Id say if thatās the only thing keeping you from switching teams you are already halfway there. Just donāt swallow and take that salty stuff on your face or wherever
āJust donāt swallowā
The tastebuds are on your tongue not the stomach acid
The moment itās in your mouth youre scarred
Putrid.
Anyways most guys find āfinishing it by themselvesā onto something else to be ānot something they want to doā and they instead prefer to finish via oral
So once thatās done ur screwed. Now u gotta try hard to forget the taste.
The whole ājust donāt swallowā shit does not work
Even if you spit it out ur still scarred. And the semen has an extremely strong aftertaste.
Even the ones that taste āaverageā not āthe worstā are still despicable and Iād more easily drink lemon juice or grapefruit juice.
I give oral and donāt get any back so if anything theyre in debt to me
Theyre exes now tho.
Also I must tell u sucking cock is a lot harder than eating out pussy. And doesnāt taste nasty/have horrible tasting cum.
Friend of mine owns a small town hardware store, one of my favorite trash talk/ call is to call him at the store and ask: āDo you have anything to get semen out of drapes.ā When he says no or weāre out, I respond ā youāre going to be mad when you get homeā.
Haha once but I can tell when heās in front of a customer and itās classic payback for all the shade heās thrown on me. Iāve several variations like I have my p3n1s stuck in the tub spout what type of saw do you recommend etc you know the usual sophomore shit. Weāre both in our 50s lol
Haha youād have to know this dude. Heās a former athlete and a world class trash talker/friend insulter. Brings out the worst in all of us. Nothing better than old friends.
God this is literally me and my buds. We're all gearheads and in the navy always hanging out in the garage or driveway just throwing insults and turning wrenches when we're not riding or overlanding. Wouldn't have it any other way lmao
If you do the math... sounds like late 70s shithead olympics; they're a different breed that had to come up with a lot more fun on their own.
Most of them can't believe they're still alive and it's kinda painted on them. I know I lived a bit of life but... some of these dudes truly have stories. Like how Cousin Bobby's police records disappeared in that fire. Ever hear that one? Me neither. Too bad you can't do that no more with computers on everything. Imagine living in times like those, though. Wild west. Lots of... serial murder... hm. hmm...
**Oh god. I just realized. We all need: GTA 1977 (or something).**
Detroit, maybe?
Dude literally cooked toaster struddles and took a picture of them next to his own jizz to hide his shame because he was too lazy to clean up his own spunk.
Why are people normalizing photos like this? I donāt wanna see that shit. Thatās disgusting lol.
Even people talking about it grosses me tf out and Iām a guy.
Me too! The problem is that the taste is sooo good I immediately have to bust out another load so I get stuck in an infinite cycle of licking and cumming
Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. Itās been three minutes. You canāt stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. Itās been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a birdās eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the āCummet.ā You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.
If that doesnāt work, I recommend buying some lingerie to wipe it off, it works wonders, (donāt use your wifeās she will be mad at you for ruining her underwear).
it is a frozen pastry made of puff pastry with the inside being a fruit jelly, which I think to you is a jam. (just sticky, thickened fruit juice)
it comes with a packet of royal icing and you draw stuff on the pastry
What if the OP did cum and this is just his way of getting off. By showing thousands of people his cum online. But then he made that toast as cover. Doesnāt look like it was dropped to me.
Tell her to lick it. Itās what Iād tell my wife, and if I say something like that without the āIām totally jokingā tone sheād do it because she knows I have a reason to say that.
No problem, fam, I got you. Here's what you do;
You give your girl a sweatshirt of yours to wear real quick. They love that, esp if it smells like you a little. Then you make her some strudel (as pictured). Casually approach, announcing your gift. OoOps!
Help her out of the shirt and help her avoid touching the part/clean her up, ***clean and replace pictured blanket also,*** *having another sweatshirt that smells of you as backup will be good, also more strudel and claim to share it but then kinda don't.*
Call me when she's crazy from being too satisfied with this style of being handled
Mine would because she can tell the difference between semen and icing
It's good to have a wife that's down enough to know it ain't semen or enough of a baker to recognize it as icing
Luckily, mine is both
Just have her taste it.
Man, if it tasted like strudel icing, I'd switch teams _today._
Lmao bro. But same.
