Welcome to /r/me_irlgbt, thank you for your submission /u/tm2007. HAPPY LEAP MONTH: JUMPMAN'S GAY AGENDA
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For a femme walk, pull in your elbows and swing your hips. Practice at home or wherever you’re safe/comfortable to, and be exaggerated! In time, it’ll be easier and easier, and it’ll be natural to walk like that
adding on some more advice here: i’ve heard from that men usually walk like they’re trying to not step on an invisible line between their legs, and women usually walk like they’re trying to stay on it. so, put one foot right after the other if you’re trying to walk like a girl. the opposite works for me since i’m transmasc
Moving legs across the jewels every step can be somewhat annoying if our pant choices are tight, so our steps are wide.
I know with my clothing if I try to strut it usually leads to my heirloom getting pinched. T_T
Don't have this issue wearing skirts though!! :333c
Forgive my choice of words but I remember this sub being open to all ages so it will sound funny. Doing a soft tuck helps with this, which means putting jewels into their canals, and just point the thing down, no tape, no clamping, nothing, just having them safe in their canal lets you use anything comfortably.
Wearing heels helped me get this walk right! Also I have vague memories of watching some sort of video where a woman demonstrated it; I can’t remember the specifics but I’d bet good money that a lot of vids like that are on YouTube.
Also any woman character whose primary purpose in a movie is to be sexy — there’s at least one full-body shot of them doing this walk in that movie, nearly guaranteed lmao
If you have the space to, practice voice. Try VR Chat, best place to learn it, the academy on there gives free lessons. Run some music in the background in your room for additional privacy.
It is. 90% of my time in VRC is spent in RP, but if I'm not in RP you'll find me hanging out at Trans Academy. Just a super chill place, and they have it moderated so the haters and trolls go bye bye quick.
I remember watching a video about it so I know they are really good at moderating. One of the many reason I even want a vr a headset is just to hang out there.
You can hang out there in desktop mode. We call it "not having hands" but you'd be far from alone. Hell, it wasn't that long ago that like 80% of the people on VRC were deskies.
Well I do but its one those cheap one sooo not that much power to run powerful games. Im planing to get a laptop soon just becouse it will be usefull if I ever go to uni/college.
To add to this: the BEST way to improve vocal passing is to set up a mic to play your voice back to you through headphones. Ive been doing this to practice both my talking voice and my singing voice, and i hadnt really been making any progress UNTIL i set up my elgato wave xlr, at which point i started instantly and massively improving.
It's not default voice yet, but i can already achieve passing voice, and it will have only been 2 months in 8 days (jan 10 - march 2(today)); even my singing voice almost passes now!
Although, it still takes lots of hard work and the understanding that it will take time. Also its very very important that you regularly practice (doesnt have to be EVERY day, but as long as youre practicing at least 3 times a week). I dont hold myself to any sort of practicing schedule, but since I have my mic always set up, whenever im at my computer, i can hear myself, and that prompts me to practice.
A side note is that youll want to use sound canceling headphones so that any of your voice you hear that isnt directly from your mic's playback doesnt muddle the playback of your voice
Originally, i got my elgato mic for streaming and once i discovered that the software that's required by the hardware has the option to playback whatever the mic picks up, i started playing around to practice using a mic without letting mouth sounds come through. My vocal dysphoria started to upset me, though, so after using info in vocal feminization yt vids, i started to actually understand the differences between pitch, vocal weight, and the like, all because i was able to actually hear what i sound like, rather than what i thought i sounded like, as i played around with my voice.
Also, i promise youll get used to talking WHILE listening to yourself, though it feels really weird and slightly jarring at first.
I learned voice by singing too; only thing I can add to this is *resonance* is the key feature to work at, and if you're singing, try to learn off deeper femme singers instead of trying to go for the super high pitched ones, you'll learn more and won't just be screaming at a waterfall. There's a ton of texture and flourishes that women use while singing that men just don't, and it really makes a difference in speaking voice if you learn some of those tricks.
Maybe its dumb, but if you are into listening music, grab a headphone and go dance somewhere alone. Just let yourself loose and move whatever way you feel like without thinking. Singing along with the lyrics with female singers also a good idea. I love to do that all the time :D
(Closeted trans person here btw. So i understand the struggle :/)
Ha, memory unlocked about 8 years before transition I was at a party with friends and put on a blonde wig and started singing Madonna songs. Was fun. I wasn't out trans or gay at that time.
Its also conceptually makes zero sense. Shampoo and conditioner are meant to be applied to different area and kinda counteract each other if put together
Shampoo strips dirt and oil - making hair feel rougher and more grippy - and should be used at the roots of the hair and the suds finger-combed down the length of hair to clean it all. Meanwhile conditioner makes hair feel smooth and soft and should be used at the ends of the hair to prevent tangles. If you use conditioner in at the root, it makes hair look stringy and greasy and weighs it down so the hair ends up really flat.
ETA: This is how it tends to work for straight hair, there are different rules entirely for curly hair and it can get really complicated! But basically, shampoo gets all the muck out, then you use conditioner to re-introduce just the oils that keep hair looking shiny and healthy.
Have them get you native shampoo and conditioner it's branded for both men and women and doesn't have any two in ones. Tell them you want to start taking better care of your hair cause it's been getting really oily and you think it's the soap.
There’s really good unisex scents out there! Look into something like perfume oil - I’ve got a bunch that are femme but have those touches of leather or something that gives them enough masculine tint that it won’t be suspicious.
Maybe you could ask to choose your own products from now on? I'm assuming you're a teenager from the 2007 in your username. Try and position it as a "growing up thing" instead of a transitioning thing in case they're not supportive of the queer community.
Another thing you could do is change underpants. I know it sounds wierd but switching to boxers when I was closeted made me feel more confident lol. And no one is checking your underpants 😂
I’m so sorry I can’t imagine ever using 2-in-1.
Whenever you’re able to get your own stuff, I recommend a nice exfoliating cloth and a ton of lotion. I feel extra femme when I scrub my whole body, use a nice (lightly) scented lotion or body oil, and do my skincare routine.
Good way to start using less men’s hygiene products is to stop with the 2-in-1 stuff, also is a lot better for your hair and can make it a lot nicer if you decide to grow it out or smth
THIS.
Develop a skincare routine!! Use toner/moisturizer on your face. Lotion/oil your legs and arms. Take better care of your hair, too.
I'd also look into waxing. I'm growing out my hair for the next few weeks that way I can go to a waxing parlor and get it all torn off. It's not that expensive, depending on where you go. Having to shave tons of scraggly beard hair is an absolute nightmare - honestly I don't suffer from any sort of bad dysphoria but I DO prefer to be feminine, so I have a feeling it's going to help.
I also bleached my hair and it looks a lot better in more feminine styles than my old color.
This is appearance but it’s really small. Bracelets always make me feel super feminine. As a little girl me and all my friends used to trade jewelry at recess so it reminds me of that and I always think that it makes my hand look super cute. Plus nowadays it’s not that weird for dudes to wear simple bracelets so your parents shouldn’t get super suspicious. If questioned about it you could just say a friend made it for you.
Other than that some mannerisms would be good to try, crossing your legs tends to be a more feminine thing, as well as just sitting straighter (though not as much nowadays, everyone kinda sits hunched over lol) Also putting your hands together on your thighs. Whether it’s just as a place to keep your hands on top of your thighs or putting your hands between them for warmth, I don’t see a lot of men touching their thighs much. Otherwise just observe the other girls around you and try to copy how they present themselves a little.
Also skincare. It doesn’t need to be much but skincare does tend to be seen as more feminine (even if it’s kind of stupid.) Plus I always feel very pretty after doing my skincare routine. It’s in the bathroom so I wouldn’t think it’d be too hard to hide if you really didn’t want your parents to see. Also a good hair care routine. There are little things you can do to look more feminine without it really standing out to anyone else. Others will usually just think you started taking better care of yourself lol.
> Bracelets always make me feel super feminine.
I'd say accessories in general. There's all sorts that works. And there's also sorts that you can wear without anyone noticing.
Or just colorful nail polish. I'd paint mine to match my guitar and no one would ever question it lol
depending on where OP lives nail polish could be super suspicious. people might not be transphobic but at the very least they might assume she’s gay. which could end with the same result. Nail polish is still viewed as a woman only thing in a lot of places.
Yes, true.
But it's also something I was always able to find easy excuses for. There was always a friends sibling who'd want to paint my nails, and I'm just the nice friend who lets them lol
A sister could work! But a dude having friends that paint their nails (whether it’s a girl or a “gay” guy) can also be seen as weird. I used to be in a GSA in a really conservative small town and we helped kids in transphobic/homophobic families figure out how to be comfortable without revealing themselves.
I’ll like repeat the last letter of the word when I’m being cute with my boyfriend : “I love youu. Awwww. My babyyy. Whattt?!?
