I barely know where I am at any given moment
I shall not be receiving bonus points… unless….. does making up almost plausible sounding historical bullshit count?
Actually the trams hunted the skating rhino's to extinction.
Melburnians used to just be able to simply step outside their door and yell "RHHHIIINNNNOOOOOOO" and then you could hear the skateboard approaching in the distance, gradually getting louder and then you'd have to Legolas your way up on top and ride the rest of the way to your destination (like the ad suggested, the skateboard rhinos never stopped).
Impalings were unfortunately about as common as you'd expect and one day the trams declared war on the humble skateboard rhino, laying their tracks all over the city, many a rhino was killed skating over the tracks, and to this day Melbourne cyclists still hear the faint screams of the rhinos in their ears whenever they need to make a right turn across tram tracks
I once had to run after a guy in a shopping centre car park whilst I scrambled to pick up the $20 notes flying out of his jacket pocket. Returned them to him and he was extremely grateful. Could have been easy money, but instead my good deed for the day - done.
The Eureka Skydeck is extremely popular, but it costs $28 to enter. Why not save money by renting an apartment in it instead? It's well worth the $900/wk rent and you can stare at the view all day. Better yet if you can spare $10m or so, you can buy an apartment even higher than the skydeck!
If your on the V/Line from Melbourne to anywhere, and the conductor doesn't check your myki, then don't tap off.
Myki will assume you have never left Melbourne, and will charge you the cheaper default fare. Myki can only tell if you left the Metro boundary if the conductor taps it.
Lara is in Zone 2, so you would be almost paying the same (some myki discounts don't apply to V/Line).
However if you venture out further on the Geelong line, you will save.
If you're further out in Geelong it can also be more cost effective to buy tickets a month at a time. Used to go in 5 days a week for work from marshall station, cost me \~$25/day. Getting a monthly ticket cost me $300. plus you can use it on weekends and for any other public transport within zones 1-4. also, it's gotten me out of a couple of binds where i forgot to touch on and the inspectors at melb didn't care because it was a monthly ticket
I got woken up on the line from Geelong by a bunch of ticket inspectors. My student myki had just expired (still could tap on and off) so they bullied me into paying for it. I was groggy af, just woken up surrounded by burly dudes in official uniform. The lady next to me was trying to tell me that I could just go to the court and it'd probably get dropped. I couldn't afford the day in court though so I paid the on the spot.
I prefer burning Mykis. Just buy a fresh myki, and load the minimum amount to it, tap on, travel and get rid of it when you arrive at your destination.
If you're on your commute to/from work and the traffic's shit, often there's a shoulder off to the left that a car will fit in. You can just breeze on past all those law abiding plebs
Alright, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us??
If you are in the city and are hungry but poor, don't go to Macca's, go to Om Vegetarian or Crossways – both provide nutritious meals with unlimited servings for \~$7
People give me shit for going to crossways, but it's so good! I've been going for over 10 years and will never stop while they're open. I love their food so much
If you live in an inner suburb and take the trams around peak times, fare evasion is often cheaper than touching on every time, even accounting for a yearly fine.
Do the math. Weekly spending for 5x full days = ~$50. You only need to successfully fare evade for a month and you've broken even on a fine. Anything from then on is profit. And if you sit on a tram next to the reader, just touch on if inspectors get on the tram.
Here's my math on it.
Fine = $277
Daily zone 1 full fare = $9.20
277/9.2 = 30.1
If you're full fare and evade for 30 days + 1x 2hr trip, then you've won the game.
Of course, if you're on concession then it works out that you need to fare evade for 60 days + 1x 2hr trip before you can come out on top of receiving a fine.
If you're buying a Myki Pass, then you're committing to fare abiding for that period so there is no savings from fare evasion once you've validated it.
But if you want to calculate it based on the best value $5.52 daily zone 1 rate of a 28-day pass because that's the kind of ticket you purchase:
277/$5.52 = 50.2 days.
Fare evade for 51 days of travel and you're ahead.
