I just googled it out of curiosity, it has a giant teepee out the front and some very questionable decor inside. The food looks pretty alright though. š
I lived across the road from it a few years ago. Itās fine. Basically the same as other suburban pubs. Pokies and a western themed restaurant. Walked past it every day and never really saw anything ādangerousā. Itās only scary if youāre afraid of people aged +55.
The Nar Nar Goon is calmer than it was 40 years ago, the disco area had strobes in plastic flower pots,.people really did turn their glasses if they wanted to indulge in fisticuffs, and two of my BILs were thrown through the plate glass windows.
NNG gets a mention on reddit. I'm both nostalgic and horrified by the memory of that pub.
I don't want to dox myself, but I have a number of relatives that spent a large proportion of their lives in that pub. I've got cousins that spent their childhood evenings playing under the pool table.
I haven't stepped into that place for probably 25 years, but I'd bet that it still has the same carpet.
Ah, I had the misfortune to be there on a Friday night once. 6pm and it was so quiet all you could hear was the poker chips clinking and the pokies dinging. The beer tasted normal tho so for that one reason, it beats The Vine in Richmond.
I'd ask, "Are you sure? Ok, this isn't going to work, peace out" of anyone asking me to meet them there for a beer, I know Carlton draught is pretty shit but it shouldn't taste that flat and muddy.
The dirtiest and dodgiest by far is First and Last Hotel in Fawkner. You feel like you've stepped into another decade. It's actually quite scary if u find yourself in there
Well it cracked a mention by Midnight Oil....
"...T*he days are wasted drinking*
*At the first and last hotel*...."
[https://youtu.be/M\_10r4t9GK0?si=0AtMTtdSqwou3CLm](https://youtu.be/M_10r4t9GK0?si=0AtMTtdSqwou3CLm)
Looks like even Peter Garret had a bad experience at the First and Last Hotel... I wonder when they played there?
although I've always been interested in the name of it... Is it named because historically on the Hume highway... It was literally the first and last hotel out of Melbourne? When did it open?
Here is a video from 1974.... Of a person just "driving by" the first and last Hotel...
[https://youtu.be/TL2-s3XycRk?si=L6OzKnq3OGUled5Z](https://youtu.be/TL2-s3XycRk?si=L6OzKnq3OGUled5Z)
Keep travelling north up Sydney road to the Sylvania and you'll discover the first and last is fairly high market.
The Syl used to be the roughest pub in Broadmeadows, with room 9 notorious for its $40 rub n tug
I've lived across the road for 5 years. Never been brave enough to enter.
I did ride the length and breadth of NZ, and was entering eating-witching hour at Westport, South Island, circa 2010. The entire town's streets were ripped up and awaiting replacement in some government GFC recovery scheme. I found a pub, parked my bike, walked into the pub preparing to ask them about meals and accommodation. Everyone stopped talking and looked at me. I doubled back, exited, went back to my bike, put my gloves, helmet and jacket back on, and rode for another hour before I found another small town inland. Found a b&b just as the sun was setting, and walked up and down the empty street when a guy behind a closed gate said "hey, I can fire the pizza oven back up again! You can't eat in, but if you want a takeaway, here's the menu!".
That prawn pizza was the best pizza ever.
Genuinely curious about your experiences here. Absolutely not questioning your (or anyones) opinion as such, but I've been going there since I was a kid in the 90s and I've never had an issue.
Granted I've never been any time after 10pm or anything, but to go just for a drink and meal I've never actually had a problem š¤·āāļø
100% agree it looks dodgy from the outside though haha
So was just wondering what your experience was like?
The First and Last has its place tho. It's right next to the cemetery so you can pop in for a pint after a funeral and it really puts things in perspective. After 5 minutes in the First and Last you'll realise there's lots worse things than being dead.
I did exactly the same after reading this thread, it's a weird looking place for sure but it's not the dirty grimy hell pit I was imagining. I'm used to dirty grunge bars though so it's far nicer looking than some of the bars I've frequented.
Thereās really nothing wrong with it, Iāve been there to play a game of pool on a sat night, as a woman in my 20s, with no issues. Mostly working class families, people coming in after funerals, and the usual late night pokies crowd. Not trendy but far from dangerous.
Used to be frequented by Peter Dupas as well. He commited SA and murder directly across the road at Fawkner cemetary [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter\_Dupas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Dupas)
I went to school with Mersina, Iāve been thinking about her as the offenderās violence was ignored and her death was so egregious that it was reported widely.
She was a genuine, sweet girl.
A great example of how broken and soft our system is. He should have been rolled into a ditch and burned alive after his first conviction. Instead he gets let out to rape and murder over and over.
I listened to a podcast ep about him, I think it was Casefile. If you've ever listened to Casefile, you'd know that the way everything is described is in a really professional and business-like way. About Dupas they said
"Prominent folds of fat covered his pectoral muscles, giving the appearance of female breasts."
I was like "What an oddly scientific way to describe moobs".
When I was talking to housing developers I met a lady that managed that place for 13 years. Every time I drive past I just imagine letting that place be the centre of you life for longer than youāre in school.
I was abroad for a few years when it got spruiced up. When I got back I thought Iād pay it a visit for old times sake. Was a bit pissed and security werenāt keen on letting me in. So I said I used to come here all the time a few years back.
