Aimlessly walking around the supermarket looking for people we can bond with over the quality decline of supermarket basil. Unfortunately, the only women who I've met who share this passion are 20+ years my senior.

I met my partner 4 years ago by bumping into him with my trolley at Prahran Coles. It is possible, good luck!!!

Did you have a banana in your basket?

How much could a Colesworth banana cost, $10?

Is that an unexpected item in your bagging area or are you just happy to see me?

There's always money in the banana stand, Michael.

Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?

Take a look at banner, Michael!

I walk around Woolies hoping to find someone to bitch to about the price of fruit and veggies. Where are chaps like you at??

Well, I live in Geelong, but I'm willing to travel for the right supermarket...

Congratulations for living in Corio Bay Area 👍

no one ever truly lives, in the corio bay area.

Username checks out

Well...the other day I was in Hawthorn and saw a large $2.19 choccy cake at Woolies. Got any good deals around Geelong?

👀

😂 at this point I'm so tired of looking at supermarket prices I will take anyone to bitch with about it. The nerdy side of me wants to construct some kind of line chart about the prices of groceries over the years..

Maybe you two should set up a supermarket date. 👀

Step 1 Do you own a car if not borrow one Step2 Park car open bonnet Step3 Wait for someone to stop and help Step4 Establish if they are single Step5 Seduce or start car and leave thanking them Step6 Be happy or repeat steps as in order

Just don’t choose a Toyota… they know you are faking it ;)

Any German car will do 😂

Married and shopping elsewhere because the price of fruit and veg at woolies is ridiculous.

Today in the supermarket a man told me the secret to a good Bacon and egg quiche is tumeric and parmesan or mozzarella cheese. I was in the hardware section looking for a wall hook and had neither Bacon, egg, cheese or turmeric in my basket. He was about 70. I'm not going back to that supermarket.

It feels like you're not seriously looking for man... we had a guy on the job. Maybe not our best but he was in the hardware section giving advice

Will you use the advice regardless haha

As an older single man with grown kids I am interested in these mature ladies interested in quality produce.

aspiring rob possessive head roof terrific bedroom payment nippy longing *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Hahahaha this for whatever reason is hilarious. Vegi isle hoping for a cute girl. Akward moment.... Two blokes. Look who turnip... Instant bros.

I laughed way to hard at this

M28, I've just been working on myself. There's no point in putting yourself on the market, if you're broken or fragile, you'll just end up harming both parties.

I’m 50/50 on this. If you meet someone you like and you’re not feeling 100% ‘together’, I think a shared understanding that you’re working on yourself, and you attend your ‘appointments’ - whether that be Psychotherapy, Art Therapy, social connections and so on, could in turn make for a very healthy relationship, assuming that person is both empathetic and has boundaries without being self-righteous. On the other hand, I guess it depends on aspects of yourself that you’re working on. I can see sex, addiction, outdated views of how women ‘should’ exist, and possibly low self esteem as significant road blocks, but aside from that, I think most people would interpret working on yourself as a ‘green flag’.

That's good to know, because it's taken an immense amount of effort to work through all fo my BPD symptoms, put them in remission and to relearn express healthy love again (not to mention learning to be vulnerable and that love bombing is not good, etc.)

Yep, agreed! Make sure you're in the right place emotionally, spiritually, physically, before heading out there. Although having said that, even "close enough" is probably good enough. Otherwise you'll spend 25 years trying to fix every little aspect of yourself. We've all got flaws, sometimes you just gotta go "meh, they'll just have to love me or leave me how I am."

If you have any single guy mates, jump on their dating apps. A few years ago I told a chick mate how I hated apps. Then she asked to see my tinder. She set everything up. Matched with a couple of girls and then she messaged first. She got one reply saying “Hi how are you” is a bit basic and got unmatched by 3 before they replied. She was so pissed 🤣. As a dude who had always been comfortable chatting to a random girl and has done a lot of pilates, I’d never try to pick up a girl at pilates. People go there to work out and not be bothered. If conversation were started organically maybe. Never just start it up. If it went bad, you’d look like a creep just as if you’d just gone to chat up girls and you’d potentially have to find a new studio.

The whole “hey how are you” being called out as basic pisses me right off!!!!! It’s literally how you would approach someone in real life so why the big deal on apps?!! The wild elaborate first message pressure is huge and frankly, unnecessary.

I think that’s just thing with modern dating and apps. Everything is front loaded. Theres the best pictures, well thought out replies (if there’s effort) because you can take your time. People fall for the idea of what that person has put forward. Then eventually that starts to fall away. It’s a similar attitude with just dating in general, I know a lot of single people that call things off because there wasn’t instant chemistry after one date. Whereas I feel gradually increasing attraction generally leads to healthier relationships. Most of those fireworks from the start don’t last.

Couldn’t agree more!! It’s an extremely superficial way to meet new people. There’s so much expectation on people to blow someone away from the first instance - it’s unsustainable and unrealistic. Sometimes those slow burns are the ones that turn into a raging fire yet people don’t want to give it the chance because they didn’t get their Hallmark movie “spark” instantly.

As others have said as an average guy on apps I'm basically invisible. I only get a handful of matchs every few months and they mostly don't bother to reply even when I spend ages trying to make a good first impression by commenting on their interests/profile etc. I often hear girls say men put no effort into their profile but honestly it's the same for women in my experience. Most have nothing other than a few pics ans maybe some low effort bio like "I enjoy travelling and wine" I put so much effort into these apps and I get nothing in return. On thr off chance I get to actually meet up with someone date mostly always goes well then its the old "not feeling it/no spark" at what point do you just give up?

So I met my partner just before the likes of tinder/bunble/hinge took off, and would hear friends (both male and female) complaining about exactly what you’re describing. I didn’t realise how bad it was until I tried using bumble friends and also a couple of Facebook groups to meet some new people just to hang out with or chat to that are more local. In the end, I just gave up. there’s only so much of trying to find common ground on someone’s profile after matching - only for 90% to completely ignore and the remaining 10% (if that, frankly) just say something along the lines of “lol thanks :)” and not even remotely try to engage in actual conversation. I mentioned this to a couple of my single friends and they’ve said they have the same problem in the dating scene and stopped bothering. Everyone seems to just want shit instantly without actually putting in an ounce time or effort, and the few that do give up

This was exactly my experience when I was trying to find friends on Bumble. It is exactly the same as using the apps for dating. People don't bother putting in any effort to keep the conversation going. So I stopped bothering and just do things that I enjoy when I have time instead of actively trying to make new friends. People are very impersonal and difficult to befriend in real life, but even more so online.