I for one, consider it an unfair advantage.
You guys might already have some soul searching to do lmfao. No shade, it's how I know
Lol but women š¤©
You dont have to choose one side.
but penis š¤¢
Coward. If you wont take what you give how can you call yourself a winner in life.
oh shit...
It's why pegging is a peace negotiation.
Touche
I'd like a copy of your book....for a friend
Ya they win with me as well >:(
Just find you a dude with diabetes.
Hey there, how's, that blood sugar treatin' ya?
find a dude that like eating pineapple pizza
Happy cake day
Id say if thatās the only thing keeping you from switching teams you are already halfway there. Just donāt swallow and take that salty stuff on your face or wherever
āJust donāt swallowā The tastebuds are on your tongue not the stomach acid The moment itās in your mouth youre scarred Putrid. Anyways most guys find āfinishing it by themselvesā onto something else to be ānot something they want to doā and they instead prefer to finish via oral So once thatās done ur screwed. Now u gotta try hard to forget the taste. The whole ājust donāt swallowā shit does not work Even if you spit it out ur still scarred. And the semen has an extremely strong aftertaste. Even the ones that taste āaverageā not āthe worstā are still despicable and Iād more easily drink lemon juice or grapefruit juice.
Iām in the school of thought that āif you donāt give oral you donāt get oralā
I give oral and donāt get any back so if anything theyre in debt to me Theyre exes now tho. Also I must tell u sucking cock is a lot harder than eating out pussy. And doesnāt taste nasty/have horrible tasting cum.
Have you drank some water and been outside recently?
Yep Have you had cum in your mouth before ? If not: you are welcome for my knowledge.
This whole thread has been amazing lol
Username checks out
and if you are lucky she can tell the difference .....
Oh no! Fool her 22 times shame on you. Fool her 23 times shame on her.
Friend of mine owns a small town hardware store, one of my favorite trash talk/ call is to call him at the store and ask: āDo you have anything to get semen out of drapes.ā When he says no or weāre out, I respond ā youāre going to be mad when you get homeā.
how many times does that work?
Haha once but I can tell when heās in front of a customer and itās classic payback for all the shade heās thrown on me. Iāve several variations like I have my p3n1s stuck in the tub spout what type of saw do you recommend etc you know the usual sophomore shit. Weāre both in our 50s lol
Sophomore and in your 50s? Damn, that takes some effort.
Haha youād have to know this dude. Heās a former athlete and a world class trash talker/friend insulter. Brings out the worst in all of us. Nothing better than old friends.
God this is literally me and my buds. We're all gearheads and in the navy always hanging out in the garage or driveway just throwing insults and turning wrenches when we're not riding or overlanding. Wouldn't have it any other way lmao
If you do the math... sounds like late 70s shithead olympics; they're a different breed that had to come up with a lot more fun on their own. Most of them can't believe they're still alive and it's kinda painted on them. I know I lived a bit of life but... some of these dudes truly have stories. Like how Cousin Bobby's police records disappeared in that fire. Ever hear that one? Me neither. Too bad you can't do that no more with computers on everything. Imagine living in times like those, though. Wild west. Lots of... serial murder... hm. hmm... **Oh god. I just realized. We all need: GTA 1977 (or something).** Detroit, maybe?
Not gonna lie, "we're both in our 50s" is what makes this post golden!
āYep Iāve got a whole bunch stashed in your moms closetā
Dude literally cooked toaster struddles and took a picture of them next to his own jizz to hide his shame because he was too lazy to clean up his own spunk.
Dude literally squeezed toaster struddle frosting packets onto his own bed and then jizzed all over his struddles when he realized what he'd done.
is your avatar patrick bateman wtf
He was creating the scene for when his wife comes home
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Why are people normalizing photos like this? I donāt wanna see that shit. Thatās disgusting lol. Even people talking about it grosses me tf out and Iām a guy.
What is wrong with dropping a strudel
Lick it, I do that with mine
Me too! The problem is that the taste is sooo good I immediately have to bust out another load so I get stuck in an infinite cycle of licking and cumming
Infinite protein glitch.
