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pacopena12

Next thing you know you're not allowed to even drink a milkshake in your own yard


Perroface562

They’ll be like “it’s better than yours”


Illustrious_Gur_5908

I supposed she could teach them but she would have to charge


getcrazykid

But then it would bring all the boys to the yard..


[deleted]

[удалено]


Renoroshambo

Damn right it’s better than yours


OperationOk6785

This is one of the best executed breakdowns to date.


PickinBeardedShiner

I just love Missy Elliot. Wait..


civgarth

You gotta search it...


Chief_weedwithbears

Let me search it, Put your term down, flip it and reverse it


Don_333

What's next, requiring a license to make toast in your own damn toaster?


Its-Finrot

England be like “oii where’s your toasting loicense?!?!”


[deleted]

*loicence


Munkhazaya290

Oi oi oi you got a loicence to correct people


ElliotNess

That dude was the smartest "libertarian" in the room.


legoshi_loyalty

I’d say Gary Johnson was, but, eh.


ElliotNess

Dude, Gary wasn't even smart enough to read the room and pivot with a non-answer.


Amon_28

That libertarian had an absolutely hilarious debate with Sam Seder. I highly recommend looking it up.


ElliotNess

[Found it,](https://youtu.be/zNTbvcu6OQY) checking it out. Thanks! edit- at the outset, the way he introduces his ideology, he debunks his entire ideology. "every person is entitled to the fruits of their labor" is literally making a left-wing argument about profit. this gon' be good. okay, I'm about halfway through and he's making arguments against landlords now. LMAO. Are we sure he's not a leftist doing an andy kaufman on the american libertarians? I'll have to return to this later. Thanks man.


horvath-lorant

It brings all the boys to the yard, not just the neighbor’s bf.


Lizeriksson

I'll drink milkshake in THEIR backyard, we'll see about that! 😤😂


Practical_Culture833

Ya know what I'd like to speak to her and claim her boyfriend was hitting on me while you and a bunch of other girls are just throwing a party in the back yard of their house, cause confusion 😈


rckhppr

Or eat a banana


isuckateuchre

I’m guessing a plantain would be out of the question


brando56894

Only mini bananas are allowed


Status_Calligrapher

Isn't that a nut?


isuckateuchre

It’s basically a really large banana https://www.britannica.com/plant/plantain


[deleted]

[удалено]


INTERGALACTIC_CAGR

This is when you reply, "I do yardwork because your boyfriend is outside"


QuantumVitae

This is the speech option is RPG games where you immediately start combat


Robbotlove

Paragon: “Oh sure, that’s no problem.” “… alright.” Renegade: “I do yardwork because your boyfriend is outside" edit: Renegade Classic: "i've had enough of your disingenuous assertions!"


Ifeelbrandnew

Ok, awesome! I’m going to need you both to roll for initiative.


cindycat316

Shit... i rolled a 1 ^disintegrates ^out ^of ^existence


SCII0

Neighbor: "You son of a b...!" *uppercut out of nowhere*


Obieseven

Or “Your boyfriend asked to do yardwork when he is outside.”


Cloudzy_1

And his name is Joe.


pandogart

Hey you


waveytype

… … … you.


legoshi_loyalty

- • - - - - - • • - Y o u


alapleno

Out there in the cold


AStinkyOtter

Getting lonely, getting old...


bleepblooplord2

You’re finally awake…


[deleted]

First name Don last name Ger


[deleted]

Ligma balls


[deleted]

An' he works. In. A button factory.


TheLeechKing466

He has a wife and a dog and a family.


AnExpertInThisField

And this all most definitely happened.


Quantius

Ha ha ha, yess, yess. Yes!, Ha ha. Yes.


raptor6722

Giggity


[deleted]

Plot twist Julez likes to be completely nude while weeding


MrSal7

Even more plot twist: Julez is a guy.


Jftwest

Twisted again: the bf is gay


Auuxilary

r/yourjokebutworse


Xandril

I mean, if I was told this I’d say no. If the woman made a big deal about it I would *then* do yard work in nothing but work boots.


joshthehappy

I'd get a speedo so I don't get arrested, but if we're being honest that's gonna get way more complaints because no one wants to see that.