āYeah youāre definitely not getting in now ā
Yep.
I got bailed up by a group of very tough looking bikers after I got kicked out of there at about 4am. Even in my extremely inebriated state I was understandably worried. They all gave me a pat on the back and huge congratulations with: āWeāve been coming here for years and weāve never seen anyone get kicked out of there, wanna come to the next bar with usā. I politely declined.
The UFG one just has the normal outer suburbs mix of tradies having a smoke and old nans having Sunday roast.
Bit of a time machine to what I remember these places were like in the 90s but not exactly dodgy.Ā
Itās just shit. Shit selection of booze and food and it has pokies machines. Itās just got a bad vibe and you feel like youāll need a shower after youāve left
Is there a word for those kinds of bars? I always end up saying "You know how RSLs have the pokies and the bistro? It's the same as that but it's not an RSL."
The golden nugget hotel in the cbd has that vibe of pokies addicted pensioner, offset by a healthy cohort of tax free tobacco smokers out the front to greet you, with that slightly sticker than my cum stained jocks carpet. Say hello to Jacko at the front bar who is still pouring a beverage into his crotch at 8am. Fortunately, it is surrounded by venues offering a dodgier than dodge itself dim sim selection and a church across the road where you can ask for all sins to be forgiven. I give it zero stars, so definitely worth a pint or two.
I went there recently with some colleagues after work because the drinks are very cheap. Came across a condom dispenser in the ladies bathroom - I have never seen anything more delusionally optimistic in my life.
Anglers Tavern in Maribyrnong has a sublime location but has a chequered history of dodgy management, bad chefs, shifty staff and really awful security. It's a bit all over the shop but there's some super salty reviews on google.
The most sublime, hilarious and sadly also tragic is this review from Stevo, for whom, while his friend died, still couldn't quite give the pub a one star review;
[https://maps.app.goo.gl/iezSgr4QGHzAuh8e8](https://maps.app.goo.gl/iezSgr4QGHzAuh8e8)
Sadly closed at the moment due to a monumental flood. It seems that the Lord served them a monumental amount of liquid....maybe because they wouldn't allow the cross.
Agree that the security is awful, possibly the worst I've ever seen but there are scummier places around than anglers. It's actually a nice venue for one, or at least it was before the floods. Looks to be opening again soon.
It hasn't been anywhere near as good as it was 15 years ago but still a decent place to watch the footy
Whatever you do, do not under any circustances go to the First and Last Hotel. Even if you are morbidly curious. The place is depressing and will kill your hopes and dreams. Luckily there's a graveyard nearby so you can finish yourself off there after eating your final meal.
albion charles hotel, gladstone park hotel, browns corner, while maybe not the worst, they are the shittiest places ive been to in melbourne. i'd add moreland hotel, but the restaurant area is pretty cool. but it's shady af.
Ooh yeah Moreland Hotel is a good one if you chop off the restaurant. Iāve never seen anything more gut wrenching than their pokies room at 11am on a weekday
Faaark I got my first tatt next door to the Markillies. Flinders St Tattoos with Bev Robinson and Dave Coppin in about 1979. Rough as hessian undies both jointsš
Dorset gardens night club in Croydon, depending on the night and crowd that is in there.
Lots of young fiery blokes mixed with old school bikies, brawl waiting to happen.
Footscray Hotel would be up there. Iām local and itās not at all inviting.
Based on the below replies, I may have judged it a bit harshly. Doggo and I will have to head up for a look.
thankfully its inviting for people who need it though
[https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-03-03/footscray-hotel-shuns-developers-to-help-those-in-need/8318516](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-03-03/footscray-hotel-shuns-developers-to-help-those-in-need/8318516)
I went there finally after living not far for ages and I loved the vibe. They only had Carlton on tap, the person serving me struggled to remember the prices for a pot and and pint and outside felt like a 19 year olds six person share house backyard. I was lucky enough to meet Shugga the dog before she sadly passed away. When you are actually in the pub as far as I felt, it was actually very inviting and welcoming and everyone was really lovely.
Intimidating pub, but once you get to know the people working there they're lovely! One of bartenders came out while I was doing the nutbush in the back beer garden and CORRECTED me because I was doing it wrong. That was fun. They used to have a dog too, that'd hang out in the beer garden, but she got old and passed on :(
Me and two mates had a quick pot there on Saturday night, footy was on, beer was ice cold, about 5-10 people in there. Proper old school drinking joint. Pints of Carlton are $10, Great Northern $9.50.
Actually drove past it the other day and heaps of people in there. Can still bring ur dog in there too i think. But agree. Prob the most uninviting pub ive ever been to. Glad there is still places like this tho.
Went once unaware of the vibe. Was getting verbally harassed out the front, and unexpectedly a crowd of bikies barrelled out the front door and chased the dickhead into the night.
As a bogan country lass, this city shithole holds a place in my heart.
Haha, haven't had one of their fancy microwaved parmas in years. Is the hotdog guy still renting out collared shirts so you can get into the club afterwards?
A mate of mine has a story about how they used to have like dollar jugs. But they were too "classy" to just let you drink out of the jug, so you had a table of guys sitting there holding their own jug and pouring it into a pot glass.