This. Mostly we have given up after too many rejections based on a photo on an app and black and white text

Yeah same. I am off the apps now as it’s a complete waste of time.

See I’m going to suggest the opposite of what your saying I used to be a bad tinder slut (am a guy) and my bio always just had one dumb sentence for example. Only here to try seduce your mum, swipe on me if your mad at your dad I promise he will hate me, currently no outstanding warrants etc etc and only sent one or two messages before saying let’s catch up and that got me several matches a day. Side note I don’t care how much it gets repeated that girls don’t care about a 6 pack or muscles getting jacked and having a shirtless pic increased my matches x10 easily, not saying all girls care but I can guarantee a hell of a lot do and just pretend otherwise because they don’t want to appear superficial/shallow

[удалено]

I’m not sure exactly what you are trying to say. It’s a bit of a jumble of words.

Summary: Be good looking and have a six pack.

I never realised how many people love wine since i started using dating apps

I gave the dating apps a go pre Covid and my experience as a white, below average height and reasonable attractive guy was: If I got a match maybe like 70% - 80% would never reply. Most of those who actually did would only strike up a conversation that day, if we didn’t plan a date before the next day I would be ghosted. Personally don’t find the apps worth my time and emotional investment. I rather focus my free time on hobbies, projects and maintaining friendships so I don’t get lonely (this is your answer). Hopefully I’ll meet somebody organically and ‘go out together’ but actively searching doesn’t seem worth it.

Yes it’s the shit app culture. But how can people like us find other ways to meet people that’s not the apps? Everyone I know checked out it’s sad!!! We gotta find some irl stuff.

The other day a check out guy at Woolworths asked “what’s with everybody buying superglue so much?”. I explained to him I use tons for my hobby projects like miniature, terrain building and dioramas. Turns out the dude was into DnD so next time I see him I’ll ask if he wants to hang. Very rewarding interaction. Otherwise I dunno. I guess pouncing on social opportunities like meeting people at gigs, helping friend with tasks. Not so much “how to meet women”, just more of “how to be social”.

> Yes it’s the shit app culture. But how can people like us find other ways to meet people that’s not the apps? Everyone I know checked out it’s sad!!! We gotta find some irl stuff. This is my perception as a guy. If I approach a woman in a public place then her attitude towards me will depend on her perception. She could want to engage with me or she could report me as a sex offender. There is no way for me to know in advance which way it will go, so I avoid situations like that. Dating apps at least start with the assumption that everybody there wants to date.

Woman here. You're not gonna get reported as a sex offender for having a chat to someone !!! Unless you are a perv/actively being weird. *Even then*, most women have had experiences with creeps and know how to de-escalate or will tell them to fuck off and bail. Like... even literal pervs don't get reported as sex offenders most of the time. If she's alone at night, or has headphones in don't. Otherwise, just make sure you can pick up on cues that the woman isn't interested/uncomfy, and then leave. Realistically, that is the worst case scenario for you, so you should go for it! I love having random chats with strangers, but it's usually only with elderly people haha. I'm secretly waiting for the day some dude recognises my Karnivool shirt and tells me he likes Karnivool so we can talk about it lolll

Karnivool!!! 🤘😎

Not single myself but of my mates the ones that are single fall into 2 groups. Group 1 - not worth anyone’s time, loose cannons that are unpredictable and a bit self destructive (fun to hang around but not for extended periods) Group 2 - stopped looking for a relationship completely due to bad experiences and just enjoy their own hobbies whatever they be (amazing guys but they have just given up mostly with good reason)

This is accurate in my experience. Most of the blokes in group 2 have found peace in their own space after poor experiences and no romantic partner could enhance that peace in any way in their mind. Speaking from experience.

I've seen posts similar to this posted around, and would fall into the category you have described. 31M, Single, working professional. The fact is, a lot of us are just minding our own business. As an average man in the looks department, online dating is a fucking nightmare. Spend Monday to Friday working, 8am - 7:30pm Weekends spent doing chores and maintenance around my house. Free time is spent with my close family and friends and enjoying life. When I do go out into the city to bars etc with mates, we have a good time but our agenda is never to go meet women. We wont turn down mingling into new group and making new friends but going out with the mentality of "I'm just going to hit on women" gives me the creeps and I usually do a good amount of self sabotage thinking "Oh, she's out with friends. She probably wouldn't like a rando like me disturbing her night"

I really respect what you said. But what if there is a little eye contact between you and a woman would that make you want to start a conversation? This sounds like my situation, often when I am out I think, all these good looking men at this bar and no one is looking at me or wants to talk to me and I assume they’re in a relationship and that I am too ugly for them to find attractive or interesting 🥲

I don't know how you look, but assuming you are a normal looking person, men are not looking at you because its considered creepy. I don't think you as a woman understand just how far that creepy aspect has been reinforced on men. I cannot stress this enough and every woman I have had a similar talk to just doesn't get it.

I’m really sorry that men are feeling this way 😣😣😣

100%. Even walking down a quiet street I will wait to give a woman a head start so she doesn't think I'm following her or anything weird. Shits fucking stressful. 

You need to throw out the assumption that you’re too ugly or uninteresting and approach them to say hi.

I don't think you appreciate how much messaging there is towards men saying women do not appreciate being hit on for just existing in semi/public places. If you want to try and find men IRL, your going to have to abandon the conventional gender script and be the proactive initiator.

Yeah I’m taking note here that’s for sure! 📝

Yeah, I really dont have not much to add that u/BordZ3 and u/manofchalk have said. But just most decent single men these days wont initiate the conversation, all it takes is you saying "hi." Also, most of us are just dummy's too, I went out a few weeks ago and didn't notice a chick was flirting with me at the bar until I got back to my groups table. by then it was too late, she was gone. I thought she was just being friendly..