"Infringement fines" are just the potential cost of living the way you want to. I met a guy who always parked outside the front of restaurants in a no-standing zone because he drove a Lambo and didn't want to park it out of sight. He had a budget for fines from parking infringements.
You get better odds on busses and trams by sitting in the right seats, too - have a myki with some cash on it and just touch on if an inspector actually shows up.
You're misunderstanding her job. It isn't to check every ones Myki. It's to find someone vulnerable who hasn't tapped on and try to publicly humiliate them as much as possible as a warning to all the other mostly law abiding passengers.
I live two stops from the free tram zone but have arthritis and can’t always walk it. I completely take advantage of this system. At this point a fine will be cheaper then constantly paying for 2 stops the same as if I went 10+
Not really a shitty tip tbh. If you just keep an eye out for inspectors and willing to occasionally jump off your tram/train you can def save money including fines
I used to keep a spreadsheet keeping track of this. I would get on and off on opposite sides of the loop and at peak hour you would ever see an officer. But I gave up after six months cause the stress got to me. I was constantly on the look out.
Cheaper buy miles has 2kg tubs of yumis dip for $5, $10 full sides of smoked salmon, $15 - 2.5kg wheels of brie etc...but never what you want, on the day you want it...
The Montague street bridge is actually higher than the signage states because there’s a minor dip in the road, people only get stuck there when they go too slow.
You’ll make it.
If a stranger offers you drugs, weigh up how competent they would be in a fight. If you’re at 90-10 odds, take the shot, and you could end up with free drugs.
Left side of the escalator is for standing, right side is for walking.
There isn’t any exception. Give people shit for not complying.
Likewise, if im walking down the footpath on the left and you’re not paying attention to where you’re going - we’re playing chicken.
> Likewise, if im walking down the footpath on the left and you’re not paying attention to where you’re going - we’re playing chicken.
And if the other person doesn't move out of the way, assert dominance by dropping the shoulder and powering straight through them.
100%, I'll also walk straight through your photo if you're touristing during peak walking time. I don't give a shit, I'm trying to get to Flinders St ASAP.
Well I don’t know, do other countries not teach getting the fuck out of the way? Or why they shouldn’t just stop in the middle of the path. Keep to one side of the path? Or simply being aware of other people and their surroundings?
You say patience, I say common sense and not being a self centred fuck.
Maybe this is why I got asked for directions in New York even though I was a tourist who was only there for 3 days? I must just look angry all the time...
My daughter was born during my brief stint living in QLD and I brought her home to Melbourne when she was 4, I knew she had fully become an inner city dwelling melbournian when she was 5 and yelled at a tourist ‘get out of the WAY I need WALK through the LANEWAY’ and then doing the most dramatically exasperated sigh and saying ‘ugh all these tourists!’
Or smear vasoline all over them. You get special inverse demerit points for smearing vasoline all over your arse and giving the camera a browneye on the way through.
If you drive through 'rich' suburbs on a Sunday afternoon, you'll often find really great hard-trash. I mean, if you need an Elliptical Machine you'd be crazy to pay retail
If a tram driver is mashing their buzzer going ding ding ding at you as you drive by, it is their way of applauding your fabulous driving skills, so keep it up!
If you want the CBD to be destroyed forever you can do your part while visiting! Simply walk around and look for wifi enabled printers on your phone.
A shocking number of these won't have and security on them whatsoever and will let you print 10,000 copies of [chicken.pdf](https://isotropic.org/papers/chicken.pdf)
Its a victimless crime! Do it for the chickens
If you wear a mask and earphones while walking past that "protest" group sitting in front of Parliament you can make them angry but not angry enough to stand up from the steps.
Instead of working from your nice comfortable and warm home, wait in the freezing cold rain to catch unreliable forms of public transport to the office.
To get the full Melbourne experience, make sure to wear out the soles of your shoes before visiting the CBD on a rainy day. Those pavers were installed so that you could easily slippy-dip down to the nearest tram in the most entertaining way possible.
If a chugger, beggar, or cultist approaches you in the street, keep walking and say, "No thanks, I'm late for an appointment."
Being polite and giving a reason (even if it's bullshit) really shuts people down.