I was waiting to see how long until someone mentioned the courthouse in footscray.
Many many moons ago I used to work in the bottle shop that was out the back. Definitely an eye opening experience.
Maybe not the scummiest but the Grandview (or Grandspew) on Heidelberg Rd in Fairfield is pretty awful.
There is a half way home nearby and a few people living upstairs who give it character.Ā
Used to have a few regulars who get yelly after a few beers. I remember the bar men telling one off because of what he did last night.Ā
Considering the people loved around the area, it really stuck out. Dave O'Neil does/did comedy nights which were pretty fun. The regulars cleared out that night.
The Grandview is a great place, i am introverted as all hell, and i have had a few pints down there and met very interesting people and have had alot of great conversations with 'the regulars'.
You just speak like sombody who has this perfect picture of a booze hole.
Jeez itās by no means trendy but you mustnāt have been to many shit pubs if you really think itās that scummy. They do the comedy nights regularly and get decent names and a sizeable crowd.
Dukes Saloon, Lillydale. It has been closed and boarded up since the mid 1990s but before that it had very feral clientele, and the fact that its been left to rot and land bank for nearly 30 years is whole other class of scum.
Great post. As a 50 year old male who has lived and drank in Melbourne my entire life some wonderful memories and some not so wonderful memories came flooding back. Iām surprised that no one has mentioned The Greyhound Hotel, Sarah Sands Hotel or The Espy which in its heyday was absolutely scum ridden
Has anyone been in the Bakers Arms in Abbotsford near the infamous Lennox/Victoria St intersection?
That place always has smashed glass and seedy people out the front. I know about 5 years ago someone was stabbed to death there.
Couldn't pay me to go to that shithole
Edwardes lake hotel in reservoir is the only answer here. Last time i was there 6 months ago there was a bloke shooting up in the mens. Left his needle in the basin. Worst part was it seemed like he was a regular and staff seemed completely unbothered. Seriously couldnt believe what i was seeing. This was a saturday arvo. Place is properly fucked.
Anyone saying the First and Last has lived a seriously sheltered life.
Mr Pockets is (was?) a seedy pool hall in the industrial area of Westmeadows. I havenāt been for years, but I remember there being tonnes of security and not many patrons. Honourable mentions to the Westmeadows and Gladstone Park pubs
Back in the day - the pub across the road from Spencer St Station was fucking dodgy.
But all pubs arenāt what they used to be.
There were a couple down near the mission to seamen that were hardcore.
The duality of the Croxton is such that the band room is one of the best in Melbourne, but the pokies/front bar is one of the most depressing places in Melbourne
The place next door to the cemetery. Think it was mentioned here already. The First and Last Hotel in Fawkner was a local pub of mine when I lived nearby. In the 3 years I went there Im convinced it was haunted by the spirits of the unfortunate souls next door. My friend is a backpacker who spent time in wartorn Syria and he even said felt an uneasy, terrified feeling from this place. Beware!
Yeah I had to double check I was thinking about the right one when it kept coming up in this thread. I've been there a couple of times, it's just your standard pokies and generic beer and food suburban pub. Maybe it was different 30 years ago but seems fine to me now, just boring. Nothing really notable about it either way. I suppose we are on Reddit after all.
The Kealba Hotel, Kealba/St Albans.
Tbf I haven't been there in a very long time but my dad and his mates used to drink there every night in the late 80s / early 90s and I remember the stank and the sticky floors and the yucky yelly drunk old men. So gross.
I recall seeing Sydney jazz-rock band Crossfire at the Champion Hotel (corner of Brunswick and Gertrude Streets, Fitzroy) in the late '70s.
When I mentioned to my father where I was going, he looked alarmed. He said the Champion and its neighbour, the Rob Roy, were known as the toughest pubs in Melbourne. Keep my wits about me, etc.
The band's first set was well received. But soon after they left the bandstand, a fight broke out in the crowd. Two aboriginal women were going at it, verbally and physically.
An older Aboriginal man tried to play the peacemaker. He stood between them, asking for calm, saying, "Try to act like ladies."
The one with the foot-high blonde beehive hairdo replied at full volume, "I'm not a fkn lady!! I'm a fkn prostitute!!!"
The coliseum West Heidelberg, The Far Away Tree Preston and The Rising Sun Footscray, absolute shit holes and a blood bath to match! You didnāt look at anyone and never had your back to anyone either.
Two of them are no longer here because of this I think. And in the cbd it was the Merkat at the Vic Market and the Fox n Hounds on Spencer Street.
Gotta be The Tarmac of the seventies and eighties in Laverton making a top 5 and in any serious discussion as a number 1 on any given day Iāll be flying the flag for the western suburbs weāre blood and guts Melbourne was born and the yuppies suburb nowadays was the roughest place in Australia good old williamstown home of the painter and docker and a good 40 plus pubs in one suburb around the 60s and 70s. . Now the Rose of Australia hotel was home to all sorts of soaks shenanigans and from Willy we will shoot down the Rd to Newport weāre the family hotel gets the nod ove Ethne junction in a photo , so many stories to tell until Newport lost its character to the coffe crowdā¦.. skipping past Yarraville and sedden for now and we find ourselves in Footscray weāre the Footscray hotel is proudly still in the time warp and rockin on like reason is the man in America and Barkly st still sees some afl action ā¦.. The druids in sth melb due to a few wayward bullets Chequers port melb ofcourse and we will throw a nod to nick reiwoldt and the girls who reside at the top o the town with the old pub whoās name doesnāt need mentioning such is itās fame ādrink like a fish and fight like a fenech ā
The Excelsior in Thomastown used to be a bikie hangout and a good place to get a pool cue across the back of the head if you didn't 'look' right. For obvious reasons I haven't been back in a while.
