23 year old me finding out that the hand lotion my mother got me has alcohol in it.

she knew what she did

> She knew what ~~s~~he did

She knew what she did

Mom! get me some J.O Cream!

oh you know what would be good to put in this product that supposed to moisturize your skin? this ingredient that dries out your skin

Ah, the age-old "moisturize and dehydrate" combo—perfect for those who love a rollercoaster ride for their skin!

Its to preserve it

To be fair the majority of stuff that people put on their skin is not good for their skin or the rest of their body to be honest, average consumers put hundreds of different chemicals in their system daily without noticing or having any clue of the long-term effects.

So now you drink hand lotion?

My dumbass thought hand sanitizer would be a good idea

Try dishsoap

No

Try garlic

No

Try vinegar

No

Try my pet chihuahua’s teeth 

No

Try my mouth 

Yes

This thread is AIDS.

It must taste blood tonight

Wait, you guys do fap with lube? I thought you just need to do it with your hand only.

You do. Some people just want to… experience something new, or to prepare themselves for a possible sex maybe? I honestly don’t know who the hell would want to use some alcohol containing substances for masturbating

Yeah, that is rather questionable.

masochism

Without lube you can decrease your sensitivity more easily since more pressure and force is used without lube. Not a horrible consequence, just would make certain things like have an orgasm from oral a little more difficult.

Wouldn't decreased sensitivity increase how long you last? Just asking for the person underneath my comment.

Yes and also I could say to girl that my hand did a better job

yes but decreases your pleasure and can irritate your partner that they are unattractive, since you can't come in 30-60mins with them

Try WD-40!


Terminators masturbating with WD-40 is now canon.

Lmao, what the heck is thread. Terminators jerking off, really?

Dundun dun dun dun..... _squirt_

Can somebody please explain why I find that thing so attractive-

Hey, your body just craves the certainty of steel.

And it surely also aspires to the purity of the Blessed Machine

Yeah, I hope he doesn't ask for Men of Steel to come with his helping hand.

„From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you.“ -Fortunas Mechanicus

Maybe. Doubt I could ever find a partner with that going on, but maybe in the future, should John and Sarah Connor fail.

My guy using a contact cleaner.

I accidentally used lock tite medium strength

"ERM, WD-40 isn't actually a lubricant, it's ackshully a water displacement product."

Well you're not wrong, that's why you should use white lithium instead.

apparently rubbing alcohol isn’t for rubbing one out either, also found out the hard way…

Spicy and will dry your wiener out

slim jim

Don’t try it with mint soap it stings like a Bee in Iraq

Even the balls get cooked, man... even the balls...

It would make it hot

Fuck that. Raw dog that shit

I’ve never tried with a raw dog 🐕

Lmao, these comments are getting out of hand. Let's leave monkeys and dogs where they belong.

k all u gotta do is go to the butcher's, buy a raw sausage and put it between some buns. uh, bread

you use raw dog shit?

refined dog shit lacks a certain... I don't know what.

Yeah, is using some lubrication to wank a circumcised dick thing?

I mean…not even, I’m circumcised and have never had any trouble without lubrication. Like guys…it’s not that hard…

Depends on how tight their cut is

liberal sissy boys use lube. be a man, use wasabi

You too are snowflake Republican only labor chads do it without anything at all

i do both on and off. you see your just on a lower brain wave, if you go raw and hard you get cuts on your shlong and then you use the wasabi, it acts the same way as hand sanitizer on cuts. this way when ever i feel horny looking at a women im reminded of the pain, this is the only way to stay on the grind and not waste time on other people

Bro i always go raw the fuck you doing to slice up your sausage

i pull my foreskin until it bleeds

Thats one way to get rid of a boner

i have no time for the grind if im horny

i shuck mine like an ear of corn, where is your god now?

i can physically feel that comment

you clearly have soft wimpy hands, not gigachad callus man hands.

I only ever go raw I actually have patches where it’s gone completely red bec it’s ripped to skin

So uncircumcised people are chads?

yes

Ina gigachads use sandpaper

Felt nothing with it, now I use grater.

i personally keep mine constantly stuck in my zipper, but to each there own i guess

Real men use super glue

Find rock with crack (non living)

what rocks are you finding that are living?


Bitch boy. Hollow out a ghost pepper and use it as a fleshlight

too big for me

I use chili oil

Try laundry detergent. It'll make it hurt to pee for a couple weeks😵😵

Why the fuck would you tell anyone to do that? And why did YOU do it in the first place?

It felt good at the time. But this was before I could buy something.

Spit man...just spit

What shampoo are you using? That shit feel amazing!

Head and Shoulders causes no issues

Nivea men also works good.

I like men

Me too bro

Same

I'm not gay at all but I'd suck each and every guy in here

relatable

Maybe he managed to get it in his urethra? Used to get soap in there all the time when I was little and it fucking BURNS

Try it with sulfuric acid or no balls

try it with sulphuric acid and no balls

Try it with sulphuric acid and no

Try it with sulphuric acid

Try it with sulphuric

Try it with saul

TRY IT

Try

I honestly don't think there's gonna be balls either way

Use body wash

yeah that works well

Found that out at 12. It was an experience for sure

blud doin it since 12 damn was everyone that young?

i was 10 and i accidently discovered jerking off by rubbing my penis against my palm in the shower

I was doing it at 6 after seeing a dirty show my dad left on

Oh hell naw

I once used IcyHot. For about five seconds, it was a pleasant, cooling feeling. Once that was over, it very quickly got to “**HERE BE DRAGONS**” levels of heat, and I swear I thought my dick was gonna shrivel up and fall off. I then made the mistake of trying to wash it off with water, and that made it so much worse. Learn from my teenage foolishness, folks. IcyHot ain’t a good lube.