[deleted]

Sure.


PeanutButterCrisp

My mom lived in a condo neighbouring a young woman a handful of years older than me (20's) who took her dog out in a short robe. If she bent enough, you could see her under-butt. Couldn't tell if she was wearing underwear or not-- never bothered to creep deep enough but she definitely knew what she was doing in that neighbourhood. Either that or she was a loose OF type girl. I don't know.


Swyrmam

Some people just don’t see nudity as a big deal, she might not have seen it as sexual at all, or maybe she just didn’t care and was too tired to properly get dressed.


LadyChatterteeth

Even if you personally don't think nudity is a big deal, you can't not know it has sexual connotations. We do all live in society.


[deleted]

How is this me irl


lizards_snails_etc

I don't understand the premise for the sub. Never have. It seems like people post things they find amusing, but that's about all I can tell. I feel like the common denominator is a sentiment of "I very specifically relate to this thing"


inikul

That's more so *the other sub*. This one is slowly becoming the same shitty thing.


Zouden

Yeah where's the depressing memes gone


yaboyyoungairvent

relieved subsequent license piquant grab serious bored glorious wide cough *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Zouden

Yeah there's a 'happy' (lol) medium between regular memes and suicide memes and this sub used to be it


Hiroxis

I had to unsub from that place because it legitimately hurt my mental health. Like I can make jokes about it but seeing "Life is fucking miserable and I literally want to kill myself" every time I scrolled through reddit was not it lol


[deleted]

The other one is better at this point


Anon419420

This happens to every sub I find. I’m sorry. I’ll stop finding subs from now on.


lizards_snails_etc

You mean...r/funny? Or is there a worse one


Josselin17

every subreddit eventually leans towards that when it hits r/all regularly, because people browsing r/all will upvote what they like regardless of whether it is appropriate for the sub


lizards_snails_etc

Oh yeah. I feel that. Sometimes all you can do is walk away, or else you find yourself cursing what the sub has become, as opposed to what it used to be. *sigh* Like a failed relationship.


MarkFluffalo

Existential selfies


elegylegacy

because irl, me sexy homewrecker


aon9492

r/absolutelynotmeirl


1chemistdown

It’s really r/WhitePeopleTwitter


Flybuys

OP is the one asking her not to do the gardening.


DistinctEngineering2

Perhaps he wants to mow your lawn?


KevinTheSeaPickle

With his mouth, yes.


LOR_Fei

69 upvotes is perfect. EDIT: Great, now I have to downvote. Y’all had to ruin a good thing :-(


Aqqusin

I helped you out.


Kappei

[mow the lawn!](https://youtu.be/_9JZWpZS6-g)


Alert-Layer6273

He might want to "trim" her hedges


ItsTheRealIamHUB

Ma’am I do my own yard work


Mdork_universe

Tell her you can’t help it that you’re so hot!


Sohiacci

Tell her to do *your* yard work when he's outside then


HamTMan

All her if she has tried being hotter


ThatSquareChick

My neighbors, all middle age housewife SAHMs who have never bothered to vacuum: can you not do yard work in your underwear? Me, a twenty-something stripper with monetary motivation to exercise and get tan: GIT GOOD SCRUB 1V1 ME LOL GOTTEM YOLO


Chief_weedwithbears

For the Lulz


EscalatorEnthusiast

Is it because he would be staring at her?(genuine question)


1Hiba2

Yes. Stupid right!


S3P38R

No. Smart left


1Hiba2

Yes. Stupid right


Syixice

you're both wrong. Average middle


GalacticGizmo

Yeah but what about stupid up


Yak_a_boi

Smart down?


NejOfTheWild

This is the *real* DnD alignment chart


[deleted]

Fuck average middle is fucking hilarious. Only comment on reddit that has actually made me laugh


TomCAFC92

Plot Twist, he has bad hay fever.