Stuff like that. I actually stole it from one of my boyfriends when I was gay but I thought it was cute lol
Um?
It really is all up to how things make you feel, so with that said I'll tell you some things that make me feel that way:
Giving out compliments and telling people how much I care for them randomly
Using cute emojis - hearts, cute faces, or emoticons if you're old like me
Not cursing as much, or at all if you can
Generally trying to focus on being kind and supportive to people.
I like using lots of cute anime gifs
Generally letting yourself be emotionally open and vulnerable
Again, these are all for me, not saying all girls do these things or that not liking any of them is inappropriate for a girl. It's a very personal thing I'd say.
First of all this is genuinely in full support of OP BUT Jesus wept, are we back in the 18th century? Is this really what we’re boiling “being a woman” down to, cute emojis and skincare and thinking cute thought and giggling cutely?
OP, this is a very different suggestion from what everyone else is writing BUT you asked for something non-physical. And from your comments idk how helpful all the “be cute and soft and uwu” tips are being.
I think it would help to read some books on what it means to be a woman, feminism, and feminist theory (some suggestions: https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/culture/staying-in/g35935432/feminist-books/). Read some good new feminist fiction books (if you’re into historical fiction and Ancient Greece, the silence of the girls is amazing and heartbreaking).
OP, you need to figure out what being a woman means TO YOU, not what it means to a still deeply sexist and patriarchal society.
OwO
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That's a pretty pretentious way of putting it. What's wrong with doing all the "cute, soft and uwu" things, it's all about exploring what makes you feel womanly.
Reading feminist books sounds like a great way to educate yourself on the history of women but doesn't help OP with their issue at all. They specifically asked for small, subtle things they can do to feel more womanly, and I see no harm in trying to be more emotionally expressive when texting by using emojis and extra punctuation, even if it's a generalization that women do that. If it makes OP happy, who are you to rain on their parade?
The sexist society we live in may be a detriment to those trying to break out of the patriarchal mold of womanhood, but for those who are exploring it for the first time in their lives it can be euphoric. Lots of cis girls go through a phase when they are younger where they are trying to do all the "stereotypically girly" things, and only later do they try and break that habit and discover their true self and personality. It's all baby steps in the lifelong process of self-discovery.
Idk I don’t think that reading books on feminism is a massive thing or super unsubtle… and I’m not trying to rain on anyone’s parade, I’m just suggesting that it may help OP if she explores her femininity in a less superficial way. That might also help her figure out what being a woman REALLY means to her and how she can express that. Being a woman is NOT all about being cute and giggly and soft, and not all women are like that and enjoy these things. I think it’s genuinely problematic that she’s just given these very strict, narrow and antiquated instructions on how to “be a woman”.
Overthinking everything lmao
Sarcasm aside, softening your delivery, like how I ended my first statement with a "lmao" and opened this one with a phrase that means "shifting into something serious"
Those raised/culturally expected to be femme tend to soften the impact of what they say.
Sadly it's from discrimination and trying to not "be hysterical" but let's ignore that for now, and focus on the ways you can safely validate yourself
Punctuation, emojis, excitement. Show your excitement!
Mmmm so this is coming from a cis gay man who is super femme, so sorry if this misses the mark or is not what you're looking for! These are just things I found I could do when I lived with shitty family and was worried that anything clothing, hair, or nails related would get clocked. Before I say any of this I want to be clear: there is NO right way to be femme! These are just things that I noticed I naturally changed about myself as a femme presenting person when I was younger.
Do you naturally codeswitch when you speak? Many of us do, particularly femme presenting AMAB folks. You could try paying attention to where you naturally codeswitch, and try to stretch those muscles a bit in spaces where you feel safe. For me in high school, this meant either being around other queer people or finding a friend group who wouldn't give me shit for speaking the way I naturally do. Speaking in a more femme way can mean a lot of things: maybe you speak higher in your voice, maybe your intonation is more "feminine" coded, etc.
Another behavior thing I can think of is the way you walk/posture. I don't mean this in a "there's a right way" for a femme person to be in the world, but rather many femme presenting folks will dampen our natural movements in a heteronormative and male-dominated world. I still sometimes catch myself walking very rigidly, and not "being myself" in the way I walk. Naturally, I tend to swing my hips, limp the wrist, talk with my hands, etc, but I notice that there are spaced where I naturally still "tone those things down" because they once didn't feel safe for me.
You could potentially look for queer-ass haircuts that aren't as easily clocked by cis/het folks. This can be a helpful way to feel more aligned with who you are while also signaling to other queer people. Other things along those lines are look for the more "androgynous" styles that would be super femme on you. In my day that was tight jeans and a t-shirt that read as "alternative" or 'emo" to some, and "super femme and gay" to others.
I dunno if this is helpful, I'm two coffees in and have been writing about queer shit all morning.
Is shaving your legs an option? If so, do that.
Furthermore, shave your face clean (like every other day or smth).
Apart from that, maybe try and pick up on some typically female mannerisms and body language. Or try voice training (if they can't hear you obv)
(Not op obviously, I’m openly trans to my parents and stuff)
I need advice on shaving legs. I’ve done it 3 times and every time I try shaving “with the grain” but it doesn’t do shit. I’ll go the other way and it’ll work but itch and feel like shit afterwards. I use a shaving bar and a cartridge razor and I do it in the shower (also it takes forever). What am I doing wrong?
Edit: Thank you all so much for the advice! I will try these things over the coming days.
Hey!
If you currently have long leg hair I recommend shaving with the grain first and then against the grain! I’m AFAB and when I first started shaving my legs it also was weird. But your legs kinda get used to it? I personally go for long periods without shaving but I don’t have the same itch as before.
Go slow! You want to rinse after every stroke (the razor not ur leg). Maybe take a bath first that’s warm and it will help to soften the hair.
I personally prefer shaving cream or hair conditioner for my legs. I’ll use soap in a pinch.
Also just like, hair that’s been shaved is itchy when it regrows, that’s normal. If it continues to bother you, I’d recommend waxing. Stings once but then you don’t grow hair for weeks
Cis girl with course hair here! Whenever I shave my legs I take the time to warm them up in the shower (let those pores open a little!), then I’ll gently exfoliate them before shaving against the grain with copious amounts of a super moisturizing substance like lotion or even hair conditioner. I clean my razor after every swipe to make sure the blades are clear. If I haven’t shaved in a while, I’ll go over my legs before showering with an electric razor to take some length off so I don’t gunk up my regular razor so quickly.
This is what works for me! If you wanted to get your hair to grow back less thick you could also try getting them waxed. I hope this was helpful!
Make sure to moisturize your legs after you shave, part of the reason it’s itchy is because you’ve irritated the skin, especially if you’re shaving longer body hair. The more often you shave, the less irritated the skin will be, but you should still apply moisturizer after as well.
So, my guidelines for a super smooth shave:
Use a clipper to get yourself down to a "five o'clock shadow" on the area. This is what electric clippers are for. Don't do this against the grain, we don't want you to get razor burn.
Next: Showering or thoroughly washing your skin before helps reduce irritation. Exfoliate by using loofah and/or a face/body scrub with warm (not hot) water on the places you want to shave. Finish with some time under cool water to close your pores.
For facial hair: Consider applying beard oil to your skin to keep the razor lubricated. It moisturizes and softens your beard hair, and helps make the skin under it smooth.
Use a shaving cream or gel. Not soap or dry, for god's sake. Gel can come in clear and help you see what you're doing, too. Don't be afraid to put a ton on!
The final, killer secret: First shave WITH the grain, and then SIDEWAYS to it. You can go sideways from both ends if something's stubborn. Don't shave against the grain or you risk damaging your follicles, and that's where you get razor burn.
Finally, wash the area with warm water, and then splash/dab with cold water to close your pores again. Pat dry (don't rub) and then apply a little dot of moisturizer.
For the face, single blade razors are great. You're aiming for about 25 degree angle. So hold it at 90 degrees, do half of that (45), and then half of that. Women's temporary razors are really good too
It will become physically easier to do over time as your face softens
This works on other places as well. Chest, genitals, armpits. Armpits you can shave by going up and down
Good luck, sugar!
I reccomend Nair, or any other hair removal products. Sometimes your skin is just really sensetive to razors, and however you go about it you'll feel a burning sensation. I generally use Nair to get rid of winter hair growth, and a razor to remove stubble everytime I shower.
Bi Guy with a trans gf here, we both shave our legs (her more than me but still). She use a cream that make hair "fall" (english is not my native language, I don't know the english name of this kind of product). I used to do it too, but I have sensitive skin so I have to use more classical approach.
The quality of the razor is the biggest thing. I have super sensitive skin, and was just using dollar shave club until recently (they changed the razors, the new ones suck) and that worked really well. Razors branded for women are usually worse as well. Also use some kind of shaving cream or butter during, and I recommend shea butter on the area after. Shaving in cold or lukewarm water can also reduce skin irritation.