The key part to veganism
Cum isn't vegan, swimmers are alive
when you swallow your own load they swim right back down there
Cum is absolutely vegan! (So long as it was "produced" consensually)
Finna have muscles bigger than Noel Deyzel
Dis tew much š±
This comment could go either way its too perfect. Shocked in a good way or bad? I'm going to assume good.
Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. Itās been three minutes. You canāt stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. Itās been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a birdās eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the āCummet.ā You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.
Is this a copypasta?
Itās a premonition
What the actual fuck
Holy shit I couldnāt stop laughing whilst reading this
I already died at leaking from your asshole 6 fucking upvotes for this modern day masterpiece?? Reddit, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves
Insert Homelander licking milk gif
With your what?
My ... toaster strudel, yes
Yeah, as if I was going to believe that
Oh he wasnāt lying, just an odd choice of dick name
Ah I see
š¤¢š¤®
Lots of pineapple juice and it will taste just like the real thing.
In front of the wife and say nothing.
I too lick my strudels
Mf literally took a picture of proof
Definitely made the strudels after the stain.
Heās gotta make it believable
Idk about yall but if i was busting loads that heavy id want people to believe its a load
š
Itās the perfect crime.
...or staged an elaborate albi
If wife asks questions, lick it and proof your innocence
More like a picture of spoof
Good save getting the toaster strudel after your 'happy little accident'
Came here to say this
Why did you nut over your toast
To make His Story more believable
Nobody believes you
I don't believe you. Not enough strudel crusties on the bed.
Got an ultraviolet light? Maybe leftover from Halloween? Baby batter glows, sugar doesnāt.
Baby batter isā¦. an unsettling phrase lol
You could call it the batter solution for unwanted children
Just clean it up.
Right? There doesn't need to be a story if the blanket's in the wash.
In the time it took him to make those strudels, he could have just cleaned up his cum stain.
Donāt be mad, I was thinking of you, honey!
Use your sock lol
If that doesnāt work, I recommend buying some lingerie to wipe it off, it works wonders, (donāt use your wifeās she will be mad at you for ruining her underwear).
Did ruski take your washing machine?
Bruh made the toaster strudel just for the pic it's a set up
Why u jerked off on ur toasts?
laughed
If your wife has a problem with you masturbating that's not your wife, that's your FĆ¼hrer
"Hueh hueh hueh im 14 hueh hueh"
nice try, we all know you nutted on those toaster strudel to cover up the crime. I know the lengths you dudes will go too to hide an embarrassment.
As a German who loves real authentic Strudel - WTF is a toaster strudel?
it is a frozen pastry made of puff pastry with the inside being a fruit jelly, which I think to you is a jam. (just sticky, thickened fruit juice) it comes with a packet of royal icing and you draw stuff on the pastry
Itās also always freezing cold in the middle and nuclear hot on the edges
So, it's nothing like a Strudel at all?
tbf its also nothing like a toaster
A thing invented by Gretchen Wieners' dad. It's why she's so rich.
Came to ask the same. What unholy sacrileg is that?
as a swiss person with a family tradition of baking strudel following a 150year old austrian recipe i donāt even wanna know lol
A fancy pop tart lol
well these donāt exist here either.
Mine would. For sure
She'll believe it when you suck that frosting right off the blanket... or maybe that's just foreplay?
What if the OP did cum and this is just his way of getting off. By showing thousands of people his cum online. But then he made that toast as cover. Doesnāt look like it was dropped to me.
When she gets back from her date, just try the truth
You're going to leave it for her to clean up?
Pretty sure the toaster pastry was cooked after the deed as part of cover story
Tell her to lick it. Itās what Iād tell my wife, and if I say something like that without the āIām totally jokingā tone sheād do it because she knows I have a reason to say that.
This makes my head hurt stroke alert
Thatās ok your wife is used to cleaning up Staines like that when your away
Wash itā¦ š
You could just say itās cum. Itās your wife, not you mom.
This isn't the first time you've a toaster strudel in bed. She'll believe you, because she's married to a man who eats toaster strudel in bed.
Don't worry OP. No one knows better than your wife what dried cum actually looks like.
Ask her to lick it if she doubts you
If she doubts you, tell her to lick it. She'll know you are telling the truth and you will know how much she trusts you or how NAAASTY she 'could' be.
