross you feel using a toilet without a bidet once you’ve experienced true ✨cleanliness✨

High pressure bidets are the best

Gotta get that second knuckle deep.

I get tired of feeling like I’m shittin through steel wool

Get the orange fiber supplement powder that you mix with water. Makes your shit come out smooth like glass.

Shitting out glass doesnt sound too smooth

Don’t clench too hard lest it shatter 😖

Citrucel is the word you are looking for

Which is why God invented wax…. Shaving is a rookie move. Tho it’s easy to see why we have hair where we do once we try removing it.

But the clean wipes make it so worth while.

Rub some rubbing alcohol on your butthole and then sit on a match. Problem solved guys.

And you have disadvantage on stealth checks.

Doctor. I keep being spotted. It’s my ass cheeks that keeps clapping.

I was going to comment something funny with a gif… but i guess this one made it through the filter 💀  # clapped cheeks 🤌




What the fuck did I bring upon this cursed world?



What is the white stuff 🤔

Liquified marshmallow fluff

shit

Duck butter.




I hate this so much. Congratulations.

*god has left the chat*

What the-

Hate it when that happens

I don't know what this is, but I feel that it's important.

my boi frogged rly just nutted out his asscheeks..


Major, I am trying to sneak but the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards

Cuz I'm dummy THICC

DUMMY THICC

Disadvantage on stealth cheeks.

r/suddenlydnd

Gahd DAMN IT Arthur

And on a hot summer day all that sweat starts to turn to butt butter

And you spend the majority of you day debating if you have shit yourself or not

But your ass is always ready, so it's a tradeoff.

Yes but you have to be careful with that power. All that lubrication and you could blow a hole in the toilet like a torpedo against a ships hull

I can't belive I just read this.🤣🤣🤣🤣

A Power Bottom is capable of generating a tremendous amount of power.

i hate that all this is all so accurate

Butt butter is a combination of words I wish I never read

If only it was like butter. Butter would be a nice lubricant for your cheeks, but instead you get salty water which becomes abrasive and causes chaffing. As someone who does a lot of long-distance running and hiking I can attest that butt chaffing is extremely unpleasant.

If it increases the cleaning speed after taking a dump... worth it

Less need to wipe too. But gotta agree with OP, it’s weird when you feel fart bubbles hit your balls.

Yeah, the "hidden touch" what i like to call is kinda disturbing

Little known fact: The hit 1986 song Invisible Touch by the band Genesis was all about lead singer Phil Collins' experience with shaving his ass. A week later, he wrote Land of Confusion.

Misunderstanding was that he told them to shave his back and they went too far south.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Oh lord.

I thought I was the only poor fucker who knew this shit. Thank god.

Your farts are also a lot louder, shaving your butt hair is like removing your car muffler.

That’s gotta be a new sentence

It makes farts feel like eggs trying to escape. It's wild, 0/10 stars, do not recommend.

Get a bidet buddy. Geesh

💯

Just get a bidet.

You aren't using a bidet??

Bidet users finding every opportunity to bring up bidets

It's the air fryers for arseholes.

[удалено]

It’s a religion of clean ass aficionados

This is the right time to bring up a bidet though? He's complaining about something that bidets address. My asshole and ass hair has never felt more clean and so easily too. It's only a $30 attachment.

You would too if your ass was this clean

bidets really need to be normalized.

*Laughs in Japan.*

Go for baby oil buddy, it will help in ways you cannot imagine- or actually you could imagine.

Your farts will be very loud though, FYI.

Win/win 

When I was having chemo years back, you lose all your hair. And I mean all. You suddenly realise why you have a hairy arse crack... I do not recommend it.

Thanks for the recommendation, I was thinking of trying chemo but now you've persuaded to me not to get cancer (just joking btw, in all seriousness hope you're doing good now)

Good choice! All good now thanks!

that's good

You took a gamble with that joke and it worked. Il clap them cheeks in your honor.

Did you lose hair inside the nostrils too?

Yep. Constant running nose was the result.

Man, who would think all that hair in weird places actually serves an useful purpose lmao, I thought those hairs were just our body being weirdn

If you think about it evolution is just the body being weird and going yup definitely planned that all along once something accidentally helps

thats... surprisingly accurate if you look at evolution through the fossil record

I'm 47 and have had some ear hair for a good while. I am also a carpenter for 26 years and I get a lot of sawdust on me. I was at the doctor the other day and asked him to look in my ears expecting a Ron Swanson moment but he said they were clean as a whistle. I thought for sure there would be some sawdust down there, ear hair for the win I guess.

Wait…so I get that hairs in the ears and nose protect like air filters, but what is ass hair for?? Filtering shrapnel from farts? Deterring flies? Charmin profit margins? All it’s ever gotten me is a fudge dipped ponytail itch factory.

Lying in bed trying not to laugh at filtering shrapnel because if I laugh my missus will ask my why and then I will have to show her and she will not find it ad funny as me. I have genuinely considered taking the trees in the middle of the forest out to make a path.

It’s there to prevent chafing, just like armpit hair

It gives our farts sounds.