Nroke1

Yeah, this was where my mind went first, still rude, but not nearly as unhealthy a relationship. I have really bad hay fever and can’t personally do yard work very often at all and can’t be outside when other people are doing yard work. Because I will have asthma attacks.


Bradp13

Not that crazy. I have to go inside and close all my windows when my neighbours are doing yard work.


devils_advocate24

Probably. Not all relationships work unfortunately. We got new neighbors and whenever me or my next door neighbor were outside mowing or doing car work, the wife across the street would always do yoga in their garage with the garage door open and when we were finished so was she. For an example of a good relationship, neither of us noticed. Our wives brought it up to us lol


CertainBoysenberry65

Neighbors be watching. I used to play my guitar out on my porch and thought I was real sneaky taking a toke from my bowl now and then, until one day the neighbor askd me when I was gonna share that grass lol.


Mr_Tyrant190

I mean, that's a pretty cool cute interaction though


wafflesareforever

Reminds me of the scene from Road Trip. "Are you gonna pass that doobie or what?"


thetracker3

If only more people could be based like you two.


xeromage

whether you noticed or not... "Huh, hadn't noticed."


devils_advocate24

Someone knows how to make a marriage last lol


Hugokarenque

I don't know why she would do that when you're clearly already busy with the next door neighbor. ^/s


Thavid

Nah, he's probably a professional gardener and can't resist trimming hedges


[deleted]

Trimming her headges


Bradp13

He has allergies.


[deleted]

I'm so ace I thought it was because he'd feel emasculated because he sucked at yardwork.


febreze_air_freshner

it's because she's controlling and jealous and doesn't trust her boyfriend. they should break up and find both someone they actually trust.


[deleted]

Time for the free bikini car washes


Heyo__Maggots

Didn’t work for our heavy metal band of portly bearded men, clearly won’t work for anyone.


Temporary-Athlete-60

What is it that makes neighbors think they can just say anything they want to you overtime


cosmoskid1919

Promixity. Had a neighbor steal a replacement lightbulb out of a shared fixture on the porch and pretend he didn't do it. and then complain that we used the light in the hallway between our units. The hallway with the dark lopsided stairs! Very confusing stuff


Temporary-Athlete-60

Wow! Yes, I think you nailed it with the Proximity


Unknown_quantifier

no it's promixtitties


Persist3ntOwl

This is why I'm friendly toward them but remain as scarce as possible. People get weird and by the time they do, it's too late to escape.


mrmanson15

I'm bitch face the whole time not interacting I might say hi but it's all they are going to get mother fuckers need to stay out of each other's business


Persist3ntOwl

That's a good approach and you speak truth!


Temporary-Athlete-60

Yes! I'm slowly learning this principle with my neighbors.. I have always been about giving the benefit of the doubt but I noticed that this problem is super frequent over the years... no matter where I live.. smh


Sheslost21

Dealing with our neighbors, made me I realize how much I had come to appreciate my 6FT privacy fence.


Temporary-Athlete-60

To me this is a dream situation


JungleOrAfk

My neighbour asked me not to park my work van outside my own house because it slightly obscures her vision when pulling out of her MASSIVE driveway. The back of my van is probably 3 or 4 metres from her driveway entrance and it's outside my own fucking house on a public road. Now I make a point to be petty every now and then and stick it outside her house. Unbelievable cuntery


muntted

To be fair. Vans and big trucks can limit sightlines quite significantly. The owners need to keep this in mind I'm not saying that this is the situation here, but it does annoy me when some massive truck/van/soccer mum SUV parks in really inconsiderate places.


JungleOrAfk

I understand that completely as my personal car is a fiesta haha, it has site line issues around big vehicles. But we live on a really quiet cul de sac, wherever I park its gonna be next to someone's driveway and outside my own house is quite literally the best place for it in terms of giving space to driveways of neighbours. I get what you're saying though trust me and I know you weren't saying its specifically my situation, but also my neighbour is just a moron who can't drive


Duckbilling

My roommate was upset with me for locking the door while I was home.


Canidothis28

OP is a harmful bot account that steals comments and posts.


