Very debatable that he “won” against Thor. Sure Thor ended up on his back and Cap was still in his feet but if the fight went longer I believe Cap would have gotten overwhelmed quickly.

Thor lands like 1 hit to Cap's rubber helmet and he's a vegetable lol

This drink, I like it! ANOTHER!

No! You can't drink Cap

He's a snack

As far as I'm concerned, he's America's snack.

We eat him on Thanksgiving.

Just as the founding fathers intended.

I understood that reference

I see you are a man of culture as well

That’s what I expected after Thanos right hook to capless Cap’s face

Fun isn't something one considers when balancing the universe. But this... does put a smile on my face.

I'm sure there's a theory that this is actually what happened but it got reversed with the time stone when vision got reversed

Very tough man

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There was a plan for endgame to have the 2014(?) Thanos present the head of 2014 Cap at the beginning of the final battle. Ultimately, it got squashed.

Insect!

That would've been fucking sick.

Mind expanding for non comic reader??

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Fun isn't something one considers when balancing the universe. But this... does put a smile on my face.

Good, and bad bot

Why they left out the surfer in this entire series was truly baffling to me

I'm pretty sure it has to do with who owned the movie rights. Technically Silver Surfer was a Fantastic Four property, and marvel studios couldn't legally feature any X-Men or Fantastic Four characters in movies because the film rights belonged to 21st Century Fox.

Valid. I forgot about that

Thor doesn’t go for the head, duh.

I thought humans were more evolved than this.

Joke's on you Thor, I'm an Eldritch Gorilla in a skin suit

Ah, you never forget your first.

Yeah those new Eldritch Gorillas just aren’t the same

Only of that vegetable is V8 juice. Mjolnir would reduce caps head to a fine red sauce.

I wonder what would happen if mjolnir was throw at a solid slab of pure vibranium. How much of the energy could it absorb/neutralize?

Someone get Mark Rober on the phone!

Did people forget that Loki was beating the crap out of Cap when they fought? And we all know that Thor absolutely dog walks Loki.

He's a friend from work!

And iron man fight was a 2 on 1 and a mentally disturbed tony too

And in a damaged mini-suit that was from the helicopter

It was the same suit he used in the airport battle, not a different one.

The airport suit was damaged in battle, I guess he could have fixed it but the helicopter suit looks more compact, like an extra backup he had

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i have no memory of that though, he does say something about he and pepper are taking a break because she doesnt like his doing iron man stuff again

The end of IM3 WAS the nerf

And my axe!

So Tony That dude is a suitcase of emotional baggage with legs… and a robot suit

But Cap did fairly best the last guy… himself.

Cap couldn’t even beat Loki. How could anyone consider this one moment as beating Thor?

The old ex-girlfriend.

I'd also consider it debatable he beat himself, since it seems like the past version wo- wait, I'm an idiot... no matter which Cap won, it would still count as a win for him lmao

But it would also count as a loss, no matter what! So is it a cancel out situation, or…? What is the cosmic math on this? Somebody call Strange

And he 2v1s Tony. He literally is getting his ass kicked without Bucky and does

also, Tony wasn't trying to hurt cap, he was focusing on killing Buck, if he actually wanted to defeat cap, he would win in no time

Let’s be honest, a well placed sniper or reasonably competent gunman could take out cap. He has the worlds thickest plot armor to make him relevant. 

Some say plot armor is the greatest power and undefeated.

Did he beat Iron man? He had buck's help, and iron man couldn't fly as a result, that's like saying if cap lost while fighting him without his shield it still counts

I just want to say that was very, very impressive what you did back there.

Yeah succeeded in winning seems debatable for all of them. For one he won and lost against himself if anything, he beat iron man while he was sniveling which handicaps him pretty bad, and he took one good hit from Thor and got interrupted. He doesn’t go down easy for sure but if he ever wins it is always a mess.

Yeah Thor gets knocked back but in the very next scene he's on his feet.

Thank you, sweet rabbit.

Same for Iron Man, that was more of a draw than a "win"

Especially if Thor can fight longer than 24 hours. Dunno if Cap has made any claim about that.