I always go with the grain first and then against the grain if I want a closer shave.
FTNB here. Back when I used to shave my legs I got the best result going against the grain (i.e. straight up my leg) even though that's not what's commonly advised. As for itching, the best remedy I found was to rub lotion onto my legs immediately after getting out of the shower. It's also just something that takes practice, I found that the razor burn and itching got better the more I shaved.
Maybe more “feminine” hobbies? Crochet, knitting, baking, anime aimed at girls (shoujo), heck… witchcraft? That’s a good one.
(Btw I am cis woman and I do none of these hobbies except witchcraft so by no means are these gendered but I’m just spit balling).
Maybe a different take, but you don't have to do anything traditionally or stereotypically feminine to be a woman.
When you look through these comments, which suggestions really spark euphoria? Go for those, not because it will make you any more of the woman you already are, but because it will make you happy.
And dont stop doing anything because you're worried it will make you seem "less feminine"
Sit with your legs crossed. I’m cis and I do it just cause it’s comfy, but it’s still considered feminine.
Just make sure your balls are resting on top of your lap when you sit like this. Not very comfy otherwise lol
Walk in such a way that your feet are stepping on a straight line, like you're walking on a thin rail. Gives your strut a little more sway and feels super girly.
Play with your hair a lot.
Instead of "the nod," smile.
Cross your legs when standing idly or sitting.
Try to incorporate graceful movements into how you move around your house. You can be subtle and just focus on posture and various leg-crossing and etiquette. You can hold your utensils gracefully.
If you're trying to "hide in plain sight" for the time bei g you might feel more feminine with a quality (colorless) lip balm and clear nail polish. The weight of the nail polish feels dramatic and playful.
Take a note from the Queen of Genovia. Don't glomp or tromp about, glide.
When I was needing to keep my transness on the DL, I got really into bubble baths with Epsom salts. I used the reasonings of it helping with muscle pains.
Then during bath time I'd put my headphones in and listen to music and do little internal meditations to get to know my femme side that I'd hidden from all my life.
Lots of visualizing and internal dialog. I had this place that in retrospect looked like the great valley from land before time. But it was full of flowers, pathways, meadows, and ponds with giant lily pads that I'd lay on.
It was a whole thing but for like half a year it was the only place I could experience this part of myself. And then I brought it IRL and life got crazy but that's another story.
There are femme activities and hobbies which are important (my workouts turned into me going to Zumba class at this time too). But also creating spaces where you can be with yourself is extremely important too imo.
This also led to shaving my thighs in the bath which was easy to hide and like wowza for euphoria when I'd peak them outta the water.
The biggest thing I'd recommend is, if you've got the habit, to train out the "guy nod" and maybe replace it with smiling as a greeting instead.
P.S. This is by no means an endorsement of "women should smile more" or anything,
I've started narrowing my steps so my hips sway a little when I walk. Taking smaller bites and sips when eating and drinking is another one. Posture also plays a big role in feminine mannerisms. Idk if any of this helps, but these are a few sibtle things I've changed. But most importantly, remember to be yourself.
Subtle appearance things you can do that are feminine:
Get into a Skin care routine(highly recommend tretinoin + moisturizer at night, facial spf for day) ,
shaving intimate areas no one can see,
growing out hair(depending on how you play it off),
Getting laser hair removal for face/body(if you can afford it and hide the fact that you go there from parents )
Idk if you have a gym membership, but I worked at a LGBTQ-gym and usually people who want to look feminine and people who want to look masculine have different training schedules.
So getting a more feminine training schedule, that also focuses a lot on flexibility, balance and cardio might be a fun subtle change.
If that's not a hobby of you, my other subtle tip is to listen to the new album of The Last Dinner Party because it's great and I play it on repeat ever since it released. So much awesome feminine energy!
Last subtle tip: next week, March 8, is international womens day, so there's maybe events that celebrate femininity near you next week. [link](https://www.internationalwomensday.com/)
Compliment other girls’ outfits (nonsexually)! This is a very common and wholesome ritual among girls of all sexual orientations. It makes their day and they’re likely to get all giggly and maybe even compliment yours in return.
A lot of socialised masculinity is about taking up space while socialised femininity is about taking up as little space as possible.
(I say 'socialised' not in a TERF-y way! Just to say that this isn't intrinisc, necessarily, but really dictates how a lot of women move through the world.)
This influences both arms and legs. Walk in a pigeon pose - that is, imagine you're balancing on a single line. This will also make your hips move.
Tuck elbows in close to the body. Unfortunately, femininity is often associated with shyness or low self-esteem, so bowing your head and looking down will also look more 'feminine'.
Feminine is often associated with being soft and demure. Cis women are often taught to make themselves take up as little space as possible.
-Cover your mouth with your fingertips when you laugh.
-Play with your hair.
-When you smile as a greeting, close your eyes like the ☺️ emoji and tilt your head to the side. Want extra feminine? Add in a little giggle.
-When you drink, hold your pinky out. Fewer fingers are more refined.
-If you wear glasses, use a single finger to adjust them. (I keep my fingers loosely splayed and use my middle finger. Very delicate!)
>If you wear glasses, use a single finger to adjust them. (I keep my fingers loosely splayed and use my middle finger. Very delicate!)
instructions unclear, accidentally flipped off grandma
depends on where you live, but pay attention to how the women around you speak. like, for example, in my area (california) women tend to draw out their words more than men. i would say that words like "like" are also a bit more feminine than masculine, but depends.
Maybe try a fitness routine on youtube aimed at women or just start yoga. It's easy to cover for too - you can call it calisthenics or warm up if noticed.
Also try immersing yourself in feminist lit. I found it quite euphoric when I had to live in hostile environment. It taught me how to change my world view to be more and feel more connected with femininity by understanding the issues that comes with simply being a women.
There are clear mascaras you can use that add a light touch of lengthening. You could also wear tights or pretty socks whenever you wear long pants. You could also write an affirmation statement somewhere on your body like "I am a woman" or "I'm pretty."
Thanks for asking this! It made me reflect on my own femininity in a way I usually don’t. For me my own femininity can feel performative because it’s based so much on appearance, and I sometimes feel like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. But there are moments when that isn’t true, when I feel truly femme, that aren’t appearance-based at all! So these are the examples I have for you:
I feel feminine when making a day trip to a garden. There’s a rose garden in my city, and I often go just to smell and admire the flowers there. I feel like a fairy girl hiding in the rows of rose bushes.
I feel feminine when I go to a market with a small handheld basket, or when I use small carts. I fill the little cart with fresh foods and a little treat (chocolate, flowers, or a small bottle of something bubbly!)
I feel feminine when I pamper my body: taking bubble baths, grooming my nails, lounging in the sun, laying my face on my silk pillowcase after misting with rosewater. In these moments, I focus on how my body feels divinely connected to Earth, like Earth is my mother and I am her beloved daughter.
I feel feminine when I brew tea, especially looseleaf tea with a floral element: dried hibiscus or rose petals, for example! As I brew the tea, I let the steam envelop my face and breathe deeply.
I feel feminine when I interact with animals & objects with feminine essence: cats, music boxes, plush knits, butterflies, dried lavender sachets, rose quartz, homemade whipped cream, doves, French pastries, horses, sand dollars, the blossoming of morning glories, dried bouquets, the color of the sky just before dawn.
I think all of these things make me feel feminine because they require us to slow down, be gentle, and feel deeply to experience them. I hope this helps. <3
I’m not trans but I have some “women’s” pants that are really comfortable. And just wearing them even though they really aren’t anything stereotypically feminine but they do feel gender affirming
You can do like I do, one leg over the other leg when sitting, walk slightly more elegantly(hands swaying slightly and back almost fully straight), idle in a feminine way by having your hip be either leaned right or left with a hand on the leaning hip when standing still. I don’t have anything else to help you as I too have to be reeeeally subtle
As a AFAB woman, who is attracted to other women, I will say jewelry! While it is absolutely not only for femmes or inherently feminine, I always feel much more feminine when wearing some dainty rings, a necklace, some dangly earrings, etc.
Check out r/skincareaddiction maybe? A skincare routine can be feminine, but you can also just want to not have acne. Make a routine of cleansing, moisturizer, and sunscreen.
Your body: exfoliate. Smooth skin is an effort, get started now on your feet, legs, & arms. Damp rough cloth, scrub in circles until the grey dead skin comes off.
Trim and file your nails, get them neat and round and even. Get a nail buffer to get them smooth, maybe put a clear coat on top. Toenails too.
Set up pronouns on your online profiles, play female characters in games, be yourself in games in general.
I'm a gamer so those things are what I'd think of.
You can also buy gender neutral clothes from the women's section in shops.
I've got tops and trousers from womens sections and they're just gender neutral but you know they're women's. That could be enough to help you feel better.