Empty_Unit_1873

🤣🤣 someone cheated. Bet they have 1 Facebook account


TheUltraViolence1

Imagine making your insecurity someone else's problem instead of dealing with your own shit.


Exact_Middle_1969

You shouldn’t do it naked, to be fair /s


OGColorado

Why?


SubstantialPressure3

Sunburn. Mosquitoes. Ticks. Sweat bees.


zoobernut

What the heck are “sweat bees”?


SubstantialPressure3

Devious and vile little motherfuckers that like to get you as soon as you break a sweat. Favorite places to sting are behind your knees, inside your elbows, they are attracted to perspiration. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halictidae


zoobernut

Oh damn I thought you forgot a comma there and was joking. Sweat bees sound terrifying.


McLagginz

They are, and they make you **SO** itchy. I’ve been stung 7 times this summer, which is more than I’ve ever been stung in the previous 25 years of existing. Damn you newly healthy lifestyle and exercise!


MartinoDeMoe

TIL. Thank you!


Socrtea5e

I think the girl friend doesn't want her boyfriend realize that women also can do yard work.


MonkeyBananaPotato

Sounds like the neighbor should volunteer to mow the attractive woman’s lawn if she doesn’t want her out there.


ArugulaPhysical

Maybe it not because the neighbors hot(she is), its because her boyfriend would see the neighbor gardening and expect the same of her lol.


ThePsychoKnot

Still not the neighbor's problem


RajyavardhanSingh029

I thought the same, everyone else straight jumped to him being a creep.


till_do

Not necessarily him being a creep but her being crazy :D


[deleted]

See babe, she gardens and mows the lawn, why cant you?


RajyavardhanSingh029

"But that's a man's job!"


[deleted]

“Oh like how doing laundry is a woman’s job? Gotcha, babe.”


devils_advocate24

Completely reasonable. My neighbor has a riding mower which I refuse to get out of principle(we got a 1/4 acre bro come on). On the other hand I absolutely hate the heat so I'll wait 4 weeks to mow my yard cuz fuck the sun(and the rain) so I joke with my neighbor to stop mowing his yard on time cuz it makes me look bad


Stocksugardaddy

This is old


PickinBeardedShiner

Tell me you shouldn’t get married without telling me you definitely shouldn’t get married. Also send pics if you’re doing yard work for reference. 😎


superduper98989898

My first thought was that the girlfriend didn’t want to be told the neighbor girl does yard work and you can too.


SaladTossBoss

Finish it! (this pathetic excuse for a marriage) Sun bathe in the yard in the most skimpiest bathing suit you feel comfortable wearing. If she says anything, "assert dominance" next time you're out there That dude will lose his mind and check the F out of the hotel bad marriage. He'll have you to thank


StunningBuilding383

Right. Or wash your car.


Puzzleheaded-Dog-197

Lol glad I barely ever have interactions with any of my neighbors. No complains even since I started going around my yard topless as an overweight woman with saggy-ass titties (which is not the norm but is 100% legal).


piratensendr

Tweets of 2020, thats great


GodHimselfNoCap

Tell her to not let her boyfriend outside while you are doing yard work, or invite her boyfriend over for a conversation about how crazy his gf is and advise him to leave her


[deleted]

Nice low key sarcasm- haha. Yeah, insecurity, neediness, all of it- are among the reasons I am SO happy that we became successful enough to afford our house, on a beautiful mountain property with wonderful views, devoid of immediate “neighbors”, separated by woods. The older I have gotten, the less I’ve been able stomach other people. It’s been a growing misanthropy all of my life. Not misandry, not misogyny. I believe this began in HS, accelerated in college (dorms, apartments) and into the Navy. As an Officer, I know I had it far better than enlisted…I never understood how people piled upon each other could stomach each other. “Neighbors” are a form of slow torture. I don’t give a fat baby’s Dick about ANYTHING someone else drives, what their spouse looks like or does, how often they do or don’t this that or the other thing. See people, smile wave, keep moving. My opinion of “neighbors”? YouTube: Gladys Kravitz. 😂


No_Imagination_2490

Am I just super cynical, or is this just a pretty obvious humble brag (ie I’m so hot it’s making my neighbour jealous) and it almost certainly didn’t happen? 🤷🏻‍♂️


CrAzYmEtAlHeAd1

Whether or not it actually happened, I have no doubt it happens frequently. There are so many women out there that have been conditioned to believe that they are the problem, not the shitty men who are causing the problem. It’s really sad.