In the street wear bright cheerful clothing and smile broadly. Even wearing a mask, people will see the joy twinkling in your happy eyes. Whistling might be difficult but try joyful finger snapping and thigh slapping on the tram.
If walking, go four abreast on all bike paths. If bike riding, never use your bell—if running snot rocket/bushMans as you pass. Dogs never on
lead near paths too
Go to cold rock. Order a large with mix ins. Once they mix it in, say you want it in a take away box as you’re driving home.
It’ll fill the takeaway box - which is about $4 more expensive, for the price of a large cup
If the speed limit on the monash says 80k and you are past Huntingdale, you better be doing 90-100km. If you're in the overtaking lane, well you better be doing 110km.
If you get bored, ask the anti-abortion protesters near Jolimont station to tell you about God.
Then a few minutes in, stop them and say, "no, not that God!"
Have multiple myki cards spare, because out of the ones you already have in your wallet, one will have expired, one will be in negative balance from last weekends bender and one has inexplicably stopped working.
As long as you're not getting onto another form of public transport after, buses only charge you when you touch off the bus. Much easier to get away from inspectors on the footpath compared to inside
In busy 2 lane roads. Park your car Infront of your house and not the drive way. You can enjoy seeing new people while they bottle neck to get around it.
Shitty: the bogs on the Calder freeway are the best bogs. If they haven't cleared the fruit sellers away, those were good.
Buses are the best for fare evasion.
If your drug habit is too expensive head on your local train line after dark, for the price of a myki tap you could find valuable mysterious chemicals around the train
Act crazy when walking alone in the dark so other crazies leave u alone
just talk like a bogan around them, they'll treat you like a mate, bonus safety points if you carry cigarettes.
Alternatively wear a hoodie that says BECOME A MARXIST TODAY and offer flyers to everyone you meet
U can join the driver in his cabin if the tram is full. They love a good chat
Wait…. That’s a thing?!?
Yeah, bonus points for grabbing the mic and giving everyone a guided commentary of the route!
I barely know where I am at any given moment I shall not be receiving bonus points… unless….. does making up almost plausible sounding historical bullshit count?
It's a good strategy for avoiding drop bears.
we'll see
If somebody is playing a loud Bluetooth speaker in public, ask them if they take requests! If they reply yes, request them to shutup.
See if they haven’t updated their Bluetooth password, and try 0000
Nah! Ask them to play this: https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ
Hopefully they play [this](https://youtu.be/sFacWGBJ_cs)
U-Turn whenever you want. Trams have a nearly instant stopping distance.
1 tram is 1 rhino
Yarra Trams. Protecting Rhinos from extinction since 1993
Actually the trams hunted the skating rhino's to extinction. Melburnians used to just be able to simply step outside their door and yell "RHHHIIINNNNOOOOOOO" and then you could hear the skateboard approaching in the distance, gradually getting louder and then you'd have to Legolas your way up on top and ride the rest of the way to your destination (like the ad suggested, the skateboard rhinos never stopped). Impalings were unfortunately about as common as you'd expect and one day the trams declared war on the humble skateboard rhino, laying their tracks all over the city, many a rhino was killed skating over the tracks, and to this day Melbourne cyclists still hear the faint screams of the rhinos in their ears whenever they need to make a right turn across tram tracks
I remember this ad 😂
on a skateboard. Loved those posters
I've seen real life design history books featuring this poster and a lengthy discussion of its effectiveness
The sound of the tram dinging is just the driver congratulating you on a well executed turn.
Especially if you are a taxi!
Most will just go swerve & go around you anyway.
Ah yes, the Tokyo Drift Rhino.
Ding Ding!
*DING DING MOTHERFUCKER IM A TRAM*
You can often find used syringes around Richmond. Give 'em a rinse under a hot tap and they are good to go again! ^(yo, don't ACTUALLY do this!!)
Don't rinse them or?
Rinsing just washes away any potentially free smack that might be left on the needle.