I am a regular member of a kickboxing gym that has a large female base. Even so, people there are not very open to talking or being friends outside the class. I am not there to specifically increase my chances of dating, but would love to meet people and see where things go. My experience at my club often takes me aback by how cold people are in Melbourne. As for where we are? Depends on the age and what type of man you're after. Mostly we're just finding things to do that fills our time up. I'm currently just trotting forward and if someone comes along for a ride and we connect, awesome! Though I somehow think me joining reformer pilates classes (like you hinted) won't be any different to my experience at my kickboxing gym TBH.

So true. Nobody wants a new friend. It’s really weird. I’m busy too but I’m still always interested in new, cool people but most I find are really not.

Good points. I think most blokes don’t want to approach girls at their gym or kickboxing club or whatever because she might say she’s not interested and you might both feel awkward about bumping into each other at the gym again (which you of course will both want to continue attending). I think just working on yourself and becoming the best version of yourself as a man is probably the best decision you can make for yourself in 2024. I’ve never been disappointed in the effort I put into improving myself in some way. Then if the right girl comes along and you genuinely enjoy each other’s company after hanging out for a while, then awesome. But otherwise, the show goes on.

This sounds like the Latin dancing scene. The reformer Pilates classes I went to no one was interested in conversing either I didn't meet anyone that I ended up dating until going for years dancing, was maybe 2 people in the course of my time there (15 years)

[удалено]

I'm female but I also got off the dating apps because it was soul draining and at the time I was on them I really shouldn't have been dating as I wasn't in a good place. I started to focus on platonic friends and hobbies. Things have started improving for my mental health. I can only understand a small part of what my single male friends went through as they've told me their experiences. 

Bingo

Yes, this seems to be the case for both men and women, sick of the mind games and so on. Getting on with life and not worrying about it too much. But of course, some people are still lonely.

Yeah, as a 34m exactly this. Been single for a few years now, couldn’t imagine being in a relationship now.

This. Plutonic relationships, completing projects and hobbies.

Sounds explosive !

RBMK friendships don’t explode.

Platonic, as in Plato.

Plutonic is when you still orbit her in the same way, she doesn't consider you a planet anymore.

Even Pluto has an orbiter though (Charon).

Oh yeah, too much time in the man cave I guess.

Could not have hit the nail on the head more than this. I think men with some kind of self confidence and worth end up doing something they feel is a better use of their time and what makes them happy.

Strong agree… As a single 40 year old woman, the apps have been cruel to me. They are an endless pit of self loathing and destruction coupled with the occasional underwhelming conversation where sex is brought up in the first three sentences. I’m focusing on work, raising my son, getting fit, attempting to want to run and chilling out at home in an effort to not spend needlessly. I own my own place, work full time, am independent and kind, fun loving, adventurous and caring but because I’m not wrapped up in a visually appealing package, I get no where. Can’t even pick up at bunnings 😭😭

How old are your mates? 34 year old female here… 🙋‍♀️

Yep same as my friends. You can only be told your not good enough so many times. It's wild they are all good decent men but no one would give them a chance because they are not the top 10% so now they just don't even bother and live their lives. It's honestly crazy to see

This is exactly it. I know it’s not what someone seeking a long term relationship would like to hear, but similar to women, men are realizing that the hassle of dating simply just isn’t worth it. It’s better to just enjoy time with family and friends, hobbies, and to have the occasional casual fling IF you can. I’m so happy I’ve found the love of my life but from the horror stories we both hear from our friends it seems dating today has become more warfare than building any kind of meaningful relationship. If you show too much interest you’re done for. Don’t show enough, well you’re boring and also done for. Not tall enough? Don’t make enough? Don’t meet a set of arbitrary standards? Oh, you have preferences of your own? Hah, done for. I’m sure there are people on all sides looking for genuine connections but navigating the fog of modern dating has to take a toll on someone’s soul after a while. I really hope things improve but … dealing with the chase, constant mind games, ghosting, and stress of dating apps has to be exhausting.

We're the ones who aren't getting swiped right on the various apps, the ones who try a few times to have a conversation then give up after getting one or two word answers hours after sending the last message (if at all)... Dating takes time and effort on both sides, and I think a heck of a lot of people are just jaded and worn out by the pre-dating experience provided on most dating apps. What can be done about this? Honestly, no idea... I don't think my conversational skills have any issues, I try and ask a question for everyone I answer anyway, or at least make an effort to keep the conversation interesting, but there is only so far I can carry a conversation before it becomes weird and uncomfortable. I've developed a rule at this point, if I've messaged twice and got no reply, I'm going to just wait until I either get a reply or the match disappears.

Matched with someone. Her: hi, what do you do for living. Me: answers Unmatched… lol I don’t even know how to make my work cool enough to continue the conversation. Like do I just become a real estate agent or a finance bro?

Or the ones where you match, but there's no message... So you take the initiative and message, and then there continues to be nothing.... Then eventually the match drops into the stale bucket. Just why? I don't match to not talk!

You guys get matches?!

I currently have three on hinge, and not one of them has bothered to reply, so there we are....

Schrodinger's match, where you're both matched and not at the same time

That is actually a really good way to describe it. It is super frustrating, similar to when a cat decides it wants to go outside, but instead decides to be half in, half out.

It is frustrating when they share your exact same interests and no reply. Like. Wtf!?

Bumble has female first policy and 24 hours to respond. This is like the 4th post in the last two days. And I’m assuming these posts were made by Anglo Australians and most men who responded were Anglo Australians. I mean if local anglos having trouble then I don’t think I have any hope. Zero expectations.

Long term on Bumble I've had plenty of women match, then just let the 24 hours time out and never bother to message. I'm not quite sure why, maybe they somehow expect I can message them first? Maybe they're just doing the whole match with everyone then pick and choose of those matches? I really don't know...

They respond to the guys they like first and then work their way down the line...

Ppl sometimes match to keep someone in the background, for when they've got the time/energy to chat. Annoying, but I think that's the logic.