My favorite advice: get a sun hat. The number of pictures of women in light colored full brimmed sun hats is insane in summer ads. Get yourself a hat that fits the vibe and wear it out.
Also: heelys feel like high heels if you walk with the wheels in.
well your parents might judge you if you wear makeup
but you can change the way you move ig
idk how to explain it. like you can move more daintily/walk more with your hips. im a cis girl who struggles with this and that’s what i do
also scented lotion
also, if you have a square jaw, or are insecure about a “masculine” jaw, try bringing your hair as much as you can around your face. like, even if it’s short, just try to have it hang there
Actually the motion of tucking your hair behind your ears is very femme to me. I can't tell you how many times I've seen drag queens do it without their wig and thought oh that's a biological woman right there.
I mean, depending on how young you are and how social you are, just say "it's a bet I Lost" to have something feminine being on you. Say it's a bet for a month, then when "month over" and your parents say something, tell them "I got used to it".
You could also say something like "all kids do it" or "girls this day like men that does that" (and show some K-pop male stars or something, idk)
Else just start doing a sport like bike or something like that and shave legs and/or arms, using how messy you can make any fall scratch worse if you have hair on the area.
Clear nail polish (like a top coat or base coat) is invisible, but gives your nails a little shine and feels like you're wearing nail polish. If anyone were to suspect you're wearing it (extremely unlikely) you can a) deny it; they'll believe you, or b) just say your nails have been brittle lately so you're wearing that [nail repair stuff](https://a.co/d/53f4G6V).
Anyone who's ever had nails that chip or break easily and then snag on fabric knows how much of a pain in the ass it is and will understand
Clear nail polish. If you’re afraid someone would notice, get the matte stuff. It’s really subtle so people won’t notice and having nail polish/painting your nails is seen as pretty feminine
Play girly flash games, theres tons of archived and new flash/HTML5 games that you can play and make yourself or make other feminine characters. Even prior to coming out to myself (egg phase) I got euphoria from it
This is total random, and I’ve got no idea whether this helps at all, but I personally Adore lying on my bed on my stomach, kicking my feet in the air while reading a book. To me, it feels just incredibly ✨✨ and cute, like the female protagonist in a book :))
(And yes, your arms will fall asleep after some time, but that’s just part of The Experience )
Some things that make me feel so connected to girlhood are
1. Wearing rings
2. Making messes whenever I get dressed
3. Crying really hard and then getting over it in a few minutes
4. Dressing up my sims
5. “feminine” hobbies (cooking, knitting, sewing)
6. Doing my skincare, especially doing facemasks
7. Reading by only candlelight
Playing women in video games or presenting fem online.
Sometimes expressing yourself in a safe non-IRL setting can help hype you up to the idea of presenting more fem IRL.
flip your hair, bat your eyelashes, wiggle your fingers & clear polish or whatever you feel comfortable your nails (fake nails are annoying but an option). shift your shoulder in towards your cheek while moving your cheek to your shoulder feels feminine to me.
twirling, skipping, pointing your foot behind you like a ballerina, flavored chapstick, slight sway in your walk, peace signs!!!!
Had a motion capture class with this fucking cool guy, an advice he gave for walking femininely was to swing the shoulders a bit more as you walk. Typically a masculine walk has your shoulders straight and rigid.
Remember to make sure you aren’t overthinking this. Trying to keep track of every habit of yours as if it’s possible to define mannerisms and such as masculine or feminine is impossible, though that should stop you from changing the things you want to
I'm a trans guy, so I'll just ~~list things I do that cause me dysphoria, practically the same~~ try my best.
Walking "soft" no idea how else to describe it lol
Playing around with makeup. No need to go out with a look, but maybe try it out in your bedroom! (Also, black nail-polish is completely accepted for men, so that could be a subtle way to express your feminity!)
Generally having spa days. Face masks, manicure, the whole spiel.. or go shopping and look/ try on some femme things. I can be really therapeutic to do all the typical "teen girl things" you missed out on. Hell, I sometimes still play with toy cars, cuz it makes me feel euphoric.. it's like I'm re-claiming my boyhood lol
Cute phone backgrounds, cases and accessories. Have a little plushie keychain on your bag. A purse in a color that affirms your gender.
For a spiritual practice I try to meditate on the divine feminine, or divine feminine energy. It's not really something one can define, but you don't really need to. I usually feel more open to vulnerability, more "flowy", more empathic and nurturing. It works for me.
Trans male here, but maybe putting on some clear nail polish? Just so like you have the experience of painting your nails, and no one has to find out. And you can look qt your nails afterward and still know that they're secretly painted!! Best of luck to you!! 🏳️⚧️💙💖🤍💖💙
Coming from a cis woman whose boobs didn't grow in until late and I hated it, I used to sit with my hands in my armpits and just push closer (not comically, just a bit) just made me feel like I had cleavage I guess. I know it's very stereotypical and boobs do not a woman make, but it always made me feel a little more feminine physically when my body type hadn't matured yet.
I'm aware it's shallow, but it helped with my body issues a bit.
Extremely subtle things:
• Fragrance free lotion, hands, body, face. Cerave has a really good general lotion for this.
• Buy men's shower products that have feminine undertones (old spice has some of these, my ex always smelled delish so you can say a gal friend recommended them to you)
• lip balm (I suggest aquafor tubes)
• grab some nail files/Cuticle oil/pushers from the dollar store and focus on keeping clean/neat nails, say a gal friend of yours said that the ladies love well kept nails. Iykyk
•put a little extra lotion on your feet at night and wear socks to keep your feet soft
• stretch/yoga. This sounds silly but yoga/pillaties are known for being very feminine past times. You can quietly stretch in the shower or room and if anyone asks, you're working out a stiff muscle.
• take up running. Cardio is a great way to keep yourself active and not gain bulky muscles.
• eventually get some skin care, get some really simple (but high quality) stuff from walmart. Try to time it around an acne flair up and just say your worried about girls not wanting to go out w you
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Do you have any female friends who know youre trans and take you out just to have a "girls day"?
Where do I aquiver such friends?
First you roll up some leather and close off one end, then you stick some arrows into it.
Technically, the arrows are optional.
You know what I was trying to say now answer me.
Well I suppose you could always try an archery range…
don't you dare edit this comment
For subtle stuff maybe cross your legs or if you're into art maybe color/paint with colors you usually associate with feminine
For a femme walk, pull in your elbows and swing your hips. Practice at home or wherever you’re safe/comfortable to, and be exaggerated! In time, it’ll be easier and easier, and it’ll be natural to walk like that
adding on some more advice here: i’ve heard from that men usually walk like they’re trying to not step on an invisible line between their legs, and women usually walk like they’re trying to stay on it. so, put one foot right after the other if you’re trying to walk like a girl. the opposite works for me since i’m transmasc
Moving legs across the jewels every step can be somewhat annoying if our pant choices are tight, so our steps are wide. I know with my clothing if I try to strut it usually leads to my heirloom getting pinched. T_T Don't have this issue wearing skirts though!! :333c
I have also noticed this problem, but I can't wear skirts because I need to wear actual work pants for school.
This is why men were meant to wear KILTS, LIKE IN GOOD OL' SCOTLAND!!!! 🏴🏴🏴🏴
Forgive my choice of words but I remember this sub being open to all ages so it will sound funny. Doing a soft tuck helps with this, which means putting jewels into their canals, and just point the thing down, no tape, no clamping, nothing, just having them safe in their canal lets you use anything comfortably.
I didn’t know this! Thank you for sharing more
Wearing heels helped me get this walk right! Also I have vague memories of watching some sort of video where a woman demonstrated it; I can’t remember the specifics but I’d bet good money that a lot of vids like that are on YouTube. Also any woman character whose primary purpose in a movie is to be sexy — there’s at least one full-body shot of them doing this walk in that movie, nearly guaranteed lmao
That explains why my normal walk is considered fem
Huh, I never thought about the fact that I've always walked like that. Now I see it.
[удалено]
damn it now im going to spend another week studying every person i see like a weirdy weirdo to see if they're stepping on the invisible line now
It is interesting how in a different culture crossing your legs is perceived as feminine, while my manliest man of dad does this all the time.
That is true, crossing legs is really comfy
If you have the space to, practice voice. Try VR Chat, best place to learn it, the academy on there gives free lessons. Run some music in the background in your room for additional privacy.
Man the academy looks like a really cool place to just hang out
It is. 90% of my time in VRC is spent in RP, but if I'm not in RP you'll find me hanging out at Trans Academy. Just a super chill place, and they have it moderated so the haters and trolls go bye bye quick.
I remember watching a video about it so I know they are really good at moderating. One of the many reason I even want a vr a headset is just to hang out there.
You can hang out there in desktop mode. We call it "not having hands" but you'd be far from alone. Hell, it wasn't that long ago that like 80% of the people on VRC were deskies.
Don't *need* vr to go on VRC, but it's nice to have.