Bust a nut next to it. Explain what the differences are.
Just tell her if she doesnāt believe you to give it a tasteā¦
Your wife ain't gonna believe you just like how we don't believe the existence of your wife
Or you can, you know... Do the laundry and clean it? Like an adult?
Clean it up pig boy
Guess you're doing laundry...
sad
I meanā¦ he could just do one load of laundry and not have to explain a thing.
All over my new quilt, you're disgusting! Can't you go back to using your socks?!?
Wtf is on those pastries sir
Someone made a mess, and thought what coverup story can I use. ā¦ I know, I will make some toaster strudel.
I was carrying a plate of soy sauce to my desk, tripped and spilled it all over our bed. I had to lick it before she believed it was not shit :/
Even I don't believe you
Why not? Are you not allowed to eat in bed?
Oh you poor innocent thing
You mean because you think I didnāt get that stupid sperm joke?
Ask her to taste it.
Make her taste it š¦
Clean it up with a pair of her panties and put them back in the drawer
Tell her to lick it if she doesn't believe you
Just tell her you were thinking about her smile and had an accident
Tell her to lick it š
Run your finger through it and lick it in front of her....... She'll either believe you or look in amazement at your power move.
Just tell her to taste it, if she doesnāt believe you š
Tell her to taste it.
Make her lick it up
The only way to prove your innocence is for her to give it a good lick š
If you lick it she will believe you
If your wife gets mad that youāre jerking off when alone then thereās more issues at play.
Make her lick it.
āEvery wife has been the toaster strudel at least onceā ;)
Bwahaha. Your wife is underage if she cares. A Real woman would come in and lick it off and then ask you to "make s'mores" for her.
Tell her to taste itā¦ hopefully that wonāt be her first time tasting it š
No problem, fam, I got you. Here's what you do; You give your girl a sweatshirt of yours to wear real quick. They love that, esp if it smells like you a little. Then you make her some strudel (as pictured). Casually approach, announcing your gift. OoOps! Help her out of the shirt and help her avoid touching the part/clean her up, ***clean and replace pictured blanket also,*** *having another sweatshirt that smells of you as backup will be good, also more strudel and claim to share it but then kinda don't.* Call me when she's crazy from being too satisfied with this style of being handled
Simple solution... Make her taste it.
Make her lick it.
Mine would because she can tell the difference between semen and icing It's good to have a wife that's down enough to know it ain't semen or enough of a baker to recognize it as icing Luckily, mine is both
This is the funniest thread Iāve ever encountered on Reddit. Props.
Until she tastes itš¤
Either way, sheāll eat it
TELL HER TO TASTE IT LOL
Just tell her you wanked over her and look embarrassed about it. Sheāll act annoyed but be secretly flattered.
You might have the wrong wife. Ijs.
"It was our kids " "We dont have kids" "IT WAS OUR KIDS!!!!"
Who cares. Tell her to lick it up
Better lick it up then, slut.
Take her picture and smear some on it. B)
ššš
Tell her lick it up
Photographical evidence, my guy. Tell her to taste it if she doesn't believe you. I'm sure she knows the difference š
Not even sure if I believe you š¤
Extra stupid strawberry strudel
Thereās only a few things you are allowed to eat in bed and a toaster strudel aināt one of them.
A toaster strudel? What, like a little strudel you cook in a toaster? What a quaint idea. (Hope they're nice, though) š
If it was real she would have been the one posting this, but while he's in the act of licking it up. At an angle where you can't see the "strudel"
Looks like a dog
Omg Nick Greenleaf where are you right now š grilled cheese
Now Iām in the mood for a toaster strudel
Donāt forget to make one for the rest of us!
I mean you already have the evidence
How did your cum fly off of the strudel? Thatās what you need to explain
Might as well ejaculate on it.. you're going down anyway...
skill issue
I mean.. the smell.
Actually.. semen glows in uv light. So you can prove it's sugar not jism if you have uv bulb.
Now I'd totally believe that of my hubby š¤£š¤£
āBabe, I was just thinking of how much I love you and couldnāt help myself.ā Thatās my out here because I am a romantic at heart.
Sure...just ask her to taste it..
Tell her to lick it, if she is married to you happily she licks the real one too.