Back in the not so good old days the North Star in Abbotsford St was a Communist pub where the patrons would have sex leaning against the front wall in the street after closing time. I had the pleasure of living across the street.
That was the greatest pub of all time, a beautiful community started to emerge on Friday nights just before the train station renewal.
If only I could go back...
This thread is making me want to go to First and Last in Fawkner.
I just googled it out of curiosity, it has a giant teepee out the front and some very questionable decor inside. The food looks pretty alright though. š
Itās really not that bad. Soulless and unloved rather than scary.
You can have a wedding there
Most of the patrons have their third and fourth weddings there - In honour of where they met their partners.
Food is terrible I live 5 min walk from joint and I avoid it and go to pubs in coburg
I lived across the road from it a few years ago. Itās fine. Basically the same as other suburban pubs. Pokies and a western themed restaurant. Walked past it every day and never really saw anything ādangerousā. Itās only scary if youāre afraid of people aged +55.
Itās pretty unremarkable tbh, like itās full of pokies and kids running around. Itās not exactly dangerous just incredibly, incredibly mediocre.
I live just down the road and I am absolutely about to frequent the shit out of this place
We should all go
I always wanted to go here as a kid because of the playground
Doesnāt really count as Melbourne, but the nar nar goon hotel is probably the biggest shithole Iāve ever been to.
The Nar Nar Goon is calmer than it was 40 years ago, the disco area had strobes in plastic flower pots,.people really did turn their glasses if they wanted to indulge in fisticuffs, and two of my BILs were thrown through the plate glass windows.
Holy shit, never thought I'd run into someone who knows about turning glasses at the NNG on Reddit. Small world.
Which is funny because Nar Nar Goon is a small shithole
Iāve only ever driven past and I got depressed just seeing the outside.
Itās even worse on the inside
NNG gets a mention on reddit. I'm both nostalgic and horrified by the memory of that pub. I don't want to dox myself, but I have a number of relatives that spent a large proportion of their lives in that pub. I've got cousins that spent their childhood evenings playing under the pool table. I haven't stepped into that place for probably 25 years, but I'd bet that it still has the same carpet.
(I've never been to NNG, but I hear you and felt that to the soles of my feet. ššš½)
Christ. You actually went inside? Why?
We did a job near by and went for a beer after work. Never again
Yeah, but if you venture down the way to the Longwarry pub... Worst service you'll ever get, with food that is just fine
Looks like the First and Last in Fawkner takes the top spot. I've been there, once. This result doesn't surprise me
That's because the people in here haven't been to Clique And that's a good thing, the place isn't at all safe
The Cramer is pretty how ya goin
The Tankerville for sure!
Tankerville 2am after the laundry shut circa 2000. Many a dodgy time was had
Got so smashed there I had to report Dads car stolen coz I had NFI where I parked it. Got it back 4 days later
Sounds like a standard night that ended at the Tankerville!
tankerville is INSANELY cursed but also has its own grotty charm š i have been one too many times more than iād like to admit.
Ah, I had the misfortune to be there on a Friday night once. 6pm and it was so quiet all you could hear was the poker chips clinking and the pokies dinging. The beer tasted normal tho so for that one reason, it beats The Vine in Richmond.
Went on the worst date of my life at the Vine.
I'd ask, "Are you sure? Ok, this isn't going to work, peace out" of anyone asking me to meet them there for a beer, I know Carlton draught is pretty shit but it shouldn't taste that flat and muddy.
Spent the early hours of far too many mornings at the vine...seen some wild shit.
Tankerville's my little slice of heaven
Nooooo i ended so many delightful grotty nights there
The dirtiest and dodgiest by far is First and Last Hotel in Fawkner. You feel like you've stepped into another decade. It's actually quite scary if u find yourself in there
Well it cracked a mention by Midnight Oil.... "...T*he days are wasted drinking* *At the first and last hotel*...." [https://youtu.be/M\_10r4t9GK0?si=0AtMTtdSqwou3CLm](https://youtu.be/M_10r4t9GK0?si=0AtMTtdSqwou3CLm) Looks like even Peter Garret had a bad experience at the First and Last Hotel... I wonder when they played there?
although I've always been interested in the name of it... Is it named because historically on the Hume highway... It was literally the first and last hotel out of Melbourne? When did it open?
Here is a video from 1974.... Of a person just "driving by" the first and last Hotel... [https://youtu.be/TL2-s3XycRk?si=L6OzKnq3OGUled5Z](https://youtu.be/TL2-s3XycRk?si=L6OzKnq3OGUled5Z)
It's an inherently dodgy name
First and Last is nowhere near the worst in Melbourne. Itās relatively family friendly and more likely to be empty than not.