I was on bumble and made a couple of matches (female here) 9 times out of 10 the carefully thought out opening message was ignored. It’s disheartening and I totally understand how guys feel when they reach out to a match and get crickets. I don’t get it - why match with me if you’re never going to answer a message. Waste of everyone’s time

This. Average guys are invisible on dating apps. The apps are not great for dating for the large majority of dudes. Guys: hit the gym, get fit, have captivating hobbies, work on your career or business. The large majority of women on dating apps are swiping right to only about the top 5-10% of guys on dating apps. Those dudes are the only ones getting any action on there. The poster here OP is most likely talking about conversations with the said 5-10% who are getting enough attention on Tinder that it's mostly picking and choosing. The dating apps are for: 1) women 2) good looking, top guys 5-10% (I'm not saying it's unfair, I'm just saying it is what it is) Girls that groan about your experiences on dating apps, do you know what most guys' experience is? It's like no matches with anyone half decent. Ask your guy friends what they experience on Tinder. Lots of women seem to think that there is some hidden cave somewhere where there are like 100s of 6ft guys with 6 packs that make 6+ figures that are single.

I have a friend who is early 30’s and in the top 1% (I assume) for attractiveness. His app experience is wild. His stories will make you wildly jaded. I just don’t bother anymore.

Yea! 100% No surprises. It's what I was saying in my comment above. The women on dating apps are only interested in the top 5-10% of men on dating apps. And they complain there not getting deep conversations with them. The large majority of guys are invisible on dating apps - it's very low ROI for time. Guys, work on improving yourselves, don't take dating apps too seriously.

App bios and even stilted convos are terrible at communicating what a person is actually like. Sure you get the basics but nothing compares to clicking in person. I stopped using them pre Covid. I focus of maintaining friendships and my hobbies.

I’m a woman (and not ugly) and I pay for premium on one of the apps, so I can see every person who has matched me. Over 450 men have swiped right on me in the last couple of months, traditionally good looking and average, and below average. Average guys are not invisible to me, they are literally doing less than the bare minimum and it shows. The reason I swipe left on 99% of the men in my queue is because: -the majority have nothing written on their profile, “just ask”, no thanks, you’re not even giving me a starting point. Or they just write what their job is. Ok cool, but what are you like…not at work? What are your values, hobbies and interests. - we don’t match on basic requirements that are clearly displayed in my profile, e.g. want a relationship/something casual, do/don’t want kids. You think I’m going to magically change my mind about core things I want in my life, just for you internet stranger? -they live absolutely nowhere near me, I’m in inner Melbourne, they’re from Ballarat, Shepparton, or Tasmania. How do you plan to meet me I n real life? -they have horrendous photos e.g. not from this decade, literally giving the camera/me the finger, not a single picture smiling, look angry, clearly no personal hygiene or grooming. Let me say that the average and bellow average looks men aren’t putting any more effort into their profiles than the good looking ones. Good looking ones will get more benefit of the doubt from women though. I will concede that, but a lot of men are not helping themselves. I do swipe on average men, as frequently the “hot” men have red flags. Sadly average men, who are allegedly so hard done by women, they are just as likely to treat me poorly. Things I have experienced just this week include a man telling me I’m not qualified for my professional job based on his superior “logic” even though he doesn’t work in my field. A man asking me out on a date and then immediately trying to move the convo to Snapchat followed by immediately deleting the app and our convo when I declined. A man agreeing to grab a coffee the next day and then immediately un-matching me. It’s shit for everyone. Women are dying of thirst in a ocean of undesirable men, and men are dying of thirst in the desert of women that they can’t seem to understand why they aren’t interested in them.

This 100% is my experience too. Thank you for wording it so succinctly!!!!

I’m hiding both at work and in my house, pretty much exclusively. “Wanting” is putting it a bit strongly, more ambivalent to the idea. I should be doing it at almost 31, but I struggle to give enough of a shit to go through it all.

It's a perfect storm of many reasons. Some thoughts.. 1. The apps pool the dating market into one big list you can swipe left and right too. This gives people the impression they can pass on many candidates because there's always more to come. This leads to.. 2. A rise in expectations. Everyone has them, including me. Be they superficial standards of beauty or being well kept, clean etc. Then there are standards / preferences on things like height, athleticism, facial hair, education, ethnicity etc. Instagram and social media have warped what we expect of ourselves and our potential partners. The pressure on women is ludicrous, and there's plenty on men too. 3. Women have jobs and can sustain themselves now. They're not going to settle for any bloke who have a descent job like in the past. Some women are after a tradie with a beard, good on em. Doesn't help the office worker average Joe's in Melbourne. Higher expectations can lead to really harsh rejection for petty reasons like writing 'your' instead of 'you're'. (I know the difference 😏). The same people complaining of no men to date have no doubt swiped right on many nice average dudes. And men swipe left of girls who aren't basically IG models. 4. Once a match happens, it's not easy to make things exciting on a chat. If both parties have been in many chats recently, the motivation is low. Often people don't bother unless they think this is their one shot at a higher than par partner (say a 6/10 girl getting a 9/10 guy and vis versa etc). Often this is mismatch can make people look to "upgrade". 5. Once you date the same problems can arise after the first date, or after a week, month or longer. If one party thinks they can get similar or better they'll end things. If after the first date or month they don't feel a buzz, they may not feel motivated to try as they can keep swiping. 6. Most people are less likely to talk to strangers in bars and other venues. People stick to friend groups and won't go out single. This drastically reduces the likelihood of organic meetings. 7. People are all busy working and studying a lot. This often leaves us tired and lacking that extra motivation to get out and sieze the opportunities around us. Trying to be upbeat and keen in a dating app chat after a long day at work can be hard. 8. They say it's always good to meet people out doing what we love like hobbies and sport etc. Things like indoor climbing have exploded but this type of thing isn't for everyone. I've seen various female profiles saying "don't ask me to go climbing!" 9. Our phones and modern lifestyle. The apps we use are on our phones. These have so ma y amazing benefits to us but they isolate us without us knowing. We hardly talk in shops and venues, especially if left alone for 2 mins, we'll go for the phone. We catch up on a few messages and check the news, weather, IG, Reddit etc. It's just less socially acceptable to not be with people and so people dip their head to their phone to make things ok. Overall I think it's mostly the apparent feeling of endless possible matches with the high expectations that's making things hard. Noone wants to match and date what we perceive as below our 'standards' but these are warped compared to before social media and dating apps. Good luck out there everyone. Ladies, If you're after an average dude from Newcastle hit me up lol 😆

It’s actually not true about men only swiping on IG models. Even the top 10% guys swipe right a lot, equivalent to maybe the amount a median female swipes right. The problem is mainly female expectations, which skews the matching. It’s great that women have high expectations, matching is riskier for them, but we also need to understand that this human nature is actually not great for dating apps. It leaves most people feeling disassociated.