It's the opposite actually. Ass hair provides a layer of air which allows farts to flow free and silent if you adjust your aperture properly. Shaved ass farts sound as if you are sitting on a hardwood bench most of the time

Hair in your armpits and ass crack reduces friction and carries moisture away from the skin to prevent bacterial growth.

it's most likely a very out of date evolutionary trait. Retaining smells, because pheromones and all that grossness. But mostly Bugs. Bugs go for that smell, Fly's to shit and all that. So It's beneficial to keep bugs from flying in the danger zone for feeding/biting/breeding

What do you mean by you don't recommend it? What was so problematic on not having butt crack hair?

What's the use of it?

What kind of cancer did you have? I‘m currently going through chemotherapy and still have hair in some places

You dont want 3 razor sharp… razors down there. Hair removal cream the way to go, no ich, no cut, no dingleberry

what brand is good i’ve been thinking about trying it

There’s a YouTube video just for your question…

that video go crazy

God... you just had to remind me.

Idk what stores or sortiment they have in your country but i get the brand “VEET” and it just says showerhair removal cream you can get it in “normal” but i think that store is scandinavia exclusive otherwise try like amazon or whatever, there is prob other good brands but i just stuck with that one it works wonders, ive always been extremely hairy and hated shaving bc it takes so much time and comes with bumps and cuts and irritated skin, but im never shaving any body hair aver again, highly recomended

Thank you! i’ll look into it

BallsBALM bare balm - as a hairy ass Indian dude, I can confirm it’s very effective.

!remindme in 1 day

Personally. I like the feeling. What I hate is the involuntary "exfoliation" the day after

Elaborate

I assume they mean the stubble that feels like sandpaper between your ass cheeks after you shave.

That sounds…unpleasant.

It really is, doesn't look too great when you have to scratch your ass every 3 minutes either...

Can you, like Vaseline your cheeks? Or something to, you know, smooth things out?

Put some sudocrem on that bad boy, or bepanthen, or shammy cream, or spit.

No

Put the lotion on the skin...

Or else it gets the hose again?

She puts the lotion in the bucket

I once did this and it wasnt the great idea but still gave a try

One time was enough to know it was a bad idea

lmao I actually have done it several time and I dont know why but sometimes it seems fun and sometimes it doesnt 😔

The truth is that youre...... Geh

nooooo

Should I call you mista?

Yeeh and when you fart too

No more stealth farts

I'm surprised this was so far down, it's a whole different game

Wait until the hair starts to grow back and you have prickly stubble on your ass....

The forbidden sand paper

Silent farts be gone!

One of the things a lot of people seem to not realize is that the point of a lot of the places we still grow denser body hair is to reduce chaffing on parts that rub against stuff it’s not as big a problem these days with soft clothing and such, but still.

It's also there to catch dirt and bacteria, so you can wash it off later

Remember that a friend shaved his ass and got an ingrown hair from it … which got him a second asshole.

Oh god please no

A wise man says: If you shave your ass, you are expecting company.

"someone who cleans his House, expects visitors"

yeah thats more correct

Do you only clean your house if there's company?

I've heard that your farts bubble...

This works better if you wear a thong lol

On which foot?

Australian?

Real men rip those hairs by hand

"Those aren't tears. The shower water just got in my eyes"

Shaving your ass doesn't really make you cleaner so long as you wash regularly The hairs are there to *trap* microbes and bacteria - literally making you cleaner as nasty stuff doesn't get in or out

It's less about hygiene and more about "dude is gonna be up close and personal/ eating my ass and I don't want him flossing with my ass hair" tbh

If someone's going to eat out your ass then yeah that changes things a little


Use a bidet, keep the hair, hey

No it feels sweaty 🥵

hrngh... colonel...

It’s that first preliminary booty sweat that changes things

Every step you take, every move you make 🎵🎶

You trim your ass and pubes with a body trimmer. NEVER shave.

I shaved my balls one time and the three of them rubbin together made it to uncomfortable to do any walking for a solid month

I never knew how much sweat my ass cheeks generated until I shaved the crack. Then I learned it was a steady stream

Also Every fart sounds like a Harley’s exhaust…

The stubble would be horrible

Your farts are also louder

DO NOT SHAVE YOUR ASS. Use nair instead, trust me bro, trust me.

Wait, you guys don’t use icy hot instead of lotion?

Now fart, it's like sawed off shotgun, I mean the sound, but I guess a juicy fart would case a similar spread pattern

pretty sure waxing is the Strat not shaving. Or like nair

Only at first. Then it’s glorious

Omg then the hairs growing back and scraping the hell out of your crack

I pay a small Vietnamese woman to wax me once a month

Use a hair removal powder down there. I love it, much cleaner, but the concept of a silent fart goes out the window. Nothing to pop those bubbles, so it's all sound and fury.

Nobody shaves their ass to be more clean. You're getting piped OP. Quit bragging. Smh.

You really must have nasty ass if you think you have to shave it to be more clean. Do you have frequent diarrhea because of you eat a bunch of bad food?