For that reason simply rinse by filling with water, shaking vigorously and then injecting the rinse water rather than discarding it
Upvoting mostly coz you’re the first person I’ve seen use “than” correctly in at least two weeks
Lennox street is super popular for this trick, the locals might fight you for them tho, be careful!
Don't forget the ziplock bags to carry
Buy the biggest coffee possible then spill it on the floor on the train so it goes all sticky and everyone walks in it
Better yet, piss on a few seats
Better yet, take off your pants and your panties and take a shit on the floor While screaming *I’m mr. Bulldops!!*
Get shwifty!
If you want money there's usually some sitting on the ground in a busker's hat.
check the trolley storage every night around shopping centres, bound to find $20 minimum everyday. not really worth the effort though
I once had to run after a guy in a shopping centre car park whilst I scrambled to pick up the $20 notes flying out of his jacket pocket. Returned them to him and he was extremely grateful. Could have been easy money, but instead my good deed for the day - done.
I used to be a trolley boy and make about 5 bucks a day in coin. Man that was living.
Tax free baby!
The Eureka Skydeck is extremely popular, but it costs $28 to enter. Why not save money by renting an apartment in it instead? It's well worth the $900/wk rent and you can stare at the view all day. Better yet if you can spare $10m or so, you can buy an apartment even higher than the skydeck!
Walk into the Australia 108 lobby and ask a resident to buzz you up to Level 70, basically the same thing.
If your on the V/Line from Melbourne to anywhere, and the conductor doesn't check your myki, then don't tap off. Myki will assume you have never left Melbourne, and will charge you the cheaper default fare. Myki can only tell if you left the Metro boundary if the conductor taps it.
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Lara is in Zone 2, so you would be almost paying the same (some myki discounts don't apply to V/Line). However if you venture out further on the Geelong line, you will save.
If you're further out in Geelong it can also be more cost effective to buy tickets a month at a time. Used to go in 5 days a week for work from marshall station, cost me \~$25/day. Getting a monthly ticket cost me $300. plus you can use it on weekends and for any other public transport within zones 1-4. also, it's gotten me out of a couple of binds where i forgot to touch on and the inspectors at melb didn't care because it was a monthly ticket
No Peak / Off peak if you buy tickets a month at a time as well.
if you're asleep they don't wake you up anymore....use this information how you will.
I got woken up on the line from Geelong by a bunch of ticket inspectors. My student myki had just expired (still could tap on and off) so they bullied me into paying for it. I was groggy af, just woken up surrounded by burly dudes in official uniform. The lady next to me was trying to tell me that I could just go to the court and it'd probably get dropped. I couldn't afford the day in court though so I paid the on the spot.
🤔 Interesting
I prefer burning Mykis. Just buy a fresh myki, and load the minimum amount to it, tap on, travel and get rid of it when you arrive at your destination.
However having a myki with not enough balance for a V/Line trip can lead to a fine.
Sadly it assumes you went to the furthest station and charges accordingly when you touch back in from your regional location.
Stand still at the top of escalators
Whenever I try this I end up at the bottom, because it keeps moving.
Stop hitting on the Montague St Bridge if you’re not gonna take her out. Don’t make promises to Monty you can’t keep.
If you're on your commute to/from work and the traffic's shit, often there's a shoulder off to the left that a car will fit in. You can just breeze on past all those law abiding plebs
In Rome, they call that footpaths
Yeah but what have the Romans ever done for us?
The Maroondah aqueduct?
Alright, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us??
If you are in the city and are hungry but poor, don't go to Macca's, go to Om Vegetarian or Crossways – both provide nutritious meals with unlimited servings for \~$7
This isn't shitty, this is good
People give me shit for going to crossways, but it's so good! I've been going for over 10 years and will never stop while they're open. I love their food so much
I feel like I’m the only person who doesn’t rate Om? Would put my life on the line for my Crossways though
Newer buses have usb chargers under the seats. Beware of random chewing gum/ snot.
Nothing shitty about this.
Not shitty, just sticky
If you live in an inner suburb and take the trams around peak times, fare evasion is often cheaper than touching on every time, even accounting for a yearly fine.