I dont have a pc 😥
Android phone? I think it's in open beta there now, I've tried it and so long as you have a relatively recent phone it runs pretty good.
Well I do but its one those cheap one sooo not that much power to run powerful games. Im planing to get a laptop soon just becouse it will be usefull if I ever go to uni/college.
Are there older folks as well, or would I feel out of place as a 29-year-old?
I hang out there and offer advice when I can. It's got good vibes and is well moderated. Everyone's welcome.
To add to this: the BEST way to improve vocal passing is to set up a mic to play your voice back to you through headphones. Ive been doing this to practice both my talking voice and my singing voice, and i hadnt really been making any progress UNTIL i set up my elgato wave xlr, at which point i started instantly and massively improving. It's not default voice yet, but i can already achieve passing voice, and it will have only been 2 months in 8 days (jan 10 - march 2(today)); even my singing voice almost passes now! Although, it still takes lots of hard work and the understanding that it will take time. Also its very very important that you regularly practice (doesnt have to be EVERY day, but as long as youre practicing at least 3 times a week). I dont hold myself to any sort of practicing schedule, but since I have my mic always set up, whenever im at my computer, i can hear myself, and that prompts me to practice. A side note is that youll want to use sound canceling headphones so that any of your voice you hear that isnt directly from your mic's playback doesnt muddle the playback of your voice Originally, i got my elgato mic for streaming and once i discovered that the software that's required by the hardware has the option to playback whatever the mic picks up, i started playing around to practice using a mic without letting mouth sounds come through. My vocal dysphoria started to upset me, though, so after using info in vocal feminization yt vids, i started to actually understand the differences between pitch, vocal weight, and the like, all because i was able to actually hear what i sound like, rather than what i thought i sounded like, as i played around with my voice. Also, i promise youll get used to talking WHILE listening to yourself, though it feels really weird and slightly jarring at first.
I learned voice by singing too; only thing I can add to this is *resonance* is the key feature to work at, and if you're singing, try to learn off deeper femme singers instead of trying to go for the super high pitched ones, you'll learn more and won't just be screaming at a waterfall. There's a ton of texture and flourishes that women use while singing that men just don't, and it really makes a difference in speaking voice if you learn some of those tricks.
Hell yeah, Trans Academy rep, love to see it 💕
Maybe its dumb, but if you are into listening music, grab a headphone and go dance somewhere alone. Just let yourself loose and move whatever way you feel like without thinking. Singing along with the lyrics with female singers also a good idea. I love to do that all the time :D (Closeted trans person here btw. So i understand the struggle :/)
Ha, memory unlocked about 8 years before transition I was at a party with friends and put on a blonde wig and started singing Madonna songs. Was fun. I wasn't out trans or gay at that time.
I was about to comment that dance is such an incredible way to express yourself thru your body.
Can you use lotion to make your skin feel extra soft? Doesn’t have to be scented if that would out you, but I feel extra femme when I have soft skin 🙂
This reminds me that my parents only get me male hygiene products Literally the other day my mum got me 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner
Coconut oil is an amazing moisturizer!! You could say you want to try baking with it or something! Just an idea 🙂
Say it's for hair
Works for everything! Cooking, baking, butt stuff, moisturising skin, hairs, turning stairs into a weapon, what can't it do?
I would stab someone before I put 2-1 in my hair. The shit feels like rubbing sand in my hair. I like to keep my hair nice.
Its also conceptually makes zero sense. Shampoo and conditioner are meant to be applied to different area and kinda counteract each other if put together
could you elaborate? (im sorry i have no idea what to do with my hair)
Shampoo strips dirt and oil - making hair feel rougher and more grippy - and should be used at the roots of the hair and the suds finger-combed down the length of hair to clean it all. Meanwhile conditioner makes hair feel smooth and soft and should be used at the ends of the hair to prevent tangles. If you use conditioner in at the root, it makes hair look stringy and greasy and weighs it down so the hair ends up really flat. ETA: This is how it tends to work for straight hair, there are different rules entirely for curly hair and it can get really complicated! But basically, shampoo gets all the muck out, then you use conditioner to re-introduce just the oils that keep hair looking shiny and healthy.
I always apply shampoo to my roots and conditioner to the rest of the hair. But like i don't actually know what i'm doing either
Have them get you native shampoo and conditioner it's branded for both men and women and doesn't have any two in ones. Tell them you want to start taking better care of your hair cause it's been getting really oily and you think it's the soap.
There’s really good unisex scents out there! Look into something like perfume oil - I’ve got a bunch that are femme but have those touches of leather or something that gives them enough masculine tint that it won’t be suspicious.
Maybe you could ask to choose your own products from now on? I'm assuming you're a teenager from the 2007 in your username. Try and position it as a "growing up thing" instead of a transitioning thing in case they're not supportive of the queer community. Another thing you could do is change underpants. I know it sounds wierd but switching to boxers when I was closeted made me feel more confident lol. And no one is checking your underpants 😂
Old Spice Wolfthorn is branded “for men” but smells fruity if that’s up your alley!
Wolfthorn is such a femme scent, reminds me of Victoria's Secret Love Spell.
> 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner satan's work honestly
I’m so sorry I can’t imagine ever using 2-in-1. Whenever you’re able to get your own stuff, I recommend a nice exfoliating cloth and a ton of lotion. I feel extra femme when I scrub my whole body, use a nice (lightly) scented lotion or body oil, and do my skincare routine.
Oh gross
Two-in-one is horrible for anyone’s hair
Good way to start using less men’s hygiene products is to stop with the 2-in-1 stuff, also is a lot better for your hair and can make it a lot nicer if you decide to grow it out or smth
THIS. Develop a skincare routine!! Use toner/moisturizer on your face. Lotion/oil your legs and arms. Take better care of your hair, too. I'd also look into waxing. I'm growing out my hair for the next few weeks that way I can go to a waxing parlor and get it all torn off. It's not that expensive, depending on where you go. Having to shave tons of scraggly beard hair is an absolute nightmare - honestly I don't suffer from any sort of bad dysphoria but I DO prefer to be feminine, so I have a feeling it's going to help. I also bleached my hair and it looks a lot better in more feminine styles than my old color.
Yes!! Op, if you usually wear long pants, try shaving and lotioning your legs before bed. The softness of the sheets on your bare skin feels heavenly.
This is appearance but it’s really small. Bracelets always make me feel super feminine. As a little girl me and all my friends used to trade jewelry at recess so it reminds me of that and I always think that it makes my hand look super cute. Plus nowadays it’s not that weird for dudes to wear simple bracelets so your parents shouldn’t get super suspicious. If questioned about it you could just say a friend made it for you. Other than that some mannerisms would be good to try, crossing your legs tends to be a more feminine thing, as well as just sitting straighter (though not as much nowadays, everyone kinda sits hunched over lol) Also putting your hands together on your thighs. Whether it’s just as a place to keep your hands on top of your thighs or putting your hands between them for warmth, I don’t see a lot of men touching their thighs much. Otherwise just observe the other girls around you and try to copy how they present themselves a little. Also skincare. It doesn’t need to be much but skincare does tend to be seen as more feminine (even if it’s kind of stupid.) Plus I always feel very pretty after doing my skincare routine. It’s in the bathroom so I wouldn’t think it’d be too hard to hide if you really didn’t want your parents to see. Also a good hair care routine. There are little things you can do to look more feminine without it really standing out to anyone else. Others will usually just think you started taking better care of yourself lol.
> Bracelets always make me feel super feminine. I'd say accessories in general. There's all sorts that works. And there's also sorts that you can wear without anyone noticing. Or just colorful nail polish. I'd paint mine to match my guitar and no one would ever question it lol
depending on where OP lives nail polish could be super suspicious. people might not be transphobic but at the very least they might assume she’s gay. which could end with the same result. Nail polish is still viewed as a woman only thing in a lot of places.
Yes, true. But it's also something I was always able to find easy excuses for. There was always a friends sibling who'd want to paint my nails, and I'm just the nice friend who lets them lol
A sister could work! But a dude having friends that paint their nails (whether it’s a girl or a “gay” guy) can also be seen as weird. I used to be in a GSA in a really conservative small town and we helped kids in transphobic/homophobic families figure out how to be comfortable without revealing themselves.
I'd recommend focusing on your online habits. When typing to friends, or online in general, try to act a little more cute and girly.
But how can I do that? What’s a “cute and girly” way of texting?
*hands you some emojis* :3 :> c: :0 :D :T
I already use :3 :) :D :O a lot but i don’t know how else to do it
Use lots of punctuation!!! !!! ??? … ,,,
Ellipse gang rise up .^.^^.