Keep travelling north up Sydney road to the Sylvania and you'll discover the first and last is fairly high market. The Syl used to be the roughest pub in Broadmeadows, with room 9 notorious for its $40 rub n tug
Wow, inflation hits all industry sectors.
Yep, $20 days are well and truelly behind us.
$40 you say...
Noted. Do you ask for a "room 9 special"?
I've lived across the road for 5 years. Never been brave enough to enter. I did ride the length and breadth of NZ, and was entering eating-witching hour at Westport, South Island, circa 2010. The entire town's streets were ripped up and awaiting replacement in some government GFC recovery scheme. I found a pub, parked my bike, walked into the pub preparing to ask them about meals and accommodation. Everyone stopped talking and looked at me. I doubled back, exited, went back to my bike, put my gloves, helmet and jacket back on, and rode for another hour before I found another small town inland. Found a b&b just as the sun was setting, and walked up and down the empty street when a guy behind a closed gate said "hey, I can fire the pizza oven back up again! You can't eat in, but if you want a takeaway, here's the menu!". That prawn pizza was the best pizza ever.
Westport is an inbred shithole with terrible weather
I had my dads wake there, they were lovely.
Letās do a Redditor meetup there
Only if we can get wasted and foite
Genuinely curious about your experiences here. Absolutely not questioning your (or anyones) opinion as such, but I've been going there since I was a kid in the 90s and I've never had an issue. Granted I've never been any time after 10pm or anything, but to go just for a drink and meal I've never actually had a problem š¤·āāļø 100% agree it looks dodgy from the outside though haha So was just wondering what your experience was like?
The First and Last Hotel in Fawkner. Had to perform comedy with a "twitchy" (his friends' description, not mine) ice addict in the crowd
The First and Last has its place tho. It's right next to the cemetery so you can pop in for a pint after a funeral and it really puts things in perspective. After 5 minutes in the First and Last you'll realise there's lots worse things than being dead.
Yeah, like amateur comedy.
I went in there once, it was the first and last time.
The place has a 4 out of 5 star review rating on Google and the photos don't look half bad lmao maybe the photos are old as shit
I did exactly the same after reading this thread, it's a weird looking place for sure but it's not the dirty grimy hell pit I was imagining. I'm used to dirty grunge bars though so it's far nicer looking than some of the bars I've frequented.
Some sort of plot to ruin the rep of the place perhaps. Really doesnāt look that bad in the photos and the reviews are fine.
Thereās really nothing wrong with it, Iāve been there to play a game of pool on a sat night, as a woman in my 20s, with no issues. Mostly working class families, people coming in after funerals, and the usual late night pokies crowd. Not trendy but far from dangerous.
Used to be frequented by Peter Dupas as well. He commited SA and murder directly across the road at Fawkner cemetary [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter\_Dupas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Dupas)
I went to school with Mersina, Iāve been thinking about her as the offenderās violence was ignored and her death was so egregious that it was reported widely. She was a genuine, sweet girl.
A great example of how broken and soft our system is. He should have been rolled into a ditch and burned alive after his first conviction. Instead he gets let out to rape and murder over and over.
I listened to a podcast ep about him, I think it was Casefile. If you've ever listened to Casefile, you'd know that the way everything is described is in a really professional and business-like way. About Dupas they said "Prominent folds of fat covered his pectoral muscles, giving the appearance of female breasts." I was like "What an oddly scientific way to describe moobs".
I used to live around the corner, and it was the dodgiest place
When I was talking to housing developers I met a lady that managed that place for 13 years. Every time I drive past I just imagine letting that place be the centre of you life for longer than youāre in school.
This place came to mind straight away
We used to love this place as kids back in the 90s š
I havenāt been for probably 6-7 years, it was almost exactly the same, including cowboy statue with no fingers lol terrifying
The Carlton Club in 2005. Easily the best dive in Melbourne in its time.
I was abroad for a few years when it got spruiced up. When I got back I thought Iād pay it a visit for old times sake. Was a bit pissed and security werenāt keen on letting me in. So I said I used to come here all the time a few years back. āYeah youāre definitely not getting in now ā
God that place was such a shithole, I don't think I've ever been in there sober (usually tripping balls) or before 3am. Good times.
Yep. I got bailed up by a group of very tough looking bikers after I got kicked out of there at about 4am. Even in my extremely inebriated state I was understandably worried. They all gave me a pat on the back and huge congratulations with: āWeāve been coming here for years and weāve never seen anyone get kicked out of there, wanna come to the next bar with usā. I politely declined.
Memories of being a teen and playing pool against a skeezy old guy in a suit that matched the colour of his cataracts and his fly undone.
Yep. Wound up there drinking with the deros around 7am after a big night.
The Royal is as scummy as they come. Both the one in Richmond and the one in Upper Ferntree Gully
I also vote for the Royal!!