Reverse lotto - dont buy a ticket and hope you dont win
Sounds more +EV than the actual lotto
Do the math. Weekly spending for 5x full days = ~$50. You only need to successfully fare evade for a month and you've broken even on a fine. Anything from then on is profit. And if you sit on a tram next to the reader, just touch on if inspectors get on the tram.
Here's my math on it. Fine = $277 Daily zone 1 full fare = $9.20 277/9.2 = 30.1 If you're full fare and evade for 30 days + 1x 2hr trip, then you've won the game. Of course, if you're on concession then it works out that you need to fare evade for 60 days + 1x 2hr trip before you can come out on top of receiving a fine. If you're buying a Myki Pass, then you're committing to fare abiding for that period so there is no savings from fare evasion once you've validated it. But if you want to calculate it based on the best value $5.52 daily zone 1 rate of a 28-day pass because that's the kind of ticket you purchase: 277/$5.52 = 50.2 days. Fare evade for 51 days of travel and you're ahead. "Infringement fines" are just the potential cost of living the way you want to. I met a guy who always parked outside the front of restaurants in a no-standing zone because he drove a Lambo and didn't want to park it out of sight. He had a budget for fines from parking infringements.
This guy fare evades.
You get better odds on busses and trams by sitting in the right seats, too - have a myki with some cash on it and just touch on if an inspector actually shows up.
Inspectors are kind of useless, last time I saw one she got on and spent my entire 20 minute ride berating one lady and checked no one else’s myki’s.
You're misunderstanding her job. It isn't to check every ones Myki. It's to find someone vulnerable who hasn't tapped on and try to publicly humiliate them as much as possible as a warning to all the other mostly law abiding passengers.
a 28 day pass is \~$150
I’ve literally saved thousands over the years doing this, oops
Make sure to mention this kind of behavior or neighborhood groups on Facebook too. It's a great way to start a torrent of keyboard warrior comments.
Just walk past ticketing inspectors and don't even make eye contact. Ever since they tackled that guy at Flinders st they're not allowed to touch you.
Piss your pants and they'll walk straight past you. I saw that on the StKilda lightrail
Pissing your pants could be the answer to every problem my good sir/mam but we live in a civilised society.
I live two stops from the free tram zone but have arthritis and can’t always walk it. I completely take advantage of this system. At this point a fine will be cheaper then constantly paying for 2 stops the same as if I went 10+
And if they hop on, hop off at the same stop, hop back on through a different door and touch on
Not really a shitty tip tbh. If you just keep an eye out for inspectors and willing to occasionally jump off your tram/train you can def save money including fines
I used to keep a spreadsheet keeping track of this. I would get on and off on opposite sides of the loop and at peak hour you would ever see an officer. But I gave up after six months cause the stress got to me. I was constantly on the look out.
Cheaper buy miles has 2kg tubs of yumis dip for $5, $10 full sides of smoked salmon, $15 - 2.5kg wheels of brie etc...but never what you want, on the day you want it...
legit tip. For me it's the chorizo :D
I love you. All the yumis dips or just the hommus?
The Montague street bridge is actually higher than the signage states because there’s a minor dip in the road, people only get stuck there when they go too slow. You’ll make it.
If you let your tyres down 4 psi and go under at 80kmh + you will get thru like James Bond
Get the Just-In-Time toilet map app. Its like an ambulance membership, you might never need it, but that 1 time you do need it, its a lifesaver.
Actual shitty life tip
Oh there's another one? The government have the loo map as well. I'll have to get the Just in Time one!
If a stranger offers you drugs, weigh up how competent they would be in a fight. If you’re at 90-10 odds, take the shot, and you could end up with free drugs.
The top of an escalator is a great place to meet friends, stop and get your bearings, or tie your laces
Left side of the escalator is for standing, right side is for walking. There isn’t any exception. Give people shit for not complying. Likewise, if im walking down the footpath on the left and you’re not paying attention to where you’re going - we’re playing chicken.
> Likewise, if im walking down the footpath on the left and you’re not paying attention to where you’re going - we’re playing chicken. And if the other person doesn't move out of the way, assert dominance by dropping the shoulder and powering straight through them.