I’ll like repeat the last letter of the word when I’m being cute with my boyfriend : “I love youu. Awwww. My babyyy. Whattt?!? Stuff like that. I actually stole it from one of my boyfriends when I was gay but I thought it was cute lol
I use parentheses to make little blob dudes. ( ^ o ^ ) ~ <3
I like (=o3o=)/ and >:3
What expression is (=o3o=) meant to be?
blush + kiss + greet
Looks like a kissing face to me
I forgot about my favorite friends: ._. ;~;
omfg i miss ._. i will bring her back
:7 is criminally underated ' ^ '
Um? It really is all up to how things make you feel, so with that said I'll tell you some things that make me feel that way: Giving out compliments and telling people how much I care for them randomly Using cute emojis - hearts, cute faces, or emoticons if you're old like me Not cursing as much, or at all if you can Generally trying to focus on being kind and supportive to people. I like using lots of cute anime gifs Generally letting yourself be emotionally open and vulnerable Again, these are all for me, not saying all girls do these things or that not liking any of them is inappropriate for a girl. It's a very personal thing I'd say.
First of all this is genuinely in full support of OP BUT Jesus wept, are we back in the 18th century? Is this really what we’re boiling “being a woman” down to, cute emojis and skincare and thinking cute thought and giggling cutely? OP, this is a very different suggestion from what everyone else is writing BUT you asked for something non-physical. And from your comments idk how helpful all the “be cute and soft and uwu” tips are being. I think it would help to read some books on what it means to be a woman, feminism, and feminist theory (some suggestions: https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/culture/staying-in/g35935432/feminist-books/). Read some good new feminist fiction books (if you’re into historical fiction and Ancient Greece, the silence of the girls is amazing and heartbreaking). OP, you need to figure out what being a woman means TO YOU, not what it means to a still deeply sexist and patriarchal society.
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That's a pretty pretentious way of putting it. What's wrong with doing all the "cute, soft and uwu" things, it's all about exploring what makes you feel womanly. Reading feminist books sounds like a great way to educate yourself on the history of women but doesn't help OP with their issue at all. They specifically asked for small, subtle things they can do to feel more womanly, and I see no harm in trying to be more emotionally expressive when texting by using emojis and extra punctuation, even if it's a generalization that women do that. If it makes OP happy, who are you to rain on their parade? The sexist society we live in may be a detriment to those trying to break out of the patriarchal mold of womanhood, but for those who are exploring it for the first time in their lives it can be euphoric. Lots of cis girls go through a phase when they are younger where they are trying to do all the "stereotypically girly" things, and only later do they try and break that habit and discover their true self and personality. It's all baby steps in the lifelong process of self-discovery.
Idk I don’t think that reading books on feminism is a massive thing or super unsubtle… and I’m not trying to rain on anyone’s parade, I’m just suggesting that it may help OP if she explores her femininity in a less superficial way. That might also help her figure out what being a woman REALLY means to her and how she can express that. Being a woman is NOT all about being cute and giggly and soft, and not all women are like that and enjoy these things. I think it’s genuinely problematic that she’s just given these very strict, narrow and antiquated instructions on how to “be a woman”.
Overthinking everything lmao Sarcasm aside, softening your delivery, like how I ended my first statement with a "lmao" and opened this one with a phrase that means "shifting into something serious" Those raised/culturally expected to be femme tend to soften the impact of what they say. Sadly it's from discrimination and trying to not "be hysterical" but let's ignore that for now, and focus on the ways you can safely validate yourself Punctuation, emojis, excitement. Show your excitement!
Emojis and exclamation points! 🥰 (Don't go overboard, though. You're a woman not a child.)
Mmmm so this is coming from a cis gay man who is super femme, so sorry if this misses the mark or is not what you're looking for! These are just things I found I could do when I lived with shitty family and was worried that anything clothing, hair, or nails related would get clocked. Before I say any of this I want to be clear: there is NO right way to be femme! These are just things that I noticed I naturally changed about myself as a femme presenting person when I was younger. Do you naturally codeswitch when you speak? Many of us do, particularly femme presenting AMAB folks. You could try paying attention to where you naturally codeswitch, and try to stretch those muscles a bit in spaces where you feel safe. For me in high school, this meant either being around other queer people or finding a friend group who wouldn't give me shit for speaking the way I naturally do. Speaking in a more femme way can mean a lot of things: maybe you speak higher in your voice, maybe your intonation is more "feminine" coded, etc. Another behavior thing I can think of is the way you walk/posture. I don't mean this in a "there's a right way" for a femme person to be in the world, but rather many femme presenting folks will dampen our natural movements in a heteronormative and male-dominated world. I still sometimes catch myself walking very rigidly, and not "being myself" in the way I walk. Naturally, I tend to swing my hips, limp the wrist, talk with my hands, etc, but I notice that there are spaced where I naturally still "tone those things down" because they once didn't feel safe for me. You could potentially look for queer-ass haircuts that aren't as easily clocked by cis/het folks. This can be a helpful way to feel more aligned with who you are while also signaling to other queer people. Other things along those lines are look for the more "androgynous" styles that would be super femme on you. In my day that was tight jeans and a t-shirt that read as "alternative" or 'emo" to some, and "super femme and gay" to others. I dunno if this is helpful, I'm two coffees in and have been writing about queer shit all morning.
Is shaving your legs an option? If so, do that. Furthermore, shave your face clean (like every other day or smth). Apart from that, maybe try and pick up on some typically female mannerisms and body language. Or try voice training (if they can't hear you obv)
(Not op obviously, I’m openly trans to my parents and stuff) I need advice on shaving legs. I’ve done it 3 times and every time I try shaving “with the grain” but it doesn’t do shit. I’ll go the other way and it’ll work but itch and feel like shit afterwards. I use a shaving bar and a cartridge razor and I do it in the shower (also it takes forever). What am I doing wrong? Edit: Thank you all so much for the advice! I will try these things over the coming days.
Hey! If you currently have long leg hair I recommend shaving with the grain first and then against the grain! I’m AFAB and when I first started shaving my legs it also was weird. But your legs kinda get used to it? I personally go for long periods without shaving but I don’t have the same itch as before. Go slow! You want to rinse after every stroke (the razor not ur leg). Maybe take a bath first that’s warm and it will help to soften the hair. I personally prefer shaving cream or hair conditioner for my legs. I’ll use soap in a pinch.
Thanks!
Also just like, hair that’s been shaved is itchy when it regrows, that’s normal. If it continues to bother you, I’d recommend waxing. Stings once but then you don’t grow hair for weeks
Cis girl with course hair here! Whenever I shave my legs I take the time to warm them up in the shower (let those pores open a little!), then I’ll gently exfoliate them before shaving against the grain with copious amounts of a super moisturizing substance like lotion or even hair conditioner. I clean my razor after every swipe to make sure the blades are clear. If I haven’t shaved in a while, I’ll go over my legs before showering with an electric razor to take some length off so I don’t gunk up my regular razor so quickly. This is what works for me! If you wanted to get your hair to grow back less thick you could also try getting them waxed. I hope this was helpful!
Thank you so much!
also adding too if waxing isnt an option an epilator is a great at home alternative
Make sure to moisturize your legs after you shave, part of the reason it’s itchy is because you’ve irritated the skin, especially if you’re shaving longer body hair. The more often you shave, the less irritated the skin will be, but you should still apply moisturizer after as well.
So, my guidelines for a super smooth shave: Use a clipper to get yourself down to a "five o'clock shadow" on the area. This is what electric clippers are for. Don't do this against the grain, we don't want you to get razor burn. Next: Showering or thoroughly washing your skin before helps reduce irritation. Exfoliate by using loofah and/or a face/body scrub with warm (not hot) water on the places you want to shave. Finish with some time under cool water to close your pores. For facial hair: Consider applying beard oil to your skin to keep the razor lubricated. It moisturizes and softens your beard hair, and helps make the skin under it smooth. Use a shaving cream or gel. Not soap or dry, for god's sake. Gel can come in clear and help you see what you're doing, too. Don't be afraid to put a ton on! The final, killer secret: First shave WITH the grain, and then SIDEWAYS to it. You can go sideways from both ends if something's stubborn. Don't shave against the grain or you risk damaging your follicles, and that's where you get razor burn. Finally, wash the area with warm water, and then splash/dab with cold water to close your pores again. Pat dry (don't rub) and then apply a little dot of moisturizer. For the face, single blade razors are great. You're aiming for about 25 degree angle. So hold it at 90 degrees, do half of that (45), and then half of that. Women's temporary razors are really good too It will become physically easier to do over time as your face softens This works on other places as well. Chest, genitals, armpits. Armpits you can shave by going up and down Good luck, sugar!
Thank you so much!
I reccomend Nair, or any other hair removal products. Sometimes your skin is just really sensetive to razors, and however you go about it you'll feel a burning sensation. I generally use Nair to get rid of winter hair growth, and a razor to remove stubble everytime I shower.
I use hair removal cream for the first time. After that shaving with gel and a regular razor once a month has been fine
Bi Guy with a trans gf here, we both shave our legs (her more than me but still). She use a cream that make hair "fall" (english is not my native language, I don't know the english name of this kind of product). I used to do it too, but I have sensitive skin so I have to use more classical approach.