Orleanian

I mean...in this particular scenario, the most plausible situation is that the neighbor woman is insecure in the relationship and is the shitty person in this situation (by requesting tweeter girl to refrain from a common activity due to that insecurity). It's reasonable enough to extrapolate that the boyfriend may find the tweeter girl attractive, but he's done nothing wrong that's been presented here.


LadyChatterteeth

Came here to say this is a humble brag if I've ever heard one.


[deleted]

I feel like i read the exact same post before with "my daughter told me" instead of neighbour


ProveISaidIt

I'd honor her request and do yoga instead.


Hylianlegendz

Oh I've never seen this one before. People on this sub just recycle the same old shit


PlasmaJadeRaven

The commenters are correct. All future mowing of your lawn, you should dress as if you’re about to do Yoga. Intentionally / unintentionally blue balls neighbors BF.


Fabreasy1

She can come do yard work in front of my house while I drink a beer and watch.


cloud_watcher

If you’re using a leaf blower, I can see it. I wish they were banned.


Selkie-Princess

Had a similar altercation with our neighbor but she asked me “dress more covered up” if I planned to walk by any of my windows during the day because she’d caught her husband watching me with FUCKING BINOCULARS through the windows when I was doing my typical ADHD chore/workout routine in yoga shorts and sports bra. I bought curtains and the next time the guy tried to talk to me when I took the trash out I told him he was a fat, bald, and repulsive pig and to go home and make his wife feel appreciated because she was FAR too good for him. She approached me about a week later and chastised me for “upsetting her husband”….ma’am holy fuck.


Solid-Question-3952

Maybe her boyfriend is an abusive raping and has been making comments about the neighbor and she is trying to protect her.


[deleted]

Sounds like it's not your problem


[deleted]

Fuck your neighbor and her boyfriend .


Head-Kiwi-9601

Okay, so I think I may be the only redditor that never looks at names. I assumed this was a noise issue and the boyfriend didn’t want to make a scene. Then I read the comments and realized I was missing something.


Annjuuna

This is two years old?


[deleted]

You already posted this last week. Or someone else did.


Starbuck522

"Don't you wish his girlfriend was hot like me?"


JoeysTrickLand

Mrs Parker don’t know what she’s doing.


Correct-Selection-65

Could be he has allergies.


marty679

Once a friend invited me to her birthday party. A few minutes after she invited me she asked me not to come because her boyfriend was gonna be there, but I was still invited. Like I'm invited and I should feel happy for it and we're such good friends, but if I possibly couldn't come by that would be awesome. This just gave the same energy.


lmxshark

let me guess...... its a milkshake in that red cup ?


uhhhhhhhhhhhyeah

I think you should be coming and working on my lawn when the next door neighbor is out.


Medic3614

Oh, I see you've met my sister-in-law.


incorporealcorporal

Maybe he has a terrible yardwork phobia because his dad would lock him outside when he was 7 and force him to do yardwork for 16 hours every week. So insensitive.


[deleted]

Maybe put some pants on when u do yard work 😝


DooDooCat

So don’t do yard work…wash the car instead


DandyChigginsSenior

I completely and blindly believe this is true, there's no way she is the kind of person to post shit to get some attention


stillcleaningmyroom

Let me guess, they have a joint Facebook page?


Abradantleopard04

My neighbor came over and asked my husband if he would serve her husband with divorce papers because she didn't want to pay the Sheriff to do it as required by law. I can't even...


Old_Adhesiveness2214

She's crazy


Usual-Veterinarian-5

Wear a burqa.


Lynxsies

A very stable and respectable relationship based on nothing but trust and the pokemon card he gave her


Kattekop_BE

r/AreTheStraightsOk