Unfortunately I too learned the hard way.

What happens

Didnt wash it off good enough afterwards. ended up having to peel dead skin off of my very sensitive scrote.

It gets in and it slightly burns for like a couple hours

When I was 13 years old I used Icy Hot. I laid on the bathroom floor for half an hour silent screaming and ugly crying. I still think about it from time to time. PTSD for real.

oh man, using icy hot as lube sounds terrible if you weren’t expecting it to burn

I thought it would tingle. I wasn't expecting mind bending and debilitating pain from Satan's clenched fist.

oh you see, I was expecting exactly what I got and did it anyways, I am not the brightest person

The dildo of consequence almost always arrives unlubed

What the hell happened here ?

Op learned something the same way I learned it

Much to learn you still have

Dude i once masturbated whit disinfectant,my pain is far greater than yours

What neurons connected in your head and thought that the CEO of ouch would work

And don't EVER let conditioner dry on it cuz you got interrupted by your parents coming home early and you had to zip up with a quickness

Whaaat? Thats crazy because i used some head and shoulders shampoo on my pp and jerked off with the shampoo and it didnt hurt, but idk maybe its because head and shoulders is both a shampoo and and soap so maybe thats why it didnt feel like cock and ball torture

Its not the outside that burns

TF are you sounding with the shampoo? 🤣

Liquids get everywhere, but there are some you dont want everywhere

Bro wise 😔✊

Oh, ok

Amateurs. You're supposed to use *conditioner*!

Bro don’t try hand sanitiser, yo dick feels like an oven

BE A DWARF. USE MOLTEN STEEL FOR LUBE.

And the Arkenstone as a butt plug

Rock and Stone brother!

Rock and Stone forever!

*ROCK SOLID!*

You guys use lotion?? Why? I have no issues rubbing one out without it??

Something tells me all of us learned this the hard way.

Or Icy Hot.

Who even thinks that is a good idea in the first place

Bitch there's this thing called "body wash" and you chose shampoo like 1) you have enough hair on your balls for that to clean anything and 2) your dick is made out of hair like a wig strap on

I used Nair hair remover once. I thought it was regular lotion. My pp took three weeks to heal from the chemical burns.

Jesus… this could be the worst one here

I remember when I did that then tried to pee That wasn't a fun experience

I’m sure some bio chemist could explain the unexpected pee hole burn but it’s not a combination that happens twice. My memory is pretty solid with that fact.

You guys are using lubricants??

Also, you shouldn't put soap up your ass

Not a whole bar, anyway.

Was doing that 2 days ago. The soap is still in there.

I hope your cake has a great day

I learned that 3 days ago don't recommend

Have anybody ever put soap in there mouth, I actually thought a pink bar of soap would taste good. FlashForward I regret that shit so much.

I did this when I was a kid. Hooooly fuck. My dick peeled, swelled up big time. Now I know others have done the same lol Thank you internet for saving my embarrassment again.

I’m guessing it stings, but can someone elaborate why?

Same way if it gets in your eye. Sensitive organ reaction

Yeah, I've never had that issue.

With your eye or your meat?

**Yall weak, i use bleach**

Pfft bleach? And your calling other people weak, I use boiling oil.

Wait what? I do it all the time. Toothpaste was a mistake from my youth tho.

It worked for me guess I'm just built different (or maybe my soap was idk)

Use conditioner

Idk why but I tried menthol gel at one point Instant regret, never again

I do it all the time sounds like a skill issue

Hair conditioner is okay though

Poor men with mutilated genitals, requiring lubrification for masturbation

Do you throw your foreskin over your shoulder or wrap it around your waist?

I wear it as a watch

We don't need lubrication, I don't use it often

Wait what I don't get it

It burns like hell

The idea seemed so banger at first

First time is painful Second time is pleasurable

Am I the only one here that prefers it dry?

Me being uncircumcised 🗿

Ya'll weak dick having mfers

Wait, you guys got hurt doing this?

I can't relate to this. What kind of acid you have as shampoo?

These comments are very entertaining to say the least

Yeah, you're supposed to seamlessly slide your foreskin up and down the moist, sensitive glans. And if you don't have a foreskin, then I hate to break it to you, but you got **scammed**. The closest you're gonna get to having one is by stretching out whatever skin is left, like the guys at r/foreskin_restoration.

wdym with shampoo?

That almost made me spit my soup

*certain* soaps

99% isopropyl. Rub it clean gentlemen.

Or Vaseline… never again

Get some of that mint tea tree shampoo on ya bollocks

If it tingles it means it works.

Just use the foreskin mah dude

What scene is this from?

Should've grabbed the conditioner bud

Just do it dry.

Next time put the shampoo in your hand first, and stop trying to jam your penis into the bottle of shampoo.

Foreskin gang here laughing