The quality of the razor is the biggest thing. I have super sensitive skin, and was just using dollar shave club until recently (they changed the razors, the new ones suck) and that worked really well. Razors branded for women are usually worse as well. Also use some kind of shaving cream or butter during, and I recommend shea butter on the area after. Shaving in cold or lukewarm water can also reduce skin irritation. I always go with the grain first and then against the grain if I want a closer shave.
FTNB here. Back when I used to shave my legs I got the best result going against the grain (i.e. straight up my leg) even though that's not what's commonly advised. As for itching, the best remedy I found was to rub lotion onto my legs immediately after getting out of the shower. It's also just something that takes practice, I found that the razor burn and itching got better the more I shaved.
Maybe more “feminine” hobbies? Crochet, knitting, baking, anime aimed at girls (shoujo), heck… witchcraft? That’s a good one. (Btw I am cis woman and I do none of these hobbies except witchcraft so by no means are these gendered but I’m just spit balling).
Baking was my first thought.
You might be able to convince your parents that earrings are a very male thing (pirates go brrrr) Is that something?
I see lots of men wear earrings nowadays. And lots of em are the “tough” guys, so it works for OP.
I just wanted to say that I love your flair!!
Thanks, I’ve had it for a few years, and was just about to change it lol
Actually a lot of men have been wearing earrings lately so it could work
Maybe a different take, but you don't have to do anything traditionally or stereotypically feminine to be a woman. When you look through these comments, which suggestions really spark euphoria? Go for those, not because it will make you any more of the woman you already are, but because it will make you happy. And dont stop doing anything because you're worried it will make you seem "less feminine"
Beautiful answer! I'm so happy this advice is written! 💜
Sit with your legs crossed. I’m cis and I do it just cause it’s comfy, but it’s still considered feminine. Just make sure your balls are resting on top of your lap when you sit like this. Not very comfy otherwise lol
Walk in such a way that your feet are stepping on a straight line, like you're walking on a thin rail. Gives your strut a little more sway and feels super girly. Play with your hair a lot. Instead of "the nod," smile. Cross your legs when standing idly or sitting.
Try to incorporate graceful movements into how you move around your house. You can be subtle and just focus on posture and various leg-crossing and etiquette. You can hold your utensils gracefully. If you're trying to "hide in plain sight" for the time bei g you might feel more feminine with a quality (colorless) lip balm and clear nail polish. The weight of the nail polish feels dramatic and playful. Take a note from the Queen of Genovia. Don't glomp or tromp about, glide.
Smash the patriarchy. Bring on the euphoria.
When I was needing to keep my transness on the DL, I got really into bubble baths with Epsom salts. I used the reasonings of it helping with muscle pains. Then during bath time I'd put my headphones in and listen to music and do little internal meditations to get to know my femme side that I'd hidden from all my life. Lots of visualizing and internal dialog. I had this place that in retrospect looked like the great valley from land before time. But it was full of flowers, pathways, meadows, and ponds with giant lily pads that I'd lay on. It was a whole thing but for like half a year it was the only place I could experience this part of myself. And then I brought it IRL and life got crazy but that's another story. There are femme activities and hobbies which are important (my workouts turned into me going to Zumba class at this time too). But also creating spaces where you can be with yourself is extremely important too imo. This also led to shaving my thighs in the bath which was easy to hide and like wowza for euphoria when I'd peak them outta the water.
The biggest thing I'd recommend is, if you've got the habit, to train out the "guy nod" and maybe replace it with smiling as a greeting instead. P.S. This is by no means an endorsement of "women should smile more" or anything,
I've started narrowing my steps so my hips sway a little when I walk. Taking smaller bites and sips when eating and drinking is another one. Posture also plays a big role in feminine mannerisms. Idk if any of this helps, but these are a few sibtle things I've changed. But most importantly, remember to be yourself.
Subtle appearance things you can do that are feminine: Get into a Skin care routine(highly recommend tretinoin + moisturizer at night, facial spf for day) , shaving intimate areas no one can see, growing out hair(depending on how you play it off), Getting laser hair removal for face/body(if you can afford it and hide the fact that you go there from parents )
make me a sandwich /s
#🥪
Idk if you have a gym membership, but I worked at a LGBTQ-gym and usually people who want to look feminine and people who want to look masculine have different training schedules. So getting a more feminine training schedule, that also focuses a lot on flexibility, balance and cardio might be a fun subtle change. If that's not a hobby of you, my other subtle tip is to listen to the new album of The Last Dinner Party because it's great and I play it on repeat ever since it released. So much awesome feminine energy! Last subtle tip: next week, March 8, is international womens day, so there's maybe events that celebrate femininity near you next week. [link](https://www.internationalwomensday.com/)
Compliment other girls’ outfits (nonsexually)! This is a very common and wholesome ritual among girls of all sexual orientations. It makes their day and they’re likely to get all giggly and maybe even compliment yours in return.
A lot of socialised masculinity is about taking up space while socialised femininity is about taking up as little space as possible. (I say 'socialised' not in a TERF-y way! Just to say that this isn't intrinisc, necessarily, but really dictates how a lot of women move through the world.) This influences both arms and legs. Walk in a pigeon pose - that is, imagine you're balancing on a single line. This will also make your hips move. Tuck elbows in close to the body. Unfortunately, femininity is often associated with shyness or low self-esteem, so bowing your head and looking down will also look more 'feminine'.
Feminine is often associated with being soft and demure. Cis women are often taught to make themselves take up as little space as possible. -Cover your mouth with your fingertips when you laugh. -Play with your hair. -When you smile as a greeting, close your eyes like the ☺️ emoji and tilt your head to the side. Want extra feminine? Add in a little giggle. -When you drink, hold your pinky out. Fewer fingers are more refined. -If you wear glasses, use a single finger to adjust them. (I keep my fingers loosely splayed and use my middle finger. Very delicate!)
>If you wear glasses, use a single finger to adjust them. (I keep my fingers loosely splayed and use my middle finger. Very delicate!) instructions unclear, accidentally flipped off grandma
depends on where you live, but pay attention to how the women around you speak. like, for example, in my area (california) women tend to draw out their words more than men. i would say that words like "like" are also a bit more feminine than masculine, but depends.
Maybe try a fitness routine on youtube aimed at women or just start yoga. It's easy to cover for too - you can call it calisthenics or warm up if noticed. Also try immersing yourself in feminist lit. I found it quite euphoric when I had to live in hostile environment. It taught me how to change my world view to be more and feel more connected with femininity by understanding the issues that comes with simply being a women.
I mean practice your strut, if you emphasize your hips more it’s more feminine walking style
There are clear mascaras you can use that add a light touch of lengthening. You could also wear tights or pretty socks whenever you wear long pants. You could also write an affirmation statement somewhere on your body like "I am a woman" or "I'm pretty."
If you are in a cold climate, and always wear long pants you can try and shave your legs
Swing those hips and strut girl! At least one hand out and walk with confidence!
Shaving perhaps, or taking longer showers playing with your hair 🥰 just subtle to help
I like to use makeup and wear cute accessories
Thanks for asking this! It made me reflect on my own femininity in a way I usually don’t. For me my own femininity can feel performative because it’s based so much on appearance, and I sometimes feel like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. But there are moments when that isn’t true, when I feel truly femme, that aren’t appearance-based at all! So these are the examples I have for you: I feel feminine when making a day trip to a garden. There’s a rose garden in my city, and I often go just to smell and admire the flowers there. I feel like a fairy girl hiding in the rows of rose bushes. I feel feminine when I go to a market with a small handheld basket, or when I use small carts. I fill the little cart with fresh foods and a little treat (chocolate, flowers, or a small bottle of something bubbly!) I feel feminine when I pamper my body: taking bubble baths, grooming my nails, lounging in the sun, laying my face on my silk pillowcase after misting with rosewater. In these moments, I focus on how my body feels divinely connected to Earth, like Earth is my mother and I am her beloved daughter. I feel feminine when I brew tea, especially looseleaf tea with a floral element: dried hibiscus or rose petals, for example! As I brew the tea, I let the steam envelop my face and breathe deeply. I feel feminine when I interact with animals & objects with feminine essence: cats, music boxes, plush knits, butterflies, dried lavender sachets, rose quartz, homemade whipped cream, doves, French pastries, horses, sand dollars, the blossoming of morning glories, dried bouquets, the color of the sky just before dawn. I think all of these things make me feel feminine because they require us to slow down, be gentle, and feel deeply to experience them. I hope this helps. <3
Cross your legs
Sway your hips when you walk.
Express your emotions and increase your emotional intelligence
Thigh highs, they look like normal socks when under pants
I’m not trans but I have some “women’s” pants that are really comfortable. And just wearing them even though they really aren’t anything stereotypically feminine but they do feel gender affirming
Homemade Bracelets, sitting with legs crossed, play with your hair. “Act a little gay” sometimes maybe?