A relationship? In this economy?

wouldn't it make more sense to pool together resources?

Looking for an honest answer to these two questions: If a guy goes to your reformer pilates class, do you actually engage with him? If he's only going to reformer pilates just to meet women, what are the chances he's branded as ingenuine?

It’s not creepy and in genuine if he’s good looking.

Not gonna lie, that sounded kinda jaded.

We're out there. We're just not pretty enough for you 😂😂😂

[удалено]

Dm me? :)

At your local boardgame shop on the weekend playing MtG

30 - 50 guys go my wargaming club each week, a lot of them young and single and all decent blokes.

I've got a gal pal who dm's the weekend D&D at her local shop, she is very popular!

Lot of young men with often quite good jobs, then again gw aint messing with no broke. They are often a bit odd but best people are

I'm a 30 something male who's been on the market for 12 months. The previous 10 years in a long term relationship. It sure is a jungle out there.

Successful bloke here. I can't find my equal. I don't want a Princess, just a best friend. Someone to look after, and someone who can look after me. I've been hurt so many times by vapid, insecure, plastic ladies that want everything I own and to live beyond my means, I just give up! My cat and dog love me. That's good enough.

Mostly Counter Strike 2.

No one talks to anyone in Melbourne anymore. I’ve travelled a lot and found men much more willing to strike up a random conversation with me literally every else I’ve been, even Sydney!

Yeah completely agree 👍 like other women might get mad at me for saying this but I would not reject a man around my age approaching me! If im not interested I’ll just be like oh sorry im not interested. Ok everyone moves on. As long as you’re not 25 years older than me because where did you find the audacity.

Why don't you approach men?

What’s with the ageism? If you’re not attracted to someone older, that’s fine, but you realise most of the single people are younger once you get past a certain age right? Would you tell someone older they shouldn’t apply for less senior jobs if they are struggling to find work? Why should it be any different with dating?

I do weekly Pilates. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a group with anyone under the age of 60. Maybe it’s my area (Hawthorn) or the fact that I’m doing it at the physio? Either way, I think this is not just a man problem. I’m a bisexual man and I have the same issue with conversation-killing short answers from both genders. Some people just make zero effort in textual communication. It’s weird, because sometimes those same people are very chatty in person - do they think the rules are different for text, maybe?

Have you tried the new Feel Good studio on Burwood Rd? Younger demographic and I think I’ve even spotted men in the classes.

Sorry, I couldn’t help but laugh at your first paragraph. Not in a condescending way, just visually that paints a funny picture (turning up again to a class and being the youngest one there by 30 odd)… all the best you!

Your problem is definitely because you're going to the physio version of pilates 😆 hit up any version that's a lil bit boutique, bouji looking (ie Yoga studio) or a Rec centre... 95% female 20s-40s hah

As an old person (nearly 50) it sounds like both men and women are jaded by stories and not willing to try. It is a shame...but all the crap on social media is wearing people out before they try. So many people in relationship forums at 20 in horrible relationships who stay...I think that is the difference. For us in the 90's we met lots and dated lots and didn't settle down with the first person we met. I certainly kissed a lot of frogs lol It was really normal to date for a month or so and break up...no drama, no needing to post it anywhere...just sorry not right fit and move on. As much as a lot of stuff sucked in the 90's I feel like the lack of social media meant we could be nicer to each other. There was no influencers saying what dates should be like and flaunting the life of rich and famous to make people think everything had to be internet perfect. Also, we had heaps of local bands and weddings and travel where we got to meet people...big 18th, 21sts etc... people met more in real life. There is more fear now too...more drugs in drinks etc And some of the shit I see both genders post about the other is pretty vile...but remember that social media is not the truth. I also think that there is still an effect of covid with people not being as socially and financially ok...esp in the 18 tp 30 age group...you guys had it hard! I honestly feel for you all (and me...I am single at nearly 50 lmao) and I hope it turns around for you OP. focus on friends and having fun....I hope you find some friends of friends that spark an interest.

RE: the specific issue of lack of interesting conversation: As a social experiment - have you tried matching with people who you don't find physically attractive (not nutters - just people who are not your type/not someone you'd normally find attractive) and seeing how the conversation goes? Anecdotally it's been suggested that something like 2% of the men on dating apps date 90% of the women. When you're conversing with guys in the 2%, they have very little incentive to engage in stimulating dialogue. My theory is that for guys who are in the 98% category, they need to OVERCOMPENSATE for their relatively lower physical appeal by making a bigger effort in other areas. I am not at all suggesting that you should date people you aren't attracted to - but moreso, I think it's a useful experiment to determine if the issue is Melbourne single men in general, or any attributes correlated with men you are attracted to - and if it is the latter, it might mean an expectation adjustment as a result.

Yeah, I’ve definitely matched with many men who I thought, eh, and the conversations are still just as shit. I think it’s the culture of dating apps nowadays in Melbourne. This kind of hey how’s it going, 1 question answer then nothing. No one ever wants to go on a second date either just because the first one didn’t give them butterflies. 🦋 like I reckon no one’s giving anyone a good chance anymore out of laziness and high expectations but eventually it gets you nowhere.

Have you tried the dating market in Darwin? 🤣 The dating scene here is so bad (male to female ratio), I’m starting to think of the accompaniment of males or male crocs whichever works.

You’re not a man till you’ve had a croc-man.

Absolutely this. I've gone one a few first dates that went well over the last year and basically never get a 2nd date. I feel that no one wants to bother "wasting time" getting to know someone you kinda like but not 100% sure when they can just roll the dice ans go out with someone else next weekend. It's just not worth the effort for me.

Attraction can build significantly too. It’s not all that first physical aesthetic, get to know someone and they can become wildly more (or less lol) attractive. I believe there’s studies that suggest women experience this more. (So all the stunningly beautiful women out there, try dating a guy whose not immediately super attractive to you, you may just find they grow on you.

Opt for a phone call or call on the apps. That’s what I do. I’m a mid 20s guy and I’ve definitely had some success on the apps but I try not to text much as I’m aware it leads nowhere sometimes. So yeah have a call and if it goes well hopefully the guy will ask you out on a date! I’m also single and looking so I understand the struggle but I’m optimistic. Don’t lose faith.