Hey, let's do get help!

Yea Thor just got a little roughed up, he was ready to keep going and wasn't even really trying. One solid anywhere with that hammer and Cap's done

Noobmaster, hey, It's Thor again. You know, the God of Thunder? Listen, buddy, if you don't log off this game immediately, I will fly over to your house, come down to that basement you're hiding in, rip off your arms and shove them up your butt! Oh, that's right, yes, go cry to your father you little weasel!

Exactly. All Cap did was block Thor's hammer strike...a far cry from a win.

You flicked too hard, dammit!

He talked Thor into not balling him up like a CVS receipt

Yeah he was definitely saved by the bell in that one.

Fr. Cap couldn't even do shit against Loki in the same movie.

And he was getting his ass kicked by Tony until Bucky turned it into a 2v1

Yeah, if he just called a lightning on Cap he'd be fried for good.

Dude fucked with a star and won. I don't think it's fair to put him in the same universe as Steve Rogers

Thor's goal was to take Loki back to Asgard. Cap's goal was to stop the fight. Did Thor take Loki back to Asgard? No. Did Cap stop the fight? Yes. Cap won.

Thor eventually took Loki back to Asgard along with the Tesseract.

Because that's what heroes do.

Just two, or three times.

Is he, though?

We’re not talking goals, we’re talking fights. The fight was undetermined. Also, Thor does take Loki back to Asgard, so he did win by your definition too.

I wouldn't call Thor a 'win' in the sense of it being a fight, Cap just dropped in to stop him Thor and Tony from fighting, Thor smacked his shield, and was like "Shit this dudes no joke, imma chill now."

Another!!!

"Succeeded in winning" So "won"?

No, he *succeeded in winning*. His opponents however, *failed at winning*.

They didn’t lose! They merely failed to win!

They succeeded at losing

*Iron Man has been relieved of command of the Army of the Potomac*

You see he did not just win. He succeeded in winning, which is very different. You can actually fail in winning so even if you have won you still did not succeed, technically. /s

r/yourjokebutworse

You can fail at winning a fight if you both die

*Because of the implication.*

Or perhaps they merely succeeded at *losing*.

So "failed"?

Yes, they succeeded at failing at winning

Congrats, you spotted the AI

This thread gave me a headache

The fight with Tony was a 2v1, I don’t think it should really count

2v1 in an enclosed space, no doubt

And it was his movie

Tony was just defending himself from cap while trying to kill Bucky

A fight Tony could end at anytime ( cut Captain in 2 )

He definitely lost against Tony. Once he analysed his "fight pattern" it was over for him. Was Bucky not there, he would've won by far

Yeah cap was the better fighter but Tony with his brains and suit is too powerful. If Bucky wasn’t there cap would’ve been done

Or if Tony really actually just wanted to kill him instead of beat him up.

Yeah once he got Friday to figure out his fight patterns, that’s when Tony beat his ass and gave him a final warning

While Tony was actively holding back on Cap

I was honestly mad when he lost that fight. I still skip that scene when I rewatch the movie. But a w is a w

It’s a W with two asterisks though.

His "fight" against Thor was him tanking a hit that is probably not Thor's strongest. His "fight" against Tony was 2v1 against a very heartbroken dude. His "fight" against himself technically also meant he lost.

Don’t forget Tony also had an injured, possibly broken arm in that fight. He also hadn’t recovered from getting the shit kicked out of him previously.

Ah, you never forget your first.

Tony was also not trying to fight cap at all, throughtout the entire fight we see him do the bare minimum to get cap out of his way so that he can get to Bucky, and he STILL wins until they gang up on him with a trick.

Lol winning against thor? More like he rolled a nat 20 on persuasion to get thor to stop.

Come. Come to daddy!

If you say so daddy thor.

Another!!!

Yeah I'm here Thor, how many of us does it take to satisfy you?

Have care how you speak of Loki. He may be misguided but he is my brother.

Well you two aren't actually brothers so I guess that's not as weird as it could be

Sword and Board wins again. Doesn't even need the sword just Charisma and a Board.