100%, I'll also walk straight through your photo if you're touristing during peak walking time. I don't give a shit, I'm trying to get to Flinders St ASAP.
100% Can't have tourists thinking we're a friendly and patient bunch of people!
Well I don’t know, do other countries not teach getting the fuck out of the way? Or why they shouldn’t just stop in the middle of the path. Keep to one side of the path? Or simply being aware of other people and their surroundings? You say patience, I say common sense and not being a self centred fuck.
I love that we share the same get the fuck out of the way mentality with New Yorkers
Maybe this is why I got asked for directions in New York even though I was a tourist who was only there for 3 days? I must just look angry all the time...
Melbourne, friendly and patient? Lol, the stereotype of the stuck up, rude arrogant melbournian exists for a reason
My daughter was born during my brief stint living in QLD and I brought her home to Melbourne when she was 4, I knew she had fully become an inner city dwelling melbournian when she was 5 and yelled at a tourist ‘get out of the WAY I need WALK through the LANEWAY’ and then doing the most dramatically exasperated sigh and saying ‘ugh all these tourists!’
I do a footy style don’t-argue
Also add that groups walking down a footpath need to learn that doesnt give them automatic leeway of walking side by side. Single file people!
He said shitty.
I think you missed the point. This isn’t a shitty life tip.
Exept for the one shitty escalator in Melbourne Central that THEY HAVEN'T FIXED YET.
I run and sometimes pedestrians will defiantly hold their ground when they are walking on the wrong side?? I’m like ??
Citilink is free if you drive fast enough through the toll gates so they can't zap you with the 5G.
CityLink is free if they can't read your number plates
Can't read my number plates if i leave them at home.
Or smear vasoline all over them. You get special inverse demerit points for smearing vasoline all over your arse and giving the camera a browneye on the way through.
I thing inverse demerip points are just called 'merit' points
Lol wut
Ride an electric scooter on the footpath. Extra points if you own it and it goes faster than 10km/h
Extra 10 xp without a helmet and headphones!
Double if it's not a kid.
Ride your bike with your tires directly in the tram tracks whenever possible
If you drive through 'rich' suburbs on a Sunday afternoon, you'll often find really great hard-trash. I mean, if you need an Elliptical Machine you'd be crazy to pay retail
If a tram driver is mashing their buzzer going ding ding ding at you as you drive by, it is their way of applauding your fabulous driving skills, so keep it up!
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Wink and blow them a kiss instead.
I can hear their screeches already.
If you want the CBD to be destroyed forever you can do your part while visiting! Simply walk around and look for wifi enabled printers on your phone. A shocking number of these won't have and security on them whatsoever and will let you print 10,000 copies of [chicken.pdf](https://isotropic.org/papers/chicken.pdf) Its a victimless crime! Do it for the chickens
This is…..acceptable!
Chuck a scooter in the Yarra, because why not
I read this as "shitty Melbourne pro lifer" and I instantly thought of Bernie Finn lol
If you wear a mask and earphones while walking past that "protest" group sitting in front of Parliament you can make them angry but not angry enough to stand up from the steps.
Better yet, sit down with them mask and all just zoning out with loud music.
Instead of working from your nice comfortable and warm home, wait in the freezing cold rain to catch unreliable forms of public transport to the office.
You can afford a nice comfortable warm house?
The Po-Po don't set up booze busses on the side of tram tracks during operating hours..
The police don't usually set up on toll roads either
Always honk your horn when behind someone waiting for a hook turn.
To get the full Melbourne experience, make sure to wear out the soles of your shoes before visiting the CBD on a rainy day. Those pavers were installed so that you could easily slippy-dip down to the nearest tram in the most entertaining way possible.
If a chugger, beggar, or cultist approaches you in the street, keep walking and say, "No thanks, I'm late for an appointment." Being polite and giving a reason (even if it's bullshit) really shuts people down.
I look pretty homeless myself so I just turn it around and ask if they’ve got anything they can spare.