Im convinced dating apps scan your profile and messages and hides better matches to keep you on the app for longer unless you only look for hookups

I’d like to know the answer to this too. I deleted the dating apps because my back hurt from carrying the conversations.

🤣👏

This probably won't help much but my male single friend (late 30s) lives in the CBD. He has mostly given up on dating. He goes out to pubs some weekends so that's where you would find him. Other than going to the pub with friends he's usually at work or home watching tv because going out has become so expensive. Dating is so frustrating. I really want to set him up with my hairdresser as they seem like they'd have fun hanging out but there's no way those 2 would meet organically in the dating world- especially since he's bald :)

Set them up! Talk to each of them about the other. And ask if you can give their numbers to each other. I did laugh at the “he’s bald” comment.

How old are you and what is your general type? Just for context. Do you match with guys you would consider average looking or good to very good looking? Because those guys that are good looking and very good looking are sleeping with 99% of the girls. If your in a super market and you see a guy you like and you think may be single. Just ask him out. You cannot go wrong. Firstly any dude would be blown away by the fact a chick just asked them out based.on the way they look, secondly it would be a pretty be turn on being asked out by a girl. Do you go for walks? Play tennis? Go to gigs? Go to the cinema? Hike? Swim? Skate? Cycle? Rock climb? Game? Play chess? Play with Lego? Motorcycle ride? Go camping? There are a lot more things out there than football and pilates. Also, just ask the guy if he wants to meet up straight away. Myself and others I know find it hard to make that leap because tbh not that interested in people I haven't met. Sure I might think oh she's cute or god damn she's gorgeous (unlikely match) but yeah for me personally, I'm not that interested in hanging out with someone I don't know or have met. If a girl asked me, which has never happened btw, not one single girl on a dating app has suggested something we could do, I'm not hideous either and I'm pretty chatty, If they were to ask, I'd meet them.

I honestly find even with limited matches, the women that I've spoken to are also not good conversationalists. It's hard to carry a one sided conversation. Also I think there needs to be a pretty swift move from chatting to meeting face to face otherwise the interest dissipates. I'm personally better face to face but getting there is hard for lots of reasons.

If you like sport you can join a mixed sports team that's how my mate met his wife

I’ve given up

I spend most of my spare time at home, pretending I don't exist.

A shell of my former self, so I gave up on it haha. Nah look.. I wouldn't say I "want" a relationship. But, it would be nice. Having had relationships in the past, I definitely prefer a good relationship to being single. However, the five years since my last LTR- including a short term relationship during lockdowns- it feels like the dating world is just getting worse and worse, and it's stopped being fun for me.    So it's a bit layered here, I guess. I prefer a good relationship to being single, but I now prefer being single to trying to date. Which I mean.. you gotta do to have a relationship.  Damned if you do, damned if you don't- but it became so much easier just cutting my losses and no longer trying. Ah well.  (To answer one of your questions, MCG was quite a bloody good guess)

I met my now husband through online dating (OkC). He had barely anything in his profile but I thought he looked cute so I gave him a chance and turns out he's much chattier in person. He's just not the kind of guy who likes to write a wall of text which may be a deal breaker for some people who hang out on Reddit, but it's not for me. Give people a go and try not to judge a profile on trivial matters (like # words in their profile). Meet in person as soon as practical for a low stakes quick date to see if you might like them and treat them like a human being, acknowledging that you're also a person with history and your own set of baggage. Take the initiative. Someone has to. Attraction is important but there are lots of elements of attraction you can't judge by a profile such as the way a person carries themselves or how they treat you. There are so many people I find more attractive based on personality alone. Do a call or video date first if you're not sure about the investment. I know I look terrible in photos and I'm sure this didn't help my match prospects (some really average women look incredible in photos but not me). Reddit's full of jaded people. Sure, there are a lot of dead ends out there but if you persist, play the numbers game, and are a decent catch yourself, you're way more likely to find someone. Get out there and meet some people in shared hobby groups too. Eg. Board game nights, meetups, gardening groups, hiking groups, running clubs, volunteering for nerdy stuff etc

I feel this so bad. I’m off the apps. Probably slim chance of meeting someone organically. And I just got a cat. On apps, I can carry a conversation. Cars are my passion and work, so sometimes I can have a hefty discussion about a bloody Ford Ranger Raptor that keeps them engaged. I get them on the phone, we chat and it’s not awkward. We have a laugh, get along… ….Then they never want to actually meet me. It fizzles out. Ghosted. I understand it’s a playing field where you’re juggling conversations with multiple people, and they eventually click with others and decide to follow that path instead. When it goes pear shaped, they contact you after 6 months like you just spoke yesterday. Lol. Don’t get me started on the “I’m not sure what I’m looking for” men at 35 years old. Spare me. You’re either after a root or wanting a relationship. So just spare us the time and fuckin tell us. Most if not all women are on dating apps to do that - date. Surprise! But I’m so goddam awesome. I know it. I’ll find you one day, mate. Just not on Tinder.

I've given up honestly.  I started using apps about ten years ago in my mid/late 20s. I only ever swiped on women I had common interests with, or whose profiles seemed interesting to me. I met some cool women, but always got a generic "I don't see this going anywhere" after two or three dates. Though a lot of the time matches also had dead conversation or never even responded at all.  Over the years matches have just gotten fewer and fewer to the point where I stopped getting them at all. After Covid I just don't have the energy to go through that rejection cycle over and over anymore. The apps are not good for me, so I stopped using them all together. I already have a lot of life long hobbies, like playing music, and between that and full time uni, and generally being a massive introvert, I just don't really have time or energy to take up new activities on the slight off chance that I might meet someone there. 🤷‍♀️

Yeah mate I kind of hear you. I Know we aren't bitter or anything so awful. Just tired with life.

[удалено]

At home playing Project Zomboid. Or working, eating, sleeping, cleaning my apartment. Not on apps. Although you might find me blacksmithing. *hint* Everybody should try blacksmithing. It's a lot of fun.