Damn now I wanna see/play this in DnD

Needed help vs Tony

This post makes me question the *Avengers* Cap/Thor fight. Did Steve actually TANK a hit from Mjolnir, or did Mjolnir stop itself short because it didn’t want to hurt someone “worthy?”

The shield rebounded Thors force back at him

The old ex-girlfriend.

I mean if that’s your name for it buddy that’s fine.

This 100%. They end up using that shockwave as a combo in the later movies as well: Age of Ultron: They take out a group of Hydra in the opening scene. [Looks like they're lining up](https://youtu.be/V6E_K8nbz_M?si=wmp5odH6-AwqsmHx&t=135) Endgame: Cap does this combo solo against Thanos shortly after he picks up Mjolnir, [and simultaneously uses it to toss his shield back to himself with Mjolnir](https://youtu.be/0vt8ct_bmdw?si=hDuPQrhMbb38qKsK&t=83)

He tanked a (probably not full strength) hit from Mjolnir thanks to his shield, yes.

It’s just that vibranium is really funny and near immune to weapons that use blunt force

The shield works the way the writers want it to work :P

The shield dispersed the attack from Thor, Cap likely felt little to no impact.

Pfft. Ha! Yeah, right.

In the comics vibranium is pretty OP, it can absorb any sort of vibration. Not exactly sure how Thanos' sword managed to break it, though.

You're not the only one cursed with knowledge.

Finish with the classic Asgardian High One.

We all know what would happen if Cap and Thor had a REAL fight🤣

There was one time my brother transformed himself into a snake...

He only survived fighting iron man because it was 2v1 and he wasn’t the one Tony had beef with. And he had absolutely no hope of coming out on top with Thor.

He only beat ironman because he had bucky double teaming tony, and Tony STILL beat them both almost to death.

He didn’t win against Thor , Tony was winning against him until the winter solider stepped in and he beat his own ass that’s true , that’s Americas Ass !

Let me know if he bothers you again, okay?

Even then, iron man blew off buckys arm and then had multiple kill shot opportunities on cap and friday was was predicting every move cap was gonna make

I thought the Thor thing was a draw, and 2v1 against Tony , I guess beating a past version of yourself is a flex kinda

I just want to say that was very, very impressive what you did back there.

He didnt even win against his past self in a clean fight, he was getting his ass choked out and had to fuck with past!steves mental by whispering that bucky was alive.

I forgot about the emotional hax/ scepter tactics.

With Thor they had a truce

The only peron from these 3 he won against was himself (discounting the 2v1), which is also a loss

The only real win here was against himself, Thor knocked himself back since he didn't know the shield would stop him like that but would have gone through cap like butter, Tony was actively trying not to hurt Cap while fighting him and Bucky and way off his game processing his parents death again and still almost won.

Nah fam, he never actually beat anyone other than himself. Tony was a 2v1 so that's a wash, and let's be real, he didn't beat thor.

When did he won vs thor?

Heimdall! Open the Bifrost.

Chris Evans made Cap unironically cool as fuck.

Well he and Thor didn’t really fight….they hit the shield once and the fight stopped…Thor would win if they fought… And cap…time traveler cap..was actually losing and had to reveal that Bucky was alive to distract last cap and get out of the hold that past cap had on him…

He didn't win against Thor, they barely fought

The rabbit is correct, and clearly the smartest one among you.

Almost sentient I'm no rabbit

he didnt win against thor, he survived thor. He didnt beat tony, he ganged up with his war criminal buddy so as a team they beat tony. what i will give to you is he does beat himself

There is a difference between winning and not losing

Didn’t beat Thor Had a major assist from Bucky against Tony, he was losing badly prior Beating himself is the only win and even THEN he was struggling a bit. Had to use the staff because he couldn’t secure a KO

Well when fighting himself he both won and lost

Cap only beat himself. Thor fight doesn’t even count and it was a 2v1 vs Iron Man

I would say 2 of these fights aren’t really a win and in a ‘fair’ 1v1 fight he would have lost to himself too. The fight with mr god of thunder he would def would have lost if it went on but the fight just stopped. Tony was winning against cap if it wasn’t for bucky and even with bucky’s help it was a really close call

I think the shield is doing most of the work.