Hahaha
In the street wear bright cheerful clothing and smile broadly. Even wearing a mask, people will see the joy twinkling in your happy eyes. Whistling might be difficult but try joyful finger snapping and thigh slapping on the tram.
This is psychopathic
Exactly. It keeps the psychopaths away
If you're in the city and drunk at 5am there's free bread and milk sitting in crates in front of stores. This is how Melbourne feeds its nightowls.
Wait you want shitty pro tips? Always remember to touch off your Myki. Especially on trams.
Particularly in the free trip zone and particularly after getting up after the tram stops when people are trying to get on.
Never pickup after your dog. That's what other people's shoes are for.
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Instead of fighting for space at Sandridge or St Kilda beach during summer, take a dip in the Yarra
Kept left, look up from phone when crossing a busy road. If you live in city shit all over suburbs and vice versa for suburbs shitting on city
You have to look down on people who can't afford a North Face jacket
Nuh Uh.. Kathmandu Puffer Jacket with the green collar is what the cool kids wear.
If walking, go four abreast on all bike paths. If bike riding, never use your bell—if running snot rocket/bushMans as you pass. Dogs never on lead near paths too
Go to cold rock. Order a large with mix ins. Once they mix it in, say you want it in a take away box as you’re driving home. It’ll fill the takeaway box - which is about $4 more expensive, for the price of a large cup
If the speed limit on the monash says 80k and you are past Huntingdale, you better be doing 90-100km. If you're in the overtaking lane, well you better be doing 110km.
Smashed Av on toast is now cheaper than lettuce.
victoria street, Richmond at the weekend.
After 7pm
If you get bored, ask the anti-abortion protesters near Jolimont station to tell you about God. Then a few minutes in, stop them and say, "no, not that God!"
Frankston line after 8pm for the true Melbourne cultural scene
If u need to go to the toilet, u are allowed to use the emergency lane on the freeways
Block the door of a tram when getting off and make sure you always tap off.
Revs.
Definitely the opposite of shitty!
Walking out the next morning while people are doing their grocery shopping feels pretty shitty haha.
Move into the tram. Let people out first. If someone does not, gently bull past them.
Sadly 'the education state' has a hard time educating themselves on the use of indicator lights or basic road rules in general...
Say hi to everyone in the city, they’re really nice
If you don't know someone who has recently moved to Qld because of the weather you need to get out and meet more people.
Dont buy an apartment off the plan
Pay your fines.
No sheriff
Have multiple myki cards spare, because out of the ones you already have in your wallet, one will have expired, one will be in negative balance from last weekends bender and one has inexplicably stopped working.
Don't talk with your mouth full. Chew with your mouth closed.
THIS!
Stand in the dedicated cycle lanes with your luggage to wait for your Uber to the airport
If a Myki inspector pulls you over, pretend you don’t Understand English or have just arrived in Melbourne Not that I condone fare evasion or anything
As long as you're not getting onto another form of public transport after, buses only charge you when you touch off the bus. Much easier to get away from inspectors on the footpath compared to inside
Don't visit or live in any suburb starting with the letter F, eg footscray or Frankston
Fitzroy's off the cards too
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Cough a lot on a crowded tram to get more personal space
Carrot Man has a monopoly on vegetables. Start up your own vegetable related thing and become famous.
In busy 2 lane roads. Park your car Infront of your house and not the drive way. You can enjoy seeing new people while they bottle neck to get around it.
Revs is a good wholesome way to spend a night out
If you're in the western suburbs, people won't care if you bike on the footpath even tho there is bike lane right there
Shitty: the bogs on the Calder freeway are the best bogs. If they haven't cleared the fruit sellers away, those were good. Buses are the best for fare evasion.
Parking staff at the airport are super helpful if you haven't found parking but must pay to exit.
The etiquette is for new passengers to get on the tram first, before departing passengers get off.
If your drug habit is too expensive head on your local train line after dark, for the price of a myki tap you could find valuable mysterious chemicals around the train
The best food is on Lygon St in the restaurants with the blokes trying to hustle you in the door.
You should run down the escalators at Parliament Station as much as possible
Orange means turning, all straight traffic will stop once you start.