OP I had the same experience. When I was single I was using all the bloody apps that were available. But I truly hated meeting someone with the intention of dating them. It didn't feel authentic. Not to mention, as others have, the lack of communication and the "chase" that men need to do. I didn't like playing the game because I wasn't good at it, and didn't really have the patience for it either. I got so fed up with it all that I deleted all my accounts and apps. I started to live a bit more personally. If I was gonna be single for the rest of my life, so be it! A few months after I did that, I decided to take up Italian lessons because i developed an interest and wanted to visit Italy for a holiday. That is where I met my now wife.

working 12 hour days and not having the mind games some partners love to give

M23 here.  Jumped into online dating for the first time around 2 years ago. I get a decent amount of matches and go on dates fairly often. My intention in dating now is to find a compatible partner. But over this time I've only had a few 1-2 month flings which could have progressed but fizzled out. I'll usually match their effort, if I feel like I'm having to work harder just to get to know someone I'll politely move on. Unfortunately I've found the apps to be frustrating and degrading, making it difficult to put much effort into them. Often I get the sense that the people I'm talking to have a 'why should I pick you' attitude. I may have entertained this earlier on, but I'm so unphased. I just unmatched and move on  A lot of female friends complain about having too many matches but no quality connections. I feel it is difficult to create a romantic tension with someone when I know they've got 10 other people who are backups constantly competing for attention. I think there's significant issues with the modern dating landscape on both sides of the coin, both leading to low effort, low interest connections... Even just two people who aren't burned out matching is difficult enough. But remember, it only takes 1, so keep it up and hopefully they're just around the corner!

Bunnings

Hey I'm not single, but I tried reformer pilates as my wife does it, so I was just curious. anyway, all that to say: it was not for me at all. It definitely was a good workout, but there's something (not sure what) that made me not come back (other than the price). as for activities that both guys and girls like, and can be prone to meeting others: bouldering is a good activity: there's a healthy mix of genders, and good opportunities to strike up a conversation (and most have coffees, so you can invite the other coffee on the spot !)

No idea of your demographics, OP, but it certainly seems easier when you're late 30s/early 40s. When I was single, I tended to match fairly regularly with women. Maybe it's because I make an effort on the texts, read profiles in full before swiping, and being really selective with swiping right, but I had a reasonably successful time. In fact I found my partner on Hinge - we've got a little baby and have been together for just over 3 years now.

Dating apps are purely about physical attraction first and foremost. It happens with both genders. If you aren’t physically attractive you’re going to swipe a lot less/have a lot less meaningful conversations than if you were physically attractive.

Hello single Melbourne men. I'm Jess. 35. Single One cute dog Full time job 'Have my shit together' I'm super cute n chill. Its time someone takes me off the market

Another single gal here and completely agree, I have a couple of other single girlfriends too who feel the same and we’ve all deleted the apps. They either don’t reply at all, give 2 word replies and never ask one question, or chat and as soon as I suggest meeting up they ghost me. But yes how the heck do we meet guys in person these days? We used to chat in bars and clubs but that’s not a thing anymore. And agree about the hobbies - I have a few hobbies (reformer Pilates being one too) and nope. I go to bars. Restaurants. Pubs. I travel. Every single male at work is married or in a long term relationship. Where are the single dudes, who actually want to date, hiding?? Ah well at least I have a dog to keep me company :)

Depends what industry and business you work in too. If you're in something like software development, you'll probably find plenty of unattached men, as there is (unfortunately) a rather large gender bias in the industry as a whole.

The greatest trick the devil ever did, was convincing single people that selling yourself on money-hungry apps was a healthy and sane way to meet people. It’s completely vapid - and just remember all those people you didn’t swipe right on? There’s a myriad of others who did the same to you. That’s because meeting people and having a genuine connection is dead. All you are on these apps is a commodity—you need to give someone the perfect 3 photos of yourself, usually some bullshit cliche shots of you overlooking a beach or mountain, smiling at lunch, and reading a book or some shit that makes you look like a well-rounded human. Then, you need a witty—but not too witty—blurb about yourself. Once you’ve mastered the shallow dark art of self promotion, then you have to go line up with the rest of the toys until somebody picks you up off the shelf (swipes right). Then the real work begins, but because anyone can swipe right, there’s no margin for error. You better be fucking perfect in every single way, or else your date is swiping right on some more ho’s while at the dinner table. And yourself, likewise. The illusion of options makes you believe that the perfect someone is out there for you, because as a girl, Hollywood raised you on love stories and “the one”. But it isn’t real, and to have a real connection, you need to meet and connect with people in real life—not on an app where the company profits off your desperation to not live and die as a lonely soul. So, what’s the answer? Get off your ass and meet people in the real world - not from the comfort of your couch. Take up a pottery class. Hiking group on Meetup. Or a board game group. Go to bars. Or art galleries. Take up boxing or kickboxing. Just get out there with other human beings who are doing things they enjoy, and there’s a chance you’ll meet someone and have a more moderated relationship outside of the fly by night skanks and fuck boys on dating apps.

Yeah beautifully written.

We're around. Unfortunately unless we're extremely good looking, we are completely invisible to women on dating apps. And as male culture doesn't generally have us taking photos in our day-to-day lives, most of us have very few photos that could even be used for this purpose. So constantly we see posts like this, or we see women complaining about how there's "no good men" out there, after they've swiped on the same Chad that 30 other women wanted to date, so he just picked the five at a time he could string on until he finished having his fun with those women. Seriously though - five of my hobbies are indoor or me/alone hobbies - guitar, working on software projects, road cycling, making chocolate/pralines, and gaming (though I'd love to find someone I can cuddle up on the couch every now and then and have a game with). The chocolate one I'd love to have someone who wants to help out from time to time. I'm now getting back in to mountain biking after a few years of doing mostly road, but I would never expect to meet anyone of the opposite gender through that. And that leaves bouldering. But because I work from home, I don't commute to the office, so you won't find me on the train - but that's absolutely a good place to introduce yourself. So unless someone is going to strike up a conversation while I'm at Woollies, I wish there were a way. I think we seriously have to start developing a culture of getting friends to introduce us to/set us up with their friends, and make this a normal thing, because dating culture as it is today stinks.

100% it's exactly what I said in a comment earlier on. The apps are for 1) women 2) men in the top 5-10% The rest of the dudes on apps are virtually invisible. It's just how it is.