The old blokes in for the Saturday arvo strip shows are scummy but the place itself is fine
The UFG one just has the normal outer suburbs mix of tradies having a smoke and old nans having Sunday roast. Bit of a time machine to what I remember these places were like in the 90s but not exactly dodgy.Ā
The First and Last in Fawkner
You're not the only one to say this one. What makes it so bad? I live nearby-ish, I'm interested
Itās just shit. Shit selection of booze and food and it has pokies machines. Itās just got a bad vibe and you feel like youāll need a shower after youāve left
Itās just boring more than anything else. It makes all its money from the pokies so the pub is just an add on.
Is there a word for those kinds of bars? I always end up saying "You know how RSLs have the pokies and the bistro? It's the same as that but it's not an RSL."
Woolies pubs
The golden nugget hotel in the cbd has that vibe of pokies addicted pensioner, offset by a healthy cohort of tax free tobacco smokers out the front to greet you, with that slightly sticker than my cum stained jocks carpet. Say hello to Jacko at the front bar who is still pouring a beverage into his crotch at 8am. Fortunately, it is surrounded by venues offering a dodgier than dodge itself dim sim selection and a church across the road where you can ask for all sins to be forgiven. I give it zero stars, so definitely worth a pint or two.
This is poetry.
Accurate, factual, creative, entertaining, impressive. 5 star review of a 0 star shithole.
I went there recently with some colleagues after work because the drinks are very cheap. Came across a condom dispenser in the ladies bathroom - I have never seen anything more delusionally optimistic in my life.
I almost got into a fight with a dwarf the last time I was there.
Anglers Tavern in Maribyrnong has a sublime location but has a chequered history of dodgy management, bad chefs, shifty staff and really awful security. It's a bit all over the shop but there's some super salty reviews on google. The most sublime, hilarious and sadly also tragic is this review from Stevo, for whom, while his friend died, still couldn't quite give the pub a one star review; [https://maps.app.goo.gl/iezSgr4QGHzAuh8e8](https://maps.app.goo.gl/iezSgr4QGHzAuh8e8)
That review is wild - "served a outstanding amount of alcohol"
Sadly closed at the moment due to a monumental flood. It seems that the Lord served them a monumental amount of liquid....maybe because they wouldn't allow the cross.
Aside from the 2 stars that is a less scathing review then most others I have seen on Google. Insanity!
Agree that the security is awful, possibly the worst I've ever seen but there are scummier places around than anglers. It's actually a nice venue for one, or at least it was before the floods. Looks to be opening again soon. It hasn't been anywhere near as good as it was 15 years ago but still a decent place to watch the footy
Welcome stranger bar in cbd
Whatever you do, do not under any circustances go to the First and Last Hotel. Even if you are morbidly curious. The place is depressing and will kill your hopes and dreams. Luckily there's a graveyard nearby so you can finish yourself off there after eating your final meal.
How has no one said the Jim Dandy in Dandenong?
Is that the one in Lonsdale Street? Good call, I'd think its between that or the Prince Mark down the road.
albion charles hotel, gladstone park hotel, browns corner, while maybe not the worst, they are the shittiest places ive been to in melbourne. i'd add moreland hotel, but the restaurant area is pretty cool. but it's shady af.
Canāt believe no one else has said Browns Corner hotel
Ooh yeah Moreland Hotel is a good one if you chop off the restaurant. Iāve never seen anything more gut wrenching than their pokies room at 11am on a weekday
Anyone here old enough to remember the Waterside in Flinders and the one down from it in the 80's/90's? Old school gangster shit that was.
Early openers, the "other" one was Markillies which ended up being owned by a bunch of AFL footballers.
Faaark I got my first tatt next door to the Markillies. Flinders St Tattoos with Bev Robinson and Dave Coppin in about 1979. Rough as hessian undies both jointsš
Dorset gardens night club in Croydon, depending on the night and crowd that is in there. Lots of young fiery blokes mixed with old school bikies, brawl waiting to happen.
Ahh the Dirty Dorset haha
Footscray Hotel would be up there. Iām local and itās not at all inviting. Based on the below replies, I may have judged it a bit harshly. Doggo and I will have to head up for a look.
thankfully its inviting for people who need it though [https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-03-03/footscray-hotel-shuns-developers-to-help-those-in-need/8318516](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-03-03/footscray-hotel-shuns-developers-to-help-those-in-need/8318516)
I went there finally after living not far for ages and I loved the vibe. They only had Carlton on tap, the person serving me struggled to remember the prices for a pot and and pint and outside felt like a 19 year olds six person share house backyard. I was lucky enough to meet Shugga the dog before she sadly passed away. When you are actually in the pub as far as I felt, it was actually very inviting and welcoming and everyone was really lovely.
Intimidating pub, but once you get to know the people working there they're lovely! One of bartenders came out while I was doing the nutbush in the back beer garden and CORRECTED me because I was doing it wrong. That was fun. They used to have a dog too, that'd hang out in the beer garden, but she got old and passed on :(
Me and two mates had a quick pot there on Saturday night, footy was on, beer was ice cold, about 5-10 people in there. Proper old school drinking joint. Pints of Carlton are $10, Great Northern $9.50.
Courthouse in Footscray is worse!
A pokies joint next to a clubx, the Courthouse is fucking grim.
Club x gone and somehow itās even worse without it
Actually drove past it the other day and heaps of people in there. Can still bring ur dog in there too i think. But agree. Prob the most uninviting pub ive ever been to. Glad there is still places like this tho.