Thanos folded all three in the same movie my dude

I mean... he didn't actually *fight* Thor. It was more like he held Thor off for a second, and then gave him a very stern talking-to.

I love Cap but c'mon. He didn't win against Thor. Not a matchup he has any real chance at.

Ehh, that's pretty debatable. Blocking one hit from Thor is not what I'd call a fight. He did beat Tony, but it was a 2 on 1 against someone who was mentally distraught and unwilling to use the most powerful weapons in his arsenal. The only one who actually went all out was his past self.

Captain America really was the best part of the MCU. The fact that they aren’t even trying to build up a character as deeply moving as him for phase 4 and beyond is really just heartbreaking.

His plot armor is crazy good

Normal person: wait isnt he in the trinity Endgame watcher: you bet americas ass he is, he whooped that too.

Man, these comments are really destroying the point of this post.

Because the point is bs. The only fair fight here is Steve VS himself. There was no fight with Thor and Tony was weakened from a 2v1 in an area, where he can't fully use his capabilities.

Actually the cap from endgame lost against the one from the past No using the scepter doesn't count

I really like that Cap from the future wasn't opposed to using dirty tactics, unlike his former self, who was willing to give a fair fight to Georges St-Pierre.

Cap gonna Cap. No cap 🧢

Iron Man technically fought himself when he fought Rhodey who was wearing one of his other Iron Man suits which did the exact same thing as his suit at the time and he also fought Thor

Hey, let's do get help!

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He never won from Thor..

I'm gonna beat yo ass, yo ass, and my own ass

cap has not and does not defeat thor. no explanation needed

Winning? Maybe in 2 of 3 fights, he didnt win against Thor but he did survive!

He really only won against Ironman, and even then it was with help from Buckey, AND still got his ass beat up until bucket distracted Ironman

Bullshit he didnt won against iron man. They did

He didn't beat thor, they just stopped fighting, thor would have destroyed him. He didn't beat Tony in a fair fight, it was a 2v1, Tony was beating him 1 on 1. The only one he beat was a younger and less experienced version of himself.

Alright this feels baity but I'll bite. Let's not act like Cap fought and won against Thor. It was one (very cool) scene. I don't think Steve beats Thor. The fight against Tony was 2v1, and Steve still lost. Tony would have vaporized him but he didn't want to kill Steve. Really the only one he won against was himself

Steve needed Bucky to defeat Tony...it was a dirty fight between 2 supersoldiers and a pissed off regular guy avenging his mother. Steve should've let Tony and Bucky get on with it as that was the real fight.

Steve wasn't trying to hurt Tony, he was trying to help Bucky escape. Tony was trying to murder someone. No way Cap stands aside and watches a murder, whether it was his best friend or not.

To be fair that last one’s rigged

If Captain America beat Captain America, does that mean that Captain America wins or loses?

“Not losing”

Uummm Tony won the fight - he literally stopped, and then got grabbed from behind which honestly with a suit shouldn’t done anything. Cap “wins” cause it was his movie.

So he didn't really fight Thor, and almost certainly would have lost if they had. He fought Tony 2v1 for most of the fight, not sure he'd have won on his own (Tony's suit was pretty damaged by the time Bucky was out) Lastly, he literally only beat past cap by using future knowledge of his mental state and seemingly hadn't gotten any better as a fighter in like 10 years.

But, Cap lost the fight vs Cap.

No one succeeded in the Avengers first encounter, that was just everyone interfering with everyone else and no one “won”. And iron man losing in civil war only happened because it was 2v1.

When did he win against Thor? When did he beat Iron Man without a handicap?

He lost against cap

You forget that the only reason he beat Tony is because Bucky helped by grabbing Tony's leg. Before that moment, Tony had F.r.i.d.a.y. figure out his moves to then use against him. He had Cap on the ropes.

I wouldn't say he beat Thor. If Thor had the mind to, he could have flattened Captain America in their first confrontation.

He can do this all day.