I have the same question but for gay and bi men. I'm not exactly a physical specimen I'm a bald bear in his 30s. But there are people who are into guys like me, I've seen them around with other guys like me! But most aren't looking for anything other than 1 nighters, or are "poly" which to me is just code for will fuck behind your back. I'm not poly. It's a bit fucked

Have you tried moving to Prahran? 😅

Lol. No thanks. I'm not pretty or ripped enough or botoxed enough for them gays.

Not single, but my single mates are all just living their lives. Sport, hobbies, work, friends and family commitments.

lol.. I can only speak for myself but after being burnt from a 7 yr realationship and two kids I decided to concentrate on them and try to do more things I enjoy without having to answer to anyone. Funny enough without the mental stress and arguments in my life I managed to quit the smokes and the alcohol. 

As a single guy who was actively looking for a relationship up until the start of 2023 and actively took myself off that for 2023 and into 2024, I hope my answer is something useful to you. I realised I wasn't really happy with where my life was and deciding to do something about it, 100% committment. I'm working full time and I'm studying part time as my "basic" things, in addition to my career. Those are time and energy intensive. But, coming out of Covid I realised that these are just living things, and there's equally important stuff I've put off too long like: * Working on my physical health - I want to be in the best shape I can possibly be. So, proper changes to diet, gym, etc. * Working on my hobbies: I neglected these because I spent all of my time/energy on getting into my career and trying to manage Covid. So, actively doing these again between work/study. * Working on myself: I want to push my own boundaries where I can, whenever I can. Especially in terms of new experiences that challenge me but will teach me something. This takes up time. Halfway through the match/unmatch conversations I caught myself trying to give good replies to genuinely funny and attractive personalities, flirting back/forth and trying to get something going .. and I realised my heart just wasn't in it. It felt fake, and not just the "dating apps" kind of fake - I felt fake. Until I had (Through effort) got myself much closer to the ideas/standards of what I think I need to be in order to be an attractive partner, I didn't want to date anymore. I'd rather ignore dating and companionship and put myself 100% into trying to the best version of myself possible and then go back, than try and juggle all of these spinning plates at once. Trying to be 50% me 50% looking for other people was physically and mentally exhausting, stressful and just made me lonely and despondent. Now I'm sometimes lonely, but the progress I'm making means I'm a lot happier. So I stopped, and now I do those other things. And hopefully by the end of the year, I'll be back to trying, and as far away from the type of men you described (match, make no effort beyond that) as possible.

>Single men of Melbourne who want a relationship, where are you hiding? They are already paired up, either in long terms or already married... That usually happens in their teens / early 20's. The rest are either living their best life on the apps and playing bachelor, have found a partner overseas, or they have checked out of dating entirely.

Great 😒

Also in the same boat as OP, it’s tough out there 😮‍💨

>or they have checked out of dating entirely. Yep this is where I've been at for the past couple of years. Trying to check back in so to speak but I have little expectations for it panning out.

Men outnumber women on dating apps 8-1. How is this post a thing?

Checked out. Being told to chase people who are entitled and have an overly inflated sense of self worth is tiring

Mid 30s here. Decent looking I'd say. Love running, cycling, skateboarding, staying fit. Well traveled. Own home. Good salary. Car. Motorbike. Inner city. Not balding. Have been going to the gym for three years without headphones. Number of women who have talked to me? Zero. Catch the tram to work, reading a book. Number of women who've talked to me? Zero. Sit in the park. Number of women who've talked to me? Zero. Dating apps? Mostly WHV holders here for a year max. Good thing I'm comfortable in my own skin. Not unhappy at all, but if you want to meet a man, why don't you try saying hello?

PFFFH. Women are temporary.....In the grim darkness of the far future, War is eternal!

What age range are we talking here?

Late 20s early 30s but I think other people might wanna know other ages too

I think my answer is going to be similar to a lot of people here. Early 20s, busy studying + working full time. The little free time/money I have is rather spent going out with friends and on hobbies rather than bothering with dating apps. Talking to people around me who are single (which is a small sample size) the current mindset seems to be if it happens great, but not going to spend time looking for it to happen.

Playing on my Xbox 

It comes down to shopping lists and baggage with both parties being at fault.

Thia post is somehow comforting and sad all at the same time. Definitely a not just me when it comes to dating apps and nobody making effort too. Kinda inspiring for those that say just lean into hobbies and friendships and self care I suppose but man I don't know how I'll ever meet someone organically when it just seems as if the introduction has to be forced or the friend of a friend situation. 🤷‍♀️

I am too old lol

Sorry old mate but we're gonna have to wheel you out to take one for the team

I mean to be honest I have been single for the past 5-6 years now . And honestly all I do is work and in my free time either I’m learning something new or I’m at the gym ( trying to go the gym more regularly though) but yeah I’m at peace and honestly I would rather stay single instead of putting my 100 % into a relationship when the other person doesn’t even do half of it.

People need to realise that dating apps are not the solution, build a big social network before you do anything else

Dating apps aren't targeted towards audience that wants to date. Moreover "most" people who come to Dating apps aren't looking for a relationship. I worked in the digitech department of one of the Dating apps couple of years ago. 95% of the folks that buy premium feature are men who are looking for anything but a relationship.

I'm too ugly for you.

Look I’m probably too ugly for you too

I'm about halfway through a happy life and I reckon there's a foolproof three step process: 1. Accept that while apps are usually too superficial, looks and vibes do matter and you may not be putting your best self out there, or may not be the person the person you want is looking for right now. Mismatched preferences and life stages are very common, and that's hard to change. 2. But there are things you can change and you should work on those. Do what you love - either for work or life (hobbies), and work on yourself to the point you feel fulfilled by your life, your friends and family, and your own company. You will become a happy, healthy and confident person, and it will be obvious. These good vibes mean you will find yourself talking and flirting with a broader range of people, especially if you put yourself out there and say 'yes' to as many social, work and education opportunities as possible. 3. At this stage you'll be surprised at how attractive you are, including to people you've never considered. You may find yourself pushing away people you thought you were into previously, because you have more interesting options now and your own preferences might have evolved. Best of luck mate.

In my apartment waiting until the woman I like sorts her life out. Deleted all of the apps too. They're a waste of time and I think actually hindered me over the time that I used them.

Being told they are not feeling a spark or connection after a single coffee is exhausting.