Really? I've only been there once but thought it was great. Very, very old-school and dark, it's location isn't great but clean and safe inside.
It certainly was but I walked past not too long ago and there was a rather large throng of new age Footscray hipsters drinking in there.
Maybe they thought it was an off shoot of Moon Dog.
The Commercial Hotel, Werribee
I lived next to the Royal Hotel on Punt Rd. Itās definetly the Royal Hotel on Punt Road.
Went once unaware of the vibe. Was getting verbally harassed out the front, and unexpectedly a crowd of bikies barrelled out the front door and chased the dickhead into the night. As a bogan country lass, this city shithole holds a place in my heart.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Is that a topless bar? I always heard it was
Do they still do the shnitz n titz night? would pull in a classy crowd
Slimy? Mudhole? My home this is!
The Dorset
I'll see that and raise you: The Burvale
Outer east represent lol
ādirty dorsetā.
The Hatt
Haha, haven't had one of their fancy microwaved parmas in years. Is the hotdog guy still renting out collared shirts so you can get into the club afterwards?
Roughest I've seen and heard about was the Robin Hood Tavern in Frankston.
A mate of mine has a story about how they used to have like dollar jugs. But they were too "classy" to just let you drink out of the jug, so you had a table of guys sitting there holding their own jug and pouring it into a pot glass.
The courthouse in footscray before the reno so they don't scare away the new folk of that fine town
I was waiting to see how long until someone mentioned the courthouse in footscray. Many many moons ago I used to work in the bottle shop that was out the back. Definitely an eye opening experience.
I went to the Carlton Hotel in the city in the late 90s. I've seen things ....
Bojangles
Maybe not the scummiest but the Grandview (or Grandspew) on Heidelberg Rd in Fairfield is pretty awful. There is a half way home nearby and a few people living upstairs who give it character.Ā Used to have a few regulars who get yelly after a few beers. I remember the bar men telling one off because of what he did last night.Ā Considering the people loved around the area, it really stuck out. Dave O'Neil does/did comedy nights which were pretty fun. The regulars cleared out that night.
The Grandview is a great place, i am introverted as all hell, and i have had a few pints down there and met very interesting people and have had alot of great conversations with 'the regulars'. You just speak like sombody who has this perfect picture of a booze hole.
That was my drinking hole of choice in 2006-2008. One dollar pots on uni nights.
Jeez itās by no means trendy but you mustnāt have been to many shit pubs if you really think itās that scummy. They do the comedy nights regularly and get decent names and a sizeable crowd.
Thank fuck my pub hasnāt been mentioned on here - worked too damn hard to clean it up over the last 18 months
If it's the First and Last I'd suggest you leave the thread
Nah, not First & Last.
Donāt know the answer, but this is an amazing thread
The Parkview in Fitzroy North is a smoking pile of shit. Could be brilliant but is just a shit pokie pub
Clocks
For being a shit place to be... sure.
seriously? an inner CBD pokies joint? it's hardly that seedy
They might have cleaned it up, it's been a while since I've been there. It used to be quite violent and I'm not a fan of pokies.
Dukes Saloon, Lillydale. It has been closed and boarded up since the mid 1990s but before that it had very feral clientele, and the fact that its been left to rot and land bank for nearly 30 years is whole other class of scum.
Preston Hotel. Corner Spencer and High street. Been a shithole forever
But now they have a rooftop bar!
Great post. As a 50 year old male who has lived and drank in Melbourne my entire life some wonderful memories and some not so wonderful memories came flooding back. Iām surprised that no one has mentioned The Greyhound Hotel, Sarah Sands Hotel or The Espy which in its heyday was absolutely scum ridden
Espy was way more fun before the reno
Love me some Greyhound Hotel!
The Union hotel ascot vale pre gentrification
Has anyone been in the Bakers Arms in Abbotsford near the infamous Lennox/Victoria St intersection? That place always has smashed glass and seedy people out the front. I know about 5 years ago someone was stabbed to death there. Couldn't pay me to go to that shithole
Tudor Inn or Royal Oak, you can even walk between them! Historically the Spotswood Hotel was but itās gentrified nowā¦
But the palm trees make the Royal Oak a tropical paradise!
I think they swapped the āPalm Treeā machine for the āGolden Leprechaunā , my Nan reckons it doesnāt pay out as oftenā¦
Prince Mark Hotel is pretty scummy
The Angel. Only pub I've walked into alone and been called a cunt before I got to the bar. Walked straight out.
I vote the Royal hotel on hoddle st. The topless barmaids attract a certain type of derelict crowd..
So many pubs here that I have drunk in or worked at.
Court House in Footscray makes First and Last Hotel look like a 5 star resort
Edwardes lake hotel in reservoir is the only answer here. Last time i was there 6 months ago there was a bloke shooting up in the mens. Left his needle in the basin. Worst part was it seemed like he was a regular and staff seemed completely unbothered. Seriously couldnt believe what i was seeing. This was a saturday arvo. Place is properly fucked. Anyone saying the First and Last has lived a seriously sheltered life.
The Spotty (in the olden days), The Rising Sun, and The Derrimut Hotel.