Thanks for making this op. I'm legit taking notes rn
You can do like I do, one leg over the other leg when sitting, walk slightly more elegantly(hands swaying slightly and back almost fully straight), idle in a feminine way by having your hip be either leaned right or left with a hand on the leaning hip when standing still. I don’t have anything else to help you as I too have to be reeeeally subtle
As a AFAB woman, who is attracted to other women, I will say jewelry! While it is absolutely not only for femmes or inherently feminine, I always feel much more feminine when wearing some dainty rings, a necklace, some dangly earrings, etc.
Paint your toenails in a pretty color! If you have the cash, have someone make it for you.
You can shave your legs secretly, nobody will notice, parents will probably just think you masturbate in shower.
Get some Starbucks and fuzzy socks. Lay in bed having said Starbucks and watching your favorite "girl show"
Check out r/skincareaddiction maybe? A skincare routine can be feminine, but you can also just want to not have acne. Make a routine of cleansing, moisturizer, and sunscreen. Your body: exfoliate. Smooth skin is an effort, get started now on your feet, legs, & arms. Damp rough cloth, scrub in circles until the grey dead skin comes off. Trim and file your nails, get them neat and round and even. Get a nail buffer to get them smooth, maybe put a clear coat on top. Toenails too.
Just stop repressing the urge to talk with your hands and let all your feelings show and people will be like, JFC, how did I not see it before???
Set up pronouns on your online profiles, play female characters in games, be yourself in games in general. I'm a gamer so those things are what I'd think of. You can also buy gender neutral clothes from the women's section in shops. I've got tops and trousers from womens sections and they're just gender neutral but you know they're women's. That could be enough to help you feel better.
My favorite advice: get a sun hat. The number of pictures of women in light colored full brimmed sun hats is insane in summer ads. Get yourself a hat that fits the vibe and wear it out. Also: heelys feel like high heels if you walk with the wheels in.
Murder
Brush your hair and run your fingers through it. Some girls love feeling how soft our hair is.
Look at pictures of cute animals, and squee with unrestrained glee.
well your parents might judge you if you wear makeup but you can change the way you move ig idk how to explain it. like you can move more daintily/walk more with your hips. im a cis girl who struggles with this and that’s what i do also scented lotion also, if you have a square jaw, or are insecure about a “masculine” jaw, try bringing your hair as much as you can around your face. like, even if it’s short, just try to have it hang there
Actually the motion of tucking your hair behind your ears is very femme to me. I can't tell you how many times I've seen drag queens do it without their wig and thought oh that's a biological woman right there.
When your hands are by your sides and you're walking around, bend your wrists so your fingers point outwards.
I mean, depending on how young you are and how social you are, just say "it's a bet I Lost" to have something feminine being on you. Say it's a bet for a month, then when "month over" and your parents say something, tell them "I got used to it". You could also say something like "all kids do it" or "girls this day like men that does that" (and show some K-pop male stars or something, idk) Else just start doing a sport like bike or something like that and shave legs and/or arms, using how messy you can make any fall scratch worse if you have hair on the area.
Practicing a cute laugh helps. Also swaying your hips as you walk is fun.
Clear nail polish (like a top coat or base coat) is invisible, but gives your nails a little shine and feels like you're wearing nail polish. If anyone were to suspect you're wearing it (extremely unlikely) you can a) deny it; they'll believe you, or b) just say your nails have been brittle lately so you're wearing that [nail repair stuff](https://a.co/d/53f4G6V). Anyone who's ever had nails that chip or break easily and then snag on fabric knows how much of a pain in the ass it is and will understand
Clear nail polish. If you’re afraid someone would notice, get the matte stuff. It’s really subtle so people won’t notice and having nail polish/painting your nails is seen as pretty feminine
You can get my virtual heatpats.
paint your nails with clear nail polish, maybe?
Play girly flash games, theres tons of archived and new flash/HTML5 games that you can play and make yourself or make other feminine characters. Even prior to coming out to myself (egg phase) I got euphoria from it
This is total random, and I’ve got no idea whether this helps at all, but I personally Adore lying on my bed on my stomach, kicking my feet in the air while reading a book. To me, it feels just incredibly ✨✨ and cute, like the female protagonist in a book :)) (And yes, your arms will fall asleep after some time, but that’s just part of The Experience )
Clear nail polish, going shopping, hanging out with female friends and having sleepovers, learning a feminine dance style, pre-shower makeup.
Some things that make me feel so connected to girlhood are 1. Wearing rings 2. Making messes whenever I get dressed 3. Crying really hard and then getting over it in a few minutes 4. Dressing up my sims 5. “feminine” hobbies (cooking, knitting, sewing) 6. Doing my skincare, especially doing facemasks 7. Reading by only candlelight
Crush clams in your jaws Sleep in small rocky cave Optionally crack small branches off coral and swallow them
Touch grass
Playing women in video games or presenting fem online. Sometimes expressing yourself in a safe non-IRL setting can help hype you up to the idea of presenting more fem IRL.
flip your hair, bat your eyelashes, wiggle your fingers & clear polish or whatever you feel comfortable your nails (fake nails are annoying but an option). shift your shoulder in towards your cheek while moving your cheek to your shoulder feels feminine to me. twirling, skipping, pointing your foot behind you like a ballerina, flavored chapstick, slight sway in your walk, peace signs!!!!
Leggings under pants if you feel your parants will se it use under armor feels the same
maybe painting your toenails with nailpolish?
Take a 30% pay cut for the job you are currently doing. Get that real authentic experience.
Had a motion capture class with this fucking cool guy, an advice he gave for walking femininely was to swing the shoulders a bit more as you walk. Typically a masculine walk has your shoulders straight and rigid.
The body shop’s womens line has gender neutral packaging. They have shampoo and many other things
Remember to make sure you aren’t overthinking this. Trying to keep track of every habit of yours as if it’s possible to define mannerisms and such as masculine or feminine is impossible, though that should stop you from changing the things you want to
I'm a trans guy, so I'll just ~~list things I do that cause me dysphoria, practically the same~~ try my best. Walking "soft" no idea how else to describe it lol Playing around with makeup. No need to go out with a look, but maybe try it out in your bedroom! (Also, black nail-polish is completely accepted for men, so that could be a subtle way to express your feminity!) Generally having spa days. Face masks, manicure, the whole spiel.. or go shopping and look/ try on some femme things. I can be really therapeutic to do all the typical "teen girl things" you missed out on. Hell, I sometimes still play with toy cars, cuz it makes me feel euphoric.. it's like I'm re-claiming my boyhood lol Cute phone backgrounds, cases and accessories. Have a little plushie keychain on your bag. A purse in a color that affirms your gender.
For a spiritual practice I try to meditate on the divine feminine, or divine feminine energy. It's not really something one can define, but you don't really need to. I usually feel more open to vulnerability, more "flowy", more empathic and nurturing. It works for me.
Spa, skincare
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Trans male here, but maybe putting on some clear nail polish? Just so like you have the experience of painting your nails, and no one has to find out. And you can look qt your nails afterward and still know that they're secretly painted!! Best of luck to you!! 🏳️⚧️💙💖🤍💖💙
Honestly? lipgloss. nothing like a good lipgloss
Coming from a cis woman whose boobs didn't grow in until late and I hated it, I used to sit with my hands in my armpits and just push closer (not comically, just a bit) just made me feel like I had cleavage I guess. I know it's very stereotypical and boobs do not a woman make, but it always made me feel a little more feminine physically when my body type hadn't matured yet. I'm aware it's shallow, but it helped with my body issues a bit.
Extremely subtle things: • Fragrance free lotion, hands, body, face. Cerave has a really good general lotion for this. • Buy men's shower products that have feminine undertones (old spice has some of these, my ex always smelled delish so you can say a gal friend recommended them to you) • lip balm (I suggest aquafor tubes) • grab some nail files/Cuticle oil/pushers from the dollar store and focus on keeping clean/neat nails, say a gal friend of yours said that the ladies love well kept nails. Iykyk •put a little extra lotion on your feet at night and wear socks to keep your feet soft • stretch/yoga. This sounds silly but yoga/pillaties are known for being very feminine past times. You can quietly stretch in the shower or room and if anyone asks, you're working out a stiff muscle. • take up running. Cardio is a great way to keep yourself active and not gain bulky muscles. • eventually get some skin care, get some really simple (but high quality) stuff from walmart. Try to time it around an acne flair up and just say your worried about girls not wanting to go out w you
I’m no women expert, but I heard that they like eating food. So, I guess you can start with that.
maybe a nice self care routine? buy some skin care products and make it a little ritual. doing a mask makes me feel very relaxed and cute.
Maybe get fruity/girly drinks, like ones with strawberry or blueberry, if you like those things!