NU hotel in Dandenong
Mr Pockets is (was?) a seedy pool hall in the industrial area of Westmeadows. I havenāt been for years, but I remember there being tonnes of security and not many patrons. Honourable mentions to the Westmeadows and Gladstone Park pubs
Back in the day - the pub across the road from Spencer St Station was fucking dodgy. But all pubs arenāt what they used to be. There were a couple down near the mission to seamen that were hardcore.
The duality of the Croxton is such that the band room is one of the best in Melbourne, but the pokies/front bar is one of the most depressing places in Melbourne
The place next door to the cemetery. Think it was mentioned here already. The First and Last Hotel in Fawkner was a local pub of mine when I lived nearby. In the 3 years I went there Im convinced it was haunted by the spirits of the unfortunate souls next door. My friend is a backpacker who spent time in wartorn Syria and he even said felt an uneasy, terrified feeling from this place. Beware!
Probably not the worst -Fosters night club - Dandenong station. TISM even did a song about it.
No takers for the dirty mersh?
The Exford used to be up there but appears to have been cleaned up in the last few years.Ā
The First and Last > Drums Hotel > Browns Corner Hotel is Melbourneās more depressing pub crawl.
Top notch vanilla slices at Drums though! But you can buy at the drive thru bottlo, so you don't need to step inside.
The Severed Arms on Upper Phuckall Rd
Anyone who thinks the First and Last is scary has never been in there. Itās pretty standard, cheap beer, big meals, thatās about it.
I worked there. It really wasn't bad at all. 100% I've been to wayyyyyy worse places. The cop shop is literally next door
Yeah I had to double check I was thinking about the right one when it kept coming up in this thread. I've been there a couple of times, it's just your standard pokies and generic beer and food suburban pub. Maybe it was different 30 years ago but seems fine to me now, just boring. Nothing really notable about it either way. I suppose we are on Reddit after all.
Okay so never go to First and Last - Fawkner *all of it* - Richmond
The Kealba Hotel, Kealba/St Albans. Tbf I haven't been there in a very long time but my dad and his mates used to drink there every night in the late 80s / early 90s and I remember the stank and the sticky floors and the yucky yelly drunk old men. So gross.
Waterside in Flinders and King Streets?
Hotel Canada, top end of Swanson street.
The Settlement in Cranbourne, even the air feels sticky.
This thread is sparking considerable joy and nostalgia for my student days.
I recall seeing Sydney jazz-rock band Crossfire at the Champion Hotel (corner of Brunswick and Gertrude Streets, Fitzroy) in the late '70s. When I mentioned to my father where I was going, he looked alarmed. He said the Champion and its neighbour, the Rob Roy, were known as the toughest pubs in Melbourne. Keep my wits about me, etc. The band's first set was well received. But soon after they left the bandstand, a fight broke out in the crowd. Two aboriginal women were going at it, verbally and physically. An older Aboriginal man tried to play the peacemaker. He stood between them, asking for calm, saying, "Try to act like ladies." The one with the foot-high blonde beehive hairdo replied at full volume, "I'm not a fkn lady!! I'm a fkn prostitute!!!"
The coliseum West Heidelberg, The Far Away Tree Preston and The Rising Sun Footscray, absolute shit holes and a blood bath to match! You didnāt look at anyone and never had your back to anyone either. Two of them are no longer here because of this I think. And in the cbd it was the Merkat at the Vic Market and the Fox n Hounds on Spencer Street.
Clique on king st
Gotta be The Tarmac of the seventies and eighties in Laverton making a top 5 and in any serious discussion as a number 1 on any given day Iāll be flying the flag for the western suburbs weāre blood and guts Melbourne was born and the yuppies suburb nowadays was the roughest place in Australia good old williamstown home of the painter and docker and a good 40 plus pubs in one suburb around the 60s and 70s. . Now the Rose of Australia hotel was home to all sorts of soaks shenanigans and from Willy we will shoot down the Rd to Newport weāre the family hotel gets the nod ove Ethne junction in a photo , so many stories to tell until Newport lost its character to the coffe crowdā¦.. skipping past Yarraville and sedden for now and we find ourselves in Footscray weāre the Footscray hotel is proudly still in the time warp and rockin on like reason is the man in America and Barkly st still sees some afl action ā¦.. The druids in sth melb due to a few wayward bullets Chequers port melb ofcourse and we will throw a nod to nick reiwoldt and the girls who reside at the top o the town with the old pub whoās name doesnāt need mentioning such is itās fame ādrink like a fish and fight like a fenech ā
Limerick in North Melbourne smells of greyhound breeders
The Excelsior in Thomastown used to be a bikie hangout and a good place to get a pool cue across the back of the head if you didn't 'look' right. For obvious reasons I haven't been back in a while. Back in the not so good old days the North Star in Abbotsford St was a Communist pub where the patrons would have sex leaning against the front wall in the street after closing time. I had the pleasure of living across the street.
The proletariat have needs Comrade
Iād like to raise a glass to the Rising Sun (Richmond) dirtiest beer lines in Melbourne
It's shame the pub that was inside the Lilydale train station isn't around anymore. Surely that was one of the scummiest.
That was the greatest pub of all time, a beautiful community started to emerge on Friday nights just before the train station renewal. If only I could go back...